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The Drama Triangle and How Narcissists Use it
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- Опубликовано: 15 авг 2024
- In today's video Jill talks about something called The Karpman Drama Triangle and how all narcissists use it against you and to keep you confused and walking on eggshells.
Jill Wise, otherwise known as The Enlightened Target, is a life long survivor of narcissistic abuse. She was raised by a malignant narcissist and married to a malignant narcissist, she has endured years of parental alienation, has repeatedly been targeted by narcissists throughout her life. She has an intimate understanding of all aspects of narcissistic abuse and Cptsd. She uses her experience and what she has learned to help educate others and bring awareness to narcissistic abuse. She is also a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coach and works with clients all over the world heal from the trauma of narcissistic abuse, parental alienation and Complex Ptsd.
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When someone can't control you anymore, they'll always try to control the way others see you.
It's a sad little life of hate.
Exactly what the mainstream media and government does to whistle blowers and truth tellers....they are "conspiracy nuts"....😉
"When a toxic person can no longer control you, they will try to control how others see you. The information will feel unfair, but stay above it trusting that other people will eventually see the truth, just like you did. " I just read this quote on social media. Obviously this person has been thru narcissist abuse.
I am living this right now. Let’s trust in the power of the universe to put light where there is darkness 🙏
@@Catherine_Kate Believe me God has been a victim of this type of abuse since Eden. The devil has been trying to control our perception of Him ever since. God will be with you the whole way - He understands, He has been there and knows what it takes to get you through. 😘
If you use social networking sites, then make it harder for a potential Narc to cause you harm.
When I used Facebook, my Narcs would go through my friends list and add all of my friends as their own. This is them setting things up so they can have an easy one-button-push solution to spreading misinformation about you!
When my main Narc decided it was time to Discard, he sent messages to everyone on my friends list. I would say that 99.7% of my so-called "friends" instantly believed HIM, and did not even ask me or talk to me. They didn't know me.
Make your friends list HIDDEN.
@@vegetablevampire3901 Amen, Amen.
They are a hot mess. It's worse when it's family. They just like to keep drama going.
I can not stand the constant drama!
NAILED IT....after experiencing the cruelty and abuse she would flip it and play the "victim" blaming me. She loved the attention from others she received while playing the "victim & hero" - after being the most cruel & vindictive demon you couldn't even imagine (nobody ever saw that part - nor would they believe it)
It's a hamster wheel. After awhile it makes you so dizzy you don't know what side is up or down but you know something's not right. You try to identify the problem to fix it but you end up always getting blamed. Then the love-bombing starts again and your brain eventually turns into mashed potatoes.
Going no contact is the only way out. Just be careful not to find another narcissist to repeat the cycle with. That's what usually happens to me.
They are networked and target women. That might be why. Statistically they are 1% to 6% of the population (estimates vary), which means , at worst, you should still have a 94% chance of meeting someone more normal. If that doesn't happen, it's because you've likely been targeted and surrounded by the network.
Look up gangstalking. The stalkers are profiled for their narcissism.
I play the role of the “exiter”, who left the triangle, to collapse in upon itself.
Me too! Yes, the triangle collapses in upon itself!
They hate that because it throws a monkey wrench in their somewhat transparent becoming plan to blameshift it onto you or I. Letting them get the so-called win in their weak war of false words pisses them off. You can read the microexpessions of frustration within them that they just can't successfully DARVO you like they used to. That button they used to push to set their former victims off just does not work anymore!
triangulation, playing two counter party's insecurities and jealousy in competition for the narc.... thereby propping up the narc's self-perceived sense of "worth" and "value"
I have been through the triangle and I dont mind anymore it's like I am now doing my own things and keeping my energy to myself. I feel like I am in control now.
I'm in the same boat as you, after many years of hard work to heal. it feels better.
@@bumblebee803 now i dont mind. It seems like I am frozen. It doesnt hurt anymore. I am in control.
@@criesuarealidade.2407 That's amazing. I mainly stay away from toxic people.
I want to be this!! Ugh
@@Tapdancingallnightandday With a bit of work and a lot of healing I'm sure you will too.
So narcissist plays both the role of the persecutors, victim and rescuer. They persecute us and when we get angry they play the victim and make us the bad person and it is the narcissist who ends up been rescued and us being wronged and abuse even more and when we are emotionally down the narcissist will then play the role of the rescuer for us, saving us from the mess that THEY created. Now I understand why I was always so confused when the narcs insult me one day and and act nice the next
Yes, it's a trap to keep you interacting so they get supply.
This is so true 👍 the narcissis love's to play the victim act 😂 happy Sunday everyone.
It’s truly insanity. Try to explain it to others and they will think YOU are the crazy one .
Wow! I had to watch this three times, because I always saw my stepdaughter as an obnoxious drama queen who persecuted me directly and through her mother! I felt like a victim of abuse.
But based on your description, she was also playing the victim, and forcing me into the role of “persecutor” (even though I’m really a nice guy, who was simply trying to set boundaries of acceptable behavior). However, I did take on roles of shaming and “authoritative”.
Her mother (now my ex) def played the rescuer, coddling her daughter, and ensuring she never had any incentive to change her behaviors. She also became my persecutor, blaming everything on me, never herself or her daughter. I accepted blame, and took counseling and read books on anger management. In the end, I refused to continue to be the only one admitting any fault, and I refused to accept any more blame.
My ex was a narcissist, except when dealing with her daughter, she flipped and became a “do for/codependent”. Throughout the relationship, I was the “do for/codependent” to my ex.
My stepdaughter wasn’t “helpless” at all, but only pretended to be. She would cause drama constantly just to start and win a fight. She knew how to “punish” me via causing strife between me and her mother.
The final scene came when my stepdaughter was in college, and cut me out of her life, saying she never wanted to see or speak to me ever again. I realize this makes me look bad, like she was “leaving the drama triangle”, so let me tell you what precipitated it:
She visited for Christmas, made a pot of coffee in the morning (using my coffee and pot), and threw a tantrum when (she thought) I’d poured myself a cup, (I hadn’t, I was drinking day-old leftovers) because “she made it, therefore it was hers, and I couldn’t have any!”
After this, mom began to exclude/disinvite me from even extended family gatherings. I had enough, and left the 13 year relationship after 7 months of marriage counseling.
Thank you for this video! Eye opening!!!! So happy I escaped this drama! 😁 So sad I couldn’t make the relationship work! 😭
Yoooh exactly what I went through with my stepdaughter and my now late husband!
@@gaafeleshipalana515
Very sorry. I made my kids show respect to my ex. She refused to demand the same from her daughter.
I’ve been thinking about this “drama triangle”. I’ve got some insights to share. Maybe I’ll try to make a video
This is why it's tricky getting involved with someone whom already has children. And if you do and your partner seems to be putting the child above you in all aspects even treating the child as if they are superior to you. Get out fast it only gets worse.. This is grooming the child to be an abuser themselves. Strategically Planned..And you do not want to be involved with that level of wickedness..! The games they play are self gratifying to them. They do not care about you.. are being used. And purposely left felling shameful. Blaming yourself 🤍 It's not True. Only an illusion from Satan himself 👑
Parents can be a enablers because they themselves are BIG children themselves!!!!!!
I really LOVE this VIDEO soooo much,it is very true! At some point you wake up and realize what going on and how they TRY to KEEP you stuck in it. This is why NO CONTACT, RELOCATION, and ATTORNEYS are important!! NEVER go BACK in FORTH with them AFTER LEAVING, instead make it KNOWN that they can SPEAK to your ATTORNEYS,and keep it MOVING!!! 💪💯💪💯
Thank you for this video This video like so many, are a word-for-word manual for my family. The first time I tried to escape I was 3 years old. I successfully escaped at 10. I wasn't objective enough until now, about 54 years later, to realize what had actually been going on, how Lucid my view is, then I discovered the videos of the science of narcissism and everything has been explained! What dumb-founds me the most, is almost every video is a word-for-word manual for the unique kind of family that I have, very poor, lazy, irresponsible, exploitative, unaccountable , so on and so forth, and yet they fit the narcissistic architecture down to the molecules. Its's kind of creeping me out how absolute the architecture and functioning of a narcissist is, who is really sick like my parents, and consequently now, my poor brother and sister, the other one is dead. Today I can say for sure I think the foundation of my parent's illness is a direct result of World War II and the aftermath Generations. Anyway I just wanted to give a little background and a heads up to let you know how much I appreciate your videos, they have really helped me see the light and understanding of what I apparently already have seen and known, but we don't verify or validate those understandings unless there is a correlation; for example: on my birthday this year, at 64, I decided for sure my parents couldn't feel for some reason. After years of observation I had made that decision and I think about 3 days or a week later I saw the first video on narcissism and realized my decision had been correct. so thank! you thank! you thank! you happy holidays!
Read Psalm 58:3-5 KJV and you will see what "seedline" your parents are of and why they can't feel.....
@Leah Lincoln
Narcissists have no empathy. They are totally self-centered. So you are correct when you say they appear to not feel. They can always feel sorry for themselves, but have no ability to compassionate the sufferings of others.
Each person has their specific role that they are always comfortable going to also. Once you understand these roles and start seeing how everyone in the world uses them it changes your perspective completely on people. It’s insane.
Literally explained this to the narc tonight and he laughed said he “couldn’t be doing this” 🙄🙄
You're wasting your time doing that
Law enforcement officials should learn this. And no what role they play .
Really at a loss for words. You really put some sunlight on both my Family and some relationships I have had, wow! Thank you.
I always hear it is not my fault when in actuallity it is, I see right through the garbage now!
"Too long have I dwelt among those who hate peace. I am in favor of peace; but when I speak, they want war." -Psalm 120:6-7
@@reesedaniel5835 have you ever heard of the channel Sergio and Rhoda, they have amazing videos in ancient biblical history, I highly recommend this channel!👍
With the last one, it was more like a rectangle than a triangle.
Thank you. Just thank you. I think I've been the victim in the relationship with my ex and with my dad all along, but I've gotten into the role of the persecutor as well and have therefore been questioning myself, if I am the narcissist, if I've been abusing my ex, if I'm seeing things wrong. Thank you SO much for this video! Now I finally know why I behaved in that negative way, and more importantly, that it is normal and okay to also be the persecutor at times. No human being can tolerate this disrespectful, hurtful behavior of narcissists for long without lashing out as well. I still feel so guilty about it because that's just not me, and I don't want to be that way. But now I have knowledge, which is the biggest gift you could have made me. Thank you so so much.
Just sit back and watch lol people tell on themselves smh 🤦♀️
So intertwined. This is a must to rewatch this video! Thank- you!
That’s why it’s good too play stupid and sit back and observe 😂😂😂😂
You are a hero with these videos
I dont care to see the narc but I want to be out socially with people and she finds me. So I stayed away for a year and a half. I went back out twice and the second time, there she was. The control games make my stomach churn. She's a master manipulator.
Clear boundaries I have set but she ignores them. Then I get pressured to go along by onlookers who haven't got a clue.
Absolutely brilliant, so very eloquently said.
without knowing the triangle itself, I recognized it long ago. I noticed that interacting with my ex-narc to be, she would generally be very persecutory and change to a self-victimization when either they were losing an argument or when I walked away. She would also take credit for my achievements not in the accomplishment itself, but rather in that the opportunity would have never came my way if it wasn't for them. Good video thank you!
Leave! You'll be happier broke/homeless...you can recover from this! It's actually way less scary than what you're living. Good people see good people and help will come along the way.
Yes. The narc's triangulation. I've been there since July and it's still going on. I have tried to talk to our boss, but she didnt believe me and believed in the narc instead. I hate them all for listening to the narc's words only.
Your eyes in the thumbnail- funny- many of us have endured life around this believing it to be normal- such an important heart and head transition to discern the dysfunction. Ty Ty Ty to you lady and Yt! Rural Highlands Scotland 🧡
Hello, I'm very in-depth with narcissism abuse along with Micheal Tsarion, Sam Vaknin, Carl Jung, Freud
William Blake and many others... but you are VEry good... I'll stick around for your enlightenment as well.
You have a clairvoyant stance dealing with very clear, compact, essential summaries
about the topic... I like your empathy for the healing side of us... luck and well honesty to you.
Laurence
Hi Jill, Love your videos - My Favorite
That ending ... very well said :-) .
I'm more concerned about life alive; motherhood should be a uniting factor between the generations of a mother n her daughter. Let's hope it will be . Furthermore , I need a safe reversal with good ppl. I know I will. TY.
DAMN. My ex! About every other week, it was DRAMA! A rollercoaster! Up and down, and up again! ... it is thrilling to SEE that PATTERN, when I was doubting MYSELF, and my experience.
Her parents were co-dependent, and go thru all 3 roles, themselves. Apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
"The victim does not know WHO is going show up, from day to day."
My EXACT words. !!!!
..."ridiculous, never ending merry go rounds!" AMEN!!!!!!
SPOT ON description.
I love ❤️ when people think 🤔 they know me lol no you know what I show you he he he carry on lol 😂
It definitely feels like living in The Supreme Court with a Prosecutor constantly trying to convict the target as guilty ON A DAILY BASIS....
And the enabler is basically playing good cop/bad cop, ready to set the target up...
You are beautiful on so many levels.
So true!
This Explains A Lot! Thank You So Much! Love You! ❤️ ❤️ ❤️
Lol it’s like you took the trash 🗑 out lol here they come trying to bring it back inside lol 😂
Absolute truth
My wife created this triangle between her daughter who I had raised since a six. My Stepdaughter wanted my wife and I to babysit every weekend when she working at the time , my wife and I had two boys of our own by now who were eight and twelve . There were other family members that could have helped with this but she wanted only my wife to babysit. Of course with our boys being young It wasn’t right that we be tied down every weekend and when I voiced this she threw a fit and forbid be to have relationship with her or her now kids. She ended her tirade with, “ I’ll just let my mom take care of you ! “ At the time I was beginning to put the clues together about my wife,(covert) and this was a big one.
i had never seen it like that actually. this is a different perspective. I understand the baiting and how the claim reactive abuse against a reaction of one. They provoke and prode at peoples triggers and then when theres a reaction they blame the person for the reaction and try to run a narrative that they are unwell. So in that sense they where the covert abuser , and then played victim. And i guess rescuer would be , they aren't always assholes. If a narc was an asshole all the time they'd have no friends or no victims. So they at times help someone, give them the validation or whatever they need. To then be abusive or get something in return, supply , or to be around someone so they can be abusive in different ways!
Thanks Jill, well said!
Stay safe🙏
Is that why no matter how the night turns out. I wake up to being bashed by thinking out loud while she's sitting next to me while I'm sleeping
You are so good to explain Happy New year 2022 thanks
Thank you for your very helpful information Jill
Jokes on you from thinking 🧐 you know me nobody knows me lol NOBODY
I think maybe I,ve managed to shut her down, I made sure I let her know that I know who she is and her silly games. The no contact rule has been in operation for 6 months now and I feel so much better for it, highly recommend it if its possible? Yes Jill I did see all of this, you are bang on.
Excellent video
My family sadly
Normal people move on and let go lol not them lol they bring up the same thing everyday on purpose sad 😞
Different from triangulation where they recruit flying monkeys by lying to them about you.
She triangulated me with my cousin smh
Thanks!
And this a big one lol 😂 omg and also they will make fake profile pictures of you pretending too be you watching people from the fake profile and people thinking 💭 it’s you and have y’all dislike each other and you wondering why people think you watching them and they sitting back laughing at the mess they made they are very very sneaky and clever little demons when they hate you yes lord
I consider the narcissists the abusers, not victims and certainly not rescuers.
I am a victim. I try to help with rescue but can only help materially. I get too triggered in conversations and cannot properly interact now.
I am gangstalked by high-level, government involved sex trafficking networks. As my health and personality have disintegrated under it, and I've lost my looks and any joy, they have not been as aggressive. But they won't totally stop either.
I materially help a charity for homeless teens, because they are also targeted by these same fiends and are vulnerable in so many ways.
We live in a very sick world, with toxic people increasing. It does get very confusing when the predators play the victim, or when real victims finally flip out from the stress. Outsiders don't know what to think, and the narcissists will lie about anything and everything.
Please keep clarifying the dynamics and lines so that those who want help can start to see a way out of the surreal craziness of sick fv c k s.
Off topic, your shirt is darling
I am in a situation where I could actually lose my life for speaking out and not wanting to be a doormat anymore😂😂😂😂, figures, being the abuser magnet that I am, it's my word Vs an army I'm fucked god help me, this could be the very last time I comment on here, guys live your lives to the fullest and enjoy them, It's of PARAMOUNT IMPORTANCE that you recognise the signs of an abuser and dodge them like your life depends on it or you could end up like me.... and if you're in a situation where it's your word Vs theirs, DONT be angry
Like move on lol it’s over lol you not with them you not trying to remember those things lol like let it go lol omg lol
You could been move on with your life lol not worry about the past lol 😂 here comes them bringing up things 10 are 20 years ago lol 😂
🙃
How is this different to the typical roles played by people in relationships?
Real people don't play "roles"....
No persecutor, no victim, no rescuer. Just two equal people doing life. Narcissists thrive on top down in every single relationship.
💪🏻💪🏾👍🏾👍🏻🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
🏆🥇
I dont think narcissists have anything to do with the devils triangle😜😜😜😜😜😜
Is there any way to escape the drama triangle without ending the relationship? And is it always three people? If it’s two, how can it be a triangle?
For me, it was me, my narcissistic ex, and her BPD daughter (my stepdaughter).
I left, but I have always questioned if that was the right thing to do, if maybe there was a way to maintain the relationship, but end the constant drama.
Thanks!
Thanks!
Thank you so very much!!! I appreciate it!