1- You have trouble making decisions 2- Doubting your abilies and your competence 3- You have a cruel inner dialogue or inner critic 4- Self medicating with drugs, alcohol, or other addictive things 5- Walking on eggshells trying to anticipate every issue 6- Constantly lowering your standards of what is acceptable behavior or continually having to justify yours or someone else's behavior 7- You regularly are trying to prove that you're a good person. ********* I am SO THANKFUL that I am OUT!!!
This is me. All my life. Apart from the drugs. However I do medicate with things that are positive. Vitamins healthy eating and exercise. Feel great. Every narcissist in my life sneered at what I’m doing to feel better. I’m 58, in recovery and there is absolutely nothing wrong with me.
Essentially I’m still in the relationship as I’m a carer for my dad but I have nothing but hatred and contempt for him now I have researched narcissistic abuse. I keep him at arms length and watch and warn other people about his behaviour. He hates it when I call him out on his past sexual abuse and extreme gaslighting of me when I was small. He still does it. He’s 82 and I’m 58. The difference is now I see it for what it is and laugh at his pathetic attempts to control me. I’ve moved on, he never will.
I thought being married to a covert narcissist, after growing up with an overly narcissistic father, was just my lot in life. HELL NO! I deserve much more! After 33 years of a mostly miserable marriage, 3 beautiful children and two adorable grandchildren, I found my voice and walked away January 2021. After receiving nasty calls and text messages from him over, of course, money, I went no contact! Life is getting better every day!
He silenced me and I couldn't string a sentence together. When I spoke he talked over me. When I spoke he turned his music up loud to drown me out. When I spoke he said I mumbled and he couldn't understand me. When I didn't speak he accused me of hiding things from him 😢
This is spot on. My father would always say I’m evil, hateful, and selfish but he’s the one going around threatening and insulting people . Narcs are so delusional.
Same. I was told I was selfish almost every day, when all I did was do everything he wanted, but then wasn't happy. I went no contact and now I don't have to hear any more crap.
Damn, I'm healing from 4 decades of Narcissistic Abuse. It came from a Malignant Sociopathic Birth Mother, Family of Origin Members, Coworkers, Employers, A Wives, Cultic Churches and other places. I'm done. I don't want to be bothered anymore. I'm ready to live in a log cabin in the woods like Thoreau.
Couldn't agree more. I have been too NICE all my life and have been a narc magnet. Narc father, siblings, "friends", bosses, three husbands, now my adult son who currently lives with me. I finally realize this personality type and have stopped believing them, BUT don't trust people anymore...at all.
That’s an effective strategy. 👍 Narcs are a lazy bunch-totally opportunistic-so it’s OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND for them, unless there’s a specific long-range goal they have, but that’s gotta be attached w/ a ginormous reward that they’d otherwise not be able to obtain. Glad you were able to escape the prison. 👏
The problem with reliving the idealization devaluation, and discard cycle is that the intervals are shorter and harsher each time of renewel. With another round of idealization, you think yourself, if you're me, "Maybe it wasn't SO bad, and things will end different, and they've FINALLY learned their lesson on how to treat or not treat/torture people!" Not to be! It never works that way. Or not for long anyhow
@@AZDC99 the love bombing never returns and that is the feeling that we miss. We don't miss the narc. We miss the way they made us feel. They did not exist as we perceived them. They are so manipulative and lie about everything.
I have huge difficulty making decisions like e.g when it comes to buying material things! I hate it , hate that I find such an easy task for most. I end up buying nothing & leaving. I've been this way since I was a child. I don't know if my mothers a narc....or maybe I'm in denial. She would scream in my face as a child , she spat on me at 13 , because something was wrong in her life. And I was so unhappy around her. I couldn't hide it. I remember when I'd sit & watch TV. I would scan her face every 2 seconds. I now think that was me trying to find out her mood. I go for long periods of time without talking to her! I run from my own mother emotionally! Even though I love her. And feel like she doesn't mean to be like that. But it cost us 20 years of bieng estranged. I went down the substance misuse way. Went in and out of 2 relationship's. That were long term , I wouldn't say they were narcs , I would say I was still using drugs and very unhappy inside. Eventually after losing my 2 kinds ( my boy was with my mother & my daughter with my uncle). Now my son is having the exact same issues now. Low confidence in himself , feels worthless and tells me.... He loves her but he runs from her emotionally too. My younger brother passed away at 33 yrs old and he was by my mothe side throughout his whole life , he was there for my children , he was a sensitive , gorgeous , and amazing brother. And he knew/knows just how much I love him. But no matter what Iain did whatever she desired. He even gave her his new home , that he had just secured and was overjoyed with it. At the time I was angry that she wanted to take the only bit of happiness he,d had in a long time.. looking back in hindsigh. My mother now lives in Iain's home as hers , but I am so glad that she did push him into it now. Because it's the last place I saw my little brother happy. I haven't been back to " The house" since the day of Iain's funeral. I feel like if I go there I am going to break. He passed away 4 years ago and I cry for him every day. After he passed. About a year later I awakened ( before this). I didn't know what " AWAKENED meant. I now believe that I chose this life. It makes more sense & synchronicities in my life and family with number is just amazing.
Dude what me too. Was just telling my boyfriend this, my dad would tell me I was copying my friends whenever we would order fast food and I believed him even tho I would always order chicken strips! Ugh lol
@@sherylmac40 One of the things women depend on is for their Husband or father to help make medium to big decisions. Small decisions are easily made, but even then, it is hard.
I had a malignantly narcissistic, verbally and physically abusive father, then a husband in the 1990s-early 2000s for 8 years. All of this is so true. I'm 61 years old, and I still deal with the damage done. I'm eternally grateful that I have a great psychiatrist. You're not crazy, and if you need help, don't be afraid to seek it. Another great video, Jill. Thank you for all you do... 💕
I grew up in a family exactly like you describe. I ran away a lot. Married and moved on, or tho I thought. 2013 I started my healing journey. It's still amazing how NM treated Me. My heart doesn't break anymore. IT WAS NEVER MY FAULT.. Thank you
YES, So damn true! At my worst, I could barely think for myself. I had no boundaries whatsoever. My self esteem was shot. I was convinced I was stupid, ugly, I didnt matter, and was weak.
@@judyscheiber3661 Gaslighting...more gaslighting...and more gaslighting. Stripping someone of their grasp on reality is the worst type of abuse there is.
How do you feel crazy? Don't you have any faith in yourself at all? They don't have the power to make you feel a certain way unless you put them on a pedestal or regard them as being better than you. They have the ability to manipulate the other narcissists and cluster b flying monkeys around you within your community.
I was even chastised for things like cooking their meals or something as innocent and unprovocative as going to a movie.There is no boundary to Narczillas hyper criticism and belittling Rest assured there is no end to their berating diatribe
He was never satisfied even when I bent over backwards.. every meal was exactly how he wanted it, brought to him while he sat gawping at the TV. I did all the housework, but never to his satisfaction... I even justified him not remembering my surname after 2.5 years together 😮 I was discarded anyway. Best thing in hindsight. Repairing myself slowly.
Great video, Jill!🌸🌸 It started with my narc mother, and then several narc bosses & friends. 😦 I always will remember what you told me in a session, and I’ve never forgotten it. You told me, “Be VERY careful of who you allow in your life.” Great advice!🌻🌺🌸
True. Im living it right now. My car broke down. I asked my son to pick me up. His girl friend is a covert. He is an overt. Lol. I got in his car and he screamed at me until he got me back to my house. So loud I asked him to let me out. Lol. I've been dealing with these 2 guys for almost 2 years. Horrible experience 😪😢😞😔😫💔
I could've swore you were talking about my son! I think it's time I stop denying he's following in his father's footsteps. He and his father are in the house alone now, after 20+ years, I left 2 months ago. Good luck to all, get out while you can.
Thanks for another great video! Related to the first sign, "trouble making decisions", is perfectionism. I think it was Peter Walker who wrote that perfectionism is a logical survival mechanism for children raised in abusive homes but, later on, it serves no purpose. But, habits are hard to break. Cheers.
"You're selfish." I laughed in the same disbelieving way you did. If that's not something I've been accused of countless times, because of the most ridiculous things.. Thank you so much for this amazing video. I know I'm dealing with narcissists, but since I'm still stuck in the abusive environment it's hard to see things clearly. Your videos help me tremendously in getting my mind back to the right place.
I think I live everyone one you listed, this weekend was horrible for me, I actually went out and bought some beer to drown out the crap. I don't ever drink. Life is just to short for living like this.
Right! There becomes (eventually) two abusers in the narcissistic ‘relationship’ - the abuser and the victim (towards themselves). Make your inner critic supportive again (healthfully discerning) and not abusive towards yourself 💕🙏
I was raised by a covert narcissist. My sister is a malignant narcissist. My father died. This was my life. Then I married my husband. He is autistic and I love him with my whole self. He is very hurtful but can’t help it. Never cruel , just zero empathy. 26 years married. kids raised. Seven grandchildren. After 34 years of migraines I cured them with cannabis. I smoke. I drink. And I’m ok. I had forgotten how to just relax. So At 55 years old I know this is the only peace I get. So I take it. My family is fine with it. They know my past. They see me when I finally relax. I am me again. I have had to be careful in monitoring my consumption. My daughters make sure of that. I grew up in a house of horrors and have made my own life great. Yes I’m still sad. Yes I still cry when I think about it. Going back and having your mother bond with you isn’t an option. But you can reclaim your life. Albeit difficult at times, but don’t give up. You can be the family you always wanted. It’s ok to be sad when you remember. It’s ok to be angry. And it is ok to ask your loved ones for help when you are overwhelmed because this is YOUR family. Not the one you were born into but the one you built.
No, some victims do need a sane person to tell them “this is not normal.” Some people can help enormously while others are clueless. It just depends whether you are checking in with smart perceptive people or clueless people.
@@ravenel2 lucky for me 2 both been there done it and so my want to make it work is unferstood. Part of me can't accept that he truly is a narcissist, not the me being discarded mind you ...
I would like to add that if you know a teen who talks about getting a job far away, or who has, or wants to, run away from home, please reach out and find out what is going on. This is a huge sign and if they are kept in the situation they just get more brainwashed. And same for people who have on/off romantic relationships- they are trying to get out but don't know why as they always think it's they themself who is the 'problem'. So much wasted potential could be avoided by screening in high schools, although I know for a fact my 'parents' would not have given permission for any such thing, we weren't even allowed school trips or sports teams. Another clue with kids is those who are labelled 'conscientious' in school- it's because they are trying to get approval and/or terrified of doing something wrong. We have to root out this menace to society before more young people's lives are ruined!
I’m of the school of thought that it’s NOT YOUR RIGHT...not even close.... ...to stage an intervention on the behalf of a teen that talks about getting a job far away,... ...or ANY person in an on/off relationship. Mind your own business, busy body.
I wanted to run away from home when I was 15 years old but I wasn't able to as I didn't have anywhere to go. I was offered a sort of social worker at school but my parents wouldn't let me have one. I was thought to be "conscientious" at school when I was younger. I was a bit of a perfectionist. I was painfully shy at school and wouldn't speak much in class at all. Teachers sometimes thought I lived in my own world. I was badly bullied at school. Things just got worse I had no way out. I finally left home when I was 22 years old but things were bad after I left I had bad experiences. What has helped me more than anything is my Christian faith.
I started running at age five. By the time I was in the ninth grade, I was removed from NM house. A year later I was back in NM house. She has Me arrested. NM was in her joyful place. So all the neighbors could see what she could do. She was gleeful. I went to juvie for two weeks. Those two weeks were a Godsend. OF COURSE, I got beat everytime I got home. One if my friend's mom realized what was going and went to the authorities. This was in the 60s. We were white and lived in a nice neighborhood. " Things don't happen like that in a white family". That was the belief in family court. By the way, they didn't have a family court system back in the 60's.
Super video ! The narcissist within ! We've all been abused without exception. And very true what you say, which I've never thought about until watching your video is : having our own narcissistic voice in our heads putting ourselves down. Changing your thoughts really does help ! Thanks, have a great day 🙂
10:30 " I just need to toughen up a little so that those things don't hurt my feelings so much anymore!" Been there, done that, now they're left in a cloud of dust...PERPETUALLY! (Just somewhat recently got narc free and I'm so glad I don't have to deal with that Insanity anymore from them. Buh BYE!!)
The funniest is when the narcissist tells you that you are terrible at time management while often interrupting the flow of whatever you are trying to complete many times a day.
Yes, they undermine any progress you try to make then blame you either for not completing tasks, or asking them to back off. You can NEVER have a life is there's a narc in yours.
I'm getting to the point where I'm starting to question a few of these narcissism channels and their content leaders. You, on the other hand, Jill, speak my story and exactly how I feel about myself and these evildoers in the scenarios I've had to overcome by them. Videos like this increase my faith in YOUR channel. Whereas with some other anti-narc channels, their very recent material frankly are making me wonder if they're not the narc themselves?!
my mom would make me and my baby sister stand in hot water 💧 wouldn't let us get out of the tub,she would call me names,tell me how much she hated me try to kill me many times but i give thankS TO CHRIST JESUS FOR FORGIVENESS. i forgive my mom for her part in the horrible way she rise me and i forgive ny dad for always lieing to me about coming to pick me up and that day never got here but i am older now I JUST THANK GOD FOR JESUS THE ONLY BEST FRIEND I HAVE AND NEED.
Yes my mother told me at a young age that my Father left her because of me ( I was a little girl when he left her) she has been married 3 times now by the way, And then about a year ago my Birth Father tells me, now that Im an adult that "he never wanted kids", these 2 people sidestep any responsibility at all & very low empathy, my mother has Narc/ BPD traits and my Father is a Womanising Narcissist no wonder I have issues and have had Narcissistic people around me my whole life , didnt know any different.......No love shown to me as a child by either Parent 😥😥 also yes these things you list Jill is me exactly 💕 thanks for your calming advice and knowledge, I always feel better after your videos
Used to but no longer. I use observe don't absorb by Ross Rosenberg,m.a. on you tube. Stopped reactive abuse. Sometimes i just walk away and go do something else. Actions speak louder than words. Actions in private are different than public persona. They project their stuff on you that's how they tell on themselves. Don't defend yourself they want the fight. Just give maybe no answer and leave the room.
This is my husband, when he is wrong and I speak on it he will over talk me and be so loud about it.He never hears anything I am saying, never apologize when he is wrong.blames me for everything.makes me feel like I can't do anything right.I am going into my third week today no contact.
Just prior to my leaving only 2 months ago, after 20+ years, when I'd hear my ex coming in the house, I'd run to my office/room and puke in the garbage can. Run, Run, Run. Never look back. These parasites are poisonous to your body and mind.
@@diamonds2diamonds370 Hopefully you got out because when our bodies react negatively to the mere presence of our narc-holes, the damage is already well underway. Run before cancer forms, as it did in myself as well as many other women who lived long-term with an abusive narc.
MY HORRIBLE EXPERIENCE WITH NARCISSISTIC ABUSE..I SUFFERED 1/ I’m Struggling With Health Issues/ PTSD ANXIETY UNCONTROLLABLE SHAKING FEAR .Severe HAIR LOSS . 2/. I Experienced Suicidal Ideation Self Harming 3/ I SELF ISOLATE, 4/ I HAVE VERY LOW SELF WORTH SELF ESTEEM. I WAS BRUTALLY DISCARDED AND GIVEN MONTHS AND YEARS OF THE SILENT TREATMENT AND TREATED LIKE I DIDNT EXIST NARCISSISTIC ABUSE IS VERY CRUEL......
I’d be a gazillionaire if I had a nickel every time I heard from the X how selfish and self centered I was... nothing was ever good enough and one day a person would be a saint then the next second they’d be the devil. It felt like a horrible roller coaster. I have a journey to heal from this narc ex and a narc mother
Thanks lovely Jill . Good reminder ! Cut of my mother a while give peace , awareness , but hurt a lot ! The abuse that you put up to for years is terrible . see that now, and the envy they have for there one kids is brutal . they have to get out of my aura ! ;-) for ever ...
You are so kind, positive and always helpful. For decades I have been attracted to really difficult dominant types. Only when I felt completely drained and used I stept out of their lives completely. Including out the life of my 'mother'. Really painful. I was terribly afraid that I would miss her..(being loyal as children), but I didn't at all! and I never saw her again without regrets. But the child in me is still seeking confirmation bc of the constant self-doubt! Im so happy meeting you over the internet and all info nowadays! Also happy youngsters are much more aware..about this kind of severe toxic abuse. Thank you! 🙏😃 Lots of love from an escapegoat.
Jill, you are 100% right with your descriptions of narcissistic abuse. You just described what I've lived with all my life. My mother and ex-wife were both like this.
The thing is, for many, if you came into this world being treated that way, it's ingrained in you these behaviours, like a record album press, and rewriting over those grooves is monumental in effort and faith.
The seven(7) key points the victim of narcissistic abuse justify their standards or lower them to please the abuser I find compelling. I've witnessed these vices in the lives of people, whether they were, acquaintances, family, church members, professionals across every spectrum, and close friends. Sometimes I would say to myself, "Why do he or she self medicating themselves?" Over time I have concluded trauma was the reason these precious souls were led to harmful addictions. Thank you for sharing your knowledge.
I grew up with Narcissistic parents. I was taught that reputation mattered very much and that my siblings and I were not to do anything that made us look bad. I wasn't allowed to date, but had a boyfriend (in college mind you) that they didn't know about. One time, we were out on a date and it got too late for me to go home so I decided right then and there that I couldn't go home because I feared for my life (my dad would physically hit my siblings and I) so I "ran away" or so I thought that's what I was doing. The next day, they found me at his house, dragged me by force in the car and yelled at me on the longest ride of my life back home. They took me out of the university I was attending (because that's where I had met the boyfriend) and transferred me to a community college. We even went to a police station to talk to the police because my parents wanted to file a restraining order against him. When the police officer asked me how old I was, I replied "I'm 19" She chuckled. I was 19! a few days away from turning 20 in fact. I lived in fear! I had NO IDEA that I could have just left for good. This is the kind of damage that narcissists can do. Now as a 39 year old, I have trouble deciding over simple things. When I'm out in public having to make decisions, I turn to my husband and he says, "it's up to you," which puts a lot of pressure on me. I had no idea this is why I have that problem. Thank you for your video. I'm happy to say that I have cut of all contact with my parents and my siblings as well (whom happen to also be a narcissist and the other being their flying monkey). I'm slowly healing, and hopefully not be far too emotionally damaged to rebuild myself.
U are groomed to constantly doubt you’re self ! One of my biggest issues was always feeling guilty for what I said constantly feeling high anxiety and repeatedly going over what I said even if it was a normal conversation. I was always judged for any conversation I had . My narc would criticise everything thing I said or did NOT say . This was always done behind close doors . It’s taken 3 decades but I’ve finally had the strength to speak up for truth and ignore those thoughts that can truly cripple you . Learning what I have been exposed to has been a life saver thanks to Jill and many life couches like her . You’re work is very valuable Jill !
100% !. Thank you lovely Jill for all the validation...I am now at the point of stomping all over those egg shells☺..and oh how it feels great!..so much love to you..💜
It was a hell of a time, couldn´t believe those people existed, who could get pleasure out of ruining someone they say they "love".Thanks to you opening my eyes I managed to leave her in a very,very quiet way, realizing that confronting in any way, shape or form was totally pointless and I would lose because I was totally mentally destroyed ,was nothing left of what I once was. Have no feelings of hate or revenge at all, just so happy that I came across your videos,.....saved my life which I am in the process of rebuilding again, respect and very grateful greetings to you from Sweden.
My narc husband used to interrogate me to the point where I was shaking and begging for forgiveness for something that I had not done. It was made up in his head. Yet, he pervasively accused me of so much for so long that I broke down and would confess to anything just to get it to stop. He even kept me up for hours at night when I was working a full-time (professional) job. He would not let me sleep and would turn the lights on and force me to listen to him berate me. I became skitzy like a scared mouse. I walked with constant shame. My co-workers had no idea who I was because I just walked on eggshells all the time, always afraid to be myself for fear of being demoralized. I was belittled in front of our children. My friends from before the marriage all stopped talking to me, even refused to be friends with me on FB. F*ck them! I love myself. I like myself. Yes, I married an asshole. I have to live with that and it is lonely.
Jill, I want to say a huge thank you for this video. It has hit me so hard - I think I’m finally accepting that my mother really was a narcissist and that I am a victim of narcissistic abuse. She died when I was 6 so it has been an incredible struggle to unearth the truth, especially with an entire family that is clueless or in denial. I have all these signs in abundance and now the fog is slowly clearing. What is remarkable is the mechanisms I have for keeping this truth away - going out of my body, blanking out, forgetting it and having to relearn it each time, thinking ‘no, it really IS me that is the problem’, getting distracted by a million consolations. I’m going to be watching a lot more of your videos. Thank you again 🙏🙏🧡🙏🙏
If he couldn't find something, he always blamed me. I either threw it away or just didn't remember to bring it or something. . No responsibility for anything ever.
Thank you for an interesting video. Because of my narcissistic father i have a very bad selfasteam. I have abused my body because of this. I have walked on egg shells all my life. I am afraid to let my father down. It is hard to make decisions. Tired of the bad talking about other people.😟😔🙏🙏🙏
nice job jill!!!! disregard the pedro comment (below) as someone who doesn't understand where you're coming from... this was VERY to the point, clear and accurate...a relief as usual to hear the truth about something difficult to express to anyone who doesn't have a reason to be interested or can't get it. i get it. i'm interested. you're fantastic. you're brave. you're solid. your very stable presence speaking is a great blessing to us narc vic's. i'm the daughter. no contact with mother...many years. last time i saw her, she extended her arm, (i was sitting next to my brother at my. nephew's hs graduation with thousands of people under a tent), and she turned to me and said, "hi, i'm betty, we haven't met..." and her arm stayed there ready to shake my hand for ETERNITY...i didn't move, didn't say, "MOTHER!!!" didn't help her at all...we all saw it... my brother said it was the most bizarre thing he's ever seen. she didn't recognize me. i look the same. i saw her 7 years earlier at my other nephew's barmitzva. she stood there FOREVER-- at least, a 60 second freeze...while i waited to see how long it would take her to figure out it was me. none of us (5 people) said a word. she was totally humillliated. finally she said, "oh, oh...oh...you look wonderful! " (which was a backwards insult), i said nothing. she said, "i don't know whether to be embarrassed or horrified!" i vote for horrified. i will NEVER engage with her again. xo jill. just a weirdass story for your records. it's all true...weirdest day. but i told my brother a few minutes later, when we left the tent, "no michael, i'm liberated!!!" i felt horrible, but i knew it was liberation. she didn't even know me. she didn't know me from a rock. she has and never had ANY feelings for me, NEVER bonded with her first daughter. i was close with my father all my life--an angel. he died 2 weeks before my 13th birthday. love you. xo \
That old woman who didn’t recognize you validated your decision. Aren’t you glad you didn’t spend a bunch of energy on that family politician. Then you would have a reason to feel bad, so celebrate the momentum!🤜
When my soon to be ex gaslighted me I actually did not question my own brain but his. I kept on telling my twin sister that I thought he was starting to show signs of dementia. I told her he says things which are not nice and then when I confront him about it, he states that he said nothing. So, I thought he was losing his memory. Now I know what he was really doing.
Whether you go from left to right, back and forward, you never do it right for narcissists. They themselves don't know what to do. They are damaged, insecure, frustrated, angry, sick, immature cowards.
Why does the narc never say that they are sorry? They cause so much damage, so much pain, so much chaos that it wrecks everyone else's life, yet they never, ever own up to it. Sad, pathetic people.
i was mentally and emotionally abused by ex bf and he also a narc i was with him for 11 years and never brought me a ring and treated me like crap i had to brake up with him i could't handle it anymore it everything was about him and his family and everything was fantasy in his head nothing was real to me and he didn't respect me he doesn't how to satisfy a woman or respect them either i have new bf who cares about me and respect me and i'm more alive now then i was with my ex bf /narc they do drain the life out of you thank you.
If you are suffering narcissistic abuse or you are trying to figure out if you are being abused Please, listen to this video. I have listened to so many videos but this one really describes what you know (somewhere inside you) is happening. You are NOT crazy, NOT going crazy, NOT stupid, NOT selfish.
14 yrs married with narcissist now 3 yrs after divorce I still escape reality to world of my phone or TV. Didn't realize it until now. She used to accuse me from everything she had done. And everything I did might lead to argue. Few times when I went to work 4 am and had forget used breakfast spoon on the table she called me to work(when she had woke up 9 am) and was furious cause spoon was wrong way up on the table. Not cause spoon was on the table. So now after this video I realise that from time to time I find trouble to do things cause I've learned that when I'm on phone it won't lead to argue. So I'm on my phone waiting someone to tell me what to do.
Learning how to set and maintain boundaries, and learning how to love myself is where I've begun. Removing toxic people from my life has had a profoundly positive effect.
Thank you so very much, Jill. I can't tell you just how helpful you have been. I was on the brink of suicide when I came across your channel. AA is becoming more and more populated with narcissists. It's a bad situation. Thanks again. 😊
I fell in love with a woman I met in a Christian singles environment that turned out to be a narc. We fast-tracked a wedding. Before the ink was dry on the marriage certificate she started projecting to cover her affair with another man. Happily divorced and "no contact" now. Quite painful but I dodged a bullet.
The narc I was in a fake 5 year relationship with played the devout christian girl to no end.Also, she belittled my level of faith as not good enough or to her standards.She thought if she reads the bible & goes to church that it's a pass from God for her reckless & abusive behavior.Total false prophet/mask.Wolf in sheep's clothing!
OMG, you just described my mother and my oldest sister... my sister call's herself the Verbal Assassin.,... I have gone no contact with her for two months now...... thank you so much for this information
All the mysterious things occurring? Couldn't work it out.... Then Scooby Doo told me it was those damned pesky narcs all along. Felt stupid, but that's an interesting lesson.
I just discovered your channel , I subscribe . Thank you for this very relevant video ,by the way have you ever been told that you are very beautiful !
1- You have trouble making decisions 2- Doubting your abilies and your competence 3- You have a cruel inner dialogue or inner critic 4- Self medicating with drugs, alcohol, or other addictive things 5- Walking on eggshells trying to anticipate every issue 6- Constantly lowering your standards of what is acceptable behavior or continually having to justify yours or someone else's behavior 7- You regularly are trying to prove that you're a good person. ********* I am SO THANKFUL that I am OUT!!!
This is me. All my life. Apart from the drugs. However I do medicate with things that are positive. Vitamins healthy eating and exercise. Feel great. Every narcissist in my life sneered at what I’m doing to feel better. I’m 58, in recovery and there is absolutely nothing wrong with me.
@@geofflogan1564 🎯
@@sherylmac40 thank you for that.
Essentially I’m still in the relationship as I’m a carer for my dad but I have nothing but hatred and contempt for him now I have researched narcissistic abuse. I keep him at arms length and watch and warn other people about his behaviour. He hates it when I call him out on his past sexual abuse and extreme gaslighting of me when I was small. He still does it. He’s 82 and I’m 58. The difference is now I see it for what it is and laugh at his pathetic attempts to control me. I’ve moved on, he never will.
@Pedro Ivan Sanchez start with vitamin D3 magnesium oil and K2. Research lions mane and turkey tail mushrooms as well.
I thought being married to a covert narcissist, after growing up with an overly narcissistic father, was just my lot in life. HELL NO! I deserve much more! After 33 years of a mostly miserable marriage, 3 beautiful children and two adorable grandchildren, I found my voice and walked away January 2021. After receiving nasty calls and text messages from him over, of course, money, I went no contact! Life is getting better every day!
Awesome!!! More people need to leave these monsters.
Congrats! I left mine too!!
Blessings your way ❤ good job 💎🦄❤
He silenced me and I couldn't string a sentence together. When I spoke he talked over me. When I spoke he turned his music up loud to drown me out. When I spoke he said I mumbled and he couldn't understand me. When I didn't speak he accused me of hiding things from him 😢
This is spot on. My father would always say I’m evil, hateful, and selfish but he’s the one going around threatening and insulting people . Narcs are so delusional.
They're always projecting their own disgusting shit on other people! It's like they need a verbal mirror.
Same. I was told I was selfish almost every day, when all I did was do everything he wanted, but then wasn't happy. I went no contact and now I don't have to hear any more crap.
Damn, I'm healing from 4 decades of Narcissistic Abuse. It came from a Malignant Sociopathic Birth Mother, Family of Origin Members, Coworkers, Employers, A Wives, Cultic Churches and other places. I'm done. I don't want to be bothered anymore. I'm ready to live in a log cabin in the woods like Thoreau.
right on brother. 👍
A nice cave for me, and a dog 👍
Couldn't agree more. I have been too NICE all my life and have been a narc magnet. Narc father, siblings, "friends", bosses, three husbands, now my adult son who currently lives with me. I finally realize this personality type and have stopped believing them, BUT don't trust people anymore...at all.
Best idea ever;
Feel the same way you do. It was the same for me.
Learning through forgiveness the Lord Jesus Christ has set me free from Narcissistic slavery will continue to walk in faith 🙏
It's good to hear that the Lord can set us free from this because I don't feel that right now but I'm trying to help my disbelief
Boundaries are a big thing in Christianity. Narcs sneer that we are "rigid," but it's better than being around them.
I would actually hide from the narcs , for my sanity , then i got out , moved far away
That’s an effective strategy. 👍
Narcs are a lazy bunch-totally opportunistic-so it’s OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND for them, unless there’s a specific long-range goal they have, but that’s gotta be attached w/ a ginormous reward that they’d otherwise not be able to obtain.
Glad you were able to escape the prison. 👏
The problem with reliving the idealization devaluation, and discard cycle is that the intervals are shorter and harsher each time of renewel. With another round of idealization, you think yourself, if you're me, "Maybe it wasn't SO bad, and things will end different, and they've FINALLY learned their lesson on how to treat or not treat/torture people!"
Not to be! It never works that way. Or not for long anyhow
Me too and he moved here. From Texas to Tennessee
@@AZDC99 the love bombing never returns and that is the feeling that we miss. We don't miss the narc. We miss the way they made us feel. They did not exist as we perceived them. They are so manipulative and lie about everything.
I questioned myself about every aspect of my life I even questioned and forgot about what's my favorite food.
I have huge difficulty making decisions like e.g when it comes to buying material things! I hate it , hate that I find such an easy task for most. I end up buying nothing & leaving. I've been this way since I was a child. I don't know if my mothers a narc....or maybe I'm in denial. She would scream in my face as a child , she spat on me at 13 , because something was wrong in her life. And I was so unhappy around her. I couldn't hide it. I remember when I'd sit & watch TV. I would scan her face every 2 seconds. I now think that was me trying to find out her mood. I go for long periods of time without talking to her! I run from my own mother emotionally! Even though I love her. And feel like she doesn't mean to be like that. But it cost us 20 years of bieng estranged. I went down the substance misuse way. Went in and out of 2 relationship's. That were long term , I wouldn't say they were narcs , I would say I was still using drugs and very unhappy inside. Eventually after losing my 2 kinds ( my boy was with my mother & my daughter with my uncle). Now my son is having the exact same issues now. Low confidence in himself , feels worthless and tells me.... He loves her but he runs from her emotionally too. My younger brother passed away at 33 yrs old and he was by my mothe side throughout his whole life , he was there for my children , he was a sensitive , gorgeous , and amazing brother. And he knew/knows just how much I love him. But no matter what Iain did whatever she desired. He even gave her his new home , that he had just secured and was overjoyed with it. At the time I was angry that she wanted to take the only bit of happiness he,d had in a long time.. looking back in hindsigh. My mother now lives in Iain's home as hers , but I am so glad that she did push him into it now. Because it's the last place I saw my little brother happy. I haven't been back to " The house" since the day of Iain's funeral. I feel like if I go there I am going to break. He passed away 4 years ago and I cry for him every day. After he passed. About a year later I awakened ( before this). I didn't know what " AWAKENED meant. I now believe that I chose this life. It makes more sense & synchronicities in my life and family with number is just amazing.
💕🙏
Dude what me too. Was just telling my boyfriend this, my dad would tell me I was copying my friends whenever we would order fast food and I believed him even tho I would always order chicken strips! Ugh lol
@@sherylmac40 One of the things women depend on is for their Husband or father to help make medium to big decisions. Small decisions are easily made, but even then, it is hard.
I had no idea this was related to this thank you for sharing 🙏
When you become so tired, or worn out you stop doing what you used to enjoy.
I had a malignantly narcissistic, verbally and physically abusive father, then a husband in the 1990s-early 2000s for 8 years. All of this is so true. I'm 61 years old, and I still deal with the damage done. I'm eternally grateful that I have a great psychiatrist. You're not crazy, and if you need help, don't be afraid to seek it. Another great video, Jill. Thank you for all you do... 💕
I grew up in a family exactly like you describe. I ran away a lot. Married and moved on, or tho I thought.
2013 I started my healing journey.
It's still amazing how NM treated Me.
My heart doesn't break anymore.
IT WAS NEVER MY FAULT..
Thank you
😊👏👏👏👏👏👍👍👍👍👍
YES, So damn true! At my worst, I could barely think for myself. I had no boundaries whatsoever. My self esteem was shot. I was convinced I was stupid, ugly, I didnt matter, and was weak.
That's where I am now.
This resonates with me so much. I feel you my man. Don't give up hope dude 💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪👏👏👏👏👍👍👍👍👍😊😊😊😃😃
I am still struggling with this.
You just described what horrible damage the malignant narcissist alcoholic ex I divorced has done to my children and myself
Sending you and your family lots of love , kindness and strenghth at this time. 💓
First sign of narcissistic abuse: you feel “CRAZY” when in fact you are not!!!!!!!!!
👍
You're TOLD you're crazy over and over again especially if you catch the narc doing something wrong. You're just crazy for finding them out.
Exactly...
@@judyscheiber3661 Gaslighting...more gaslighting...and more gaslighting. Stripping someone of their grasp on reality is the worst type of abuse there is.
How do you feel crazy? Don't you have any faith in yourself at all? They don't have the power to make you feel a certain way unless you put them on a pedestal or regard them as being better than you. They have the ability to manipulate the other narcissists and cluster b flying monkeys around you within your community.
I was even chastised for things like cooking their meals or something as innocent and unprovocative as going to a movie.There is no boundary to Narczillas hyper criticism and belittling Rest assured there is no end to their berating diatribe
He was never satisfied even when I bent over backwards.. every meal was exactly how he wanted it, brought to him while he sat gawping at the TV. I did all the housework, but never to his satisfaction... I even justified him not remembering my surname after 2.5 years together 😮 I was discarded anyway. Best thing in hindsight. Repairing myself slowly.
"Narczilla"
Hahaha ha! Perfect!
Great video, Jill!🌸🌸 It started with my narc mother, and then several narc bosses & friends. 😦 I always will remember what you told me in a session, and I’ve never forgotten it. You told me, “Be VERY careful of who you allow in your life.” Great advice!🌻🌺🌸
OMG being told the world doesn't revolve around me. No shit ...
Narc really tninks it revolves aroubd them! Lots of hate tiward you whenever anyine give you attention & not them! Big ole fst baby jerks! Grrrrrr!
Yet you HAVE to revolve around them...
Well I'm the sun so 😜
Jk
I got that too. It's just projection.
Keep On soldiering on Soldier......and keep on Telling the Truth.
True. Im living it right now. My car broke down. I asked my son to pick me up. His girl friend is a covert. He is an overt. Lol. I got in his car and he screamed at me until he got me back to my house. So loud I asked him to let me out. Lol. I've been dealing with these 2 guys for almost 2 years. Horrible experience 😪😢😞😔😫💔
I’m sorry you own son is victimizing you. I hope you find some peace soon!
I could've swore you were talking about my son! I think it's time I stop denying he's following in his father's footsteps. He and his father are in the house alone now, after 20+ years, I left 2 months ago. Good luck to all, get out while you can.
Thanks for another great video! Related to the first sign, "trouble making decisions", is perfectionism. I think it was Peter Walker who wrote that perfectionism is a logical survival mechanism for children raised in abusive homes but, later on, it serves no purpose. But, habits are hard to break. Cheers.
"You're selfish."
I laughed in the same disbelieving way you did. If that's not something I've been accused of countless times, because of the most ridiculous things..
Thank you so much for this amazing video. I know I'm dealing with narcissists, but since I'm still stuck in the abusive environment it's hard to see things clearly. Your videos help me tremendously in getting my mind back to the right place.
What you have said is very true. They blame you for everything.
I think I live everyone one you listed, this weekend was horrible for me, I actually went out and bought some beer to drown out the crap. I don't ever drink. Life is just to short for living like this.
Right! There becomes (eventually) two abusers in the narcissistic ‘relationship’ - the abuser and the victim (towards themselves). Make your inner critic supportive again (healthfully discerning) and not abusive towards yourself 💕🙏
Excellent point.
I was raised by a covert narcissist. My sister is a malignant narcissist. My father died. This was my life. Then I married my husband. He is autistic and I love him with my whole self. He is very hurtful but can’t help it. Never cruel , just zero empathy. 26 years married. kids raised. Seven grandchildren. After 34 years of migraines I cured them with cannabis. I smoke. I drink. And I’m ok. I had forgotten how to just relax. So At 55 years old I know this is the only peace I get. So I take it. My family is fine with it. They know my past. They see me when I finally relax. I am me again. I have had to be careful in monitoring my consumption. My daughters make sure of that. I grew up in a house of horrors and have made my own life great. Yes I’m still sad. Yes I still cry when I think about it. Going back and having your mother bond with you isn’t an option. But you can reclaim your life. Albeit difficult at times, but don’t give up. You can be the family you always wanted. It’s ok to be sad when you remember. It’s ok to be angry. And it is ok to ask your loved ones for help when you are overwhelmed because this is YOUR family. Not the one you were born into but the one you built.
❤️ you literally gave your soul to everyone else ... Time to do you now 👍
Giving one's soul to drugs and alcohol will not be a real improvement.
True we all have issues but drinking & drugs is a self destructive path. I’m finally done with that!
I recommend the one on one sessions with Jill, she really helped me surviving the narcissist leech I had for a wife
Aw, thank you so much. 🙏
He tries to make me feel like a leech! I know I’m not. He put me in this horrible position & I’m going to seek advise tomorrow!!
@@carolkopchik4501 did you ever get help?
Def am but I’m tryn to look at the positive thru the darkness.... It goes deep and spiritual 💯💯💯Also Thanku for the insight! Very true 💯
I'm always asking friends for answers or to confirm that what's being done is not normal ?
They wont be able to help u cause they have never been there and it seems like it's not real to them.
No, some victims do need a sane person to tell them “this is not normal.” Some people can help enormously while others are clueless. It just depends whether you are checking in with smart perceptive people or clueless people.
@@ravenel2 lucky for me 2 both been there done it and so my want to make it work is unferstood. Part of me can't accept that he truly is a narcissist, not the me being discarded mind you ...
I would like to add that if you know a teen who talks about getting a job far away, or who has, or wants to, run away from home, please reach out and find out what is going on. This is a huge sign and if they are kept in the situation they just get more brainwashed. And same for people who have on/off romantic relationships- they are trying to get out but don't know why as they always think it's they themself who is the 'problem'. So much wasted potential could be avoided by screening in high schools, although I know for a fact my 'parents' would not have given permission for any such thing, we weren't even allowed school trips or sports teams.
Another clue with kids is those who are labelled 'conscientious' in school- it's because they are trying to get approval and/or terrified of doing something wrong.
We have to root out this menace to society before more young people's lives are ruined!
I’m of the school of thought that it’s NOT YOUR RIGHT...not even close....
...to stage an intervention on the behalf of a teen that talks about getting a job far away,...
...or ANY person in an on/off relationship.
Mind your own business, busy body.
I wanted to run away from home when I was 15 years old but I wasn't able to as I didn't have anywhere to go. I was offered a sort of social worker at school but my parents wouldn't let me have one. I was thought to be "conscientious" at school when I was younger. I was a bit of a perfectionist. I was painfully shy at school and wouldn't speak much in class at all. Teachers sometimes thought I lived in my own world. I was badly bullied at school. Things just got worse I had no way out. I finally left home when I was 22 years old but things were bad after I left I had bad experiences. What has helped me more than anything is my Christian faith.
I started running at age five.
By the time I was in the ninth grade, I was removed from NM house. A year later I was back in NM house.
She has Me arrested.
NM was in her joyful place. So all the neighbors could see what she could do.
She was gleeful.
I went to juvie for two weeks. Those two weeks were a Godsend.
OF COURSE, I got beat everytime I got home.
One if my friend's mom realized what was going and went to the authorities.
This was in the 60s.
We were white and lived in a nice neighborhood.
" Things don't happen like that in a white family". That was the belief in family court.
By the way, they didn't have a family court system back in the 60's.
Or even, an adult! But then, we are told to go no contact, and sometimes that can mean going to remote locations.
@@cubistisimo She didn't say an "intervention," she said "reach out." There's a big difference.
Enjoying hobbies exposes them immediately....
Spot on. Thank you. Your video's are informative, comforting, and make me feel better.
Super video ! The narcissist within ! We've all been abused without exception. And very true what you say, which I've never thought about until watching your video is : having our own narcissistic voice in our heads putting ourselves down. Changing your thoughts really does help ! Thanks, have a great day 🙂
10:30 " I just need to toughen up a little so that those things don't hurt my feelings so much anymore!" Been there, done that, now they're left in a cloud of dust...PERPETUALLY! (Just somewhat recently got narc free and I'm so glad I don't have to deal with that Insanity anymore from them. Buh BYE!!)
Goodness. The bit about them knowing how capable and competent you are but not wanting you to know that really got me. Thank you so much Jill x
The funniest is when the narcissist tells you that you are terrible at time management while often interrupting the flow of whatever you are trying to complete many times a day.
Yes, they undermine any progress you try to make then blame you either for not completing tasks, or asking them to back off. You can NEVER have a life is there's a narc in yours.
I'm getting to the point where I'm starting to question a few of these narcissism channels and their content leaders. You, on the other hand, Jill, speak my story and exactly how I feel about myself and these evildoers in the scenarios I've had to overcome by them. Videos like this increase my faith in YOUR channel. Whereas with some other anti-narc channels, their very recent material frankly are making me wonder if they're not the narc themselves?!
Yes and they "other"the narc so as to caricature them as demons when they too are complex human beings.not to forgive tho neccesarily
I've gotten weird vibes from a lot of the others. I do like The Little Shaman. She's very sharp and clear.
Thor was one person I thought was narcissistic. Not from this channel yet.
Jill is great. Check out Dr. Ramani as well, she is excellent.
my mom would make me and my baby sister stand in hot water 💧 wouldn't let us get out of the tub,she would call me names,tell me how much she hated me try to kill me many times but i give thankS TO CHRIST JESUS FOR FORGIVENESS. i forgive my mom for her part in the horrible way she rise me and i forgive ny dad for always lieing to me about coming to pick me up and that day never got here but i am older now I JUST THANK GOD FOR JESUS THE ONLY BEST FRIEND I HAVE AND NEED.
Yes my mother told me at a young age that my Father left her because of me ( I was a little girl when he left her) she has been married 3 times now by the way,
And then about a year ago my Birth Father tells me, now that Im an adult that "he never wanted kids", these 2 people sidestep any responsibility at all & very low empathy, my mother has Narc/ BPD traits and my Father is a Womanising Narcissist no wonder I have issues and have had Narcissistic people around me my whole life , didnt know any different.......No love shown to me as a child by either Parent 😥😥 also yes these things you list Jill is me exactly 💕 thanks for your calming advice and knowledge, I always feel better after your videos
Almost checked them all. My world turned upside down after I was realizing it wasn't me, but her.
Used to but no longer. I use observe don't absorb by Ross Rosenberg,m.a. on you tube. Stopped reactive abuse. Sometimes i just walk away and go do something else. Actions speak louder than words. Actions in private are different than public persona. They project their stuff on you that's how they tell on themselves. Don't defend yourself they want the fight. Just give maybe no answer and leave the room.
I'm gonna share this... ✌️ Peace everyone!!!
This is my husband, when he is wrong and I speak on it he will over talk me and be so loud about it.He never hears anything I am saying, never apologize when he is wrong.blames me for everything.makes me feel like I can't do anything right.I am going into my third week today no contact.
Well done I got so sick of being shouted down I got out same with family just ignore and withdraw
@@louisemorgan3237 - I hear you.he had me walking 9n eggshells, no more
Just prior to my leaving only 2 months ago, after 20+ years, when I'd hear my ex coming in the house, I'd run to my office/room and puke in the garbage can. Run, Run, Run. Never look back. These parasites are poisonous to your body and mind.
@@estherc.536 - I agree I have become nervous when I here someone coming in the house
@@diamonds2diamonds370 Hopefully you got out because when our bodies react negatively to the mere presence of our narc-holes, the damage is already well underway. Run before cancer forms, as it did in myself as well as many other women who lived long-term with an abusive narc.
MY HORRIBLE EXPERIENCE WITH NARCISSISTIC ABUSE..I SUFFERED
1/ I’m Struggling With Health Issues/ PTSD ANXIETY UNCONTROLLABLE SHAKING FEAR .Severe HAIR LOSS .
2/. I Experienced Suicidal Ideation Self Harming
3/ I SELF ISOLATE,
4/ I HAVE VERY LOW SELF WORTH SELF ESTEEM.
I WAS BRUTALLY DISCARDED AND GIVEN MONTHS AND YEARS OF THE SILENT TREATMENT
AND TREATED LIKE I DIDNT EXIST NARCISSISTIC ABUSE IS VERY CRUEL......
I’d be a gazillionaire if I had a nickel every time I heard from the X how selfish and self centered I was... nothing was ever good enough and one day a person would be a saint then the next second they’d be the devil. It felt like a horrible roller coaster. I have a journey to heal from this narc ex and a narc mother
Thanks lovely Jill . Good reminder ! Cut of my mother a while give peace , awareness , but hurt a lot ! The abuse that you put up to for years is terrible . see that now, and the envy they have for there one kids is brutal . they have to get out of my aura ! ;-) for ever ...
You are so kind, positive and always helpful. For decades I have been attracted to really difficult dominant types. Only when I felt completely drained and used I stept out of their lives completely. Including out the life of my 'mother'. Really painful. I was terribly afraid that I would miss her..(being loyal as children), but I didn't at all! and I never saw her again without regrets. But the child in me is still seeking confirmation bc of the constant self-doubt! Im so happy meeting you over the internet and all info nowadays! Also happy youngsters are much more aware..about this kind of severe toxic abuse. Thank you! 🙏😃 Lots of love from an escapegoat.
Good one. My family esp mom continuously accused me of being selfish attributing motives to me that were outlandish untrue. It was crazy
Omg. So so true. Very accurate. 30 years of most of this environment. I’m thankful I got out with my sanity.
Changing the goalposts is so true. Nothing makes them happy.
Jill, you are 100% right with your descriptions of narcissistic abuse.
You just described what I've lived with all my life. My mother and ex-wife were both like this.
Jill, you are such a beautiful lady in so many aspects. Thanks for all you do for us.
The thing is, for many, if you came into this world being treated that way, it's ingrained in you these behaviours, like a record album press, and rewriting over those grooves is monumental in effort and faith.
Well, I hit all of them😩 especially the walking on egg shells.Thank you for opening my eyes❤️
The seven(7) key points the victim of narcissistic abuse justify their standards or lower them to please the abuser I find compelling. I've witnessed these vices in the lives of people, whether they were, acquaintances, family, church members, professionals across every spectrum, and close friends. Sometimes I would say to myself, "Why do he or she self medicating themselves?" Over time I have concluded trauma was the reason these precious souls were led to harmful addictions. Thank you for sharing your knowledge.
Nailed it again Jill ! Ur speaking my entire life with the narc.!!!! I was becoming my own enemy with the narc voice in my head
Well, this was painfully helpful
I grew up with Narcissistic parents. I was taught that reputation mattered very much and that my siblings and I were not to do anything that made us look bad. I wasn't allowed to date, but had a boyfriend (in college mind you) that they didn't know about. One time, we were out on a date and it got too late for me to go home so I decided right then and there that I couldn't go home because I feared for my life (my dad would physically hit my siblings and I) so I "ran away" or so I thought that's what I was doing. The next day, they found me at his house, dragged me by force in the car and yelled at me on the longest ride of my life back home. They took me out of the university I was attending (because that's where I had met the boyfriend) and transferred me to a community college. We even went to a police station to talk to the police because my parents wanted to file a restraining order against him. When the police officer asked me how old I was, I replied "I'm 19" She chuckled. I was 19! a few days away from turning 20 in fact. I lived in fear! I had NO IDEA that I could have just left for good. This is the kind of damage that narcissists can do. Now as a 39 year old, I have trouble deciding over simple things. When I'm out in public having to make decisions, I turn to my husband and he says, "it's up to you," which puts a lot of pressure on me. I had no idea this is why I have that problem. Thank you for your video. I'm happy to say that I have cut of all contact with my parents and my siblings as well (whom happen to also be a narcissist and the other being their flying monkey). I'm slowly healing, and hopefully not be far too emotionally damaged to rebuild myself.
U are groomed to constantly doubt you’re self ! One of my biggest issues was always feeling guilty for what I said constantly feeling high anxiety and repeatedly going over what I said even if it was a normal conversation. I was always judged for any conversation I had . My narc would criticise everything thing I said or did NOT say . This was always done behind close doors . It’s taken 3 decades but I’ve finally had the strength to speak up for truth and ignore those thoughts that can truly cripple you . Learning what I have been exposed to has been a life saver thanks to Jill and many life couches like her . You’re work is very valuable Jill !
100% !. Thank you lovely Jill for all the validation...I am now at the point of stomping all over those egg shells☺..and oh how it feels great!..so much love to you..💜
Wow, just wow!
I'm starting to believe we are all victims of that, with no end in sight. Even worse, we're surrounded.
I quite often heard that I was shallow because I didn’t do things his way.
It was a hell of a time, couldn´t believe those people existed, who could get pleasure out of ruining someone they say they "love".Thanks to you opening my eyes I managed to leave her in a very,very quiet way, realizing that confronting in any way, shape or form was totally pointless and I would lose because I was totally mentally destroyed ,was nothing left of what I once was. Have no feelings of hate or revenge at all, just so happy that I came across your videos,.....saved my life which I am in the process of rebuilding again, respect and very grateful greetings to you from Sweden.
In other words they try hard to convince you that you are a bad or terrible person and lower your self esteem as much as they can.all you say is FACTS
I thought I could just toughen up and I was wrong. He was so mean and I HATE THAT
My narc husband used to interrogate me to the point where I was shaking and begging for forgiveness for something that I had not done. It was made up in his head. Yet, he pervasively accused me of so much for so long that I broke down and would confess to anything just to get it to stop. He even kept me up for hours at night when I was working a full-time (professional) job. He would not let me sleep and would turn the lights on and force me to listen to him berate me. I became skitzy like a scared mouse. I walked with constant shame. My co-workers had no idea who I was because I just walked on eggshells all the time, always afraid to be myself for fear of being demoralized. I was belittled in front of our children. My friends from before the marriage all stopped talking to me, even refused to be friends with me on FB. F*ck them! I love myself. I like myself. Yes, I married an asshole. I have to live with that and it is lonely.
Jill, I want to say a huge thank you for this video. It has hit me so hard - I think I’m finally accepting that my mother really was a narcissist and that I am a victim of narcissistic abuse. She died when I was 6 so it has been an incredible struggle to unearth the truth, especially with an entire family that is clueless or in denial. I have all these signs in abundance and now the fog is slowly clearing. What is remarkable is the mechanisms I have for keeping this truth away - going out of my body, blanking out, forgetting it and having to relearn it each time, thinking ‘no, it really IS me that is the problem’, getting distracted by a million consolations. I’m going to be watching a lot more of your videos. Thank you again
🙏🙏🧡🙏🙏
Thank you, so much, Jill. Their treatment of me was cruel and wrong.
If he couldn't find something, he always blamed me. I either threw it away or just didn't remember to bring it or something. . No responsibility for anything ever.
Thank you for an interesting video. Because of my narcissistic father i have a very bad selfasteam. I have abused my body because of this. I have walked on egg shells all my life. I am afraid to let my father down. It is hard to make decisions. Tired of the bad talking about other people.😟😔🙏🙏🙏
Walking on eggshells around them,being acused of being selfish,all so very familiar to me
nice job jill!!!! disregard the pedro comment (below) as someone who doesn't understand where you're coming from... this was VERY to the point, clear and accurate...a relief as usual to hear the truth about something difficult to express to anyone who doesn't have a reason to be interested or can't get it. i get it. i'm interested. you're fantastic. you're brave. you're solid. your very stable presence speaking is a great blessing to us narc vic's. i'm the daughter. no contact with mother...many years. last time i saw her, she extended her arm, (i was sitting next to my brother at my. nephew's hs graduation with thousands of people under a tent), and she turned to me and said, "hi, i'm betty, we haven't met..." and her arm stayed there ready to shake my hand for ETERNITY...i didn't move, didn't say, "MOTHER!!!" didn't help her at all...we all saw it... my brother said it was the most bizarre thing he's ever seen. she didn't recognize me. i look the same. i saw her 7 years earlier at my other nephew's barmitzva. she stood there FOREVER-- at least, a 60 second freeze...while i waited to see how long it would take her to figure out it was me. none of us (5 people) said a word. she was totally humillliated. finally she said, "oh, oh...oh...you look wonderful! " (which was a backwards insult), i said nothing. she said, "i don't know whether to be embarrassed or horrified!" i vote for horrified. i will NEVER engage with her again. xo jill. just a weirdass story for your records. it's all true...weirdest day. but i told my brother a few minutes later, when we left the tent, "no michael, i'm liberated!!!" i felt horrible, but i knew it was liberation. she didn't even know me. she didn't know me from a rock. she has and never had ANY feelings for me, NEVER bonded with her first daughter. i was close with my father all my life--an angel. he died 2 weeks before my 13th birthday. love you. xo
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Thank you. And I vote for both horrible and embarrassed. Shame on her. I’m sorry you went through that. Thank you for your kind words.
That old woman who didn’t recognize you validated your decision. Aren’t you glad you didn’t spend a bunch of energy on that family politician.
Then you would have a reason to feel bad, so celebrate the momentum!🤜
Sounds like your "mother" came from the same gene pool mine did.
When my soon to be ex gaslighted me I actually did not question my own brain but his. I kept on telling my twin sister that I thought he was starting to show signs of dementia. I told her he says things which are not nice and then when I confront him about it, he states that he said nothing. So, I thought he was losing his memory. Now I know what he was really doing.
Whether you go from left to right, back and forward, you never do it right for narcissists. They themselves don't know what to do. They are damaged, insecure, frustrated, angry, sick, immature cowards.
Holy moly like literally every thing you talked about applies to me with my narcissist father😭😭
I’ve been terribly abused my whole life. Thanks for wonderful video spot on. You know what you’re talking about.
Why does the narc never say that they are sorry? They cause so much damage, so much pain, so much chaos that it wrecks everyone else's life, yet they never, ever own up to it. Sad, pathetic people.
i was mentally and emotionally abused by ex bf and he also a narc i was with him for 11 years and never brought me a ring and treated me like crap i had to brake up with him i could't handle it anymore it everything was about him and his family and everything was fantasy in his head nothing was real to me and he didn't respect me he doesn't how to satisfy a woman or respect them either i have new bf who cares about me and respect me and i'm more alive now then i was with my ex bf /narc they do drain the life out of you thank you.
I think it's important to talk about food addiction. I have always had high standards about being impaired, but never made the connection with food.
It's not an event it's a process 🙏
I was a victim of narc abuse, but figured out how to abuse the narcs.
If you are suffering narcissistic abuse or you are trying to figure out if you are being abused Please, listen to this video. I have listened to so many videos but this one really describes what you know (somewhere inside you) is happening. You are NOT crazy, NOT going crazy, NOT stupid, NOT selfish.
Good point yes I LEARD alot from you my Dear 💔💜💜💜🌍📜🙏
We had to learn to regain our own confidence and stop caring what others think... all the way back to Mom and Dad.
14 yrs married with narcissist now 3 yrs after divorce I still escape reality to world of my phone or TV. Didn't realize it until now. She used to accuse me from everything she had done. And everything I did might lead to argue. Few times when I went to work 4 am and had forget used breakfast spoon on the table she called me to work(when she had woke up 9 am) and was furious cause spoon was wrong way up on the table. Not cause spoon was on the table.
So now after this video I realise that from time to time I find trouble to do things cause I've learned that when I'm on phone it won't lead to argue. So I'm on my phone waiting someone to tell me what to do.
I'm here ,Warrior Queen:). Very Informative and Needed AND appreciated 👏 ❤
This video says it all. How does one go about correcting these things in one's life?
Learning how to set and maintain boundaries, and learning how to love myself is where I've begun. Removing toxic people from my life has had a profoundly positive effect.
So Helpful!!! 💜💜💜
Thank you so very much, Jill. I can't tell you just how helpful you have been. I was on the brink of suicide when I came across your channel. AA is becoming more and more populated with narcissists. It's a bad situation. Thanks again. 😊
I fell in love with a woman I met in a Christian singles environment that turned out to be a narc. We fast-tracked a wedding. Before the ink was dry on the marriage certificate she started projecting to cover her affair with another man. Happily divorced and "no contact" now. Quite painful but I dodged a bullet.
The narc I was in a fake 5 year relationship with played the devout christian girl to no end.Also, she belittled my level of faith as not good enough or to her standards.She thought if she reads the bible & goes to church that it's a pass from God for her reckless & abusive behavior.Total false prophet/mask.Wolf in sheep's clothing!
Sorry to read these words, @@paullussier9349. Thanks for sharing. I hope you find healing.
Great content
OMG, you just described my mother and my oldest sister... my sister call's herself the Verbal Assassin.,... I have gone no contact with her for two months now...... thank you so much for this information
This was so insightful! Awesome upload, spot on! Xoxoxo!
Thank you for your Insight on this topic and for sharing your knowledge on this subject much appreciated
As a former victim of narcissistic abuse by parents, when I didn't even know what narcissism is, Jill is the auntie I would have wanted to have.
All the mysterious things occurring? Couldn't work it out.... Then Scooby Doo told me it was those damned pesky narcs all along. Felt stupid, but that's an interesting lesson.
I need a miracle to a better life for me.
I just discovered your channel , I subscribe . Thank you for this very relevant video ,by the way have you ever been told that you are very beautiful !
Thanks !!! Good info !!!
Donna Vickery,You look stunning 🌹🌷🌺,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!
Amazing work and insight here. Thanks Jill
Thank you, Jill.