Depression, Identity, and Empty Nest
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- Опубликовано: 14 фев 2012
- Here is an example of depression, stress, and identity issues later in life, caused by "Empty Nest" in adults.
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Im beginning to experience this as 2 of my 3 are grown and my last is almost there. My identity has been mom for 21 yrs of my 41 yrs. I find myself asking who am I outside of this role? My heart hurts bc I miss them so much. We were/are very close knit. My world revolved around raising them and keeping our home & now its just me in the silence & emptiness of these walls. I also replay their childhood and think of all my mistakes. I dont have any nearby friends and my spouse works out of town for long periods of time. The rest of my family lives a minimum 4 hrs away. I have social anxiety and not one to run out and join things. Its just me now mostly as my youngest is an older teen and always on the go. I know its just a new chapter, but it is a sad one for me. I hate the quiet. Definitely not suicidal. I just feel like the best days are behind me and the "golden years" will be lonely.
What you are feeling is normal. You are a good mom. They will come back to visit, you will be ok. But, yes, it is ok to know and mourn for the best years of your life...great moms know these were in fact THE BEST YEARS b/c we LOVED being moms. Great job...and hang in there. I feel your pain like it was yesterday. Your golden years will be filled with the fruits of your labor: your children will come home and visit, great moms miss their children; but those same kids do come home eventually b/c they love you too! This moment of disconnection will pass, take this time to care for yourself, cry if you need to, totally normal! Prepare yourself for those grandbabies, and if no grandbabies prepare yourself for that possibility, too. Regardless, the fact that you FEEL loss is normal; it is a testament for the love you feel for the children you raised. Don't be so hard on yourself, you are not alone. Many of us gave up outside friendships b/c our children came first. You will find friends if and when you want to. FACT. I really think that "social anxiety" is the loss we feel. We need to give ourselves time to mourn the loss we feel (that is REAL) when I children leave. You will be okay, I promise!
Wow you have articulated exactly how I feel ... especially playing back their childhood and all the mistake ... I'd love a do over 😢
2 years have past since you posted your comment... Are you okay now ? I'm going through this right now... My youngest moved out today to his new house... My heart hurts ... The house is silent and empty and I hate this feeling but I know deep down nothing stays the same and I need to learn to cope with the changes...
When this video was released 11 years ago, my only son was only 8 or 9. Now he’s almost 20 and going to college 4 hours away from me. I’ve been coping with empty nest for over a year now. I keep busy and I sing on the Smule app singing karaoke. It helps.
It's not just who am I now. It's who was i. They dontcare. I've wasted my life. Im just alone. My sacrifices meant nothing. Motherhood. I can't begin to explain how good it is. I've never been so happy. But this sucks and I feel like a fool. I'm not suicidal but I feel like I wish I could just die.
I’m sorry. You must feel very lonely.
Exactly how I feel ... what was it all for? I know this is negative thinking.
this lady can change expressions with every single word...🤙
Day 3 as an empty nester and I'm so HAPPY. I am dancing around and I LOVE LOVE LOVE it. 28 years and now I have a new chapter. No sadness here.
yikes
I am 53 - been mom 28 yrs .......not seeing a lot of options that
I find even nominally appealing.
I? love being a mom...had 5....on purpose because it is fulfillment , meaning and joy.
I am not social ...not my thing. Romance? an occasionl bend not life fulfilling. Have my
MA. Hoping- not pushing - for grandchildren . I will however respect boundaries- not encroach . I am not suicidal- I would not do that to my family. I am however bored, sad, unmotivated . I am an intelligent person. If there were goals ? I would pursue them. The idea of making up goals to "fill my days" or whatever? Depressing and melodramatic / not embraceable. And if one more person says " get a hobby" ? My new hobby will be puking on command- on their shoes. I am not a hobby/ crafts person. I am doing outreach - always have . Its not my LIFE tho. My LIFE as I wanted and lived it ? Is over - period. Not going to die and will figure out going on. But no part of me does not know that the best part of it is over . I won't lie to myself about that . I think THAT ? Would be incredibly unhealthy. The rest is yet to come- not the best . Its okay , I did my best- they are thriving, that was the point. Does not change my reality. You have lovely teeth btw.
I think you are normal and HEALTHY for acknowledging that you LOVED being a mom and it WAS the most important thing in the world to be a great mom. I am in your boat, I am happy that both of my children are thriving outside of my home; but it is NORMAL to miss the best part of our lives; raising the next generation. It is OK to be sad over this. I never understood the women who jumped for joy when their kids grew up; that is unhealthy in my mind. ...I mean literally counting the days till your "freedom"? Naw, I'll never understand that perspective. 2 years out and yes I enjoy my new found "time" for myself to do what I like to do, but what I wouldn't give for one more day watching my boys discover a spider or show me a drawing...those are the moments a mom lives for. I am a and have been a self-employed woman since I was 22, don't let these psychologists tell you it is unhealthy to mourn the loss of your kids, totally normal, to feel otherwise is ABNORMAL. You will survive, they won't "need" you in the same way, but they will visit, they will still show up, and you will get on with your own life knowing you raised healthy, happy children who WILL come back to you occasionally/sporadically" for advice or just to see you and tell you what is happening. Great job moms! You DID IT RIGHT! The heartache and loss is normal!
@@sharlaevans7339 thank you - I tried to "love" this post but it did not give me option- but I do love it
There’s a huge need for tutors right now. I got a job at a tutoring center and it helps me. I get to interact with kids and it fulfills a purpose.
@@AnaLucia-wy2ii brilliant! I will look into it! Thank you so much!
I know how you feel. I visualise grand children... but my daughter who wants children won't be nearby. My eldest doesn't want them and that's ok. My youngest would like them but has yet to meet someone ... It's hard 😢
His is so true. I’m determined to turn a page in my book of life.
Great example. I just started a channel on Empty Nesting and would love to share this!
More girlfriend isolated herself from me back in December. Still not talking to me. I don't take it personal. I just pray for her from a distance.
One day i was 24 years old, newly married. Expecting a baby at 25. Now that baby (my son) is now almost 20 years old and im now 45??? What the hell happened? I need to go back 20 years ago please.
Yes where does the time go. I have been parenting for 33 years all up and my youngest is starting university and turning 18. It goes way to fast😢
Great video!
I'm afraid this will be me in a few years when my son leaves for college. Is there anything I can do now to help me prepare?
Late comment, but YES you can do something. Both of my kids just left and my entire identity was wrapped up in our happy family, I started making a list of things I might enjoy about a year before they left , ( knitting class, flower cutting garden, walking the dog more, yoga classes, baking bread, redecorate a room, date night with hubby) random things that would pop in my mind. I’m now forcing myself to look over that list and get out of the house and do these things. It helps a lot!! Create some healthy coping habits before they leave
If your kids are small move to Arab countries or Asian country. Their is no concept of kids to move out . Try that it’s just a suggestion 😊
... It doesn't happen to just women ... ... ... ... ...