Internal Shifts To Save Your Marriage: Untethering (Part 1 of 2)
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- Опубликовано: 4 июл 2024
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When diving into my client stories, one truth stands out about all healthy relationships, especially healthy romantic relationships: internal shifts matter most. These shifts, often minimized, hold the key to success. Dismiss these, and your partner will NEVER believe your changes are GENUINE!
But, for some odd reason, nobody gives you true healthy relationship advice. No one tells you what healthy relationship building actually looks like. Internal shifts are THE secret behind lasting change.
In this video, I'll go DEEP into the WHAT & WHY behind Untethering. I also address the most common misconceptions about Untethering.
So, welcome to Internal Shifts once again! The journey to reconciliation and healthy romantic relationships progresses!
Don't forget to watch the previous 3 videos of the Internal Shifts series!
Paradigm Shifting: Part 1 of 2
• Internal Shifts To Sav...
Paradigm Shifting: Part 2 of 2
• Internal Shifts To Sav...
Seat of Consciousness
• Internal Shifts To Sav...
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Why This Video Is CRUCIAL
00:00 - Why You Should Watch This Video
04:16 - Word of Caution
Untethering
07:35 - #1: What is Untetheredness?
27:53 - #2: Why Untetheredness is Crucial
54:53 - #3: Common Misconceptions with Untethering
WANT TO APPLY FOR THE PROGRAM?
59:43 - Want to Apply for the Relationships Revival Program?
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#GeoffreysSetiawan #RelationshipsRevival #GeoffreySetiawanReviews
Hey guys, hope this was helpful! Leave me a comment with your thoughts!
If you’d like to see if our program would be a good fit for you & what you NEED, be sure to check out my brand new masterclass on the 5 Proven Steps to Rebuilding Your Relationship/Marriage. (Warning: Spots are limited).
At the end of this masterclass, we will provide you instructions on how to apply for the program, and we will be able to honestly inform you if the program would be a good fit for you, or not!
Here is the link to the MASTERCLASS! → urlgeni.us/MCEP151DS
Download the FREE GUIDE! → relationshipsmastered.com/healing-partner-emotions
To see how all my clients have achieved massive success through dire & hopeless circumstances, click here! ruclips.net/p/PLQ8tvyhQlPzsNm-vC_g_8SWGcJRngefgU
My name is demario and my wife and I have a divorce in the making she got a lawyer she ready to move on we been together for 13 yrs Not all the yrs was bad but I made it worst even if she leave I still need to work on me because we have a son with autism and I can see the pain I cause here in here eyes and being around her she doesn't smile anymore
Geoffrey, I’m coming up on three years of listening and studying and working your program. (Joined Jan 22) Everytime I listen to one of these videos I am AMAZED still at how much I learn when I listen to what you say and use the principles thinking you taught me. These internal shifts have changed my life, and coincidentally 😉 saved my marriage. Thanks for your iterations and your mentorship!
Signed, a satisfied customer.
Really happy for you! It has been my absolute pleasure to work with clients like you :)
And, let's not forget...you're the one that keeps doing the work, my guy! You EARNED your outcomes!
For anyone curious about James's story, make sure to watch his interview here: ruclips.net/video/HsQvDTNdp5k/видео.html
I watched his story yesterday and picked up a lot I was missing. Happy for you James.
I'll always be grateful for videos like this from Geoffrey. I'm a college student and i barely go thru each day. enrolling into his program is something i can't afford rn. So just engaging with the content to give back. I'm truly amazed by the knowledge you have. This is content gold
Amazing video Geoffrey I love you for this brother!!! I swear man you’re the best lifestyle coach on RUclips!! Please keep this content coming!! This is changing my thoughts and life 💯
Thank you so much Geoffrey!
Once again, pure gold...and I'm looking very forward to the how to video.
Absolutely fantastic information!
Untethering is essentially going from a place of NEED to a place of WANT. Once that is done you will not be outcome oriented, and can have a healthy focus on getting back to being the best you.
I started reading, hanging out with friends more on healthy environments, exercise, writing, positive discussions with other parties, etc. This helped alleviate stress, and get my mind off the “what is she doing” long enough to integrate new self growth habits into my life.
I want you to think about something...
If you had an upcoming job interview, what would be the BEST way to THRIVE through it?
Would exercising or spending time with family guarantee you land that job offer, even after it reduced your anxiety? If not, then what will guarantee you that job offer?
What would be the BEST processes for you to focus on?
See why it's important to identify the RIGHT processes to tether to?
In the next video, I will discuss exactly HOW to untether. Stay tuned!
I see what you mean. See below and take a moment to respond if you can.
Preparing for the interview. Study the company, practice interview questions, etc would not guarantee but best prepare you.
My first focus when it all went down was to dig deep and learn why I was angry. It was tears, regret, and feelings of discomfort but it worked! My thing is I don’t want to tether onto relationship improvement but onto skillsets that help better me as a person even if it’s just within myself. I think the time I spend with people has allowed me to turn the conceptual into experiential. That to me was the right tether as my days have genuinely happier. I have made real connections, at work, and been able to completely recover the relationship with my daughter, my mother, and my friends.
As for my wife. She prods me. Pokes at me. Honestly G, I feel as if I need to start just having open conversation with her in the right moments just like I have with others
Okay; to study the job description, company, and of course practice interviewing. Answer the below if you can G.
So I used to be angry, saw your SOC and literally can observe the tiniest frustration now and turn it positive. Haven’t road raged in two months. No arguments with family and friends but plenty of healthy disagreement. I feel great.
Here is the issue. I don’t argue with the wife anymore, and she even commented on it. we have clear discussions and heck she smiles and grabs my hand at times or will engage in some of her worries with me. Then withdraws.
I am unsure of what it is that’s missing but I feel something is missing and I feel it is the leadership. She has told me to do a few tasks lately which she never does and then kinda withdrew. Of course I did them as they were normal financials 😂 but she doesn’t know that yet. Thoughts?
Oh and I use my named parties to practice my conceptual knowledge so yes I think they are a good tether for things such as listening skills, reiterating, and summarizing ones thoughts
@@StevoSparta-tt5vu You destroyed the 5 pillars over years or decades, and you are confused why it is not re-created after a few weeks?
Further - this is where deep mastery of frameworks is a must. The pros know how to turn those negative passive resistances into massive opportunities.
We actually just had a 2 hour group call where we showed our clients how natural and powerful the frameworks can be.
But remember - this is not a game you can “gamify” and manipulate. This is about allowing your partner to feel REAL feelings for you. Your partner is not a robot or a pet - she is a complex human with complex emotions just like you :)
I’m so grateful to have found this channel. It has been a lot of help and eye-opener. I have taken the MasterClass twice and listen to RUclips videos everyday like music, on my way to work and from work even during my shift. Im trying to pick up as much info daily because I can definitely feel Geoffrey’s process being the one and only to teach the absolute best mindset to acquire. I had my first interview with Jason last week to get in the program and will try again soon. I have the funds ready and I’m so eager to start but I will not rush the process. Thank you for all the knowledge Geoffrey!
Your videos are very informative and helfpul not just in romantic relationships but in life in general. I would love to enroll in your masterclass, but I cannot afford it right now. I always learn a lot and look forward to listening whenever you release a new video. Your content is a great source of wisdom and blessing to me. Part 2 please.
Ready to learn!! I want to master this
Great video Geoffrey. Could you please do a long form video about the process of becoming bulletproof
I had a great time with my wife the other night been doing better, find myself getting pushed away I had a chance to build but I broke a bit, I have to be ok with minimal contact and just loving her from a distance in each instance.... definitely trying to find middle ground and respecting her hopefully temporary boundaries, I definitely keep saying mean things in anger when she expresses herself. I have not shifted completely yet because of desires and jealousy of her attention. I need help to change my perception of the reality of her not wearing her ring, and just trusting that she wants to work on herself before we can really have this thriving relationship.....I feel so stupid and less of a man at times.
Working on these concepts in the program now right after the v2h :) I'm a newb but have already had an awesome pw or two
Wow another amazing video. awaiting the next one....
The last three of the series have been transformational.... I have been applying the principles since last 15 days and i am already feeling myself in better place ..
Thanks Geoffrey.. Looking forward to your next video... Also a deep dive on 7 frameworks will be helpful
Glad you enjoyed it!
I plan to blow your mind with the next video which will discuss the HOW behind Untethering.
As for videos on the Frameworks, all I will say for now is just stay tuned :)
Great information. I will be listening over and over again. I realized that I have untethered to my Cindy ex-husband but I. Tethered to the possibility of having a great relationship in the future that is wrong.
I am in this program and I'm telling you guys. It is amazing
If you're in the program, then don't you already have access to the ULTIMATE versions of everything I place here on RUclips?
Couldn't you more effectively and efficiently grow FAST with what's in the program? :)
Thank you Sir, though I cannot afford your class. I appreciate you and your group a great dale .
Man I'm going to put your picture on my wall lol . Good stuff
I been out of relationships for like 6+ years trying to improve myself in some basic ways. I like your content because now that I'm looking for a relationship that leads to marriage I see myself making some of these mistakes really early on in a new relationship. I want to avoid these issues instead of repairing a relationship gone wrong. So my parter doesn't have these confirmation biases or a long history of seeing me fail to listen to her. But I'm new to not being a fk boy. I wish you would make some content to help us avoid these issues, even though I know I'm not your target market specifically.
I think being untethered can be broken down to "practice makes perfect". Geoffrey has said that in other videos in that you have to keep with the process until you cant get it wrong.
Really trying to take in the recent series, huge thanks for your work sharing the wealth of knowledge. I definitely lose myself amidst tethers, and I recognized that my motivation in dire periods has been tethered to how things are currently going-one of the big pivots I’m picking up from this is that focus on the ACTUAL motivation might help me remain in the middle as desired. For instance, do I do XYZ for the desired outcome, or because it’s the right thing to do? Curious of your thoughts
I 🎉😢🎉😢😢 we
Solid question! I like that you are thinking ahead about the HOW.
Guess what? :)
That is EXACTLY what the next video on Untethering will be about! Stay tuned!
Thank you so much for your videos. I just tried to understand her heart and it went really good! But I sadly didnt watch your following videos and I thought it was done. But didnt know the process was just beggining so we discussed again and she told me she doesnt love me, she cant see any shade of future between me and her, and I blamed her and told her how ungrateful she was... I fucked up. Anyways I am trying to being again. But she repeated over and over that she doesnt love me anymore and how she doesnt see me in her future at all.
I hope things will become better. I am working on it now thanks to your videos.
As I mentioned in the video, that is exactly WHY we must learn to untether from outcomes.
Your partner will make it hopeless for you, she will make it IMPOSSIBLE for you, so that you CANNOT fake it. Like I said, you must breakthrough the Paradox of Change by tethering to the process!
Don't want to fall into the same traps again? Then, be on the lookout for my next video where I show you exactly HOW to untether.
Ready to win? :)
@@GeoffreySetiawan Thank you! I am ready to WIN
Thx Geoffrey! I am still working hard to enroll the program. That's why i don't understand what is the RIGHT process we need to tether with😅?
Can you make a video on what the daily routine should look like for your students?
Daily auto suggestions
Daily frameworks
Mindfulness etc.
Not in the program but I think it’s really personalized for each client by themselves it’s not one shoe fits all so it would be kind of a tricky video to make
There are DPPs that take incremental time. This for me is:
- 4 stages of building BPV (autosuggestions)
- framework DPPs
But there are many other “lifestyle based” DPPs I do that do not take additional incremental time, but simple a change in what I already do.
- SOC
- Anti thinking
- becoming self programming
- dopamine redirection for untethering
- expanding band of operation and unjamming self
- raising lowest tides of existence and standards.
And a few more.
I have all my clients adopt the same as well. I only teach what I do and have mastered myself.
@@GeoffreySetiawan thank you this is really helpful!
I’ve been doing the daily auto suggestions from your previous video.
Do you plan to make a video series on the 7 frameworks and how to use them?
@@GeoffreySetiawanthank you for this feedback Geoffrey.
OH man, that chart at 17:30 is GOLD. Everything up to that point is, but I love well-organized and concise information that tells a story clearly.
Hey Geoffrey, quick question. How do you support your partner’s need for space. I left the door open for her and I am focused on working on myself. I am focused on improving myself and creating emotional safety so I want her to come to me when she is ready, but I dont want her to think I do not care like you mentioned in the “passive hunting” portions. I know you said mastering the paradigms and identity shifts is going to help me see opportunities to showcase changes and I know that is going to take time. We are long distance and have four years together. Any recommendations while I wait. She told me she doesn’t want me to reach out to her
I'm trying to find the investment money in your program. I seriously need to untether from the outcome so I can focus on the process. I need to learn and grow regardless of the outcome.
Hello Geoffrey, watching the videos on neediness and untethering I'm curious - IS writing to my wife that I love her a sign of neediness? We've been separated for 5 months now, she kicked me out and is with someone else, even though our kids cry for daddy to come back home...
Geoffrey I was looking in your channel but never found a video where she starts to friendzone you. I mean she still calling me ''my love'' and sweet things meanwhile she is emotionally less involved and we already separated. Like she is trying to be nice and sweet meanwhile her heart for our future and relationship is over. What should I do? I am talking about 7 years of relationship
Hey Geoffrey I appreciate everything you’re doing. I have to admit I’ve been having a hard time untethering as me and my girlfriend still live together and we have a 3 year old. She’s given up and says she wants to start over with someone else. That she felt forced into our relationship since the start. I admit that I’m unhappy but I know I have to untether. Any advice? In this case would the best thing be to support her in leaving?
The best thing for you to do is to keep on doing positive things for yourself despite what she is saying, and improving yourself, how you respond to her, and so forth. That will cause you to be more attractive.
@@archyologythank you 🙏
I just had a sort of realization. Let me know if im wrong or right Geoffrey. I was thinking that if u are sitting there thinking in ur head that ur partner was wrong to leave or is making the wrong decision by not coming back now to her it would seem like in a way u are implying that she is a bad/cruel/dumb person for not choosing you and if ur thinking like that then it should not really come as a surprise as to why ur partner isn’t choosing you
Geoff the confirmation biases are becoming insane. She says it’s a persona I’m putting on, when it’s really not. At this point, I’m noticing it’s no reason even trying to prove anything or try to make a point. But how do I get to the other side where communication isn’t so dreadful?
Assuming you are sure that the WHAT, HOW and WHY of your changes is sound, and you're not suffering from any blind spot mistakes...
Scale of POC often depends on how much safety you destroyed. Think about it - what would you have to go through to make you SO SUSPICIOUS of someone's changes so intensely and for so long?
Further, you don't see how tethered this sounds? You do not sense the HAVING is coming closer, so you get all rattled :) Classic tethered mistake - and you cannot help but feel rattled.
Isn’t a major part of untethering just recognizing it as the importance illusion and getting out of it and thereby going from a state of need to a state of want . Should we strive to be at a mental state where we think yes I want to end up with my partner but even if I do not I’m still going to be okay and live a fulfilling life ?
Yes, channeling our Importance from the outcomes towards the PROCESSES is part of Untethering. And, operating from a a place of WANT is what we are aiming for.
As I mentioned in this video, conceptual mastery in Untethering is quite straightforward.
In the next video about Untethering, I will talk much more in depth about HOW you untether. That is where I will discuss HOW to develop EXPERIENTIAL mastery.
Are you ready to be AMAZED? :)
@@GeoffreySetiawan can’t wait
What do you do when she wants no contact and is moving on with someone else? I’m aware to keep focusing and growing in ways that I can control, but where do I draw the lines with respecting what she wants which is zero contact, versus creating opportunities for myself? I understand planting seeds but also aren’t I inadvertently destroying safety and not listening to what she wants if I reach out ?
Should I learn to enjoy the process of her wanting a different relationship because I’m not yet of high enough value and that would be fair to her?
Have you watched my videos on no contact & being blocked?
Have you seen my interviews on these too? (e.g. Michael, Eve, Elisa, Ian, etc...)
What do they do?
Yes it seems your clients focus on the internal shifts and growing, which is understandable. I’m still learning these things every day or at least trying to.
But she says she’s moved on.
I don’t want her to feel im forcing her out of relationship/limerance against her will by forcing contact.
I’m not doubting I can still grow more! I’m not understanding what should I do if she actually has found the right qualities with someone else? I feel I’m being very empathetic about what she wants and that seems to be partially the basis to emotional safety. It feels almost paradoxical to even try to create contact. Almost Like I’m a creep. But it’s only because I love her.
Am I too tethered? I’m still not understanding the nuance to creating contact when I should want her to be happy.
She seems happier with me out of her life. Although I am changing daily, I just don’t really understand what to do when she doesn’t even want to resist me anymore, just stay far away. How can I even create a cycle to change this ?
Maybe you can provide me with a little help or clarity. Maybe I’m missing something. Maybe I should just watch the videos over again until I find answers
@@narciacammon You have not mastered the frameworks, and you are confused that you don’t know how to use it properly and find the right angles & how?
How long do you think my best clients take to master the frameworks, and under close supervision of the coaches and other members?
Yes I understand. I can say I at least have a good grasp on the frameworks. Which might put me a cut above the average.
But it’s probably as you say, I need to be 10x before partner can even consider coming back. Why leave the commitment you have for something that might be slightly better ? The refrigerator analogy.
I think it’s similar to what you describe about grading my own homework. Even the best of the best need to be kept on track
Do you think I’m at the point where I should stop trying to create contact and live with the pain and focus on growth?
I’ll keep using the free tools but hopefully I can get in when I’m able. Thanks.
@@narciacammon Are you really in a position where you can tell where you are on the curve without seeing the playing field?
Are we really in a position to tell you what you can/cannot do without understanding your true skill in frameworks?