The Visibility Dilemma: When Feminization Highlights Trans Identity!
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- Опубликовано: 8 сен 2024
- Have you ever feminized in hopes of passing, only to find yourself misgendered? Explore the unexpected challenges of transgender visibility. This video examines how feminization techniques can sometimes highlight rather than conceal trans identity. Dive into personal experiences, societal expectations, and the complex journey of gender expression.
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Hello Friends! I'm Dr Z, and this is a channel where I help you break free from dysphoria!
I am a clinical psychologist specializing in the transgender field, working with adults only. For the past 18 years, my work has focused on Gender Dysphoria and the formation of gender identity. I provide online therapy for residents of California, New York, Texas, and Florida. My pronouns are she/her, and you can visit my website for more info at drzphd.com/abo...
👉NOTE: I work solely with adults, and all video content is marked for adults only. As such, the information shared is based on my experience working with adults only.
DISCLAIMER: Note that as a clinical psychologist, I created this channel to share information. Therefore, I won't be providing or offering therapeutic advice. I am also not a medical doctor. When I speak on medical issues such as hormones or surgical procedures, the goal is to share information and not to provide medical advice, and you should always consult with your medical doctor. Additionally, this channel is for those seeking information and understanding and to gain awareness.
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Don't stress out about 'Passing'... just be the best 'You', you can be... with Confidence...
That is horrible advice. Passing is essential to transitioning. Not knowing how to pass is like not knowing how to read.
@@DEEANNA88So if a Cis woman is not Drop Dead Gorgeous, does that mean she should give up on looking, and being, the best she can possibly be... ?
@@DEEANNA88 Not necessarily.
Also not even all cis women pass anymore with the current anti trans hysteria.
The need to pass is on a personal level.
And a sidearm.
If you want to feel safe then passing is important
I got into a discussion about "passing" with a binary trans woman at a recent trans support group meeting. I told her that since I'm nonbinary and there is no predefined third gender in society, there probably isn't such a thing as passing for me. Either I'm closeted, or I'm out. And even if I were to go into the "mode" of one of the binary genders, people might still come after me for being a racial minority, or for being disabled. There is no real hiding who I am, and I'm not sure I'd want to either.
If you are “non-binary” then you’re not trans! I’m sick and tired of this! I am a transwoman! And I started this back when the root word for “trans” was/is “transsexual”. Meaning, CHANGING YOUR SECONDARY sex characteristics. Otherwise known as “YOUR GENDER”. If you change your gender to male or female, then you ARE transgender! I have had top and bottom surgery therefore I AM transgender. If you haven’t had both, you’re something different. “Transgender” doesn’t mean transitioning or unsure or anything other than changing full gender!!! I DO NOT want to be associated with anyone who is NOT committed to changing their sex fully. People who get stupid about being mis-gendered because they ACTUALLY don’t look like the gender they want to be called are irrationally and unreasonably forcing their views on others! How the hell does anyone know you’re “nonbinary”. It’s ok to be nonbinary, that’s great! But stop calling yourselves transgender or”trans”. You are NOT!!!
My situation has been a bit different. I jumped right in to feminine clothing because I had recently left a job that ruined my masculine clothes, and had someone offer to help me with replacing my whole wardrobe. Since I was poor, I couldn’t afford to get any clothes which I didn’t actually want to wear.
No, I wasn’t passing. But what worked in my favor was that coming out in my 40s, I had a long time to meditate on my personal style. So that has the opposite effect, of making me immediately noticed anywhere (and I am a shy person!). Whereas it would be nice to pass, I made a point early on to prioritize body positivity. The femininity of the clothes androgynized me because I always styled everything for my current body shape. So it all has a lot of congruence. Some see me as a man, but at least they are supportive of me as a stylish and creative person.
And now after six months of HRT, I look and feel more feminine, in different ways that have cultivated my moods and presentations further. While I am not super-confident in general, I am lucky that my autism makes it hard for me to notice the expectations of others. It took me a long time to get here though, when I was in my 20s-30s the notion of openly presenting as femme was unthinkable to me - despite me being, in many ways, quite obvious!
Passing for the society expectations really has its utility, but I'm wondering now if the worse and hardest is being able to pass for ourselves
I think that‘s the most important phase - my ex girlfriend looked amazing quite early after transitioning, I‘ve seen the photos - to this day people tell her she looks like a model. But when she looks into the mirror - she still doesn’t feel like she is beautiful 😢 She is her worst critic and simply didn’t enjoy my compliments anymore once she came out to me as trans. She ruined our relationship because she simply couldn’t feel loved …
That’s why building up a healthy self-love and self-esteem is so important ❤
@@Myladyinred999 Oh, that is very sad. Sorry to hear that the relationship failed because of this issue!
I can relate to the feeling of uncertainty she must have been feeling. I went through that stage also, but I chose to trust that the people closest to me were being honest, in their appraisal of my appearance.
When you choose to trust, confidence builds and it affects the way you carry yourself in public, and people can read that. That confidence is an intangible asset, but after a while you gather enough feedback from random people to really cement things in reality.
Some of us do establish unreasonable standards for what we are hoping to achieve, and it's not necessary to become more than the feminine version of you.
I used breast forms at the very beginning, and quickly discovered exactly what you just said- they caused more dysphoria than the resolved. This was especially true when I had to take them off at night, which was incredibly painful emotionally. Once I had a little bit of breast tissue I found that bralettes with an extra pad in them were far better.
That said, silicone inserts have actually been super useful in the past year, now 4 years in. I'm getting an augmentation this August, and it made sense to wear inserts to bring me to my future size. That way I'm already used to them and am buying clothing that works for them. I'm also confident enough in my body now that they don't cause any dysphoria. They're just a tool to make my outfits work and prepare for the future.
I suppose that's exactly in line with what you were saying - wearing those inserts is embracing extra layers of femininity. Early on it was hurtful, but now it works because the rest of my body and mindset are aligned.
If you have a target size, and you know that you are going to reach that target in one way or another. There is no point in buying dresses, or anything else, that wont fit you anymore when you do get there. They sell silicon forms in the intimate apparel section of the women's department for all women! 😉
@@thisolddown Yep, that's exactly what I'm doing. It was also really helpful to see how normal it is to use inserts given the fact that they're so readily available like you said.
Passing is the art of melting into the background I have found, dress in a way that doesn't make you stand out, this makes your life much easier. We'll this is what I have found.
I'm a firm believer of the androgynous first approach as I did this for a year or so before actually coming out as trans, which it took me that long before i admitted to myself that was the case. I've never done the over the top ultra-femme approach, but I'm pretty conservative in my attire. I did use breast forms up until I had enough growth to feel less dysphoria from my natural growth. I also only used around a C cup when I was using forms, nothing over the top.
Same here. I went from masculine who occasionally cross dressed, to androgynous to feminine. Ironically, once I felt that my feminine identity consolidated, I felt more freedom to be less 'obviously' feminine (less make up, sometimes lazy casual clothes, etc.).
@@claudiawebb75 same, i actually rarely wear any makeup at all.. and only when I'm going out or to a special occasion/event. I used to think I would only ever dress as femme as possible pre transition, but once I was comfortable with my true self, I realized I just want to BE, no matter to what extent that is and purely depending on my mood. Life is truly better since transitioning, more than I could have ever imagined.
great timing with this video, my wig got ruined last week and i relied on it so much for my self esteem when presenting feminine in public. I can't really afford to get another so i'm going to try and embrace my short hair for a while because like you said, I don't want to have to rely on an object to feel like myself.
I hear you. I felt euphoric in breast forms, but limited because I felt they always had to be fully covered. When my own breasts started to grow it was very liberating to just dress for my own (much smaller) breasts. I didn't have to rely on anything extra, my body was enough. That was a big step for me.
Mind you, I do pull out the breast forms for special occasions still, because everyone enjoys a big tiddy goth girl on those dance nights. 😋🤭😎
there was a time pre transition where i (experimenting) filled 2 socks with rice and put that in a bra, felt euphoric, then felt sad that they weren't real. reverse dysphoria is such a good name for that.
im mtf. for me pre and early transition i was dressing to look androgynous. now im at a stage where i can wear boys clothes and still look like a woman :)
You know you made it when you can do that. I can't stand wearing boy clothes now though, very uncomfortable compared to women’s wear.
Goals!
@@JaneChristensen.That’s how I feel as well 👍 I don’t understand why everyone seems to find masculine/unisex clothing to be the most comfortable 😂 I tend to miss skirts once I wear trousers for a change 😉
Goals
Great Video! This topic really needed to be addressed. I feel like the goal is to reach a state of mind where you feel like looks don't matter. Living a life true to yourself is what's most important.
Very true! I also wish society made that goal easier.
I guess I fall into the category of "this video is not for me". Of course, I want to pass, but equally I revel in being seen as trans. I see this stage of hyper-femininity as a right-of-passage, but a beautiful and euphoric one. I always have the best nails in the office (bar / shops / restaurant), the sexiest dress, the highest heels, the most diamonds on my fingers, the dangliest earrings, the longest fake lashes and the most glitter in my eyeshadow. Nobody would see me as a cis-woman, but equally, nobody misgenders me. I see it like this; lions in the wild will take down the weak, it is the same with the type of people who will deliberately misgender you in public. If you strut in public and exude confidence, the haters will stay away and you will surround yourself with the type of people you want to attract.
So, I think you can have your cake and eat it too. Slowly, slowly I see that I am feminising and one day, I might tone it down, but in the meantime I am living in a hyper-feminine euphoric dream.
Totally hear you and I think if hyperfemme makes you feel amazing at an early phase, thats awesome! Everyone needs to find what works for them!
That’s awesome! I think I love you. 😘😁
I can’t help but wear long nails and higher heels (but I have been buying chunky heels and wedges for casual wear) as I have short legs and I think it helps with body proportions, even though I’m in my 50s. But since I tend to the goth style, I try to do a grown up goth type thing; which allows me to be a little more flamboyant than most women my age. When I first started buying jewelry, I started buying “normal” stuff; but then I realized I should be going for unique jewelry pieces that fit me and are interesting. I wear a lot of black; which also helps with hiding the less than ideal body. Although I can’t say I’m passing, the fact that some people do a double take and don’t clock me right off the bat is actually kind of encouraging considering that I have anything but a feminine face (actually I look a lot like my grandmother!). And that’s especially true in the Bay Area where people are attuned to clocking trans people. I really love the femme aspects, but I’m trying to find ways to make it work so it doesn’t scream trans. I envy your boldness.
I think I'm going to cry! You go girl!
I went for prosthetics because when I spoke to a doctor about wanting to transition, the process here (Finland) is that you go to a general practice MD, anyone will do, and they will make a referral to one of the two available gender clinics in the country, and then within a month or so, you'll get a response for when you can come in for a consultation, for me that was 6 months later, and from there the process will take an unknown period of time based on urgency and availability, but I've heard people going through the investigation phase in as short as 6 months, but for some it took two years. I've had my first appointment, but I have no idea how many steps with x months in between it'll take before I can get on HRT. I like the prosthetics though. I know I don't pass, but I feel like people know what I'm going for at least. No one's told me that I'm in the wrong bathroom etc. I am aware that there's gonna be discrepancy with size once the real ones start growing in, but I'm willing to make this tradeoff to not feel like shit for the intervening months or years.
I have seen people who haven't even begun hrt, are built like football players, wearing a male military style haircut.., out in a dress, or short shorts and fishnet stockings, and then become indignant when people are misgendering them or snickering at them in lineups at the grocery. I don't know whether to laugh or cry when I see this happening, but it occurs more often than I would have thought possible these days, and it never fails to make me cringe.
It's important to develop confidence but you have to use good judgement when it comes to appearance if you care about how others see you.
Gender identity, and I mean male or female identity here, on it's own, does not make a person that gender, unfortunate for those who can't access gender affirming care. It's very important to learn how to just gradually blend in as you go along.
The best guide I always found was to look at what cis women who look a bit like you are doing, and use their style as a template to guide yourself. Once the hrt works it's magic you can begin to create your own style.
I don't think I will be getting ffs or electrolysis at my age. My grand children may need some financial assistance with university in a few years, and I would like to help them with that. People tell me I look feminine enough as I am, and I trust them when they say they are being honest.
Facial hair does bother me, triggers dysphoria, but mine doesn't grow very fast at least, and I am one of those people who are artistic when it comes to makeup, and that works well enough. If you're good at it and use high quality products it shouldn't look like you are wearing makeup at all, if you're just doing the everyday look. Never forget to moisturise your skin, that in itself makes a huge difference when it comes to getting that soft smooth appearance and feel, and keep well hydrated, feminine beauty comes from within too!
Confidence in your femininity does bring out more feminine behaviours, your manner of speaking, intonations, the way you carry yourself, gestures etc.., and behaviour is a very powerful thing when it comes to passing. You can't force this to happen, and be convincing, unless perhaps, you are a trained and highly skilled actor, but it will come naturally as you reach a certain point after a few years living full time. I suppose when the hrt has unlocked this in the brain or whatever it is that happens, this part is f' in magic. When good looking gentlemen start opening doors for you, you know you've made it.
Yes! That kind of growing into the new role, instead of taking a big leap and getting ahead of oneself, is what I want to do (and hope I'm patient enough to pull off). Very excited today, because I think my endocrinologist is done with lab tests and I should be getting my prescription tomorrow, aaaah :D
I have a couple of nitpicks:
1. While progesterone (as well as other agonists of progesterone receptor, such as CPA) cause water retention within breast tissue, which may help the breasts to seem larger, the evidence that it helps in long-term development is lacking.
2. Makeup, especially foundation, does emphasize skin texture. It is true for older women, who at some point need to change their habits of how to apply it, or it starts aging them. But it is also true for trans women who have undergone androgenic buberty, as they will typically have much more texture to their skin than cis women. And by learning makeup from cis women - even those of their age - they are going to emphasize exactly this. Instead they should look for the advice meant for women with mature skin.
In general a trans women, especially the earlier she is in her transition, is going to look older than their cis peers, by up to some 10-15 years. And construing their style they should aim for that age bracket in order to pass.
I have found exactly that in terms of foundation. It needs to be lighter in application; or another thing I discovered is a Japanese BB cream that’s extremely pale that lightens my face to match my chest, but it’s much more natural looking and doesn’t look nearly so cakey. Just finding foundation that matches my skin tone has been a long process; but that’s true of all women.
Love and embrace yourself fully, as you are, and everything else will fall into place 💕🎉
@@rosevidalita Absolutely...
No this is idiotic advice
Yes, early on doing all the things can make it more obvious. I definitely cringe at the sight of some of my photos from a couple years ago (I refer to them as the awkward teenager phase).
But I have to say I don't fully agree with the response to the question at 4:57. The answer to why people still misgender you and stumble over pronouns, etc., when you are presenting in a way obviously feminine is not "it's early, and you are inadvertently accentuating things," it is that a portion of society just really sucks and it doesn't matter what you do. If you're presenting yourself in an obviously feminine way, go by a traditionally feminine name, etc., no matter how non-passing you may be, and they still insist on misgendering you - that's not a you-problem, it's a them-problem. The workaround to the problem may be pulling back on your presentation, making yourself less-noticeable, but not doing so is not the reason for being mistreated.
I personally found the effect of doing too much too early was more of a personal one; /I/ felt it made me more obvious and that made me feel worse. I just don't like the idea of blaming how someone is treated on how they present. Unless you're wearing something that is downright /offensive/ to 99% of people, being mistreated based on your presentation is not your fault.
You are 100% right, but sadly it isn't always within our power to change the environment to be more accepting.
@@strangejune that's not the point.
What I am saying is responding to "I am being misgendered and treated poorly" with "maybe you're trying too hard and it's backfiring and making you more obvious," is akin to responding to "I was getting harassed and groped in the club" with "well what were you wearing?" That is not the message we should be sending women, trans or cis.
I know I am harping on a single statement here. The overall message of the video is spot on - if your goal is passing (i.e., blending in), you may be doing yourself a disservice by doing all the things to the max too early on. But I just think it's important to not lay the blame for someone's garbage behavior at anyone's feet but their own.
As someone that is just in the beginning stages of this transition, whatever that may look like,this is invaluable information. Thank you.
Glad it was helpful!
Thank you, I'm one transgender woman who is taking it slow. Although, passing is very important to me. I look forward to being seen as female, and I'm working slowly to be a full-time woman in public. Thanks again, Doc. ❤ you.
Slow steps will add up and will help you build confidence. Keep going.
I have been on HRT for 13 months now and every time I try to dress up very feminine, it really brings out the dysphoria, because it also exaggerates my more masculine traits too. I've adopted an androgynous appearance that I hope to slowly feminize over time, but it actually makes me feel more feminine than going all the way
As always, thank you for your content. This helps me feel better about the pace that I am going. I fall into the camp that wants to just blend in. I think I would rather be viewed as someone trying to fit in versus someone trying too hard to fit in.
I love your advise about avoiding breast forms. That's why I haven't reached out to them. Also Thank you so much Dr. Z I discovered you right in the middle of my egg being demolished and you really helped me piece things together.
I have always liked an ultra-feminine, girly look. But that look hated me. I knew it and rarely went out in public. Then I got married and purged for the last time. Of course, Dinah wouldn't go away, so I slowly feminized my everyday presentation. A more androgynous look works better for me, and is surprisingly more comfortable. Now I present just one step over the line of womanhood. I never liked heels, and being short (5'5) makes it easier to be tolerated, if not accepted. I wear denim and jersey skirts in spring and fall, wide, flowing shorts in summer, and the girly clothes I love in winter, under a long coat. I sometimes wear a little mascara. I know I'll never pass, so I just try to blend in and not look foolish.
I want to pass and blend in. I started to transition when I was sixty-eight years old. I am 5'11''' without shoes and have broad shoulders. I have been on HRT twenty months. I have done hair removal, voice training, and I am about to have a hair transplant. I have seen a lot of changes. My behavior and mannerisms are quite feminine.
While I know there will be more changes and I am hoping the hair transplant will really help my feminization, I continue to have serious doubts I will ever pass. My partner encourages me and says I look like a beautiful trans person. I think about FFS, but I am not sure that make me passable and at my age it is quite a serious step to take. Besides, I am not sure I have the support I need for it. FFS also will take a great deal of courage on my part.
I am just starting to accept and love myself no matter what I look like. I know I do not look like a man anymore. I think I have started to look pretty androgynous. While I wish I could pass as a woman and thereby be treated as one, I am starting to be content with no longer looking like a man. Even my dysphoria is starting to improve since beginning to accept myself and what is possible for me.
I agree there are trans woman out there who go overboard. I see it all the time. But, it is important to acknowledge some trans woman will have an easier time succeeding to pass and for some of us it may not be possible. I believe anyone can get very far in de-masculinizing themselves and there are those of us who have to learn to love ourselves that way.
I really hope I am wrong about all this and as my transition continues I get to a point where I am seen by everyone as a woman and treated as one. With that said, I must keep my expectations realistic.
You will. Twenty months isn't quite long enough yet. It took at least 3 years for me to begin passing regularly, then at age 61. At 24 months I was passing for some but not others. The effects of hormones seem to come in fits and spurts at this age but they still continue to feminize even after 5 years. Listen to your partner, I'll bet you are beautiful!
@@JaneChristensen. Jane, thank you for such wonderful encouragement. I know it takes time. The changes I have seen in my second year certainly are more dramatic than in the first year. Transitioning is an adventure and we must celebrate things that come our way on it. It is an amazing, life fulfilling experience.
Don’t be too intimidated about your height. I knew a cis woman who was like 6’2” and she would wear the highest heels she could find. She embraced towering over people; even though she wasn’t model beautiful. Sometimes attitudes counts more than actual looks.
I dated a woman in college who was a swimmer in high school who was built like a linebacker, but she was gorgeous despite having a masculine jawline. The main thing was that she just had attitude and charisma and she had many admirers. I would bet these days she would get accused of being trans in this climate, despite being cis. There are many kinds of beauty that can TRANScend conventional stereotypes. 😁
@@keirfarnum6811 Yes, attitude! Luckily, that is pretty easy for me because I know I am basically a woman. It took a while to accept that. Thanks for your comment.
Passing, imo has gotten a bad reputation due to why some assume the reasons to desire to pass.
Passing in my experience for me is a goal for safety.
Truer Words, have Absolutely Never Ever, been Spoken !!!!!!!!!!!!
And Absolutely Positively yes on Progesterone !!!!!!!!! It Is An Absolute Miracle !!!!
Dr. Z , You are the Best !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks Sooooo Much !!!!!!!!
The endo that works with my clients, introduces progesterone about 6month into HRT treatment. Very effective I agree.
@@wilburshuman One year four months on E, four months on P, added 10 pounds. I have curves, and the dysphoria is subsiding. I still get triggered, but WAY less. I love Dr Z. Peace Sheila
I do get misgendered while at my job in Sephora, but after working there 3yrs I take it in stride. I take responsibility for my passing. My voice I've been told is gender neutral. I have a B cup, but I'm also 6'1" in flats. One person will call me gorgeous and the next will call me sir. I will continue to live my best life, always passing may never happen for me. But I have a great job and wonderful friends so I'll never feel sorry for myself. I'm glad you're back Dr Z. Peace Sheila
I had my thoughts about that at some point when I learned that other trans women, who try to present hyperfeminine, have to deal with much more harassment, misgendering, etc. then me who lives in the same city and doesn't care about passing as cis. And I figured it is because they are probably wearing a costume. Not a costume as in "man dresses up as a woman" but "woman that presents in a way that doesn't reflect their true self".
The vast majority of cis women I know don't care nearly close as much about those signifiers and let's be honest, they often just suck in day to day life. Being in high heels all day, spending an hour on makeup every morning, wearing a dress even at the most impractical time, etc. I tried that and it made me feel overdressed among my cis friends. Leading to insecurities and feeling like the stereotypical "man in a dress" plus constantly being misgendered by strangers.
I simply stick to a casual, more practical wardrobe and presentation except when I really feel like I wanna dress up for an party or something alike. Flat sneakers, jeans, nicely cut tops, light and simple makeup, only little jewelry. Just like every other mid 30s woman around me when we're not on camera or something. And that didn't only feel more comfortable, it also made my surroundings simply take me in as the woman I am. I don't even know if people read me as cis or trans but I don't care. I didn't get misgendered in ages despite being a tall woman with only very little curves, having a deep untrained voice and a face that would, if I'd cut my hair short, just look like a soft guy.
In the end it's all about confidence and yeah, I look like a beefy lesbian and that's cool because that is what I am after all. I mean I'm doing social work and I am usually someone cis women in need who come in just feel they can trust and be safe with.
Most cis people don't expect to casually run into a trans woman so that's not really on their mind. But they are also not expecting to run into someone looking like a butch lesbian truck driver trying to fit in at a gala dinner (I'm exaggerating here but you get what I mean) in the grocery store.
In certain violent societies, like in America, passing keeps you safe.
I dress according to the weather, mood and occasion.
After years of dressing androgynously, I decided to make the switch and go full fem. Here in the Pacific Northwest, we have to deal with the “Seattle Grunge” look, so I really stood out. However, after years of practice, I already pass very well. So, the “upgrade” has worked out extremely well for me.
The change has been extremely helpful for me to embrace my true self.
My baby trans phase was cringe AF.
Because I was in the goth subculture before I transitioned (and still am to a degree), I wore heavy white foundation and black lipstick/streaky eyeliner everywhere I went, I crimped my hair, I still had a lot of masculine clothes with a low waist and boxy-looking shirts, and I often combined that with long flowing skirts which made my body look very boxy and straight.
Goth makeup can look great once your face starts to soften and feminize, but even then, white foundation will make every hard angle and masculine feature just jump right out. Learning a softer way to camouflage your masculine features and feminize your face is really important, and learning what works with your face shape. Trade in that white foundation for a light beige and learn how to shade and contour, use lipstic that's a deeper red or purple and learn how to play with colour, and then look for ways to make them work with your own lip shape.
Wearing high-waisted pants or a-line skirts and shorter-cut shirts to give yourself a waist is really important.
Start learning vocal feminization as early as possible. I worked on my voice early on, but it was unnatural sounding and inconsistent. Getting your voice just right takes time and a lot of practice. It's about finding a balance of so many things, from pitch, timbre, and weight, to speaking mannerisms, rhythms, and tones, plus finding a natural, comfortable voice that works for you.
Happily I can say I've gotten out of that awkward phase, and though I'm still not perfect, I haven't been misgendered in over a year.
I found a Japanese BB cream that helps lighten my face but it looks much more natural. It says it’s “pure white” but it still has tint to it; so it doesn’t scream goth kid. I tend towards goth style too, but since I am in my 50s, I try to do the “goth grown up” thing, which isn’t too uncommon in the Bay Area. I can’t help but wear long nails (it’s an addiction!), but I think it works for my style. Dark lip colors are a must since it makes over drawing the lips possible (reminds me of Dr. Z actually). I wish I could wear my hair as short as Dr. Z, but my hair is curly and works better at shoulder length. Lots of black clothes!
@@keirfarnum6811 MAC and NYX foundations and concealers have been my saviours, especially as despite being of Native heritage myself, my skin tone is very pale. So the key is trying to make that paleness shine while adding depth and detail.
I also wear eyeliner wings but try to make them look a lot more natural, and have gotten really good at drawing them, as my eyes themselves are not symmetrical, and I tend to have very shakey hands.
I also do my lips over my natural lipline (I tend to round out the upper lip without a cupid's bow, as I have always loved the thicker, upturned upper-lip look), but lipliner has been really integral to that, and yes, darker reds or purples. I'll usually do a layer of matte and a layer of gloss over it when it dries, and it actually works really well!!
I've gotten better at nose contouring also, as I've always really hated my nose, and try to contour it to give it a rounder, cuter, flatter, more upturned appearance, but have gotten a lot better at blending and the less-is-more approach so I actually feminize my nose instead of looking like a raccoon. I also don't contour my cheekbones anymore, as they're beginning to actually fill out and come in now, just due to HRT, so I leave them alone, save maybe a tiny bit of blush or highlights.
So yeah, this look combined with just some casual black clothes, glasses, a toque, maybe some simple jewelry and a skirt is how I look on a day-to-day basis, kind of the casual "nerdy goth" look, lol.
I'll only pull out the extreme white-faced gruftie look when going to goth clubs or performing, because I feel that now as my face is beginning to soften and feminize naturally from hormones, and my body is
starting to form curves, it's actually starting to look a lot better on me as of late.
Thank you for the beginning explanation. I am one of those that jumped in at 100%. I didn't go as far as makeup or coresets, but I did jump into feminine clothing. I did the Feminine architype class and it helped me so much, I highly recommend it. I discovered I am the girly girl type. I thought I was going to be a more outdoor butch chick, instead I'm an outdoorsy girly girl! I also absolutely recommend starting progesterone. I am 8 months on HRT and have B cups that are starting to fill in wonderfully. I mostly wear sports bras but when I throw on a nice padded underwire... dear god I'm sexy! For those who read this far, please keep in mind that I was in feminine clothing before I even started HRT and passing isn't something I try to do, if it happens it happens, if not, then that's fine too. I also don't like makeup and think the western beauty standard is misogynistic.
Thank you so much. I've been watching your videos since the beginning of my transition. Passing is important to me and I do make slow moves. I love seeing the development of my body. . Thanks again.❤
I love this advice to just be you. even if your called out, it’s just going to be you and not any tricks to emulate what you wish you looked like 😊
Thank you, most revealing presentation I recall. You showed your big heart. Lots of information and for a 66-year-old in transition, very helpful.
Good advice. I have taken this approach. I know that if I go out in public wearing a skirt or a dress, I will not pass. I have started wearing ladies' coveralls, cargo pants, and T shirts. So, it makes sense to me to transition my fashion expression with my gender transition.
I also realized that wearing hyper feminine clothing was a coping mechanism. With HRT, my dysphoria has reduced to the point that I don't ever think about it. I do find myself looking in the mirror looking to see if there are outward physical changes in my body. I have not noticed anything at 3 months on HRT. My nipples are starting to feel sensitive to the touch and are starting to bud.
I am hopeful that in time, I will be able to pass, but I am not expecting that I will.
I've been a bit guilty of this. Used to go much heavier in the make up to where I started to feel it was emphasising my masculine features (and taking ages to get it done). They say "less is more" and I think that is true, at least when it comes to make up.
I'm glad your back on here. We need you 💗❤😘
The issue I've had was that the changes from the neck down have been amazing, from the neck up not so much. That gives me dysphoria. My chest and hips are pretty obviously female.
I love Dr z's careful euphemism "it might be too early" meaning you look like a hairy guy in drag! I see it too often when I first started my transition I looked like a GTA hitman there was absolutely no way in hell I could look the slightest bit feminine had a thick beard super hairy and muscular etc! 5 years later and about a dozen surgeries including voice feminization surgery I am still very much a work in progress it takes time money pain effort and lots of tears! but if you had the courage to start this journey you best complete it!
I took two bank loans out and payed for FFS surgery.Best decision I ever made.
I did all of those things in the beginning. But none of them made me feel better. Then I read Julia Serano's book and she said she stayed in boy mode until people thought she looked more like a girl.
its a releif to know you are back on reguraly,love the content and listen to the library daily
I hsve bren transitining for seveal years now. Dr Z here is very correct.
Very often eith esrly transition women i am constsntly like "oh honey what are you doing".
While im by no means passing i am able to blend in most of the time as long as i dont use my voice.
A couple of tips.
1) that choker you use to hide your throat protrusion does thid it. It mskes it more obvious, esoecuslly ehrn you usvent shaved.
2) you can dress super femininr with out bring over the top the most importsnt thing sbout this is to make sure your clothes actually fit you.
3) skin tight or body con stuff rarely evrr helps us.
4) if doing makeup, keep it light (or stleast aopearing light) unless going to a special event.
5) dress your body type. For example. I rarely leave the house with our a skirt on because it hides my apron belly and my lack of curves. A good choice in top makes a huge difference.
6)if your fashi9n choices buck thr current style you will be noticed. Be ready for it..i personally am guilty of this one cause i love super colorful snd flowy things including my long rainbow colored hair. But it makes me hsppy so others csn get bent.
6) own ehatever you wear with confidence. This makes a hige huge difference
Around a year ago I like doubted if I’m a male or female. But then 2 or one week after all of the thoughts faded away and started to feel like a cis man again and i don’t feel trans even when I watch transgender people. Now fast forward the same thing happened again and then all of the same thoughts faded away and I don’t feel trans even when I watch transgender people. Is it normal for a cis person to doubt if he trans or not twice but still turns he’s not trans?
It's a big step admitting to yourself that you are trans, and a far bigger one to take action and do something about it. For those of us with strong gender dysphoria, it feels like a do or die thing deciding to move forward with transition.
@@JaneChristensen. well I mean like I was ok with my body and felt comfortable and literally I was just confused if I’m male or female but then everything faded away and I don’t feel like I’m trans and feel happy as a cis how’s that?
Yes, that sounds perfectly normal to me. Gender is nuanced and deeply personal, so I don't find any particular identity surprising. Questioning is perfectly normal, even when it happens multiple times. And I don't think it's weird that you discovered yourself to be cisgender. I think it just means that you discovered more about yourself. You were curious about your gender, explored it a bit, and didn't push yourself into something that didn't fit. Good work!
If you're still curious or questioning, I recommend checking out the gender unicorn and thinking about where you sit on the various identity and expression spectrums. Remember that it's not a single spectrum with man up one end and woman up the other. For example, you could find that you're a cisgender man who is not super masculine, or who has some feminine traits.
In my case, I consider myself trans, but in the non-binary sense. I've stopped describing myself as a man, as that has never sat right, but I also don't consider myself a trans woman. Just a person who feels that womanhood resonates more strongly than manhood, but who isn't really into stereotypical expressions of femininity. (If I had my way, I'd be tomboy or an androgenous woman with no makeup.)
@@abdullahmohammed2375
Do you crossdress? If you have and enjoyed it, but still feel comfortable as a man, you might just be someone who enjoys cross dressing to experience what it’s like to be the opposite gender on occasion. There are plenty of men who enjoy occasional cross dressing that are not trans and have no intention to transition. If you feel comfortable as a man, you’re probably a cis man. But the only way to find out for sure if you are questioning your gender is to experiment some with cross dressing. I wish you luck on your journey, wherever that may take you.
Thank you Dr Z awesome show ❤❤
After about 3 years, I grew to a 38-B. When I finally had my breast augmentation, I asked for a full C CUP. because I had very good real breast growth, I ended up a D-D+. Honestly, I feel they are too big. They can get in the way. If you’re a belly sleeper, forget it! I recommend a C cup. Also, it took me years to perfect eyeliner without it seeping into me eye! Grrrrr. It’s best to just lay the eyeliner at the very point where you lashes end and your eye begin. Leaving a gap between the liner and your eye. I use liquid eyeliner with a fine point felt applicator.
"Dr Z ESP" could be another name for your channel! ❤ 🎯🏳️⚧️🇨🇦
Dr Z -- The essence of this video is don't overdo it (make up, clothing, prosthetics), if you just want to blend in as just another woman. By blending in, you don't stand out for people to focus critically on you.
However, there are LGBTQ clubs where you can turn up as a chorus girl and no one would blink an eyelash.
Experiment until you find your style. Dr Z says that progesterone will help accentuate your new natural breasts formed by estrogen.
When I first got breast forms I kind of liked having them there trying them on I was euphoric for a little bit and like you said I thought that it was fake and I said to myself I wish this was real I think that was my first egg cracking moment where I was like this is not cross-dressing this is something else
I unfortunately can't do medical so I have to do breast forms when it comes to that time for me.
its so nice to have her giving free health care but its just so hard for me to understand her English.
Bought your book brilliant
I do not agree with the way this advice is conveyed, it prioritises the external perspective over whats right for the trans woman, I would rather be ripped apart in the context of the realness category in a ball than this. I have years of experience (every minute of every day) and, even when you want to pass, the differing opinions of everyone trying to form you into what they think is best are continuous intrusions. The fact is that when put up against the real life metric of public hositility, a cisgender opinion of how to manage that falls flat in predictability and real world outcomes. You single out the trans behaviours when you should be directing to typical feminist lenses. While the approach in therapy is individualistic, the perspective should not be. A trans woman needs to be resillient, needs to be self-forgiving, needs to latch onto that joy, even that rebellion. And while you may put that into the category of "dont want to pass" I very much disagree. Its pursuing passing, but its the resillience in the journey and its gaps. Its depth in the true struggle of women and the navigation of those difficulties. Trans women should have the same flaws cis women have. A trans woman needs to forgive herself for too much makeup like a cis woman does, a trans woman needs to forgive herself for wonky clothing like a cis woman does.
I also do not think that clamoring to assimilate and cross that societal divide is the optimal way when that divide is also a protective filter. My clothing, while criticisable by the homogeneous population acts as a filter to ensure that only the safe or curious bother to interact with me.
I have so many thoughts about this but thats all the words im willing to put down right now.
🙌🙌
Any other trans people think these videos have the most “no duh” advice ever
I use the "more is less".. 😅 it definitely helps that i am used to help my female friends shop for their body shape 🤔
Look what other women does and copy. Nearly no woman go full blown all the time..
I find cloth that fits my body shape, i like and are in style for your age class..
After three yeara i still have issues regarding my passability im coming to terms that without surgeries i may never pass. Honestly i dont even want to go under the knife as i woman of color in America my relationship and trust with the healthcare system is non existant
Ironically it’s the surgeons that are good in the us. General healthcare is shit tho
I been thinking about bottom surgery, I do know that doesn't make me a woman and I'm moving slow. I will talk to my doctor about..I just don't have time for recovery because of work
Great video
Yeah I am a bigger person I haven't started my transition yet per se and I can put on skirt pantyhose and it looks okay but when I put a top on I got this big guts that caused me a lot of distress and I hate looking at it and it just makes me feel fake.
very good, I am just doing this way now
No dresses no skirts? You find me a pair of jeans that doesn't give me dysphoria and scream "I have no hips" then
The majority of women do not dress hyper feminine or in a hyper sexual way, on a daily basis, it will draw attention. I
I pass but I look male. Maybe on profile view I look Better but I don't live in and ancient egyptian picture. I'm really surprised about that and I can't explain It. I have a large Jaw and a tall forehead...and still a lots of beard...a disaster...I'm tall and very slender...5,77 tall and 126 Pound...I pass with large dress too but I look very masculine...often avoid the mirror.... sometimes I don't pass...
This has got to be common by now, but still: Your thoughts on Capes?
NO CAPES!
Is Progesteron also effektive at the age of 48?
I am post op and take estrogel for 20 years but my endo dont want to prescribe
Can anyone recommend me like estrogen that is trustworthy or how I should go about it? I’m kinda indecisive and just don’t know where to look
I completely disagree with this. Nobody owes anyone gender presentation! You know what each person deserves? The freedom to show up as one's authentic self. Being Trans, pre transition means masking as a gender you are not. It means playing a character all day, every day. That is highly detrimental to one's mental health. Masking as non binary when you aren't is equally mentally taxing. Just be your true authentic self. If they don't like you as you, they weren't going to like you as some inauthentic roll anyway.
This tend to happen when you base your entire identity on a sexist stereotype.
That’s assuming it is always a sexist stereotype. Women vary in style a lot. Would you consider Dolly Parton to be “invalid” as a woman because she embraces her glamor? Is she the way she is only because she’s trying to look a certain way for men? Being feminine is not a bad thing. Women don’t have to be more like men to embrace their power as people.
Some trans women do over do it at the beginning, but that’s not all that different what happens with young women; especially during puberty. Some trans women go through a type of puberty and try expressing their femininity in ways that are over the top to some degree, but then learn to tone it down.
The fact is that all cultural mores are “stereotypes” and nothing humans do is really “natural”. To be feminine is only “sexist” if one only sees it as fulfilling a role that’s meant only for the male gaze; but that’s not necessarily always the case. And of course some trans women do want to be more attractive for men; but so do many cis women. That doesn’t make either lesser in some way. I don’t see it as automatically bad if a man is attracted to what might be considered feminine. What that is has changed throughout human history and will continue to change. What matters isn’t the actual styles involved; what matters are the other aspects of women’s roles in society (how they’re valued in their contributions in society, the gaining of rights, etc.). The problem as I see it isn’t the styles themselves, it’s the cultural symbol they mean and present as for some women who have experienced sexism in the past. They associate being overly feminine with something that was imposed on them by a patriarchal society. But that doesn’t have to be that way. It’s no coincidence that younger women are often embracing a more feminine style. They have realized that it’s perfectly okay to be feminine AND valued as women and that while it might be attractive to some men (not all, some guys like less femme women), it doesn’t HAVE to be about pleasing men. It’s okay to be a feminine woman; it doesn’t make a woman less than and it doesn’t make a woman a subject of men.
The irony is that women actually have far more flexibility in gender presentation these days than men do. Women can wear jeans and cowboy boots and it’s not seen as masculine. Whereas men cannot wear a skirt without it being questioned. Gender roles for men are actually quite a bit more rigid and socially constrained. And I can’t help but think that saying that men being overly feminine is “sexist” is an extension of those rigid roles for men. It’s almost like some women are being protective of their gender role and saying men (especially those who are transitioning) can’t have that, it belongs to us; even though many women will happily wear what used to be considered male clothing styles.
I hope that all makes sense. I guess my main point is that seeing such feminine styles as a product of a patriarchal society is not inevitable and that we should be careful about turning femininity into a symbol of that patriarchal society. It doesn’t have to be.
your title and description read like mud you should really work on clarity and brevity
Here’s a novel idea - If you can’t pass, maybe you should NOT transition? Passing is like having the ability to read. If you don’t know how to read, you’re probably not going to be successful in life. If you struggle with reading, practice with hooked on phonics. Very similarly, if you’re struggling with passing, it’s usually because of the lack of effort. Effort=Results
Me when I'm self hating:
@@DEEANNA88 'Effort' has absolutely nothing to do with it...
What a terrible take
So only perfectly beautiful, passing trans women allowed? Gosh, maybe that should apply to cis women as well. GTFOH.
Once you get past the do I pass stage you can relax, find your style and be happy
hard to get over being an ogre its wondrous that i was able to start hrt with my anxiety mostly centered around passing