The big decision
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- Опубликовано: 5 сен 2024
- “The big decision”
A Turning Point in My Journey
Finding Laura Clery:
Read/Listen: Idiot & Idiots
TikTok & RUclips & Facebook: @Laura Clery
Instagram: @lauraclery
Episode Breakdown:
-00:12 I’m trying to get more focused
-00:21 Feels like everyone has ADHD
-00:53 Newly single mom
-01:27 I feel emotional
-02:10 I don’t want to complain
-02:20 I need childcare
-02:32 Pros and cons of a single mom
-03:18 New house and school
-03:52 I still feel confused
-04:19 My kid asked why his dad doesn’t live with us
-04:55 I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing
-05:20 There’s a chronic stress
-05:44 It feels scary and confusing
-06:21 I feel grateful for small things
-06:P36 My ex and I seem to get along better
-06:58 My situation is odd
-07:29 People just tearing me, us apart
-08:46 We get along, especially in front of our children
-10:08 I’m becoming more, more sleep-deprived
-10:31 I miss having a partner
-10:58 I can handle the big spider, carry the heavy jug
-11:52 I’m still wrestling with guilt and shame
12:16 I feel guilty and sad
-14:36 Listening to other people’s story
-15:06 I’m back into calling my friends
-15:26 What are your co-patenting experiences
-20:42 Adopt animals
-20:59 This is not life or death
-21:12 Land of gratitude
-21:30 I feel like mommy and daddy. roles
-22:12 I feel like I can do it
-25:48 Not picking up a drink or drug
-27:12 I know you are sick of me talking about my walks
-27:29 I read comments about me
-32:21 We were trained that work is life
-32:38 Raise and grinned
-33:03 I want girl balance
-37:45 Make sure to follow and leave a comment with your questions
Subscribe for more videos from Laura Clery - bit.ly/2LEwDQL
❤️
Follow on Instagram - bit.ly/2JbKwaY
Girl, when I got divorced, I cut everything off with him until he could come to terms with it. He needed to understand I wanted to move on.
I just have to say that him saying "I don't know, ask your mom" is *not* peaceful co-parenting. I'm not a therapist but I can say I imagine it's stuff like that which directly makes hard days harder. He may not have made you predisposed to a rough day but he certainly made your day needlessly more difficult in a way you affirmed was no longer yours to carry by leaving the marriage. You did not break up a family. It was broken. You salvaged yourself and are continuing to heal. Remember your boundaries. He overstepped what should have been a HUGE one. You're amazing. You are brave. You are gorgeous. You've got this!
He should not have put that on you. That’s incredibly wrong for him to do.
Sums him up that he said "ask your mom". What a cop out.
Yup. As someone who is a child of divorce (I was 9 and I was the one who asked my mom to divorce my dad), this is an extremely damaging comment to make. Him saying “I don’t know, ask your mom.” Is horrible and he’s making himself the victim (as I’ve seen him do multiple times). He’s automatically putting the blame on Laura. Laura is not at fault for initiating the divorce. It takes two, but if anything, he’s at fault for his behavior beforehand which eventually LED Laura to initiate divorce. Two people who are unhappy and in a toxic relationship should not be married or romantically involved when there are children in the picture. This whole “oh, you’re traumatizing your kids because you’re divorced” is bs in my (and many professionals’) opinion. And for Stephen to constantly put the blame on Laura and continuously make comments referring to getting back together or whatever the case may be, is ugly and the kids and their wellbeing should come first. The response should’ve been: “Mommy and daddy are better parents when they don’t live together” or something alone those lines where neither parent ever gets the blame.
it's extremely unfair and unkind and cowardly of Stephen to say "I don't know, ask your mom" when asked why he doesn't live with you. he knows why and by saying things like that to the kids signals that mom is the bad guy, mom made dad leave and he doesn't even know why. it's gross. he's just kind of showing you he hasn't learned anything at all through the experience of losing his family and home. it would be good for you to get space and time away from Stephen so you actually can adjust to your new normal without him.
💯
I agree, it is gross. Why would he say I don’t know ask your mom? It’s HIS fault. HE needs to explain something in a kid friendly way and not put even more on her. She doesn’t deserve to feel guilty.
Laura's trying so hard and he's just a train wreck 😢
Marriage is supposed to be sickness
and health. Stephen was sick. No, she shouldn't just put up with everything of course.
It's also not cool of her to keep putting out videos of when they were happy together, when she knows Stephens struggling with it still. It's just putting salt in the wound
Laura, you have to know.. you are an AMAZING mom. Simply so truly AMAZING. Don’t ever doubt it. ❤❤
Wow, thank you!
I'm a single mom due to DV. So not only do I have to maintain a 40 hr/week job, but I also have 100% physical and legal custody of my 2 children. I have no family local and rely solely on childcare. It is very stressful I have filed for divorce and have a family court and criminal restraining order against the father of my children, in which we were married 10 years. He is facing 2 criminal charges. Recently, my attendance at work has been affected because my children have been sent home from childcare sick, and I have had no choice but to leave work. I have been written up at work due to my attendance and am facing a demotion and / or termination. I feel as though I am trying in all areas and falling short. I find my strength and peace through God.
Truly remarkable ! So sad that employers dont take any situation into account. Stay strong
You don’t deserve to feel guilty over this. You did the right thing, and we don’t even know the whole story. ❤ stay confident, stay in therapy, keep on keeping on. ❤ one day at a time.
I wish that Stephan hadn’t done that. He is living at the maturity level of when addiction began. You are definitely handling the majority of the load. Sobriety is key. I am sober and have never been able ( yet) to get over the guilt and shame. It’s “ slowbriety”. Be kind to yourself. I’m thinking about you and know you will be okay. Thank You for today. It doesn’t always have to be funny. You are so real. Keep being you.
I know you don't want to hear this but listening to Stephen telling you that you're angry and questioning why things aren't getting done around isn't helping. Setting boundaries includes not internalizing or feeling guilty for things he's saying. When you're overwhelmed that's the last thing you need. His opinion about how you feel (whether you're angry or not) or what's getting done is not his business anymore and he really has no right to comment. I feel like he's crossing a line.
I think he's getting to her. He's wearing her down which is what he wants, he's acting like he's a victim and putting the blame on her for a lot of things and he's acting like he's "changed" or has realised his wrong doings... I mean, he's gotten what he wants most of the time. He's manipulating Laura and she's slowly giving in. Laura needs to set boundaries YESTERDAY and stick to them. Without him worming his way out of them.
He continues trying to destroy her and that is the only thing he does consistently. She is being tortured actually and lives in denial and I think actually terrified of him. Thus is not like or love. He wants her to be sick. God and he only know what he really does with and to the littles.
@@susie_q1 you're SICK to assume he's abu$ing his children. You're projecting your own bs on them. And do ANY of you supposed supporters actually listen to her, and what she asks of us? Or you too busy with your hate brigade. She ASKS for no bashing of her OR Stephen. You act like you care about her mental health, but you don't. Because YOU are doing things that deteriorate her mental health. Smdh
He also, as a mature adult, should have been able to answer the reason why he doesn’t live there anymore. Instead of just saying, “I don’t know, ask your Mom.”
I would understand being in denial if it were just one or two people saying that your ex- husband's behavior is concerning, but literally dozens of people have been telling you that for two years. and many of those people have proven themselves to be pretty smart cookies.
No sorry what he said to poppy was manipulating the situation. I fear your kindness is setting you up for a big fall. I’ve got 4 adult children and now have been married 35 years. Please trust me mother’s guilt will always show up, no matter what you do. I tell them now I did the best l could with what resources I had at the time. Keep going you’re doing your best that’s all you can do.
That step work has to be the same for you every day. Steven. I’m starting to hate him for putting you through this. As he sits there doing nothing to help the situation. Aside from being present with his kids.
I believe a lot your stress is Stephan related. He is a very selfish person. He is not respectful of your boundaries. Do you see a therapist?
It’s so sad seeing you manipulated by that narcissist .
yup, a covert one at that, the worst of the lot imo. they come across as whingy & pathetic & sad so they CANT be manipulative right? thats their whole thing, get all the sympathy whilst do this to their partner. my ex did the same shit. i hope she sees it soon.
Correct anyone defending him must be blind if not careful he will push her to a break down he’s already got her doubting herself her boyfriend must see surely
It's heartbreaking isn't it.
Hi Laura. I so enjoy these podcasts more than the ones where you had guests!! I like hearing about YOU!!
Same
He hurt you horribly and betrayed you to the max. He doesn't get to take your inventory. Stop all this stuff you are doing with him.
You do the same crap with Stephen, expecting different results. He should never criticize you in any way ever. He diminishes you without a doubt.
I’m a single mom of 4, 2 of which are diagnosed with Autism, and 1 of those 2 on a peg tube. I work at home, but face a lot of difficulties in some of my responsibilities due to their constant verbal stimming. Finding respite care to practice self-care is almost non-existent, and having a whole family that pretends they don’t see your plate is beyond full is painful. I’m tired, I’m burnt out, I have so sense of self and haven’t in 8 years, but really 19 years (my neurotypical kids are 17 and 19). I’m a prisoner in my house. It’s hard.
Also, as far as coparenting experience…that is also not a thing. Dad is off living life unbothered, but yet he’s a mess lol serves as a reminder that this may be grueling and rough, but I win. lol
god bless you🌺
“Ask your mom” is ignoring his decisions and mistakes and putting the illusion of blame and responsibility on you.
Yes!!! So mean he could have said they fell out of love. She is to young yet .
He manipulated poppy the time he told her that he wanted his family back for Christmas. I’m sure he’s confusing her
That's not manipulation. I believe he wholeheartedly wanted what he said. He doesn't think before he talks like most men don't. There's to many men that lose contact with their children and they grow up without a dad. Kudos that Stephen is a parent for the kids. Day by day Laura and him will find what works and how to talk to their kids about it.
@@angieo2245 real fathers dont pit their children against their mother.
@@angieo2245THIS!!!
Too much interaction with your ex.
Single mom for year here. It’s always stressful. Sending you 💕!
Your kids will be your best friends for life! I was a single parent with 5 kids, my choice as well. Times were so hard, lots of feeling like youre just trying to survive. I didn't really have any co parenting happening and they were with me 99% of the time. Working weird/long hours. It seemed like a nightmare and so hard at the time, but your kids see that! They see you working hard and doing your best their whole life. Things will be ok! Once they're grown, you'll reap all those rewards I promise.
I'm glad you are sharing and your thoughts are important! Mothers need a lot of support all I wish is that society wakes up and changes!
I wonder if Stephen actually took the kids out of the house instead of visiting at your place you would have time off. You feel like you're on 100% of the time because you are! Even when Stephen is there. That sucks that he points out things that need attention, obviously you have a lot going on, I'm sure if you spent a lot of time at his place you would see things that need attention. That's just how life is. You're doing wonderful Laura! Don't feel shame for protecting your kids when they needed protection.
This video hurts my soul because you can just see how exhausted, overwhelmed and depressed. I hope things get easier day by day for you. Don’t blame you or anyone just know you can get through this ❤️
stephen is weaponizing the kids against Laura. this is so sad to witness. He also has the fans triangulated with her. He has her convinced the fans don't "like" her. The truth is, Stephen spread hate, got charged with assault on a spouse and baited the worst of the worst in the last two years of content. Your kids are going to be mortified that mom tolerated dads grifting. STephen is causing your kids to be insecure, just like you. God this is so sad to witness and I cannot believe how detrimental one man and his personality disorder can cause to generations.
This post 100% correct.
You are correct
You are correct
This. He’s convincing her that fans dislike her to keep her even more isolated and detached from reality. I’m sure he doesn’t like that people in the comments point out the bs that she might have overlooked
@@andralandi1108 this is a classic manipulation tactic for sure
Even when I was married I was a single mom. My husband, like many, did not show up for the kids and I in any way other than financial. He believed, as many men do, that his role is simply to go to work and make money. My role was to go to work and make money, care for the kids, carry the mental load and the emotional load and every thing else. I refused to be degraded like that. The kids and I instantly felt peace, freedom, joy. He had a big old tantrum. Men’s entitlement is the reason women are happier single.
Can he take the kids overnight a couple nights a week?? He can cosleep with them.. you can get some full nights of sleep. May be weird..to not have the kids in your bed but as a single mom I need that full nights sleep to cope with ALL of it. ❤️
I like how he “notices” you’re mood changes but can’t “notice” what damage he did to the relationship.
You're feelings are all normal and valid because that's how you feel. My son thanked me when he was older for keeping the relationship friendly with his Dad because it was better than us fighting. We had our moments at first but worked through it and was better in the end. Stephen may be hurt over the split which is where backhanded comments can come out sometimes. Not saying that makes it ok, it's up to you to set those boundaries of what you accept.
So here's my question if Stephen question was appropriate to answer with ask your mom which I went through when I chose to divorce my child's father and ask any child psychologist or psychiatrist they will tell you that's inappropriate then what do you think he says to them when you aren't there. He is manipulating you and those children and gaslighting you to get what he wants and mark my words he will get what he wants in the end which is his family back if you don't start standing up for yourself and your children. You have no clue.
100%
Truth.
I 100% agree with all of this! She's so focused on "healthy co parenting" when you can't have healthy co parenting with a gaslighting narcissist like Stephen. He's still playing the victim and is using the children as his pawns in their relationship and it's disgusting. He should be ashamed of himself but he's not.
Hi single mom here raising my son by myself I love that you shared this video and that you're opening up about how hard it is It really is I miss the companionship and I see him growing up without a fatherly figure which breaks my heart I know the divorce was the best thing for everyone involved but I miss coming home to someone to share my day with, to cuddle at night, to share responsibilities with. It's hard. So grateful to be opening up about this as I feel society expects us to be mom and dad, and to raise the children as though nothing happened when in actuality, I've read that divorce/breaking up with someone is comparable to death, and I'm still mourning not necessarily him as his behavior continues to be toxic, but the partnership. I miss that. Thank you, Lara ❤️
You're not alone, so many of us mom's are going through the same experience. Sending big hugs
Separated single mom of two and SO much of what you’re are feeling is what I am feeling. I appreciate you sharing it makes me feel like I’m not crazy for feeling all these feeling of guilt and shame and then confidence. I also feel like many seasons I have no idea how to handle questions or situations the children ask me about. I have failed many times but as you say take it day by day and there IS so much to be grateful for.
I think Stephen needs to get a job.
That dude will grift until the day he Chris Watts his family.
Laura I have followed you for a long time and I truly appreciate how transparent you are! You have a brilliant mind!! You're a beautiful human and lovely woman!
usually night terrors come around the same time every night. i’ve had 4 children and three had them. what we did was wake them up before the terrors one or two nights and bam they were gone! This was gold!!! please try it.
Steven should NOT say “go ask your mom”! That is putting it back on you. Does he really want you to share with them why? 🤔
I’m seriously flabbergasted by that. He’s such an immature pos
Because although it took 2 to end the marriage she was the one who finally ended it when he at least verbally said he did not want the end of their marriage. So while it was both of their fault she finalized the decision so it may be hard for him to say why when he never wanted it even if his actions were poor( no one knows but them what truly happened).
@@shelbebooth5204 that’s not an excuse at all.
@@Sparkinthedarknessthere's no excuse for how YOU are talking about HER family on this thread WHEN SHE JUST SAID IT MAKES HER SPIRAL AND GET DEPRESSED. keep your hateful comments about Stephen to yourself. She was married to him for 12 years. I think she knows him a lil more than you 🙄
@@Sparkinthedarkness then you talking crap on Laura's video about " why are your legs open the whole video??" Obviously hate watching both and are just a miserable person.
It's tough out there. I had my kids super spread apart and it was at least three years of living like a zombie with each one. You have them kind of doubled up, it will get better. Just know that...and you're in that space right now...but like a blink of an eye...the time passes. I hope you feel refreshed today. Onward.
The night terrors are so scary, I see you mama! I wasn't sober during those times and that makes me feel so badly I was not able to be the loving mom I am now. We just have to love ourselves and try to rest when we can and move forward each day. You're doing a great job in this crazy world!
We all have choices.
The source of the discontent is in trying to do it all yourself and not allowing yourself to have reasonable expectations. You have help, you say you have a good co-parent situation, and you have the ability to, as you said, stop being a provider and go live on a farm somewhere. You either have to accept the choice to continue living in chronic stress and change nothing, or make the choice to get out of it and do something that is easier for/on you.
You have more choices than most.
Yaaaa kinda knew it was gonna go this route~ exs are exs for a reason. Hope it works out for u tho. My ex is very manipulative & a narcissist its so hard to deal with. He blames me all the time for "stealing his family" but he did that to himself by not staying sober.
I think it takes time but youre also not really living a "single mom" life with Stephen involved in way too much in your life. Its not just the kids, he's always involved in other ways. You need to just set boundaries and stick with them. It's almost as though you're still together but pretend not to be for the camera. its too much.
100%
i just did and do what feels natural to me. single mom from day one by choice. trust your heart when it comes to your kids. love is all there is.
I’m 12 years in. Every time I let him in and try and be friendly and civil he lets us down again. I don’t know how to balance keeping my distance and having the kids spend time with him.
Praying you dont listen to the negative comments regarding Stephen. You can define your own family no matter what it looks like as long as the children have the most secure loving unit with both mom and Dad. Its about the kids!! In 15 years, a blink, they'll be gone.
I’m not a single parent but my husband like your dad worked a lot while raising our 4 children. I stayed home until my 3rd child was in preschool age 4. Then he (hubby) went on second shift while I worked days in the school system as a counselor. This was so I could be home during their vacations and days off and be home when they were home. It was great when my 4th child came along because my hubby was home days and could be with my youngest while i worked. However, that meant mom did ALL homework with the 3 older kids, drove kids to baseball, soccer, and dance lessons. Sometimes begging other mom’s to watch over my child because other children had to be at other fields for games or practice at the same time. Bath/shower time was a joy…not! Making dinner and trying to stay on top of housework and laundry was a treat. And I did all of this while dragging a newborn, then toddler to these big kid activities. On top of that I moved close to my parents because I’m one of the youngest of 8 children and wanted to help care for my parents. Dad had ALS and mom diabetes not under control either severe organ and heart damage. I was their medical conservator so dr appointments, meals and home care also fell on me and the kiddos. I say all this to tell you, it is so hard but you know what? I wouldn’t change a thing. I have loving well adjusted adult children and yes, to make MY life easier and for their comfort my 2 youngest slept with me most nights. My hubby slept in my daughter’s bed as soon as she woke up and crawled into our bed. I breast fed my youngest for a while…probably too long because I felt I needed that closeness as much as he did. My pediatrician told me on several occasions “stop over analyzing! There is no one size fits all. You know better than anyone else what your child needs. They have your genetic makeup and they live with you, so follow your gut! I will guarantee they won’t be going off to college nursing, with a pacifier or sleeping in your bed!” He was such a chill dr and gave me the confidence I needed to ignore others comments about co-sleeping, over nurturing (whatever the heck that is) and nursing too long. So I say to you and listen well, you will make mistakes, we all do, you will second guess decisions, again we all do but YOU KNOW YOUR CHILDREN BEST! Follow your heart and gut! Pray a lot and ask God NOT people to guide you. You are an amazingly loving mother and in spite of what people say love does win! I use to tell my children when I messed up, that I did make a mistake but I did what I thought was best at the time with the knowledge I had. But now mom knows better and I’m sorry but they need to know it was out of love, and mom’s not perfect. I make mistake just like kids do…
One last point though. Seek help from friends if needed. many times they want help too but are afraid to ask because they don’t want to look like a failure either. I was blessed with several girlfriends in my neighborhood that also had children and we would often ask each other to watch our children so we could just take a drive and clear our heads. My very best friends husband worked nights too and she lived next door. So I would many nights cook dinner for all of our 7 children her and me and we’d help each others children with homework, getting them to eat and bathing them all together. What fun times. The kids are still so close today and were in each others weddings. They became like family to one another. So find your tribe or village as you said, be brave and ask for help it might be not only your biggest blessing but their biggest blessing too. Btw my oldest has autism too and my second born could’ve been a poster child for ADD and my 4th child is hearing impaired. My friends oldest struggled with anxiety was very sensitive and her youngest had ADHD. But they are all successful and working and standing on their own feet and we are both grandmothers.
God bless you, these are some of the toughest days in ways but are the very best days and you can do it all just as I could’ve, but why? Reach out and help one another because I can guarantee another mom is waiting for someone to notice she, too, needs help❣️ You’ve both got this…together!
As a single mom I will say you won’t truly heal until Stephen is not such a big part of your life but I 100% get how hard it is because I’ve been there especially that he lives so close. It’s like there is no escaping it…
It would be beneficial for your kids if you put distance between yourself and Stephen. You're doing a great job, but he's actively working against your efforts. He's a grown adult - older than you - and he can handle the responsibility of finding his own place and making time to see his children. You don't need to be present. You don't need to manage or coordinate that. ❤
My mom lost our dad after 42yrs of marriage n four kids n two grandkids of Brian cancer (GBM). She’s finding those things incredibly difficult too. Sometimes self care is a joke bc u r surviving.
The thing people need to realize about your situation is that it’s public. A lot of successful relationships are not all over the Internet and people hide secrets behind closed doors. There’s a lot of things people aren’t OK with you. Really have to find what you are OK with and what makes you happy, because at the end of the day, other peoples opinions of your life doesn’t matter they are not the ones living it. People are bold and say things online that for them takes two seconds they don’t think about the bigger picture and how it affects your life, you are very brave Laura for sharing your journey. I think everyone would be surprised if they knew everyone’s secrets in a family.
as someone who recently left a long term relationship with an aspie, i relate to all of this so much, thank you for sharing your experience, u r a warrior!
You’re angry because he’s manipulating you. He’s bad mouthing you to your kids. Your stress is because of him. When will you realize that??
If you truly cared about Laura, you wouldn't leave comments like this. She LITERALLY just said these comments make her spiral and her depressed.
@@amandaboyens lady please. You’re one of those Stephen supporters, excusing his behavior because of him “being sick.” He’s trying to brain wash you people by saying he was in a manic state and then blaming autism. Get out of here with that shit.
@@amandaboyens he’s never going to pick you.
@@moeszylak2779 ewww. No thank you. Keep reaching. Because I stand up for Laura AND Stephen, that means I MUST want Stephen lol
@@amandaboyens True friends tell you the truth, because they care about what is being done to you.
Laura, you are doing great. You have alot going on.
Give yourself a break.
I was a single mum 2 times in the 90s I had 2 special needs kids and fathers who never showed up ,I worked from home and my kids adjusted after a while they stopped asking where's dad why don't we see dad , they are now all in their 30s 1 has children of his own split from their mother 10 years ago but he's been there constantly every week without fail even when he was hit by a car on his way to work ,I think he learned by his dad's mistakes of not showing up my boys were under 10 last they saw their dad , could I do it now no chance I actually envy people like yourself who do it now
I’m a single mum , my partner passed away. We had a 25 year old age gap . But I loved him and he gave me the most special gift that is of my son , who is 6 , my son saw a lot of upset and health issues for a long time , we have just moved house and I’m trying my best to make a fresh start . But it’s so hard . Keeping up with school and his learning , and the bills , I have a good family around me which keep me sain , my mum is just the best and has so much patient, she never stops , I look at her in envy somtimes and wish I had that much go in me . But it’s gone . I find life very hard , but I’m trying so hard to see the special things in life , everyone has ther journey and I find it so nice to hear Laura and her journey ❤
Love you Laura... your honesty and vulnerability is so refreshing
I think you are just enmeshed with him still.
I agree and it's unhealthy and dragging her down. I understand wanting to co parent in the best way possible but Stephen needs psychiatric help and quit playing the victim and blaming Laura for "splitting up the family." Stephen is the one who has been spewing his hateful BS online the past 2 years, not Laura. He continues to gaslight and manipulate her and it's just sad to see.
4:21 that’s a dick move on his part. I’m glad my boys were older when I left their dad. They were 19 and 15. They are now 21 and 17 and have accepted that we aren’t going to be back together ever.
You are a good person at your core, and as a result your intentions are coming from a good place. At the end of the day, that is all anyone could possibly ask.
Sometimes the results of decisions and actions are negative, and that's OK. As long as your intentions are good, and that's all that matters. Keep doing what feels right and good to you. That's what makes a good parent, ultimately. The desire to do what's best for them.
Listen, some of the best advice another mom said to me was that when the kids hit age 5 it gets way easier (because they can verbalize their needs better) and when the kids hit age 7 it gets even better (because they become more rational at that age). What you’re feeling right now “survival mode” is completely normal. I have so much to say on the topic of how western society does not support mothers, etc. But also one reply you could give to the kids (what I also prefer to say) when the kids ask why their dad doesn’t live there anymore is “Your dad needs a lot of personal space right now. Daddy needs alone time so that he can succeed at his work life and personal life and work on his health more.” And then segue into when Daddy’s coming to pick them up for Dad-time next. Love your honesty. Also, I co-sleep with my kids, too ❤it’s the best! It won’t last forever.
You're doing everything right and doing the best that you can at the same time! Please take some kind of peace in knowing that! For Steven to push that question off on you and make it as if it's your fault is 100% wrong! YOU ARE DOING WONDERFUL even if you don't feel like you are! EVERY PARENT has things they feel they are lacking in and NO ONE knows what they are doing! YOU ARE AMAZING!
I can’t believe he told her to “ask her mom” 😢 I’m so sorry you are struggling and having to have all the pressure on your shoulders.. you are so strong! Im sad that you have to have all your personal business on social media girl this situation is hard on it’s own so I can’t even imagine.. 😢
I love you, my heart hurts for you. ❤ stay strong and amazing as you have always been.
Divorced Moms and Dad who have their children foremost should be united in what is said to kids about divorce. ‘Sometimes Mommies and Daddies can’t be together anymore. It’s an adult situation you should not worry about. know that even if we don’t all live together, we both will love you forever very much.” Keep it simple and age appropriate.
Maybe parenting classes or counseling are in order to set boundaries and answering ? like “do you love Daddy?” Answer “I love that he is your Daddy and I am your Mommy”. Or something age appropriate like that.
My Dad was toxic but Mom never said a bad word against Dad. 4 Kids (way older than yours) all had different levels of ties to Dad. Mine was no feeling at all, just someone I happen to know. One sibling hated him but still saw him, anxious before visiting and afterward questioning why still putting herself through that turmoil.
Bottom line is do what’s best for your kids and your well being. It drives me crazy to see parents placing kids in the middle of grown adults situations, playing against one parent to another. That is torture for a child.
Sorry for the rant. I apparently am feeling some kind of way today! Hugs and best wishes for clarity, rest and peace.
You are such a good mom. And Stephen is there for his kids. You are doing great together for kids. It will all fall in place. I still grief and divorced since 2006.
I just went to my meeting! I’m going on a walk. You are going to be alright. You’re dealing with a lot with ALPHIE. I SUPPORT YOU SO MUCH. I breastfed my girls in bed. Strike me down! Social Media is ruining our society.
Laura, you are amazing. Believe in yourself. Let all negative comments wash off your back - they are grounded in fantasy
Laura just finished this pod caste and I gotta tell you I wish we could just talk over some tea and talk. You're amazing! Always loved you still love you!!
I do agree that social media & short videos are screwing people up. People aren't as focused anymore & are very forgetful now.
I’m so sorry you are going through this, you are doing an amazing job with your kids. People like to act like they know everything about raising kids. What matters is they are loved and safe. People suck but you’re doing a great job! Self soothing isn’t always the best. Kids start self soothing things that they deal with the rest of their lives.
When I realised Id been doing everything by myself while I was in the realationship it helped me see I am going to be fine...so will you💜💜
Im a single mom. Have been ever since i had my now 2 and half year old daughter. I was with her dad 8 years at that time and we were very co dependent on eachother. But he split and i had to learn to be ok with being me myself and i and being a new momma as well as get sober all at the same time. ❤ Being a single momma can definitely be tough at times but overall rewarding. I feel like most of us mommas dont give our selves enough credit. You are doing a GREAT job. Your kiddos are thriving healthy and happy. I have horrible anxiety as well and often feel guilty im not giving or doing enough too. But dont feel bad if you need 20 min. You do need self care as well. As for myself i just started working again at my daughters daycare so i feel very lucky to beable to be around her most of the day. I also cosleep with her and it feels right. Thats all that matters.
Dont listen to the keyboard warrior haters. They have no lives but to hate and be 'experts' on things they have no clue about. Youre not alone and have MANY people that support you and send love your way. ❤❤❤❤❤
I’m going through exactly what you are. I have 3 kids, we’ve been together 10 years. I was cheated on and don’t know if it’s worth trying to make it work. I’ve been clean 10 years and some days picking up seems like my only escape.
A lot of people have features of ADHD. But not enough to actually have a diagnosis.
Be nice to have a big visual aid to help conceptualise it all. A hierarchy of needs for the single parent….we would all fall somewhere on it, all trying to work our way up it. It’s okay to acknowledge how much you have, while also acknowledging the struggle ahead.
You’re doing a great job of being a mum ❤ Sending love an hugs ❤
You're doing great! Breathe in - breathe out...part of ADHD or ADD is inability to focus on the the whole, as it brings on the deficit of overwhelm. Then, when you are in a life situation that is the whole in of itself because you are the responsibility, it can be in and out of attention, because of the overwhelm.
To respond, rather than react, takes pause and then response. (in reflection to him saying "ask your mom") *which, by the way, happens in all families that are in any type of relationship - it is all of immediate reaction, not response. It's normal. Acceptance of that type of interaction allows you to receive it by choice or claim it back, as to say; no, ask daddy to explain it for himself. (because this is your right to not have to answer to his actions & she asked him, not you) *I'm not saying to demean him, as I said, this is normal life & many people do it, and is also in some cases, an admission of security - the person saying to 'ask the other' is inferior and needing to rely on the other - not that it is something that should always happen - it is just that it happens, seeing it as so, allows you to choose your acceptance.
Trust in you first - oxygen mask on you first...you decide. You're doing great 🌱🌳
**for me, I was a single mom for 30 years in & out (my 3 are all 7 years apart in age) - they are all adults now - I can & will say, they all become who they will be, successfully, as adults and all experience lends to the next stages
Laura, I would like to share as the child of divorced parents.
1. I was pinned between parents, and what he did was NOT fair. At all. It was not fair to you, but certainly not to Poppy. She is likely too young to remember his comment, thankfully. She should have been given a reason though. If he was not able to as in if he was taken off guard, he really should have changed the subject with her, discussed it with you and then maybe you two could have sat her down and given her a "three year old explanation".
2. I am glad you two are able to co parent and it works because not all parents can co parent without putting the children in the middle of it.
3. It does take two for divorce, but I looked it up and I honestly think you were right in putting your foot down for based on what he was arrested for. My sisters life was taken from her ex boyfriend.
4. You should not feel guilty or shame. I get why you would completely. For a long time, I blamed myself for my parents divorce, even though it was clearly not my fault as a child. He helped put you in that position to feel that way. You are doing what you believe is best and if that changes, like you said, that is fine too.
You are a good mom, Laura. I see it and although you are hilarious, it is not an act. You truly have taken care of your kids. You need to find time for you and take care of you too though. You are just as important as your children. By the way, women are just way stronger than men in so many ways. We handle what needs to be handled when men just fall apart.
I can relate to you so hard 😭❤️ the stress, sleep deprivation, overwhelming, can’t take care of it all.. he shouldn’t call you out for being angry, his sorry ass should help. Fix the things. 😠
Didn't you hear her say she doesn't want to hear anyone bashing him, and it makes her spiral
@@amandaboyensshut up! Stephen will never pick you!
Hi Laura, thank you so much for sharing your single Mom journey so openly and honestly. I relate! ❤
Ive always been a single mom. 3 kids, one is severely Autistic. I have no help at all. I work during school hours because i have no help. There are times where i had 2 jobs. 1st and then 3rd shift plus college. It was alot. Im chronically stressed, single and broke. I feel like my life is a circus and who would want to date a mom in my situation. I cry myself to sleep alot. My occassional iced coffee and fake nails are about all i do for myself.
For me, being a single mom was an amazing experience. I stayed away from dating for 7 years to focus only on my daughter. I have no regrets. 😊 My daughter was 3 when this happened.
Single mom of 8yrs now.
Stressed? 100%
Work-life-moming balance? Not bad. We split parenting time 50/50 & there's only the one kid thankfully! So, I have 2 weeknights per week & every other weekend kid-free. So, I get built-in breaks that way. MUCH more than I ever did when I was married.
Take care of yourself, & know that all moments will pass, both the good & the bad
Being a single mom is hardwork but rewarding my son sees me for being strong and independent and finally happy. I haven't always been happy but I went through therapy and taking all my hurt and talking to God about it has helped me heal! Make time for yourself and do fun things with the kid's. They need you to heal and see you be happy so they can as well.
I feel you girl!! I'm married but still going thru it all with three kids.. it's a rollercoaster to day the least 🫠
Laura, he gets along with you because he wants you back. Thats why hes doing it. When he realizes theres NO chance, he might change
This! I do think there are zero boundaries and this is why Laura feels this way. She isn't living a "single" life. He's around way too often. He's involved in her life beyond the kids. It's too much.
She sets up all these extra times for him to be with the littles. Enmeshed in very unhealthy ways. The children will pay the price for sure. Generational trauma now and forthcoming for their littles. There house often seems unsafe for them.
@@susie_q1 unsafe? How?
@@amandaboyenswell, Dad driving around stoned with them in the car and not buckling them in isn’t safe. Stephen letting Alfie throw everything imaginable in the pool isn’t safe. Laura, how’s Alfie’s front tooth?
@@moeszylak2779Dad didn't drive around stoned with them. You think after 14 years of marriage, people in and out of their home, camera crew, make up artists, maid, nanny. That someone wouldn't have reported that. The lies you people tell are unreal.
AMEN TO ALL THAT 🙌🏻 WE LOVE YOU LAURA! You're helping to normalize these conversations and normalize just letting people be people, not robots
You are doing such a great job. ❤❤❤
When I was for a little while I had no time for anything except work and my son. I also had a very hard time finding childcare for the time I worked and if I found it I couldn’t afford it. Sometimes that makes you feel stuck and when you still have a lot of contact with your ex it’s harder to let go of that situation. It kind of felt impossible and I’m guessing takes a lot of time to get used to. But I did feel free in a different way but also lonely. There’s always a lot of regret. I don’t think you can ever get over a good relationship with a lot of love in it. But I think that helps with the co parenting. It’s good for the kids to feel loved and I think it helps to see two people that can love eachother but in a different way now. As long as it goes both ways.
You Don't have to be funny all the time. I appreciate when you share your real life, good times & times of struggle. It makes you real like the rest of us. ❤
Firstly thankyoy for being so open and honest. The inventory on fear and resentment and anger was very relatable and helpful.
I can only imagine how more difficult a seperation or divorce is when it's public and everyone can weigh in.
I think you're a brilliant Mum and your doing a fantastic job. I think that having Stephen in your life and the children's has helped him a great deal as well. I think you're children are really happy to be able to see both parents regularly.
None of us can truly say what your relationship should be or look like as relationships are between the people in them and they grow and change and evolve always.
I think that it isn't necessarily a bad thing that Stephen wanted Poppy to ask you to explain why you're seperated. He isn't saying anything negative to them and honestly you are better with words. He also may not want to contradict anything you have said already. I know it could be viewed negatively but as your daughter is three that sounds like he's trying to protect her rather than manipulate her. I know that daily things are said in every relationship that can be viewed through a positive or negative lens and only you know what intent was behind what was said.
Please know that you're loved/admired and respected. You're a great comedian you're also a brilliant educator and sharing all that you do is greatly appreciated always. Keep being the beautiful person you are and keep walking and eating well😘
Hello Laura, I enjoy watching your channel. Thankyou for being so open, honest, and vulnerable. Please try not to beat yourself up so much. Your feelings of guilt are natural. It see so much growth and am so happy you and Steven are doing well.... I have been married 20 years and we are happy. At one point, I stayed angry because my husband was in the military and sometimes was gone for as long as a year. We have 3 kids and it was hard. All marriages have problems, however; if you stick it out things do get better. The way you say you are now and the things you realized that you can accomplish on your own is rewarding. Can you take this "New Laura" and stay married and be happy? Another thing, yes, I basically raised the kids alone because of his military career. Please note that, all women I talk to have the same complaints about feelings of doing everything and being both Mom and Dad. In this life nothing is ever perfect. You are thinking too much honey. Just take it one day at a time. Try not to listen to the crazy people. You are doing such a fantastic job, I really mean that. Just pick and choose your battles and be true to yourself..Take care, yhyour children are beautiful and so are you..❤
It breaks my heart to see you call him out in one breath, and praise him in another.
On the other hand, I know you'll see everything for what it is one day, and I understand you're just trying to navigate everything as best you can.
Once you have less contact and set boundaries, you're going to thrive. I'm so looking forward to that for you, it'll happen in time. You deserve peace! The kids will be just fine without him in your space all of the time.
I’ve been a single mom and coparenting with two exes. First ex we hung out all the time and were friends but it was hard because I still wanted to be with him and he didn’t want to be with me. My ex of youngest daughter is a narcissist and I had to get a retraining order so completely different. My advice is keep it strictly professional like business relationship. Also yes as a single mom you do have a closer relationship with your kids.
It’s great that he lives close, shows up for the kids AND you guys get along. That is perfect. It’s literally the best case scenario. Don’t listen to other people and focus on fostering and honing that positive co parenting relationship. No guilt. No shame. Just focus on the good.
I love listening to you, whatever you talk about, don't care about the comedy. You sound in pain though, I want to give you a big hug, don't over analyse, you are doing a fantastic job🤗😘
They say choose your hard. When I asked my mom if she ever wanted out of marriage with my dad, My mom said she would rather be miserable with him than without him. 30+years together before she died. I've only been married 15 years and it's the most wonderful and super hard thing I've ever done.😂 If hubby dies, I never want to get married again.
As a mum with two kids on the spectrum, and work in a specific area that includes children on the spectrum, I can give you this advice. Therapists don’t always have the answer. You might take 3 steps forwards and 4 back with Alfie. Some strategies will work, some won’t. Therapists can only give advice and helpful things that MAY work. A lot of the time, the best things to try are not what therapists suggest, rather what YOU think may be the most meaningful way to get a result. Obviously those don’t involve violence or cruelty (in case it needed to be said) and there will be bumps along the way, because that’s all children- but if Alfie doesn’t use ‘safe hands’ all the time, what strategy do you think would appeal to him the most? As a mum, you know your child better than anyone on the planet. Star charts for using safe hands with a little incentive once he earns 10 stars? Verbal praise? Modelling how safe hands look regularly? There are so many strategies, have a read of some online and you can make the decision based on what you think works best for your family rather than stressing yourself out contacting therapists all the time. If all fails, have the therapist as a back up- but have confidence in making these decisions and being a good mum, because you are! x
YOU GOT THIS! YOU'RE DOING GREAT! LOVE YOURSELF! ❤❤❤