Have you ever heard the term weaponised incompetence? Stephen has a strong incentive to keep being financially and behaviourally incompetent because he know it makes you feel pressured to take care of him. It is an abuse tactic.
This happened because, while you’ve been focusing on what’s best for the kids and trying to accomplish what’s best for everyone else, he’s been thinking about what’s best for himself.
Stephen needs his own place. You cannot have your co dependent ex living with you. You feel crazy because he is getting closer and slowly getting back into your life. You know what you need to do. Stay strong you are amazing
I remember a few months back he was trying to convince you to let him live in your guest house. Then he gets hurt, one day turned into 3 weeks, 3 weeks is turning into 3 months... This is the same man who threw a fit because you wouldn't give him the access codes to your house. He's conned you into giving him all the access. Even when he doesn't wear the boot when you aren't there, but around you he just has to. He's playing into your good side to get exactly what he wants. I hope this trip with your friend goes well and opens your eyes a bit to everything. The boundaries you had before, when he was at his own place, financially responsible for himself, set times, that worked for you and the kids. You were happier, less stressed. What kind of set back will the kids have when the three months is up and he's to go again? Be careful.
Yep and I watched one of his exes videos. Delladream I think? Looks A LOT like Laura. I think it's titled " what it was like being in a relationship with Stephen hilton". I mean come the f on he is ADMITTING to sociopathy! Terrible red flags and I hope he's not left alone with the kids.
@@tara9750 i saw that too . I think Della exposed a lot about him that Laura won't or can't see. He is terrible. He's a self diagnosed aka wants to be a sociopath and a diagnosed narcissist. He is so destructive to everyone that comes to his life. She had 10 years of that and yes. ... she has to set hard boundaries or he will keep her hostage . Her new boyfriends will leave , ect. Her life will slowly fall apart again. I really wish she would watch Della's video. We have to trust women and always pay attention to what exes have been thru with a guy . I kno it would be hard for her ... but ... she's got the rose colored glasses on.
My take away: Stephen is going to do what he wants when he wants, because he very seriously believes he’s right. He doesn’t understand rules and they make him angry at times. If you set a boundary/rule, he won’t understand it. Therefore he doesn’t care what that boundary is. He’s going to do what he wants. It’s impossible to be with someone like this. They validate All of their decisions even if it hurts someone else.
Bipolar and schizophrenia can commonly be misdiagnosed as anti-social personality disorder (sociopathy.) Self diagnosis and cherry picking random traits is dangerous and manipulative. Stephen isn't your responsibility to house. He's a fifty year old adult who should take responsibility for his actions without weaponising and cherry picking traits from varying disorders. You do not have to pay mortgages on two homes. That sounds like financial abuse. An ex husband can easily rent a studio apartment in the area or rent out rooms of the other house or get a job. Guilt over his wellbeing can be the result of being manipulated.
What would you tell your daughter if this were her situation? What would you tell your sister or your best friend? That is what you should do ? What your kids see is what they think is normal and will Repeat in their relationships.
I’m just gonna say he’s using the children here. He knows that what she wants is a good dad and he can do that without any other responsibility to worry about. Laura thinks she’s putting the children first, but ultimately what you want to teach them? Is good boundaries for yourself so you can be happy and she is t doing this she’s telling them “ I will forfeit my happiness for you” I did this for a long long time. Along with him cleverly focusing on the thing he knows is important to her? It’s really going to be hard for her unless someone she trusts and is close like her mum makes it clear. Men like this are the worst because to many he appears like a good man and he THINKS he’s a good man and because Laura likes to see the good in people it’s even harder for her now because she can’t pinpoint what’s wrong she can only feel it.such a head fuck. Really annnoyed me when she gave him the toy to mend and his mask slipped because that’s too much like real work rather than acting and he just pushed at it a bit and blamed his son then his son broke it more which was just what he wanted because then he could say it was absolutely his fault and he definitely shouldn’t buy him another. That? Unforgivable. I could go on. I lived with a man like this for 20 years but because it wasn’t on camera he wasn’t as seemingly “ pleasant “
I wouldn’t be surprised if he hurt his foot on purpose. He’s had this planned from day 1. And honestly I think it’s possible for some people to have their ex in their guest house but not with him. It’s not even the situation that’s a problem, it’s HIM. Don’t fall for it, and no when he’s benefiting the kids or just using them.
late reply but agreed. yes he may need help as of now but he has to help himself laura has done so much for him and i also feel these people in the comments aren't helping omg
My best advice would be to remember that what ever co-parenting strategy you choose to implement with Stephen (boundaries/lack of) is the precedent you’re setting for your kids. It seems obvious on the outside that a 3 month extension is only going to lead to a fight, where he’s going to want to stay indefinitely. You’re already listing many reasons why this new situation appears to “benefit” you in a lot of ways. All of which I’m sure he’ll refer to when that time comes. It sounds like Stephen is using his healing journey and deeply personal struggles to make you feel responsible for whether he thrives or dies. The only option once that realization settles in will be a clean break; and whatever choices Stephen makes after that is not your burden to bear. I’ll also just leave the reminder that people tell us exactly who they are, and we just don’t listen. Stephen going on about how he feels like he is a sociopath is extremely disturbing to watch. Especially when he says how the author of that book was able to have a good relationship because her husband just accepted everything about her. I don’t want to be paranoid, but sometimes I feel like Stephen could turn dangerous Laura. I really hope this is just played up for views.
Beautifully stated! Sociopathy and psychopathy are quite often used interchangeably and it’s for a reason. Both are VERY bad news! And while yes, the majority of psychopaths and sociopaths are non-violent, that can change on a dime if they want something and you’re in their way. They’re all capable of violence. No one needs all that toxicity.
Yes 👏🏼 Exactly this. It sounds like he’s just pushing and pushing his manipulation tactics more and more-and seemingly using his relationship with the children (or fear of the lack of said relationship-which I highly doubt) to guilt trip you into continuing to let him do as he pleases. He knows exactly what he’s doing. Trying to pull on those mama heart strings. The top qualities in a sociopath are him to a very eerie tee.. the thing about sociopaths is they tend to be more aggressive and violent out of nowhere . So it’s absolutely nuts to watch him talk about being a sociopath almost in an excited manner. And living so close to you. If you make any big decisions about him leaving your residence..please make sure to have someone else with you and notified you’re doing so. Record everything. Whatever you have to do. But that man does not care about your feelings, if he’s draining you financially, your increased anxiety. He thrives in your discomfort. He will keep making you feel this way, until you’re crumbs of yourself. Then put you down for being where he put you. Then gaslight you so much that you start believing what he’s saying. Losing all sense of self takes SO long to come back from, too. I sure hope you find a way to peacefully set boundaries he will one day respect. Until then, I’d watch my back and change my locks/codes, passwords, etc. I hate that I can literally hear your heart rate increase via your tone of voice and cadence when he’s around. His entire demeanor is worrisome.
The best thing is not letting the guy who hasn't gotten healthy and taken full accountability and didn't want the divorce start finding ways to wedge back in. He will keep pushing boundaries and ultimately it will be more stressful for you and even confusing for the kids. His foot is fine now...send him home.
Divorcee here. The hard thing is never the easy thing but always the rewarding thing. Steven is your EX. You can care for him from a distance. Don’t open a new book until you close the last one. Steven has to manage his own affairs. Sell the other property, divide the assets. No guest house for him. If he gets the other property in the divorce so be it. It will be different and take time for kids to adjust. But do your best to stay healthy and hold boundaries. It will suck. But you will get through it.
Why is he still there ? He's trying to manipulate his way back into your life. Don't let him, he's toxic And he can pay his own way, he's leeching off you, don't let him!!
@@Marie_Livar have you seen the videos he posts? He is trying to manipulate himself into her life again, he's capable of looking after himself but he'd rather wear her down and move himself back in, he's a narcissist
Don’t let him manipulate you you are a very empathetic and looking out for the father of your kids but, who looks out for you? Set boundaries and keep them and he is a grown man he can figure it out.
He's said on lives he's going to do anything to stay. Said he would lie about the healing time to that it was better but he was going to tell you 3 weeks still. He's forced you into a codependency. Don't lose a good man for a bad ex husband. He can see the kids all he wants.
True sociopaths don’t GAF about their own children, or their family. They may pretend to care, but they don’t & are incapable of caring about them or anyone.
Please please don't let him move in..its what he wants more than anything and for God's sake don't pay his mortgage he's a grown man...sell it and he can get smaller place..let him get job
If you're soliciting opinions, do not let him stay any longer than his foot healing. If he wants to rent out the other house, then it's his job as an adult to find somewhere else to live. He'll still see the kids all the time. If you don't have any clearly set & always enforced boundaries, he will walk all over you, ill intentioned or not.
I was a single mum and I truly believe the confusion you have is because there are no boundaries set in your life. You and Stephen need to seek counsel from a therapist. The self diagnosing and reflecting on whether he could be a sociopath isn't helpful. Sure it's interesting but it's not helpful at the time. Even bringing new loves into your life is another huge thing it's amazing that you can juggle it at this time! I don't envy your situation I feel for you and wish you so much peace. I just think the best thing you both need is therapy and perhaps a mediator to help create a parenting plan that gives you both time for your kids that also respects boundaries. Having Stephen in the guest house I think will only make things very messy emotionally. Sending lots of love xx
you want a sociopath out of your life completely, they have to realize you aren't going to be duped. The sociopath will eventually give up and move on to another easier target. Do not react when the person harasses you. Calmly call the person out when they blatantly lie. At first, going no contact will be difficult; but, this will save your life. Going no contact is a “game changer” when it comes to relationships with sociopaths. The manipulative input can no longer come your way when you stop having any contact with the person. Be kind to yourself.
I definitely understand why you are stressed. I truly believe Stephen has some sociopath tendencies. One being trying to manipulate people. He may not even fully be aware so I don't think it makes him a bad person. But I do think you have to be aware and hold him accountable in a non confrontational way. Having him stay in the guest house is completely up to you. But if it feels like he is impeding your relationship with your new boyfriend you should absolutely put your foot down. Love you girl! So much love to you and your family. ❤️
I hadn’t watched your videos for a while until today and I can safely say the difference in your demeanour since Stephen is back in your home is astonishing. You are seeming frantic and stressed and overwhelmed and it’s obvious where this is coming from. Please don’t let him stay; this will end badly. I’ve watched how he speaks to you in videos and he is still trying to make you feel like you’re better off with him. Like the birthday shopping video telling you how much he used to do for you. You’re better than this ❤
he is a grown man who can take care of himself, never good to have your ex so close.. just a lot of unnecessary stress and anxiety for someone you are not in a relationship with
Sell that second house because he can't afford it. Why should you be stuck with 2 mortgages? He thens needs to find an apartment somewhere. He has a car, he can see the kids often. I have never heard of an ex living in your backyard or having to live down the street. You need to set these boundaries with a specific schedule for the kids. If you don't, you will never have a life nor will a new partner stick around. I really like you Laura but Stephen is playing you big time. I pray your friends can draw a clear picture for you. Take care.
@@canadiangirl7971 mmm she clearly states that she pays both mortgages. He can't afford the house that he lives in 🙄 maybe listen to the video you just commented on?
Steven says he didn't read the book He's only up to his teenage years, so how does he know anything about her ability to have children and a good relationship with the family? Self diagnosis is absolutely ridiculous, he needs to ask us therapist if he's a sociopath or not. I think he's dangerous at this point and is wormed his way right back into your house where you didn't want him.
Hes very dangerous unstable and cunning and I can see another really bad thing happening he just looks so unhinged its scary I just feel for Laura so much she's grown so much since breaking up with him and he's just trying to drag her down with him! :(
Don't slide back into it. He is an adult. He can pay his own bills and mortgage. Don't make that your responsibility. Don't stress yourself out over problems he created for himself.
Sell the other house, he find his own place. No more need for him to stay in the guest house and ya’ll need the money to relieve some of that anxiety and move on with your lives. He can be a great father living in his own place that’s not connected to you in any way, shape or form.
I am truly worried for your safety Laura, and the safety of your beautiful INNOCENT children. They did not ask to be in this mess- and dad living in the guest house must be so confusing for them. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to be in your shoes day to day. I have a lot of empathy and sympathy for you, but please put kids 1st and don’t allow an admitted sociopath to have access to your children. Again, I am truly worried for y’all’s safety. 😔
So you are seriously asking the question about letting a self professed sociopath/psychopath who admits he wants you back and cant stand your boyfriend ... move back in? Someone who literally goves famiky anniliator vibes and warned you he is 'dangerous' if he thinks he has lost everything?? You pay this dude's mortgage? No wonder he doeant feel he needs to work. Oh and the 'broke foot' ... have you ever watched Misery?
You need to do self care so you are present for your children..sell 2nd house, Steven must move out, get his own place and pay his own bills...change your access codes and locks....get YOUR life back from his tentacles....cut your personal time with him Down !! You are NOT HIS THERAPIST !!!
I was just thinking how important co parenting is for you, and I love that about you, but I think this is what's blurring the boundary line. It sounds magical to be able to support one another and have a co parenting relationship where you can be around one another with ease, support one another, pop in and out of each other's houses, etc, sort of like Demi Moore and Bruce Willis. Difference is that Stephen is known to manipulate to get what he wants and you are known to people please and nurture which creates a really toxic combination. For men like Stephen you need boundaries. Look how quickly this moved, just like the start of your relationship, he's the one pushing on the accelerator and it's clearly making you uncomfortable. I love your ability to be honest and vulnerable about your feelings right now, but I also think you're stronger than you realise. You got this.
I feel like Stephen is using the children to stay close to you and when he weaseled his way into the guest house, he had no intentions of leaving. Wasn't he getting close to some people in his men's group that could have helped him out? He's acting as though you're still together, and if you don't keep your boundaries, you are allowing it. After all these years, he knows how to play you, and I think he's doing it. It breaks my heart to see you going through this, but I honestly believe he's going to keep using your children and your own kindness to stay with you and that is his ultimate goal. Plus, he needs to pay his own damn bills!
I feel like this is really unfair. The man hurt his foot. How about think the best FIRST if for no other reason than he is those kid's father and she loved and married him for a REason...AND THINK OF THE GOOD REASONS
@amywidmer4670 stephen was trying to get into the guest house before he hurt his foot. This is also the same man who whined on the internet that he didn't have the gate code and keys to her house. He didn't feel like he should have to ask permission to come in. Definitely he's using his injury as a way to manipulate his way in.
He is trying to get back with you, it’s so obvious to see just from the few minutes of video you upload each time. He wants to smash Helen again. You need to move on, and Stephen needs to leave and stop taking advantage of your good nature.
@@amywidmer4670 I feel like when he was talking about the author of the book he's reading and how he is exactly like her, he was trying to get Laura to take him back. I think he has a pattern of manipulating her. His house is only a mile away. He has access to the kids every day. He is making himself dependent on her because he rejects everyone else and he has a brand new sociopathy self-diagnosis to back him up, even admits to murdery thoughts, just like his newfound twin! His foot is much better and his original arrangement in the guest house is almost up. There's no real reason to burden Laura any longer. She's had YEARS of stress and emotional turmoil if not downright abuse. I think it was fine for him to stay in the guest house until he was more ambulatory, but that time is coming to an end and Laura deserves to have her life back. I have watched them both for years, and there are so many red flags and repeated behavior that I'm concerned for Laura. Laura is a people pleaser and he is a Laura user. She put up with him longer than anyone else ever would. This is not healthy for her or even the children in the long run. I used to adore Stephen, but when the shit hit the fan, he showed his true colors
Vacation sounds nice...ex as a neighbor sounds stressful... You're a smart woman and you already know what the best thing is for you Stephen and the children. Go with your instincts love 💕
Sell that other house or make him pay rent. If you sell it, it's community property anyway isn't it? And then he needs to be on his own. He's a 50-year-old man who says he's a sociopath. That's very dangerous and seems like he's setting himself up for some kind of insanity defense. Yes my mind goes there
Laura, I know it’s hard to do but you have to tell Steven it’s time for him to start making his own finical decisions. Outside of the other red flags that many are commenting in this section, you need to stop worrying about Steven. You are currently supporting yourself, 2 kids, 2 mortgages AND him. If you are serious about getting a divorce then you MUST get your finances separated AND you must set your boundaries with him. If you want this new relationship to work then you need to end the current codependency relationship you have with Steven. There is a difference in co-parenting and codependency and just by the very little we get to see from your life, I mean this with so much love and respect but you haven’t figured that out that difference yet and it show through the anxiety attacks you are having.
You're praying for clarity and you are getting a 2 day break from the situation to reflect and observe. What I am hearing you say is that Stephen is taking the inch you gave him and making it a mile and while he does that you are losing a grasp on your set boundaries. That being said, not having 2 mortgages sounds ideal.
Laura I genuinely care about you and your kids this is coming from a place of love Stephen's foot is healed now his time is up get him outta there ASAP! He is going to keep turning you into a nervous wreck and the kids need you YOU need YOU! Please Laura hes not healthy at all..ask him to leave do not under any circumstances let him destroy your new relationship if your happy in it which I think you are & i think thats what hes trying to do he dosent want you to move on & be happy he said himself hes not over you the kids need you not another big grown ass baby playing the victim card please Laura set boundaries with him get him outta there times up for him! ❤
Stephen needs to move and pay for his own place. The reason you are back and forth is because you know it isn’t a smart or healthy move to keep him there.
He could sell the house and buy a townhouse or some smaller space nearby to eliminate the financial dependency. Getting divorced is pointless if he’s still dependent on you for a place to live and money to live on. You might as well just stay married if that doesn’t change.
Laura I really strongly believe Steven needs to go back to his house...one mile away is enough distance. Surely better for your sanity than the guesthouse and it's a healthy boundary
Because his family doesn't exist the way he wants it to. He wants them under the same roof so nothing else will do for him. And if Laura doesn't figure out how to get him to respect her boundaries, he'll keep bulldozing until he gets what he wants.
Absolutely no, you must set boundaries. Stephen needs to set up his life to support himself and be a single parent. That is the reality you’re fooling yourself if you think life can go on with him living in the guest house. Don’t let anyone confuse you, it’s over you both need to move on.
The thing that really really helped me after I got out of an abusive relationship was setting boundaries and keeping to them. Really has changed my life for the better
1 day…6days… to maybe 3 months.. could lead to never leaving. Yes, you both want to be apart of the kids lives. Living that close, will make it like you are getting back together. Maybe it’s best to sell the other house. Each take your share and move on.
Maybe you should read your comments. A lot of people are saying exactly what you need to hear. Maybe that's the answer to your prayers, and you're not reading them because you're afraid of what it means and the pain that will be involved in disengaging from Stephen.
That's a very bad idea. Taking advice from total strangers online who do not know all the details of my life, (we only see a little bit of her life) would be the last thing I would do. I would listen to close friends, therapists, and family before I took any advice from a peanut gallery in a RUclips comment section. Yikes.
@@emilymann1175 There a difference between taking advice from comment sections and recognizing that a massive majority of those comments are all saying the same thing. You can capture a general temperature of the situation without having to pick one commenter and go with it. It's just frustrating to see her say again and again that she doesn't understand what's happening or why she's stressed when SO MANY PEOPLE are all saying the same thing.
He needs to stand on his own two feet! Sell the other house, get him to find his own place, he can't be your problem, he's an adult! He needs to start acting like one! I can't watch him anymore, it's all about me,me, me!!
@@CelticPondDweller also noticed he ignored her in the car when she spoke and just carried on about the bloody book he's reading, I never realised before how self-obsessed he is!
He is back in the house and he is not leaving, and i think you need to realise your still in a relationship with him. Not a traditional one but give him more time and he will have wirn you down to taking him back. If you dont take back your control and make it very clear your done you might as well be back with him. This wishy washy behaviour and not staying firm is giving him mixed signals
Maybe he should finish the book before speaking in things he's still learning about. Stephen is very impulsive and gets excited about stuff and then goes off giving misinformation before actually being educated.
Soooo true!! The fact that he stumbled and couldn't give a clear cut definition of what a sociopath is says that he doesn't know what a sociopath is! He is spitting out random symptoms/signs that can suggest other diagnosis too! He gets obsessed and goes down the rabbit hole. No one should be entertaining this in him. It's not healthy
Amen. The fact is a psychopath and a sociopath are very different. Sociopaths lack the capabilityto feel a wide range of emotion like "normies". They can love who they love in their small circle, or at least what they think love is, they just mask a lot of emotions because they don't understand them. Of course they can be dangerous...just like anyone can be dangerous. A psychopath is someone who feels emotion but lacks empathy and understanfing for other's emotions. Again, they can be dangerous, but so can someone within the range of what is considered normal. A psychopath and a sociopath can both lead very normal lives with help. Sometimes they can generally live a normal healthy life even without therapy. It depends on the person. Sometimes it depends on their upbringing and the world and circumstances in which they are surrounded by. Just like everyone else.
I really think that you need to listen to that part of you telling yourself that there's a problem with having no boundaries. You can always make changes in the future to have him closer if that makes sense, but it's much less confusing mentally to treat this split as an actual split. I think you're feeling a lot of dissonance, because the actions of recently (allowing him to stay in the guest house) go against what you've already decided, and I'm not really surprised, given how empathetic you are, and how manipulative Stephen can be (I'm very familiar with his content as well). I genuinely believe that everything else will make more sense (financial decisions, etc) when you're feeling less dissonance regarding Stephen so close in your life. I wish you the best Laura!! I love your content, and you're a huge inspiration for my sober journey.
You have to do what's best for you 1st because if you aren't happy then the kids will start to see. Also he's trying to guilt you into letting him stay there how will that work with you dating. It wont eventually your partner will come over and your ex husband will just be knocking on the door to on purposely sabotaging you
When something is happening in your life, that gives you peace, that’s a great sign it’s the right thing. It’s also true for anxiety. If it gives you anxiety, most likely it is not for you.
Why are you doing this Laura? You are so successful with your podcasts and bringing amazing people on your show, and Stephen is brining you down! And why isn't he watching the kids while they are getting in your make up? This really seems almost intentional don't you think?
I think Stephen will keep pushing the boundaries, so even more reason to have clear boundaries with him. Also if you want your new relationship to work I don’t think it will last if you have Stephen living in your guest house.
This is like a big sister talking to you sweet Laura, No he cannot move into the guest house and needs to move out soon. It’s too stressful for you and your kids will feel that stress. This discussion Stephen is having about how he thinks he’s a sociopath then changes to psychopath gave me a chill. That looked like you were very stressed when you were kindly listening to him. I feel like you need to talk to a divorce counselor that specializes in this topic. Please think of yourself more and Stephen less. We all love you and want you to be happy. Big hugs!!!!❤
I totally hear you saying that you need space from stephen. If he gets his own space separate from you, and is responsible for himself, you will feel much more free to explore what you need to explore. Lots of people figure it out, you guys can too. I think you're being manipulated by him.
Laura your a very intelligent person. You know what you need to do. Tell him he needs to find his own place. Give him a deadline and then set times and days that he can take the kids. He is not your responsibility anymore. You can love him as your children’s father without having to take care of him. Don’t let him make you feel guilty. He can’t be a victim. He will be ok. He will find a job. You’re very strong. Just sit down and tell him and then if he tries to make f you feel bad ask him to leave. You are NOT responsible for his happiness. You owe it to yourself to get back to a more peaceful state! Hugs❤
I thought Stephen had mentioned living in the guest house before and you were thinking about it (but seemed, possibly only to me, to be not thrilled about the idea), but then this happened and you invited him to stay? Or he thought of the idea to stay in the guest house after he hurt his foot? I missed that part.
I love and respect you Laura. And don’t doubt that you are doing what’s best for you and the kids. But please don’t let Steven back in, I’d keep him at a distance. Also you shouldn’t have him on your property if that’s not what you want. It’s not good for you which in turn won’t be amazing for the kids. You said “it won’t be good for Steven me or the kids” Your only concern should be you and the kids.
Talking it out is good. Keep strong boundaries. You won't always get it right but practice makes permanent. Steven is perpetrating a slow creep. Stiff arm that shit and live YOUR best life.😎
The bond of being with the father of your children is very strong. I think it is normal to want to be an intact family unit once that bond gets broken. That was how I felt anyway. I dated and had other relationships but I always missed a piece of what we had. We tried to get back together a few times but it never worked. But for some people it does. But only you know how healthy that would be for you. I pray for your family. You are all so lovely.
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Here's an idea: How about this 50 year old man gets an actual job and pays for his own place?
What's he doing with his residuals? He did the music for moulin rouge and many other movies
Have you ever heard the term weaponised incompetence? Stephen has a strong incentive to keep being financially and behaviourally incompetent because he know it makes you feel pressured to take care of him. It is an abuse tactic.
This happened because, while you’ve been focusing on what’s best for the kids and trying to accomplish what’s best for everyone else, he’s been thinking about what’s best for himself.
Stephen needs his own place. You cannot have your co dependent ex living with you. You feel crazy because he is getting closer and slowly getting back into your life. You know what you need to do. Stay strong you are amazing
The best for Alfie and Poppy is a mom in a good mental state. Don't feel bad for asking him to leave!
Please get him out, Laura. Stop paying for his stuff and taking responsibility for him. He isn't your child or your problem.
Neither of you will be able to romantically move on if you're so close to each other all the time
I remember a few months back he was trying to convince you to let him live in your guest house. Then he gets hurt, one day turned into 3 weeks, 3 weeks is turning into 3 months... This is the same man who threw a fit because you wouldn't give him the access codes to your house. He's conned you into giving him all the access. Even when he doesn't wear the boot when you aren't there, but around you he just has to. He's playing into your good side to get exactly what he wants.
I hope this trip with your friend goes well and opens your eyes a bit to everything.
The boundaries you had before, when he was at his own place, financially responsible for himself, set times, that worked for you and the kids. You were happier, less stressed.
What kind of set back will the kids have when the three months is up and he's to go again?
Be careful.
Yep and I watched one of his exes videos. Delladream I think? Looks A LOT like Laura. I think it's titled " what it was like being in a relationship with Stephen hilton".
I mean come the f on he is ADMITTING to sociopathy!
Terrible red flags and I hope he's not left alone with the kids.
@@tara9750 i saw that too . I think Della exposed a lot about him that Laura won't or can't see. He is terrible. He's a self diagnosed aka wants to be a sociopath and a diagnosed narcissist. He is so destructive to everyone that comes to his life. She had 10 years of that and yes. ... she has to set hard boundaries or he will keep her hostage . Her new boyfriends will leave , ect. Her life will slowly fall apart again. I really wish she would watch Della's video. We have to trust women and always pay attention to what exes have been thru with a guy . I kno it would be hard for her ... but ... she's got the rose colored glasses on.
My take away: Stephen is going to do what he wants when he wants, because he very seriously believes he’s right. He doesn’t understand rules and they make him angry at times. If you set a boundary/rule, he won’t understand it. Therefore he doesn’t care what that boundary is. He’s going to do what he wants. It’s impossible to be with someone like this. They validate All of their decisions even if it hurts someone else.
He literally said if he didn't like a rule or it didn't make sense to him, he would break it, just like Laura's boundaries.
Bipolar and schizophrenia can commonly be misdiagnosed as anti-social personality disorder (sociopathy.) Self diagnosis and cherry picking random traits is dangerous and manipulative. Stephen isn't your responsibility to house. He's a fifty year old adult who should take responsibility for his actions without weaponising and cherry picking traits from varying disorders. You do not have to pay mortgages on two homes. That sounds like financial abuse. An ex husband can easily rent a studio apartment in the area or rent out rooms of the other house or get a job. Guilt over his wellbeing can be the result of being manipulated.
You said this perfectly
What would you tell your daughter if this were her situation? What would you tell your sister or your best friend? That is what you should do ? What your kids see is what they think is normal and will
Repeat in their relationships.
YES! WELL SAID. That's great advice!
She is repeating what her mother did (be an enabler) and her daughter will repeat the same thing became she isn't going to change.
it happened and you feel crazy because you are being gaslit. x
I’m just gonna say he’s using the children here. He knows that what she wants is a good dad and he can do that without any other responsibility to worry about. Laura thinks she’s putting the children first, but ultimately what you want to teach them? Is good boundaries for yourself so you can be happy and she is t doing this she’s telling them “ I will forfeit my happiness for you” I did this for a long long time. Along with him cleverly focusing on the thing he knows is important to her? It’s really going to be hard for her unless someone she trusts and is close like her mum makes it clear. Men like this are the worst because to many he appears like a good man and he THINKS he’s a good man and because Laura likes to see the good in people it’s even harder for her now because she can’t pinpoint what’s wrong she can only feel it.such a head fuck. Really annnoyed me when she gave him the toy to mend and his mask slipped because that’s too much like real work rather than acting and he just pushed at it a bit and blamed his son then his son broke it more which was just what he wanted because then he could say it was absolutely his fault and he definitely shouldn’t buy him another. That? Unforgivable. I could go on. I lived with a man like this for 20 years but because it wasn’t on camera he wasn’t as seemingly “ pleasant “
He is trying to squeeze back into your life and that is making you stressed.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he hurt his foot on purpose. He’s had this planned from day 1. And honestly I think it’s possible for some people to have their ex in their guest house but not with him. It’s not even the situation that’s a problem, it’s HIM. Don’t fall for it, and no when he’s benefiting the kids or just using them.
It is so normal and healthful to have doubts. That said, Stephen is not your responsability. You and your kids are your responsability.
Poppy and Alfie holding hands and plotting against you was so sweet
Friend... If you want to move on and date you gotta get your ex out of your guest house.
late reply but agreed. yes he may need help as of now but he has to help himself laura has done so much for him and i also feel these people in the comments aren't helping omg
He does care what people think. He reads the Reddit group all the time
That's only for validation for Ego
Sounds incredibly stressful, he needs his own place, his own bills, its not helping him to move on either
~She’s a 10 but her sociopath Ex-husband lives in the guesthouse ~
a memoir
Laura Clary 2026
My best advice would be to remember that what ever co-parenting strategy you choose to implement with Stephen (boundaries/lack of) is the precedent you’re setting for your kids.
It seems obvious on the outside that a 3 month extension is only going to lead to a fight, where he’s going to want to stay indefinitely. You’re already listing many reasons why this new situation appears to “benefit” you in a lot of ways. All of which I’m sure he’ll refer to when that time comes.
It sounds like Stephen is using his healing journey and deeply personal struggles to make you feel responsible for whether he thrives or dies.
The only option once that realization settles in will be a clean break; and whatever choices Stephen makes after that is not your burden to bear.
I’ll also just leave the reminder that people tell us exactly who they are, and we just don’t listen. Stephen going on about how he feels like he is a sociopath is extremely disturbing to watch. Especially when he says how the author of that book was able to have a good relationship because her husband just accepted everything about her.
I don’t want to be paranoid, but sometimes I feel like Stephen could turn dangerous Laura. I really hope this is just played up for views.
Very well said.
Beautifully stated! Sociopathy and psychopathy are quite often used interchangeably and it’s for a reason. Both are VERY bad news! And while yes, the majority of psychopaths and sociopaths are non-violent, that can change on a dime if they want something and you’re in their way. They’re all capable of violence. No one needs all that toxicity.
Yes 👏🏼 Exactly this.
It sounds like he’s just pushing and pushing his manipulation tactics more and more-and seemingly using his relationship with the children (or fear of the lack of said relationship-which I highly doubt) to guilt trip you into continuing to let him do as he pleases. He knows exactly what he’s doing. Trying to pull on those mama heart strings.
The top qualities in a sociopath are him to a very eerie tee.. the thing about sociopaths is they tend to be more aggressive and violent out of nowhere . So it’s absolutely nuts to watch him talk about being a sociopath almost in an excited manner. And living so close to you.
If you make any big decisions about him leaving your residence..please make sure to have someone else with you and notified you’re doing so. Record everything. Whatever you have to do. But that man does not care about your feelings, if he’s draining you financially, your increased anxiety. He thrives in your discomfort. He will keep making you feel this way, until you’re crumbs of yourself. Then put you down for being where he put you. Then gaslight you so much that you start believing what he’s saying. Losing all sense of self takes SO long to come back from, too.
I sure hope you find a way to peacefully set boundaries he will one day respect. Until then, I’d watch my back and change my locks/codes, passwords, etc.
I hate that I can literally hear your heart rate increase via your tone of voice and cadence when he’s around. His entire demeanor is worrisome.
@@WGrind0687 yeah he seems excited by it. He is absolutely fascinated with himself. He’s the picture of narcissism.
The best thing is not letting the guy who hasn't gotten healthy and taken full accountability and didn't want the divorce start finding ways to wedge back in. He will keep pushing boundaries and ultimately it will be more stressful for you and even confusing for the kids. His foot is fine now...send him home.
He needs to be looking for a new home now while he is there and you should set firm boundaries because he is not respecting yours.
He has his own house.
@@canadiangirl7971 exactly. But hes going to be renting that out.
@@dodirae I agree. What I was commenting about. It's not her issue anymore. They are divorcing.
@@canadiangirl7971 exactly. They divorced last year.
His ability to just improv bs is extraordinary
😂😂😂😂 I said that
Divorcee here. The hard thing is never the easy thing but always the rewarding thing. Steven is your EX. You can care for him from a distance. Don’t open a new book until you close the last one. Steven has to manage his own affairs. Sell the other property, divide the assets. No guest house for him. If he gets the other property in the divorce so be it. It will be different and take time for kids to adjust. But do your best to stay healthy and hold boundaries. It will suck. But you will get through it.
You know the answer. He will manipulate you and use the kids against you. Its hard, but you got this
Why is he still there ? He's trying to manipulate his way back into your life. Don't let him, he's toxic
And he can pay his own way, he's leeching off you, don't let him!!
From what u understood that he is toxic? He was supporting her in everything
@@Marie_Livar have you seen the videos he posts? He is trying to manipulate himself into her life again, he's capable of looking after himself but he'd rather wear her down and move himself back in, he's a narcissist
Don’t let him manipulate you you are a very empathetic and looking out for the father of your kids but, who looks out for you? Set boundaries and keep them and he is a grown man he can figure it out.
He's said on lives he's going to do anything to stay. Said he would lie about the healing time to that it was better but he was going to tell you 3 weeks still. He's forced you into a codependency. Don't lose a good man for a bad ex husband. He can see the kids all he wants.
True sociopaths don’t GAF about their own children, or their family. They may pretend to care, but they don’t & are incapable of caring about them or anyone.
Not necessarily, there does seem to be a spectrum.
Please please don't let him move in..its what he wants more than anything and for God's sake don't pay his mortgage he's a grown man...sell it and he can get smaller place..let him get job
If you're soliciting opinions, do not let him stay any longer than his foot healing. If he wants to rent out the other house, then it's his job as an adult to find somewhere else to live. He'll still see the kids all the time. If you don't have any clearly set & always enforced boundaries, he will walk all over you, ill intentioned or not.
Bet his ankle isn't hurt anymore. He will play that card for as long as she puts up with his b.s.
I was a single mum and I truly believe the confusion you have is because there are no boundaries set in your life. You and Stephen need to seek counsel from a therapist. The self diagnosing and reflecting on whether he could be a sociopath isn't helpful. Sure it's interesting but it's not helpful at the time. Even bringing new loves into your life is another huge thing it's amazing that you can juggle it at this time! I don't envy your situation I feel for you and wish you so much peace. I just think the best thing you both need is therapy and perhaps a mediator to help create a parenting plan that gives you both time for your kids that also respects boundaries. Having Stephen in the guest house I think will only make things very messy emotionally. Sending lots of love xx
A sociopath? Yes, he is.
you want a sociopath out of your life completely, they have to realize you aren't going to be duped. The sociopath will eventually give up and move on to another easier target. Do not react when the person harasses you. Calmly call the person out when they blatantly lie.
At first, going no contact will be difficult; but, this will save your life. Going no contact is a “game changer” when it comes to relationships with sociopaths. The manipulative input can no longer come your way when you stop having any contact with the person. Be kind to yourself.
I definitely understand why you are stressed. I truly believe Stephen has some sociopath tendencies. One being trying to manipulate people. He may not even fully be aware so I don't think it makes him a bad person. But I do think you have to be aware and hold him accountable in a non confrontational way. Having him stay in the guest house is completely up to you. But if it feels like he is impeding your relationship with your new boyfriend you should absolutely put your foot down. Love you girl! So much love to you and your family. ❤️
I hadn’t watched your videos for a while until today and I can safely say the difference in your demeanour since Stephen is back in your home is astonishing. You are seeming frantic and stressed and overwhelmed and it’s obvious where this is coming from. Please don’t let him stay; this will end badly. I’ve watched how he speaks to you in videos and he is still trying to make you feel like you’re better off with him. Like the birthday shopping video telling you how much he used to do for you. You’re better than this ❤
he is a grown man who can take care of himself, never good to have your ex so close.. just a lot of unnecessary stress and anxiety for someone you are not in a relationship with
Sell that second house because he can't afford it. Why should you be stuck with 2 mortgages? He thens needs to find an apartment somewhere. He has a car, he can see the kids often. I have never heard of an ex living in your backyard or having to live down the street. You need to set these boundaries with a specific schedule for the kids. If you don't, you will never have a life nor will a new partner stick around. I really like you Laura but Stephen is playing you big time. I pray your friends can draw a clear picture for you. Take care.
He has his own house. He broke his foot.
@@canadiangirl7971 mmm she clearly states that she pays both mortgages. He can't afford the house that he lives in 🙄 maybe listen to the video you just commented on?
@@canadiangirl7971 a broken foot isn't a reason to refuse to leave your ex's backyard
He was trying to move in at the guest house week before that.@@canadiangirl7971
Steven says he didn't read the book He's only up to his teenage years, so how does he know anything about her ability to have children and a good relationship with the family? Self diagnosis is absolutely ridiculous, he needs to ask us therapist if he's a sociopath or not. I think he's dangerous at this point and is wormed his way right back into your house where you didn't want him.
Hes very dangerous unstable and cunning and I can see another really bad thing happening he just looks so unhinged its scary I just feel for Laura so much she's grown so much since breaking up with him and he's just trying to drag her down with him! :(
Could he have read the blurb?
Don't slide back into it. He is an adult. He can pay his own bills and mortgage. Don't make that your responsibility. Don't stress yourself out over problems he created for himself.
Sell the other house, he find his own place. No more need for him to stay in the guest house and ya’ll need the money to relieve some of that anxiety and move on with your lives. He can be a great father living in his own place that’s not connected to you in any way, shape or form.
I am truly worried for your safety Laura, and the safety of your beautiful INNOCENT children. They did not ask to be in this mess- and dad living in the guest house must be so confusing for them. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to be in your shoes day to day. I have a lot of empathy and sympathy for you, but please put kids 1st and don’t allow an admitted sociopath to have access to your children. Again, I am truly worried for y’all’s safety. 😔
Psychopaths are born, Sociopaths are made.
So you are seriously asking the question about letting a self professed sociopath/psychopath who admits he wants you back and cant stand your boyfriend ... move back in? Someone who literally goves famiky anniliator vibes and warned you he is 'dangerous' if he thinks he has lost everything??
You pay this dude's mortgage? No wonder he doeant feel he needs to work.
Oh and the 'broke foot' ... have you ever watched Misery?
Stephen needs to pay for his own place. That shouldn't be a burden on you and he shouldn't be living in your place to remove that burden from you.
Their business is run together... that's why their finances are combined.
@@abracadabra3932. Business expenses are different from living and housing and children expense.
@@abracadabra3932But they are divorcing so they should be in the process of separating all of that.
@@swblanc they will still have the business together whether they are divorced or not. They made content together for years.
@@abracadabra3932 That's the business. Their bank/investment accounts and properties should be completely separate.
If it is already stressing you out then there's your answer!
You need to do self care so you are present for your children..sell 2nd house, Steven must move out, get his own place and pay his own bills...change your access codes and locks....get YOUR life back from his tentacles....cut your personal time with him Down !! You are NOT HIS THERAPIST !!!
I was just thinking how important co parenting is for you, and I love that about you, but I think this is what's blurring the boundary line. It sounds magical to be able to support one another and have a co parenting relationship where you can be around one another with ease, support one another, pop in and out of each other's houses, etc, sort of like Demi Moore and Bruce Willis. Difference is that Stephen is known to manipulate to get what he wants and you are known to people please and nurture which creates a really toxic combination. For men like Stephen you need boundaries. Look how quickly this moved, just like the start of your relationship, he's the one pushing on the accelerator and it's clearly making you uncomfortable. I love your ability to be honest and vulnerable about your feelings right now, but I also think you're stronger than you realise. You got this.
Shame on Stephen for putting you in this position
I feel like Stephen is using the children to stay close to you and when he weaseled his way into the guest house, he had no intentions of leaving. Wasn't he getting close to some people in his men's group that could have helped him out? He's acting as though you're still together, and if you don't keep your boundaries, you are allowing it. After all these years, he knows how to play you, and I think he's doing it. It breaks my heart to see you going through this, but I honestly believe he's going to keep using your children and your own kindness to stay with you and that is his ultimate goal. Plus, he needs to pay his own damn bills!
I feel like this is really unfair. The man hurt his foot. How about think the best FIRST if for no other reason than he is those kid's father and she loved and married him for a REason...AND THINK OF THE GOOD REASONS
@amywidmer4670 stephen was trying to get into the guest house before he hurt his foot. This is also the same man who whined on the internet that he didn't have the gate code and keys to her house. He didn't feel like he should have to ask permission to come in. Definitely he's using his injury as a way to manipulate his way in.
He is trying to get back with you, it’s so obvious to see just from the few minutes of video you upload each time.
He wants to smash Helen again.
You need to move on, and Stephen needs to leave and stop taking advantage of your good nature.
They are getting a divorce. His foot is no longer her concern.
@@amywidmer4670 I feel like when he was talking about the author of the book he's reading and how he is exactly like her, he was trying to get Laura to take him back. I think he has a pattern of manipulating her. His house is only a mile away. He has access to the kids every day. He is making himself dependent on her because he rejects everyone else and he has a brand new sociopathy self-diagnosis to back him up, even admits to murdery thoughts, just like his newfound twin! His foot is much better and his original arrangement in the guest house is almost up. There's no real reason to burden Laura any longer. She's had YEARS of stress and emotional turmoil if not downright abuse. I think it was fine for him to stay in the guest house until he was more ambulatory, but that time is coming to an end and Laura deserves to have her life back. I have watched them both for years, and there are so many red flags and repeated behavior that I'm concerned for Laura. Laura is a people pleaser and he is a Laura user. She put up with him longer than anyone else ever would. This is not healthy for her or even the children in the long run. I used to adore Stephen, but when the shit hit the fan, he showed his true colors
You know he shouldn’t be living in your house. It’s not good for you Laura. You are enabling his weaponised helplessness.
I didn't know Stephen became a Dr. He needs to move out. Please, I'm begging you...go with your instinct and tell him to leave.
Vacation sounds nice...ex as a neighbor sounds stressful... You're a smart woman and you already know what the best thing is for you Stephen and the children. Go with your instincts love 💕
The anxiety is your clarity. Eliminate the cause of your anxiety -In this case Stephen renting the house.
Sell that other house or make him pay rent. If you sell it, it's community property anyway isn't it? And then he needs to be on his own. He's a 50-year-old man who says he's a sociopath. That's very dangerous and seems like he's setting himself up for some kind of insanity defense. Yes my mind goes there
The problem is both houses are also his property. They need to sell both and split everything in half.
Right…
Laura, I know it’s hard to do but you have to tell Steven it’s time for him to start making his own finical decisions. Outside of the other red flags that many are commenting in this section, you need to stop worrying about Steven. You are currently supporting yourself, 2 kids, 2 mortgages AND him. If you are serious about getting a divorce then you MUST get your finances separated AND you must set your boundaries with him. If you want this new relationship to work then you need to end the current codependency relationship you have with Steven. There is a difference in co-parenting and codependency and just by the very little we get to see from your life, I mean this with so much love and respect but you haven’t figured that out that difference yet and it show through the anxiety attacks you are having.
I speak from experience with anxiety, you need to reduce your stress right away if at all possible, or you could end up in the ER just like I did.
He basically admitted to being a sociopath and it's so ridiculous he is using it as a way to make her feel bad...
His comment about the woman’s husband was an absolute manipulation. I hope you see that.
You're praying for clarity and you are getting a 2 day break from the situation to reflect and observe.
What I am hearing you say is that Stephen is taking the inch you gave him and making it a mile and while he does that you are losing a grasp on your set boundaries.
That being said, not having 2 mortgages sounds ideal.
Laura I genuinely care about you and your kids this is coming from a place of love Stephen's foot is healed now his time is up get him outta there ASAP! He is going to keep turning you into a nervous wreck and the kids need you YOU need YOU! Please Laura hes not healthy at all..ask him to leave do not under any circumstances let him destroy your new relationship if your happy in it which I think you are & i think thats what hes trying to do he dosent want you to move on & be happy he said himself hes not over you the kids need you not another big grown ass baby playing the victim card please Laura set boundaries with him get him outta there times up for him! ❤
100%
Stephen needs to move and pay for his own place. The reason you are back and forth is because you know it isn’t a smart or healthy move to keep him there.
He could sell the house and buy a townhouse or some smaller space nearby to eliminate the financial dependency. Getting divorced is pointless if he’s still dependent on you for a place to live and money to live on. You might as well just stay married if that doesn’t change.
Laura I really strongly believe Steven needs to go back to his house...one mile away is enough distance. Surely better for your sanity than the guesthouse and it's a healthy boundary
How come every time you tell Steven that his family is still here for him, he doesn't acknowledge what you just said?
Because he doesn't believe her.
Because his family doesn't exist the way he wants it to. He wants them under the same roof so nothing else will do for him. And if Laura doesn't figure out how to get him to respect her boundaries, he'll keep bulldozing until he gets what he wants.
@@breadandcirceidk I think he just wants his family to exist in one way and not the way Laura explains his family existing.
Because he's trying to manipulate her & sees its not successful which enrages him inside. Dangerous situation. Reminds me of my ex.
Absolutely no, you must set boundaries. Stephen needs to set up his life to support himself and be a single parent. That is the reality you’re fooling yourself if you think life can go on with him living in the guest house. Don’t let anyone confuse you, it’s over you both need to move on.
Laura PLEASE take care of yourself and send Stephen on his way.
The thing that really really helped me after I got out of an abusive relationship was setting boundaries and keeping to them. Really has changed my life for the better
1 day…6days… to maybe 3 months.. could lead to never leaving.
Yes, you both want to be apart of the kids lives. Living that close, will make it like you are getting back together. Maybe it’s best to sell the other house. Each take your share and move on.
Maybe you should read your comments. A lot of people are saying exactly what you need to hear. Maybe that's the answer to your prayers, and you're not reading them because you're afraid of what it means and the pain that will be involved in disengaging from Stephen.
That's a very bad idea. Taking advice from total strangers online who do not know all the details of my life, (we only see a little bit of her life) would be the last thing I would do. I would listen to close friends, therapists, and family before I took any advice from a peanut gallery in a RUclips comment section. Yikes.
@@emilymann1175 There a difference between taking advice from comment sections and recognizing that a massive majority of those comments are all saying the same thing. You can capture a general temperature of the situation without having to pick one commenter and go with it. It's just frustrating to see her say again and again that she doesn't understand what's happening or why she's stressed when SO MANY PEOPLE are all saying the same thing.
I'm scared of how that he could be playing you trying to stay in your life.
He needs to stand on his own two feet! Sell the other house, get him to find his own place, he can't be your problem, he's an adult! He needs to start acting like one! I can't watch him anymore, it's all about me,me, me!!
I thought the same ME ME MEEEEE. Get away Laura get away. He’s almost sounding dangerous
@@CelticPondDweller also noticed he ignored her in the car when she spoke and just carried on about the bloody book he's reading, I never realised before how self-obsessed he is!
Dont allow him to lie to you or manipulate you with this injury for you to extend past your boundaries.
He is back in the house and he is not leaving, and i think you need to realise your still in a relationship with him. Not a traditional one but give him more time and he will have wirn you down to taking him back. If you dont take back your control and make it very clear your done you might as well be back with him. This wishy washy behaviour and not staying firm is giving him mixed signals
Maybe he should finish the book before speaking in things he's still learning about. Stephen is very impulsive and gets excited about stuff and then goes off giving misinformation before actually being educated.
Soooo true!! The fact that he stumbled and couldn't give a clear cut definition of what a sociopath is says that he doesn't know what a sociopath is! He is spitting out random symptoms/signs that can suggest other diagnosis too! He gets obsessed and goes down the rabbit hole. No one should be entertaining this in him. It's not healthy
Amen. The fact is a psychopath and a sociopath are very different. Sociopaths lack the capabilityto feel a wide range of emotion like "normies". They can love who they love in their small circle, or at least what they think love is, they just mask a lot of emotions because they don't understand them. Of course they can be dangerous...just like anyone can be dangerous. A psychopath is someone who feels emotion but lacks empathy and understanfing for other's emotions. Again, they can be dangerous, but so can someone within the range of what is considered normal. A psychopath and a sociopath can both lead very normal lives with help. Sometimes they can generally live a normal healthy life even without therapy. It depends on the person. Sometimes it depends on their upbringing and the world and circumstances in which they are surrounded by. Just like everyone else.
I really think that you need to listen to that part of you telling yourself that there's a problem with having no boundaries. You can always make changes in the future to have him closer if that makes sense, but it's much less confusing mentally to treat this split as an actual split. I think you're feeling a lot of dissonance, because the actions of recently (allowing him to stay in the guest house) go against what you've already decided, and I'm not really surprised, given how empathetic you are, and how manipulative Stephen can be (I'm very familiar with his content as well). I genuinely believe that everything else will make more sense (financial decisions, etc) when you're feeling less dissonance regarding Stephen so close in your life.
I wish you the best Laura!! I love your content, and you're a huge inspiration for my sober journey.
You have to do what's best for you 1st because if you aren't happy then the kids will start to see. Also he's trying to guilt you into letting him stay there how will that work with you dating. It wont eventually your partner will come over and your ex husband will just be knocking on the door to on purposely sabotaging you
Don’t let him move in the guest house…. That’s not healthy for you Laura. Teach and show your kids what healthy boundaries look like ❤
No ick, friends is open thing but he’s nuts. A mile is close enough
Set your own boundaries that YOU are comfortable with. Trust your gut!
If you have to question it, don’t entertain it.
Has Stephen stopped hating everyone different than him?
Praying is good. But are you listening???
Laura honey we all saw this coming,why are you paying for 2 places,no Stephen you have to grow up,realize we are,are divorcing!period!
When something is happening in your life, that gives you peace, that’s a great sign it’s the right thing. It’s also true for anxiety. If it gives you anxiety, most likely it is not for you.
Why are you doing this Laura? You are so successful with your podcasts and bringing amazing people on your show, and Stephen is brining you down! And why isn't he watching the kids while they are getting in your make up? This really seems almost intentional don't you think?
The money isn't worth having Stephen around... not worth it.
I think Stephen will keep pushing the boundaries, so even more reason to have clear boundaries with him. Also if you want your new relationship to work I don’t think it will last if you have Stephen living in your guest house.
That blue dress looks stunning on you
I agree! That dress is perfect on you!
Listen to your body. Your body will speak loudly when your boundaries are being crossed. You may feel “crazy.”
This is like a big sister talking to you sweet Laura,
No he cannot move into the guest house and needs to move out soon. It’s too stressful for you and your kids will feel that stress.
This discussion Stephen is having about how he thinks he’s a sociopath then changes to psychopath gave me a chill. That looked like you were very stressed when you were kindly listening to him. I feel like you need to talk to a divorce counselor that specializes in this topic.
Please think of yourself more and Stephen less. We all love you and want you to be happy. Big hugs!!!!❤
I totally hear you saying that you need space from stephen. If he gets his own space separate from you, and is responsible for himself, you will feel much more free to explore what you need to explore. Lots of people figure it out, you guys can too. I think you're being manipulated by him.
Laura your a very intelligent person. You know what you need to do. Tell him he needs to find his own place. Give him a deadline and then set times and days that he can take the kids. He is not your responsibility anymore. You can love him as your children’s father without having to take care of him. Don’t let him make you feel guilty. He can’t be a victim. He will be ok. He will find a job. You’re very strong. Just sit down and tell him and then if he tries to make f you feel bad ask him to leave. You are NOT responsible for his happiness. You owe it to yourself to get back to a more peaceful state! Hugs❤
I thought Stephen had mentioned living in the guest house before and you were thinking about it (but seemed, possibly only to me, to be not thrilled about the idea), but then this happened and you invited him to stay? Or he thought of the idea to stay in the guest house after he hurt his foot? I missed that part.
Your anxiety is high now ,I feel so bad for you, as long as you allow Stephen to stay,he will,,,hugs and ❤
Maybe have Stephen go home and he can rent a room out to help pay the mortgage.
Awwww! Alfie and Poppy are so cute walking hand in hand through the store ❤️
I love and respect you Laura. And don’t doubt that you are doing what’s best for you and the kids. But please don’t let Steven back in, I’d keep him at a distance.
Also you shouldn’t have him on your property if that’s not what you want. It’s not good for you which in turn won’t be amazing for the kids.
You said “it won’t be good for Steven me or the kids”
Your only concern should be you and the kids.
Talking it out is good. Keep strong boundaries. You won't always get it right but practice makes permanent. Steven is perpetrating a slow creep. Stiff arm that shit and live YOUR best life.😎
The bond of being with the father of your children is very strong. I think it is normal to want to be an intact family unit once that bond gets broken. That was how I felt anyway. I dated and had other relationships but I always missed a piece of what we had. We tried to get back together a few times but it never worked. But for some people it does. But only you know how healthy that would be for you. I pray for your family. You are all so lovely.