Taking a Break In A Relationship... Should You Date Other People?
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- Опубликовано: 16 сен 2024
- Taking a break in a relationship can be a very difficult time for the both of you. There are a lot of uncertainties about the future which can bring up feelings of fear, doubt, and worry.
If something needs to change in your relationship, whether it's because you're not feeling fulfilled or you need time to find yourself, taking a break can be a really healthy option if you're not quite ready to call it quits.
If you're considering going on a break, it's super important to set rules and boundaries so both of you have a clear understanding of what is allowed and what is not allowed during your time apart. These decisions can be difficult to discuss, because you don't want to hurt the other person. And at the same time, it's very important to be completely honest about the reasons you want to take a break in the first place, and what you hope to accomplish from it.
Many people worry that taking space from each other is a precursor to a breakup, but I am here to tell you that it is not true. Often times, taking space is a wonderful way to clear your mind and get in touch with yourself to know what you truly want in a relationship and in a partner.
Although a break can sound scary, it's important to remember that it can lead to a much happier relationship in the end if it is done correctly. And I this video, I show you exactly how to do it the right way.
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Thank you for watching!! This is Kristin Coaching, and I am a dating and relationship coach.
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Kristin Coaching is a relationship coach and dating expert for both men and women. Kristin Coaching loves offering relationship advice and dating advice to anyone who wants to strengthen their relationship, and have that long-lasting, happy relationship they deserve!
i swear your the best adviser on the world im very happy that i found your video all your video are helpful you deserve to be famous on youtube thank you so much for all your videos
My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years since we were 16. It's been a rollercoaster and I feel like we have been through every fight in the book. However we constantly talk about marriage and how dedicated we are to eachother. Whenever we do fight (99% its about stupid things), I want to talk and fix the problem immediately, but my boyfriend doesn't handle it the same. Sometimes he needs days to cool off. Recently, I made a comment which he misunderstood as me being insulting towards him. He told me he wants a break from me for a whole month and immediately blocked me everywhere. I have no way of trying to communicate with him or if he really means it. This behaviour tends to be a pattern of his and i find it very immature. I do not know what to do. Thank you Kristin
Hi there. Yes, it would have been better if he were to have a full conversation about what the break will look like and the pentameters around the break. Sounds like his decision came from a place of anger, and then trying to make you upset by blocking you everywhere which doesn't seem necessary to me. So I definitely hear you. I think fighting a lot can be really draining on the relationship (even if it's about small and stupid things) so I really think this is something that will need to be worked on in the future. I think after the break, you two should really sit down and figure out ways to communicate where you won't hurt each others feelings or offend each other, and figure out a way where you can give him the space he needs to think, but not multiple days to cool off, because I think that's a little excessive. Sounds like he needs to practice his communication skills when he's upset and learn to talk it through, and you can work on saying things that won't be misconstrued as insulting to him. It's all about active effort to improve yourselves. You've been through a lot together; 5 years since 16yo is a ton of relationship experience and growth, so you obviously have the skills to work things through. I wish you two the best!
Thanks Kristin for the video, but I feel like I would have a problem accepting my partner back if he dated someone else in the time we spend apart. I’d feel that there was someone else that he gave my place in his life to, someone else that he touched the way he touched me. Feel me?
If you want to date other people break up no do it.
What you went through is exactly what I’m going through at the moment. But we’ve also agreed to see other people but nothing physical.
When I’m seeing someone else do I let him know? Or only when the it’s at the point of reflection
That's a great question and something that you two should decide together, because it's super important to be on the same page with that one.
Yes
Thanks for your comment C!
I shared my feelings with my boyfriend of 3.5 years a few days ago. I had mentioned to him that I felt him being distant and that if everything was okay since it had been about 1 week or so since we last had intimacy. He works a lot because he is doing a surgical residency.
After I asked him if he was happy he said yes
But then he shared that he is not in love with me anymore
It hurt so much and still does
We live together with my daughter so this whole process has been very confusing and hurtful
He wants me to give him some time to decide if he is willing to work on our relationship
I love him so much that I am willing to work on it as well
Im just so scared and I cry so much
I just dont know if I should be prepared for the worst
Thank you❤
Aww, I'm so sorry Nori. Ugh, that is awful to hear those words. I hope he'll be willing to work on things, because you two have a child in common, and have been together a long time. Especially since this came out of nowhere, I think in the least you two can try to mend things before making more permanent decisions. I wish you the best.
@@KristinCoaching thank you so much for replying ❤
@@norirodriguez7355 Of course! Anytime :)
Should you tell the person you are going on a date with beforehand that you are taking a break and actively love someone else?
I always think honesty is the best policy, so yes. I would be honest you are taking a break and be clear about why you are dating someone else while on a break. It's not fair to the other person to hold back that information because the other person might assume you are completely single and have their heart open to fall in love, so I think it's not being fully authentic to keep that hidden.
Hey. Thank you for all of this! My partner and I are pretty young and have been pretty serious for a while. We agree that we are very young to keep being together seriously and think we should probably see other people, get to know ourselves better, and see how we feel after. We both want to get together, but she emphasized that she mainly wants time to explore making new friends and connections with people. What do you think about this? Please get back to me if you can, I’m really nervous and torn up about it
Hey there! Thanks so much for reaching out. I think that's a very common reason for a break, and I totally understand it. Sometimes we need to let the relationship go for a little while as he explore new things and new people. So if you do take a break, make sure to set some boundaries in place so you both know what each others expectations are. So make sure to watch my other video "how to deal with taking a break in the relationship" to get some guidance around that as well. I wish you two the best!
Kristin Coaching hey yesss I watched that video a few times. We did talk about it. I’m feeling better about it. I’m just at a point where I know I shouldn’t try to hold on just because I’m scared of what might happen. If we are meant to be, then I’ll be happy. And if not, then it’s just a new door. Thank you Kristin. Big fan of you 🙏🏾
@@SunsetSignature26 I'm a big fan of you too!! I appreciate you so much, and thank you for reaching out. Yes, I think all relationships have that point in the road of wondering, are we going to last forever or not. And I think you're there. So yes, trusting the process is definitely the best way to go because I do strongly believe that if you two are meant to be together, then you will do what you need to do to make it happen, and if you're not, then either you or he or both will slowly decrease your efforts...only time will tell during this break. Please keep me updated. I wish you the absolute best!
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He wanted a break cause we had been arguing a lot. Within a month we started talking but he wasn’t ready. He still wanted to work on himself. But I told him, ok if you need to work on yourself and me okay, but if you talk to anyone or anything with a girl I’m done, cause I’m waiting. This happened in September. He agreed saying he wasn’t gunna talk to anyone. 2 weeks ago we made it official we were back together, and we were at Denny’s . My gut kept telling me something, he was being so good and sweet and affection. But it kept bugging me. I got his phone and saw a deleted pic of a nude from his coworker . I broke down I’m so pissed I know we were on a break. But I’m disgusted he kept trying to fix things and calling me cause I pushed him away. I was so upset I threw up . Everything was a lie .. or am I wrong ? This is someone he sees at work .
Oh Ashley. I'm so, so sorry. Ugh, I can imagine how devastating that was to find that picture. Yes, he did lie to you by not telling you about her, and it's more likely than not something did happen between them physically, but it's not necessarily a guarantee. But I would lean more yes than no with that. Does it mean "everything" was a lie? not necessarily. He obviously still loves you very much and wants to be with you, and knows he messed up. But he needs to come completely clean with you and be completely honest about EVERYTHING. Every girl he talked to while on the break, everything he did physically. Yes you were on a break, but he still violated boundaries. So he needs to be honest about that, and you will know in your gut if he is being truthful, just like when you had the gun feeling he wasn't. If only he's able to truly be transparent with you, that is when you can start rebuilding your relationship, if you choose. But you will be rebuilding on a broken foundation if he doesn't come clean first. I wish you the best.
I’m going to meet up with him today because it’s killing me these thoughts won’t go away so I need to know. He kept saying nothing happened physically but I can’t help this is someone he works with you know. I feel so betrayed I feel like he wanted a break just to mess with her. It just sucks cause things were going so good. I feel like he doesn’t love me.
Wish me luck, I’m going to try and not be a mess.
I'm so sorry Ashley. Yes, just talk to him, and be completely open and honest.
Good luck, you can do it.
My girlfriend and i had an argument about something, (its pretty personal so im not gonna say what it was about) but ive decided to take a break and im really confused on what to do next. I feel so hurt about what happend and i feel like she isnt the girl i had a crush on anymore :(
Hi, I have been dating a man for 3years. The first 2 years where great. This last year I moved. I use to live next door to him. After I moved he changed to much. Saw him less and communication was bad. By then I told him I fell in love with him. He said he wasnt yet. Give him time but he liked me and missed me when we where apart. I started complaining about not seeing him. And asking if we would hav a future together and why he dismt love me yet. Anyway he said that I needed a break and I said no. He said was best and I disagreed. Said I was always upset cuse we disnt spemd time together. So I don't get why he wanted the break. On day 2 of break.
He said not fair to me. I don't get it.
I didn't want break wanted more te together. Feel hes not telling me something. He wants break til jan1. Wow what along time. Was mad. I'm older and never did a break before with anyone. Is this normal. Feel like its his way out. And always told him if so. I will move on if not.ready. I am all in in this relationship feel he doesnt no. So confused. Help please. Wants no contact. He said was for me. Why??
Hi Kathy. Thank you so much for reaching out and writing me a message. At the moment, I'm not able to respond back on RUclips. However, email is the best way to get a hold of me at this time if you are still looking for advice. Please feel free to email me at kristin@kristincoaching.com I try to respond back to everyone between 24-48 hours.
Hi Kristin! My bf and i has been together for 1.5yr. I asked him for a break. The reason was jealousy, his girl “friend” came down from nebraska to spend time with him. He kept from me that he is taking a vacation while she’s in town. I was really mad for him not telling me, i felt like he doesn’t want me to be part of it. We were fine before the came down. I don’t know if I’m just exaggerating and didn’t see that there is nothing wrong with her visiting. I asked my bf for a break and it’s been 4 days, here i am waiting for him show up and get back together. But, since i was the one who asked for a break does that mean he’s going to wait for me? After few days not seeing him i realize that i nagged so much and i get jealous right away. I realize that i care and love him more. Please help me. I don’t know what to do
Hi Karla, Thank you so much for reaching out and writing me a message. At the moment, I'm not able to respond back on RUclips. However, email is the best way to get a hold of me at this time if you are still looking for advice. Please feel free to email me at kristin@kristincoaching.com I try to respond back to everyone between 24-48 hours.
Well I asked what kind of break dating others or work on self she said herself and I found out she dated I got pissed off and we broke up I guess 1 week ago and then found out she cheated 2 yrs ago we both did
I heard taking a break can lead into a break up is that true?
Hello! What if my partner wants a break when we have a kid involved? I understand he doesn't want to leave his son, he wants to leave me or take a break from me.
That's a really good question. I think it's hard to take a break while living together, but it is possible. I think really figuring out what the purpose of the break is for and what you hope to achieve during the break, and then have a discussion if you think that would be possible while living together. There are ways to take a break from the relationship while not neglecting time with your child you have in common. You may need to take turns spending time with your child separately if need be. But at the end of the day, you need to do what works for you two...you have to set your own rules. I'm sure if you work collaboratively ,you can figure out a structure that both of you will feel happy about.
Is it possible to love someone but still not feel fulfilled?
How will i say to my husband that i want a divorce? Please help me
Be honest and talk to him about the reasons you're not happy in the relationship and why you think it's not repairable at this point. Be sincere, don't yell or name call, and try not to point fingers because that just increases emotional walls and defenses and causes people not to listen. So coming from a place of speaking your mind and stating your feelings will increase the likelihood that he will listen to what you have to say. This is obviously a very hard conversation to have so give yourself a lot of time to talk. Make sure you or he won't get interrupted and that you have enough time to process and talk, and discuss next steps. I wish you the best.
Thank you very much for your time to respond to my concern 😭
@@sapnurizalin7899 You are very welcome, and I wish you the best. I know how hard this conversation will be. Stay focused and stay honest and stay authentic. I wish you the best and please keep me updated.