My girlfriend passed away 12 years ago at age 17. I was 17 too. 10 years together, grow up together. Gone. Never thought I would love again, I did. Other don't replace the previous one. As Winston Churchill says, "“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”" . It's the courage she shows that to move on that COUNTS.
@@supernotnatural women are different, they dont understand this. If he was thr best she could get, that feeling rarely goes away. Unless she meets a man who gaves her same or better feelings
I lost my hs bf at age 18 to a horrible illness he fought for many months until falling into a coma. His family kept him on machines for 8 years and for so long I kept my heart open to him in case he woke up. I still have dreams about him waking up and asking for me, or randomly seeing him somewhere (I'm now 43). He is my guardian angel and taught me what it felt like to be truly loved and I haven't felt love like that since. Maybe ive been measuring everyone against him and with him on a pedestal no one could ever have a chance. All ive ever wanted is to have a family of my own and i feel like it may never happen. Its so hard to accept. Any support or advice is welcome ❤
@@arielasarahI'm so sorry 🙏🏿 ❤ please know grief is normal and not something to feel guilty about. If you desire companionship, open your heart to fully love others. Of course no one can ever replace who he was to you, but other people are still gifts ❤
It also bothered me the way she insisted that her daughter doesn’t abuse her children, but then talked about how vile she is when speaking to her partner - as if that has no effect on the children. That is abuse of the children, even if they are not the direct targets.
His insecurity is going to torpedo this relationship if anything does - and he'll always feel like the runner up to the other guy, and what she says and what she reveals may be too different thing also? Even on a subconscious level. Could you imagine if he's having sex with her and the negative spiral going though his mind?
This guy is actually so emotionally intelligent especially for someone so young. I didn’t expect him to have answers to John’s questions. That was beautiful
Anita has to do some deep reflecting. She is still the same person as she was back then, thats the trigger for the daughter. She is dissociated and yet she points to her daughter doing the same thing in her own way. Its a cycle.
I lost my hs bf at age 18 to a horrible illness he fought for many months until falling into a coma. His family kept him on machines for 8 years and for so long I kept my heart open to him in case he woke up. I still have dreams about him waking up and asking for me, or randomly seeing him somewhere (I'm now 43). He is my guardian angel and taught me what it felt like to be truly loved and I haven't felt love like that since. Maybe ive been measuring everyone against him and with him on a pedestal no one could ever have a chance. All ive ever wanted is to have a family of my own and i feel like it may never happen. Its so hard to accept. Any support or advice is welcome ❤
Have you dated? I promise that God did not put only one person on this earth who could love you. No way. And high school love is intense, but not realistic. Do a ritual of letting him go. Talk to a therapist. Listen to or read Matt Walsh article "my wife is not my soul mate". You can find love
He was your soulmate at that time, but you can continue to live and you can do so. The previous comment is excellent. YOU WANT and I believe you need a family. Please LIVE ON! Please!
I believe Anita didn’t comunícate clearly out of shame from not protecting her daughter. I think she believes that if she can just “fix” her daughter that then she might be able to forgive herself. I pray she can find clarity and her own peace so that in turn she can help guide her daughter by example and with properly motivated support.
How can Anita say her grandchildren aren’t affected by her daughter’s behavior? She probably said the same when the daughter was growing up and Anita’s husband (the father of the daughter) did impact and influence her behavior and mental health. Doesn’t add up!
I read something years ago and it really made sense to me. Different boyfriends or girlfriends are not the same people. Someone may love them differently, but they don’t love them any less.
7:05 Powerful! The only way love works, the only way a long-term romantic relationship works is if both people say, ''This is all of me, do you still love me?"
I got the same impression as well. I felt like she wasn’t telling the full story and she kept jumping around with her words. She was being very vague about the whole thing.
It was exhausting. It's like she couldn't hear what John was telling her to do. Almost like a defense mechanism? And the constant sighs and that GD crow drove me up a wall 🥲
Jenna, I feel your pain and have experienced the same circumstance. It feels like a punch to your gut that doesn't back off. Please, First, Before Anything Else - completely, entirely, forgive yourself that you were mistaken. Mis-Taken ❤ It's crucial. ❤❤
Anita needs a counselor to get into her codependency with this daughter. Exhausting to listen to John try to help her, and her not listening. Generational dysfunction.
Depending on how long it’s been, signs they’ve healed, how they hold on to things but you have to consider if it’s work the risk if they thought they’ve moved in but haven’t. Always wait until it’s been atleast a year and a half for them and that they’ve had therapy
My gf passed away when we were 17yrs old. We dated approximately 3yrs. Its hard but i dont compare what we had in the past with what i have in present. We cherish the memories from the past
I lost my boyfriend when I was in my early 20s. I met a guy years later who was jealous of the love that I had for him. I then went on to meet a the man im married to who would bring him up and ask about him and allow me to talk about him if something reminded me of him. He knew he was never going to be him but also that I didn’t want him to be. I just wanted him to be him
If the late boyfriend actually committed suicide, then he left her. Which is not much different than a break up. If she chooses to cling to him rather than heal, people who break up can do that too.
I know exactly why that last caller triggers her daughter so much. She has a million walls up, her daughter can’t get to her. Her daughter does not feel seen or heard. She probably feels used and neglected. And the way she approaches her daughter, as if her daughter is a problem that she is responsible for fixing, would make me want to scream, too.
The last lady is not listening plus she’s extremely annoying by breathing heavy into the phone. She needs to see a therapist herself not just her daughter.
A girl I knew lost her bf in highschool. I knew him. He was cheating on her.. often and with a lot of girls. No one had the heart to tell her after he died.
Bless you, JD. Home is often the least safe place for a human soul…at any age. She is punishing this woman for a reason. To the caller: You seem to assume you in some way have the ability to control a human being. You don’t own her. You can’t fix her. You facilitated the hostage situation that her brain and body developed within. You are so self involved…still…that you cannot see or experience the person. Daddy is not the source of her trauma…you are. Be careful what you do and make with your body. Making children should not ever be a casual isolated act of “wanting”. We need to teach our boys and girls THAT truth.
That dude that is comparing himself to his gf’s Ex has to think about them not her previous boyfriend. He’s part of her story, not his. He needs to be more confident in what they have together.
Caller #1 - Yet another relationship connection based on trauma bonding with a low ego and low self-esteem male who doesnt feel worthy of love and keeps comparing himself to a deceased ex....seems very unhealthy, which means they are probably most likely going to have kids
Thats the hard thing about young love that ends prematurely. You're still in the honeymoon phase and it's easy to romantacize what could've been. My sister was widowed after 1 year of marriage and she's never been able to make peace with that. Her husband/marriage was FAR from perfect, but she cant see that. In her mind, she lost the perfect man, the perfect love, the perfect life, and everything since is just settling. I was widowed after 20 years of marriage. And while I'd never compare whose grief is worse, it is undeniably different. Im grieving a person and the life we built, but shes grieving all of that PLUS the fantasy and lost future.
Anita stop tippy tapping around everything, if she's screaming etc then get those kids out of there. This is not the time to understand what's going on. This is the time to protect the kids and get them safe. Good God.
The interactions with the daughter are helping to traumatise Anita over and over again. You can hear it in her. She has all that guilt oozing out of her every careful word. Both her and daughter keep going through the motions of healing, but if she continues to lie to herself and not deal with the daughters abuse of her own family, the grandchildren will have to unpack it all.
She said that it caught her off guard, But knew of some type of cheating while they were engaged... She says he doesn't know she knows. She calls him her best friend 😧😓 And she's going to deal with this situation putting HIS safety first because of his addiction. Is sad all around.
I don’t understand why Anita called and hearing the anxiety in her voice and words gave me anxiety. I was tense the whole time listening to that call. Hope they find a resolution
It sounds to me like you’re creating the problem. It’s time for her to be complete and you to be complete with his death. It shouldn’t even come up in the conversations maybe once in a while or something happens. OK. It sounds like you’re looking for her to be thinking about a boyfriend so every time she’s looks like she’s not present she might be thinking about anything else You are projecting. You have the problem.
Kind of. For her to entertain it seems odd but possible with the dynamics and immaturity with the lack of boundaries. He can has the power to stop it, if she brings up the boyfriend way more than required. For him to talk extensively about the late boyfriend and do things the late boyfriend did is very weird. I think the current boyfriend doesn't really have a strong identity, is very immature, insecure, has white knight mindset, and possibly a 'nice guy' but not in a good way.
I found out my first boyfriend died I was shocked but I wasn't heartbroken I didn't cry I don't want him I left him we dated in junior high and highschool we dated on and off I'm in love with someone else I'm in another relationship I'm with a real man he never really had anyone after me he was a mama's boy he always was a mama's boy he was a cocky little man he was very immature even as a preteen and a teenager I knew what I needed I knew what I wanted and I knew what I deserved I knew my worth after the last try I moved on I never went back I would always bring him up in conversation but I couldn't talk to him because his mom was mad at me because after we broke up the last time so I stayed away and went on with my life
Yeah, Dr. D didn't push him hard enough to answer why he hates himself so much. Something happened to him and he doesn't think he's worthy of anything.
I had a long term relationship with a widower. He just couldn't let go of the past. Would weep a lot. Talked about her all the time. She had died 3 years before I met him. I just couldn't handle it anymore. Obviously, I wasn't the one to get him over her.
Yep, among other things. Update since it wont allow posting replies: definitely got more than enough information about this situation in the call the hear the red flags. Some boyfriend is asking his girlfriend about her late boyfriend "all the time" so he can "love her better". It's really weird.
@@awakenedleadershipsublimin3411 there was more than enough in that call to hear the red flags. What kind of a man asks his girlfriend about her late boyfriend "all the time" so he can make her happy? It's weird.
Third caller: Sounds like your adult daughter has untreated BPD. Only a professional can diagnose. You said she rages the most at her partner. Fear of abandonment is the #1 trait of BPD. You do not have to tolerate and/or reward her bad behavior towards you. If she won't respect your boundaries & continues to disrespect you & makes you feel unsafe with her anger, rage & vile outbursts, then you may need to leave or end the telephone conversation. Your self-care should always take priority.
Yeah i hope Anita can heal and be in a space ro help her daughter. But she clearly isn't in a safe space to do that. Im definitely concerned about the adult daughters being a safe mom Just the fact that she walked out on her oldest child makes me very wary for the other kids being in the same house as her. Amd yeah, just because she isnt violent to her kids doesnt mesn she isnt giving trauma to them by violent to her partner. I think those kids should not live there
Yeah you might not be the guy. Someone is. But it probably ain’t you. That being said, he was just a boyfriend. If she’s smart she’ll do the math and recognize he was a nothing burger when compared to whoever her husband and father of her children will be. Stuff happens.
Dude, after three years.. YOU were the one who she trusted to hold her. Can you only imagine how MUCH she trusted you? Your role is to bring her back into the world, not to be suspoicious if she thinks of the dead guy. She sure does. But she chose you... and you chose her.. the other guy did not, he chose death. It is quite an advantage to be alive..
You're doing a fantastic job! Just a quick off-topic question: My OKX wallet holds some USDT, and I have the seed phrase. (alarm fetch churn bridge exercise tape speak race clerk couch crater letter). What's the best way to send them to Binance?
OK, I’ve been having a lot of free time. I’ve been unemployment unemployed for like one month and mentally probably that after the third day that I’ve been off I start spending more time and more time and more time with my siblings my brothers and all my family and I feel like it’s going to be really really hard when when I had to come back to work and I don’t know what to do.
He thinks he needs to save her. Do you bro if shes really not ready to move on youll know and then you decide what to do. In all reality shes probably ready to move on and its ip to you to get her there. Not to seem selfish but you need to make her forget what life was like with him because if how great it is with you.
Yeah, I think he's got a lot of growing to do. I got conflicting vibes from the situation. Her bringing it up or allowing it to be discussed is weird from both ends, but it could be attributed to immaturity. He definitely is white knighting her. That said, learning about what her late boyfriend did so he can do it is really weird. As a guy, I wouldn't want to be around him.
Move on from the past and let it go, don't dwell on it anymore, the ex boyfriend killed himself and is gone. Why keep comparing and living in the past. It's time to get over it all as it's been three years already. Also, there needs to be better mental health support services in place for men and women in the armed forces.
Love is part of the fruit of the Spirit. If shes not spending time with God. Eventually she will run out of love, maybe joy, peace, patience, goodness, gentleness and selft control. To make story short, having girlfriend, boy friend, marriages, will not make you find happiness in the long run. Majority of them end up bottom rock. 😮
Your closing message in this episode is the reason why I love watching you. You are such an amazing human being!!!!! Everyone should always tip outrageously and obnoxiously😝😝🤝🫶✨✨✨✨
Yeah, it's obvious she's talking about her late boyfriend with her current boyfriend. He then wants to pretend to be her late boyfriend. He's definitely second choice.
Hey Anita, Congratulations on having the most boring call ever. Here's a hint: When you call into a live radio broadcast don't talk in circles. Just spit it out.
I have a daughter w/ BPD and let me tell you, it is brutal.. If course I question everything I did, regret every time I raised my voice. In reality, I didn't cause it I don't know what did. Some bullying in 4th grade? Genetics? Covid? I wasn't a perfect parent, but the was no emotional or physical or sexual abuse. She is our only child and we were very careful with her Maybe the causes are a combination. She's 19. When she yells at me, it terrifying, it's not just yelling and swearing and threats. Just so intense. Yes, she's hit me Her room is disgusting., you can't imagine. She can't do anything (according to her) I didn't know it was possible to live how we're living, nothing ever prepared me for this. Also, I love her. She super intelligent, clever, funny, cute. I put up with it because I don't want her in the streets. She works one day a week, and doesn't keep all her appointments We've spent time and big money trying to help her. She changed from a brilliant, hard working, talented kid to depressed, suicidal, self harming and raging person in 1 day I know hearing stuff makes you doubt the story, but it's absolutely impossible for anyone to really know what goes on at our house or her dad and I endure it. 💔 I can't even tell anyone everything. The suggestions - have you tried medicine? Therapy? Yes, we tried all the easy ideas and the hard ones too. Therapists and psychiatrists and other doctors have quit working with her . At first they love her, but she's so mean, really abusive. Those experts can quit, how am I supposed to know what to do. 😭
@@karenmcwiggins9469with much love and respect, stop enabling her. Kick her out. Maybe that will create a "bottom" enough where she will be willing to try something else. Also, drugs or alcohol in the mix?
According to this mom's adult daughter, she can heal from the inside out through nutrition. Carnivore diet completely calms the brain! Please look into it! It changes lives! God bless you and daughter ❤🙏
as someone said, this girl has been alpha widowed. the new BF hasnt been in love before so hes acting like the virgin teen boy. he needs to find a younger woman who hasnt been in love. john encourages ppl to stay together but his body is telling him this is not for him. hes a fool for for being with an experienced woman
My girlfriend passed away 12 years ago at age 17. I was 17 too. 10 years together, grow up together. Gone. Never thought I would love again, I did. Other don't replace the previous one. As Winston Churchill says, "“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”" . It's the courage she shows that to move on that COUNTS.
@@supernotnatural women are different, they dont understand this. If he was thr best she could get, that feeling rarely goes away. Unless she meets a man who gaves her same or better feelings
I lost my hs bf at age 18 to a horrible illness he fought for many months until falling into a coma. His family kept him on machines for 8 years and for so long I kept my heart open to him in case he woke up. I still have dreams about him waking up and asking for me, or randomly seeing him somewhere (I'm now 43). He is my guardian angel and taught me what it felt like to be truly loved and I haven't felt love like that since.
Maybe ive been measuring everyone against him and with him on a pedestal no one could ever have a chance. All ive ever wanted is to have a family of my own and i feel like it may never happen. Its so hard to accept. Any support or advice is welcome ❤
@@arielasarahI'm so sorry 🙏🏿 ❤ please know grief is normal and not something to feel guilty about. If you desire companionship, open your heart to fully love others. Of course no one can ever replace who he was to you, but other people are still gifts ❤
@@arielasarahthank you for showing what @zero1188 said to be true.
I'm sory to hear that. Life is joy, death is peace. It's the transition that's difficult.
“HAAAAPPY NEW YEAR!! THIS IS JOHN - idk why I’m yelling, I was not gonna yell.” 😂
That last caller was a pain to listen to. She doesn’t want answers she’s tied to her problems. She wants to live how she’s living.
Wonder why her daughter has communication and anger issues
It also bothered me the way she insisted that her daughter doesn’t abuse her children, but then talked about how vile she is when speaking to her partner - as if that has no effect on the children. That is abuse of the children, even if they are not the direct targets.
Right? That was insufferable
You’re 100% right and what the scary part is that there are so many people I’ve witnessed who are like this. Good observation, all the best to you 👑💐
Dude had all the answers already before he even called,
He just needed to hear himself say it out loud.
With him pretending to be her late boyfriend, I'm not sure he'll have the answers.
It's confession for protestants
His insecurity is going to torpedo this relationship if anything does - and he'll always feel like the runner up to the other guy, and what she says and what she reveals may be too different thing also? Even on a subconscious level. Could you imagine if he's having sex with her and the negative spiral going though his mind?
This guy is actually so emotionally intelligent especially for someone so young. I didn’t expect him to have answers to John’s questions. That was beautiful
Anita has to do some deep reflecting. She is still the same person as she was back then, thats the trigger for the daughter. She is dissociated and yet she points to her daughter doing the same thing in her own way. Its a cycle.
I lost my hs bf at age 18 to a horrible illness he fought for many months until falling into a coma. His family kept him on machines for 8 years and for so long I kept my heart open to him in case he woke up. I still have dreams about him waking up and asking for me, or randomly seeing him somewhere (I'm now 43). He is my guardian angel and taught me what it felt like to be truly loved and I haven't felt love like that since.
Maybe ive been measuring everyone against him and with him on a pedestal no one could ever have a chance. All ive ever wanted is to have a family of my own and i feel like it may never happen. Its so hard to accept. Any support or advice is welcome ❤
Have you dated? I promise that God did not put only one person on this earth who could love you. No way. And high school love is intense, but not realistic. Do a ritual of letting him go. Talk to a therapist. Listen to or read Matt Walsh article "my wife is not my soul mate". You can find love
He was your soulmate at that time, but you can continue to live and you can do so.
The previous comment is excellent.
YOU WANT and I believe you need a family.
Please LIVE ON! Please!
Live your life in his honour and live it FULLY! 🙏❤
My first boyfriend died and he was my first love . I have fallen In Love again . Life goes on and it’s forth loving again
I believe Anita didn’t comunícate clearly out of shame from not protecting her daughter. I think she believes that if she can just “fix” her daughter that then she might be able to forgive herself. I pray she can find clarity and her own peace so that in turn she can help guide her daughter by example and with properly motivated support.
Anita sounds like an enabling person. If she thinks the kids are not being affected by her daughters anger, she's wrong. That is abuse.
Her daughter sounds like my daughter-in-law. It is a nightmare. 😭
How can Anita say her grandchildren aren’t affected by her daughter’s behavior? She probably said the same when the daughter was growing up and Anita’s husband (the father of the daughter) did impact and influence her behavior and mental health. Doesn’t add up!
I read something years ago and it really made sense to me. Different boyfriends or girlfriends are not the same people. Someone may love them differently, but they don’t love them any less.
The last conversation was so exhausting. Bless you John for your patience.
RE: First caller, I love Dr. Johns direction. Very Insightful. Well guided. ❤❤
7:05 Powerful!
The only way love works, the only way a long-term romantic relationship works is if both people say, ''This is all of me, do you still love me?"
who is this woman Anita why did she bother calling when she isn't telling the full story, its not a guessing competition.
I got the same impression as well. I felt like she wasn’t telling the full story and she kept jumping around with her words. She was being very vague about the whole thing.
I have to say, I don't trust Anita for a second. The cagey answers, the deep sighs after being asked questions...I don't know why she even called
It was exhausting. It's like she couldn't hear what John was telling her to do. Almost like a defense mechanism? And the constant sighs and that GD crow drove me up a wall 🥲
She can't see passed her guilt and she thinks she can "fix" her daughter and therefore absolve her lack of protecting her daughter.
She was unwilling to listen to what John was telling her. I can only imagine how frustrating it must have been for him!
Jenna,
I feel your pain and have experienced the same circumstance. It feels like a punch to your gut that doesn't back off. Please, First, Before Anything Else - completely, entirely, forgive yourself that you were mistaken. Mis-Taken ❤ It's crucial. ❤❤
Anita needs a counselor to get into her codependency with this daughter. Exhausting to listen to John try to help her, and her not listening. Generational dysfunction.
Depending on how long it’s been, signs they’ve healed, how they hold on to things but you have to consider if it’s work the risk if they thought they’ve moved in but haven’t. Always wait until it’s been atleast a year and a half for them and that they’ve had therapy
My gf passed away when we were 17yrs old. We dated approximately 3yrs. Its hard but i dont compare what we had in the past with what i have in present. We cherish the memories from the past
My sincere condolences.
I lost my boyfriend when I was in my early 20s. I met a guy years later who was jealous of the love that I had for him. I then went on to meet a the man im married to who would bring him up and ask about him and allow me to talk about him if something reminded me of him. He knew he was never going to be him but also that I didn’t want him to be. I just wanted him to be him
If the late boyfriend actually committed suicide, then he left her. Which is not much different than a break up. If she chooses to cling to him rather than heal, people who break up can do that too.
I nearly made it to the end. I clicked off at 52:59. Does she want help or not?
I know exactly why that last caller triggers her daughter so much. She has a million walls up, her daughter can’t get to her. Her daughter does not feel seen or heard. She probably feels used and neglected. And the way she approaches her daughter, as if her daughter is a problem that she is responsible for fixing, would make me want to scream, too.
The last lady is not listening plus she’s extremely annoying by breathing heavy into the phone. She needs to see a therapist herself not just her daughter.
I kept saying out loud to Anita, “Please don’t sigh anymore! I can’t take it!” 😂
A girl I knew lost her bf in highschool. I knew him. He was cheating on her.. often and with a lot of girls. No one had the heart to tell her after he died.
You can’t fight ghosts.
Who you gonna call?😎
Can't compete with em' either ..
Can't pretend to be them either.
No duh.
Dear John: Yelling because you're exuberantly happy is fine. Happy energy is a much-needed commodity imho. Thank you for brightening my day. :) 0:45
Bless you, JD. Home is often the least safe place for a human soul…at any age. She is punishing this woman for a reason. To the caller: You seem to assume you in some way have the ability to control a human being. You don’t own her. You can’t fix her. You facilitated the hostage situation that her brain and body developed within. You are so self involved…still…that you cannot see or experience the person. Daddy is not the source of her trauma…you are. Be careful what you do and make with your body. Making children should not ever be a casual isolated act of “wanting”. We need to teach our boys and girls THAT truth.
That dude that is comparing himself to his gf’s Ex has to think about them not her previous boyfriend. He’s part of her story, not his. He needs to be more confident in what they have together.
That third caller was incredibly painful to listen to.
Caller #1 - Yet another relationship connection based on trauma bonding with a low ego and low self-esteem male who doesnt feel worthy of love and keeps comparing himself to a deceased ex....seems very unhealthy, which means they are probably most likely going to have kids
Haha fr
😂
Excellent episode (aside from all the commercials). First time in a long while Dr Delony sounds like he used to three years ago.
Thank you Anita for shearing your story, and thank you Dr. Delony
Thats the hard thing about young love that ends prematurely. You're still in the honeymoon phase and it's easy to romantacize what could've been. My sister was widowed after 1 year of marriage and she's never been able to make peace with that. Her husband/marriage was FAR from perfect, but she cant see that. In her mind, she lost the perfect man, the perfect love, the perfect life, and everything since is just settling. I was widowed after 20 years of marriage. And while I'd never compare whose grief is worse, it is undeniably different. Im grieving a person and the life we built, but shes grieving all of that PLUS the fantasy and lost future.
Anita stop tippy tapping around everything, if she's screaming etc then get those kids out of there. This is not the time to understand what's going on. This is the time to protect the kids and get them safe. Good God.
The interactions with the daughter are helping to traumatise Anita over and over again. You can hear it in her. She has all that guilt oozing out of her every careful word. Both her and daughter keep going through the motions of healing, but if she continues to lie to herself and not deal with the daughters abuse of her own family, the grandchildren will have to unpack it all.
The crow on the 3rd call today was the real MVP. 😂
😂facts.
I bet that crow listened to John better than Anita did.
He was saying "just stop it!" In the style of bob newhart
23:32
I was thinking the same thing.
If he is in Rehab for 2 more weeks, this might be a good time to tell him what you know and how you feel.
She said that it caught her off guard,
But knew of some type of cheating while they were engaged... She says he doesn't know she knows.
She calls him her best friend 😧😓
And she's going to deal with this situation putting HIS safety first because of his addiction.
Is sad all around.
I don’t understand why Anita called and hearing the anxiety in her voice and words gave me anxiety. I was tense the whole time listening to that call.
Hope they find a resolution
It sounds to me like you’re creating the problem. It’s time for her to be complete and you to be complete with his death. It shouldn’t even come up in the conversations maybe once in a while or something happens. OK. It sounds like you’re looking for her to be thinking about a boyfriend so every time she’s looks like she’s not present she might be thinking about anything else You are projecting. You have the problem.
Yea well said
Kind of. For her to entertain it seems odd but possible with the dynamics and immaturity with the lack of boundaries. He can has the power to stop it, if she brings up the boyfriend way more than required. For him to talk extensively about the late boyfriend and do things the late boyfriend did is very weird. I think the current boyfriend doesn't really have a strong identity, is very immature, insecure, has white knight mindset, and possibly a 'nice guy' but not in a good way.
I found out my first boyfriend died I was shocked but I wasn't heartbroken I didn't cry
I don't want him I left him we dated in junior high and highschool we dated on and off I'm in love with someone else I'm in another relationship I'm with a real man he never really had anyone after me he was a mama's boy he always was a mama's boy he was a cocky little man he was very immature even as a preteen and a teenager I knew what I needed I knew what I wanted and I knew what I deserved I knew my worth after the last try I moved on I never went back I would always bring him up in conversation but I couldn't talk to him because his mom was mad at me because after we broke up the last time so I stayed away and went on with my life
Caller 1 is insecure and insecurity predates this relationship and this relationship flare that up.
Yeah, Dr. D didn't push him hard enough to answer why he hates himself so much. Something happened to him and he doesn't think he's worthy of anything.
Good job, John!
Honey you don’t wanna continue a marriage with an addict ..they’ll never change
I had a long term relationship with a widower. He just couldn't let go of the past. Would weep a lot. Talked about her all the time. She had died 3 years before I met him. I just couldn't handle it anymore. Obviously, I wasn't the one to get him over her.
Sounds like that novel, Rebecca
@@montymython754 I'm curious, Who wrote it?
@@spud1ism Daphne du Maurier
He’s going to become very exhausting for her.
Yep, among other things.
Update since it wont allow posting replies: definitely got more than enough information about this situation in the call the hear the red flags. Some boyfriend is asking his girlfriend about her late boyfriend "all the time" so he can "love her better". It's really weird.
@@Sam11747 judging the entire situation and the complex emotions involved off of a 10 minute conversation is impossible.
@@awakenedleadershipsublimin3411 there was more than enough in that call to hear the red flags. What kind of a man asks his girlfriend about her late boyfriend "all the time" so he can make her happy? It's weird.
The crow😂
Communication Vs Connection..hmmm..food for thought
Third caller: Sounds like your adult daughter has untreated BPD. Only a professional can diagnose. You said she rages the most at her partner. Fear of abandonment is the #1 trait of BPD. You do not have to tolerate and/or reward her bad behavior towards you. If she won't respect your boundaries & continues to disrespect you & makes you feel unsafe with her anger, rage & vile outbursts, then you may need to leave or end the telephone conversation.
Your self-care should always take priority.
Yeah i hope Anita can heal and be in a space ro help her daughter. But she clearly isn't in a safe space to do that.
Im definitely concerned about the adult daughters being a safe mom
Just the fact that she walked out on her oldest child makes me very wary for the other kids being in the same house as her. Amd yeah, just because she isnt violent to her kids doesnt mesn she isnt giving trauma to them by violent to her partner.
I think those kids should not live there
Yeah you might not be the guy. Someone is. But it probably ain’t you. That being said, he was just a boyfriend. If she’s smart she’ll do the math and recognize he was a nothing burger when compared to whoever her husband and father of her children will be. Stuff happens.
Dude, after three years.. YOU were the one who she trusted to hold her. Can you only imagine how MUCH she trusted you? Your role is to bring her back into the world, not to be suspoicious if she thinks of the dead guy. She sure does. But she chose you... and you chose her.. the other guy did not, he chose death. It is quite an advantage to be alive..
You're doing a fantastic job! Just a quick off-topic question: My OKX wallet holds some USDT, and I have the seed phrase. (alarm fetch churn bridge exercise tape speak race clerk couch crater letter). What's the best way to send them to Binance?
Anita did not call to listen and try to learn something new.
Caller 3 has all the excuses. All of them. They have a very codependent relationship
The perpetual sighing is unbearable
OK, I’ve been having a lot of free time. I’ve been unemployment unemployed for like one month and mentally probably that after the third day that I’ve been off I start spending more time and more time and more time with my siblings my brothers and all my family and I feel like it’s going to be really really hard when when I had to come back to work and I don’t know what to do.
GET A FUCKING JOB DUDE! simple
Create a financial plan to allow you to spend more time with family.
Jenna (second caller),
You sound like a complete Sweetheart. Run from your clown, soon to be ex husband. You're worth so much more then this fool.
He thinks he needs to save her. Do you bro if shes really not ready to move on youll know and then you decide what to do. In all reality shes probably ready to move on and its ip to you to get her there. Not to seem selfish but you need to make her forget what life was like with him because if how great it is with you.
Yeah, I think he's got a lot of growing to do. I got conflicting vibes from the situation. Her bringing it up or allowing it to be discussed is weird from both ends, but it could be attributed to immaturity. He definitely is white knighting her. That said, learning about what her late boyfriend did so he can do it is really weird. As a guy, I wouldn't want to be around him.
I feel like Anita is hiding something major that she is feeling guilt and shame about? I d k it was hard to listen to..
Move on from the past and let it go, don't dwell on it anymore, the ex boyfriend killed himself and is gone. Why keep comparing and living in the past. It's time to get over it all as it's been three years already. Also, there needs to be better mental health support services in place for men and women in the armed forces.
Love is part of the fruit of the Spirit. If shes not spending time with God. Eventually she will run out of love, maybe joy, peace, patience, goodness, gentleness and selft control. To make story short, having girlfriend, boy friend, marriages, will not make you find happiness in the long run. Majority of them end up bottom rock. 😮
Your closing message in this episode is the reason why I love watching you. You are such an amazing human being!!!!! Everyone should always tip outrageously and obnoxiously😝😝🤝🫶✨✨✨✨
Here before Johnny Jester! 😂
Never be someone's second choice.
2nd choice is ok when death is involved.... its like how marrying q widow or widower is usually way better and high success rates then a divorcee
Yeah the girlfriend should stay single forever 😂
Yeah, it's obvious she's talking about her late boyfriend with her current boyfriend. He then wants to pretend to be her late boyfriend. He's definitely second choice.
@@Sam11747 she talks about him because he abandoned her...not cquse he was her rock
@@wufflerdance9481 abandoned? I'm referring to the first caller.
The crow was a paid actor
Or God, calling her out on her BS.
Hey Anita,
Congratulations on having the most boring call ever.
Here's a hint: When you call into a live radio broadcast don't talk in circles. Just spit it out.
I feel like Anita is hiding something major that she is feeling guilt and shame about? I d k it was hard to listen to.. come clean!!!!!!!
I have a daughter w/ BPD and let me tell you, it is brutal..
If course I question everything I did, regret every time I raised my voice. In reality, I didn't cause it I don't know what did.
Some bullying in 4th grade? Genetics? Covid? I wasn't a perfect parent, but the was no emotional or physical or sexual abuse. She is our only child and we were very careful with her
Maybe the causes are a combination.
She's 19. When she yells at me, it terrifying, it's not just yelling and swearing and threats. Just so intense. Yes, she's hit me
Her room is disgusting., you can't imagine. She can't do anything (according to her)
I didn't know it was possible to live how we're living, nothing ever prepared me for this.
Also, I love her. She super intelligent, clever, funny, cute.
I put up with it because I don't want her in the streets.
She works one day a week, and doesn't keep all her appointments
We've spent time and big money trying to help her.
She changed from a brilliant, hard working, talented kid to depressed, suicidal, self harming and raging person in 1 day
I know hearing stuff makes you doubt the story, but it's absolutely impossible for anyone to really know what goes on at our house or her dad and I endure it.
💔
I can't even tell anyone everything.
The suggestions - have you tried medicine? Therapy?
Yes, we tried all the easy ideas and the hard ones too.
Therapists and psychiatrists and other doctors have quit working with her . At first they love her, but she's so mean, really abusive.
Those experts can quit, how am I supposed to know what to do.
😭
@@karenmcwiggins9469with much love and respect, stop enabling her. Kick her out. Maybe that will create a "bottom" enough where she will be willing to try something else. Also, drugs or alcohol in the mix?
@ it sounds like she’s acting out. When she changed to being depressed, what changed in your house?
The trauma therapy that should be considered is EMDR
Ahh. I see now that’s what he’s saying too
Ghost are there!!!
He's possessed by the late boyfriend.
Nope nope John this is Anna from Zambia.... Africa... you CAN NOT stop the yelling ... you have yell... 2025 yell ....
She basically an alpha widow. A woman who had the best she can have, so you will never win against him. Its like jada pitkin and tupac
Yep, and he's a very insecure and inexperienced. Pretending to be the boyfriend on some level is very beta.
Nice to hear that you don’t have to yell all the time.
That’s why she not into you dude your way to damn soft & have no confidence she want a man not a little scared boy 🤦🏽🤷🏽♂️
According to this mom's adult daughter, she can heal from the inside out through nutrition. Carnivore diet completely calms the brain! Please look into it! It changes lives! God bless you and daughter ❤🙏
❤
More chill?? Hahahaha
Caller2 a husband is not a best friend. Make sure shame is not the decision maker to stay.
as someone said, this girl has been alpha widowed. the new BF hasnt been in love before so hes acting like the virgin teen boy. he needs to find a younger woman who hasnt been in love. john encourages ppl to stay together but his body is telling him this is not for him. hes a fool for for being with an experienced woman
Bro podcasts have rotted your brain
HNY j