Why Most Relationships Are Doomed to Fail
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- Опубликовано: 11 сен 2024
- Why Most Relationships Are Doomed to Fail:
Wondering why most relationships are doomed to fail? In this video, we'll explain the common challenges that make love so hard. Learn how past hurts, emotional walls, and fear can impact your relationships and discover ways to overcome these obstacles for a stronger connection.
What You'll Learn:
Why young love and relationships can be tough
- How past experiences affect your love life
- Tips to overcome fear and build better connections
- Why you might feel lost in a relationship and how to find yourself again
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Fair Use Disclaimer
This video is for educational and transformative purposes, falling under the Fair Use Doctrine (17 U.S.C. §107). It provides original commentary, critique, and a thoughtful revision, contributing added value beyond the original sources.
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Yep. Right on the head. A lot of people sabotage the most healthy relationship they have because they lack understanding. .
💯🎯
The people in general wants appearance and status...but who has that sometimes don't respect others. They are not humble.
The hard thing in a relationship is show that you're special...that you have virtues. The people don't know, nowadays what is important. Is not all about money and status.
They lack a backbone. MOST relationships are ruined by allowing others to dictate how you should be . They allow friends and coworkers to tell you he/she isn't good enough . They'll happily tear down anything.
@@carlosr192.Amen!!
Exactly what my ex did. I used to be toxic, I know that and dealt with it through reflection and therapy, so I kind of understand her, but that wasn't enough. I gave her my very best (self) and she chucked it. Likely borderline. It's sad. She'll forever be in a cycle.
"the same walls that protect you are blocking your blessings" ommmmggg
His feed not mine!!!!
@@Thevulcanscorpionmaybe it's on yours for a reason. 🧠
Thissss!!!!!
The no 1 reason relationships fail is because people lie. That's it.
Don't lie, not to yourself or others. You only need honesty.
i agree completely
I understood it as omission, not necessarily as lying.
we lie because we know we did something that hurt the other person so the lied is to try and Protect us from the repercussions of the initial action that we did and when we lie we steal the persons freedom to choose if they want to forgive us. That why the main law of life that must be respected is to not steal.
Yes
True. Without trust there can be no successful relationship
Speaking from experience, the hardest part was finding the person it was safe to be vulnerable around then building on that in a reciprocal way while being raw and making a choice to accept who we are as raw hurt people until that's resolved. We're both doing much better now that we've been able to heal together ❤️ it's about the decisions we make and the tenacity to endure hardship together, not run from it
Yes maam! I feel all of this comment!! ❤
Preach!! ❤
Yup 👍 ❤
Still waiting to have someone like that in my life but I feel like I need to be a happier person to have that. Working on my healing.
Just make sure to not pretend to be happy, you can not fake anything. If you are not happy, then you are not happy@@phenitagomes1292
Going through this now...my boyfriend has a very different background than me, and I'm probably the healthiest person in his life...he just asked for space a couple days ago because he was "losing himself." I knew he wasn't losing himself...he's becoming different than he was and he's scared...I've had to evolve before he came along. The process is definitely scary and confusing.
To anyone evolving, this doesn't last forever. You got this. You can survive, even if it's just one day at a time. You got this.
I’m being forced to evolve now. Ultimately I will be grateful for this pain one day I hope, but right now it just fucking hurts so much.
Similar situation. I broke up with my first love 2 weeks ago. We were together for almost 2 years. Everything was fine for a year and a half and we were on the same page about life until 6 months ago. He woke up and said he wanted to disappear and go off grid. For months, I tried to keep him present, positive and hopeful for the future but his views about the world, society and people go so dark that he started to be irritated, distant and mean towards me that It started to affect me that I couldn’t take it anymore so we both agreed to go our separate ways . He couldn’t let go of the trauma that happened with his ex and his father. The sad part about it is that he said he was “not going to change ” he’s 34 and I’m 28
i have a question if you dont mind, me and this girl like each other but we haven't spoken to each other, but i dont have a car and she does, she seems like a good person but i cant assume the best also i feel like she won't be interested no more (when talking to her and mentioning it) i know people dont like going out of their way for others all the time.
sorry you lost him, hope you find your person 💯🫶🏼 @@Moonlilly13
@Acedawg42_ I don't understand. You think she won't be interested because you don't drive? If that's the case, she is not for you.
Also,
Don't be an alcoholic. 💯
😂
Yeah that might be a big help 😂
For being young, all marriages I’ve seen growing up have been destroyed from one falling into Alcohol addiction
😂😂😂 For real, though.
Yes that too 😂
I'm convinced most people don't know what the hell they want to begin with, many are just settling just to claim a partner while keeping their options open. Relationships today has become a huge joke for most.
Yup. They ARE a joke for the most part.
Yes
Real!!
Real
Some male czech therapist said good thing.... Some men were raised by parents, never feeling good enought, the father always criticies him...was always dominat in some way........ His perception is that every relationship is about superiority and dominance...so he doesnt want to lose his domance with women, because he thinks that she will also want to be dominant, bossy,not trying to meet his needs because he noticed it about his parents.......so he becomes dominant a and abuside toward her......he says its wrong...he should fully feel the bad feeling, feeling low, and bad about himself.....because if he accepts the feeling...... he may actually move forward, and become his own man, because the the feeings will go away by themselves, as he is able to feel the fully, he realises its just temporary..........and then find the the lady of his heart....treating her with love decency empathy....as he wishes to be treated by her.....And ladies should also heal first, feel the bad emotions,...then emotions will go away,and she may focus on herself and finding good relationship treating him with love and empathy and finding out who he is, what he likes etc. letting him speak, and the man will do the same for her....He made a book about it with his own wife.
This is why it's very important to heal from past trauma. Unload that heavy burden.❤❤
Totally agree. I’m doing that rn ❤️🩹🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
Easier said than done
@omnipotentworldwider5111 I agree 💯. But well worth it. Counseling, among other things, has helped tremendously. ❤️❤️
❤❤
How do one heal from past trauma
Some people need to hear this because they have those walls up. Others need to hear it because they cant see why the person they love wont let those walls down.
BARS!!! 🗣️🗣️🗣️🔥
Im in both positions, i have schizotypal pd (professionally diagnosed at 19 after a few years of professional therapy ,etc)
And while im trying to break down those walls, nobody even bothers to notice....
Im just assumed to hate everyone or the be a freak/creep, when im simply dont think or express myself like everyone else
And the moment someone realises there is soemthing different (they usually think im autistic) im immediately just treated like a monster
Ive yet to even met a person thats willing to try to understand or look past the surface
@@notrelatedtobacon1282 How old are you now, if I may ask?
I really need to hear that
Just learned this lesson yesterday. I felt like I was going insane, but I see now. I’m exactly where I’ve suppose to be and I couldn’t ask for a more loving partner. He’s pushed me to be better in his own way and I have to stop being so sensitive on my own past trauma. Fighting him and pushing back. He had nothing to do with it and I’ve treated him like so. He’s helping me face it head on and I simply need to listen. We’ve come a long way and I can’t wait for us to evolve even further, especially me. One hard ass pill to swallow.
thx for sharing, needed to hear this today ❤🙏🏻
What if he’s the reason for my sadness but also the only thing that makes me happy
@@afrinproma624you need to leave and figure your priorities. You shouldn’t feel sad. Maybe a little uncomfortable, but not sad. They should make you feel better about yourself, reassuring. Help you become more you than you’ve ever been. Your discernment is up to you to pay attention to.
Congratulations..i totally understand this part. You deserve it. ❤
Enjoy the relationship... good you see your perception... it will all be ok.
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
Impressive. Now the marketing morons are using conversations. People, don't fall for this.
This is why I wish we teach and learn about emotional intelligence and self reflection. Alot of today's issues stem from social issues and social issues are what we create
Nowadays everybody portrays that love is supposed to be easy. That it’s some kind of a fairytale happy ending you’re supposed to get but in reality love is hard. Love is disliking someones behavior but still loving them regardless because yk that this is the person I wanna spend the rest of my life with and I will stick to that person no matter what. Now love should not be toxic but love is most definitely not as easy as they make it seem. It’s two individuals with their own differences coming together to sacrifice, compromise and build each other up and that alone takes a lifetime cuz this can never stop the moment you stop doing these there is no relationship anymore. It’s not short, fun and easy. It’s long, hard and rewarding. If it’s easy there’s no long term growth. Easy relationships don’t last long.
Dummy freedom and love is on the same frequency. 99% don’t know what love is. Sacrifice my ass, u don’t sacrifice nothing period.
Love isn’t enabling bad behaviour or abuse. Relationships aren’t supposed to be hard because it’s not war. It’s love. We just need to be healthy enough to form relationships. And of course nobody is perfect and we are bound to have misunderstandings and disagreements, but there’s a fine line between enabling and accepting
Hmmm I guess you are misunderstanding love and relationship. Love and relationship are not synonymous. They are both different. Love is the source of happiness and life. Without love (in general), you can't feel aliveness. It's the sweet feeling that everyone has. It's something you feel and something you give and offer. Love is something that goes beyond the idea that every person could possibly grasp. It goes deep, expand, evolving.
On the other hand, a relationship is something you do with someone or something. Relationship with family, friends, work, partner, etc. And because of the complexities, it requires effort and commitment. Love isn't supposed to be hard since it's the source of happiness and joy. It casts away fears and brings things into light. And that light sometimes is blinding, especially for the person who has been in the dark or only knows how to rely on their senses without the help of other people. It's the challenges and differences that make a relationship enduring and complex, not love.
@@run_eclipseLove isn’t the source of happiness and life and love certainly isn’t this fleeting feeling that is out of one’s grasp. The areas of our life where we put in our effort are the areas that bring joy. Love is a choice followed by an action and finally a feeling that is only achieved by our actions.
Love is and should be difficult. If you look at it from a perspective that love should always be easy, you will never have a lasting relationship.
They way you wrote it, shows how useless most relationships are. Most relationships dont get better over time hahaha thats a big big scam. Mostly, it gets more boring and worse over time, and that mostly for women, thats why 80% of divorces are done by women. And the main reason is "i was bored". I got the feeling we humans are not monogamous. All these old couples you see, they are not in love like that. They are accustomed to each other, like good friends, thats it. Probably dead bedroom anyway. Love is overrated, between man and woman anyways. Its too conditional. Your wrote it, its hard, long, not fun. And a life long task. Why do it in the first place? Why struggle to maintain something that seemingly doesnt want to be maintained? Why break your head like that? What is the reward? There is no guaranteed reward because one partner will get bored at some point. The beginning stage is the best stage of relationships and yall dont want to realize that. It will never get better than the first couple years, no matter what some people now will write. And look at our times, almost all of the young people in the comment section will NOT have a life long partner. Thats fake. Humans are too superficial with that. Especially men are in a big dating crisis because modern women have extremely high standarts, lets call it for what it is. Love fades, its just a hormon. Dont be that weirdo that runs around in his endless search for love. And to the men here: women dont love you like you love them, trust me. Seek respect and a clean past. Thats the best you can get from her. The better you look the easier it becomes of course. Welcome to the hard reality, no disney, no hollywood.
I met my true love after my abusive, cheating ex husband abandoned me & our children. I was still so traumatized from my previous marriage & divorce, I didn't believe that love would ever be mine. My love & I separated & were apart for 5 years, then when we finally reconnected, it was like my eyes had been opened. I recognized the love we shared, & it was so much easier to let him love me & for me to love him than anything I'd ever experienced before. We are one another's peace. We comfort each other. We have a connection that is rooted from our souls. When the world is too much, we quiet & calm each other's spirits. It took those years of separation, soul searching, & reflection to realize we'd already found what we were looking for.
I hope that happen to me and my ex gf.she also has her past trauma from her ex she broke up with me because she dont understand herself she wants a baby she need to study and work to have permanent residence and to help her family i support everything she cant choose me she dont want hurt me and wait for her.☹️but im still hoping she come back
THIS IS TRUE. Healthy love will make you want to force yourself 2 check yourself & work on yourself so you don’t lose your person bc you know in order 2 keep them in your life you must grow & become better. & sometimes hangs your mentality & outlook on life. It’s beautiful if you let it b & don’t mess it up w dumb behavior like being stubborn or having 2 much pride.🤷🏻♀️💯 When you’re right you’re right, but when you’re wrong you’re wrong.
Choose a loving patient partner that understands relationship purpose is healing and growth that hidden self comes up when safe.. lovers will need a strong container, covering, support, and love to express and integrate that real whole you.To be fully seen, and known can take years. Thats why marriage is so special and sacred only a higher level of committment and degree of trust can manage this healing and growth.
This man is legit in line with the CREATOR. So clear, so concise, so brilliant on a whole nutha level. Serously. He just made more sense than all the expert books out there in one fell swoop. It takes GUTS to find something so precious, so unbelievably beautiful, and dare to even take a step. You have to push it but you also have to protect it and be insanely uncomfortable with such vulnerability. You really gotta feel it. Know it in your spirit. That’s where you find the courage for a journey like that. Fighting yourself first. So you don’t fight your beloved. Your one and only. No one wants to take that on. A deep diving detective into the darkest depths of your own soul… so you can FINALLY after years of struggle rescue yourself. Find the divine and humbly beg for help. Brings you to your knees. It’s the worst pain ever. The most terrifying truths. The most dangerous ideas. It’s scandalous in your own heart of hearts!!! Gotta get right for such a prize and it starts with you. Man in the mirror y’all. Love you MJ!!! ❤️❤️❤️
Melissa,
Your comment is incredibly well said and spot on. I am unpacking and facing demons and learning to love myself.
I am surround by love, from people I don't know, who are helping me while I learn to love myself. It is one of the most humbling experiences I have ever experienced. There are times when I feel an overwhelming amount of love towards me and I don't even know who to Thank.
Aww, Timothy, thank you for sharing that with me. I am honored to be even the smallest part of your beautiful story. So HAPPY for you! You deserve it. To experience love from the divine who loves you so very much. Proud of you, that “great cloud of witnesses.” I sincerely pray that you are blessed beyond measure and continue paying it forward. Sending nothing but love, joy, peace and happYness!! You are loved, my friend, no doubt about that❤️🩹
I have never seen such an amazing comment, you cant possibly imagine how much this means to me, how much this fits me. I am so close to finally being free. My father is the last person who stands in my way and im about to put an end to this once and for all, i can not let him keep destroying my life and my mothers life. I have to stop him. I know this sounds insane but i have to. I could just move out eventually but then my mother will probably never be happy again. He will not let her go away, because without her my father is nothing. I do not want to kill him but if he will leave me no choice then i will do what i must. I just need him to move out or let us move out but there is no way he will accept that. I probably will die if I fail this but im fine with that, i will not live another second being imprisoned like this, being cursed like this. If i succeed then i can finally face this women and express my love to her, i know we are meant to be together, she is litteraly perfect, we are the same being. May destiny be with me.
@@dariannisch7511 I hear you bro, do what you gotta do to protect yourself and those that you love. Good luck with your lady friend and God bless you on your journey 🙏
For over 10 years i've had this quote on my facebook page. "You are only confined by the walls you built yourself". Have always found examples of where it could be used in daily life but even more so found it in the deeper part of life.
Standing in front of a girl that wants to love you while wearing a suit of armor that has "no women allowed" written on the front plate...will not help you, at all.
Relationships are hard work and it’s rare to find people willing to do it 💔
Be careful if you're listening to this...Some relationships are difficult because they involve abuse. Just...Be careful...
😕
That’s so true.
Abuse should never be tolerated. Never.
@@margaritakleinman5701no, it shouldn’t. But the problem is that some people don’t recognize abuse for what it is. Growing up in toxic environments can make it seem like certain things are normal when they are not.
@@victorias5272 what you said 100%. It’s actually quite difficult for an adult to sort through and recognize what is abuse because the treatment was the everyday mundane thing, so it’s fine, it’s normal. You’d think it would be easy, but it’s truthfully blurred lines and distorted boundaries. The abused child becomes the legally blind in love adult. Without corrected ‘sight’ it can become dangerous. Forging the proper boundaries is even more difficult because the abusive parent destroyed them. The adult doesn’t know what goes where and when to shut the door. They are just open, vulnerable, until more abuse comes rolling in and then the walls get built.
@@victorias5272 And there are different types of abuse. Narcissistic abuse, for instance, is an entirely different animal. You can have a healthy upbringing and still be fooled by their charm, which is why they get away with so much and the people around them (or, to be more specific, the people they CHOOSE to have around them in order to build their idealized persona. Everything with them is calculated) often think they are "great". Nobody truly understands unless they've been through it.
My girl (was) had two past trauma, I treated her with respect, love her to death, gave my all to her. Since she never had someone treated her like this before, I listen to her past, step back and be careful to not do things that could trigger her past. When she gets mad at me, I never cuss at her, or raised my voice at her because I respect and love her. I stayed silent rather than escalate, I tried to communicate with her but I could never get her to talk it out as adults should do in a relationship. It’s always “it’s over or we’re done” when she gets mad at me on little things. I hope one day she would understand and may the lord heal her pain.
It was scary. I still would have chosen him, over and over, with every flaw.
He couldn't get over the fear. He held onto the trauma. And I don't know if I can try again. It's been almost a year since our 2nd breakup, and I am just now starting to feel okay again. I don't know if I'll ever love anyone like I did him.
Whatever you may go through from now on I wish you the best of health and wellness. Stay blessed 🙏
You will.. let go
I remember feeling this way about someone I was supposed to experience life with but only short term. Our connection was truly magnetic, and I believe it scared him. I also put him on a pedestal and overcompensated. Never worked out because he had too much trauma and core limiting beliefs. It took me two years to really get over that man, but I finally did. Also another thing to note, don’t think about that person being to make you feel a certain way, but think about what quality is that person embodying that you can find in the next person. For instance, I liked how the guy I dated was playful and was willing to dance in the kitchen with me. So now I seek a man who is playful and will dance in the kitchen with me and someone who isn’t afraid of being vulnerable. ❤
@@ShyiaRobinsonso you were in the honeymoon phase. Nothing special, of course youre super in love. It sould have faded anyway
Exactly. The key is to work through it together and discover, it's the past traumas and how you can resolve it. Then you start to heal with the person you feel most safe with
A vibrational mismatch will always reveal itself with time.
You may pair up a happy person, full of life, with his/her opposite for a while. But I guarantee you, it won't last long. (Exception: If they do - one has definitely brought the other one to their level through time; positively _or_ negatively)
You _have_ to do that vibrational work, that energy healing work, get yourself to be the full you again. *But don't do it to get into a relationship; do it for you and your own happiness.*
Opposites may attract but like with like are the ones that last. (That's what I meant with the exception)
Stop saying “vibrational work” it’s so woo woo it’s dumb
Yep, I self sabotaged a beautiful budding relationship because all of my traumas and triggers came up - he was the healthiest sweetest man I had come across and I simply wasn’t ready for someone like that in my life at that time, he broke it off saying it was unhealthy for us to continue and I don’t really blame him. Just goes to show I have work to do.😊
Cant be there again. Put my walls up. I cannot allow hurt again. Having a
good heart was my weakness.
It’s understandable ❤
Hmmm
No. Having a good heart isn't a problem. Wrong person is a problem
It’s not all about ur walls not having good heart and get hurt, it’s the wrong guy or woman who didn’t know how to treat they partners to show true love, being honest or want to fix problem I had that 3 years now glad I’m alone again, I feel you my, but I still keep being a good warm hearted men.
Jesus loves you! Having a loving heart is one of the best things about you!
I’m feeling very, very hurt. I’ve been thrown away like a piece of trash. He was so harsh with me and with no remorse.
I am so sorry you are going through that... but know it's not you but them... they are dealing with stuff that wasn't created by you... I hope you feel better and heal
@@KG-bliss thank you, it’s kind of you to say. I’m doing ok, just upset I got discarded and can’t even defend myself either. Thanks for the kindness!
Dont forget you are loveable and you will find a better person. Be glad you are rid of a bad influence before it got too late.
Sounds like you have dealt with someone with a personality disorder. I’m sorry to hear that. Be kind to yourself and heal. Talk to someone, a therapist hopefully. Because chances are this person will come back, and you will be vulnerable to their return. Do not for any reason let them come back. Block them asap. Please do not let yourself get trauma bonded because it will get worse the more cycling happens. Good luck, and hope you recover soon
I am so sorry to hear that. There are a lot of good men out there who’d love to have a sweetheart like you as their partner. Unfortunately, some guys view a loving and patient woman as subject for abuse because she won’t “punish” his behaviour.
We have to heal ourselves and learn to Love ourselves from WithIn, in order to Be Ready For True Love. Relationships with others become easier when we fix the relationship with ourself 🙏💖☀️✝️
Yes... true
Facts! It would be so beneficial to see a therapist and unpack & resolve some of these past hurts, but NOBODY wants to be intentional & put in the hard work.
Being emotionally mature plays a huge role in relationships
This 😮 is exactly why I am struggling to find love. Unresolved issues that lead to walls that i put up to open myself up.
It sounds like you’ve found the key to your locked door. Work on those issues and then love will find you when you’re ready. Good luck my friend!
Therapy is very important to working through your own toxicity. Everyone has something toxic about them as a result of their past.
Ugh same...
A textbook description of me and what happened to me over 2 months ago. I pushed the person away from me even though I want to be with him. This time I broke my own heart and that pain is the worst I've ever experienced. I'm crushed and devastated inside.
With awareness comes the ability to change. For better or worse, your choice.
Is there anything stopping you from reaching out to them and reuniting?
So, fix it. If you can
@@Garthorium I chose to change.
@@AnselGrey I soon tried, but to no avail.
Apologized sincerely, said I'm sorry, confessed about my fear and insecurities, let him know I began a therapy, asked to forgive me.
No response.
He obviously doesn't care. It only confirms that he actually wasn't honest and really into me. We didn't even touch but my heart aches so much for him.
@@Lipanj92 Well if you've done everything you can, then don't worry about it. If he won't reply to you, despite your efforts to change, there is nothing you can do. That's his choice. Don't ruminate or think about what could've been, because you've already established he doesn't care. Just be glad you dodged a bullet, if things worked out initially, you could've been left hurt far worse than you are now. It'll be alright, but seriously. Let yourself move on.👍
I thought I was the only one who felt this way. Here’s to a partner with the strength to do hard things with me🙌 Here’s to someone who is worth the work and who understands how much I am worth the work.
I wish I could send this to her! My girlfriend of two years finally found out she had depression!! So she broke up with me! I hope she gets better soon!
Oh gosh Carter...that sucks! Wishing whole and expedited healing to both of you!
@@kyvministries Thank you! I appreciate it!
My girlfriend(4years) then fiancé of 1y did this to me a few weeks ago. Wedding canceled
I really couldn’t believe it was over, I called her after wanting to understand why this happened, did I do something? Was there someone else?
Fast-forward: We rekindled our relationship and she wanted to go to therapy because she couldn’t explain why she did and said the thing she said.
She experienced a “burnout”, our relationship is still shaky but we making progress.
Went indoor skydiving the other day and just loved seeing her smile and laugh.
be thankful she's self-aware instead of looking for distractions
damn you guys are getting cheated on
YESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! FACTS!!! HEALING IS ESSENTIAL TO RECEIVE AND HAVE THAT ONE IN A LIFETIME LOVE.❤❤
Yup. The most frightened I've ever felt was when I fell in love. Deep unconditional love. A raw emotion.
I'm holding onto the belief that the right person is worth the scary, vulnerability 🖤
If so scarry why dont let that fine good Other help you dealing with all through Relationship? Better to try then not and loose divine blessing...
Even life
And a chance..
Bcs logic says A chance also will not be forever..
And if "forever" is already pass and last a long time, then is total screwed to even talking abt that, Bcs this should be resolving already process with someone special, not just talk talk and loose chance after chances and then die
This is why I'm avoiding any intimacy until I heal myself on my own so that the other person doesn't have to deal or witness my broken and hurt side, it's not their responsibility or burden to carry, I want to enter a relationship as a healthy complete individual and not as a broken mess
That is a healthy step and journey you are on🧡 remember that these things take time, and there is no need to wait until you are “perfect” to let someone good and genuine into your life. Godspeed
Painfully true. I lost my chance because I was too scared of messing up the relationship that I didn't progress and lost everything
That is so wrong on so many levels.
If you're scared, don't get into a relationship. It's as simple as that.
Work on yourself, and grow mentally first to understand that a long-lasting healthy relationship doesn't have to be complicated or emotionally wrecking or scary.
I can relate to this because i have a best friend were she has been hurt before by her friends, she was abandoned by her friends, so she is scared to trust me fully, but i promise her that i will always be there for her and that im not like them, and im willing to be patient with her. i hope that i will be able to gain her trust. wish me luck
Hope you'll succeed bro
The very first relationship I had was with a guy who exhibited all the signs of a player. I latched onto it and also pretended to be what I thought he wanted me to be. But if I was myself, we’d be better connected. Or I would sooner be rid of said player. It’s the imperfections and quirks that garner true intimacy. The more you stay true to yourself, the more you will attract the right match.
So true. They fail because of trust issues and because of deceit.
Goin through thst now. Our connection is very very strong but that wall though
I believe in you
I hope this reaches to that right person & believe in themselves & believe in the power of true connection
I'm telling you... this man spit facts!.. I'm going through that shit right now!.. heal..so u don't self-sabotage good things and good people coming ur way..
I'm kinda there right now.
It really is scary sometimes. The parts of me which are used to walk on egg shells still have to understand that there is no harm and danger anymore. There are even deeper parts of past traumas I didn't know about before...sadly...besides my true self finally feeling save to come out there are also times where I get caught up in my head, thinking everyone secretly has very bad intentions....and I often don't notice this state until something escalates and I always feel so bad afterwards.
But I'm so grateful to my partner for understanding and helping me through this.😭
U need to get help seriously. It is obviously affecting your mental health and perception of your immediate surroundings. Ur distrust due to trauma is what is holding you back from moving forward. An elephant tied to a tree trunk even when let loose will still not roam freely. Every unresolved trauma will tend to magnify the reactions or new responses.
You may need to relearn what is safe environment and who can be trusted(not by words but by their actions,unspoken words&non verbal body language. Cellular memories by our muscles,body due to repetition moves we used to do have deep anchors. Forgive yourself and the other person. You got this now and be healed.
@@Millielai12 Yes, I'm absolutely aware that I need help. I hang on there to get a therapist.
@lavenna522 Take care .Hope you find happiness,success and stay blessed.
@@Millielai12 Thanks a lot
Those walls, drove me away because I’m working on myself and that can only be done with someone who works with you not against you.
its terrifying caring about someone that much in a real love situation when you have been damaged and hurt in the past. the current person ive been involved with i just made aware of it right off the bat this time. im trying my hardest to be as clear and direct to avoid it getting messy in the future and so far so good, they reassure me all the time and its lovely. now we are able to try and figure out other potential issues we may have due to distance now.
100% true. But it is hard and scary to let someone completely in and let your feelings get involved. You don't want to be get destroyed again.
It's true.
"The same wall's able to protect you is the same wall is blocking your blessings"
This wall/filter, illusion is the conditioning of society, parents, people, defense mechanisms.
We can dissolve this filter/wall by learning about ourselves. Our "MBTI" (8 cognitive functions), "Enneagram", "Human Design" systems for example, and with meditation, we reconnect to our self.
Be alone, heal, reconnect to our self, and only after relationship if we want.
Majority of people are in Karmic relationship, to learn something, useless to envy them.
Most important advice about love I wish I knew when 21: sometimes love is not enough. Sometimes love cant win. Sometimes its better to go away. Love doesnt always win and cant forgive everything.
Then they blocked you cut off without any reason, & we just wonder what we did wrong, we actually love him unconditionally. it's broken from inside both trust & heart broken.
This is what happen to the love of my life, issues appear and he chose yo call it quits, even do, i have nothing but respect and im very very fond of him.
I will always love you S.
Agree.... it is scary to love someone with all you have. 😢
Happened to me. I was 25, the same walls that attracted her made me lose her. Maybe was not meant to be, but oh boy how much i wish i was authentic! I'm 35 now and still miss her. I love you Andrea
I wish you the best but if you still love her maybe you can contact her? Maybe she feels the same way, if not that's okay you'll find your true love someday!
This is true. We cannot move on if we are holding onto the past. This is why I take my time after a relationship, to reflect and work on myself. Even if it takes me years before I'm ready to date again. Though I will say that even if you have a bit of a wall up, a healthy partner will not try to force it down or fake affection in order to give you a false sense of security and gain your trust. They will be patient and allow space for you both to grow together. Remember to be patient with each other.
Why does this hit so hard?? 😭😭😭 It's like he's speaking directly to my younger self...
Hit the nail on the head. I was lucky to have an ex that was mature enough to realize this. She knew her trauma was too much for her and I couldn't help her get past it, she needed professional therapy, so we did what was best which was to break up. Little did I know that she didn't intend to get back with me once she got the treatment, she moved on and I ended up having to do the same as well. It was for the best, because we both knew it wouldn't have worked out either way. I had to control myself as much as possible as I was afraid of hurting her in any way, so now I know she wasn't the one I'm looking for.
Nearly a mirror image of my situation. My ex was seeing a therapist - allegedly - and discovered that she didn't really have a life outside of relationships apparently. We mutually agreed to a break that turned out to be her way of getting with someone else, cause no matter how bad it got, no matter how poorly she may have treated me at times, I still stuck around because I loved her. Not even 2 weeks after initiating the break another guy was already in her bed. We can only ever truly know ourselves, at any an all moments in time. There was clearly no intention of ever being together again and the break was a lie with the means to let me down easy. In some twisted way I do believe she wants to get together again down the road, but right now she's 'finding her feet', I'm not sticking around if healing from trauma means being run through by other guys. Goodbye.
Very true. Trying so hard to break down someone’s wall who keeps adding more layers. Not used to experiencing a woman like myself so I must be too good to be true
The worst relationship advice I was given and I hate it to this date is: "Relationships are for fun only" It's bullshit
This is what happened to me. I block my walls to protect myself from people and I feel like sometimes it back fires.
My boyfriend & I were going through a rough patch but after 1 week of giving him space, he decided that it’s best we breakup bc we can’t seem to solve the issues we’re facing…it’s saddening bc he’s giving up on us so easily when I’m confident that we can conquer this 😢 he always hide his feelings & it’s my fault that whenever he brought those issues up, I’ll dismiss him & tell him not to think too much 🥺 I still love him a lot & envision a future for us…
💯 I feel freer now because of my husband. I hated him for confronting my traumas- mostly generational ones, because I was offended, not realising that I am offended not for myself, but my rrots, my mom, my entire family. It is when I accented that he was actually right all along, and that I've been nursing those traumas instead of letting them go and risk getting offended, but in the long run, I was able to break my walls and I can see now how much I was imprisoned by wrong beliefs and toxic relationships
"Their true selves is coming out". And they feel like they are losing themselves. Then they self sabotage and go on to something more comfortable with the beginning stages of a relationship again. We're wired too much from social media and dopamine to always feel good. While in actual fact a healthy, long lasting relationship / marriage is WORK. True love is work, hard, painful, a RISK, but it's worth it because of the Love that you'll feel and growth that you see between two individuals who are hurt BUT are willing to put in the work.
This is the truest massage ever
These days that call it being desperate as soon as you open up
AMEN! When I was first romantically interested in my husband, I had just been royally dumped three weeks prior. I knew I was holding onto a lot of baggage and decided to wait until I got over the hurt and felt whole again before pursuing a relationship with him because I did not want to sabotage what I felt could be the great love of my life. And he still is. 30 year anniversary coming up next year.
This. My first love of almost 3 years left me because of her past and childhood trauma saying she lost herself. It broke me.
Im crying... Just started a relationship, everything was going so well I started to get suspicious at everything good thrown at me, looking for danger where there is none...
Or you're in your 30s, have already had some of those "bigtime-love-hurt-relationships", have uncovered all of your invisible walls, years of therapy and meditating and now are just beyond grateful when you found a partner who experienced the same and now you can just be vulnerable and honest and CHILL about it. Just peacefully chillin. And it works. No need for drama anymore.❤
First relationship officially started like two weeks ago and i did not expect it to get this hard this early
You are so right 💯
Just the thought of it truly does terrify me yet at the same time it electrifies my heart & soul ❤
Every interaction is a transaction of exchange of self through experience of reflection for introspection and correction ❤ the golden rule ratio is always there, objective perspective as individuals of collective, feel it within yourself and you will be in harmony with the eternal flow of all
This guy's name is "Stephan Speaks"
and is a very GOOD intelligent man to listen to
Long distance relationship even harder 😢 4 years yet we haven't met in person due to certain circumstances. I love him so much 😊
"The same walls able to protect you are the same walls blocking your blessings." God damn...
We want it but are scared of it and then get it and aren't sure how to stewart it well being so accustomed to toxicity. "It's harder to be guarded than to let go and love" ❤
Wow this is powerful. You can just feel the wisdom emanating from this man.
It's been a few years since I've been in a relationship with anyone and to be honest I find it hard to trust someone who didn't go through things alike to me. It's funny and strange. I can easily open up about what I went through but when I feel someone has no idea what this was and how it felt, my feelings just go numb,
Thank you for putting yourself in the first seconds of the video. Very helpfull
“the same wall that protects you, is the same wall blocking your blessings”
My ex I learned was really just using me all along. She had me, and I treated her better than anyone ever had, and she gave up. She came into my life and flipped everything upside down, and frankly I was made miserable by how she treated me. She’s back to jumping from guy to guy like she was before she met me, but I know deep down that she’ll regret it eventually. I just feel sorry for her now, and some days I still have anger, and some days I couldn’t care less. But one thing that’s stayed consistent is I’m grateful to God that I walked away from her when I did, because I was being poisoned by a narcissist who cared only for how I gave her attention and didn’t value me at all as anything other than some possession.
My relationship advice: if your gut is telling you to keep away from someone, because you know deep down they aren’t being genuine, don’t waste another breath on them. Move on.
And not necessarily hard in an unhealthy way. It's beautiful if both people are mature enough to work through it.
So true. This is what I am doing. I pray that God heals me. I am so traumatized by man. May God have mercy on me.
It's just so on time...❤
Thank you so much..
So wise
This has been my experience.So well explained. Bless you❤❤❤❤❤❤
I used to believe this and it made me tolerate horrible things way too long. I was abused and I didn’t realize it for years because I thought relationships are hard work. Guess who was the only one who worked on the relationship… never again.
Wow..this is an eye opener. Thank you for sharing this!
So beautifully said and as always, spot-on! Gotta ❤ Stephan!!
You have to go into every relationship like you're jumping into a pool. You have to let go of trying to control what's gonna happen and just let it happen. If you go in with hopes and expectations, you're most likely gonna be disappointed and heartbroken.
Whether we last a week or a lifetime, she cheats or doesn't cheat, we see each other once a week or every day, whatever... I can't control how things are gonna go.
All I can do is give it my best and allow it to run its course. Most relationships ended, but one would've lasted forever if she didn't pass away.
I've never felt the pain of heartbreak because I never had any expectations.
One was even seeing other people behind my back and I still don't care to this day.
I've only felt the pain of loss. Which is worse because it doesn't go away
Yup. The difference between me and my ex is I never would have gave up on us.
Don't worry about being single. Just build. Don't brag about what you build either, that attracts the sharks.
It's amazing & intriguing how accurate you are
Wow I really needed to hear that right now, thank you man!!
So true. Currently going through that 😢
Hit deep with that one...
For those that don’t know, he has a RUclips called Stephan Speaks and he’s wonderful. He has books that are easy to read. I highly recommend at least to watch his videos. He’s brought light to my life honestly.
that the nicest thing i ever heard...me, my self growing up with broken family..my grandma too from broken family..everything from my parent side is broken. At the age of 32, i just realize that My mother is very abusive and my father doesnt care...now i cant even initiate the relationship with women as it remind me theabusive thing that my mother did...its like streching a rubber band..the farther u strech, the painful it get...i dont know how long i can take it anymore as i start losing my head.
Hardest part is to finally realise you sabotaged the best thing to happen in your life and now she’s gone and won’t ever see her again