The REALITY Of Being A STAY-AT-HOME Mom in 2024.
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- Опубликовано: 10 июл 2024
- Today, let's talk all about stay-at-home moms. There's a real problem with the sahm life model as we currently have it, and I think we need to talk about it. I'm sharing my commonsense cultural takes, so leave a comment down below.
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Hey! I'm Abby, the creator of Classically Abby. I'm a wife, mama, homemaker, opera singer, and RUclipsr who is doing my best to live a classic life each and every day. If you want to know more, head over to www.classicallyabby.com/about...!
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Bro, any 60-70 year old Grandma who is working isn't doing that for choice, theyre doing it out of necessity
A lot of women wish to be stay at home mothers but in today's world it is simply not an option for many people because of how depressed wages are and how expensive housing etc has become. You just need to look at the average salary vs the cost of the average house over time to see why people can't do it.
I used to sit on the underground train on London, and dream of it, and feel guilty. It just wasn't ever even an option, for me.
Not true. I’m tall handsome and wealthy. Every woman I ever offered that or told I want that for my family was completely turned off to the idea… but I only date women half my age.
@@jamesmanter8731 something is off in your story (i doubt you're either handsome, wealthy or tall)
@@realistadelnuevoextremo my ex-wife is 15 yrs younger then me. I earn a quarter million a year at my day job, and I’m 6 ft tall. It’s All in perspective. I’m sure your poor short and fat that dates women older then you
@@realistadelnuevoextremoit's definitely a troll lol
I want to be a SAHM when it comes time to have children. Most of the women I know want to be a SAHM, but a lot of men out there can't provide for it. Unfortunately, salaries are pretty stagnant for the moment and aren't meeting the inflation in my area. The housing market is terrible as well. It's a little overwhelming and depressing. If I can't afford to stay home, I'm not sure if I even want to have kids because I would feel guilty for not being able to provide them with my full attention.
To pay our mortgage, we need two incomes (based on what my husband and I earn currently), and my husband would probably not earn enough to support a family while also paying a mortgage for several more years. We live in a small town outside of a medium size, Midwestern city. I’m hoping for part-time work, but even that is tricky. Staying hopeful!
Salaries stretch further when bills are lower. To maximize the potential to be a SAHM, try to avoid different debt types. Don't get into student loans seeking a degree you don't hope to actually use. Don't take massive loans out for cars that depreciate. Best case scenario is only mortgage debt - that's your best chance to get to stay home
Even with mortgage debt, houses are expensive and sometimes require 2 incomes to live comfortably. You have to remember Abby doesn’t have a mortgage because her parents paid for their home.
some people are poor abby…
something people dont realize when watching this channel: Abby has never had a real job. EVER. She has never and will NEVER work retail, fast food, etc. Any job like that. ever. It's so reeling to think about
@@kc-lz8gs She has no idea how privileged she is. There are many women who do all that she does and have a full time job so they can pay the bills
I'm always stunned that people have extended family around and that they are good for your kids. I wish i had this. I hope I can be there for my kids.
I don't think it matters if you are a SAHM or a working mom. The world was not built for women at all. And no, not talking from a feminist perspective. Whatever choices any woman makes will always be judged very harshly. It does not even matter if you have built a life that works well for you in your family. I think much of this has to do with the formation of suburban living. We live in these beautiful looking homes that are in no way welcoming. We don't live in little, walkable towns. We live in large houses, surrounded by people who are not family, in homes that no longer have front porches where we engage with our neighbors. We build up our media rooms instead of our towns. We don't work in family businesses anymore where we can be with our husbands and support them while also teaching our children. It is a very different world that allows men to experience the world, and women, no matter what they choose, they will be isolated.
I think you are absolutely correct. I live in the US and I admire the cultures which value families living together in a community. I have married into such a culture and I believe that we in the US can learn a lot from them. I have 2 small children and the grandparents stay with us for extended periods and are so helpful with the cooking, cleaning, taking care of children, etc. We weren’t meant to live in isolation. We need the help of family and friends living life together.
@@user-xh1cg2bt3y same. It worked for me to be a working mom because I had my mom, both sets of grandparents, and a close friend to help me out. It was great! I have school age kids now and work fully at home, so I get even more time with them. I know I am the rarity as far as having family very close by who love helping out and don't bat an eye to help unless they are unavailable for some reason. We even bought the house my dad grew up in. He comes over and just does projects for us, completely unasked, because he likes helping and he loves being near his grandkids. I hope my husband and I have enough money to build an addition to our house to one day take care of elderly family members. That is one of my major prayers. We had my one grandma live with us for a while until it was clear she was getting dementia. Then my parents took over and had her live with them. I am blessed to have the family I have. Not many today have the blessing of a family support system. I was heavily judged by middle aged SAHMs for working. They knew nothing about my life and the support I had! They just assumed I was dropping my kids off at daycare or some stranger's house. Had I not had the support system I had, I probably would not have worked.
Actually the world WAS built for women (and men), because GOD built/created this world, not people. And women - again, and men - can take back their God-given role in this world. ☺️
@@genasseeceline semantics, babe. If you can't see that, well bless your heart. I know everything you are saying. The fact still stands, the world in general as it is today is not built for women cause the people with the most power don't care. That is why it is important for a woman to marry a godly man.
@@user-xh1cg2bt3y I grew up in an extended family and I can get what you're saying. At the same time,I looked at the culture of a big family and all of the positive and negative dynamics of a big family working together and I really wanted something different for myself. It was too many voices in my personal life and too many echo chambers that lead to narrow-minded beliefs. I enjoy visiting my family,but I love my life working towards a career that I love and I am good at. & I want to continue to put that idea into my own kids of being able to choose working or staying at home as both choices being worthwhile and that they should make sure the resources are there for them to make either decision.
The section on homeschooling as a sense of purpose was a little confusing. I’m not against homeschooling but I think if it’s done it should be because it’s the best method for the child. Not because it gives the mother a sense of purpose. Not all mothers can also be teachers and not all kids thrive in that environment. 😅
As a stay at home mom and homeschool mom i appreciate this video. Our child is medically fragile so staying home was best for her and child care is too costly for not being able to fully meet our childs physical needs.
I’m a stay at home mom. My very real complaint is that most areas and cities in the US are not WALKABLE and the public transit horrible. It is so hard to get around without a car. There are also very little park play areas for kids that are up to date and accesible to all. If these areas of infrastructure were better I bet it would be more appealing to be stay at home moms. So much more to do even if you can’t afford that second car. My family lives in another country and so does most of my husband’s family, we are truly alone, but have made good friends along the way and have started to make our village.
I completely agree! I just had my 2nd boy in February and I have been making a concerted effort to find and cultivate community with other SAHMs it's already made such a difference in my life.
Also, 🤗 is my most used emoji!
I had to cut out content of regretful parents out of my life on top of the childfree content I’ve cut out. I still believe not everyone wants to have kids (I was that way for 10 years), but for me personally, in order to open my heart to being a mom, I had to cut out that content. Not because I’m trying to shield myself from the realities of being a parent, but because feeding my mind with that content is like feeding a beast. It makes me more afraid to embark on being a mom with my husband.
I've always known I wanted to be a sahm, but financially, I couldn’t right away. It wasnt until my husband went on military orders that I was able to quit working (my son was one by that point). I wish I could have stayed home right from the beginning but I'm blessed that I can be home now. Unfortunately I dont know if I'll be able to continue next year when my husband gets home from deployment and returns to his civilian job which makes far less. Rising living costs and debt just make things difficult 😢
Also, this 😂 is my most used emoji face
Also being financially reliant on a man is never a good idea.
Why not?
@@carleslsHe could lose his job, become abusive, die, leave you, or be bad at managing money. This is an obvious question.
@@djervalevy9784 Yep, and have fun searching for a job with a multiple year gap in your cv and little work experience
Do you believe this is the only reason why women even work?
@@rickybobby8616 They also work because they HAVE to.
Yes. I feel like I can’t wait to go back to work to be social. But then again I don’t see myself ever going back to work lol.
Totally agree that we're so removed from support systems. My husband and I moved to an affluent area last year to have our first baby. A year later, we've decided to move to my home town before we have our second because we really need that village, and this affluent town, lovely as it is, is full of two income families. My husband is taking a pay cut to move us cross country, but we know it's worth it because we have such a community there of young, like-minded parents 🥳
That singing “byyyye” at the end - idk why but I tear up from joy every time 😂😂😂 I feel ridiculous for that 😂 but I do almost or every time you operatically sing “bye” at the end 😂♥️♥️♥️
❤️ I am quitting my job as a teacher at the end of the school year, and I am both super stoked and so nervous about it. Most of my friends are either working moms or they dont have children yet, so I really appreciate your tips at the end of the video!
Remote work can make being a SAHM a bit more attainable for the everyday family, but it's still mostly a luxury. Sorry but the reality is that not every man/husband can pull 100k+ salaries in a low cost of living area. Any sort of social program that would actually be pro-natalist that you would think conservatives would love (federal PAID leave for example) are dismissed as SoCiALIsM.
I would love to see you cook in the kitchen again Abby. Love those old cooking vids!❤😊
There's a truth about inflation level through the century: paying stayed nearly at same 100%, while cost of life is a lot higher than 200%. Again: To live to the same cost, you need work or work two times more and harder, or work together.
Strong men creates easy times, and unless the idea of perfect family exists - there is hope for the world.
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This is honestly my most used face emoji 🥴 haha
I appreciate your thoughts on this topic. I’m a stay at home mom and my kids are 10 months apart in age. I am so grateful I was close enough to family when they were babies to have support, because it really can be hard if you don’t have that. 🥰
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Yass to the singing love it ❤ . This video is true I long for sahm friends. I have none. But I need to get out more with the Littles . Thanks for the tips
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Your makeup looks so pretty in this video ❤
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I want to be a stay at home cat mom but my husband said no lol
Abby, I wish you had created this video 35 years ago when I was starting my family…I thought it was hard because there was something wrong with me…My youngest is 17 now, and what you say rings true for me. If you have a loving extended family, I think staying near them would help a lot. Even if your mom and all of your sisters are working, at least you can have family time on the weekends. Cousins can grow up together. I moved three hours away from my family for my husband’s job without truly realizing I was moving away from family.
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I didn't need help. I didn't need a village. I just did it myself and it was fun
I totally agree! Things seem so divided socially though, if it wasn’t for having a faith-based community, I’m not sure many people would find their village.
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😅….not sure what this says about me 🤔😂. Anyway, love your content!
I was pushed to work to buy new cars, houses, or vacation for 20k a year every year like they do. Im good. I am a full time caregiver and home making for 21 years now and I love it❤. Even the really hard parts😌.
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Most used emojis: 😂😅😁
Kosher and happy Passover to you and all Jews.❤✡️
Not very conservative from you
EL MEJOR TRABAJO DEL MUNDO (para las mujeres, claro está)
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Your short hair really is sooooo pretty 🥰
I hear what you're saying but so many women are single moms or their partner doesn't make enough money to support the household so women must work too... I think it can be a hindrance to your argument when it isn't acknowledged that this video isn't necessarily directed at women who are able to stay home. Ah never mind just saw that you acknowledged it. My bad! Got to listen before commenting, I'll work on that
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so interesting , and yeah I agree
Stay-at-home mom of 12 years now. So grateful that my husband and I set up our lives to be on one income. In the beginning, we dipped into savings so I could stay home for about the first 5 years. I was rough, but we did it. Now we live more comfortably, but still very much within our means. I originally sent my kids to school but then decided to homeschool. This video is so true, its hard when the kids are little. Now we are busy with homeschool and sports, and I long for those quiet afternoons sometimes. I can't wait to be that grandma that stops in and lets my daughter have an hour or two off to rest or bake cookies with my grandkids. My marriage is amazing too, I have the energy to be a good wife. When he is grumpy, I am well rested and happy, and it keeps the house calm. I briefly went back to work part time for 6 years, and it was so hard. Home cooked meals were less and less, I was pulled in every direction, and I felt I was mediocre at both work and home, I was too tired for my husband... When I told him I wanted to go back to being a SAHM, he said YES PLEASE. No amount of money was worth the hussle. I make good money too, my husband and I do the same type of work. Im happy being comfortable doing what I love. I hate when people put it down, especially when they have never done it, Ive done both. Your life is better at home.
I want the 5 minutes I wasted on this back.
She’s just so beautiful
😂 is my most used emoji
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I feel like all she does these days is complain
I’m not conservative but I enjoyed her old videos because it was a conversation. Now she just complains
I feel like every video is her complaining about being a SAHM. Go back to opera singing if you hate being a mother so much. You feeling judged is a YOU problem. Deal with that with a therapist. Also you should vote for politicians who want to vote for things like universal healthcare, paid maternity leave, cracking down on corporations who are responsible for inflation and maybe if they weren't price gouging, people wouldn't need two incomes, and lowering taxes for people who aren't millionaires and billionaires and make sure the millionaires and billionaires pay taxes so we can afford things like universal healthcare and paid leave. But no, keep voting against your interests. Also not all nuclear families have a mother and father. Some have two mothers or two fathers.
All Abby does is complain. She sounds so miserable. Hopefully she can work on finding happiness in her life.
It depends so much on the family, though. Husband & I moved half way across the country to get away from abusive, liberal, anti-Christian family members. Sometimes being alone is better.
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A lot of them are single mothers, half are bad half are good.
Abby, yet again, not understanding people are individuals and not everyone wants what she does.
Poor rich little Abby is bummed others need to work for financial reasons or because they want to- and not have tea parties with her in the afternoons.
She, again, is taking a huge shit on her own mom- she worked when Abby was a child, she still works and Abby is clearly still resentful.
Plenty of women handle both kids (or more) just because you can’t- doesn’t mean other moms automatically put the older kid in daycare.
She also seems so easily swayed by absolutely everything she sees on the internet, maybe you spend too much time on the internet, Abby?
I really think she's unhappy with her decisions.
@@AllisonIntheCity I can't imagine what she'd be like without her mother and mother in law's help. She's very fortunate to have that. They seem to help her a lot.
@@carlygilbert2794 Yeah, it's nice to have free childcare so you can nap whenever you want to!
aight lol this was a bit harsh and altho Abby's views can come across as being in a nice cushy bubble (I'm not even trying to say that to put her down, because I DO COMPLETELY EMPATHIZE with your statment but I also see the validity in hers) being so nasty and arrogant in the comment section does little except make you look like a bully. In any case, you're not wrong about how the delivery of this message comes across as if a woman is perched on a stoop looking down on other women and nagging other women to stay home when it seems like that is just not a realistic option. But the issue isn't whether she acknowledges that not all women can stay home, it's more how can we get women in the position to stay home if that is what they so choose. I do agree however, I think the reason this video comes across as so offensive it's basically insinuating that women WANT to stay home when in reality, so many cannot. But again, Abby did acknowledge it in the video and in other videos, so it's likely not directed towards women who cannot stay home
@@simoneleighton9845 But it's OK for her to tell all women that they should WANT to stay home if they can swing it financially? It's ridiculous. Especially when her own mother chose not to be a homemaker.
No wonder this channel struggles to break 10k views on ANY of its videos. This girl is simply trying to be a female Ben Shapiro with all of its hot takes that it knows all people won’t agree with so they’ll comment negatively on the video thus giving engagement
(Here before the replies saying “oh but you’re commenting too!!!” Sometimes you gotta sacrifice a comment to show people the truth)
I think the word Abigail is looking for is indoctrination. She wants to indoctrinate women into staying at home so motherhood is easier for her. But not every woman wants to be a stay at home mom because they love to have their independence to work. There are also a lot of men out there who loves to have a working woman too. I also agree that not every woman has the ability to stay at home because society isn't built for that lifestyle anymore. Depending on others is not always practical because families + other people aren't always dependable or easy to deal with and are often filled with drama and other issues. People have their own lives to live and "that village" is solely dependent on other people's charitability.
My top used face emojis look like someone going through a sequence of emotions. Lol 😂🥲🥴
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