You MUST Walk Away from These People | Jordan Peterson on TOXIC Relationships
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 11 сен 2024
- Walk away from toxic people and surround yourself with those who want the best for the best in you.
This is typically what Dr. Jordan Peterson would say, but his way of articulating it with precise examples is just what you need to improve your relationships.
Enjoy this Jordan Peterson Motivation episode!
#JordanPeterson
#PursuitOfMeaning
This is his best book, in my opinion: geni.us/DrJP
HINT: You can get for FREE the audio version narrated by Dr. Peterson himself if you sign up for an Audible Trial.
If you're into a motivational speech or a motivational video from Dr. Jordan Peterson, you can stop here.
Here, at the "Pursuit of Meaning" channel, we transform the original content from shows, podcasts, and key-notes with Dr. Jordan Peterson, to provide the viewers with a more immersive experience.
We amplify the content's original message by making it more cinematic and easier to understand by the end consumer.
If you are the legal content owner of any videos we posted on the channel and would like to remove them, please e-mail us at hello@succesonline.ro.
✅ Fair Use Disclaimer
1. The videos have no negative impact on the original works.
2. The videos we make are used for teaching purposes.
3. The videos are transformative in nature.
4. We use only the audio component and tiny pieces of video footage, only if it's necessary.
☢️ Video footage and songs are licensed through Uppbeat.io & Storyblocks.com.
📧 Hello@succesonline.ro
- Jordan Peterson Motivation
- Jordan Peterson Responsibility
- Jordan Peterson Meaning
- Jordan Peterson Advice
- Jordan Peterson Clips
- Wisdom Talks
- Success Chasers
This is his best book, in my opinion: geni.us/DrJP
*HINT: You can get for FREE the audio version narrated by Dr. Peterson himself if you sign up for an Audible Trial.*
What’s the book he’s talking about in this talk??
Once you’ll stop that dead-goose chase, you’ll realise Mr Peterson is as foolish as anybody else-especially in his brilliant conclusions🖤
@@slavomirakrasna2111 we all glad you’re wise
Takes guts to speak for a mankind😳, yet because I know you’re speaking neither for me, nor for many others, it must only mean you are suffering from schizophrenia😔.
This is what happens when people react your way, love🖤
u tweakin, love
A piece of advice from my father he gave me many years ago - 'there is something fundamentally wrong with any relationship when they/you leave the room and you start to feel better'.
Love this
Going to remember this one
Best comment!
THIS
True!!!!
Our gut tells us when it's time to leave but we don't listen
Amen
"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time"
-Maya Angelou
My ex BFF is a backstabber. I took her back and she backstabbed me again lolol
People rarely show you who they truly are, they initially show you what they think you want to see.
@@Exotic-P see? omg, awful, hope ur done done done! be strong :)
@@paulstuart551 but there is always that gut feeling!
So don't use emotion when factoring in memories?
The hardest thing about this is knowing the right moment to walk away. Walk too soon, you give up on someone who's important to you that you could have helped. Walk too late, you might do yourself tremendous harm and still accomplish nothing.
I think I’m going through this right now. I don’t know what to do
@@michaelibarra246 what happened?
Pray and seek wise council.
Consider yourself and the other person well.
Attempt to make the best choice that you can, that's all that's required of us.
We help people by helping ourselves
What does those people make you feel after you get away from them? I've noticed being around those that make me feel a certain way are not worth keeping. It's not my job to fix their issues. If they can't respect me in a similar way I respect them I do not want to be around them. If they give backhanded compliments, talk bad about others around you, ask for advice especially if the dynamic is you being younger and them being a family/parental figure and they never reciprocate then why? I don't know your circumstances, but asking yourself questions and understanding your own wants and needs helps significantly. Boundaries and not people pleasing has helped me tremendously.
“Some cause happiness wherever they go,
others whenever they go.”
Oscar Wilde 🇮🇪 ☘️
Love this!
@@evaberriman9929 Brilliant ❤️
Oscar Wilde was an amazing person. RIP... Its crazy more people don't know about him
I value people who are open to improve themselves and not be manipulative, controlling, wicked spirits that hold grudges or cause conflict. The world needs more kindness
Kindness, what a beautiful word. We should use it more!
Kindness with boundaries
I am open to improving.
@@aprilchow-chee5281 kindness with bearhugs
I really wish there were more people like that or if you’re gonna try to be someone’s partner and not be like that at least be honest and not make it worse for both sides
Had a friend that wouldn't stop doing things he knew hurt & damaged his friends & family. Brought it to his attention numerous times and told me he would never change, so I cut him out and my life is already improving. I no longer carry the weight of his perpetual, self-inflicted burdens & unnecessary drama.
That was the right thing to do.
Had to leave my toxic negative dad
@@JesusOnlySavesEternally I'm sorry go hear that. My mother did the same thing and way later down the road, he really changed and they rebuilt their relationship before he died. Perhaps your father will have a change of heart someday as well.
They probably had Aspergers or ADHD.. or both like me.. we don't do it intentionally.. we are literally wired differently.. we are neurodivergent and 80% of the world are neurotypical.
@@mathelogical2563 Don't see autism spectrum as toxic and negative. I think they're referring to abuse, lack of empathy, deliberately hurtful, personality disorders.
It’s always worth remembering that there is no excuse for abuse whether it’s physical, mental or some other form. If it is coming from a family member, you owe it to yourself to get away from it. It can be extremely hard at first, but once you’re on your own two feet, you will see the improvements come extremely quickly.
Don’t be guilt tripped or gaslit into staying, you need to win.
Exactly! Even if it's not pure abuse, some of us who want to win are surrounded by people who don't want anything, and that's holding us back too.
the people who make these statements are more likely the abusers themselves and then call themselves victims
@@guidoluzzi66 How so? I've seen people cut toxic people out of their lives and thrive as a result. I'm just stating that people in those positions should leave those relationships if they want to live happier and more meaningful lives.
Agreed except the point of improvements coming extremely quickly. That is not at all necessarily the case.
@@3_m_1_7 True in that it’s not necessarily the case. Having genuine help and support can make all the difference. Even so, just not being in that presence is often very liberating from what I’ve seen.
I'm looking in the mirror, I've been this bad person. I'm catching myself and not being like this anymore. Baby steps towards happiness. Thank you
That takes maturity. A lot of the comments here are "I knew a bad person and they ruined my life." You're over here admitting your previous faults, and that's such a big deal. You should be applauded for that. I hope you are working toward becoming the best version of yourself for yourself.
Yeah, this video is all about people in your surrounding that are toxic to you and drag you down, but not many would actually think: "Oh wait, am I not such a person to someone...?" After all it's Peterson who said that if you want to change the world you should start by cleaning your own room ;)
same. ive been the one with bad behavior because i couldnt face my demons. im proud of you :)
Today you have won the internet, with all the likes.
That’s the first step to bettering yourself! Good for you!
My life experience has come full circle, in that I find so much toxicity in people today that I find peace in solitude. My wife and I (of 41 yrs) enjoy the peace we share with each other, that it stands as a buffer against this cruel world.
Amen ❣️
So sad but true. I’m seen as a positive person in most circles I’ve been in and am so sad when ppl say “wow! You actually care and are nice.” One psychologist told me “some ppl are a buoys in the sea and offer hope.” Or even that I smile. Ppl are so war torn and have hardly come in contact with kind ppl. They barely know how to conduct themselves.
You’re lucky 🍀 you have each other
You're lucky Roy, All i wanted was what you have BUT i do have very good things that ive made for myself but im utterly alone because of the evil in this world. Dating is impossible. Women care about looks, and then they look for more looks and thats not even getting into the narcissism. Anyways enjoy your years with your wife man. My brother died and he was all i had and im totally alone. Its too brutal. I was into self help and he was into self destruction because of our garbage upbringing. I have a lot of bitterness and feel my life is ruined and over. Its very hard to get out of, and if i do im still left with the non dateable people out here.
@@user-2Hteyasizyc All the best my friend. I believe we all come to hear Jordan for something meaningful in our lives.
i walked away from all my friendships when i realized all of them are based on me providing something, once i took the same stance as they did towards me for decades they all started belittling me and it felt like we never were friends in the first place, loneliness is a bitch but giving your all to keep a friendship alive is much worse
I hope you're well and that you'll form new and healthy relationships.
@@PursuitofMeaning thank you, likewise
Yeah its heartbreaking. Discouraging to even begin to find new people as well. Truly feel like im better off alone. Its less exhausting.
💯 the best test is in saying "no" or establishing boundaries and see how the person responds to that
Had friends like this I knew for 20 years, I was always trying to improve them and just stopped and focused on my own well being, health and exercise. If I didnt call or arrange visits I would hear nothing from them, only if they needed something from me. Most people dont want to be your friend, they only want you if they can gain something from it. The wrong people around you can seriously ruin your life if you dont cut them out asap
one night i prayed to God, i asked could he please remove my enemies from my life, and before you know it I started losing friends
I say Specific Prayers, according to GOD’s WILL & many times… Say it as a World Prayer in order to Bless Many! 🙏🏻🌸☀️🕊
“If you find yourself repeatedly excusing someone else’s bad behaviour, stop and consider why they couldn’t simply behave in a way that didn’t require excusing to begin with” - Jackson MacKenzie
I've been a victim of thinking if I loved someone I had to stay around and like them too. Then someone said that love and like are not the same thing. My life is much more peaceful now that I know I don't have to remain in a toxic relationship.
Self actualisation is the most powerful thing you can give to your soul. The downside to it though, is you also realise how broken humanity is and there is no adhesive strong enough to repair it. Too many people are still choosing ignorance over wisdom as the easier ticket in life. For being wise is when you find inner peace and self worth. If more people practised this then there would be a lot less toxicity. People are toxic a lot of times due to their insecurities and lacking a response to their personal growth.
Thank you for sharing this valuable insight!
Yes, and still they will be throwing accusations left and right and they will truly be convinced that all is your fault.
If you try to face them with it, they will turn it around and around. It's just a vicious cycle. I don't know what to do anymore. Either way, I will be at fault. I'm tired.
@@Andjela912 So true and thankyou so much for your response. Just don't waste any more energy on people that are just the shallow swimmers. They cannot handle the thought that we are more wiser. Avoidance is the quick and easy way out and they do it at super speed when you observe. For when any comfort zone is took away for any reason from them, they quickly take a mile back. You are so tired of the idiocy that surrounds you. I get you. So nice to know we are not entirely on our own, but for most we might as well as be. Too many sensors and not enough intuitives.Sod them.
Sometimes people are just evil.
Well said. Honestly beautiful words.
I've walked away from friends and from family. It's not an easy thing to do. It can really hurt but it is at times, necessary.
Same for me. The loss gets easier with the gift of time, but it really took all the joy out of my lifetime hobby of family photos and videos. The only regret is that I didn't end these toxic relationships years ago and had instead invested in mutually loving and supportive relationships.
Family is not about blood. Blood relation should not (generally) guarantee any relationship. Toxicity is toxicity....no matter who it comes from
How did u do it ? 😭
I have been married for 41 years and the last 5 years I just can’t take it anymore
I have given up everything and everybody for him
Even my car 😢😢
I even care for his father and never get $
We just had a fight a few days ago over money
I can’t ask
About bills or anything to do with money house job
He went crazy on me and after texting me every mean thing he could
He said he is done with me
That this is it he is done
I am so happy 😀
I am so ready for a new happy life
God bless to u all that r able and strong enough to leave .
same here.
Yes, I’ve had to walk away from my Mother. She’s rotten to the core. Chance after chance has now become honouring my peace of mind, heart & soul. Anything other than heartfelt changed behaviour is nothing more than manipulation. ❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥
Learned that it's best to spend my time and energy with those who are open to honest discussions, even uncomfortable ones about how we can improve ourselves. Hate walking on eggshells, looking over my back just to keep friendships, learned at that point that is not a real friendship. Currently working on reevaluating how I want to spend time in my life, but at least I have some peace to think about things.
Wonderful
And thats a true acceptable mirror of how and what i knew a particular "Kate" could be! Did not read but the first comment. Respectfully said. Straight up "offthehook"
Ditto, Kate
When walking away don’t look back. This way, you will be able to smile at a new person coming in your direction to greet you. Can’t remember who said that but it’s true.
That's a great point!
Thank you. I needed to hear that.
Needed that. Left abuser. Feel now regret met him and spent two years
This man is brilliant. “ What your brain wants is to not repeat the same mistake. That is what trauma is for. If you can satisify this, your brain will quite down”. Never heard it explained better. He is a brilliant in his insights and observations.
Thanks for posting that gem! 🌟
I notice people who cut others out and say “they were toxic” often caused the person great pain, and are running away from the damage they inflicted. They then justify themselves running away, because now they don’t have to own up to what they did and their life is better for it. Meanwhile the other person is left broken… seen it happen to family/friends and even to me a few years back. These people are the truly toxic ones, hurting people who were good to them and loved them, then running away and claiming they were the victim.
Never understood why the liars, cheaters, manipulators, and deceivers get to go on and be happy, while the person who was loyal, loving, and making sacrifices is left broken in the end… shits not fair
Omg so true
I find that the very people who accuse their partners of being narcissistic are narcissists themselves when you really look into it.
That person may have been no good for you But shouldn't you be happier since they no longer torment you? If you aren't then you need to look deeper and find happiness by yourself and stop relying on and needing a relationship to be happy.
@@cspace1234nz nah not always. The people who accuse all their partners of being some sort of narcissist/abuser/whatever usually are. But id be pissed off if i told you my ex was very likely some sort of NPD or other cluster b disorder and you just looked at me and went "nah that was probably all you son"
@@callanc3925 yes of course, I'm generalising when it comes to the overall population but my experience in a professional role that's what I have found, often surprisingly so. The term 'narcissist has become somwhat weaponised so anything that can be used to hurt or control, like such a term, will indeed be picked up by the narcissist. I have seen people absolutely distrought by being labeled with such a term, mildly traumatised even. A person of quality will often take being called a narcissist, or whatever, very much to heart because they are also the ones who are constantly thinking "perhaps this is my fault, even when it's not. Such is the confusion the narcissist is able to create.
In addition to walking away from someone who might be in a self destructive, downward spiral - like my mother who was an alcoholic - there is the issue of people with type B personality disorders like narcissists. Based on my personal experience, they are by far the most dangerous category of people, because not only can they hurt you in a moment's notice, but they have no capacity for remorse, or empathy. The word "psycho" comes from the Greek word "psychsos", which I believe means "one whose heart has become cold". Walk away from those people, avoid getting or remaining close to them when you recognize it. Forgive them, but move on.
Yes.. perfect...
My personal experience, too. Like a living he'll. The trauma bond created by them through intermittent reinforcement makes it incredibly difficult to say 'if you don't change, I'm leaving' because you're literally addicted and feel you might die if they left. With these dangerous individuals you often need therapy to help recover your self worth before you're strong enough to leave.
@@Claire90409 how did you move on?
@@Claire90409 The scary thing about these people is they often end up in positions of great power in the world. Both Putin and Trump are clearly in this category. They have a certain ability to "charm" people because they seem to embody boldness and strength, and can appear to be almost admirable for that on the surface. I don't have a lot to add, but certainly agree with what you said. They are dangerous, to be sure.
@@za1600 I'm in the process, nearly there. Therapy has helped. Eventually stopping being so 'loyal' and 'protective' of our relationship, deciding to talk to friends about it who will validate you when someone else insists you're the problem. Educating myself about baiting, projection, blame shifting, gaslighting, what causes narcissistic rage/stonewalling/silent treatment/disappearing/vindictiveness etc. But also educating myself about myself. I thought If I loved more everything would work out. But the more you give, the more they take, and nothing more. I've learned through therapy not to abandon myself and to put myself first more often, but it's taken a long time. To step away from the endless unresolved problems and quit trying to explain myself to someone who is intent on misunderstanding me. To follow two self aware narcissists in therapy on youtube (Mental Healness and Raw Motivations) who illustrate their traits (eliminates the damage done by gaslighting etc ) so you know its not you, and validate victims of abuse. Follow a good coach on resolving codependency (I like Lisa A.Romano). Meditation helps. Community groups and connection, spending time with people who *don't* consistently act against your best interests, so you remember the difference. In a bad place today as I reconnected after a while for a legitimate reason. If you manage to get away, stay away and fill your life with other, kinder stuff, learn new skills, learn how to set boundaries and stick to them. It's a long hard road but achievable. I hope this helps. x
Walking away is powerful and can be the most meaningful thing you can do for somebody
Yes, indeed! I'm sorry that many of the viewers don't think about it this way. For "that" toxic person, leaving may turn to be the best thing that happened to them. It may be the wake-up call of their life!
Except that many new agers and people influenced by new age ideas will just dump people for any reason if they feel like it's "negative". For instance, if you're someone who is conscientious, and points out possible hazards to other people who are stubborn and think that "the universe will keep me safe". For instance, this very toxic woman who was a friend of my ex wife used to come around and leave the front door open. Every single goddamned time. Our pomeranian would go out the door, into the busy streets and risk getting hit by a car. I asked politely a handful of times. At least 5. I brought it up with my wife and asked her to remind this idiot to close the fucking door. And then she left it open again. So I finally yelled at her, LIKE SHE DESERVED, and told her that her negligence and stubborn new age bullshit attitude was going to lead to the dog getting run over.
I was an ogre because of this. "SO negative" and all that bullshit. Eventually, the pomeranian was in her care and guess what... is dead, from being hit by a car due to this idiot's negligence and stubborness. And she was preaching all this walk away crap to my wife about me. Because I'm conscientious and not a fucking dipshit who puts people and animals in jeopardy because "the universe will protect everything". She was so full of shit. Her and this big circle of friends they had. All just rubbish people. Glad I have nothing to do with any of them anymore.
Ironically, this woman was dating a guy who died at Burning Man. Of negligence. He ended up getting carbon monoxide poisoning while sleeping in a camper, because nobody was looking out for this kind of thing. Anyone who said "Don't run kero heaters in enclosed spaces" would have probably been accused of being negative, or mansplaining.
@@merkdater1274 Exactly correct - and I've been called "ogre" a few times until I put a stop to it. People who fail to accept the need to do things safely or appropriately and are so passive as to be dangerous, are to be avoided. They are living examples of that famous movie line "I have always depended on the kindness of strangers". The "kindness" is the vigilance we keep on their behalf, and which they do not recognize let alone show thanks for.
Thanks for your story. It hit home with me.
@@merkdater1274 l
The only connection I can think of is that both are based on the perpetrator’s undue emphasis of his/her own thoughts/emotions. In narcissistic abuse, perpetrators usually expresses the attitude that everything centers around them. They may object to that description and even insist that they don’t believe that; but, their actions say otherwise. Virtually everything you do/don’t do gets tied back to the perpetrator as a person. You’re either doing something right b/c you’re smart, capable, etc., or you’re intentionally doing it wrong in order to hurt/anger the perpetrator in some way. You are also likely to be accused of doing it wrong, even if you’re doing it right-again b/c of the perpetrator’s thoughts/emotions. Toxic positivity is generally not perpetrated with the intention to hurt anyone, and most wouldn’t even recognize it as being toxic/hurtful; but, in most cases, the perpetrator is still oblivious to the effect it has on others, and to the value of that effect. Narcissism is a psychological disorder and, with few exceptions, abuse is perpetrated with the tangible intention of causing harm. In contrast, toxic positivity is a behavioral flaw that is essentially an extreme version of selfishness, based in denial, and is generally perpetrated with the intention of maintaining and creating happiness. Most people are selfish, in some way or another. Toxic positivity is a subtle expression of selfishness-so subtle that even the perpetrator may not realize why it’s wrong b/c, after all, s/he is only seeking to encourage/uplift people. This is where denial comes in. Most people struggle/suffer, at some point or another. I believe that most people are also aware that there are people who experience more pain than they are aware of from their own lives. Denial allows people to look at someone who reminds them of themselves and assume that they cannot be justified in their suffering b/c the observer is not suffering. Denial also allows people who have suffered to deny the significance of other people’s suffering b/c it is notably different from their own, or b/c they perceive it as being notably different. From here, there are 2 extremes: One is for them to be semi-consciously abusive-meaning that they are generally aware that their actions are hurtful; but, they rationalize it as being justified. The other is to perpetrate toxic positivity-in which they are completely unaware that their actions are hurtful and it’s difficult for them to identify why they would be. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when him or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Metaspyhub@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...
I want to surround myself with people who will hold me to a high standard, and who will support and encourage me during good and bad times.
One of the hardest things I've done is walking away from who I cared about the most. I stayed longer than I should have, from lie after lie and no respect for me. And tried to say/do whatever to help them. Still think about it...I just hope you are getting better.
I did the same 8 months ago. Still thinking at it, still asking myself: did i really leave her ? Is it true……?!
Sometimes i really dont know if im living in a dream or reality…
@@kalbsleber i wish you positive energy and love 🙏🏽 its hard to understand but sometimes you have to cut out people from your life when you understand: as long as i am with this person, i will never be in peace… i learned that in a hard way, i thought love and money is enough, but its not…. I fight everyday. I miss her everyday but i will never go back again. Over 10 years with a lot of tears are enough… the reality is, and this is where it gets really really hard: it could work, you could change but can your partner do it ?!!mostly the answer is NO…. Not everybody can sit on their bed and think: what can i do to be better, to be a better husband/wife/girlfriend/son….after all i been trough, I search for someone to share my life now, to protect, who cares about me, who wants the best for us… thats love for me. Not telling that you love each other but in the same time, you are fighting everyday, with tears in your eyes, you say to each other: dont do this, i hate when you do this, stop talking like that aand so on, we all know how this typ of relationships work 😅You talk and talk and talk about problems but still doesn’t work? And we really think thats love ??
Maybe its time, maybe you have a partner who is willing to do some different things…
Good luck and stay strong 🙏🏽
This comment made me cry. I'm thinking about my ex. It wasn't even that he was bad. He just phenomenally sucked at communication, but he also didn't seem to show desire to improve it this entire time together.
So I had to go. Oh well... Hope he's doing better. But I know he's not.
Same but I got out at the right time
I'm in the same situation. I still feel like going back sometimes, but must stay strong and stay away. Nothing good will come from going back.
I agree with everything that has been said in This message. You must surround yourself with people who facilitate your growth and are on the side of what is good and best for you. Sometimes it means cutting most of your family members and friends off. Extremely painful but necessary for all the parties involved growth rather than degeneration.
Exactly! For the better!
So then....we will live alone?🤔
This is a good way to put it ‘growth rather than degeneration’ I recently cut a fiddle leaf tree in half. It was reaching the ceiling & although tall was struggling. Now it is half its height is flourishing, new multiple leaves have grown in places they never have before. It is growing deeper in colour & density.
@@Maria_9789 well sometimes its better for your health
I am not sure that that is the whole picture here. You live in a world of broken people. Yes, sometimes it is too much but you must remember that you are also broken. Until we admit that, nothing new happens.
Loneliness while alone is better than lonliness while surrounded by 'loved ones'
I love alone. I am not lonely.
“What you’re doing is SO awful, that I will violate our kinship in order to get away from it.”
Yep.
I’ve had no contact with my family for a year and a half. I’m so much healthier, happier, mentally and economically stable, and financially secure without them.
I really appreciate what he is saying here. Definitely walk away when they put you down when you are already down. People tend to talk when they shouldn't and don't when they should. One of the best things that ever happened was when I was in high school a fellow student came to me and said I Know you can do better than you are doing and they told me to stop wasting your life
Love this..yes..talk when they SHOULD...but DNT..hide secrets and play GAMES to innocent people..what happens in the dark will come out to the light no one can mock Jeh God and be blessed...they reap what they sowed..
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
Her name is Chamani White, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
I am sorry you are going through a break up. God knew this was time....and you wouldn't want to spend a life with someone who doesn't love you. God knows this....he will close a door because he has something better for you. This doesn't take away the love you have known for so long....you will find that love again. But know you are not abandoned. God knows your suffering. I am praying for your healing!
This aligns perfectly with Schopenhauer’s philosophy. In the end, freedom from suffering lies in being able to be completely happy on your own . Paradoxically, If you make the transition to that mind set you won’t be, because your value as a person will shoot through the roof and people will want to align with that (but it will be on your terms!). You have to accept the suffering, TAKE THE PAIN and come as a winner out of it!
Exactly. We should find pleasure in pain.
@@PursuitofMeaning pain is also a human reminder that we ARE living. But we live in a numb society that believes experiencing pain is inhuman.
@@EricGraham94 a far better explanation than mine's. 100% agree!
Hmm have you tried this in practice? Humans are not meant to live in isolation. My experience is that there's less suffering in being surrounded by the "wrong ppl" than alone for a long period id time.
@@liahk1000 I did, what ended up happening is I ended a toxic relationship that was holding me back in life het and met my current wife who is my world who accepts me for exactly who I am. I also parted ways with fake friends who frankly only cared about themselves. This enabled me to focus on what matters most: family, work, health and pursuing a meaningful purpose. In societies where individualism is a core value like western Europe where I am living, I found that people don’t grasp and are incapable of building true friendship. It is futile to try to achieve a level of friendship where you would only be disappointed in the end. It is far more rewarding to shift focus towards achieving goals within area’s of life that I can directly control.
Another thing I remember about my junior lifeguard training (admittedly more than 50 years ago) is that you approach a panicked victim from behind and attempt to help them from there - where they’re not expecting you. And if they turn on you and attempt to overcome you and pull you down, then you push away with everything you’ve got. But Jordan is right - better for the other person to drown than for you both to drown - literally (in the water) and figuratively (in life).
That's the best thing anyone could do. Otherwise, it doesn't make any sense.
I was in this situation. It was a person who had 75+ lbs on me. You can still save the drowning person. But it take patience and a different approach. So instead of trying to grab the person i would swim unerneath them. Hold them up to take a breath. Then id pop up behind them and push them forward. Took a long time. But the drowning person was saved.
I remember the same training, come up from behind. We had to practice side stroke, while pulling someone along behind us. If they turned and tried to grab, immediately go under (they won’t want to follow you down) and push away.
I was trained this way too...50 years ago! Those approaches are obsolete. Now you approach a drowning swimmer pushing a flotation device in front of you. You never touch the person. They grab the device and you pull them to safety.
@@sfdint If you are a lifeguard... but if you are just a friend, a relative, or a nearby person, what do you do?
You have hit the nail on the head--explaining perfectly where im at with an individual. Ive had to cut off completely in the hope they will finally wake up, take responsibility, stop making excuses, telling half truths and the lies to self and everyone else year after year. Thanking God for this wisdom you have shared.
My doctor once told me that 'I will never convince them'. Meaning I can never prove to my family that I am okay. I will always be the scapegoat. And because of that fact, I had to 'divorce' myself from them.
Never abandon yourself for anyone else…. Learn to love yourself and not seek validation… yourself deserves your love. Once you master this, you are free to love another or cherish life alone.❤
This got me really sentimental. I'm in a really dark place. I married a person that stopped loving me because some medical thing came up in my case. Nothing that'd change who I am, but apparently enough to push me away. I often live from day to day with a heavy feeling in my chest. I'm often treated as the center of what's wrong with the world and I try to better myself, but it seems to never be enough... as if she just wants someone to blame. So this video hit me really deep and gave me a lot to think about the person I love.
Love is unconditional. Because love is. I am not in sickness, and I am sorry you are walking down this road. It’s hard to wake up to find out you’re not living your dream. Been there. But if God gave you the discernment to open your eyes, I believe He also gave the strength to stand and see this through. Stay encouraged
@@fonegnacopie2977 Love is conditional.
@@fonegnacopie2977 The only unconditional love there is, is between a mother and father and their child. The rest is conditional. And guess what, with unreigned hypergamy going on it's even more conditional than ever. Marriage and relationships are worth zilch nowadays. There's no point in investing, if new fresh prospects are a few swipes away.
Looks like this guy became a victim of hypergamy.
Oh you're sick and can't provide anymore? All the things you did for me mean zilch now, bye.
I’m really sorry. I’ve had health issues my whole life and it really sucks, especially when it comes to relationships. I hope you guys can work it out. If not, I hope you can move on and find healing.
There are support groups for medical conditions in most areas or online. Their purpose is to help you to understand and cope with your own feelings and emotions and that of your loved ones and friends with regard to your medical condition. They are run by people who have your condition and know exactly what your going through. In almost all cases the understanding and friendship you find with them is a huge part of your ability to cope with your future and your present with this condition. I pray for your peace and acceptance and love going forward. One day at a time that's all just one day at a time. ❤❤
I have followed this by cutting contact with my narcissistic mother.
I know that everyone’s feeling is, “Hey, she’s old now. She’s going down. Let her take you with her. Let her be abusive and, even though she decided not to care for herself, just take on that life choice yourself. Let it ruin the remainder of your life. That’s your mother.” No.
I have a neighbor who I feel is much like this also. It’s interesting, when you see some of this narcissism. Some narcissists seem to feel, “Guess what? I just invited myself into your life, so I can give you all of my problems to take care of, while I sit here and eat myself to death and become a worse problem, than I already was!” No. Actually you won’t. That’s a problem for you. Not me.
People need to also familiarize themselves with the fact that there are people who will cripple themselves to snatch up attention and company. It’s actually a real thing.
Then, there are also the “friends”. Some are enablers that would like to press you into those terrible situations.
So, protect yourself. I’ve learned that, even the people who like and love me. Not really.
"People need to also familiarize themselves with the fact that there are people who will cripple themselves to snatch up attention and company." - OOOoh, so true! Well said!
💯 well said, my mother too is a narcissist. I finally cut all contact this summer and I am free and at peace. Many people are simply deprived from that, whilst others don’t even understand it. It’s just a toxic life with these people, so yes, protect yourself x
Smother sounds like a narcissist. Save yourself.
Ah yes, blame your decisions on your narcissistic Mother. You must be really proud to abandon her after she did so much for you. Everyone wants to be needed, it's just cruel...
@@whizbang7130 sorry to hear you’d place yourself in such a bad situation. As they say, if you’re willing to stay, you likely have issues, as well.
I was loving and kind to my mother, for all my life. I loved and respected her. She is the one who told me she’d always used me and I simply wasn’t fool enough to stick around for more. The decision to not respect motherhood, should’ve initiated with her and was her own, primarily.
But, I’ll say this, too. No contact (or if your want to call it abandonment) was also out of the respect and love I had for her, that she didn’t have, for herself. Because continuing to be abusive, obstructive, demeaning, devaluing would not have ended me in standing there like a scolded puppy. Instead, there’d have been defense of myself, including retribution, as I respect and value myself and life, as well.
I had to separate from my husband of over 30 years in order to free myself of how toxic being with him was. It wasn’t always like that but in the end we just couldn’t be together anymore. It is truly sad but I feel so much better not being with him anymore.
Finding people that wants the best for you is easier said than done.
I agree fake people can say one thing and wish the opposite .
How can anyone listen to this man and think he's full of shit? He's one of the greatest minds alive today
I honestly don't have an answer for that. Tried to find one, but didn't find something REAL.
The only people not listening are the ignorant ones.
People saying that are so full of their own ego,it hurts them to see a Master at his work. They are the very people he's speaking of here!
They probably think he's that way on a specific topic but not everything in general. Nobody is perfect after all the best human is flawed and fallible like everyone else equally capable of making bad arguments. Best to never forget that with the people we admire.
the only thing is... aren't we all full of shit? and if we are, why isn't he?
I had a friend who always was a "victim" of his own life and I became something like a "lifesaver". The fact that I wanted to make this person better was counterproductive for me... Relationship became toxic, everyday was trash thrown in my life every time they complain. I realized late I had to get away from them and that person only could see that I abandoned them and have a grudge against me. In fact, I know I took the best decision.
Hey, I appreciate the time you took to share
@@janetholmes Yes! I have wonderful people around me, I'm feeling better nowadays ❤️ Thanks for reading
Truth. You have to save yourself first to maintain sanity, I do hope they can learn eventually.
We don't have to leave thinking of it as revenge. We must leave only if we're hurt and exhausted from trying.
@@PursuitofMeaning oh honey I’m tired lol
Yes self preservation.
One problem with such guidance for me is that I have basically no one left and have basically lost all interest and faith in humanity. I just do not ‘get’ people anymore - I have never felt so alone. I’ve pulled back totally and feel much safer but I feel in many ways I’ve been beaten and life didn’t used to be like this
Just get together with people who share the same interests as you...limit yourself to what you can personally control, and don't forget to enjoy simple things.
@@PursuitofMeaning Thank you. Bless
@@PursuitofMeaning Also decluttering life helps I have found. It makes it easier to propel towards the things that one wants to encorporate in one's life.
Easier to strive for what one thinks is right.
What do you find important to put your strength in?
Is it music? Is it education? Politics, church, sports? You can start there, involve yourself, get better and teach others. You can actually transform society by that. Or if you are a mother or a father - helping others on their way as a mother or father.
Or coaching kids, teenagers.
After one has learned a few things, it is good to teach and pass on the knowledge.
You can look at the cause, that you are willing to fight for instead of orienting yourself towards people and their whims.
Also a group to support you and give you nourishment can be a church group.
But as a stranger I can not ascertain where the hiccup is in your life. Just don't give up.
I could give you a deep philosophical rant on the meaning and value of life, but after having gone through therapy, I realize practical solutions are more useful .
- determine what you want
- determine whether what you want is actually good for you or not, if so, pursue it.
- determine what you need to do to get there
- determine what your obstacles are: are they friends, family, finances, addictions, problematic behaviors? Be as precise, detailed and fair as you possibly can -> cut them out
- determine what you want from your relationships and what you expect in return.
- determine what your boundaries are and why they are what they are. -> be brutal in affirming and establishing those boundaries. -> be brutal in cutting out people who fail to respect those boundaries.
Mostly it’s a summary of what Peterson’s already said, but the emphasis is on being as precise as possible about what your boundaries are. If you’re a little bit like me then you’ve forgotten what your boundaries are because you got used to people not respecting them. You got used to the discomfort you feel. So you don’t bother protecting your boundaries anymore.
I was one of those people who was on a downward spiral. I lacked accountability, I was more naive than I am now, I made horrendous choices and on reflection I knew they were the wrong path to take but I was too arrogant to think that the consequences would apply to me.
I chose a life of betrayal and cocaine.
I had perhaps three to four people around me who could of chosen to of walked away and they wouldn’t of been wrong to of made that decision.
Now?
I’ve been clean for 4 years, have a wife and a little girl and work like a horse to provide a future for us all.
I have a very healthy bank account and I am grateful that those people didn’t turn their back on me when many did.
The plus side to them staying loyal to me is that they will always have me to lean on if they EVER get in a similar situation.
Thank you.
What a beautiful and motivational story. Thanks for sharing, and ROCK THE WORLD!
@@troyboldon1 Regrettably it wasn’t possible to make amends with everyone but lessons were learnt and I’ve accepted that.
You might be one of the few who step out from that downward spiral but not everyone is able to. Some people live out their whole lives being toxic.
@@aprilchow-chee5281 I count myself extremely lucky each day, although it hasn’t come without a price.
My advice to anyone in a similar situation is to say that regardless of how down and out you may feel, there will always be an opportunity to rectify your issues and a good place to start is by looking in the mirror and to be accountable.
@@ashleybryant305 I commend you on your journey and I wish you and your family all the best. 🥰
My husband when I was dating him was completely fine than after the marriage the abuse started I put up more boundaries told him he needed to stop his bad behaviors. He didn’t want to change I left, no contact and divorce. I’m not responsible for others behavior just my own. They won’t change and I’m not going to wrestle with these people not worth my time.
Did you have kids?
I wish I had figured this out before 4 kids and 16 years into a marriage as a stay at home homeschool mom doing a ton of the work and having to remind the “man-child” to do the rest I can’t!
I feel so stuck now because I see no one winning either way!
Last time I threatened to leave, he shaped ip for a few months but I am
Sooooooo tired of the solution being on my end and not his!
@@Jaxmusicgal23 Same here. I'm also a homeschool mom.
More power to you.
@@d-nise6364 no kids thank goodness just a waste of two years, they can be very good at hiding behaviors.
I really love this. I've learned that I am not responsible for other people's choices. I've learned that it's ok to love someone from a distance. They were painful lessons, but I'm so grateful for where I am now. This video validates everything I experienced. I feel like the family scapegoat for everything and it's just so nice to hear from someone else that walking away really was the best thing I could do.
I fully relate to your words .
Thank you for sharing.
I hope you are well and that you stay well always.
❤
It was only until I cut my mother and siblings out of my life that I started finding real peace..I know I tried my hardest to make it work even apologising for things I knew were not my fault..I just could not do it anymore..
I hope you're better now.
This is me 3 weeks in. No contact.
Im thinking about doing the same… i hate everything about my life and I’ve tried suicide countless times and different ways… the last time by was cutting my wrist 2 inches wide and 7 inches long but survived with barely any blood spilt than what should’ve…doctors were baffled…. Believed all my lies and I’ll ever once have I been to a mental institution. I’m alive by a miracle and now suicide has become an impossibility and my mindset is so unique now… like so unique that one by one I’ve cut everybody out of my life and im also thinking of cutting my last friend out of the picture… im so stuck with nowhere to go but all I have is love for myself and a deep profound love for myself and belief in myself. I have no idea where the optimism comes from, the only therapist I saw was so interested in me that he constantly skipped his lunch breaks to get another sessions. And never was it out of worry or pity. It was almost like I was the one helping him… I dream all the time about a day where I have somebody astounding like Dr. Peterson or Dr.Phil or someone of that status because I think I am truly a savant of sorts…. Thank you for reading and pray for a difference to me made
Well done.
Same here. Mother and siblings. Even blocked thier numbers. Some people just don't understand when you tell them these things.
Born to be the family scapegoat . I found it hard to give up on my entire family . The cold heartedness is far beyond comprehension . So outrageous you fail to see it . My father said I wasn't his all my life , not even old enough to go to school when my 4 older brothers said I was at fault for my parents constant fighting . 57 yrs old now and still scapegoated . They stole everything from me yet I still love them as if they stole nothing . I found the only way to go forward in life is to Walk backwards every step of the way .
I was the family scapegoat in my family. The one who couldn't do anything right, from birth. I was in my 50s when I wrote a letter to my parents and siblings and told them I was removing myself from the family and would call at Christmas to say hi and see how they were doing. In the meantime I would love them from a distance. It was one of the best things I've done in my life. It was like a weight being lifted from my shoulders when I dropped those letters in the mail box. They of course, did not receive the letters well, but my life has been so much better without them. Forgiveness is a part of this procedure as it doesn't relieve them, but removes the years of resentment from yourself. Just because you are related does not mean these people are safe, nor does it mean you are obligated to continue to be involved with them. They are responsible for their karma, and you are only responsible for your own, so do well by yourself and look after yourself well.
I was in between. They hurt me i hurt them by not being perfect
Maybe it's just my experience, but doing this nondiscriminatory makes you a fair weather friend/person of toxic positivity.
I have had so many friends just leave or ghost me because they didn't want anything with negative connotations in their lives.
So when I fell on hard times financially and depression/anxiety they just left. I never asked for money, actively tried not to burden them with too much, but life simply got "real" and at least one literally said "I don't even know why I talk to you anymore, I can't deal with the negativity" after I only told them my anxiety was bad that day and I hadn't gotten any sleep. I felt like I was supposed to be some kind of "friend ornament" who should just be there but never speak any truth about myself or my life or what I was going through because it would be "dragging them down with me".
If you wanna enjoy the good times, at least try during the bad. Or you're just a sucky egotistical person.
Maybe they already hate you just looking for a reason to send u off or leave u behind without looking as the bad guy. And Your "anxiety talk" just came at the right time for them.
If someone can’t deal with negatively you are projecting, that’s there freedom. You are kinda missing the part where they have to regulate their own lives and how they feel. Look in the mirror
I’ve had the same experience , I had o lot of friends I thought till I got cancer , they vanished , my vicar said , “ they think your out of the loop “. They were there for the good times , but no help when I just needed someone to talk to ,
@@eddielacrosse2 Thats not freedom thats a shallow friend. Life can get very difficult for everybody at some point. Real friends are there for eachother in good and bad times.
@@eddielacrosse2 Friends are supposed to be there to atleast try to help when another friend is down. if the guy was asking for too much, and the friends werent capable of giving it, thats one thing. But if you can't even bear to listen and to understand that your friend is having a bad day, then you can't have a real friendship. Only shallow ones.
This is giving me the courage to have a talk I don't want to have with my dad. Thank you Jordan and thank you to the uploader of this video.
Thank you for being here. Be careful and thoughtful.
Where was Dr. Peterson when I was growing up? Learned the meaning of life listening to him and practicing what I learn. Sir, you stay Blessed.
I needed to hear this. I am struggling with a relative that I cared for, and lived with me and my spouse. This relative never respected or valued our rules, broke them frequently, made excuses, and followed friends who did not bring out the best in her. She repeatedly said sorry, but never changed. I had to cut this relative out, but I am struggling with that decision. Hearing this really explains things, and made me realize that although it is painful, it is the right thing to do.
Had the same experience but with one of my adult children.
It was heartbreaking for my wife and I.
We had to apply the adage that while you love your child you don't always like them.
Saul was proud to be corrected by Samuel and God refused him
My father wrote a universal truth in my high school yearbook:
"To thine own self be true."
Took many years and much self-inflicted pain before I took his advice to heart. THEN my life got better!
On one of my (then) wifes rants she was going 'I'm leaving, I'm leaving, I'm leaving' I said 'Fine, get out, You don't want to be here and I don't want you here'. She shut up immediately, paused and had to reset. Then she started screaming 'You can't make me leave'.
Lol :))))
This was funny. She basically began arguing against herself.
Called her on her game.
My life experience mirrors Dr Peterson’s advice. People who genuinely care for you will tell you hard truths. They want what is objectively in your best interests and won’t enable your self destructive behaviour. Although hard truths can be brutal, the people who care for you will try and show you a pathway forward. In my experience they also refuse to accept responsibility for your problems. What I have learned too is that every day we train people how they can treat us. The important thing to realise is that if we train people to treat us like a doormat then there’s no point complaining when they tread on us. You have to re-train them.
The other simple statement that has worked for me is that nobody but me is living my life. It is entirely my responsibility to decide what I want my life to be like. Then once I have made that decision I need to work out how to bring that about. Part of working that out is seeking help and guidance from people who are living the way I want to. Being willing to seek out hard truths is very important as well. We all stumble and have feet of clay, but if we keep on keeping on it is incredible what our lives can become.
Thank you for sharing this! Nobody but you is living your life. Awesome words.
Brilliant. Thank you. 💖
True.
It’s revealing how friends reveal who they really are when you’re going through a bad time and struggling, it’s even more revealing when you share your good news with friends. Some really don’t like it at all.
This is the piece of clarifying information I needed 36 years ago, and I’m 46 years old.
Thank you
Sad, but true. It's hard to watch somebody going down without doing anything about it, but people must be allowed to fail and fail hard.
After 45 years, I'm afraid to say that the majority of people are toxic. The ones that are not I value very much - but when I was younger I thought that people, were not exactly from an episode from Friends but... I thought people were generally non-toxic and nice. I was wrong. I would say 80% of colleagues and people I meet are not OK.
Lol.... these TV shows brainwash us to think that that is how friendships work. In reality friendships don't work that way and humans don't interact that way. Just think of the friends theme tune 'I will be there for you when the rain starts to pour, I will be there for you....' this is all brainwashing. Real world is evil.
Truly good people are few.
I agree with you. A lot of people need healing. They project all the bad they have encountered in their lives on others
A true friend will lead you to righteousness.
This sounds like my journey also..
The hardest thing to do is to love someone and then realize you have to "scrape them off"....so few people can actually do that...because attachment and investment in damaged people is an addiction.
This very accurately describes who I choose to keep close in my life, as well as the worst betrayals and sabotage I've experienced. It's very reassuring, because after so many failures in close relationships it articulates in a new way what I've been aiming towards for years. I really started to question if maybe even basic standards are too high, but I also know I don't want to be dragged down into someone else's hell. If you stick around long enough, they will lash out at you for it rather than turn around their perspective and begin seeking help. Suffering people are antagonized by empowerment; it's painful to them because waking up is inherently painful. You were asleep, all that pain accumulated. Waking up means you are willing to face it.
I've cut out several loser friends and it was like coming up for air.
That's a big, big, lol.
When going through my divorce my therapist gave me the analogy of the same… you can pretend they don’t exist, you can treat them bad enough (like they treat you) so they leave or can just bite the bullet and freaking do it.. dividing friends, money house family.. hard but not as hard as daily abuse
A lesson I've had to learn in life, is to look at any relationship I have, and measure it from an external perspective... it gives one the ability to see imbalances with that relationship that one may sometimes not see. If either party is not contributing their value to that relationship, then there is something wrong that needs to be identified.
This is what I've been accused of. The "cutting people off" when they are not heading the wisdom when they are destroying them. I don't cut them off, but I do set boundaries around my time and energy. If they see that as cutting them off, that's their decision. I've not stopped loving them, but ifbthey are bent on destroying themselves, I've done the best I could, and my life cannot handle investing more time to their self-inflicted woes. How others close to me see it is on them. I know my heart is pure.
Brilliant advise! Everyone needs to hear this!🙏Iv been there and I know from experience, no matter how much you want to help someone, you cannot sacrifice your own health and well being for them..so you need to tell them and leave.
They have to leave, so we can live decent. There is no meaning in their stupidity and what they can create with their brain. They are reduced brain specs. Power power but ... in what circumstances, who is the victim and who is the "criminal" afterwards? If you see you are not compatible, why to ask someone to change for you ? There is no one who will change for the sake of one stupid. Because a clever wouldnt ask that conditioned relation. You have control on a relation, when is exactly free. Not when you demand it. You can demnad it and control it with other kind of weapons. That is brain and knowledge, not to hang like piece of shit on others life to intoxicate them with stupidty.
Good Monday afternoon, everyone. Everybody in your circle is not in your corner. 'Time to feed the meter': Lord, it is in our spirit we are able to feel, think and appreciate the abundance of your blessings. Amen. Thank you, Pursuit of Meaning for this beautiful and inspirational message. Blessings.
Ameen!
Seems like this hits so close to home today. I've been going through all my mother's pictures and scanning them to give to my brother and sister. Both of whom I've basically deleted from my life. And it was all due to respect. My brother disrespected our mother when she was alive. I will not stand for that. My sister allows herself to be disrespected by her husband and other people in her life. She allows them to disrespect me. I cannot allow that. So I'm basically alone in this world now. But I know it was the right thing to do. They may not like the fact that I'm not in their lives. But I do not like the fact that they are disrespectful people. So seeing all our memories in pictures has been very difficult and lonely.
Thank you for sharing this. Be strong. Make something of your time. Trust me, this is the best advice - do something.
Don't take this advice as it is...your brother might be too crucial for you to leave behind,,what if he commit suicide alone..the guilt will be way more than today's hardships..
Im from Pakistan..we are extremly close knit families..we try to support till the end..even if that person doesn't change, we provide heroine to addict in home,, instead of him going elsewhere n be more damaged..we keep him close in family..sometimes we give him to police so he may get rid of it of fear..but never close the door on him or leave
@@safyaniqbal2 why not get him clean....
@@lisacranmer8005 he do weed or hashish only..not heroin etc..many ppl do that n carry out lives normally...he do it alot n it effects his life...there cleaning centres for heroin addicts but not weed ..its not that dangeerous
Aw sending love to you! Loneliness is quite painful. 💔
It is very painful to have to walk away from family and fake friends when that is all you have... but eventually in order to be true to yourself one has to at times. I agree that kindness, respect, goodness and all the fruits of the spirit basically are needed when people are truly caring. My family exhibited the opposite for years, decades really... abuse.. it is freeing and drama free and peaceful now without them.
My wife and I had to disown her parents because of abusive behavior. We gave them 18 months of second chances but it finally came to the undeniable point they are irredeemable.
We heavily relied on our church pastors and my wife's therapists. It's important to have wise people in your life that you can trust through difficult conversations.
What is harder to find people like that, is actually being that person.....
That would be an interesting question. How do you know you're not the toxic one?
Amen! Be the change you wish to see!
I walked away over five years ago. Best decision I ever made!
"It is better to be alone than to be in bad company."
George Washington
"There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who would not step over a puddle for you."
(I don't remember. Attributed to several people. TRUE nonetheless!)
That's why after 35 years old I become introvert...no more negativity surroundings...I enjoy myself I plan what I like and do what I like without anybody's approval nor opinion. Being introvert is a pure tranquility and pacification. I drive myself to fresh grassy places by the mountains and lakes i do open fire and grill some sea fresh fish and steak with vegetables and this little enjoyment brings inner happiness to my soul 🤗🤙 simplicity and accepting yourself for who you are and finally feel like myself being original is so awesome 👍🏼😉 no need for others to fill me in...IAM who IAM and this is ultimate positive energy flow through my life. Simple life, nature... meditation is a positive vibe for Life 👍🏼✨👊
The older I get, the more of a sociopath I have become, I hate how intolerant people are even when being treated with politeness. For your views to work Mr Peterson, we ALL have to be rowing in the same direction. Toxic people are a cancer and just like cancer there is not always a cure.
That's actually a great comparison - with the cancer. The illness comes from within, just like with the ones that are 100% toxic.
Read 12 rules for life and got a lot out of it. jP has had a very positive impact on myself and others around me. So grateful for his insights and encouraging words.
My father told me similar advice. One professor told us similar advice way back in school.
I never understood until my 30s that by simply being around certain people, it is so easy to get dragged down, tangled, and drowned. Friends, colleagues, and even some romantic interest whom I just thought so dearly of, I had to let go of for my own betterment.
Sometimes, I miss them and I think of the memories I share & I come back to listen and remind myself of this
I hate when good friends change and become toxic. It sucks to lose them but what else can you do besides walk away
I know the feeling...
They were never good.
You never judged them properly.
Good friends never turn against you as they are good people.
Bad and evil.people who your friends with will turn against you.
I have been searching for the words of the thoughts that haunts me. Thank you for helping me find them.
Exactly what I needed to hear at the right time. Sometimes it's necessary to save your own mental health and wellbeing so you can proactively continue to participate in your own life with the other people who do appreciate you and what you have to contribute.
Interesting. In this short clip he doesn’t pose the inevitable question of “Why do you form relationships with these types of people to begin with?”(talking non-family here). I found myself constantly surrounded by people who were not really interested in me but what I could provide them with (advice,compassion,time,resources etc)…leading me to start making some pretty sweeping generalisations about “the nature of people” (ie “Everyone is egoistic “etc).Upon some pretty uncomfortable self reflection I realised not only where those typed of people drawn to me but I was also drawn to them.In my case I was replicating the relationship I had with my Mum as a child. I felt I had no intrinsic worth or value and needed to “make up for” this perceived lack by “providing utility to other peoples lives”, so I could form attachments/relationships. I actively was seeking out “users”…and was then terribly disappointed,when users would disappear,when there was nothing to exploit…It’s kind of like being surprised when a shark bites you,when you try to pat it: You decided to try something completely out of the sharks nature…but the shark simply did, what a shark does….
It is definitely most difficult with a child that you love that has concurrent disorder due to a head injury, having acquired multiple diagnoses of epilepsy and OCD largely due to the many experimental medications administered over time. The addiction portion is the most judged by myself, her mother, It has affected my compassion and understanding toward this wonderful woman that she is. And it has embittered me because of guilt due to mishandling her since she was 12. I thought tough love was helpful but it did not serve either of us.
Is that you Jesus? 😂
Very insightful. The part about being surprised when the shark bit you was funny. I too, seen to do these. Hine sights 20/20 In the moment I try to see the good and later learn it was only one sided.
Sometimes a persons means to get to know someone is immature, or limited.
this video makes me realize I might be a toxic person at one point. I may have used my misery to manipulate a friend. That person tried to help me, many times. but just as Jordan says, I was aiming down so hard, she got tired and sick of me. And when she walked away, I became angry due to my lost power over her. Being weak and narcissi tic, that's the combination for that kind of personality. Now I understand how exhausted and disappointed she must have felt making the decision to walk away. Now I'm totally friendless. Serve me right!
Hi tell her how you feel now , in a letter , where you can say the things you want to say , calmly say how sorry you are for past deeds , she may or may not want to restart the friendship , but you will both feel better once it’s said ,
Self reflection is powerful. You are walking in the right step
Check out Crappy Childhood Fairy on RUclips. Commit to a day of her videos... you may learn a lot about yourself and your unconscious past programming, as well as getting help with a path forward. 🌟🍀
Yesterday I found out something just horrible, and even though it happened years ago and with someone I loved, I'm still in shock almost.It had went on for years and now I can't stop obsessing over it trying to recall every moment and feeling so dumb.It probably all sounds a bit dramatic on my part but why did I not see it!!BETRAYAL hurts
Pray about it to Jesus, or Mary. Pray like they are your bestie, listening to your story and your pain. Then journal, and cry it out. And pray some more. Pray for help in forgiving the people who hurt you, deceived you, and this will take the poison of their actions out of you, so you can be healthy... the best revenge is a good life. Keep the faith. Be grateful for all the good you have in your life.
Choose joy every morning 🌄
As well, take a bit of pleasure in knowing that karma never forgets an address. 😉
Absolutely love Jordan petersons work, an outstanding voice of calm reason. Never stop. 💖
Great advice, Mr. Peterson! Even if the toxic people are your family members, walk away from them. If someone isn't listening to or respecting you, don't bang your head against a wall, trying to make them listen or respect you. Just get away from them. It's the only answer sometimes. Forgive them and even pray for them but don't have expectations that they will change. Because they often will not, not unless they WANT to.
Absolutely. You can only help people when they want to be helped. After a while you’re enabling them if you don’t tell them what you see is going on. If they are just bringing chaos to your relationship or your family they must be told what is going on if they don’t catch on then you must cut that relationship or help them change it. So true, do not cast pearls before swine because they will turn again and attack you.
You can have help at psychology therapy. Do not accept any kind of other helps, as in life there is nothing free. If someone offers you help-that is because wants something in exchange in the closed future. People like that are not needed in your personal life.
People just don't change
They may pretend to be different for a while just to catch you out of guard eventually and make you regret to keep investing instead of leaving for good
They might change if they are led correctly to that change. If we're just arguing, we won't come to an argument, ever.
People do change and life events can change people. We are not static statues. Neuroplasticity reveals that the brain can form new pathways.
@@PursuitofMeaning people never really change..mthey just become more and more who they really are!
@@alexandrudumitrescu7515 fara schimbare, suntem fara speranta :)
@@alexandrudumitrescu7515 I guess I became more dark empathetic 🤣🤣🤣
I may be young, but from my experience thus far, the best way to help someone who is aiming down is to get as down as they aim. Otherwise they can't see you, and you can't look them in the eye either.
In some cases, this is exactly what you should do. I agree. BUT, because we, humans, are so complicated, we should give an example in other cases. From addictions to losing weight, I don't know. You might be better saying nothing but showing the path.
@@PursuitofMeaning It still depends. If I too am struggling with the same thing, if i manage to solve it on myself, the other person might only see the me with the same problem juxtaposed with the new me with the problem solved. This might well cause some people to become resentful. I'm not saying everyone will become resentful. A lot of people will genuinely look at someone else's progress out of the same affliction and see nothing but hope that they can make it out as well. But it still depends on the psychological state of the other person.
On the other hand, I agree that saying things, especially critical things to someone struggling with both an addiction-type problem as well as low self esteem would generally be ill advised.
Love this
Jordan Peterson had blessed me with so much wisdom. A true inspiration.
Made me beyond sad when my boyfriend & I broke up. No abuse or anything, just... neglect. When we first started dating he always picked me up & we would drive around, watch movies, go out to eat... then, less & less frequently. He went to another state to work & start a business & I waited for him at home. Then he started getting short tempered because others weren't achieving success like he was. Even when he came home he didn't visit me like he used to & he started acting different than before, like he lost interest. He barely found the time to call me once a day, & when I called him he usually said "Let me call you right back" then no response for hours. Then I realized it wasn't going to work- we haven't even been dating a year. Still I felt so empty inside & struggled with all my will not to commit suicide. In 3 days I just prayed & prayed & asked God forgiveness. The feeling is indescribable when i knew I would never get a phone call from him again. The relationship just seemed to end so easy. I feel so sick like my life is over. Still struggling. If you are the praying type I could use any prayers. Thank you so much.
You are important. You will have a good future. Believe in yourself first. LOVE yourself!
6:03
You are a valuable person and dont need anyone to be happy. It is your illogical thoughts that lead you to believe you need someone to be happy. I hope you have overcome the feeling to end your life. You are awesome! Love yourself daily and increase your selfesteem by doing things you enjoy and going towards the light God not the darkness.🙏🌈😊✝️
Haven't spoken to my brother in years. I spent decades trying to help him through his personal battles, and eventually I just had to move and cut him off. He was my hero growing up. I thought he was so cool, and just awesome. It hurt to cut him off, he called me a few dozen times around fathers day this year, asking me to tell his sons where to reach him, I changed my voicemail message to,
"If this is Jason, stop calling. Being a father is an all year responsibility, if your kids want to talk, they'll find you."
It was one of the most difficult things I've ever done, because I just want my big brother again. But he's gone, and he's not coming back.
Sad as it is, sometimes you just have to do what is best for you. 🤷🏼♂️
Selfish, or self-preservation? Maybe both.
Damn, that's sad... Maybe, one day...
had a "friend" once that started off as an alright person but as he grew more and more comfortable around me his true personality pushed through and i simply said one day "sorry but i cant do this anymore" and ended the friendship there, he proceeded to then ridicule me to his other "friends". Today he has no friends left and another friend i have also is a "friend" of his and he hold me he´s missing hanging with me.... "to bad, the last bus crossed the bridge already" now the bridge is closed forever.
Thank you Dr. Peterson. I so needed to hear this. It confirms my decision to take a step away from my unhealthy family. We all experienced generational trauma, abandonment, addiction etc. I’m the only one who has worked on recovering. I’ve so wanted them to join me on this journey to peace but instead they have become more abusive. That verse “Do not cast your pearls before swine” has crossed my mind so many times since I made this decision. Thank you for confirming I’m headed in the right direction even if it’s just emotional detachment from my family.
Hope you're doing well!
@@PursuitofMeaning yes thank you for posting these videos!
From what I have heard from a Russian psychologist, it is good to connect what one thinks was a good trait in your father or mother to oneself and be able to use it. It kind of connects to the roots again.
There is some evidence, that the complete cutting off prevents growth in some areas. So maybe there needs to be some more research done or a differentiated approach instead of black and white.
Basically taking good inheritance and leaving the bad.
@@TheShamuraja I am taking six months to make time for this. I need to be emotionally detached. As the “scapegoat” with a narcissist parent and siblings who enable the dysfunction I need this time. My hope is that I can be around them in short measure. I certainly have tried for decades to not be hurt by the blame shifting and projection. I’ve spent years question my part in the problems. I finally understand that they are not willing to do the same and by placing the blame on me, they have no need to look at themselves. That is the purpose of a scapegoat in a family. It’s a well studied pattern of dysfunction and sometimes stepping away is the only way to break the pattern.
@@dnk4559 I am well aware of the scapegoat thing. Sadly. And I am definitely not putting myself in a moral position to say anything about your situation.
It is confusing and draining enough.
I hope you do the best for yourself, also if the years progress one has less and less power to deal with this madness. Around 30 and 40 these things can bring a person to regress and jump back into old patterns, so one has to forgive themself if one steps into old traps.
Stay hopeful and I hope you can concentrate on good things in your life, even if there might be a wound of mistrust etc.
Doing fun stuff, that brings about dopamine helps to feel more free of those patterns.
Also a big one: It’s never their fault, however they are always involved
What hurts is when you know something is wrong but you can’t articulate it to a friend. You then periodically try to address this feeling the best way you can but you just can’t articulate it no matter how hard you try. Eventually the friction builds and builds and then you grow apart simply because you couldn’t articulate the issues you both felt. The words left unsaid.
This one hit home. My brother's an alcoholic and had been getting worse over the years. In the recent months he's been prescribed Xanax. Family is foundational to my core beliefs so dealing with it is hard and not really sure what to do
Try to help him... Sometimes the ultimate solution is to leave, but before doing that, warn him that he'll end up alone acting like this. Maybe this will wake him up!
Can’t believe my younger self thought breaking it off for a little minute would make him change to being loyal and trustworthy 🤦🏽♀️ I know now when a person shows you who they are , believe them the first time!! Never will I stay with someone who doesn’t bring me peace
Someone once told me people can't wear logos in ads or stock footage and I can't unsee it ever. It's been like 7 years. It's horrible lol
Where? 😅
Absolutely right. It’s a very painful thing to do much less admit to self the need to do it. It seems like such a huge sense of defeat to walk away from decades of invested time and emotion and even family connections. But if the torment doesn’t end with you dead anyway from self inflicted grief whatever is the point you are trying to preserve a dead relationship no matter what it is.
*90SpyTron* can really be of help to you
Check him on instagram and thank me later!
I’ve been through it with people walking away from me. I can speak from experience when I say I hated them at the time but in the long run I’m realizing that I was dragging them down with me and they had every right to say no. Now I’m on the other side of that, and it is especially difficult because the person in question is my wife. I’ve done everything I can but the direction she is going is toxic and draining to me. I’m at the end of my rope and have no resources, material or otherwise, left to pour into my marriage. It sucks because I know from experience what my leaving her is going to do to her in the short term and I have no way of knowing what the long term will look like. All I know is I can’t go where she is going. It will destroy me.
This is BY FAR one of thee best clips of Jordan Petersons advice that I 💯% agree with. I struggle to put these exact opinions/feelings into words but can send this clip. LOVE is an action and when you love someone as well as yourself you want only what's good for the both of you. Even if that means having to let them go. They may come back or they may have served their purpose in your life and you in theirs.