LIES and B.S. | Jordan Peterson Destroys the Self Esteem and Emotional Intelligence Concepts
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 2 сен 2021
- In this episode, Dr. Jordan B. Peterson destroys the self esteem and emotional intelligence concepts.
Some of you may believe that the term "destroys" is misused. Still, as a person who believed in both of these concepts, Dr. Jordan Peterson destroyed (for real) my assumptions upon self esteem and emotional intelligence.
This is another opportunity to say ¬ Thank you, Dr. Jordan Peterson.
#JordanPeterson
#PursuitOfMeaning
#SelfEsteem
This is his best book, in my opinion: geni.us/DrJP
HINT: You can get for FREE the audio version narrated by Dr. Peterson himself if you sign up for an Audible Trial.
We create to inspire, hopefully, worldwide.
If you're into a motivational speech or a motivational video from Dr. Jordan Peterson, you can stop here.
Here, at the "Pursuit of Meaning" channel, we transform the original content from shows, podcasts, and key-notes with Dr. Jordan Peterson, to provide the viewers with a more immersive experience.
We amplify the content's original message by making it more cinematic and easier to understand by the end consumer.
If you are the legal content owner of any videos we posted on the channel and would like to remove them, please e-mail us at hello@succesonline.ro.
✅ Fair Use Disclaimer
1. The videos have no negative impact on the original works.
2. The videos we make are used for teaching purposes.
3. The videos are transformative in nature.
4. We use only the audio component and tiny pieces of video footage, only if it's necessary.
☢️ Video footage and songs are licensed through Uppbeat.io & Storyblocks.com.
📧 Hello@succesonline.ro
- Jordan Peterson Motivation
- Jordan Peterson Responsibility
- Jordan Peterson Meaning
- Jordan Peterson Advice
- Jordan Peterson Clips
- Wisdom Talks
- Success Chasers
- Self Esteem
This is his best book, in my opinion: geni.us/DrJP
*HINT: You can get for FREE the audio version narrated by Dr. Peterson himself if you sign up for an Audible Trial.*
I agree!
@@tnerb830 don't be so agreeable; you'll be more successful at work
@@Holyshmoe1 I'm working on that 😂
Ii
“ Pride is not the opposite of shame, but it’s source. True Humility is the only antidote of shame. “ Uncle Iroh
When I read Daniel Goleman's book "Emotional Intelligence", the basic definition for emotional intelligence that I deduced from what he was writing is actually better expressed as "self control." In other words, what he was talking about that he labeled emotional intelligence was really the ability to manage your emotions, not let them manage you. The ability of your frontal lobe to take authority over the runaway train of your limbic system is a very important life skill.
I agree with you. Still, emotional intelligence sounds more science fiction. Who said that names don't matter, got it wrong.
That's just stoicism rebranded. That only proves emotional intelligence isn't real. It's a butchered rip off of an already proposed and tested subject.
^ THIS
Emotional intelligence allows you to recognize that you are currently feeling an emotion and ask yourself "Why am I feeling this way?".
A little bit like a road bump your emotions need to roll over before you can act.
Self Esteem is pretty similar, its like checking in with yourself to see how you feel about yourself.
Of course depression, narcissism, and many other conditions will affect your self esteem.
This is why self esteem is such a useful attribute to consider in counseling and therapy.
High level of self esteem but commit horrible acts? Maybe Narcissism?
Low level of self esteem and commit horrible acts? Maybe Sociopathy?
Low level of self esteem but you do good things? Maybe Depression or unresolved trauma
High level of self esteem and you do good things? You're probably not in or don't need therapy
Anyone who uses the term emotional intelligence is lying to you. Emotions have nothing to do with intelligence. If anything intelligence is to Overcome your emotions, as is the case in EBT, DBT, AA, etc.
@@jwabsolution if you're a man and you actually believe in emotional intelligence, than you are pathetic lol.
Like the guy above you said, stoicism is already a thing.
The goal should not be high self esteem , the goal should be healthy self esteem. It’s simple , just recognize the value in your self, and respond appropriately to negative emotion
Recognizing value is different than feeling good about yourself, right?
Scripture says "Don't think too highly of yourself."
I believe that the goal is to have no self esteem at all, that means you can see yourself for what you are, nothing more or less.
You're exactly right. A lot of people (including Dr Peterson) believe in this concept of "high self esteem" to mean an inflated sense of positive self esteem (narcissism) when Nathaniel NEVER used the term "high self esteem" in any of his books but rather he would talk about a "high LEVEL of self esteem" by which he meant an highly accurate or correct level of estimating yourself (self-esteem). Meaning an accurate (or a high degree of) self-knowledge! Knowing your temperament, your skill level, your level of effort, etc.
It’s simple but we just listened to a genius use 50,000 words to explain it doesn’t exist 🤔
That bit about negotiation stood out to me. Back in 2021, during the Afghanistan Pull Out, one reporter or journalist said this and this fits so well. "Negotiation without leverage is begging" and that's a phrase that just stuck with me. Always put yourself in a favourable position before dealing with others, especially if they are unreasonable.
That's the best comment on this video. Well said. Thanks for it.
Unreasonable people cannot be negotiated with, probably why bullies have unreasonably high self-esteem, or the type of neurotics who don't see that their extraversion is neuroticism, or you know that dumb person from school, uni, work who is ridden with shame for their mistakes and mishappenings and tries to project it onto others. Yuck! Disgusting people. At arms length.
So true 👍
Exactly 💯
Exactly 💯. This man is a genius and he has helped so many people including myself and his critics want him gone.
This is the first time I've heard someone externally acknowledge that bullies are not just "upset at themselves so they lash out at others".
This has always been and always will be a cope for people who need to say comforting things that "make sense" more than they need truth. Bullies are that way because they don't like the people they bully. Generally, they'll be narcissistic.
Don't tell me people actually think bullies are "upset at themselves so they lash out at others"? This is complete BS. Bullies are spoiled MFs who forgot about their morales (if they even had any on the first place) just because they met someone who they don't like and have power over them.
They're upset about something, but not with themselves. It has been documented that most bullies have been abused at home, either by parents or older siblings, so they have learned that violence works.
In the beginning of my high school, I was a loser who couldn't fit and even girls were making fun of me and at the end of a high school I was moderating our high school prom and it turned out that girl who used to make fun of me the most was actually attracted to me all the time. Seventeen years later I was the most successful trainer in a town and women were coming to my classes with almost exposed breasts and other much more educated trainers in town were envious of me.
I hate when someone like Jordan Peterson who is obviously the suffering patient himself is talking smart to people like "I hate to disappoint you but bullies have actually much higher self esteem than you and I hate to disappoint you but there is no such a thing as the emotional intelligence" No Jordan, if everything is just a IQ than I should be logically loser my whole life and these bullies from my life shouldn't be crying when they were going to dentist.
Another type of bully is someone who's teases someone because of their reactions. They think it's funny when people get angry or start crying.
There's so much insight packed into this excerpt. I believe he's right, we tend to make up words or concepts because they sound good, not realizing the concepts are already accounted for - We just don't like the words being used.
That's a very accurate description of what I'm feeling too...
Pretty sure whoever the pioneer in self-esteem literature said it had all be misused and ending up disavowing it all.
Self-esteem as a term for the emergent property from a function of big-five need not be thrown out with the bath water just yet, though. It's hella inconvenient to describe everything in quantum wave-functions, after all. Now, more accurate and effective mental health training in the area of self-esteem would be helped by having first dissected the attacked problem of what emerges as "Low self esteem"; extraversion minus negative emotionality. Then you can treat a person who came in declaring "low self esteem" by psycho-educating them about neuroticism and extraversion: "How easy do you find it to express yourself? Do you think overly negative about certain actions?" etc.
Aside from assuming the "Big Five" are sound concepts themselves. I heard the measurements are less clear across cultures, in particular tests in the Italian language render less significant results.
Look at the bad things done to society in the name of self-esteem.
Like “everyone gets a trophy eo no one feels bad.”
That morphed into words are violent, feelings over facts, if I’m offended, you need cancelled.
That is what is called a slippery slope.
Agreed. I think specifically of the latest favored word, "grit". From a book by that title. Why not perseverance? Maybe they don't think the public can understand multi-syllabic words?
I feel like disagreeableness is a strong emotional frame.. not so much a lack of emotional intelligence. Just strong boundaries and expectations of those around us
I can't disagree with this.
Disagreeableness is nothing. Its opposition to feed a weak ego. Nothing strong about that frame.
@@KMarcucci7 Your assumption that everyone who is more disagreeable than average automatically has a "weak ego", as opposed to possibly just having strong boundaries and not being a doormat, tells me something about your ego. Namely that you're probably a know it all. Sounds like a disagreeable trait, ironically.
@@KMarcucci7 disagreeable people…like…jordan Peterson? Who disagrees with the main stream manipulation and exploitation’s of different groups? That’s a weak mentality? That’s a weak ego? These social warriors who just agree with everything they’re told must be the strong ones who think for themselves lmao
@@KMarcucci7 You sound kind of disagreeable.
I think the self-esteem movement came out of good intentions--some people grow up with so much negativity showered on them that they think they are worthless--but it's taken a life of it's own. I'm one of only two male teachers in an elementary school and I've seen a lot of negatively heaped on restless boys--boys who have trouble sitting still. How ironic. These same boys who can't sit still are going to be the guys who work all day repairing power lines after a storm, clearcutting trees for school sites, paving the roads to the school, and building the buses and the schools. They won't be teachers sitting on their bottoms for 50% of the day.
Anyway, this is only one example of undue negativity. Families and societies produce all kinds.
I hope you're right
Thank you for understanding that! If you parents agree with this teacher, take a look at the Finnish schools, and then head for the meetings where shool-curriculums are decided. Shorter school-days, shorter work-days; more physical activities in schools; more play, rough and tumble, and outdoor experiences at home - quality, not quantity for a good-enough parenting.
Take a look at Thomas Gordon's active parenting, too
So, what you are saying, as a teacher, is that boys with ADHD should be given chain saws?
@@StratMatt777 I see you have difficulty reading, so I don't know if my response will be useful. I said, "These same boys who can't sit still are going to be the guys who work all day..." doing jobs where they can't sit around all day. As in, when they become adults. Also, I never mentioned ADHD. I can get all my students, boys and girls, to learn.
@@StratMatt777 I think FreightTrain is a genuine teacher - I can imagine that his approach can make those envious who have only experienced traditional education.
Boys with ADHD need special help - a holistic approach. In Finland they can mix well in classrooms with other pupils because the teachers are well-educated, the class-rooms are adapted and the lessons are 40 min with 20 min recess out-doors with a lot of things to do, all lessons are directed to learning by doing, school-days are short, especially for the beginners (7 year olds), there are free meals and fruit breakes, and the teachers inspire them to move to music when the class is restless, they may move around - and ever more common are dogs in the class-room to sit by restless and anxious kids. The dogs are read to and look like they understand the pictures and the words, and they are non-judgemental. It helps a lot. No one "trick" works alone, it is a whole process and system where the parts support each other. It takes time to build such things up. But Finnish children use real saws, knives, sewing machines, scissors, pans and ovens, etc in their lessons. They have lessons that involve physical training every day, they have poetry, music, dancing, arts, all of the children.
Maybe you would like to check Michael Moore's report it is on YT.
In international comparisons Finnish students do well, and remember they learn three or four languages, which is rather time consuming, but develops the brains.
As a way to label people makes them more controllable. Low self esteem is not surprisingly a loser. High self esteem is just as derogatory as hubris or snobbery. The reality is the expectation that life is a challenge met with varying degrees of success for different people according to their efforts and abilities.
"High self esteem is just as derogatory as hubris or snobbery"
No it's not. It is not a crime to value yourself when it is due.
@@Briselance That's what i meant to convey.
When the public schools started teaching "Self Esteem" doesn't that just mean they started giving awards to , everyone, dead last losers included?
@@ryanb1874 I believe the idea there was to help children gain confidence in at least trying their best, but now no one want to be the "bad guy" and just straight up tell children that sometimes there are people that are just better at certain things.
Now unfortunately we have people that expect something just because they tried because they weren't taught both sides of the situation.
Yes I generalised massively here because I can't be bothered typing more.
How about just being humble and TRUE to yourself (even if the truth isn't good)? I don't deserve to have high self esteem, because I failed at the most crucial; points in my journey so far......But, I do have faith, hope and belief in myself....Is there a difference?
Years ago I read an article about a researcher who was studying the self-esteem of inmates at San Quentin, concentrating on the more heinous. She expected that the inmates would have low self-esteem. Well, surprise surprise, she found the opposite was true, and the majority actually felt pretty righteous about their crimes, that the victims deserved their mistreatment and that they had been treated unfairly by the justice system.
Interesting story!
@@PursuitofMeaning Considering the high percentage of inmates with ASPD, it is not surprising.
@@PursuitofMeaning Narcissists?
@@MrLuigiFercotti unfamiliar with the term whats ASPD?
@@apatheticeye6955 Sorry about that. Anti-Social Personality Disorder. Like most PDs it's a result of neglectful/abusive childhood, and most people in prison had crappy childhoods.
I want to add to what he’s discussing with regards to self esteem. As a society over a span of the last few decades we’ve spent lots of time and money and effort into researching and discussing intangible concepts, one of which being self esteem. And that’s totally fine because it falls into psychology and philosophy to a degree. Where it becomes a problem is in that same progression we are now at the point where we’re not just researching and discussing intangible and abstract concepts such as self esteem or gender ideology for example, we’re spending lots of time and money trying to prove their existence, and even forcing them into existence into areas of society where they only do damage, which ends up being most of them.
Psychology is a science. Philosophy is entirely made up and it has no basis in reality or fact.
Some of it is a reassessment of the already existing concepts of intangible concepts. Which is everything. For many concepts that exist, including in science, until a word was made up for it then its nothing. The more attention that made up thing gets the more real it becomes. It’s literally how life works.
@@K-10-limitless it’s the opposite of the dragon that grows when you look away from it
"stop whining and go outside. Because sometimes that IS the right response."
*Standing ovation ensues*
Dr: Peterson’s assertion that bullies have high self-esteem is quite revealing. A scientific connection between self-esteem and positions of power should fill us all with alarm. What KIND of person thinks they should rule those around them? I think he is right . . maybe we SHOULD have low self- esteem . .
“ . . in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.” (Philippians 2:3) and here: “Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.” (Matthew 5:5)
Powerful positions atteact the power hungry. You will never find someone in a position of authority who doesn't want to command, that is why important positions of authority should be held in judgement by those who do not seek them.
quoting the fairytale book that killed tens of millions like it means anything xD
I think self-esteem may not be the best word as this essentially how much you value yourself. I think a better word is ego. We should view ourselves, not as ourselves, but as an expression of the universe. We are all essentially the same consciousness, when remove labels like 'I' and 'self' we give ourselves equally to all perspectives and people. As such we have the capacity to give compassion and love to all. Perhaps I am biased because I am a Buddhist. That is just how I see it. I also firmly agree with you that only through suffering and humility can we really find the true capacity for love and understanding. Blessed are the meek, indeed. The most blessed.
@@kaivogel253 laughs in stalin and hitler's killing spree...
@@lzasarchange3102 still most of the stuff he says just promotes violence. The moderation stuff is really rare
My parents were born at the end of the 1920's, the great depression era. They had both been previously married so my sibling and I were born during their mid 30's. That sort of put my folks at a different age than my friend's folks by at least a decade. All I know is that even as a kid I felt that my parents were just more sensible and responsible than my friend's parents. I liked my friend's folks very well, but I always felt my own parents to be my best guide in life. I was taught that self respect meant looking people in the eye, being honest with yourself and others, keeping your word, pulling your weight and being kind to the elderly and less fortunate. I raised my own kids during the self-esteem takeover of education, but it didn't really become practice in our home. I taught my children to respect themselves first and then others. We weren't perfect parents, nor were my parents perfect. It has since been my observation that "self esteem" training has led our youth to self-entitlement, self absorption, a tendency to depression, hopelessness, a lack of purpose and a lousy work ethic. Leading educators ought to be docked retirement pay for the experimental BS they shovel out on impressionable kids in what they call public school education these days. And if it comes from California, treat it like the plague.
Excellent. You can understand the value of the teacher by his ability to generate unique perspectives. Jordan is always bringing refreshing new ways of seeing culturally accepted constructs.
I recognize he has limitations, just as we all have blind spots but he is one of the best rounded out people out there.
You can't go wrong following his teaching.
"You can't go wrong following his teaching."
actually, you can go so far off the reservation that you might never find your way back. just listen to his videos that discuss religious faith, for example. .
In the beginning of my high school, I was a loser who couldn't fit and even girls were making fun of me and at the end of a high school I was moderating our high school prom and it turned out that girl who used to make fun of me the most was actually attracted to me all the time. Seventeen years later I was the most successful trainer in a town and women were coming to my classes with almost exposed breasts and other much more educated trainers in town were envious of me.
I hate when someone like Jordan Peterson who is obviously the suffering patient himself is talking smart to people like "I hate to disappoint you but bullies have actually much higher self esteem than you and I hate to disappoint you but there is no such a thing as the emotional intelligence" No Jordan, if everything is just a IQ than I should be logically loser my whole life and these bullies from my life shouldn't be crying when they were going to dentist.
@@carolewhyte1943 After reading my comment you want to tell me that you can't go wrong following his teachings? This guy is such a lost suffering soul and that's why his education is worth nothing because his emotional intelligence is covered by suffering and feeling like a victim. The fact that you guys can't see that and admire him is a sad mirror of this world how it is lost when they follow and admire the biggest suffering patient who says such an axymoron disturbing crap like "release the inner psychopath so you can have a peace or become the peaceful monster." This guy is like an intellectual possessed victim who cries for help and needs exorcist.
@@gojakla12 uh. . . i think you meant to reply to norman.
Yeah I can see all your points. But things are only one way or the other in the most ignorant.
There are some things I admire about him and in others i find him tedious. Some talks are enjoyable and some ideological trash. Overall I think he's one if the good guys at the same time he believes "humanity" can redeem itself which is entirely absurd.
However on the other hand he is a pretty good intellect and wordsmith. On the other hand his blind spots are glaring .
I can go on. I have the ability to see deeply into the minds of others and know them better than they know themselves.
And the only reason that is true is because I've been to the darkest abyss of my own mind. Once I knew myself to that extant, understanding human nature became a trivial exercise.
But very very few people are willing to walk that walk.
However there is still pedagogic and aesthetic value to one who shares intellectual knowledge rather than experiential.
There are those who can easily give clarity to others but have never successfully implemented it in their own life.
Intellectualism.
Alan Watts is another prime example, at the same time a highly enjoyable lecturer.
My thoughts on self esteem is that it’s a tragic affliction that is responsible for the mental health crisis we have today.
Basically now a days in stead of telling kids that feeling weird and uncomfortable is normal and healthy, schools are teaching that unless you love yourself, are happy, and comfortable all the time, there is something wrong with you. I don’t think I need to explain how horrible that is for young minds. It’s pushing kids to depression, anxiety, and worst of all, gender dysphoria.
As someone who survived domestic abuse and sexual assault as a teenager, and as someone who is extremely conscientious and has a higher than average IQ, I used to think (wrongly) that the antidote to my self loathing was just higher self esteem, or at least, that’s what I was told by therapist after therapist…No wonder I was so confused. It was so depressing, bc positive self esteem felt so unachievable to the point where the idea of positive self esteem felt more like a delusional lie. Why couldn’t I have had a therapist like Dr Peterson? Having listened to him for some years now, I have come to realize that the antidote to self loathing is not higher self esteem, but rather is self actualization. (Think Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.) The key is as he says, an overall reduction or subtraction of neurotic /anxious tendencies and ptsd type responses which (surprise surprise) once you get those under control, makes you stop hating yourself and teaches you to value yourself instead.
That's the thing. However, that was kinda obvious no?
Of course you can't have good self esteem when you are suffering from mental illness, and to fix that it's more like a puzzle Ethan to simply will you need self esteem
The self esteem that I studied taught me that I am OK & good enough - not better than nor superior to others. I was taught about HEALTHY self worth, not hi or low self esteem which are both neurotic conditions, IMO.
@@jimrich4192 exactly; people don't understand what self esteem is.
It's not about a positive self image. it's about the gap between one's perception of one's self vs their expectations.
Take me for example. I am extremely arrogant; I think I am more intelligent than the vast majority of people and always point to my high scores on cognitive testing and how I got perfect scores on nation-wide math contests in high school while never doing home work and playing chess in class;
I think I am morally superior than the vast majority of people in the world.
Jordan might call that "high self esteem", but that's not what it is; I have extremely low self-esteem because I have perfect expectations of myself; I feel like I should be the smartest, most successful person in the world; I should never make any moral mistakes; I should have the happiest life possible, a girlfriend/wife that is completely loyal to me and never had any relationships with anyone else;
When I compare where I think I am vs where I think I should be, I feel extremely bad and dejected because it's just so far off. And this makes me embarrassed to even talk with other people because I'm afraid they'll see how much of a failure I am.
The really cancerous thing is the high self-expectations. As long as your self-expectations are in line with your self-perception, it doesn't really matter whether it's "high" (i.e I think I'm better than everyone else) or low (i.e I think I am worse than everyone else);
When I was little, in little league basball, I literally hit the ball twice in the ENTIRE SEASON. And both were foul balls. I was by far the worst player on the team. But it didn't matter because I didn't care and had no expectations for myself; I was simply happy going out there playing ball.
@@YSFmemoriesyou a real one for stating that, I can totally relate
Psalm 139:13-14
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
As someone who has struggled with being bullied, “self-worth”, anxiety and depression at one point and struggling with some of the same doubts in graduate school currently , it’s good to know that my identity is based on the works of Jesus Christ who has perfect love for all sinners. This gives me both confidence and power that the God of creation upholds me, and humility and meekness that it wasn’t by anything that I did but by Him. These ideas of mental health that people struggle with today are always seen as physical issues, with the brain or body, but there’s a very real spiritual side of us that needs nurturing. Your relationship with God is important!
I love that you question so much of just “accepted science.” As a licensed therapist, I have struggled with those clients that want help with self esteem. The way you spoke about neuroticism is extremely helpful. Thank you. My simple explanation of working with self esteem is about my clientele setting goals and the actually takin*the steps to reaching them, and learning to encourage and pat their own back.
@Mayo's Mayo
Well I would say a positive self image because esteem is a positive trait. Things get complicated when a person has a positive self image for no apparent reason or has narcissistic traits. It is basically accepted in the field that self esteem is recognizing your own value from a deeper place of knowledge, not based primarily on what others think of you.
It seems like people without self-esteem issues like you or jordan peterson completely misunderstand what it is.
It's not about a positive self image. it's about the gap between one's perception of one's self vs their expectations.
Take me for example. I am extremely arrogant; I think I am more intelligent than the vast majority of people and always point to my high scores on cognitive testing and how I got perfect scores on nation-wide math contests in high school while never doing home work and playing chess in class;
I think I am morally superior than the vast majority of people in the world.
Jordan might call that "high self esteem", but that's not what it is; I have extremely low self-esteem because I have perfect expectations of myself; I feel like I should be the smartest, most successful person in the world; I should never make any moral mistakes; I should have the happiest life possible, a girlfriend/wife that is completely loyal to me and never had any relationships with anyone else;
When I compare where I think I am vs where I think I should be, I feel extremely bad and dejected because it's just so far off. And this makes me embarrassed to even talk with other people because I'm afraid they'll see how much of a failure I am.
The really cancerous thing is the high self-expectations. As long as your self-expectations are in line with your self-perception, it doesn't really matter whether it's "high" (i.e I think I'm better than everyone else) or low (i.e I think I am worse than everyone else);
When I was little, in little league basball, I literally hit the ball twice in the ENTIRE SEASON. And both were foul balls. I was by far the worst player on the team. But it didn't matter because I didn't care and had no expectations for myself; I was simply happy going out there playing ball.
Needed to hear this 40 yrs ago
I think he explained what my understand of what “Emotional Intelligence” is. To me it is empathy. It is a genuine attempt to try and understand what someone is going through at their level. People who are low in neuroticism, find it difficult to understand what someone with high neuroticism is going through. Nor do I feel like it’s their responsibility. Also. If they are high in consciousness, then they will feel compelled to help but only in the way they understand it. Someone who is also high in negative emotion can understand the mental and emotional anguish to some degree of the other person. When you are high in negative emotion, it is comforting to feel someone understands your pain to some degree. We have to be careful tho, we cannot coddle and enable the perpetuity of these feelings. Neurotic people are very fragile and unfortunately have to be approach and helps in a certain way. I’m not saying anyone owes it to them either. Maybe abalance between tough love and empathy?. I have no disagreement per se as to Jordan’s position. It is a word at the end of the day, or as he said “two words”
I couldn't agree more. We should be humble with our brothers and sisters, take care of our elders and create a better future for our children. What else could we do more?
A phrase i was often told by my manager is empathise dont sympathise with customers.
Word “intelligence” in “emotional intelligence” phrase is probably too strong. Usually “emotionally intelligent” people just repeat back your words.
That hardly requires any actual intelligence.
I don’t think it’s a personality trait.
@@PursuitofMeaning you don't do that by promoting fascism. Have you learned nothing from the past?
In the beginning of my high school, I was a loser who couldn't fit and even girls were making fun of me and at the end of a high school I was moderating our high school prom and it turned out that girl who used to make fun of me the most was actually attracted to me all the time. Seventeen years later I was the most successful trainer in a town and women were coming to my classes with almost exposed breasts and other much more educated trainers in town were envious of me.
I hate when someone like Jordan Peterson who is obviously the suffering patient himself is talking smart to people like "I hate to disappoint you but bullies have actually much higher self esteem than you and I hate to disappoint you but there is no such a thing as the emotional intelligence" No Jordan, if everything is just a IQ than I should be logically loser my whole life and these bullies from my life shouldn't be crying when they were going to dentist.
This talk is so interesting and so real and I learnt so much about myself.
Kristin Neff an expert on self-compassion talks abt the flaws of self-esteem as well. She says that self-confidence stems more so from self-compassion, which is the ability to accept oneself in the face of failure and flaws. From the state and practice of self-acceptance we drop resistance (negativity) to the failure or flaw which eventually enables us to develop or find new ways to work around them.
I'll look upon Kristin, thank you.
Well put. Especially for those who can personally relate.
@S.C. VON GEHL no, a narcissist will not admit their flaws let alone recognise them. What she is describing is the opposite of narcissim
@@jenniferh.7219 Exactly. It also reduces your stresses from experiencing hiccups, instead of being like 'no..no!.noo!!..NOOO!!!' as you make a mistake for every correct thing you do on your path of learning something new, you instead accept you will make mistakes and shouldn't get stressed at them but happy to find ways to improve.
Internally you are just being compassionate to yourself that you will make mistakes and have faith in your ability to simply remain calm and learn from it, this outwardly appears like confidence or narcissim but isn't really.
The issue with this is that if given time we can take almost any words and unpack them and find why they should or shouldn’t exist. Many words we use are interchangeable or even similar to one or another. Emotional Intelligence is not “agreeableness” it’s how we manage our own emotions and how we are at detecting and approaching emotions in others. It’s not just having empathy and sympathy in others but also how we manage our own emotions.
But the ability to manage your own emotions is pretty much just Conscientiousness on the Big Five.
@@bitwize Not necessarily conscientiousness in the Big Five is more on the lines of being organized, goal oriented, dependable, etc. it’s not one in the same but conscientiousness combined with other factors can impact someone’s emotional intelligence.
Dr. Peterson,
I love your work. From my understanding of emotional intelligence, it is more than sympathy or empathy. It also has to do with emotional regulation and ability to communicate in an effective way during stressful situations. For instance, passive aggression is a hallmark of someone who is low in emotional intelligence. I feel like the term describes multiple positive characteristics of a well rounded individual.
You know these things try to simplify concepts considered complicated. However, they spun their own complications.
To treat passive aggression, why not remind people of their social obligations and values, self-comportment, among others.
If these concepts are lumped together to explain 'emotional intelligence', it would be considerable.
Using new approach to explain existing phenomenon is a tricky exercise. It only complicates, rather than simplify.
A nobel award for innovation seems to be the motivation.
Emotional regulation -A lot of it probably goes under neuroticism. Aswell as IQ, as Jordan actually have mentioned in some lecture. Communicating in an effective way would be something like IQ and extraversion. That's simple, because if you're very smart, and also outgoing and good at connecting with people, then you could probably formulate stuff very convincingly. So really none of theese things you Mention have anything to do with 'emotional intelligence"
The word emotional intelligence was created by a journalist not a scientist
Why is it you find no fault with protesters issues?
I hope you do not run for office.
In the beginning of my high school, I was a loser who couldn't fit and even girls were making fun of me and at the end of a high school I was moderating our high school prom and it turned out that girl who used to make fun of me the most was actually attracted to me all the time. Seventeen years later I was the most successful trainer in a town and women were coming to my classes with almost exposed breasts and other much more educated trainers in town were envious of me.
I hate when someone like Jordan Peterson who is obviously the suffering patient himself is talking smart to people like "I hate to disappoint you but bullies have actually much higher self esteem than you and I hate to disappoint you but there is no such a thing as the emotional intelligence" No Jordan, if everything is just an IQ than I should be logically loser my whole life and these bullies from my life shouldn't be crying when they were going to dentist. Self esteem doesn't exist, only bullies have much bigger self esteem than you so become the peaceful monster" axymoron disturbing nonsense of Jordan Peterson who needs help himself who is like an intellectual demon possessed victim and therefore his intelectulism is worth nothing when his emotional intelligence is covered by pain and suffering.
From what I have come across, emotional intelligence is about understanding emotions within one's self and others, and how each effect the other. For example in ones self: recognizing someone trying to trigger emotions within you to their advantage and countering with the best reaction. An example within others: knowing that people want to feel in control rather than be in control. Thus telling people "I'm in charge, now do this" doesn't work nearly as well as telling them "your in charge, do this."
Am I wrong in any of this?
Just read through EQ very fast on different pages. You are quite accurate. And you gave a good example on how it could work.
yes, but what You described is just knowledge of how emotions work and how people react to different stimulas. It has very little to do with the computation skills related to the word intelligence. You can actually learn the things that You described. Sure, some people learn it faster, but the thing is the intelligence itself You can't learn. Inteligence is about capacity not skill. The problem with "emotional intelligence" is that it is blurry, ill defined concept, that mash together better described and defined concepts, such as emphaty, socialisation, emotional stability (as in having control of own emotions/reactions).. and it claims to be some sort of intelligence blurring quite well-defined (and well measured!) term. You can actually test how intelligent someone is... but, does he/she have emotional intelligence? I've heard it way too many times... On the one hand there's science on the other pop-culture journalistic expression - they are not on the same leve of "seriousness". Sure those bounderies we put around the words are somewhat artificial, but so are all definitions and they matter cause without them it's not science, it's only speculation or rhetorical figures. Using words emotional intelligence in the context of... well intelligence, is a little bit like calling whale a fish. Sure it lives in the water and for millenia people thought of them as fish, but there are good reasons why we classify it as a mammal... so let's not muddy the waters here :)
@@jbolanowski1 perhap. It sounds as if you are stating that the subject exists, and that the issue is that it is incorrectly named. Thus in trying to keep the water clear, would you mind if I asked what you believe would be a better name for the subject in question?
What i see from your comment there was “Detecting intension” and “wisdom”. They can be grouped together to be called “emotional intelligence” since the words have been in the language long enough to take root.
My issue comes when it’s been put side by side to IQ, since it’s something that’s measured and with no moral value until people gave it value. And the EQ is used exclusively in a social context and it’s not something you can measure. I’m not explaining it too well but the point is one is science the other is engineering.
differentiate the two is so hard, medical “Research” is science, but medicine practice is “(human)Engineering”
If this makes any sense.
@@christophergardiner5351 I think "interpersonal skills" pretty much covers it. And it's not scientific expression either I know (more of an HR semi-buzzword).You might disagree and say it's not exactly same thing and... fair enough. Maybe it should be smth else. Point I'm trying to make here is that A) whatever term we choose to use it should have "skill" rather than "intelligence" in it, not to create confusion. B) while not every phenomenon in the world needs to be scientific, probably not every one even can be scientifically measured (how do You measure or even define beauty? or goodness?) and that doesn't mean smth doesnt't exist - if we want to apply science to anything, we need to first precisely define it and if possible also figure out the ways to measure it - and I don't think we have good definition of emotional intelligence (and defininitly we can't measure it).
I dont even have words for how helpful this is
Learned more about life, will definitely improve myself after this video.
These are wonderful clips in terms of content; thank you! I personally find the graphics and background music extremely distracting. I wonder whether others would rather see a speaker, gestures and all, when the message is so interesting.
Noted! Can you tell us if the music was too loud? We're striving to improve the clips for you day by day.
@@PursuitofMeaning I can only speak for myself: The music's volume is less of a factor than its presence.
Skilled oration is its own music. If you impose an additional soundscape that reflects only your own interpretation of the words or their meaning, you will leave many listeners feeling discouraged by what they perceive as an unnecessary incongruence.
I have been watching Jordan’s videos for a while now. This man has taught more about life then any university could compete with. I have been using his techniques in dealing with others or not, how to react or not and how to stand up for oneself. He has helped to shape my own life without outside influences poking their noses where they don’t belong. Going with the masses. No thank you. I’am so humbled by this man!
oh dear , the blind leading the blind again .
peterson can't understand something therefor it doesn't exist .
So so smart!! You helped identify and clarify several confused ideas for me!! It’s very refreshing to hear what is!! Makes confusion dissipate in order to think and act in a more healthy manner!! Thank you, Dr Peterson!! I’m so grateful!!!
In the beginning of my high school, I was a loser who couldn't fit and even girls were making fun of me and at the end of a high school I was moderating our high school prom and it turned out that girl who used to make fun of me the most was actually attracted to me all the time. Seventeen years later I was the most successful trainer in a town and women were coming to my classes with almost exposed breasts and other much more educated trainers in town were envious of me.
I hate when someone like Jordan Peterson who is obviously the suffering patient himself is talking smart to people like "I hate to disappoint you but bullies have actually much higher self esteem than you and I hate to disappoint you but there is no such a thing as the emotional intelligence" No Jordan, if everything is just an IQ than I should be logically loser my whole life and these bullies from my life shouldn't be crying when they were going to dentist. Self esteem doesn't exist, only bullies have much bigger self esteem than you so become the peaceful monster" axymoron disturbing nonsense of Jordan Peterson who needs help himself who is like an intellectual demon possessed victim and therefore his intelectulism is worth nothing when his emotional intelligence is covered by pain and suffering.
The thing he said about bullying is what makes this man a genius. Our whole life we are taught that the bully...who is always popular...dominant and confident who is just looking for an easy target .....had low self esteem and we should all feel bad about that even at the expense of the victims. Finally
I think whats more important than self esteem, priorities towards happiness and being conflict averse... is the focus towards values and priorities in life that should set the mission statement of how a person should go about their life. Happiness is useless without wisdom when one person's heaven could be another person's hell. Some people feel good about themselves more so than they deserve. Conflict of interests can and will disrupt harmony. I base my sense of morality in good and evil by this: even though we came into this world without a smidgen of reason and meaning of life, most of us has this will to keep on living regardless of any nihilistic perspectives. While we have this limited time in this plane of existence, might as well make it as enjoyable and fulfilling as possible. And I can guarantee you, that when it comes comes basic survival necessities, it's much easier with people supporting each other rather than competing. We live in a world where some people can play by the rules and some don't. Though we may need both light and dark sides of our nature to deal with any situation, it's towards good, inclusive, and functional ideals that can exist self sufficiently. Anything other than that is inherently parasitic, but is just as much a part of reality as anything else.
I think "emotional intelligence" comes in two parts and might be better described as emotional awareness. The first part is internal, where you understand what makes you tick. Help you understand why you make the decisions you make so you can make more good decisions and less bad decisions. For example, I don't talk to others at parties because it makes me feel self conscious, well then you dig a little deeper and realize you are self conscious because you under achieve and then you decide that shouldn't stop you from connecting with others but you should also start raising your expectations of yourself and the quality of what you are doing with your life. That is internal emotional awareness that produces a beneficial outcome.
The second component is external, or managing others emotions. Now to be clear you aren't responsible for others people's feelings but lets say you are now going to more social events and finding rewarding out going experiences with others because you have been working on that internal emotional intelligence and now you're finding yourself in a group of people where one person is being emotionally immature and is detracting from the mood and potential of the group. So here what an externally emotionally intelligent person might want to do is realize that person is acting a certain way because of a certain feeling and it would benefit the group for you to act accordingly; perhaps boost up their mood, make an effort to include or acknowledge.. it may not make sense in some ways and it's, again, certainly not your responsibility but it can also provide a benefit for you and everyone else in that group.
I love this man he literally changed my life
I'm cripplingly conflict adverse. The last part about negotiations really gave me something to think about.
The bully thing is the opposite. They feel ok after they do it. Otherwise they do not have enough control, which means inferior and empty.
Not having the will to change is what makes these “people” weak
Totally agree with you. I don't believe that bullies have high self esteem. They derive their sense of superiority from the act of bullying.
WE LIKE YOUR VIDEOS VERY MUCH! KEEP UP!
Thank you so much! Let's spread his words!
EXACTLY!
Thank you
I always figured that being aware of your emotions and distinguishing them from your logic, and understanding that they are red flags that you don't have to immediately act on is useful.
I read material that suggested that is what emotional intelligence is. However, what you're describing is completely different.
How good should I feel about myself???As good as I want to! Fact is, when I truthfully feel good about myself, I am more relaxed, kinder and more compassionate towards myself and others, and the world can always use way more of that.
Feeling as good as you want to is a realization.
You’re missing the point. If you are not a good person, you shouldn’t feel “as good as I want to”. “The world could always use way more of that.” In YOUR opinion. A lot of the world needs a reality check not sunshine, fluffy clouds, and bullshit.
@@richhadfield3836 Indeed. The question is : how good do we feel about WHO self?
@@PursuitofMeaning That's true.
I don't think he's saying you shouldn't feel good about yourself. Actually, I am certain he's not saying that. He's saying that you shouldn't feel good about yourself even if you're being lazy, cruel, etc...if you're behaving poorly you shouldn't feel proud of that. Sometimes it's appropriate to feel bad about yourself. That's how we learn and grow.
It's not healthy to stay in a bad mood forever, but I know that I had to punish myself in a sense after doing something horrifically unethical to someone I love more than life itself two years ago. I deserved to stew in anguish for a long time.
I think it is now time for me to get back up, pull up my bootstraps and get to creating a life I can be proud of. I've stop being abusive towards others and I feel proud of myself for making this difficult and necessary change. But I don't deserve a trophy for not being awful to others. To truly feel happy with myself I need to push myself and accomplish what I've put off for twenty years.
Anyway...I don't see how you got the idea JP was saying you shouldn't ever feel good about yourself by this clip. Did you listen to the entire thing?
Basing you're self-esteem one what others think is a terrible idea because they simply don't know your worth, whether or not you do.
You always make such common sense statements. And I love it.
Saving this right next to clean your room. Might listen to it before socal events or when I feel worthless
Within 12 months I had 3 family members who were diagnosed with ADHD with executive function. In my day we called it laziness, but now we have to pander to this ridiculous attitude to not picking yourself up and being accountable for your behaviour. Everything in your life can be changed because it is in your power to change it.
I'm inclined to agree with the notion that we over diagnose everything. Further, I believe parents go "diagnosis shopping" until they find some "Dr" who will hand out the diagnosis they are seeking for their child. That said, I have clinically diagnosed ADHD. I suspect it's a real thing, ultimately, based on my own anecdotal experience. However, I also suspect our current environment would give anybody ADHD tendencies, what with everything being instant and on-demand. My word, it's like we're all big children.
Are you anti knowledge and anti science in all areas or are you just against science and knowledge when it comes to the human brain of other people? Don't try to pretend that your ignorance is something other people should subscribe to. Instead, educate yourself.
@@sitcomchristian6886 You suspect it's a real thing? Me too, I also suspect the earth is not flat.
You don't even know what ADHD is and here you are talking shit about it, classic boomer
Small issue with this though:
"Self Esteem doesn't exist!" contrasted with-
"What makes you think you should have high self-esteem?... You shouldn't have a good opinion of yourself in every situation.'"
You need to pick one. Either it doesn't exist, or it does and we should have the attitude towards it that you have said we should.
What makes you think about God? Can atheist use this word, yes they can. Meaning of self esteem is empty.
He was trying to make a point (hypothetically).
@@k1m1 " Meaning of self esteem is empty."
Not at all. If you hate yourself to the point you lose all will to do anything, well, stop hating yourself. And start doing things so you can love yourself more.
Just words that are being used to redefine already well defined concepts, which then misleads from the original meaning of those well defined concepts with the concept "new is better". Neither self esteem nor emotional intelligence more accurately define their root concepts.
He's saying that in psychology, it's actually derivative of more precisely defined and measured concepts.
Love to listen.Knowledge.
Lol i literally did my masters here, and i cannot agree more. The data is pretty clear on this topic. Almost all of the positive valence for self esteem is captured by authenticity research and without that, there are just the negatives which are more or less absorbed by narcissism/bullying research.
Ah he is listing every one of the major structural criticisms. Authenticity is it. Goldman and Kernis have more or less settled this issue with self esteem. Authenticity has its great unknowns too. but it is far far more predictive.
And.. you did some studies around this. Imagine that this is obvious even for "casual" people.
What is Goldman & Kernis have settled the issue in self esteem? Or at least what is their first names so I can look it up? Thank you!
@@PursuitofMeaning there is a nugget of truth in it, a lot of successful and good people feel good about themselves but, it is a misleading signal since the opposite is not true. (most bad people also feel good, and some good people also feel bad but the majority of well adjusted people are in the middle)
Self esteem did more to confuse the topic of wellbeing in practice than help it along, though, because of all those papers, media and education attention, we know about many of the problems with self esteem like behavior and thinking like narcissism, defensiveness ect in a better light but at an unfortunate cost.
A lot of people today think that thinking very highly of yourself is good or necessary. Personally i find it is a burden on good moral behavior. When i think of myself poorly for good reasons i improve, and when i think of myself well unless its authentic, i take life for granted.
This is however completely different from self efficacy which alot of people confuse with self esteem. Self efficacy is your belief in your ability to do things. This is quite important actually and predictive of wellbeing as well as to some degree actual work performance (depends on specificity).
Actually the obviousness of its flaws is such that a lot of researchers resort to attempting to describe 'true' self esteem in an attempt to find what the actual useful measure is. (reminds me oddly of those glass eyed communists who in the 60's claimed stalinism wasnt real communism what they wanted was the true communism).
The only ones that have succeeded as far as i know are Goldman and Kernis. Their measure is more predictive of wellbeing than a hopeful disposition. Which is an excellent predictor of wellbeing. And it negatively correlates with narcissism and most of the baddies. Most importantly it completely makes self esteem measures irrelevant, it fully explains away any of the benefits in the positive cases and has a large amount of unknown benefits unexplained by self esteem but that match closer to our ideal in the real world.
The biggest trouble with his questionnaire though is that it is a self report. So we are still unfortunately one step away from causal reality.
ruclips.net/video/ZIUKLjntBjs/видео.html
Dr Brian Goldman speaking about Authenticity
@@roelhwei8813 Good joke.
Being smart makes you less sensitive to disgust because you can imagine so many worse things or if it is that bad you can take mitigating steps masks or safety gear
True!
Power of suggestion does not mean it exists. There is no lesser of evils ,but power of suggestion says there is.. Someone suggested all of psychology is real and a science. Psychology is power of suggestion. Depression existed when someone suggested to you it did and you suggested to yourself to believe it.
I don't know what it is about Jordan Peterson but hearing him talk is really soothing.
And I aways prided myself on my great emotional intelligence... But never mind, it's just my super high IQ, so it's all right!
Haha, IQ is enough. Emotions? We first need to understand every one of them if we want to control them (for a better life experience). Highly recommend The Huberman Lab Podcast.
just understand the why behind everything, thats it
🤣🤣
He's failing to comprehend that most people who have emotional breakdowns and emotional intelligence.. Aspergers are known to have above average IQ.. many famous successful people have Aspergers.. Elon Musk.. Robin Williams.. Steve Jobs.. Bill Gates.. Thomas Edison.. Albert Einstein.. ALL had Aspergers.. without High Functioning Autism.. we wouldn't have brilliant inventors.
IQ is related to High Functioning Autism (Aspergers)
7:44 "The smarter you are, the less sensitive you are to disgust."
True story.
Brilliant observation by JP: all of the bullies in my high school thought very highly of themselves. And the girls who were crazy about them also thought highly of them.
Bravo!
Daftest case of misplaced self esteem I ever heard of, was a young person who, having come across the concept of the omnipresence of God, declared, 'If God is in everything, then He is in me. I AM God!' However, there were no subsequent miracles reported...
😂
But still science and learning how to think is still needed very much today. There are scientists who have tackled this issue - the connection and relation between creator and the creation. Also there must be good catechism ( which is kind of like scientific theology). Where people should be taught exactly how to think about these things. I don't believe it is obvious and also the reason why everyone tries to come up with their own ideology. Because there is no science in thinking and reasoning. I suggest some scientists from the humanist times. Leibniz is greatly helpful for that among others.
How you see these words are more important....i belive we all are part of god and its inside us...its about how much anyone cultivate this thought....i cultivate this to follow right path and do some good for society...and its really helped me to overcome my insecurity and i am doing better than yesterday....thats what matter to me.
he lives and breathes. That is a miracle in itself
Breathing visual exercise, observed by drawing, control tools of compass and square:
G is an incomplete whole with one square angle drawn in.
O is a whole.
D is a split whole with two square angles drawn in.
As we add whole breath to the word we see GOOD expand.
As we draw breath away from the word we put the first and last into its whole to measure its kingdom.
Draw:
Whole halved once squared twice to the right, being the Son Geometry:
Time 12-3-6
Time, times 12x-3-6
Time, times and half a time 1/2x-3-6
Elementary table following time:
12 Magnesium
3 Lithium
6 Carbon
1 Hydrogen
One clock wise cycle out of many into one whole image.
I would like to see a list of reading recommendations for experts on raising children from Peterson and who to avoid
you want advice on how to raise kids from a pill addict
Jean Piaget-renowned child developmental psychologist
@@MichaelJordan-xp3yb prescribed by his doctors in response to severe illness. Does that mean people can’t find value in what he’s saying?
@@MichaelJordan-xp3yb But for the grace of God go I. A million times yes, I want his advice. I have listened and read deeply of Dr. Peterson’s wisdom and there are none amongst us who haven’t fallen. He never said he was perfect and if you think he did then you haven’t read or heard anything he has said.
@@MrThad81 have some pride in yourself, you sound more whipped than a teenage girl
This is the most fascinating view.
Awesome as usual ❤
Some people cant be helped. Then you have to help yourself by removing yourself. Misery loves company so dont be a glutton for misery
100% !!!
@@PursuitofMeaning thank you for sharing your knowledge and GoD bless
So there we have it: 'Self Esteem' is little more than an excuse for egotism. This is yet another one of of those "I knew it (subconciously) but never realised it!"
Another great moment in the exposier of BS. Thank you so much, JP!
@Pursuit of Meaning : Thanks!
" 'Self Esteem' is little more than an excuse for egotism"
So if I stop belittling myself, scorning me for every possible failure, and start valuing and accepting myself in order to start improving, I am actually an egotist?
Now, that is indeed BS.
@@Briselance Hi Briseur, and thank you for taking the time to reply to my comment.
No! You misunderstand egotism. Egotists, of the type we're looking at, generally don't like to question or criticize themselves, rather they aggrandize themselves whilst trying to ignor or cover up their insecurities rather than facing them.
However, the ego is also highly self attacking because it hasn't learned about self love and forginess. Learning to value and accept oneself is the way we moderate the Ego, because the ego's path is usually to try to force changes rather than addapt.
But I suspect that you may have also missed the point of the video.
@@GeorgeGeorgeOnly I think you're confusing the words egotist with egomaniac.
@@ANDROLOMA No, not really.
Some people use the phrase " I talk to people all the same, if they don't like it, Tough"
Some who have an understanding how emotions work, can adapt themselves to address different types of people to get maximum positivity from an engaging situation.
A Universal Jigsaw Piece.
Thank you for helping me raise my children
I find this insightful but not sure I fully agree.
I can see how emotional intelligence isn't fully defined but still there's the sense of recognising your own emotions , being aware of others and being constructive in actions. I consider this a pretty useful fair idea.
Similarly self esteem I think is a useful entity. The definition I believe is 'the evaluation of your self concept'
I can see high neuroticism could be low self esteem but I think having a way of thinking about self esteem then we can think about it and figure out ways to manage ourselves (our emotional intelligence) then create possible solutions to feel better about ourselves is helpful.
I heard Jordan respectivly reduce ADHD into the five personality traits. I think he was not quite right there too in my view.
I'm a big fan of him btw but don't agree with everything.
I think self esteem and emotional and remain useful (although good to think of limitations and issues). Plus I think ADHD has biochemical dimensions and is not just explained by the five traits although some likely typical traits makes sense.
I agree, because I feel like he’s claiming these things don’t exist simply because they aren’t properly or effectively defined. Self esteem is closer to recognizing your inherent value and potential for greatness as a human being than it is to thinking your amazing or better than the people around you. And emotional intelligence is closer to just knowing what emotions feel like, what inspires them, and what actions they inspire in other people than it is to general empathy or self regulation. When people are hurt, they tend to hurt others is a concept emotionally intelligent people understand, which makes them better equipped to recognize and manage a person who is hurting others out of spite. It doesn’t imply agreeableness or even empathy (I don’t have to care about how you feel to know what you’re feeling and why) just a core knowledge of what emotions are and what they do to people.
I like JP’s work, but yeah, I don’t always agree with him on things.
I think if enough people invest in self esteem they may have cultivated self-esteem into existence with consideration to the words themselves as they have been invested in enough. It’s much like the cross even atheists can’t deny the power in metals being smelt into the shape of the cross. I support your quest especially when you try and knock down the bullies.
well put
This thumbnail is probably the best Dr Peterson expression ever.
Self esteem is being relaxed, because this liberate oxytocin, the hormone of confidence. You cannot eliminate negative emotions you just can have confidence about your negative emotions, it means use them and communicate them
It seems to me that Jordan's key point here is that the concept of 'self-esteem' is superfluous (as self-esteem can be better thought of as the result of a combination of Big-5 factors) and also unhelpful (as it gives incorrect approaches to clinical intervention, whereas a Big-5 based analysis gives more helpful interventions). This is hard to argue with (and why would anyone want to take on the challenge of arguing with Jordan?!). However, what's sauce for the goose is also sauce for the gander, and so there is a challenge here in the question "so where do the Big-5 factors come from themselves?; where do those observed Big-5 factors come from biologically and neuro-scientifically?" It seems to me, although I've seen no published research on this yet, that ultimately the Big-5 themselves will have to be similarly reduced (or explained) in terms of the seven basic (neuro-scientifically identified) mammalian emotional systems (CARE, PLAY, SEEKING, LUST, FEAR, SADNESS/PANIC and ANGER) and that the Big-5 factors will ultimately be shown to be 'simply' outward reflections of the more fundamental operation and interacting-balances of these basic mammalian neurological-emotional-behavioural systems. If anyone has any views on this, or is aware of any ongoing research in this area, I'd be grateful if you'd let me know. Best regards to all.
Amen, and amen...keep it up
He cracks me up
I love that guy
"Other people's opinions of me are none of my business"
The Bully has negative things to say about you, good let them. As long as you believe in yourself the Bully can't take over your mind and force you into a place of low self esteem or inflict an identity wound.
Breathing correctly and giving short, intelligent answers help the most because it positions you higher, especially in public. But...you must be prepared to fight also :))
Quick and simple but useful tip: Learn about yourself and make attempts to master the thoughts that cause internal pains. In consequence, it will be a tool to understand others.
@@PursuitofMeaning That's a good answer, it's pretty much like Jordan says "having a sword and knowing how to use it but not using it unless really needed". Be dangerous enough to make people not try to make you use the sword. It's like natural defence for animals, you can tell which animal is dangerous just by looking at it.
@@HladniSjeverniVjetar Exactly!
Use alchemy second one is fight back
Stick the knife in his back till he dont billy you anymore or till he dies
Bullying will cause damage till your gone
People with poor emotional intelligence may be effective, but they may also struggle with appropriateness, empathy, and connectedness. They are certainly not great leaders, just effective tyrants. They rely on external motivation and punishment rather than internal motivation and acknowledge, valuing people, and recognition. I do like his argument early in the discussion where he says that people who have done nothing with themselves probably shouldn't feel so great about themselves, which may be a sign of inflated ego and narcissism.
That's an interesting insight.
@@PursuitofMeaning could you explain what you mean by using tyrants? As they kill people? They oppressive behaviour not allowing anybody to do anything but still company is effective? I bit don't see a logic here. Thank you
@@k1m1 a tyrant is someone that abuses of his de jure power to fuck other people.
So basicaly a boss that uses of threats and punishment to force his subordinates to work more than they should be for their own health in order to produce more and get a promotion, or to make more money for himself
@@PursuitofMeaning I agree with him....My struggle is my journey and is my glory....What does 'doing nothing with yourself'? According to society's metrics? What about overcoming, self intuition and self trust? What about learning true empathy and Love? You don't make a living from that, but its not doing nothing....
In the beginning of my high school, I was a loser who couldn't fit and even girls were making fun of me and at the end of a high school I was moderating our high school prom and it turned out that girl who used to make fun of me the most was actually attracted to me all the time. Seventeen years later I was the most successful trainer in a town and women were coming to my classes with almost exposed breasts and other much more educated trainers in town were envious of me.
I hate when someone like Jordan Peterson who is obviously the suffering patient himself is talking smart to people like "I hate to disappoint you but bullies have actually much higher self esteem than you and I hate to disappoint you but there is no such a thing as the emotional intelligence" No Jordan, if everything is just an IQ than I should be logically loser my whole life and these bullies from my life shouldn't be crying when they were going to dentist. Self esteem doesn't exist, only bullies have much bigger self esteem than you so become the peaceful monster" axymoron disturbing nonsense of Jordan Peterson who needs help himself who is like an intellectual demon possessed victim and therefore his intelectulism is worth nothing when his emotional intelligence is covered by pain and suffering.
That was great!
I never agree with ppl who say I have low self esteem or am insecure. I have the highest esteem plus extra humility. I bow to others. And wear my crown while doing so. But to avoid conversations with people who aren’t open minded, I agree with them, allowing THEM to release their thoughts. Still holding true to mine. Just humble and aware. Then add listening to others. I value their perspective and use what I need to grow more. I’m a scientist at heart. ❤️ and willing to be wrong in order to be right
I would love to meet him one day
Come on Mr. Peterson, you're great at understanding the subject, great at picking apart others. Give us a path. Without magical thinking. Straight up facts.
The problem is Jordan Peterson doesn't understand the subject at all. Here we all are watching Jordan Peterson talk nonsense when we could all be watching videos on Albert Bandura who already gave us the path that you're looking for.
@@shawnhunt4442 I'm listening to him now.
The only thing I can say about this coming from a bad situation (childhood/lifelong) is thatbits hard to believe in yourself when no one else does or their putting their worldviews upon you and aren't educated or worldly enough to do so themselves. I have been blessed with outsiders of my family, military experience etc. To find others that would even lend an ear. And that alone does raise your "esteem " or whatever you call it to open and be yourself and be successful and put your dent in the universe. But if you don't have that. It's very easy to feel hopeless and waste precious life since you feel this overarching dark cloud of "fuck it, what for". Sigmund has a quote that I'll butcher. Before you think you're depressed, make sure you're not surrounded by assailed....
"Esteem" does matter. Maybe not in the "studies ", and I have a bet that most people who say it doesn't say it matters, haven't really been in trenches of anything but think they have. And I'm not trying to come across as a one upper. But experience hopelessness and see how much of that seems made up.
Yes, esteem matters, of course. I believe self-esteem is the easy way, like a claimed right (always there, consistently high-level), and self-respect is more of a responsibility (you have to work on it)
@@joeb578 yeah esteem is the only thing that can make you endure real suffering
Earl Nightingale>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> JP
In the experience of what many call "Self Realization", no self is actually what is realized...no separate self, nothing separate from anything else. The separate self is seen as illusion or false self. When being told, "you have no self esteem." it could no longer be comprehended, no longer made any sense...and yet, among the beliefs of positionality leading human life and reasoning, it is understood acting as a separate self is a survival means.
I love this man💚
People with low Emotional Intelligence always think it's unimportant. Emotional Intelligence is not "agreeableness", it's the ability to understand others and yourself. It is a key factor in overall intelligence. As Socrates said, "know thyself".
Social skills exist. Social and emotional intelligence don't. You don't even understand the model you are trying to Promote. Even Gardner and Goleman diferenciate between social and emotional intelligence. They still don't make sense.
@@Ignasimp Emotional Intelligence is needed to contain the ego. Without E.I., our ego will filter out too many inconvenient facts. We see this with Dr. Peterson. When someone questions his ideas, he often gets flustered or angry, because he lacks the E.I. to be able to deal with criticism. He identifies personally with is ideas, and has trouble discussing them in the abstract with someone who disagrees. And from what he says in this and other videos, we can see that he doesn't seem to understand the concept of E.I. Like you, he seems to think it's merely a social skill that helps you get along with people. Sorry, but if you don't try to understand yourself, your psychological strengths and weaknesses, your biases, etc., you are intellectually crippled.
@@raygiguette8677 the fact that you just attack anyone who thinks EQ doesn't exist instead of presenting evidence of it's existance shows how biased you are regarding this topic.
Peterson actually does the opposite of what you say, he is known for remaining cool despite the constant attacks and logically disarm his/her debater.
He might get frustrated when people say absurd things and twist his words all the time as anyone would. End there he never loses his temper.
That being said you didn't answer my question. What does the emotional intelligence cover that isn't already covered by other psychological terms. And by the way, anyone that works in psychometrics knows there is no such think as emotional intelligence. There is no empirical basis for it.
@@Ignasimp "He might get frustrated when people say absurd things and twist his words all the time as anyone would." That's exactly what I mean. An intelligent person can discuss ideas without constantly accusing people of "twisting their words." If someone misinterprets what you say, you clarify, you don't jump down their throat. This is a sign of immaturity and insecurity, i.e., a lack of emotional intelligence.
Isn't this sort of semantics though, at this point? Emotional intelligence vs social skills and experience?
The most intelligent person on earth with the highest IQ might also be woefully misunderstood in social settings with hardly any ability to communicate in a way that is easily received if he can't read his crowd or understand their perspective on an issue. It seems like the terms "emotional intelligence" and "social skills" are similar, if not the same thing. Someone who's a skilled boxer has a set of practiced experience in that area of expertise. He's got a knowledge and understanding of the nuances of boxing. Someone more intelligent might never grasp what the boxer grasps if he isn't also a fighter. We could say the boxer has a "boxing intelligence" in a way? The boxer may have a low IQ and measurably less intelligent than a rocket scientist but more intelligent in the boxing department.
Hello Jordan, love your stuff. Emotional intelligence as I understand it is the sensitivity, intuition and perhaps self awareness to understand others moods, motivation and feelings and predict an outcome of interaction, for example based on the observers visual and verbal cues.
IQ manifested in verbal expression of ones own feelings may also be involved.
It might be possible that some people with exceptionally high IQ's may find the notion hard to grapple due to the assumption that this is just information like any other information and therefore hard to distinguish as otherwise??????
My personal take on this: When there's like 1.000s of definitions of a concept, you'd better question that concept.
@Jeffrey Ketcham, You can check all the comments here, and you'll quickly find 10-15 different ones (slightly, not completely, but still...).
@@PursuitofMeaning Thanks for getting back. Interesting. I thought it was a given but the fact that you challenge the concept is cause for thought on the term. Thanks for all. I really appreciate what you do.
@@PursuitofMeaning So after some reflection I think I may have something. Empathy+pattern recognition. However, I would challenge the word 'empathy' because I feel the literal definition is somewhat ambiguous
@@roelhwei8813 You won't arrive at the truth with bias nor without questioning. Even JP response says to question. Group thinking is not my forté.
Doctor Peterson is an excellent person to listen to because he explains things as they are, not how he WISHES they were.
What great mathematically sums you create with your words! Great.
This is why there are a lot of bullies at private schools. Mummy and daddy brought them up to think the sun shines out of their arse, giving them pathologically high self esteem.
I'm afraid I have to agree with you.
Jordan Peterson said some people are focused on things and others more so on people. Wouldn’t it make sense that the people focused more so on people are able to understand social cues better and have a higher “EQ”?
I think you're right. The more you invest in understanding social cues, the better you get on this EQ :). Not always, but there's a good chance of acting better. After all, knowledge is power.
Which means you learn social skills. And by the way, that would be social intelligence not emotional intelligence, if they even existed, which they don't.
Hability and skill is not intelligence.
What about people with ASD
aka Openness
@@PursuitofMeaning People have learned how to measure IQ. However it is impossible to measure how good you understand people,social cues or how much you willing to help society and people as well as understanding your limits and limits of others (self awareness). I believe that Emotional Intelligence exists
Interesting... never thought I'd find a point that I disagree on with JP, but this is it.
Confidence is everything.
As a junior golfer/sportsman I learned this very early on in life
@05:25: I can confirm this based on my observation at workplace. After years of being preached-upon with EQ, I eventually realised that one need a certain level of ego to be promoted as manager. The higher your position, the bigger your ego need to be. Sadly, it's those egoistic managers eventually preach the EQ at workplace (or something similar)
I always thought emotional intelligence was how people react to situations on the fly. So detaching yourself emotionally from an emergency or uncomfortable situation really helps to get what needs to be done efficiently. I guess that is what “good” management does. We have been encouraged to empathize in our lives but to feel pity and anguish for others in dire straights doesn’t get things don or divvy up supplies to disaster victims.
I would think that would be more iq than anything because it's showing how quick you can identify a problem and adapt to said problem. Eq would be more like placing yourself in someone else's shoes or seeking understanding of others
IQ....Emotional intelligence isn't combatting your emotions...Emotions are NOT a bad thing (they certainly can be)....If you understand your own non-egoic core, your own fears and darkness, then you can truly empathize with others and be of of great service to them..
@@aluke5856 Emotional intelligence is regulating your own emotions. e.g. Even lying to yourself can be useful if it improves your mood / takes you out of some depression.
In the beginning of my high school, I was a loser who couldn't fit and even girls were making fun of me and at the end of a high school I was moderating our high school prom and it turned out that girl who used to make fun of me the most was actually attracted to me all the time. Seventeen years later I was the most successful trainer in a town and women were coming to my classes with almost exposed breasts and other much more educated trainers in town were envious of me.
I hate when someone like Jordan Peterson who is obviously the suffering patient himself is talking smart to people like "I hate to disappoint you but bullies have actually much higher self esteem than you and I hate to disappoint you but there is no such a thing as the emotional intelligence" No Jordan, if everything is just a IQ than I should be logically loser my whole life and these bullies from my life shouldn't be crying when they were going to dentist.
Gaining emotional intelligence in the workplace is KEY to being a great boss. It allows you to handle emotional situations. Have to discipline someone? Fire them? Emotional intelligence allows you to handle those situations without damaging yourself, your employee, or your company.
It isn't about being vulnerable, it's about knowing your employees and being able to avoid or handle hard emotions (which everyone is capable of having) in a kind, humane manner.
@Ben Smith you sound like you did not watched the video
@@seriousguy2160 You sound too serious
Ah, you must mean 'a mature adult', then. That's what the confabulation of EQ amounts to.
@@dagwould I think you're right! I teach this stuff at the college level, and seriously, I think you're right, it's a long way to say "can handle theirs and others emotions like a grown-up!"
What you just described is Disagreeableness (or negative Agreeableness) trait in the Big 5.
I have to second what the other guy said that it sounds like you didn't watch the video.
Jordan was saying that:
1) People have different ideas of what emotional intelligence is.
Since it is not well-defined, it's not a very useful term. You defined it in a similar way as "disagreeableness", a well-established and tested psychological trait. So why not just use it instead? But anyway, someone else might define E.I. as sympathy. It's inconsistent.
2) Whatever E.I. is defined to be, it is not well-researched and tested. Therefore we can't scientifically measure E.I., making it not very helpful in studies or to see if methods work in increasing E.I.
I don't find negative emotions motivating... often, the best way to motivate me to work harder is just to treat me well and praise what I do right. That feels good, and I will then work harder to be worthy of that treatment.
Speaking as "a miserable little worm", this really speaks to me.
I'll let the computer do the math on 25,000 books/eBooks on Self-Esteem. It will come up with 90% plagiarism and only 10% tried and true in a Kraft Kitchen.
Hahahaha. Good one!
My understanding of emotional intelligence is that it is an individuals ability to understand their own emotional responses; both the cause and effect of any given situation. It is unlikely that this is based solely on IQ simply due to the stereo-type of high IQ individuals being emotionally stunted.
That's why I agree with Dr. Peterson. You see, if you scroll through the comments, you'll find that everybody has his definitions for EQ. What you just described, I'm not saying that is right or wrong, but to me is neuroscience (understanding the emotions through biology, chemistry, and so on).
@@PursuitofMeaning What seems to keep being described is empathy, what I am referring to is a further understanding of ones specific emotions and its origin. It's not the surface emotions of someone being mad and the action that caused it, but more so the base reason that causes an individual to get mad over certain situations to begin with. (I'm not mad that a person tossed trash on the ground; I'm mad because I saw a dead body lying in a pile of trash, nobody cared and I don't want my country to end up like that). It's simply a deeper understanding; more so in reference to our own understanding of ourselves than others. Some of the actions individuals repeat on a habitual basis are caused by an emotional, subconscious response that is directly related to a "Traumatizing" event at an earlier age; "Traumatizing" being relative to the age in which the incident occurred.
@@christopherjohnson3151 Thank you for your insightful comment. You gave me something to think about.
@@PursuitofMeaning In the beginning of my high school, I was a loser who couldn't fit and even girls were making fun of me and at the end of a high school I was moderating our high school prom and it turned out that girl who used to make fun of me the most was actually attracted to me all the time. Seventeen years later I was the most successful trainer in a town and women were coming to my classes with almost exposed breasts and other much more educated trainers in town were envious of me.
I hate when someone like Jordan Peterson who is obviously the suffering patient himself is talking smart to people like "I hate to disappoint you but bullies have actually much higher self esteem than you and I hate to disappoint you but there is no such a thing as the emotional intelligence" No Jordan, if everything is just an IQ than I should be logically loser my whole life and these bullies from my life shouldn't be crying when they were going to dentist. Self esteem doesn't exist, only bullies have much bigger self esteem than you so become the peaceful monster" axymoron disturbing nonsense of Jordan Peterson who needs help himself who is like an intellectual demon possessed victim and therefore his intelectulism is worth nothing when his emotional intelligence is covered by pain and suffering.
I agree that an objective outside opinion on your achievements and abilities is a healthy connection.with reality . The art world is full of vain mediocre artists and the curators who support that shallow and sensationalistic work So subjectivity and primadonnaism rules there at large
Someone else wrote a comment that listening to Jordan Peterson literally saved their life. I now feel the same way.
Absolutely 💯. My daughter was overweight and I told her you are fat and you need to stop eating that much. She was upset and told me that it's not positive approach and I must support her body positive. I told her that I can see that she doesn't like to be fat and there are nothing positive about being fat and all she needs to do is build self control . It's took her about two years and doing gym and fasting and she achieved her goals and I'm telling her almost every day how beautiful she is and how proud I am of her achivement.
Another hole in his armor. The opposite of love is apathy, not hate. Hate is that you care about something so much that you emotionally respond. Not whether it is right OR wrong. Violently if it's your way of life is being threatened. Then the people who have no money or have been forced into debt fight for their lives.
In the rich man's defense, he will do what it takes to defend his way of life. (That's where the power of money controls the outcome. ) Neighbors help neighbors because it's the right thing to do. NOT the profitable thing. Because money is just a tool. A broken one.
Apathy's opposite is passion, not love. That doesn't necessarily make hate the opposite of love but apathy is context neutral in the same sense that passion is.
You can "love " with a passion, you can "hate" with a passion. But can you "apathy " with a passion. (Definition; lack of concern or interest). Can't love or hate without some sort of passion. And I believe "opposite " means..... what??
Obviously some one posts if they are concerned. But if they don't care why even enter the conversation. So they post because their way of life is under attack.
There are different kinds of opposites. There are the relational, the graded and the complimentary.
If only we had more people like this man who actually is using his brain cells maybe humans would accomplish something decent 😂
If Petertson had a brain cell, he would take it out and play with it.
Every man need to read his books. They are NOT EASY, but they are excellent insights into...everything.
Nice quotes
I had bullies in middle school, told the principle idc if they got mad, called cops on them too. They were gang members who threatened to kick my ass, to watch my back. Mind you i was a girl who was only in 6 grade. I would leave school scared everyday for my life. Luckily i learned to ignore them. Suffered a bit but now grew out of it.
Many of us have been through this. The good thing is that you learned to ignore them. Otherwise, I believe it could have gotten worse.
@@PursuitofMeaning ✨✨✨✨🙏