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@@ColeHastings Why straight men are attracted to MTF transgender women? Because males are scared to grow up, being the head of the family is unknown to them. And rising a child/children = responsibility of both side, since male and female is needed to make a baby, therefore both are needed to rise the seed/child up. Males mating with males, have no longer these worries that comes forth mating with FEMALES and other way around. But that does not mean, it`s okay to do so: Leviticus 18:22 - Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination. Leviticus 20:13 - If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 - Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, (Read More...) Romans 1:26-28 - For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: (Read More...) Romans 1:26 - For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: 1 Corinthians 6:9 - Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Exodus 22:19 - Whosoever lieth with a beast shall surely be put to death. Romans 1:29-32 - Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, (Read More...) Leviticus 18:1-30 - And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying, (Read More...) Leviticus 18:15-24 - Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy daughter in law: she is thy son's wife; thou shalt not uncover her nakedness. (Read More...) Genesis 2:24 - Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Cross-dressing is same wrong as it is fornication and males laying with males and females with females, all these = abomination. Deuteronomy 22:5chapter context similar meaning copy save The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God. The whole mankind have turned mating and having /building up relationships (meaningful and valuable ones ), we, as mankind have turned it into sick fornication. Only after pleasures, never after the real point. having a family to love and to care about. That place us all, all souls, longing for love and for care. Cause none of us have it. And time have passed enough to say, that mankind ain´t able to no longer care nor love. ONLY GOD can heal what`s and where`s broken. Now, if any human wants to feel loved and cared for and also learn to love and care too, THEN SEEK GOD AND HIS LOVE. Call upon the name of the LORD and abide in HIS love. Psalms 145:18chapter context similar meaning copy save The LORD is nigh unto all them that call upon him, to all that call upon him in truth. Psalms 55:16chapter context similar meaning copy save As for me, I will call upon God; and the LORD shall save me. Psalms 18:3chapter context similar meaning copy save I will call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from mine enemies. Isaiah 55:6chapter context similar meaning copy save Seek ye the LORD while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near: Psalms 99:6chapter context similar meaning copy save Moses and Aaron among his priests, and Samuel among them that call upon his name; they called upon the LORD, and he answered them. Psalms 116:13chapter context similar meaning copy save I will take the cup of salvation, and call upon the name of the LORD. Seek GOD`S LOVE not man`s fornication. Better: 1 Corinthians 6:18chapter context similar meaning copy save Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. Acts 15:29chapter context similar meaning copy save That ye abstain from meats offered to idols, and from blood, and from things strangled, and from fornication: from which if ye keep yourselves, ye shall do well. Fare ye well. 1 Corinthians 5:1chapter context similar meaning copy save It is reported commonly that there is fornication among you, and such fornication as is not so much as named among the Gentiles, that one should have his father's wife. Acts 15:20chapter context similar meaning copy save But that we write unto them, that they abstain from pollutions of idols, and from fornication, and from things strangled, and from blood. Acts 21:25chapter context similar meaning copy save As touching the Gentiles which believe, we have written and concluded that they observe no such thing, save only that they keep themselves from things offered to idols, and from blood, and from strangled, and from fornication. 1 Thessalonians 4:3chapter context similar meaning copy save For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication: Revelation 17:2chapter context similar meaning copy save With whom the kings of the earth have committed fornication, and the inhabitants of the earth have been made drunk with the wine of her fornication. Joshua 8:6chapter context similar meaning copy save (For they will come out after us) till we have drawn them from the city; for they will say, They flee before us, as at the first: therefore we will flee before them. Revelation 18:3chapter context similar meaning copy save For all nations have drunk of the wine of the wrath of her fornication, and the kings of the earth have committed fornication with her, and the merchants of the earth are waxed rich through the abundance of her delicacies. 1 Corinthians 10:14chapter context similar meaning copy save Wherefore, my dearly beloved, flee from idolatry. Do you know and also understand that part, GOD DO LOVE US ALL, BUT ALL WHO LOVE ALSO JUDGE. For love is meaningless and valueless if no righteous judgment is not found nor given. “You don't "become" trans, either you are or you aren't. Also, to appear as the gender you perceive yourself as is the goal, trans people know they can't change biologically but they can socially and THAT is what matters. “ - SIRENA. dear soul, thats only illusion, a confused and usually young soul, made to believe. Not a single part of it is real. How did mankind come up with the BARBIE DOLL? - they feminized a male. But many souls do have body dysphoria. Here we should ask, did they themselves came up with that “problem” or was it the world, who tried hard enough to break a mind and fill it with lies? Have the “alone time” time and time in your life. Be fully sure how many noises is yours and how many are the world`s. Being alone, should leave a lot of noises behind, and these ones that stays, are the ones worth to listen, cause these ones are yours and life`s. (THE QUIET VOICE OF GOD). The devil is always after the young: why`? Cause young minds can be formed by others in ways others may like (others = devil). Older and old souls, have already experienced a lot, learn to know a lot. Manage to see the difference between good and evil. In other words, older generations becomes valueless and useless to devil, cause he can`t no longer form older humans minds in ways only devil finds fit. The less we know and understand, the easier for evil is to manipulate and use us and that what he dose with the youth. The more we know and understand, the harder for devil to deal with us. Hosea 4:6chapter context similar meaning copy save My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because thou hast rejected knowledge, I will also reject thee, that thou shalt be no priest to me: seeing thou hast forgotten the law of thy God, I will also forget thy children. On this earth, we have been given a childhood and a parenthood, both 20 years long. Why? so the young minds shall be guided and raised up in care and in love, not letting them to be used and manipulated by the devil. Everyone mates, but where are the parents? Only DEATH frees us from our rolls, but mating ain´t that fatal, it dose not kill us in the next moment/day. Mating is temporary, like all things in this real. Only 30 years (20s - 30s - 40s = a timeline for mating). Human lifetime: 20 years for childhood, and 100 years for adulthood. Sadly we lose our health way too early (in our 50s - 60s). Leaving us with lesser years/time being active adult. Throwing us few years earlier into being old. 60 years for old age, without being healthy? - you all seeing how many years we are losing? 60 YEARS. 120 years given to be alive. 120 - 60 = 50 and lower. We are so hurry to be DEAD, why? Being “trans” is a lie, that helps to depopulate MANKIND.
What's worse is the way we talk about sex actually ends up rivaling men and women. Men are typically encouraged to hook up as a rite-of-passage, whereas women are told to stay as humble and virgin as possible until marriage, leading to entirely opposite views in people that are encouraged to be together by the same society.
I’m so glad I never got into hook up culture. There’s nothing positive that comes from it. You always feel crappy and is just a method to avoid how you’re really feeling. Glad you grew past this ❤
The longer I’m in a good relationship the more I realize how fucked up dating culture is.. the person I was when I was always on tinder is NOT someone I’d envy, and it felt like I was always searching for happiness in the same place I was losing it (meaningless dates with the sole purpose of trying to get laid). Work on yourself until you’re at the point where you can attract someone you respect and admire as a person, you’ll be happier
It was the same for me man. A serious committed and amazing relationship up until we broke up about a month ago. It feels so bad to be back on the ground. Especially knowing that once I have gotten over her and can start looking for a new relationship, I'm going to be greeted with a difficult time because of hookup culture :(
That's where I'm at now, giving up on being a hoe. in 2 years I've hooked up with 13 damn girls with their being a 5 month gap because I was dating someone, I'm about to be 31 and I just told the last little fling a few days ago that I wanted to stop seeing her because I am not happy with myself, where I'm at, and what I'm doing. I have a lot of stuff I need to do and having a chick come over and forcing myself to get to drunk (because I cant soberly hookup with someone) and their only presence being there is for my pleasure is just ultra fucked up. I plan on being alone for the next few years so I can build myself up and when I do get back on the dating scene, it'll be for a wife and to start a family.
It's a shame that a dating site can not be created for the sole purpose of a meaningful relationship a s find a way to implement it so those who come it to ruin it with hook up culture intentions never occur. Perhaps, instill something such as: you have to have a Facebook account. And, review the account before allowing someone to become a member. That your Facebook account would be adjacent to the dating site and there is no HIDE option. And it should stop at that one review. For I am sure some will find a way of getting around it. Or there are some who can play the meaningful relationship part when really they are hooks up. This will come at a cost for the dating site/more money. For they to hire or they can have the members of site volunteer to moderate, investiage, etc,. Point: shame. Cause those seeking a meaningful relationship are licking out at an alarming rate. That causes problems. As they wait, hold on, they age. If they want children that becomes at a later age of not at all. It effects them mentally for their needs are not met, etc,. Shame. But it should be granted. Money rules all.
Battling hook up culture is to stop trivialising sex. Don’t have casual sex if you’re not enjoying it just because you think that is how dating works. If you want commitment, don’t date people who only want to use your body for sex. Have standards and you will stand out to the people who matter. If you like casual sex, do it. Choose the right path for yourself and fuck everyone else’s opinion. People who hate your boundaries are people who benefit from you having none. Use your boundaries to repel people who intend to do harm to you.
I’m 22 years old and I’ve never had a girlfriend before. I want no part in hookup culture whatsoever. I can’t see how people are willing to have sex with random people without thinking of the consequences. It’s one of the reasons I’m proud of my virginity. It’s something I treasure as not many guys have it. I hope Ms. Right comes along someday as I would love to be in a relationship. I also wouldn’t mind waiting for marriage is she wanted to.
The thought of sleeping with someone after meeting them one time seems horrifying to me. It is dehumanizing. You treat the other as a piece of meat and you are treated as a piece of meat. Do not make the mistake of thinking that it's "woman empowerment" or "freedom" to sleep with an array of strangers and then never seeing them again. Or seeing them just for sex. Please be careful with this!
There is a bigger problem about it: The brain processes attractiveness as a fire-and-forget paradigm. Find any curvy beautiful woman, you'll also find a tall well formed or short and slim woman attractive. Because that's how its evolutionarily supposed to be. However, you just turn into a drug addict. You get the one time fling and then get onto another while forgetting about the previous encounter. Like an automaton, for eternity. Pleasured in the moment, meaningless all in between chasing randomness. With a steady partner, you can actually project every intimacy onto the person feeding onto the next occurrence, yielding fulfillment and feedforward pleasure along with the pressure of finding arbitrary mates being gone. Because ultimately, where do you draw the line? What thigh circumference, glute volume, feet size, breast size IS the ultimate perfect one? How come one can find different body types attractive? Hookup is an exercise in futility, and too concrete. One should seek abstractions.
Ya this is definitely a horrifying experience because you don't know what the other person want or even worse it can blackmail you or can do harm in other ways.
That's not at all dehumanizing, our identity is partly physical and we are also animals that have sexual desires. To give focus to the lust of the body while remembering that this is a person that gave their consent is not dehumanizing at all. What is dehumanizing is when we stop remembering that these are people.
The fact that sex creates extreme psychological bonds between two people is what deters me from engaging in hookup culture. I feel like if I have sex with someone and enjoy it, I will feel very connected to them but then have to sever that connection if they or I no longer want to see each other for whatever reason.
Yeah I read an article about pairbonding and how much worse it is more for women and to men a much lesser extent. It freaked me out abit So I said fuck you to hookup culture and left it until I find someone not into it.
For me, I wanted to wait till I found my right girl, then I saw how easy the girls I liked had so many choices to choose from and I feel so outta league, then I heard joke from my friends that "your future wife is out there getting smashed left and right and you are here without any hoes" kinda broke me down internally and made me really upset that it is not some joke and it is cold hard truth that waiting for right person is just dream nowadays
I had a one night stand about a year ago and it was the worst experience of my life. After that night, I learned that hooking up with random people with no emotional connection is tearing us apart. It was after that night that I learned that I'd rather not participate in hookup culture.
same here man. about a year ago I was going through heartbreak really bad, and an opportunity presented itself, and I took it. Definitely regret it and I'm not proud of it but I'm glad to say it was a one-time thing and my opinion on hookups stays the same. An actual bond and emotional connection is so much better.
Glad I never went down the rabbit hole of hookup culture. So many people when I was in middle and high school wanted to have large amounts of sex with other people and were overhyping it. Now there's issues that are coming from it for both sides and many videos like this are calling it out. Here's to change one day.
@@khalilahd. I'm glad there are other people out there that see it that way, i thought i was doing something wrong not being able to become a part of that culture
@@ColeHastings i wasnt sure how much of the video i actually bought until the very end where you said people who experience hook up culture at a young age grow to have trouble later in life dating, that shit hit me hard as fuck, i havent had a girlfriend in 8 years, and (i know you wont appreciate these metrics but idk what else to use) before that time i probably slept with 6 or 7 different girls, and like two since. and none of my actual relationships ( of which there are very fucking few and none since 2015, i turn 29 next week) lasted longer than about a month, i have no fucking idea what to even fucking say to a woman im interested in anymore. its really fucking depressing cause i always thought this shit would get easier as i got older. its actually kind of disturbing how on point this is. although i dont really think casual sex is as much of a big deal as the video, but all the surrounding culture and topics i absolutely see in my own life and i fucking hate it.
As a 15yr old. I think sleeping around is disgusting. You can get an STD. You can meet crazy people. You can become attached to someone who doesn’t love you. You are basically ruining your sense of intimacy, love, respect, and the ability to cherish yourself.
I tried to participate in hookup culture but I literally failed. I did not fail at finding someone, I failed at keeping things at a casual basis everytime. Each person I slept with turned into a relationship, and not a good one. I couldn't just cut ties with these people and the resulting relationships really didn't have a good foundation other than our physical interactions. I've slept with 6 people my whole life and I stopped after the last. It has almost been 5 years since I slept with someone and I will not until I find someone I actually have a connection with.
I've been with like 16 people. 😅 I don't regret any of it. I prefer being single and dating casually. If smexual things happen smexual things happen.🤷♂️ I'm very open about not being interested in a relationship, and not wanting kids. I try my best not to do one night stands, but I find fun in good sex with friendly people that I go out with occasionally.
Hook up culture is like drug abuse: When you have it, you like it. The moment the effect goes away, you feel bad. When you are not a streak, you have more moments of feeling bad. Not being on one goes for most ppl i think. Hookup culture is also a lot of emotioal drama you go through. A lot of rejection before you even go to the bedroom. Ghosting after it. Maybe you meet up several times just to emotionally bond a little more, before that person finds someone more interesting or simply someone "new and fresh". If you want or not, you will think about those humans in your every day life and it will harm you. You will have a lot of experiences where it leads to nothing and you will start to shield yourself / "protect" yourself from emotionally bonding, because every hookup would hurt otherwise.
you described sex addiction. thin line between full blown addiction and just doing it a lot. like those people who smoke weed or drink but are good at quitting cold turkey with no drawbacks when they decide
i cried watching the last part. thank you. I'm not missing out and will continue to believe in my morals and values even though there is peer pressure and everyone is hooking up with everyone around us. I'm going through a lot of pain after being cheated on, Thanks bro you are a gem and a life saver. love you
Been there. That person will get their karma. You keep it moving and be you and the right one will come to you. Don’t look for it. Don’t focus on being with someone. Develop yourself and your talents and grow your spirit….along the way someone like you, someone who likes what you like and has the same morals and values will show up.
Im 21 never dated anyone, never had my first kiss. People are always surprised about that but there is nothing to be suprised about, I just don't stress about it and let it more or less come to me.
In India, it is still the opposite. Men are still proud to be virgins and women are more proud to be virgins because they know the dynamic of an individual does not depend on a person's quality to randomly mix their ecstatic juices with random people. It is truly a sacred connection and we do not intend to lose the sacred aspect of our genitalia.
After breaking up with a long term gf, I had one casual interaction. It was the most shallow, disgusting thing I’ve ever experienced. I had built my physique up to attract women so I managed to thirst trap a few girls. I thought I could enjoy the single life. However, after sleeping with just one, I just felt a sense of nothingness. No emotional connection, just literal swapping of bodily fluids. It didn’t make me feel any better when the girl I had hooked up with later told me she liked me. I didn’t , so I only kept her around just in case I wanted to have sex with her again. I basically just used her as a tool to masturbate. It was probably the most selfish thing I had done. If any lonely guy is reading this, please invest in yourself and in a good, loving relationship. Hookup culture really is not worth it.
Great video. I have always said there is no such thing as casual sex, because you can’t divorce the entirety of a human from their body. Both men and women can get their feelings hurt, women are easily physically hurt, women can get pregnant, and both people can get STDs. The person you have kids with is the most important decision you will make in your life, so it’s important to be picky about who you sleep with. The media acts like there are no consequences to sex when there most definitely are.
Having tired the hook up thing for a short period it really made my depression and anexity worse. Not to mention the feeling of being used both from the person you meet and yourself is just awful. Don't do it, this will only lead to you being unfulfilled and wanting more.
24 yo male here. Got decent amount of opportunities to get into hook up culture ( especially abroad ) I've never dared though ; I'm too romantic to have such intimacy with girls I don't love. Might be a curse, because at the end of the day you feel social pressure but damn I know that "having fun" will do damage to my soul...
How did being abroad give you more opportunities? I’m 19, and Ik 5 languages and hope to go abroad to different countries, part of me wants to hook up as I’ve never done it ever
I like to compare hookup culture to fast food, Like fast food: the food might taste good and be cheap at first glance, but over time you begin to feel like crud, and it becomes unhealthy and unappetizing. Instead of eating fast food, start cooking your own food at home, it might be labor intensive at first, but the end result is that you make a healthier and tastier meal. And in the long run you live a happier and healthier life because of it. Just like in relationships. If you want to be happier and fulfilled in your love life its starts by you learning about your self worth as well as having respect for yourself as well as having priorities and values that you are passionate about and that you strive for in your day-to-day life. Lastly connect with people who actually do give a damm about you, having a genuine connection with, and help you grow as a person rather than to desperately seek anyone you see in your path because you need to fill that "desire". There is more to life than just "hooking up".
I fell into the facade of hookup culture HARD. I put all of my worth into external validation in the hands of men who treated me very poorly from a young age, and I suffered from so many different consequences. Just this last year was the first healthy relationship I’ve ever been in and it was almost uncomfortable because it was something I never experienced before. I’ve done a lot of work with my mental health and partner and I am happy to say that part of my life is so far over, but I will deal with the trauma for the rest of my life. Thank you for bringing awareness to this topic
I value nothing more than that emotional connection, and hopefully soon we will reach a happier medium between how things have been and how they are now, which has the maximum benefit
i went from 2 years of depersonalization and depression to loo losing my virginity. but something I've noticed is that you yourself have to level up in life and show that you have value in order for people to stay and be attracted to you
"Value" to women means money, property and having a huge social circle. Seeing as my social circle was annihilated because it became known that I vote for the "baddies", I think replacing my hypergamous, waste of time, monkey branching ex of 8 years is gonna be nigh on impossible.
Yeah dude you gotta have money to get women unless you got the perfect genetics then you can skip the 10-25 years of non stop grinding and get sex whenever you want unlike the rest of us. BS.
Stages I’ve been through in regards to hook up culture: 1. Get with as many as possible because of peer pressure. The more, the cooler you are. 2. Sex is a worthy pursuit as it’s the highest form of physical pleasure, make it your goal. 3. Sex with out connection is empty. Seeking it for mere pleasure, is a form of slavery. Slavery to lust. Real sex happens in mind, body and soul. The reason for sex is ultimately to have children. Relationships compound and have the potential to become better over time. This is what I want now and am open for. Sex for mere pleasure is a waste of time and usually casual sex does not exist. Like Jordan Peterson says ”there is no casual sex because there is nothing casual about it” Great vid Stay Based
but having children is also a waste of time, so should it be no sex before marriage, and no sex either after marriage, and particular no sex between couples who are deeply in love as no matter how great the love or pleasure feels, it is still meaningless and waste of time. I know this view would get despised by people from both left and right
Superbad was such an influential film even into the early 2010s, when I was in high school. Every guy I knew wanted to be like McLovin. Sex is such an intimate thing, it’s crazy how many of us give up our bodies to others simply because of media programming. Hopefully things will change. Great video!
Simply because of media programming? 🤣🤣🤣 You literally only exist because your parents had a desire for sex. It's normal to want sex. If you don't then that's abnormal and you probably have some sort of hormone imbalance.
Hey Cole, I am a 20 year old who hasn't had much success with women, (hookups or relationships) and recently in the last year or two it has really taken a toll on my mental health, causing insecurities and depression. The lines of feeling not good enough if you are not having sex really hit home for me. I am trying to better myself everyday (working out, going to therapy, practicing compassion, etc.), and I'm hoping I can make a mindset shift to where I can learn to value myself with other virtues. If you are experiencing self doubt, insecurity, etc from this culture, you are not alone. If anyone can share there experiences with overcoming issues like these feel free to reply or comment!
I’m right with you there Austin. I’ve had success in my past with it and often failed and felt so unworthy of attractive women too, but no matter what I got, it was just an insatiable hunger that always had to be fed and confirmed in the present moment. The women always had to be hotter and more of them, and I had to always be kissing girls or taking them home. And you end up realizing that you can never win this game that promises some great reward due to cultural brainwashing and deep biological instincts. It’s a well that always runs dry. It’s so much better and more fulfilling to just focus on improving yourself for its own sake (not for girls) and to build deep connections with others
This might be a dumb way to provide experience having once been in your exact shoes.. Had the same feeling early 20s Now 28 and married. Wife is ridiculously hot and works out a lot and sex is great. the dumb way of sharing is she has bit of a ridiculous anime like figure so you'd think it's a fantasy come true but.. it just doesn't matter. Sex is amazing and yeah BUT But trust me, it's overrated and it doesn't matter. How society sells it, when it happens.. literally everyone, having tried it, will later simply be like "oh it ain't a big deal" Ironically my friend told me the same thing when I was in your shoes years ago and now I am sharing the same thing after having sex etc What I would adviseis the most important feeling of feeling content is genuine friends and family. If you have a SINCERE long term people in life, trust me that is what matters. Unfortunately such is taken for granted nowadays. Ironically it's more hard to find a genuine lifeline friend as supposed to finding a partner tbf
yeah I'm 19 and still a virgin its pretty annoying to see my friends have sex and experience things I'm not experiencing but I don't know whats the right thing to do so I try to not think about it to much it def is tough mentally but try to find joy in other things like hangout w friends and stuff life isn't just about hooking up. and I would say better yourself as much as possible so that you can attract the best ppl when the time comes.
I started watching porn around the age of 12, trying to stop so many times. What finally allowed me to fill that hole was coming to terms with my childhood insecurities. I think this idea should be explored more. How we are using our internal dopamine systems as drugs to suppress our negative emotions.
@@braxtonyoung going out for walks or doing something else that involves movement is currently helping me. Alongside only using my bed for sleeping and playing calm music to help me sleep.
I think society should meet in the middle when it comes to marriage, dating, & sex. We no longer have to marry but society went full swing by pretty much going "you have to have sex" which is just as limiting as being pressured to be married. I think we should go the middle route where we should encourage people to date for a while so that there can be an emotional bond/connection and then encourage healthy sex within a relationship.
I think it's because of some business too like porn or sexual graphics in films often attracts more customer which gives them a lot of profits. It's like using people's lust for their greed.
This is the point I wish people would understand. There needs to be a balance between hooking up with every meat sack that walks by, and being a complete virgin 2 pump chump who can't get a girl off to save their life. People have sex with someone they have zero emotional bond with and then act all surprised when it doesn't feel right. I had sex with my girlfriend on the first date after meeting online a month before. But it worked out and we've been together for almost 2 years and the sex keeps improving. People want to try to pretend that sex isn't important but it is essential. You NEED to have good sex with your partner or it will never work out. And good sex requires practice. So either practice with someone temporary, or hope you can find a girl who's patient enough to let you premature ejaculate 20 times and never make her cum until you get good enough.
There is nothing wrong with having a few partners before you get with "the one" (which once you get more experienced you realize "the one" doesn't exist because this is real life and not fairytale land). I learned so much from bad relationships and bad sexual experiences, I have zero regrets. You need to experience pain and suffering so that you know when you're in a good place. Virgins/inexperienced people are just setting themselves up to be take advantage of.
@@pricklycatsss "Virgins/inexperienced people are just setting themselves up to be take advantage of." I wouldn't always say this but a *smart* virgin/inexperienced person would take advice from more experienced friends and family. Back when I was inexperienced, I learned from OTHER people's mistakes that they made in high school and this helped gauge me being on the right direction when starting any relationship. i also agree with you that there is no "one" person but it matters based on how relatable you are to the average person. If you're not very relatable to the average person, like if you're on the autism spectrum, then finding people you can really connect with is difficult.
As a teenager and a virgin, I plan to wait until marriage. That's seen as weird in this current era. Hookup culture is toxic and does not benefit anyone regardless of their gender or social rank.
It's not weird, but you're gonna be really awful at sex by the time it finally happens. Good luck finding someone with the patience for that. My girlfriend and I didn't really have good sex until we had done it maybe 30 times. Especially as a man since men do 90% of the work in sex, you're not just automatically gonna be good at it. It's not like the movies.
@@pricklycatsss It is pretty weird. The whole point of sex is that it's supposed to be intimate and between you and your partner. You listen to what your partner likes and what they don't and you communicate that way to be better at it. Everyone's wants and don't wants are unique to them as individuals. Having a ton of sex or sex before marriage doesn't mean you get better at it necessarily. That's just an excuse for people wanting to push others into hook-up culture and does more damage than good when you don't find a partner the first time who understands your needs. This is what makes it addictive and toxic.
@pricklycats LOL I think you and ur gf just don't have any sexual chemistry then. 30 times? Some people lose it to their partners and immediately enjoy and vibe with it. What you said is the biggest bullshit lie the hook up culture says to young people before they regret being used
@@pricklycatsss You sound rather young. That’s not how it works for everyone. A mature couple will communicate what feels good and what they like. Even if a woman has been with 50 dudes who says she knows your special kinks and tricks? Does that make sense? Nobody is a psychic. It helps to drop the ego and just talk about it. Can be fun. 🙃
I and my ex met up, and I found out she'd had sex over the last few months. she asked if I'd hooked up, and I told her no, I don't really plan on it because I would rather have a connection first. She tells me the more you do it, the easier it gets. I wish I would have said at the time that I didn't want that to get easy; imagine my devastation when she told me this after dating me for 5 years. We broke up in July this year; hookup culture is not for everyone. Quite honestly, it would destroy me.
I experienced the same thing. I was in an unhealthy relationship for 3 years, and i was the one to break it of. Then we dindt have contact for 6 months, and met again. She told me she had seen other people, and it really was a painful experience, since i have the same mindset as you. I want to establish emotional connection before having sex with somone. I was jelous for a long time, but i realised that i had to let it go, people deal with breakups differently. I still agree with you that i find the whole hook up culture very intimidating, and i think its okay to not participate if it doesnt feel right.
@@trymeiriklkeb3284 The jealousy part is probably he hardest part she’s been on a few dates had a few hookups and I haven’t but I realized that’s ok. I wouldn’t be winning or proving anything by doing those things and I wouldn’t be better than her In anyway.
@@mrsonix20th yeah, everyone is different, and i feel the same way. Its not healthy to beat yourself up over it and compare yourself with what she did etc. But it hurts nonetheless, its nice to talk to someone, and also know that you are not alone in this, and many people have experienced the same thing. Jelousy will pass if you dont deny it and let it pass over you over time, but it is easyier said than done
As someone who has absolutely no experience with what you just said or with what i will say, i can say for sure that i think that „classical dating“ is the dumbest shit to have ever existed in the universe. When you meet someone and both of you kinda like each other, you should just walk around together make fun of everything (ok, maybe this is just me), watch wonderful nature or beautiful buildings and just chill out. Why should you go in some shitty little restaurant in which are way too many people, or even dumber, a cinema, where you can’t even see each other.
I was sexually abused by my dad at 11-12 years old I tried to get into hookup culture in my teens but I just couldn’t even tho I had a high sex drive due to trauma I met my significant other @20 and been together for almost 6 years. I’ve felt such security and comfort being with him and I helped him with feeling stable and among other positive things he’s told me ❤. For him his mother screwed his views on relationships due to how emotionally/mentally abusive she was to his dad. This lead him to decisions that didn’t leave him fulfilled. We both helped each other heal from our childhood
Yeah, sex is fun and even though I'm a guy, I truly believe that hookup culture is harmful to the soul. One night stands always felt are so meaningless and exhausting but they are so ingrained in this generation that it's difficult to find a someone who feels the same way.
I’m a man who was deeply immersed in hook up culture during college and an ex-porn addict. Pleasure was always my top priority. I never valued relationships because 1) my mother abused me all throughout childhood, so I always felt insecure and lacked confidence 2) I was a financial mess because of how much I was committed to pleasure seeking activities so I always knew I was unable to provide for a woman’s needs. As men, we feel the pressure to provide, to bring value, because society teaches us that’s where our value lies. It was until my late 20s I began to see the drawbacks. I’m very good looking and established man now. I have my own place, a nice car, stable job, a bachelors degree, high income, and an extraordinary talent that gets me a lot of positive attention. I’m well respected by people, but finding a romantic partner is incredibly difficult for me to achieve and I feel like I’ve disappointed my family every time I come home and tell them “there’s no one at all I’m interested in.”
You don't have it so bad....I am the same version of you except without the having sex part....just had porn cuz I grew up in a very conservative society...and I am still battling the porn addiction...so I would say you have experience with women at least and know what you want and can get it....
Aww this is horrible. I hope you find happiness and the person meant for you. She may not be the typical type you look for . I'm not sure how much looks matter to you.
Tip from a girl. Instead of diving into bed to quick.. Maybe you should keep the first 5-10 dates sex and kissfree... Just enjoying time outdoors doing stuff and talking... In the end it all comes down to emotional connection.
"I'm very good-looking" and "difficult to find a romantic partner" can't be in the same text. Are you good-looking good-looking or "i think and my mom says i'm good-looking"?
Impressive work Cole. I never understood hookup culture, but I know the pressure you talk about. I always saw having a real meaningful relationship much more valuable than just hooking up with random people or using ph to jack off. It not only brings you much more security and care, but also confidence you might not be able to form if you just have one night stands with other people. Good vid.
@@mikelisteral7863 I’m not trying to impress anyone lmao, I believe everyone should do as they please so long as they aren’t harming others in the process.
When I was in my early 20s/in college, I felt like I had to partake in hookup culture because it seemed like the norm. I’d end up feeling absolutely horrible after hookups and would sometimes cry after because it felt so wrong to me (even though I would enjoy it during). After being in a long term relationship (6 years in), I realized sex only feels fulfilling to me when there’s a connection with the person. Hook up culture def ain’t for everyone.
I remember my first year of high school, I was in a certain friend group I wasn't happy in. I was put in this group because we were not popular back then and did not get invited to parties. This group always wanted to discuss sex and relationships while almost all of us being single virgins. I explained that I couldn't imagine having sex or even kiss someone that I don't have feeling for. This whole group thought it was absurd and tried to convince me that you can kiss someone without having feelings. Yes you can, but that is not for me. One sleep over we were playing truth or dare. I pick dare and I thought it would be something like "ask your crush out" or something. No, they know about my views on kiss and emtotions, so they told me I had to kiss Bea (fake name) in this group. I refused, but they kept pushing me because it was the game rules, and said that I can't refuse truth or dare when I have been in the game and should not have been in the game in the beginning. Since I felt shitty for want out when it was my turn, I finally agreed after being pushed. I tucked my lips in so it wouldn't count as a kiss for me. Bea was drunk and her tounge was licking the area around my lips (since I was hiding my lips. I felt uncomfortable and violated. I wanted to go home, but my mom said I had to stay there because my dad got a heart attack and it would be to much stress for them if I would go somewhere else (he's fine now). The rest of the time of high school, me and Bea argued with each other because I said that I tucked in my lips so it would not count as a kiss, which made her upset since she says that it was a really kiss and it was a great kiss... I stoped hanging out with that group my second year of high school. I did not hate them or anything and I still talked to them in school, but I realized that I was not happy in that group and I had to break out. I started spending time with people in other classes instead that I am still friends with today (soon 26 years old). My second year of high school, I asked out a guy from one of my classes. He was a quiet and sweet and I wanted to get to know him better. We became a couple after seeing each other (dates, but we never defined what our meetings were until we decided to become a couple). Almost eight years later, we are still together and engaged. I am happy that he is the only one I have dated and I never had to participate in hook up culture, because that would not have been for me.
Hookup culture always gave me anxiety just thinking of it, something about it just stresses me out. Ive never done it or wanted to participate in it but just thinking of my friends, family like that and what they gave up and how they talk about it always weirded and creeped me out. Especially my ex girlfriend
sometimes i feel bad i'm not a part of this culture , becuase i feel like i don't fit in or maybe something is wrong with me. Thanks to this video, i feel a lot better.
From someone who is currently trying to leave the hookup culture, all I can say is please do not feel bad. Made me realize how much I’ve been wasting a lot of my time sleeping around. It seems like fun, but in reality it’s just a deep void you keep falling in if you don’t try to get out. I ruined a 2 year relationship with my ex girlfriend because I thought I could be “sneaky” one time with a girl. Biggest regret, lost a lot of respect and full of guilt all the time. “Chasing Tail” is not as fun as it seems my friend. Respect yourself and respect your standards. I promise you life will be so much better not being apart of this hookup culture and you’re doing an amazing job not doing so. Wish you the best of luck with your future and nothing but respect for you my friend.
@@untam3dw0lf thank you so much my friend i finally met a girl i feel i have an emotional connection with and i'm really happy because i care for her. I wish for nothing but the best for you and i know one day you will find a special person as well.
Hook up culture is hella dangerous. I’m a girl and I was SA’d (I was a virgin when it happened and I felt dirty afterwards and like it didn’t matter anymore) and I kinda fell down a bit of a substance and hyper sexuality spiral to cope with my PTSD. The problem was I kept mixing the two and I really didn’t want to have the sex I was having. None of it was enjoyable and, to be honest, I smoked a lot of laced shit and ended up with no clue what was happening for the majority of my experiences. I heavily regret it now and now that I’m in therapy I not only have to process the original SA trauma but everything that hook up culture left me with.
@@toromontana8290 I’ve learned sex outside of someone I have deep personal connection with and am in an exclusive relationship with is just not something that I can do. I respect women who enjoy it but personally I don’t like the feeling. Also, statistically hook up culture creates more incels because women don’t have as much incentive to have sex with men who aren’t their type and it’s created more men than ever who are involuntarily celibate. To be clear I don’t like incels, and I don’t think sex is anywhere as bad as stealing or murder, but I dislike how it makes me feel and my discomfort with my past generally comes from substance abuse mixed with sex in an attempt to have consensual sexual experiences instead of me doing it because it was something I actually wanted.
Love this topic. And I agree with a lot of it. Find myself being non-committal not because I don't want something serious, but because I struggle with giving up the opportunity to be with other women
Although I'm from Iran and we don't have hookup culture (at least not as much as the US) I watched the entire video and learned a lot Thanks a lot Cole, amazing as always
Never wanted to share my story publically, not even anonymously, but here we go: In my high school, everyone got laid with everyone and I was humiliated daily by everyone for being a virgin through all the 4 years (actually not by choice and I always wanted my sex life to be kept as deeply personal and intimate, no matter how it goes, so I’d only talk about it with my closest friends who I trust). Now I’m a 22 year old guy, still couldn’t make any success with any girls, the same people still shame me about it (also spreading behind my back because I’ve always been a horribly infamous guy in like 30 km radius of my hometown, so my dignity was already completely destroyed anyway), and I still have my mental issues caused partially by it like severe social anxiety. Other causes were for example the core of all problems: my abusing and overly controlling helicopter type father who made me that terrible person I was, the embodied cringe itself, the exact opposite of who I wanted to be, who I’m still known as by most people today. I still couldn’t forgive him. Now sometimes I question who’s immature or childish, me or the bullies who see me as one? Since I was threatened into being overly exposed to the public in the beginning of 9th grade, my virginty is the only thing I still lie about even to my best friends, and recently I started feeling guilt about it. Basically this whole embarrassing situation is the biggest and now the only overwhelming trauma I still couldn’t get rid of. I never looked at girls as objects, but as humans, who also like having fun. I’m a so-called "crazy" artist who’s purpose of getting laid with girls has never been to be more valued as a man, unlike others, but to explore and experience the artistic beauty of the act, the spiritual connection, the different types of female beauty, and also, the exciting lifestyle of teenage rebellion which my father completely forced me to miss out of, he even said "it’s an excuse from irresponsible careless liberal parents to let their spoiled children doing what they want" like it’s not an actual scientific fact. A lot of people blamed me to be sexist for that, but I only plan to get laid with girls who also want nothing more serious. I have empathy and I’m not a selfish prick who fucks over people by playing with their feelings and cutting them off after the night while they expected an actual relationship. So I’m glad I finally found someone who doesn’t talk about hooking up as the devil’s worst invention like some cult member. Finally someone who says that it factually has both pros and cons. I’ve watched a bunch of videos and read articles about virgin shaming before, but none of them made me feel better. But finally, this is the first one that actually eased my pain. So seriously, I can’t thank you enough!
It'll work out for you dude. You'll find someone to share those things with. Search for those artsy women interested in art movies, painting,philosophy and those things. They'll want to hear about your ideas and hear what you think of them I'll recon. Also, remember you are pretty young. For guys it gets better as they get into their late 20s-into the 30s. More resources, more independence, your more sure of what and who you are etc. Rooting for you guy!
Can I say that I wish more guys were like you? You are a great person, and you will find someone special that will love you for who you are and doesn't treat you like an object. You see, just the fact that those boys had to made fun of you for something that shallow only means they were unsatisfied with their empty life. I'm glad that you don't envy them, you should find them pathetic as they are :)
Yo, fuckk all them niggas !!! They’re stupid af !!! And I would’ve busted up a couple faces if I was you, just to prove a point. A point in which you ain’t just about to say any o thing about me !!! You should’ve psychically messed some of them up !! Now, with getting laid. I suggest you use a dating app. When you get a match, talk to your matches about simple things. Like crime tv or types of movies. When you do that, get her number and call. You wanna call one maybe twice in a week and on that second call, set up a date. Go on the date and y’all split the bill 50/50. Mention splitting the bill before you go on the date. If she’s valuable, she’ll go 50/50. If she’s a skank, she’ll have you pay the whole bill. If she wants you to pay the whole bill, then find some more matches and do the exact same thing until one or more agrees to pay 50/50 on the date. Once one agrees with 50/50 bill, do another date and by date number 2, y’all should be smashing. If not, then cut her off and start over again until it happens. And look at it as a fun experience. She should offer to sleep with you. Women give pretty vague signs that they wanna smash. Ask me about some signs and I’ll tell you. You could do this, or you could bang some h00kers man. I’ll tell you where and how to get them.
I don't know how you landed on my youtube algorithm but I'm very grateful. It was really nice to see somebody outside religion stating facts. All my life, and all around, people were trying to convince me that I should hookup because that's how relationships potentially start. I hate that
I was in a relationship with my ex fiancé for 5 years, when our relationship ended, I was upset and I missed the intimacy of someone else, and I started hooking up with people, but I quickly started feeling more and more depressed, and it’s not till I realized that I want intimacy and sexual relationships with someone I have a emotional connection with, so this video really hit, it feels personal lol, but you’re completely right I was basing my self worth on how many people I was with, but ever since last September? Nov? I haven’t been with anyone and I’ve been trying to focus on myself and heal from my previous relationship first, real self worth comes from personal achievements, great video!
14:26 I think the problem is that we live in a country/world where sexual material is everywhere. It’s in shows, movies, social media, advertisements, music, games and books. It’s almost impossible not to stumble across something triggering. I know this because I’m a 21 year old Christian who is trying to end my 5 year porn addiction. If the world culture around us didn’t display sex everywhere, and upheld the values of marriage then it wouldn’t be nearly as much of a problem. But because I know this addiction is wrong, I’m going to keep fighting.
Wow your content is amazing! I have a teenage son who I will definitely pass your channel on to him. It’s refreshing to see a young guy who’s content is positive. Way to much negative BS out there ruining our teens today. Ty
As someone who is 28, tried for 8 years to understand, participate in, and find intimacy through modern dating - Hookup Culture, and failing miserably at it, I finally am at peace that I've never got to participate. I... Desperately wanted to don't get me wrong. My peers, close friends, all had attention from girls, be it light or heavy, and I was always ignored, at best, or used as a stepping stone to hook up with my more attractive friend. For me... it never was, never will be, and currently isn't, a goal of Mines- Sex. It took a lot of growth for me to be OK, rather more than OK, with this. For 8 years, in a word, I've felt like a complete and utter failure for only being able to develop emotional connections with friends since then don't radiate Chad or Tyrone sex appeal energy. Needless to say, whenever I expressed said feelings, it always ended up in rejection. So, my confidence hit rock bottom, in all aspects of life over the past 6 or so years. But I finally decided to take agency over my life. If losing, constantly, in the dating, hookup culture, game is the only option, I finally decided my agency in this is to simply not play, reject the modern day Dating / Hookup culture aspect of society. I didn't want to be seen as an incel, but I also didn't want Sex, just wanted to feel like I had any sort of agency over my love, or lack of, life. It took a LONG time to get here. And growth is still happening. It's difficult opening up about this as a guy, nonetheless. But I will say, through your channel and me committing fully to my music, I've grown a lot and finally Like both the person I am, and the one I'm becoming Do I wish I participated in Hookup culture? In all honesty, yes. I holistically believe that, just knowing I can attract, if i wanted to, the opposite sex and being single, or otherwise without human intimacy of that nature as a Choice, not a default, would have done millions for my self confidence in my early 20s. Do you regret it? No Not participating by having to repress the sexual urges helped me channel that energy into other aspects of life that I find rewarding and fulfilling. Long comment but I feel like the opposite side of the coin, the sexless part, should be talked about too perhaps. I think. 🤔
@@KBlade1 There isn't a day that goes by where i crave that human connection though but... i just take solice in the studying of Miyamato Musashi, the way of the Ronin. Theres more to life than such things and figured the road less travelled, although not on it by choice, fully embracing it at this point! The channel is growing, slowly. I don't know how the algo works so just throwing videos at the wall until something hits consistently.
How refreshingly genuine! Thank you so much for your honesty Cole. Falling into a hookup culture for a bit during undergrad studies was probably the worst time in my entire life. I would rather be alone.
There’s another category - somewhere between a meaningless hookup and a life partner. It’s a short term (possibly even one time) genuine connection that includes intimacy and sex. This can happen for example because people meet while on a vacation and only have a limited time to spend together. They might consciously go into it recognizing that there is little to no chance that they are going to re organize their entire lives to be together in the future, but nonetheless they form a genuine and deep emotional and sexual connection for the short time they are together. This is something that I’ve experienced and that I feel was healthy and beneficial to me and the other people involved.
See your story is genuine, most comments on this video are people who can’t get any, and are not very attractive. I agree with your statement, sometimes they’re the most beautiful connections
Fr this video left a bad taste in my mouth. He acts like long term relationships are the only meaningful sexual relationships for anybody and I just don’t feel that way
I was very anti hook-up culture and at some point the lack of sex for months/years made me go try... With this I mean just enjoy sex without expectations with someone there was mutual attraction. It was with hardships because I bond easily and I wanted to further date those people and they didn't, but I always tried to have some sort of connection, not just pick a random guy, which I don't feel I could do. Overall I didn't feel so much used/disposed as I guess I somehow picked people who had some empathy and reliability; actually developed a friendship afterwards with some of them, and also helped me be a bit more resilient to manage attachment healthily, something I had a bit of a hard time with. I learned that it's not the end of the world if the person you like isn't with you anymore. Also to deal with my sex drive and not be resentful or possessive, understand that I am above my passions somehow. I guess that leaves me more prepared for the future stable relationship I wanna have. So, it's not an ideal state, I think of it as a rite or period I had to go through as part of my maturity. It was fun many times and sad many others. I prefer 1000 times sex with love, because it's actually fulfilling and goes beyond desire and bodily functions. So I'm with you there's a line between banging meaninglessly like an animal and having sex with someone you have some sort of connection and feel comfortable with even if it doesn't lead to anything else. I rather have a relationship but it gave me some positive learning too.
I never had sex in my life and I’m grateful I didn’t have any. I’ve always wanted to, but after learning why it’s wrong, I understand that its not sustainable for a long term relationship that I’m looking for.
Hi. I'm a 55 yr old man. 1st time watching. It seems like you know what time it is. Keep up the good work friend. And good luck out there. It's tuff tuff tuff!. 😆
Hook up culture ruined my youth and i feel stupid for not staying true to myself until later life. Having one night stands felt mostly stupid, and even those most erotically charged experiences, quickly led nowhere. This culture ended up being toxic for girls, and equally detrimental for young men. Red pill misogyny really was the tip of the iceberg, and it makes me happy to sense the cultural shift away from this madness. Kids are wisening up by thinking for themselves.
Your first story resignates with me. That's happened a few times to me. It made me realized that it wasn't just sex with random chicks that i been wanting. I actually wanted to like the girl I'm hooking up with.
The biggest issues I see with hookup culture is that it teaches us to place too much value in a persons looks or desirability and how they benefit us. With that being said, I think casual encounters and having a period of time where you can explore things as you see fit (safely and consensually) is totally healthy and shouldn’t be demonized. It can be fun depending on WHY you’re doing it and for how long. Inevitably you can’t remain unemotional and care free from intimacy forever.
Re: Your point on virginity. It's kinda funny to think about. Basically we traded the social pressure to reap societal benefits from marriage for...social pressure to reap societal benefits from hooking up. Also, on a more personal note. I've never participated in hookup culture, never had a one-night-stand. Sometimes, in the back of my head, it does feel like I've missed out on something. It's good to be reminded that I've not missed out. When I think about it, that thought in the back of my head becomes subject to more rational and reasonable thoughts. I have a spouse I trust, I can't see trading that for all the unknowns and anxiety I imagine would come with participation in hooking up. It's great to be reminded that I'm not missing anything of real value. And also, paired with that, being reminded that the desire to participate in hooking up stems from, exactly as you said, viewing the opposite sex as an object of desire rather than a person.
This is a good primer but I think it’s good to think a lot more deeply about this, it’s not a basic lifestyle choice to be cautious about but a whole paradigm and frame for life. A very deep and foundational topic and I hope people go farther in their thought ✨
Think this video came at a right time in my life, where casual sex and pornography ruined my ability to form genuine connection and messed up the whole relationship process. Even when I do have sex, I never finish (not ED) and some might call it a blessing bc I can j keep going on and on, but I think it’s my body telling me that I got it all wrong and that I don’t have a real emotional connection w the person and care about them in a deeper way
I really appreciate you going into the objective negative consequences of hookup culture and overconsumption of porn. Whenever I try to tell friends about this, I'm accused of being a slut shamer or a prude, but casual sex really does have pretty heavy consequences and I just want my friends to be happy and healthy. Great video!
Sir, Thank you for this. I’ve had hookups before because I fell for the trap. I realized recently (I think I’ve known for awhile now, but never came to terms with it) that I want to save these kinds of activities for someone I actually care about. Sex, kissing, cuddling, etc. used to be something reserved for romantic partners because it’s an intimate and sacred thing, and frankly, I think that’s how it should be. It’s time to start taking myself seriously. Thank you.
I’ve only ever been with one partner which was my ex girlfriend and lost my virginity to her, hook up culture destroys intimacy and empathy which is why I’d never be a part of it. I could never understand the hype behind it
I'm a proud virgin and I have been proud of my virginity for years (I don't say my whole life because before I was proud, I barely knew anything about sex because I was too young, but I was always grossed out by sex). Therefore, I never tried to conform to such a hypersexualized culture by trying to hook up with people or watching porn and I scoff at those who engage in those things. In fact, I've never thought a person was attractive nor have I had a crush, even a celebrity one. I think I hate hookup culture even more now that I have a partner (the first person I've ever been in a relationship with and the first person I was ever romantically attracted to). I don't want to have sex (mainly because I never EVER want to get pregnant or have kids; contraception can fail; I don't want STD's either), but I think sex should be a major step in a wholly committed relationship (as long as the couple desires to have sex in the future). I also think people who engage in hookup culture and have casual sex hate themselves because they will offer themselves to anyone and give themselves away, and people say this shit is empowering?! It's dehumanizing. I'm just thankful I have a strong willpower and a stubborn desire to always focus on myself to not end up like those people, even if the culture doesn't help (for example, WAP, a song where two women objectify themselves and act like whores, actually has positive reviews and people call it "sex-positive", which I think is just music critic code for slut these days).
My 14 year old son introduced me to your channel and I really like your well balanced and mature content. You're like the big brother he doesn't have, and a refreshing contrast in a crazy world where the genders can't seem to respect each other. My husband and I grew up being pressured and harrassed by hook up culture and it was a big distraction that keeps a person from really living. There is a predestined person out there for everyone (no need to rush) but we have to be prepared for that person when they arrive in our life, so I remind my son to enrich himself and prepare for a good career so he can attract a quality person he really connects with one day. Thank you, Cole, for making parenting boys a little easier. :)
I really hate hook up culture. Every guy I’ve approached or has approached me since high school just wanted a hook up. I’m not interested in it, and just want a relationship. I can’t find out someone’s favorite color before they try to get me in bed. A few months ago I had a guy admit that he wanted to just hook up but I wanted a relationship. I’ve known this guy for multiple YEARS. I felt crushed and defeated because we started as just friends but developed feeling for each other. I know that every guy isn’t like this but, it’s extremely hard to find them. Getting out of the mindset that every guy just wants to hook up but proves to you that’s what they wanted is very hard. I know it’s part of the relationship that comes along eventually but, I just want to start simple. Thanks for talking about this, it feels great to actually hear someone talk about it more in depth. 🤗🤗
Thank you Cole for sharing and arranging your thoughts. I too believe that media is shaping our way to see ourselves, and dictating what is the norm of ‘cool kids’, and made me feel weird and isolated when I was a teen. The little crush and blooming love that I got in my early days seem a far cry compared to the bland feel of adult ‘romance’. My romantic life as an adult feels like an instant, fast food feels, and I will feel bad after sleeping with the wrong person.
Sleeping around lowers your ability to create more meaningful connections. People who sleep around are used to constant partner switching, making them less likely to value someone who would be a good fit for them. Also, nobody wants to date/ marry someone who has slept with soooo many people. It’s a turn-off, we need to educate our youth and tell them the downsides to hookup culture before they ruin their own lives at the expense of “having fun”.
Great video bro, personally I'm also not into hook-up culture knowing the long-term damages it can cause. I think this primarily also has to do with my religious beliefs too, I'm Christian. Despite the culture these days, I'm still aiming to save myself for marriage. I think that might just lead to a better marriage overall if you explore sex with your long-term partner whom you genuinely cherish.
A one night stand was where I learned I underperform only when I'm dealing with an absolute stranger. The enthusiasm spikes like crazy and that's about it. Once that enthusiastic spree of the sensation of success is down I don't feel much of anything to the point of physical numbness. Just a flash in the pan. It was all in my car and I immediately drove to a 24/7 gas station and just looked at myself in a mirror for a while. I physically didn't look happy, I didn't feel happy. Problem is, now I don't know where to look. Everything has migrated online. Hell, I even shamefully asked my sister "where do I even go?" and even she replied that she doesn't know because the old conventional meetup spots are considered incredibly sketchy now.
This video sent me a positive message! Thank you! It helped me to re-confirm that not everyone is a part of hookup culture and so I’m (still) not weird! Granted, yes, I am a virgin at the age of 22, but I’ve never been that ashamed of it. If anything, I’ve been proud of my ability to restrain myself and wait until I find “the one” given how much everything is telling me I should.
So you think you're just automatically gonna be good at sex once it happens? Good luck with that. Sex is a skill you have to practice to be able to satisfy your partner, just like any other life skill. Especially if you're a man. It took me having sex with my girlfriend 20 times before I could last more than 5 minutes, and I had a couple partners before that. Even after doing it hundreds of times there's still small improvements every time we do it and I make her cum every time now (she's the type that takes FOREVER to orgasm).
There needs to be a balance between hooking up with every meat sack that walks by, and being a complete virgin 2 pump chump who can't get a girl off to save their life.
I think what happens when we seek newness is that all that's supposed to go into stable attachment turns into its pleasure seeking form, which is addiction. I've never watched one of your videos before and didn't expect much, but I am so surprised to see how well documented this is and how many angles of the issue you've approached. I always appreciate a video that is not descriptive and not instructive. Thank you!
As a Christian, it is difficult to be holy in a culture that is pornographic. When I talked to my Pastor about this burning desire, his advice was to get married. It is even stated in scripture "it is not good for man to be alone..." The borders Scripture provides are always for the individuals benefit, not to make him or her unhappy. We may want things to go our way. It's easy to understand things from a human perspective. But it is the wisdom of God that leads to something better than I could ever want for myself. My goal then is to trust in God. I may want to indulge my lusts right now, but that will only lead to self-loathing and depression. Take heart, wait on the Lord. I enjoy your videos on these topics and hope for the best in this channel. God bless!
I've watched a few of your videos and, while they were good, I hesitated on subscribing. No more. Not only was this admittance incredibly brave, but, as a man, I can relate with your opening story to a tee. And, without divulging too much, I got you beat in terms of both severity of episodes and negative psychological impacts of said episodes. It has _greatly affected me_ in terms of how I view myself in comparison with how I view the world. From a Gen Xer with a longtime issue, thank you for seeing me. Subscribed.
Thanks for watching, and let me know your thoughts below.
Check out Getting The Love You Want and get an additional 20% discount on the annual subscription at shortform.com/cole
Didn't know you studied college, what career?
Got my bachelor's degree in Cognitive Science, minored in computer science
this chaneal must be over 2 million subscribers l winder why it is not lthink it will be soon
my love and respect l watch your vedioes from sudan
I'm not even sure if you could call it a "hookup culture", while 30% of guys aren't having sex anymore.
@@ColeHastings
Why straight men are attracted to MTF transgender women? Because males are scared to grow up, being the head of the family is unknown to them.
And rising a child/children = responsibility of both side, since male and female is needed to make a baby, therefore both are needed to rise the seed/child up.
Males mating with males, have no longer these worries that comes forth mating with FEMALES and other way around. But that does not mean, it`s okay to do so:
Leviticus 18:22 - Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.
Leviticus 20:13 - If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
1 Corinthians 6:9-10 - Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, (Read More...)
Romans 1:26-28 - For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: (Read More...)
Romans 1:26 - For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:
1 Corinthians 6:9 - Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,
Exodus 22:19 - Whosoever lieth with a beast shall surely be put to death.
Romans 1:29-32 - Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, (Read More...)
Leviticus 18:1-30 - And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying, (Read More...)
Leviticus 18:15-24 - Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy daughter in law: she is thy son's wife; thou shalt not uncover her nakedness. (Read More...)
Genesis 2:24 - Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
Cross-dressing is same wrong as it is fornication and males laying with males and females with females, all these = abomination.
Deuteronomy 22:5chapter context similar meaning copy save
The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God.
The whole mankind have turned mating and having /building up relationships (meaningful and valuable ones ), we, as mankind have turned it into sick fornication.
Only after pleasures, never after the real point. having a family to love and to care about. That place us all, all souls, longing for love and for care. Cause none of us have it.
And time have passed enough to say, that mankind ain´t able to no longer care nor love. ONLY GOD can heal what`s and where`s broken.
Now, if any human wants to feel loved and cared for and also learn to love and care too, THEN SEEK GOD AND HIS LOVE.
Call upon the name of the LORD and abide in HIS love.
Psalms 145:18chapter context similar meaning copy save The LORD is nigh unto all them that call upon him, to all that call upon him in truth. Psalms 55:16chapter context similar meaning copy save As for me, I will call upon God; and the LORD shall save me. Psalms 18:3chapter context similar meaning copy save I will call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from mine enemies. Isaiah 55:6chapter context similar meaning copy save Seek ye the LORD while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near: Psalms 99:6chapter context similar meaning copy save Moses and Aaron among his priests, and Samuel among them that call upon his name; they called upon the LORD, and he answered them. Psalms 116:13chapter context similar meaning copy save I will take the cup of salvation, and call upon the name of the LORD.
Seek GOD`S LOVE not man`s fornication.
Better:
1 Corinthians 6:18chapter context similar meaning copy save Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. Acts 15:29chapter context similar meaning copy save That ye abstain from meats offered to idols, and from blood, and from things strangled, and from fornication: from which if ye keep yourselves, ye shall do well. Fare ye well. 1 Corinthians 5:1chapter context similar meaning copy save It is reported commonly that there is fornication among you, and such fornication as is not so much as named among the Gentiles, that one should have his father's wife. Acts 15:20chapter context similar meaning copy save But that we write unto them, that they abstain from pollutions of idols, and from fornication, and from things strangled, and from blood. Acts 21:25chapter context similar meaning copy save As touching the Gentiles which believe, we have written and concluded that they observe no such thing, save only that they keep themselves from things offered to idols, and from blood, and from strangled, and from fornication. 1 Thessalonians 4:3chapter context similar meaning copy save For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication: Revelation 17:2chapter context similar meaning copy save With whom the kings of the earth have committed fornication, and the inhabitants of the earth have been made drunk with the wine of her fornication. Joshua 8:6chapter context similar meaning copy save (For they will come out after us) till we have drawn them from the city; for they will say, They flee before us, as at the first: therefore we will flee before them. Revelation 18:3chapter context similar meaning copy save For all nations have drunk of the wine of the wrath of her fornication, and the kings of the earth have committed fornication with her, and the merchants of the earth are waxed rich through the abundance of her delicacies. 1 Corinthians 10:14chapter context similar meaning copy save Wherefore, my dearly beloved, flee from idolatry.
Do you know and also understand that part, GOD DO LOVE US ALL, BUT ALL WHO LOVE ALSO JUDGE.
For love is meaningless and valueless if no righteous judgment is not found nor given.
“You don't "become" trans, either you are or you aren't. Also, to appear as the gender you perceive yourself as is the goal, trans people know they can't change biologically but they can socially and THAT is what matters. “ - SIRENA.
dear soul, thats only illusion, a confused and usually young soul, made to believe. Not a single part of it is real.
How did mankind come up with the BARBIE DOLL? - they feminized a male.
But many souls do have body dysphoria. Here we should ask, did they themselves came up with that “problem” or was it the world, who tried hard enough to break a mind and fill it with lies?
Have the “alone time” time and time in your life. Be fully sure how many noises is yours and how many are the world`s. Being alone, should leave a lot of noises behind, and these ones that stays, are the ones worth to listen, cause these ones are yours and life`s. (THE QUIET VOICE OF GOD).
The devil is always after the young: why`? Cause young minds can be formed by others in ways others may like (others = devil). Older and old souls, have already experienced a lot, learn to know a lot. Manage to see the difference between good and evil. In other words, older generations becomes valueless and useless to devil, cause he can`t no longer form older humans minds in ways only devil finds fit. The less we know and understand, the easier for evil is to manipulate and use us and that what he dose with the youth. The more we know and understand, the harder for devil to deal with us.
Hosea 4:6chapter context similar meaning copy save
My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because thou hast rejected knowledge, I will also reject thee, that thou shalt be no priest to me: seeing thou hast forgotten the law of thy God, I will also forget thy children.
On this earth, we have been given a childhood and a parenthood, both 20 years long.
Why? so the young minds shall be guided and raised up in care and in love, not letting them to be used and manipulated by the devil. Everyone mates, but where are the parents? Only DEATH frees us from our rolls, but mating ain´t that fatal, it dose not kill us in the next moment/day. Mating is temporary, like all things in this real. Only 30 years (20s - 30s - 40s = a timeline for mating). Human lifetime: 20 years for childhood, and 100 years for adulthood. Sadly we lose our health way too early (in our 50s - 60s). Leaving us with lesser years/time being active adult. Throwing us few years earlier into being old.
60 years for old age, without being healthy? - you all seeing how many years we are losing? 60 YEARS. 120 years given to be alive.
120 - 60 = 50 and lower. We are so hurry to be DEAD, why?
Being “trans” is a lie, that helps to depopulate MANKIND.
We make fun of virgins for not wanting to have sex before marriage.
Now we're seeing the consequences of such reckless sexual behavior.
What's worse is the way we talk about sex actually ends up rivaling men and women. Men are typically encouraged to hook up as a rite-of-passage, whereas women are told to stay as humble and virgin as possible until marriage, leading to entirely opposite views in people that are encouraged to be together by the same society.
@@flatikk Nowadays, women are also being shamed for being virgins by the feminists.
@@AnimeArchaeologist we just cant win
@@flatikk yet women have to be amazing in bed but still be a virgin. God forbid if she sleeps with more than one guy cause thatll make her a whoooore
@@candycane1744 Damned if you do, damned if you don’t!
I’m so glad I never got into hook up culture. There’s nothing positive that comes from it. You always feel crappy and is just a method to avoid how you’re really feeling. Glad you grew past this ❤
Hey wanna hookup?
@@AB-yr2eo im down
What if the person is into your most extreme kinks. And also outside the bedroom also compatible now that's a dream.
tight jamaican pssy girl
You comment EVERYWHERE
The longer I’m in a good relationship the more I realize how fucked up dating culture is.. the person I was when I was always on tinder is NOT someone I’d envy, and it felt like I was always searching for happiness in the same place I was losing it (meaningless dates with the sole purpose of trying to get laid). Work on yourself until you’re at the point where you can attract someone you respect and admire as a person, you’ll be happier
Sacrifice short term pleasure for long term fulfillment. Something I have to keep reminding myself
Thank You!!
It was the same for me man. A serious committed and amazing relationship up until we broke up about a month ago. It feels so bad to be back on the ground. Especially knowing that once I have gotten over her and can start looking for a new relationship, I'm going to be greeted with a difficult time because of hookup culture :(
That's where I'm at now, giving up on being a hoe. in 2 years I've hooked up with 13 damn girls with their being a 5 month gap because I was dating someone, I'm about to be 31 and I just told the last little fling a few days ago that I wanted to stop seeing her because I am not happy with myself, where I'm at, and what I'm doing. I have a lot of stuff I need to do and having a chick come over and forcing myself to get to drunk (because I cant soberly hookup with someone) and their only presence being there is for my pleasure is just ultra fucked up. I plan on being alone for the next few years so I can build myself up and when I do get back on the dating scene, it'll be for a wife and to start a family.
It's a shame that a dating site can not be created for the sole purpose of a meaningful relationship a s find a way to implement it so those who come it to ruin it with hook up culture intentions never occur. Perhaps, instill something such as: you have to have a Facebook account. And, review the account before allowing someone to become a member. That your Facebook account would be adjacent to the dating site and there is no HIDE option. And it should stop at that one review. For I am sure some will find a way of getting around it. Or there are some who can play the meaningful relationship part when really they are hooks up. This will come at a cost for the dating site/more money. For they to hire or they can have the members of site volunteer to moderate, investiage, etc,. Point: shame. Cause those seeking a meaningful relationship are licking out at an alarming rate. That causes problems. As they wait, hold on, they age. If they want children that becomes at a later age of not at all. It effects them mentally for their needs are not met, etc,. Shame. But it should be granted. Money rules all.
Battling hook up culture is to stop trivialising sex. Don’t have casual sex if you’re not enjoying it just because you think that is how dating works. If you want commitment, don’t date people who only want to use your body for sex. Have standards and you will stand out to the people who matter. If you like casual sex, do it. Choose the right path for yourself and fuck everyone else’s opinion. People who hate your boundaries are people who benefit from you having none. Use your boundaries to repel people who intend to do harm to you.
Perfectly said
YES BRO SPOT ON
Women should not waste a man’s precious time by not giving up the box. What else do they have to offer?
@@insomniacresurrected1000 :/
@@insomniacresurrected1000 And guys like you are pieces of 💩. I hope you’re happy with your boyfriend, since women are so unfulfilling
I’m 22 years old and I’ve never had a girlfriend before. I want no part in hookup culture whatsoever. I can’t see how people are willing to have sex with random people without thinking of the consequences. It’s one of the reasons I’m proud of my virginity. It’s something I treasure as not many guys have it. I hope Ms. Right comes along someday as I would love to be in a relationship. I also wouldn’t mind waiting for marriage is she wanted to.
That's really sweet, even though society makes it seem like it's wrong. You'll find her!
@@isagf4804 That’s very kind of you. Being a virgin does not effect how I am as a man. I heard girls find virgins very attractive too.
Just work on yourself to the point where you can attract anyone you want (got this from another comment).
Just turned 23 and I’m the exact same
Just don't be a 40 year old virgin
The thought of sleeping with someone after meeting them one time seems horrifying to me. It is dehumanizing. You treat the other as a piece of meat and you are treated as a piece of meat. Do not make the mistake of thinking that it's "woman empowerment" or "freedom" to sleep with an array of strangers and then never seeing them again. Or seeing them just for sex. Please be careful with this!
There is a bigger problem about it:
The brain processes attractiveness as a fire-and-forget paradigm.
Find any curvy beautiful woman, you'll also find a tall well formed or short and slim woman attractive.
Because that's how its evolutionarily supposed to be.
However, you just turn into a drug addict.
You get the one time fling and then get onto another while forgetting about the previous encounter.
Like an automaton, for eternity. Pleasured in the moment, meaningless all in between chasing randomness.
With a steady partner, you can actually project every intimacy onto the person feeding onto the next occurrence, yielding fulfillment and feedforward pleasure along with the pressure of finding arbitrary mates being gone.
Because ultimately, where do you draw the line?
What thigh circumference, glute volume, feet size, breast size IS the ultimate perfect one? How come one can find different body types attractive?
Hookup is an exercise in futility, and too concrete. One should seek abstractions.
Technically we are pieces of meat
Ya this is definitely a horrifying experience because you don't know what the other person want or even worse it can blackmail you or can do harm in other ways.
Nah it’s pretty great ngl
That's not at all dehumanizing, our identity is partly physical and we are also animals that have sexual desires. To give focus to the lust of the body while remembering that this is a person that gave their consent is not dehumanizing at all. What is dehumanizing is when we stop remembering that these are people.
The fact that sex creates extreme psychological bonds between two people is what deters me from engaging in hookup culture. I feel like if I have sex with someone and enjoy it, I will feel very connected to them but then have to sever that connection if they or I no longer want to see each other for whatever reason.
that's why you learn to accept loss and realize that nothing is permanent
Exactly! This is why I don’t do it
Yeah I read an article about pairbonding and how much worse it is more for women and to men a much lesser extent. It freaked me out abit
So I said fuck you to hookup culture and left it until I find someone not into it.
For me, I wanted to wait till I found my right girl, then I saw how easy the girls I liked had so many choices to choose from and I feel so outta league, then I heard joke from my friends that "your future wife is out there getting smashed left and right and you are here without any hoes" kinda broke me down internally and made me really upset that it is not some joke and it is cold hard truth that waiting for right person is just dream nowadays
This is why it was meant to be done AFTER a permanent situation happened.
I had a one night stand about a year ago and it was the worst experience of my life. After that night, I learned that hooking up with random people with no emotional connection is tearing us apart. It was after that night that I learned that I'd rather not participate in hookup culture.
stop oppressing women
same here man. about a year ago I was going through heartbreak really bad, and an opportunity presented itself, and I took it. Definitely regret it and I'm not proud of it but I'm glad to say it was a one-time thing and my opinion on hookups stays the same. An actual bond and emotional connection is so much better.
@mike listeral he's not oppressing women idiot
How was it "the worst experience of your life"?
Lol it's fun, just not healthy. Like indulging in drugs or alcohol. It's not the end of the world
Glad I never went down the rabbit hole of hookup culture. So many people when I was in middle and high school wanted to have large amounts of sex with other people and were overhyping it. Now there's issues that are coming from it for both sides and many videos like this are calling it out. Here's to change one day.
Yessir! Here's to change
Couldn’t agree more. You get nothing good out of it
Yep
@@khalilahd. I'm glad there are other people out there that see it that way, i thought i was doing something wrong not being able to become a part of that culture
@@ColeHastings i wasnt sure how much of the video i actually bought until the very end where you said people who experience hook up culture at a young age grow to have trouble later in life dating, that shit hit me hard as fuck, i havent had a girlfriend in 8 years, and (i know you wont appreciate these metrics but idk what else to use) before that time i probably slept with 6 or 7 different girls, and like two since. and none of my actual relationships ( of which there are very fucking few and none since 2015, i turn 29 next week) lasted longer than about a month, i have no fucking idea what to even fucking say to a woman im interested in anymore. its really fucking depressing cause i always thought this shit would get easier as i got older. its actually kind of disturbing how on point this is. although i dont really think casual sex is as much of a big deal as the video, but all the surrounding culture and topics i absolutely see in my own life and i fucking hate it.
As a 15yr old. I think sleeping around is disgusting. You can get an STD. You can meet crazy people. You can become attached to someone who doesn’t love you. You are basically ruining your sense of intimacy, love, respect, and the ability to cherish yourself.
LOUDER
@@microwavedmetal I’ll repost this anywhere.
@lardextech2918 go ahead
And let's not forget the possibility of pregnancy.
I'm so glad that at your young age, you realize the negatives of hookup culture.
@@celestejacobs7386 i see so may people i used to hang out with having kids and its just a wtf moment. but its the parents that are the ones to blame.
I tried to participate in hookup culture but I literally failed. I did not fail at finding someone, I failed at keeping things at a casual basis everytime. Each person I slept with turned into a relationship, and not a good one. I couldn't just cut ties with these people and the resulting relationships really didn't have a good foundation other than our physical interactions. I've slept with 6 people my whole life and I stopped after the last. It has almost been 5 years since I slept with someone and I will not until I find someone I actually have a connection with.
Glad to hear it! #TeamSingleDigitBodyCount
So much respect for you sir..
I feel the same way. It’s been 2 years for me and hooking up just isn’t worth it for me
I've been with like 16 people. 😅
I don't regret any of it. I prefer being single and dating casually. If smexual things happen smexual things happen.🤷♂️
I'm very open about not being interested in a relationship, and not wanting kids. I try my best not to do one night stands, but I find fun in good sex with friendly people that I go out with occasionally.
At least they didn’t tell you that you’re too short every time like they did with me when I would hook up… lol
Hook up culture is like drug abuse: When you have it, you like it. The moment the effect goes away, you feel bad. When you are not a streak, you have more moments of feeling bad. Not being on one goes for most ppl i think. Hookup culture is also a lot of emotioal drama you go through. A lot of rejection before you even go to the bedroom. Ghosting after it. Maybe you meet up several times just to emotionally bond a little more, before that person finds someone more interesting or simply someone "new and fresh". If you want or not, you will think about those humans in your every day life and it will harm you. You will have a lot of experiences where it leads to nothing and you will start to shield yourself / "protect" yourself from emotionally bonding, because every hookup would hurt otherwise.
you described sex addiction. thin line between full blown addiction and just doing it a lot. like those people who smoke weed or drink but are good at quitting cold turkey with no drawbacks when they decide
M
Agree with the second half completely, that’s the hardest part for me…
i cried watching the last part. thank you. I'm not missing out and will continue to believe in my morals and values even though there is peer pressure and everyone is hooking up with everyone around us. I'm going through a lot of pain after being cheated on, Thanks bro you are a gem and a life saver. love you
Been there. That person will get their karma. You keep it moving and be you and the right one will come to you. Don’t look for it. Don’t focus on being with someone. Develop yourself and your talents and grow your spirit….along the way someone like you, someone who likes what you like and has the same morals and values will show up.
Im 21 never dated anyone, never had my first kiss. People are always surprised about that but there is nothing to be suprised about, I just don't stress about it and let it more or less come to me.
Don't stress yourself about that.
Keep being you and enjoy hobbies. Always remember "time is a man's ally and a woman's enemy"
But there are times you can’t help yourself but to think about it all the time. And it’s never going away until you experience it…
Im 23, going on 24. Virgin. Always thought there was something wrong with me. I really needed this, thank you Cole.
I’m 30, and still a virgin. There’s nothing wrong with you! ♥️
25, and still a virgin
depends on why you're a virgin. if its by choice then youre good
Damn bro's that sucks!
@@Amonfobious only women stay virgin by choice, no man can have that level of enlightment
In India, it is still the opposite. Men are still proud to be virgins and women are more proud to be virgins because they know the dynamic of an individual does not depend on a person's quality to randomly mix their ecstatic juices with random people. It is truly a sacred connection and we do not intend to lose the sacred aspect of our genitalia.
Not for long tho. Hookup culture is becoming more & more common in india.
It’s wayyy more common in India now negative western ideals are spreading across the world
After breaking up with a long term gf, I had one casual interaction. It was the most shallow, disgusting thing I’ve ever experienced.
I had built my physique up to attract women so I managed to thirst trap a few girls. I thought I could enjoy the single life. However, after sleeping with just one, I just felt a sense of nothingness.
No emotional connection, just literal swapping of bodily fluids. It didn’t make me feel any better when the girl I had hooked up with later told me she liked me. I didn’t , so I only kept her around just in case I wanted to have sex with her again. I basically just used her as a tool to masturbate.
It was probably the most selfish thing I had done.
If any lonely guy is reading this, please invest in yourself and in a good, loving relationship. Hookup culture really is not worth it.
Thank you bro🙏🙏
Thank you for sharing that comment
This is SO WELL PRESENTED. I'm 52 now. How I wish I had seen this video as a teenager, it would have helped save me a lot of pain and heartbreak.
Great video. I have always said there is no such thing as casual sex, because you can’t divorce the entirety of a human from their body. Both men and women can get their feelings hurt, women are easily physically hurt, women can get pregnant, and both people can get STDs. The person you have kids with is the most important decision you will make in your life, so it’s important to be picky about who you sleep with.
The media acts like there are no consequences to sex when there most definitely are.
Having tired the hook up thing for a short period it really made my depression and anexity worse. Not to mention the feeling of being used both from the person you meet and yourself is just awful. Don't do it, this will only lead to you being unfulfilled and wanting more.
I'm gonna be honest here. Your videos taught me a lot about a thing called life. Thank you
Very happy to hear that. Thanks for watching the vids
He’s videos are so relatable ❤
He teaches better than school
24 yo male here. Got decent amount of opportunities to get into hook up culture ( especially abroad ) I've never dared though ; I'm too romantic to have such intimacy with girls I don't love. Might be a curse, because at the end of the day you feel social pressure but damn I know that "having fun" will do damage to my soul...
Spot on!
How did being abroad give you more opportunities? I’m 19, and Ik 5 languages and hope to go abroad to different countries, part of me wants to hook up as I’ve never done it ever
@@maxximum9553go to Asia
@@maxximum9553even not hot white guys are on demand there
I like to compare hookup culture to fast food, Like fast food: the food might taste good and be cheap at first glance, but over time you begin to feel like crud, and it becomes unhealthy and unappetizing. Instead of eating fast food, start cooking your own food at home, it might be labor intensive at first, but the end result is that you make a healthier and tastier meal. And in the long run you live a happier and healthier life because of it. Just like in relationships. If you want to be happier and fulfilled in your love life its starts by you learning about your self worth as well as having respect for yourself as well as having priorities and values that you are passionate about and that you strive for in your day-to-day life. Lastly connect with people who actually do give a damm about you, having a genuine connection with, and help you grow as a person rather than to desperately seek anyone you see in your path because you need to fill that "desire". There is more to life than just "hooking up".
I fell into the facade of hookup culture HARD. I put all of my worth into external validation in the hands of men who treated me very poorly from a young age, and I suffered from so many different consequences. Just this last year was the first healthy relationship I’ve ever been in and it was almost uncomfortable because it was something I never experienced before. I’ve done a lot of work with my mental health and partner and I am happy to say that part of my life is so far over, but I will deal with the trauma for the rest of my life. Thank you for bringing awareness to this topic
I value nothing more than that emotional connection, and hopefully soon we will reach a happier medium between how things have been and how they are now, which has the maximum benefit
This man tells a story like no other.
i went from 2 years of depersonalization and depression to loo losing my virginity. but something I've noticed is that you yourself have to level up in life and show that you have value in order for people to stay and be attracted to you
thank u for spelling losing right you almost slipped up but u did it , im proud of u
@@waterwhipakia6933 lmao I’ve just seen that mb 😂
"Value" to women means money, property and having a huge social circle. Seeing as my social circle was annihilated because it became known that I vote for the "baddies", I think replacing my hypergamous, waste of time, monkey branching ex of 8 years is gonna be nigh on impossible.
@@bewilderedbrit8928 exactly also don't get married it's a trap for men if u don't believe me watch tribe of men and man talk
Yeah dude you gotta have money to get women unless you got the perfect genetics then you can skip the 10-25 years of non stop grinding and get sex whenever you want unlike the rest of us. BS.
Stages I’ve been through in regards to hook up culture:
1. Get with as many as possible because of peer pressure. The more, the cooler you are.
2. Sex is a worthy pursuit as it’s the highest form of physical pleasure, make it your goal.
3. Sex with out connection is empty. Seeking it for mere pleasure, is a form of slavery. Slavery to lust.
Real sex happens in mind, body and soul. The reason for sex is ultimately to have children. Relationships compound and have the potential to become better over time. This is what I want now and am open for. Sex for mere pleasure is a waste of time and usually casual sex does not exist. Like Jordan Peterson says ”there is no casual sex because there is nothing casual about it”
Great vid
Stay Based
"there is no casual sex because there is nothing casual about it"
I like that quote...so true
but having children is also a waste of time, so should it be no sex before marriage, and no sex either after marriage, and particular no sex between couples who are deeply in love as no matter how great the love or pleasure feels, it is still meaningless and waste of time. I know this view would get despised by people from both left and right
I think it's very interesting how closely this resembles the view of the catholic church towards this topic.
Im so glad that im asexual 😁
@@91722854 That's a very nihilistic view.
I needed this video in uni. The message is very powerful, you’re enlightening young men Cole!!
A lot of us could've. Thanks Ethan
Superbad was such an influential film even into the early 2010s, when I was in high school. Every guy I knew wanted to be like McLovin. Sex is such an intimate thing, it’s crazy how many of us give up our bodies to others simply because of media programming. Hopefully things will change. Great video!
Simply because of media programming? 🤣🤣🤣 You literally only exist because your parents had a desire for sex. It's normal to want sex. If you don't then that's abnormal and you probably have some sort of hormone imbalance.
Go ask your parents if they conceived you because of "media programming"
Sorry but this is no media programming. this is biological programming
Your timing couldn't have been more perfect, thanks Cole
Thanks for watching
Hey Cole, I am a 20 year old who hasn't had much success with women, (hookups or relationships) and recently in the last year or two it has really taken a toll on my mental health, causing insecurities and depression. The lines of feeling not good enough if you are not having sex really hit home for me. I am trying to better myself everyday (working out, going to therapy, practicing compassion, etc.), and I'm hoping I can make a mindset shift to where I can learn to value myself with other virtues. If you are experiencing self doubt, insecurity, etc from this culture, you are not alone. If anyone can share there experiences with overcoming issues like these feel free to reply or comment!
It really isn’t as big as some people think it is bro regardless you got to find ways to enjoy life on you’re own u all you got
I’m right with you there Austin. I’ve had success in my past with it and often failed and felt so unworthy of attractive women too, but no matter what I got, it was just an insatiable hunger that always had to be fed and confirmed in the present moment. The women always had to be hotter and more of them, and I had to always be kissing girls or taking them home. And you end up realizing that you can never win this game that promises some great reward due to cultural brainwashing and deep biological instincts. It’s a well that always runs dry. It’s so much better and more fulfilling to just focus on improving yourself for its own sake (not for girls) and to build deep connections with others
@@markkarma7392 hell even self improvement can tear you done I guess enjoy life and find hobbies combined with self improvement
This might be a dumb way to provide experience having once been in your exact shoes..
Had the same feeling early 20s
Now 28 and married. Wife is ridiculously hot and works out a lot and sex is great. the dumb way of sharing is she has bit of a ridiculous anime like figure so you'd think it's a fantasy come true but.. it just doesn't matter.
Sex is amazing and yeah BUT
But trust me, it's overrated and it doesn't matter.
How society sells it, when it happens.. literally everyone, having tried it, will later simply be like "oh it ain't a big deal"
Ironically my friend told me the same thing when I was in your shoes years ago and now I am sharing the same thing after having sex etc
What I would adviseis the most important feeling of feeling content is genuine friends and family. If you have a SINCERE long term people in life, trust me that is what matters.
Unfortunately such is taken for granted nowadays. Ironically it's more hard to find a genuine lifeline friend as supposed to finding a partner tbf
yeah I'm 19 and still a virgin its pretty annoying to see my friends have sex and experience things I'm not experiencing but I don't know whats the right thing to do so I try to not think about it to much it def is tough mentally but try to find joy in other things like hangout w friends and stuff life isn't just about hooking up. and I would say better yourself as much as possible so that you can attract the best ppl when the time comes.
I’m a introverted college student. Thank you for giving me the reassurance that it’s okay to get not bitches😊
Depends if you want it or not
Bitches…🤨
*not get
its over
Dont call women bitches it's degrading, even if some are in hookup culture. Same as men using the n word with each other. Both are terrible
I started watching porn around the age of 12, trying to stop so many times. What finally allowed me to fill that hole was coming to terms with my childhood insecurities. I think this idea should be explored more. How we are using our internal dopamine systems as drugs to suppress our negative emotions.
Imagine watching porn starting at like 8 and im still addicted 20 years later!
@@jamesbrooks3664 investigating my emotion whenever I have the urge rather than giving into the temptation is what has helped me
@CarmenI thought the same thing about marriage, but unfortunately it didn't solve the problem for me
@@braxtonyoung going out for walks or doing something else that involves movement is currently helping me. Alongside only using my bed for sleeping and playing calm music to help me sleep.
@@Carmen... if it was so simple, there wouldn't be so many men addicited....women are super choosey so it is not easy for most men to secure a gf
I think society should meet in the middle when it comes to marriage, dating, & sex.
We no longer have to marry but society went full swing by pretty much going "you have to have sex" which is just as limiting as being pressured to be married.
I think we should go the middle route where we should encourage people to date for a while so that there can be an emotional bond/connection and then encourage healthy sex within a relationship.
I think it's because of some business too like porn or sexual graphics in films often attracts more customer which gives them a lot of profits. It's like using people's lust for their greed.
This is the point I wish people would understand. There needs to be a balance between hooking up with every meat sack that walks by, and being a complete virgin 2 pump chump who can't get a girl off to save their life. People have sex with someone they have zero emotional bond with and then act all surprised when it doesn't feel right. I had sex with my girlfriend on the first date after meeting online a month before. But it worked out and we've been together for almost 2 years and the sex keeps improving. People want to try to pretend that sex isn't important but it is essential. You NEED to have good sex with your partner or it will never work out. And good sex requires practice. So either practice with someone temporary, or hope you can find a girl who's patient enough to let you premature ejaculate 20 times and never make her cum until you get good enough.
There is nothing wrong with having a few partners before you get with "the one" (which once you get more experienced you realize "the one" doesn't exist because this is real life and not fairytale land). I learned so much from bad relationships and bad sexual experiences, I have zero regrets. You need to experience pain and suffering so that you know when you're in a good place. Virgins/inexperienced people are just setting themselves up to be take advantage of.
@@pricklycatsss "Virgins/inexperienced people are just setting themselves up to be take advantage of."
I wouldn't always say this but a *smart* virgin/inexperienced person would take advice from more experienced friends and family. Back when I was inexperienced, I learned from OTHER people's mistakes that they made in high school and this helped gauge me being on the right direction when starting any relationship.
i also agree with you that there is no "one" person but it matters based on how relatable you are to the average person. If you're not very relatable to the average person, like if you're on the autism spectrum, then finding people you can really connect with is difficult.
I mean or we can just never pressure anyone and let them do their thing their way and mind our business
As a teenager and a virgin, I plan to wait until marriage. That's seen as weird in this current era. Hookup culture is toxic and does not benefit anyone regardless of their gender or social rank.
It's not weird, but you're gonna be really awful at sex by the time it finally happens. Good luck finding someone with the patience for that. My girlfriend and I didn't really have good sex until we had done it maybe 30 times. Especially as a man since men do 90% of the work in sex, you're not just automatically gonna be good at it. It's not like the movies.
If you're female you can get away with not being good at sex but good luck finding a woman who wants your limp dick 30 second lasting ass
@@pricklycatsss It is pretty weird. The whole point of sex is that it's supposed to be intimate and between you and your partner. You listen to what your partner likes and what they don't and you communicate that way to be better at it. Everyone's wants and don't wants are unique to them as individuals. Having a ton of sex or sex before marriage doesn't mean you get better at it necessarily. That's just an excuse for people wanting to push others into hook-up culture and does more damage than good when you don't find a partner the first time who understands your needs. This is what makes it addictive and toxic.
@pricklycats LOL I think you and ur gf just don't have any sexual chemistry then. 30 times? Some people lose it to their partners and immediately enjoy and vibe with it.
What you said is the biggest bullshit lie the hook up culture says to young people before they regret being used
@@pricklycatsss You sound rather young. That’s not how it works for everyone. A mature couple will communicate what feels good and what they like. Even if a woman has been with 50 dudes who says she knows your special kinks and tricks? Does that make sense? Nobody is a psychic. It helps to drop the ego and just talk about it. Can be fun. 🙃
This is exactly what we need on RUclips. Thank you!!
Thanks for watching
Cole, have you thought about doing videos on therapy? Would be great for people to see theres other solutions to feel less alone!
I and my ex met up, and I found out she'd had sex over the last few months. she asked if I'd hooked up, and I told her no, I don't really plan on it because I would rather have a connection first.
She tells me the more you do it, the easier it gets. I wish I would have said at the time that I didn't want that to get easy; imagine my devastation when she told me this after dating me for 5 years. We broke up in July this year; hookup culture is not for everyone. Quite honestly, it would destroy me.
Easy for her to say that , she is a women and sex is always on the table and offered with no effort to them!
I experienced the same thing. I was in an unhealthy relationship for 3 years, and i was the one to break it of. Then we dindt have contact for 6 months, and met again. She told me she had seen other people, and it really was a painful experience, since i have the same mindset as you. I want to establish emotional connection before having sex with somone. I was jelous for a long time, but i realised that i had to let it go, people deal with breakups differently. I still agree with you that i find the whole hook up culture very intimidating, and i think its okay to not participate if it doesnt feel right.
@@trymeiriklkeb3284 The jealousy part is probably he hardest part she’s been on a few dates had a few hookups and I haven’t but I realized that’s ok. I wouldn’t be winning or proving anything by doing those things and I wouldn’t be better than her In anyway.
@@mrsonix20th yeah, everyone is different, and i feel the same way. Its not healthy to beat yourself up over it and compare yourself with what she did etc. But it hurts nonetheless, its nice to talk to someone, and also know that you are not alone in this, and many people have experienced the same thing. Jelousy will pass if you dont deny it and let it pass over you over time, but it is easyier said than done
That's why I gave up on dating anyway. I fell deep into that date/hookup culture bullshit that is the root of my social problems, and now, I want out.
As someone who has absolutely no experience with what you just said or with what i will say, i can say for sure that i think that „classical dating“ is the dumbest shit to have ever existed in the universe. When you meet someone and both of you kinda like each other, you should just walk around together make fun of everything (ok, maybe this is just me), watch wonderful nature or beautiful buildings and just chill out. Why should you go in some shitty little restaurant in which are way too many people, or even dumber, a cinema, where you can’t even see each other.
I was sexually abused by my dad at 11-12 years old
I tried to get into hookup culture in my teens but I just couldn’t even tho I had a high sex drive due to trauma
I met my significant other @20 and been together for almost 6 years. I’ve felt such security and comfort being with him and I helped him with feeling stable and among other positive things he’s told me ❤. For him his mother screwed his views on relationships due to how emotionally/mentally abusive she was to his dad. This lead him to decisions that didn’t leave him fulfilled. We both helped each other heal from our childhood
That's great.
Yeah, sex is fun and even though I'm a guy, I truly believe that hookup culture is harmful to the soul. One night stands always felt are so meaningless and exhausting but they are so ingrained in this generation that it's difficult to find a someone who feels the same way.
We feel for you man
I’m a man who was deeply immersed in hook up culture during college and an ex-porn addict. Pleasure was always my top priority. I never valued relationships because 1) my mother abused me all throughout childhood, so I always felt insecure and lacked confidence 2) I was a financial mess because of how much I was committed to pleasure seeking activities so I always knew I was unable to provide for a woman’s needs. As men, we feel the pressure to provide, to bring value, because society teaches us that’s where our value lies. It was until my late 20s I began to see the drawbacks. I’m very good looking and established man now. I have my own place, a nice car, stable job, a bachelors degree, high income, and an extraordinary talent that gets me a lot of positive attention. I’m well respected by people, but finding a romantic partner is incredibly difficult for me to achieve and I feel like I’ve disappointed my family every time I come home and tell them “there’s no one at all I’m interested in.”
You don't have it so bad....I am the same version of you except without the having sex part....just had porn cuz I grew up in a very conservative society...and I am still battling the porn addiction...so I would say you have experience with women at least and know what you want and can get it....
Aww this is horrible. I hope you find happiness and the person meant for you. She may not be the typical type you look for . I'm not sure how much looks matter to you.
Tip from a girl. Instead of diving into bed to quick.. Maybe you should keep the first 5-10 dates sex and kissfree... Just enjoying time outdoors doing stuff and talking... In the end it all comes down to emotional connection.
"I'm very good-looking" and "difficult to find a romantic partner" can't be in the same text. Are you good-looking good-looking or "i think and my mom says i'm good-looking"?
@@KlausKinskiPsycho maybe he’s meaning someone to date long term?
Impressive work Cole. I never understood hookup culture, but I know the pressure you talk about. I always saw having a real meaningful relationship much more valuable than just hooking up with random people or using ph to jack off. It not only brings you much more security and care, but also confidence you might not be able to form if you just have one night stands with other people. Good vid.
I love how honest, and raw Cole is about his life experiences. What a legend.
stop oppressing women
@@mikelisteral7863 what? Lmao.
@@JP-ec3pg hookup culture empowers women. dont oppress them
@@mikelisteral7863 I’m not trying to impress anyone lmao, I believe everyone should do as they please so long as they aren’t harming others in the process.
@@JP-ec3pg "Anything goes as long as it doesn't hurt anyone" is the philosophy of the ignorant degenerate who has no real values or ethics
When I was in my early 20s/in college, I felt like I had to partake in hookup culture because it seemed like the norm. I’d end up feeling absolutely horrible after hookups and would sometimes cry after because it felt so wrong to me (even though I would enjoy it during). After being in a long term relationship (6 years in), I realized sex only feels fulfilling to me when there’s a connection with the person. Hook up culture def ain’t for everyone.
I remember my first year of high school, I was in a certain friend group I wasn't happy in. I was put in this group because we were not popular back then and did not get invited to parties.
This group always wanted to discuss sex and relationships while almost all of us being single virgins. I explained that I couldn't imagine having sex or even kiss someone that I don't have feeling for. This whole group thought it was absurd and tried to convince me that you can kiss someone without having feelings. Yes you can, but that is not for me. One sleep over we were playing truth or dare. I pick dare and I thought it would be something like "ask your crush out" or something. No, they know about my views on kiss and emtotions, so they told me I had to kiss Bea (fake name) in this group. I refused, but they kept pushing me because it was the game rules, and said that I can't refuse truth or dare when I have been in the game and should not have been in the game in the beginning. Since I felt shitty for want out when it was my turn, I finally agreed after being pushed. I tucked my lips in so it wouldn't count as a kiss for me. Bea was drunk and her tounge was licking the area around my lips (since I was hiding my lips. I felt uncomfortable and violated. I wanted to go home, but my mom said I had to stay there because my dad got a heart attack and it would be to much stress for them if I would go somewhere else (he's fine now). The rest of the time of high school, me and Bea argued with each other because I said that I tucked in my lips so it would not count as a kiss, which made her upset since she says that it was a really kiss and it was a great kiss...
I stoped hanging out with that group my second year of high school. I did not hate them or anything and I still talked to them in school, but I realized that I was not happy in that group and I had to break out. I started spending time with people in other classes instead that I am still friends with today (soon 26 years old).
My second year of high school, I asked out a guy from one of my classes. He was a quiet and sweet and I wanted to get to know him better. We became a couple after seeing each other (dates, but we never defined what our meetings were until we decided to become a couple). Almost eight years later, we are still together and engaged. I am happy that he is the only one I have dated and I never had to participate in hook up culture, because that would not have been for me.
Hookup culture always gave me anxiety just thinking of it, something about it just stresses me out. Ive never done it or wanted to participate in it but just thinking of my friends, family like that and what they gave up and how they talk about it always weirded and creeped me out. Especially my ex girlfriend
sometimes i feel bad i'm not a part of this culture , becuase i feel like i don't fit in or maybe something is wrong with me. Thanks to this video, i feel a lot better.
stop oppressing women
From someone who is currently trying to leave the hookup culture, all I can say is please do not feel bad. Made me realize how much I’ve been wasting a lot of my time sleeping around. It seems like fun, but in reality it’s just a deep void you keep falling in if you don’t try to get out. I ruined a 2 year relationship with my ex girlfriend because I thought I could be “sneaky” one time with a girl. Biggest regret, lost a lot of respect and full of guilt all the time.
“Chasing Tail” is not as fun as it seems my friend. Respect yourself and respect your standards. I promise you life will be so much better not being apart of this hookup culture and you’re doing an amazing job not doing so.
Wish you the best of luck with your future and nothing but respect for you my friend.
@@untam3dw0lf thank you so much my friend i finally met a girl i feel i have an emotional connection with and i'm really happy because i care for her. I wish for nothing but the best for you and i know one day you will find a special person as well.
You made the first mistake when u tried fitting in
@@untam3dw0lf that's not hookup culture tho that's you being a cheater
respect for being honest about this topic and telling such a personal story
Hook up culture is hella dangerous. I’m a girl and I was SA’d (I was a virgin when it happened and I felt dirty afterwards and like it didn’t matter anymore) and I kinda fell down a bit of a substance and hyper sexuality spiral to cope with my PTSD. The problem was I kept mixing the two and I really didn’t want to have the sex I was having. None of it was enjoyable and, to be honest, I smoked a lot of laced shit and ended up with no clue what was happening for the majority of my experiences. I heavily regret it now and now that I’m in therapy I not only have to process the original SA trauma but everything that hook up culture left me with.
@@toromontana8290 I’ve learned sex outside of someone I have deep personal connection with and am in an exclusive relationship with is just not something that I can do. I respect women who enjoy it but personally I don’t like the feeling. Also, statistically hook up culture creates more incels because women don’t have as much incentive to have sex with men who aren’t their type and it’s created more men than ever who are involuntarily celibate. To be clear I don’t like incels, and I don’t think sex is anywhere as bad as stealing or murder, but I dislike how it makes me feel and my discomfort with my past generally comes from substance abuse mixed with sex in an attempt to have consensual sexual experiences instead of me doing it because it was something I actually wanted.
Love this topic. And I agree with a lot of it. Find myself being non-committal not because I don't want something serious, but because I struggle with giving up the opportunity to be with other women
Although I'm from Iran and we don't have hookup culture (at least not as much as the US) I watched the entire video and learned a lot
Thanks a lot Cole, amazing as always
Interesting
Never wanted to share my story publically, not even anonymously, but here we go:
In my high school, everyone got laid with everyone and I was humiliated daily by everyone for being a virgin through all the 4 years (actually not by choice and I always wanted my sex life to be kept as deeply personal and intimate, no matter how it goes, so I’d only talk about it with my closest friends who I trust). Now I’m a 22 year old guy, still couldn’t make any success with any girls, the same people still shame me about it (also spreading behind my back because I’ve always been a horribly infamous guy in like 30 km radius of my hometown, so my dignity was already completely destroyed anyway), and I still have my mental issues caused partially by it like severe social anxiety. Other causes were for example the core of all problems: my abusing and overly controlling helicopter type father who made me that terrible person I was, the embodied cringe itself, the exact opposite of who I wanted to be, who I’m still known as by most people today. I still couldn’t forgive him. Now sometimes I question who’s immature or childish, me or the bullies who see me as one? Since I was threatened into being overly exposed to the public in the beginning of 9th grade, my virginty is the only thing I still lie about even to my best friends, and recently I started feeling guilt about it. Basically this whole embarrassing situation is the biggest and now the only overwhelming trauma I still couldn’t get rid of.
I never looked at girls as objects, but as humans, who also like having fun. I’m a so-called "crazy" artist who’s purpose of getting laid with girls has never been to be more valued as a man, unlike others, but to explore and experience the artistic beauty of the act, the spiritual connection, the different types of female beauty, and also, the exciting lifestyle of teenage rebellion which my father completely forced me to miss out of, he even said "it’s an excuse from irresponsible careless liberal parents to let their spoiled children doing what they want" like it’s not an actual scientific fact. A lot of people blamed me to be sexist for that, but I only plan to get laid with girls who also want nothing more serious. I have empathy and I’m not a selfish prick who fucks over people by playing with their feelings and cutting them off after the night while they expected an actual relationship.
So I’m glad I finally found someone who doesn’t talk about hooking up as the devil’s worst invention like some cult member. Finally someone who says that it factually has both pros and cons. I’ve watched a bunch of videos and read articles about virgin shaming before, but none of them made me feel better. But finally, this is the first one that actually eased my pain. So seriously, I can’t thank you enough!
Loved this!!!
It'll work out for you dude.
You'll find someone to share those things with.
Search for those artsy women interested in art movies, painting,philosophy and those things.
They'll want to hear about your ideas and hear what you think of them I'll recon.
Also, remember you are pretty young.
For guys it gets better as they get into their late 20s-into the 30s. More resources, more independence, your more sure of what and who you are etc.
Rooting for you guy!
Can I say that I wish more guys were like you? You are a great person, and you will find someone special that will love you for who you are and doesn't treat you like an object. You see, just the fact that those boys had to made fun of you for something that shallow only means they were unsatisfied with their empty life. I'm glad that you don't envy them, you should find them pathetic as they are :)
You are one rare gem. I’m sure you’ll find someone, it’s not gonna be easy (it never was) but seriously I know you’ll find someone.
Yo, fuckk all them niggas !!! They’re stupid af !!! And I would’ve busted up a couple faces if I was you, just to prove a point. A point in which you ain’t just about to say any o thing about me !!! You should’ve psychically messed some of them up !! Now, with getting laid. I suggest you use a dating app. When you get a match, talk to your matches about simple things. Like crime tv or types of movies. When you do that, get her number and call. You wanna call one maybe twice in a week and on that second call, set up a date. Go on the date and y’all split the bill 50/50. Mention splitting the bill before you go on the date. If she’s valuable, she’ll go 50/50. If she’s a skank, she’ll have you pay the whole bill. If she wants you to pay the whole bill, then find some more matches and do the exact same thing until one or more agrees to pay 50/50 on the date. Once one agrees with 50/50 bill, do another date and by date number 2, y’all should be smashing. If not, then cut her off and start over again until it happens. And look at it as a fun experience. She should offer to sleep with you. Women give pretty vague signs that they wanna smash. Ask me about some signs and I’ll tell you. You could do this, or you could bang some h00kers man. I’ll tell you where and how to get them.
Cole you have a way of speaking to every one of us collectively and at the same time exclusively you are the voice of the underdogs
you have no idea how much I needed this rn
I don't know how you landed on my youtube algorithm but I'm very grateful.
It was really nice to see somebody outside religion stating facts.
All my life, and all around, people were trying to convince me that I should hookup because that's how relationships potentially start.
I hate that
I was in a relationship with my ex fiancé for 5 years, when our relationship ended, I was upset and I missed the intimacy of someone else, and I started hooking up with people, but I quickly started feeling more and more depressed, and it’s not till I realized that I want intimacy and sexual relationships with someone I have a emotional connection with, so this video really hit, it feels personal lol, but you’re completely right I was basing my self worth on how many people I was with, but ever since last September? Nov? I haven’t been with anyone and I’ve been trying to focus on myself and heal from my previous relationship first, real self worth comes from personal achievements, great video!
14:26 I think the problem is that we live in a country/world where sexual material is everywhere. It’s in shows, movies, social media, advertisements, music, games and books. It’s almost impossible not to stumble across something triggering. I know this because I’m a 21 year old Christian who is trying to end my 5 year porn addiction. If the world culture around us didn’t display sex everywhere, and upheld the values of marriage then it wouldn’t be nearly as much of a problem. But because I know this addiction is wrong, I’m going to keep fighting.
Love you man, currently homeless and your videos helping me get through this
Hey man
@@Slow.Smooth sup
Better days will come
Wow your content is amazing! I have a teenage son who I will definitely pass your channel on to him. It’s refreshing to see a young guy who’s content is positive. Way to much negative BS out there ruining our teens today. Ty
As someone who is 28, tried for 8 years to understand, participate in, and find intimacy through modern dating - Hookup Culture, and failing miserably at it, I finally am at peace that I've never got to participate. I... Desperately wanted to don't get me wrong. My peers, close friends, all had attention from girls, be it light or heavy, and I was always ignored, at best, or used as a stepping stone to hook up with my more attractive friend.
For me... it never was, never will be, and currently isn't, a goal of Mines- Sex.
It took a lot of growth for me to be OK, rather more than OK, with this.
For 8 years, in a word, I've felt like a complete and utter failure for only being able to develop emotional connections with friends since then don't radiate Chad or Tyrone sex appeal energy. Needless to say, whenever I expressed said feelings, it always ended up in rejection. So, my confidence hit rock bottom, in all aspects of life over the past 6 or so years.
But I finally decided to take agency over my life. If losing, constantly, in the dating, hookup culture, game is the only option, I finally decided my agency in this is to simply not play, reject the modern day Dating / Hookup culture aspect of society. I didn't want to be seen as an incel, but I also didn't want Sex, just wanted to feel like I had any sort of agency over my love, or lack of, life.
It took a LONG time to get here.
And growth is still happening.
It's difficult opening up about this as a guy, nonetheless.
But I will say, through your channel and me committing fully to my music, I've grown a lot and finally Like both the person I am, and the one I'm becoming
Do I wish I participated in Hookup culture? In all honesty, yes. I holistically believe that, just knowing I can attract, if i wanted to, the opposite sex and being single, or otherwise without human intimacy of that nature as a Choice, not a default, would have done millions for my self confidence in my early 20s.
Do you regret it? No
Not participating by having to repress the sexual urges helped me channel that energy into other aspects of life that I find rewarding and fulfilling.
Long comment but I feel like the opposite side of the coin, the sexless part, should be talked about too perhaps. I think. 🤔
Thanks for sharing man, lot of useful information here 💪🏽
Rooting for you bro. Thanks for sharing
It takes a lot of strength to walk the road less traveled, respect
Look how much stronger its made you
Your channel views are consistent
@@KBlade1 There isn't a day that goes by where i crave that human connection though but... i just take solice in the studying of Miyamato Musashi, the way of the Ronin.
Theres more to life than such things and figured the road less travelled, although not on it by choice, fully embracing it at this point!
The channel is growing, slowly. I don't know how the algo works so just throwing videos at the wall until something hits consistently.
How refreshingly genuine! Thank you so much for your honesty Cole. Falling into a hookup culture for a bit during undergrad studies was probably the worst time in my entire life. I would rather be alone.
There’s another category - somewhere between a meaningless hookup and a life partner. It’s a short term (possibly even one time) genuine connection that includes intimacy and sex. This can happen for example because people meet while on a vacation and only have a limited time to spend together. They might consciously go into it recognizing that there is little to no chance that they are going to re organize their entire lives to be together in the future, but nonetheless they form a genuine and deep emotional and sexual connection for the short time they are together. This is something that I’ve experienced and that I feel was healthy and beneficial to me and the other people involved.
See your story is genuine, most comments on this video are people who can’t get any, and are not very attractive. I agree with your statement, sometimes they’re the most beautiful connections
Fr this video left a bad taste in my mouth. He acts like long term relationships are the only meaningful sexual relationships for anybody and I just don’t feel that way
I was very anti hook-up culture and at some point the lack of sex for months/years made me go try... With this I mean just enjoy sex without expectations with someone there was mutual attraction. It was with hardships because I bond easily and I wanted to further date those people and they didn't, but I always tried to have some sort of connection, not just pick a random guy, which I don't feel I could do. Overall I didn't feel so much used/disposed as I guess I somehow picked people who had some empathy and reliability; actually developed a friendship afterwards with some of them, and also helped me be a bit more resilient to manage attachment healthily, something I had a bit of a hard time with. I learned that it's not the end of the world if the person you like isn't with you anymore. Also to deal with my sex drive and not be resentful or possessive, understand that I am above my passions somehow. I guess that leaves me more prepared for the future stable relationship I wanna have.
So, it's not an ideal state, I think of it as a rite or period I had to go through as part of my maturity. It was fun many times and sad many others. I prefer 1000 times sex with love, because it's actually fulfilling and goes beyond desire and bodily functions. So I'm with you there's a line between banging meaninglessly like an animal and having sex with someone you have some sort of connection and feel comfortable with even if it doesn't lead to anything else. I rather have a relationship but it gave me some positive learning too.
“The gaze “ was an important part of my “drawing “ college art class.
Thank you for talking about it..
I never had sex in my life and I’m grateful I didn’t have any.
I’ve always wanted to, but after learning why it’s wrong, I understand that its not sustainable for a long term relationship that I’m looking for.
Hi. I'm a 55 yr old man. 1st time watching. It seems like you know what time it is. Keep up the good work friend. And good luck out there. It's tuff tuff tuff!. 😆
Hook up culture ruined my youth and i feel stupid for not staying true to myself until later life. Having one night stands felt mostly stupid, and even those most erotically charged experiences, quickly led nowhere. This culture ended up being toxic for girls, and equally detrimental for young men. Red pill misogyny really was the tip of the iceberg, and it makes me happy to sense the cultural shift away from this madness. Kids are wisening up by thinking for themselves.
That ad transition was smooth bro
Your first story resignates with me. That's happened a few times to me. It made me realized that it wasn't just sex with random chicks that i been wanting. I actually wanted to like the girl I'm hooking up with.
Cool, Thx for exposing those illusions of Happyness
The biggest issues I see with hookup culture is that it teaches us to place too much value in a persons looks or desirability and how they benefit us. With that being said, I think casual encounters and having a period of time where you can explore things as you see fit (safely and consensually) is totally healthy and shouldn’t be demonized. It can be fun depending on WHY you’re doing it and for how long. Inevitably you can’t remain unemotional and care free from intimacy forever.
15-19. That's 4 years! Surprising for a high school relationship. Media is very strong.
Re: Your point on virginity.
It's kinda funny to think about. Basically we traded the social pressure to reap societal benefits from marriage for...social pressure to reap societal benefits from hooking up.
Also, on a more personal note. I've never participated in hookup culture, never had a one-night-stand. Sometimes, in the back of my head, it does feel like I've missed out on something. It's good to be reminded that I've not missed out. When I think about it, that thought in the back of my head becomes subject to more rational and reasonable thoughts. I have a spouse I trust, I can't see trading that for all the unknowns and anxiety I imagine would come with participation in hooking up.
It's great to be reminded that I'm not missing anything of real value. And also, paired with that, being reminded that the desire to participate in hooking up stems from, exactly as you said, viewing the opposite sex as an object of desire rather than a person.
This is a good primer but I think it’s good to think a lot more deeply about this, it’s not a basic lifestyle choice to be cautious about but a whole paradigm and frame for life. A very deep and foundational topic and I hope people go farther in their thought ✨
Think this video came at a right time in my life, where casual sex and pornography ruined my ability to form genuine connection and messed up the whole relationship process. Even when I do have sex, I never finish (not ED) and some might call it a blessing bc I can j keep going on and on, but I think it’s my body telling me that I got it all wrong and that I don’t have a real emotional connection w the person and care about them in a deeper way
Or maybe that you're too anxious
This is a courageous and thoughtful vid, and the comments give me new hope for younger generations. Thank you.
Such a good topic to teach about and inform people on the truths of it. Thank you so much Cole
I really appreciate you going into the objective negative consequences of hookup culture and overconsumption of porn. Whenever I try to tell friends about this, I'm accused of being a slut shamer or a prude, but casual sex really does have pretty heavy consequences and I just want my friends to be happy and healthy. Great video!
Sir,
Thank you for this. I’ve had hookups before because I fell for the trap. I realized recently (I think I’ve known for awhile now, but never came to terms with it) that I want to save these kinds of activities for someone I actually care about. Sex, kissing, cuddling, etc. used to be something reserved for romantic partners because it’s an intimate and sacred thing, and frankly, I think that’s how it should be. It’s time to start taking myself seriously. Thank you.
I’ve only ever been with one partner which was my ex girlfriend and lost my virginity to her, hook up culture destroys intimacy and empathy which is why I’d never be a part of it. I could never understand the hype behind it
Hookups aren’t for you then. It is for some people and there’s nothing wrong about enjoying casual sex.
I'm a proud virgin and I have been proud of my virginity for years (I don't say my whole life because before I was proud, I barely knew anything about sex because I was too young, but I was always grossed out by sex). Therefore, I never tried to conform to such a hypersexualized culture by trying to hook up with people or watching porn and I scoff at those who engage in those things. In fact, I've never thought a person was attractive nor have I had a crush, even a celebrity one. I think I hate hookup culture even more now that I have a partner (the first person I've ever been in a relationship with and the first person I was ever romantically attracted to). I don't want to have sex (mainly because I never EVER want to get pregnant or have kids; contraception can fail; I don't want STD's either), but I think sex should be a major step in a wholly committed relationship (as long as the couple desires to have sex in the future). I also think people who engage in hookup culture and have casual sex hate themselves because they will offer themselves to anyone and give themselves away, and people say this shit is empowering?! It's dehumanizing. I'm just thankful I have a strong willpower and a stubborn desire to always focus on myself to not end up like those people, even if the culture doesn't help (for example, WAP, a song where two women objectify themselves and act like whores, actually has positive reviews and people call it "sex-positive", which I think is just music critic code for slut these days).
My 14 year old son introduced me to your channel and I really like your well balanced and mature content. You're like the big brother he doesn't have, and a refreshing contrast in a crazy world where the genders can't seem to respect each other.
My husband and I grew up being pressured and harrassed by hook up culture and it was a big distraction that keeps a person from really living. There is a predestined person out there for everyone (no need to rush) but we have to be prepared for that person when they arrive in our life, so I remind my son to enrich himself and prepare for a good career so he can attract a quality person he really connects with one day. Thank you, Cole, for making parenting boys a little easier. :)
Had I not glamorized hook up culture I wouldn’t have a kid on the way. It’s not worth it guys. Just be you.
I’ve been growing up in a very religious environment and can confirm that I and many lf my friends have problems with watching too much adult content
I really hate hook up culture. Every guy I’ve approached or has approached me since high school just wanted a hook up.
I’m not interested in it, and just want a relationship. I can’t find out someone’s favorite color before they try to get me in bed.
A few months ago I had a guy admit that he wanted to just hook up but I wanted a relationship.
I’ve known this guy for multiple YEARS. I felt crushed and defeated because we started as just friends but developed feeling for each other.
I know that every guy isn’t like this but, it’s extremely hard to find them.
Getting out of the mindset that every guy just wants to hook up but proves to you that’s what they wanted is very hard.
I know it’s part of the relationship that comes along eventually but, I just want to start simple.
Thanks for talking about this, it feels great to actually hear someone talk about it more in depth. 🤗🤗
Those times are dead!
Everything is so on point! Yea the more you deprive yourself of something that you are wanting the more you do it!
I unfortunately got into hookup culture and all it does is cause self hatred, immense loneliness, and jealousy. I want to stop.
Thank you Cole for sharing and arranging your thoughts. I too believe that media is shaping our way to see ourselves, and dictating what is the norm of ‘cool kids’, and made me feel weird and isolated when I was a teen. The little crush and blooming love that I got in my early days seem a far cry compared to the bland feel of adult ‘romance’. My romantic life as an adult feels like an instant, fast food feels, and I will feel bad after sleeping with the wrong person.
Trying to figure out this new mic, sorry for the minor audio issues
I thought you bleeped them out lol!
your honesty is admirable
Sleeping around lowers your ability to create more meaningful connections. People who sleep around are used to constant partner switching, making them less likely to value someone who would be a good fit for them. Also, nobody wants to date/ marry someone who has slept with soooo many people. It’s a turn-off, we need to educate our youth and tell them the downsides to hookup culture before they ruin their own lives at the expense of “having fun”.
thx for the video dude, it really helped to understand how society works and to not feel like a stupid for not being what the society wants me to do
Great video bro, personally I'm also not into hook-up culture knowing the long-term damages it can cause. I think this primarily also has to do with my religious beliefs too, I'm Christian. Despite the culture these days, I'm still aiming to save myself for marriage. I think that might just lead to a better marriage overall if you explore sex with your long-term partner whom you genuinely cherish.
A one night stand was where I learned I underperform only when I'm dealing with an absolute stranger. The enthusiasm spikes like crazy and that's about it. Once that enthusiastic spree of the sensation of success is down I don't feel much of anything to the point of physical numbness. Just a flash in the pan. It was all in my car and I immediately drove to a 24/7 gas station and just looked at myself in a mirror for a while. I physically didn't look happy, I didn't feel happy.
Problem is, now I don't know where to look. Everything has migrated online. Hell, I even shamefully asked my sister "where do I even go?" and even she replied that she doesn't know because the old conventional meetup spots are considered incredibly sketchy now.
This video sent me a positive message! Thank you! It helped me to re-confirm that not everyone is a part of hookup culture and so I’m (still) not weird! Granted, yes, I am a virgin at the age of 22, but I’ve never been that ashamed of it. If anything, I’ve been proud of my ability to restrain myself and wait until I find “the one” given how much everything is telling me I should.
So you think you're just automatically gonna be good at sex once it happens? Good luck with that. Sex is a skill you have to practice to be able to satisfy your partner, just like any other life skill. Especially if you're a man. It took me having sex with my girlfriend 20 times before I could last more than 5 minutes, and I had a couple partners before that. Even after doing it hundreds of times there's still small improvements every time we do it and I make her cum every time now (she's the type that takes FOREVER to orgasm).
There needs to be a balance between hooking up with every meat sack that walks by, and being a complete virgin 2 pump chump who can't get a girl off to save their life.
I think what happens when we seek newness is that all that's supposed to go into stable attachment turns into its pleasure seeking form, which is addiction. I've never watched one of your videos before and didn't expect much, but I am so surprised to see how well documented this is and how many angles of the issue you've approached. I always appreciate a video that is not descriptive and not instructive. Thank you!
As a Christian, it is difficult to be holy in a culture that is pornographic. When I talked to my Pastor about this burning desire, his advice was to get married. It is even stated in scripture "it is not good for man to be alone..." The borders Scripture provides are always for the individuals benefit, not to make him or her unhappy. We may want things to go our way. It's easy to understand things from a human perspective. But it is the wisdom of God that leads to something better than I could ever want for myself. My goal then is to trust in God. I may want to indulge my lusts right now, but that will only lead to self-loathing and depression. Take heart, wait on the Lord.
I enjoy your videos on these topics and hope for the best in this channel. God bless!
I've watched a few of your videos and, while they were good, I hesitated on subscribing. No more. Not only was this admittance incredibly brave, but, as a man, I can relate with your opening story to a tee. And, without divulging too much, I got you beat in terms of both severity of episodes and negative psychological impacts of said episodes. It has _greatly affected me_ in terms of how I view myself in comparison with how I view the world. From a Gen Xer with a longtime issue, thank you for seeing me. Subscribed.
Promiscuity benefits nobody.
I'm glad I married young while my peers destroyed themselves hooking up with strangers.