I feel bad for these people. I'm gay myself but could not do something like "using them" to keep some kind of "straight face" for society. People deserve better than that.
My husband just came out. We've been together for three years and I'm four months pregnant with our second child. It's devistating to hear but I am proud of him for having the courage to come out and finally be the person he always wanted to be. gotta take it one day at a time.
This is why I, as a gay man, have a hard time understanding how anyone could do this to someone. That’s why it’s important to allow LGBT people to be who they are and to be with who they love, and not be ashamed of it. Religion, I grew up non-denominational, and being African-American, one of the lease accepting communities out there. I saw how this could potentially hurt my wife if I ever came out while married, I just had to live my true self and I Wouldn’t change a thing.
Very powerful video. It shows how far-reaching this culture of shame about homosexuality reaches, and how many people suffer because of it. It's disgusting that some churches and religious groups actually ADVOCATE for "people with same-sex attractions" to marry opposite-sex partners in order to "overcome" their attractions. This dishonesty and social experimentation has failed over and over again and has created too many victims. My heart goes out to all the people in this video.
I disagree. We can't blame the churches, people should be real, and honest about who they are instead of being selfish They don't have to be Christians. how about staying single
@@auntym979 We sure as hell can blame the churches: in the western world, Christianity is the strongest driving force towards anti-LGBT sentiment, and resultantly, psychological damage being done to LGBT people. You have no idea how incredibly traumatizing it is to grow up in a culture where you know you are gay or trans and are bombarded by your loved ones, community, peers, etc. with messages that being gay / trans is sick and perverse and people who are are hated by god and going to hell for all of eternity. When you are young and influential, that message sticks with you and causes you to fall into a vicious cycle of self-hatred and denial. How do you expect some 18 year old whose entire family will disown him and his friends will likely abandon him for coming out? You have no idea how much fear and panic being gay in a predominantly Christian society can be. There is nothing selfish about not being honest when you have been indoctrinated into a culture that is so opposed to your existence and hateful towards your ability to share, experience, and receive love that you not only cannot tell other people that you are gay, but you cannot even admit it to yourself. Furthermore, "staying single," if you are refusing to admit your own sexual orientation to yourself is often not much of an option. There is an expected social trajectory of your life if you are a heterosexual in a religious community: you are expected to get married and have children. Many older gay people in particular have been married to opposite sex partners because they again could not admit to themselves that they were gay, and they thought that they could be happy in the marriage into which they entered. The selfish ones are the churches who shovel their garbage agenda onto people and have done so for centuries. You DO realize that prior to the spread of Christianity, the majority of the world's cultures had no problem with homosexuality, right? It only became an issue once Christianity permeated into societies. Here's an example for you: I have a friend who is a young Muslim man living in the Middle East. He knows that he is gay, and he lives in constant terror of being discovered because of the consequences that it will bring to him. He literally could be murdered and the police would not care because they have no regard for gay people. His parents are deeply concerned that he has not had a girlfriend as he is around the age where most people are expected to marry. They have asked him multiple times whether or not he is gay, telling him that if he is, there is "help" they can pursue for that, i.e. traumatic, ineffective torture disguised as therapy. You might say, "Well, that is the barbarism of Islam," but no, it's not. It's the barbarism of the non-Judaic Abrahamic religions. Christianity is guilty of the exact same things in many countries, and similar things to a lesser extreme in many more countries. You are completely bereft of anything resembling empathy.
As a counselor for straight wives/gay husbands, I found this video so encouraging and validating. Homosexuality is NOT a choice, but honesty is. As much as the truth hurts, living this lie hurts much more. Women internalize the problems in the marriage when in fact, it has nothing to do with them. I commend the brave people who made this video. It shows life can get better--for everyone. Bonnie Kaye, M.Ed.counselor and author
I came out to my wife 47 years ago. She was very accepting of me and my gay friends. She is very special. I am not sexually active or looking for a man. But she has had MS for 26 years.I nursed her at home for 23 years and the last 7 years were full hoist. She is in a nursing home now and quite sick. Outside of Covid I usually go to feed her lunch most days. We have been married 51 years. The fact that I am gay was medically proven in my case. I long to live an authentic life true to who I am, but I'm a bit too old now, even if my wife were to pass. My wife has since passed in June 2022. I thanked her for accepting me as her gay husband. She said "Of course! That was easy. Why wouldn't I". She was very special. But MS no longer forms part of my life after 26 years. Also I am no longer in an a Mixed Orientation Marriage after 51 years. I am not necessarily looking for a boyfriend.
@@lovelife2186 Yes. She wasn't able to stand or walk for the last 15 years. Wheelchair, power drive, hoist, hospital bed, fed her, bathed her, cleaned her up, built two different disabled houses. We took our wedding vows very seriously, "In sickness and in health...." But I am now free to admire some really hot guys.
My best friend kept his secret from high school to our mid-twenties. Our bond grew tremendously over those 8 years (mine to love and his to some form of it). My self-esteem suffered. I hated everything about my body and occasionally abused drink and even developed an eating disorder in my 20s since I thought the whole time maybe I just wasn't pretty enough or petite enough. Things would warm-up on occasion with us and then flatline the next day. A pattern of this hot & cool coupled with major jealousies on his part. Constant hope and despair. I was so confused. His actual coming-out to me caused an existential crisis. I didn't even know who I was without him bc we'd been tight from age 16... and apparently, everything I thought I knew was, in fact, a lie. I wanted to accept him gay but it was asking too much. He wanted me to be a part of that life and share that world with him. He was so happy, but I was the walking dead. Trying to smile. Trying to be there for him. It changed everything about me. Everything.
Such a good video, I discovered the truth only 6 years after he left the family, he left without a reason. Then I saw him walking next to a man on our busy shopping mall and the penny dropped. It all made sense, I was devastated but relieved that I finally found out why he left me. Honesty is so important.
@@altheawilson6265 The most painful part for me is now realizing how many years I wasted hoping that he would change. Get out early for your own sake. (if applicable to you)
I am and have always been very supportive of gay people coming out and living their lives genuinely. I don't know if I considered my support of them from the angle of people in their places. Glad these people were able to reclaim their lives and health.
Thanks for sharing! Living through this myself! Str8 spouse to my bi husband. We are working through it and have been for 3 years! Right now our marriage looks better than it ever has!
When a spouse comes out their entire personality also changes. It is as if the time period you shared never existed and all that is left is a complete stranger standing in front of you. This is magnified when children are in the mix. I still remember my ex wife trying to tell me that their was something about me that I somehow should have known. Don't expect them to think they owe you anything no matter how much effort you put in. Pick up and move on and be there for your kids.
I cried because I could see the pain on both sides of this. I can relate on the "gay" side to this. I'm in no way defending what the gay spouses did whatsover. But I ...myself...know the internal struggle of wanting that normality and marriage/family and everything good and bad that goes with it. We are a very marriage/kids oriented society and to add on the gay struggle sends some people to TRY harder by attaining a marriage. Personally I wish NO ONE had to go through the gay struggle. It's painful...depressing and lonely.
8 лет назад
+Tracy Todden - Thanks to increased support for LGBT people and their rights to wed and have a family, there will be less of these tragedies in the future.
Well all I know is a lot of emphasis is on gay to straight. For a woman it equals marriage and children. I don't know if men struggle with this though.
Can't you post something that shows those of us whose closeted gay spouses don't stick around to be "loving friends" - those who just disappear to live their dream lives while leaving the straight spouse destroyed? What about us??
Yes, and it is important to stop encouraging gay people to go into straight marriages, especially deceptively. It is not something to be proud of, it is something to apologise for and speak out against. Using others to protect yourself is not okay and although being honest and open ASAP is better, look at the profound damage it does to the other partner during and after.
Tell them see you, and you can find someone new. Had a girlfriend tried this crap. I told her she was getting boring and something new would be better. She cried and walked out. And I never heard from her again.
This is so well done. I'm just sorry I didn't get to know all of you when I was a str8 spouse in Utah. The Closet is HUGE in your part of the country. 'nother story, 'nother time. Know that whether your very new to this or you've been at it for a long time, you're not alone. You did nothing wrong. You deserve all the happiness and love you can find, now.
Im a gay man who wanted to marry a woman to avoid discrimination, hate and being mocked. God made women as a compliment to men. I wouldn't hurt them. That's why im going to stay single forever until God makes me a heterosexual. Love and all my respect to the women on this video. Don't you ever blame yourself for what happened to your marriage. Remember that your perfect, God made you
u r so right Hoseyhead2. I am living that life right now. Its only for financial reasons I allow him to stay. I am undergoing treatment for breast cancer n not working so i have to rely on him. its a living hell.
I am the straight spouse to a bi husband. We've been married for 28 years but he only came out about 16 months ago. For so many years I knew something was wrong. He was often moody, emotionally detached and shut down. Since coming out, he's infinitely happier, more loving and more open. Our marriage has never been better. Will it always be this way? Only time will tell. We've negotiated ways for him to express his gay side in ways that are acceptable to me.
I just can't imagine...yay for authenticity. It would be cool to hear from couples that decided to stay together also, but maybe that's more rare. Thanks for putting this together to help others come to understand, have compassion for and show an increase of love towards all of God's children.
My friend was married for 12 years, and 4 years ago she told me that he was cheating on her, we hired a private investigator to follow him, guess what The second day, he was in the hotel with his male friend. She got very sick for over a year now, stress depression, they living together still But know intimacy, she's moving out as soon as she gets better. Living together doesn't work, depression kills
@@luxitos2867 you mean blame these Asl who use women? These narcissistic abusers? If God has created you a man, you will die a man, wearing dresses or not....using women, how selfish. Homophobia my big behind 😸
I feel bad for these people. I'm gay myself but could not do something like "using them" to keep some kind of "straight face" for society. People deserve better than that.
My husband just came out. We've been together for three years and I'm four months pregnant with our second child. It's devistating to hear but I am proud of him for having the courage to come out and finally be the person he always wanted to be. gotta take it one day at a time.
Honesty makes all the difference in the world. Not telling and denial are the worst things for the straight spouse.
This is why I, as a gay man, have a hard time understanding how anyone could do this to someone. That’s why it’s important to allow LGBT people to be who they are and to be with who they love, and not be ashamed of it. Religion, I grew up non-denominational, and being African-American, one of the lease accepting communities out there. I saw how this could potentially hurt my wife if I ever came out while married, I just had to live my true self and I Wouldn’t change a thing.
Very powerful video. It shows how far-reaching this culture of shame about homosexuality reaches, and how many people suffer because of it. It's disgusting that some churches and religious groups actually ADVOCATE for "people with same-sex attractions" to marry opposite-sex partners in order to "overcome" their attractions. This dishonesty and social experimentation has failed over and over again and has created too many victims.
My heart goes out to all the people in this video.
I disagree. We can't blame the churches, people should be real, and honest about who they are instead of being selfish
They don't have to be Christians. how about staying single
@@auntym979 We sure as hell can blame the churches: in the western world, Christianity is the strongest driving force towards anti-LGBT sentiment, and resultantly, psychological damage being done to LGBT people. You have no idea how incredibly traumatizing it is to grow up in a culture where you know you are gay or trans and are bombarded by your loved ones, community, peers, etc. with messages that being gay / trans is sick and perverse and people who are are hated by god and going to hell for all of eternity. When you are young and influential, that message sticks with you and causes you to fall into a vicious cycle of self-hatred and denial.
How do you expect some 18 year old whose entire family will disown him and his friends will likely abandon him for coming out? You have no idea how much fear and panic being gay in a predominantly Christian society can be. There is nothing selfish about not being honest when you have been indoctrinated into a culture that is so opposed to your existence and hateful towards your ability to share, experience, and receive love that you not only cannot tell other people that you are gay, but you cannot even admit it to yourself.
Furthermore, "staying single," if you are refusing to admit your own sexual orientation to yourself is often not much of an option. There is an expected social trajectory of your life if you are a heterosexual in a religious community: you are expected to get married and have children. Many older gay people in particular have been married to opposite sex partners because they again could not admit to themselves that they were gay, and they thought that they could be happy in the marriage into which they entered.
The selfish ones are the churches who shovel their garbage agenda onto people and have done so for centuries. You DO realize that prior to the spread of Christianity, the majority of the world's cultures had no problem with homosexuality, right? It only became an issue once Christianity permeated into societies.
Here's an example for you: I have a friend who is a young Muslim man living in the Middle East. He knows that he is gay, and he lives in constant terror of being discovered because of the consequences that it will bring to him. He literally could be murdered and the police would not care because they have no regard for gay people. His parents are deeply concerned that he has not had a girlfriend as he is around the age where most people are expected to marry. They have asked him multiple times whether or not he is gay, telling him that if he is, there is "help" they can pursue for that, i.e. traumatic, ineffective torture disguised as therapy.
You might say, "Well, that is the barbarism of Islam," but no, it's not. It's the barbarism of the non-Judaic Abrahamic religions. Christianity is guilty of the exact same things in many countries, and similar things to a lesser extreme in many more countries.
You are completely bereft of anything resembling empathy.
Just cried hysterically while watching this....I want to believe that it gets better, I just can't see it.
I'm sorry Dear, yes it will get better , you will find real love, a great straight man I pray 😘
how about you now
As a counselor for straight wives/gay husbands, I found this video so encouraging and validating. Homosexuality is NOT a choice, but honesty is. As much as the truth hurts, living this lie hurts much more. Women internalize the problems in the marriage when in fact, it has nothing to do with them. I commend the brave people who made this video. It shows life can get better--for everyone. Bonnie Kaye, M.Ed.counselor and author
Amen.
I came out to my wife 47 years ago. She was very accepting of me and my gay friends. She is very special. I am not sexually active or looking for a man. But she has had MS for 26 years.I nursed her at home for 23 years and the last 7 years were full hoist. She is in a nursing home now and quite sick. Outside of Covid I usually go to feed her lunch most days. We have been married 51 years. The fact that I am gay was medically proven in my case. I long to live an authentic life true to who I am, but I'm a bit too old now, even if my wife were to pass.
My wife has since passed in June 2022. I thanked her for accepting me as her gay husband. She said "Of course! That was easy. Why wouldn't I". She was very special.
But MS no longer forms part of my life after 26 years. Also I am no longer in an a Mixed Orientation Marriage after 51 years. I am not necessarily looking for a boyfriend.
Dooo you Took care of a sick woman bye
@@lovelife2186 Yes. She wasn't able to stand or walk for the last 15 years. Wheelchair, power drive, hoist, hospital bed, fed her, bathed her, cleaned her up, built two different disabled houses. We took our wedding vows very seriously, "In sickness and in health...." But I am now free to admire some really hot guys.
My best friend kept his secret from high school to our mid-twenties. Our bond grew tremendously over those 8 years (mine to love and his to some form of it). My self-esteem suffered. I hated everything about my body and occasionally abused drink and even developed an eating disorder in my 20s since I thought the whole time maybe I just wasn't pretty enough or petite enough. Things would warm-up on occasion with us and then flatline the next day. A pattern of this hot & cool coupled with major jealousies on his part. Constant hope and despair. I was so confused. His actual coming-out to me caused an existential crisis. I didn't even know who I was without him bc we'd been tight from age 16...
and apparently, everything I thought I knew was, in fact, a lie.
I wanted to accept him gay but it was asking too much. He wanted me to be a part of that life and share that world with him. He was so happy, but I was the walking dead. Trying to smile. Trying to be there for him. It changed everything about me. Everything.
Such a good video, I discovered the truth only 6 years after he left the family, he left without a reason. Then I saw him walking next to a man on our busy shopping mall and the penny dropped. It all made sense, I was devastated but relieved that I finally found out why he left me. Honesty is so important.
These people are lucky. It's when the person lies and lies and lies and never comes out so that the other person is destroyed that's really bad.
Exactly. Those kind of people are narcissist using their straight spouse.
It's so painful.
@@altheawilson6265 The most painful part for me is now realizing how many years I wasted hoping that he would change. Get out early for your own sake. (if applicable to you)
I am and have always been very supportive of gay people coming out and living their lives genuinely. I don't know if I considered my support of them from the angle of people in their places. Glad these people were able to reclaim their lives and health.
Thanks for sharing! Living through this myself! Str8 spouse to my bi husband. We are working through it and have been for 3 years! Right now our marriage looks better than it ever has!
When a spouse comes out their entire personality also changes. It is as if the time period you shared never existed and all that is left is a complete stranger standing in front of you. This is magnified when children are in the mix. I still remember my ex wife trying to tell me that their was something about me that I somehow should have known. Don't expect them to think they owe you anything no matter how much effort you put in. Pick up and move on and be there for your kids.
Extremely well done, with sensitivity and compassion for BOTH sides of this extremely difficult situation.
I cried because I could see the pain on both sides of this.
I can relate on the "gay" side to this. I'm in no way defending what the gay spouses did whatsover. But I ...myself...know the internal struggle of wanting that normality and marriage/family and everything good and bad that goes with it.
We are a very marriage/kids oriented society and to add on the gay struggle sends some people to TRY harder by attaining a marriage.
Personally I wish NO ONE had to go through the gay struggle. It's painful...depressing and lonely.
+Tracy Todden - Thanks to increased support for LGBT people and their rights to wed and have a family, there will be less of these tragedies in the future.
Well all I know is a lot of emphasis is on gay to straight. For a woman it equals marriage and children.
I don't know if men struggle with this though.
Jerry...I think they neglect to tell people that some folks are bi-sexual and function fine in a heterosexual relationship.
That's what I meant Jerry. They put these "poster" exgays on show as a testimony for what God has done.
It's so messed up.
Yes, indeed. Thanks for chatting. Have a happy Valentine's Day.
this video really touched me. My ex-husband is straight, but he lost all sexual interest in me and I had a very similar experience
Taking the path less often taken: still together after 56 years.
Can't you post something that shows those of us whose closeted gay spouses don't stick around to be "loving friends" - those who just disappear to live their dream lives while leaving the straight spouse destroyed? What about us??
Yeah, this is a pure propaganda piece to justify the actions of those un-straight spouses with no moral compass.
Yes, and it is important to stop encouraging gay people to go into straight marriages, especially deceptively. It is not something to be proud of, it is something to apologise for and speak out against. Using others to protect yourself is not okay and although being honest and open ASAP is better, look at the profound damage it does to the other partner during and after.
Hard times. I've been there, and it definitely gets better.
Tell them see you, and you can find someone new. Had a girlfriend tried this crap. I told her she was getting boring and something new would be better. She cried and walked out. And I never heard from her again.
This is so well done. I'm just sorry I didn't get to know all of you when I was a str8 spouse in Utah. The Closet is HUGE in your part of the country. 'nother story, 'nother time. Know that whether your very new to this or you've been at it for a long time, you're not alone. You did nothing wrong. You deserve all the happiness and love you can find, now.
Im a gay man who wanted to marry a woman to avoid discrimination, hate and being mocked. God made women as a compliment to men. I wouldn't hurt them. That's why im going to stay single forever until God makes me a heterosexual. Love and all my respect to the women on this video. Don't you ever blame yourself for what happened to your marriage. Remember that your perfect, God made you
Hector Lalalala god bless you! I hope that you find peace in your decision. Thank you for your kind words.
there are many men who prefer men you know, marrying a woman is not compulsory..(!) Don't insult Nature by failing to honor your sexuality.
Your sexuality usually remains the same for life, I doubt God, if he exists, is going to change it anytime soon.
@@zoeymckeown3194 but by embracing homosexuality he is insulting God.
Man you will go crazy be yourself this the Bible GOD MADE HOMOSEXUALITY
Nicely done. Reminds me of what it was like when I lived through the same thing. It does get better . . . and still is, 40 years later.
Some very brave people. Thanks for sharing your story with us.
Wonderful video. Courageous hearts.
And the reason for all that rubbish and heartbreak is simply religion...which teaches people to be homophobic and intolerant of one another.
@J T Who said that was acceptable?! People should get to choose what fits them best, not what society and religion think it fits them bes
I am facing the with my husband
I love him
u r so right Hoseyhead2. I am living that life right now. Its only for financial reasons I allow him to stay. I am undergoing treatment for breast cancer n not working so i have to rely on him. its a living hell.
I am the straight spouse to a bi husband. We've been married for 28 years but he only came out about 16 months ago. For so many years I knew something was wrong. He was often moody, emotionally detached and shut down. Since coming out, he's infinitely happier, more loving and more open. Our marriage has never been better. Will it always be this way? Only time will tell. We've negotiated ways for him to express his gay side in ways that are acceptable to me.
I suspect he is gay not bi. And really he is probably on the down low
If you don't know his friends, he's still being deceptive. Don't stand for it. He needs your approval, not the reverse.
Why stay in a marriage like this, does nobody have any self-respect anymore.
Ew, wtf. "Gay side"?
I just can't imagine...yay for authenticity. It would be cool to hear from couples that decided to stay together also, but maybe that's more rare. Thanks for putting this together to help others come to understand, have compassion for and show an increase of love towards all of God's children.
My friend was married for 12 years, and 4 years ago she told me that he was cheating on her, we hired a private investigator to follow him, guess what
The second day, he was in the hotel with his male friend. She got very sick for over a year now, stress depression, they living together still
But know intimacy, she's moving out as soon as she gets better. Living together doesn't work, depression kills
How do you move on? So unfair, I have nothing against gay people
But please stop using us
Blame the root of the problem. Homophobia
@@luxitos2867 you mean blame these Asl who use women? These narcissistic abusers? If God has created you a man, you will die a man, wearing dresses or not....using women, how selfish. Homophobia my big behind 😸
I feel SO BAD for the straight spouses!!!
i feel the same way. want nothing to do w/them n find their behavior disgusting.
Blame homophobia and homophobic people for brainwashing these men. Why, oh, why would they feel unsafe otherwise?
Well people don’t have sex all their lives!
the Bible GOD MADE HOMOSEXUALITY if you really read your Bible
If gays tell before marriage , that would be better. Because as a straight woman , I'm ready to marry a hot looking gay man 😁
You are sick
Nope. Hard nope. That's what my parents tried to force me into.
Call for my bathing toaster.