Absolutely. Nail on the head. Some people are simply incapable of grasping this concept. They don't have to be abusive or mean...in fact, they can be sweet and kind...but if they have a tendency to be lazy or self-centered at times, this will probably happen. We don't want our partners to WANT to wash the dishes. We want them to want to lighten our burden....we want them to think "What can I do today to ensure that our household burdens are as equal as possible?"
Dude I'm 19 sad that I find it relatable too !..lost my ex-fiance for the same reason behind their break up...funny but dramatic to see our relationship issues played in a movie by older people I was so young to realize how common our problems were..!
It's not hard to communicate without having things that interfere. Drop the controller and come to an agreement. I dont remember the whole movie, but... people are unreasonable and fantasize about other possibilities. Nowadays, it's 300% more snappy. Look this other guy loves me. You have been talking to another guy? /over. Increasingly unhinged (I made up an example). I have only been with One lady that was broken inside and it still breaks my heart. She had so much trauma from her past that not even God could solve. In this circumstance, I am Not using his name in vain. It pains me that she's still so unhappy when it comes to intimate relationships. She's tried to be with me after 9 years of me refusing to be more than friends. Well... the first year I was the one interested. I can now remember most of it (but I was afflicted by neurotoxins most of the pandemic... if I had caught covid, I'd be squished/caput). I love how care free she is when she's not upset, but... everything upsets her now.
What she's basically saying is "if you loved and respected me, offering me help would be a no-brainer. You would think of me and my needs in a way that would make you WANT to do things that help me out, like do the dishes."
@@brandonflores551 she literally said "I busted my asz all day cleaning this house and cooking that meal and I worked today. It would be nice if you said thank you and helped me with the dishes" 🤷🏽♀️ and that was verbatim lol
Right. She doesn't feel he appreciates her and all she does, as she has been rowing the relationship boat mostly by herself. She reached the point of DEMANDING he pick up his oars OR ELSE. Sad that he didn't even know what they were arguing about. He looked so baffled. Often men don't realize until it's too late. This movie was REALLY GOOD.
@@erickbuckner4485 he wasn't the only one working, so was she. The dif is she's putting more work into the relationship than him. She does things she dislikes for him, like going to a game, but he can't even fathom doing the same for her w the ballet. _He_ doesn't appreciate _her_ ..the saddest thing is underneath the argument, she's basically begging him for affection, to see & love her
Ya and after that, "Honey you missed a spot." (You don't love me enough?) Any excuse to complain and vent. Been there done that. Wait till the kids come into the picture. That's a blast when they make you feel stupid that you ain't putting the diapers on correctly and warming up the milk bottle at the right temperature. And some men I have heard, need to work 2 jobs if the wife aint working. How is that for fun.
And some women work more than men do. I used to work 12 hours and travel 4 hours since my ex Dont get paíd extra hours and I did. Still he didnt help. We end Up divorcing when kids came on the picture and was like having 3 kids instead of 2. Oh he remarried and the new one complain of the same things and he almost GOT divorced
Pro Tip Gentlemen: You don't help out with the dishes... YOU do the dishes, you tell her to go put her feet up, take a bath, have a glass of wine. It's the little things like this that will help you maintain a healthy relationship.
Her last words to him in this scene were sheer perfection. You really do deserve better than a partner who calls you crazy and gaslights you for simply asking for the same respect you give them.
This guy doesn't get it and I don't think it's entirely his fault. I think thisnis a societal issue where men are too busy trying to deal with what they consider "emotional and irrational women" that they are more likely going to try just about anything to make the woman stop yelling except for listening to what she has to say. She has expressed in 5 different ways that she wants him to show affection by participating in these daily tasks because she needs to feel supported by a partner. This guy is going to be confused about having to have a need to do dishes or tryingnto satisfy his wife's "crazy" wishes that don't seem to amount to much of anything in his mind, like to him the amount of Lemons he could bring home, he will be confused thinking about how maybe the number of lemons will make the wife happier or something. What is genuenly missing from her end though is that she actually just straight up tells him what she needs, she needs to feel supported by a husband, she feels lonely, she can not feel him making an effort. Maybe he does, when he goes to work and makes money, he does it all for her, but he never tells her that he spends 8h a day doing crippling work because he wants her to be happy. This is clearly a communication issue, and we women so often refuse to spell out the stuff that we think should be obvious to a man. At some point we should maybe accept that they can't read our minds and get vulnerable and say what is actually hurting us.
@@corneliahanimann2173It would be nice if that was the case, but unfortunately I don't think that's it most of the time. Because you can be very straightforward with a man and let him know what is important to you, and if that man doesn't see those same things as important or valuable to them personally, they'll never really take it seriously. They'll maybe do some of the things requested begrudgingly like Gary in this scene, but it would only truly take a mature and caring person to realize that the things he may find "silly" or "unimportant" matter because they matter to the other person. Basically it seems to me that it comes down to how much the man truly cares and values the woman deep down as a person to go beyond the initial reaction of "I don't value doing the dishes or cleaning up therefore it's something I'll never want to do and therefore I will always be passive aggressive about it". And that takes some selflessness.
@@ViaMirage I agree with this from the bottom of my heart, and I really feel like this is what everyone should feel to be true. My point was mostly on the end of women that still hope a guy will eventually read their mind and understand what they want without them ever spelling it out. Despite what you said being true, I think there is a good amount of women out there that will refuse to spell it out because they assume their soulmate will just "get it". I just want it to be said that the way we also make these soulmates is by communicating and educating them on what we are like at times.
@@corneliahanimann2173 I definitely agree with what you're saying as well. And I think as women grow older they tend to get that as well and become a lot more straightforward with men. I just don't think that most of the time that's the actual underlying reason that men react the way Gary did in this movie. I think that even if Brooke was very transparent and straightforward with Gary, he would still not have been mature enough to change or take her requests seriously. The very presence of these issues in their relationship comes from his immaturity and lack of consideration for people around him (even his closest friend tells him that in the movie). That's why at the end of the movie we see him actually grow and make some changes within himself after losing Brooke. But I certainly agree that there are some instances where it might all be coming down to veiled or indirect communication on the woman's part. If miscommunication is the only reason for issues in a relationship, those issues are quite simple to resolve and I would consider that to just be a simple matter of misunderstanding in such a relationship.
It's nice that she realises she deserved better. Lots of people don't and get stuck in toxic,one sided relationships and could not get out till the end.
It's not about the *thing* being done, it's about showing your partner that they mean enough to you for you to do things that you wouldn't do otherwise. This is good advice not just for romantic relationships, but any relationship.
Except every relationship I have been in as man, it's always me doing things I don't want to do, and never the reverse. She just says no. Every. Fucking. Time.
I think we should ask ourselves, why is that so that in society doing things for your partner that you wouldn't normally and naturally do is viewed as healthy and romantic? Perhaps it's about the broader concept of sacrifice and how it has been put on a pedestal in our society. However, sacrifice is not actually the selfless thing that it was made out to be. No one can actually be completely selfless, and that's natural and good. Flipping the script, you could also say that love is radical acceptance, and when you see the person in front of you for what they are and fully accept them, you wouldn't want them to do and be what they don't want to normally do or be. There are so many people on this planet, that surely there's at least one compatible person for everybody. In this video, you could also argue that she doesn't accept and see him for who he is - a person that doesn't prioritize cleanliness or order the way she does. This is just a different perspective. But yes, I do have to aknowledge that all too often, men are taught early on that it's the women's job to do domestic labour, take care of children and stuff like that. So, many men look for a mommy, and not an equal partner. But that's another discussion, and I haven't watched the movie as to definitely say which situation is. But since people relate with this so much, I wanted to add a new perspective to think about.
That’s all I could see this whole time! He doesn’t even begin to participate in cleaning up after she’s asked him and he said he’d do it. The commitment to do it is already as soon as she stops reminding him.
Ironically it would've taken less time to help clean than the entire argument. He spent more time arguing about not cleaning than he did just doing it.
@@Kaboomboo Correction: SHE was the one arguing. He was: 1. Honest & communicative. 2. Indisposed for health reasons. 3. Agreeable. She picked the fight. Next.
There comes a point where you just cut off. You switch off after waiting for the "change" that never comes. You realise he will never get it and you have no option but to leave and thats when you take the power back. And suddenly you feel so much better without him. You get ur life bk.
@@calvinjay3324 she truly felt unappreciated, devalued and discredited. Its so good that she walked out because the sad reality is so many women stay and the "love" has long disappeared into thin air. Then their mental health is affected, and its a basic downward spiral.
“Are you saying that you’re upset because I don’t have a strong desire to do the dishes?” “No I’m upset because you don’t have a strong desire to OFFER to wash the dishes.” “I just did” “AFTER I asked you” “You’re acting crazy” the definition of gaslighting at its finest
@@JayTheDodo the line was gas lighting. Not the entire argument. Also, one can subconsciously gaslight someone else just like someone can project (most people do!) onto others subconsciously.
@@DivineLogosNot necessarily. Narcissists at times don't know that they are being manipulative or gas lighting someone but it doesn't change what they are doing.
@@Maya_hee Not true, they know. And its not manipulation if its without manipulative intent. And we don't know his intent so it might not be gaslighting. He might truly believe she is being crazy.
it's nice to meet you and to be COMPLETELY honest romantically i did do and/or will SOMEWHAT like jennifer aniston because in my COMPLETELY honest and/or accurate OPINION she's LITERALLY always had and still has an EQUALLY REALLY attractive face
Just watched this movie again. He brings home 3 lemons and talks his way into making it her problem, she asks him to set the table and have a shower to be ready and he talks longer to get out of it than it takes to set the table, the family arrives and he doesn't help by answering the door or welcoming guests he says he needs a shower, during dinner he looks down on her family and brags about his dreams in the tour industry, her family offers to help clean and he says they will do it to rush them out the door and immediately play his game. Then all of a sudden his dreams that he is working for are for her and she owes him.
@@petersmith7521 The centerpiece being tacky was totally the point. Not the fact that he can't follow simple instructions and actively takes longer to do things to get out of other tasks and tries to gaslight his spouse into being grateful to him after he actively makes her life harder. It's the lemons being tacky, that's definitely the focal point of this conflict.
I love this scene is so realistic. This is how it goes down. When your partner doesn’t show appreciation, even in the ways we don’t necessarily like, it ends up destroying a relationship.
It's about being thoughtful toward someone you love. She was thoughtful about cooking, cleaning, catering to his friends, doing things he likes, etc. It's gotta be equal
The thing is. No one wants to do the dishes at all. But if someone cooked a whole meal and cleaned the whole house, I couldn’t offer to do their dishes + my own fast enough. It’s just dishes, they’re literally the easiest chore, that person cleaned and cooked!! And when it comes to doing my own dishes, I’m an adult, I can’t imagine leaving them for someone else to clean up. What am I 4 years old 😭
Absolutely! A relationship takes sacrifice. I honestly think these to have communication issues. It's also a good idea to use reusable plates for a party. Lol!
I had this ex who was constantly putting no effort into our relationship, and the entire time, I felt like I was being needy, and asking too much. What finally made me realize I wasn't the problem, is that we were at her parents. Her parents had spent the entire day spring cleaning, while she did nothing, and they asked us, if we could go to their neighbors to feed their cat, and she genuinely angry that they asked. I honestly couldn't believe I had to explain to someone in their 20's why she should help her parents with one small task that would take 20 min, max
@ladyj7085 emotional labor is all the things that goes on behind doors in the household. Such as planning meals, scheduling sports doctor appointments for the kids, etc., keeping up with cleaning the house, there many more examples. The reason why it is considered labor instead of just an expectation for a family is because this work tends to fall onto the women, while the men would do nothing and not understand the importance of these things. Weaponized incompetence by men is also tied to this. We see here in this scene, the man doesn't have an immediate expectation to go help do the dishes or to clean the house. He even doesn't get the right thing thay she asked for when he goes to the store, while being extremely clear what she needs. He says she naggs him, while she's asking reasonable household chores and things to be done and should be done together as a unit, but they all fall onto her. So, yes, emotional labor is a real thing. It's the mental stress and additional workload that someone has go go through when thry come back home.
I heard a male therapist say that "men are only taught to provide (financially) so they grow up thinking thats what makes them a man. Which is why that is why they seem to lack in other areas"
Not only that, women are taught to expect to be provided by their man. Meaning even if the woman is earning enough, she won't be okay with her husband not doing anything which brings money in.
Had a female therapist tell me (in my early 20s) that my depression would abate when I got myself a man and had a baby. Because the underlying issues don't matter, I just needed to have a male presence in my life and pop out a kid and life would be perfect!
I almost started crying because just 5 minutes of dialogue perfectly explained how I felt in my last relationship. I don’t know if they were narcissists or else but the helplessness of showing up, actually trying to change for the better, do things in a way that would satisfy them and then, them not even showing appreciation but belittling me. They only gifted me flowers a week after we met, I loved gifting them small things even flowers and yet, I received none.
You gotta love how he makes it all about material things (i.e. the dishes, the lemons, the flowers, etc.) when that's clearly not what she's talking about. He's constantly derailing the conversation.
@@mistersinister2043 She wasn't vague. She said it. He doesn't help. He leaves all the work of running the household and entertaining to her. Even when she point blank asks him to do something specific, he can't be bothered. He's just playing dumb.
This is a prime example of how some men argue. Some men are too literal , they take words by their face value and drag them and do not understand the meaning or symbolism behind them. They don’t understand that it is not about obeying orders, forcing themselves to do things they don’t like , buying expensive gifts or buying stupid flowers … it is none of that. It is about exhibiting actions that show care , consideration and attention to detail , yet it seems that it is an impossible thing to ask of them. This was exactly the fights I used to have with my ex. sometimes it would get so frustrating I felt like I was banging my head to a wall because he would argue so superficially like that and would never listen or even try to. It was so hopeless. This movie was so real, it hits a cord for anyone who has been in a relationship where they felt unappreciated or unheard.
@@swiftkarma4436 and this is why I have been single since my ex , he drained life out of me. and whenever I hear about my married friends’ troubles with their husbands, I am thankful I don’t have a man in a my life. A predictable life.. yes, but peaceful.. ABSOLUTELY
generally men are logical women are emotional. men argue logically and factually so a lot of the time yes a women's argument will go over their heads if it's a point that's feelings-based but presented as logic-based. women argue emotionally and covertly, they argue with feelings which aren't always objective truth. that's why it makes it easy for men and women to be unable to come to an understanding sometimes, because upon escalation a man is completely in his masculine and a women in her feminine (naturally defending themselves so results in closed/narrowed field of view). a man reverts to biased physical logic to recitify an "unfair" situation, and a women to her neglected emotions. whoever is more right or wrong can sway either way depending on the argument
You have same thing online when you're debating and you use example to support your argument but the other person takes it too literaly and doesn't understand the point of an example so you just end up arguing with an idiot who pretends like you're the dumb one. So frustrating...
@@MusiicRoolz how are men logical? Some are but this guy isn't. I mean look at my comment above, this argument from the scene happens in online debates all the time, this is how you know people are stupid, the opposite of logical. And I'm the guy, it's frustrating how some guys take examples used to prove a point so literaly that you can't even explain to them that they are missing the point, it almost seems like they're just trolling to rile you up. It's like part of their brain is damaged, they are physically unable to understand no matter how much you explain.
“Why would I want to do the dishes” well no one does! But why should she do it? If she didn’t do it, you will never get to it. Most irritating thing ever seriously
You realize all that was said after he offered to help and she said "you should want to want to do them". Thats when he said she was being crazy, because its true, nobody wants to do dishes.
And its also true that you don't have to do the dishes right away, she wanted to start and argument to vent her frustration it was never about the dishes, in fact id you ever in this situation know that the decision to end things has been made long time ago.
@@dustinhenderson6434 But notice how he only offered to help _AFTER_ she told him about the dishes. That's the thing, she shouldn't need to tell him to do it for him to get involved in the first place! Part of being a functioning adult is to recognise that doing the dishes, laundry, cleaning, or any of the tedious everyday household task need to be done without anyone telling you. Nobody likes those, but someone got to do it if you want to have a home with livable conditions, and that responsability usually falls on women because men simply don't do them. This guy wouldn't move a finger if she didn't tell him first; the one keeping track of everything is her. He's just an automaton with zero initiave to do all these things on his own. The mental load is heavily one-sided. She's not asking him to love cleaning, merely pointing out that she always does it and that he should pull his weight.
The guys character is quite immature and emotionally stunted.. He seems so frustrating just to get through to. He’s a very difficult person to even argue with because he keeps strawmanning and distracting away from the Main point and never admits that he’s at fault.
@@therealjcon No. she’s really not. It’s not unreasonable to want someone to offer to help you when you’re struggling or tired, or after you’ve done something for them
So you were able to see thru the situation and understand his problems. I wish more people were able to do so. I've learned the only way to get thru to someone like that is to establish a reward, a little bit like training a dog... As condescending and patronizing as that sounds, but it works and the both of you are happy. That's where she went wrong, is she didn't compromise either, she did everything for him, and demanded the same level of energy from him.
He is inconsiderate but she is super high maintenance... when you KNOW down to your very soul that regardless of how much effort you put in that the first thing you are going to hear is some nagging complaint about some aspect that isn't perfect then that's when people just give up. Why try when it won't be appreciated anyways... I ran an experiment on my mom when I was 11, I did literally everything in the kitchen. Cleaned the dishes, organized the pots & the pan & the bowls, wiped down the counter & cabinets, cleaned the fridge outside & inside, swept the floor, vacuumed the rug... literally everything that it was possible to do I did EXCEPT mop the floor. I intentionally left one thing undone after +4 hours of work to see what the first thing she said about the job... of course the first thing she said was "you forgot to mop the floor." I didn't even make the smallest attempts after that and just took the beatings until I got to big for her to be able to hit me anymore.
@@nicolettetallmadge3254 Yes... that's how an experiment is conducted. You start with a hypothesis, then you test your hypothesis & using the results of the test then you can draw a conclusion if your hypothesis is correct or incorrect. Fucking christ on a crutch... this is like 2nd grade science class stuff here.
@@nationalsocialism3504 I see. Yes, it does stink that all of your other efforts were negated by that one undone task. Sucks that you experienced that when you were a kid. That being said, that's not what's going on in this movie. Brooke asked for 12 lemons, Gary brought back 3. Once you're at the store, it takes the same amount of energy to get 12 as it does for 3. Unless the store didn't have 12. Gary never mentioned that there were only 3 to be bought, so it's a reasonable conclusion that he could have gotten the 12 lemons that were asked for. That's not being high maintenance, Gary didn't complete the mission. It's not high maintenance for Brooke to ask him for help setting the table while she finished cooking. The dishes and glasses were already gathered at the table. It was a 2 to 3-minute job at the most to put them in their place around the table. Gary wasted time arguing with Brooke about it and then ran off to take a shower when the guests started arriving leaving her to finish cooking, set the table, and greet the guests. Also not high maintenance to ask for 15 minutes of help to knock out the dishes together when one person had already prepared for the party, cleaned and cooked beforehand. Gary didn't ask for 15 minutes of rest, Brooke suggested that it would only take 15 minutes and Gary countered that they could just leave the dishes until the next day. Which...fine, that's only going to mean that there's more chores to do the next day. And it's quite likely that it will be Brooke that has to do them the next day seeing as Gary couldn't take 2 to 3 minutes to even set a table. The problem doesn't appear that none of his efforts are appreciated, it appears that he's not giving any effort at all.
I wish that people would understand what she means is simple: I want you to help me. I want you to love me enough to THINK of me. Like its just please think of me instead of yourself SOME of the time. I love how she says l: How do you show up for me? And he can't answer other than holding down a job like... Any adult.
When in this entire scenario did she think of Gary? I need lemons for my dish for the dinner party that I want to have and the dishes I don’t want to clean in the morning.
@@dannytallmage2971?? She made dinner for the both of them, the kind thing to do would be to simply wash dishes for her out of the goodness of his heart and the fact that he appreciates how she did that for him
@@lei.www22 don’t host dinner parties if you don’t want to do dishes. I’d much rather being out with my boys or cheating than eating dinner with my girlfriend’s dumb family. Gary felt the same way.
@@dannytallmage2971 It wasn’t the dinner party, she made dinner for him and her, the kind thing to do.. I have to say this again for some reason.. would be to just help the person you love out a little bit, especially if they have done so much for you in the past or continue to do so much for you. It seems to me that it’s hard for you to understand this concept of kindness and compassion towards others, and certainly by your remarks it confirmed that for me. I hope you find inner peace because you seem to have something going on in your mind to justify cheating in any circumstance, especially instead of spending time with your partner and their family. I hope you heal.
@@lei.www22 lol yea life just sucks being 6’3” and looking like a polo model. I’m really really hurt inside from being able to sleep with basically any girl I want.
This is what happens when parents baby their son and do not teach him to take initiative and learn how to take care of a home without relying on a woman. Weaponized incompetence.
I was married to a woman who only thought of herself and anything for me was a chore. I totally get Brooke’s feelings, she wants him to enjoy doing things that make her life easy. He puts himself and his needs first and includes her but doesn’t reverse it.
Are you dumb....it's not her life easy....house and chores works are for everyone......if you thinks it's only her work...then you deserve to be single.
This movie has some of the best acting I've ever seen. The fights and arguments are so true to life and natural that you forget you're watching a movie. Vince and Jennifer did a phenomenal job playing their roles. If I were to show an acting class that showcases the best acting, this would be number one. I've been watching this movie since it came out when I was nine.
This is a relationship that began with Vince vaugh’s character boorishly humiliating her date at a baseball game. Lol if she wanted someone considerate she wouldn’t have given him her number.
@@timvibes It’s definitely not 100%, especially when it comes to relationships and those involved. She could’ve communicated a bit better, and expressed her needs. However, that goes both ways. He can clearly look around and see what needs to get done. He can pick up after himself. Living together with someone as a couple means making equal effort to the household. Communication is key, but you can also look around and see what needs to get done. Support and appreciate one another. Also give each other time to game or read or whatever, that’s important too.
He wanted to digest his food while it never occured to him that his wife too wants to sit and digest her food, and wake up to a clean kitchen in the morning. It never occurs to him that she wants some help, some humanity. Its simply selfish.
@@jrseitz21 which would have been fine if he hadn't left the entire responsibility of the entire party to her all day. She most likely would like to rest for 15 minutes too.
@deborahminter6231 whos party was it? He didn't even want it. She forced him to participate. And then blames him for not clearing up the mess she created on a subject he wanted nothing to do with.....that's insane. And who said she couldn't take 15 minutes? Why doesn't she change out of that fancy dress and heels and put on some comfy clothes and then start 🤔. I've never seen any woman do dishes in heels. I sure as heck wouldn't. I keep clean house but i never do the dishes right after I eat. It's usually a few hours later.
@@jrseitz21 that's a terrible way of looking at it! Her party? They have to work together, wether it's her guest or his guest. Each one of them has family and freinds, it would be really rude for her too not help when he invited his freinds over....Visa Versa. As for the heels and dress, I 100% agree. Lol😂 I blame that on Hollywood...there are plenty of scenes in movies where the characters are not appropriately dressed for their activities, especially women. In a fictional world women wear make up, high heels, or earrings 24 hours a day. 🤣
Every person in a toxic marriage, perhaps. But if you can learn to communicate clearly, and listen when the other person is communicating, when you can learn to show appreciation and love and receive it in return, when you can learn to contribute 50/50 in every aspect of your relationship, then this situation is entirely avoidable. Men are socialised to be ignorant and fearful of difficult emotions. Women are socialised to take on the majority of the emotional labour in the family, and to not communicate assertively. But just because that IS the case doesn't mean it HAS to be the case.
This by itself is not a big deal….but it’s the collection of not thinking of her, not appreciating her, not listening to her, not responding to her needs and being disengaged with her and the relationship.
Eh it’s also a product of her not taking his work seriously enough. They are in the middle of stressful expansion effort and she treats like he’s just goofing off at work.
@@dannytallmage2971 It doesn't matter what people do at work. When you come home, you take care of the chores like a big boy. The moral of this story is that he is better suited to being by himself.
@@heyhey439 Not to mention that he didn't do all of his work like he was supposed to either. He routinely ignored doing the tour logs and then got mad at his brother when he insisted that he do them.
What I love is that the guy DOES have a point too. She deserves the help, and a nice gesture every now and then, but you can tell that his work makes him absolutely miserable and letting off some steam at home is the only way he knows to cope with it. What's tragic is that neither of them communicated until the breaking point. Her that she wanted to feel more seen and more loved through little attentions, him that he felt soul-crushed at his job and needed a safe space to let out his stress.
@@sarahirwin6631if you love somebody, you try to be their peace, it’s not hard to simply let a man breathe and relax sometimes. Be a supportive partner for crying out loud.
@@lei.www22 thats fine as long as it goes both ways, but this clip is opposite the opposite of that. She gives and gives and he does nothing to help. This is a pattern in their relationship and so she is fed up. Lol this isn't about me.
@@lei.www22 She cleaned the house and cooked for him. He can't even do the dishes (15 min)? Come on... He has all night to play video games. Him not even sparing 15 minutes of his time to do the dishes says it all about how much he does not care about her.
Then he'll tell everyone he was "blindsided by the divorce". A redditer who's girlfriend left him said it best. "I thought it was a tolerable level of unhappiness"
when i saw this movie when it first came out, i UNDERSTOOD it but i didn't GET it. now that i am older & have unfortunately been in relationship with a gary, i see this movie sooooo differently. gary isn't traditionally "abusive" but in his neglect, selfishness & fear of being vulnerable, he continues to hurt the woman he claims to love. i appreciate this take on relationships- where it isn't so "dark" & outright abusive, but sheds light on how someone can love you but not have the capacity to SHOW you the love YOU DESERVE & CAN SHOW THEM. it's deep.
@@shreddersaurusrex323 On his end. He’s consistently inconsiderate. Brooke is pretty clear in what she wants unless you have the social maturity of a 4 year old.
Lazy because he gets home from working all day an has to straight into hosting a dinner then wants to relax an do the dishes in the morning sounds really lazy.
This movie was more one-sided than what I think it was aiming to be but Brooke definitely had some communication issues with passive-aggressive tendencies that I think a lot of us women have and are easy to miss. That's why I think it seemed a lot more one-sided throughout the film, but overall Vince Vaughn's character was very selfish and def needed to learn what being in a relationship really means. My bf and I watched this together and promised we wouldn't end up like this hahaha
@@ladymargaret6186 Yeah poor Brooke, who completely admitted at the bowling scene that she is intentionally destroying his life so that she is his last hope. Poor, poor Brooke.
@Crimsonys Right, because grown men have no control over our own lives, we just do what other people say. If you would watch the whole movie, you will see that neither of them are good in that relationship, and the whole point of the movie was that some people just aren’t made for each other.
@@arynrowland862You're definitely right. I think for him, if she were truly the right one, he would have stepped up and wanted to do things for her. But she just wasn't that person for him. And I think she wanted so bad for that relationship to work, but it just didn't.
This is exactly my relationship w my ex of 5 YEARS the one year we lived together completely opened my eyes and we broke up because dealing w someone like that makes you depressed sad and just breaks you as a person
Vince is a timeless under appreciated actor that is unrated! RETURN TO PARADISE is in my opinion his BEST ROLE!! Life is not complete without watching that movie for anyone who remotely likes Vince!! ♥️
If people really love each other, and not just the feeling of love, but unconditional commitment, then both will offer to take part in doing things to maintain the relationship and things will be successful.
It's a great scene in that it describes the male-female relationship dynamic. Men take things more literally and women are better with emotions and being subtle. Some couples find the balance and compromise, but when they can't, it's best they find that out early and go their separate ways.
This thing doesn't fit only in case of romantic relationship but also in other relationships too. If your mother worked from 9-5, came home and arranged a full meal by herself for a group of people, any kid of her would try to give her a helping hand in the kitchen. We do it out of love and compassion for her. If one can do it for their parents, they can also do that for their spouses
I'm so lucky I have the most incredible husband. He helps me all the time and it's like his second nature. I never had to ask him to do anything. He does the dishes, laundry everything. And he buys my gifts I'm so grateful and I hope everyone has a husband like him
I went through a similar situation like this scene with my fiancée. She made us this delicious meal, and as we ate while watching a movie, I promised her I’d wash the dishes afterwards, but I forgot to do so that night. Early the next morning, I got up before she did and washed the dishes, and then surprised her at her work by taking her out to dinner at the end of her shift. It’s the little things that always matter. ❤️
They’re both expecting too much from each other, him by wanting to be left alone and have all the relaxation to himself. Her bc she’s not explaining her feelings but expecting him to understand what she’s talking about. At least she tried so much instead of being selfish and lazy. All she wanted was for him to put in a little effort on his own to show he cared . It’s simple but they made it so complicated. Such brilliant acting by both of them!!!
@@dumfriesspearhead7398 I know she does but he’s too dumb to understand. But of course we’re the “ crazy overreacting ones “ . We’re crazy bc men are dumb and selfish
He was being selfish and no amount of talking would have got through him. It was only after she really gave up that he started to hear what she was saying. Even his own friend said she never stood a chance. It was always what he wants.
Being in a relationship with a selfish person is a waste of time. Time is something we will never get back.. Please people , don't waste it. Especially on selfish people.
You know the problem is no one ever thinks they’re BOTH to blame. Which they are. But no, they never think they’re wrong and gotta point fingers at each other
I was in a relationship like this once where my ex would let things like dishes and laundry pile up until I was basically FORCED to do them. She would wash some of her own dishes and some of her own clothes, but that was it. When I confronted her she said that it wasn't fair she should have to do those things because she had a longer drive to work. I was driving 30 minutes to work and she was driving a little over an hour. I said "I understand but I do work more hours than you and we both have days off" and she finally agreed to start helping out. She didn't, and the cycle repeated itself. It wasn't long after that I broke up with her because I realized she didn't respect me.
Where in this clip does she demonstrate empathy towards him. Keeping in mind she wanted to have the dinner party. He didn’t care. She doesn’t respect his work or his family as she made clear at dinner.
For anyone thinking about getting back in the dating game....this should do it. For at least another 6 months and then come back and the whole years covered. What a mess in these days.
It’s a really hard concept to explain to someone if they don’t naturally want to do nice things for their partner
Indeed
Yes
This
Absolutely. Nail on the head. Some people are simply incapable of grasping this concept. They don't have to be abusive or mean...in fact, they can be sweet and kind...but if they have a tendency to be lazy or self-centered at times, this will probably happen.
We don't want our partners to WANT to wash the dishes. We want them to want to lighten our burden....we want them to think "What can I do today to ensure that our household burdens are as equal as possible?"
As my grandmother said... " if you have to explain basic things you are better to walk away" . I never forgot that !
Dude I’m 31 now and this is so much more realistic and relatable than I ever thought.
🧰No Just What Evs Mager Loser🧯
@@jazminfuentez101.....what?
Dude I'm 19 sad that I find it relatable too !..lost my ex-fiance for the same reason behind their break up...funny but dramatic to see our relationship issues played in a movie by older people I was so young
to realize how common our problems were..!
@@cloudslady3400thats why you dont get married at 19
Ya. I'm 36. I remember thus movie came out when I was around 19.
Resonates now.
It's a nice touch how she's tidying the dishes throughout the scene while he just stands there.
She just told him not to help... he's listening 😂
It's not hard to communicate without having things that interfere. Drop the controller and come to an agreement. I dont remember the whole movie, but... people are unreasonable and fantasize about other possibilities. Nowadays, it's 300% more snappy. Look this other guy loves me. You have been talking to another guy? /over. Increasingly unhinged (I made up an example). I have only been with One lady that was broken inside and it still breaks my heart. She had so much trauma from her past that not even God could solve. In this circumstance, I am Not using his name in vain. It pains me that she's still so unhappy when it comes to intimate relationships. She's tried to be with me after 9 years of me refusing to be more than friends. Well... the first year I was the one interested. I can now remember most of it (but I was afflicted by neurotoxins most of the pandemic... if I had caught covid, I'd be squished/caput). I love how care free she is when she's not upset, but... everything upsets her now.
What she's basically saying is "if you loved and respected me, offering me help would be a no-brainer. You would think of me and my needs in a way that would make you WANT to do things that help me out, like do the dishes."
👏
ACCURRATE!!!!!!!!!!!
So y didn’t she just say that
🎯
@@brandonflores551 she literally said "I busted my asz all day cleaning this house and cooking that meal and I worked today. It would be nice if you said thank you and helped me with the dishes" 🤷🏽♀️ and that was verbatim lol
the classic “you’re acting crazy”
Well were you?? 🤷♂️
Gaslighting at its finest
Then stop acting crazy and make sense
@@nachc6459 this argument made perfect sense
Yep, when actually....
He doesn’t see the big picture, it’s not about the lemons or the flowers or the dishes, it’s the accumulation of everything!
Because he has a small tv
@@BlackDiamond2718Gary just cares about himself
Right. She doesn't feel he appreciates her and all she does, as she has been rowing the relationship boat mostly by herself. She reached the point of DEMANDING he pick up his oars OR ELSE. Sad that he didn't even know what they were arguing about. He looked so baffled. Often men don't realize until it's too late. This movie was REALLY GOOD.
@@ChristianOne Brooke doesn’t appreciate Gary. Just because he works hard doesn’t mean he has to be lazy
@@erickbuckner4485 he wasn't the only one working, so was she. The dif is she's putting more work into the relationship than him. She does things she dislikes for him, like going to a game, but he can't even fathom doing the same for her w the ballet. _He_ doesn't appreciate _her_ ..the saddest thing is underneath the argument, she's basically begging him for affection, to see & love her
It's pretty simple: if you love someone that badly, doing something simple as helping out with the dishes goes a long way.
Does your wife let you watch when her BF comes over, or do you just make him breakfast in the morning?
Ya and after that, "Honey you missed a spot." (You don't love me enough?) Any excuse to complain and vent. Been there done that. Wait till the kids come into the picture. That's a blast when they make you feel stupid that you ain't putting the diapers on correctly and warming up the milk bottle at the right temperature. And some men I have heard, need to work 2 jobs if the wife aint working. How is that for fun.
And some women work more than men do. I used to work 12 hours and travel 4 hours since my ex Dont get paíd extra hours and I did. Still he didnt help. We end Up divorcing when kids came on the picture and was like having 3 kids instead of 2. Oh he remarried and the new one complain of the same things and he almost GOT divorced
@@GigglewithFelix321 Spoken like someone who doesn't have a partner
Pro Tip Gentlemen: You don't help out with the dishes... YOU do the dishes, you tell her to go put her feet up, take a bath, have a glass of wine. It's the little things like this that will help you maintain a healthy relationship.
Her last words to him in this scene were sheer perfection. You really do deserve better than a partner who calls you crazy and gaslights you for simply asking for the same respect you give them.
This guy doesn't get it and I don't think it's entirely his fault.
I think thisnis a societal issue where men are too busy trying to deal with what they consider "emotional and irrational women" that they are more likely going to try just about anything to make the woman stop yelling except for listening to what she has to say. She has expressed in 5 different ways that she wants him to show affection by participating in these daily tasks because she needs to feel supported by a partner.
This guy is going to be confused about having to have a need to do dishes or tryingnto satisfy his wife's "crazy" wishes that don't seem to amount to much of anything in his mind, like to him the amount of Lemons he could bring home, he will be confused thinking about how maybe the number of lemons will make the wife happier or something.
What is genuenly missing from her end though is that she actually just straight up tells him what she needs, she needs to feel supported by a husband, she feels lonely, she can not feel him making an effort. Maybe he does, when he goes to work and makes money, he does it all for her, but he never tells her that he spends 8h a day doing crippling work because he wants her to be happy.
This is clearly a communication issue, and we women so often refuse to spell out the stuff that we think should be obvious to a man. At some point we should maybe accept that they can't read our minds and get vulnerable and say what is actually hurting us.
@@corneliahanimann2173It would be nice if that was the case, but unfortunately I don't think that's it most of the time. Because you can be very straightforward with a man and let him know what is important to you, and if that man doesn't see those same things as important or valuable to them personally, they'll never really take it seriously. They'll maybe do some of the things requested begrudgingly like Gary in this scene, but it would only truly take a mature and caring person to realize that the things he may find "silly" or "unimportant" matter because they matter to the other person. Basically it seems to me that it comes down to how much the man truly cares and values the woman deep down as a person to go beyond the initial reaction of "I don't value doing the dishes or cleaning up therefore it's something I'll never want to do and therefore I will always be passive aggressive about it". And that takes some selflessness.
@@ViaMirage I agree with this from the bottom of my heart, and I really feel like this is what everyone should feel to be true. My point was mostly on the end of women that still hope a guy will eventually read their mind and understand what they want without them ever spelling it out. Despite what you said being true, I think there is a good amount of women out there that will refuse to spell it out because they assume their soulmate will just "get it". I just want it to be said that the way we also make these soulmates is by communicating and educating them on what we are like at times.
@@corneliahanimann2173 I definitely agree with what you're saying as well. And I think as women grow older they tend to get that as well and become a lot more straightforward with men. I just don't think that most of the time that's the actual underlying reason that men react the way Gary did in this movie. I think that even if Brooke was very transparent and straightforward with Gary, he would still not have been mature enough to change or take her requests seriously. The very presence of these issues in their relationship comes from his immaturity and lack of consideration for people around him (even his closest friend tells him that in the movie). That's why at the end of the movie we see him actually grow and make some changes within himself after losing Brooke. But I certainly agree that there are some instances where it might all be coming down to veiled or indirect communication on the woman's part. If miscommunication is the only reason for issues in a relationship, those issues are quite simple to resolve and I would consider that to just be a simple matter of misunderstanding in such a relationship.
Haha, good luck finding the unicorn
It's nice that she realises she deserved better. Lots of people don't and get stuck in toxic,one sided relationships and could not get out till the end.
Yes, when respect is no longer being served, leave the table I did 🙏❣️
You forgot to say that the only toxic person was she
@@АлекСневар you obviously are not looking at the film ,look at it again and make a constructive comment
@@Suzyfromtheblock he did make a constructive comment. He said she was toxic. Can you handle that?
@@tucker8071 no tucker, take your time, look at the film again, and you make a constructive comment,
It's not about the *thing* being done, it's about showing your partner that they mean enough to you for you to do things that you wouldn't do otherwise. This is good advice not just for romantic relationships, but any relationship.
Except every relationship I have been in as man, it's always me doing things I don't want to do, and never the reverse. She just says no. Every. Fucking. Time.
@@moderngentlemanschool So that means you're the Brooke of your relationship.
@@moderngentlemanschoolthen don’t do so much cut back
I think we should ask ourselves, why is that so that in society doing things for your partner that you wouldn't normally and naturally do is viewed as healthy and romantic? Perhaps it's about the broader concept of sacrifice and how it has been put on a pedestal in our society.
However, sacrifice is not actually the selfless thing that it was made out to be. No one can actually be completely selfless, and that's natural and good.
Flipping the script, you could also say that love is radical acceptance, and when you see the person in front of you for what they are and fully accept them, you wouldn't want them to do and be what they don't want to normally do or be.
There are so many people on this planet, that surely there's at least one compatible person for everybody. In this video, you could also argue that she doesn't accept and see him for who he is - a person that doesn't prioritize cleanliness or order the way she does.
This is just a different perspective.
But yes, I do have to aknowledge that all too often, men are taught early on that it's the women's job to do domestic labour, take care of children and stuff like that. So, many men look for a mommy, and not an equal partner. But that's another discussion, and I haven't watched the movie as to definitely say which situation is.
But since people relate with this so much, I wanted to add a new perspective to think about.
They're arguing and she's still cleaning up and he's not still not helping. 😭
That’s all I could see this whole time! He doesn’t even begin to participate in cleaning up after she’s asked him and he said he’d do it. The commitment to do it is already as soon as she stops reminding him.
Note that she's not doing the dishes, her stated goal. Odd.
Ironically it would've taken less time to help clean than the entire argument. He spent more time arguing about not cleaning than he did just doing it.
@@Kaboomboo Correction: SHE was the one arguing. He was:
1. Honest & communicative.
2. Indisposed for health reasons.
3. Agreeable.
She picked the fight.
Next.
Because shes collecting the dishes from around the house. So they can get done.@@catholicdad
When she said I’m done and turned around to stand up for herself, I get emotional. You get sick and tired of being sick and tired
She was acting crazy
@@calvinjay3324 mmm emotional not crazy (in my opinion)
@Jalisa M It's incredibly draining. I'm dealing with it now, actually. And I am *TIREDDDD*
There comes a point where you just cut off. You switch off after waiting for the "change" that never comes. You realise he will never get it and you have no option but to leave and thats when you take the power back. And suddenly you feel so much better without him. You get ur life bk.
@@calvinjay3324 she truly felt unappreciated, devalued and discredited. Its so good that she walked out because the sad reality is so many women stay and the "love" has long disappeared into thin air. Then their mental health is affected, and its a basic downward spiral.
“Are you saying that you’re upset because I don’t have a strong desire to do the dishes?”
“No I’m upset because you don’t have a strong desire to OFFER to wash the dishes.”
“I just did”
“AFTER I asked you”
“You’re acting crazy”
the definition of gaslighting at its finest
@@JayTheDodo the line was gas lighting. Not the entire argument. Also, one can subconsciously gaslight someone else just like someone can project (most people do!) onto others subconsciously.
Exactly and he asked her for appreciation after she just explained she doesn't feel appreciated and that apparently went over his head ugh lol
Gaslighting is intentional manipulation.
Its not gaslighting if he truly thinks she is being crazy.
@@DivineLogosNot necessarily. Narcissists at times don't know that they are being manipulative or gas lighting someone but it doesn't change what they are doing.
@@Maya_hee Not true, they know. And its not manipulation if its without manipulative intent.
And we don't know his intent so it might not be gaslighting.
He might truly believe she is being crazy.
I think many people don’t like this film because it doesn’t have a “happy” ending but I love it because it’s so realistic and relatable.
And it does have a happy ending. Happy ending for Brooke.
Im glad they broke up. She deserved better
@@atikahrockslikecrazyAnd he grew up.
Yeah it’s on point. And I think they both won. And lost.
it's nice to meet you and to be COMPLETELY honest romantically i did do and/or will SOMEWHAT like jennifer aniston because in my COMPLETELY honest and/or accurate OPINION she's LITERALLY always had and still has an EQUALLY REALLY attractive face
I love how his friend puts it very nicely at the end and he finally understand how selfish he is.
What did his friend say?
Just watched this movie again. He brings home 3 lemons and talks his way into making it her problem, she asks him to set the table and have a shower to be ready and he talks longer to get out of it than it takes to set the table, the family arrives and he doesn't help by answering the door or welcoming guests he says he needs a shower, during dinner he looks down on her family and brags about his dreams in the tour industry, her family offers to help clean and he says they will do it to rush them out the door and immediately play his game. Then all of a sudden his dreams that he is working for are for her and she owes him.
Well said. The man is a typical idiot
Sounds like the problem is that he has no interest in her family or accommodating them.
He has no interest in anyone or anything else but himself and his wants and needs. Spot on.
Why does she need lemons? It's a waste of money and a tacky centerpiece
@@petersmith7521
The centerpiece being tacky was totally the point. Not the fact that he can't follow simple instructions and actively takes longer to do things to get out of other tasks and tries to gaslight his spouse into being grateful to him after he actively makes her life harder. It's the lemons being tacky, that's definitely the focal point of this conflict.
A person who lies down on the couch with his shoes on deserves to be single!!
Yes. If I ever see my fiancé do that ever - JFC. Nasty asf
This is the comment 😂
Amen that's why I'm single and childless.
I always saw it as an American thing.
I mean…if he bought the couch….it’s fair game
I'm glad this film is getting more love these days. It's a great movie that has only gotten better with each year
I love this movie. Seen it many times.❤
This scene is so relatable. And so well acted.
This is scary relatable
Yep.
Scaringly.
@@raymeester7883 is scaringly a word though?
It is.
This is such a well written romantic comedy. Very realistic. Underrated movie
I think Vaughn said that out of all the films he's made, this one holds a special place in his heart. This film has been in my top 10 for years.
I'm late but if you never saw Revolutionary Road, do yourself a favor 😯 it hit different
I love this scene is so realistic. This is how it goes down. When your partner doesn’t show appreciation, even in the ways we don’t necessarily like, it ends up destroying a relationship.
It's about being thoughtful toward someone you love. She was thoughtful about cooking, cleaning, catering to his friends, doing things he likes, etc. It's gotta be equal
The thing is. No one wants to do the dishes at all. But if someone cooked a whole meal and cleaned the whole house, I couldn’t offer to do their dishes + my own fast enough. It’s just dishes, they’re literally the easiest chore, that person cleaned and cooked!!
And when it comes to doing my own dishes, I’m an adult, I can’t imagine leaving them for someone else to clean up. What am I 4 years old 😭
My brother in law cooks all the meals and my sister in law does all the dishes. That's how it should be. Teamwork
My man cooks every day.
I clean - a bit - 😊
Absolutely! A relationship takes sacrifice. I honestly think these to have communication issues. It's also a good idea to use reusable plates for a party. Lol!
You summed it up perfectly.
Dishes are easy I wonder why people hate doing the dishes
All you have to do is HELP each other even if the thing you are helping with is something you don't enjoy. So hard to understand, is it??😂
No bleeping Ballet !
I had this ex who was constantly putting no effort into our relationship, and the entire time, I felt like I was being needy, and asking too much. What finally made me realize I wasn't the problem, is that we were at her parents. Her parents had spent the entire day spring cleaning, while she did nothing, and they asked us, if we could go to their neighbors to feed their cat, and she genuinely angry that they asked. I honestly couldn't believe I had to explain to someone in their 20's why she should help her parents with one small task that would take 20 min, max
@@davidmhh9977 Can I ask you what made you commit to her in the first place? What was it about her?
No I will not help if I don't want to!
@@IWishYouTheBest nice! she should say the same thing to you then!
Relationships are hard, and this film captures it beautifully.
Yes and that's why I love single life
Sad but true!
They aren't hard (in this way) when men recognize emotional labor placed upon women
@ladyj7085 emotional labor is all the things that goes on behind doors in the household. Such as planning meals, scheduling sports doctor appointments for the kids, etc., keeping up with cleaning the house, there many more examples. The reason why it is considered labor instead of just an expectation for a family is because this work tends to fall onto the women, while the men would do nothing and not understand the importance of these things. Weaponized incompetence by men is also tied to this. We see here in this scene, the man doesn't have an immediate expectation to go help do the dishes or to clean the house. He even doesn't get the right thing thay she asked for when he goes to the store, while being extremely clear what she needs. He says she naggs him, while she's asking reasonable household chores and things to be done and should be done together as a unit, but they all fall onto her. So, yes, emotional labor is a real thing. It's the mental stress and additional workload that someone has go go through when thry come back home.
@@KitKatOctopus Both people in the relationship should definitely be willing to understand what the other person goes through.
Saw this movie when I was 10 years old, and now being 27 I’m like wow this movie was too real and relatable
It is about showing your woman appreciation that she exist in your world and willing to be with you.
"Willing to be with you", as if every woman is slumming it by "being willing" to be with a man.
Ok but then when he does realize he loves her she’s so hung up on the fact that she couldn’t make him jealous that burns down the reconciliation.
Hits hard when my own relationship felt this way. I cried seeing how they argued knowing it mirrored something like my own.
Cried ?
It definitely didn't look like a comedy.
Hits hard
I heard a male therapist say that "men are only taught to provide (financially) so they grow up thinking thats what makes them a man. Which is why that is why they seem to lack in other areas"
Not only that, women are taught to expect to be provided by their man. Meaning even if the woman is earning enough, she won't be okay with her husband not doing anything which brings money in.
Women have jobs too
Had a female therapist tell me (in my early 20s) that my depression would abate when I got myself a man and had a baby. Because the underlying issues don't matter, I just needed to have a male presence in my life and pop out a kid and life would be perfect!
@@flayremoonbad therapist and I’m a man
@@flayremoonyeah that therapist should be stripped of her professional license. That's a load of hogwash
I almost started crying because just 5 minutes of dialogue perfectly explained how I felt in my last relationship. I don’t know if they were narcissists or else but the helplessness of showing up, actually trying to change for the better, do things in a way that would satisfy them and then, them not even showing appreciation but belittling me.
They only gifted me flowers a week after we met, I loved gifting them small things even flowers and yet, I received none.
This movie depressed and utterly drained me completely. I felt like I had been chewed up and spit out. It's SO realistic!
You gotta love how he makes it all about material things (i.e. the dishes, the lemons, the flowers, etc.) when that's clearly not what she's talking about. He's constantly derailing the conversation.
You gotta love how she makes it vague about random nonsense instead of just coming out and saying what the problem is.
@@mistersinister2043 She wasn't vague. She said it. He doesn't help. He leaves all the work of running the household and entertaining to her. Even when she point blank asks him to do something specific, he can't be bothered. He's just playing dumb.
@@73cidalia Stay single.
@@mistersinister2043Lol someone's projecting.
@@PickyVickyVindictive Don't worry, what's between your legs will eventually dry up and you'll be single too.
This is a prime example of how some men argue.
Some men are too literal , they take words by their face value and drag them and do not understand the meaning or symbolism behind them.
They don’t understand that it is not about obeying orders, forcing themselves to do things they don’t like , buying expensive gifts or buying stupid flowers … it is none of that.
It is about exhibiting actions that show care , consideration and attention to detail , yet it seems that it is an impossible thing to ask of them.
This was exactly the fights I used to have with my ex.
sometimes it would get so frustrating I felt like I was banging my head to a wall because he would argue so superficially like that and would never listen or even try to. It was so hopeless.
This movie was so real, it hits a cord for anyone who has been in a relationship where they felt unappreciated or unheard.
I often wonder if it's done on purpose by some men. If it's not purpose and just the way men are wired then I'd rather be single.
@@swiftkarma4436 and this is why I have been single since my ex , he drained life out of me. and whenever I hear about my married friends’ troubles with their husbands, I am thankful I don’t have a man in a my life.
A predictable life.. yes, but peaceful.. ABSOLUTELY
generally men are logical women are emotional. men argue logically and factually so a lot of the time yes a women's argument will go over their heads if it's a point that's feelings-based but presented as logic-based. women argue emotionally and covertly, they argue with feelings which aren't always objective truth. that's why it makes it easy for men and women to be unable to come to an understanding sometimes, because upon escalation a man is completely in his masculine and a women in her feminine (naturally defending themselves so results in closed/narrowed field of view). a man reverts to biased physical logic to recitify an "unfair" situation, and a women to her neglected emotions. whoever is more right or wrong can sway either way depending on the argument
You have same thing online when you're debating and you use example to support your argument but the other person takes it too literaly and doesn't understand the point of an example so you just end up arguing with an idiot who pretends like you're the dumb one. So frustrating...
@@MusiicRoolz how are men logical? Some are but this guy isn't. I mean look at my comment above, this argument from the scene happens in online debates all the time, this is how you know people are stupid, the opposite of logical. And I'm the guy, it's frustrating how some guys take examples used to prove a point so literaly that you can't even explain to them that they are missing the point, it almost seems like they're just trolling to rile you up. It's like part of their brain is damaged, they are physically unable to understand no matter how much you explain.
“Why would I want to do the dishes” well no one does! But why should she do it? If she didn’t do it, you will never get to it. Most irritating thing ever seriously
You realize all that was said after he offered to help and she said "you should want to want to do them". Thats when he said she was being crazy, because its true, nobody wants to do dishes.
And its also true that you don't have to do the dishes right away, she wanted to start and argument to vent her frustration it was never about the dishes, in fact id you ever in this situation know that the decision to end things has been made long time ago.
Would it be better if they just got a dishwasher
@@anarmustafayev1555 she should have said what it was about then
@@dustinhenderson6434 But notice how he only offered to help _AFTER_ she told him about the dishes. That's the thing, she shouldn't need to tell him to do it for him to get involved in the first place! Part of being a functioning adult is to recognise that doing the dishes, laundry, cleaning, or any of the tedious everyday household task need to be done without anyone telling you. Nobody likes those, but someone got to do it if you want to have a home with livable conditions, and that responsability usually falls on women because men simply don't do them. This guy wouldn't move a finger if she didn't tell him first; the one keeping track of everything is her. He's just an automaton with zero initiave to do all these things on his own. The mental load is heavily one-sided. She's not asking him to love cleaning, merely pointing out that she always does it and that he should pull his weight.
This movie always punches me right in the GUT!!!
Feels so real.
I wish I could keep my calm like this lady here after busting for years. The resentment really builds up.
It's a movie
The guys character is quite immature and emotionally stunted.. He seems so frustrating just to get through to. He’s a very difficult person to even argue with because he keeps strawmanning and distracting away from the Main point and never admits that he’s at fault.
Yes. However. She has to learn how to communicate better with her man.
Narcissistic tendencies
She's unreasonable on a lot of things too.
@@therealjcon No. she’s really not. It’s not unreasonable to want someone to offer to help you when you’re struggling or tired, or after you’ve done something for them
So you were able to see thru the situation and understand his problems. I wish more people were able to do so. I've learned the only way to get thru to someone like that is to establish a reward, a little bit like training a dog... As condescending and patronizing as that sounds, but it works and the both of you are happy.
That's where she went wrong, is she didn't compromise either, she did everything for him, and demanded the same level of energy from him.
"Nothing I ever do is good enough" - well when you do nothing, obviously it's not 😂
He is inconsiderate but she is super high maintenance... when you KNOW down to your very soul that regardless of how much effort you put in that the first thing you are going to hear is some nagging complaint about some aspect that isn't perfect then that's when people just give up. Why try when it won't be appreciated anyways... I ran an experiment on my mom when I was 11, I did literally everything in the kitchen. Cleaned the dishes, organized the pots & the pan & the bowls, wiped down the counter & cabinets, cleaned the fridge outside & inside, swept the floor, vacuumed the rug... literally everything that it was possible to do I did EXCEPT mop the floor. I intentionally left one thing undone after +4 hours of work to see what the first thing she said about the job... of course the first thing she said was "you forgot to mop the floor." I didn't even make the smallest attempts after that and just took the beatings until I got to big for her to be able to hit me anymore.
Exactly so break up with her so some one else can make her happy
@@nationalsocialism3504 So you intentionally left the job unfinished?
@@nicolettetallmadge3254 Yes... that's how an experiment is conducted. You start with a hypothesis, then you test your hypothesis & using the results of the test then you can draw a conclusion if your hypothesis is correct or incorrect. Fucking christ on a crutch... this is like 2nd grade science class stuff here.
@@nationalsocialism3504 I see. Yes, it does stink that all of your other efforts were negated by that one undone task. Sucks that you experienced that when you were a kid.
That being said, that's not what's going on in this movie. Brooke asked for 12 lemons, Gary brought back 3. Once you're at the store, it takes the same amount of energy to get 12 as it does for 3. Unless the store didn't have 12. Gary never mentioned that there were only 3 to be bought, so it's a reasonable conclusion that he could have gotten the 12 lemons that were asked for. That's not being high maintenance, Gary didn't complete the mission.
It's not high maintenance for Brooke to ask him for help setting the table while she finished cooking. The dishes and glasses were already gathered at the table. It was a 2 to 3-minute job at the most to put them in their place around the table. Gary wasted time arguing with Brooke about it and then ran off to take a shower when the guests started arriving leaving her to finish cooking, set the table, and greet the guests.
Also not high maintenance to ask for 15 minutes of help to knock out the dishes together when one person had already prepared for the party, cleaned and cooked beforehand. Gary didn't ask for 15 minutes of rest, Brooke suggested that it would only take 15 minutes and Gary countered that they could just leave the dishes until the next day. Which...fine, that's only going to mean that there's more chores to do the next day. And it's quite likely that it will be Brooke that has to do them the next day seeing as Gary couldn't take 2 to 3 minutes to even set a table. The problem doesn't appear that none of his efforts are appreciated, it appears that he's not giving any effort at all.
I wish that people would understand what she means is simple:
I want you to help me. I want you to love me enough to THINK of me. Like its just please think of me instead of yourself SOME of the time.
I love how she says l: How do you show up for me? And he can't answer other than holding down a job like... Any adult.
When in this entire scenario did she think of Gary? I need lemons for my dish for the dinner party that I want to have and the dishes I don’t want to clean in the morning.
@@dannytallmage2971?? She made dinner for the both of them, the kind thing to do would be to simply wash dishes for her out of the goodness of his heart and the fact that he appreciates how she did that for him
@@lei.www22 don’t host dinner parties if you don’t want to do dishes. I’d much rather being out with my boys or cheating than eating dinner with my girlfriend’s dumb family. Gary felt the same way.
@@dannytallmage2971 It wasn’t the dinner party, she made dinner for him and her, the kind thing to do.. I have to say this again for some reason.. would be to just help the person you love out a little bit, especially if they have done so much for you in the past or continue to do so much for you. It seems to me that it’s hard for you to understand this concept of kindness and compassion towards others, and certainly by your remarks it confirmed that for me. I hope you find inner peace because you seem to have something going on in your mind to justify cheating in any circumstance, especially instead of spending time with your partner and their family. I hope you heal.
@@lei.www22 lol yea life just sucks being 6’3” and looking like a polo model. I’m really really hurt inside from being able to sleep with basically any girl I want.
This is what happens when parents baby their son and do not teach him to take initiative and learn how to take care of a home without relying on a woman. Weaponized incompetence.
Last two words are wrongly attributed to this
That makes no sense. Either he’s a man baby or he’s weaponzing his incompetence.
Maybe men just don't have the same level of cleanliness as women do. He would have gotten around to doing the dishes eventually.
I was married to a woman who only thought of herself and anything for me was a chore. I totally get Brooke’s feelings, she wants him to enjoy doing things that make her life easy. He puts himself and his needs first and includes her but doesn’t reverse it.
Are you dumb....it's not her life easy....house and chores works are for everyone......if you thinks it's only her work...then you deserve to be single.
Dude...she's doing the same thing as you described....seriously look at it from another perspective
This movie has some of the best acting I've ever seen. The fights and arguments are so true to life and natural that you forget you're watching a movie. Vince and Jennifer did a phenomenal job playing their roles. If I were to show an acting class that showcases the best acting, this would be number one. I've been watching this movie since it came out when I was nine.
If he wants to be left alone, then why be in a relationship? That’s not how it works lol
20 Minutes !
Right lol
Exactly, he only wanted a few minutes. Why do some people get so obsessed with now.
Sometimes it takes a relationship for a person to realise that though.
You can be in a healthy relationship and still get some me-time.
This movie was so helpful for me. I divorced my selfish husband. I did everything for him. Romance.... yeh right.
I’m glad you got out. Takes a lot of strength and courage. I hope you are doing well now ❤️
@@butterflybe2230 Yes, I am. Thank you have a blessed day.
@@MissKitty944 You too ❤️
Good for you. Some men are just lazy.
I hope you're living your best life 🥰❤️
This is about being considerate. Not just in relationships but with everyone.
This is a relationship that began with Vince vaugh’s character boorishly humiliating her date at a baseball game. Lol if she wanted someone considerate she wouldn’t have given him her number.
Omg I’ve dated a guy like this and he deserves to be alone
My ex was exactly like this. So glad I left.
Women can never seem to see when they're wrong.
@@CrazyMunky84 dudes wrong in this scenario tho. Do you ladies.
@@CrazyMunky84 Bruh it's dishes. Man up.
Same
It’s like compliments. Don’t say them because she wants you to, because YOU want to. Big difference.
She’s 100% right
Soon to be Single and right 😮
@@Kat.Evangeline14Yeah, but better alone than with the wrong person who doesn’t appreciate you.
Not 100% right. Her communication was lacking. You cannot say everything she said and did to him was 100% right. It's not that black and white.
@@timvibes It’s definitely not 100%, especially when it comes to relationships and those involved. She could’ve communicated a bit better, and expressed her needs. However, that goes both ways. He can clearly look around and see what needs to get done. He can pick up after himself. Living together with someone as a couple means making equal effort to the household. Communication is key, but you can also look around and see what needs to get done. Support and appreciate one another. Also give each other time to game or read or whatever, that’s important too.
@@timvibes I definitely thought the communication skills of this couple was lacking.
Movie should be mandatory viewing for all couples
All men..
😁 I think the film suckered us into taking it seriously. Not that these two actors didn't make the fight look extremely convincing.
It’s not about loving ballet or doing dishes, it’s about loving make that person happy
He wanted to digest his food while it never occured to him that his wife too wants to sit and digest her food, and wake up to a clean kitchen in the morning. It never occurs to him that she wants some help, some humanity. Its simply selfish.
If he had been generous the rest of the time, she wouldn't have minded if he wanted to wait a while.
He wants 15 minutes!
@@jrseitz21 which would have been fine if he hadn't left the entire responsibility of the entire party to her all day. She most likely would like to rest for 15 minutes too.
@deborahminter6231 whos party was it? He didn't even want it. She forced him to participate. And then blames him for not clearing up the mess she created on a subject he wanted nothing to do with.....that's insane. And who said she couldn't take 15 minutes? Why doesn't she change out of that fancy dress and heels and put on some comfy clothes and then start 🤔. I've never seen any woman do dishes in heels. I sure as heck wouldn't. I keep clean house but i never do the dishes right after I eat. It's usually a few hours later.
@@jrseitz21 that's a terrible way of looking at it! Her party? They have to work together, wether it's her guest or his guest. Each one of them has family and freinds, it would be really rude for her too not help when he invited his freinds over....Visa Versa. As for the heels and dress, I 100% agree. Lol😂 I blame that on Hollywood...there are plenty of scenes in movies where the characters are not appropriately dressed for their activities, especially women. In a fictional world women wear make up, high heels, or earrings 24 hours a day. 🤣
Every married person can relate, sadly.
But they’re not married, which is even sadder
LMAOOO TRUEEE MY MOM DEFINITELY COULD RELATE TO BROOKE
Don’t marry someone like that then
@@sallysmith8408 Don't marry period! Familiarity breeds contempt.
Every person in a toxic marriage, perhaps. But if you can learn to communicate clearly, and listen when the other person is communicating, when you can learn to show appreciation and love and receive it in return, when you can learn to contribute 50/50 in every aspect of your relationship, then this situation is entirely avoidable. Men are socialised to be ignorant and fearful of difficult emotions. Women are socialised to take on the majority of the emotional labour in the family, and to not communicate assertively. But just because that IS the case doesn't mean it HAS to be the case.
This by itself is not a big deal….but it’s the collection of not thinking of her, not appreciating her, not listening to her, not responding to her needs and being disengaged with her and the relationship.
Exactly! It could appear she is overly angry about the dishes...but she really is angry about everything. Communication is vital in a relationship.
Eh it’s also a product of her not taking his work seriously enough. They are in the middle of stressful expansion effort and she treats like he’s just goofing off at work.
@@dannytallmage2971 It doesn't matter what people do at work. When you come home, you take care of the chores like a big boy. The moral of this story is that he is better suited to being by himself.
@@heyhey439 Not to mention that he didn't do all of his work like he was supposed to either. He routinely ignored doing the tour logs and then got mad at his brother when he insisted that he do them.
I do the dishes every night pretty much because of this scene.
On behalf of your (I’m assuming) wife, thank you!!! ☺️
What I love is that the guy DOES have a point too. She deserves the help, and a nice gesture every now and then, but you can tell that his work makes him absolutely miserable and letting off some steam at home is the only way he knows to cope with it.
What's tragic is that neither of them communicated until the breaking point. Her that she wanted to feel more seen and more loved through little attentions, him that he felt soul-crushed at his job and needed a safe space to let out his stress.
His job isn’t her fault tho. That’s his issue to fix.
@@sarahirwin6631if you love somebody, you try to be their peace, it’s not hard to simply let a man breathe and relax sometimes. Be a supportive partner for crying out loud.
@@lei.www22 thats fine as long as it goes both ways, but this clip is opposite the opposite of that. She gives and gives and he does nothing to help. This is a pattern in their relationship and so she is fed up. Lol this isn't about me.
@@lei.www22 She cleaned the house and cooked for him. He can't even do the dishes (15 min)? Come on... He has all night to play video games. Him not even sparing 15 minutes of his time to do the dishes says it all about how much he does not care about her.
oh dear that scene brought up memories... it is like they filmed my ex and I when we were living together...
This scene always hits deep.
Then he'll tell everyone he was "blindsided by the divorce". A redditer who's girlfriend left him said it best. "I thought it was a tolerable level of unhappiness"
they are both very good actors
Both male 😮
when i saw this movie when it first came out, i UNDERSTOOD it but i didn't GET it. now that i am older & have unfortunately been in relationship with a gary, i see this movie sooooo differently. gary isn't traditionally "abusive" but in his neglect, selfishness & fear of being vulnerable, he continues to hurt the woman he claims to love. i appreciate this take on relationships- where it isn't so "dark" & outright abusive, but sheds light on how someone can love you but not have the capacity to SHOW you the love YOU DESERVE & CAN SHOW THEM. it's deep.
Reading the comments here, and, man, dudes are not smart. It is really sad.
He is lazy and selfish.
It’s just poor communication at the end of the day. Small issues build up and become a major one.
@@shreddersaurusrex323 On his end. He’s consistently inconsiderate. Brooke is pretty clear in what she wants unless you have the social maturity of a 4 year old.
No he really is lazy and selfish
Lazy because he gets home from working all day an has to straight into hosting a dinner then wants to relax an do the dishes in the morning sounds really lazy.
@@shreddersaurusrex323 not really, he just a lazy and selfish dude lmao why you going out of your way to cape up
This movie was more one-sided than what I think it was aiming to be but Brooke definitely had some communication issues with passive-aggressive tendencies that I think a lot of us women have and are easy to miss. That's why I think it seemed a lot more one-sided throughout the film, but overall Vince Vaughn's character was very selfish and def needed to learn what being in a relationship really means. My bf and I watched this together and promised we wouldn't end up like this hahaha
Good for you... Poor brooke and she definitely deserves better
@@ladymargaret6186
Yeah poor Brooke, who completely admitted at the bowling scene that she is intentionally destroying his life so that she is his last hope. Poor, poor Brooke.
@Crimsonys Right, because grown men have no control over our own lives, we just do what other people say. If you would watch the whole movie, you will see that neither of them are good in that relationship, and the whole point of the movie was that some people just aren’t made for each other.
"You said you didn't like flowers"
"Every girl likes flowers"
Good grief. She's just as bad in some ways.
@@arynrowland862You're definitely right. I think for him, if she were truly the right one, he would have stepped up and wanted to do things for her. But she just wasn't that person for him. And I think she wanted so bad for that relationship to work, but it just didn't.
This is exactly my relationship w my ex of 5 YEARS the one year we lived together completely opened my eyes and we broke up because dealing w someone like that makes you depressed sad and just breaks you as a person
This is such a realistic and common type of fight.
0:30 “that’s what happens” 😂😂
And then men feel as if we’ve “left” them “outta nowhere”, instead of taking accountability for their actions smh.
Vince is a timeless under appreciated actor that is unrated! RETURN TO PARADISE is in my opinion his BEST ROLE!! Life is not complete without watching that movie for anyone who remotely likes Vince!! ♥️
He said he wanted to be left alone and so she did leave him alone xD
Grown man playing video games: 100% effective birth control
If people really love each other, and not just the feeling of love, but unconditional commitment, then both will offer to take part in doing things to maintain the relationship and things will be successful.
The issue isn't that she had to "ask," it's that when she did ask he was unwilling and became angry about it.
It's a great scene in that it describes the male-female relationship dynamic. Men take things more literally and women are better with emotions and being subtle. Some couples find the balance and compromise, but when they can't, it's best they find that out early and go their separate ways.
He should do his part without being asked. That's not subtlety.
This scene nails a relationship
This thing doesn't fit only in case of romantic relationship but also in other relationships too. If your mother worked from 9-5, came home and arranged a full meal by herself for a group of people, any kid of her would try to give her a helping hand in the kitchen. We do it out of love and compassion for her. If one can do it for their parents, they can also do that for their spouses
I'm so lucky I have the most incredible husband. He helps me all the time and it's like his second nature. I never had to ask him to do anything. He does the dishes, laundry everything. And he buys my gifts
I'm so grateful and I hope everyone has a husband like him
This is such an underrated acting job by the both of them! 😢
I went through a similar situation like this scene with my fiancée. She made us this delicious meal, and as we ate while watching a movie, I promised her I’d wash the dishes afterwards, but I forgot to do so that night. Early the next morning, I got up before she did and washed the dishes, and then surprised her at her work by taking her out to dinner at the end of her shift. It’s the little things that always matter. ❤️
So nice. Where are you, an actually men, are hiding ? Lol
Yeh thats nice, do the same thing in 5 years though….
They’re both expecting too much from each other, him by wanting to be left alone and have all the relaxation to himself. Her bc she’s not explaining her feelings but expecting him to understand what she’s talking about. At least she tried so much instead of being selfish and lazy. All she wanted was for him to put in a little effort on his own to show he cared . It’s simple but they made it so complicated. Such brilliant acting by both of them!!!
they're both toxic with each other
But she does explain how she's feeling and why.
@@dumfriesspearhead7398 I know she does but he’s too dumb to understand. But of course we’re the “ crazy overreacting ones “ . We’re crazy bc men are dumb and selfish
He was being selfish and no amount of talking would have got through him. It was only after she really gave up that he started to hear what she was saying. Even his own friend said she never stood a chance. It was always what he wants.
Being in a relationship with a selfish person is a waste of time.
Time is something we will never get back..
Please people , don't waste it.
Especially on selfish people.
You know the problem is no one ever thinks they’re BOTH to blame. Which they are. But no, they never think they’re wrong and gotta point fingers at each other
I was in a relationship like this once where my ex would let things like dishes and laundry pile up until I was basically FORCED to do them. She would wash some of her own dishes and some of her own clothes, but that was it. When I confronted her she said that it wasn't fair she should have to do those things because she had a longer drive to work. I was driving 30 minutes to work and she was driving a little over an hour. I said "I understand but I do work more hours than you and we both have days off" and she finally agreed to start helping out. She didn't, and the cycle repeated itself. It wasn't long after that I broke up with her because I realized she didn't respect me.
If he says leave the dishes for tomorrow… I’m going to bed and leaving the dishes there😂
Choreplay - if you did the dishes , I would love you more. Never works out gentlemen.
He is right here. He stop what he was doing for her and she is upset. He is doing what she wanted him to do and she is still mad… not right
This is so realistic it hurts to watch
Vince and Jennifer played their roles perfectly
This is why house duties should be taught equally to boys and girls.
She was top shelf. He knew it, but was too selfish to show it. Plain and simple. Like a little high school boy.
"Why would I want to do dishes?"
Vince Vaughn 2006
Am not in a relationship, but man my family is like Gary . Thats why I wanna live in a cottage, in solitude, enjoying my peace.
She's such a good actress. Oh my god
Just what every relationship looks like at some point!
Only when men think they should be served rather than being a partner
She's not being convoluted or complicated, he completely lacks empathy, he doesn't consider her feelings and needs at all.
Where in this clip does she demonstrate empathy towards him. Keeping in mind she wanted to have the dinner party. He didn’t care. She doesn’t respect his work or his family as she made clear at dinner.
The most realistic scene in the history of Hollywood.
Of course no one wants to do the dishes but you gotta just do them! If you are both living together than you both need to do them simple as
Best scene she is amazing
This scene is honestly an Oscar worthy performance by both of them. This is so believable.
For anyone thinking about getting back in the dating game....this should do it. For at least another 6 months and then come back and the whole years covered. What a mess in these days.