Story 1- My husband has friends who are women at work. I've met most of them and they're really cool. We all hang out and our kids play together once in awhile. He's the "safe man" in that work environment and so when someone needs walked to their car after dark, or a ride when their car is broken, etc. it's him they ask first. There's never any secrecy, flirting, or any boundary crossing. Thats healthy. I love that he's able to help out and BE a safe person in that space. The dude in this story is trying to sneak, hide, flirt, and is emotionally cheating. VERY different.
Story 2: He is Literally doing nothing in favor of his ex. HE LOST A FRIEND! HE LOST A BROTHER! He is going for himself and to say goodbye to his friend.
My literal thoughts. Clearly he hasn't kept in touch with the Ex as he just found out about the death and didn't even have her number. His GF is entitled to feel a way but she needs to be supportive
i was yelling at my screen this very same thing. i think that OP can lay out some boundaries with ex and her family moving forward tho. like them saying that they consider him part of their family now can be seen as a bit out of place, especially in the perspective of his new gf. so, i think he should've definitely gone to the funeral but also don't stay in touch w the family/ex moving forward unless absolutely necessary. edit: after listening to the update, i stand by what i said. the gf was not understanding AT ALL. good riddance imo. i can be pretty jealous too, but even i know he wasn't going to party it up w his ex and her family. it was his friend's funeral. i know morgan and ale were torn on this one, but it was pretty obvious to me that the gf did not trust him at all and was simply insecure. i'm glad he's out of that toxicity and moving on
Yeah but... how come he had time to discuss not being ready for a relationship and still feeling a "bond" towards his ex tho? I think op isn´t telling the full story and the real reason why he broke up is because he realized he still had feelings for his ex. This situation just gave him a reason to break up a seemingly perfect relationship without looking like an AH. His ex was right about not wanting him to go.
hey morgan! ive watched every episode, love what u guys do! you should do a theme called “assholes with awareness/clarity” about stories when the OP is the asshole but reads comments and acknowledges their horrible behavior and attempts to either make up for it or accept it and try to be better.
@@TwoHotTakesa “mystery theme” would totally work with that idea! reveal the theme at the end of the episode and maybe give a preface or hints as to what it is at the beginning. hope and cant wait to see your ideas blossom and produce yet another 10/10 episode❤️
Story 2: I totally disagree with the Reddit verdict. That gf’s family is a bunch of assholes. My good friend of ~5 years died a few years back and it broke me. His funeral gave me a chance to say goodbye and show his family how much he meant to me. It was a big part in my own healing process. His gf’s family cares more about who comes to their daughter’s / sister’s wedding rather than OP’s personal well being. I would never want to be a part of that family and I hope he leaves her
THIS EXACTLY! I’m on AITA a lot and usually the first one to go with one of the non-traditional verdicts (ESH or NAH), but this is definitely an NTA verdict. I’m kinda glad that Amelia showed her true colors, and OP left her and her shitty family.
To me, when I heard the second story I couldnt believe that the first thing the girlfriend thought was that he was trying to get back with the ex. She didnt comfort him that someone who he considered a brother to him just died. I understand that she could have felt upset but to not put her own selfish feelings aside and to be like "i know how important this is to you. you should go" is messed up to me and was a red flag. She made a situation worse by not being understanding. plus, why would you want someone to go be your plus one if you know they are grieving ????? i dont know to me i instantly knew they were going to break up. im sorry to op loss. now forever he is going to regret not going because of her selfish desires.
You couldn’t have said it better. Part of being a good partner is trying to comfort them when they are having a tough time and that would involve letting them go to the funeral even though that leaves you alone at the wedding. He was thinking of her and she kept thinking about herself. Should have dumped her and went to the funeral.
I've encountered stuff like this before and it always baffles me and also makes me so sad for people. Like what kind of people have they been around that their mind goes there in this situation? I saw something similar when my nephew was undergoing cancer treatment. My best friend got a lot of money together to support my brother and his wife during a really tough time, just so they'd have one less thing to worry about. And my SIL thought my best friend was trying to steal my brother from her. Like. What kind of terrible friends has she had that she thinks someone is using her child's cancer to drive a wedge in her marriage????
I totally understand she got upset at first but you would think that eventually she would let that weird insecurity go and comfort him. He LOST someone, he is probably visibly upset and she never thought ''maybe i should be there for him''
also not saying you have kids for a whole MONTH, i think that should be a first date basis thing, I understand being nervous about rejection, but might as well say it that way you're not stuck with someone that doesn't like/want kids months later.
And then said they didn't do anything... They literally went through her things. Also I think what she was tryin to say in her post is I don't want to be a babysitter and a parent in his stead, because she did say she was fine spending time around the kids she just doesn't want to be the care giver for them, which I think is reasonable unless it was an extreme situation like smth sudden and serious happen.
Thank YOU! Nobody did read what she wrote!! Even Morgan and Alejandra didn't. She said she has met the kids several times, she just said she doesn't want the responsibility. She also said, this was their agreement and they could break up if it stopped working. Its not like she is saying kids=Satan. She said she didn't want a switch in their arrangement, all the sudden, without communication. She is being gaslit by her bf, and everyone else. This is touchy, but I don't get why everyone is attacking her.
That is exactly what would happen. When my mom was pregnant with me, she went to see my then 4yo brother in the little performance the kids would do at the end of vacation bible school. There was no AC in the church (also in the south, in June, very humid) and she fainted in the middle of the event. That was during a like 2hr long event, no way could that poor lady in the post have lasted 8hrs.
Given what OP said, sister in law sounds jealous of OP already so I’d bet that she’s intentionally vetoing the compromise suggestions because she doesn’t want OP there “pregnant and stealing *bride’s* spotlight” - that’s at least what I imagine bridezilla is thinking but can totally see it being the case. I live in the South and couldn’t imagine any other logical reason to enforce long sleeve black tie in the middle of a summer day - literally insane. Bet bride’s dress is sleeveless though (and prob bridesmaids too)
come on now, nobody's passing out bc of long sleeves! i do think there should be a concern about overheating and sunstroke for this pregnant lady but the sleeves won't make it or break it. they're both acting like idiots
Story # 2- forget the sister being an ex. This was the death of a friend, one that became like family after he was no longer with the sister. You do not miss the funeral of close friends or family.
Do you also get picked up by your ex, road trip there alone with just them, and then stay with the exes family in their house for multiple days while everyone is emotional and grieving? Yeah no. Probably not. Quit acting like it was just about attending a funeral, it wasnt. The entire thing is inappropriate.
@bailey7792 realistically, as the girlfriend, I would offer to drive and split a hotel. My now husband of 9 years and I have gone to every wedding and funeral together. Your partner is mourning their friend and need support from you. This is not the time for Ego.
The funeral/wedding story was a no brainer to me. I’ve lost two of my best and closest friends and there is absolutely nothing that would’ve stopped me from attending their funerals. And I would also expect my partner to do the same in that situation. I understand the catch-22 for people but it’s just not the case from my perspective
I think it's weird that his gf is so upset about being "alone" at her own sister's wedding. It's not like he's sending her to a wedding in HIS family by herself.
@@candiedolives5340 I assume she’d also be very preoccupied with helping her sister, maybe in the wedding party, or just interacting with family in general! I also just wouldn’t feel good guilting my partner to attend a joyous event while they are grieving let alone missing the funeral entirely to attend the wedding. It’s no wonder things ended the way they did.
Even if a woman is very upfront about wanting to be child free, men will agree with them until they have them “locked down“ and think that they can change their mind. There is already been many stories like that, and a recent one is even more shocking than that. she was completely upfront on her dating profile that she was not only child free but she was in fertile and when she and her fiancé got engaged he told her she needs to get off her birth control so she could get pregnant, full well knowing she was infertile.
Have seen the gender swap of that too. It is like society has impressed the idea that "people who don't want kids WILL change their minds eventually...just be patient." And so, people lie about being okay with being childfree under the assumption that it is only temporary anyway.
This is a huge fear of mine and why I will only date people who are, like me, adamant about not wanting kids. Never someone who is just "okay with" me not wanting kids.
@@davidharshman7645 This happened to my brother with his ex. Thankfully he never married her. She'd deliberately start arguments about the topic hoping that she could make him feel bad and give in.
The boyfriend is only thinking of himself. Its not like we can say he gave a thought to whats best for his girls in his choices. Or at least for me i think he lives his life like his a childfree man but he's not. You should choose your partners with your kids in mind so your kids never have to feel they have to fight for their parents love. This will be such a dealbreaker for them both as the girls turn into teenagers
Story 4: OP started the story by saying she tells every guy she dates up front that she is Child Free because she doesn't want to lead the guy on. It is VERY clear that her bf didn't feel the same way, because he heard that and kept dating her without telling her about his kids until OP already had feelings. Whatever conclusion one has about OP, that bf is an AH on several levels.
yes, it seemed like a manipulative tactic, no? If he told her from the very beginning, "you're child free? I have 2 daughters, will that be a problem?" She would have been able to make the decision to leave him alone and find someone that suits her life. But instead, he waited a month, she fell for him, then he tells her thinking "she won't leave cause she loves me now." I've had it happen to me.
@supertoezen true, but when he told her he had kids, she basically say I want out because I want child free life and he said (that's fine) and in that moment he agreed that his life with his kids would be Separate from his life with her until they were grown. And she wouldn't have to raise them with him.
He also said his kids were good and hadn’t done anything…but she caught them in her closet trying on her clothes and shoes! These kids haven’t been taught to respect other’s personal space and belongings? I sucked in a breath and mouth dropped open when she said that 🤦🏼♀️
Story 4: I am shocked that people thought op was the problem!! She was VERY upfront about her wants and HE said that was fine and she didn’t have to be a parental figure. Then he actually followed through and kept their lives separate for 4 years!! It doesn’t even sound like they were living together at the end because they were still keeping their separate 1 week with the kids/1 week with op arrangement. She was living in this delusional due to HIS actions. They never should of gotten together in the first place but he is absolutely the one that sucks here.
Yeah I agree, I don’t think she’s really an asshole. She set clear boundaries that HE agreed to! & she never said she didn’t like his kids, she just doesn’t want kids and doesn’t want to have to watch them. I don’t really think she is wrong for that. She was upfront from the beginning and he was not. Yes, maybe she should have left..but he did agree to her boundaries & seemed to keep up with them for years. If he wants to start changing his mind then they should split up & he find someone who is better for him. Because from what I heard of the story..she set boundaries, he agree, went along, and she said she was perfectly happy with everything! until he did this and tried to manipulate her into this situation with his kids that she never agreed to in the first place. Why would you leave your two kids at someones house like that? She comes home to find his two kids alone going thru her things!! Like wtf!! I would be mad too. He was for sure the AH. She was clear in her intentions from the beginning & he was not.
She’s not the AH but technically she is because in what world are you with someone who has kids and they just pretend he’s child free when they’re together. There’s no logic.
THIS! Listening to them was really annoying me 😬 especially when they went hard on her for saying about moving in together when the kids are older... I'm sure she realises they are still his kids! But a big difference between literal kids and adults! She won't need to care for or be responsible for adults.
Story 2: I dont think i could look at someone the same if they told me I couldnt go to a Current close friends funeral because they were related to my ex, and that me going with them to their sisters wedding was more important. Hes not even asking her to go, hes just saying he wants to go to the funeral for grief. Why even want someone grieving like that at your wedding, a very happy event? it would just make them feel worse. Theres no way if i was the gf id want the bf to try and force himself to go to the wedding even if he didnt want to go to the funeral. Even with him staying with them, grief would have me prefer he is around others
I 100% agree and I wouldn’t say no to my current partner if he just wanted to go to the funeral. But the multiple days prior and carpooling is where things get sticky. That’s more than paying your respects to a friend at this point. That’s spending time and paying respects and consoling an ex. Had he said “I want to take an Uber to the funeral that day and come home that night but I will unfortunately miss the wedding because it’s the same day as the funeral” then I really think more people would’ve been on fully on his side. Myself included
@@shelby_buttonthe funeral was a 7 hour drive away. Theres simply no uber or lyft driver who would accept a ride 7+ hours long a ride where they wouldnt be paid for any tolls nor the ability to get home. I dont even think you can order one for that far away. Itd be the same issue where hed have to be gone for 2+ days. The only way he could afford to go was if he didnt need to pay money for a flight or a hotel as well
Childfree story: It’s not on HER to make sure HE’S being a good parental figure to his kids. If he told her that he was fine with her not being a parental figure and the kids not living with them, why should she be called delusional for believing him?
She’s delusional for believing him, and having any kind of relationship with someone if she’s doesn’t want to be around kids. If it was just I don’t want to be a parental figure that’s one thing, but she’s saying I don’t want to be around the kids period, in which case she is delusional because he comes with the kids. Don’t put yourself in a situation that could potentially be a deal breaker. The longer she stays the harder it’ll be on her- that’s why she’s delusional
Story 4: He is also the AH. He fully believed that she would eventually come around. She may have chosen to be delusional by continuing to pursue a relationship with man who had kids, but (after she was upfront about what she didn't want) he waited until a month in to even reveal his surprise children. He sucks. She really shouldn't have ignored that red flag, in addition to also having to try to ignore the fact that he has kids.
I was stunned when Morgan said she was the asshole, especially considering she always expresses the importance of boundaries. Not one did OP say he needed to choose or change his life style in any way, simply that she would not continue to engage. Is that not the definition of setting a boundary?
@@stephjoviyou can date/marry someone with kids without being a parental figure. If my stepmother tired to be a parental figure to me or my sister I would find that rude and wouldn't like that. She's not my mother, she's my dad's partner. I'm happy she makes him happy but my relationship with her is not that different from the relationship I have with my parent's friends besides the fact that we spend more time together
The part of the childfree story that gets me is that he just dropped them off at her place without giving her any notice. And then he gaslit her by acting like this is normal. They had an arrangement, odd as it may be, and he changed it without notice and asked why she even thought the arrangement would last in the first place. Like, could he have a conversation first? Also, let's be more chariable--she probably means she doesnt want the responsibility of minors in her csre. She even said if something happened to their mom, it would be different. The issue is he took liberties with her home, and acted like it was her fault for being upset about it, and gave away the game that he does expect her to change her mind about helping raise his children.
I just want to say thank you Alejandra for talking about extremely painful cramps and endometriosis, it really is debilitating and I am out of commission during my -shark week- as Morgan calls it, you are so strong and an actual badass for podcasting through the pain 💗💜💗
I am also an endo sufferer and I am so glad she didn't try to dumb it down! What a legend to keep recording through the PAIN and the bl33ding.. we see you girl 🙌 !! 💜
This made me feel so comforted this week too. I've struggled with it for years and even though it's more controlled now, it's still incredibly painful.
Story 4 / Childfree : she’s not the AH! Living with someone else’s kid is HARD and very challenging, she’s been really clear on the fact that she doesn’t want to be a parental figure. She’s fine about seeing the girls and doing activities here and there, she doesn’t want to live with them and educate them, this is completely understandable for me!
Yeah and he gave her no warning that they were gonna stay there for a week?? I wouldn’t be ok with that either. Like they can spend the night every so often but I wouldn’t want them living with my either.
Exactly. She probably knows that a child is always dependent on their parents for support, she didn’t act like she hates that he spends time with them, but she made it clear to him that she didn’t want to take on a role with children, KIDS, young and fully dependent on the influences of their parental figures. Being in a relationship with a person with full grown adults and having your partner move in with their young children are completely different things. I say this as a person who loves kids and has taken in children: don’t expect people who don’t want kids to take on your parenting duty just because they are put in this situation. She is not the AH for not wanting his kids around when she put up the boundary and now she is enforcing it. She has no responsibility towards those kids if she made it clear from day 1 she didn’t want to take on this responsibility. He overstepped her boundary and everything from here on out is on him.
You're a real one for this! I'm watching this 1 day after it was posted and the timestamps aren't up yet. ❤ I'm listening with my mom and she gets bored with some of the banter sometimes. ❤❤❤❤
For story 2 a funeral is literally for the people that are still alive to be able to morn the person. A wedding is for the 2 people celebrating something that very much can be private but we CHOOSE to make it a big public thing. Wedding is 100% lower on my priority list anytime
Story #4: The BF is the AH 200%. He hid that he had children until she was already involved in relationship and litterally offered the "Let's date when my kids aren't around" arrangement to soften the blow. And now he's dropping them at her house unanounced? Dude is manipulative and a walking red flag (for both his partner and kids). Yes she could have left him. But he offered the arrangement. What did HE hope? That she would change her mind towards children suddently?
1000% agreed. She literally doesn't not owe his children her time. Yeah it sucks for the dad and his kids, but what sucked more is he knew, continued to pursue her and felt comfortable enough to disregard and disrespect her boundaries regarding kids.
I also think hes the AH towards his own kids. Why would he choose a partner that wouldnt love to be around his kids, who would understand as the kids grow they might wanna stay outside the normal plans. Especially when theyre teenagers, if they have an argument w their mom they might wanna stay there for a bit. Imagine the heartbreak to hear your dad only wants to see you in that specific weekend. Thats so hurtful for these kids because they'll realize eventually they have to fight for a spot in his life. Thats not okay with me. He should always be thinking about his little girls in his choices and to me it sounds like he havent at all
This 100%. I was so shocked that neither Morgan nor Alejandra picked up on the fact that she was open and honest from day one and he decided to wait a month to tell her he has kids.
@@supertoezenthat's the thing though, she didn't mind being around them and even said she likes his kids, she just didn't want the responsibility of being their parent/living with them.
Story 3: I got married in august and we’re also in the south. My ceremony and reception were completely indoors. I was shocked by how many people thought I would even consider having an outdoor wedding. ITS HOT AF!!! I would NEVER force my guests to be uncomfortable like that. That bride is INSANE to me.
Yeah and I can't help feeling like how much do the bride and groom gave a fuck about him being here ? When you get married, you don't get frustrated about random +1 not showing up for absolutly valid reason no ? Ok, I love my sister's BF, but if he had to choose between, come to my wedding or the funeral of a friend of him ? GO TO THE FUNERAL (if you want to ofc, you get me) ! And i consider this man family ! I really can't with this story, this makes me so mad, and I feel like Alejandra and Morgan's been really nice with this girlfriend x)
THIS. As someone who have lost close people to me to death way to early (parent and all grandparents), definitely go to the funeral, like Morgan said: you can celebrate the couple every other day but you only get one funeral and one chance to say goodbye & from experience, especially since OP and the ex's brother were still close after OP and ex broke up (from what I understood), missing the funeral will be something he would most likely end up regretting had he chose the wedding instead.
Story 3: the dress code goes beyond the pregnant OP. Her dress will be the least of this wedding's problems. I'm a southerner-- and we know damn good and well not to have an OUTDOOR MIDDAY function in LONG SLEEVES AND BLACK TIE LAYERS. Good lord. The number of heat stroke cases that day will be worthy of bards' ballads for ages to come. This bride is insane. She wants her AeStHeTiC but has failed to consider the climate!
This! In summer you can be soaked in sweat wearing shorts & a T-shirt in a short amount of time. I can’t imagine expecting people to dress like this for an outdoor summer event. No one is going to like it. The pregnancy just makes it worse for op.
the only thing i could think about while listening to story 2 was ‘would amelia have reacted the same way if the wedding and the funeral were on different days?’ it makes me so sad to think that she never saw him attending the funeral as him mourning a friend, but rather as an opportunity to get back with his ex, with whom he wouldn’t even have had contact with otherwise.
The “no kid” story. I’ve found that a lot of men believe that people will “change their mind” later. I set boundaries for my life with my ex about smoking and not wanting it in my life or around me and 6 months later he brought it up as a problem because he thought I’d change my mind.
Re the kid free OP: The way I interrupted it is that she’s is ok playing a very minimal role in the lives her of partner’s kids. They’ve spent time together before. She’s also given the father an out multiple times that he’s shot down. It seems to me like he is slowly trying to change her mind. From not telling her about the kids until months in, to not telling her his kids were at her house without him there. He made up his mind that he would change their arrangement of him taking his kids to his place and she would have to just deal with it. She then gave him another out and let him know they could end things if what they agreed to wasn’t working. His kids should come first and he should only date someone that wants or has kids but it seems like the OP is more concerned about that than the father is. He could also make the choice to end things since she doesn’t want to play a role and he knows that but he hasn’t.
single mom here, was listening on Apple Podcasts but came here to say that YES. as a single mom, it’s been extremely difficult to date and meet new people; however, my child’s father has already met and started “dating” someone new. our daughter is 6 months old. I’m expected to be okay with him going out, while I hardly EVER go out. my life is solely about my daughter, school, and work. it’s depressing really.
wow i didn’t think about it like that :/ i’m 22 with no kids but i have been leaning more towards being on child free side because of the unequal parenting aspect. a woman’s whole life and personality becomes being a mom while a dad becomes a cool dad that still has hobbies and enjoys himself. 😭
Why "dating"? Is he not taking the kid on his days or weeks? Sounds like the parenting arrangement isn't working for you. You deserve more support (wether your ex or family or paid).
Story #2: Telivision has really played up cheating, sex, and relationships but truthfully: GREIF IS NOT SEXY. Your man is not gonna go fuck his ex in the middle of mourning his good friend. I cannot believe she made him miss that funeral and then punished him anyway. How cruel. Im not surprised he could never forgive her. He needed love and support and a shoulder to cry on and I hope someday he finds someone who truly loves him.
Any two bit psychologist could tell you grief leads to uninhibited actions or to reacting in ways you wouldn't when not in deep distress. Dealing with mortality makes people do dumb stuff all around
I’m also on my period and have endometriosis. Thank you so much for talking about this! It really doesn’t get the coverage it deserves. So many people deal with these issues and yet we haven’t normalized it enough. You’re a badass for pushing through and doing the podcast!
I remember story #2, and the comments on Reddit were HORRIBLE to the guy, he got called out names so many times for choosing to go to the funeral it genuinely broke my heart...
He didn’t even go to the funeral :( he’s gonna have that regret for the rest of his life and that’s so upsetting. I would never stop my partner from going to his close friends funeral.
i think in the story 3 the SIL didn’t want op to attend her wedding because of all the attention she’d be getting at 34 weeks pregnant , that is why she kept making a fuss about the dress so she could put it on op if op didn’t come to the wedding 😛
Ale is a QUEEN!!!!!! She out here SUFFERING and still putting rational emotion and clear logic into the conversation. Just wanted to acknowledge her for that for a moment. Women are fucking amazing 👏🏻❤️
Story 1... leave him! Just alone on the fact that the friendship bothers you and he doesn't care. My husband did this to me for years. I found out he has cheated on me with her years years later. The fact that he doesn't care how this hurts you shows he cares about her more. Don't do what I did
Story 3: I mean, if she REALLY wanted to be selfish she could go into early labor on the big day instead of attending. SIL so worried about dress code and being jealous of OP having the 1st grandchild she doesn't think of the possibility of her being overshadowed by a pregnant woman PERISHING during her ceremony.
I’m really glad Alejandra opened up about having endometriosis, I have PCOS and I can relate to how hard it is do deal with that kind of chronic pain. I hope you feel better girl!
I love Alejandra so so much and am so grateful for the sacrifice she made to show up even when she was in so much pain! But I really really hope she never feels afraid to just take care of herself -- the show doesn't always have to go on, and you deserve to feel totally good! Loved this episode!
For the insane wedding in the south: As someone who just attended an outdoor funeral in the south this week where everyone! Literally everyone was dripping sweat and wanting to go inside after only a 30 minute service, expecting black tie during the day for a multiple hour wedding is insane. We had a little kid pass out during the middle of the service and an ambulance was called to check on him. I can’t imagine being 34 weeks pregnant in a floor length, long sleeve dark gown in that weather. I was wearing a short bright colored dress (per request of my family to make it a celebration of life) and I still was heat exhausted and sunburnt after 30 minutes. This poor woman needs a rest and a foot massage, not a crazy ass SIL
Something similar to story 2 happened. I lost my childhood best friend about 3 years ago, who happened to be my ex’s brother. This friend was like my brother, we grew up together and were still super close up until the breakup. While I had to maintain my distance due to tension with the whole rest of the family, we’d still smile at each other from afar and still rooted for him in life. I remember collapsing on the floor when I heard he was suddenly gone. My husband held me, and supported me when reconnecting with the family in their time of grief, not once did he ever put a limit because it had to do with my ex’s family. Even now he still holds me and comforts me when I burst into tears years later. NTA. A funeral is a way to say goodbye and part of the grieving process, it is not to be missed or he could end up regretting it the rest of his life.
Story 2… GO TO THE FUNERAL, if your partner can’t understand you want to be there to say goodbye to someone you saw as a BROTHER… do not marry her. She clearly is just feeling some type of way that she came home to you hugging the ex, Valid, but get over it. Someone died. Her brother died.
Dating as a single parent is so hard! I had someone tell me to choose between my children and them, I laughed so hard as I got my purse and walked out the door forever.
I saw a girl post a screenshot of a conversation a guy started with her on a dating app where he started the conversation off saying “hey! Looking at your pictures and you are gorgeous! Would you be willing to put your children up for adoption, as I see a future with you but am not willing to start a relationship with someone with children already” 😑😑😑
@@KassKat519you are lyingggg omfg that is INSANE. people are completely unhinged. I got out of a long term relationship last year & finally back on dating apps, I don’t want children but since I’m 29 I often see people with them or that want them, and I swipe past even if everything else lines up. It’s so unfair and a waste of time to talk to someone with such fundamental differences
I feel like the child free story everyone sucked a lot firstly when listening closely she began saying she was child free to not lead anyone on at all. it was his choice to not say he was a father in the beginning until the relationship got deeper he even said he would not let her be apart of any parental roles since she wasn't comfy with that. But now it's kinda them both being selfish idiots like break up you both obviously had different expectations that no one was gonna drop. also he just drops them off and doesn't tell her beforehand that they are there just for her to freak out that they are somehow in the house and mess with her stuff this really feels like they are trapping in each other in this relationship for no reason at all 😅
Yesss, I was looking for this comment! I had the same thought. I felt bad for OP with the reactions to her. It definitely sounds like she has let him k ow from the get go, but after she developed feelings she thought it could work since he ALSO seemed on board with the situation. In general, if someone leaves anyone's kids at someone's house without letting them know, I think it'd be pretty normal to be caught off guard/annoyed. Although it probably is difficult since they're in even more deep now with a 4 year relationship, OP has to make a decision since circumstances and his expectations are changing.
The other thing I think is as I understand He still has his house where he receives his children usually.. They don't live together full time and she doesn't intend to change the dynamics ever.. why drop them in her house without even heads-up.. that and them going through her stuff, won't help her to be more comfortable with them.. also I feel that to some degree, her boundary is not not wanting them in his life but more like keeping her relationship with them superficial, she met them before in the presence of the father and she is quite accomodating to his relationship with them.. expect her to babysit for him is unfair just because of the ring, if that was his intent..
I feel like she is more like that sibling friend that would be supportive in the pregnancy, come see you, visit, give gifts, do chores for you etc.. but never dare ask them to carry them even for 10 seconds never dare to leave them alone with the child in the same room for years even if they look like fun aunt/uncle when they show up.. I feel like she is avoiding to be a care giver in any capacity and just have an accommodating role for her partner in HIS caregiving duties and that's why she also sees potential for them once they become adults..
@@MiaIdrissousame but I may be biased bcs of my own experiences with children. I don't think it's fair to expect anyone but people that openly express they are fine with it to babysit and take on the caregiver role. Like I am similar I don't mind being around children, but I can't be in the position of being responsible for them. It also isn't just a preference, but I would quite literally feel out of control, highly uncomfortable and panicked and it's not smth sb can just control.
With the stepmom story. I feel it’s very common that some men soon as they have a partner they expect the woman to be the full time parent role. It’ll be fine to date someone with kids but you would have to set clear boundaries on what you’ll be for the kids. They already have a mom so all she would need to be was a good friend.
My boyfriend and I go to the gym and take up 2-3 hours We talk between set and help each other set up sometimes and spot each other. Could be them really doing routines together but also I would literally hate to hear about another girl without an introduction at MINIMUM
I feel like male or female, if my BF had a Friend he spent so much time with and was really close to, I would want to meet them and feel uncomfortable to his reaction 🤷
@styledbygabi sounds like you got a wholesome relationship there. Tbh whether it was innocent or not, he made it 10x harder than it had to be by being silent & acting guilty, when she was being perfectly reasonable.
Thats the thing if this is a friend why hasn't he mentioned this to the wife and said like "hey would you like to come to the gym today to meet so so who is my gym bestie?" And I also agree with the other comment he is either being an a-hole on purpose or he is being dense on purpose for how he is making this situation sound.
Exactly about the gym part but I don’t care what friends my wife has, she doesn’t need to introduce me to every one of them because I trust her. Trust is integral in a relationship
Story #2 : I lost a friend a few month ago. If my BF would have try to stop me go to his funeral for a weeding, it would be over for me. I understand the fear of his girlfriend, but please girl get over yourself. This has nothing to do with her or her sister's wedding. It's about him loosing a friend. Yes, this friend happenned to be his brother's ex, but he was his friend, period. I don't get it honestly. Grieve is one of the worst thing we'll encounter in life, and we all deserve a partner who will support us during hard time. You can be jalous or insecure about this situation, but she was an asshole.
I'm sorry but for story #2 without a doubt the funeral is a priority. Instead of being an amazing gf and comforting your GRIEVING partner over the now loss of a close friend and thinking "you're choosing your ex over me" is absolutely ridiculous to me. This is NOT about the ex or ex's family this is about an unfortunate situation where an amazing soul was lost and this is the time they get to say their final goodbye's.
both myself and my family apon hearing the news, would be to comfort him?? I wouldn't even be thinking about the girlfriend, this isn't about new family vs old, this is someones friend that passed, you can always have another wedding but a funeral is only once. I cannot believe that there would be people arguing that, or that multiple agreed with her, my gut instinct would be sympathy for my significant in their loss.
Exactly! The girlfriend most likely knows that Dan was a really special friend to OP, its so odd to me that she wouldn't think "oh no his good friend just died" but instead jumped to "he's prioritizing his ex over me" if it was a different friend that had no connection to his ex I bet the sittuation would've played out allot differently. She allowed her jealousy/insecurity to control her instead of thinking rationally. The death of a loved one is absolutely a priority over a wedding & if she was still insecure about it but wanted to still be supportive she could've gone to the funeral with him. My family would have no issue with me opting out of my sisters wedding if my husband had a really important funeral the same day
the last story really breaks my heart because this was my childhood except no one ever stepped in and my dad kept up the negligence our whole lives while my mom worked 50 hour weeks. I wish we had someone like OP to call out my dad, totally NTA
Story number 2: it isn't about the past family or the new family. He is grieving, he was like his little brother, this boy was family for him, he need the closure and to say good bye to his friend.
I have extremely painful periods, since my first one (12 years ago) and of course doctors told me that it’s normal and I don’t have anything, without even checking. I visited another doctor this year and I was finally diagnosed with endometriosis, a bit more than six months now. We had to rush the surgery because I have 5 chronic illnesses included an autoimmune disease and a chronic pain syndrome. Today marks 6 months since my endometriosis surgery. Still late and extremely painful periods… hugs to all endo warriors ❤
I feel your pain (literally)! I was diagnosed with endometriosis at 15 (surgical diagnosis, surgery 1 of 4 I’ve had) and I had no idea how lucky I was that my parents are both medical professionals (CRNA, RN) and mom also suffers from a multitude of the same issues. In the years since when I didn’t have my parents in the room advocating for me, I have been treated like a drug seeker (turns out a cyst had ruptured and I needed surgical intervention), told that I’m being “dramatic” and that “it can’t possibly be that bad!” after fainting from excruciating, unyielding pain. I have so much sympathy for my fellow Endo, PCOS, etc sufferers! You are NOT imagining your pain, you are not dramatic, you deserve to be believed and though it shouldn’t be this way, I hope you find your angel who believes you and validates your pain! ❤
For story 2: they keep thinking of it as his ex’s brother, but that brother was his friend. The fact that it’s his friend that’s having this funeral matters more than it being his ex’s brother. That’s a tough situation for sure
Story 4: I’ve known a lot of mothers who date men who also don’t like their kids 😂 ask half of my childhood friends. I got lucky with my own step dad who loves me as much as my own mom but I know a lotttt of adults who grew up with single moms who dated men who don’t love their kids lol
Story 4 - piggybacking off what Alejandra said, I think the whole "I'm done raising kids" mentality a lot of single mothers have when it comes to dating a man with younger kids possibly comes from this feeling of expectation or this feeling of obligation to take over the motherly role and fill the shoes for the young child and parent the child because of how men are typically perceived to be like as fathers. How many stories have we all heard where the mother is a stay at home mom and her husband works but he doesn't understand why he has to help take care of the kids at night because he's been working all day? "You've just been with the kids all day, I've been out working!". So I feel theres this stereotype placed on dads because of the countless of other fathers out there who think in this way and dont understand how difficult is to raise a child, so therefore women feel that he's going to expect her to raise the child for him because shes a woman and a mother and has those "maternal instincts". Of course, not every man is like this and this is just a theory.
This is totally me. I never wanted kids of my own, but my husband did. So, he talks me into it and I become a single mother. Once I had a baby, he suddenly knew nothing about babies or how to care for them, even though I saw him for over a year take care of his niece and nephews. He put up every obstacle and caused as much trouble as he possibly could to ruin my kids and I after the divorce. Fast forward, my kids are grown and I am an empty nester. I have avoided guys with kids, especially young ones that still need guidance from a parent. I don't want to be someone else's mom, I don't want to deal with an angry kid who thinks I broke up their family, I don't want to deal with anyone else's ex, I still have mine to deal with! I've always been upfront with that. Sir, please proceed to the next lady that can fulfill that role for you because it's not me. I'm not angry or mad or bitter. I just don't want anything messy. If that means I'm single more than coupled, so be it. My kids and I have a lot of fun to make up for. We were so poor, for so long, we missed out on a lot.
@@rachelanderson5608 I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that. I can't imagine having to do all of that alone. My mom practically raised me as a single mom. My dad wasn't physically absent but absent in a lot of other ways. Then, he passed away when I was 9. So it's pretty much just been me and my mom. She was a single mom with my much older brother too, his father walked out on her when she got pregnant. Now that I'm older and in my 20s, she could easily date if she wants to. But she doesnt. She tells me "it's a hassle. I don't want to deal with other men, I've been raising kids for over 30 years and I've been taking care of everyone around me, so I'm gonna do what I finally want to do. I'm not taking care of anyone else. Because men want to be taken care of, they want a mother and I'm done being a mother." Her story and the way she feels is why I thought about that aspect, and you sharing your story makes it all the more true. Of course, not true for every single mom, but pretty true hahaha. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope life is treating you good! You're one resilient mama. 💗
@@deviledmeggs wow! Your mom sounds amazing. She was absolutely a single parent and over it, lol. I get it. A lot of what you said about her sounds like it came directly from me. I want to have fun with my boys. Live a peaceful existence. Make my life the way I want it, all my choices. I want to be me again and there is still plenty of time for me to do so and enjoy life again. I wish you, your mom and brother the best ❤
@@rachelanderson5608 She's a supermom for sure. Love her to death and grateful for the things she did and sacrificed for my brother and I. There is absolutely plenty of time to build the life you want. Everyone has a different timeline. Hoping you get to enjoy and build that peaceful life you want 💗💗 wishing all well with you and your boys too :)
as a die hard survivor fan, i LIVE for morgan’s random survivor references. the challenge you referred to is the moment in the entire series that makes me the most emotional. i cannot watch that without crying. so glad he ended up okay. morgan, i would love to hear what your favorite season you’ve seen so far is!
You ladies were awesome on ur comments for story one. I agree with you on everything you said. Even with kids I think she should leave him. He doesn’t care about her feelings. That’s so important in a marriage. And he is doing nothing to help her feel secure in their marriage. It’s not her being insecure, her spidey senses or going off for a reason. And his lack of responses or care shows a lot
That one about the child free chick really got me this time. So many assumptions were made when she didn't expect any of the things people said. I'm writing this comment as she finally responded saying she didn't say any of those things. She doesn't expect anything from the guy. She set her boundaries, he disrespected them. She likes the kids but doesn't want to parent them. HE is delusional for staying expecting her to just accept him changing their agreement. A lot of people just used her words and turned them into her implying things when she didn't. She said what she said - not all of those other things people implied and assumed. Like yes the chick should just leave because he is not able to deal with her boundaries but nothing she said expected him to compromise anything. She is being defensive because everyone made a ton of implications about what she said. He is the only one that is in denial. The chick just wants the guy to stick with what they communicated or she's fine if they break up. ...sorry that one got me....
8 months late but you are so right. Both the Reddit commenters and Morgan/Alejandra made all these assumptions and read into this without paying actual attention to what OP said after “childfree.” That one was a big miss
Was really great to hear someone come on and be vulnerable talk about painful periods/ endo! We don’t hear enough about it and bringing awareness is amazing Thankyou 🔥💯
I almost died because I thought my appendix pain was cramps 😭😭 so thankful to be here today🙌🏼🙏 I only went in because I thought it was odd that there wasn’t any blood! I got there just in time, any longer and I would have kicked the bucket at 18! They’re seriously no joke with those cramps. I hope you feel better Ala! It’s okay to take time off so you can feel better. Please don’t let others make you feel bad for it. You can’t help what your body is going through. I genuinely hope it gets better for you ❤️
No Children Story: My uncle has a relationship with a "no children" lady, they have been married for 15 years so far, and he is the BEST DAD EVER for his first marriage's daughter (they divorced when she was 2), seriously like the best! That has not interfered at all. When my cousin stays at their place, my uncle takes over completely, his wife has nothing to do with her, she's polite, but that's it. In fact, this dynamic has worked so well that my cousin's and uncle's relationship survived the difficult her teenage years and her difficult relationship with her highly conflictive mum! . Additionally, talking from my perspective, my mum (also divorced when I was 2) has kept her marriage / relationships completely separated from me and it was the best! Her last partner didnt have children nor he wanted Lasted 25 years (I'm 42) They broke up for his instability at work and other stuff, nothing to do with me. It can be done, but I don't think he wants to keep things separated.
Story 4: I agree that OP and her bf’s situation sucks, but you two seemed to really miss the mark on this one. OP isn’t the asshole, because she clearly stated that she didn’t want kids from the beginning, and her bf was fully under the impression that he could change her mind and dropped his kids off at her house with zero warning so she could babysit them. My bf’s Mom is divorced, and one of the reasons she struggles with dating is because a lot of men her age have kids and clearly want a new wife to take on the lion’s share of parenting them so they won’t have to (her kids are 29 and she’s almost 60, so that part of her life is well over). I’m childfree (can’t have kids due to health issues) and I can’t tell you how many men (and my own family members) I’ve come across who’ve fully believed that I’m “going to change my mind later” about kids. I also felt a like Morgan was shaming OP and childfree people for no reason? When parenting is one of the hardest things someone can do, and we see so many Reddit stories of fathers leaving mothers to do all of the parenting and housework themselves (like story 5!), it shouldn’t be difficult to acknowledge why someone would want to be childfree.
Story #2 He isn’t choosing his ex-girlfriend over the wedding, he is choosing to say goodbye to his “little brother”. This person was a part of his current family not his old. How broken and insecure do you have to be to want to deny a person their ability to mourn and find a modicum of closure for their loss. Honestly if my partner reacted this way, I’d be really reconsidering the relationship.
Story #2: I really don’t like his girlfriend kept saying choosing his ex over her. He was choosing his FRIEND. He was connected and had a relationship with his ex’s brother.
Second story was never about the ex it was about the loss of someone he considered his family I don't see how it's being said he's reconnecting with his ex over his gf I mean sure he would reconnect with them yeah but this is a funeral 😅 personally a funeral feels a bit more important if you deeply care about the person that died and also he said close to engagement but this kinda shows how this new family reacts to his own feelings and how much he cares about this person saying it's him being an Asshole
Agree it surprised me that Reddit voted no assholes here. I understand being upset but he’s going to miss the wedding for a funeral not another wedding.
@@Em-mw3ezto be fair, Amelia walked in on him hugging his ex. I think she reacted poorly (I might have felt uneasy but would have ultimately let my partner go to the funeral) but I don’t think it’s super unreasonable to be uncomfortable with your partner spending multiple nights with the family of his “passionate” ex, as he described her in the post. Amelia still reacted very poorly, but based on the initial post before the update, I can see both sides even though I side with op.
Story 4: they keep their apartments separate for a reason. He has no reason to drop the children at her place, especially when noone is there to watch the kids. He can drop the kids at his place. Why is he not there? And it's not like he didn't know about her not wanting to be involved with kids from the beginning
Great point! Separate apartments was very intentional. She wasn’t trying to force him away from his kids at all and was fine with him spending their weekend with her kids. He’s the one who isn’t respecting her or his kids, who need someone who wants to be involved with their upbringing.
Story 4: there’s a difference between being willling to be around his kids when he’s there and him just dropping his kids at her place when he doesn’t live there! It literally includes in the post that they don’t yet live together. Why would you drop your kid at anyone’s place??? Even if ur not engaged? He did not take her seriously. I am also childless by choice and my fiance had a kid and we discussed it at length before they stayed with us *at our shared home*. He didn’t even discuss with her the idea before dropping the kids at somewhere he doesn’t even live full time. That’s not cool.
Story 1) One of my best friends is a guy and he’s married. I met him through his wife, who I’m also very close with. I make a concerted effort to ensure no boundaries are ever being crossed between myself and the husband. He and I are getting tattoos together soon and I made sure she was okay with it. I make sure to call/text her just as much as I do with him so no one ever feels weird about our friendships. If you have a close friendship with someone of the opposite sex you MUST make sure their partner is okay with it (and yours, if applicable). My bf knows both of them and he’s totally fine with it as well. Communication and respect are KEY 🔑
Regarding Wendy Williams saying that "denial is not just a river in Egypt. That saying has been around long before her. I've heard it and said it all of my life and I'm 68. I'm pretty certain Mark Twain said it first. Original quote "Denial ain't just a river in Egypt".
Only one minute after it was uploaded and I'm ready to go! 🎉 listening with one AirPod in while playing with my toddler is the highlight of my Thursdays!
Thank you Alejandra for talking about endometriosis. And thank you for advocating for stopping the BS of just keep going when our bodies are demanding that we rest.
Same it is a nightmare 😭 like when I get my period I have to call off work even though I work from home since I cannot function. Now lately my periods have been so infrequent that they are 10 times worse when they come 😩 Standing in solidarity with our awful cramps 🥹✊🏼
I'm child free and my best friend is child free. I've only dated men who are specifically child free, and it makes such a difference in terms of shared values and interests. My best friend has dated men with children, and each time it has caused issues. She tries to convince herself that she can make it work and that she's ok with kids and that she likes how good of a dad they are, but in the end they are both unhappy because one or the other of them feels like they can't be true to themselves and what's important to them.
Story #2- to me its no question you go to a funeral, to me the fact that she made him choose, already shows you the person she is at that point in her life.
OMG i just finished the other episode and I was looking for something to watch and you upload this . I love you Morgan ! This is my favorite podcast ever 😭💗
Story 4: I'm a single mom, all my life tried to keep my love life away from my kids as much as possible. The person knew I had two children and never met them or did once we went on a period where I could trust this person. Now I'm in a relationship where my partner doesn't want kids on his own but get along with my kids. Specially the youngest one which lives with us. My partner is goofy and open minded, they share a lot of time together and care for each other. On terms of parenting he has some input on it but mostly relays on me.
Kidney stones are acknowledged to be some of the worst pains you can experience. I had one for the first time this summer, and for me, it was just like my period cramps, just at a different part of the body. I talked with my grandmother about it, from who I've inherited my painful periods, and she immediately agreed. So the fact that Alejandra is even able to come in for this recording... Deep respect! I am not one of those ladies that are able to just tough it out, I can barely walk as the pain goes all the way into my toes, so let alone do work.
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through with the endometriosis. I have heard so many people who have this or PCOS, and I can’t imagine the pain. In high school they diagnosed me with possible endometriosis, and they put me on hormonal birth control, and it helped quite a bit. But I still remember being on the floor of my apartment, on the phone with the on call doctor and I was crying hysterically. This was the olden days before opiates became taboo, but they called in a Tylenol with codeine and I made it through several years that way. As an old lady, after I’ve been through menopause, I am happy to not have the monthly pain . Anyway all my love, and I feel ya. Take good care of yourself in these moments, good luck in your future. Love you guys, please take care.
I feel like y'all were a way too harsh on the child free lady. Should she have broken it off once she figured out he had kids? Probably, but let's not forget that she was very upfront about not wanting kids and he waited a long time before he told her he had them. He waited until she was already emotionally attached to him and had an investment to drop the bomb, likely because he knew she'd walk if he said it sooner. Then, when he did, he spun her a tale about how they would make it work. He made her this and that promise and agreed to all these boundaries because he knew it's what she wanted to hear. He said whatever he needed to in order to make her stay. Then, as soon as it became inconvenient, he violated those boundaries. He broke those promises. I agree that kids are for life, but from what she said, it sounded like she was fine with just allowing his kids to be his business. I do think she was seriously unrealistic in this respect (okay, yeah, that was never going to happen), but it's not fair to call her delusional for that when this man said all the things he said and made it appear, on its face, that he would abide by that separation of the sides of his life.
Yes! This is what I keep thinking as they're talking. Both Morgan and Alejandra are focusing on the kids and what it's like being a parent and maybe she is delusional but she's also put like 4 years into this man
@@rachelcrepeault7617Yeah! I feel like it's SO easy to say what you would do from a bird's eye view, but it always feels so different at the moment. You can say that you would 100% walk away if a man ever brought up his kids when you were child free, but when you're in the moment and you have that personal attachment to him, be so real. Things very well might play out differently for you.
The SAH dad story: As someone with very bad ADHD, anxiety and secondary depression. I often struggle just doing the bare minimum, BUT I managed to take amazing care of my cats every day…
I just wanna say Ale thank you for sharing how painful it is to struggle with painful periods. I have PCOS & it’s such a painful & invisible thing that I have to deal with in my day to day life. Not everyone understands it, not everyone gets how little things like not sleeping enough, not eating my regular diet, or how chronic pain affects my day to day life. I hope you’re okay & have healthy ways to cope with your endometriosis.
Story 1: Is he using steroids? Totally effects their personality. Also, there is a new phenomenon call Bigorexia. My husband was addicted to working out. We were both in counseling over this addiction. Counselor said, nobody gets to the end of their life and says I wish I would have worked out more. I’d like to say we had a happy ending, but sadly my husband died suddenly just 2 weeks later.
Last story, she WILL resent him if she doesnt already. I had a similar situations, partner worked full time and i did all housework, cooking etc. I then worked 60 hour weeks and he was off work for 1 year with a 'back injury' that seemed to not bother him when he had the chance to hang with his buddie, i even saw him help family members move furniture, yet our house was the least clean its ever been in our 10 year relationship. I now work part time and the house is clean again, but i am cautious about marrying him (not yet married)
Story 4 tiny update they are breaking up. “I always thought you break up because the love is gone, but that’s not how life works” I feel bad for them. They are so in love but their values/lifestyle doesn’t align. I think it’s a big learning for OP. I hope she finds just as great a love in the future with matched values. And same for him.
Story 3: That bridezilla better have some paramedics there for all those who pass out from heat exhaustion and ready to pay some hospital bills. Long sleeves in the southern heat outside! She is crazy! I’m anemic, I’m always cold but being in the southern heat when I get way too hot! I would not go. I’m not putting my health at risk. The men in tuxes are definitely taking that jacket off and rolling up those sleeves. What are the woman going to do?
The last story. As a stay at home mom I can tell you it took me YEARS to get a routine down. It wasn't always soo easy. My husband was super patient. I couldn't imagine someone else other than my partner telling me I am slacking.
Story #2 w/ funeral vs SIL wedding, that’s not just his “old family” and it’s not just his ex’s brother, they were true friends to each other and OP cared so much for him. if OP didn’t have that connection to him through his ex, I think his gf/partner would’ve been fine with him choosing a dear friend’s funeral over a wedding… it’s heartbreaking to hear OP got so dogpiled over this :/
Story 1- My husband has friends who are women at work. I've met most of them and they're really cool. We all hang out and our kids play together once in awhile. He's the "safe man" in that work environment and so when someone needs walked to their car after dark, or a ride when their car is broken, etc. it's him they ask first. There's never any secrecy, flirting, or any boundary crossing. Thats healthy. I love that he's able to help out and BE a safe person in that space. The dude in this story is trying to sneak, hide, flirt, and is emotionally cheating. VERY different.
Agreed, very different circumstances
He sounds like a great guy!! 😊 I’m so glad the women in his work have him 👍
Very true, this.
Story 2: He is Literally doing nothing in favor of his ex. HE LOST A FRIEND! HE LOST A BROTHER! He is going for himself and to say goodbye to his friend.
My literal thoughts. Clearly he hasn't kept in touch with the Ex as he just found out about the death and didn't even have her number. His GF is entitled to feel a way but she needs to be supportive
I came here to say this!!!! He had a relationship with the brother literally in secret, to the point that he helped the brother with med school.
i was yelling at my screen this very same thing. i think that OP can lay out some boundaries with ex and her family moving forward tho. like them saying that they consider him part of their family now can be seen as a bit out of place, especially in the perspective of his new gf. so, i think he should've definitely gone to the funeral but also don't stay in touch w the family/ex moving forward unless absolutely necessary.
edit: after listening to the update, i stand by what i said. the gf was not understanding AT ALL. good riddance imo. i can be pretty jealous too, but even i know he wasn't going to party it up w his ex and her family. it was his friend's funeral. i know morgan and ale were torn on this one, but it was pretty obvious to me that the gf did not trust him at all and was simply insecure. i'm glad he's out of that toxicity and moving on
Yeah but... how come he had time to discuss not being ready for a relationship and still feeling a "bond" towards his ex tho? I think op isn´t telling the full story and the real reason why he broke up is because he realized he still had feelings for his ex. This situation just gave him a reason to break up a seemingly perfect relationship without looking like an AH.
His ex was right about not wanting him to go.
Amelia is a POS tbh. I would have 100% dumped her AS SOON AS she was being unreasonable about the funeral. Disgusting.
hey morgan! ive watched every episode, love what u guys do! you should do a theme called “assholes with awareness/clarity” about stories when the OP is the asshole but reads comments and acknowledges their horrible behavior and attempts to either make up for it or accept it and try to be better.
I love this idea!!
I would love this
Love this idea!!! I wonder if I shouldn’t share the title at the beginning though to not give it away
@@TwoHotTakesa “mystery theme” would totally work with that idea! reveal the theme at the end of the episode and maybe give a preface or hints as to what it is at the beginning. hope and cant wait to see your ideas blossom and produce yet another 10/10 episode❤️
@@TwoHotTakes title it “redemption arc?/redeemable a-holes?” and have a mix of both!! co-host has to guess if they redeem themselves or not lol
Story 2: I totally disagree with the Reddit verdict. That gf’s family is a bunch of assholes. My good friend of ~5 years died a few years back and it broke me. His funeral gave me a chance to say goodbye and show his family how much he meant to me. It was a big part in my own healing process. His gf’s family cares more about who comes to their daughter’s / sister’s wedding rather than OP’s personal well being. I would never want to be a part of that family and I hope he leaves her
THIS EXACTLY! I’m on AITA a lot and usually the first one to go with one of the non-traditional verdicts (ESH or NAH), but this is definitely an NTA verdict. I’m kinda glad that Amelia showed her true colors, and OP left her and her shitty family.
To me, when I heard the second story I couldnt believe that the first thing the girlfriend thought was that he was trying to get back with the ex. She didnt comfort him that someone who he considered a brother to him just died. I understand that she could have felt upset but to not put her own selfish feelings aside and to be like "i know how important this is to you. you should go" is messed up to me and was a red flag. She made a situation worse by not being understanding. plus, why would you want someone to go be your plus one if you know they are grieving ????? i dont know to me i instantly knew they were going to break up. im sorry to op loss. now forever he is going to regret not going because of her selfish desires.
As soon as she said no it would’ve been over
You couldn’t have said it better. Part of being a good partner is trying to comfort them when they are having a tough time and that would involve letting them go to the funeral even though that leaves you alone at the wedding. He was thinking of her and she kept thinking about herself. Should have dumped her and went to the funeral.
I've encountered stuff like this before and it always baffles me and also makes me so sad for people. Like what kind of people have they been around that their mind goes there in this situation?
I saw something similar when my nephew was undergoing cancer treatment. My best friend got a lot of money together to support my brother and his wife during a really tough time, just so they'd have one less thing to worry about. And my SIL thought my best friend was trying to steal my brother from her. Like. What kind of terrible friends has she had that she thinks someone is using her child's cancer to drive a wedge in her marriage????
I totally understand she got upset at first but you would think that eventually she would let that weird insecurity go and comfort him. He LOST someone, he is probably visibly upset and she never thought ''maybe i should be there for him''
Absolutely. She acted selfish, immature and insecure. I'm glad they broke up.
It is weird that the guy dropped his two children off at her house completely unsupervised and didn’t even tell her.
That is the weirdest part for me, but I agree everyone sucks here. They're just fundamentally incompatible.
also not saying you have kids for a whole MONTH, i think that should be a first date basis thing, I understand being nervous about rejection, but might as well say it that way you're not stuck with someone that doesn't like/want kids months later.
I agree! I'm surprised they didn't bring that up more. It sounds odd that he just dropped them off if they never stay at her house.
And then said they didn't do anything... They literally went through her things. Also I think what she was tryin to say in her post is I don't want to be a babysitter and a parent in his stead, because she did say she was fine spending time around the kids she just doesn't want to be the care giver for them, which I think is reasonable unless it was an extreme situation like smth sudden and serious happen.
Thank YOU! Nobody did read what she wrote!! Even Morgan and Alejandra didn't. She said she has met the kids several times, she just said she doesn't want the responsibility. She also said, this was their agreement and they could break up if it stopped working. Its not like she is saying kids=Satan. She said she didn't want a switch in their arrangement, all the sudden, without communication. She is being gaslit by her bf, and everyone else. This is touchy, but I don't get why everyone is attacking her.
Story 3: is the bride worried her arms are going to take everyone's attention off of her? You know what would? Her passing out from getting too hot.
Especially when her passing out can harm her and her UNBORN CHILD of the WIFE of the BROTHER
That is exactly what would happen. When my mom was pregnant with me, she went to see my then 4yo brother in the little performance the kids would do at the end of vacation bible school. There was no AC in the church (also in the south, in June, very humid) and she fainted in the middle of the event. That was during a like 2hr long event, no way could that poor lady in the post have lasted 8hrs.
literally my exact thinking like way to sabotage your own wedding
Given what OP said, sister in law sounds jealous of OP already so I’d bet that she’s intentionally vetoing the compromise suggestions because she doesn’t want OP there “pregnant and stealing *bride’s* spotlight” - that’s at least what I imagine bridezilla is thinking but can totally see it being the case. I live in the South and couldn’t imagine any other logical reason to enforce long sleeve black tie in the middle of a summer day - literally insane. Bet bride’s dress is sleeveless though (and prob bridesmaids too)
come on now, nobody's passing out bc of long sleeves! i do think there should be a concern about overheating and sunstroke for this pregnant lady but the sleeves won't make it or break it. they're both acting like idiots
Story # 2- forget the sister being an ex. This was the death of a friend, one that became like family after he was no longer with the sister. You do not miss the funeral of close friends or family.
Do you also get picked up by your ex, road trip there alone with just them, and then stay with the exes family in their house for multiple days while everyone is emotional and grieving? Yeah no. Probably not. Quit acting like it was just about attending a funeral, it wasnt. The entire thing is inappropriate.
@@bailey7792she could provide the money for transportation and hotel if it matters that much. I imagine he'd prefer that.
@bailey7792 realistically, as the girlfriend, I would offer to drive and split a hotel. My now husband of 9 years and I have gone to every wedding and funeral together. Your partner is mourning their friend and need support from you. This is not the time for Ego.
@@bailey7792ur making it too much about the ex, this is the OP’s close friend who had died..
Nah it's a 14 hour drive and days together during a hard time ...and missing her sister's wedding
The funeral/wedding story was a no brainer to me. I’ve lost two of my best and closest friends and there is absolutely nothing that would’ve stopped me from attending their funerals. And I would also expect my partner to do the same in that situation. I understand the catch-22 for people but it’s just not the case from my perspective
I couldn't even believe they were saying it's a hard one for them. Someone is dead, obviously that is more important than a wedding.
I think it's weird that his gf is so upset about being "alone" at her own sister's wedding. It's not like he's sending her to a wedding in HIS family by herself.
@@candiedolives5340 I assume she’d also be very preoccupied with helping her sister, maybe in the wedding party, or just interacting with family in general! I also just wouldn’t feel good guilting my partner to attend a joyous event while they are grieving let alone missing the funeral entirely to attend the wedding. It’s no wonder things ended the way they did.
I would never even think to ask somebody to attend the wedding, i would assume right away they would go to the funeral.
as someone who recently lost a best friend that is what im thinking.
Even if a woman is very upfront about wanting to be child free, men will agree with them until they have them “locked down“ and think that they can change their mind. There is already been many stories like that, and a recent one is even more shocking than that. she was completely upfront on her dating profile that she was not only child free but she was in fertile and when she and her fiancé got engaged he told her she needs to get off her birth control so she could get pregnant, full well knowing she was infertile.
Have seen the gender swap of that too. It is like society has impressed the idea that "people who don't want kids WILL change their minds eventually...just be patient." And so, people lie about being okay with being childfree under the assumption that it is only temporary anyway.
Omg that was just callous 😮
This is a huge fear of mine and why I will only date people who are, like me, adamant about not wanting kids. Never someone who is just "okay with" me not wanting kids.
@@davidharshman7645 This happened to my brother with his ex. Thankfully he never married her. She'd deliberately start arguments about the topic hoping that she could make him feel bad and give in.
The boyfriend is only thinking of himself. Its not like we can say he gave a thought to whats best for his girls in his choices. Or at least for me i think he lives his life like his a childfree man but he's not. You should choose your partners with your kids in mind so your kids never have to feel they have to fight for their parents love. This will be such a dealbreaker for them both as the girls turn into teenagers
Story 4: OP started the story by saying she tells every guy she dates up front that she is Child Free because she doesn't want to lead the guy on. It is VERY clear that her bf didn't feel the same way, because he heard that and kept dating her without telling her about his kids until OP already had feelings. Whatever conclusion one has about OP, that bf is an AH on several levels.
They should def both have chosen partners w the same values as them. OP would be happier with a partner who is also childfree.
yes, it seemed like a manipulative tactic, no? If he told her from the very beginning, "you're child free? I have 2 daughters, will that be a problem?" She would have been able to make the decision to leave him alone and find someone that suits her life. But instead, he waited a month, she fell for him, then he tells her thinking "she won't leave cause she loves me now." I've had it happen to me.
@supertoezen true, but when he told her he had kids, she basically say I want out because I want child free life and he said (that's fine) and in that moment he agreed that his life with his kids would be Separate from his life with her until they were grown. And she wouldn't have to raise them with him.
He waited a month to tell her about his daughters..daughter's... I feel like he was the jerk first in the story....
He also said his kids were good and hadn’t done anything…but she caught them in her closet trying on her clothes and shoes! These kids haven’t been taught to respect other’s personal space and belongings? I sucked in a breath and mouth dropped open when she said that 🤦🏼♀️
Story 4: I am shocked that people thought op was the problem!! She was VERY upfront about her wants and HE said that was fine and she didn’t have to be a parental figure. Then he actually followed through and kept their lives separate for 4 years!! It doesn’t even sound like they were living together at the end because they were still keeping their separate 1 week with the kids/1 week with op arrangement. She was living in this delusional due to HIS actions. They never should of gotten together in the first place but he is absolutely the one that sucks here.
Yeah I agree, I don’t think she’s really an asshole. She set clear boundaries that HE agreed to! & she never said she didn’t like his kids, she just doesn’t want kids and doesn’t want to have to watch them. I don’t really think she is wrong for that. She was upfront from the beginning and he was not. Yes, maybe she should have left..but he did agree to her boundaries & seemed to keep up with them for years. If he wants to start changing his mind then they should split up & he find someone who is better for him. Because from what I heard of the story..she set boundaries, he agree, went along, and she said she was perfectly happy with everything! until he did this and tried to manipulate her into this situation with his kids that she never agreed to in the first place. Why would you leave your two kids at someones house like that? She comes home to find his two kids alone going thru her things!! Like wtf!! I would be mad too. He was for sure the AH. She was clear in her intentions from the beginning & he was not.
She’s not the AH but technically she is because in what world are you with someone who has kids and they just pretend he’s child free when they’re together. There’s no logic.
@@abigailsandoval2632 she thought that because it worked 4 years obviously
Literally. I can’t stand listening to them go on about how she’s delusional when she was up front with her kid boundaries from DAY ONE and he agreed!
THIS! Listening to them was really annoying me 😬 especially when they went hard on her for saying about moving in together when the kids are older... I'm sure she realises they are still his kids! But a big difference between literal kids and adults! She won't need to care for or be responsible for adults.
Story 2: I dont think i could look at someone the same if they told me I couldnt go to a Current close friends funeral because they were related to my ex, and that me going with them to their sisters wedding was more important. Hes not even asking her to go, hes just saying he wants to go to the funeral for grief. Why even want someone grieving like that at your wedding, a very happy event? it would just make them feel worse. Theres no way if i was the gf id want the bf to try and force himself to go to the wedding even if he didnt want to go to the funeral. Even with him staying with them, grief would have me prefer he is around others
I 100% agree and I wouldn’t say no to my current partner if he just wanted to go to the funeral. But the multiple days prior and carpooling is where things get sticky. That’s more than paying your respects to a friend at this point. That’s spending time and paying respects and consoling an ex.
Had he said “I want to take an Uber to the funeral that day and come home that night but I will unfortunately miss the wedding because it’s the same day as the funeral” then I really think more people would’ve been on fully on his side. Myself included
@@shelby_buttonthe funeral was a 7 hour drive away. Theres simply no uber or lyft driver who would accept a ride 7+ hours long a ride where they wouldnt be paid for any tolls nor the ability to get home. I dont even think you can order one for that far away. Itd be the same issue where hed have to be gone for 2+ days. The only way he could afford to go was if he didnt need to pay money for a flight or a hotel as well
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It was the fact he would be driving there by his ex, two days prior to the funeral.. I can understand the girlfriend's anger.
Childfree story:
It’s not on HER to make sure HE’S being a good parental figure to his kids. If he told her that he was fine with her not being a parental figure and the kids not living with them, why should she be called delusional for believing him?
Literally what I was thinking.
She’s delusional for believing him, and having any kind of relationship with someone if she’s doesn’t want to be around kids. If it was just I don’t want to be a parental figure that’s one thing, but she’s saying I don’t want to be around the kids period, in which case she is delusional because he comes with the kids. Don’t put yourself in a situation that could potentially be a deal breaker. The longer she stays the harder it’ll be on her- that’s why she’s delusional
As a parent; I think she did what she could. She isn’t horrible for sticking to her boundaries when he pushed them . They aren’t her kids …
100%
As a mom this is 100% the case.
Story 4: He is also the AH.
He fully believed that she would eventually come around. She may have chosen to be delusional by continuing to pursue a relationship with man who had kids, but (after she was upfront about what she didn't want) he waited until a month in to even reveal his surprise children.
He sucks.
She really shouldn't have ignored that red flag, in addition to also having to try to ignore the fact that he has kids.
The more I think about it, yeah. Both the AH in story 4. I feel for the kids, both adults are delusional, and it's the kids who are caught in the bs.
I was stunned when Morgan said she was the asshole, especially considering she always expresses the importance of boundaries. Not one did OP say he needed to choose or change his life style in any way, simply that she would not continue to engage. Is that not the definition of setting a boundary?
Update!!! On the story with the woman, who didn’t want her fiancé’s kids around, they broke up!
good for her
@drulorenowich4884 good for those kids
good! Don`t marry someone with kids if you´re not willing to be a step parent
@@stephjoviyou can date/marry someone with kids without being a parental figure. If my stepmother tired to be a parental figure to me or my sister I would find that rude and wouldn't like that. She's not my mother, she's my dad's partner. I'm happy she makes him happy but my relationship with her is not that different from the relationship I have with my parent's friends besides the fact that we spend more time together
That's amazing news! I'm so happy for her. She deserves better!
the bridezilla in story 3 is insane for making everyone wear longsleeves, outside, in the summer whether or not the guests are pregnant.
Yeah I have fibro and the heat sensitivity would sent me over, I would not be compromising! Save yourself some money per head I’ll stay home
Yeah, what's with the sleeves? In SUMMER ?
I don't know I'm pretty used to it, but I understand what you mean
The part of the childfree story that gets me is that he just dropped them off at her place without giving her any notice. And then he gaslit her by acting like this is normal. They had an arrangement, odd as it may be, and he changed it without notice and asked why she even thought the arrangement would last in the first place. Like, could he have a conversation first?
Also, let's be more chariable--she probably means she doesnt want the responsibility of minors in her csre. She even said if something happened to their mom, it would be different. The issue is he took liberties with her home, and acted like it was her fault for being upset about it, and gave away the game that he does expect her to change her mind about helping raise his children.
I just want to say thank you Alejandra for talking about extremely painful cramps and endometriosis, it really is debilitating and I am out of commission during my -shark week- as Morgan calls it, you are so strong and an actual badass for podcasting through the pain 💗💜💗
I am also an endo sufferer and I am so glad she didn't try to dumb it down! What a legend to keep recording through the PAIN and the bl33ding.. we see you girl 🙌 !! 💜
This made me feel so comforted this week too. I've struggled with it for years and even though it's more controlled now, it's still incredibly painful.
Story 4 / Childfree : she’s not the AH! Living with someone else’s kid is HARD and very challenging, she’s been really clear on the fact that she doesn’t want to be a parental figure. She’s fine about seeing the girls and doing activities here and there, she doesn’t want to live with them and educate them, this is completely understandable for me!
🎯🎯🎯
Yes, that part!!!!
Yeah and he gave her no warning that they were gonna stay there for a week?? I wouldn’t be ok with that either. Like they can spend the night every so often but I wouldn’t want them living with my either.
Exactly. She probably knows that a child is always dependent on their parents for support, she didn’t act like she hates that he spends time with them, but she made it clear to him that she didn’t want to take on a role with children, KIDS, young and fully dependent on the influences of their parental figures. Being in a relationship with a person with full grown adults and having your partner move in with their young children are completely different things.
I say this as a person who loves kids and has taken in children: don’t expect people who don’t want kids to take on your parenting duty just because they are put in this situation.
She is not the AH for not wanting his kids around when she put up the boundary and now she is enforcing it. She has no responsibility towards those kids if she made it clear from day 1 she didn’t want to take on this responsibility. He overstepped her boundary and everything from here on out is on him.
Timestamps:
Story 1: 5:35
Story 2: 29:25
Story 3: 58:04
Story 4: 1:20:54
Morgan always adds them at bottom of the description of the video 🙌🏼
@@gabyrinconnshe takes a little bit tho.. Appreciate this comment for the early listeners!! ❤️
But we still love you
You're a real one for this! I'm watching this 1 day after it was posted and the timestamps aren't up yet. ❤ I'm listening with my mom and she gets bored with some of the banter sometimes. ❤❤❤❤
Thank you so much!
For story 2 a funeral is literally for the people that are still alive to be able to morn the person. A wedding is for the 2 people celebrating something that very much can be private but we CHOOSE to make it a big public thing. Wedding is 100% lower on my priority list anytime
Story #4: The BF is the AH 200%. He hid that he had children until she was already involved in relationship and litterally offered the "Let's date when my kids aren't around" arrangement to soften the blow. And now he's dropping them at her house unanounced? Dude is manipulative and a walking red flag (for both his partner and kids).
Yes she could have left him. But he offered the arrangement. What did HE hope? That she would change her mind towards children suddently?
1000% agreed. She literally doesn't not owe his children her time. Yeah it sucks for the dad and his kids, but what sucked more is he knew, continued to pursue her and felt comfortable enough to disregard and disrespect her boundaries regarding kids.
This!!!!! I can’t deal with the woman being the villain in this story, she was promised a fantasy that he changed his mind on.
I also think hes the AH towards his own kids. Why would he choose a partner that wouldnt love to be around his kids, who would understand as the kids grow they might wanna stay outside the normal plans. Especially when theyre teenagers, if they have an argument w their mom they might wanna stay there for a bit. Imagine the heartbreak to hear your dad only wants to see you in that specific weekend. Thats so hurtful for these kids because they'll realize eventually they have to fight for a spot in his life. Thats not okay with me. He should always be thinking about his little girls in his choices and to me it sounds like he havent at all
This 100%. I was so shocked that neither Morgan nor Alejandra picked up on the fact that she was open and honest from day one and he decided to wait a month to tell her he has kids.
@@supertoezenthat's the thing though, she didn't mind being around them and even said she likes his kids, she just didn't want the responsibility of being their parent/living with them.
Story 3: I got married in august and we’re also in the south. My ceremony and reception were completely indoors. I was shocked by how many people thought I would even consider having an outdoor wedding. ITS HOT AF!!! I would NEVER force my guests to be uncomfortable like that. That bride is INSANE to me.
Story #2: you can always have another wedding but you only get one funeral
No you can have multiple funerals if your George Floyd 😂
Yeah and I can't help feeling like how much do the bride and groom gave a fuck about him being here ? When you get married, you don't get frustrated about random +1 not showing up for absolutly valid reason no ? Ok, I love my sister's BF, but if he had to choose between, come to my wedding or the funeral of a friend of him ? GO TO THE FUNERAL (if you want to ofc, you get me) ! And i consider this man family ! I really can't with this story, this makes me so mad, and I feel like Alejandra and Morgan's been really nice with this girlfriend x)
I agree. You can rearrange the wedding but would you rearrange your wedding because your sister’s boyfriend can’t attend? I don’t think so
If I were OP, I would be single.
Reason: I'm grieving and my "partner" does not care. I cannot be with someone so calloused or jealous or whatever.
THIS. As someone who have lost close people to me to death way to early (parent and all grandparents), definitely go to the funeral, like Morgan said: you can celebrate the couple every other day but you only get one funeral and one chance to say goodbye & from experience, especially since OP and the ex's brother were still close after OP and ex broke up (from what I understood), missing the funeral will be something he would most likely end up regretting had he chose the wedding instead.
Story 3: the dress code goes beyond the pregnant OP. Her dress will be the least of this wedding's problems. I'm a southerner-- and we know damn good and well not to have an OUTDOOR MIDDAY function in LONG SLEEVES AND BLACK TIE LAYERS. Good lord. The number of heat stroke cases that day will be worthy of bards' ballads for ages to come. This bride is insane. She wants her AeStHeTiC but has failed to consider the climate!
This! In summer you can be soaked in sweat wearing shorts & a T-shirt in a short amount of time. I can’t imagine expecting people to dress like this for an outdoor summer event. No one is going to like it. The pregnancy just makes it worse for op.
the only thing i could think about while listening to story 2 was ‘would amelia have reacted the same way if the wedding and the funeral were on different days?’ it makes me so sad to think that she never saw him attending the funeral as him mourning a friend, but rather as an opportunity to get back with his ex, with whom he wouldn’t even have had contact with otherwise.
The “no kid” story. I’ve found that a lot of men believe that people will “change their mind” later. I set boundaries for my life with my ex about smoking and not wanting it in my life or around me and 6 months later he brought it up as a problem because he thought I’d change my mind.
Re the kid free OP: The way I interrupted it is that she’s is ok playing a very minimal role in the lives her of partner’s kids. They’ve spent time together before. She’s also given the father an out multiple times that he’s shot down. It seems to me like he is slowly trying to change her mind. From not telling her about the kids until months in, to not telling her his kids were at her house without him there. He made up his mind that he would change their arrangement of him taking his kids to his place and she would have to just deal with it. She then gave him another out and let him know they could end things if what they agreed to wasn’t working. His kids should come first and he should only date someone that wants or has kids but it seems like the OP is more concerned about that than the father is. He could also make the choice to end things since she doesn’t want to play a role and he knows that but he hasn’t.
single mom here, was listening on Apple Podcasts but came here to say that YES. as a single mom, it’s been extremely difficult to date and meet new people; however, my child’s father has already met and started “dating” someone new. our daughter is 6 months old. I’m expected to be okay with him going out, while I hardly EVER go out. my life is solely about my daughter, school, and work. it’s depressing really.
Time for him to take the little one so you can go on date nights. If you’re comfortable of course!!
wow i didn’t think about it like that :/ i’m 22 with no kids but i have been leaning more towards being on child free side because of the unequal parenting aspect. a woman’s whole life and personality becomes being a mom while a dad becomes a cool dad that still has hobbies and enjoys himself. 😭
Why "dating"? Is he not taking the kid on his days or weeks?
Sounds like the parenting arrangement isn't working for you. You deserve more support (wether your ex or family or paid).
Story #2: Telivision has really played up cheating, sex, and relationships but truthfully: GREIF IS NOT SEXY. Your man is not gonna go fuck his ex in the middle of mourning his good friend. I cannot believe she made him miss that funeral and then punished him anyway. How cruel. Im not surprised he could never forgive her. He needed love and support and a shoulder to cry on and I hope someday he finds someone who truly loves him.
Any two bit psychologist could tell you grief leads to uninhibited actions or to reacting in ways you wouldn't when not in deep distress. Dealing with mortality makes people do dumb stuff all around
I’m also on my period and have endometriosis. Thank you so much for talking about this! It really doesn’t get the coverage it deserves. So many people deal with these issues and yet we haven’t normalized it enough. You’re a badass for pushing through and doing the podcast!
I remember story #2, and the comments on Reddit were HORRIBLE to the guy, he got called out names so many times for choosing to go to the funeral it genuinely broke my heart...
He didn’t even go to the funeral :( he’s gonna have that regret for the rest of his life and that’s so upsetting. I would never stop my partner from going to his close friends funeral.
Story 1: if your significant other makes you feel shitty for asking about someone they aren’t for you
i think in the story 3 the SIL didn’t want op to attend her wedding because of all the attention she’d be getting at 34 weeks pregnant , that is why she kept making a fuss about the dress so she could put it on op if op didn’t come to the wedding 😛
Omg this was my first thought too!!!! She gives off a major jealousy vibes! 😅
For story 3, imagine OP following her sil's wishes, overheating and passing out during the wedding. Would she like that?
she would probably call her selfish for making it about her and her damn baby 😂
Tank top with coat 🤷🏽♀️
Ale is a QUEEN!!!!!! She out here SUFFERING and still putting rational emotion and clear logic into the conversation. Just wanted to acknowledge her for that for a moment. Women are fucking amazing 👏🏻❤️
Story 1... leave him! Just alone on the fact that the friendship bothers you and he doesn't care. My husband did this to me for years. I found out he has cheated on me with her years years later. The fact that he doesn't care how this hurts you shows he cares about her more. Don't do what I did
Not me checking RUclips 26 seconds after you post 😂
Story 3: I mean, if she REALLY wanted to be selfish she could go into early labor on the big day instead of attending. SIL so worried about dress code and being jealous of OP having the 1st grandchild she doesn't think of the possibility of her being overshadowed by a pregnant woman PERISHING during her ceremony.
I’m really glad Alejandra opened up about having endometriosis, I have PCOS and I can relate to how hard it is do deal with that kind of chronic pain. I hope you feel better girl!
I love Alejandra so so much and am so grateful for the sacrifice she made to show up even when she was in so much pain! But I really really hope she never feels afraid to just take care of herself -- the show doesn't always have to go on, and you deserve to feel totally good! Loved this episode!
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Yes! Also, did I miss when she started calling herself Alé? I was surprised to hear that lol
For the insane wedding in the south: As someone who just attended an outdoor funeral in the south this week where everyone! Literally everyone was dripping sweat and wanting to go inside after only a 30 minute service, expecting black tie during the day for a multiple hour wedding is insane. We had a little kid pass out during the middle of the service and an ambulance was called to check on him. I can’t imagine being 34 weeks pregnant in a floor length, long sleeve dark gown in that weather. I was wearing a short bright colored dress (per request of my family to make it a celebration of life) and I still was heat exhausted and sunburnt after 30 minutes. This poor woman needs a rest and a foot massage, not a crazy ass SIL
Something similar to story 2 happened. I lost my childhood best friend about 3 years ago, who happened to be my ex’s brother. This friend was like my brother, we grew up together and were still super close up until the breakup. While I had to maintain my distance due to tension with the whole rest of the family, we’d still smile at each other from afar and still rooted for him in life. I remember collapsing on the floor when I heard he was suddenly gone. My husband held me, and supported me when reconnecting with the family in their time of grief, not once did he ever put a limit because it had to do with my ex’s family. Even now he still holds me and comforts me when I burst into tears years later. NTA. A funeral is a way to say goodbye and part of the grieving process, it is not to be missed or he could end up regretting it the rest of his life.
Story 2… GO TO THE FUNERAL, if your partner can’t understand you want to be there to say goodbye to someone you saw as a BROTHER… do not marry her. She clearly is just feeling some type of way that she came home to you hugging the ex, Valid, but get over it. Someone died. Her brother died.
I was gonna say the same! If my partner was in this situation i would let him GO. I will support him and open my arms…
@@lamaai9a681 right! I was low-key mad that this wasn’t the initial option from the tht girls
Dating as a single parent is so hard! I had someone tell me to choose between my children and them, I laughed so hard as I got my purse and walked out the door forever.
you’re a good mom 🫶🏼♥️
Keep on giggling girl, they deserve nothing more
Thats CRAZY
I saw a girl post a screenshot of a conversation a guy started with her on a dating app where he started the conversation off saying “hey! Looking at your pictures and you are gorgeous! Would you be willing to put your children up for adoption, as I see a future with you but am not willing to start a relationship with someone with children already” 😑😑😑
@@KassKat519you are lyingggg omfg that is INSANE. people are completely unhinged. I got out of a long term relationship last year & finally back on dating apps, I don’t want children but since I’m 29 I often see people with them or that want them, and I swipe past even if everything else lines up. It’s so unfair and a waste of time to talk to someone with such fundamental differences
I feel like the child free story everyone sucked a lot firstly when listening closely she began saying she was child free to not lead anyone on at all. it was his choice to not say he was a father in the beginning until the relationship got deeper he even said he would not let her be apart of any parental roles since she wasn't comfy with that. But now it's kinda them both being selfish idiots like break up you both obviously had different expectations that no one was gonna drop. also he just drops them off and doesn't tell her beforehand that they are there just for her to freak out that they are somehow in the house and mess with her stuff this really feels like they are trapping in each other in this relationship for no reason at all 😅
Yesss, I was looking for this comment! I had the same thought. I felt bad for OP with the reactions to her. It definitely sounds like she has let him k ow from the get go, but after she developed feelings she thought it could work since he ALSO seemed on board with the situation. In general, if someone leaves anyone's kids at someone's house without letting them know, I think it'd be pretty normal to be caught off guard/annoyed. Although it probably is difficult since they're in even more deep now with a 4 year relationship, OP has to make a decision since circumstances and his expectations are changing.
I don't wanna be this person but please use punctuation, my ADHD brain died trying to read this 😭
The other thing I think is as I understand He still has his house where he receives his children usually.. They don't live together full time and she doesn't intend to change the dynamics ever.. why drop them in her house without even heads-up.. that and them going through her stuff, won't help her to be more comfortable with them.. also I feel that to some degree, her boundary is not not wanting them in his life but more like keeping her relationship with them superficial, she met them before in the presence of the father and she is quite accomodating to his relationship with them.. expect her to babysit for him is unfair just because of the ring, if that was his intent..
I feel like she is more like that sibling friend that would be supportive in the pregnancy, come see you, visit, give gifts, do chores for you etc.. but never dare ask them to carry them even for 10 seconds never dare to leave them alone with the child in the same room for years even if they look like fun aunt/uncle when they show up..
I feel like she is avoiding to be a care giver in any capacity and just have an accommodating role for her partner in HIS caregiving duties and that's why she also sees potential for them once they become adults..
@@MiaIdrissousame but I may be biased bcs of my own experiences with children. I don't think it's fair to expect anyone but people that openly express they are fine with it to babysit and take on the caregiver role. Like I am similar I don't mind being around children, but I can't be in the position of being responsible for them. It also isn't just a preference, but I would quite literally feel out of control, highly uncomfortable and panicked and it's not smth sb can just control.
With the stepmom story. I feel it’s very common that some men soon as they have a partner they expect the woman to be the full time parent role. It’ll be fine to date someone with kids but you would have to set clear boundaries on what you’ll be for the kids. They already have a mom so all she would need to be was a good friend.
My boyfriend and I go to the gym and take up 2-3 hours We talk between set and help each other set up sometimes and spot each other. Could be them really doing routines together but also I would literally hate to hear about another girl without an introduction at MINIMUM
I feel like male or female, if my BF had a Friend he spent so much time with and was really close to, I would want to meet them and feel uncomfortable to his reaction 🤷
@styledbygabi sounds like you got a wholesome relationship there. Tbh whether it was innocent or not, he made it 10x harder than it had to be by being silent & acting guilty, when she was being perfectly reasonable.
@@lauriane2784exactly. any spouse would want to meet someone their partner spends 8-12 hours with a week and seems to really enjoy.
Thats the thing if this is a friend why hasn't he mentioned this to the wife and said like "hey would you like to come to the gym today to meet so so who is my gym bestie?" And I also agree with the other comment he is either being an a-hole on purpose or he is being dense on purpose for how he is making this situation sound.
Exactly about the gym part but I don’t care what friends my wife has, she doesn’t need to introduce me to every one of them because I trust her. Trust is integral in a relationship
Story #2 : I lost a friend a few month ago. If my BF would have try to stop me go to his funeral for a weeding, it would be over for me. I understand the fear of his girlfriend, but please girl get over yourself. This has nothing to do with her or her sister's wedding. It's about him loosing a friend. Yes, this friend happenned to be his brother's ex, but he was his friend, period. I don't get it honestly. Grieve is one of the worst thing we'll encounter in life, and we all deserve a partner who will support us during hard time. You can be jalous or insecure about this situation, but she was an asshole.
I'm sorry but for story #2 without a doubt the funeral is a priority. Instead of being an amazing gf and comforting your GRIEVING partner over the now loss of a close friend and thinking "you're choosing your ex over me" is absolutely ridiculous to me. This is NOT about the ex or ex's family this is about an unfortunate situation where an amazing soul was lost and this is the time they get to say their final goodbye's.
both myself and my family apon hearing the news, would be to comfort him?? I wouldn't even be thinking about the girlfriend, this isn't about new family vs old, this is someones friend that passed, you can always have another wedding but a funeral is only once. I cannot believe that there would be people arguing that, or that multiple agreed with her, my gut instinct would be sympathy for my significant in their loss.
@@paninilist4678 Exactly!!! I couldn't agree more with this
Exactly! The girlfriend most likely knows that Dan was a really special friend to OP, its so odd to me that she wouldn't think "oh no his good friend just died" but instead jumped to "he's prioritizing his ex over me" if it was a different friend that had no connection to his ex I bet the sittuation would've played out allot differently. She allowed her jealousy/insecurity to control her instead of thinking rationally. The death of a loved one is absolutely a priority over a wedding & if she was still insecure about it but wanted to still be supportive she could've gone to the funeral with him. My family would have no issue with me opting out of my sisters wedding if my husband had a really important funeral the same day
the last story really breaks my heart because this was my childhood except no one ever stepped in and my dad kept up the negligence our whole lives while my mom worked 50 hour weeks. I wish we had someone like OP to call out my dad, totally NTA
I love how Morgan always posts right when I’m ready to relax
Story 2: he’s not going to the funeral for her ex. That’s absurd. He’s going to say goodbye to his friend. He probably saw him as a brother too.
I was gonna save this episode for a mini road trip I'm doing on Monday, but I just can't wait that long!
Story number 2: it isn't about the past family or the new family. He is grieving, he was like his little brother, this boy was family for him, he need the closure and to say good bye to his friend.
I have extremely painful periods, since my first one (12 years ago) and of course doctors told me that it’s normal and I don’t have anything, without even checking. I visited another doctor this year and I was finally diagnosed with endometriosis, a bit more than six months now. We had to rush the surgery because I have 5 chronic illnesses included an autoimmune disease and a chronic pain syndrome. Today marks 6 months since my endometriosis surgery. Still late and extremely painful periods… hugs to all endo warriors ❤
I feel your pain (literally)! I was diagnosed with endometriosis at 15 (surgical diagnosis, surgery 1 of 4 I’ve had) and I had no idea how lucky I was that my parents are both medical professionals (CRNA, RN) and mom also suffers from a multitude of the same issues. In the years since when I didn’t have my parents in the room advocating for me, I have been treated like a drug seeker (turns out a cyst had ruptured and I needed surgical intervention), told that I’m being “dramatic” and that “it can’t possibly be that bad!” after fainting from excruciating, unyielding pain. I have so much sympathy for my fellow Endo, PCOS, etc sufferers! You are NOT imagining your pain, you are not dramatic, you deserve to be believed and though it shouldn’t be this way, I hope you find your angel who believes you and validates your pain! ❤
For story 2: they keep thinking of it as his ex’s brother, but that brother was his friend. The fact that it’s his friend that’s having this funeral matters more than it being his ex’s brother. That’s a tough situation for sure
Story 4: I’ve known a lot of mothers who date men who also don’t like their kids 😂 ask half of my childhood friends. I got lucky with my own step dad who loves me as much as my own mom but I know a lotttt of adults who grew up with single moms who dated men who don’t love their kids lol
Funeral over wedding. Agreed on story 2.
Story 4 - piggybacking off what Alejandra said, I think the whole "I'm done raising kids" mentality a lot of single mothers have when it comes to dating a man with younger kids possibly comes from this feeling of expectation or this feeling of obligation to take over the motherly role and fill the shoes for the young child and parent the child because of how men are typically perceived to be like as fathers. How many stories have we all heard where the mother is a stay at home mom and her husband works but he doesn't understand why he has to help take care of the kids at night because he's been working all day? "You've just been with the kids all day, I've been out working!". So I feel theres this stereotype placed on dads because of the countless of other fathers out there who think in this way and dont understand how difficult is to raise a child, so therefore women feel that he's going to expect her to raise the child for him because shes a woman and a mother and has those "maternal instincts". Of course, not every man is like this and this is just a theory.
100% agree
This is totally me. I never wanted kids of my own, but my husband did. So, he talks me into it and I become a single mother. Once I had a baby, he suddenly knew nothing about babies or how to care for them, even though I saw him for over a year take care of his niece and nephews. He put up every obstacle and caused as much trouble as he possibly could to ruin my kids and I after the divorce. Fast forward, my kids are grown and I am an empty nester. I have avoided guys with kids, especially young ones that still need guidance from a parent. I don't want to be someone else's mom, I don't want to deal with an angry kid who thinks I broke up their family, I don't want to deal with anyone else's ex, I still have mine to deal with! I've always been upfront with that. Sir, please proceed to the next lady that can fulfill that role for you because it's not me. I'm not angry or mad or bitter. I just don't want anything messy. If that means I'm single more than coupled, so be it. My kids and I have a lot of fun to make up for. We were so poor, for so long, we missed out on a lot.
@@rachelanderson5608 I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that. I can't imagine having to do all of that alone. My mom practically raised me as a single mom. My dad wasn't physically absent but absent in a lot of other ways. Then, he passed away when I was 9. So it's pretty much just been me and my mom. She was a single mom with my much older brother too, his father walked out on her when she got pregnant. Now that I'm older and in my 20s, she could easily date if she wants to. But she doesnt. She tells me "it's a hassle. I don't want to deal with other men, I've been raising kids for over 30 years and I've been taking care of everyone around me, so I'm gonna do what I finally want to do. I'm not taking care of anyone else. Because men want to be taken care of, they want a mother and I'm done being a mother." Her story and the way she feels is why I thought about that aspect, and you sharing your story makes it all the more true. Of course, not true for every single mom, but pretty true hahaha. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope life is treating you good! You're one resilient mama. 💗
@@deviledmeggs wow! Your mom sounds amazing. She was absolutely a single parent and over it, lol. I get it. A lot of what you said about her sounds like it came directly from me. I want to have fun with my boys. Live a peaceful existence. Make my life the way I want it, all my choices. I want to be me again and there is still plenty of time for me to do so and enjoy life again. I wish you, your mom and brother the best ❤
@@rachelanderson5608 She's a supermom for sure. Love her to death and grateful for the things she did and sacrificed for my brother and I. There is absolutely plenty of time to build the life you want. Everyone has a different timeline. Hoping you get to enjoy and build that peaceful life you want 💗💗 wishing all well with you and your boys too :)
as a die hard survivor fan, i LIVE for morgan’s random survivor references. the challenge you referred to is the moment in the entire series that makes me the most emotional. i cannot watch that without crying. so glad he ended up okay. morgan, i would love to hear what your favorite season you’ve seen so far is!
Story #2: You always wonder how your partner will support you when you're grieving and she ... refused.
You ladies were awesome on ur comments for story one. I agree with you on everything you said. Even with kids I think she should leave him. He doesn’t care about her feelings. That’s so important in a marriage. And he is doing nothing to help her feel secure in their marriage. It’s not her being insecure, her spidey senses or going off for a reason. And his lack of responses or care shows a lot
That one about the child free chick really got me this time. So many assumptions were made when she didn't expect any of the things people said. I'm writing this comment as she finally responded saying she didn't say any of those things. She doesn't expect anything from the guy. She set her boundaries, he disrespected them. She likes the kids but doesn't want to parent them. HE is delusional for staying expecting her to just accept him changing their agreement. A lot of people just used her words and turned them into her implying things when she didn't. She said what she said - not all of those other things people implied and assumed. Like yes the chick should just leave because he is not able to deal with her boundaries but nothing she said expected him to compromise anything. She is being defensive because everyone made a ton of implications about what she said. He is the only one that is in denial. The chick just wants the guy to stick with what they communicated or she's fine if they break up.
...sorry that one got me....
8 months late but you are so right. Both the Reddit commenters and Morgan/Alejandra made all these assumptions and read into this without paying actual attention to what OP said after “childfree.” That one was a big miss
Was really great to hear someone come on and be vulnerable talk about painful periods/ endo! We don’t hear enough about it and bringing awareness is amazing Thankyou 🔥💯
54:07 Dr. John Delony says “choose guilt over resentment” and I think that applies to this situation. Like Ale said, which will I regret the least?
That’s meee. I’ve been living in the mindset of no what it’s. I love that quote !
I almost died because I thought my appendix pain was cramps 😭😭 so thankful to be here today🙌🏼🙏
I only went in because I thought it was odd that there wasn’t any blood!
I got there just in time, any longer and I would have kicked the bucket at 18!
They’re seriously no joke with those cramps.
I hope you feel better Ala! It’s okay to take time off so you can feel better. Please don’t let others make you feel bad for it. You can’t help what your body is going through. I genuinely hope it gets better for you ❤️
No Children Story: My uncle has a relationship with a "no children" lady, they have been married for 15 years so far, and he is the BEST DAD EVER for his first marriage's daughter (they divorced when she was 2), seriously like the best! That has not interfered at all. When my cousin stays at their place, my uncle takes over completely, his wife has nothing to do with her, she's polite, but that's it. In fact, this dynamic has worked so well that my cousin's and uncle's relationship survived the difficult her teenage years and her difficult relationship with her highly conflictive mum! . Additionally, talking from my perspective, my mum (also divorced when I was 2) has kept her marriage / relationships completely separated from me and it was the best! Her last partner didnt have children nor he wanted Lasted 25 years (I'm 42) They broke up for his instability at work and other stuff, nothing to do with me. It can be done, but I don't think he wants to keep things separated.
Story 4: I agree that OP and her bf’s situation sucks, but you two seemed to really miss the mark on this one. OP isn’t the asshole, because she clearly stated that she didn’t want kids from the beginning, and her bf was fully under the impression that he could change her mind and dropped his kids off at her house with zero warning so she could babysit them. My bf’s Mom is divorced, and one of the reasons she struggles with dating is because a lot of men her age have kids and clearly want a new wife to take on the lion’s share of parenting them so they won’t have to (her kids are 29 and she’s almost 60, so that part of her life is well over).
I’m childfree (can’t have kids due to health issues) and I can’t tell you how many men (and my own family members) I’ve come across who’ve fully believed that I’m “going to change my mind later” about kids.
I also felt a like Morgan was shaming OP and childfree people for no reason? When parenting is one of the hardest things someone can do, and we see so many Reddit stories of fathers leaving mothers to do all of the parenting and housework themselves (like story 5!), it shouldn’t be difficult to acknowledge why someone would want to be childfree.
Story #2
He isn’t choosing his ex-girlfriend over the wedding, he is choosing to say goodbye to his “little brother”. This person was a part of his current family not his old. How broken and insecure do you have to be to want to deny a person their ability to mourn and find a modicum of closure for their loss. Honestly if my partner reacted this way, I’d be really reconsidering the relationship.
Story #2: I really don’t like his girlfriend kept saying choosing his ex over her. He was choosing his FRIEND. He was connected and had a relationship with his ex’s brother.
Y’alls friendship is so beautiful. I LOVE the side tangents & girl talk
Second story was never about the ex it was about the loss of someone he considered his family I don't see how it's being said he's reconnecting with his ex over his gf I mean sure he would reconnect with them yeah but this is a funeral 😅 personally a funeral feels a bit more important if you deeply care about the person that died and also he said close to engagement but this kinda shows how this new family reacts to his own feelings and how much he cares about this person saying it's him being an Asshole
Agree it surprised me that Reddit voted no assholes here. I understand being upset but he’s going to miss the wedding for a funeral not another wedding.
@@Em-mw3ezto be fair, Amelia walked in on him hugging his ex. I think she reacted poorly (I might have felt uneasy but would have ultimately let my partner go to the funeral) but I don’t think it’s super unreasonable to be uncomfortable with your partner spending multiple nights with the family of his “passionate” ex, as he described her in the post. Amelia still reacted very poorly, but based on the initial post before the update, I can see both sides even though I side with op.
01:06:45 my toxic trait is wanting OP to pretend faint from the heat to show them all what they caused lololol
Story 4: they keep their apartments separate for a reason. He has no reason to drop the children at her place, especially when noone is there to watch the kids. He can drop the kids at his place. Why is he not there? And it's not like he didn't know about her not wanting to be involved with kids from the beginning
Great point! Separate apartments was very intentional. She wasn’t trying to force him away from his kids at all and was fine with him spending their weekend with her kids. He’s the one who isn’t respecting her or his kids, who need someone who wants to be involved with their upbringing.
Story 4: there’s a difference between being willling to be around his kids when he’s there and him just dropping his kids at her place when he doesn’t live there! It literally includes in the post that they don’t yet live together. Why would you drop your kid at anyone’s place??? Even if ur not engaged? He did not take her seriously. I am also childless by choice and my fiance had a kid and we discussed it at length before they stayed with us *at our shared home*. He didn’t even discuss with her the idea before dropping the kids at somewhere he doesn’t even live full time. That’s not cool.
Story 1) One of my best friends is a guy and he’s married. I met him through his wife, who I’m also very close with. I make a concerted effort to ensure no boundaries are ever being crossed between myself and the husband. He and I are getting tattoos together soon and I made sure she was okay with it. I make sure to call/text her just as much as I do with him so no one ever feels weird about our friendships. If you have a close friendship with someone of the opposite sex you MUST make sure their partner is okay with it (and yours, if applicable). My bf knows both of them and he’s totally fine with it as well. Communication and respect are KEY 🔑
Regarding Wendy Williams saying that "denial is not just a river in Egypt. That saying has been around long before her. I've heard it and said it all of my life and I'm 68.
I'm pretty certain Mark Twain said it first. Original quote "Denial ain't just a river in Egypt".
Only one minute after it was uploaded and I'm ready to go! 🎉 listening with one AirPod in while playing with my toddler is the highlight of my Thursdays!
I’m doing the same!😂
Yes! Just me, 17 month old, Alejandra, Morgan annnnndddd Ms Rachel lolll
I always listen/watch while I wait in the school pickup line, get here an hour early and sit and relax lol
Thank you Alejandra for talking about endometriosis. And thank you for advocating for stopping the BS of just keep going when our bodies are demanding that we rest.
As a fellow endo+pcos girlie, I feeeeeeeeeel you. It can absolutely be debilitating
Same it is a nightmare 😭 like when I get my period I have to call off work even though I work from home since I cannot function. Now lately my periods have been so infrequent that they are 10 times worse when they come 😩 Standing in solidarity with our awful cramps 🥹✊🏼
yeah i have endometriosis and have been on depo for a rlly long time because i j just cannot function with periods. Missed too much work/school/events
I'm child free and my best friend is child free. I've only dated men who are specifically child free, and it makes such a difference in terms of shared values and interests. My best friend has dated men with children, and each time it has caused issues. She tries to convince herself that she can make it work and that she's ok with kids and that she likes how good of a dad they are, but in the end they are both unhappy because one or the other of them feels like they can't be true to themselves and what's important to them.
Story #2- to me its no question you go to a funeral, to me the fact that she made him choose, already shows you the person she is at that point in her life.
OMG i just finished the other episode and I was looking for something to watch and you upload this . I love you Morgan ! This is my favorite podcast ever 😭💗
Story 4: I'm a single mom, all my life tried to keep my love life away from my kids as much as possible. The person knew I had two children and never met them or did once we went on a period where I could trust this person.
Now I'm in a relationship where my partner doesn't want kids on his own but get along with my kids. Specially the youngest one which lives with us. My partner is goofy and open minded, they share a lot of time together and care for each other. On terms of parenting he has some input on it but mostly relays on me.
Kidney stones are acknowledged to be some of the worst pains you can experience. I had one for the first time this summer, and for me, it was just like my period cramps, just at a different part of the body. I talked with my grandmother about it, from who I've inherited my painful periods, and she immediately agreed. So the fact that Alejandra is even able to come in for this recording... Deep respect!
I am not one of those ladies that are able to just tough it out, I can barely walk as the pain goes all the way into my toes, so let alone do work.
The update on story 2 had me in tears, what an awful position to be in 🥺
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through with the endometriosis. I have heard so many people who have this or PCOS, and I can’t imagine the pain. In high school they diagnosed me with possible endometriosis, and they put me on hormonal birth control, and it helped quite a bit. But I still remember being on the floor of my apartment, on the phone with the on call doctor and I was crying hysterically. This was the olden days before opiates became taboo, but they called in a Tylenol with codeine and I made it through several years that way. As an old lady, after I’ve been through menopause, I am happy to not have the monthly pain . Anyway all my love, and I feel ya. Take good care of yourself in these moments, good luck in your future. Love you guys, please take care.
I feel like y'all were a way too harsh on the child free lady. Should she have broken it off once she figured out he had kids? Probably, but let's not forget that she was very upfront about not wanting kids and he waited a long time before he told her he had them. He waited until she was already emotionally attached to him and had an investment to drop the bomb, likely because he knew she'd walk if he said it sooner. Then, when he did, he spun her a tale about how they would make it work. He made her this and that promise and agreed to all these boundaries because he knew it's what she wanted to hear. He said whatever he needed to in order to make her stay. Then, as soon as it became inconvenient, he violated those boundaries. He broke those promises.
I agree that kids are for life, but from what she said, it sounded like she was fine with just allowing his kids to be his business. I do think she was seriously unrealistic in this respect (okay, yeah, that was never going to happen), but it's not fair to call her delusional for that when this man said all the things he said and made it appear, on its face, that he would abide by that separation of the sides of his life.
Yes! This is what I keep thinking as they're talking. Both Morgan and Alejandra are focusing on the kids and what it's like being a parent and maybe she is delusional but she's also put like 4 years into this man
@@rachelcrepeault7617Yeah! I feel like it's SO easy to say what you would do from a bird's eye view, but it always feels so different at the moment. You can say that you would 100% walk away if a man ever brought up his kids when you were child free, but when you're in the moment and you have that personal attachment to him, be so real. Things very well might play out differently for you.
Glad to know that I'm not the only one dealing with endo pain today.....thanks for normalizing it! We can keep trucking along together Alejandra.🥰
The SAH dad story:
As someone with very bad ADHD, anxiety and secondary depression.
I often struggle just doing the bare minimum, BUT I managed to take amazing care of my cats every day…
totally agreed + when you have depression you cannot do hobbies
I just wanna say Ale thank you for sharing how painful it is to struggle with painful periods. I have PCOS & it’s such a painful & invisible thing that I have to deal with in my day to day life. Not everyone understands it, not everyone gets how little things like not sleeping enough, not eating my regular diet, or how chronic pain affects my day to day life. I hope you’re okay & have healthy ways to cope with your endometriosis.
Story 1: Is he using steroids? Totally effects their personality. Also, there is a new phenomenon call Bigorexia. My husband was addicted to working out. We were both in counseling over this addiction. Counselor said, nobody gets to the end of their life and says I wish I would have worked out more. I’d like to say we had a happy ending, but sadly my husband died suddenly just 2 weeks later.
Omgosh. So sorry for your loss! 😢
Last story, she WILL resent him if she doesnt already. I had a similar situations, partner worked full time and i did all housework, cooking etc. I then worked 60 hour weeks and he was off work for 1 year with a 'back injury' that seemed to not bother him when he had the chance to hang with his buddie, i even saw him help family members move furniture, yet our house was the least clean its ever been in our 10 year relationship. I now work part time and the house is clean again, but i am cautious about marrying him (not yet married)
Story 4 tiny update they are breaking up. “I always thought you break up because the love is gone, but that’s not how life works”
I feel bad for them. They are so in love but their values/lifestyle doesn’t align. I think it’s a big learning for OP. I hope she finds just as great a love in the future with matched values. And same for him.
Story 3: That bridezilla better have some paramedics there for all those who pass out from heat exhaustion and ready to pay some hospital bills. Long sleeves in the southern heat outside! She is crazy! I’m anemic, I’m always cold but being in the southern heat when I get way too hot! I would not go. I’m not putting my health at risk. The men in tuxes are definitely taking that jacket off and rolling up those sleeves. What are the woman going to do?
The last story. As a stay at home mom I can tell you it took me YEARS to get a routine down. It wasn't always soo easy. My husband was super patient. I couldn't imagine someone else other than my partner telling me I am slacking.
Same Alejandra! Always cold so I moved from Missouri to Florida and I absolutely love the weather. Makes me so happy!
Story #2 w/ funeral vs SIL wedding, that’s not just his “old family” and it’s not just his ex’s brother, they were true friends to each other and OP cared so much for him. if OP didn’t have that connection to him through his ex, I think his gf/partner would’ve been fine with him choosing a dear friend’s funeral over a wedding… it’s heartbreaking to hear OP got so dogpiled over this :/