Why Approval is Not Love - Relationship Problem
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- Опубликовано: 5 июн 2020
- Today, we’re going to talk about perhaps the biggest misconception about love and that is that love is approval. This concept sounds simple, but is a whole book in and of itself. But today, Teal Swan is going to give you an overview.
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Teal Swan is a personal transformation revolutionary. She was born with a range of extrasensory abilities and is a survivor of severe childhood abuse. Today she uses her gifts as well as her own harrowing life experience to inspire millions of people towards authenticity, freedom and joy and teaching people how to transform their emotional, mental, physical and spiritual pain.
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Having people around who only approve and agree is almost the same as being alone.
My ex's mom always would approve of him and accept whatever he did and never question him because she was afraid of being alone
I love how teal laughs when she knows you are being called out
TOPIC IDEAS:
- cognitive dissonance
- Maladaptive daydreaming
- Shadow of feminism
- Hypersexuality / Hyposexuality
- Borderline Personality Disorder
Taking the words straight out of my mouth AND Compton, daaaamn.
Awesome topic ideas. Coginitive dissonance especially is a huge one.
how much i want an episode for mdd!!
Borderline please
Shadow of feminism also there’s such a heavy shadow there to me
I've watched this video 5 times and I'm still unpacking what this means for me.
As someone who's gay and grew up in a Christian family and around people who always pretended to have my best interest by saying they love me but disapproved of who I love and how I express myself this video was very relevant. I don't trust anyone to have my best interest, as in I don't trust them to NOT disapprove of me for the wrong things. Approval is something I've always wanted and knew that I wanted. Rejection makes me feel alone, and like I did growing up. It's hard to trust people because they were so disapproving, and it's hard to trust myself because they made it seem like I didn't know what's best for me. I've been constantly questioning myself and pushing others away. It's made me stagnant in life because taking action feels like a risk with two consequences: 1: me changing my mind and realizing I was wrong all along about what I wanted and 2: people disapproving of me.
If you feel it in yourself that you are pulled in attraction to men, you should trust that because even if you were wrong, you were just curious and intrigued.
And that is natural
@@mikeybeanhi181 Oh I'm fine with being gay, it's just that state of fear and questioning I had as a child made its way to other parts of my life.
Not to sound silly but what happens when you fall in love and wanna introduce your love to family ? If they don't accept your gay they can't accept your significant other then
Story of my life
I choose you, Teal, as my spiritual teacher because you are authentic. You don't hide your wounds, you admit you still struggle in life... That's inspiring. I like your strength and intelligence. That's why you awake same things in me. My vote goes to authenticity. Much love and respect for you, Teal. I am in the middle of reading three of your books. Greetings from Serbia 🇷🇸
Thank you for your words
@@TealSwanOfficial, thank you 💗🍀🙏✨
@@Vention1MGTOW, of course. Choices are mine. Thank you, brother.
That sounded incredibly gay..
@@eirikmurito, hahaa! Why? 😁
Ideas:
-Schizophrenia ("bad"/"dark" hallucinations vs "lighter"/"neutral" hallucinations)
-Borderline
-Phobia
-Ocd
-Chronic procrastination
-Rape (the abuser's perspective + how to heal from sexual trauma)
-How to help people
-How to make change-manifestation vs action
-What to prepare for before "The Shift"?
Those are all good ones...I hope she answers them
Yes to these! And she already has a video about helping people i think it’s called to help or not to help
Make sure to look through her older content, I've seen a good deal of her work on some similar topics. She's got many years' worth of videos. Blessings.
drop it all and let it go
Last one.
i had a dream, after i broke up with my twinflame a few months ago, saying we would both go on a self love journey and then meet up again. since then, my clairvoyance has opened up like never before, as well as other things! i didn't realize how much i was invalidating my feelings and mistreating myself. then, i came across your channel, and it was exaclty what i needed! you made me so aware. you are absolutely brilliant.
Know that you are 100% whole, worthy and complete as you are! The more you come to that realization the more your life will begin to change. You will attract more things and opportunities. 🍀
unless you are used as the Scapegoat for false flags : sabotaged and triangualted : emf´d end dewed : degraded to a point of crazy so others fall in line.
tell me Andreas : how do you pay back a lifetime of neglect? You can´t since all the simmered neurons are set : do you really think the "devils,angels and truthers" : the wheat and the tears : how does one create loyal believers and followers : it is a roll over rape and death cult culture : the Ouroboros/Phoenix model : in not good enough. The discarded get off just the same : like the bull in the ring : dying in his own blood as an orgasm. Both polarities : die gladly for it : Death as pleasure. ibb.co/QjvKGvh
love is just a feeling, don't put to much of anything on it
our weekly dose of "true truths" has come
The time on the wall clock never changes
This must mean Teal’s teachings are timeless ☺️
THE most I’ve ever get called out... but it’s the call out I needed the most.
when this first uploaded, i took a minute to see if i really needed to watchthis video, an example of my resistance haha
Self love remains the most important of all....
I love your birds, Teal. They are competing with MY birds! Lol I keep taking off my headphones to figure out which birds I`m listening to! I spent most of my life being Karma Chameleon for other people. Now I`m finding myself finally. THAT is freeing. I`m also learning not to take disapproval personally & express it without making it personal. This was a very good video for me. Bringing clarity.
I did exactly the same - kept stopping the video, as the exotic birds seemed to be with the other birds outside my window!
I was only able to focus on the bird in the background - LOL!
I was like omg?? It took me like 5 mins to figure out it was on the video
Annoyingsounds
I ❤ the bird sounds! 💕 I would now love to travel to Costa Rica to hear them! 😄 Or to any other rainforesty area! 🦜🕷🐦🐒
OMG Me too! My dog was super distracted and barked each time xD
It was a big distraction unfortunately
Thank you Teal Swan for bringing us to places nobody wants to talk about. ✨💚✨Christine Vandenberg
I feel like you have a good point. I'm letting go of toxic patterns and connections in my life but wishing the person well as I let go.
After binge watching for months now and being in the healing energy field I have now started directed people to you. You are the best teacher and approach these matters in a way we all can understand. I truly appreciate your effort, energy and knowledge. I love you Teal. You're changing this world.
Amy Simon,your pretty smile ☺️ can make the news!
You can disapprove of something and be with and for someone instead of against them and therefore in alignment. -Teal Swan
Teal, you are the definition of a Badass. I love you for being you. I also love you for sharing these messages with us.
Approval in the form of undue praise usually comes from a person with extremely low self esteem. They project what they wish they were onto the other person & have no clue they're not only making their situation worse but also actually decreasing the self esteem of the other person.
Real interdependence is love not co-depending on your partner.
Perfect timing, as always! ❤️ Knocked it out of the park again. It is so amazing to be able to hear from someone who has such a firm understanding on the complexity and hardships of life, especially considering they are so relevant to everyday life. I will be a lifetime subscriber, Teal
Love to see the tribe on their purpose !
This makes so much sense! Thanks Teal! 💜 Xx
This girl is so provocative in her knowledge and honesty.
My reaction to every video you release is"tell me more please!"
Thank you Teal ❤️🌷
Thank for you putting this out :) It’s deeply relevant to what’s happening now.
Yasssss yasss and yassss thank you teal for all that you do 🙏🏽❤️🔥
Thank you, Teal. This resonates very well with me. You have understanding, which I great to hear. Your videos really do touch base with what I have been thinking and feeling for over 30 years.
what a great video
pretty intense message, very much needed in the world
*THIS WAS MY LESSON I HAD TO LEARN FOR THE PAST 2 YEARS...* Thank you for expanding on it and helping me understand all of the aspects... 🙏❤️
I love your discussions, Teal. I always have to listen to each video three times to fully absorb want you're saying. But it so worth the time.
This was beautifully articulated. Thank you 😊
Just on time! Thank you very much Teal🌱❤
This is a powerful reflection, thank you Teal
Superb video.
😊
💐
Have a great day Teal.
😊
Loving your work teal. You're spiritual/psychoanalysis skills are amazing. 🙏☯️
Thoughtful presentation. Thanks for your sharing your reflections on this vital topic.
Thank you for expressing these ideas. Best, B
thank you very much Teal.. this is very helpful
I absolutely LOVED this video. It TOTALLY helped me better process a very very complicated relationship dynamic I am involved in and has even been seriously struggling to make sense of day to say without my judgements, anger, hurt, upset and my own self interests making things more complex. With this one video I gained so much insight and understanding and immediately felt more at ease inside of myself about the whole situation without resistance. It affirmed some of my own rough feelings and made everything make more sense and much easier to experience and accept though it isn't ideal to me and I find myself in approving. Rewatching now. Thank you!!
I love the message you started sharing at the end of your videos. Thanking us for doing the work of self awareness. ♥️
Love your straight forward non "enlightened" understandings and help its desperately needed in the "spiritual" groups especially. Well spoken and much appreciated as always
Sherry Moon, you got a pretty smile ☺️🤙
Much needed video for the spiritual community. Thank you, love.
Spiritual Underdog,you look stunning 🌹🌹
Approval may not be love but....I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW I LOVE YOUR VIDEOS ALL THOSE YEARS!!!! 😍
Brilliant video Teal
Teal, thank you. Message delivered perfectly on time as always! 🙏❤️ Endlessly grateful for your ability to explain other perspectives!
Damn Teal, this is exactly what I have recently observed in myself as a newlywed. Thank you for giving me information to process and help move me forward in my journey.
Yes, Teal is so brave and wisdom to tell the TRULY TRUTH.
Very beautiful! So well said, Teal. :) I was trying to make the difference between the moments when I have been disapproved in a loving way vs. in an unloving way. When my friend did not approve of me and it did not matter, it was because I know he loves me. I know he separates facts from my essence. And that he doesn't agree with those facts but he loves me: personality, patterns, talents, etc. And the moment when I felt another friend disapproved without love, was that....that kind of intimacy, relationship outside the conversation, was lacking. There wasn't any intimacy with my real self, because there wasn't any intimacy with his real self. He is not in intimacy with himself, therefore not with me. So I said to myself: "so I was expecting from him the relationship I have with myself. And he doesn't have it." That's why his disapproval feels unloving because there isn't any genuine, actual intimacy to compensate it.
Dana Stoian,hope you are in a good relationship cause you are too precious 🌹🌹🌷!
This was my relationship with my ex, he felt like me approving all his bad habits like smoking, drinking or drugs was love and me not approving that was me not loving him for who he was. It was very very confusing for me, it really hurted me to see him harm himself like that but I also felt like I couldn't do anything...
Ok, so luckily I have the whole weekend to wrap my head around this!😅 Thank you, Teal!
This video made go through so many waves of emotions 😭💓
Every Video is a Wake Up Call. Thank You Teal
I love this. You're a gem, Teal.
This was one of the most powerful and clarifying videos I have intook from you. I am so grateful for your life. Thank you so much Teal.
Sooooo muuuuuch THISSSSS. Completely SPOT ON. ✨🙏🏽✨ on both sides of this! Thank you Teal. Ugh I SO appreciate the way you articulated every single angle of this!! Xo 💙💙💗💗💗💙💗💗💗💗💗💗
Teal would be a great lover and friend to have . She is super duper honest. That’s really cool and love 💯❤️
All of your videos are just brilliant, thank you Teal ! I truly appreciate all of your advice and amazing insight 🤗
Teal, thank you for giving yourself in the terms and ways of your delivering what truth we know equally. Thank you for your grace amd compassion with me, and thank you for observing me as we know. Thank you for your comprehension and completeness of the knowlage you do know true. Thank you for your secret admiration and lead. Now I create of my fingers touch, the words you know intended and meant, of me I knew as i know you are as we be. Thank you for forgiving me of my arrogance and angle of entry. Thank you for arriving ahead of me, and yes indeed thank you for your great direction. Our tribe is real and I am your Golden Swan here in my graces a father with my daughter and my sweetie with me. Have me know when you want to have me step in. I am here and by my body my point of expansion I enter through and to what world i have about me. Thank you Teal, sincerely.
This video is Vitally Important Today more than ever. People are so desperate for approval that they will approve of violent criminals and terrorists doing violent acts.
You are amazing Teal 💝
This is exactly what I needed to hear right now... how did you know? ;) definitely gonna have to watch a few times to let it all absorb but as always grateful for you and your insight teal 🙏❤ truly wishing everyone unconditional love and blessings during these crazy times 💫
It’s 11:11 on the clock behind her 😋
@@siriansiren8866 when I read you comment it said you had posted it 22 minutes ago✌️
But it's still throughout the video
manulaika maybe that’s on purpose
@@franzabananza exactly. that's what bothers me.
Thank you so very much for your help today 💚🧡❤️💖💙💜🌈🙏🏽💓💛💚🧡❤️💖💙💜🎉🥰
Wow ! She is amazing! I just learned so much 💗
This resonated deeply with me and I feel how complex this topic is. I would love if you would share more of your insights about this topic with us to get a fuller understanding of it. Thank you so much Teal
People may not align
with all your beliefs,
But that won't matter
Since it's so calming
When you speak...
You say, regarding the correct manner of giving loving disapproval: "You just have to be very, very sure that you're actually right about what is actually in their best interests, what will actually hurt or benefit them, and what is actually wrong for them." Often we cannot be "very, very sure" of what we think might be in their best interest---and that's okay because we can communicate that to them. "Hey, Bob. I can appreciate your interest in taking this particular course of action. But here's my perception of it all and why it might not be good for you. I could be wrong, but I wanted you to know about how I see and feel about the matter."
Thank you so much for this video, I know now that we are all swirling together somehow and what goes on in our vibrations is better translated by Teal every day and second. So thanks again. I'm being explained one if not the darkest shadows of mine and I'm ready :D
Always helpful. Love your videos. Thank you :) Love the sounds of birds in the background.
CANADIAN KABINGURL,hope you are in a good relationship cause you are too precious 🌹🌹🌷!
knowing and realizing this truth is really painful. but I must gain acceptance. pray for me 🙏 and all others who feel the same way
Topics that would be interesting:
-how to deal with passive aggression
-procastination
Good video!
You drop so many bombs of wisdom and I´m always speechless after watching any of your videos
Teal this is something I had learned and learned on my own. I was never the person to like want all the attention and what not but one thing I wanted was acceptance and approval from people and I learned fast that it didn’t really matter to me. I found my own peace and knew right from wrong without even questioning it. Jumping in and just knowing the truth! Saying it and whether someone likes it or not it has to be said! would develop an open mind and in 2018 after being like the rock and support for someone I had been with for like 5 years, I got tired because I realized that it was them always wanting their way and me being honest about the truth. I know I didn’t care about the approval much but I knew my responsibility and I wasn’t going to take blame for things that were not my fault and the person was not taking responsibility on their end. Knowing the truth, telling them, and there would be moments in which they would disapprove. Being aware as well and if they disapprove of the truth then well it was their decision. Whatever happens after that will be a result of it. 2019 was huge and this video was some of the growth I went through for the beginning of last year. Bless you teal!
Thank you, Teacher. Infinite ♥
Thanks Teal 🙏
I've always had this problem but yesterday and today I went on and on trying to find information on how to solve it. Because it's exhausting. And after reading online and not finding what I was hoping for I came to see my favorite channel ever (it honestly is). I wasn't hoping to find something along those lines, honestly. I was just planning to catch up on whatever was your last video about and hopefully it would somehow help or fit. And guess what? It's exactly EXACTLY what I'm going through. You don't know me but I've been around this channel for like 10 years. This is why. I don't know if somehow I knew you were talking about this. I don't know why I started looking for this information again (I tried to solve this a million times). But here I am and here you are once again. I know many people might not agree with you or might not like you. In my case, it's like your read my mind and behavior and childhood trauma in the distance without even knowing. You've helped me more than my many many years in psychotherapy. Seriously. Thank you
@@oscarwilliamson1264 aw! Thank you
@@oscarwilliamson1264 I'm from Argentina :)
Lovely episode
Thank you!
Gonna watch this video a couple more times. Describes the story of my life perfectly
Sometimes I see a video of Teal and get it all, but when I dont, I feel it is because is a subject I need to grasp more because it is something lacking on me or that I have to improve. Best part of it, I can see her all over again!
That was a BIG PLATTER Of Food For Thought...Extra Thumbs Up!
PrairieDogers,your pretty smile ☺️ can make the news!
Got your book, Anatomy of Loneliness, as an audio version, love it so far! The chapter about shame is make s a lot of sense. Also I really like that you are reading it yourself!
Thank you 🌹
Thank you teal I love you and all your work bless your heart 💓💓🙏🙏🙏
Thank you for sharing your wisdom
Video idea: avoidant attachment in childhood and adulthood, and how to deal with it
I have suffered exactly what that little girl in the beginning of the video suffered from
Knowing that you are invaluable and unappreciated in your close and extended family can cause lots of damage to your adulthood, so often you think that in order for other people to love you need to get their approval and try to impress them with what you’ve become, eventually you get tired of trying that so you decide to live yourself no matter what even if nothing changes in you , then teal uploads a video that breaks your mind and you realize that completely approving of yourself might not always be loving ...
And this whole pattern yields with avoidant attachment in adulthood because you think to yourself, why would I even try they wouldn’t love even if..
the problem is when you are aware of this but you can’t find the next best next thing to do and and even after you became aware of the pattern yuh still can’t stop it and the same results keep happening and you end up alone and you have not idea whether to accept it or try to change it ..
@@Google990g Yea I get what your saying.
I was thinking of a perspective of: There is power and awareness.
# Maybe too much awareness and too little power creates this kinda boat (of looking through a glass window).
# And too much power and too little awareness creates a tyrant (the opposite kind of person).
Transformation seems to takes a long time and consistent committed efforts.
And happens a little each day even if we dedicate ourselves quite a bit.
Changing ourselves is quite difficult.
And it is also pretty non-linear, I think because our vision gets pulled quite a lot into things when they come up, and then we are temporarily in that episode, and then another episode, and so on.
Since we do not have the full panoramic view (sometimes its wider, sometimes narrower), we cannot get a proper consistent scale of what's happening, how long it would take, what is its scope, and so on.
In my experience it kinda works holographically. Like every small thing you heal in a relationship with one person around you, heals that aspect in all of your other relationships too.
So yea, its pretty hard. We gotta go at it brick by brick, lego by lego, and the way the healing unfolds is pretty crazy.
I try to live from the space of understanding as far as possible.
Waves of crushing despair, rage, futility, dread, loneliness, isolation, forlornness, forsakenness, apathy, deadness, sadness, grief, bleakness, horror, do come and go though (quite often :/). They are to be somehow endured I guess.
gee, dont doubt yourself, teal is a noob, she doesnt know what she's talking bout for 99.99998 ℅ percent of the time
phoenix ash so you think I shouldn’t doubt my self that means I should trust myself but the way you suggest that she’s a noob makes me feel that trusting myself would mean trusting your opinion of her so so what you’re really saying is that i should trust you and call it trusting myself, that’s funny because I don’t think she’s a noob and now I don’t know whether I should trust your opinion or mine .
@@Google990g just trust yourself, no matter what, it aint rocketscience
teal you are my biggest inspiration. youre such a beautiful soul and ever since ive discovered you you have sparked so much understanding and intergration within myself. thank you for being here
What a beautiful charismatic woman⚜️great coach⚜️🌟
佢放咗好多concept入去
什麼是Love?
小朋友 被人reject 被人disapprove 而感到不被愛
所以好有可能追求 被人approve 以為咁就係被愛
如果沒有愛的話，人們就會追求另一樣類似愛的東西- Approval
慢慢呢種追求 成年後都會繼續⋯以為Approval等於愛
佢追求approval, 亦會give approval
有舉例子 什麼是不好的approval... 類似寵
而Give approval...又類似廣東話你喜歡就好⋯其實背後意思係唔關我事（所以我唔使為你嘅生命附上責任）
但咁樣做其實會同其他人產生距離 - 因為你還你我還我⋯這就是她所說的resistance.... 你唔好過來
但佢又會講 人天生嘅特性都係想要approve ⋯
要懂得分 什麼事正常的approve 、 什麼事 癲咗咁追求approval
佢亦指出另一個謬誤 是很多人說最了解自己的是自己⋯但其實 有些人比你自己更清楚什麼對自己最好⋯所以呢啲人俾嘅disapproval 可能係align 我哋嘅BEST INTEREST
所以佢講完一大輪之後
擾亂晒我哋
其實係要我哋諗
每一個approval 同 每一個的disapproval
佢哋背後係咪由愛出發
係咪align我哋嘅best interest
我覺得佢講完一大炸嘢
其實目的係要繞鬆我哋
Love = approval 呢個等號
thank you teal.
this rather complicated, I listened to this video twice. I hope you can elaborate on these ideas a bit more, thank you!
Lol! Dammit, Teal!!! I can't unring this bell now. Thank You!!!
Heather Lawrence,hope you are in a good relationship cause you are too precious 🌹🌹🌷🌷🌺!
Thank you always.
I can totally relate when you said 'I'm gonna have to claim that you can know what's best for someone else better than them. *Let the battle begin!!!*'
OMG been thinking about this recently 💕💗💓