This reminds me of the time I was doing a bedlam mission. I was caught stealing a diamond gold necklace in markarth and somebody saw me. I handed everything I had stolen to Lydia and told her to go home. I laughed as the guards arrested me knowing that I would not pay the consequences
This is hilarious. I feel like this guard is the one that gives you the one lock pick that you get every time you get arrested. I'm usually a bit of a goody two shoes in Skyrim, but this makes me really want to play a bad guy
Call me Zelda ONE moar time you don't get the lock pick. You manage to sneak one of your lockpicks in if you have one. Try getting arrested with no picks and you'll find you still don't have any in the cell.
a couple health potions and some cheese wheels? No a couple health potions and ALL 60 of the cheese wheels Now that's grand theft. That's like 240 silver
TheGamingWolf821 *last save was the chicken killing* STOP YOU VIOLATED THE LAW PAY THE COURT A FINE OR SERVE YOUR SENTINCE your stolen goods are now forfit
I often come back to this video once in a while because it really relaxes me. I'm sure a big component in the relaxiation mix is the character herself: she's facing a guy who could litterally tear her in half but she still acts like she's his mother, scolding him but still giving him some kind of love. Maybe I love the fact that "I" am a strong guy facing an even stronger lady who's not at all scared by me and solves my problem in a fun and sweet way. Well done!
Smoldering_Sconce wood elves get a bad rep. Ever wonder why you almost never see a wood elf adventurer? They don’t wanna kill anything because they have to eat it eventually.
If that's all I got, then you shouldnt be surprised, after all, I am a man of high taste, The taxes on this silly civil war is ridiculous, and I for one will not have it. - *nazeem*
Hey just do me a favor and ignore the skooma that's not mine I promise and if you get a note from a Castle Volkihar just do what it says and don't worry about it
really even my deadly weapon no one could find for about ten thousand years that also for some reason brings back the ancient deadra and can only be used by a ancient one thats in a cave that only opens up every hundred years
*checks inventory* me: uh miss, you missed my 804 bottles of skooma, some of these weird glowing scrolls, uhh 3 dragon bones, a mountains worth of random keys, an off looking troll skull, oh yeah and that one book you found, there's uhh, a few million more, also dont worry about how i have every single daedric artifact known to nord kind.
We all know my inventory is full of daedric artifacts, daedric organs, and dark soul gems. We also know all my bounty is for stealing sweetrolls and killing chickens, I don't know where you are making all this up at.
All I can think of is how the Dragon-born is sitting there just tapping his/her fingers on the table, sighing and being impatient.
Yup
i wouldnt be in there for long. *_FUS RO DA-_* _mouth gets covered_ oh c'mon!
“You’ve killed ten people”
“Pfff your counts wrong, I killed ten people that *hour* “
YOULL NEVER TAKE ME *loads last save*
What a fool you are. No recall or intervention can work in this place
except it does
Hey bruh, I'm the Thane.
Heckin Nut lmao
Halt!
I'm a god, how can you kill a god.
What a grand and intoxicating innocence
“A human heart” I have a permit for that.
Xifihas speech 100
But for 2?
@Mike Pence xD
*_with a bite out of it c:
Xifihas damn necromancers.
Just ignore the ton of skooma and moon sugar it's not mine it's for my companion Jizargo
a7xmshadows19 ha! Jiz Argo
Jozargo " this one is hold it for a friend"
The first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem.
J’zargo denies this accusation
a7xmshadows19 ah Blame it on the khajit
“A heart.”
“A human heart...”
“I’m just gonna put that away.”
Lol
Yea don't worry about that
Another heart... 🙄
Mystery flesh 😳
“Since we know you are an undead abomination you don’t have a life to defend.” That whole section had me in Stiches
I just imagine my character going: Hey! That's discrimination against undead! ):
Guard: lets take a look in your inventory
Me: no
Guard: Ok
Level up sound
*Speech 100*
I love this
Lmao
When the fuck did i make this
@@nacht_mokey3257 2 years ago apparently
Foxgirl Strawberry thank you
“I’ve pretty much seen everything”
*struggles to pick up wuuthrad*
What about picking up volenruud
@@dylanmaginnis1989 Worst weapon
0:27 Dragonborn pickpocket vampire assassin thane of Whiterun
Chief of the Whiterun guard: All right, sweetheart...
Guard: looks like a bag of some grainy substance
Me: oh sheit
Guard: looks like some apothecary salts
Me: hehe yeah lets go with that
Cocaine
David hatcher skooma powder
@@noloviden4750
nah.
Moon sugar
This actually happened to me
“Wait, I know you!”
- pays bribe -
The same guard, literally 2 seconds later.
“Wait, I know you!”
At that point you just kill the guard
That happened to me on xbox the guards were glitched out, they never said any other sentence again
Sanguine was watching and realized that his little drunken night with the dragonborn has nothing on this.
Lol
Khajiit does not remember any of what happened... Then again... khajiit did have a bit of skooma before all this...Hehe....
Good
David hatcher
Best response to this type of shit 😂
Khajiit understands khajiit’s plight...we should be innocent because khajiits stop moon sugar supply to Skyrim
I know im late but...
Absolutely mental khajiit inhales 250 skooma
They will never find our stash of Skooma, and they can’t bribe us Khaji- oh crap is that a yarn ball?
"A signed copy of The Lusty Argonian Maid" that's uh...I'm holding that for someone else
I think you forgot to uninstall your outfit mod and the recipe for it got confiscated
This reminds me of the time I was doing a bedlam mission. I was caught stealing a diamond gold necklace in markarth and somebody saw me. I handed everything I had stolen to Lydia and told her to go home. I laughed as the guards arrested me knowing that I would not pay the consequences
Improvise. Adapt. Overcome.
Amazing
Holy fuck you're a genius. I normally just kill all of them and pay when I have to come back later
I just quicksave before I go into a house to steal.
It just works.
These charges are...accurate...
This is hilarious. I feel like this guard is the one that gives you the one lock pick that you get every time you get arrested. I'm usually a bit of a goody two shoes in Skyrim, but this makes me really want to play a bad guy
Flannel Shirt Enthusiast I’m still wondering if the lock pick was just in the cell or if a guard literally gave it to ya lmao
Call me Zelda ONE moar time you don't get the lock pick. You manage to sneak one of your lockpicks in if you have one. Try getting arrested with no picks and you'll find you still don't have any in the cell.
Here I'm falling asleep then I hear "lusty argonian maid". I bolted back up and decided it's not a good idea to sleep with this.
oshgee857
Yep yep that's - that's porn
No other way to say it
It's bad enough that the lusty argonian maid scarred me for life.
TheDarkFlame857 why? I mean, it is porn, but the script isn't *that* bad.
1 word....Fanart
LAM is my life mate
Guard: takes all your stuff and waves it around in your face
You:...umm
What?
Me: "HEY THAT'S NOT MY SKOOMA... MAN"
A couple of health potions and some cheese wheels counts as grand theft?
a couple health potions and some cheese wheels?
No
a couple health potions and ALL 60 of the cheese wheels
Now that's grand theft.
That's like 240 silver
Yes
*_cheese wheels are the food of the gods_*
Phew, she didn't mind my extensive collection of human skulls... Only a few of which are stolen... From the heads of their previous owner.
what about the others?
If the guards were Canadian
Abigailia Wilson “ohh soory mate soory be on your way.” *mutters something about maple syrup under breath* “ what” “ nothin”
Or Wiconsinan
Here’s a lock pick just in case. 😉
*STOP YOU VIOLATED THE LAW* Sees dead chicken *loads last save*
TheGamingWolf821 *last save was the chicken killing* STOP YOU VIOLATED THE LAW PAY THE COURT A FINE OR SERVE YOUR SENTINCE your stolen goods are now forfit
Relatable
🐔
I often come back to this video once in a while because it really relaxes me. I'm sure a big component in the relaxiation mix is the character herself: she's facing a guy who could litterally tear her in half but she still acts like she's his mother, scolding him but still giving him some kind of love. Maybe I love the fact that "I" am a strong guy facing an even stronger lady who's not at all scared by me and solves my problem in a fun and sweet way.
Well done!
"The Lusty Argonian Maid, signed copy..."
Don't read that, I'd rather just confess to the murders!
the whiterun accent sounds suprisingly canadian
blacksmith224 as a canadian I can’t really hear it
It’s very “Fargo”
nordic accent
Guard-“And here’s some kind of mystery flesh”
Me-“uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...”
Guard-“ohhhhhhh, yikes”
" untill we get one of those black hand letters requesting your realise there's nothing we can do"
Me: dang it im the one who makes those
The nicest guard I've ever spoken to! Most of them just make fun of my missing sweet rolls.
This was the absolute funniest asmr video I've ever seen. I applaud you, creator.
I put this on to help me sleep, then I heard the “unholy abomination” line and couldn’t stop laughing. This is amazing
Me: Oh god, what if she finds my moon sugar and skooma...
Oh noe
Khajiit never met this one at all
C-can I atleast have my Argonian Maid copy with me while I am being held?
Perhaps but none of that fancy hand work tonight dragon born..
No chances for a Cicero or an adoring fan asmr? That would be funny :') BTW great video
omg yasssss
CATCH ME IF YOU CAN *falls on a rock and trips* **gets arrested**
OH SHIIIIIIIIT
I half expected to hear
"You killed 37 guards, the shopkeeper, and 2 other civilians."
13:02 this feels like obstruction of justice
About that heart… That belonged to a bandit who are used to be a heartbreaker mod on to rip it out…
If I'm not alive, then who are you charging?
Law system has a divide by zero moment
I want to pay for my crimes...2 min later *steals his stolen shit again*
*"I'm with the guild. How about you look the other way?"*
.... fine..
One time I killed Sigurd after he took my fucking wood that I chopped for awhile.
Vreyne72851 *I WoRk FoR BeLEthOR At THe GenERAl GoOd StOrE*
Vreyne72851 Fucking bitch
HOLY THESE VIDEOS ARE SO UNDERRATED WTFFF
I honestly hope you'll do more of these gods, maybe each for every hold in skyrim
Did...did I just get extorted by a guard who sounds like my Nana?
These videos are some of the few asmr I can listen to over and over. Probobly listen to this one like 40 times
"Grand theft Eidar" this is the best
900 pounds of cheese wheels and 200 pounds of mead
Hella overencumbered but worth it
Goddamit Lydia, you're gonna make me cry 😭
Joke's on you I have *_vampire's seduction_*
*Whiterun Guard is too powerful for Vampire's seduction*
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Exactly
Your petty suduction is no no match for this guard
*draws dragon bone sword*
"Well at least she didn't find my hidden pouch of black soul gems. That would be embarrassing."
“Nothing will surprise me!”
Bet.
Random guard recognises Mask of Clavicus Vile, doesn't inform Vigilants, Something strange going on here. Is she a Daedra in disguise
Guard-Youre the draganborn, well that doesn't get you of the hook
Me-Well fight the dragons your damn self then!
Me: kills every single non essential character
Whiterun guard : you'll rot in a cell, for a day
Guard: (Dumps out bag)
(My 700,899,567,382,601,385,675,534
sweet rolls fall out)
Me: :o How did those get there... (nervous laugh)
*starts with ingredients*
*i remember my character has over 259lbs of ingredients and potions*
Me:This is gonna take a while
How???
If the heart is a problem I’ll cook it in a stew. After all, I am the Gourmet.
I come here often just for the whispered part starting at 20:42. Best I've ever heard!
How about a wood elf skyrim asmr
Those guys look like some kinda upside down version of the coneheads.
Ah, yes, the cannibals of Tamriel
Smoldering_Sconce wood elves get a bad rep. Ever wonder why you almost never see a wood elf adventurer? They don’t wanna kill anything because they have to eat it eventually.
this whiterun guard has chill
"Put to death in the square"
*NOCLIP ACTIVATED*
You'll never catch me alive bitch!
If that's all I got, then you shouldnt be surprised, after all, I am a man of high taste,
The taxes on this silly civil war is ridiculous, and I for one will not have it.
- *nazeem*
After about every save before a rampage I get over 15,000 bounty in Whiterun lol
I love how she's not even questions the how we got the it's.
"either you let me go or alduin kills everyone, your choice."
She sounds so positive and motherly, i love it
Talos i love this roleplay, and this channel! Skyrim is my favorite game!
"An daedric artifact.... " yea give it back its the ebony mail "OH GOD ITS KILLING ME!!! "
Hey just do me a favor and ignore the skooma that's not mine I promise and if you get a note from a Castle Volkihar just do what it says and don't worry about it
Sorry, I was incredibly high on my own invention of Skooma and moon sugar.
How dare you accuse me of being a vampire..! I'm a member of the Dawnguard, and a werewolf!
Good to see my wives are loyal.
@Harrison Hughes (Student) regarding lydia and uthgardt the unbroken
Such a fantastic video. I would love to see something with the thieves guild or dark brotherhood
A yes, my favorite hold. Whiterun, Canada.
This is well made!
I feel like my Khajiit would do this:
"Uh.. You forgot these"
*Hands bag of 92 dragon bones and 97 dragon scales*
the last part rlly got me IDC IF THEY JUST LINES OF CODE THEY ARE MY FRIENDS AND I LOVE THEM ALL
Forgot to put something over my mouth so I can just shout
She talks about the masque of clavicus vile like it's a mass produced toy instead of a helmet made by basically a god
Actually what should have happened is you just walk in and the guard goes “holy f*cking shit you have a huge bounty” and then a long ass losing screen
Ummmmmmm I think there are some crooked guards I don't remember having a human hart dadric harts yeah but never a human hart
Gibbles and The gang right? Useles stuff
I swear if anyone in skyrim did this to me, they would be a pin cushion of deadric arrows
really even my deadly weapon no one could find for about ten thousand years that also for some reason brings back the ancient deadra and can only be used by a ancient one thats in a cave that only opens up every hundred years
Holy shit this is hilarious, and relaxing. Hilarelaxing
10:34 ungodly abomination? Hey! We vampires are people too!! #vamplivesmatter
Never caught me for lollygagging, though.
*checks inventory*
me: uh miss, you missed my 804 bottles of skooma, some of these weird glowing scrolls, uhh 3 dragon bones, a mountains worth of random keys, an off looking troll skull, oh yeah and that one book you found, there's uhh, a few million more, also dont worry about how i have every single daedric artifact known to nord kind.
Make her read an elder scroll
You forgot the 200 lbs in random potions I carry around... just in case.
So my skoomas fine right
Oh yes ahem that is salt heh heh
Definitely. Not. Moon. Sugar
11:00 I had to replay it a few times to realize she said horror
"On my defense, I did it only for Serena"
All of the things you listed would at least be a 5000 bounty haha
Omg this was amazing please keep up the awesome work your amazing! 👍
The accent just makes this all the better
Ummm... it was not me ( Speech 100 )
still fuckin whips
We all know my inventory is full of daedric artifacts, daedric organs, and dark soul gems.
We also know all my bounty is for stealing sweetrolls and killing chickens, I don't know where you are making all this up at.
Solution to the bounty . Creative mode in minecraft. So I have enough for that.
If only she knew what i did in winterhold