10 ways to get your fiancé to help: 1. Ask for their priorities 2. Share the full scope of planning the wedding 3. Play to their strengths- divide tasks based on likes 4. Have meetings- but do not hound them 5. Complain- when things get tricky, complain with “I” statements rather than “you” statements 6. Rethink “fair” 7. Just Ask- practice asking with specifics 8. Check the energy around the wedding planning 9. Go deeper- if your partner is not helping, take time to understand how your partner’s feelings 10. Stay Grounded- when things get overwhelming, come back to this list
I think the style of wedding we chose to go for has really helped in getting my fiancé wholly involved in wedding planning (he’s probably done more than me at this point!). Every ‘traditional’ venue we toured would direct every question to me, and acted like he wasn’t in the room when discussing different options for seating, flowers etc. My fiancé loves a good project, and so going for a massively DIY wedding meant he could be so much more involved in the whole process, and nobody was talking over his head about decisions that he would have liked to have been part of (and the stuff he still doesn’t care about, like colour schemes and centrepieces, I still have complete control over). So far he’s built us a backdrop, built the entire bar, and created a mountain of apple crates for us to use as decor, as well as curated the playlist (as he used to be a DJ), and it’s meant I’ve barely been stressed at all through the whole thing! Super lucky to have such an amazing man 🥰
Which is a big problem since things are my department centerpieces color schemes and the themes are classic with a dark cold gothic twist. She will straight up say "don't ask me that's the groom's department" And I'll take them about 5 questions to be physically pushing me aside again to talk to her. But her interest in such things is similar to that of your husband and the presenter's husband.
I told my fiance yesterday that wedding planning is just an evil plot to make women go crazy before getting married. There is so much to do these days.
Holy cow I'm lucky my fiance is incredibly involved. From the beginning, I told him that his opinion is incredibly valuable for our wedding and bc I'm incredibly indecisive. He's been the biggest help I could ever ask for.
Just got married a few days ago. The biggest thing he helped with was helping with contracts and doing vendor contact. He works from home and is more business minded while I work out of the home and have the planner and visual brain. We played to our strengths and worked together on things like food and putting together invitations.
Yes! We started doing weekly meetings at the beginning of the week and it’s an absolute game changer. Now we both know where the other stands and both have our priority tasks to hone in on that week. It’s really reduced the amount of resentment I was starting to feel towards my fiancé. He’s an amazing man and just needs a nudge sometimes.
Learning to talk about priorities first was so helpful, I'm not even engaged yet but I already know one thing (video) that doesn't matter to me as much as I know it matters to him (cuz he's a filmmaker) so I'm happy to let him take charge of that decision and the only input I'll offer is my hope the videographer's style is compatible with the photographer's. I also know I'd like his input on the reception food since my biggest priority is guest experience and I'll need some help narrowing down the options. So many options...other than that I feel pretty prepared since I've been doing research for fun since you got me all inspired!
One thing for brides to watch out for. If you assume that the reason hes pulling back as he doesn't care that can lead you to making the problem worse if the problem is the opposite. If he has an entire vision of his own and it gets run over enough times especially in a dismissive way.... We men are unfortunately socialized to expect to be a top voice in the room. That makes us over sensitive to being devoiced.
Just wanted to say that I highly enjoy your way of bringing that information across, you make me laugh, smirk, ponder. It's not only highly useful but also highly entertaining! Thank
My boyfriend has told me that he’ll be proposing in the next 3-4 months. We’re both medical students in SoCal. I’m freaked out about running out of time to plan given that we are thinking of a Spring 2024 wedding.
My fiance has been mostly there but every once in a while checks out and I think he just doesn't understand what all is involved sometimes he's like yea so the cake right? and its like 2 tier, 3 tier, mini desserts, who will serve this, who will deliver this, is it durable for a longer day, is there a nut allergy, do people even like cake lololo
Everything matters to me.... Our budget speaks differently. So I've set my priorities as 3 things. Food, photography and Our attire... Decor and Everything else... Just have to do without... Poor Budget Bride here lol 😆
Its so irritating they propose to us then expect to not have to help plan a massive party for all our friends and family. No bish you're in this too you started this
Watching this video as I’m sobbing in the Joann’s parking lot because I feel sooo alone in this wedding planning process
I’m sorry my love. I want to be better
I hope the stress subsided, your fiancé helped, and your wedding was everything you hoped 💙
10 ways to get your fiancé to help:
1. Ask for their priorities
2. Share the full scope of planning the wedding
3. Play to their strengths- divide tasks based on likes
4. Have meetings- but do not hound them
5. Complain- when things get tricky, complain with “I” statements rather than “you” statements
6. Rethink “fair”
7. Just Ask- practice asking with specifics
8. Check the energy around the wedding planning
9. Go deeper- if your partner is not helping, take time to understand how your partner’s feelings
10. Stay Grounded- when things get overwhelming, come back to this list
I think the style of wedding we chose to go for has really helped in getting my fiancé wholly involved in wedding planning (he’s probably done more than me at this point!). Every ‘traditional’ venue we toured would direct every question to me, and acted like he wasn’t in the room when discussing different options for seating, flowers etc. My fiancé loves a good project, and so going for a massively DIY wedding meant he could be so much more involved in the whole process, and nobody was talking over his head about decisions that he would have liked to have been part of (and the stuff he still doesn’t care about, like colour schemes and centrepieces, I still have complete control over). So far he’s built us a backdrop, built the entire bar, and created a mountain of apple crates for us to use as decor, as well as curated the playlist (as he used to be a DJ), and it’s meant I’ve barely been stressed at all through the whole thing! Super lucky to have such an amazing man 🥰
Which is a big problem since things are my department centerpieces color schemes and the themes are classic with a dark cold gothic twist.
She will straight up say "don't ask me that's the groom's department" And I'll take them about 5 questions to be physically pushing me aside again to talk to her. But her interest in such things is similar to that of your husband and the presenter's husband.
I told my fiance yesterday that wedding planning is just an evil plot to make women go crazy before getting married. There is so much to do these days.
Holy cow I'm lucky my fiance is incredibly involved. From the beginning, I told him that his opinion is incredibly valuable for our wedding and bc I'm incredibly indecisive. He's been the biggest help I could ever ask for.
This points to an opposite as a problem I have seen that run grooms out of the wedding planning.
Just got married a few days ago. The biggest thing he helped with was helping with contracts and doing vendor contact. He works from home and is more business minded while I work out of the home and have the planner and visual brain. We played to our strengths and worked together on things like food and putting together invitations.
Thank you Jamie! I really needed this lol, left him in charge of the cake and he seemed happy about that :)
"adopted the patronus of an ostrich" 😂
Yes! We started doing weekly meetings at the beginning of the week and it’s an absolute game changer. Now we both know where the other stands and both have our priority tasks to hone in on that week. It’s really reduced the amount of resentment I was starting to feel towards my fiancé. He’s an amazing man and just needs a nudge sometimes.
My fiance hates planing and lists but he LOVE FOOD so that's all his. ^^
This video is awesome! Thanks Jamie
Learning to talk about priorities first was so helpful, I'm not even engaged yet but I already know one thing (video) that doesn't matter to me as much as I know it matters to him (cuz he's a filmmaker) so I'm happy to let him take charge of that decision and the only input I'll offer is my hope the videographer's style is compatible with the photographer's. I also know I'd like his input on the reception food since my biggest priority is guest experience and I'll need some help narrowing down the options. So many options...other than that I feel pretty prepared since I've been doing research for fun since you got me all inspired!
One of my favorite videos of yours, Jamie! Super helpful and relevant to couples (whether wedding planning or not!)
I appreciate your vulnerability in this video and have been finding all of your videos so helpful!
One thing for brides to watch out for. If you assume that the reason hes pulling back as he doesn't care that can lead you to making the problem worse if the problem is the opposite. If he has an entire vision of his own and it gets run over enough times especially in a dismissive way.... We men are unfortunately socialized to expect to be a top voice in the room. That makes us over sensitive to being devoiced.
Just wanted to say that I highly enjoy your way of bringing that information across, you make me laugh, smirk, ponder. It's not only highly useful but also highly entertaining! Thank
Jamie this feedback was so helpful!🥰
Very sensitively put! ...I love that you didn't realise it was marital help til most of the way through ;P
My boyfriend has told me that he’ll be proposing in the next 3-4 months. We’re both medical students in SoCal. I’m freaked out about running out of time to plan given that we are thinking of a Spring 2024 wedding.
So helpful thank you
This is a great video but how do you strech out the timeline for 1.5 or 2 years out?
Love your videos Jamie
😂😂😂 I feel attacked too!!! LOL!
My fiance has been mostly there but every once in a while checks out and I think he just doesn't understand what all is involved sometimes he's like yea so the cake right? and its like 2 tier, 3 tier, mini desserts, who will serve this, who will deliver this, is it durable for a longer day, is there a nut allergy, do people even like cake lololo
We maintain to soak when something that is important to us gets ignored. Be careful that this is not why your future husband is checking out.
Everything matters to me.... Our budget speaks differently. So I've set my priorities as 3 things. Food, photography and Our attire... Decor and Everything else... Just have to do without... Poor Budget Bride here lol 😆
Am I the only one who noticed on the fair play deck, she did every single card and her husband didn’t do any of the options 😅
adopting the patronus of an ostrich 😂
Have you been hearing our conversations lol
my fiance cares not. the only thing he cares about is cheap, easy, comfortable for guests, and that he wants me to be happy.
Its so irritating they propose to us then expect to not have to help plan a massive party for all our friends and family. No bish you're in this too you started this
Omg people. If your fiance doesn't want to help plan YOUR wedding maybe get a fiance that wants to.
Maybe I’m just irritated but why do these advice sound like it’s our fault?