@@Cloudaddy220 I mean. If you decide that you're not getting what you want from the relationship, you can just leave. But instead of doing that, some decide they're so entitled to this person's body that you harass them until they give in or tell you to fck off. Also, asexual people exist. Turns out, you can want to be with someone for love and companionship and not having sex, so your standards are not universal. Now if that's what you personally want from a relationship, fine. Whatever. But you're not entitled to it.
Hope this doesn’t sound strange, but since you said you weren’t sure if this would even be worth making a video for: as a straight cis woman in a conservative/religious culture, I find a lot of comfort and insight in videos like this. It’s genuinely difficult to resist the pressure to allow certain things I don’t want in relationships because I’m expected to. Videos like this- specifically from men- kind of snap me out of that cultural bubble and remind me that being uncomfortable is not just a natural byproduct of love that I need to endure. So thank you for that. I’m glad you decided it was worth sharing.
Never do anything you don't want to do physically, ever. The more you do, the more trauma you put yourself through and the more difficult it will be to enjoy sex in the future. Be kind to yourself.
I've had the same problem :( Stay strong! Certain people will encourage you to bend your rules for their own gain, but you can stay strong and look after yourself first!!
@@Enriquez2222 some dudes out here getting told to “continue the family name” by an uncle at thanksgiving 1 too many times and just make it a personality trait lmao
@@futuristicgirl14 Some times it's financial (can't afford divorce), some times it's family pressure, sometimes it's just outright fear of being alone and codependence issues. These are more common issues in rural conservative areas like here in GA among both men and women. Staying in abusive relationships because a preacher tells them "god wants you to respect the marriage and your husband/wife. So deal with it." etc. Not an exaggeration either, they'll tell women with blackeyes confessing to them they were beat by their husband to just go to church more and it'll be okay. Vice versa too, conservative women can be mean as hell. lol They get treated worse by shit bag men most of their lives though so it's more understandable I guess.
What's so gross is that there are people like him who want sexual favors from people who don't want to. Like that's disgusting if you get off knowing full well the person doing it doesn't want to be doing it
@@-user_redacted- I've partaken in BDSM and played rolls with both of us enthusiasticly consenting but if one person genuinely doesn't want it be happening, coercing or guilting them is just assault and you're a fucked up person. I had a partner like that before and people like him are why I'm cautious to start dating again.
I literally can't imagine being into receiving if the person doing the giving was not wholly consenting and enthusiastic to be doing so. Like it would be such an immediate turnoff for them to be reluctant whatsoever.
i was recently in a relationship like that. by the nature of that relationship i was often forced to do things i wasnt comfortable doing. one time i had actually cried from the level of discomfort and he got off on it, knowing full well why I was crying. i was thankfully able to get out of that relationship, but it is horrible to think that people like this exist...
I get really sexual when I'm on my cycle. Period sex is normal and can help alleviate cramps. Just put a towel down and wash up after. I'm so sick of society making people feel bad about their bodies being normal, and I feel like most menstruation shaming comes from boomers and incels. I made the mistake of trying to date someone that didn't want to kiss me while I was menstruating and he also insisted that a week-long period is "unnatural". He literally thought it was supposed to only last a day. He's still single lol
i'm not on the guy's side at all but i don't understand why she was essentially like "if i can't get off then neither can you?" what's stopping you from getting off, lol. if he refuses to touch her when she wants it just bc she's on her period, then he's in the wrong again. if she's just uncomfortable with sexual acts while she's on her period, then i just don't get why she'd use THAT as her reasoning? just say you don't want to. "i can't get off because i don't want to, so you can't get off even though you want to" is just weird to me. she's valid for not wanting to, i just. don't see how it's relevant. if he's being completely honest about it, that is 🙏 we don't know what she actually said
@@erxs Assuming he represented it accurately, I think it's just a colorful way of saying you can't use my body for your pleasure if I get nothing out of it. There's no reciprocation. What's ridiculous is this isn't the entire relationship, it's one week. He's getting this worked up about waiting a couple days. He basically wants to get off on making her miserable.
I second how pressuring people into sex messes them up for life. I was with my ex 3 years, they constantly pressured and emotionally blackmailing me into sex, and then leaving or completely ignoring me after I repeatedly refused. It still pisses me off so much, they once said "you can't just give it to me then just cut me off expecting me to go cold turkey", sex isn't a drug, it's not a basic requirement, it's not a right, and you NEVER ever owe someone sex, no matter what they say or do. I'm a childhood sexual abuse victim and he was my first serious relationship. I kept having panic attacks and shutting down when he'd push me too far, functionally making me associate sex with panicking and fear and saying no with abandonment and resentment. I haven't been in a relationship since (it's been a year) but I know that's still gonna carry over into my future relationships No means no the first time. There's no negotiation, there's no badgering, there's no compromising, there's no asking again and again. It's no the first time. I don't know means no. Maybe later means no. Saying nothing means no. Being drunk, high, or in mental crisis means no. Anything except an explicit, willing, sober and fully informed "yes" means no. It's not up for debate, and don't let anyone tell you it is. Your body is yours and yours alone, you do not owe anyone anything for your existence
i appreciate you saying this because I went through a really similar situation for a few months (young high school relationship that was also my first) and it has completely changed the way I see the world and view myself//I just remember feeling guilty and broken for not wanting to do things. Feels nice to know other people have been there💗💗
My ex tried to argue it was one of the basic needs on Maslow's hierarchy of needs. As though it legitimately meant you'd die without sex. Didn't work so he changed his tactic but yeah, abusers will use any word salad that's hard to argue through when you're being actively traumatised in the moment, to shut you up. And if you can't 'argue it' then you 'have to provide' which is vile. No means no. It's as simple as that. You said no, no excuse, piss off. Massive creeps getting off on SAing ppl then acting like they're neglected by people who don't want to be r*ped or assaulted. Monsters. I hope you heal from your experiences.
I relate to your experience in a way, I was with my ex for almost 5 years and was my first serious relationship. He was sexually frustrated and said some things to me that will probably stay with me for years("If you don't have sex now, you never will", "Idk how much longer I can wait", "I might lose interest in sex altogether" "What are you so afraid of ?"). It caused me to feel pressured to have sex even after he had apologized for saying what he did, but it didn't change how I felt and I never told him I felt that way. I had almost started thinking I was the one that pressured him, to which he told me I wasn't. Eventually I came around to the idea of having sex and did make the choice to but thinking about how that whole conversation began, I can say that the way he handled it was selfish. Even when we broke up he told me he wasn't able to get him self off because the breakup was so sudden it "cold turkied" him off sex and said it "blue-balled" him. it's been about 10 months and I'm still trying to build myself up again and expect it to take a while.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I'm a victim of intimate partner SA as well, and it takes a long time to heal from. I'm still trying to, but I'm a lot better now. I hope you can heal from that and I hope in the future if you want to, you find a partner who truly values you for who you are and not just what they can get from you.
hey nick! i just want to thank you for that little speech at the end. as someone who is both asexual and aromantic, it means a lot to have someone point out that deep “soulmate” connections don’t just have to be with a romantic partner or related to sex. you CAN in fact be a happy and fulfilled person without romance or sex, and you can also be better off with platonic or familial connections in addition to those types of relationships! romance and sex aren’t a step above, they’re just different; it is 100% totally fine to value, trust, and appreciate your friends just as much as a romantic partner, so it’s nice to have someone i watch regularly acknowledge it :)
I personally have struggled with this as someone who is acearo but loves romance in fiction, ive always had this internal "im only going to be happy with romance" and its gotten me and others in some pretty upsetting situations, so hearing a youtuber mention that made me so happy and feel so good about myself i cant even explain it
Love this! I am Ace and have been married happily for 3 years. (Not so) Shockingly, if you have a solid foundation after years of dating and open conversation, having a romantic partner that's basically just a best friend with no sexual component is *drum roll please* perfectly possible if you love each other and want to spend time with each other. I was terrified, growing up asexual, that I would never be able to have a romantic relationship because I didn't have a sex drive, but turns out people really overrated exactly how important sex is if you find the right person and are clear about your boundaries before getting serious. Ace representation! ❤
It doesn't even sound like she's indifferent, she just straight up hates the idea so what the hell is he trying to accomplish here? This is coercion & coercion is rape. 'She said no?? how do I guilt her into saying yes???' SO gross. People who think they can force someone to do something sexual are disgusting. This is a big part of the reason we talk about enthusiastic consent now. I feel so terrible for this woman, it's actually horrifying. Older people always be complaining about the 'excuses' women have for not wanting to have sex with them though (as if they should need a reason, lol) so I'm not surprised, just deeply disappointed & sad.
People that don’t bleed really be stupid about how shitty and horrible you can overall feel while bleeding like everyone just excepts us to be even more happy and preppy when bleeding like wtf
It's not even about the period honestly, the wife just doesn't like giving oral sex and he keeps asking for it over and over again, basically trying to get her to "give up" and do it. Which would be sexual assault, you can't just force someone to do something they don't want to.
I feel kinda weird for saying this, but thanks for the advice at the end of the video. Recently been having a sort of relationship with someone I just met and I feel like this type of advice was something I needed, even though it’s painfully obvious it’s still nice to hear someone actually voice that type of thing.
yes! don't do anything you're not into. a person's request for you to do something is never more important than your boundaries or preferences. constant asking or pressuring is coercion. someone who does that isn't worthy of time with you & is kind of a bad person tbh
Communication seems to be something that a lot of people refuse to use. Even when it’s killing their relationships. They won’t just open their mouth and be honest. People act like they don’t know how to have an open dialogue with the person they supposedly love so much.
@@chefboyardee5273 I don't think so they could talk about why she doesn't want and help find a middle ground communication is super important in relationships especially sex
This man is just selfish, plain and simple. He hasn’t even considered his partner and want a divorce after a week. Bro a week. Her insides are peeling and you want a divorce because you have no patience or care.
Youre telling me, she says no. Once a week once month other then they your sex life is fine and overall relationship is fine.... AND HE CANT JUST WAIT???? he wants a divorce over a WEEK??? This is a prefect example of why youre relationship shouldnt be dependent on sex.
I was going to comment the same thing xD Imagine have 10 different symptoms and having to power through to please someone even though you don't want to 🤮I would simply dissociate
You genuinely give really great advice. I recently broke things off with a guy who made me feel pressured and uncomfortable. It’s scary how easy it is to get sucked into stuff like that.
Did some calculations about the number of times and I hope for his wife's sake that it hasn't been an "issue" for the whole time because holy shit, 24 years of marriage, roughly one period a month, even if he only asks 1% of the time and not everyday of her period, not getting the mf hint at that point is just ridiculous
Yeah, it makes an already difficult time even worse if she has to dread his advances and disappointment when she once again refuses. Of course I'm sure she isn't allowed to be disappointed in him for not taking her no seriously...
@@darkuskngno, that's ignoring and pushing boundaries. A pattern is established in as few as three times. Continuing after a pattern of refusal has been established is pressuring someone, and is manipulative and gross.
He never specifies if they skip sex on her period week cause she doesnt like it or cause he doesnt like it? If its his decision, then that really would be an impressive level of audacity.
@Alex Nope thats not what I meant. Now that Ive looked it up, I realize my understanding of what "prerogative" meant was way different from the actual dictionary definition. Thank you for pointing that out!
this is an old vid, you can tell by the backdrop. plus we were having daily uploads before Nick moved, i think hes alright but i hope he knows he can take breaks if necessary and we will all survive
More people need to talk about what emotional immaturity looks like because those patterns of behaviour are always toxic and the issue is these people will never change and only get worse as they get older 99% of the time. It took me a long time to see that I wasn’t in a healthy relationship.
this is the most soothing Ted talk I’ve ever come across. thank you.⭐️ an old joke about sexual favors: “honey, they don’t call it a ‘job’ for nothing”☕️
I hope this doesn't come off as condescending or belittling to younger people in any way but I just wanted to say I genuinely love that nick is sharing these things with a younger (meaning younger than me I'm guessing, as I'm nearly 30 lol) cos I definitely was not this emotionally mature at his age and I'm happy that younger generations are getting this kind of mental/emotional education at younger ages because I think it's gonna help a lot, not just for people as individuals, but I think it'll create much better spaces for everyone by normalizing basic shit like what to expect from romantic/sexual partners and what it isn't okay to expect. like it's people talking openly and honestly, communicating well with their partners, that's the shit that's gonna help end the boomer nonsense of "I hate my spouse but we're still married 40 years later lol" anyway love your channels nick hope you're having a great day man
I agree completely, as Nick's oldest viewer who is forty and near death... His advice is spot on and helpful to all of those young whipper snappers out there.
not to be a pick me but its really comforting hearing nick's takes bc im reminded there are actually some men out there who don't just see us as warm bodies lmao
videos like this just make me so happy i left my last partner. i felt pressured pretty often, and when i finally was able to stand up for myself a bit and tell him i didn't want to do anything he'd be like "why don't you ever want to anymore?" but it's ok bc now i know how to respect my OWN boundaries as well
oftentimes commentary videos (even from RUclipsrs I love) make me sad because of how disrespectful and dehumanizing the content that they are reacting to is. but your advice/reaction was so thoughtful and considerate, it made me feel happy and calm, I really appreciate it
Sometimes people who are emotionally stunted get married in their 20's with the mindset of teenagers, and they never mature but rather keep each other in that state of arrested development together
I've never understood the whole "well we're out of college, time to get married" mindset, I'm 34 now and I'm very different from who I was in my early 20's.
it was honestly so comforting hearing nick complain about people pushing stuff like that in sexual context, i never heard anyone else explain it before but ive experienced that and ive always been like "well.. it was consensual technically i just kinda gave up saying no but i didnt want it" AND I DIDNT REALIZE THAT WAS BADDD BRAHHHH such an eye opener, i appreciate this video. But fr it seriously messes u up :/
It's funny seeing Nick think that being 46 should make you emotionally mature. It doesn't. If a guy thinks a woman owes him sexual pleasure he'll probably go to his grave thinking he was right. People who have sex with men should remember this and stay away from these men. Because they won't change. Especially if you're a woman: stay away from any man who ever pressures you for anything sexual, no matter the reason. Any man you're with should always make it clear that he's ONLY interested in your enthusiastic consent as the starting point for intimacy. First, because it's just morally obvious. Second, because the sex will not be fun if you feel like you're dying inside a little bit every time.
Jsyk nick the "your brain isn't developed until you're 25" thing is a big oversimplification I just learned about. You don't become fully realized when you're 25 your brain actually keeps changing and getting new neurons and shit after that and continuing to learn new things as you grow older helps with neuroplasticity and brain health.
I also recently learned this!! What I did also learn however is that in your adolescent years your brain goes through the most/accelerated change so there's some merit to the whole 25 thing but like you said, there's more to it than that and using 25 as some definitive barrier or sanction age would be reductive.
One thing I guess would have helped to clarify the situation is whether or not sex activities involving both the man and his wife were fully off the table during her period? I know that it’s a case-by-case deal and not everyone enjoys sex during their period, but it seemed like it was an elephant in the room that just didn’t get addressed!
it really sounds based on the wording that she would be okay with it, or wants him to help satisfy her on her period, since interestingly pms increases many peoples sex drive. But he isn't willing too, but still wants her to help him.
I cant wait to watch the video Nick! Thank u for DAILY DECEMBER it has already made my whole month:) but also remeber that you do not have to post everyday and always remeber to put yourself and you’re mental (and physical) health first
Yo this made me realize that like, I don't get sex at all. Sexual intimacy is a completely foreign concept to me. Fuck, imma have to talk about this with my therapist.
That's OK! Sexual intimacy is also very personal, everyone gets to decide what they want and don't want. And some people don't want any sexual intimacy at all. All of this is normal.
@@Tascaraudo that is very helpful, thank you. I also just have very little relationship experience for various reasons and it's a recurring anxiety point for me
Sex can be so many things and honestly should be between you and your partner or multiple partners depending on the person communication is very important and same with consent just talking can honestly help with intimacy like it can make everything easier and more comfortable
may i ask why? Because I'm kinda similar. im 20F and find it embarrassing to even think about doing it for the first time. I think its just a personality thing for me, not some childhood trauma with sex. Hby
I don't get why the guy doesn't sit down and explain to his wife on how he feels without sounding like a toddler having a fit if the hand job is that important to him
Oh man you saying what you said about how pressuring someone will ruin the experience is just my entire past relationship. It’s so true, I was so terrified of anything sexual with my current bf. I would have panic attacks before going to his house it wasn’t his fault at all but because of my ex and him forcing me to do things and begging me til I caved in anything sexual made me feel so disgusted and scared. It’s evil, don’t pressure or force anyone into anything ever. You will ruin that person you’ll make them feel so shitty.
He's for sure not telling us everything, the "Why should you release when I can't" makes me feel like he refuses to eat her out/sleep with her while she's on her period, which if he doesn't wanna do thats fine but he shouldn't expect her to do the most for him
That woman should immediately divorce that man. Me being a female old enough to have periods, I know how horrible they are. I don’t want to do anything sometimes but I still have to get up and go to school. It even gets so bad I want to cry. Imagine forcing your wife into those acts while she literally has blood spewing from down there, is in a lot of pain, and overall feels crappy?! I can’t stand people who think relationships are all about pleasure. Whenever I have a boyfriend (i have a feeling it’ll happen soon with a guy I know) I will wait until we are adults, (if we last that long) married, and financially stable enough to have kids, if I so choose to give birth. If not, I’ll adopt. Yeah hormones exist, I get major urges but I know it’s wrong so I ignore it and go on with my day. It’s that simple. Don’t EVER let a man or anyone for that matter, tell you that you have to please them if you’re not comfortable with it. Ditch them. And just know, this was all said by a young teen with more brains than some people.
At the end I think Nick genuinely gave some really good advice!! Especially the part where he says just talking to people can teach you how to treat others without being romantically involved! I feel like throughout life I've seen people emphasize having experience in romantic relationships way too much like you can learn how to be a good partner without having ever been romantically involved with someone. Both me and my partner had never been in a serious relationship until 3 months ago and we still treat each other good. We both ask consent, we both communicate, and we're both happy and these are all simple things I've learn from friendships and life in general. I feel like there's too much pressure to become romantically involved with someone and I say just take your time. It's better to spend time bettering yourself then being in an unhappy relationship. (I just realized lot of this can apply to aromantic people too, you don't need to be romantically with anyone ever if you don't want to. You can be perfectly happy in platonic relationships. Shout-out to all the aromantics love you guys)
I love these daily december videos. I enjoy "lower effort" (not really because filming and editing any video is hard work but I assume as you mentioned previously these videos are less taxing than the longer videos you make) BECAUSE they're super chill and perfect for when I have to work remotely and need something to watch on the side so my brain doesn't overheat haha. Thanks Nick, and all the amazing editors too :)
i love the kind content you put out it feels so specific, totally joking around while also just expressing your very serious and helpful thoughts/ideas/lessons/experiences etc. at the same time?? sick ur my comfort youtuber
wish i’d had this video years ago, loved the talk about when you’re pushing someone sexually you will ruin it for them in the future, and the little weighing scale of love vs sex, and how you have to choose. i could keep going LOL literally all of this video was great and i still have a few mins left i just wanted to comment. love u nick this video was full of you spitting facts and it brings me lots of comfort
i really hope people take everything you said to heart. sometimes it takes going through a situation to be able to have the wisdom to convey it, but i hope this video reaches a lot of people. feels like a big issue a lot of people don’t address in their relationship, or maybe i’m just speaking from my own trauma lol
Hey thanks for this cuz this really helped me set boundaries with my boyfriend. We've been haveing problems like this and I had watched this video and it really help me pick a part and help me explain why it's not fair. It was really hard for me to put my words together and help him understand why he's being immature without being emotionally immature. You really helped me Nick. Thanks :)
i’m glad you’re getting some distractions. keep yourself busy and don’t be afraid to take a break from the not-fun stuff you have to do and take care of yourself it’s gonna get way better!
PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN ASSAULTED: you WILL find someone you’re fully comfortable with who never pressures you or ever makes you feel unsure about their intentions. Even when you’ve been through multiple traumas. It gets better. I thought I was going to be afraid in those situations for the rest of my life but knowing that there are other forms of intimacy that are just as valued has helped a lot and dating someone who views intimacy in the same way
Omg literally you talking about how one person pressuring another messes them up and yeah yeah it sure does. I had one person try and pressure me when I was like 21 it's been 5 years and I still don't trust people to listen to me.
I think that most of the problem stems from the fear of returning into the 'dating market', people just settle and pressure each other to be their 'perfect partner' even though it's not who they are. I think it stems from fear, abusive role models, trauma, mental illness, gender roles pushed by media and last of all: not knowing that the rules of relationships are never the same! Most of these problems should be tackled by a shift in colture, but there's a long way ahead and it's really hard to point out abuse without the abusers (knowing or not) pushing back to preserve their positive self image... My heart goes to whoever struggles because of SA or worse, we need to fight to make this world a safer place
He seems like hes at least trying to not be a total scum bag (or at least he doesnt want to come across as one), but he definitely has some sense of entitlement he shouldnt have. Just using the word "refuses" in this context really is a giant red flag.
If I was his wife and I came across this post, he'd get served with divorce papers without a word of conversation. It's more offensive if he's not just a jerk and thinks there's actually any validity to his feelings and complaints. I would go full Eternal Sunshine with this man baby and erase him from my life completely.
I really like the points you made at the end of the video and completely agree about having similar levels of devotion/love/care for your platonic relationships and it's validating to hear it from someone I respect so much :)
as the resident old person (ok, just over 30, but firmly out of your demo) here, this content makes me SO happy and hopeful. I desperately needed to see a video like this when I was like 18-22
i genuinely wish men understood how traumatic it can be to have sexual acts they’ve stated they’re not comfortable doing forced upon them. it legitimately is coercive and sexual harassment
This video was actually like refreshing for me, in a way. A lot of my relationships I felt pressured to always satisfy them sexually that after a while it naturally became part of my personality. But now I’m to the point in my life where I’m actually getting fed up with it and want to go back to actually having a deeper genuine connection with people that goes farther than just physical.
I honestly think the guy believes his wife's period is yucky and that might be part of the equation. A lot of people won't have sex on their period because their partner thinks periods are yucky. In reality a decent chunk of people are more aroused while on their period and there are safe ways to do so. Not everyone is going to want to be sexually active on their period, but I think this is also a thought wrt this post.
The last part specifically, thank you so much for talking about romantic and platonic relationships not as one being more important then the other but just different and important. I am asexual and rarely fall in love and took me years to accept it but also not feel weird by not following and the norm. I am truly deeply happy with all the platonic friendships I have. It is also worth mentioning that QPR exist and show how much love without romantic nor sexual attraction can be fulfilling ❤
Men like this are gross like do you really want to force your wife to blindly consent to you because if that's the case because that's what it sounds like don't ever get married and stay away from women.
And the thing is if one were able to convince their partner to do this knowing full well that they don't want to what is sexy about that? (not to mention that that is also just straight up rape) part of whats exciting about sex is knowing how that your partner is excited too! Like if my partner is even a little bit uncomfortable (unless its in a way they want to be ;)) i want to either fix it or stop having sex because i find it a turn off. im very thankful that my partner is very understanding when i tell him i dont want to have sex. he just says "ok" and leaves it at that. maybe gives me some smooches. Genuinely maybe if this man did that and didnt act so needy maybe she would WANT to pleasure him more often since she wouldnt feel so obligated to. Feeling like you partner is super desperate and needy and regularly feeling pressured and obligated by them isnt a sexy feeling. Id suggest this man plays a little more coy. might make her WANT you to want it more. and im not saying he should withold sex to punish her because thats disgusting and abusive but like when she says "no" don't mope. dont haggle. dont whine. just say "ok" give her your most genuine smile and act like its no big deal. because not getting head on demand really isnt a big deal. its human.
It took me until to late to learn this but coercion is a form of SA. No means no, not keep asking until you get the answer you want. I didn't know this until way to far into an old relationship but if they have to convince you and emotionally manipulate you into have s ex with them, that's r ape. And unfortunately I think I can relate to too many people when I say that even knowing that, I'm more disgusted in myself for falling for it than in him for actaully doing that stuff. Logically I know I'm not at fault. But feelings don't care about the facts.
I was in a two year relationship where I finished 2 (two) times during any joint activities. We did do stuff regularly. If I had that quid pro quo mindset we would’ve lasted a week
At 11:45 he said “when your wife’s back like back in the mood” But I heard “when your wife is done licking the moon” and I thought it was some weird euphemism for a girl being on her period
In my experience with men and from talking/listening to ppl who sleep with men (and men themselves), there is a pervasive mindset built into our culture where the male orgasm is put on a pedestal and seen as the only thing that's *really* necessary for a "full" sexual interaction to have taken place. It's also put on a pedestal in the way that man's ability to achieve orgasm is worth any and all expense, including the discomfort and sometimes assault of a partner. After years of dealing with this dynamic with multiple partners where my own pleasure was routinely ignored or treated as a formality to get to so that he could get off in the way he "really wanted to," it just makes me feel really gross to give a male/masc person their pleasure without there being some sort of attention to my own. I think any man questioning their partner's attention to their orgasm needs to take a hard look at the issue (no pun intended) and see if their needs actually aren't being met, or if they have just been conditioned to have their pleasure at the center of every sexual interaction.
My ex used to complain about my period simply because it was happening and he wanted access to my body without the bleeding existing. There was literally no control I had over the situation and nothing I could do, not even do something for him, he just made me feel guilty about my body doing something natural I had no control over.
this is like if you aren’t feeling well and your partner demands you make a meal for them that you hate making, because they’re tired of cooking. you’re not going to eat it and you don’t like it anyways. maybe once in a while if you’re feeling up to it, they might enjoy the surprise, but it shouldn’t be expected of you and definitely shouldn’t be a something they feel entitled to.
I feel so sad for his wife, I hate the idea of someone's going to everyone but their partner about their relationship issues. Like obviously they talked, but it sounds very manipulative and not an actual conversation. Like either they have a talk like "You deserve to feel pleasure but you will never have the right to extort anything out of me that I won't freely give, did you know there are sex toys for men? Why don't we look into some for you" or "You clearly aren't willing to negotiate or sympathise with me so there's no option but to break up" but by going to Reddit he's just prolonging the inevitable and embarrassing himself
Monogamous people’s problem is always monogamy stg. People throw out a great relationship because one person can’t perfectly meet every need they have. Smh
The reality is this man is saying I want something from my wife she doesn't want to do and he makes her feel uncomfortable and probably frustrated but I need to complain because cause I want and can't have
It’s always disturbing to be reminded of how many men think it’s “selfish” for a woman to not perform sexual favors for them on demand.
It’s even more disturbing that men are expected to stick around when they don’t receive the entire purpose of being in a relationship with someone
@@Cloudaddy220 leave it to a man to think that sex is the whole point of a relationship 🤦♀️
@@foxxomusicofficial notice how you haven’t given any other point to it
@@Cloudaddy220 I mean. If you decide that you're not getting what you want from the relationship, you can just leave. But instead of doing that, some decide they're so entitled to this person's body that you harass them until they give in or tell you to fck off.
Also, asexual people exist. Turns out, you can want to be with someone for love and companionship and not having sex, so your standards are not universal. Now if that's what you personally want from a relationship, fine. Whatever. But you're not entitled to it.
@@fricketyfracktraintrack “you can just leave”
That’s exactly what I said
“Some people are so entitled…”
Who are these people?
Bro waited until his wife was about to hit menopause to start complaining instead of having one conversation 💀
That's the American dream, baby
Hope this doesn’t sound strange, but since you said you weren’t sure if this would even be worth making a video for: as a straight cis woman in a conservative/religious culture, I find a lot of comfort and insight in videos like this. It’s genuinely difficult to resist the pressure to allow certain things I don’t want in relationships because I’m expected to. Videos like this- specifically from men- kind of snap me out of that cultural bubble and remind me that being uncomfortable is not just a natural byproduct of love that I need to endure. So thank you for that. I’m glad you decided it was worth sharing.
i appreciate you a lot. thanks for the comment
Never do anything you don't want to do physically, ever. The more you do, the more trauma you put yourself through and the more difficult it will be to enjoy sex in the future. Be kind to yourself.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I've had the same problem :(
Stay strong! Certain people will encourage you to bend your rules for their own gain, but you can stay strong and look after yourself first!!
When you read what they say it’s very easy to tell why they’re divorced
Also like why be married if you dislike your wife/women?
@@futuristicgirl14 I ask this question all the time, I think it’s to flex on the bros or something to do with proving themselves to other men.
@@Enriquez2222 some dudes out here getting told to “continue the family name” by an uncle at thanksgiving 1 too many times and just make it a personality trait lmao
@@futuristicgirl14 Some times it's financial (can't afford divorce), some times it's family pressure, sometimes it's just outright fear of being alone and codependence issues. These are more common issues in rural conservative areas like here in GA among both men and women. Staying in abusive relationships because a preacher tells them "god wants you to respect the marriage and your husband/wife. So deal with it." etc. Not an exaggeration either, they'll tell women with blackeyes confessing to them they were beat by their husband to just go to church more and it'll be okay. Vice versa too, conservative women can be mean as hell. lol They get treated worse by shit bag men most of their lives though so it's more understandable I guess.
@@futuristicgirl14 the patriarchy
What's so gross is that there are people like him who want sexual favors from people who don't want to. Like that's disgusting if you get off knowing full well the person doing it doesn't want to be doing it
Yup. I'm not one to kinkshame, but if you have a SA kink, I am absolutely going to kinkshame you into the depths of hell.
@@-user_redacted- I've partaken in BDSM and played rolls with both of us enthusiasticly consenting but if one person genuinely doesn't want it be happening, coercing or guilting them is just assault and you're a fucked up person. I had a partner like that before and people like him are why I'm cautious to start dating again.
I literally can't imagine being into receiving if the person doing the giving was not wholly consenting and enthusiastic to be doing so. Like it would be such an immediate turnoff for them to be reluctant whatsoever.
i was recently in a relationship like that. by the nature of that relationship i was often forced to do things i wasnt comfortable doing. one time i had actually cried from the level of discomfort and he got off on it, knowing full well why I was crying. i was thankfully able to get out of that relationship, but it is horrible to think that people like this exist...
😂is there. Well, you. And come to my country and see the men here. All of them don’t care.
I get really sexual when I'm on my cycle. Period sex is normal and can help alleviate cramps. Just put a towel down and wash up after. I'm so sick of society making people feel bad about their bodies being normal, and I feel like most menstruation shaming comes from boomers and incels. I made the mistake of trying to date someone that didn't want to kiss me while I was menstruating and he also insisted that a week-long period is "unnatural". He literally thought it was supposed to only last a day.
He's still single lol
PUT DOWN THE TOWEL. THATS WHAT I SAID
He sounds like an idiot 😒
i'm not on the guy's side at all but i don't understand why she was essentially like "if i can't get off then neither can you?" what's stopping you from getting off, lol. if he refuses to touch her when she wants it just bc she's on her period, then he's in the wrong again. if she's just uncomfortable with sexual acts while she's on her period, then i just don't get why she'd use THAT as her reasoning? just say you don't want to. "i can't get off because i don't want to, so you can't get off even though you want to" is just weird to me. she's valid for not wanting to, i just. don't see how it's relevant.
if he's being completely honest about it, that is 🙏 we don't know what she actually said
@@erxs your UN is pretty badly chosen.
@@erxs Assuming he represented it accurately, I think it's just a colorful way of saying you can't use my body for your pleasure if I get nothing out of it. There's no reciprocation. What's ridiculous is this isn't the entire relationship, it's one week. He's getting this worked up about waiting a couple days. He basically wants to get off on making her miserable.
I second how pressuring people into sex messes them up for life.
I was with my ex 3 years, they constantly pressured and emotionally blackmailing me into sex, and then leaving or completely ignoring me after I repeatedly refused. It still pisses me off so much, they once said "you can't just give it to me then just cut me off expecting me to go cold turkey", sex isn't a drug, it's not a basic requirement, it's not a right, and you NEVER ever owe someone sex, no matter what they say or do. I'm a childhood sexual abuse victim and he was my first serious relationship. I kept having panic attacks and shutting down when he'd push me too far, functionally making me associate sex with panicking and fear and saying no with abandonment and resentment. I haven't been in a relationship since (it's been a year) but I know that's still gonna carry over into my future relationships
No means no the first time. There's no negotiation, there's no badgering, there's no compromising, there's no asking again and again. It's no the first time. I don't know means no. Maybe later means no. Saying nothing means no. Being drunk, high, or in mental crisis means no. Anything except an explicit, willing, sober and fully informed "yes" means no. It's not up for debate, and don't let anyone tell you it is. Your body is yours and yours alone, you do not owe anyone anything for your existence
i appreciate you saying this because I went through a really similar situation for a few months (young high school relationship that was also my first) and it has completely changed the way I see the world and view myself//I just remember feeling guilty and broken for not wanting to do things. Feels nice to know other people have been there💗💗
I definitely relate to this, and the feeling of being broken. that shit never really leaves you. but therapy helps
My ex tried to argue it was one of the basic needs on Maslow's hierarchy of needs. As though it legitimately meant you'd die without sex. Didn't work so he changed his tactic but yeah, abusers will use any word salad that's hard to argue through when you're being actively traumatised in the moment, to shut you up. And if you can't 'argue it' then you 'have to provide' which is vile.
No means no. It's as simple as that. You said no, no excuse, piss off.
Massive creeps getting off on SAing ppl then acting like they're neglected by people who don't want to be r*ped or assaulted. Monsters.
I hope you heal from your experiences.
I relate to your experience in a way, I was with my ex for almost 5 years and was my first serious relationship. He was sexually frustrated and said some things to me that will probably stay with me for years("If you don't have sex now, you never will", "Idk how much longer I can wait", "I might lose interest in sex altogether" "What are you so afraid of ?"). It caused me to feel pressured to have sex even after he had apologized for saying what he did, but it didn't change how I felt and I never told him I felt that way. I had almost started thinking I was the one that pressured him, to which he told me I wasn't. Eventually I came around to the idea of having sex and did make the choice to but thinking about how that whole conversation began, I can say that the way he handled it was selfish. Even when we broke up he told me he wasn't able to get him self off because the breakup was so sudden it "cold turkied" him off sex and said it "blue-balled" him. it's been about 10 months and I'm still trying to build myself up again and expect it to take a while.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I'm a victim of intimate partner SA as well, and it takes a long time to heal from. I'm still trying to, but I'm a lot better now. I hope you can heal from that and I hope in the future if you want to, you find a partner who truly values you for who you are and not just what they can get from you.
hey nick! i just want to thank you for that little speech at the end. as someone who is both asexual and aromantic, it means a lot to have someone point out that deep “soulmate” connections don’t just have to be with a romantic partner or related to sex. you CAN in fact be a happy and fulfilled person without romance or sex, and you can also be better off with platonic or familial connections in addition to those types of relationships! romance and sex aren’t a step above, they’re just different; it is 100% totally fine to value, trust, and appreciate your friends just as much as a romantic partner, so it’s nice to have someone i watch regularly acknowledge it :)
Yes! This 100%🖤
I personally have struggled with this as someone who is acearo but loves romance in fiction, ive always had this internal "im only going to be happy with romance" and its gotten me and others in some pretty upsetting situations, so hearing a youtuber mention that made me so happy and feel so good about myself i cant even explain it
100%! My platonic friends and I all say we're soulmates and I've discovered what love is because of our friendship.
Love this! I am Ace and have been married happily for 3 years. (Not so) Shockingly, if you have a solid foundation after years of dating and open conversation, having a romantic partner that's basically just a best friend with no sexual component is *drum roll please* perfectly possible if you love each other and want to spend time with each other. I was terrified, growing up asexual, that I would never be able to have a romantic relationship because I didn't have a sex drive, but turns out people really overrated exactly how important sex is if you find the right person and are clear about your boundaries before getting serious. Ace representation! ❤
It doesn't even sound like she's indifferent, she just straight up hates the idea so what the hell is he trying to accomplish here? This is coercion & coercion is rape. 'She said no?? how do I guilt her into saying yes???' SO gross. People who think they can force someone to do something sexual are disgusting. This is a big part of the reason we talk about enthusiastic consent now. I feel so terrible for this woman, it's actually horrifying.
Older people always be complaining about the 'excuses' women have for not wanting to have sex with them though (as if they should need a reason, lol) so I'm not surprised, just deeply disappointed & sad.
People that don’t bleed really be stupid about how shitty and horrible you can overall feel while bleeding like everyone just excepts us to be even more happy and preppy when bleeding like wtf
It's not even about the period honestly, the wife just doesn't like giving oral sex and he keeps asking for it over and over again, basically trying to get her to "give up" and do it. Which would be sexual assault, you can't just force someone to do something they don't want to.
Yup. Even some women refuse to accept that their period experience isn't reflective of everyone else's
I feel kinda weird for saying this, but thanks for the advice at the end of the video. Recently been having a sort of relationship with someone I just met and I feel like this type of advice was something I needed, even though it’s painfully obvious it’s still nice to hear someone actually voice that type of thing.
aw thank you very much that’s really nice to hear!! i hope everything goes well with this new fun relationship :-)
aw thank you very much that’s really nice to hear!! i hope everything goes well with this new fun relationship :-)
@@greenisnotnick nick your reply duplicated
yes! don't do anything you're not into. a person's request for you to do something is never more important than your boundaries or preferences.
constant asking or pressuring is coercion. someone who does that isn't worthy of time with you & is kind of a bad person tbh
I don’t know if anyone cares but hey the relationship is going great now :)
Communication seems to be something that a lot of people refuse to use. Even when it’s killing their relationships. They won’t just open their mouth and be honest. People act like they don’t know how to have an open dialogue with the person they supposedly love so much.
if he did “communicate” this to her she would most likely just feel more pressured into doing this tbh
@@chefboyardee5273 I don't think so they could talk about why she doesn't want and help find a middle ground communication is super important in relationships especially sex
But they can write a dissertation on reddit
Tbf they got married at 22. They probably never learned how to be independent, emotionally and mentally stable people who would understand that.
This man is just selfish, plain and simple. He hasn’t even considered his partner and want a divorce after a week. Bro a week. Her insides are peeling and you want a divorce because you have no patience or care.
Youre telling me, she says no. Once a week once month other then they your sex life is fine and overall relationship is fine....
AND HE CANT JUST WAIT???? he wants a divorce over a WEEK???
This is a prefect example of why youre relationship shouldnt be dependent on sex.
imagine being on your period and your husband of 24 years wants to make it about himself
as if being on your period wasn't shitty enough...
I was going to comment the same thing xD Imagine have 10 different symptoms and having to power through to please someone even though you don't want to 🤮I would simply dissociate
You genuinely give really great advice. I recently broke things off with a guy who made me feel pressured and uncomfortable. It’s scary how easy it is to get sucked into stuff like that.
i’m glad you thought it was valuable! also congratulations for making a really mature and healthy decision.
Did some calculations about the number of times and I hope for his wife's sake that it hasn't been an "issue" for the whole time because holy shit, 24 years of marriage, roughly one period a month, even if he only asks 1% of the time and not everyday of her period, not getting the mf hint at that point is just ridiculous
Yeah, it makes an already difficult time even worse if she has to dread his advances and disappointment when she once again refuses. Of course I'm sure she isn't allowed to be disappointed in him for not taking her no seriously...
It’s hope, the ruiner of those without enough anxiety.
@@darkuskngno, that's ignoring and pushing boundaries. A pattern is established in as few as three times. Continuing after a pattern of refusal has been established is pressuring someone, and is manipulative and gross.
@@arowace498 well yes, it’s gross. He’s not nearly scared of the consequences of stubbornness enough.
He never specifies if they skip sex on her period week cause she doesnt like it or cause he doesnt like it? If its his decision, then that really would be an impressive level of audacity.
Someone’s prerogative is someone’s right to do something. I can’t tell if you’re saying he has a right to sex or not?
@Alex Nope thats not what I meant. Now that Ive looked it up, I realize my understanding of what "prerogative" meant was way different from the actual dictionary definition. Thank you for pointing that out!
@@MaddyBlu9724 oh okay! no worries - hope i didn’t come across as pedantic :)
Loving daily December hope that it's not taking a toll! It's a great series just always remember to put your health first!
fr i always feel blessed but concerned 💛
thank you ❤️❤️❤️
this is an old vid, you can tell by the backdrop. plus we were having daily uploads before Nick moved, i think hes alright but i hope he knows he can take breaks if necessary and we will all survive
i dont get it why people get mad that their sex partner has preferences..
Yeah, it’s almost like their human lol-
More people need to talk about what emotional immaturity looks like because those patterns of behaviour are always toxic and the issue is these people will never change and only get worse as they get older 99% of the time. It took me a long time to see that I wasn’t in a healthy relationship.
this is the most soothing Ted talk I’ve ever come across. thank you.⭐️
an old joke about sexual favors: “honey, they don’t call it a ‘job’ for nothing”☕️
thank you ❤️
To that joke I would respond “if it’s a job, then does that mean you are going to pay me?” Lol 😂🤣
@@UnusAnnus3 bro your pfp… memento mori 🥺
@@BeanieBeth memento mori 🖤🤍
I hope this doesn't come off as condescending or belittling to younger people in any way but I just wanted to say I genuinely love that nick is sharing these things with a younger (meaning younger than me I'm guessing, as I'm nearly 30 lol) cos I definitely was not this emotionally mature at his age and I'm happy that younger generations are getting this kind of mental/emotional education at younger ages because I think it's gonna help a lot, not just for people as individuals, but I think it'll create much better spaces for everyone by normalizing basic shit like what to expect from romantic/sexual partners and what it isn't okay to expect. like it's people talking openly and honestly, communicating well with their partners, that's the shit that's gonna help end the boomer nonsense of "I hate my spouse but we're still married 40 years later lol"
anyway love your channels nick hope you're having a great day man
thank you for the kind words!! i’m glad you enjoyed what i had to say :-)
I agree completely, as Nick's oldest viewer who is forty and near death... His advice is spot on and helpful to all of those young whipper snappers out there.
not to be a pick me but its really comforting hearing nick's takes bc im reminded there are actually some men out there who don't just see us as warm bodies lmao
videos like this just make me so happy i left my last partner. i felt pressured pretty often, and when i finally was able to stand up for myself a bit and tell him i didn't want to do anything he'd be like "why don't you ever want to anymore?"
but it's ok bc now i know how to respect my OWN boundaries as well
glad you got outta there! good for you
I like how periods don’t always last that long either so he’s only having to wait about a couple days 🙄
It almost feels like he's grossed out by them and is tiptoeing around it
oftentimes commentary videos (even from RUclipsrs I love) make me sad because of how disrespectful and dehumanizing the content that they are reacting to is. but your advice/reaction was so thoughtful and considerate, it made me feel happy and calm, I really appreciate it
i’m glad to hear that :-)
It’s cuz many are incels and pander to red pill rhetoric. Nick doesn’t do that
Sometimes people who are emotionally stunted get married in their 20's with the mindset of teenagers, and they never mature but rather keep each other in that state of arrested development together
I've never understood the whole "well we're out of college, time to get married" mindset, I'm 34 now and I'm very different from who I was in my early 20's.
it was honestly so comforting hearing nick complain about people pushing stuff like that in sexual context, i never heard anyone else explain it before but ive experienced that and ive always been like "well.. it was consensual technically i just kinda gave up saying no but i didnt want it" AND I DIDNT REALIZE THAT WAS BADDD BRAHHHH such an eye opener, i appreciate this video. But fr it seriously messes u up :/
It's funny seeing Nick think that being 46 should make you emotionally mature. It doesn't. If a guy thinks a woman owes him sexual pleasure he'll probably go to his grave thinking he was right. People who have sex with men should remember this and stay away from these men. Because they won't change.
Especially if you're a woman: stay away from any man who ever pressures you for anything sexual, no matter the reason. Any man you're with should always make it clear that he's ONLY interested in your enthusiastic consent as the starting point for intimacy. First, because it's just morally obvious. Second, because the sex will not be fun if you feel like you're dying inside a little bit every time.
Jsyk nick the "your brain isn't developed until you're 25" thing is a big oversimplification I just learned about. You don't become fully realized when you're 25 your brain actually keeps changing and getting new neurons and shit after that and continuing to learn new things as you grow older helps with neuroplasticity and brain health.
I also recently learned this!! What I did also learn however is that in your adolescent years your brain goes through the most/accelerated change so there's some merit to the whole 25 thing but like you said, there's more to it than that and using 25 as some definitive barrier or sanction age would be reductive.
So learning became a bit easier?
One thing I guess would have helped to clarify the situation is whether or not sex activities involving both the man and his wife were fully off the table during her period? I know that it’s a case-by-case deal and not everyone enjoys sex during their period, but it seemed like it was an elephant in the room that just didn’t get addressed!
it really sounds based on the wording that she would be okay with it, or wants him to help satisfy her on her period, since interestingly pms increases many peoples sex drive. But he isn't willing too, but still wants her to help him.
Yeah I wondered about that too, idk why he assumed "on her period" means the same thing as "no sex unless blowjob"
you’re actually really wise tbh. i appreciate the advice you give nick
I cant wait to watch the video Nick! Thank u for DAILY DECEMBER it has already made my whole month:) but also remeber that you do not have to post everyday and always remeber to put yourself and you’re mental (and physical) health first
Yo this made me realize that like, I don't get sex at all. Sexual intimacy is a completely foreign concept to me. Fuck, imma have to talk about this with my therapist.
That's OK! Sexual intimacy is also very personal, everyone gets to decide what they want and don't want. And some people don't want any sexual intimacy at all. All of this is normal.
@@Tascaraudo that is very helpful, thank you. I also just have very little relationship experience for various reasons and it's a recurring anxiety point for me
Hey, idk if you have considered the possibility of asexuality? It's a large spectrum, and some asexuals do choose to have sex.
Sex can be so many things and honestly should be between you and your partner or multiple partners depending on the person communication is very important and same with consent just talking can honestly help with intimacy like it can make everything easier and more comfortable
may i ask why? Because I'm kinda similar. im 20F and find it embarrassing to even think about doing it for the first time. I think its just a personality thing for me, not some childhood trauma with sex. Hby
I don't get why the guy doesn't sit down and explain to his wife on how he feels without sounding like a toddler having a fit if the hand job is that important to him
Oh man you saying what you said about how pressuring someone will ruin the experience is just my entire past relationship. It’s so true, I was so terrified of anything sexual with my current bf. I would have panic attacks before going to his house it wasn’t his fault at all but because of my ex and him forcing me to do things and begging me til I caved in anything sexual made me feel so disgusted and scared. It’s evil, don’t pressure or force anyone into anything ever. You will ruin that person you’ll make them feel so shitty.
He's for sure not telling us everything, the "Why should you release when I can't" makes me feel like he refuses to eat her out/sleep with her while she's on her period, which if he doesn't wanna do thats fine but he shouldn't expect her to do the most for him
That woman should immediately divorce that man. Me being a female old enough to have periods, I know how horrible they are. I don’t want to do anything sometimes but I still have to get up and go to school. It even gets so bad I want to cry. Imagine forcing your wife into those acts while she literally has blood spewing from down there, is in a lot of pain, and overall feels crappy?! I can’t stand people who think relationships are all about pleasure. Whenever I have a boyfriend (i have a feeling it’ll happen soon with a guy I know) I will wait until we are adults, (if we last that long) married, and financially stable enough to have kids, if I so choose to give birth. If not, I’ll adopt. Yeah hormones exist, I get major urges but I know it’s wrong so I ignore it and go on with my day. It’s that simple. Don’t EVER let a man or anyone for that matter, tell you that you have to please them if you’re not comfortable with it. Ditch them. And just know, this was all said by a young teen with more brains than some people.
amazing advice brother nick, it is so important to put the way someone treats you above everything else
great vid and great way to put it about the importance of trust and the involvement of vulnerability during physical intimacy
thank you!!
@@greenisnotnick yeah man keep it up :)
At the end I think Nick genuinely gave some really good advice!! Especially the part where he says just talking to people can teach you how to treat others without being romantically involved! I feel like throughout life I've seen people emphasize having experience in romantic relationships way too much like you can learn how to be a good partner without having ever been romantically involved with someone. Both me and my partner had never been in a serious relationship until 3 months ago and we still treat each other good. We both ask consent, we both communicate, and we're both happy and these are all simple things I've learn from friendships and life in general. I feel like there's too much pressure to become romantically involved with someone and I say just take your time. It's better to spend time bettering yourself then being in an unhappy relationship. (I just realized lot of this can apply to aromantic people too, you don't need to be romantically with anyone ever if you don't want to. You can be perfectly happy in platonic relationships. Shout-out to all the aromantics love you guys)
there are so many heartbreaking stories in this comment section about similar situations or other types of SA, my heart goes out to you all
I feel like this man needs to discover the world of sex toys…
I love these daily december videos. I enjoy "lower effort" (not really because filming and editing any video is hard work but I assume as you mentioned previously these videos are less taxing than the longer videos you make) BECAUSE they're super chill and perfect for when I have to work remotely and need something to watch on the side so my brain doesn't overheat haha. Thanks Nick, and all the amazing editors too :)
i love the kind content you put out it feels so specific, totally joking around while also just expressing your very serious and helpful thoughts/ideas/lessons/experiences etc. at the same time?? sick
ur my comfort youtuber
Married at 20, divorced at 24. Married the person who SA’d me. Wait before getting married, and if your gut tells you something’s wrong, trust it.
wish i’d had this video years ago, loved the talk about when you’re pushing someone sexually you will ruin it for them in the future, and the little weighing scale of love vs sex, and how you have to choose. i could keep going LOL literally all of this video was great and i still have a few mins left i just wanted to comment. love u nick this video was full of you spitting facts and it brings me lots of comfort
i really hope people take everything you said to heart. sometimes it takes going through a situation to be able to have the wisdom to convey it, but i hope this video reaches a lot of people. feels like a big issue a lot of people don’t address in their relationship, or maybe i’m just speaking from my own trauma lol
Hey thanks for this cuz this really helped me set boundaries with my boyfriend. We've been haveing problems like this and I had watched this video and it really help me pick a part and help me explain why it's not fair. It was really hard for me to put my words together and help him understand why he's being immature without being emotionally immature. You really helped me Nick. Thanks :)
Been through a tough breakup daily December is helping distract me from it. Thanks Nick!
i’m glad you’re getting some distractions. keep yourself busy and don’t be afraid to take a break from the not-fun stuff you have to do and take care of yourself
it’s gonna get way better!
Daily December been HITTING lately the intro just makes me so happy
Daily December is such a blessing , thankyou brother green
PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN ASSAULTED: you WILL find someone you’re fully comfortable with who never pressures you or ever makes you feel unsure about their intentions. Even when you’ve been through multiple traumas. It gets better. I thought I was going to be afraid in those situations for the rest of my life but knowing that there are other forms of intimacy that are just as valued has helped a lot and dating someone who views intimacy in the same way
The amount of relationship advice I got from your videos 😂
Omg literally you talking about how one person pressuring another messes them up and yeah yeah it sure does. I had one person try and pressure me when I was like 21 it's been 5 years and I still don't trust people to listen to me.
I think that most of the problem stems from the fear of returning into the 'dating market', people just settle and pressure each other to be their 'perfect partner' even though it's not who they are. I think it stems from fear, abusive role models, trauma, mental illness, gender roles pushed by media and last of all: not knowing that the rules of relationships are never the same!
Most of these problems should be tackled by a shift in colture, but there's a long way ahead and it's really hard to point out abuse without the abusers (knowing or not) pushing back to preserve their positive self image...
My heart goes to whoever struggles because of SA or worse, we need to fight to make this world a safer place
It's wild women have to do the most just to feel safe
He seems like hes at least trying to not be a total scum bag (or at least he doesnt want to come across as one), but he definitely has some sense of entitlement he shouldnt have. Just using the word "refuses" in this context really is a giant red flag.
If I was his wife and I came across this post, he'd get served with divorce papers without a word of conversation. It's more offensive if he's not just a jerk and thinks there's actually any validity to his feelings and complaints. I would go full Eternal Sunshine with this man baby and erase him from my life completely.
He shouldn’t marry with that attitude of his
I hope you're having a gorgeous day nick! As always I love your content, it makes my day a bit better everytime!
thank u i hope YOU have a gorgeous day
@@greenisnotnick 🥺 💕
I really like the points you made at the end of the video and completely agree about having similar levels of devotion/love/care for your platonic relationships and it's validating to hear it from someone I respect so much :)
I think this topic did warrant a video. Sometimes the most basic thing is important to review every once in a while. Also loving the videos :)
as the resident old person (ok, just over 30, but firmly out of your demo) here, this content makes me SO happy and hopeful. I desperately needed to see a video like this when I was like 18-22
Actually he said in one of his videos that his demographic is crazy. Its literally aged from 10 to 50 LMFAO so a lot of people tbh lol.
omg u litteraly validated my experiences and explained them im so glad thank u
i genuinely wish men understood how traumatic it can be to have sexual acts they’ve stated they’re not comfortable doing forced upon them. it legitimately is coercive and sexual harassment
This is why the r/Arethestraightsok subreddit exists
This is such a good video Nick. Even tho I may personally not need the advice I always really love when you end the videos with good advice for people
Nick you are a blessing to humanity
Thank you for taking the time to explain consent and stuff, I really appreciate that it’s so important
Watching you read reciprocity made me feel so good about my English, apparently I know more than some natives now 😂
This video was actually like refreshing for me, in a way. A lot of my relationships I felt pressured to always satisfy them sexually that after a while it naturally became part of my personality. But now I’m to the point in my life where I’m actually getting fed up with it and want to go back to actually having a deeper genuine connection with people that goes farther than just physical.
I honestly think the guy believes his wife's period is yucky and that might be part of the equation. A lot of people won't have sex on their period because their partner thinks periods are yucky. In reality a decent chunk of people are more aroused while on their period and there are safe ways to do so. Not everyone is going to want to be sexually active on their period, but I think this is also a thought wrt this post.
Daily December feels like old school RUclips for some reason I love it
i know it’s pedantic, but thanks for breaking down his 99% taking care of it himself claim. dude is crazy and selfish
The last part specifically, thank you so much for talking about romantic and platonic relationships not as one being more important then the other but just different and important. I am asexual and rarely fall in love and took me years to accept it but also not feel weird by not following and the norm. I am truly deeply happy with all the platonic friendships I have. It is also worth mentioning that QPR exist and show how much love without romantic nor sexual attraction can be fulfilling ❤
i found nick like 2 months ago on yt, FAV commentary channel, bro is so funny without trying
aw thank you
I was not expecting to click this video and have my relationship problems perfectly articulated. Thanks lol
Men like this are gross like do you really want to force your wife to blindly consent to you because if that's the case because that's what it sounds like don't ever get married and stay away from women.
Nick I really enjoy this style of video and also anything you put out
And the thing is if one were able to convince their partner to do this knowing full well that they don't want to what is sexy about that? (not to mention that that is also just straight up rape) part of whats exciting about sex is knowing how that your partner is excited too! Like if my partner is even a little bit uncomfortable (unless its in a way they want to be ;)) i want to either fix it or stop having sex because i find it a turn off. im very thankful that my partner is very understanding when i tell him i dont want to have sex. he just says "ok" and leaves it at that. maybe gives me some smooches. Genuinely maybe if this man did that and didnt act so needy maybe she would WANT to pleasure him more often since she wouldnt feel so obligated to. Feeling like you partner is super desperate and needy and regularly feeling pressured and obligated by them isnt a sexy feeling. Id suggest this man plays a little more coy. might make her WANT you to want it more. and im not saying he should withold sex to punish her because thats disgusting and abusive but like when she says "no" don't mope. dont haggle. dont whine. just say "ok" give her your most genuine smile and act like its no big deal. because not getting head on demand really isnt a big deal. its human.
It took me until to late to learn this but coercion is a form of SA. No means no, not keep asking until you get the answer you want. I didn't know this until way to far into an old relationship but if they have to convince you and emotionally manipulate you into have s ex with them, that's r ape. And unfortunately I think I can relate to too many people when I say that even knowing that, I'm more disgusted in myself for falling for it than in him for actaully doing that stuff. Logically I know I'm not at fault. But feelings don't care about the facts.
Your feelings make sense... I'm currently going through those feelings of disgust in myself to
No way this dude has even considered thinking of different solutions, like I came up with 3 or 4 ideas that could fix this issue completely
"Oh men just aren't taught..." fucking bullshit lmao it's called being a good person. They know what they're doing
I was in a two year relationship where I finished 2 (two) times during any joint activities. We did do stuff regularly. If I had that quid pro quo mindset we would’ve lasted a week
At 11:45 he said “when your wife’s back like back in the mood”
But I heard “when your wife is done licking the moon” and I thought it was some weird euphemism for a girl being on her period
I couldn't imagine feeling good while knowing the person doing something to me they dont wanna do
In my experience with men and from talking/listening to ppl who sleep with men (and men themselves), there is a pervasive mindset built into our culture where the male orgasm is put on a pedestal and seen as the only thing that's *really* necessary for a "full" sexual interaction to have taken place. It's also put on a pedestal in the way that man's ability to achieve orgasm is worth any and all expense, including the discomfort and sometimes assault of a partner. After years of dealing with this dynamic with multiple partners where my own pleasure was routinely ignored or treated as a formality to get to so that he could get off in the way he "really wanted to," it just makes me feel really gross to give a male/masc person their pleasure without there being some sort of attention to my own. I think any man questioning their partner's attention to their orgasm needs to take a hard look at the issue (no pun intended) and see if their needs actually aren't being met, or if they have just been conditioned to have their pleasure at the center of every sexual interaction.
why was he so detailed too reddit is one of the worst places on the internet
My ex used to complain about my period simply because it was happening and he wanted access to my body without the bleeding existing. There was literally no control I had over the situation and nothing I could do, not even do something for him, he just made me feel guilty about my body doing something natural I had no control over.
Nick spitting all the facts about relationships you never thought to ask
Totally agree with your ~final thought~!
me running to the comments to spell out reciprocity phonetically to help and then he went to the youtube video hahaha
this is like if you aren’t feeling well and your partner demands you make a meal for them that you hate making, because they’re tired of cooking. you’re not going to eat it and you don’t like it anyways.
maybe once in a while if you’re feeling up to it, they might enjoy the surprise, but it shouldn’t be expected of you and definitely shouldn’t be a something they feel entitled to.
thanks for the video & advice nick! you're really insightful
these nick advice videos bring me back to cult hour and i appreciate it
This was such a great video Nick! Lot of solid advise. I couldn't agree with you more. 🥰
I feel so sad for his wife, I hate the idea of someone's going to everyone but their partner about their relationship issues. Like obviously they talked, but it sounds very manipulative and not an actual conversation. Like either they have a talk like "You deserve to feel pleasure but you will never have the right to extort anything out of me that I won't freely give, did you know there are sex toys for men? Why don't we look into some for you" or "You clearly aren't willing to negotiate or sympathise with me so there's no option but to break up" but by going to Reddit he's just prolonging the inevitable and embarrassing himself
Monogamous people’s problem is always monogamy stg. People throw out a great relationship because one person can’t perfectly meet every need they have. Smh
great advice with nick on todays daily December!
The reality is this man is saying I want something from my wife she doesn't want to do and he makes her feel uncomfortable and probably frustrated but I need to complain because cause I want and can't have