“How would you feel if someone outside really started talking to you the way your inner voice does? How would you relate to a person who opened their mouth to say everything your mental voice says? After a very short period of time, you would tell them to leave and never come back. But when your inner friend continuously speaks up, you don’t ever tell it to leave. No matter how much trouble it causes, you listen.” - Michael A. Singer Nobody is perfect, we’re all struggling with something, it might be big, it might be small. I believe it’s time people speak more openly about mental health and the impacts it can have on your life. So here I am, pouring my heart out to you guys! Grab a cuppa’ it’s a long one. Self-love is so important to me and has been a huge step forward for me while trying to cope with anxiety and depression on a daily basis. Not all days are good days, some days are ‘cloudy’ days where it’s hard to get out of bed, some days I feel great and like I can achieve everything in the world. One thing that stays constant is the desire to improve, the desire to start each day fresh and focus on loving myself and making sure I appreciate the fact I’m trying the best that I can. Do you experience social anxiety or any other kind of mental disorder? Lets start this conversation going, if you read somebody’s comment and can relate, please send love their way or offer some advice that has helped you. This community is amazing and it would be fantastic to see everyone supporting each other. So much love for you guys, Kay x
Living the life you love thank you so much for your beautiful and open video. I can relate to a lot of this and am only beginning to learn how much it effects me in my day to day. I've really enjoyed your content and this video was so honest it made me like you even more. The thing I'm most proud of is that every day, I try to add value to other people and realizing that I need to talk to people to do that. Sending hugs from Vancouver, Canada!
Thank you Kay for sharing:) I have social anxiety myself, I'm postponing to find a job from February, it's very hard to pierce this bubble around me and expose myself to the external word. I discovered that many people with social anxiety are working online or have their own business online, it becomes a some sort of pattern. I had my business as well and I think I will stick with this in the future as well. The other thing is that people with social anxiety are in deep romantic relationships, when they will find the significant person of course, and this helps them to connect with the outer word and expose yourself to social situations. I think that traveling alone with social anxiety would be very hard if not impossible.
DDC Jenn Thank you so much, such beautiful words you really put a huge smile on my face. ❤️ Sounds like you're on a wonderful path, awareness of yourself and your thoughts is so empowering. Sending big hugs to you too lovely 🤗
alonememe I know exactly what you mean, I found it really hard to commit to finding a job when I came home. I couldn't imgaine finding one that wouldn't emotionally exhaust me but sometimes when you put yourself out there the world helps you out and you find something you never imagined doing. I didn't think i'd like working in a supermarket but it's been such a great job for me. I do the twilight shift so only have to be around customers for about 4 hours and after that i only see the 8-10 other people who work with me so it's a really nice mix but not too overwhelming. I agree totally, I find that we feel misunderstood in 'real life' and feel more of a sense of community online, so that might be why. I agree, but I have met people who have severe social anxiety who are travelling too. One guy I met spent most of his time in his bed in the hostel but he would sometimes go for walks or spend a bit more time in the common areas. I was so proud of him for stepping so far out of his comfort zone and know it will help him SO much in the long run. The more you expose yourself and make your self vulnerable, the more you grow. It can be painful and terrifying but it's always worth it in the end. I really hope you find the job of your dreams soon and pierce that pesky bubble! 😊
Living the life you love I had my adult autism consultation last week. Positive confirmation that I am on the autism spectrum came as a huge relief at one month shy of 34. I'm sorry you suffer from anxiety. I also live with it every single day my entire life. Im glad your teacher was so kind. Thanks for sharing. I also have phone phobia! Nothing you said was stupid. I'm glad traveling was helpful. You did a brilliant job of describing what it feels like.
The scenario i always give people is this : You are sat in the canteen on your own, you are surrounded by people who are sat talking to their friends, laughing. You are convinced you stick out like a sore thumb, that they are talking about you, laughing at you. You will your friends to hurry up in your head but it feels like hours pass. You want to make yourself look like your doing something so you mess around on your phone. Your friends finally arrive after what feels like hours and you start to relax but can still remember the panic you felt that everyone's eyes were on you. Now reverse the situation. You walk into the canteen with a group of your friends. You see someone sat alone. You pay no attention to this. You sit with your friends. You are now the person laughing and chatting. You don't care to judge anyone else because you are too busy having a good time with you friends. You can't see that the boy sat behind you is feeling the same as you felt in that situation. Thinking you must be looking at him. That he is mindlessly on his phone to make himself look like hes doing something. You pass no judgement, no harsh criticism as you leave the canteen. You merely made a tiny subconscious observation that there was a person sat at a table. Ten minutes later you have totally forgotten about it. My point? You don't care what other people think about you. You care what YOU THINK other people are thinking about you.
About a Girl so trueee. But most times, even if we know no one is looking or talking abt me, still hard to stop feeling anxious/self-conscious. I guess that's the thing we.have to work on😳 what u said.is.so true. Only if we.could convince our minds😣
I almost didn’t comment because I thought my comment wouldn’t have much effect and everyone would think it was pointless, and then I realized that that was exactly why I SHOULD be commenting. I definitely have social anxiety, in fact I was about halfway through the video and my mom walked in so she and I were talking about things and this kind of came up because she had noticed that I had been socially “flailing” (which was a very accurate word haha). I am the type who hates going to things purely for social reasons, dances and plays are fine, but any “pointless” socializing is not fun for me unless it is my family or best friends. Anyway, loved the video as always. In fact, your videos are something I use to help me get a breather from my anxiety because you have such a calming effect, your message and voice is so sweet ❤️
I'm so so so so proud of you, honestly. It's amazing to catch yourself in those kinds of thought processes and make the decision to ignore them, super empowering. I feel empowered for YOU! 🙌🏼 Hahaa the word 'flailing' fits it so wonderfully, some days are ok other aren't and it feels like such a rollercoaster, ey? I'm totally with you on that one lovely, it takes a lot of mental motivation to go and be sociable for no reason, i'm so introverted and much prefer my own company 😂 but once I go and chat to people by the end of the night i'm always glad I made the effort, it's just little baby steps. Every experience helps you to grow and blossom just a little bit more. ❤️ I'm really happy to hear my videos are calming to you, i'm so glad to be able to help you and to ease your anxiety. My mission was to help somebody, anybody in one way or another so that's really made my day. Thank you. 🙏🏼❤️
I have had pretty extreme social anxiety with major depression most my life. So, I absolutely identify with tons your saying. I unfortunately did let it take over, then my mother passed away unexpectedly, and grief compounded ontop of the anxiety, where Igot stuck for 7 years. This last year (year 8 after her death) I am recovering myself, I have opened myself up enough to join the world and watch RUclips. Which is silly it took me until 2017 to ever even look into it. Since I have figured out RUclips I have found several creators that have touched my heart, you being one. Thank you!!!
I'm so sorry lovely, my heart goes out to you ❤️ I'm so beyond proud of you for starting to open yourself up to the world and new experiences, you're going to blossom, just you wait. You've got this xx
I've had this video in my watch later list forever, I struggle with OCD and social anxiety and addressing it seems scary at first but when I started watching this video I immediately felt comfortable and understood by you. Thank you for making this video it really helps.
You're so not alone lovely, we're all in this together, if you ever feel alone just read the comments of this video and know we're all here for you and going through the same thing. ❤️
This is so crazy, after hearing her talk about social anxiety its like someone living in your brain. The realization that im not crazy, this goes beyond shy, its a whole different beast.
Kay you have hit the nail on the head with what you have said in this video, it totally resonates with me. E.g. Not being able to put things in the bin or go to the toilet! Thank you so much for talking about this, it really does affect more people than we think, but on the flip side those who have not experienced it cannot fathom some of the ways it affects us! I am 32 and still working on living well with anxiety and not letting it hold me back. Many people I know would literally not believe I suffer this as I can appear quite confident, which thankfully is becoming less of an act. Love you and your channel, and thank you for your compassion in sharing this with us Xx
Eloise, thank you lovely, i'm glad (but sad for you) that you could relate, makes me feel less alone. I think that's the main thing about mental disorders, we look totally fine from the outside but if people could see inside our brains they would understand what we go through each day. Thank you so much for being lovely, sending you big hugs. ❤️
For me I have completely different experiences depending on the context of the social situation - if it is learning or doing things I am fine and I ask a lot of questions and don’t feel anxious - but when there is nothing you are doing together it’s just “social” then I absolutely hate it - I overthink everything and wish I had something to “do” - standing around talking and drinking terrifies me - I really can’t stand small talk or socialising without a common purpose or task. If it’s a workshop or a class, or a job or volunteering thing or even if there is group dancing like a barn dance, fete noz or line dance then I am ok. I can’t think of anything to say to people. Now I have transient aphasia and can’t actually talk easily or remember my words I find it is even worse! Thanks for doing this video Kay! Xx
I see, that's really interesting! So when there's a structure to the social activity it's ok but when it's down to you to talk and make conversation it becomes harder? I know what you mean about not being able to think of anything to say, my mind goes completely blank, i feel like I should say something but all my words and thoughts other than "i should be speaking' disappear haha. Sorry to hear you're struggling with Transient Aphasia, i'd never heard of it until you just mentioned it, my heart goes out to you lovely. ❤️
Hi Lizzie, This is what happens to me too. I can work all day with my colleagues, talking to them for whatever work stuff i needed, but when they have the office xmas lunch and it gets all social i just panic. Last year i literally hid in next room, overhearing through wall someone say I didn’t want to talk to anybody, then felt awful the rest of the day and went home and cried 😭
Such a great video! Living with anxiety can be so hard.. but it’s so nice when you find people out there that share a similar experience! ❤️ thanks so much for sharing! Hope you have a lovely Saturday! Xo
It is, but yes I totally agree finding people who are going through the same thing makes you feel so much less alone. Thank you beautiful, I hope you are too ❤️
Great video thank you for sharing a little piece of yourself. my husband and I can relate to some of what you're saying especially when we were in school but we're both retired now so we are living a more calmer & peaceful life. I do feel that I am outgoing I'm an Italian and a hugger.
My pleasure lovely, it's nice to know you could both relate and amazing to hear you both watch my videos together. It's so great that you have found someone with similar interests to yourself ❤️ Your life sounds so blissful! Hehehe that sounds like the perfect mix, sending big internet hugs your way 🤗
WOW! Thank you so much for sharing this. I understand you because I have to deal with it too. I've lost a friend because I could not go to her wedding because of how anxious it would make me feel. I hate weddings anyway so I never felt I was missing out but she doesn't speak to me now because my absence really hurt her feelings. I have a job interview on Tuesday where I have to give a presentation. I'm having sleepless nights and not eating worrying about it, trying to anticipate EVERYTHING they may ask and me not being able to answer and making myself look thick and unemployable. I know I have the skills because my CV reflects years of working in the field, but my anxiety makes everything so much worse. I put the interviewers on a pedestal like you described because I think they are better than me, more intelligent, have better lives at home etc. It's just AWFUL. Thankyou for being honest.
No worries at all. I'm so sorry to hear that, have you tried to explain it to her? Maybe you could send her this video and explain it to her, it might help her to understand why you didn't go and give her a different outlook. I can completely understand why you didn't go, it can become cripplingly overwhelming at times and avoiding the situation makes it easier, even though you then worry about not going. You fully believe anxiety you get from not going outweighs the thought and anxiety you would get from going and having to be social... does that make sense? 😂 Brains are so confusing. 😅 First of all, congratulations on the job interview, I have my fingers crossed for you. When I came home I would worry so much about getting a job because I did NOT want to do an interview. In the end I had to do two interviews and one was a group interview with 10 other people, I think that might be one of my worst nightmares. Anyway, what I want to tell you is I went in there and I did it. Every time the negative or intrusive thoughts would come into my head I would shake my head and let them go. I would find something positive to think about to distract myself (a loved one, a pet, a good experience) and would forget about it. Sometimes 1 minute would pass before it was back, but then I would catch myself over thinking and start the process over again. It's kind of like meditation but a different form that you can do without sitting with your eyes closed. The more times you manage to catch yourself overthinking and observe yourself and the thoughts you're having, the easier it will become and the easier changing what you're thinking about will become. It's like an addiction, we are unconsciously addicted to our thought patterns and it's a hard thing to change, but it is possible. Think of this situation as an opportunity to grow and learn and show yourself how strong willed you can be. You've got this. I also like to think, what will be will be. You will either get the job, or you wont. The universe has already decided your path for you, all you have to do is go with the flow and see what happens. If you don't get the job, something else will come along and in a years time you will look back and wonder why you were ever worried. I really hope this helped, sorry for the essay. But know I'm sending big hugs your way! ❤️
Living the life you love I don't know when you wrote this but it's only just shown up in my notifications. Thankyou so much for taking the time to reply to my comment. I feel really honoured to receive such a personal message. I know you are very busy, I really do appreciate it. Thank you. Unfortunately the wedding I missed was nearly 20 years ago, and I also didn't get the job, but I did get to the finals! What will be etc. Thank you ♥️
The having something to hold as a distraction... I always offer people a cup of tea when they arrive (just like my mum does) and now I realise how much that helps relax both of us, starts the conversation on safe light topics. Thank you for sharing and increasing awareness. I only get overwhelmed in big crowds (think stadium concerts) I don't know that I have ever put a name to it. I am okay to a certain point and then suddenly I have to escape.
YES! It's such a comfort isn't it. Sorry to hear you struggle to, the most important part is recognising that you do and then finding new healthy ways to cope and not overwhelm yourself 😊❤️
Hi Kay, A great, honest straight to the point video well explained. I was surprised to know that you have social anxiety as you always seem so confident and upbeat in front of the camera but not shocked as many, many people have the same issue. Like you I hated answering questions in a school classroom etc and this anxiety moved with me to my work where I had to attend regular update training classes. I have an added problem in as much as I have absolutely no sense of direction be it on foot or when I am driving so it will take me many journeys to learn a route it is strange and embarassing problem that people just dont seem to understand. Part of my job was to occasionally travel to another office and cover for someone else on sick/annual leave and one day my worst fears came true when I had to admit I had a problem. I had a call to ask me to travel to an office 25 miles from my home but I was ok as I had been there many times before, I arrived there only to be told they had given me the wrong office and I had to travel on another 25 miles to an office in a busy city centre I had never been to. My heart started to race, dry mouth, nauseau etc as it was a double whammy not only was it a place I had never been the staff there were known to be unfriendly even to each other. I had to admit in front of alot of people I would be unable to find this place but I was just laughed at in a friendly way and cut a long story short off I set (pre Sat Nav days!) with manual directions. It took me ages but eventually I found the place from the directions I had been given and was super pleased with myself however it was short lived as I realised there were road works blocking off the way I had been given, I had to drive on and got hopelessly lost. I ended up in a dock area and rang from a call box the office manager of the office I had been sent to and admit I had got lost and could he help me with new directions. He bluntly told me no he couldn't help me. I drove back to the office where I had started from humiliated, walked in and bumped in to a senior manager who could see I was upset when I told him why he was furious on my behalf took me back to the car park and asked me to follow him in my car back to the office I had been sent to. We arrived at the other office car park and he gave me a big smile and a thumbs up sign we walked in to the office where he gave the office manager a real telling off in front of the staff for the way he had treated me. Here is the strange thing though 10 years later I moved house 50 miles away and found out that the manager who refused to help me that day now lives 5 minutes away from me! I am sorry this is such a long comment but like you I want to get out there that there are many forms of social anxiety problems and at 61 years old I am probably one of your older susbscribers and I have found over the years that most people have a social anxiety over something it is just that they hide it well .Years later I came to realise that nearly all those people I thought were cool and having a great time when I was young were also having their own anxiety problems but like me we were afraid to admit it so thank you for getting the conversation started and as you so rightly say let us see in this lovely community you have started if we can all help each other one way or another. BIG HUG to you X
I seem to have no issues with talking to a camera and I think it's because everybody is always so supportive and lovely. I feel like I can just be myself. 🙂 It took me a long time to start talking in videos but in the end I realised it's something I wanted to do and felt a real push deep inside to just go for it. At the end of the day, i'm just being myself and if anybody doens't like it... oh well. "those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ❤️ I find it hard for my personality to come through when I first meet somebody it takes me a while to get comfortable enough to be myself which is a shame but i'm working on it! Oh gosh, that sounds like a total nightmare, i'm so sorry to hear it effects so many areas of your life. I have no sense of direction either and can't imagine having to do a job or go anywhere with out a sat nav! 😱 I'm so proud of your senior manager for sticking up for you, what a wonderful person. It's horrible when people don't want to help you or even try to understand the feelings and emotions you're going through so i'm really happy this turned into a positive experience for you. Thank you Gill, I always appreciate your heartfelt comments and i'm so proud of you for opening up and sharing your experience, it's great to share things like this as it helps other people to feel less alone. BIG BIG hug right back lovely. ❤️
Aww hun, i just want to hug you right now. Some of what you say, is just so relatable. For me, it’s the talking between people you know that gets to me. I don’t know what to say and feel like no one wants to hear whatever I’d say but they’re all judging me for sitting in the corner not saying anything anyway. I don’t have many friends, i think it’s because I’m a bit weird and not too many people want to get past that and find out what a lovely person i am under it all. Weirdly i think youtube is helping with this, as people keep watching my videos, so more people care what i think than I ever anticipated ☺️
Aww thank you lovely, sending big virtual hugs to you! Yep I can totally relate to all of what you said, it's so hard when you think people are judging you but really the only person judging you is yourself 🙈 Embrace your 'weirdness' it's part of you and nobody in the world is you, there's a quote I love (sucker for quotes I know 😂) "Today you are you, that is truer than true. Nobody in the world is youier than you." and one that goes perfectly with that is "those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" ❤️ I'm so happy youtube is helping you, it's such a great place to meet like minded people 🤗 xx
Weird Heather You are a beautiful unique person and you should embrace your weirdness because it makes you you and that is a wonderful thing, let your light shine so you can inspire others and never let anyone dull your sparkle. And remember, normal is so boring and overrated. Sending you lots of love and hugs ❤️🤗🙂
OMG Angela, that’s so lovely, thank you xx I’m trying to embrace the weird. There’s an awesome quote from steve jobs that I’ve got pinned on my fridge talking about how the ones who see the world differently are the ones who change it. I’d like to change the world by making the people in it happier if i can ☺️
I relate to every single scenario you discussed here. I've improved in school environments for the most part but I remember when I was younger I was absolutely TERRIFIED of raising my hand, walking into the classroom late, asking questions, or any form of presentation or group project. When I was even younger I recall being unable to order my own food at a restaurant or talk to store clerks. It's always been there, and since being diagnosed I've been able to better pick my brain apart and understand it in order to heal my disordered thinking. But I would be lying if I said it's not some of the hardest work I have ever had to do. Even now, entering my mid-twenties, I feel like I haven't been able to find friends I am 100% comfortable with - it's a struggle to talk to people, especially new people. Many times I feel so alone and as if I'll never find 'my people'.. but I am working hard through CBT to overcome this disorder and learn how to manage my symptoms so I am equipped to cultivate the life I want. Thank you so much for your vulnerability and willingness to talk so honestly! I feel less alone now!
Everything you mentioned I can completely relate to. I think its so fantastic you constantly work on yourself. Keep up the good work. I love your videos and your personality ❤❤
SHE SPEAKS! I still get that! Thank goodness it's not just me! 😂 I'm slowly starting to embrace it and just accept that it's just part of me. You're right the less you think about it the easier it becomes! You explain this all so beautifully thank you for this! 😊 My main struggle is excessive flushing which had controlled my life so so much but its slowly getting better! I've found my uni classes and fear of bumping into people I know to be the most terrifying but I've started going to my voluntary classes as well as compulsory (before I would avoid both!) now to get as much practice as possible and actually LEAVE my flat. This is going to sound like the weirdest thing ever but seeing Fantastic Beasts really helped me with social anxiety because it seemed to be as though the main character had been so damaged by his social anxiety (can't make eye contact, small talk etc.) but he manages to talk and get on in social situations because his mind is so preoccupied by the things he is most passionate about. It's a kind of identity you rarely see on screen being portrayed as something so positive especially by a protagonist. If you haven't seen it I would definitely recommend it or to rewatch it from this perspective because it's so inspiring to see a character who's probably faced such anxiety but has shaped it into something so beautiful! Also it has the most beautiful quote: 'worrying means you suffer twice.' 💙☀️
I'm really glad you could relate and it helped you to realise you're sooo not alone on this journey! ❤️ I know what you mean about dreading bumping into people you know, I HATE it! It's a lot better than it used to be but I'd feel like my heart would stop if I unexpectedly saw someone I know at the supermarket because it always leads to (what feels like but probably isn't) a really awkward forced conversation. 😅 Well done to you though my lovely, that's amazing to hear and it's so great to take huge steps forward like that, you will thank yourself in the future. In a year or two you will look back and notice such a huge difference. 😊 Totally putting that on my to-watch list! It's been on my radar for a while but i've never got round to watching it. Thank you for sharing. Also I love that quote, it's so true. ❤️
I totally relate to this! I always have hard time putting how it feels into words and you have done that so well! You are always such a ray of sunshine! Please never loose your passion and spirit!
Thank you so much, i'm really happy you think so. Thank you for being so lovely and supportive and for putting a big smile on my face. Sending so much love to you ❤️🌞
Oh my gosh girl, I feel you! I have S.A.D. and I haven’t really met anyone that has it as bad as me but everything you said is exactly how I feel. I would physically get sick at parties like to the point of vomiting. My heart rate skyrockets when I’m worrying about something.
The PHONE is my enemy!!!!! Today I had to sign up for my benefits with work and my appt was at 9 and at 8:45 I was already freaking out, getting nervous.
Oh man, I think I might have S.A.D too, I really struggle with my emotions in winter or on gloomy days. It becomes much more overwhelming than in summer. It's been miserable, dark and rainy for the last 3 days here and it's taken a huge amount of effort for me to get anything done + my anxiety has been a lot higher than normal. But it's good to be aware of that, I feel like it helps to give yourself 'you' time and makes sure I give myself time to recover and not have many things on my to-do list. It's amazing to hear that you're making progress, drive thrus cause me huge anxiety too. I have always avoided them, glad i'm not alone in that! (worried they will judge what I buy, my mind goes blank when they ask what I want, have to write it down so i remember, feel like the path is too narrow for my car. Makes me so anxious.) 😅 Self check outs at supermarkets were the best thing ever invented for me too, makes me feel so stressed when I have to go to a person 😂 (although when i'm with somebody I know it's fine) but some days when I feel up to it I push myself to make extra effort and go to the normal check out. We've got this. In a year or two we will look back and see how far we've come. Sending big hugs to you ❤️
Grateful for your talk,I can relate to you.i think sometimes it just comes down to being sensitive. I read the untethered soul,I’ll be rereading soon.one thing that seems to help sometimes is taking a risk,sometimes I feel it’s just taking care of myself.you are a sweet soul
I totally agree i've realised this year that I am a really sensitive person and that it's ok as long as I know how to deal with my emotions. 😊 Glad to hear you're looking after yourself and reading great books, it all helps so much. Sending big hugs to you! ❤️
You couldn't have posted this at the more perfect time. I'm currently supporting my partner at the Men's Roller Derby World Cup in Barcelona. It's so difficult being around so many people and not knowing anyone. It makes me so tired and it makes me feel so lonely, having to sort of hide away just in order to function and be able to watch the games and cheer him on. I feel invisible :( I'm extremely introverted and I'm trying to be more kind to myself. Thanks for posting this, I'm glad I'm not alone and I'll try my best to follow all of the tips you suggested. ❤️❤️❤️
I totally resonate with your words, it can be so overwhelming. I sometimes come away from situations like that feeling like i've been on a huge hike and have 0 energy left! You're so not alone and you're also totally ok. Just give yourself time to recharge like you seem to be doing, it really helps. Sending you so much love ❤️
I admire you for making this, Kay. I've struggled with elements of this and can relate to a lot of what you've said. Becoming aware of it and working on myself has really helped. When you know who you are in yourself you can find the confidence to share it with others. You're so right that learning that other people are not out to hurt you really helps too. So glad you've managed to take steps to help to overcome it.
Thank you lovely. Exactly, I always think sharing helps a lot, it helps you and can help others to see they aren't alone. 😊 I've got a long way to go but i'm really glad i've found little things that help and I hope they can help yourself and other too. Thank you for this really nice message ❤️
I never had social anxiety until the age of 16, it kind of just appeared over night and I was suddenly scared of social situations. It sucks so much that schools don’t take into account the mental health of pupils and how different aspects of education may damage this. Ever since I’ve started university, I’ve learned to cope with social interactions a lot more easily and I’ve learned to ignore the fear that comes from them. I feel that university is more relaxed and understanding in that they understand students are in different positions in terms of their mental health. I’m still anxious on the phone and will avoid it if possible, but hopefully this will get better over time and with the ways I’m coping with my social anxiety. Sending love and support your way ❤️
I agree totally, I think the education system is set up by extroverts and so it's really hard as an introvert and someone with social anxiety to thrive in that kind of environment. I was told so many times as a kid that ' it's good for you to go out of your comfort zone' but I don't believe it's helpful to have to do that every day of your life, when you don't want to! It can set you back so much. Like anything, in your own time you will heal but nobody can force you to. I feel like schools are starting to understand that now thankfully. You will get better with time, like you said it's little baby steps and thought small accomplishments but they feel so big and they really help in the long run. Sending big hugs your way lovely ❤️
I'm so happy to have watched this video! You described social anxiety (as far as my experience goes) perfectly. Definitely don't wish it on anyone, but it's a relief when someone else can relate. My own is so confusing to me. I guess first off, it's gotten better as I have gotten older...kind of, lol. It (mostly) emerges when I am expected to make friends. Like if I go to my spouses family gatherings, or put in a new team of people at work, going to dinner with spouses friends/colleagues. Those are the ones that I absolutely dread and try to avoid. And omg, people I don't know coming to my home. the worst for me. :/ However, giving a presentation to a group, training a group of people at work, random convos with people when I'm out and about, that's fine for some reason. So strange. Anyways, thanks for sharing. :)
This speaks to me on so many levels! I too was the "shy" kid, this was especially noticeable because my sister is much more outgoing and bubbly, so I was living in her "shadow" for many years-not that this was a bad thing, it allowed me to go to situations a little less frightened because she sort of opened up the path. When I finally moved out on my own to go to Grad school it took me some time to become more socially able. However, I would still get really anxious. I also overanalyse everything, and even to this day will think of conversations or things I have said and feel so bad and embarrassed (even though the person that this happened with has already forgotten it as a non issue)...currently I am living quite isolated and I have noticed my social anxiety getting worse, like I went to travel to visit my friend, and the train ride with a full train was too much for me to handle, and I feel like it took me a week to recover from this...I am soon moving to be again closer to my family, and I know I will have a major adjustment period after having been quite isolated for a while now! Thank you for speaking out about such important topics. Sending you lots of love, and hope you are having a sunny saturday
YES! I felt that too, my brother is extremely outgoing and loves being the centre of attention, I would always watch him and think "I wish I could just go and do that" or "i cant imagine ever being able to be that loud or sociable". In Australia I found myself becoming aware that I was living in Dom's shadow, he's not really loud or extroverted but he's confident in social situations so I would always step back and let him speak for us both which is not good at all. But like you said, it opens up paths that you maybe woudn't have dared go down by yourself, so that is a really positive thing and can really help you to grow. I can relate to social anxiety getting worse when you become isolated, everything seems so much harder doesn't it. The adjustment period is hard, and so is living uncomfortably for some time (my whole travel experience was uncomfortable, I had to be sociable every waking hour and it was exhausting but so liberating in the end when I realised what i'd achieved and how certain things had become so much easier) but it helps you to grow and puts you just a little bit outside of your comfort zone. Thank you for sending this message lovely, sending big hugs your way ❤️
I can totally relate to this, I always was that 'shy' kid at school but step by step it's getting better. I try to push myself, in a positive way, every time I'm in a situation I know I won't be comfortable. Like yesterday I had to make a phone call, I used to overthink what I wanted to say and when I had the person on the line my words would get mixed up. Now I just dial the number right away and it's way better and a lot less stressfull because I don't have time to overthink it lol.
I'm so happy to hear it's getting better ❤️ That's the best way, I just try and say to myself "the world isn't going to end, you'll be fine" and then do it anyway. So proud of you!
Kay, I am SO glad you made this video! I suffer from social anxiety/depression and I hate that there is this big stigma around mental illness. One of the things that is very difficult for me is I work in retail sales. I get paid to go up and talk to people, which is super scary. There are days where I just hide in my car not wanting to face people. But there are days where I can push myself and just say hi. I've never told anyone this before and I never write long comments like this! My boyfriend doesn't even realize I have social anxiety, I don't think... I would love it if you would keep making these kinds of videos about mental illness. You got this girl ✌
I totally agree with you! It's really difficult isn't it, the working world is set up for extroverts and it's totally overwhelming for me too. I find on good days I can be as sociable as i'm expected to, but on bad days it's really hard and takes so much effort and emotionally and mentally drains me. I've found the best thing to do is make sure you get time for your brain to unwind after a hard shift by having a bath or reading something lighthearted. I really appreciate you taking the time to write to me, thank you ❤️ I will definitely make more in the future 🤗
Totally relate to everything you’ve said.... I struggled in my youth school years and work, at times literally unable to get work out and when younger fainted during show and tell.. now at the end of my life can look back and see that I drank and smoked to help in those very difficult situations and those crutches have caused health issues ..
This is exactly how I feel! I was diagnosed with social anxiety 5 years ago and I’m now on anti depressants and beta blockers. which I know isn’t the answer but they have really helped and getting older has too!
Mental disorders are not easy and can be so complicated. Sometimes we need that little bit of extra help, i'm so happy they have worked for you and have allowed you to live life the way you want to. ❤️
I can relate to all of this, thank you. Like you I have made steps to overcome these things - some have happened naturally over time and some have taken conscious effort. I (apparently!) come across as confident in a lot of situations now but inside I am still often feeling these anxious feelings - I think I have just kind of got used to them and can manage them better. ‘Fake it ‘til you make it’ has worked well for me over the years! Still really want to work on meeting and connecting with new people in social situations - still find that difficult x
I love your comment, I agree with you 100% I find that as you get older you naturally find ways to cope/deal with it on a daily basis and sometimes you can't avoid situations that make you feel socially anxious and so over time you start to heal and realise it's not such a big deal (even though it feels like it is) I've been told that too, some people don't even realise I struggle with social anxiety or anxiety in general. I think that's the biggest thing to me about speaking out about it, it's that I want other people to remember that mental disorders are invisible. I'm proud of you and how far you've come. Keep it up lovely. ❤️
We all have some form of anxiety, but I noticed with myself that I was more anxious when I assumed that people wouldn't be nice to me = I already expected something negative to happen. With a negative feeling like that, one cannot have a positive life so I decided to see people in a different light, look at them with kindness and care, even in difficult situations and the anxiety subsided a great deal. I have it when I am facing the unknown, but even then I try to be positive about it and accept whatever happens next, because I gave it my best shot so I have nothing to blame myself for. I beat the anxiety with less self-centred attitude towards myself. I try to be as selfless as possible because it's not always about me, I'm not the centre of the universe. If someone says: "This is Kay, she is shy," then have some good answers ready to break something that people seemingly always have thought of you. Say: "Not as much as before," or "If I was really shy, I wouldn't be here with you, right?" or something funny. Find the words that work for you. Practice in front of the mirror. Break the circle and step outside. It so good to be around people and to love everything in them. Hugs, XXX
I LOVE this! You're so right, it's all about changing your mindset ❤️ I really like what you said it resonates with me so much. I feel that challenging their belief of what they think of me is super powerful, thank you for sharing that with me I feel that's life changing advice . 🙂❤️ xxx
I don't struggle with social anxiety myself so this was really interesting to watch! My heart goes out to you and your past self who struggled so much at school - but look how far you've come! I'd really love for you to do a meet-up :) well done for making this video - it can't be easy to open up to strangers on the internet! All my love and positive energy to you and everyone else struggling with social anxiety
I'm really glad you found it interesting and i'm glad to have given you an insight into it 😊 Thank you for always being lovely and supportive, it means a lot! ❤️
I used to live in fear that if i went anywhere i’d be sick in front of everyone and totally embarrass myself. It sounds so bizarre but the fear was so so real for me. The best thing i ever did was go get counselling. My GP didn’t seem to take me seriously but luckily my Uni had a free counselling service. It was beyond helpful and truly saved my life.
I can so relate to this! It's horrible living in fear of something happing while you're out and about, especially when the thing stopping you is like 99% unlikely to even happen. I'm so happy and proud of you for going to counselling! GP's are a bit hit and miss with mental health issues, i've had some awful experiences and some really amazing ones. So happy that you found a good counsellor to help you through. ❤️
Sending you lots of love and big hugs ❤️🤗 I don't suffer with social anxiety, I think mine is general anxiety disorder and I hate it cos I can worry over the most stupid things. Giving up caffeine has helped me a fair bit. I have found that I compare myself to others thinking about how they'd handle certain situation and how nothing would faze them, turns out some of these people I compare myself to also suffer with their own form of anxiety and they don't always have it all together. The untethered soul is a great read, I'm also currently reading the surrender experiment 🙂 Looking forward to your vlog on GAD.
Thank you lovely ❤️ Yesss, caffine is a HUGE trigger for me, makes my heart race so much. Very true, we forget sometimes that other people have problems too just because their symptoms are different doesn't mean they're struggling any less. The surrender experiment is on my to-read list! Are you enjoying it? xx
I am enjoying it when I remember to pick it up 😂 His books are a huge source of inspiration and have helped me to strengthen my trust in the universe 🙂
I feel so much better now, knowing I'm not the only one. In school, especially later on, I'd often talk with the teachers and getting to know them rather than my classmates because I simply felt not included and pushed away because I was different than them. (It did work in my favour, talking to the teachers a lot, I never had detention in my life!). Nowadays I just have a hard time understanding people, mind you I deal with introvertism as well as a light version of autism on top of social anxiety, I've come far but sometimes the outside world seems too scary. I feel you on phonecalls, I hate them ! I can do them but prefer not to if I can help it. Growing up, getting independant, moving out helped a lot with social anxiety as I had to go to people if I had question about how to do adulting so to speak ^^ It's so much better now, but I still have a looooong way to go.
I'm so glad ❤️ I'm glad that your teachers were kind and that you could talk to them, that's really wonderful to hear. I'm sorry to hear about the struggles you're having, it's really difficult to go through mental disorders, my heart goes out to you so much. You're so kind and lovely, you deserve so much happiness. I agree with you 100% though, 'adulting' definitely helps you to heal, it breaks down certain barriers and helps you to step outside of your comfort zone. I'm really glad you're making progress, you've got this lovely. ❤️
Hi Kay thank you so much for talking about mental health it really needs to be talked about more. I have my 13yr old going through the same at the moment & God love her my heart goes out to her 😥. Good luck with your travels & your future. Thanks again. Stay safe 💜 Alison 💜 {sorry I didn't put my name in😊💜}
My pleasure lovely, i'm sorry to hear that she's going through this too. You're so wonderful and supportive, I think the hardest thing is being understood and understanding it yourself especially when you're younger. So I believe she's going to be absolutely fine with a wonderful mum like you helping and supporting her 🙂❤️
One thing I've learnt is that you're not alone, someone out there is going through the exact same thing. The trouble is, when you're going through the anxiety/depression you feel like you're all alone and no one understands what it's like to be inside your mind going through this horrible turmoil. Sending you both lots of love and hugs and your daughter will get through this Alison because she has a wonderful mother to help her through ❤️🤗 Whenever I spoke to my parents about bullying I felt like they didn't understand when I was a teenager and so I didn't really talk to them about much about stuff like depression after that.
I've done some research in the past about the causes but never could come to a conclusion about what triggered it. There's not a moment in my life where I don't remember struggling with it. I was an IVF baby and my mum wanted a child so badly after trying for lots of years, she always says I am 'the apple of her eye' so I can't imagine that I suffered emotional neglect from family but It's hard to know really isn't it. How did you find the route of your social anxiety? Was it through therapy? I'm at a loss of where to start in trying to find the cause of it all, thank you so much for your advice and for always being so lovely. Sorry to hear you suffer too xxxx
Thanks for sharing your story ♥️ it's really brave of you to share. Did you get anxiety before starting up your youtube channel? That's the sort of thing that would terrify me, I really admire you for doing it ☺️ I totally empathise with the being scared to put your hand up/go to the bin at school - I used to be exactly the same! I remember sitting in class next to someone I'd been in the same class as for years and just being terrified to open my mouth and talk to them, sad really when you think that from their perspective I probably seemed really rude! Going travelling really helped me too, especially going on my own because I had no choice but to talk to people! I definitely found that some hostels were better than others though.. some that I've stayed in had a very cliquey vibe that really brought out my anxiety. Did you find that? X
Thank you ❤️ I did yes, it took me ages to commit to starting my channel and at first I never spoke in my videos through fear of being judged. I didn't want people I know to find the videos and felt really insecure about it but then something clicked in my head one day and I realised in my videos I will only ever be ME and I shouldn't be ashamed of that. Making this channel has been one of the best things i've ever done in improving my self confidence and letting go of the idea that I can control how others perceive me. Totally resonate with that, I always worry that I come across as rude but it's so hard when you're overwhelmed with anxiety to do anything other than stay quiet. I like to think that if they wanted to get to know me they would start a conversation so if that ever happens again don't worry about it. A huge part of social anxiety is overthinking social situations so it could be totally normal to not talk to the person next to you, and the fact they aren't making an effort to talk either could mean they're struggling too. ❤️ Wow! What an amazing achievement, i'm SO proud of you!!!! While travelling I would go through phases of social anxiety (I mean I get it every day but sometimes it's worse than others) Some days it would be hard to go to the kitchen and cook through fear of people wanting to talk to me, other days I wouldn't think twice. It's hard when hostels are cliquey but it's a lot easier when you're a part of the clique... if you know what I mean? 😂 I've found that the hardest part about hostel life is striking up a conversation and getting yourself seen, after than you pretty much have nothing to worry about as your become part of the group.
Haha thanks. Yeah and I think I will be more careful about choosing hostels that have a vibe that's more me in future, it's normally the crazy party hostels where I get most socially anxious and it's probably because i try to be someone I'm not. I ended up telling myself that at the end of the day I am who I am and I like that person, whatever someone who doesn't know me thinks about me won't change that - if that makes sense! There are days when that's harder but I guess part of it is accepting that that's ok!x
And look at you know you making a youtube videos ;) you came a long way with your social anxiety. And I hate answering the phone or if I have to call someone I'm always very nervous.
Exactly, it's amazing when I think of how much I used to worry. I hesitated so much when I first made this channel and it took me over a year to start talking on it, but i'm so glad I did. I realised that I am me, and if people don't like that or if people that know me but don't know me well feel think i'm weird or whatever... who cares! It's me being authentically me and nothing will change what they think of me, especially me overthinking what they think! 🤗 Sorry to hear you have trouble with phone calls too, something that really helps me is writing down bullet points of things I want to say 😊❤️
Talking in group settings are so frustrating, I feel as though when I say something or ask a question, no one hears me and no one answers or acknowledges that I said anything at all. Reaffirms the belief that no one wants to hear what I have to say. Not an experience I'm proud of, but perhaps relatable to others: Once on a trip to Central America, one of the girls got her hands sticky with sap, on the bus ride she kept complaining about it and asking what to do to get rid of it. Everyone was chiming in, and I said "have you tried hand sanitizer?" no one acknowledged, alright fine, everyone was talking. Later, at the dinner table she was still complaining about it. Thought I would try again, chimed in saying hand sanitizer works well. No one heard, and I know I said it loud enough. Still listening, someone said "Have you tried hand sanitizer?" and the girl said "OMG that is such a great idea!" and everyone else was like wow thats awesome, making a big deal about it. I couldn't even help myself, the glass I was drinking from slammed down onto the table and THEN everyone looked at me, I grudgingly said sorry, got up and cried in the bathroom. SO FRUSTRATING. Happens so often.
It's so horrible when you don't get your voice heard, it's happened to me a lot in my life too. It's like you're feel too scared to say anything, finally work up the courage but then it comes out so quiet that nobody hears and then it takes 10x more courage to even try to say it again incase it happens all over again. Each time it doesn't go to plan it totally knocks your self esteem and self confidence, I feel you completely❤️ One thing to try and do in those situations is to try and be proud of yourself for trying, to realise how amazing it was that you spoke up rather than allowing negative thoughts to consume you. Awareness of your own thoughts and how you allow them to make you feel is something that's helped me a lot over the years. That sounds like an awful experience, i'm so sorry you had to go through that. People can be so mean. I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself though, that's really amazing. Just remember that people like that aren't worth worrying about, find your tribe, people who love you and listen to you, everybody else doesn't matter. "those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" Sending big hugs to you lovely ❤️
Thank you so much for sharing this. I created a RUclips channel to find people like you, who I can relate to. B cause In my personal life I don’t have anyone who fully understands what life with anxiety is like. I just also posted a video of my struggles with anxiety if you’d like to watch. I am definitely subscribing to you ❤️ thank you for your bravery courage and honesty.
Thank you beautiful, i'm proud of you for making videos about anxiety, you're right it takes a lot of courage so well done! Sending big hugs your way ❤️
I have the same exact problem I'm still young though and It's like impossible for me to be social whenever I'm at school and I really want to go home I usally like almost cry but I try to hold it in as much as I can and if I can't hold it in just try hide my face o
💛 It will get better, make sure you reach out to someone and let them know, it's way more helpful than you think when you talk about it or even keep a journal and write down your thoughts and day
I suffer with anxiety and ptsd I struggle leaving the house and wen I do I shake I have set up a you tube channel living with anxiety Lisa johnson hoping it will help people xx
I have no friends that was hard for me to say am happily married with 3 girls so when all at work I do spend a lot of time on my own so now I go places and have to meet them I get all nervous and want to be on my own xx
I'm sorry to hear that lovel & I can really relate to you. It's such a hard thing to go through but some days are better than others and on the good days it's so important to try and go out of your bubble... that's what I try and do and it helps so much xx
“How would you feel if someone outside really started talking to you the way your inner voice does? How would you relate to a person who opened their mouth to say everything your mental voice says? After a very short period of time, you would tell them to leave and never come back. But when your inner friend continuously speaks up, you don’t ever tell it to leave. No matter how much trouble it causes, you listen.” - Michael A. Singer
Nobody is perfect, we’re all struggling with something, it might be big, it might be small. I believe it’s time people speak more openly about mental health and the impacts it can have on your life. So here I am, pouring my heart out to you guys! Grab a cuppa’ it’s a long one.
Self-love is so important to me and has been a huge step forward for me while trying to cope with anxiety and depression on a daily basis. Not all days are good days, some days are ‘cloudy’ days where it’s hard to get out of bed, some days I feel great and like I can achieve everything in the world. One thing that stays constant is the desire to improve, the desire to start each day fresh and focus on loving myself and making sure I appreciate the fact I’m trying the best that I can.
Do you experience social anxiety or any other kind of mental disorder? Lets start this conversation going, if you read somebody’s comment and can relate, please send love their way or offer some advice that has helped you. This community is amazing and it would be fantastic to see everyone supporting each other.
So much love for you guys,
Kay x
Living the life you love thank you so much for your beautiful and open video. I can relate to a lot of this and am only beginning to learn how much it effects me in my day to day. I've really enjoyed your content and this video was so honest it made me like you even more. The thing I'm most proud of is that every day, I try to add value to other people and realizing that I need to talk to people to do that. Sending hugs from Vancouver, Canada!
Thank you Kay for sharing:) I have social anxiety myself, I'm postponing to find a job from February, it's very hard to pierce this bubble around me and expose myself to the external word. I discovered that many people with social anxiety are working online or have their own business online, it becomes a some sort of pattern. I had my business as well and I think I will stick with this in the future as well. The other thing is that people with social anxiety are in deep romantic relationships, when they will find the significant person of course, and this helps them to connect with the outer word and expose yourself to social situations. I think that traveling alone with social anxiety would be very hard if not impossible.
DDC Jenn Thank you so much, such beautiful words you really put a huge smile on my face. ❤️ Sounds like you're on a wonderful path, awareness of yourself and your thoughts is so empowering. Sending big hugs to you too lovely 🤗
alonememe I know exactly what you mean, I found it really hard to commit to finding a job when I came home. I couldn't imgaine finding one that wouldn't emotionally exhaust me but sometimes when you put yourself out there the world helps you out and you find something you never imagined doing. I didn't think i'd like working in a supermarket but it's been such a great job for me. I do the twilight shift so only have to be around customers for about 4 hours and after that i only see the 8-10 other people who work with me so it's a really nice mix but not too overwhelming. I agree totally, I find that we feel misunderstood in 'real life' and feel more of a sense of community online, so that might be why. I agree, but I have met people who have severe social anxiety who are travelling too. One guy I met spent most of his time in his bed in the hostel but he would sometimes go for walks or spend a bit more time in the common areas. I was so proud of him for stepping so far out of his comfort zone and know it will help him SO much in the long run. The more you expose yourself and make your self vulnerable, the more you grow. It can be painful and terrifying but it's always worth it in the end. I really hope you find the job of your dreams soon and pierce that pesky bubble! 😊
Living the life you love I had my adult autism consultation last week. Positive confirmation that I am on the autism spectrum came as a huge relief at one month shy of 34. I'm sorry you suffer from anxiety. I also live with it every single day my entire life. Im glad your teacher was so kind. Thanks for sharing. I also have phone phobia! Nothing you said was stupid. I'm glad traveling was helpful. You did a brilliant job of describing what it feels like.
The scenario i always give people is this :
You are sat in the canteen on your own, you are surrounded by people who are sat talking to their friends, laughing. You are convinced you stick out like a sore thumb, that they are talking about you, laughing at you.
You will your friends to hurry up in your head but it feels like hours pass. You want to make yourself look like your doing something so you mess around on your phone.
Your friends finally arrive after what feels like hours and you start to relax but can still remember the panic you felt that everyone's eyes were on you.
Now reverse the situation.
You walk into the canteen with a group of your friends. You see someone sat alone. You pay no attention to this. You sit with your friends. You are now the person laughing and chatting.
You don't care to judge anyone else because you are too busy having a good time with you friends.
You can't see that the boy sat behind you is feeling the same as you felt in that situation. Thinking you must be looking at him. That he is mindlessly on his phone to make himself look like hes doing something.
You pass no judgement, no harsh criticism as you leave the canteen. You merely made a tiny subconscious observation that there was a person sat at a table.
Ten minutes later you have totally forgotten about it.
My point?
You don't care what other people think about you. You care what YOU THINK other people are thinking about you.
Wow. Absolutely LOVE this, so so powerful thank you so much for sharing. ❤️
About a Girl so trueee. But most times, even if we know no one is looking or talking abt me, still hard to stop feeling anxious/self-conscious. I guess that's the thing we.have to work on😳 what u said.is.so true. Only if we.could convince our minds😣
I almost didn’t comment because I thought my comment wouldn’t have much effect and everyone would think it was pointless, and then I realized that that was exactly why I SHOULD be commenting.
I definitely have social anxiety, in fact I was about halfway through the video and my mom walked in so she and I were talking about things and this kind of came up because she had noticed that I had been socially “flailing” (which was a very accurate word haha). I am the type who hates going to things purely for social reasons, dances and plays are fine, but any “pointless” socializing is not fun for me unless it is my family or best friends.
Anyway, loved the video as always. In fact, your videos are something I use to help me get a breather from my anxiety because you have such a calming effect, your message and voice is so sweet ❤️
I'm so so so so proud of you, honestly. It's amazing to catch yourself in those kinds of thought processes and make the decision to ignore them, super empowering. I feel empowered for YOU! 🙌🏼 Hahaa the word 'flailing' fits it so wonderfully, some days are ok other aren't and it feels like such a rollercoaster, ey? I'm totally with you on that one lovely, it takes a lot of mental motivation to go and be sociable for no reason, i'm so introverted and much prefer my own company 😂 but once I go and chat to people by the end of the night i'm always glad I made the effort, it's just little baby steps. Every experience helps you to grow and blossom just a little bit more. ❤️
I'm really happy to hear my videos are calming to you, i'm so glad to be able to help you and to ease your anxiety. My mission was to help somebody, anybody in one way or another so that's really made my day. Thank you. 🙏🏼❤️
I've never met or heard anyone else speak about this in a way that's so relatable to me. Thank you, I feel less alone while dealing with this now 💜
I'm so happy you could relate.You're not alone lovely. You've got this.❤️
I have had pretty extreme social anxiety with major depression most my life. So, I absolutely identify with tons your saying. I unfortunately did let it take over, then my mother passed away unexpectedly, and grief compounded ontop of the anxiety, where Igot stuck for 7 years. This last year (year 8 after her death) I am recovering myself, I have opened myself up enough to join the world and watch RUclips. Which is silly it took me until 2017 to ever even look into it. Since I have figured out RUclips I have found several creators that have touched my heart, you being one. Thank you!!!
I'm so sorry lovely, my heart goes out to you ❤️ I'm so beyond proud of you for starting to open yourself up to the world and new experiences, you're going to blossom, just you wait. You've got this xx
I've had this video in my watch later list forever, I struggle with OCD and social anxiety and addressing it seems scary at first but when I started watching this video I immediately felt comfortable and understood by you. Thank you for making this video it really helps.
Thank you for sharing this. It was like you were describing me word for word! I've always felt abnormal but I'm so glad to know that I'm not alone.
You're so not alone lovely, we're all in this together, if you ever feel alone just read the comments of this video and know we're all here for you and going through the same thing. ❤️
This is so crazy, after hearing her talk about social anxiety its like someone living in your brain. The realization that im not crazy, this goes beyond shy, its a whole different beast.
Thank you so much for making this video. I have really severe social anxiety and knowing that someone I look up to so much can relate means a lot!
I'm so happy you enjoyed it and so proud to know you look up to me. You've got this beautiful, every day is a new day.❤️
Kay you have hit the nail on the head with what you have said in this video, it totally resonates with me. E.g. Not being able to put things in the bin or go to the toilet! Thank you so much for talking about this, it really does affect more people than we think, but on the flip side those who have not experienced it cannot fathom some of the ways it affects us! I am 32 and still working on living well with anxiety and not letting it hold me back. Many people I know would literally not believe I suffer this as I can appear quite confident, which thankfully is becoming less of an act. Love you and your channel, and thank you for your compassion in sharing this with us Xx
Eloise, thank you lovely, i'm glad (but sad for you) that you could relate, makes me feel less alone. I think that's the main thing about mental disorders, we look totally fine from the outside but if people could see inside our brains they would understand what we go through each day. Thank you so much for being lovely, sending you big hugs. ❤️
For me I have completely different experiences depending on the context of the social situation - if it is learning or doing things I am fine and I ask a lot of questions and don’t feel anxious - but when there is nothing you are doing together it’s just “social” then I absolutely hate it - I overthink everything and wish I had something to “do” - standing around talking and drinking terrifies me - I really can’t stand small talk or socialising without a common purpose or task. If it’s a workshop or a class, or a job or volunteering thing or even if there is group dancing like a barn dance, fete noz or line dance then I am ok. I can’t think of anything to say to people. Now I have transient aphasia and can’t actually talk easily or remember my words I find it is even worse! Thanks for doing this video Kay! Xx
I see, that's really interesting! So when there's a structure to the social activity it's ok but when it's down to you to talk and make conversation it becomes harder? I know what you mean about not being able to think of anything to say, my mind goes completely blank, i feel like I should say something but all my words and thoughts other than "i should be speaking' disappear haha. Sorry to hear you're struggling with Transient Aphasia, i'd never heard of it until you just mentioned it, my heart goes out to you lovely. ❤️
Hi Lizzie, This is what happens to me too. I can work all day with my colleagues, talking to them for whatever work stuff i needed, but when they have the office xmas lunch and it gets all social i just panic. Last year i literally hid in next room, overhearing through wall someone say I didn’t want to talk to anybody, then felt awful the rest of the day and went home and cried 😭
Weird Heather oh I’m so sorry! I can totally understanding hiding away though - it’s never nice to overhear people talking about you either! Xx
Lizzie I deal with it, not much else i can do. I hope your anxiety doesn’t disrupt your life too often either xx
Weird Heather sometimes anxiety gets the best of all of us but just remember that each day is a new day and every experience makes you stronger. ❤️
Such a great video! Living with anxiety can be so hard.. but it’s so nice when you find people out there that share a similar experience! ❤️ thanks so much for sharing! Hope you have a lovely Saturday! Xo
It is, but yes I totally agree finding people who are going through the same thing makes you feel so much less alone. Thank you beautiful, I hope you are too ❤️
I completely identify with pretty much everything you’ve said. Thanks for sharing.
I'm happy you could relate but sorry you go through this too, sending so much love your way ❤️
Great video thank you for sharing a little piece of yourself. my husband and I can relate to some of what you're saying especially when we were in school but we're both retired now so we are living a more calmer & peaceful life. I do feel that I am outgoing I'm an Italian and a hugger.
My pleasure lovely, it's nice to know you could both relate and amazing to hear you both watch my videos together. It's so great that you have found someone with similar interests to yourself ❤️ Your life sounds so blissful! Hehehe that sounds like the perfect mix, sending big internet hugs your way 🤗
Living the life you love 💖 hugs to you
WOW! Thank you so much for sharing this. I understand you because I have to deal with it too. I've lost a friend because I could not go to her wedding because of how anxious it would make me feel. I hate weddings anyway so I never felt I was missing out but she doesn't speak to me now because my absence really hurt her feelings.
I have a job interview on Tuesday where I have to give a presentation. I'm having sleepless nights and not eating worrying about it, trying to anticipate EVERYTHING they may ask and me not being able to answer and making myself look thick and unemployable. I know I have the skills because my CV reflects years of working in the field, but my anxiety makes everything so much worse. I put the interviewers on a pedestal like you described because I think they are better than me, more intelligent, have better lives at home etc. It's just AWFUL. Thankyou for being honest.
No worries at all. I'm so sorry to hear that, have you tried to explain it to her? Maybe you could send her this video and explain it to her, it might help her to understand why you didn't go and give her a different outlook. I can completely understand why you didn't go, it can become cripplingly overwhelming at times and avoiding the situation makes it easier, even though you then worry about not going. You fully believe anxiety you get from not going outweighs the thought and anxiety you would get from going and having to be social... does that make sense? 😂 Brains are so confusing. 😅
First of all, congratulations on the job interview, I have my fingers crossed for you. When I came home I would worry so much about getting a job because I did NOT want to do an interview. In the end I had to do two interviews and one was a group interview with 10 other people, I think that might be one of my worst nightmares. Anyway, what I want to tell you is I went in there and I did it. Every time the negative or intrusive thoughts would come into my head I would shake my head and let them go. I would find something positive to think about to distract myself (a loved one, a pet, a good experience) and would forget about it. Sometimes 1 minute would pass before it was back, but then I would catch myself over thinking and start the process over again. It's kind of like meditation but a different form that you can do without sitting with your eyes closed.
The more times you manage to catch yourself overthinking and observe yourself and the thoughts you're having, the easier it will become and the easier changing what you're thinking about will become. It's like an addiction, we are unconsciously addicted to our thought patterns and it's a hard thing to change, but it is possible. Think of this situation as an opportunity to grow and learn and show yourself how strong willed you can be.
You've got this. I also like to think, what will be will be. You will either get the job, or you wont. The universe has already decided your path for you, all you have to do is go with the flow and see what happens. If you don't get the job, something else will come along and in a years time you will look back and wonder why you were ever worried. I really hope this helped, sorry for the essay. But know I'm sending big hugs your way! ❤️
Living the life you love I don't know when you wrote this but it's only just shown up in my notifications. Thankyou so much for taking the time to reply to my comment. I feel really honoured to receive such a personal message. I know you are very busy, I really do appreciate it. Thank you. Unfortunately the wedding I missed was nearly 20 years ago, and I also didn't get the job, but I did get to the finals! What will be etc. Thank you ♥️
Look at my you tube channel living with anxiety Lisa johnson hoping it will help you to as I suffer to xx
The having something to hold as a distraction...
I always offer people a cup of tea when they arrive (just like my mum does) and now I realise how much that helps relax both of us, starts the conversation on safe light topics. Thank you for sharing and increasing awareness.
I only get overwhelmed in big crowds (think stadium concerts) I don't know that I have ever put a name to it. I am okay to a certain point and then suddenly I have to escape.
YES! It's such a comfort isn't it. Sorry to hear you struggle to, the most important part is recognising that you do and then finding new healthy ways to cope and not overwhelm yourself 😊❤️
Hi Kay, A great, honest straight to the point video well explained. I was surprised to know that you have social anxiety as you always seem so confident and upbeat in front of the camera but not shocked as many, many people have the same issue. Like you I hated answering questions in a school classroom etc and this anxiety moved with me to my work where I had to attend regular update training classes. I have an added problem in as much as I have absolutely no sense of direction be it on foot or when I am driving so it will take me many journeys to learn a route it is strange and embarassing problem that people just dont seem to understand. Part of my job was to occasionally travel to another office and cover for someone else on sick/annual leave and one day my worst fears came true when I had to admit I had a problem. I had a call to ask me to travel to an office 25 miles from my home but I was ok as I had been there many times before, I arrived there only to be told they had given me the wrong office and I had to travel on another 25 miles to an office in a busy city centre I had never been to. My heart started to race, dry mouth, nauseau etc as it was a double whammy not only was it a place I had never been the staff there were known to be unfriendly even to each other. I had to admit in front of alot of people I would be unable to find this place but I was just laughed at in a friendly way and cut a long story short off I set (pre Sat Nav days!) with manual directions. It took me ages but eventually I found the place from the directions I had been given and was super pleased with myself however it was short lived as I realised there were road works blocking off the way I had been given, I had to drive on and got hopelessly lost. I ended up in a dock area and rang from a call box the office manager of the office I had been sent to and admit I had got lost and could he help me with new directions. He bluntly told me no he couldn't help me. I drove back to the office where I had started from humiliated, walked in and bumped in to a senior manager who could see I was upset when I told him why he was furious on my behalf took me back to the car park and asked me to follow him in my car back to the office I had been sent to. We arrived at the other office car park and he gave me a big smile and a thumbs up sign we walked in to the office where he gave the office manager a real telling off in front of the staff for the way he had treated me. Here is the strange thing though 10 years later I moved house 50 miles away and found out that the manager who refused to help me that day now lives 5 minutes away from me! I am sorry this is such a long comment but like you I want to get out there that there are many forms of social anxiety problems and at 61 years old I am probably one of your older susbscribers and I have found over the years that most people have a social anxiety over something it is just that they hide it well .Years later I came to realise that nearly all those people I thought were cool and having a great time when I was young were also having their own anxiety problems but like me we were afraid to admit it so thank you for getting the conversation started and as you so rightly say let us see in this lovely community you have started if we can all help each other one way or another. BIG HUG to you X
I seem to have no issues with talking to a camera and I think it's because everybody is always so supportive and lovely. I feel like I can just be myself. 🙂 It took me a long time to start talking in videos but in the end I realised it's something I wanted to do and felt a real push deep inside to just go for it. At the end of the day, i'm just being myself and if anybody doens't like it... oh well. "those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ❤️ I find it hard for my personality to come through when I first meet somebody it takes me a while to get comfortable enough to be myself which is a shame but i'm working on it!
Oh gosh, that sounds like a total nightmare, i'm so sorry to hear it effects so many areas of your life. I have no sense of direction either and can't imagine having to do a job or go anywhere with out a sat nav! 😱 I'm so proud of your senior manager for sticking up for you, what a wonderful person. It's horrible when people don't want to help you or even try to understand the feelings and emotions you're going through so i'm really happy this turned into a positive experience for you.
Thank you Gill, I always appreciate your heartfelt comments and i'm so proud of you for opening up and sharing your experience, it's great to share things like this as it helps other people to feel less alone. BIG BIG hug right back lovely. ❤️
Aww hun, i just want to hug you right now. Some of what you say, is just so relatable. For me, it’s the talking between people you know that gets to me. I don’t know what to say and feel like no one wants to hear whatever I’d say but they’re all judging me for sitting in the corner not saying anything anyway. I don’t have many friends, i think it’s because I’m a bit weird and not too many people want to get past that and find out what a lovely person i am under it all. Weirdly i think youtube is helping with this, as people keep watching my videos, so more people care what i think than I ever anticipated ☺️
Aww thank you lovely, sending big virtual hugs to you! Yep I can totally relate to all of what you said, it's so hard when you think people are judging you but really the only person judging you is yourself 🙈 Embrace your 'weirdness' it's part of you and nobody in the world is you, there's a quote I love (sucker for quotes I know 😂) "Today you are you, that is truer than true. Nobody in the world is youier than you." and one that goes perfectly with that is "those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" ❤️ I'm so happy youtube is helping you, it's such a great place to meet like minded people 🤗 xx
Weird Heather You are a beautiful unique person and you should embrace your weirdness because it makes you you and that is a wonderful thing, let your light shine so you can inspire others and never let anyone dull your sparkle. And remember, normal is so boring and overrated. Sending you lots of love and hugs ❤️🤗🙂
OMG Angela, that’s so lovely, thank you xx I’m trying to embrace the weird. There’s an awesome quote from steve jobs that I’ve got pinned on my fridge talking about how the ones who see the world differently are the ones who change it. I’d like to change the world by making the people in it happier if i can ☺️
I relate to every single scenario you discussed here. I've improved in school environments for the most part but I remember when I was younger I was absolutely TERRIFIED of raising my hand, walking into the classroom late, asking questions, or any form of presentation or group project. When I was even younger I recall being unable to order my own food at a restaurant or talk to store clerks. It's always been there, and since being diagnosed I've been able to better pick my brain apart and understand it in order to heal my disordered thinking. But I would be lying if I said it's not some of the hardest work I have ever had to do. Even now, entering my mid-twenties, I feel like I haven't been able to find friends I am 100% comfortable with - it's a struggle to talk to people, especially new people. Many times I feel so alone and as if I'll never find 'my people'.. but I am working hard through CBT to overcome this disorder and learn how to manage my symptoms so I am equipped to cultivate the life I want.
Thank you so much for your vulnerability and willingness to talk so honestly! I feel less alone now!
Everything you mentioned I can completely relate to. I think its so fantastic you constantly work on yourself. Keep up the good work. I love your videos and your personality ❤❤
Thank you so much, so happy you could relate and that you're enjoying my videos ❤️
I’ve honest never related more to a video, especially the experience of school. Thank you for speaking out about these things ❤️ xx
Thank you so much Sophie ❤️ I'm glad you could relate, it's nice to know i'm (we're) not alone in this. xx
YES! I physically get sick about going around new groups! Much love!
Horrible isn't it, sorry you go through it too ❤️
SHE SPEAKS! I still get that! Thank goodness it's not just me! 😂 I'm slowly starting to embrace it and just accept that it's just part of me. You're right the less you think about it the easier it becomes! You explain this all so beautifully thank you for this! 😊 My main struggle is excessive flushing which had controlled my life so so much but its slowly getting better! I've found my uni classes and fear of bumping into people I know to be the most terrifying but I've started going to my voluntary classes as well as compulsory (before I would avoid both!) now to get as much practice as possible and actually LEAVE my flat. This is going to sound like the weirdest thing ever but seeing Fantastic Beasts really helped me with social anxiety because it seemed to be as though the main character had been so damaged by his social anxiety (can't make eye contact, small talk etc.) but he manages to talk and get on in social situations because his mind is so preoccupied by the things he is most passionate about. It's a kind of identity you rarely see on screen being portrayed as something so positive especially by a protagonist. If you haven't seen it I would definitely recommend it or to rewatch it from this perspective because it's so inspiring to see a character who's probably faced such anxiety but has shaped it into something so beautiful! Also it has the most beautiful quote: 'worrying means you suffer twice.' 💙☀️
I'm really glad you could relate and it helped you to realise you're sooo not alone on this journey! ❤️ I know what you mean about dreading bumping into people you know, I HATE it! It's a lot better than it used to be but I'd feel like my heart would stop if I unexpectedly saw someone I know at the supermarket because it always leads to (what feels like but probably isn't) a really awkward forced conversation. 😅 Well done to you though my lovely, that's amazing to hear and it's so great to take huge steps forward like that, you will thank yourself in the future. In a year or two you will look back and notice such a huge difference. 😊
Totally putting that on my to-watch list! It's been on my radar for a while but i've never got round to watching it. Thank you for sharing. Also I love that quote, it's so true. ❤️
I totally relate to this! I always have hard time putting how it feels into words and you have done that so well! You are always such a ray of sunshine! Please never loose your passion and spirit!
Thank you so much, i'm really happy you think so. Thank you for being so lovely and supportive and for putting a big smile on my face. Sending so much love to you ❤️🌞
Oh my gosh girl, I feel you! I have S.A.D. and I haven’t really met anyone that has it as bad as me but everything you said is exactly how I feel. I would physically get sick at parties like to the point of vomiting. My heart rate skyrockets when I’m worrying about something.
The PHONE is my enemy!!!!! Today I had to sign up for my benefits with work and my appt was at 9 and at 8:45 I was already freaking out, getting nervous.
I’m so much better now than I used to be though. I used to not be able to go through drive thrus for food but I have gotten over that somehow.
Oh man, I think I might have S.A.D too, I really struggle with my emotions in winter or on gloomy days. It becomes much more overwhelming than in summer. It's been miserable, dark and rainy for the last 3 days here and it's taken a huge amount of effort for me to get anything done + my anxiety has been a lot higher than normal. But it's good to be aware of that, I feel like it helps to give yourself 'you' time and makes sure I give myself time to recover and not have many things on my to-do list. It's amazing to hear that you're making progress, drive thrus cause me huge anxiety too. I have always avoided them, glad i'm not alone in that! (worried they will judge what I buy, my mind goes blank when they ask what I want, have to write it down so i remember, feel like the path is too narrow for my car. Makes me so anxious.) 😅 Self check outs at supermarkets were the best thing ever invented for me too, makes me feel so stressed when I have to go to a person 😂 (although when i'm with somebody I know it's fine) but some days when I feel up to it I push myself to make extra effort and go to the normal check out. We've got this. In a year or two we will look back and see how far we've come. Sending big hugs to you ❤️
Grateful for your talk,I can relate to you.i think sometimes it just comes down to being sensitive. I read the untethered soul,I’ll be rereading soon.one thing that seems to help sometimes is taking a risk,sometimes I feel it’s just taking care of myself.you are a sweet soul
I totally agree i've realised this year that I am a really sensitive person and that it's ok as long as I know how to deal with my emotions. 😊 Glad to hear you're looking after yourself and reading great books, it all helps so much. Sending big hugs to you! ❤️
You couldn't have posted this at the more perfect time. I'm currently supporting my partner at the Men's Roller Derby World Cup in Barcelona. It's so difficult being around so many people and not knowing anyone. It makes me so tired and it makes me feel so lonely, having to sort of hide away just in order to function and be able to watch the games and cheer him on.
I feel invisible :(
I'm extremely introverted and I'm trying to be more kind to myself. Thanks for posting this, I'm glad I'm not alone and I'll try my best to follow all of the tips you suggested.
❤️❤️❤️
I totally resonate with your words, it can be so overwhelming. I sometimes come away from situations like that feeling like i've been on a huge hike and have 0 energy left! You're so not alone and you're also totally ok. Just give yourself time to recharge like you seem to be doing, it really helps. Sending you so much love ❤️
Manda Werhun well done for supporting your partner. I admire you x
I admire you for making this, Kay. I've struggled with elements of this and can relate to a lot of what you've said. Becoming aware of it and working on myself has really helped. When you know who you are in yourself you can find the confidence to share it with others. You're so right that learning that other people are not out to hurt you really helps too. So glad you've managed to take steps to help to overcome it.
Thank you lovely. Exactly, I always think sharing helps a lot, it helps you and can help others to see they aren't alone. 😊 I've got a long way to go but i'm really glad i've found little things that help and I hope they can help yourself and other too. Thank you for this really nice message ❤️
I never had social anxiety until the age of 16, it kind of just appeared over night and I was suddenly scared of social situations. It sucks so much that schools don’t take into account the mental health of pupils and how different aspects of education may damage this. Ever since I’ve started university, I’ve learned to cope with social interactions a lot more easily and I’ve learned to ignore the fear that comes from them. I feel that university is more relaxed and understanding in that they understand students are in different positions in terms of their mental health. I’m still anxious on the phone and will avoid it if possible, but hopefully this will get better over time and with the ways I’m coping with my social anxiety. Sending love and support your way ❤️
I agree totally, I think the education system is set up by extroverts and so it's really hard as an introvert and someone with social anxiety to thrive in that kind of environment. I was told so many times as a kid that ' it's good for you to go out of your comfort zone' but I don't believe it's helpful to have to do that every day of your life, when you don't want to! It can set you back so much. Like anything, in your own time you will heal but nobody can force you to. I feel like schools are starting to understand that now thankfully. You will get better with time, like you said it's little baby steps and thought small accomplishments but they feel so big and they really help in the long run. Sending big hugs your way lovely ❤️
I'm so happy to have watched this video! You described social anxiety (as far as my experience goes) perfectly. Definitely don't wish it on anyone, but it's a relief when someone else can relate. My own is so confusing to me. I guess first off, it's gotten better as I have gotten older...kind of, lol. It (mostly) emerges when I am expected to make friends. Like if I go to my spouses family gatherings, or put in a new team of people at work, going to dinner with spouses friends/colleagues. Those are the ones that I absolutely dread and try to avoid. And omg, people I don't know coming to my home. the worst for me. :/ However, giving a presentation to a group, training a group of people at work, random convos with people when I'm out and about, that's fine for some reason. So strange. Anyways, thanks for sharing. :)
This speaks to me on so many levels! I too was the "shy" kid, this was especially noticeable because my sister is much more outgoing and bubbly, so I was living in her "shadow" for many years-not that this was a bad thing, it allowed me to go to situations a little less frightened because she sort of opened up the path. When I finally moved out on my own to go to Grad school it took me some time to become more socially able. However, I would still get really anxious. I also overanalyse everything, and even to this day will think of conversations or things I have said and feel so bad and embarrassed (even though the person that this happened with has already forgotten it as a non issue)...currently I am living quite isolated and I have noticed my social anxiety getting worse, like I went to travel to visit my friend, and the train ride with a full train was too much for me to handle, and I feel like it took me a week to recover from this...I am soon moving to be again closer to my family, and I know I will have a major adjustment period after having been quite isolated for a while now! Thank you for speaking out about such important topics. Sending you lots of love, and hope you are having a sunny saturday
YES! I felt that too, my brother is extremely outgoing and loves being the centre of attention, I would always watch him and think "I wish I could just go and do that" or "i cant imagine ever being able to be that loud or sociable". In Australia I found myself becoming aware that I was living in Dom's shadow, he's not really loud or extroverted but he's confident in social situations so I would always step back and let him speak for us both which is not good at all. But like you said, it opens up paths that you maybe woudn't have dared go down by yourself, so that is a really positive thing and can really help you to grow.
I can relate to social anxiety getting worse when you become isolated, everything seems so much harder doesn't it. The adjustment period is hard, and so is living uncomfortably for some time (my whole travel experience was uncomfortable, I had to be sociable every waking hour and it was exhausting but so liberating in the end when I realised what i'd achieved and how certain things had become so much easier) but it helps you to grow and puts you just a little bit outside of your comfort zone. Thank you for sending this message lovely, sending big hugs your way ❤️
I can totally relate to this, I always was that 'shy' kid at school but step by step it's getting better. I try to push myself, in a positive way, every time I'm in a situation I know I won't be comfortable. Like yesterday I had to make a phone call, I used to overthink what I wanted to say and when I had the person on the line my words would get mixed up. Now I just dial the number right away and it's way better and a lot less stressfull because I don't have time to overthink it lol.
I'm so happy to hear it's getting better ❤️ That's the best way, I just try and say to myself "the world isn't going to end, you'll be fine" and then do it anyway. So proud of you!
Kay, I am SO glad you made this video! I suffer from social anxiety/depression and I hate that there is this big stigma around mental illness. One of the things that is very difficult for me is I work in retail sales. I get paid to go up and talk to people, which is super scary. There are days where I just hide in my car not wanting to face people. But there are days where I can push myself and just say hi. I've never told anyone this before and I never write long comments like this! My boyfriend doesn't even realize I have social anxiety, I don't think... I would love it if you would keep making these kinds of videos about mental illness. You got this girl ✌
I totally agree with you! It's really difficult isn't it, the working world is set up for extroverts and it's totally overwhelming for me too. I find on good days I can be as sociable as i'm expected to, but on bad days it's really hard and takes so much effort and emotionally and mentally drains me. I've found the best thing to do is make sure you get time for your brain to unwind after a hard shift by having a bath or reading something lighthearted. I really appreciate you taking the time to write to me, thank you ❤️ I will definitely make more in the future 🤗
Totally relate to everything you’ve said.... I struggled in my youth school years and work, at times literally unable to get work out and when younger fainted during show and tell.. now at the end of my life can look back and see that I drank and smoked to help in those very difficult situations and those crutches have caused health issues ..
Bless your soul. ❤️ I'm sorry to hear about your health problems and that you're suffering with anxiety too, sending so much love your way ❤️
THANK YOU for speaking up about this. I recognize a lot in myself. Thank you. xx
My pleasure lovely, hope you're well ❤️
This is exactly how I feel! I was diagnosed with social anxiety 5 years ago and I’m now on anti depressants and beta blockers. which I know isn’t the answer but they have really helped and getting older has too!
Mental disorders are not easy and can be so complicated. Sometimes we need that little bit of extra help, i'm so happy they have worked for you and have allowed you to live life the way you want to. ❤️
I can relate to all of this, thank you. Like you I have made steps to overcome these things - some have happened naturally over time and some have taken conscious effort. I (apparently!) come across as confident in a lot of situations now but inside I am still often feeling these anxious feelings - I think I have just kind of got used to them and can manage them better. ‘Fake it ‘til you make it’ has worked well for me over the years! Still really want to work on meeting and connecting with new people in social situations - still find that difficult x
I love your comment, I agree with you 100% I find that as you get older you naturally find ways to cope/deal with it on a daily basis and sometimes you can't avoid situations that make you feel socially anxious and so over time you start to heal and realise it's not such a big deal (even though it feels like it is) I've been told that too, some people don't even realise I struggle with social anxiety or anxiety in general. I think that's the biggest thing to me about speaking out about it, it's that I want other people to remember that mental disorders are invisible. I'm proud of you and how far you've come. Keep it up lovely. ❤️
You're an incrediblely lovely human being.
Totally relate to that - am still like that too. Thanks for this video x
No worries lovely, sending big hugs your way x
We all have some form of anxiety, but I noticed with myself that I was more anxious when I assumed that people wouldn't be nice to me = I already expected something negative to happen. With a negative feeling like that, one cannot have a positive life so I decided to see people in a different light, look at them with kindness and care, even in difficult situations and the anxiety subsided a great deal. I have it when I am facing the unknown, but even then I try to be positive about it and accept whatever happens next, because I gave it my best shot so I have nothing to blame myself for. I beat the anxiety with less self-centred attitude towards myself. I try to be as selfless as possible because it's not always about me, I'm not the centre of the universe. If someone says: "This is Kay, she is shy," then have some good answers ready to break something that people seemingly always have thought of you. Say: "Not as much as before," or "If I was really shy, I wouldn't be here with you, right?" or something funny. Find the words that work for you. Practice in front of the mirror. Break the circle and step outside. It so good to be around people and to love everything in them. Hugs, XXX
I LOVE this! You're so right, it's all about changing your mindset ❤️ I really like what you said it resonates with me so much. I feel that challenging their belief of what they think of me is super powerful, thank you for sharing that with me I feel that's life changing advice . 🙂❤️ xxx
Great video, I found myself saying, " I was like that when I was younger."
That's really interesting, it sounds like you've come a long way i'm really happy for you ❤️
This was 100% me I couldn't believe how much this reminded me of myself....
I'm glad you could relate but sorry you go through this too ❤️
I don't struggle with social anxiety myself so this was really interesting to watch! My heart goes out to you and your past self who struggled so much at school - but look how far you've come! I'd really love for you to do a meet-up :) well done for making this video - it can't be easy to open up to strangers on the internet! All my love and positive energy to you and everyone else struggling with social anxiety
I'm really glad you found it interesting and i'm glad to have given you an insight into it 😊 Thank you for always being lovely and supportive, it means a lot! ❤️
I used to live in fear that if i went anywhere i’d be sick in front of everyone and totally embarrass myself. It sounds so bizarre but the fear was so so real for me. The best thing i ever did was go get counselling. My GP didn’t seem to take me seriously but luckily my Uni had a free counselling service. It was beyond helpful and truly saved my life.
I can so relate to this! It's horrible living in fear of something happing while you're out and about, especially when the thing stopping you is like 99% unlikely to even happen. I'm so happy and proud of you for going to counselling! GP's are a bit hit and miss with mental health issues, i've had some awful experiences and some really amazing ones. So happy that you found a good counsellor to help you through. ❤️
Sending you lots of love and big hugs ❤️🤗 I don't suffer with social anxiety, I think mine is general anxiety disorder and I hate it cos I can worry over the most stupid things. Giving up caffeine has helped me a fair bit. I have found that I compare myself to others thinking about how they'd handle certain situation and how nothing would faze them, turns out some of these people I compare myself to also suffer with their own form of anxiety and they don't always have it all together. The untethered soul is a great read, I'm also currently reading the surrender experiment 🙂 Looking forward to your vlog on GAD.
Thank you lovely ❤️ Yesss, caffine is a HUGE trigger for me, makes my heart race so much. Very true, we forget sometimes that other people have problems too just because their symptoms are different doesn't mean they're struggling any less. The surrender experiment is on my to-read list! Are you enjoying it? xx
I am enjoying it when I remember to pick it up 😂 His books are a huge source of inspiration and have helped me to strengthen my trust in the universe 🙂
I feel so much better now, knowing I'm not the only one.
In school, especially later on, I'd often talk with the teachers and getting to know them rather than my classmates because I simply felt not included and pushed away because I was different than them. (It did work in my favour, talking to the teachers a lot, I never had detention in my life!).
Nowadays I just have a hard time understanding people, mind you I deal with introvertism as well as a light version of autism on top of social anxiety, I've come far but sometimes the outside world seems too scary.
I feel you on phonecalls, I hate them ! I can do them but prefer not to if I can help it.
Growing up, getting independant, moving out helped a lot with social anxiety as I had to go to people if I had question about how to do adulting so to speak ^^ It's so much better now, but I still have a looooong way to go.
I'm so glad ❤️ I'm glad that your teachers were kind and that you could talk to them, that's really wonderful to hear. I'm sorry to hear about the struggles you're having, it's really difficult to go through mental disorders, my heart goes out to you so much. You're so kind and lovely, you deserve so much happiness. I agree with you 100% though, 'adulting' definitely helps you to heal, it breaks down certain barriers and helps you to step outside of your comfort zone. I'm really glad you're making progress, you've got this lovely. ❤️
Thank you for your kind words
Hi Kay thank you so much for talking about mental health it really needs to be talked about more. I have my 13yr old going through the same at the moment & God love her my heart goes out to her 😥. Good luck with your travels & your future. Thanks again. Stay safe 💜
Alison 💜 {sorry I didn't put my name in😊💜}
My pleasure lovely, i'm sorry to hear that she's going through this too. You're so wonderful and supportive, I think the hardest thing is being understood and understanding it yourself especially when you're younger. So I believe she's going to be absolutely fine with a wonderful mum like you helping and supporting her 🙂❤️
That means a lot Kay thank you so much.
Alison 😘💜
One thing I've learnt is that you're not alone, someone out there is going through the exact same thing. The trouble is, when you're going through the anxiety/depression you feel like you're all alone and no one understands what it's like to be inside your mind going through this horrible turmoil. Sending you both lots of love and hugs and your daughter will get through this Alison because she has a wonderful mother to help her through ❤️🤗 Whenever I spoke to my parents about bullying I felt like they didn't understand when I was a teenager and so I didn't really talk to them about much about stuff like depression after that.
I sympathetic. I've had it all my life
WOW. this is so me. Everything you said and wrote for 100%
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Have you ever looked into childhood emotional neglect? That causes social anxiety. Not the only cause but it has helped me a lot x
I've done some research in the past about the causes but never could come to a conclusion about what triggered it. There's not a moment in my life where I don't remember struggling with it. I was an IVF baby and my mum wanted a child so badly after trying for lots of years, she always says I am 'the apple of her eye' so I can't imagine that I suffered emotional neglect from family but It's hard to know really isn't it. How did you find the route of your social anxiety? Was it through therapy? I'm at a loss of where to start in trying to find the cause of it all, thank you so much for your advice and for always being so lovely. Sorry to hear you suffer too xxxx
Thanks for sharing your story ♥️ it's really brave of you to share. Did you get anxiety before starting up your youtube channel? That's the sort of thing that would terrify me, I really admire you for doing it ☺️
I totally empathise with the being scared to put your hand up/go to the bin at school - I used to be exactly the same! I remember sitting in class next to someone I'd been in the same class as for years and just being terrified to open my mouth and talk to them, sad really when you think that from their perspective I probably seemed really rude!
Going travelling really helped me too, especially going on my own because I had no choice but to talk to people! I definitely found that some hostels were better than others though.. some that I've stayed in had a very cliquey vibe that really brought out my anxiety. Did you find that? X
Thank you ❤️ I did yes, it took me ages to commit to starting my channel and at first I never spoke in my videos through fear of being judged. I didn't want people I know to find the videos and felt really insecure about it but then something clicked in my head one day and I realised in my videos I will only ever be ME and I shouldn't be ashamed of that. Making this channel has been one of the best things i've ever done in improving my self confidence and letting go of the idea that I can control how others perceive me.
Totally resonate with that, I always worry that I come across as rude but it's so hard when you're overwhelmed with anxiety to do anything other than stay quiet. I like to think that if they wanted to get to know me they would start a conversation so if that ever happens again don't worry about it. A huge part of social anxiety is overthinking social situations so it could be totally normal to not talk to the person next to you, and the fact they aren't making an effort to talk either could mean they're struggling too. ❤️
Wow! What an amazing achievement, i'm SO proud of you!!!! While travelling I would go through phases of social anxiety (I mean I get it every day but sometimes it's worse than others) Some days it would be hard to go to the kitchen and cook through fear of people wanting to talk to me, other days I wouldn't think twice. It's hard when hostels are cliquey but it's a lot easier when you're a part of the clique... if you know what I mean? 😂 I've found that the hardest part about hostel life is striking up a conversation and getting yourself seen, after than you pretty much have nothing to worry about as your become part of the group.
Haha thanks. Yeah and I think I will be more careful about choosing hostels that have a vibe that's more me in future, it's normally the crazy party hostels where I get most socially anxious and it's probably because i try to be someone I'm not. I ended up telling myself that at the end of the day I am who I am and I like that person, whatever someone who doesn't know me thinks about me won't change that - if that makes sense! There are days when that's harder but I guess part of it is accepting that that's ok!x
And look at you know you making a youtube videos ;) you came a long way with your social anxiety.
And I hate answering the phone or if I have to call someone I'm always very nervous.
Exactly, it's amazing when I think of how much I used to worry. I hesitated so much when I first made this channel and it took me over a year to start talking on it, but i'm so glad I did. I realised that I am me, and if people don't like that or if people that know me but don't know me well feel think i'm weird or whatever... who cares! It's me being authentically me and nothing will change what they think of me, especially me overthinking what they think! 🤗 Sorry to hear you have trouble with phone calls too, something that really helps me is writing down bullet points of things I want to say 😊❤️
I am an extrovert but cannot drive I cannot cope being on the road in a car trapped surrounded by others who can bully me. I overthink too x
Sending out lots of love and big hugs to you all 🤗❤️
Thank you beautiful ❤️
OMg yes the fight or flight mode before you read in front of class.. it only happens to me if I care/theres a crush I have I think i overcame
Yep! That's the thing isn't it, once you think about it too much it becomes way more scary than it actually is!
Talking in group settings are so frustrating, I feel as though when I say something or ask a question, no one hears me and no one answers or acknowledges that I said anything at all. Reaffirms the belief that no one wants to hear what I have to say.
Not an experience I'm proud of, but perhaps relatable to others:
Once on a trip to Central America, one of the girls got her hands sticky with sap, on the bus ride she kept complaining about it and asking what to do to get rid of it. Everyone was chiming in, and I said "have you tried hand sanitizer?" no one acknowledged, alright fine, everyone was talking.
Later, at the dinner table she was still complaining about it. Thought I would try again, chimed in saying hand sanitizer works well. No one heard, and I know I said it loud enough.
Still listening, someone said "Have you tried hand sanitizer?" and the girl said "OMG that is such a great idea!" and everyone else was like wow thats awesome, making a big deal about it. I couldn't even help myself, the glass I was drinking from slammed down onto the table and THEN everyone looked at me, I grudgingly said sorry, got up and cried in the bathroom. SO FRUSTRATING. Happens so often.
It's so horrible when you don't get your voice heard, it's happened to me a lot in my life too. It's like you're feel too scared to say anything, finally work up the courage but then it comes out so quiet that nobody hears and then it takes 10x more courage to even try to say it again incase it happens all over again. Each time it doesn't go to plan it totally knocks your self esteem and self confidence, I feel you completely❤️ One thing to try and do in those situations is to try and be proud of yourself for trying, to realise how amazing it was that you spoke up rather than allowing negative thoughts to consume you. Awareness of your own thoughts and how you allow them to make you feel is something that's helped me a lot over the years.
That sounds like an awful experience, i'm so sorry you had to go through that. People can be so mean. I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself though, that's really amazing. Just remember that people like that aren't worth worrying about, find your tribe, people who love you and listen to you, everybody else doesn't matter. "those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" Sending big hugs to you lovely ❤️
This is beautiful. Thank you, hugs your way as well
Thank you so much for sharing this. I created a RUclips channel to find people like you, who I can relate to. B cause In my personal life I don’t have anyone who fully understands what life with anxiety is like. I just also posted a video of my struggles with anxiety if you’d like to watch. I am definitely subscribing to you ❤️ thank you for your bravery courage and honesty.
Thank you beautiful, i'm proud of you for making videos about anxiety, you're right it takes a lot of courage so well done! Sending big hugs your way ❤️
I have the same exact problem I'm still young though and It's like impossible for me to be social whenever I'm at school and I really want to go home I usally like almost cry but I try to hold it in as much as I can and if I can't hold it in just try hide my face o
💛 It will get better, make sure you reach out to someone and let them know, it's way more helpful than you think when you talk about it or even keep a journal and write down your thoughts and day
I suffer with anxiety and ptsd I struggle leaving the house and wen I do I shake I have set up a you tube channel living with anxiety Lisa johnson hoping it will help people xx
I have no friends that was hard for me to say am happily married with 3 girls so when all at work I do spend a lot of time on my own so now I go places and have to meet them I get all nervous and want to be on my own xx
I'm sorry to hear that lovel & I can really relate to you. It's such a hard thing to go through but some days are better than others and on the good days it's so important to try and go out of your bubble... that's what I try and do and it helps so much xx
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When you went travelling did you go with someone or on your own?
I went with my boyfriend 😊
I've hidden in the toilet to stay away from people and a,lot more 😳
I can relate to that a lot ❤️
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You have no social anxiety