People told OP he was an AH in the story but I think there was more to it. Maybe the sis was liked more and with Brendan in the family he made family time more tolerable for OP. Sis not only ruined her marriage but hurt someone that OP loved like a brother
Commentators suggesting OP enjoys watching his family [mother] suffer... like, what? You're right. When they realized they couldn't actually punish HIM, they reached out. And those suggesting he should stop being so righteous... why? Most developed nations don't have laws punishing adultery (those that do have *really* harsh laws). That doesn't mean it's OK to cheat. So it becomes an issue of the community to decide how to receive adultery. If OP is not comfortable with one of the worst taboos in most societies being broken by his own sister, and is not comfortable with his parents supporting her, then why should he be made to feel badly about having, say, a moral compass that works? Reddit is quick quick to offer divorce as a solution, but seems to think you should overlook infidelity if you're not directly involved. Weird.
Like the old saying goes, you can pick your friends but not your family. I’ve had no contact with two of my sisters for over six years and last year one of my other sisters died, and one of the ones that I don’t have any contact with went to talk with me. I just cut her off by just telling her that I don’t wish to speak with her. I said it a a nice and polite. It seems that she thought because of our sister deaths that’s change the way I thought of her
Agreed. It felt like they were taking a page from the Jehovah's Witness cult playbook - Shun and isolate the "heathen" family member, make them feel alone and distraught so they are more likely to beg and acquiesce to any insane demands just to be "accepted back into the family", and then brought to heel. It sounds like they were trying to break OP with their "Look how much fun we're having and how close we are! Don't you want to join? We're magnanimously willing to _allow_ you to beg for your sister's forgiveness and then we'll allow you back into the fold". But because it seems they spent more time pushing him away than pulling him in for affection, so it was easier for him to say "ok, bye then". They were cool with icing him out and trying to hurt him, until they saw it wasn't working and that he just replaced them with his chosen family. _NOW_ it's suddenly a big deal, "Why won't you just beg for her forgiveness!??!? Don't you see you're hurting your mother by not begging for your sister's forgiveness?!?!", They see their plan is backfiring, but still, rather than reevaluate their stance or even talk to OP and take his concerns to heart, they just try harder and more manipulative techniques to squeeze that square peg into the round hole. OP is better off without them.
People seem to be missing that OPs family were expecting an apology and didn't seem like they cared until OP was with another family for the holiday. Probably because it made people talk.
@@kingturtle24k81 twist in plot: OP & Brendan catch feelings & get married. ( more reality TV drama lol). Sorry if you're homophobic. But that would be the cherry on top of the sundae. Wonder what the parents would do then? OP, guy or not, comes off as very self righteous. IDK if he knows exactly what the marriage between his sister & ex BIL was really like. Could be Brendan is actually better off without the sister. Or the reality tv comment means they both cheated or had other drama. We don't know. Look, everyone sucks here to varying degrees. Even the sainted Brendan may suck if he's pressuring OP to choose between friendship or family (OP is silent on this). His sister sucks for presumably cheating. His parents are caught between two kids that now dislike each other. I would say OP is being an AH to his mom saying she should divorce his father over this. Especially as its likely she would be financially worse off afterwards, may even still love her husband. If Dad's the driver here, well he sucks too in insisting on an apology for not attending wedding #2. There are no stars here. Life is rarely black & white, get used to it. Doesn't matter what biological bits you have.
I think the two years thing can’t be used for 2020 though. We all know what that was like. I don’t get why people are so bothered by where he spends the holiday when they otherwise have no contact with him??? Like why would he waste his free time to go see people he doesn’t talk to or spend time with regularly?
Absolutely right. It's becoming more and more a trend these days to postpone the heneymoon until the 1st anniversary. Weddings can be expensive so having a year to save up makes it so much easier. Another popular option is to have the guests pay for the honeymoon as a wedding gift. So instead of a registry of homewares it's flight tickets, hotel bookings, meals out and day trips. Asking for an entire honeymoon from one person is a big ask but leaving it open to people to volunteer to pay for certain aspects. You might not get everything covered that way but it'll put a considerable dent on your costs. I've done both. First marriage honeymoon we paid for our own flights and hotels but guests bought us museum tickets and such. It meant we got a very luxurious honeymoon but we still would have had a more basic trip if nobody contributed. Second one we waited a year and had a shorter, less fancy honeymoon but it was still glorious thanks to the beautiful historic location.
There's a reason I've trimmed my own hair for 15 years. Somehow "cut no more than 1 inch" always resulted in at least 6 inches being cut by the stylist.
A few years ago, I was going to a huge party and for my costume, I'd grown a pair of massive, pork chop sideburns. The day before, I went to a barber & made it clear that I did NOT want the sideburns touched. Twice I had to stop the moron with the scissors from trimming them, then as he was finishing up, this prick suddenly ran his clippers through one of them. As a result, I had to trim them both back to stubble & I was furious. He then had the audacity to demand payment. Nope!
As for the bob-cut, next time The Opie is over at mum's place, she should have some scissors at the ready, and casually come up from behind and start lopping off hair at shoulder length. _"Why are you upset? Now we could be twins!"_ (and stick to that)
Rebecca; I Agree with You comment. As One commenter said She's Not An ATM. WHAT'S with Her Brother, who HAS A DEGREE and still has to Mooch from His Family.
i think that all the time when i read these stories and i even asked a similar question. why is it so hard for grown kids to go no contact with crappy parents?? they can show these people over & over that they dont love them, yet these kids still continue to try and get there parents to love them when there life would be much easier to just cut them out of there like. people in my family always say im hard hearted. but really im not im pretty soft hearted actually but i have a low tolerance for sh!t people
I would never support a cheating sibling or child. There is never ever a reason to cheat, divorce or break up first. Yeah, I'm petty, I would return home and cut off mothers hair.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to spend quality time one-on-one but his mistake was trying to be cagey about it if you're not honest and communicate with other people then it just leads to a mess like that.
To be fair, his brother did not take it so well when OP came clean on his feelings. So one would imagine it would never have been the right time to ask him to not always have his wife involved in their time together.
@@drako8343 be that as it may if you slight someone and insult their wife before asking them to hang out chances are that discussion isn't going to go well to begin with.
If the daughter is unwilling to press charges against her mother for cutting her hair, which is assault, then the daughter should sneak up on the mom and cut her hair. I may have this attitude because my hair was cut off in an attack, but if anyone cut more than I specified, I would destroy them financially, legally, or emotionally.
@@TJDious her mom lied/ misrepresented her intent and told her it would be "a trim"... Over 24"- 28" of hair lopped off DOES NOT constitute a trim. Her mom maliciously tried to obliterate her identity and self esteem. And yes, identity as Mabmny people's identity/ expression is tied to hair style/ length/ color. In some cultures hair is only cut in mourning. In WWII female nazi collaborator had their hair lopped/shaved off as punishment punishment, to humiliate them.
I think the issue is he's got his found family and still wants a parental ultimatum. It sounds like for years guy has gone low contact. OP should have gone straight no contact.
The brother story. Op is the AH because he's not communicating effectively. It has nothing to do with the ticket. He just wants to spend time with his brother. I understand that. I want to spend time with my siblings too and as we get older, its harder to do. Op needs to just tell his brother he wants to spend time with him and ask if they can find a day to do a bro day
Nah I think the opposite. He invited his brother, not his brother and his wife. If he wanted the wife to come he would have said does you and your wife want to come to this beer event, but he didn’t. He brother saw it as a chance to relive the old dating experience and didn’t this to even ask his if it alright to extend the invite. He change the guest list therefore the burden is on him. Plus by buying the tickets he want to push his brother into excepting. Chances are his wife doesn’t like OP, they probably why she feel the need to be joint at the hip.
@@babycakez8070 As the one commenter pointed out, it has always been an activity BOTH of them attended. Whether or not they invited a large amount of friends or only the two of them, it had always been brother and his wife. Anyone, including his brother, would´ve assume OP was inviting both of them because, again, that´s how it usually was. If OP want to change tha habit/tradition, he should have said that.
OP isn't great with communication but I think that's a family trait as the brother wasn't great with it either. OP sent his brother an email saying "do you want to go". The brother with zero communication to the person offering tge event, not only bought tickets but made other plans to get things situated. I get why he'd assume the wife would go. At the same time, if my brother/friend sent me a message saying "do you want to go" and not "do you GUYS/AND WIFE want to go" I'd have questions. Not only that even taking the issue of the story out of it, if I asked someone "Hey you want to go to this" and their very next communication with me is "Hey I bought us all tickets and set up some stuff so I could go." I'd be kind of upset. No communication with me, the person who offered the event. You just went out, without my input about anything, and started making plans and purchases? That's just not cool in general.
@@ShinningDStar While OP didn't communicate well, at the same time, if I receive an email saying "do YOU want to go" and not " do you AND WIFE want to go", I, as the married person I am, would have questions.
Story 4: You can't cut off that much hair by accident unless you have never touched hair before. Also I have no idea why your mom thinks you should be grateful for what she did, but she is completely mistaken. I don't think you should go back to your mom's house for a while until she can not only understand how you feel, but also get some therapy to figure out why she cut so much of her daughter's hair like that.
I remember a post where the mother was friends with the stylist at the hair salon, she then had said friend cut their child's hair super short. I think the stylist lost her job after OP reported her, which is fair given OP asked for a completely different style.
“I tried to do something nice for you” yeah right she can fuck off with that bs. As someone with long hair I would never want to even be in the same room with that kind of person again.
I managed to cut my hair by myself with no mirror better than OPs mother did. My hair was about to my butt as well and I cut it to half way down my back (took around 6 inches off) by simply grabbing my hair roughly where I wanted it and started hacking. This was more than intentional on the mothers part, it's almost impossible to that much off by accident when you're doing it for someone else. Like, most diy hair cuts get a hair tie, tie it where you want it cut then go below the tie and even it out after the first lop. The mother went out her way to ruin OPs hair, and personally I would have just done the rest myself when the mother made her first bad cut. Sure people make mistakes and hair grows back, but this will never be forgotten.
You cant cut off that much hair, even if you have never touched hair before... if you can recognize split ends, then you'd recognize where they start and end And, most people who have never touched hair before, are way more cautious when it comes to cutting, that they will take 1 cm or less off, for the first time
I’m always surprised at the number of relatives who think they need to get involved in situations like story 1. I literally do not GAS whether my cousin gives his sister money or not. Just curious: Anybody else here actually care about stuff like that?
My moms family is like that. Everyone has an opinion. There’s a reason she stopped taking us to see them young, got tired of my brother and mine hurt feelings when family dictated our worth.
@@drewthistlethwaite8909 Your mom's family always want to feel indispensable... with words After all, the doctor's fees, for one visit for a punch, cost way less than a psychiatrist's monthly visits
lol This mightier than thou, or simply too righteous ish do not vibe with me who gives a crap??? unless you are willing to put your money where your mouth is, your nose should stay firmly below your eyes above your mouth, not wandering around poking here and there, and lifting itself up 10 meters up in the air
@@lya9677 I’m adopted so there were some… problematic views from one or two ppl. But no one checked them when they talked shit to literal small children so mom put up boundaries
Story 3; No Op is NTA. Lets review: sister cheated on someone who Op considers a best friend, Op is mad at his sister but is only allowed back if he apologizes, now suddenly that Brendan’s family loves Op it’s showing people that Op’s family isn’t the picture perfect family that the mother wants. Op your family don’t care about you being there, they care cause now people can see that another family cares about you. NTA at all
Third story you're not in the wrong here most of people who are saying you're in the wrong are people who would rather enable a wife cheating on her husband and leaving him for another man and the family supports the daughter but I guarantee it if you had left your wife for another woman your family will have basically through you to the wayside. I get the feeling that your sister is The Golden child and because you're not basically bending over backwards to please your sister you're basically going no contact with your parents. You're not in the wrong gear and quite frankly I think it's time for you to distance yourself on your parents because your parents are the type of people that will enable infidelity when it comes to their daughter but not when it comes to their son. And the fact that you have a lot more morals for your brother-in-law tells me that you probably have seen your sister pull this stuff before. Your mother wants to have you back in the fall because she wants to have that one big happy family image without facing the fact that because of your sisters choices and their enabling has caused them to not have family with you. Most of the people who are saying you're in the wrong are either women who are like the sister or have family members that they go along with because they don't want any drama. Not to mention if this was a woman and she went no contact with her parents because of the choices that her brother did when it came to infidelity I guarantee it most of these people would be saying you're not in the wrong
To me OP isn't wrong because the dad says "Family over everything" while also kicking OP out for not willing to tow the line, showing complete hypocrisy. OP didn't demand they choose sides at first, he only made the demands after he got harassed and ghosted by them repeatedly. They tried to control OP then got upset he didn't play their game. And Tory was definitely cheating, I mean she leaves her husband in 2020, and is married in 2021? The only thing is either she marries really easily, or she was cheating.
Or she's the child who isn't a self-righteous jackass who throws around bible verses and doesn't call her sibling a disease riddled slut. It's AMAZING how much parents tend to favor the kid who doesn't go about giving ultimatums. If OP doesn't want to spend time with the filthy sinners, he needs to just go no contact already.
To be fair, I get the feeling they would throw the OP aside for any excuse or no excuse at all. No cheating necessary. They just seem like shitty people.
@@awseven1144 exactly on Reddit being so hypocritical. The family are aholes and the only reason mommy is trying to have the big family thanksgiving is because OP found a better family to have it with.
Cheaters have no soul, they only leave behind them ruined lives and broken families. If Op decided that his sister being a cheater is enough to go no contact, he is in the right, and no moron has any right to say otherwise. Also, what's that comment saying "your sister and her ex know what happened between them, not you"? Is this person aware that people can actually talk with each other? Could it be that Op was told what happened?
IKR, considering how much Reddit hates haters it’s especially insulting that they say forgive them and move on on here. Like what? Are you serious? And Op is the one who have to be the bigger person and forgive? I’ve heard a lot of worse things on here but this is by far the worst.
Per the haircut story: I feel your pain, OP. My mother used to do that kind of thing to me. But you know where she sleeps, and when. You can sneak in and give her the same kind of chop job she gave you. I'll laugh out loud if you actually DO that!
You have signed paperwork take his ass to court Force him to start paying you back He needs to learn to grow up and the only way he's going to do that is if you make him pay you back
This. She needs to take them to court. It's not like doing that will ruin her relationship with her family - they already ruined it for her so she's got nothing to lose anymore, only gain.
@@mannydcbianco I still agree with first commenter. At what point after giving 10k to brother and 30k to parents did she think she was getting money back. What may hurt her in court is by not adhering to any pay plan and OP not enforcing it, did OP effectively write it off? I do think she did these loans to finally buy affection from her parents and "golden child". Because how can you lend 40k and allow yourself to be gaslit to think you are in the wrong?
Don’t bother with court. So she gets judgement against them. Without enforcement it is just another piece of paper. The family still will owe money to her (family). Already they owe money to family and STILL they are unwilling to pay it back, so why would they pay off a judgement to family? As I previously posted, sell the contracts to a third party. Let them chase the brother and parents. Gets it out of her hands and real creditors are much better at collecting.
@@diamondjim7560 I like the idea of selling the contract to real creditors, even if it's only for a fraction of the amount. At that point, for me, it would be more about taking revenge on them as much as possible. But then again I can get petty about things like that and I'd imagine most people are more forgiving.
The mom was jealous of the daughters hair. That's a toxic mother and I would never let her near me again after manipulating the situation and trying to take the car. She's a narcissist.
Story 3: NTA. Look, maybe you were harsh to your Sister, but the reality is that she did something supremely crappy and your family basically acted like nothing happened. At bare minimum I wouldn’t have invited her to a couple of the family outings in the year. And your right! For as much crap as everyone gives you they absolutely fail to realize that your parents hurt you too. Family is not the end all be all.
I really get the feeling OP's family has been doing BS like that for years. That "family above all" BS can f right off. I say this as someone with a decent family.
My mom cut my hair a while back. Do you know what margin the unevenness was? A centimeter, the width of a pinky finger, from her pulling down when she cut. We worked together to even it out. Altogether, I lost an inch of hair (I have a bob already). When I was a kid, my sister gave me a "haircut" in my sleep. Back length ponytail cut to the rubber band. THAT was intentional. I've had issues with my hair since, which is why is currently still a bob. (4C hair is a nightmare, sometimes) OP's mom has something against her daughter, and I don't doubt she knew the place was booked solid so she could lure her into getting it cut by her. I hope that little bit of power was worth losing custody of her child.
Make sure you get a lien against your parents house if they owe you $30k. That way if they die, they can't just hand it over to your brother, which they will. Especially if he's married and your not.
Second story. Marriage doesn't mean joined at the hips. I think I'd kick my husband out if he went with me everywhere! I'd like to spend time with my sisters without him joining in!
Hair cut - sounds like mum is jealous of her daughter, so she deliberately cut her hair. Wonder if someone mum fancied mentioned OP was beautiful and loved her hair.
At Mom's age it is very likely that her own hair is no longer as glossy and beautiful, it no longer slides lustrously when she moves; but her daughter's hair still has all of those qualities of youthful hair and Mom is jealous. Being jealous of youth in others is a very miserable way to age.
So, what’s stopping OP from buying a couple of tickets for just him and the brother? Or inviting him out for some drinks? Maybe be a little more clear about wanting some one on one Bro-time.
Story 1: At some point you had to stop the cash flow, so now as good as time as any. Also the family knows you're right they're just too cheap to help, you can tell because they were dead silent to paying off his debt. At this point even if your family agrees to never asks you for money they're still going to ask, then when you bring up your agreement they're going to claim family. I say screw it, they treat you like a bank then start acting like it, since you have contracts sue your brother for every last penny he owed you, then terminate him as a client. Anyone got something they want to say to you, tell them they're more than welcome to help him with his dad because family.
i say YTA. there is no self accountability. Op is worse than them. Op should look in the mirror because she not only help make the mess but she enabled it to. She has no right to blame everyone else. the first two times - okay, then number after #5 with no effort of changing thats you. Op should have stopped when the load hit $2500. Never give money to people that can't pay back and to people that you have to force to pay you back.
@@k70freeman Eh, if OP's an AH, just because she's an AH, doesn't mean her family aren't also AHs, so ESH would fit better. The leeching family had to ask for stuff first for OP to give them money.
I had a friend who literally would lend any available money he had to his family and friends... his parents literally owed him 100,000+ 80% was written up as loans after I found out he was doing this and flat out told him if there isn't a contract and they're already asking for more without paying you back get a lawyer and a notary because they aren't gonna pay you back unless it's legally enforced... so he took my advice and at the 250,000 mark he was thinking about how to get his money back and options to get reppaid.... he disappeared from my life a few years ago and I honestly have no idea what happened to him.
OP wanting to spend one on one time with brother is not the idiot. I have been married and I am now single and yet I have never understood married couples who cannot do one thing without their spouse in tow. I understand marriage and am all for it...I also understand that all occasions and invites are not appropriate for and do not include spouses. For example, a girls' day trip to the spa....husbands in tow not appropriate. When girls get together for girl talk...husbands in tow not appropriate. When besties or sisters get together for a lunch date....husbands in tow not appropriate. Conversely, when guys get together to go on a fishing trip, hunting, to play Madden, to watch the game at little bro's house, etc, etc...wives in tow not appropriate. It seems to me when couples go through life as though they are conjoined twins they are confusing true closeness, intimacy and a strong marriage with doing everything together. And while marriage is their primary relationship...they should still maintain other relationships as well. Whenever I find myself in the company of conjoined twin married couples I tend to find other friends to spend time with... also they tell each other everything under the guise of not keeping anything from each other (another misguided attempt to have a strong marriage) all that truly does is alienate friends because what does a friend being worried about a mammogram (example of girl talk) have to do with their marriage.... Absolutely Nothing.
If I was the daughter whose mother cut 2 feet off her hair on purpose, I would fill my mom’s shampoo bottle with Nair or give her a head shave while she was a sleep.
Last story: Mum cut her daughter’s hair so short as she is jealous of her daughter’s youth and beauty. This is not uncommon in menopausal (and narcissistic) mothers, who see their own beauty fading just as their teen daughters’ blossoms. This type of underhand attempt to sabotage daughter’s feminine beauty is triggered by jealousy and grief for her own waning attractiveness.
Story 1: The one thing that more than anything pisses me off in all these XO stories isn't when OP has to deal with a greedy/evil/bratty/toxic family member. Most of us have bumped into people like that at some point and we know they exist, and are sort of prepared to deal with them. They're complete assholes, but it's just one person, we can deal with it. Instead what really fucking gets me fired up is when the family supports and enables that behavior and gangs up on the victim to force him or her to keep doing what the toxic family member wants. And it seems like in 80% of all XO stories this is exactly what happens - family gangs up on the victim to enable and benefit their favorite child. The "because family" mentality fucking despicable.
So true! The number of family members that gang up on the person who is in the right, doing the right thing is astounding. Of course, they do that so they don't have to help the family member who goes begging or is the a-hole. I am so grateful for the family I have.
Last story: If the wife can dedicate 40 minutes, the husband can dedicate 60, especially since it's likely a huge reduction in costs (onsite, on her benefits, etc). If it does not lead to extra savings, well then we have an interesting situation. Cheating sister story: So, she gets to cheat on her husband and toss him aside like trash, while the brother HAS to accept that? She gets a choice in which family she gets to choose, but the brother doesn't? Very hypocritical. Now, I understand OP is not married to his ex-BiL, but that doesn't mean the brother is obligated to choose his cheating sister over his victim brother.
@@vincentlucario5450 Very good, yes they are not the same. Funny the back and fourth compromises required when raising a child with an ex. If only the world were perfect, and everything was just done for everyone all the time.
@@vincentlucario5450 So in your opinion the first daycare was exactly in-between the Mom and Dad. Why wouldn't the mom take advantage of it? Don't act like you would be holier than though if it's to your advantage.
@@melissaharrison293 no idea, no details were given about the first daycare. Spite, taking advantage of bonuses etc. how am I acting holier than thou?
Story 4: NTA. “Do something nice TO you”!?! Oh Hun, she did this on purpose. I don’t know what she was trying to do but she had no intention on “Just cutting off the ends”.
Regarding the first story I was in similar situation as OP where I had a leech of a Sister.. When I finally said enough and stop helping financially I too had relatives trying to force me to keep helping... But as soon as I said "if it is so important for my Sister to get money for free (because she never pays anything back) I would always tell my relatives why don't they give my sister the money if so important and urgent... They always say NO I should just give up the money because they can't afford it... I would tell straight up if you are not willing to give away your money stop trying to give other peoples money away.. Than I would say I will match every cent they give.. They soon shut up.....
What's so hard about telling your own brother "I miss you since you had a family, could we maybe schedule some time alone Like in the past?", but OP drows a tantrum like a toddler...
This hair thing just happened to my daughter. She had Cinderella princess hair. My niece recently cut it for her. She was supposed to just trim it as she had done her own. It was atrocious. She cut like 8 inches.
"Do you want to go?" not "Do you and your wife want to go?" or "Do both of you want to go?" Brother assumed wife was invited because he's allowed that unhealthy thing, that happens to some couples, to happen to him. He's lost the ability to think of himself as an individual.
@@goawayleavemealone2880 Oh, you mean, having a relationship? It literally says the trip used to always be he, his wife, and OP so brother assumed it would be the same. That's why he had 3 tickets. What's unhealthy and unable to think as an individual is the manbaby crying online that his brother can't read his mind.
@@kateemma22 - It is possible, and even healthy, to have a relationship with somebody without being surgically attached to them. It actually sounds like the brother's relationship with his wife is at least mildly dysfunctional. Also the email doesn't require "mind reading", it just requires the brother to recover the ability to think of himself as an individual. While "You" is the plural of itself, most people neither talk nor write like that and with use "Yous" as the plural of You.
@@goawayleavemealone2880 ARE they always together... or are they always together when they're at a thing that involves OP? Cause I'm willing to bet 30+ year old married father is more interested in hanging out socially with people closer to his own age and in a similar place in their lives than with Much Younger Little Brother.
OP1:. These people have no shame to know they owe someone a substantial amount of money..... haven't paid it back as promised and want to "borrow" more. I don't like borrowing money but if I owe someone I try and pay back asap and if I miss a payment (I never have) I would apologize profusely and let them know why, give them what's owed and maybe some interest.
I feel so brokenhearted for the haircut story but i would never let someone that cut a big chunk of my hair to "fix it" she proved a crazy malicious person. Never give those a second chance even if they are your parents
I’m on the option that children she have 100% control over their hair because if they choose something they later don’t like then the damage is short term and they learn to deal with their choices and if they love their hairstyle then it’s something they got to choose
1st story: OP needs to cut contact with her "family" completely and tell them if they wish to contact her, call her lawyer...Her bro is getting married, so he'll probably start having kids soon, and if she thinks they guilt trip her about money now, wait until they start using the kids as leverage, and they DEFINITELY will do so...take it from someone who's been there...RUN
$40,000??? And there's an offer to tear up the paperwork if there's never another request. A second offer to loan the $2000 AFTER the $40,000 was repaid. I'll suggest a third option. Assuming the "loan" contracts will withstand legal scrutiny, tell them you'll sell the contracts to a collection agency if they continue to behave badly.
I have never asked my sister for money, no matter my situation. Who does that when they already owe that person money? That is so entitled, I don't have words.
I don't see why two different day care centers would be so bad. Is it bad for a kid to do two different extra-curricular activities in two different places with different groups of kids? Of course not! Why is it different for day care? It can provide greater socialization, which is a problem for too many people now. It will also beef up the kid's immune system for a lifetime of better health.
Story 4: there is a story where the father chopped off his daughters hair and was taken back to court over custody...I think he was also hit with assault charges... might check into that where you are... poor baby.
Hair mutilation. If I were OP, I'd wait until mom was sleeping then I'd cut a HUGE chunk of hair right in the middle of the top of her hair. That can't be easily covered. If she says anything, say "I just cut off the split ends like you did to mine."
11:51 My brother has long hair and every time my mom’s family saw him him they, asked when he was getting his haircut, they offered to pay for it, they offered to cut it themselves, they even offered to give him $100 him if the next time they saw him, if he had a “real men’s hair style”. He still has look to this day.
Final Story: NTA. I’d say something like “Offer to split THAT cost with him” but it would probably be too much work to make sure it’s going to the actual daycare and not something else.
Don't go back until your hair as as long as it was she cut your hair cuz she's jealous of you unless she cuts her hair all off too tell her you're not coming back to yours grows out
NTA on going NC with that family. Taking personally that OP's sister cheated on his best friend is "my sister cheated, my FEMALE sibling values men, her partner, that low. As a man myself I would cut off any woman from my family by being so vile as being a cheater.
Third story huge NTA, Reddit is against cheating until those who cheated and those who support the cheater feel bad? Reddit has a weird moral compass. You don’t support cheating and have gone low contact with your family, good riddance.
GETTING MARRIED and he is asking for money for his HONEYMOON, is he kidding YOU? Who is the FOOL MARRYING HIM? Please don't give him another dollar! Because its exactly what you are doing, GIVING HIM MONEY, because what he owes you over the YEARS, has NOT been paid back! Seriously, what FOOL is marrying him?
I hope you have a will. Have your attorney draft a letter stating something along the lines of: “Parents, brother, his wife & children are not inheriting because brother & parents have already received any money they would have inherited because they never paid back the loans. The rest of the family on my parent’s side also will inherit nothing because they see nothing wrong with what parents & brother did, neither were they willing to chip in but belittled me instead when I could no longer give money.
Go to her house and wait for the perfect time and do the same thing to her, but worse. And tell her you will never see her again until your hair grows back. Get all your stuff and leave for good.
I hate the whole "cuz family" thing. It's perfectly reasonable to not associate with people we find immoral. If you're not related to a creep no one expects you to hang out with them and act like nothing is going on, but if that creep is a sibling then they're supposed to be treated like a saint that does no wrong. Ah, no. I'm not hanging out with anyone that disgusts me. I learned my lesson about that years ago. If OP prefers his ex-BIL to his sister he is within his right to do so.
So if a dude cheats he should never forgive him because he might do it again a women does it u should forgive and forget and stay out her business. smh reddit pathetic
That's basically it she cheats you need to forgive her move on as if it never happened and stay out of her business but if he cheats the whole world needs to know how much of an a hole he is and you have no right to forgive him. This is how society sees infidelity in the eyes of women doing it and in the eyes of men doing it. And on Reddit you know it's anti-male anti-male with common sense and hardcore misandry
10:23 - I'd bet money that the Dad was also a cheat, and probably did so with OP's mother. He feels attacked because he did exactly what his favourite daughter did.
Story 1: I used to work in collections and often saw bankruptcy documents. There were always mountains of credit card debt but usually there were tens of thousands owed to family members, none of whom would ever see a dime in repayment. OP should cut brother off immediately. I guarantee he has credit card debts equal to at least what he earns in a year. OP will never see her money back and needs to stop throwing good money after bad.
Story two: she should be excluded from her living room? He shouldn't bring his wife and kid to see the in-laws/grandparents. The OP needs to realize he isn't number one anymore
Second story you're not in the wrong here I think this is one of those situations where I can understand his wife and kids tagging along when it's family outings or family get togethers but if it's just you and your brother want to have one-on-one time then his wife needs to understand hey every now and then but not all the time maybe once a week or twice a month you want to spend time with your brother and that is completely understandable. Either this woman is too attached to realize that bringing your 3-year-old on an outing for just his father and uncle can be a bit toxic. You're not in the wrong here but I definitely think you need to talk to him man to man and see if you can do something with him one on one without the 3-year-old and without his wife for sure
I think he is slightly TA but unintentionally. If he wants to spend time with his brother he should talk to him about it and say that he misses spending time just the 2 of them. He's a bit of an assh just for the way he lashed out.
The OP is wrong tbh, since they never told the brother they wanted a one-on-one until AFTER the plans were made. They just sent a vague email to the brother talking about the beer event. I assume the OP did this to purposely exclude the kid, assuming the mother would stay behind to care for her little one. Instead, they got a babysitter and wanted to make it a group outing like it used to be. And because OP didn't get the EXACT trip they imagined and the brother and his wife didn't know how to read minds, OP berated them. Seems immature to me, especially for a 28-year-old. If OP had accepted the trip, they could have nicely asked the brother for a one-on-one trip next. Instead, they made everyone upset, including themselves. I doubt the brother would want to go on a trip now that their younger sibling has shown this level of bratty behavior. OP needs to apologize and learn to communicate better if they ever want alone time with their brother.
A honeymoon does not mean your marriage will last. I've been married for 23 years. I got married on a Saturday and was back at work on Monday. We are still happily married till this day. If you can't afford it then don't go.
Story 1: NTA. Go No Contact!!! So “No Contact” they’ll have trouble finding your own birth certificate. Hun, you need to just stop this lending, what happens after the honeymoon? You lend him more money so he can start a family? And then even more to have a second kids? And so on and so forth!?! Your not doing him any favors by even entertaining the idea.
Wtaf is wrong with people? How many times has story 3 played out again & again with everyone reassuring the OPs are nta for sticking to their morals but for some ridiculous reason they're piling on this guy, why? Yes he's being a bit unreasonable by forcing the ultimatum when he could've said I will never be around as long as she's around & let the parents juggle the siblings. Sounds like the parents would've been the ones trying to keep getting them together in which case he still isn't the ahole.
Story 4 - Hack a big chunk of Mom's hair off to her shoulder while she's asleep. Tell he she's lucky that you didn't come after her with the clippers . . .
Last story: Explain how if you are at the day care less you have to pay the same??? That doesn't make sense, every daycare here is payment for however many days the kid goes, is this different in other countries? If it's the same then he should technically just be paying the same amount with the hours the kid doesn't spend there.
The haircut story: I had something very similar happen to me. Literally almost the same thing. I went to my local haircut place as I've been doing the past few years. The place is run by a little Vietnamese couple, and they've been doing my parents' hair as well as mine since I moved back home. I usually have hair down to my waist and like OP I asked for a trim. I held up about 2" of hair and she nodded, making it clear she knew. She started cutting and at one point I had my hair over my face, with me facing the other way with the mirror behind me. After a few minutes of cutting, she gives me the layered bangs I also requested. She then combs my hair and turns me around. Imagine my shock at seeing my hair just past my shoulders. I had only asked for a trim, but she cut off like 12" of my hair. I was screaming inside cause my hair takes about 5 years to grow out. I said thanks and paid her, but I was in tears when I stepped outside. I remember running my hands through my hair and it felt there was so much length missing. I was so distraught I nearly cried on my walk home. I told my mom what happened and said I was never going back. I don't trust that bitch. Yes I'm still salty as hell about it, even though it's grown a little 🤬 Sorry this was long y'all. But y'all, she cut off like half my hair! I was just surprised to find a story that was so much like mine
OP in first story should write the loans off as bad debts. They get a tax write-off and their families get a tax bill. It won't reimburse all the money, but it will stick it to the moochers a bit.
S1, NTA, take legal proceedings to enforce the debt of both the brother and parents, that way interest accrues, register the debt against any assets, get the court to sequestration their bank accounts, garnishee their pay, go no contact otherwise
Are we looking at an incestuous art room situation with OP and his brother? Snicker. A mother deliberately cutting that much hair on her nubile young daughter has serious mental issues. She sees OP as some weird competitor to her own femininity. I hope OP can stay with her dad instead. This is scary.
I agree the hair cutting sounds like jealousy. I would go back to court to sort custody by your choice and see if this attack can be considered assault. Some places will count it
In some cases it can be very abusive and controlling by the spouse who has to be near/ overhear Everything! And Insists on being a part of everything. I was confused by all the ytas...
I understand too, since it is very important to have bonding time with those you care about without others around and I also think the OP of that story was absolutely wrong. Wanting one-on-one time with someone is perfectly fine so long as you clearly communicate that before plans are made. Also it seems like the brother and wife were paying for at least the tickets, if not the full trip. Anyone with a bit of sense would realize it was their own fault, take the fun day out and try to arrange for more private day some other time. The OP is just throwing a tantrum like a little kid which is a very bad look at age 28, damaging their own bonds with the family and making the trip they actually want less likely to happen in the future.
Few of us actually believe that we can't trust our Mother, until they prove us wrong. Her Mother is a plain old, garden variety, jealous c-word, I'd recommend distancing herself; mom isn't likely to ever change into a decent person. This is who she is!
OP's family didn't care about him until they saw him being loved by Brendan's family.
People told OP he was an AH in the story but I think there was more to it. Maybe the sis was liked more and with Brendan in the family he made family time more tolerable for OP. Sis not only ruined her marriage but hurt someone that OP loved like a brother
Commentators suggesting OP enjoys watching his family [mother] suffer... like, what? You're right. When they realized they couldn't actually punish HIM, they reached out. And those suggesting he should stop being so righteous... why? Most developed nations don't have laws punishing adultery (those that do have *really* harsh laws). That doesn't mean it's OK to cheat. So it becomes an issue of the community to decide how to receive adultery. If OP is not comfortable with one of the worst taboos in most societies being broken by his own sister, and is not comfortable with his parents supporting her, then why should he be made to feel badly about having, say, a moral compass that works? Reddit is quick quick to offer divorce as a solution, but seems to think you should overlook infidelity if you're not directly involved. Weird.
I think it’s clear his mom was making olive branches. But sometimes you just can’t have happy families.
Like the old saying goes, you can pick your friends but not your family. I’ve had no contact with two of my sisters for over six years and last year one of my other sisters died, and one of the ones that I don’t have any contact with went to talk with me. I just cut her off by just telling her that I don’t wish to speak with her. I said it a a nice and polite. It seems that she thought because of our sister deaths that’s change the way I thought of her
Agreed. It felt like they were taking a page from the Jehovah's Witness cult playbook - Shun and isolate the "heathen" family member, make them feel alone and distraught so they are more likely to beg and acquiesce to any insane demands just to be "accepted back into the family", and then brought to heel.
It sounds like they were trying to break OP with their "Look how much fun we're having and how close we are! Don't you want to join? We're magnanimously willing to _allow_ you to beg for your sister's forgiveness and then we'll allow you back into the fold". But because it seems they spent more time pushing him away than pulling him in for affection, so it was easier for him to say "ok, bye then".
They were cool with icing him out and trying to hurt him, until they saw it wasn't working and that he just replaced them with his chosen family. _NOW_ it's suddenly a big deal, "Why won't you just beg for her forgiveness!??!? Don't you see you're hurting your mother by not begging for your sister's forgiveness?!?!", They see their plan is backfiring, but still, rather than reevaluate their stance or even talk to OP and take his concerns to heart, they just try harder and more manipulative techniques to squeeze that square peg into the round hole.
OP is better off without them.
People seem to be missing that OPs family were expecting an apology and didn't seem like they cared until OP was with another family for the holiday. Probably because it made people talk.
That's what I was thinking. It seems like all the commentors missed the part where it was TWO FREAKING YEARS and only NOW was it a problem.
Ths comments only problem is that op is a guy so all men are in the wrong no matter what
@@kingturtle24k81 twist in plot: OP & Brendan catch feelings & get married. ( more reality TV drama lol). Sorry if you're homophobic. But that would be the cherry on top of the sundae. Wonder what the parents would do then?
OP, guy or not, comes off as very self righteous. IDK if he knows exactly what the marriage between his sister & ex BIL was really like. Could be Brendan is actually better off without the sister. Or the reality tv comment means they both cheated or had other drama. We don't know.
Look, everyone sucks here to varying degrees. Even the sainted Brendan may suck if he's pressuring OP to choose between friendship or family (OP is silent on this). His sister sucks for presumably cheating. His parents are caught between two kids that now dislike each other. I would say OP is being an AH to his mom saying she should divorce his father over this. Especially as its likely she would be financially worse off afterwards, may even still love her husband. If Dad's the driver here, well he sucks too in insisting on an apology for not attending wedding #2. There are no stars here. Life is rarely black & white, get used to it. Doesn't matter what biological bits you have.
I think the two years thing can’t be used for 2020 though. We all know what that was like. I don’t get why people are so bothered by where he spends the holiday when they otherwise have no contact with him??? Like why would he waste his free time to go see people he doesn’t talk to or spend time with regularly?
@@kathydurow6814 Oh good, I'm not the only one getting "OP wants to fuck Brendan" vibes.
Since when is anyone owed a honeymoon? Can't afford, can't go. Simple as that.
Absolutely right. It's becoming more and more a trend these days to postpone the heneymoon until the 1st anniversary. Weddings can be expensive so having a year to save up makes it so much easier. Another popular option is to have the guests pay for the honeymoon as a wedding gift. So instead of a registry of homewares it's flight tickets, hotel bookings, meals out and day trips. Asking for an entire honeymoon from one person is a big ask but leaving it open to people to volunteer to pay for certain aspects. You might not get everything covered that way but it'll put a considerable dent on your costs. I've done both. First marriage honeymoon we paid for our own flights and hotels but guests bought us museum tickets and such. It meant we got a very luxurious honeymoon but we still would have had a more basic trip if nobody contributed. Second one we waited a year and had a shorter, less fancy honeymoon but it was still glorious thanks to the beautiful historic location.
If I was Op I would let my future SIL know that she is marrying a broke deadbeat just in case he been gaslighting her
Story 4: who else thinks the mother did it on purpose? I think she is jealous of her child's hair/youth. Poor OP ☹️
Ya, there has got to be more to the story.
classic "be the bigger person" and remain a victim to abuse and be sure to forgive your abuser who hasnt changed at all.
This. If I wanted to be a bigger person, I would eat more.
"My brother is useless - but my parents love him" - ha! 😂
There's a reason I've trimmed my own hair for 15 years. Somehow "cut no more than 1 inch" always resulted in at least 6 inches being cut by the stylist.
A few years ago, I was going to a huge party and for my costume, I'd grown a pair of massive, pork chop sideburns. The day before, I went to a barber & made it clear that I did NOT want the sideburns touched. Twice I had to stop the moron with the scissors from trimming them, then as he was finishing up, this prick suddenly ran his clippers through one of them. As a result, I had to trim them both back to stubble & I was furious. He then had the audacity to demand payment. Nope!
Interesting that he's immature and on a high horse for jeopardizing his relationship with them but nobody thinks twice about them dropping him.
As for the bob-cut, next time The Opie is over at mum's place, she should have some scissors at the ready, and casually come up from behind and start lopping off hair at shoulder length.
_"Why are you upset? Now we could be twins!"_ (and stick to that)
This. The mom is deranged and malicious
Bottom line, I would go NO CONTACT with a family like this! How can anyone miss interacting with a family like this?
Rebecca; I Agree with You comment. As One commenter said She's Not An ATM. WHAT'S with Her Brother, who HAS A DEGREE and still has to Mooch from His Family.
Bank of OP closed until all delinquent debts have been paid with interest
i think that all the time when i read these stories and i even asked a similar question. why is it so hard for grown kids to go no contact with crappy parents?? they can show these people over & over that they dont love them, yet these kids still continue to try and get there parents to love them when there life would be much easier to just cut them out of there like. people in my family always say im hard hearted. but really im not im pretty soft hearted actually but i have a low tolerance for sh!t people
Trauma bonding maybe
I would never support a cheating sibling or child. There is never ever a reason to cheat, divorce or break up first.
Yeah, I'm petty, I would return home and cut off mothers hair.
In story 1, OP should show all the debt to the bride to be and her family. They really need a heads up for what's coming their way.
Agree not out of cruelty but as a warning to future SIL she need to know who she is marrying
Plus his debt becomes hers too when they marry
There's nothing wrong with wanting to spend quality time one-on-one but his mistake was trying to be cagey about it if you're not honest and communicate with other people then it just leads to a mess like that.
To be fair, his brother did not take it so well when OP came clean on his feelings. So one would imagine it would never have been the right time to ask him to not always have his wife involved in their time together.
@@drako8343 be that as it may if you slight someone and insult their wife before asking them to hang out chances are that discussion isn't going to go well to begin with.
Exactly
If anyone cut my hair like that, I would press charges. I has happened to me and it is assault.
If the daughter is unwilling to press charges against her mother for cutting her hair, which is assault, then the daughter should sneak up on the mom and cut her hair.
I may have this attitude because my hair was cut off in an attack, but if anyone cut more than I specified, I would destroy them financially, legally, or emotionally.
I just wrote that in a comment, that The Opie should return the favor with a "Now we can be twins!" comeback, if mum liked short hair so much.
I mean... she did sit down and allow her do the cut. It doesn't become assault just becsuse she does a crap job.
@@TJDious it is assault because it was done to a child and actually against her will.
@@TJDious her mom lied/ misrepresented her intent and told her it would be "a trim"...
Over 24"- 28" of hair lopped off DOES NOT constitute a trim. Her mom maliciously tried to obliterate her identity and self esteem.
And yes, identity as Mabmny people's identity/ expression is tied to hair style/ length/ color.
In some cultures hair is only cut in mourning.
In WWII female nazi collaborator had their hair lopped/shaved off as punishment punishment, to humiliate them.
Dude. The comments on the brother-in-law story were way off base. OP is fine with his 'found family'. His bio family can kick rocks.
I think the issue is he's got his found family and still wants a parental ultimatum. It sounds like for years guy has gone low contact. OP should have gone straight no contact.
The brother story. Op is the AH because he's not communicating effectively. It has nothing to do with the ticket. He just wants to spend time with his brother. I understand that. I want to spend time with my siblings too and as we get older, its harder to do. Op needs to just tell his brother he wants to spend time with him and ask if they can find a day to do a bro day
Nah I think the opposite. He invited his brother, not his brother and his wife. If he wanted the wife to come he would have said does you and your wife want to come to this beer event, but he didn’t. He brother saw it as a chance to relive the old dating experience and didn’t this to even ask his if it alright to extend the invite. He change the guest list therefore the burden is on him. Plus by buying the tickets he want to push his brother into excepting. Chances are his wife doesn’t like OP, they probably why she feel the need to be joint at the hip.
@@babycakez8070 As the one commenter pointed out, it has always been an activity BOTH of them attended. Whether or not they invited a large amount of friends or only the two of them, it had always been brother and his wife. Anyone, including his brother, would´ve assume OP was inviting both of them because, again, that´s how it usually was.
If OP want to change tha habit/tradition, he should have said that.
Lol “you lent us 30g but you don’t help your family!” How stingy op 😂
Brothers should be able to have one on one time. Not necessarily uninviting the wife from their own tradition, but at other times.
Yes exactly the brother should have just talked to his brother about having some one on one brother time.
Exactly. I see my sisters without their husbands. Being married does not mean you always have to do the same things.
@@paulinadeboer3604 but if OP doesn’t communicate that, how would his brother know he wants that?
OP isn't great with communication but I think that's a family trait as the brother wasn't great with it either.
OP sent his brother an email saying "do you want to go". The brother with zero communication to the person offering tge event, not only bought tickets but made other plans to get things situated. I get why he'd assume the wife would go. At the same time, if my brother/friend sent me a message saying "do you want to go" and not "do you GUYS/AND WIFE want to go" I'd have questions.
Not only that even taking the issue of the story out of it, if I asked someone "Hey you want to go to this" and their very next communication with me is "Hey I bought us all tickets and set up some stuff so I could go." I'd be kind of upset.
No communication with me, the person who offered the event. You just went out, without my input about anything, and started making plans and purchases? That's just not cool in general.
@@ShinningDStar While OP didn't communicate well, at the same time, if I receive an email saying "do YOU want to go" and not " do you AND WIFE want to go", I, as the married person I am, would have questions.
Story 4: You can't cut off that much hair by accident unless you have never touched hair before. Also I have no idea why your mom thinks you should be grateful for what she did, but she is completely mistaken. I don't think you should go back to your mom's house for a while until she can not only understand how you feel, but also get some therapy to figure out why she cut so much of her daughter's hair like that.
There is something terribly wrong with that mother. She did that on purpose. Even if it was an accident, there is absolutely no remorse.
I remember a post where the mother was friends with the stylist at the hair salon, she then had said friend cut their child's hair super short. I think the stylist lost her job after OP reported her, which is fair given OP asked for a completely different style.
“I tried to do something nice for you” yeah right she can fuck off with that bs. As someone with long hair I would never want to even be in the same room with that kind of person again.
I managed to cut my hair by myself with no mirror better than OPs mother did. My hair was about to my butt as well and I cut it to half way down my back (took around 6 inches off) by simply grabbing my hair roughly where I wanted it and started hacking. This was more than intentional on the mothers part, it's almost impossible to that much off by accident when you're doing it for someone else.
Like, most diy hair cuts get a hair tie, tie it where you want it cut then go below the tie and even it out after the first lop. The mother went out her way to ruin OPs hair, and personally I would have just done the rest myself when the mother made her first bad cut. Sure people make mistakes and hair grows back, but this will never be forgotten.
You cant cut off that much hair, even if you have never touched hair before... if you can recognize split ends, then you'd recognize where they start and end
And, most people who have never touched hair before, are way more cautious when it comes to cutting, that they will take 1 cm or less off, for the first time
I’m always surprised at the number of relatives who think they need to get involved in situations like story 1. I literally do not GAS whether my cousin gives his sister money or not. Just curious: Anybody else here actually care about stuff like that?
My moms family is like that. Everyone has an opinion. There’s a reason she stopped taking us to see them young, got tired of my brother and mine hurt feelings when family dictated our worth.
@@drewthistlethwaite8909 Your mom's family always want to feel indispensable... with words
After all, the doctor's fees, for one visit for a punch, cost way less than a psychiatrist's monthly visits
lol
This mightier than thou, or simply too righteous ish do not vibe with me
who gives a crap???
unless you are willing to put your money where your mouth is, your nose should stay firmly below your eyes above your mouth, not wandering around poking here and there, and lifting itself up 10 meters up in the air
My answer would always be "if you care about whoever so much, you pay". But really, no contact and block/delete is the best way.
@@lya9677 I’m adopted so there were some… problematic views from one or two ppl. But no one checked them when they talked shit to literal small children so mom put up boundaries
Story 3; No Op is NTA. Lets review: sister cheated on someone who Op considers a best friend, Op is mad at his sister but is only allowed back if he apologizes, now suddenly that Brendan’s family loves Op it’s showing people that Op’s family isn’t the picture perfect family that the mother wants.
Op your family don’t care about you being there, they care cause now people can see that another family cares about you.
NTA at all
She also forced him to sell his house (that he previously owned)
Third story you're not in the wrong here most of people who are saying you're in the wrong are people who would rather enable a wife cheating on her husband and leaving him for another man and the family supports the daughter but I guarantee it if you had left your wife for another woman your family will have basically through you to the wayside. I get the feeling that your sister is The Golden child and because you're not basically bending over backwards to please your sister you're basically going no contact with your parents. You're not in the wrong gear and quite frankly I think it's time for you to distance yourself on your parents because your parents are the type of people that will enable infidelity when it comes to their daughter but not when it comes to their son. And the fact that you have a lot more morals for your brother-in-law tells me that you probably have seen your sister pull this stuff before. Your mother wants to have you back in the fall because she wants to have that one big happy family image without facing the fact that because of your sisters choices and their enabling has caused them to not have family with you. Most of the people who are saying you're in the wrong are either women who are like the sister or have family members that they go along with because they don't want any drama. Not to mention if this was a woman and she went no contact with her parents because of the choices that her brother did when it came to infidelity I guarantee it most of these people would be saying you're not in the wrong
To me OP isn't wrong because the dad says "Family over everything" while also kicking OP out for not willing to tow the line, showing complete hypocrisy. OP didn't demand they choose sides at first, he only made the demands after he got harassed and ghosted by them repeatedly. They tried to control OP then got upset he didn't play their game.
And Tory was definitely cheating, I mean she leaves her husband in 2020, and is married in 2021? The only thing is either she marries really easily, or she was cheating.
Right! Reddit can be so hypocritical sometimes. Guarantee they would tell OP to stay no contact if he was a woman.
Or she's the child who isn't a self-righteous jackass who throws around bible verses and doesn't call her sibling a disease riddled slut. It's AMAZING how much parents tend to favor the kid who doesn't go about giving ultimatums. If OP doesn't want to spend time with the filthy sinners, he needs to just go no contact already.
To be fair, I get the feeling they would throw the OP aside for any excuse or no excuse at all. No cheating necessary. They just seem like shitty people.
@@awseven1144 exactly on Reddit being so hypocritical. The family are aholes and the only reason mommy is trying to have the big family thanksgiving is because OP found a better family to have it with.
Cheaters have no soul, they only leave behind them ruined lives and broken families. If Op decided that his sister being a cheater is enough to go no contact, he is in the right, and no moron has any right to say otherwise.
Also, what's that comment saying "your sister and her ex know what happened between them, not you"? Is this person aware that people can actually talk with each other? Could it be that Op was told what happened?
IKR, considering how much Reddit hates haters it’s especially insulting that they say forgive them and move on on here. Like what? Are you serious? And Op is the one who have to be the bigger person and forgive? I’ve heard a lot of worse things on here but this is by far the worst.
Per the haircut story: I feel your pain, OP. My mother used to do that kind of thing to me. But you know where she sleeps, and when. You can sneak in and give her the same kind of chop job she gave you. I'll laugh out loud if you actually DO that!
She did actually tell her mom that she would only return to her if she can cut her hair. Mom didn’t like that
I'd go one further and make sure there was a stripe shaved down to the skin right in the middle. But I'm petty.
You have signed paperwork take his ass to court Force him to start paying you back He needs to learn to grow up and the only way he's going to do that is if you make him pay you back
No, she did not give it to them. She has contracts to prove that.
This. She needs to take them to court. It's not like doing that will ruin her relationship with her family - they already ruined it for her so she's got nothing to lose anymore, only gain.
@@mannydcbianco I still agree with first commenter. At what point after giving 10k to brother and 30k to parents did she think she was getting money back. What may hurt her in court is by not adhering to any pay plan and OP not enforcing it, did OP effectively write it off? I do think she did these loans to finally buy affection from her parents and "golden child". Because how can you lend 40k and allow yourself to be gaslit to think you are in the wrong?
Don’t bother with court. So she gets judgement against them. Without enforcement it is just another piece of paper. The family still will owe money to her (family). Already they owe money to family and STILL they are unwilling to pay it back, so why would they pay off a judgement to family? As I previously posted, sell the contracts to a third party. Let them chase the brother and parents. Gets it out of her hands and real creditors are much better at collecting.
@@diamondjim7560 I like the idea of selling the contract to real creditors, even if it's only for a fraction of the amount. At that point, for me, it would be more about taking revenge on them as much as possible. But then again I can get petty about things like that and I'd imagine most people are more forgiving.
The mom was jealous of the daughters hair. That's a toxic mother and I would never let her near me again after manipulating the situation and trying to take the car. She's a narcissist.
Story 3: NTA. Look, maybe you were harsh to your Sister, but the reality is that she did something supremely crappy and your family basically acted like nothing happened. At bare minimum I wouldn’t have invited her to a couple of the family outings in the year. And your right! For as much crap as everyone gives you they absolutely fail to realize that your parents hurt you too. Family is not the end all be all.
I really get the feeling OP's family has been doing BS like that for years. That "family above all" BS can f right off. I say this as someone with a decent family.
My mom cut my hair a while back. Do you know what margin the unevenness was? A centimeter, the width of a pinky finger, from her pulling down when she cut. We worked together to even it out. Altogether, I lost an inch of hair (I have a bob already).
When I was a kid, my sister gave me a "haircut" in my sleep. Back length ponytail cut to the rubber band. THAT was intentional. I've had issues with my hair since, which is why is currently still a bob. (4C hair is a nightmare, sometimes)
OP's mom has something against her daughter, and I don't doubt she knew the place was booked solid so she could lure her into getting it cut by her. I hope that little bit of power was worth losing custody of her child.
The brother's future wife does not need a nice honeymoon; she needs common sense.
I wonder if she actually knows what's going on
@@md79melissa maybe she supports it next if he’s bumming money from others he isn’t bumming from her and her family
Story 1:
Them: Don't you feel guilty?
OP: Guilt costs 5K. Pay up first and I'll throw in tears for free.
Nice
Make sure you get a lien against your parents house if they owe you $30k. That way if they die, they can't just hand it over to your brother, which they will. Especially if he's married and your not.
Second story. Marriage doesn't mean joined at the hips. I think I'd kick my husband out if he went with me everywhere! I'd like to spend time with my sisters without him joining in!
Hair cut - sounds like mum is jealous of her daughter, so she deliberately cut her hair. Wonder if someone mum fancied mentioned OP was beautiful and loved her hair.
At Mom's age it is very likely that her own hair is no longer as glossy and beautiful, it no longer slides lustrously when she moves; but her daughter's hair still has all of those qualities of youthful hair and Mom is jealous. Being jealous of youth in others is a very miserable way to age.
So, what’s stopping OP from buying a couple of tickets for just him and the brother? Or inviting him out for some drinks? Maybe be a little more clear about wanting some one on one Bro-time.
Yep. Dude sounds immature to me. Not saying he can't miss his brother. But why is he so bitter towards the SIL and unable to communicate the issue?
Use words? Express feelings? Emote and converse in a healthy manner? That's gay, bro.
He did state what his brothers schedule is like and why he only sees him when he does.
Story 1: At some point you had to stop the cash flow, so now as good as time as any. Also the family knows you're right they're just too cheap to help, you can tell because they were dead silent to paying off his debt. At this point even if your family agrees to never asks you for money they're still going to ask, then when you bring up your agreement they're going to claim family. I say screw it, they treat you like a bank then start acting like it, since you have contracts sue your brother for every last penny he owed you, then terminate him as a client. Anyone got something they want to say to you, tell them they're more than welcome to help him with his dad because family.
I may be a mercenary, but you are all parasites. Not to mention thieves.
Exactly
i say YTA. there is no self accountability. Op is worse than them. Op should look in the mirror because she not only help make the mess but she enabled it to. She has no right to blame everyone else. the first two times - okay, then number after #5 with no effort of changing thats you. Op should have stopped when the load hit $2500. Never give money to people that can't pay back and to people that you have to force to pay you back.
@@k70freeman Eh, if OP's an AH, just because she's an AH, doesn't mean her family aren't also AHs, so ESH would fit better. The leeching family had to ask for stuff first for OP to give them money.
I had a friend who literally would lend any available money he had to his family and friends... his parents literally owed him 100,000+ 80% was written up as loans after I found out he was doing this and flat out told him if there isn't a contract and they're already asking for more without paying you back get a lawyer and a notary because they aren't gonna pay you back unless it's legally enforced... so he took my advice and at the 250,000 mark he was thinking about how to get his money back and options to get reppaid.... he disappeared from my life a few years ago and I honestly have no idea what happened to him.
OP wanting to spend one on one time with brother is not the idiot.
I have been married and I am now single and yet I have never understood married couples who cannot do one thing without their spouse in tow.
I understand marriage and am all for it...I also understand that all occasions and invites are not appropriate for and do not include spouses.
For example, a girls' day trip to the spa....husbands in tow not appropriate.
When girls get together for girl talk...husbands in tow not appropriate.
When besties or sisters get together for a lunch date....husbands in tow not appropriate.
Conversely, when guys get together to go on a fishing trip, hunting, to play Madden, to watch the game at little bro's house, etc, etc...wives in tow not appropriate.
It seems to me when couples go through life as though they are conjoined twins they are confusing true closeness, intimacy and a strong marriage with doing everything together.
And while marriage is their primary relationship...they should still maintain other relationships as well.
Whenever I find myself in the company of conjoined twin married couples I tend to find other friends to spend time with...
also they tell each other everything under the guise of not keeping anything from each other (another misguided attempt to have a strong marriage)
all that truly does is alienate friends because what does a friend being worried about a mammogram (example of girl talk) have to do with their marriage.... Absolutely Nothing.
If I was the daughter whose mother cut 2 feet off her hair on purpose, I would fill my mom’s shampoo bottle with Nair or give her a head shave while she was a sleep.
Last story: Mum cut her daughter’s hair so short as she is jealous of her daughter’s youth and beauty. This is not uncommon in menopausal (and narcissistic) mothers, who see their own beauty fading just as their teen daughters’ blossoms. This type of underhand attempt to sabotage daughter’s feminine beauty is triggered by jealousy and grief for her own waning attractiveness.
That's not the last one
That's second last story and you got me excited because I thought you were gonna talk about the last story haha
Story 1: The one thing that more than anything pisses me off in all these XO stories isn't when OP has to deal with a greedy/evil/bratty/toxic family member. Most of us have bumped into people like that at some point and we know they exist, and are sort of prepared to deal with them. They're complete assholes, but it's just one person, we can deal with it.
Instead what really fucking gets me fired up is when the family supports and enables that behavior and gangs up on the victim to force him or her to keep doing what the toxic family member wants. And it seems like in 80% of all XO stories this is exactly what happens - family gangs up on the victim to enable and benefit their favorite child. The "because family" mentality fucking despicable.
She deserves it for doing it in the first place.
So true! The number of family members that gang up on the person who is in the right, doing the right thing is astounding. Of course, they do that so they don't have to help the family member who goes begging or is the a-hole. I am so grateful for the family I have.
Not just XO reading these, the stories come from Reddit. Just in case you didn't know...
Last story: If the wife can dedicate 40 minutes, the husband can dedicate 60, especially since it's likely a huge reduction in costs (onsite, on her benefits, etc).
If it does not lead to extra savings, well then we have an interesting situation.
Cheating sister story: So, she gets to cheat on her husband and toss him aside like trash, while the brother HAS to accept that?
She gets a choice in which family she gets to choose, but the brother doesn't? Very hypocritical. Now, I understand OP is not married to his ex-BiL, but that doesn't mean the brother is obligated to choose his cheating sister over his victim brother.
40 =/= 60
@@vincentlucario5450 Very good, yes they are not the same. Funny the back and fourth compromises required when raising a child with an ex. If only the world were perfect, and everything was just done for everyone all the time.
@@vincentlucario5450 So in your opinion the first daycare was exactly in-between the Mom and Dad. Why wouldn't the mom take advantage of it? Don't act like you would be holier than though if it's to your advantage.
@@melissaharrison293 no idea, no details were given about the first daycare. Spite, taking advantage of bonuses etc. how am I acting holier than thou?
Before going full no contact, OP should sue them in small claims court, it's not like the relationship is salvageable anyway.
Story 4: NTA. “Do something nice TO you”!?! Oh Hun, she did this on purpose. I don’t know what she was trying to do but she had no intention on “Just cutting off the ends”.
Regarding the first story I was in similar situation as OP where I had a leech of a Sister.. When I finally said enough and stop helping financially I too had relatives trying to force me to keep helping... But as soon as I said "if it is so important for my Sister to get money for free (because she never pays anything back) I would always tell my relatives why don't they give my sister the money if so important and urgent... They always say NO I should just give up the money because they can't afford it... I would tell straight up if you are not willing to give away your money stop trying to give other peoples money away.. Than I would say I will match every cent they give.. They soon shut up.....
The hair cutting: STOP being prettier than meeeeee!!!! I hate jealous moms..😢
What's so hard about telling your own brother "I miss you since you had a family, could we maybe schedule some time alone Like in the past?", but OP drows a tantrum like a toddler...
This hair thing just happened to my daughter. She had Cinderella princess hair. My niece recently cut it for her. She was supposed to just trim it as she had done her own. It was atrocious. She cut like 8 inches.
Brother should have asked for 1-on-1 time if he wanted it. From the story it sounds like he wanted bro to read his mind and got mad when he didn’t.
"Do you want to go?" not "Do you and your wife want to go?" or "Do both of you want to go?"
Brother assumed wife was invited because he's allowed that unhealthy thing, that happens to some couples, to happen to him. He's lost the ability to think of himself as an individual.
@@goawayleavemealone2880 Oh, you mean, having a relationship? It literally says the trip used to always be he, his wife, and OP so brother assumed it would be the same. That's why he had 3 tickets. What's unhealthy and unable to think as an individual is the manbaby crying online that his brother can't read his mind.
@@kateemma22 - It is possible, and even healthy, to have a relationship with somebody without being surgically attached to them. It actually sounds like the brother's relationship with his wife is at least mildly dysfunctional.
Also the email doesn't require "mind reading", it just requires the brother to recover the ability to think of himself as an individual. While "You" is the plural of itself, most people neither talk nor write like that and with use "Yous" as the plural of You.
@@goawayleavemealone2880 ARE they always together... or are they always together when they're at a thing that involves OP? Cause I'm willing to bet 30+ year old married father is more interested in hanging out socially with people closer to his own age and in a similar place in their lives than with Much Younger Little Brother.
OP1:. These people have no shame to know they owe someone a substantial amount of money..... haven't paid it back as promised and want to "borrow" more. I don't like borrowing money but if I owe someone I try and pay back asap and if I miss a payment (I never have) I would apologize profusely and let them know why, give them what's owed and maybe some interest.
I feel so brokenhearted for the haircut story but i would never let someone that cut a big chunk of my hair to "fix it" she proved a crazy malicious person. Never give those a second chance even if they are your parents
I’m on the option that children she have 100% control over their hair because if they choose something they later don’t like then the damage is short term and they learn to deal with their choices and if they love their hairstyle then it’s something they got to choose
Story 1: NTA and she handled that PERFECTLY with everyone.
She should warn her future SIL on how her brother is then she would handle it perfectly
"I could care less". That means you actually care. Stop using it when you don't care.
1st story: OP needs to cut contact with her "family" completely and tell them if they wish to contact her, call her lawyer...Her bro is getting married, so he'll probably start having kids soon, and if she thinks they guilt trip her about money now, wait until they start using the kids as leverage, and they DEFINITELY will do so...take it from someone who's been there...RUN
$40,000??? And there's an offer to tear up the paperwork if there's never another request. A second offer to loan the $2000 AFTER the $40,000 was repaid. I'll suggest a third option. Assuming the "loan" contracts will withstand legal scrutiny, tell them you'll sell the contracts to a collection agency if they continue to behave badly.
I have never asked my sister for money, no matter my situation. Who does that when they already owe that person money? That is so entitled, I don't have words.
I don't see why two different day care centers would be so bad. Is it bad for a kid to do two different extra-curricular activities in two different places with different groups of kids? Of course not! Why is it different for day care? It can provide greater socialization, which is a problem for too many people now. It will also beef up the kid's immune system for a lifetime of better health.
Story 4: there is a story where the father chopped off his daughters hair and was taken back to court over custody...I think he was also hit with assault charges... might check into that where you are... poor baby.
That first The Opie, what kind of "contracts" does she have with those layabouts? Howbow *ENFORCING* those contracts to collect what's owed?
Hair mutilation. If I were OP, I'd wait until mom was sleeping then I'd cut a HUGE chunk of hair right in the middle of the top of her hair. That can't be easily covered. If she says anything, say "I just cut off the split ends like you did to mine."
11:51 My brother has long hair and every time my mom’s family saw him him they, asked when he was getting his haircut, they offered to pay for it, they offered to cut it themselves, they even offered to give him $100 him if the next time they saw him, if he had a “real men’s hair style”. He still has look to this day.
Story 1 I hope the fiancé knows what kind of guy she is marrying. If OP has signed contracts, she needs to enforce them.
Final Story: NTA. I’d say something like “Offer to split THAT cost with him” but it would probably be too much work to make sure it’s going to the actual daycare and not something else.
Don't go back until your hair as as long as it was she cut your hair cuz she's jealous of you unless she cuts her hair all off too tell her you're not coming back to yours grows out
Of course, that will probably be another seven or eight years but that sounds about right.
Oh my God you're so self-righteous oh I wonder what it's about oh it's about thinking people who cheat on their spouses are bad people
Can she not go to court? She has contracts signed by him. I would tbh.
NTA on going NC with that family. Taking personally that OP's sister cheated on his best friend is "my sister cheated, my FEMALE sibling values men, her partner, that low.
As a man myself I would cut off any woman from my family by being so vile as being a cheater.
Why would you only call one place to trim her hair? As if there's only one single place in the world to go to for that?
Third story huge NTA, Reddit is against cheating until those who cheated and those who support the cheater feel bad? Reddit has a weird moral compass. You don’t support cheating and have gone low contact with your family, good riddance.
GETTING MARRIED and he is asking for money for his HONEYMOON, is he kidding YOU? Who is the FOOL MARRYING HIM? Please don't give him another dollar! Because its exactly what you are doing, GIVING HIM MONEY, because what he owes you over the YEARS, has NOT been paid back! Seriously, what FOOL is marrying him?
I hope you have a will. Have your attorney draft a letter stating something along the lines of: “Parents, brother, his wife & children are not inheriting because brother & parents have already received any money they would have inherited because they never paid back the loans. The rest of the family on my parent’s side also will inherit nothing because they see nothing wrong with what parents & brother did, neither were they willing to chip in but belittled me instead when I could no longer give money.
First story. The parents probably have the son as sole beneficiary on their Wills, anyway. Tell then to take a loan out on their home for the $2,000.
Go to her house and wait for the perfect time and do the same thing to her, but worse. And tell her you will never see her again until your hair grows back. Get all your stuff and leave for good.
I hate the whole "cuz family" thing. It's perfectly reasonable to not associate with people we find immoral. If you're not related to a creep no one expects you to hang out with them and act like nothing is going on, but if that creep is a sibling then they're supposed to be treated like a saint that does no wrong. Ah, no. I'm not hanging out with anyone that disgusts me. I learned my lesson about that years ago. If OP prefers his ex-BIL to his sister he is within his right to do so.
I lost it at the 7:26 mark 😂😂🤣🤣🤣
So if a dude cheats he should never forgive him because he might do it again a women does it u should forgive and forget and stay out her business. smh reddit pathetic
That's basically it she cheats you need to forgive her move on as if it never happened and stay out of her business but if he cheats the whole world needs to know how much of an a hole he is and you have no right to forgive him. This is how society sees infidelity in the eyes of women doing it and in the eyes of men doing it. And on Reddit you know it's anti-male anti-male with common sense and hardcore misandry
10:23 - I'd bet money that the Dad was also a cheat, and probably did so with OP's mother. He feels attacked because he did exactly what his favourite daughter did.
Story 1: I used to work in collections and often saw bankruptcy documents. There were always mountains of credit card debt but usually there were tens of thousands owed to family members, none of whom would ever see a dime in repayment. OP should cut brother off immediately. I guarantee he has credit card debts equal to at least what he earns in a year. OP will never see her money back and needs to stop throwing good money after bad.
Dude, the fact they could have had tens of thousands of debt torn up and threw that away shows why you should never lend idiots money.
Take them to court. Get your money back then go no contact
Thanks for the video XOS. Have a good night
I can understand wanting to spend some time with just his brother, but the way he went about it was REALLY CHILDISH.
Never ever loan money to family
Story two: she should be excluded from her living room? He shouldn't bring his wife and kid to see the in-laws/grandparents. The OP needs to realize he isn't number one anymore
This is why I never help my family anymore.
Second story you're not in the wrong here I think this is one of those situations where I can understand his wife and kids tagging along when it's family outings or family get togethers but if it's just you and your brother want to have one-on-one time then his wife needs to understand hey every now and then but not all the time maybe once a week or twice a month you want to spend time with your brother and that is completely understandable. Either this woman is too attached to realize that bringing your 3-year-old on an outing for just his father and uncle can be a bit toxic. You're not in the wrong here but I definitely think you need to talk to him man to man and see if you can do something with him one on one without the 3-year-old and without his wife for sure
I think he is slightly TA but unintentionally. If he wants to spend time with his brother he should talk to him about it and say that he misses spending time just the 2 of them. He's a bit of an assh just for the way he lashed out.
The OP is wrong tbh, since they never told the brother they wanted a one-on-one until AFTER the plans were made. They just sent a vague email to the brother talking about the beer event. I assume the OP did this to purposely exclude the kid, assuming the mother would stay behind to care for her little one. Instead, they got a babysitter and wanted to make it a group outing like it used to be. And because OP didn't get the EXACT trip they imagined and the brother and his wife didn't know how to read minds, OP berated them. Seems immature to me, especially for a 28-year-old. If OP had accepted the trip, they could have nicely asked the brother for a one-on-one trip next. Instead, they made everyone upset, including themselves. I doubt the brother would want to go on a trip now that their younger sibling has shown this level of bratty behavior. OP needs to apologize and learn to communicate better if they ever want alone time with their brother.
A honeymoon does not mean your marriage will last. I've been married for 23 years. I got married on a Saturday and was back at work on Monday. We are still happily married till this day. If you can't afford it then don't go.
Story 1: NTA. Go No Contact!!! So “No Contact” they’ll have trouble finding your own birth certificate. Hun, you need to just stop this lending, what happens after the honeymoon? You lend him more money so he can start a family? And then even more to have a second kids? And so on and so forth!?! Your not doing him any favors by even entertaining the idea.
Wtaf is wrong with people? How many times has story 3 played out again & again with everyone reassuring the OPs are nta for sticking to their morals but for some ridiculous reason they're piling on this guy, why? Yes he's being a bit unreasonable by forcing the ultimatum when he could've said I will never be around as long as she's around & let the parents juggle the siblings. Sounds like the parents would've been the ones trying to keep getting them together in which case he still isn't the ahole.
Story 4 - Hack a big chunk of Mom's hair off to her shoulder while she's asleep. Tell he she's lucky that you didn't come after her with the clippers . . .
Last story: Explain how if you are at the day care less you have to pay the same??? That doesn't make sense, every daycare here is payment for however many days the kid goes, is this different in other countries? If it's the same then he should technically just be paying the same amount with the hours the kid doesn't spend there.
The haircut story: I had something very similar happen to me. Literally almost the same thing.
I went to my local haircut place as I've been doing the past few years. The place is run by a little Vietnamese couple, and they've been doing my parents' hair as well as mine since I moved back home. I usually have hair down to my waist and like OP I asked for a trim. I held up about 2" of hair and she nodded, making it clear she knew. She started cutting and at one point I had my hair over my face, with me facing the other way with the mirror behind me. After a few minutes of cutting, she gives me the layered bangs I also requested. She then combs my hair and turns me around. Imagine my shock at seeing my hair just past my shoulders. I had only asked for a trim, but she cut off like 12" of my hair. I was screaming inside cause my hair takes about 5 years to grow out. I said thanks and paid her, but I was in tears when I stepped outside. I remember running my hands through my hair and it felt there was so much length missing. I was so distraught I nearly cried on my walk home. I told my mom what happened and said I was never going back. I don't trust that bitch. Yes I'm still salty as hell about it, even though it's grown a little 🤬
Sorry this was long y'all. But y'all, she cut off like half my hair! I was just surprised to find a story that was so much like mine
Story 3: Don't you hate it when commenters are bottom-feeders who give advice that's only going to drag one down?
#1 Go no contact with everyone involved. Write off the moneyblegally and use the contracts to make the lack of payoff taxable income
OP in first story should write the loans off as bad debts. They get a tax write-off and their families get a tax bill. It won't reimburse all the money, but it will stick it to the moochers a bit.
S1, NTA, take legal proceedings to enforce the debt of both the brother and parents, that way interest accrues, register the debt against any assets, get the court to sequestration their bank accounts, garnishee their pay, go no contact otherwise
Are we looking at an incestuous art room situation with OP and his brother? Snicker. A mother deliberately cutting that much hair on her nubile young daughter has serious mental issues. She sees OP as some weird competitor to her own femininity. I hope OP can stay with her dad instead. This is scary.
I agree the hair cutting sounds like jealousy. I would go back to court to sort custody by your choice and see if this attack can be considered assault. Some places will count it
I DEEPLY UNDERSTAND wanting ONE on ONE with your brother or anyone else and I am a woman!
In some cases it can be very abusive and controlling by the spouse who has to be near/ overhear Everything! And Insists on being a part of everything. I was confused by all the ytas...
I understand too, since it is very important to have bonding time with those you care about without others around and I also think the OP of that story was absolutely wrong. Wanting one-on-one time with someone is perfectly fine so long as you clearly communicate that before plans are made. Also it seems like the brother and wife were paying for at least the tickets, if not the full trip. Anyone with a bit of sense would realize it was their own fault, take the fun day out and try to arrange for more private day some other time. The OP is just throwing a tantrum like a little kid which is a very bad look at age 28, damaging their own bonds with the family and making the trip they actually want less likely to happen in the future.
To be fair Op LET her hair be cut, you never let family cut your hair.
Few of us actually believe that we can't trust our Mother, until they prove us wrong. Her Mother is a plain old, garden variety, jealous c-word, I'd recommend distancing herself; mom isn't likely to ever change into a decent person. This is who she is!