Story #1: My sister and I got this growing up. The fun one was one year for Mother's Day, I got flowers for Mom. I worked in a museum that had a catered event the night before. When the event ended, I grabbed a bunch of flowers that would've been tossed otherwise. Mom saw the flowers the next day and said to sis, "Why can't you be more like your sister?" Mom, I stole those!! The toxic one was Grandma. I'm caring for Grandma and, sometimes, I'll take a tone. Grandma would retort, "Why can't you be more like your sister?" I respond, "Why can't you stay with her then?"
Pretty sure they were the tears of a crocodile, and that he doesn't give two craps about OP's mental wellbeing. Every controlling parent who expects to run their kid's lives like they're in the Sims regardless of the kid's skills and personal interests always gives the BS "I just want what's best for you" excuse.
Nah the dad is an emotional abuser makes his child cry intentionally than if his child calls him out he gaslights the child into thinking they are a horrible person by negligence of said child and intentionally being distant my abuse mother used the same tactics
4th story: NTA. For fs sake, the boy is 13, not 3. At this age he should be able to apologise to others when doing something wrong. It is OK that his mother is standing at his side to support him, but he has to open his mouth and say the words clearly. Of course he is humiliated, he messed up big time, so he has to own up to it. And giving a little pressure when nothing or not much is coming is totally fine, he didn't scream or threaten him. Many of us were in similar situations, including myself. At this age the most my dad would have done is make contact with the other party (he was by my side as support, same as the boys mom, and to talk about punishment), but I had to do the talking and just saying "Sorry" was not enough. I had to say what I did, why I did it and I had to apologise. Was it humiliating? Yes, but it was necessary and right. And it got me to think before I made the next stupid thing. Actions have consequences and it will not help your kids when you always remove the obstacles. You do them no favour.
Absolutely, I don’t get the comments saying the dad took it too far. The boy is 13, he knows what he did and that it’s a crime. He doesn’t get to mumble an apology and feel better bout himself
Yeah, and parents hate it when you call them out on it. "Why can't you be more like so and so?" "Because I'm NOT so and so." "So and so gets straight A's in school!" "And so and so's dad earns twice as much as you. What does that say about you?"
I pulled the same thing on my mom. But unlike OP I said to my mom, "how would you like it if I said, 'I love auntie so-and-so. She's the best.'" It worked.
Been here too, still am sometimes with my mum and older sister. It really is exhausting, it's like hearing "you'll never good enough unless you're just like her".
Story 1: Comparing children doesn't push them to improve, it makes them resent each other, the parent, and damages self-esteem. If dad feels hurt and is crying from being compared to someone else, how does he think his child feels
@@joaolima7131 He is crying not because OP compared dad to step-dad but because OP said that they wished that step dad was their (OP and older brothers) bio dad and that the mother never met bio-dad. That is not "getting even" that is heartless and cruel. Which parent wants to hear that the kid wished the parents werent their parents. No wonder the dad cried.
@@namenloses95 well, he would not need to hear It If he actually treated his kid right, what Goes around, comes around. Yeah It was harsh, but OP clearly reached his breaking point that any person ends UP reaching at some point
Story 2: OP NEEDS to seriously re-evaluate if that's the type of person he wants in his daughter's life. She went from zero to abusive REALLY quick. She accused him of assault...and then yelled at the daughter for...being assaulted?
I would have dumped that fiancée on the spot. Putting hands on my daughter and screaming insults at the boyfriend that is completely unsubstituted is too much. The fiancée wasn't even in the house all that long, with that amount of control, anger, and that kind of behavior already? She is not a good person. She will make the poor daughter's life hell. He should get out, quick.
"My teen in particular has been refusing to bond with his boyfriend, told me he "looks like Jeffrey Dahmer"..." I'm sorry, that made me laugh so fucking hard.
At 13, you only have five years to set the kid straight -- possibly fewer as that behavior could easily settle in. An apology isn't enough, embarrassment isn't enough. In a year or too it could be something far more serious and against someone who might not take an apology as a solution (i.e. beat the kid senseless, call the police, out him to the entire school, etc.) Raising your voice and not muttering is hardly a "punishment". I'd talk with the mom and say her son has a serious problem and ask what her solution is? Apology is nice, but this is a criminal act. I'd suggest he can mow my lawn for month or apologize to the police. I also need the teacher to know that Bob stole from my kid, but we've come to a solution. At the end of the month, I'd give Bob say $25/mow and ask him if he ever needs money, there are legal ways to get it.
@@lorilancaster5917 why should op have to tell her? She could see with her own eyes that he was there. She didn't need op to tell her. She abused a child of her own free will simply because she chose to do so. Nobody else has anything to do with it.
@@lorilancaster5917 She was told about him but just not the schedule so I think that when she saw the two together asleep on the couch it should have been a really simple simple connection to make that this was the boyfriend she had previously been told about. But I don't disagree with you in that it would have been for her to have been told more in advance. Even ignoring all this it's still a completely unhinged response, although I am sure few would disagree with me there. I wonder if she's a former rape victim or something like that? It might partially explain her bizarre actions.
I mean, she saw OP's daughter snuggled on the *couch* with a boy *fully clothed* and accused the boy of *rape!* Then *blamed OP* for not telling her every minute detail of the schedule. Dude, dump her ass, change the locks, and get *outside* security cameras if you haven't already. Keep a record of anything else crazy she does for further criminal charges.
Stolen Wallet Story: "And people saying NTA have no idea how to raise children." No, I think *this commenter* has no idea how to raise children. The kid did something wrong, so *the kid* has to be the one to apologize. The kid was hemming and hawing, so OP pointed out that there's a *real time limit.* This was also about educating his *own son* about how apologies are done. If he tells his son that he has to apologize in person the people he's wronged but lets someone else use an intermediary, what kind of message does that send? Thanksgiving Story: Once again, someone with an SO the kids don't like. People, if your kids don't like the person you're dating, seriously consider *not dating that person.* Which relationship is more important? The one with your kid or the one with your new flame?
Third story: people are so concentrated on the fact the ring isn't OPs style when she is more nervous about losing the damn thing. She needs to let her fiancé know how she is feeling about the ring. Maybe return it back to the family if she is scared of it getting misplaced. Some people never lose things and some people will misplace the glasses on their face. It doesn't make them bad if they are cognizant of it and arrange their lives accordingly. With that being said this isn't the family's business and doesn't mean she isn't serious or he isn't serious it's called minding one's business. If this is an issue then OP shouldn't marry into the family who needs that energy?
How much you wanna bet the "special occasions" fiancé wants OP to wear the heirloom to are every event his side of the family will be at, nothing more, nothing less? The fact that fiancé proposed with two rings with that stipulation, combined with the in-laws' reaction, makes me think giving OP the heirloom was about keeping up appearances with his family. Some people go WAAAAY overboard when it comes to "tradition", and then they drill it into the heads of the next generation.
Get it resized. Or return the ring. Or hey, here is a crazy idea DO LIE TO YOUR HUSBAND. That is sort of a far-reaching concept now a days. Does she like wearing it? No. Did he order her to wear it? No. He asked her to wear it and she said she would. Last minute, she took it off. Did she tell her husband about it? From the story, she did not. She knew damn well she would not wear it. Give it back if you are not going to use it. But stop you petty lying. Lying is a good way to break the trust you future husband has in you. She can no longer say that she has never lied to him. Better an honest enemy than a lying friend.
I definitely would not be surprised if OP goes no contact with her father in the future. And considering how much Reddit hates fathers let alone men, that’s really something.
NTA in the first story. It's never ok to compare kids to each other because that sh*t will stick with you forever. My dad told my sister he didn't push me as hard as her because I'm "just average". My sister told me and even though my life is better than my sister's that comment has stuck with me 20 years later.
As brutal as Op was it was necessary because Op dad can’t understand until he git bullied because if he could he would have stopped long before Op took this measure
Hoodie story , HUGE HUGE NTA, this is the kind of accountability and discipline that boys and young men need. You taught not just that boy a lesson but your son and his friends. The mom also did try and shield him, why else was he not there from the start. Boys also need to speak up and it’s that tough dad love that push’s them to be able speak to other adults. Nothing OP did was wrong in fact he was too nice. If it was me that boy would be working off that money doing yard work
Absolutely. Of course it was humiliating. It should be. He’s a kid and hopefully this will be a defining moment for him. I would, however, have sent the other boys along to wait out of earshot.
If you weren't going to wear the ring you should have at least backed him up to family and explain why you weren't wearing it. Tell everyone that you know how special it is and how you are afraid you will ruin it or lose it.
Your dad got a huge dose of his own medicine….do not back down. And for the person who said you went too far…you literally just said what needed to be said! Good for you
you sure about that? Quote from OPs comments: "I said both Peter (brother) and I wish our stepdad was our biological dad and that our mom had never met my dad" that needed to be said? really?
@@namenloses95 100% sure if that. Do you know what it’s like to be belittled and compared to a “superior” person for YEARS by a man who is supposed to support and nurture you???? I sure do. Years of being told you aren’t as good has a horrible effect on a child’s self esteem and mental health. It’s called “mental child abuse” and my bio father did this to me. I never said what needed to be said and I am proud…yes PROUD of a child who stood up for himself. Who are you to say it’s too far if you’ve never been there???? It may have been too far in the heat of the moment…but I guarantee it will NEVER have to be said again! Putting a bully (yes a bully who abuses his own child) in his place is priceless. So to answer your questions…yes it was right….yes it was needed…and hell yes I’m sure!!!
Last one: how did so many commenters miss the fact that the kids aren't uncomfortable with OP's boyfriend; they don't like they boyfriend's family? OP could have dinner at home with her kids and boyfriend, then the kids go to dad's and she and boyfriend go to his family's house.
She may as well let them go with dad because they always want to be around there family. They don't seem to have family on their mom side. Also they did cool him names but the youngest is ok with him. This wont last long though by forcing them over his family house. I can see if it was her parents house with family they knew.
Story 1: NTA. Regardless of how OP acted, the father is the one who started this conflict. As a parent, you should never ever play favorites with your kids. Comparing one kid to another is one example of that and will always make people feel inadequate, regardless of the intentions. From what I've read, OP and the dad are even, after getting a taste of his own medicine.
I was in her corner until the update where she says that she wished her Step-father meet her mom first. That shit went from getting back at him to a pure viciousness that probably needs counseling.
Yeah, I feel bad because the poor girl may have permanently damaged her relationship with her father by fucking with his insecurities so ruthlessly. It's very easy to convince a person that they are inadequate, and hers wasn't meant to be encouraging, it was just meant to be degrading. She made her point so well that he is completely convinced she doesn't love him and has replaced him.
kinda like: I spit on your bike, you kill half my family? No, OP went too far, and she knew it. At no point did dad say that he loved OP less, or cared less. She went nuclear and will have to deal with the consequences.
Regardless if the dad in story 1 only wanted what's best for OP, comparing children with completely different natural abilities like he did can cause a lot of damage in the child that isn't as gifted. My best friend growing up was constantly compared to his older sister, who was a borderline child genius who skipped two grades and was still at the top of her new class with ease. Meanwhile my friend was an average kid with average learning abilities. He didn't fall behind or get bad grades, but he also couldn't match his sister's straight As and skipping grades, no matter how hard he tried. And he did try, very hard. It messed him up so much that he still, to this day (mid 40s), sometimes feels like he's inadequate and worthless. His parents never meant to cause him mental trauma, but by constantly telling him about his sister's achievements and comparing grades they wrecked his confidence. Luckily they're both successful now as adults, but his sister makes five times more money as a doctor than he does as a small business owner.
"Why can't you be more like (family member?) He's X, Y, and Z." How is this inspiring? At least Alec Baldwin's character in GLENGARRY GLEN ROSS was trying to shake out some will to survive in a hard business. Even if the family member is your TWIN, all this does is generate a toxic competition mentality.
The first story was my father. He used to compared me with my male cousin(same age)for exam results. He has the advantages of money as my aunt enrolled him in the best tuition courses which cost a few hundred dollars a month because its exclusive to 1-2 students or he will have a private tutor came to the house every weekend. Meanwhile my father was an absent parent who rarely home and i relied heavily on extra classes in school plus a night tuition twice a week that got me molested by a stranger on my way home. I told my father about it and he was quiet and still didnt come home. I know he was a useless father and i resented him more for not wanting to protect his teenage child. He would called my aunt right away after we received our result and started comparing and criticizing me for not doing or studying more. I moved to another Singapore and stopped speaking to him.
Story 2 What? What?? This is so inappropriate. She accused your daughter's BF of SA?? Then she's mad to be kicked out of her home? She could have caused irreparable damage to this relationship
Communication issue. She didn’t know him had never seen him. So he was a random dude in the daughters bed. Also the man also said that she didn’t know him or what he looked like so all of them except the boy is an esh
Yeah, but if OP actually LOST the bloody heirloom ring she's be raked over the coals. She was SCARED to lose it, what if it dosent fit properly?? They can slide right off without you even noticing!! What was stopping them from saying that she has the ring but is too scared to lose it..
I was the kid that was used as the comparison since I loved reading and in the eyes of the adults in my life I was the good, polite kid. I hated it since I had at least one of my cousins who hated me since she kept being compared to me. In more than one instance she would claim that I did something to try and get me into trouble, that didn't work since they would be so far-fetched.
pending on what state in the US they live it can be that the parenting plan is active until the child is 18. So it doesn't matter what the child want to do. Most parenting plans has a schedule that dictates how weekends, summer holidays and Christmas leave should be distributed between the divorced parents. As the children were with the father last Thanksgiving, so it is with the mother this Thanksgiving.
I think the fact they swap holidays the child will learn if he throws a fit he can get his way. OP has the right to want her son’s with her on Thanksgiving day. I want to know what else is going on in these relationships? There maybe a lot more to this story.
The last story sounds familiar, but around Christmas. OP Stated the kids got to choose but flipped out when they pick dad even though they had last Christmas with her. The kids also called the boyfriend's family boring and weird
With the ring: I like the comment about putting the heirloom ring on a chain. Some rings can't be resized without damaging the details and it probably could only be resized once. Also, hardly any chance of losing it with it around your neck on a chain where a big ring could slide off without noticing.
Story 3: NTA. I wanna know if OP's fiance discussed this ring situation before proposing. It's also weird how the uncle assumed the fiance wasn't serious about OP because she wasn't wearing the heirloom ring. It's just a ring and this whole thing is weird.
Agreed. I hate how much people think you should just shut up and be great full for gifts or in this case a ring you never asked for. She’s uncomfortable wearing it and scared to lose something that important. Her feelings are valid and no op’s partner isn’t thinking of her feelings when he demands she wears it. He could just tell his family why she isn’t wearing the ring and if they have a problem with it they clearly have too much time on their hands to be worried about what someone else is wearing.
@@bluedragonfox Can you explain the bad communication on his part? Fiance gives op two rings one her style second his family heirloom then asks her to wear the second on special ocascions op agrees... So where is the bad communicagtion on his part???
The OP with the 2 engagement rings should look into ring guards. They range from inexpensive silicone bands that loop around and make the ring fit more snugly to a permanent thin bar bonded to the inside of the ring making it functionally smaller in size without cutting the band for a traditional resizing. OP could also look into getting a copy of the heirloom ring made from less expensive materials that she could wear more often
Story 1 NTA my mum did this to me when I was younger. Constantly comparing me to my younger sister who went to a private school. "If your sister did that exam, she'd have gotten a better grade" She didn't do it to give me a push. She did it to be a vindictive bitch knowing that was the only way to get at my dad, who had sole custody of me. It was incredibly damaging.
BS; that guy did the kid a favor by insisting that the thief said the words in front of his son, instead of hiding behind his mom. Too many kids get away with no consequences, which is what was probably going to happen... The mom didn't get defensive so that guy wasn't overstepping
Story 1 - I didn't see where OP mentioned his age, but it sounds like this has been going on for a long time. I call this bullying, because Dad has been asked to stop and didn't. Dad is an adult, and should know what he was doing to his child, or should have stopped when he was told. OP might have gone too far, but if so, it was done in an attempt to protect himself when the person who should have been protecting him was the one doing the bullying.
The thief story: The kid who stole *was* hiding behind his mother and having her apologize *for* him, and that's not a real apology. That's plain old bad parenting, and it does not promote the idea of taking responsibility for one's actions. Yes, OP prodded the boy to speak up and make the apology in a timely manner, but if that's the worst he said or did, considering the school could have been involved and called for the thief's suspension (or worse), OP does not deserve the "YTA" label.
Story 1: NTA. Adults often forget that children and teenagers are also human and have real human feelings. Then they have the nerve to act like whiney pissbabies when their cruelty is turned around on them.
Story #1: it doesn't matter how well intentioned the dad was - it was still harmful. My mom spent my entire childhood responding to everything I did with - why didn't you do better? 100 on a test, why didn't you get extra credit. A huge fight between us later in life showed what she meant was what can you improve on for next time - how it came off and shaped me was- you're not good enough, your effort and work doesn't matter because you will never be good enough. And sometimes the only way to make someone see that their actions aren't coming off as intended is to be just as much of an asshole back.
S1: By that YTA commentator's logic, what Op said should've motivate and encourage him to grow as a person and father! As we can see, it obviously didn't. So why should it be expected for a child to feel that way when being compared? Op already tried expressing how much it hurt when he compares them to their brother, but the father kept doing it. As bad as it sounds, this tend to be the only way to make someone understand your POV .
One time when I was a freshman in High School, my "friends" dared me to steal a pack of gum from the store by the School. I did steal the pack of gum. I thought about it all night long. The next day, I walked up to the store owner and handed him 5 cents. He asked me "what is that was for?" I answered, "it is for the pack of gum that I stole yesterday." He smiled at me and said "thank You," and put it in the till. This was in 1960, and I have never stolen anything since. The people around where I live now do not think that stealing is bad. I have to lock everything up to prevent theft. It is sad! If I saw one of these thieves, and they were in a life threatening situation, I do not think that I would help them. Maybe that makes me the villain, but that is something that I can live with.
Just be prepared. If you get married there will be arguments about when, where and how to wear the heirloom ring for the rest of your marriage from your spouse and in laws unless you are very clear that you really don’t want to wear the ring.
Last story: "Thanksgiving is a time for family son in gonna make my kids stay bawdy from their actual family and spend it with people who make them uncomfortable." Good job. Way to tell your voids they don't matter.
That OP had a serious case of "me me me" syndrome. Everything she wants is reasonable and just and everything that makes her kids uncomfortable is unreasonable and ridiculous. She should be embarrassed with how much of a spoiled brat her grown woman but sounds like.
Okay but why do I feel like the dad won’t stop and will say worse things now because his little feel feels got hurt. Then instead of talking it out and I don’t know being the ADULT in the situation he starts acting like a child? Nah dads just upset his own actions were used against him.
The YTA comments in the first one are idiots. So, the dad can do it as much as he wants but op can’t do it back?? And then he wants to be the victim and start crying?
I can see why the first op omitted their age, because if they're sufficiently young the comments would have excused their hard words too easily, while if they is old enough they'd have raked them over the coals for being way too harsh. Sounds like a teenager either way though, so pretty damn emotionally intelligent if they're savvy enough to even ask these questions.
For a couple bucks you can get something that goes under the ring that keeps it snug to the finger that way it doesn't fall off. She can also put it on a necklace and just put it on the finger when meat and greet and then put it back on the necklace for two and from.
Story 2: Umm…Op this women put her hands on your daughter and her bf, screamed and wouldn’t listen to your daughter and now is trying to gaslight and play the victim because the parents of the child she (essentially) assaulted, doesnt want her present during the convo…? Yeah dude you need to RUN away from her
Story 1: No no no!!!! Parents should never do that to their kids. My parents did that to both me and my sister. Bad idea! Each kid is their own person. One kid is going to excel more than the other! Never do that!
Heirloom ring: How did OPs fiance nit communicate? How is she not the AH in this situation? Her finace proposed with 2 rings, one of which he acknowledged was more her style for everyday wear and the family ring for special occasions such a family gathering (wedding). Did she bet tell her fiance that the ring is ill fitting and need to be resized because she almost lost it? Probably not if she openly agreed to wear to ring to the wedding (he asked her, not demanded her to do so) but she sneakily took it off and switched back to her other ring. Why hide it from him? He did nothing wrong and his disappointment is genuine. She hurt him because SHE can't communicate, not him.
Actually, he’s just as much at fault as op is. He’s at fault for caring more about what his family thinks and feels. He should have defended her, and told his family to back off. At the same time, op should communicate with her fiancé better. She could wear the family heirloom on a necklace so she doesn’t lose it, that’s what I do with my promise and engagement rings.
@@Ronin.Samurai I'd have to respectfully disagree. Why agree to it if she knew that's what it was? I'm not a traditional person by any stretch of the imagination and I'm not going to pretend to be. He communicated to her, she knew the history of the ring and still agreed. It wasn't forced on her. They're not ready for marriage if communication now is this shoddy. Family aside, she didn't even properly talk to the man that's supposed to be her life partner. He was even blindsided.
@@HunnieSuckle24 you are wrong on all levels. He clearly does not love her. If he did, he would not have given a ring to her he knew she wouldn’t like, and he would have defended her. You do not love your significant other if you can’t do those things. He is just as much to blame. When you are in a loving relationship, and have some maturity, you’ll understand this. You need to grow up, and accept the facts.
@@Ronin.Samurai 😂😂😂😂😂 you took that personal huh? How many of y'all are there on these pages. I'm not wrong, she's not a victim of an attack but you're attacking me for saying that she knew what it was and still accepted it. She could've said no. What are you, her attorney? You social media thugs are something else 😂😂😂😂
My father owned a grocery store. When he was SURE a child was shoplifting, he would have the child call their parent and tell them to tell him or her what they had done. Only once in twenty-five years did a parent tell my father that he was mean to their precious child.
Imagine asking a peach why it can't be more like an apple. While they're both in the rose family, they're not the same! With the one with the kid that stole, in a way I feel sorry for him. Yes, he was wrong for stealing. But, he shouldn't have been embarrassed in front of his friends. Plus, I think they said he was 13. There were other ways to handle this. Personally, I would have had him work off the funds by doing chores.
She's not even the stepmother yet. They aren't married yet, so she is just the father's fiance. She overreacted and she refused to listen. She treated the daughter and her boyfriend horribly. Even if she was triggered, it doesn't mean she's allowed to treat the boy like that. And she doubled down when OP (the father) tried to discuss it rationally with her, instead of admitting that she overreacted and apologizing.
Story 1: Um, no, NTA. "Why can't you be more like.." Is ALWAYS a crappy thing to do. Especially when it's a parent comparing their own children. OP is also still the CHILD in the situation, and had already communicated to his father how he felt but the father ignored him. Sure he may have gone a little far, but he had warned his father several times already so it's not like he started out of nowhere.
3rd story: The ring could have been worn on a necklace during the event. Switching the ring last minute was definitely deceptive even if OP is prone to losing things. OP needs to definitely work on their communication skills.
It's super weird how some of the comments are basically "you're not the ahole OP, but if you don't treat your parents like children you will be!" It's not the kid's fault the parent is lacking!!
1st story. Good for you, your dad got exactly what he deserved and you did nothing wrong. I had a biology teacher in high scool that in front of the whole class would compare me to my brother, how he was so good in class and I was so dumb and lazy. I had enough and in front of the whole class told him he was really stupid cause he could not even tell the difference between a boy and girl and that my brother really liked the class and I hated it and did not want to take it but had to to graduate. They can dish it but they can't take it.
From young till teenager, my brother had a stealing habit and he'd often shoplift at the grocery store. It wasn't expensive stuff he'd, mostly snacks or candy, and the habit came from the fact our mother was very strict on consuming those things. I also had a habit of stealing but I'd usually take loose change from my mom's pockets and buy candy at the school cafeteria. Anyway, i remember when my brother was around 11 or 12 and he was taken home by the police and store security by the bijillionth time. They had caught him stealing some chocolate, i think. He was made to apologize to our mom, the store manager, the police and the store security agent. He did eventually learn his lesson and he didn't steal but i think he still remembers the embarrassment he felt all those years back. A teenager is not too young to apologize, and i understand where the kid came from but heck, he could go around the neighborhood and ask for a fund? Or maybe offer elderly to do chores in exchange for money. Stealing is often not the answer and will most of the time lead to more issues
Story 1: And i always thought, that comparing your kids is a BIG no-no...it's actually can lead to very deep traumas in kids and prevent them finding their own way in life
1st Story: Love how commenter tried to justify using this tactic. Dad was hurt for things OP said as he went too far. ESH but lessons were indeed learned and perhaps a little perspective as well. Dad just needs time.
The OP said that They and their brother Peter wished that the Step-father was their biological father. They said they didn't mean it but that shit will never leave their father's head. No lesson was learned but a relationship might have been destroyed. They also might have nuked Peter and his father relationship too.
Ring story- How its boyfriend not communicating?he did told her to wear it and how important it is he did communicate. He ask her she agreed then gone behind his back. Only lack of communication lay on op side
Stolen Wallet Story 4. As one misguided comment said, it's not OP's role to parent the little thief. Granted, but it is OP's job to look out for his kid. So humiliate the kid? Hell yeah, I'm all in for that and tell him he should be grateful there's not police involved. I respect the mother but would respect her more if she had started with dragging Bob out to personally confess/apologize. A couple points people do not seem to realize.. 1. Having found out how easy it was, who's to say he hasn't already ransacked several backpacks that same day or since? 2. Presumably, the delinquent is STILL going to get the jacket. I would have said keep the money, we want the jacket when it comes in. My son can keep it, sell it, or gift it to a friend. Bob shouldn't get to benefit in any way from this. For these reasons, I would make the principal aware, tell him/her how you handled it (and school can decide if it is sufficient), they can be aware and check if there have been other thefts that Bob may have perpetrated. They can also see that the ill-gotten jacket is turned over to OP's son when it arrives.
Story 1: NTA. You told your father how the comparisons to your older brother made you feel less than, yet he continued to do it. He then got a taste of his own medicine and got all weepy. So, I guess comparisons to other people aren’t the morale booster that dad thought they were😏 Story 2: Your daughter and her boyfriend sitting together on the couch caused your fiancée to go into a rage, grabbing the boyfriend and kicking him out of the house. How can your daughter ever feel comfortable being around this woman again?😢 Story 3: Your fiancé should have given you the ring that you wanted, not the one that his family wanted you to have. What else will the family insist on? Your fiancé needs to grow a backbone😒 Story 4: Your wife is wrong. This kid brought embarrassment upon himself by stealing. You were a lot easier on him than the cops would have been😠 Story 5: Just because you fell in love with your boyfriend and his family doesn’t mean that your kids have to😟
S1. Dad probably made op cry many times with those comments. How many nights or hidden away moments where op cried in silence thinking father hates them and Peter is better than them in everything. Father has no right to gaslight op. Because now he has the just the tiny bit a trauma that op had to feel for years.
Story 1 - OP a tiny bit of an AH. Dad was asking for it. OP tried talking to him and the father "promised" to stop but went back at it. When are parents going to learn that EVERY single child is DIFFERENT? You can't go around pushing them to be like their sibling. It is not fair or proper. All they are doing with those comparisons is creating resentment and feelings of inadequacy growing up. The icing on the cake... daddy dearest is acting all butt-hurt instead of manning up and realizing that OP feels the same way EVERY single time he compares OP to Peter. Let's see how long it last before he goes back to compare you once again to... Peter.
Boo-hoo, daddy does not get to play the victim just because he was being a bully. Op just gave him a taste of his own medicine, would you rather she just take it? Besides, comparing children and saying “ why can’t you be more like your sibling?” Is awful parenting.
Thief story...hard NTA. It's funny how redditors are so concerned about a delinquent's self-esteem. And don't give me the "because he's poor" crap...there are people who are third world poor who don't steal.
S1 It's not a lesson if it isn't explained or meant to teach. If OP never told Dad why they were making those comparisons, they're just as much a bully as their father.
OP1 just got a good lesson in saying things you can’t take back. The strategy wasn’t a terrible one but it was taken too far. Hopefully things work out all around.
People who are calling OP the idiot in the first story for doing this to his father, so you’re saying the father bullying is justified? Also in case you didn’t freaking read OP did try to explain it to her father, but did he listen no? Maybe after this the father would learn his freaking lesson about comparing his children to siblings. That’s bad parenting right there. So no, the Dad does not get to play victim after getting shot his own medicine. Maybe that way he’ll finally learn his lesson. If you can’t handle punches then don’t punch anyone. And honestly the dad sounds like a narcissist he only keep repeating his mistakes he’s not sorry. Also on the story on the stolen wallet these YTA comments, yeah preach all you want because it seems like you guys don’t know anything about children or don’t have children yourselves. Since you don’t believe in actions having consequences, just the approach in their eyes opinion. These people have the worst and most pathetic YTA a comments logic I’ve ever seen. And should learn how to read better. People really need to shut the hell up about this “be the bigger person” nonsense because we all know Reddit does not know what it means.
Story 1: How is anyone on OPs side after that update. Did you all gloss over the part where she stated that "what I said about wishing my stepdad was my biological dad and wishing my mom had met him first" What the fuck? That is not giving him his own medicine that is so far over the line!
Story 1: I'm sorry what....op told his dad he wished he wasn't his bio father..? Looks like a distant father is the consequences of their actions, coming from someone who knows. YTA
Story 1 You should you sit and talk to your dad about not making comparison,as your are not Peter and everyone has different skills,,but you have a excuse you are young and everyone has different skills and their is not only one path not every one wants to go to Yale , so you and dad should start building a relationship with out Peter being mentioned
1st story: I don't think o.p. is an ah. Being compared to his brother all the time is hurtful. I'm sorry you're dad was hurt, but I feel it was justified.
Story 1 : YTA or NTA, I think the dad need the shock. Comparison only bring endless competition and resentment. Everyone is different, with their own strength and weakness. Making comparison is just sign of something wrong with parenting. The point is to be the best version of yourself, not being someone else.
Story 1: I'm curious about the YTA comment. Why do we expect kids to parent their parents? I understand OP's father was hurt, but he needs to be the adult, take a step back, and understand that his words have consequences. Story 2: Fiancee is out of her tree. What she did wasn't childish, it was dangerous and insane.
Last story: that’s just how it goes as a kid. You don’t get what you want all the time. Actually that’s just life. You don’t get everything just because you want it. The plans have already been set and their dad might’ve always made different plans that keeps him front being able to take the kids.
S4) The 13-year-old theft, NTA Reddit is once again wrong. OP did not bully the kid but gave him a chance to apologize for taking from his son. It wasn't "revenge" or an asshole move but making a young teen take accountability for his actions. More so the Mother seems to agree with OP if she didn't step in to call or berate him. And if OP wanted "revenge" he could have made the mom pay him back in full instead of taking the little money she was able to give.
Story -4.. kid stealing wallet..it's laughable to read people claiming simple apologies as revenge and public shaming ...well that's the way it is..if you steal you go to jail and it becomes PUBLIC RECORDS..!!! The audacity of some people.. 😀
"sometimes it is well intentioned and meant to inspire and uplift" ... maybe some think it's meant that way, I have never seen it taken that way though. Should be pretty obvious for everyone talking down to someone and comparing them to this way better person they can never reach is not going to do any good.
Story 1 - NTA. OP should not have stopped when OP made his POS father cry. Go full scorched earth. Let those years of anger and resentment flow out like a river. Don't stop until that relationship is completely and irrevocably destroyed.
@@Maestrosendgame This might be hard to understand. It actually takes some reading and listening skills, not really, but the OP doesn't hate their father. In the story they actually said both the father and step-father were good people. The OP said they were reactionary and didn't mean what they said. So the Dad wasn't damaging their child. While the Dad was wrong and would have deserved a fair comparison this isn't what happened. Again if you listened or read the story this wouldn't have been that difficult to understand.
@@Jamlf I understand fully what the story was and what you’re saying, what I take issue is how it sounds like op told him multiple times to stop because that’s not helpful whatsoever and fosters resentment. He only stopped when op played his little game. I do not see how op could’ve done it differently if his father wouldn’t stop doing that
Story #1: My sister and I got this growing up. The fun one was one year for Mother's Day, I got flowers for Mom. I worked in a museum that had a catered event the night before. When the event ended, I grabbed a bunch of flowers that would've been tossed otherwise. Mom saw the flowers the next day and said to sis, "Why can't you be more like your sister?" Mom, I stole those!!
The toxic one was Grandma. I'm caring for Grandma and, sometimes, I'll take a tone. Grandma would retort, "Why can't you be more like your sister?"
I respond, "Why can't you stay with her then?"
You should have asked her why she cant make her own tea, wash her own ass, walk herself to the shops have her own teeth like other grandmas.
@@beepbopboop7727 That's the tone I take with her.
@@celiashen5490 Good for you. People need to be responsible for the crap that spews out of THEIR mouth.
Im going to tell my grandma that when she gets mad at my parents. Seriously her loser son doesn't do crap 4 her but loves to complain.
Keep that energy because they're going to expect you to be there when the favorite isn't.
Story 1: If Dad is sensitive enough to break down in tears, then he should be aware how what he says is damaging OP DESPITE the promise to stop.
Also, OP is the child and dad is an adult. If dad feels bad about a comparison, how does he not realize how a kid feels
Pretty sure they were the tears of a crocodile, and that he doesn't give two craps about OP's mental wellbeing. Every controlling parent who expects to run their kid's lives like they're in the Sims regardless of the kid's skills and personal interests always gives the BS "I just want what's best for you" excuse.
Nah the dad is an emotional abuser makes his child cry intentionally than if his child calls him out he gaslights the child into thinking they are a horrible person by negligence of said child and intentionally being distant my abuse mother used the same tactics
If that's the case, hopefully op is the last kid he ever has. Guy needs therapy.
@@djdomain qq q
4th story: NTA. For fs sake, the boy is 13, not 3. At this age he should be able to apologise to others when doing something wrong. It is OK that his mother is standing at his side to support him, but he has to open his mouth and say the words clearly. Of course he is humiliated, he messed up big time, so he has to own up to it. And giving a little pressure when nothing or not much is coming is totally fine, he didn't scream or threaten him. Many of us were in similar situations, including myself. At this age the most my dad would have done is make contact with the other party (he was by my side as support, same as the boys mom, and to talk about punishment), but I had to do the talking and just saying "Sorry" was not enough. I had to say what I did, why I did it and I had to apologise. Was it humiliating? Yes, but it was necessary and right. And it got me to think before I made the next stupid thing. Actions have consequences and it will not help your kids when you always remove the obstacles. You do them no favour.
This
Absolutely, I don’t get the comments saying the dad took it too far. The boy is 13, he knows what he did and that it’s a crime. He doesn’t get to mumble an apology and feel better bout himself
The amount of time I was asked "why can't you be more like (insert sister's name here) she gets good grades, she blah blah blah" it takes a toll
Yeah, and parents hate it when you call them out on it.
"Why can't you be more like so and so?"
"Because I'm NOT so and so."
"So and so gets straight A's in school!"
"And so and so's dad earns twice as much as you. What does that say about you?"
I pulled the same thing on my mom. But unlike OP I said to my mom, "how would you like it if I said, 'I love auntie so-and-so. She's the best.'" It worked.
Been here too, still am sometimes with my mum and older sister. It really is exhausting, it's like hearing "you'll never good enough unless you're just like her".
Story 1: Comparing children doesn't push them to improve, it makes them resent each other, the parent, and damages self-esteem. If dad feels hurt and is crying from being compared to someone else, how does he think his child feels
not the truth
Agree like how many stories have he heard just on this channel about siblings resenting the golden child
@@namenloses95 It IS, apparently you never Heard the many Golden child stories where that is exactly what happens
@@joaolima7131 He is crying not because OP compared dad to step-dad but because OP said that they wished that step dad was their (OP and older brothers) bio dad and that the mother never met bio-dad.
That is not "getting even" that is heartless and cruel. Which parent wants to hear that the kid wished the parents werent their parents.
No wonder the dad cried.
@@namenloses95 well, he would not need to hear It If he actually treated his kid right, what Goes around, comes around. Yeah It was harsh, but OP clearly reached his breaking point that any person ends UP reaching at some point
Story 2: RUN! Seriously, this woman is insane and OP needs to be a good parent and protect his daughter from this woman's toxicity.
Story 2: OP NEEDS to seriously re-evaluate if that's the type of person he wants in his daughter's life. She went from zero to abusive REALLY quick.
She accused him of assault...and then yelled at the daughter for...being assaulted?
Possibly for not agreeing with her. People who get off verbally abusing others really, really hate it when bystanders tell them they’re wrong.
THIS
I would have dumped that fiancée on the spot. Putting hands on my daughter and screaming insults at the boyfriend that is completely unsubstituted is too much. The fiancée wasn't even in the house all that long, with that amount of control, anger, and that kind of behavior already? She is not a good person. She will make the poor daughter's life hell. He should get out, quick.
@@Rabbithavenstitchery 100%! I was trying to not just put " RRRRRUUUUUUUUNNNN"
😂
@@Mewse1203
For sure; when someone shows who they really are, listen to them. And she’s shooting up some real red flags.
I just want to say how much I appreciate the no frills, no intro and no outtro setup of the channel. Thank you!
"My teen in particular has been refusing to bond with his boyfriend, told me he "looks like Jeffrey Dahmer"..."
I'm sorry, that made me laugh so fucking hard.
I’m curious if he meant the real one or the one as portrayed by Evan Peters. 😂
Wouldn't be funny if he killed the fifteen year old.
Honestly same
Stealing is stealing! Maybe that humility will prevent him from shop lifting to which he'll have to deal with a lot more folks than the parents. NTA!
At 13, you only have five years to set the kid straight -- possibly fewer as that behavior could easily settle in. An apology isn't enough, embarrassment isn't enough. In a year or too it could be something far more serious and against someone who might not take an apology as a solution (i.e. beat the kid senseless, call the police, out him to the entire school, etc.) Raising your voice and not muttering is hardly a "punishment".
I'd talk with the mom and say her son has a serious problem and ask what her solution is? Apology is nice, but this is a criminal act. I'd suggest he can mow my lawn for month or apologize to the police. I also need the teacher to know that Bob stole from my kid, but we've come to a solution. At the end of the month, I'd give Bob say $25/mow and ask him if he ever needs money, there are legal ways to get it.
@@BW022 god I hope you people don’t have children.
Story 2: Fiance went overboard. She should've called Op instead of flipping out.
Both OP and fiancé sucked. He needed to let her know about the boyfriend and schedule but she definitely shouldn’t have gone psycho
If he is still hooked up with this nut-case of a future wife, he had better get use to a lot of drama.
@@lorilancaster5917 why should op have to tell her? She could see with her own eyes that he was there. She didn't need op to tell her. She abused a child of her own free will simply because she chose to do so. Nobody else has anything to do with it.
@@lorilancaster5917 She was told about him but just not the schedule so I think that when she saw the two together asleep on the couch it should have been a really simple simple connection to make that this was the boyfriend she had previously been told about. But I don't disagree with you in that it would have been for her to have been told more in advance. Even ignoring all this it's still a completely unhinged response, although I am sure few would disagree with me there. I wonder if she's a former rape victim or something like that? It might partially explain her bizarre actions.
What about “I reviewed the video” from OP. I guess they live in a house being filmed at all times?!
Story 2: Fiancée just showed you exactly what she is: *CRAZY.*
Run.
Yes, she was way out of line. Her job was to report to OP only, not take over the punishing role.
I mean, she saw OP's daughter snuggled on the *couch* with a boy *fully clothed* and accused the boy of *rape!* Then *blamed OP* for not telling her every minute detail of the schedule. Dude, dump her ass, change the locks, and get *outside* security cameras if you haven't already. Keep a record of anything else crazy she does for further criminal charges.
Inspire and uplift? Every single time OP has an achievement? NTA
Stolen Wallet Story: "And people saying NTA have no idea how to raise children." No, I think *this commenter* has no idea how to raise children. The kid did something wrong, so *the kid* has to be the one to apologize. The kid was hemming and hawing, so OP pointed out that there's a *real time limit.* This was also about educating his *own son* about how apologies are done. If he tells his son that he has to apologize in person the people he's wronged but lets someone else use an intermediary, what kind of message does that send?
Thanksgiving Story: Once again, someone with an SO the kids don't like. People, if your kids don't like the person you're dating, seriously consider *not dating that person.* Which relationship is more important? The one with your kid or the one with your new flame?
Third story: people are so concentrated on the fact the ring isn't OPs style when she is more nervous about losing the damn thing. She needs to let her fiancé know how she is feeling about the ring. Maybe return it back to the family if she is scared of it getting misplaced. Some people never lose things and some people will misplace the glasses on their face. It doesn't make them bad if they are cognizant of it and arrange their lives accordingly. With that being said this isn't the family's business and doesn't mean she isn't serious or he isn't serious it's called minding one's business. If this is an issue then OP shouldn't marry into the family who needs that energy?
How much you wanna bet the "special occasions" fiancé wants OP to wear the heirloom to are every event his side of the family will be at, nothing more, nothing less? The fact that fiancé proposed with two rings with that stipulation, combined with the in-laws' reaction, makes me think giving OP the heirloom was about keeping up appearances with his family. Some people go WAAAAY overboard when it comes to "tradition", and then they drill it into the heads of the next generation.
Get it resized. Or return the ring. Or hey, here is a crazy idea DO LIE TO YOUR HUSBAND. That is sort of a far-reaching concept now a days. Does she like wearing it? No. Did he order her to wear it? No. He asked her to wear it and she said she would. Last minute, she took it off. Did she tell her husband about it? From the story, she did not. She knew damn well she would not wear it. Give it back if you are not going to use it. But stop you petty lying. Lying is a good way to break the trust you future husband has in you. She can no longer say that she has never lied to him. Better an honest enemy than a lying friend.
Story 1: NTA the dad should have got the point the first time OP expressed how they felt. Hopefully dad learned his lesson.
If not OP should bring stepdad up again until dad learns the lesson or shuts up about the subject
I definitely would not be surprised if OP goes no contact with her father in the future. And considering how much Reddit hates fathers let alone men, that’s really something.
NTA in the first story. It's never ok to compare kids to each other because that sh*t will stick with you forever. My dad told my sister he didn't push me as hard as her because I'm "just average". My sister told me and even though my life is better than my sister's that comment has stuck with me 20 years later.
The YTA one to story 1 must be an AH father that bullies his own kid given how hard he roots for DARVO dad and goes for OP.
As brutal as Op was it was necessary because Op dad can’t understand until he git bullied because if he could he would have stopped long before Op took this measure
Hoodie story , HUGE HUGE NTA, this is the kind of accountability and discipline that boys and young men need. You taught not just that boy a lesson but your son and his friends. The mom also did try and shield him, why else was he not there from the start. Boys also need to speak up and it’s that tough dad love that push’s them to be able speak to other adults. Nothing OP did was wrong in fact he was too nice. If it was me that boy would be working off that money doing yard work
Absolutely. Of course it was humiliating. It should be. He’s a kid and hopefully this will be a defining moment for him. I would, however, have sent the other boys along to wait out of earshot.
Story 2, get rid of the gf, how can you trust someone with such poor impulse control?
If you weren't going to wear the ring you should have at least backed him up to family and explain why you weren't wearing it. Tell everyone that you know how special it is and how you are afraid you will ruin it or lose it.
Your dad got a huge dose of his own medicine….do not back down.
And for the person who said you went too far…you literally just said what needed to be said! Good for you
you sure about that? Quote from OPs comments: "I said both Peter (brother) and I wish our stepdad was our biological dad and that our mom had never met my dad"
that needed to be said? really?
@@namenloses95 100% sure if that. Do you know what it’s like to be belittled and compared to a “superior” person for YEARS by a man who is supposed to support and nurture you???? I sure do. Years of being told you aren’t as good has a horrible effect on a child’s self esteem and mental health. It’s called “mental child abuse” and my bio father did this to me. I never said what needed to be said and I am proud…yes PROUD of a child who stood up for himself. Who are you to say it’s too far if you’ve never been there???? It may have been too far in the heat of the moment…but I guarantee it will NEVER have to be said again! Putting a bully (yes a bully who abuses his own child) in his place is priceless.
So to answer your questions…yes it was right….yes it was needed…and hell yes I’m sure!!!
Last one: how did so many commenters miss the fact that the kids aren't uncomfortable with OP's boyfriend; they don't like they boyfriend's family? OP could have dinner at home with her kids and boyfriend, then the kids go to dad's and she and boyfriend go to his family's house.
Because not wanting to be with him and saying he looks like Jeffrey Dahmer means he’s not weird
She may as well let them go with dad because they always want to be around there family. They don't seem to have family on their mom side. Also they did cool him names but the youngest is ok with him. This wont last long though by forcing them over his family house. I can see if it was her parents house with family they knew.
Story #2: Anyone else read between the lines? Wouldn't be surprised if the fiance made rascist/bigoted comments towards the boyfriend.
Story 1: NTA. Regardless of how OP acted, the father is the one who started this conflict. As a parent, you should never ever play favorites with your kids. Comparing one kid to another is one example of that and will always make people feel inadequate, regardless of the intentions. From what I've read, OP and the dad are even, after getting a taste of his own medicine.
I was in her corner until the update where she says that she wished her Step-father meet her mom first. That shit went from getting back at him to a pure viciousness that probably needs counseling.
Yeah, I feel bad because the poor girl may have permanently damaged her relationship with her father by fucking with his insecurities so ruthlessly. It's very easy to convince a person that they are inadequate, and hers wasn't meant to be encouraging, it was just meant to be degrading. She made her point so well that he is completely convinced she doesn't love him and has replaced him.
kinda like: I spit on your bike, you kill half my family? No, OP went too far, and she knew it. At no point did dad say that he loved OP less, or cared less. She went nuclear and will have to deal with the consequences.
yeea to be even he should say that he never loved her and he wish cut her of and adopt someone beter ,,sarcastic''
@@ninaross211 Did you have a seizure when you typing this out?
Regardless if the dad in story 1 only wanted what's best for OP, comparing children with completely different natural abilities like he did can cause a lot of damage in the child that isn't as gifted. My best friend growing up was constantly compared to his older sister, who was a borderline child genius who skipped two grades and was still at the top of her new class with ease.
Meanwhile my friend was an average kid with average learning abilities. He didn't fall behind or get bad grades, but he also couldn't match his sister's straight As and skipping grades, no matter how hard he tried. And he did try, very hard. It messed him up so much that he still, to this day (mid 40s), sometimes feels like he's inadequate and worthless.
His parents never meant to cause him mental trauma, but by constantly telling him about his sister's achievements and comparing grades they wrecked his confidence. Luckily they're both successful now as adults, but his sister makes five times more money as a doctor than he does as a small business owner.
"Why can't you be more like (family member?) He's X, Y, and Z."
How is this inspiring? At least Alec Baldwin's character in GLENGARRY GLEN ROSS was trying to shake out some will to survive in a hard business. Even if the family member is your TWIN, all this does is generate a toxic competition mentality.
The first story was my father.
He used to compared me with my male cousin(same age)for exam results.
He has the advantages of money as my aunt enrolled him in the best tuition courses which cost a few hundred dollars a month because its exclusive to 1-2 students or he will have a private tutor came to the house every weekend.
Meanwhile my father was an absent parent who rarely home and i relied heavily on extra classes in school plus a night tuition twice a week that got me molested by a stranger on my way home.
I told my father about it and he was quiet and still didnt come home.
I know he was a useless father and i resented him more for not wanting to protect his teenage child.
He would called my aunt right away after we received our result and started comparing and criticizing me for not doing or studying more.
I moved to another Singapore and stopped speaking to him.
Story 2 What? What?? This is so inappropriate. She accused your daughter's BF of SA?? Then she's mad to be kicked out of her home? She could have caused irreparable damage to this relationship
Communication issue. She didn’t know him had never seen him. So he was a random dude in the daughters bed. Also the man also said that she didn’t know him or what he looked like so all of them except the boy is an esh
@@Jking0620 He wasn't in her bed! They were sitting on the couch, in the living room, asleep with the TV on!
"He looks like Jeffrey Dahmer"....I laughed too hard and too quickly at this 🤣 😂 💀
Yeah, but if OP actually LOST the bloody heirloom ring she's be raked over the coals. She was SCARED to lose it, what if it dosent fit properly?? They can slide right off without you even noticing!! What was stopping them from saying that she has the ring but is too scared to lose it..
“ Why can’t you be more like her/him… “ never inspires or uplifts. That’s bullcakes!!
I was the kid that was used as the comparison since I loved reading and in the eyes of the adults in my life I was the good, polite kid. I hated it since I had at least one of my cousins who hated me since she kept being compared to me. In more than one instance she would claim that I did something to try and get me into trouble, that didn't work since they would be so far-fetched.
Last Story - The fifteen year old is actually old enough to tell the judge he wants to live with his dad full time. OP ought to think about that.
pending on what state in the US they live it can be that the parenting plan is active until the child is 18.
So it doesn't matter what the child want to do.
Most parenting plans has a schedule that dictates how weekends, summer holidays and Christmas leave should be distributed between the divorced parents. As the children were with the father last Thanksgiving, so it is with the mother this Thanksgiving.
I think the fact they swap holidays the child will learn if he throws a fit he can get his way. OP has the right to want her son’s with her on Thanksgiving day. I want to know what else is going on in these relationships? There maybe a lot more to this story.
@@dlc563 After tearing down the house, spend a few days in jail, they changed their minds about "making me"" stay at the unwanted house. Haha.
Story 3. OP should have communicated better, and then worn a well fitting right ring after the heirloom so it can't come off.
The last story sounds familiar, but around Christmas. OP Stated the kids got to choose but flipped out when they pick dad even though they had last Christmas with her. The kids also called the boyfriend's family boring and weird
With the ring: I like the comment about putting the heirloom ring on a chain. Some rings can't be resized without damaging the details and it probably could only be resized once. Also, hardly any chance of losing it with it around your neck on a chain where a big ring could slide off without noticing.
Seriously, the fiancé needs sent packing. OP does not need someone in his life who will cry SA falsely like that. He would be next.
Story 3: NTA. I wanna know if OP's fiance discussed this ring situation before proposing. It's also weird how the uncle assumed the fiance wasn't serious about OP because she wasn't wearing the heirloom ring. It's just a ring and this whole thing is weird.
Agreed. I hate how much people think you should just shut up and be great full for gifts or in this case a ring you never asked for. She’s uncomfortable wearing it and scared to lose something that important. Her feelings are valid and no op’s partner isn’t thinking of her feelings when he demands she wears it. He could just tell his family why she isn’t wearing the ring and if they have a problem with it they clearly have too much time on their hands to be worried about what someone else is wearing.
They did she would only wear the ring on special occasions.
It's just bad communication on both part, theirs a solution to this problem.
@@bluedragonfox Can you explain the bad communication on his part? Fiance gives op two rings one her style second his family heirloom then asks her to wear the second on special ocascions op agrees... So where is the bad communicagtion on his part???
The OP with the 2 engagement rings should look into ring guards. They range from inexpensive silicone bands that loop around and make the ring fit more snugly to a permanent thin bar bonded to the inside of the ring making it functionally smaller in size without cutting the band for a traditional resizing. OP could also look into getting a copy of the heirloom ring made from less expensive materials that she could wear more often
Story 1 NTA my mum did this to me when I was younger. Constantly comparing me to my younger sister who went to a private school. "If your sister did that exam, she'd have gotten a better grade" She didn't do it to give me a push. She did it to be a vindictive bitch knowing that was the only way to get at my dad, who had sole custody of me. It was incredibly damaging.
BS; that guy did the kid a favor by insisting that the thief said the words in front of his son, instead of hiding behind his mom.
Too many kids get away with no consequences, which is what was probably going to happen...
The mom didn't get defensive so that guy wasn't overstepping
Story 1 - I didn't see where OP mentioned his age, but it sounds like this has been going on for a long time. I call this bullying, because Dad has been asked to stop and didn't. Dad is an adult, and should know what he was doing to his child, or should have stopped when he was told. OP might have gone too far, but if so, it was done in an attempt to protect himself when the person who should have been protecting him was the one doing the bullying.
The thief story:
The kid who stole *was* hiding behind his mother and having her apologize *for* him, and that's not a real apology. That's plain old bad parenting, and it does not promote the idea of taking responsibility for one's actions. Yes, OP prodded the boy to speak up and make the apology in a timely manner, but if that's the worst he said or did, considering the school could have been involved and called for the thief's suspension (or worse), OP does not deserve the "YTA" label.
Story 1: NTA. Adults often forget that children and teenagers are also human and have real human feelings. Then they have the nerve to act like whiney pissbabies when their cruelty is turned around on them.
Story #1: it doesn't matter how well intentioned the dad was - it was still harmful. My mom spent my entire childhood responding to everything I did with - why didn't you do better? 100 on a test, why didn't you get extra credit. A huge fight between us later in life showed what she meant was what can you improve on for next time - how it came off and shaped me was- you're not good enough, your effort and work doesn't matter because you will never be good enough. And sometimes the only way to make someone see that their actions aren't coming off as intended is to be just as much of an asshole back.
S1: By that YTA commentator's logic, what Op said should've motivate and encourage him to grow as a person and father! As we can see, it obviously didn't. So why should it be expected for a child to feel that way when being compared? Op already tried expressing how much it hurt when he compares them to their brother, but the father kept doing it. As bad as it sounds, this tend to be the only way to make someone understand your POV .
Story number one, you are not the idiot. He will get over it you apologized Make sure you mean it Dad will get over it
One time when I was a freshman in High School, my "friends" dared me to steal a pack of gum from the store by the School. I did steal the pack of gum. I thought about it all night long. The next day, I walked up to the store owner and handed him 5 cents. He asked me "what is that was for?"
I answered, "it is for the pack of gum that I stole yesterday."
He smiled at me and said "thank You," and put it in the till. This was in 1960, and I have never stolen anything since. The people around where I live now do not think that stealing is bad. I have to lock everything up to prevent theft. It is sad!
If I saw one of these thieves, and they were in a life threatening situation, I do not think that I would help them. Maybe that makes me the villain, but that is something that I can live with.
Just be prepared. If you get married there will be arguments about when, where and how to wear the heirloom ring for the rest of your marriage from your spouse and in laws unless you are very clear that you really don’t want to wear the ring.
Last story: "Thanksgiving is a time for family son in gonna make my kids stay bawdy from their actual family and spend it with people who make them uncomfortable."
Good job. Way to tell your voids they don't matter.
That OP had a serious case of "me me me" syndrome. Everything she wants is reasonable and just and everything that makes her kids uncomfortable is unreasonable and ridiculous. She should be embarrassed with how much of a spoiled brat her grown woman but sounds like.
Okay but why do I feel like the dad won’t stop and will say worse things now because his little feel feels got hurt. Then instead of talking it out and I don’t know being the ADULT in the situation he starts acting like a child? Nah dads just upset his own actions were used against him.
Since he got OP to apologize repeatedly he’ll likely milk it and bring it up again the next time OP only earns an A and not A+
The last story forcing people to be with people they are uncomfortable with is waiting for a ticking time bomb.
The YTA comments in the first one are idiots. So, the dad can do it as much as he wants but op can’t do it back?? And then he wants to be the victim and start crying?
I can see why the first op omitted their age, because if they're sufficiently young the comments would have excused their hard words too easily, while if they is old enough they'd have raked them over the coals for being way too harsh. Sounds like a teenager either way though, so pretty damn emotionally intelligent if they're savvy enough to even ask these questions.
He asked her to wear the second ring.
She agreed she would.
Then she lied.
That's the problem right there. The lie.
For a couple bucks you can get something that goes under the ring that keeps it snug to the finger that way it doesn't fall off. She can also put it on a necklace and just put it on the finger when meat and greet and then put it back on the necklace for two and from.
@@melodyharpole8272 really?
I you have to get the ring resized cause that's a lot of money
Story 2: Umm…Op this women put her hands on your daughter and her bf, screamed and wouldn’t listen to your daughter and now is trying to gaslight and play the victim because the parents of the child she (essentially) assaulted, doesnt want her present during the convo…?
Yeah dude you need to RUN away from her
Story 2
So OP fiance is psychotic and needs to be an ex-fiance!
Boy: Exists
Fiance: "I'm calling the police!"
I believe you meant psycho. Maybe your phone autocorrected?
@@kitarrah1422 corrected
Whiplash? Almost like everyone on reddit isn't one hivemind...weird how that works. Different people having different ideas😱
The Mom who is trying to force their kids to bond with her boyfriend is the A-hole. They will NEVER bond with him.
S2, red flags with that fiance. Anyone who can't admit they are sorry need to be discarded.
Story 1: No no no!!!! Parents should never do that to their kids. My parents did that to both me and my sister. Bad idea! Each kid is their own person. One kid is going to excel more than the other! Never do that!
Heirloom ring: How did OPs fiance nit communicate? How is she not the AH in this situation? Her finace proposed with 2 rings, one of which he acknowledged was more her style for everyday wear and the family ring for special occasions such a family gathering (wedding). Did she bet tell her fiance that the ring is ill fitting and need to be resized because she almost lost it? Probably not if she openly agreed to wear to ring to the wedding (he asked her, not demanded her to do so) but she sneakily took it off and switched back to her other ring. Why hide it from him? He did nothing wrong and his disappointment is genuine. She hurt him because SHE can't communicate, not him.
Actually, he’s just as much at fault as op is. He’s at fault for caring more about what his family thinks and feels. He should have defended her, and told his family to back off. At the same time, op should communicate with her fiancé better. She could wear the family heirloom on a necklace so she doesn’t lose it, that’s what I do with my promise and engagement rings.
@@Ronin.Samurai I'd have to respectfully disagree. Why agree to it if she knew that's what it was? I'm not a traditional person by any stretch of the imagination and I'm not going to pretend to be. He communicated to her, she knew the history of the ring and still agreed. It wasn't forced on her. They're not ready for marriage if communication now is this shoddy. Family aside, she didn't even properly talk to the man that's supposed to be her life partner. He was even blindsided.
@@HunnieSuckle24 you are wrong on all levels. He clearly does not love her. If he did, he would not have given a ring to her he knew she wouldn’t like, and he would have defended her. You do not love your significant other if you can’t do those things. He is just as much to blame. When you are in a loving relationship, and have some maturity, you’ll understand this. You need to grow up, and accept the facts.
@@Ronin.Samurai 😂😂😂😂😂 you took that personal huh? How many of y'all are there on these pages. I'm not wrong, she's not a victim of an attack but you're attacking me for saying that she knew what it was and still accepted it. She could've said no. What are you, her attorney? You social media thugs are something else 😂😂😂😂
My father owned a grocery store. When he was SURE a child was shoplifting, he would have the child call their parent and tell them to tell him or her what they had done. Only once in twenty-five years did a parent tell my father that he was mean to their precious child.
I have four children and no two of them are the same. You cannot compare people, we are all different.
Bob the wallet thief story - OP, not the idiot, Bob hopefully learned a lesson that day, cause next time he may not be so lucky.
Imagine asking a peach why it can't be more like an apple. While they're both in the rose family, they're not the same!
With the one with the kid that stole, in a way I feel sorry for him. Yes, he was wrong for stealing. But, he shouldn't have been embarrassed in front of his friends. Plus, I think they said he was 13. There were other ways to handle this. Personally, I would have had him work off the funds by doing chores.
The step mothers extreme reaction sounds like she was triggered by a past trauma. I think she or someone close to her was assaulted.
She's not even the stepmother yet. They aren't married yet, so she is just the father's fiance. She overreacted and she refused to listen. She treated the daughter and her boyfriend horribly. Even if she was triggered, it doesn't mean she's allowed to treat the boy like that. And she doubled down when OP (the father) tried to discuss it rationally with her, instead of admitting that she overreacted and apologizing.
Story 1: Um, no, NTA. "Why can't you be more like.." Is ALWAYS a crappy thing to do. Especially when it's a parent comparing their own children. OP is also still the CHILD in the situation, and had already communicated to his father how he felt but the father ignored him. Sure he may have gone a little far, but he had warned his father several times already so it's not like he started out of nowhere.
There are words you can never take back. He’ll never feel the same way again.
3rd story: The ring could have been worn on a necklace during the event. Switching the ring last minute was definitely deceptive even if OP is prone to losing things. OP needs to definitely work on their communication skills.
It's super weird how some of the comments are basically "you're not the ahole OP, but if you don't treat your parents like children you will be!"
It's not the kid's fault the parent is lacking!!
1st story. Good for you, your dad got exactly what he deserved and you did nothing wrong. I had a biology teacher in high scool that in front of the whole class would compare me to my brother, how he was so good in class and I was so dumb and lazy. I had enough and in front of the whole class told him he was really stupid cause he could not even tell the difference between a boy and girl and that my brother really liked the class and I hated it and did not want to take it but had to to graduate. They can dish it but they can't take it.
From young till teenager, my brother had a stealing habit and he'd often shoplift at the grocery store. It wasn't expensive stuff he'd, mostly snacks or candy, and the habit came from the fact our mother was very strict on consuming those things. I also had a habit of stealing but I'd usually take loose change from my mom's pockets and buy candy at the school cafeteria.
Anyway, i remember when my brother was around 11 or 12 and he was taken home by the police and store security by the bijillionth time. They had caught him stealing some chocolate, i think. He was made to apologize to our mom, the store manager, the police and the store security agent. He did eventually learn his lesson and he didn't steal but i think he still remembers the embarrassment he felt all those years back.
A teenager is not too young to apologize, and i understand where the kid came from but heck, he could go around the neighborhood and ask for a fund? Or maybe offer elderly to do chores in exchange for money. Stealing is often not the answer and will most of the time lead to more issues
Story 1: you can encourage and support without comparing to siblings or other people.
Why don’t you tell them that the ring is a little large & it almost fell off your hand & got lost. So it needs adjusting.
Story 1: And i always thought, that comparing your kids is a BIG no-no...it's actually can lead to very deep traumas in kids and prevent them finding their own way in life
yeah ... fiance has anger issues. then again, there may be something in her background that was triggered by this. either way she needs therapy.
1st Story:
Love how commenter tried to justify using this tactic. Dad was hurt for things OP said as he went too far. ESH but lessons were indeed learned and perhaps a little perspective as well. Dad just needs time.
The OP said that They and their brother Peter wished that the Step-father was their biological father. They said they didn't mean it but that shit will never leave their father's head. No lesson was learned but a relationship might have been destroyed. They also might have nuked Peter and his father relationship too.
Ring story- How its boyfriend not communicating?he did told her to wear it and how important it is he did communicate. He ask her she agreed then gone behind his back. Only lack of communication lay on op side
Stolen Wallet Story 4. As one misguided comment said, it's not OP's role to parent the little thief. Granted, but it is OP's job to look out for his kid. So humiliate the kid? Hell yeah, I'm all in for that and tell him he should be grateful there's not police involved. I respect the mother but would respect her more if she had started with dragging Bob out to personally confess/apologize. A couple points people do not seem to realize..
1. Having found out how easy it was, who's to say he hasn't already ransacked several backpacks that same day or since?
2. Presumably, the delinquent is STILL going to get the jacket. I would have said keep the money, we want the jacket when it comes in. My son can keep it, sell it, or gift it to a friend. Bob shouldn't get to benefit in any way from this.
For these reasons, I would make the principal aware, tell him/her how you handled it (and school can decide if it is sufficient), they can be aware and check if there have been other thefts that Bob may have perpetrated. They can also see that the ill-gotten jacket is turned over to OP's son when it arrives.
Story 1: NTA. You told your father how the comparisons to your older brother made you feel less than, yet he continued to do it. He then got a taste of his own medicine and got all weepy. So, I guess comparisons to other people aren’t the morale booster that dad thought they were😏
Story 2: Your daughter and her boyfriend sitting together on the couch caused your fiancée to go into a rage, grabbing the boyfriend and kicking him out of the house. How can your daughter ever feel comfortable being around this woman again?😢
Story 3: Your fiancé should have given you the ring that you wanted, not the one that his family wanted you to have. What else will the family insist on? Your fiancé needs to grow a backbone😒
Story 4: Your wife is wrong. This kid brought embarrassment upon himself by stealing. You were a lot easier on him than the cops would have been😠
Story 5: Just because you fell in love with your boyfriend and his family doesn’t mean that your kids have to😟
S1. Dad probably made op cry many times with those comments. How many nights or hidden away moments where op cried in silence thinking father hates them and Peter is better than them in everything. Father has no right to gaslight op. Because now he has the just the tiny bit a trauma that op had to feel for years.
Story 1 - OP a tiny bit of an AH. Dad was asking for it. OP tried talking to him and the father "promised" to stop but went back at it. When are parents going to learn that EVERY single child is DIFFERENT? You can't go around pushing them to be like their sibling. It is not fair or proper. All they are doing with those comparisons is creating resentment and feelings of inadequacy growing up. The icing on the cake... daddy dearest is acting all butt-hurt instead of manning up and realizing that OP feels the same way EVERY single time he compares OP to Peter. Let's see how long it last before he goes back to compare you once again to... Peter.
Boo-hoo, daddy does not get to play the victim just because he was being a bully. Op just gave him a taste of his own medicine, would you rather she just take it?
Besides, comparing children and saying “ why can’t you be more like your sibling?” Is awful parenting.
Thief story...hard NTA. It's funny how redditors are so concerned about a delinquent's self-esteem. And don't give me the "because he's poor" crap...there are people who are third world poor who don't steal.
S1
It's not a lesson if it isn't explained or meant to teach. If OP never told Dad why they were making those comparisons, they're just as much a bully as their father.
OP1 just got a good lesson in saying things you can’t take back. The strategy wasn’t a terrible one but it was taken too far. Hopefully things work out all around.
People who are calling OP the idiot in the first story for doing this to his father, so you’re saying the father bullying is justified? Also in case you didn’t freaking read OP did try to explain it to her father, but did he listen no? Maybe after this the father would learn his freaking lesson about comparing his children to siblings. That’s bad parenting right there. So no, the Dad does not get to play victim after getting shot his own medicine. Maybe that way he’ll finally learn his lesson. If you can’t handle punches then don’t punch anyone. And honestly the dad sounds like a narcissist he only keep repeating his mistakes he’s not sorry.
Also on the story on the stolen wallet these YTA comments, yeah preach all you want because it seems like you guys don’t know anything about children or don’t have children yourselves. Since you don’t believe in actions having consequences, just the approach in their eyes opinion.
These people have the worst and most pathetic YTA a comments logic I’ve ever seen. And should learn how to read better.
People really need to shut the hell up about this “be the bigger person” nonsense because we all know Reddit does not know what it means.
Story 1: How is anyone on OPs side after that update. Did you all gloss over the part where she stated that "what I said about wishing my stepdad was my biological dad and wishing my mom had met him first"
What the fuck? That is not giving him his own medicine that is so far over the line!
I mean that's what happens when you constantly get compared to a sibling
Story 1: I'm sorry what....op told his dad he wished he wasn't his bio father..? Looks like a distant father is the consequences of their actions, coming from someone who knows. YTA
Nta. Dad shouldnt compare OP to his brother if he himself doesn't want himself compared to another.
Story 1
You should you sit and talk to your dad about not making comparison,as your are not Peter and everyone has different skills,,but you have a excuse you are young and everyone has different skills and their is not only one path not every one wants to go to Yale , so you and dad should start building a relationship with out Peter being mentioned
1st story: I don't think o.p. is an ah. Being compared to his brother all the time is hurtful. I'm sorry you're dad was hurt, but I feel it was justified.
Story 1 : YTA or NTA, I think the dad need the shock. Comparison only bring endless competition and resentment. Everyone is different, with their own strength and weakness. Making comparison is just sign of something wrong with parenting. The point is to be the best version of yourself, not being someone else.
Story 1: I'm curious about the YTA comment. Why do we expect kids to parent their parents? I understand OP's father was hurt, but he needs to be the adult, take a step back, and understand that his words have consequences.
Story 2: Fiancee is out of her tree. What she did wasn't childish, it was dangerous and insane.
Last story: that’s just how it goes as a kid. You don’t get what you want all the time. Actually that’s just life. You don’t get everything just because you want it. The plans have already been set and their dad might’ve always made different plans that keeps him front being able to take the kids.
Actually, a 15 year old could have more say in it than his mother is giving him. We know nothing about what the father wants.
S4) The 13-year-old theft, NTA
Reddit is once again wrong. OP did not bully the kid but gave him a chance to apologize for taking from his son. It wasn't "revenge" or an asshole move but making a young teen take accountability for his actions. More so the Mother seems to agree with OP if she didn't step in to call or berate him.
And if OP wanted "revenge" he could have made the mom pay him back in full instead of taking the little money she was able to give.
Story 1: I do feel bad for the dad and think his hurt is not "crocodile tears". OP did a harsh thing, but not undeserved and shouldn't feel bad.
Story -4.. kid stealing wallet..it's laughable to read people claiming simple apologies as revenge and public shaming ...well that's the way it is..if you steal you go to jail and it becomes PUBLIC RECORDS..!!! The audacity of some people.. 😀
OP was awesome!!!
"sometimes it is well intentioned and meant to inspire and uplift" ... maybe some think it's meant that way, I have never seen it taken that way though. Should be pretty obvious for everyone talking down to someone and comparing them to this way better person they can never reach is not going to do any good.
Story 1 - NTA. OP should not have stopped when OP made his POS father cry. Go full scorched earth. Let those years of anger and resentment flow out like a river. Don't stop until that relationship is completely and irrevocably destroyed.
Did someone spit in your cheerios or something? Don't worry the OP probably already destroyed their relationship alongside the older brother's too.
@@Jamlf dad did way before
@@Maestrosendgame This might be hard to understand. It actually takes some reading and listening skills, not really, but the OP doesn't hate their father. In the story they actually said both the father and step-father were good people. The OP said they were reactionary and didn't mean what they said. So the Dad wasn't damaging their child.
While the Dad was wrong and would have deserved a fair comparison this isn't what happened. Again if you listened or read the story this wouldn't have been that difficult to understand.
@@Jamlf I understand fully what the story was and what you’re saying, what I take issue is how it sounds like op told him multiple times to stop because that’s not helpful whatsoever and fosters resentment. He only stopped when op played his little game. I do not see how op could’ve done it differently if his father wouldn’t stop doing that