How you know you’re in a narcissistic relationship
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- Опубликовано: 30 апр 2024
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT. 
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The victim leaves with less than they came in with. The narcissist comes in with nothing and leaves with a lot more.
This is so true❤❤❤
correct!!!
Thank you
Hitting the nail on the head. So right.
It's so harmful
This is what Robin Williams said... I'd rather be alone than with people who make me feel alone.
💯👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
I so agree. I can say, hand on heart, that it was only when my ex was present that I felt I was drowning in such overwhelming loneliness. 💕
I met him and he was amazing! I was so sad when he passed. 😢
Being alone is OK. Being with someone who makes me feel uncomfortable or inauthentic is horrible.
Also this.
After so much struggles I now own a new house and my family is happy once again everything is finally falling into place!!
I'm 37 and have been looking for ways to be successful, please how??
Thanks to my co-worker (Alex) who suggested Ms Claudia Vecchi Nese .
She's a licensed broker in the states 🇺🇸
After I raised up to 325k trading with her I bought a new House and a car here in the states 🇺🇸🇺🇸 also paid for my son's surgery (Oscar). Glory to God.shalom.
God is more than enough for us, and his mercy is new every morning. Hallelujah🎉🎉🎉♥️
The loneliness you feel, especially when in a narcissistic relationship feels like being trapped on an island, looking for a connection but continuously stuck in a cycle of isolation and being unheard.
This is exactly what I was trying to say in my comment. I'm borrowing your words!
Very well said unfortunately. I’m so sorry you’ve been through it.
I remember a lover telling about her first marriage: "It was like being a mouse in a maze, but I could never find the exit."
@@nicholasschroeder3678
That’s a perfect description. It’s deeply heartbreaking.
And This.
The true insidious irony of these relationships is how “seen and known” they made you feel and yet they NEVER saw or knew you at all.
YESSSSS!!!!
until you figure this out. You stay because you never felt so “seen and heard”. Problem is you don’t realize why they are listening sooo intently until it is too late.
The funniest thing I remember is we were going through the drive thru at a Sonic and he was flirting with the young woman at the window and she ended up saying to him you remind me of my grandpa. Oh my gosh, the look on his face when we left was priceless 😂😂😂.
I love that
I watched a video that described how most men stop emotional development in their teenage years. That’s why they all want 20 yr olds no matter what age the men are. They still see themselves as teenagers or 20 year olds. It’s hilarious when the actual 20 somethings give them a reality check.
The one he had before me was 29 ans he was 45..urgh
Serves him right
That’s hilarious, thanks for sharing, I laughed out loud 😂
"Why do you like them?"
It feels familiar. If you grew up with that kind of behavior and treatment your attracted to it , even when you know it not right.
@youngblood8
Yes,
like a kind of addiction
to something familiar.
Having been
CONDITIONED
in ones formative years :(
“My” narcissist was very funny, intelligent, great sex. But of course, the CONTROL, the anger, the “mental cruelty.” The up down, up down. Finally, I was brave enough to leave and not look back.
That's how mine was too. I started watching these videos a couple of months ago and immediately recognized what was happening in my relationship, and knew I had to get out but couldn't quite do it. Well, last week was the discard. I'm angry at how it happened, but I also know it's the best thing that could have happened to me.
I really admire you for leaving and hope you're well on your way to healing. I'm just getting started.
Many don't even get that in their relationship!....
@@ReillyMerema333I’m glad your out now, regardless of how it came about. Good luck with healing and above all else DONT GO BACK!
Sounds like my narc soon to be ex husband.
Yes! When their charming mask falls off, and you see / feel the RAGE beneath. The black shark eyes. The temper.
1/ Entitlement
2/ Highly Manipulative
3/ Devaluing
4/ Gaslighting
5/ Silent Treatments
6/ Lacks Empathy
7/ Arogant Behavior
8/ Love Bombing.
9/Deflecting Responsibility
10/ Discarding.
The List Continues Narcissitic Abuse Is Brutal..
Brutal yes
What about false accusations and pathological jealousy?
@@user-qt6pc9se5d It Really Is
@@radmilasvensson4428 If You Kept Reading I Said The List Continues..
Seriously. It’s heartbreaking in a way I have no words for. I guess devastating and shocking are probably good ones.
Just left a 12 year relationship with a neglectful Narc…I can confirm it was worse than being alone 😔
Me too! 13 yrs.
I’ve been in one for eight. I am isolated and I’m so exhausted (and depressed) from dealing with him that I don’t feel like I have the strength to get out of this hole.
Having been born and raised by narcissists I realise that I've always been alone
Same here.. but now we have each other. We survived !! ❤️🩹💚
The third party in a triangulation is not always a person. It can be work, career, alcohol, pornography, internet addiction, gambling, football, golf, social climbing, God, church, whatever. It includes anything your partner becomes obsessed with, to the point that he or she cannot conduct a normal relationship with you and gets extremely defensive or antagonistic if you complain about it. Of course, work is important for everyone, and hobbies and interests too. But narcissists cannot engage in any of these things in moderation.
He was addicted to sports..sportporn..I called it...
You nailed it! My ex was completely obsessed with pickleball, so much so that it was the proverbial straw... He moved in with a female pickleball player less than a year after we separated.
The loneliness you feel when you experience narcissists in the family or relationship is pure horror this demons should be in jail or in a box
Yes, the loneliness, the eerie emptiness and the bone chilling fear.
Probably be a HELL of a lot of "people" missing if you had your way???
Maybe even a lot of ghost towns?
I just wish I had these videos 25 years ago. It would've saved me from more than half my lifetime of abusive pain and suffering. This bastard I married (thanks to flying monkeys pushing me into the relationship at a young age) had me so indoctrinated and gaslighted into believing his abuse toward me was always my fault that I believed I was worthless. Now that I finally broke the chains of trauma-bonding thanks to these videos, I'm trying to carefully navigate my way out of this mess that HE trapped me into financially. He crippled my ability to be on the workforce years ago when I would be working and come home to find he'd been verbally abusing my kids at the top of his lungs the whole time I was gone. So I quit to protect my kids because I had nobody else to take care of them as a result of HIM geographically isolating me from family and friends. I wish there were resources to help people like myself to get back on their feet without having to sacrifice their credit and resort to living in poverty.
I´m happy for you! You are brave! It is never too late. Good luck to you. I´m the same as you in my way out after 24 years of fake, abusive, gaslighted relationship with a covert narc. I find out the truth and I choose me. I will have my life back. Be safe❤.
Dawn, what responsibilities do you have in all this?
This happened to me as well. Bravo to us for leaving.
@dawn7733, I don’t know if you felt this way but for years ( i left a 20 year marriage 15 years ago). I was feeling shamed for leaving the marriage (for not making it work). Because of these videos (and by reading the comments in this community), I no longer feel shamed. It’s such a freeing experience. Thank you Dr. Ramani.
@@paulmilwee9940 don't interrogate me like a narc. I take it you feel defensive because I used the term "bastard" referring to a MAN because you are a man. Understand I'm referring to ONE man who has nefariously and abusively done me wrong for a LONG time, not YOU or any other man. And this specific man has more than earned the title of BASTARD 10X over. HE is a covert narcissist who drops the ball with EVERYTHING placing it all on my shoulders. By the end of the day, I'm taking on all the damn responsibilities because he feels entitled not to do anything outside his working hours because I don't make a paycheck as a stay at home mother despite the fact he makes a very good salary. He measures my value like that of a hooker, by how much money she makes. Doesn't matter that I take care of EVERYTHING with my unpaid labor for him. I'm going non-stop with NO BREAKS & NO WEEKENDS to his appeasement to run me ragged from the time I wake up early in the morning till I pass out at night from over exhaustion. Because if I don't run myself ragged then he punishes me severely either by verbal abuse or physical. You happy now? Shame on YOU for interrogating me like my f***ing covert narcissist husband would. If you still feel I'm wrong for feeling the way I do, then perhaps you should keep scrolling and not engage further. As any further negative rebuttals would be an act of classic narc DARVO. Hopefully you're an innocent bystander. I would hope you're not a narc poking the bear and instead do the smart thing and back away.
Sometimes we live in this fantasy world that if we don't think about it we are not experiencing the abuse. That's when we should know.
He acknowledged me, when he needed me to do something for him! Rarely ever reciprocated unless it benefited him as well.
This was my life for so many years. I was always so hopeful only to be let down.
Omg..I'm so glad I found this community and Dr. RAMANI...Thank you all...I feel like there are alot of people that walked my walk! Whew! I'm not the crazy one!
What did I like about my narc ex? The person he pretended to be. After the mask fell, he turned out to be empty. The only thing that mattered to him was getting shallow attention from random people he fooled into thinking he was a good person. The way he prioritised these random supplies over us was actually what made me realise that I will never be his first choice and that that wasn't really a relationship. I cut all contact over two years ago and have been doing great since. Even made some really wholesome friendships on the way.
they pretend they are people pleasers but they're only people pleasers to everyone but you. PREACH
The loneliness is loud to us alone.
Being a single married person is the worst kind of loneliness…!
The silent treatment, invalidation, dismissiveness, entitlement, lack of accountability makes me feel alone - so now I am the one who doesn't give affection which makes him feel alone and I am told that I have no reason feel the way I do because he doesn't do any of the things I mention. 😢 It is so hurtful. I am so sad now.
I liked a whole lot of things during love bombing, then spent 20 years wondering where that “person” had gone. The problem is that this deception has tainted most of my memories. Knowing what I know now, I don’t like him one bit.
I like the fact that the narcissist in my life feels that I am so truly valuable that he wants to hold on to me. Even though he wants me to feel insecure, he is actually the one who is insecure and feels valueless. Any negativity is not against me, it lies within himself.
My husband of 25 years was more covert. I literally had more freedom than most women in normal relationships, it's like he was almost totally disinterested in me as a person and absorbed in his own life. He wasn't home much and when he was, he was absorbed in his own activities. However, he would do things for me and offer bits of affection here and there. Often sex, on his timetable, was the most attention I got and even then it felt disconnected and mechanical, he even kept his head turned to the side, not even looking at me at the time. It didn't really feel like an expression of love. The nasty side would usually come out in an argument, in the form of insults, putdowns, etc. But most arguments were in email or text messages as he hated any verbal confrontation at all. I definitely felt lonely. He definitely talked to other people and spent time with them, just not with me. Is all that still narcissism?
Sounds exactly like my ex.
What I thought I loved about my narcissistic ex husband, only existed in my own head. 🙏💕
I loved him because he was brilliant, clearly having so much potential to do great things! But he never pushed thru. He was charming, funny, and an excellent writer. He just carried himself with such confidence that I felt I could hold his hand and be safe. Thing was? All an illusion. He was that, but not for me, at least not after a time. Everyone else was worth these quality out of him rather than me, his wife, his best friend of 10 years. A random woman on the internet was a lot more fun to be with than me.
The crazy part is that I can name 3 people in my immediate family that have very strong narcissistic tendencies. My parents and one of my sisters. Can you imagine how lonely I’ve been? The trauma I experienced growing up? It’s no wonder my ex ended up being one. Being subjected to narcissism has always been the norm for me. I didn’t even know it was abuse until I did some research and started therapy almost 3 years ago. I had no idea what narcissism was, but thanks to online resources like this RUclips channel, I’m learning how to set boundaries and protect my peace of mind. Definitely not easy, but oh so worth it.
This is so eye opening, please ask yourself that question “what you like about that person” my therapist once asked me “what does he do for you?” And I couldn’t answer it, I dodged the answer and when I was to finally able to answer it the damage was already done…. This was my second time with a narcissist, only this time I was able to get out earlier than the first one and I see that as an improvement and not as being dumb for a second time.. I don’t blame myself because being with a narcissist person for 12 years will do something to you…. Always look for the cup half full and never half empty.
Yep I too went out of the frying pan (took a bit of alone time) then into the fire. They can see us a mile off! Wiser now & didn't take me 20++ years to escape the 2nd one 🙏🏻
@@allthingsnewlife wow… 🫤 good thing is we learn.
I loved that they encouraged me, they encouraged me to apply to grad school, they encouraged me to set boundaries with people, and when things were good we would laugh together and I loved when they made me feel needed/wanted emotionally. Unfortunately they also made me feel awful and threatened to break up with me frequently whenever they felt like I switched to being a burden/someone they needed to care for.
The one I'm with, it's the sound of his voice. He always sounds calm and warm hearted. He's fooled me with it. He's fooled others with it too: " I'm so concerned about her", with a sane sounding, calm, victim voice.
My name is Karen. It is difficult having that name, since the internet decided to use my name as dehumanization.
(By the way, there is actually an ethnolinguistic group of people - a race - named "The Karen People" in Myanmar.)
BUT, I didn't actually hear the narcissist use my name for almost two decades, unless it was to slam me for something he perceived as an injury to him. He taught our children my name was "mom."
I am 3 decades out from that marriage. I am still isolated, alone, lonely, and now I deal with the general public being abusive about my name.
I saw the beginning of the video, and I can't even bring myself to watch the entirety of it, because of the pain and loneliness I still deal with (despite counselling).
I hope you can reach many people. I appreciate your videos.
Change your name, kid. You won't regret it.
Dear ❤ I so empathize with you, It is so ignorant and childish that people enlisted a popular name and a beautiful name like that karen, to astrosize and redicule, every karen I ever knew was the most empathetic and beautiful - hearted women. the way I see it it's narcissists who created this karen meme nonsense, Just like everything narcissist do they gaslight and turn everything around on the good people. Anyway, dear Karen just know intelligent non narcissistic people know you're beautiful And treasure your name karen 😊
So sorry to hear about your experience, but good for you getting out🤍
Also, I know this is just coming from some stranger on the internet, but I have a very positive association with the name, Karen. I had an amazing high school teacher that was so motherly and kind, and her first name was Karen. Her nickname was “Karen Cares” because she was so empathetic with all the students!
@@jankuya What a stupid thing to say.
First of all, don't call me "kid." You do not have permission to use a nickname.
Names are identities.
People in the LGBTQ++ communities choose the names they love.
I happen to love my name - it means "pure" and "light."
How dare you say something as insensitive and supportive of abusers (allowing abusers to continue to abuse, and telling a survivor to be the one to change)?
@@shinykazzadragonSeems that the counseling is working. Great job standing up for yourself!
Thanks Dr Ramani for fostering this type of healing community. All of your work is very much appreciated. Take care
I got really stuck at this point. It caused me to stay way longer than I should have. In the end, no matter if he was or wasn’t, his idea of love, commitment and a relationship were so different from what I believed that we were just incompatible. Toxic is toxic whether it be NOD, BPD, addiction, etc.
“What do you like about them” is a very valuable question.
He likes to tell me, in detail, about his past relationships in school. Things he did for them to make them( the girls) feel special or loved. Extravagant things,trips,and events he did. Then he tells me, but I dont have to do those things for you. Thats why i love you.
When I finally got away I felt so much relief. Several hoover attempts since then but I’ve been staying strong and ignoring it. I hated feeling so “stuck”. Finally getting over the euphoric recall too. Taking it day by day.
Oh yeah! I never believed that I was an insecure person but he broke that with this triangulation. Thank you for addressing these little but huge issues !
Madam..it takes me almost double the video time to watch your videos because I pause it so many times and apply to my own life..is anyone else like me??I feel every word of yours has so such much depth, intensity and meaning, that one should experience the narc abuse to fully get it..your videos make dead people walk again with life..keep the good work going and save lives..
I've recently come across Dr. Ramani and she is amazing. I knew that I'm dealing with severe emotional and mental abuse. Even a horrible physically abusive situation which caused me to need surgery to repair the damage. I am literally all alone in this and have no one in my corner. My two children are here with me too. This relationship has completely shattered me and broke me down in such a way that I have never experienced before. My partner is definitely a narcissist in every way. I've gone through so much with him and I literally can't handle any more. My health is being greatly affected by the stress and anxiety I'm dealing with. I need help!!!!😢 Dr.Ramani, thank you for all the hard work you put into spreading knowledge of narcissistic abuse and narcissism. I know I'm not the crazy person or the constant problem that he says I am. I just try to stick up for myself and point out what isn't ok to do to your partner or just people in general. I'm crying everyday and this is literally killing me and I have no where to go and no friends or family that can help. What can I do? I'm so worried about my children and myself everyday. I need help. 😭😭😭😭😭
My ex was comparing his first daughter (unfavourably) with her cousin of a similar age during a conversation with his mother, myself, and friends during a dinner party. Not realising the dynamics of his relationships and the personalities involved, I said, "but they're so different, you can't expect (daughters name) to be like (nieces name)". The sudden silence around the table with all eyes on me was so weird to my brain at the time. He didn't speak to me for days afterwards... like living inside a refrigerator, he was so cold.
12 min mark Exactly!!!! Hard lessons to learn... keeps you following their deceit.
Where I am at now in my healing prosess. When you ask what do I like. First word that came up was NOTHING!
And the ones I am connecting with now. I can feel safe, relax being myself and I laugh again 😅🙏🌈❤️
I remember Love boat!
My husbands narcissistic supply is from work. He’s always talking about how his boss or colleagues always compliment him & most of his conversations about work are almost always about how good he’s doing.
Granted, I am proud of him for working his butt off. But I can tell that it’s his supply & he loves it
This.
I'm happy to be alone now.
There is a certain 'peaceful' quality to being alone, IMHO
I liked how much we both loved movies and dogs. I loved how insanely witty they were. Such a creative mind…but also a very manipulative mind. Things were only good when they had control over the environment and had my full attention.
"A three-some to which I didn't agree to" EXACTLY!
But worse: in my case it was the "non-ending-more-some" because he always got new patients to flirt with! And I always felt we were emotionally not alone, an insight which he never aknowledged.
When you listed all the reasons someone may stay: obligation, guilt, fear, hope... I'm sitting here thinking, all of the above. The only one that's only a partial true for me is the fear of being alone. I don't fear being alone, but am giving it more of a chance than I would have in the past because I've promised myself that if this one ends, I'm spending the rest of my life as a solitary woman. (Except that I do have a daughter. So I won't be completely alone. )
I liked that i could help her through issues. It made me happier to be in her corner. And to ask for her to be in mine. I thought we were a team and were going to overcome our pain together. That was our wedding vows. And instead she just discarded me. And us. Even when i pitched couples counseling for years.
Thank you, Dr Ramani! You ARE an emotionally-sobriety antidote to a very confusing, crazy making reality ❤
It really clicked for me when I heard a survivor say, "I think I would feel less lonely if they were not around". Being around a Vulnerable, Neglectful narcissist feels like Tom Hanks in Castaway. Another comment here said it perfectly, "The loneliness you feel, especially when in a narcissistic relationship feels like being trapped on an island, looking for a connection but continuously stuck in a cycle of isolation and being unheard".
When you said it's even worse than being alone, I felt that deep deep in my gut. So many nights we spent "hanging out" in the living room or garage and whole time he's not acknowledging My presence. I suffered in silence 🔕 until I got the courage up to confront the behaviors. Its been a mess but you have helped me tremendously and for that I thank you very much ❤
Thank you for all you do Dr Ramani.
Exactly thank you for being there for all of us! Thank you!
1 Corinthians 7 1Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good to abstain from sexual relations.a 2But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.
3The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife.
5Do not deprive each other, except by mutual consent and for a time, so you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again, so that Satan will not tempt you through your lack of self-control.
10To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.
12To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If a brother has an unbelieving wife and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13And if a woman has an unbelieving husband and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his believing wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.
15But if the unbeliever leaves, let him go. The believing brother or sister is not bound in such cases. God has called youb to live in peace. 16How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
Thank you again For the doting, I’s and crossing the T’s it’s unbelievable, there are so many of them out there so many people going through the same abuse
Don't let anyone take away the things and people you love in life. Family, pets, hobbies, job, the way you dress. Those things are a 4:30 n integral part of you. If they can't accept you and your normal needs, run.
Yes, my baby’s daddy/ex always flirted with the restaurant server, always talking about gay guys taking him if I don’t, always trying to make me jealous with all his girlfriends while we were together. I honestly feel like he cheated our entire relationship often on for 15 years, although he would never admit it. When our children were kindergarten, they woke up one morning and caught him under a blanket with another woman with
his butt going up and down while I was in the bedroom sleeping. that’s when I realized he would never admit it
Regarding the loneliness: Go to an Al-Anon meeting!
As always. You hit the nail on the head. Thank you.
My ex narc's 3rd person is his brother..who he after 13 yrs..picked up and moved from Az..to PA...to live with him and his family in his basement..quit work..sold his car...and drove 33.hrs..straight and was proud of himself! Olo
Wow Dr. Ramani, once again you hit the nail on the head with that question. Thank you for all what you do for us to help brining awareness to this mess! 🙏🏻
I am shocked at how much this described my last relationship with my narcissistic ex-fiance. I almost married him, but we called off the wedding the day of (2/24/2024) and I called off the engagement the next day. I am so so thankful that I didn’t lock myself into a lifetime of misery.
Dr. Ramani, you have been a key piece of my healing journey. Thank you so much for your insight and empathy ♥️
You know what they hated about me. I got shouted this at me frequently after proving what I say. “Why are you always right!”
Yes, good days with them are far and few between.
This video is really good! It makes you examine your entire toxic relationship and examine yourself 😢
This honestly goes well with what I'm going thru at work... a co worker of mine has a good week, then boom 💥 the next she's pissed as if someone scratched her car and flattened her tires... it's tiring working with a personality like that. Last night she seemed to be in a good mood, but I'm not falling for it anymore, I'm sure it won't last. She's always on defensive mode... me and a couple of co workers are thinking about writing to HR because it's energy draining 🙃
My ex could change mood, as if he were a completely different person depending on where we were and who was watching. It was something that took awhile to pick up on, but once noticed, I couldn’t unsee it.
We just broke up because of my behavior. But my behavior was because I didn’t like myself around them!! He brought out the worst in me.
I liked a lot of things about my ex narc friend.... until she withdrew everything of it to the point nothing was left but a snob obsessed with getting a reaction out of me with subtle but obvious narc actions and ton of bs with no interest to improve things.
I welcome radical acceptance and no contact
My husband is so cold, calculated, and cruel. I feel so lonely from the constant neglect and cruelty he deals out.
wow Doctor Ramani Thank you
🤍...I m David honestly love your teachings ji.
Even such videos are helpful! Thank you! ❤❤❤❤❤
What I loved about him was what he pretended to be. He is empty and left us for other sources of supply even though we were his family.
This is wonderful.
Great video dear Doc, thank-you for reminding me that to leave my Ex was the best I could have done!❤🙏🏻
To your question: min 19-21
I can confirm that he was always keeping me on edge from the very beginning because he made comments about how nice or interesting some of his female patients were! At that time I hadn't heard about triangulation but I knew that some of them brought him intimate gifts and love letters because of his poor boundaries. Thank your channel I learned that he was doing this on purpose to provoke a reaction from me and then he called ME jealous or crazy! And he invalidated every healthy argument I brought up. He never admitted that his behavior was disrespectful to me and I had a terrible feeling that I called "being invaded" from his favorite patients until I realized he couldn't live without them because he needed them as daily supply.😢
I liked the way he made me see myself in the idealisation stage
The comment that people in trauma bonded relationships can't explain why they like/ love the person really hit home. That is exactly how someone I know responds to questions about their husband. "Oh, you know, I just love him." I always thought this was strange but didn't know why it seemed strange. This makes a lot of sense.
Dr. Ramani, thank you for sharing your experience and knowledge with us. New aha moments, gazing at people (mostly attractive women), constant mention of certain attractive colleagues, and once when I came home from early morning run was accused of meeting someone instead of running 🤷♀️
Really reminds me of Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde
Exactly, this is my husband.
Arrested development has the best narcissists. The mother is great "forget but never forgive"
classic Dr. R ❤
When their Actions are Constantly OPPOSITE of what they promise and Claim or Claimed in the beginning, and then it's Lies, Denials, Justifications and Scapegoating . But SomeHow, it's "Never Their Fault ......Ever ....!" ....according to them ....
Oh wow!!! You just described me.
But honestly, I’ve never even thought that out. There are things I appreciate, but like??? Hmmmmm.
I never even realize growing up that my parents were narcissists, but they were in extreme narc mode.
They can not say the word LOVE because they can not feeling it!! If they say it , its for show!!!
I was 14, he was 25 and said "even though your mom doesn't love you, I do" my mom was struggling with being abused and alone herself, but she did love me in the ways she was able - always driving a wedge, I was a CHILD!!!!
24:55 - Thank you for answering a question I've had for over a decade. I believe she only maintained this level of interest in me for years because I used to work with tons of women.
What do I like about people who aren't antagonistic? People who neither use me the way narcissists do, nor overwhelm me with their expectations the way empaths do? Such rare individuals do exist, thank God! What I love about them is that they allow me to breathe, to be who I am.
Excellent presentation, esp about triangulation
Dated.a guy for a while and it was always something. His Daughter was like his narcissistic Mother, Sister enables him to get his money that his poor dead wife left him when he croaks, he worked with a gal that was quote “just a friend” yet when I went to his work event she had nothing to do with me and didn’t even want to meet me. This guy played all ends against the middle. Now I know, thanks to you, why I left this jerk. The chaos was way too much for me and you just reinforce what I did was correct. Thank you! 🥰
That's my last 10yrs if the 20yr marriage. Very lonely
Oh I can relate to all of those examples Dr. Ramani, I have a million I could give, but one that actually made me laugh in his face was, “oh, weren’t your nails red this morning? Oh, no, that. Must have been “Donna” at the bank, I remember noticing how sexy it looked”. What an ass! I could NEVER say something like that to my partner… and actually think I was being received in a positive way. I’m still with this person, and I used to get really upset over these things, but I’ve changed, now I spend my time planning a future without him and talking to God about it. Love you Dr. Ramani!!!
Yes, my ex-husband did exactly this, adding his best friend's wife into our relationship, consistently compared me to this new woman his friend had remarried, how I should dress like her, always talked about how we should do a three-some, lack of boundaries with any female friends, and if I questioned, then I was called insecure. Always talked about how other friends were having exciting sex. And on on...
I have strong boundaries and hardly ever communicate with my narcissist mother. However, my mom always finds a moment to tell me, "Regardless of what kind of daughter you are, I love you" I would never say such things to my own children, who are 24 and 34 years old. You never good enough to them, but they are always "good" and "generously concerned" about you. Toxic and evil people!
Just got discarded by a narc. My body knew on our 1st date that he was a narcissist; but I ignored the yucky feelings, gaslit myself and explained away his abbhorent twists of personality and behaviour. People - when you have an inkling, listen to your body!!! It knows before the rational mind does.
My father was the narc and my mother was between a rock and a hard place. I had a resident grandma who was my ‘soft place’ and I became a good reader quite young so I had another escape. I became independent by 5 or 6 crossing roads to go to the playground or visit my cousin. I married a narc and towards the end he never spoke to me. We lived in a small town and I was not permitted to have a driver’s license. I was on my own for 27 years before being sucked in by another narc. He dumped me, after moving me 1000 miles away, because I was not very compliant. Now I am free to be me once again with plenty of books and a few new friends.
Thank you
The best thing is to remember you are worthy. Pay attention to how you feel. With my husband, I only felt love and feeling safe and supported. Never felt that with the narcs. Waiting game is right with the narcissists. The good days don’t last.
What I find with people with these traits is that they sometimes act like they’re more than what they really are. I know a co-worker that I have kept in contact from a restaurant and he bragged to me how much money he made as a Reveran for a church. He said he made $40 k a year. Then he bragged about how he made all kinds of money from the auctions but then when he heard that I might be buying property from my dad. He was first in line to rent from me. Six months ago when I got into an argument with my dad and I needed council he said I could be a room mate. All of this seemed really fast and the guy was from Texas. I didn’t know him very well. I ended up having to hold off from buying land from my dad and he told me that he was getting out of his lease with his landlord because he was raising the rent and was kind of looking at me to save him from homelessness and when I wasn’t going to do it. He kind of stopped talking to me, no phone calls, no texts, no emails. Do you think I dodged a bullet?
When we have a good episode when out once we get in car alone the mask falls on the floor and he becomes again that narc demon
Good point!!! In fact, I realize I don’t like him at all!!! 👍🏻
That neglectfulness was awful and I’m so glad I got away. The breadcrumbing and trauma bond from that thing was horrible. When I think of an answer to that question you asked about “what do you like about them?” The only thing I can up with is that she was beautiful. We had nothing in common. The age difference was too much. She didn’t want the things I wanted. It was such a huge waste of 12 years of my life. It’s still so hard to believe that I lost the whole decade between age 40 and 50.