I'm Over 40 and I've Never Been Married. This is Why
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- Опубликовано: 4 июл 2024
- This was a hard topic for me to talk about- in fact, I've never really talked about this with anyone but family. But I hope there are lessons in my journey that might help you or people you know. Let me know.
Hello! I’m Dr. Jen. I'm a Board-Certified Family Physician, on-air health expert, and video creator. Welcome to my RUclips Channel and thank you for watching this video! Let me know what you think and please subscribe to my channel above / drjencaudle .
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xo Dr. Jen
I needed to hear this. God has given me everthing I wanted except a husband. I would have never imagined I still be single at almost 43. It is so hard to date as you get older.
Hang in there! We got this!
Truly people talk about us I mean we like failed in life no children oh my
Don't give up on love. Stop listening to the sisterhood stay out of the echo chamber. Those places spew hate & fear. Marriage is not for everyone & every female should not try to have kids just cause they can. If one does not value marriage (male or female) should not have children.
It's time to stop doing things in a backwards way & start doing it the straight forward way. Do it the right way all the way
Did Somebody say that their looking for a Husband, well today is your Lucky Day 🍀
🤗 don’t mind me Guys I’m always joking around with people in the comments
I didn’t get married until 42. Child of an alcoholic (low self esteem, low confidence) and I dated men who were unavailable. Took me years to figure out who I am and I wasn’t going to settle for any man. Then in 2000 broke my car mirror and had to go to the dealer and he was an advisor there, rest is history. He had two children and we had one when I was 47 naturally. Yes, in this life one has to follow one’s own journey and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise 😊
I got married at 39, a month shy of turning 40. Funny thing is my now husband was someone I had met 4 years prior. We spoke for a while, and I ghosted him. Then I saw him again two years later and we were inseparable. We got married two years after that. Sometimes you can meet the right person but not at the right time. We both went through things (both together and apart) that prepared us for where we are right now.
As a happily married woman of 13 years,I approve this message!
Leah Gilliam, thank you for the encouraging testimony. 37 and never married here. I met my dream guy almost 3 years ago but he ghosted me. I believe my story could be like yours! Regardless, I’m happy you found your man and this gave me hope 😊
well said, but you got lucky, at age 40 a single woman has less than a 5% percent chance of ever being married, why ? men don't want older wives and your fertility is mostly gone by then
I think we need to normalize being single. People act like it’s some sort of disease or sign of dysfunction, as though the married folks aren’t dysfunctional too!
i agree :-)
True
I agree...
The married folks aren't happy.
It is rather dysfunctional though. Be honest
There are certain advantages in being married and there are certain advantages in staying single... trouble is we can't have both... Nevertheless, true happiness does not depend on whether or not we're married.
TRUTH!
@@DrJenCaudleSingleness is an option but if you decide to stay single then enjoy your life but stay away from illicit sex. Stay away from sex with a man that you are not married to because it's illegitimate. Having sex outside marriage is a crime in every constitution.
So well said! ❤
@@chimakalu5195Horrible advise!!!! I will pray for you!!!
@@chimakalu5195 Having sex outside of marraige is permissible in many cultures. However, never permissible in nearly all practicing faiths reg of the culture.
I’m over 40 and I do not regret that I am not married. I refuse to settle down to just anybody just bc I want a relationship that may not be conducive to mind body and soul. And that is important to me.
I got married a year after meeting my husband. It was too soon. I was only 25 but the pressure (society) was high. A decade later, we still have issues and we both know that we’re not soulmates. It’s 💔 to be in a marriage and feel so lonely. But the most painful thing is our kids thinking that what love looks like.
Oh wow- your testimony is so helpful - I so appreciate your honesty 💚
@@DrJenCaudle thank you
I honestly do not believe that your spouse MUST be your soulmate but rather a great life partner with whom you share many other qualities. Friendship, companionship, lovers, confidant teammates etc. We have so many great friends in our lives whom we love and cherish and would do anything for...but that doesn't necessarily mean that that is your BEST FRIEND! You may already a best friend. I believe, even with a soulmate there are periods of loneliness-that just marriage if you are together long enough- that is why it's important as a woman to have your own life and interests. I am a believer that a spouse can not fulfill EVERY single need nor can a spouse MAKE you happy. Happiness is the responsibility of the individual. A spouse can ENHANCE your happiness. Depending too much on a single person is a lot of pressure for someone. Ladies, find a hobby,,, join a gym, dog walking group, a painting class, or a traveling group. It took me a long time to understand this concept until I went to Michelle Obama's: Becoming" tour. She too struggled for a bit in her marriage...but they stuck with it! We have been together 20 years and married 14! Hang in there. Marriage will always have ebbs and flows and not one marriage is perfect!
It breaks my heart to hear you're lonely in a marriage. You deserve to be happy. I pulled out of 2 engagements in my younger years cuz something just didn't feel quite right. So, I didn't get married til almost age 46 to the love of my life. Currently, I'm a 65yo widow in a "relationship" that I'm learning is not the best for me. I was single for many yrs after losing my husband and doing just fine. Being single is natural...we're born that way unless you're a twin, lol. But, its great to be single versus being in a bad relationship or marriage. Single life has many advantages. Never feel pressured to get married if its not right for you.
Yes, you can be lonely in a marriage just as a single woman. " Love cannot be found where it doesn't exist." Some married women are also single. Give it to JESUS, HE will fix it.
The only thing worse than being alone is wishing you were.
Ooooph- that just hit home. 😞
That's very deep. It makes me so very grateful in my lifelong singleness of 64 years. I thought of freezing eggs in my 40s and attempted the process at 50 until my fertility doctor left the practice before and my med school dreams collapsed in my senior year prior to being accepted into a residency. Anyways, I returned home, worked fulltime and took care of my widowed mother until she just passed in this past October 2023. God had other plans. I still hope my husband finds me and God will become a first time "Sarah" in this modern-day age. I am still physically fit, athletic and sharp ready for God to show me the directions from here. Thank you for being there for me for moral support eight years ago, Dr Caudle.
Let's skip and go straight to how this lady is absolutely gorgeous and doesn't look older than thirty years old. I am married and wouldn't mind being single again. It's about time women stay true to themselves and appreciate who they are. Very inspirational ❤
Her age isn't the issue, she just isn't as pretty as she thinks she is
Jen, be happy with where you are. Being single is a blessing for some of us. I was with a man for 24 years and had 3 lovely children. He walked in 2020 with his young girlfriend half his age. My life is great. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks about you. Enjoy your single life.
Thank you so much 🙏🏾
I know a female doctor that married once 30 yrs ago and never remarried. No kids , her Doctor husband ran off with a nurse. Never got over it, never wants to talk about marriage. She’s now 57, her career and church volunteering is what she does. That’s what she wants now. You are a D.O. That’s an incredible accomplishment, married or not you are a winner 🎉👍
Thanks a lot. Very nice for you to say
@@DrJenCaudle you are a blessing and winner...
Amen to that. Yes you are a winner Married or not. Marriage it's not what people try to paint a picture that it is. It's better to be single than wish you were. There's a reason for singleness. People are extremely flawed. Jesus never married either.
Being a black, educated and a professionally successful woman is kryptonite to some men. I’ve literally had men say to me, “what do you need a man for?” So short sighted! Settling is a dangerous concept when you are considering a lifetime commitment. I’m over fifty and after being single for over a decade found the right one. He’s out there but it may take a minute. Cheering you on Doc!
Omg you are so so right! Kryptonite is the TRUTH for some! Hang in there and thank you for your kind words!
Me too
What do you need a man for? Lol wow yea because professional women shouldn’t dare want love, companionship, commitment and a loving relationship. Sad .
Ha it is not kryptonite…I have many black female doctors married to other doctors. They know how to prioritize a relationship
Yes Doc, don't settle have fun and explore doctors from Africa or the Caribbean or other ethnicities. Don't limit yourself to just black men alone. You will be single for a long time!
Exactly, so many people stay in toxic relationships just to say they have someone. I took years to heal trauma and learn self love and inner peace, and now being in my 40’s. I can finally say, when I enter into a relationship, that’s a healthy relationship. I can enjoy it while still growing and continue on my self love journey❤❤
Yea and raise children in hell life. Your super selfish and narssisistic if you marry and have children just for the show.
IKR. I have a buddy now married with 2 kids. And the relationship was toxic before they were married but he still chose to get married.
@@gerardmcmillan8591 Well that is a bad environment for the kids if their resolving their problems in a toxic way in front of them. They should have not gotten married nore had kids.
@GuidetteExpert I think he likes that drama actually though. He chose her, she didn't choose him. And I think that is part of the problem, she felt like she settled for him.
most stay because they're toxic too and understand that's what they deserve. why do we have to make up language to try and make one side sound better than the other? and I guarantee you wouldn't survive if you actually went through any actual trauma. A break up is not traumatic
It’s OK to be single. Don’t worry about what other people think or say about you.
It’s better to be single and happy than married and miserable.
New subscriber here.
You telling a woman who is 40 and unmarried and wants to be married to not worry? Good Lord. And you are saying that it's better to be single and happy than married and miserable, clearly she is not happy most women are not happy to be single at 40. This advice you are giving is dog shit advice.
I agree with you 💯 Correct. But what I hate is being single and going to bed with someone who is not legally married to you. This is very disgusting. Sleeping with illegitimate person who is not married that's the worst thing to do.
@@chimakalu5195 So, don’t go to bed with anybody. Be celibate. Sometimes it’s the best choice.
Don't worry Dr Jen, you're wonderful just live in peace, people who are married are not better than those who are not married, there isn't anything wrong with anyone who isn't married over a certain age.
Preach 😄
Your view is so apt and timely.Truly encouraging.My love for D J increases anytime I watch her clips.She is real and true to to herself. DJ,I love you.Sure, you are fully back now(From being down health wise)?
Very true.However,she inspires me regularly and to have Dr Jenny as a friend who be remarkable.
Had to go back and look at this....
It will happen Dr Jen Caudle.......
Not everyone wants to be married and that’s ok.
You’re gorgeous. Amazing. And if you want to be married you will be. It’s just a matter of time
thanks so much. appreciate this
Not only want, some people aren't meant to be married.
She saying she wants to tho😮
@@Tanniab09Correct. Some people just should not marry. Co-parenting will become a norm in the very near future.
@@addosolar537 nah. the people with these ideologies will thankfully fall out of the gene pool in the next few decades and the normal people can go back to advancing society
❤️ You Dr.Jen. You remind me sooo much of my daughter who’s turning 40 this month (you both are kind, smart and beautiful women) and she hasn’t found her “one” yet either. Like I tell her…God has a plan for you, stay prayerful and live your life to the fullest in joy and peace.
Oh wow! Happy birthday to your daughter!! Praying she finds the one- and thank you!
You Women need to stop praying. Getting a man is just like getting a job. You have to get out an work at selling yourself.
@@sheltonmackey6449oh EXPERIENCE TALK~
However just KEEP IT TO YOURSELF!
If you come to argue then continue I don't give a SH*T bout it~
sounds like you failed miserably as a mother
I am so glad you made this video! Because I’m over 50 not married and no children. Let me tell you I struggle but constantly I remind myself not to settle. I could go on and on but thanks again for the conversation ❤
You are so welcome! and you got this!
@@DrJenCaudle We get this! GOD has a plan for us….our husbands /soulmates are out there!
You ladies we are not Alone... I am 51 with three kids and never been married yes it bothers me😢
@@sandrapollard2541 heyy am looking for companionship i can marry you
I settled and then ended up getting divorced so good for you to realize this. It's not worth it. I have my daughters but otherwise I regret it.
Hello Dr. Jen! I am over 40 yrs old, no kid, and unmarried. I used to be sad because I am not with my man. My mom is getting worried... The men I have dated are definitely not the one. I don't think that i am too picky. I hope to meet him near the future. Thank you for your kinds words and may God bless you!
I pray that you find the right one! You got this!!
You will definitely meet a good man if you are a good woman yourself. What about if the good man needs kids since you are over 40?
@@DrJenCaudleDr what about if she finds the right man a very sweet man and he needs kids from her at over 40?
@@chimakalu5195then the RIGHT man will understand if not possible, that's it.
@@chimakalu5195Firstly, a woman can have children at any age. It is this world and how this world thinks that puts a “cap” on a woman womb when God has not. My dad was born in 1939 grandma was in her 50s when she had my dad. I had my first children at 43 conceived naturally and my twin boys at 45 again naturally. Your comment does not make any sense. While I accept women have a timeline for child bearing every woman is different. A woman in my church got married at 25yrs and had her first children at 50. Please stop putting women in boxes. Women are never old in God’s eyes
Thank you for this. I kinda needed to hear this. I am over 40, feeling like I haven't figured out my life around.
Hang in there
Hi. I am over 40 too, in the same space.
God is faithful and just
At 40 you don't know what you want in life?
@@Phyllis238At over 40 you don't know what you want in life?
Being an educated, intelligent black woman over 40 with a visual impairment has been much harder. You are inspiring!
You got this though!!
I’m 45, newly engaged!And I can truly say I took my time, dated, and enjoyed my life. I was proposed to at 23 and 27, but called both of them off. So, I’m my opinion, when your over 35 or 40, you know what you want and what your looking for in a companion! I can truly say my fiancé is a man who loves his mother and is a devoted father to two beautiful girls!And we have strong communication, vulnerability and consistency in our relationship from day 1!So, please keep these attributes in mind. GOD HAS SENT MY COMPANION AND HE WILL SEND YOURS , God’s timing is the best timing !!
I love this- and congrats!!!
@@DrJenCaudle thank you so much and thanks for the reply !!🥰
You capping,, SMH
One of my best friends got married at 45 . Her husband already had a son from his 1st marriage and there was NO pressure on her to have children . She enjoys his son.
She did not get married to check a box ❤
I’m married my only advice is just keep an open mind and heart 💜 what will be will be
PS God gave you many gifts one of them was to be a Dr 👍
Thanks for sharing! Your
Comments are helpful!
Okay so what happens if you never get married? Are you going to worry about that forever? If you were meant to be married, it will happen. Yes most people would love a partner. Truthfully, half of marriages break up. So, live your life. It's not the end all, be all. Just enjoy your life, because it flies by too quickly to worry about it. In other words, since it is not promised for anyone, you will have to learn to be content either way.
i never said i wasn't enjoying my life- i just said that i do worry about whether i will find a partner or not and what others say/think at times and that is real. but i'm actually very happy!
Very well said and that goes for anyone. Couldn't have said it better!
Stop if you are a sweet and peaceful woman you will find a sweet man. If you are a woman and you haven't found a man then you don't have good character that's it.
Only they marriages of needy and selfish people end in divorce. The marriages of God's children are happy. Are you a practiser of God's love?
No Dr don't lie to us you are not happy. You still desire a partner and you care about what the society says.
Dr any peaceful, loving, kind, simple and Godly woman will attract a very sweet man that will treasure her hold her like an egg. When a woman doesn't find a partner then she is not a sweet person. Sweetness attracts.
Dr Jenny, my hero you have nothing to regret. I am in my 60s was married, children and with bitter divorce at the end. Nothing special to be married. Married women are no better than unmarried believe me. Am happy as I am now be a single person. Thank God I fully have my life back, and things happen at is own time. Let's put our trust in God. You are a beautiful lady my hero. I and my family love you and you will continue to be in my prayer. Thank you again for saving my life during the hard time of covid. God bless you. Much love from UK England.
Thank you so much for your comment on this video- it’s so reassuring and it means a lot to me. I’m so glad my COVID videos were helpful for you. Thank you again 😄 (and sorry for the delay in my reply)
There's so much special things to being married. I understand that the fact that you were unable to get happily married means that you'd try to denigrate marriage.
Don't push bitter feelings upon marriage because you couldn't get it.
It's good you say you're happy. Enjoy the rest of your life.
Thank you for this. I was married for 16yrs to the wrong man! Now I’ve been single for four yrs and don’t want to make that mistake again. But it’s all in god’s time isn’t it. ❤💕🦋
Dr Jen, thank you for this video. It is very inspiring. I'm 57 and I never married nor had any kids. I too have been engaged and broke the engagement and I was 30 at the time.
I have dated on and off throughout the years and decided to quit dating and searching for a husband 10 years ago.
I'm at peace and drama free. Every now and then i feel lonesome and start the self pity game. If it wasn't for my faith in God I would have lost my mind.
I'm the only woman in my family who never married and many of the women in my family married deadbeat dads, wife beaters, users, child molesters, alcoholics, drug users and cheaters.
Some women in my family are divorced.
I'm happy I'm single every time I look at their circumstances.
Sometimes we miss the right boat when we're standing on the wrong port.
And I wasted time in the past with the wrong men.
We don't know where God will bring us in the future, but we should be ready at all times for a major shift to take place.
The largest group of centuarians are women who have never been married. Meanwhile married men live longer than unmarried men. Conclusion? Men suck the life out of women.
Stop looking at other marriages in your family. The failures of those people are not your failures. Build your life and be happy. Be happy take the next opportunity if you don't, it will be so bad
I'm celebrating turning 60 this year! I had a tiny meltdown at 59.5 for a few months as I reflected that I have broken an engagement, never married, and no children. I have just come to the realization that I am where I'm supposed to be. I have a very good life! I can look over my life and see how God has 😂provided exceedingly, abundantly, and above all I can imagine! I trust Him to do the same with my husband. You are wise, Dr. Jenn, for understanding you are where you're supposed to be at a young age! Thank you for sharing your message of encouragement!
You ARE where you’re supposed to be! You go this! And 60 is a beautiful age! Congrats!!! ♥️♥️
@DrJenCaudle Thank you! ❤️ I'm enjoying life! Since January, I've traveled to Maui, Cruised the Mexican Riviera, and now just back from Portugal and Barcelona, where I tasted the best wine, climbed to the peaks of castles, and,
enjoyed history and art! Live your life to the fullest!
I'm tired of the stigma women receive. Men your age, not married and without children are praised. They're called eligible bachelors and people are proud to find one. I hear tons of men just talking about setting down in the 40's. So I'm over the double standard. People need to stop defining themselves by being married or by not being single. I could un-cross my legs at a Walmart and be married tomorrow. Getting a man is ridiculously easy. I tripped over 8 while walking and tying this comment. Stop believed that you're lacking without being married. Successful men never believe they are lacking without being married. just "any man" is not the goal. A partner should add value to your life. I find that most of the complaints/comments come from those who are actually jealous. They wish they didn't settle, they wish they had pursued their career, they wish they didn't have to seek permission to make life decisions, etc. Seeing someone happy in ways they failed, makes them want to bring you down because misery loves company.
really good points here- thanks so much for sharing. this makes sense
They wish you had their headaches and heartaches. Your beauty is beaming I. Side and out.😊. I have known many women
like yourself. I normally only am in the company of women like yourself.😊
Exactly, so why the hell do people take all their issues out on us 😂😂😂
If you think untying your legs is what will lead to marriage, then I understand why, presumably, you aren't married. Marriage may not be for everyone, but if a person wants a family, it is still the best vehicle for a family. Now, if a person doesn't want children, then marriage may be a lot less compelling as marriage is not easy.
Y’all love talking this bullshit men and women are not the same get over it neither society or the opposite sex look at men and women over 40 the same it is what it is y’all complaining about it isn’t gonna change shit 🤷🏾♂️
I’m in my mid 30s and I’ve only been in situationships nothing serious even when I wanted them to be. I look back and they were not for me. I’m becoming at peace with possibly not having children. If a great man were to find their way into my life that’s a bonus. I can’t complain about my life. I’ve been blessed and have love all around me.
i love this! and i feel the same way! you got this!
Why are we looked at like there's something wrong with us when it's the men who are not interested in commitment? Why do we as women wear the shame of their cowardice? Never made sense to me. Why do all people assume there's nothing wrong with the men - but there's something wrong with her??? I really believe it's one more way of putting women down and making them feel low.
Good points!
calling it cowardice is a unfair..
Truly, the only reason for that is historical. Back in the day, when women were considered chattel...
Well said... Very comforting, I'm also not married, people ask me all the time, I'm sad at times, now I'm into a great time of my life where I feel secure in my own skin, looking forward to new opportunities that just make me at peace with myself...all those dating years were so chaotic and sometimes hurtful, trying to make things work...I would have been divorced many times over. So thank you again and God Bless You and Your Journey.
Jen I’m 64 and my story is still yours! I have nothing against marriage and the traditional route, but that wasn’t my aspiration. I probably didn’t choose nice, marriageable guys when I was younger and now it’s hard to find them at my age. I retired from teaching public school last year and was not just a teacher, but an after hours mentor for many. There are many ways to have kid energy in ones life. I joke that maybe I’ll finally find my guy at 70, but it’s ok if I don’t.
I loved hearing your story and want you to know that it is possible to still be fairly centered (not crazy!) and happy at any age, even unmarried.
As you said, we are who we were supposed to be. But I hope you find your guy sooner than later!❤
Respect
Jen, you are wonderful the way you are. You made me laugh, smile, sad, and feel inspired in the same video. I see many similarities. I too am above 40 with no kids and family uses to be on my case, esp at family weddings asking am I next. That stopped when I asked them the same at the funerals. What the Flip!!! You're great and God Bless.
Oh wow- hilarious about your flip- wow! And thanks so much for your kind words- means a lot to me!
Honestly, I think people need to focus on self-love and knowing how to set boundaries, as well as, achieve some personal goals and date before getting married and having children. We live in a society where, especially for women, we are pushed to have kids and get married young before experiencing life. I married and had my kids very young, divorced young and while I don’t regret my kids, I would’ve waited until I was late 30’s - mid 40’s. A lot of people are waiting to have kids, enjoy life and marrying older now, which I feel is great. Too many people settle which in itself is horrible. Ain’t nothing wrong with being single.
i understnad and thank you so much for sharing this
BABY! At 56 almost 57, never married, no children and happy as can be! There is NO SHAME in this!!
I’m a successful black woman at 43 years old. Never been married or have children. I can totally understand and relate to you. Yes I’d like to get married but it’s not lost on me when I hear my married girlfriend said they are so jealous that I am single because they admit that they settled for the wrong man. Or they’re only sticking around because now kids are involved. Or they can’t take it anymore and now they’re going through a divorce. So at this stage in my life, I just want to be in a loving relationship and I’m currently in one and we haven’t discussed marriage but he does a really good job showing me he’s here and taking care of me and that’s a good starting place.
Oh no but I understand what you mean about your friends. Just hang tight, you’ll find the right one ❤️
A lot of married women lie and say those things to make us feel better. They're not going anywhere
@@iwillsurvive1335 actually not true when I know my friends and see their interactions with their spouses. Some may leave and some won’t. But not because you stay means you are in a happy marriage. Many are in unfulfilled marriages. Many people choose or didn’t properly vet a partner. We spent so much time planning the minute details of a wedding but not 1/4 of the work to actually have a successful marriages.
no offense but how are you successful as a woman without a family?
@@TheForkOnTheLeftist no offense taken. I just feel sad for you that your critical thinking skills are limited. It has to be for you to ask such a ridiculous and ignorant question.
Hi Dr. Jen, I will definitely be praying that you meet your one! It is never to late to receive the blessing that God has in store for you. I'm a married, black female physician, and I have quite a few single/unmarried, black female physician friends who are beautiful, accomplished women who are struggling to find partners and who want children. What I'm about to say is based on my personal experience and the experiences of those in my circle, so it definitely may not apply to everyone. It is my opinion and not meant to disparage anyone. I honestly believe that a lot of black parents set their daughters up for failure in the area of relationships. I'm not saying they are BAD parents, but they do not equip their daughters (I'm talking about daughters here, not sons, that's a topic for another day) with the knowledge and guidance that they need to actively pursue relationships that can lead to marriage at a young (in their 20s) age. Driven and accomplished young women who have their sights set on successful careers are often told by their parents, "keep your head in the books", "don't worry about these boys, they only want one thing", "don't worry about dating, just study", "focus on school", "focus on your career, all the rest can come later", which is extremely detrimental to only present a one-sided view. Young women in late high school should be receiving significant counseling from their mothers AND fathers on how to date and prioritize dating as they prepare for college. She should also be encouraged to focus on her studies and finish her degree successfully. The two can exist simultaneously. While in college, she will be surrounded by a lot of eligible young men and she should be taught about vetting and guided through the dating process. And no, dating does not necessarily equate to sex. I am an advocate for black women actively dating in college and finding their mates in college or professional school (I know that high school sweethearts exist, but this is not the case for everyone). Once professional school is complete, it becomes significantly harder to find a mate (not impossible, but harder since you are surrounded by the most eligible men in college and professional school). If a woman wants children, it is important to prioritize family building while young because fertility does wane as we age and IVF is expensive and not an easy journey. This is a fact and not meant to be offensive, and I am also speaking from personal experience. I got married at age 27 during my internship to a man that I originally met while in college. We are still happily married and coming up on 10 years soon. (So no, getting married young does not always equal divorce. As long as you both love and respect each other, are willing to grow, and both give 100%, marriages work and are beautiful). I was not taught to prioritize dating or mate selection or anything like that from my single mother, I was only encouraged to focus on school and not get pregnant. However, I knew that I wanted to be married, so I had to live and learn and date (and make mistakes) and figure it out on my own. Thankfully it worked out, and I'm glad that I was also open to men not in the medical field (which is another issue with female doctors feeling like they need to date and marry another doctor, but I digress). I write all of this to say, that we as a community have got to raise our daughters to not only be successful career women if that is their path, but to also be wives. This takes guidance and counseling from both parents, particularly fathers during the vetting process. My husband and I will be preparing our children to be successful individuals in both career, dating, and marriage.
Well said powerful I remember crying before telling him that was about to reach menopause not married and no kid but God laid this in my heart that he has been faithful since the age of 15 when I started my periods we need to balance especially if we desire to be married one day
so glad to read your last sentence, so many parents fail their kids in preparing them for careers, dating, and marriage,
Thank you for sharing Dr. Jen. I understand. I know how you feel because I can empathize. I am 48 and still single. I have not found my wife either. It is hard not having someone special in life. I sometimes ask myself, what's wrong with me. Being single is hard seeing family and friends married with children. Nights laying in an empty bed in tears.
Indeed its hard bro, I am 30 and worried not married yet!
Brian why don't you ask a woman's hands in marriage, you have the upper hand in that department.
I know the feeling of an empty bed and tears so am not alone
It's rare to hear a man being open about yearning for a connection. I hope God answers your prayers
@@mwandikayits not that rare if he’s gay….but a man that any woman wants and who has options, doesn’t speak like that…sorry
I love this video! I've been long divorced from the abusive father of my children ( who I raised and are now all grown up) I finally found and married a wonderful man later in life, only to lose him to suicide. That experience heavily effected me. People often pressure me to date but my heart isn't in it. It's been a few year's and I'm still leery of dating.
why do you pick trash men?
Thank you for this...been struggling with my singleness for years but I am trying to be okay with it. This video is starting to help me. Thank you
I’m glad - and you got this!!
I'm single again, yet my regret I didn't take my education seriously while I was in high school after the guidance counselors talk me out of being a Marine biologist. But I've always encouraged my children to move in the direction that they want to go, because it would be for their futures not mine.
🙌🏾🙌🏾
Thank you soooo much for this video!!! I’m 39 and have been freaking out for the last few years about turning 40 this year and I’ve never been married or have kids… and this video really hit me hard ( in a good way). This is such a sensitive subject for a lot of women especially me. So I admire you doing a video about this subject. It really made me less anxious about going into my 40s, and that it really is OK that I’m not married and don’t have kids at 39. I stumbled onto this video Ing one night after work and I’m glad I clicked on this video. so I just wanted to reach out to say thank you because it has been a struggle on my mind for a while, and it is incredibly reassuring that I’m not alone! So again I extremely appreciate you talking about a difficult topic that a lot of women My age are currently facing ❤
Aww you’re so kind and remember you’re just fine and everything will be ok! You got this!!!! ♥️
From other people's perspectives, you are still a catch and you have your life together. Don't let people negative opinions on not being married over a certain age wear you down. I know a few people who have been through 3 divorces before their 40's!!! And the majority of people really don't work hard to find their mate. Being at the right place at the right time is where most couples connected.
Wow thank you so much!! I so appreciate you!
This is on point. What people do not understand is we all are different with different circumstances, I had people who I know are not marriage material ask me what am I waiting for we are not getting younger to me that is a red flag, I told told these men that they can always look for someone since they are not looking for any particular standards, they should have to wait for me, so yes this topic is an eye opener, we do not want to rush in a headache.
THANK YOU!!!
I'm 35 years old, and I have never had children, or been in a serious relationship with someone before. I'm online dating and I'm sometimes afraid to talk to women because I don't know what they'll think of me. But, I'm working on compliments for the ladies and showing respect to them. I'm also learning how to love myself 1st and then let things flow with my life.
Hang in there and believe in yourself!!
@@DrJenCaudle thank you so much for that
😬...my guy, you better buy a dog.
Thank you for being so transparent! You are and will always be enough!
Aww thanks so much
Thank you for sharing your story. Most of my circle of friends Married in their early 40's. I was MOH at my best friend's Wedding. She Married at 42 and Groom was 54. I always prayed for her to be Married because she had lost hope it would ever happen. Last year I was also MOH to my cousin who was 48 and the Groom 50. When we went for our Dress appts for her Wedding dress and our dresses my cousin confided that she thought she'd Never be Married. They just recently Celebrated their
1 yr Anniversary. I am 49 yrs old and single with no children. I also pray for a Godly Future Husband. In the meantime I'm focused on finishing my Bachelor's Degree in BA. I stopped attending school during COVID-19 pandemic. I was readdmitted to the University I previously attended and start classes Fall 2023. GOD has a purpose for each one of our lives. GOD gave me the gift of encouraging other and advising. That's what I do with my Mom and close friends and coworkers. I'm able to focus on others because I have more free time on my hands. Going to the Gym and traveling locally or abroad is how I also enjoy my free time. These are tips I give to the singles out there. Most importantly seek Jesus Christ for guidance 🙏 in your down times. GOD Bless
A lot of things haven't been working out in a way I would have wanted, and in some ways I've been regretting about my choices, but this video is very helpful it's making me feel better. ❤❤❤
oh good! you should feel good!
I needed to hear this and I’m still learning to accept it in all aspects of my life; accomplishments, health, relationship, engagement, marriage and kids.
Thank you for this post Jen!! You are so very open and transparent. This msg definitely resonates with me especially during the pandemic. I am in the same boat.
Thank you for sharing. I think our parents set us up to focus so much on accomplishments and not enough on family- and now, we are in the predicament we are in. So much accomplished with no one to share it with or pass it down to. Most likely, you haven’t met the one because, like you said- you didn’t take it seriously. If you applied the same amount of effort as you did your worldly success, the results would probably be different. Truly saying this with love as this is something that I’ve had to come to realize in my own life. Like I said, our parents didn’t really set us up to have a family. Worldly success is way easier and way more attainable because it only depends on you.
Praying that if you desire a man, God can provide.
We were taught that a career was more important than a family. I think we were lied to.
Maybe so
late Kevin Samuels spoke on this all the time
I'm 42 and have never been married and when I tell people this, they look at me like I'm a weirdo. I simply tell people I am not married because I have never met a man that was marriage material, and I'm not going to marry anything, you have to be bringing a whole lot to the table to make me give you that type of commitment.
I know this video is a year old. I just got to see it and I'm curious Are you still single miss
@@selamlee5355 Hi dear, im in a relationship now.
Hi dear , not not still single
Dr. Jen thank you so much for posting this. I'm 49; I have never been married but been engaged twice. I made the right decision in both cases. I did have a child with the 2nd fiancée. Being a single parent was the hardest thing I ever done. I have an awesome life that I enjoy. I'm not lonely and have no regrets. I believe God has not sent that man to me & perhaps that will not happen. I'm happy. I think it's a mistake to be married for the sake of being married.
When the student is ready, the teacher will show.... But, when it happens it will be amazing! You're never too old to love! 💘💘💘
Yes!
First of all, I was sure you were in your early 30s...
And secondly, thank you so much for being so honest and genuine about this!
I have been in two serious relationships since highschool, the last of which was for 15 years - we were not interested in marriage, I mean both of us always thought we don't need the papers to have a great relationship. And then one day he was just gone with no explanation... So now I'm 40 and single for the first time in 20 years, I can't have children (luckily I have two amazing nephews from my sister, who is the "normal" one :)), and not dating because for the moment I'm too scared and still dealing with this new reality (plus I have serious trauma and confidence issues that I have to address).
What I have learned is that nothing is ever guaranteed, life has a way of surprising us (both in a bad and a good way), and we all have different paths. After the break-up I also lost my best friend, then the business we had started together crumbled, so I just decided to move to a different continent all by myself. I lived there for some months until I had a terrible accident where I almost lost my life, dealt with lots of health issues and depression as a result of everything - so now I'm just trying to take good care of myself and take things slowly, one step at the time.
My point is life can change in the blink of an eye, and much of what we think we can control is an illusion, so maybe we should stop putting so much pressure on ourselves and trying to fit into some boxes and societal expectations (I have also learned this by living in Africa, where I hope to go back when I will be a bit better)...
You will make a FULL RECOVERY!!
Thank you for sharing. This is very good. May God Almighty heal you and give you strength 🙏🙏.
My best friend forwarded this to me on this Sunday morning. I needed to listen to your story and can relate. God will continue to bless you as you are fearfully and wonderfully made! Be blessed 🙌
I’m glad this helped
You are awesome!!! This is so encouraging!!! I needed to hear this!!! I’m in a similar situation and just know God’s got us!!! Our Due season is coming!!!
Marriage's importance varies from person to person and culture to culture. Some view it as a valuable institution for companionship and support, while others prioritize different forms of relationships. Being single without children isn't a problem; it's a personal choice that can offer independence and fulfillment. Not everyone needs to perpetuate the species; choices about having children are highly individual. It's not inherently selfish to choose not to have children, as people contribute to society in various ways beyond reproduction. Society benefits from diverse contributions, not solely from child-rearing.
So true and thank you for this
Thank you for sharing & being so transparent. I'm in my 40's too & single. Enjoying the present. We are where we are meant to be right now. I appreciate your story, message & encouragement.❤
Well said!
The contributions you are making as a physician and a creator are wonderful. I love your energy and advice.
Wow, thank you!
Well said “our paths are individually designed” love from Namibia 🇳🇦
Yes!!!
There are so many things on social media out there today. Some of it is entertaining, some information and some trash but this video was what we need more of. We are all human and have fears, struggle with what others may think, as well as feeling less in some way. It is normal and we all face these thoughts and wrestle with them. One of the things I appreciate about my Pastor (other that he is a solid Bible teacher that points me to God) is that is he is real in a similar way and often shares his humanity in his sermons. Jen (no disrespect to you earning your doctorate but I feel this is a conversation on a personal level you are having) you are obviously a strong and gifted woman who has done much with your gifts. You are also a beautiful lady, with class and humor that no doubt God has a plan and purpose for. Thank you for being open and vulnerable as we should all be more of. I didn’t get married until 39 and after 11 years of marriage and two kids, my wife passed away from a brain tumor. As you said, I am not bitter and I know God has me in His hands and He has a plan for me and my daughters. I understand your concerns and thoughts as I faced them before I was married at 39 (I also chased my career first) and I have had moments of those concerns being older with two young daughters. I pray that God will bring the man He has for you in your life soon and that He will bless you abundantly in the two of you building your life and family together.
Thanks so much for sharing your story! I really appreciate it!
I'm staying single theirs less stress and worries. I'm 43yrs old never married and no children I feel alot of freedom. I will rather win lost souls for the Lord Jesus Christ 🙏
Jenn, I'd admire your courage to share your story!!! Your a brilliant young woman, and I've watched your channel since 2020. I know the feeling. I've been asked that question all my life, and it drives me crazy!!!! Not everybody can live up to society's' expectations!!!! Once again, I admire your courage to share your story.
Thanks😃
Thank you so so much for sharing YOUR story. I so appreciate it ♥️
@@DrJenCaudle Your welcome.
I’ve had people ask me directly “why aren’t you married? How come you’re not married?” That’s not a question I would ask someone because I’m aware that it’s invasive and also none of my business. I probably won’t be getting married and although it really hurts I’m trying to accept it.
This was right up my alley. I was in a ten year marriage we grew apart.I never had kids and sometimes I think people think I have it to easy because since then I’ve been living my dream life as a writer.Thankyou for affirming Collen is unique and living his own unique life. Most of all everything meant for me is happening.⭐️⭐️⭐️
Thank you SO much for this video! Your transparency and vulnerability was just what I needed. As someone who is nearing 43 and still desires marriage and a child, this video blessed me! Though I haven't met my husband to be yet, I have faith that God will make it happen in His timing. He is the best matchmaker! 💜
Aww thank you- you got this!
It always astonishes me why we try to fit ourselves into certain 'societal molds' predetermined by others,& thereby attempt to 'box'ourselves thus,when we r all created uniquely especially similar,but different.Our paths vary,our life's journeys differ!'Dance your own dance,&sing your own song'!Don't limit yo'rself: laugh,smile,&condition your mind,+live your life thus to its v'ry fullest potential*🌟🙋💃👸
No no no God is not a celestial matchmaker. You must position yourself with good manners to attract a good man as husband. If you haven't found a man at 43 then improve your characters. No sweet and loving and peaceful woman will stay without men finding them. When you are kind, respectful and loving and peaceful then God's love will shine in your life and the world will see you.
Now what about if you found a good sweet man and he wants kids are you ready to give the good man his kids?
No wrong it's not societal mold. Having a person in your life is a natural thing and expectation. If you are a very sweet and peaceful woman you can't be single you will be blessed with a sweet man.
Have you ever seen a female animal staying single without a male around her? The problem is that women don't know what the want in life but later they start crying and promoting Singleness.
Thank you for sharing Dr. Jen ❤️
No problem!
Dr. Jen, your positive energy is truly phenomenal! May God grant you The King you truly deserve as a beautiful Queen, that will love, honor, and completely cherish you.
Wow, thank you!
Thank you Dr. Jean for pouring yourself to us. I relate to your story. It is good to know there are more like us out there. Greetings from Guatemala.
Aww thanks and yes there are many like us
I have been wrestling ALL weekend with the "would of, could of should haves", especially now that I am over 40 and this my mental picture of what my life would have been by now is now aligned. All the questions you've asked yourself are the same questions I asked myself. My focus was always school, career, family and then one day I woke up in my forties. I just haven't met her yet, and it's not my time.
dude for real? you're only 40... Men don't even hit their stride until 45 and then you can have your choice. I wouldn't feel bad about not having a fam yet. Just focus on your requirements and put yourself in the best position to meet a woman that fulfills them
I related so much to this video. Over 40, single, never married with no children. The same thoughts plague me as well do other people thinking something is wrong with me. People may think that but the fact that I think that sometimes is the reason is the bigger issue. I’m a work in progress and pray we both find our mates.
Thanks so much for your comments. I know it’s hard (believe me I know). But hang in there. You got this!
This was the virtual hug that I needed
Omg YESSS!!
So many need to hear this! God bless you.
Yes
How beautiful of you, Dr. Jen, to come on and admit all that! Because it's MY exact story too! Thanks so much for the humor, by the way! So many of us are just a bit immature to jump into a marriage in our early 20's - migosh, we were just like children actually. So thanks a million for coming on and discussing this. I love it - that you may have a baby and be on a walker at the same time - love your humor - thanks again!
Aww thank you so much!!!
A baby & a walker?
Thanks Dr. Jen for sharing! I haven't met him yet either. I am 38 never been married and no kids. I get that question from people, why not and what I'm waiting on. I'm going to continue trusting God.
Love that!
Thank you for this courageous and inspirational post. I loved every second of it.
Wow thanks so much, Joe
Hi Dr. Caudle! Great Vid- thanks for sharing. 💕I too am an over 40 whose never been married, and I try not to blame myself for whatever happened in the past. Some things are just out of our control, and we have to “roll” on as best we can. It’s very tough out here, and no one gives you a “perfect” roadmap to success in all areas/aspects of life? 🤷 Keep doing the amazing job you are doing, and stay on a positive outlook and path towards your personal goals. Best wishes 😇🙂
Thank you Dr. Jen. I admire your boldness that is inspiring. I pray that all your godly heart desires comes true. Stay blessed
Aww thanks
I do think our parents should have put more of an emphasis on being a good wife as they did getting good grades
Understood
Exactly 💯. I feel like nobody prepared me for this. My parents focus was on sending me to the best schools and getting good grades.
Very well communicated and the story is very relevant to many of us. Thanks for sharing this with the world to encourage us on how to handle a similar situation of yours wherever we are. ''Our paths are individual'' as you put it and I agree with this. Blessings.
Aww thank you!
Wow, so encouraging! Thank you so much for sharing your heart!
Aww thanks
This is an awesome testimony! ❤
Thank you that means a lot to me
I saw you today on Fox5 Good Day DC....Wow you are a great inspiration...I feel the same way when it comes to the person for me. I have been married and married the wrong man for fear of not every getting married. Wrong!!!! It was wrong in so many ways... you were bold and made the RIGHT decision if he was not the one. YOU ROCK for not settling with who you knew was not the one. After years of divorce, I pray as well for that right one....he has not found me yet! I love that! God I trust the process! WISDOM ; )
Aww thanks so much for your comments! And yes just hang in there- he will come! And yes we must trust God and the process!
Thank you so much, I soo needed to hear this!!
Warms my heart- im so glad!
I’m glad I was able to come across your channel. I appreciate your video. I, too did not take dating seriously in my twenties and thirties but I’m glad I no longer beat myself up for it. In my late thirties and early forties I had a deep longing to be married and have kids. I put a lot of pressure on myself. Now, at 47 I don’t settle and I make each date as fun as I can. This helps me enjoy the guy. I’m like it’s a date it’s okay if we don’t workout. I will meet the right one when it’s time. Great message!!! Many blessings in all you do! 😊
Great Topic Doctor 🙂 take your time because you want to make the right Choice, if you not ready at this time don't worry you will know nothing wrong with , you're just being intelligent, you are desired remember that.
Thanks so much Rufus!
👋Hi,.. Thanks for sharing this personal information that many of us can definitely relate too.
You're a very positive and successful woman.. stay the course. Don't settle for less 💯.. you deserve a man who is a great match for you.
Thanks so much!
@@DrJenCaudle Yes,D J
I wonder what would be the characteristic of such a man? A man who is a great match.
@@iyanten6789 ,.. Hi..
I actually wouldn't be qualified to describe what person is a perfect match for her.
Honesty would definitely be a primary prerequisite.
Beautiful video❤ Its a difficult one to deal with, to answer to family, colleagues and friends...i think its encouraging when you do a review for the past decisions and you reslise that even now you could have taken the same decision...its a journey😊 its get lonely at times but we keep going...a lot of options ❤
Thank you for sharing. Is sometimes hard how other people thinks marriage is the end of everything and look down upon people who are not married. You are great and strong. Be safe
Aww thanks!
After finishing the video I wanted to share my story. When I was in my early 20s my dad had a heart attack that caused an anoxic brain injury. My mom and I decided the best thing to do was for me to be his caregiver while she continued working. We did this for around ten years and then my mom was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer's in 2011. From that point I took care of both my mom and dad for around 6 years until she passed away in 2017. I've continued taking care of my dad since then. The truth is that as much as I'd like to be married and have a family my circumstances haven't allowed for it. The loneliness I feel sometimes is overwhelming. At the time we made this choice I think we both thought it was temporary. I often wonder now if I were to go back and make the choice again if I would make the same decision. I guess the fact I'm still taking care of him means I would.
No heart for me. 😢
Your looking at this all wrong you have to know its being done for you not to you... You need you live and work on you ... work on you and get help making the care for your parent easier and fulfilling for your life try taking risk be grateful god trusted you to handle the situation and the desires of your ❤️ heart God bless
Salam Sister❤
Almighty God only know what is ahead and may come for you.
Practise self love & care. Be patient with your destiny. And take & celebrate the joys that you witness every day.
Happiness start by oneself, before spreading outside.
Take care ❤
Am so sorry our God is not a man that he should lie he will come through for you
Thank you for your kind comments. I will try to keep them in mind.
Thank you for sharing this. It's great to know that we are enough as we are...flaws and all. Keep being you Dr. Jen. I've struggled with this in my failed relationships and college.
Thanks so much 💕
So grateful for your sharing, Dr Jen! I’ve ALWAYS wanted to be married but it has not happened for me (37). What you said is sooo relatable!! Thank you for reminding us we’re not alone. ❤
Thanks, Doc i’m 51 and i have never been married “ My focus is my career. Young mommy, and now it’s family . If it happens it’s cool. if not then it’s cool too. I enjoyed listening to this … Good Content “
Well said!
I'm so glad you shared this even though you didn't have to. You're so courageous and inspiring. I'm thankful to be able to be apart of your social network.
You are a beautiful person and you are enough as you are today. I certainly pray that your desires are fulfilled. PS...I hear you Sarah..😉
Thank you so much! So kind of you!
@@DrJenCaudle They are honest ones.
Dr. Jen is that doctor and best friend ...that every woman needs in their life. Thank you for sharing this great information.....nothing is wrong with you. Ladies, anybody can get married...CAN YOU STAY MARRIED or is he the right man for you?
Omg you’re so sweet thank you so much! What a kind thing to say!
I am glad I stop to listen to your channel and this topic. I relate this topic to the T and I want to thank you for expressing your thoughts and experience in representing women over 40.
Thanks for sharing!!
I’ve been watching your videos for some couple of weeks now and for sure I appreciate your work, now I realize we have some commonalities. Be my friend Dr Jen.
Aww thanks! And so glad you’re here!