Guys I can’t express just how thankful I am to my mom for sharing her personal story. Please help me thank her below for being open, genuine, and an amazing example. 🎉ALSO TODAY IS HER BIRTHDAY!! Happy birthday Mom! 🎉I love you forever, I like you for always, as long as I’m living my mommy you’ll be. 😘
hippy birdy and thank you for agreeing to talk about both of you. I know can be tough, the sufferer will completely not realise they are showing the synptoms and just sees how everyone else is treating them , no matter what you say or do, so tough a time
Hi Ash! I took care of my mom when she had pancreatic cancer and watched her slowly die for a year. It was the hardest time of my life but I wouldn’t change a thing. I know my mom really appreciated all of my effort and I didn’t have any regrets when she passed. Your mom is a strong woman and it was great to hear her story!
This is such an amazing video. Thank you to you and your mom for sharing her experience. This is happening for my family now with my mother-in-law and so helpful to see how she navigated this process.
I’m sorry your family is going through this. Hold on tight to the good memories and be able to laugh at some of the things in the process to help yourself get through. Family members need to say their goodbyes early….say what they need to say before she passes. Regretting not saying the things that you wish you had said is the harder part of losing someone. I hope very much that you and your family walk together through this process with love and respect toward each other and patience toward your mother-in-law. It’s not easy! May you all be blessed in the process! I’m very sorry for your loss as she is declining. Im sure you are being a support to you husband as his mom is slipping away in the dementia or Alzheimer’s process. May god bless each one of you and give you the strength you need. ❤
Sending you big hugs and lots of strength! My mom passed last October after several years of decline due to dementia. Our family has been through cancer, kidney failure, and diabetes, but dementia was by far the most devastating. It's constant new levels of grief. I wouldn't wish dementia on anyone.
I’m sorry for your family and how you had to watch your family member decline. It is so hard on your heart,emotions and even your memories of them. So very sorry. I hope you were able to hold tight to some of the good moments for your own future memories of them.❤️
Happy Birthday to your mom! She is a precious soul! My family went through this with my grandmother, however we were in another state. It was heartbreaking. My mom is going through the early stages of dementia with my stepdad right now. She’s about to lose her mind with his hardheadedness and stubbornness. It’s such a tough disease-The long goodbye
I’m sorry to hear that for your mom sake and for the one she’s caring for. I assume from what you said that you are a good sounding board for her to relief some of that weight of responsibility and just be able to vocalize her frustration and hurt. Keep being there for her as long as you can because that is huge! If you can’t be there personally, then being a person in the distance, hearing her out and letting her cry or yell, or say the things she would never say out loud to anyone else. She will treasure that about your help when it’s all set and done. We all need someone that we can express the deepest parts of our heart too even when we feel things we don’t want to feel.
@@sandyw9226thank you for your knowledgeable comments. He has always been such a strong, decisive individual. He’s been their investment specialist, taking care of all finances, home repairs, cars and car repairs etc. She is having to take all of that on as well as taking care of him. In addition, I have a brother with special needs who lives at home still. My mother is a strong lady of 77, with a strong faith. We all need help in such trying times though. Again, thank you for your kind words and advice. And hello, from the foothills of the Great Smoky Mtns of East Tennessee!
Oh my, with a special needs brother at home also complicates things so much more and must be so hard on her to care for both. My heart goes out to you all as you maneuver through this time in your lives. “ Lord, please bless this family with strength and hope through this difficult time….you know they need your presents and your power. Please be their covering now. In Jesus name we ask” 🫶🏻
Hi Ash, It was interesting to hear about your mother's experience with her mother and Alzheimer's. It brought back many of the memories I have with my mum and nan, who suffered for many years with this dreaded disease. There are several parallels between your mother's and my mother's experience caring for their mums with dementia. My nan was diagnosed with Alzheimer's about six months before my Grandad passed away. She was in the early stages and still reasonably functional, but that did not last long. My mum immigrated to America from England when she was 20 and met and married my father. They had three children; I'm the eldest and the first grandchild. I spent about half my childhood living in England and the other half in the States. My experiences and childhood memories of my nan were not pleasant. She was very difficult and could be pretty mean to us children. I'm sure there are many reasons for this, recognizing she had a tough childhood. It's likely my nan suffered from some sort of PTSD from the second world war as she was an ambulance driver in London during the blitz. She also narrowly escaped from her home with my mother before it took a direct hit from a doodlebug leveling their home. Her father died fighting on the frontlines in WW1 for the British RFA in the Belgium area. My nan was too young to remember her father, but it was pretty obvious she had quite the admiration for him that she did not have for her mother. When I was young, I did have the opportunity to have several Sunday dinners with my great-grandmother. She was elderly in her 80s and, from what I can remember, had no obvious signs of dementia. She was a lovely lady who treated my younger sister and me well. She passed away while I was in America in 1977 at the age of 91. My mom told me her heart gave out, but her mind was clear. I know she did suffer from significant vision loss due to glaucoma. Anyhow, her daughter, my nan, had a very different personality, one that tended to drive us away, not wanting to be around her when we were children, and this did not change as we became adults. After my Grandad passed away, my mum returned to England for the funeral and to make arrangements for my nan to come to America where she could care for her mother. From my viewpoint, this was a big mistake. My nan was not an American citizen and, therefore, not eligible for any type of government assistance such as Medicaid for long-term care or a nursing home. My mum had two younger siblings still living in England who probably should have stepped up and cared for their mum but chose not to. My mum would spend the next 10 years caring for her mother, who, prior to Alzheimer's, had a real mean streak that, with the progression of the disease, became magnified. My nan was in my mum's care 24/7 for 10 years with virtually no respite. My mum rarely complained and, in my opinion, should be sainted for her commitment to my nan's care. My nan finally passed away in April 2003 at age 87. My mum was completely worn out by the end and, at the age of 63, passed away in November 2006. I know my mother considered it an honor and her duty to care for her mother, and if she were here today, she would express what a privilege it was to do so. I on the other hand wish I had taken steps to move my nan back to England where she would have had the benefit of the NHS to care for her. I believe my mum's life was shortened considerably by this experience, and she missed out on valuable experiences with her grandchildren and great-grandchildren as a result. I hope your mum is doing well and has many good years of life as her reward for caring for her mother. Best regards!
It's been so interesting to hear your Mom share her story of this awful time, and what it was like for her. Dementia is a terrible disease- and one of the worst parts is that a person has to reach total crisis point before the decision to place them in full time secure care can be made. Having lost my Mum to dementia at the end of 2023, ten years after we first recognised there was an issue, I totally empathise with what you all went through. I would also like to re-emphasise what you have said about ensuring that everyone has an up-to-date Will, and that Powers of Atttorney or whatever might be appropriate are drawn up while the person is still well enough to state what they want and who should be their voice when they need it. And also broach the subject of what they would like to happen after death - from small funeral details to the big 'where and how I want to be laid to rest'.
Thank you for sharing your story. It's a horrible thing to go through. My dad had Parkinson's and dementia, and in 2020 during the pandemic I ended up moving home as my office closed. I don't think I'd understood the difficulties of caring for someone until I saw first-hand what my mum was dealing with. I helped her care for him, as he was progressively deteriorating and becoming very challenging, he had terrible balance but didn't really understand that, so would fall a lot. He would try to do DIY and damage the house. He eventually lost the ability to care for himself and forgot who I was. He couldn't engage in the activities he'd enjoyed, and couldn't walk far, and eventually wasn't safe to be left alone. He went into hospital after an infection and then a care home in December 2020. As it was lockdown, we were unable to visit and didn't see him from then until February 2021, when we got the call to say he'd died. He deteriorated so quickly we were shocked to see how ill and thin he was. It was harrowing. We'd hoped we'd be able to visit in March as lockdown was lifting, but sadly he didn't live that long. I didn't tell anyone I was working with as I didn't know how to bring it up, and just accepted it as something I had to do. I struggled a lot with resenting my situation, feeling like I had my independence taken away, I didn't want to move home, I didn't want to feel responsible for helping my parents in my late twenties while none of my friends were going through the same thing, but honestly I don't know how my mum would have coped if covid hadn't made me move home, as I was living a couple of hours away. I'm not religious but it's funny to think that everything lined up and made it that I could be at home to help. I also struggled with guilt as in a way I was glad he didn't live any longer being so ill, but of course I wish he'd had a longer life with a good quality of life. It happens more than we realise that children have to care for their parents but it's still not spoken about enough. People are squeamish about talking about dementia, illness and death but it'll happen to everyone at some point. I'd be happy to talk more about this if it can be useful to someone else going through the same thing.
Caring for a dying parent is one of the toughest things we have to go through. My Mum looked after my Dad who died of cancer last year and credit to her she was very strong through it all. The palliative nurses were also very good. But it leaves an impression on us all. You feel helpless. Your Mum is clearly a strong person and did the best she could under very trying circumstances. It’s not easy and as you say it can sometimes test your relationship because of the degree of suffering on both sides.
I recently lost my Mum to Vascular Dementia, a seven year traumatic, for both of us, journey. I know exactly what you are explaining. I am a changed person because of this experience. I send my Love to all who are going through this mental stress. Thank you for sharing this with us. Sending respect and love to all.
I’m sorry for your loss. Seven years is a long journey to watch in loved one decline. I’m sorry that that became your family’s journey. I do hope that you are able to hold onto the good moments that you had. It is so very hard to watch a parent decline to that level. You are one of many who have had to walk this journey. Thank you for sharing a bit about your. My heart goes out to you and your right, it changes a part of you, but I know that we are meant to live on and find joy in life after these hard moments or years. I do hope you have felt able to live with joy and love the memories of the good about your mom. I know you can relate to my own story and the story of others. A club that none of us chose to be in. I hope you’ll be able to come alongside someone else now that you have had this experience with your mom and comfort them. That’s the biggest blessing in all of this. We now have an opportunity to walk beside other people where we would not have understood, empathize, or had compassion the way we do now. May you be blessed for loving your mom, caring for her in the way you did and may your life be a reflection of the good you took from all you have walked through. Others need your experience to uplift them in their suffering.
Sorry to hear of your grandmothers passing. Sandy and Ashely thank for sharing this very important experience. Many of us with aging parents are faced with their care right now. We truly appreciate you sharing and realize how emotionally difficult it was. Johns mother had Parkinson’s and dementia it was very hard on our family and Johns dad who chose to care for her at home. Sharing your story will be of help to so many. Again thank you. ~Cara 💖
My dad had dementia, too. After my mother died, he moved to a memory unit. At first he was very happy there and then, quickly, he wasn't. I got a call almost every night telling me he had fallen. I was just waiting for the other 'shoe to drop". He was on hospice for 6 weeks and they were very helpful. We, as a society, wait too long before calling on hospice care. They are very helpful to the patient and the family, answering all of the questions that came up along the way. If you are caring for them in the home, hospice also allows respite care for the caregiver. This gives a break to the caregiver so that they can have an opportunity to rest. This is an important topic for all people to discuss prior to the parent's inevitable decline.
Yes! Such good information and so true about waiting too long for hospice. We had to wait for the doctor to say it was time. That was what held us up. So a good doctor is essential, for sure. I’m really sorry about your walk-through dementia. I can relate to everything you said. It’s heartbreaking. I do hope that you have found peace in all of it now and that you have been able to grieve properly and move forward. But I also understand there’s still a part of you that looks back, and feels sad for the life ending timeframe of your father. We always wish better for those. We love to pass without suffering….mental suffering is as hard as the physical…. Especially for the family members to watch. May you receive comfort, and healing as a family.
Happy BDAY Sandy and you were excellent sharing your experience. Ashley thanks for putting out this video. I related to it for different reasons. My uncle had Alzheimer's though I wasn't a caregiver I did see the effect it had on him and everyone around him. My parents are in their 80's and I'm having to more for them. Thankfully no signs of dementia just old age issues. Also congrats on the success of your last video. I look forward to more videos to come.
Thank you for the birthday wish. What an awesome job that you have coming in caring for your parents, but a hard one at that. there’s huge blessing in it for them and for you. I’m glad to hear that there is not an issue with Alzheimer’s or dementia at this point for them. That’s a huge blessing. good job and being willing to take some of the responsibility of your parents. Take time for yourself and ask for help when you need it.❤️🫶🏻
My goodness, sending big hugs and love to your mom. Yes, I extend the utmost gratitude for sharing this. My heart and soul were so touched. It wasn't dementia, but my mom passed exactly 14 years ago, and that came suddenly. Just over a year later my dad succumbed to a long illness. They are of course missed and loved every day. On a lighter note...a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY to your wonderful mother!!!🎂
Hope you are well....I was right a long time ago when said you should not have moved to Wales for some guy... I got lots of flack for that but you had a nice home with so many house warming gifts from your viewers, you had a job at the dentist office, you had friends and family nearby and you gave it up for a long distance relationship and then tried to salvage it in Spain...Even your mom gave me crap for disapproving the move to Wales....oh well too bad so sad....HOpe you can get your feet back on the grounds....Cheers
That was a lovely touching story about your family. I hope your mum found a little catharticism from voicing her feelings around what sounded like a tough time. I've been through counselling and I got something from just actually voicing out a lot of the stuff that sometimes doesn't get the chance to be said. I found it beneficial, like releasing a bit of weight from my soul. My mum was blind from when she was 16 and did a great job raising 3 boys. It was an unconventional upbringing but also brought us together. Both my parents are gone now. Makes me miss their support. Also makes me thankful for it. Thanks for sharing your experience and advice Sandy & happy birthday.
Thank you,Lee. We tell stories about being raised with parents with visually impaired issues. you’re so very right about counseling and voicing things that you wouldn’t say to other people and just getting that emotional baggage and those painful feelings out. That is great advice and I’m so glad you did that for yourself! Such a wise decision. It was an honor to do this with Ashley and for her to see what the process looks like from a parent point of view. We all need to give each other grace, and to be empathetic, and the only way we can do that is to experience the hard stuff! I’m sorry for your hard moments and years. we have the privilege and the honor of sharing are difficulties with each other as others are suffering. Thank you for sharing yours today.
I’m very sorry for your life without your parents since high school. That must’ve been very difficult I hope that you have found relationships in your life to help support you and grow you in your life since they were not able to be there for you here. I’m sorry for your loss whether it was years ago or recently. Your story is very valid and has probably already touched many lives.
So sorry to hear that. That is a lot of lost for you. Grief is a hard process. Yeah can be such a roller coaster. I do hope that you will seek places where you can voice your grief and express it.Counseling is always a good option if you can find a good counselor. There should never be any shame in seeking someone to express those inner hurts with. GriefShare program is a good place to be with others with grief processing on line. I do hope that you will find healing in your future and live your best life in spite of all your losses. My heart goes out to you.
I’m sorry you’re having to watch your sister go through dementia. Such a difficult process. I’m glad to hear that. Your mom is mentally stable in her 80s. That could be you as well. Sometimes we do all these tests to try to prepare ourselves, but we will only go From this life to the next the way God chooses. You may very well be just like your mom in the sense of having all of your mental faculties until you are taken home. I hope that for you. sound like an awesome sister!
@@sandyw9226 Thank You. I did the DNA mostly for the next generation in my family because I do not believe they should. We know too little about prevention but maybe they will know more.
Happy Birthday to your smart, strong and beautiful mom ! Now, I wasn’t expecting her to basically take me down memory lane ( or more apt “bad memory lane” ). My experience with my mother is eerily similar … visitors in the middle of the night, taking her to the police station to file a (fake) report about intruders, changing the locks to her home, not finding a gun under her pillow but rather a big ‘ole knife, etc. it was a ride for sure. It also took me a while to catch on because, although she wasn’t blind, she had always been a handful: in need of constant attention and manipulative. My initial thought was that she was just that much more annoying and then it got weird 😳. Taking the car keys from her just about killed me. Anyways, I absolutely loved this and if this is a direction you are heading towards ( even if only a sporadic aside from travel ), I say go for it. You and your mom provide practical and real accounts that others can find comfort in and use. You are also very natural and authentic in this type of conversation. Very well done !
I’m sorry that you are in the club that none of us really want to be in…. I’m so sorry for your process and journey through dementia with your mom. We could totally relate to each other from the sounds of your reply. I do hope that you have found healing and that you also have given yourself love for your investment in your mom. It’s not easy and it’s heartbreaking. my hope is that you have been able to move forward and have a life of your own now that your parent has passed. Somehow it leaves a little bit of a heavy feeling that we carry with us. I find myself apologizing to my mom for the way that she had to live the last years of her life. I wouldn’t have chosen that for her, but we don’t get to choose for them so, we walk through it with them. In whatever way we are able, it sounds like you were quite involved with her care. May you be blessed for your sacrifice of love, time, and effort in her care!
I lost my father to a long period of this disease. Dementia is a very humbling and cruel disease. It is in the early stage very hard to admit to yourself this is happening to you. It is hard to see a dignified person crumble apart. Slowly being more and more dependant on other people. And it is also hard for the family to see your loved one get degraded and detoriating. At the end my father got aggressive (personality change) and at times depressive. It is very hard for everyone involved both in practical aspect as also in psychological impact. My father had his first diagnosed symptoms 14 years before he died.
My mum is 93 next week. 5 years with dementia and 4 years with a full-time live-in 24-hour carer from the Phillipines. We don't know if she can see. She can hear as she reacts to hello's. She is non-verbal and almost a year is non-mobile. It is devastating to see your mother wither away slowly. On one hand we don't want her to suffer anymore but she isn't really suffering physically. My 95 year old dad and me and my 3 sisters are suffering more than her by having to witness her decline. We also promised her that she would stay at home till the end and not go into a facility.
My mom went through this with my grandma and now my mom has dementia. She already has dillusions. I know this is a relatively early stage of a long heartbreaking road.
I am so very sorry. To have had your mom watch her own mother go through this and now experience it herself is so hard. It’s not at all what any of us would want for ourselves or our loved one. May you find strength in the journey and time to yourself where you can recharge. Try very hard not to let it consume you and still try to have a life outside of caring for your parent. I did have to remind myself as I went through it, my parent had a full long life. I can care for them, but I also have to have a life of my own as well and not let this journey with my parent consume every part of my life. This is a hard balance to keep. I hope you will be able to find that comfortable place caregiving and your own personal care. may you be blessed in this process!
Being adopted as a baby, I found my biological mother at 27 and finding out I was an only child, have had to witness, the passing of 2 moms, I am so thankful I was with them right to the end.
Really hard to watch your mom describe what she went through caring for your nan. A tough subject to cover so hats off to you for doing this video. There are a hell of a lot of unsung heroes out there, and they don't get anywhere near the thanks or appreciation for what they've done or do. Great job. 🙏
Ashley, YOU ARE GOD SENT! I've literally just come from a prayer walk, praying about the future of taking care of my ageing parents. Thank you so much for doing this! Mummy, thank you so much for serving your parents well even when they were difficult .... Thank you for sharing your experience so honestly.
Everyone’s experience can vary but it will not be an easy road. If you are alone in this, ie no sibling to share the burden with, take it one thing at a time ( baby steps ), make lists of things to do, cross each accomplishment out and take a break. Get away on your own regularly ( yay for prayer walks ), do what you think is best for your parents, safety and comfort being priorities. I acknowledge that you know all that already so I’m not preaching, I just want you to know that it is doable and you come out the other end stronger and at peace. Take care.
This is a sweet message. Your encouragement is priceless. May you be blessed as you care for your aging parents. It’s a high calling on a persons life, if we try to see it that way. It’s difficult and very sacrificial, but I believe you will be greatly blessed even through the pain of watching parents decline. There is great honor in being a caregiver in spite of the pain it carries. May the Lord bless you as your parents age, and you work through that process with him!
Lost my mother to dementia, which she was probably suffering some to some extent for a while, but my father took care of her after he passed away it got much worse, and then had a stroke, and I had to move her to where my wife and I were living and put her in a nursing home because she couldn't take care of herself. She passed away 17 months later, two days before Mother's Day.
So sorry for your loss. Dementia is such a hard disease. it sounds like it has been a long process for you through all of what you explained. I hope that you have been able to carry on with life now and be thankful for the time you had with your loved ones. May you be blessed for your care for them and your investment in their lives.
So sorry. That is hard for a young child and no one but those who have gone through it can fully understand. I’m glad you think of her often and would bet she would be telling you to live your life well and enjoy the moments you have! May you be blessed and be a comfort to others who have experienced the same.
Ashley, I was very interested in your mom's view on wills and power of attorney. Every state has different laws. We recently lost our brother, who had a will (who gets what) but did not have a trust (who administrates accounts, stocks, etc. We have been battling with the Wayne County (Michigan) court for a year and a half. We had to petition to have me become the personal representative, then we had to ask for permission to sell the house, and now we have to ask the court to close the estate. It has been very difficult for my family and me.
Yes! In Washington state they called that probate. It can take years to settle a probate after a person passes. That is why a trust is so important if a person has a significant amount of assets. My mom did not have that, so it was not necessary for us. you make a very good point for those who have significant assets and preparing that ahead of time. My in-laws have a trust set up. That will be very helpful for end of life on the family. Thank you for pointing that out.
@@sandyw9226 Yes, Sandy, it is called probate here in Michigan too. I urge EVERYONE to find out more about it in your state, and set up your assets in a trust or whatever your state demands to avoid this "mell of a hess" that we've been going through for over a year and a half.
Having a will, durable power of attorney, durable power of attorney for healthcare, and DNR/living will needs to be done for everyone over the age of 18. Many people die young of a sudden death, so don’t just assume this needs to be done for the aged. It’s very cavalier of people to not be prepared for dying at any age….its a fact of life that we will all die.
I’m sorry you went through this with your wife. We think of it as a parent and child relationship but as a husband, it is even harder to watch your wife go through this. I’m very sorry for your loss and hope that there have been some good things in the journey that you have been able to hold onto.
After all the ups and downs it’s kind of disappointing she didn’t put out a 1 minute video saying thank you and goodbye. But who knows, maybe something happened or it was just too emotional to do that and easier to just leave it and be done.
![KSI - Dirty [Official Visualiser]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/VoDh1h1dPUE/mqdefault.jpg)
Guys I can’t express just how thankful I am to my mom for sharing her personal story. Please help me thank her below for being open, genuine, and an amazing example.
🎉ALSO TODAY IS HER BIRTHDAY!! Happy birthday Mom! 🎉I love you forever, I like you for always, as long as I’m living my mommy you’ll be. 😘
Happy birthday Sandy! ~Cara 🎉
hippy birdy and thank you for agreeing to talk about both of you. I know can be tough,
the sufferer will completely not realise they are showing the synptoms and just sees how everyone else is treating them , no matter what you say or do, so tough a time
Happy Birthday Ms. Sandy!!!
Such a shame this channel ended, hope Ashley is doing well
Hi Ash! I took care of my mom when she had pancreatic cancer and watched her slowly die for a year. It was the hardest time of my life but I wouldn’t change a thing. I know my mom really appreciated all of my effort and I didn’t have any regrets when she passed. Your mom is a strong woman and it was great to hear her story!
Hey Ash, when are you coming back? We miss you.... if you are not coming back it would be good to get an update so we know you are ok
This is such an amazing video. Thank you to you and your mom for sharing her experience. This is happening for my family now with my mother-in-law and so helpful to see how she navigated this process.
I’m sorry your family is going through this. Hold on tight to the good memories and be able to laugh at some of the things in the process to help yourself get through. Family members need to say their goodbyes early….say what they need to say before she passes. Regretting not saying the things that you wish you had said is the harder part of losing someone. I hope very much that you and your family walk together through this process with love and respect toward each other and patience toward your mother-in-law. It’s not easy! May you all be blessed in the process! I’m very sorry for your loss as she is declining. Im sure you are being a support to you husband as his mom is slipping away in the dementia or Alzheimer’s process. May god bless each one of you and give you the strength you need. ❤
Sending you big hugs and lots of strength! My mom passed last October after several years of decline due to dementia. Our family has been through cancer, kidney failure, and diabetes, but dementia was by far the most devastating. It's constant new levels of grief. I wouldn't wish dementia on anyone.
I’m sorry for your family and how you had to watch your family member decline. It is so hard on your heart,emotions and even your memories of them. So very sorry. I hope you were able to hold tight to some of the good moments for your own future memories of them.❤️
Happy Birthday to your mom! She is a precious soul! My family went through this with my grandmother, however we were in another state. It was heartbreaking. My mom is going through the early stages of dementia with my stepdad right now. She’s about to lose her mind with his hardheadedness and stubbornness. It’s such a tough disease-The long goodbye
I’m sorry to hear that for your mom sake and for the one she’s caring for. I assume from what you said that you are a good sounding board for her to relief some of that weight of responsibility and just be able to vocalize her frustration and hurt. Keep being there for her as long as you can because that is huge! If you can’t be there personally, then being a person in the distance, hearing her out and letting her cry or yell, or say the things she would never say out loud to anyone else. She will treasure that about your help when it’s all set and done. We all need someone that we can express the deepest parts of our heart too even when we feel things we don’t want to feel.
@@sandyw9226thank you for your knowledgeable comments. He has always been such a strong, decisive individual. He’s been their investment specialist, taking care of all finances, home repairs, cars and car repairs etc. She is having to take all of that on as well as taking care of him. In addition, I have a brother with special needs who lives at home still. My mother is a strong lady of 77, with a strong faith. We all need help in such trying times though. Again, thank you for your kind words and advice. And hello, from the foothills of the Great Smoky Mtns of East Tennessee!
Oh my, with a special needs brother at home also complicates things so much more and must be so hard on her to care for both. My heart goes out to you all as you maneuver through this time in your lives. “ Lord, please bless this family with strength and hope through this difficult time….you know they need your presents and your power. Please be their covering now. In Jesus name we ask” 🫶🏻
@@sandyw9226thank you for your prayers. It is a blessing to know we have sisters in Christ who will lift our name and concerns to Him.
I honestly wish I knew your mom in real life. She seems amazing!
Loving the new format of your channel! ❤ Future talk show host here ladies & gents!
Thanks for sharing Sandy, I remember your mom fondly
Thank you….I appreciate that!
Hi Ash,
It was interesting to hear about your mother's experience with her mother and Alzheimer's. It brought back many of the memories I have with my mum and nan, who suffered for many years with this dreaded disease. There are several parallels between your mother's and my mother's experience caring for their mums with dementia. My nan was diagnosed with Alzheimer's about six months before my Grandad passed away. She was in the early stages and still reasonably functional, but that did not last long. My mum immigrated to America from England when she was 20 and met and married my father. They had three children; I'm the eldest and the first grandchild.
I spent about half my childhood living in England and the other half in the States. My experiences and childhood memories of my nan were not pleasant. She was very difficult and could be pretty mean to us children. I'm sure there are many reasons for this, recognizing she had a tough childhood. It's likely my nan suffered from some sort of PTSD from the second world war as she was an ambulance driver in London during the blitz. She also narrowly escaped from her home with my mother before it took a direct hit from a doodlebug leveling their home.
Her father died fighting on the frontlines in WW1 for the British RFA in the Belgium area. My nan was too young to remember her father, but it was pretty obvious she had quite the admiration for him that she did not have for her mother. When I was young, I did have the opportunity to have several Sunday dinners with my great-grandmother. She was elderly in her 80s and, from what I can remember, had no obvious signs of dementia. She was a lovely lady who treated my younger sister and me well. She passed away while I was in America in 1977 at the age of 91. My mom told me her heart gave out, but her mind was clear. I know she did suffer from significant vision loss due to glaucoma.
Anyhow, her daughter, my nan, had a very different personality, one that tended to drive us away, not wanting to be around her when we were children, and this did not change as we became adults. After my Grandad passed away, my mum returned to England for the funeral and to make arrangements for my nan to come to America where she could care for her mother. From my viewpoint, this was a big mistake. My nan was not an American citizen and, therefore, not eligible for any type of government assistance such as Medicaid for long-term care or a nursing home. My mum had two younger siblings still living in England who probably should have stepped up and cared for their mum but chose not to. My mum would spend the next 10 years caring for her mother, who, prior to Alzheimer's, had a real mean streak that, with the progression of the disease, became magnified. My nan was in my mum's care 24/7 for 10 years with virtually no respite. My mum rarely complained and, in my opinion, should be sainted for her commitment to my nan's care. My nan finally passed away in April 2003 at age 87. My mum was completely worn out by the end and, at the age of 63, passed away in November 2006. I know my mother considered it an honor and her duty to care for her mother, and if she were here today, she would express what a privilege it was to do so. I on the other hand wish I had taken steps to move my nan back to England where she would have had the benefit of the NHS to care for her. I believe my mum's life was shortened considerably by this experience, and she missed out on valuable experiences with her grandchildren and great-grandchildren as a result.
I hope your mum is doing well and has many good years of life as her reward for caring for her mother.
Best regards!
It's been so interesting to hear your Mom share her story of this awful time, and what it was like for her. Dementia is a terrible disease- and one of the worst parts is that a person has to reach total crisis point before the decision to place them in full time secure care can be made.
Having lost my Mum to dementia at the end of 2023, ten years after we first recognised there was an issue, I totally empathise with what you all went through.
I would also like to re-emphasise what you have said about ensuring that everyone has an up-to-date Will, and that Powers of Atttorney or whatever might be appropriate are drawn up while the person is still well enough to state what they want and who should be their voice when they need it. And also broach the subject of what they would like to happen after death - from small funeral details to the big 'where and how I want to be laid to rest'.
Yes! I agree with everything you shared! So very true.
Thank you for sharing your story. It's a horrible thing to go through. My dad had Parkinson's and dementia, and in 2020 during the pandemic I ended up moving home as my office closed. I don't think I'd understood the difficulties of caring for someone until I saw first-hand what my mum was dealing with. I helped her care for him, as he was progressively deteriorating and becoming very challenging, he had terrible balance but didn't really understand that, so would fall a lot. He would try to do DIY and damage the house. He eventually lost the ability to care for himself and forgot who I was. He couldn't engage in the activities he'd enjoyed, and couldn't walk far, and eventually wasn't safe to be left alone. He went into hospital after an infection and then a care home in December 2020. As it was lockdown, we were unable to visit and didn't see him from then until February 2021, when we got the call to say he'd died. He deteriorated so quickly we were shocked to see how ill and thin he was. It was harrowing. We'd hoped we'd be able to visit in March as lockdown was lifting, but sadly he didn't live that long. I didn't tell anyone I was working with as I didn't know how to bring it up, and just accepted it as something I had to do. I struggled a lot with resenting my situation, feeling like I had my independence taken away, I didn't want to move home, I didn't want to feel responsible for helping my parents in my late twenties while none of my friends were going through the same thing, but honestly I don't know how my mum would have coped if covid hadn't made me move home, as I was living a couple of hours away. I'm not religious but it's funny to think that everything lined up and made it that I could be at home to help. I also struggled with guilt as in a way I was glad he didn't live any longer being so ill, but of course I wish he'd had a longer life with a good quality of life. It happens more than we realise that children have to care for their parents but it's still not spoken about enough. People are squeamish about talking about dementia, illness and death but it'll happen to everyone at some point. I'd be happy to talk more about this if it can be useful to someone else going through the same thing.
Caring for a dying parent is one of the toughest things we have to go through. My Mum looked after my Dad who died of cancer last year and credit to her she was very strong through it all. The palliative nurses were also very good. But it leaves an impression on us all. You feel helpless. Your Mum is clearly a strong person and did the best she could under very trying circumstances. It’s not easy and as you say it can sometimes test your relationship because of the degree of suffering on both sides.
I recently lost my Mum to Vascular Dementia, a seven year traumatic, for both of us, journey. I know exactly what you are explaining. I am a changed person because of this experience. I send my Love to all who are going through this mental stress. Thank you for sharing this with us. Sending respect and love to all.
I’m sorry for your loss. Seven years is a long journey to watch in loved one decline. I’m sorry that that became your family’s journey. I do hope that you are able to hold onto the good moments that you had. It is so very hard to watch a parent decline to that level. You are one of many who have had to walk this journey. Thank you for sharing a bit about your. My heart goes out to you and your right, it changes a part of you, but I know that we are meant to live on and find joy in life after these hard moments or years. I do hope you have felt able to live with joy and love the memories of the good about your mom. I know you can relate to my own story and the story of others. A club that none of us chose to be in. I hope you’ll be able to come alongside someone else now that you have had this experience with your mom and comfort them. That’s the biggest blessing in all of this. We now have an opportunity to walk beside other people where we would not have understood, empathize, or had compassion the way we do now. May you be blessed for loving your mom, caring for her in the way you did and may your life be a reflection of the good you took from all you have walked through. Others need your experience to uplift them in their suffering.
No, my mom lost her dad February 2023 to Alzheimer’s and my dad as well. Lost his dad so we definitely know firsthand what you’re going through.
Sorry to hear of your grandmothers passing. Sandy and Ashely thank for sharing this very important experience. Many of us with aging parents are faced with their care right now. We truly appreciate you sharing and realize how emotionally difficult it was. Johns mother had Parkinson’s and dementia it was very hard on our family and Johns dad who chose to care for her at home. Sharing your story will be of help to so many. Again thank you. ~Cara 💖
My dad had dementia, too. After my mother died, he moved to a memory unit. At first he was very happy there and then, quickly, he wasn't. I got a call almost every night telling me he had fallen. I was just waiting for the other 'shoe to drop". He was on hospice for 6 weeks and they were very helpful. We, as a society, wait too long before calling on hospice care. They are very helpful to the patient and the family, answering all of the questions that came up along the way. If you are caring for them in the home, hospice also allows respite care for the caregiver. This gives a break to the caregiver so that they can have an opportunity to rest. This is an important topic for all people to discuss prior to the parent's inevitable decline.
Yes! Such good information and so true about waiting too long for hospice. We had to wait for the doctor to say it was time. That was what held us up. So a good doctor is essential, for sure. I’m really sorry about your walk-through dementia. I can relate to everything you said. It’s heartbreaking. I do hope that you have found peace in all of it now and that you have been able to grieve properly and move forward. But I also understand there’s still a part of you that looks back, and feels sad for the life ending timeframe of your father. We always wish better for those. We love to pass without suffering….mental suffering is as hard as the physical…. Especially for the family members to watch. May you receive comfort, and healing as a family.
God's Blessings... Acceptance Patience Gratitude
Yes, so true!
Happy BDAY Sandy and you were excellent sharing your experience.
Ashley thanks for putting out this video. I related to it for different reasons. My uncle had Alzheimer's though I wasn't a caregiver I did see the effect it had on him and everyone around him. My parents are in their 80's and I'm having to more for them. Thankfully no signs of dementia just old age issues.
Also congrats on the success of your last video. I look forward to more videos to come.
Thank you for the birthday wish. What an awesome job that you have coming in caring for your parents, but a hard one at that. there’s huge blessing in it for them and for you. I’m glad to hear that there is not an issue with Alzheimer’s or dementia at this point for them. That’s a huge blessing. good job and being willing to take some of the responsibility of your parents. Take time for yourself and ask for help when you need it.❤️🫶🏻
My goodness, sending big hugs and love to your mom. Yes, I extend the utmost gratitude for sharing this. My heart and soul were so touched. It wasn't dementia, but my mom passed exactly 14 years ago, and that came suddenly. Just over a year later my dad succumbed to a long illness. They are of course missed and loved every day. On a lighter note...a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY to your wonderful mother!!!🎂
Are you not doing RUclips anymore? You've disappeared again :( it would be great to see some vlogs or update on your life in Washington
Hope you are well....I was right a long time ago when said you should not have moved to Wales for some guy... I got lots of flack for that but you had a nice home with so many house warming gifts from your viewers, you had a job at the dentist office, you had friends and family nearby and you gave it up for a long distance relationship and then tried to salvage it in Spain...Even your mom gave me crap for disapproving the move to Wales....oh well too bad so sad....HOpe you can get your feet back on the grounds....Cheers
That was a lovely touching story about your family. I hope your mum found a little catharticism from voicing her feelings around what sounded like a tough time. I've been through counselling and I got something from just actually voicing out a lot of the stuff that sometimes doesn't get the chance to be said. I found it beneficial, like releasing a bit of weight from my soul.
My mum was blind from when she was 16 and did a great job raising 3 boys. It was an unconventional upbringing but also brought us together. Both my parents are gone now. Makes me miss their support. Also makes me thankful for it. Thanks for sharing your experience and advice Sandy & happy birthday.
Thank you,Lee. We tell stories about being raised with parents with visually impaired issues. you’re so very right about counseling and voicing things that you wouldn’t say to other people and just getting that emotional baggage and those painful feelings out. That is great advice and I’m so glad you did that for yourself! Such a wise decision. It was an honor to do this with Ashley and for her to see what the process looks like from a parent point of view. We all need to give each other grace, and to be empathetic, and the only way we can do that is to experience the hard stuff! I’m sorry for your hard moments and years. we have the privilege and the honor of sharing are difficulties with each other as others are suffering. Thank you for sharing yours today.
I loss both my parents before I started High School,it's tough,sorry for your losses.
I’m very sorry for your life without your parents since high school. That must’ve been very difficult I hope that you have found relationships in your life to help support you and grow you in your life since they were not able to be there for you here. I’m sorry for your loss whether it was years ago or recently. Your story is very valid and has probably already touched many lives.
@sandyw9226 It's tough,but it's been most of my life now,I definitely hanging on memories of my childhood when they were here
Happy Birthday Mummy!!!! 💖
Lost My Grandma to Dementia in 2020...My Dad to Cancer in 2021...& My Best Friend & 1st Dog in 2022. 😮💨😮💨😮💨 Haven't been the same
So sorry to hear that. That is a lot of lost for you. Grief is a hard process. Yeah can be such a roller coaster. I do hope that you will seek places where you can voice your grief and express it.Counseling is always a good option if you can find a good counselor. There should never be any shame in seeking someone to express those inner hurts with. GriefShare program is a good place to be with others with grief processing on line. I do hope that you will find healing in your future and live your best life in spite of all your losses. My heart goes out to you.
My sister has dementia and is
I’m sorry you’re having to watch your sister go through dementia. Such a difficult process. I’m glad to hear that. Your mom is mentally stable in her 80s. That could be you as well. Sometimes we do all these tests to try to prepare ourselves, but we will only go From this life to the next the way God chooses. You may very well be just like your mom in the sense of having all of your mental faculties until you are taken home. I hope that for you. sound like an awesome sister!
@@sandyw9226 Thank You. I did the DNA mostly for the next generation in my family because I do not believe they should. We know too little about prevention but maybe they will know more.
❤️🫶🏻
Happy Birthday to your smart, strong and beautiful mom ! Now, I wasn’t expecting her to basically take me down memory lane ( or more apt “bad memory lane” ). My experience with my mother is eerily similar … visitors in the middle of the night, taking her to the police station to file a (fake) report about intruders, changing the locks to her home, not finding a gun under her pillow but rather a big ‘ole knife, etc. it was a ride for sure. It also took me a while to catch on because, although she wasn’t blind, she had always been a handful: in need of constant attention and manipulative. My initial thought was that she was just that much more annoying and then it got weird 😳. Taking the car keys from her just about killed me. Anyways, I absolutely loved this and if this is a
direction you are heading towards ( even if only a sporadic aside from travel ), I say go for it. You and your mom provide practical and real accounts that others can find comfort in and use. You are also very natural and authentic in this type of conversation. Very well done !
I’m sorry that you are in the club that none of us really want to be in…. I’m so sorry for your process and journey through dementia with your mom. We could totally relate to each other from the sounds of your reply. I do hope that you have found healing and that you also have given yourself love for your investment in your mom. It’s not easy and it’s heartbreaking. my hope is that you have been able to move forward and have a life of your own now that your parent has passed. Somehow it leaves a little bit of a heavy feeling that we carry with us. I find myself apologizing to my mom for the way that she had to live the last years of her life. I wouldn’t have chosen that for her, but we don’t get to choose for them so, we walk through it with them. In whatever way we are able, it sounds like you were quite involved with her care. May you be blessed for your sacrifice of love, time, and effort in her care!
I lost my father to a long period of this disease. Dementia is a very humbling and cruel disease. It is in the early stage very hard to admit to yourself this is happening to you. It is hard to see a dignified person crumble apart. Slowly being more and more dependant on other people. And it is also hard for the family to see your loved one get degraded and detoriating. At the end my father got aggressive (personality change) and at times depressive. It is very hard for everyone involved both in practical aspect as also in psychological impact. My father had his first diagnosed symptoms 14 years before he died.
My mum is 93 next week. 5 years with dementia and 4 years with a full-time live-in 24-hour carer from the Phillipines. We don't know if she can see. She can hear as she reacts to hello's. She is non-verbal and almost a year is non-mobile. It is devastating to see your mother wither away slowly. On one hand we don't want her to suffer anymore but she isn't really suffering physically. My 95 year old dad and me and my 3 sisters are suffering more than her by having to witness her decline. We also promised her that she would stay at home till the end and not go into a facility.
My mom went through this with my grandma and now my mom has dementia. She already has dillusions. I know this is a relatively early stage of a long heartbreaking road.
I am so very sorry. To have had your mom watch her own mother go through this and now experience it herself is so hard. It’s not at all what any of us would want for ourselves or our loved one. May you find strength in the journey and time to yourself where you can recharge. Try very hard not to let it consume you and still try to have a life outside of caring for your parent. I did have to remind myself as I went through it, my parent had a full long life. I can care for them, but I also have to have a life of my own as well and not let this journey with my parent consume every part of my life. This is a hard balance to keep. I hope you will be able to find that comfortable place caregiving and your own personal care. may you be blessed in this process!
@@sandyw9226
Thank you, Sandy!🤍✌️🙏
Being adopted as a baby, I found my biological mother at 27 and finding out I was an only child, have had to witness, the passing of 2 moms, I am so thankful I was with them right to the end.
That is a lot and so hard. I’m glad that you are thankful that you were with them right at the end. What a blessing for them and for you.
Really hard to watch your mom describe what she went through caring for your nan. A tough subject to cover so hats off to you for doing this video. There are a hell of a lot of unsung heroes out there, and they don't get anywhere near the thanks or appreciation for what they've done or do. Great job. 🙏
Ashley, YOU ARE GOD SENT! I've literally just come from a prayer walk, praying about the future of taking care of my ageing parents.
Thank you so much for doing this!
Mummy, thank you so much for serving your parents well even when they were difficult .... Thank you for sharing your experience so honestly.
Everyone’s experience can vary but it will not be an easy road. If you are alone in this, ie no sibling to share the burden with, take it one thing at a time ( baby steps ), make lists of things to do, cross each accomplishment out and take a break. Get away on your own regularly ( yay for prayer walks ), do what you think is best for your parents, safety and comfort being priorities. I acknowledge that you know all that already so I’m not preaching, I just want you to know that it is doable and you come out the other end stronger and at peace. Take care.
@@Booboonancy Thank you so much!!! ❤️
This is a sweet message. Your encouragement is priceless. May you be blessed as you care for your aging parents. It’s a high calling on a persons life, if we try to see it that way. It’s difficult and very sacrificial, but I believe you will be greatly blessed even through the pain of watching parents decline. There is great honor in being a caregiver in spite of the pain it carries. May the Lord bless you as your parents age, and you work through that process with him!
@@sandyw9226 ❤️
Lost my mother to dementia, which she was probably suffering some to some extent for a while, but my father took care of her after he passed away it got much worse, and then had a stroke, and I had to move her to where my wife and I were living and put her in a nursing home because she couldn't take care of herself. She passed away 17 months later, two days before Mother's Day.
So sorry for your loss. Dementia is such a hard disease. it sounds like it has been a long process for you through all of what you explained. I hope that you have been able to carry on with life now and be thankful for the time you had with your loved ones. May you be blessed for your care for them and your investment in their lives.
I lost my mom at 7 and think about her everyday. I’m 26😭
So sorry. That is hard for a young child and no one but those who have gone through it can fully understand. I’m glad you think of her often and would bet she would be telling you to live your life well and enjoy the moments you have! May you be blessed and be a comfort to others who have experienced the same.
Linda mais vídeo ❤❤❤
been there twice, wouldn't wish it on anyone
I agree….it.s a hard journey.
I lost my mom in October it was sudden and we didn’t see it coming. I am still in disbelief
Ashley, I was very interested in your mom's view on wills and power of attorney. Every state has different laws. We recently lost our brother, who had a will (who gets what) but did not have a trust (who administrates accounts, stocks, etc. We have been battling with the Wayne County (Michigan) court for a year and a half. We had to petition to have me become the personal representative, then we had to ask for permission to sell the house, and now we have to ask the court to close the estate. It has been very difficult for my family and me.
Yes! In Washington state they called that probate. It can take years to settle a probate after a person passes. That is why a trust is so important if a person has a significant amount of assets. My mom did not have that, so it was not necessary for us. you make a very good point for those who have significant assets and preparing that ahead of time. My in-laws have a trust set up. That will be very helpful for end of life on the family. Thank you for pointing that out.
@@sandyw9226 Yes, Sandy, it is called probate here in Michigan too. I urge EVERYONE to find out more about it in your state, and set up your assets in a trust or whatever your state demands to avoid this "mell of a hess" that we've been going through for over a year and a half.
Having a will, durable power of attorney, durable power of attorney for healthcare, and DNR/living will needs to be done for everyone over the age of 18. Many people die young of a sudden death, so don’t just assume this needs to be done for the aged. It’s very cavalier of people to not be prepared for dying at any age….its a fact of life that we will all die.
This is true….thank you for clarifying the need for younger people.
lost the wife to Dementia so yes I know what it is like
I’m sorry you went through this with your wife. We think of it as a parent and child relationship but as a husband, it is even harder to watch your wife go through this. I’m very sorry for your loss and hope that there have been some good things in the journey that you have been able to hold onto.
Hello Ash, when are you coming back, it has been a long time since your last video. ??????????????????????????????????????????????????
I guess the channel has ended?
After all the ups and downs it’s kind of disappointing she didn’t put out a 1 minute video saying thank you and goodbye. But who knows, maybe something happened or it was just too emotional to do that and easier to just leave it and be done.
Gosh I saw the thumbnail and thought your mum had died!