I also noticed, as soon as I became aware that limerence was a thing, that my mind uses it as a tool to soothe itself when I am very sad, or “trapped” in some situations I cannot avoid (highly stressing environments for work, unexpected changes, and so on). I already knew I have maladaptive daydreaming tendencies due to a traumatic childhood, but limerence is a thing on its own. As you said, it fills the place of something that is missing, and I think it keeps us regulated when we are not yet ready to take things in our own hands and move forward. A protective trick of the mind that is very dangerous when we are not educated on the impacts it has on our reputation and social dynamics. In fact, I only became aware of it all when someone else got limerent for me. That was a tripping experience, since I saw myself reflected in a mirror, and it was not a flattering reflection. But once you become aware you can learn how to be patient with it, how to listen to the need it underlines… and maybe be gentle instead of feeling ashamed. Boy, is it hard… But yeah. Once you connect with reality, and you need to feel safe enough to start to do that, you can actually take steps to meet the very human needs for connection and community. At our terms, of course. Bello comunque ascoltare una versione alternativa di se stessi. È impressionante e rassicurante allo stesso tempo, ma le similitudini sono spaventose ogni santa volta che mi capita di poter ascoltare uno dei tuoi video. Ciò che rincuora è che lo spirito autistico vuole sempre indagare e capire… penso sia questo a salvarci da un’esistenza in balia di comportamenti inconsci. Forza e coraggio :)
Yes totally! I def relate to this. I also felt embarrassed about it. I think my limerence was connected to a need for more emotional support that I felt I never really had enough of at home. Never thought about it being also connected to autism but now that I think about it, my partner has wondered if we may be both on the spectrum. Thanks for sharing Sadie❤
Hi there, haven't commented in a while but I need to tell you how important it is for me to hear those words, because that limerence thing has been a huge part of me for my whole life and I've always felt so ashamed and guilty about it, to a point where I thought I was insane. It's a vicious circle : the more I obsess over someone, the more I hate myself for it, and the more I withdraw from actual relationships, which as a consequence reinforces my limerent tendency. In my case this is definitely related to autism. I feel like we have a crazy urge to LOVE in an unlimited, more than human way, whereas our ability to express and live this love as an embodied social person is contrastingly weak. I am aware that I'm not easily accessible and me as well as my relatives suffer from it, but you know... Gotta protect that gem. Thanks for your insight. 💎
This is so well said!! We do have an urge to love in an unlimited and more than human way! It’s such a sad irony that we’re also the ones with essentially a social disability 😞
I was the same. Very much like your experience but I am twice your age. Honestly I thought everyone did this. I had so many silent crushes but so so deep and alive. You expressed this so well, thank you.
12:00 im not capable of creating/having real life relationships like that either and also sometimes rely on imagined said relationship like that as well. i create short storys in place of such things. also, i too had a very strong limerence/platonic relationship with a 49 year old woman (im a woman too) when i was 23 years old. and being a lesbian, i wanted to be more than friends with her but she was straight and married to a man. i ruined the relationship which has been severed for over 10 years now. and yes, even though ive gotten over it, i still think of her from time to time. the connection that her and i had was so strong that it is borderline inexplicable to describe. thank you for this comprehensive insight on limerence and what it is. thank you.❤
I too have books of limerance soaked diaries that i occasionally reread with a mixture of fondness, embarrassment and nostalgia. Always older women ! ❤
Thank you for this honest, vulnerable and insightful video. I am very likely autistic (not diagnosed) and I had a lot of strong limerence in my early to mid teens and probably still have some parasocial relationships, of which I feel they resemble a bit an imaginary friendship, although I was lucky and some of them actually turned into genuine two-sided connections. We genuinely seem to have a lot in common and they seem to like me back, which is such a surprising gift, as I was so used to getting rejected as a teen and not prepared for this to happen in my 30s. And what is the best about it with actual connections is that they can be so much better than the imagined version, as the person maybe even notices aspects of your inner gem-personality (love this analogy of yours!) of which you were not even so much aware yourself and you feel so much more seen than you would have ever believed to be possible. And ideally the other person feels the same about you seeing them for who they really are. I hope this has happened or will happen to you, everybody deserves to be seen.
I love this!! I’ve never had a parasocial relationship turn two sided not yet anyway.. but yes it’s so amazing to be truly seen by someone on the outside of yourself. I think people can go insane without that aspect of social connection.
Needed to hear this....I relate very much. I don't know if I am autistic or not, I go back and forth between thinking I might be or not, but regardless limerence has been a big and painful part of my life. I am learning slowly, day by day, to accept it as a part of myself. Growing up with social anxiety and in a traumatic family, I felt invisible so my imaginary relationships have been a refuge. I am learning to overcome it, though....all in good time
this is 100% me. i doubt i am autistic BUT it is a spectrum so maybe i am on there somehow. it's definitely true that limerence comes from an inner unfulfilled need in childhood. my most recent case (lol) actually did send mixed signals, which makes this one the most intense i've ever had and believe me, i had thought i had reached the top already in the past. now you say one should NEVER tell that someone, but i do feel having clarity would help come down from it faster.
I was the same. Very much like your experience but I am twice your age. Honestly I thought everyone did this. I had so many silent crushes but so so deep and alive.
Sadie, off topic.. But just watched your perfume unboxing video.. I soooo wish you could have tried the old version of Body shop's satsuma, it was to die for.. Unfortunately they have reformulated it now.
Oh damn!! I think it might have been too sweet for my skin chemistry though, even the grapefruit one sweetened up so much on me! It’s really nice I like it a lot!
Hey Sadie! Idk if you'll see this or not, but I have a question a little unrelated to the video topic, but still on the subject of autism/masking. I was wondering if you still feel the need to mask around P, after being together for so long? Or do you feel like you can be completely yourself around her? I'm curious because I'm married (3 years this month to my best friend), and while I do feel like I can be completely myself around him, I also feel like sometimes I end up masking unconsciously because it's something I've done my whole life. Just wanted to know if you relate to this experience? 😄
Honestly she was one of the big reasons that I was able to unmask or feel safe enough to stop masking in the first place! So she was there with me through that whole process and helping by just being her awesome, non-judgemental self. I don’t think i’ve ever felt this comfortable to be myself with anyone else in my life (apart from childhood maybe?) hope that answers your question! 😊
Yes totally! I def relate to this. I also felt embarrassed about it. I think my limerence was connected to a need for more emotional support that I felt I never really had enough of at home. Never thought about it being also connected to autism but now that I think about it, my partner has wondered if we may be both on the spectrum. Thanks for sharing Sadie❤
I also noticed, as soon as I became aware that limerence was a thing, that my mind uses it as a tool to soothe itself when I am very sad, or “trapped” in some situations I cannot avoid (highly stressing environments for work, unexpected changes, and so on).
I already knew I have maladaptive daydreaming tendencies due to a traumatic childhood, but limerence is a thing on its own. As you said, it fills the place of something that is missing, and I think it keeps us regulated when we are not yet ready to take things in our own hands and move forward. A protective trick of the mind that is very dangerous when we are not educated on the impacts it has on our reputation and social dynamics. In fact, I only became aware of it all when someone else got limerent for me. That was a tripping experience, since I saw myself reflected in a mirror, and it was not a flattering reflection.
But once you become aware you can learn how to be patient with it, how to listen to the need it underlines… and maybe be gentle instead of feeling ashamed. Boy, is it hard…
But yeah.
Once you connect with reality, and you need to feel safe enough to start to do that, you can actually take steps to meet the very human needs for connection and community. At our terms, of course.
Bello comunque ascoltare una versione alternativa di se stessi. È impressionante e rassicurante allo stesso tempo, ma le similitudini sono spaventose ogni santa volta che mi capita di poter ascoltare uno dei tuoi video. Ciò che rincuora è che lo spirito autistico vuole sempre indagare e capire… penso sia questo a salvarci da un’esistenza in balia di comportamenti inconsci.
Forza e coraggio :)
Yes totally! I def relate to this. I also felt embarrassed about it. I think my limerence was connected to a need for more emotional support that I felt I never really had enough of at home. Never thought about it being also connected to autism but now that I think about it, my partner has wondered if we may be both on the spectrum. Thanks for sharing Sadie❤
Hi there, haven't commented in a while but I need to tell you how important it is for me to hear those words, because that limerence thing has been a huge part of me for my whole life and I've always felt so ashamed and guilty about it, to a point where I thought I was insane.
It's a vicious circle : the more I obsess over someone, the more I hate myself for it, and the more I withdraw from actual relationships, which as a consequence reinforces my limerent tendency. In my case this is definitely related to autism.
I feel like we have a crazy urge to LOVE in an unlimited, more than human way, whereas our ability to express and live this love as an embodied social person is contrastingly weak. I am aware that I'm not easily accessible and me as well as my relatives suffer from it, but you know... Gotta protect that gem.
Thanks for your insight. 💎
This is so well said!! We do have an urge to love in an unlimited and more than human way! It’s such a sad irony that we’re also the ones with essentially a social disability 😞
You are precious Sadie ✨ We see you.
I was the same. Very much like your experience but I am twice your age. Honestly I thought everyone did this.
I had so many silent crushes but so so deep and alive.
You expressed this so well, thank you.
12:00 im not capable of creating/having real life relationships like that either and also sometimes rely on imagined said relationship like that as well. i create short storys in place of such things. also, i too had a very strong limerence/platonic relationship with a 49 year old woman (im a woman too) when i was 23 years old. and being a lesbian, i wanted to be more than friends with her but she was straight and married to a man. i ruined the relationship which has been severed for over 10 years now. and yes, even though ive gotten over it, i still think of her from time to time. the connection that her and i had was so strong that it is borderline inexplicable to describe. thank you for this comprehensive insight on limerence and what it is. thank you.❤
Wow it’s so crazy how similar we are!
I too have books of limerance soaked diaries that i occasionally reread with a mixture of fondness, embarrassment and nostalgia.
Always older women ! ❤
Thank you for this honest, vulnerable and insightful video. I am very likely autistic (not diagnosed) and I had a lot of strong limerence in my early to mid teens and probably still have some parasocial relationships, of which I feel they resemble a bit an imaginary friendship, although I was lucky and some of them actually turned into genuine two-sided connections. We genuinely seem to have a lot in common and they seem to like me back, which is such a surprising gift, as I was so used to getting rejected as a teen and not prepared for this to happen in my 30s. And what is the best about it with actual connections is that they can be so much better than the imagined version, as the person maybe even notices aspects of your inner gem-personality (love this analogy of yours!) of which you were not even so much aware yourself and you feel so much more seen than you would have ever believed to be possible. And ideally the other person feels the same about you seeing them for who they really are. I hope this has happened or will happen to you, everybody deserves to be seen.
I love this!! I’ve never had a parasocial relationship turn two sided not yet anyway.. but yes it’s so amazing to be truly seen by someone on the outside of yourself. I think people can go insane without that aspect of social connection.
Needed to hear this....I relate very much. I don't know if I am autistic or not, I go back and forth between thinking I might be or not, but regardless limerence has been a big and painful part of my life. I am learning slowly, day by day, to accept it as a part of myself. Growing up with social anxiety and in a traumatic family, I felt invisible so my imaginary relationships have been a refuge. I am learning to overcome it, though....all in good time
You're amazing Sadie 💖
Com certeza best
this is 100% me. i doubt i am autistic BUT it is a spectrum so maybe i am on there somehow. it's definitely true that limerence comes from an inner unfulfilled need in childhood. my most recent case (lol) actually did send mixed signals, which makes this one the most intense i've ever had and believe me, i had thought i had reached the top already in the past. now you say one should NEVER tell that someone, but i do feel having clarity would help come down from it faster.
I guess sometimes clarity is needed yes!
I was the same. Very much like your experience but I am twice your age. Honestly I thought everyone did this.
I had so many silent crushes but so so deep and alive.
Sadie, off topic.. But just watched your perfume unboxing video.. I soooo wish you could have tried the old version of Body shop's satsuma, it was to die for.. Unfortunately they have reformulated it now.
Oh damn!! I think it might have been too sweet for my skin chemistry though, even the grapefruit one sweetened up so much on me! It’s really nice I like it a lot!
Hey Sadie! Idk if you'll see this or not, but I have a question a little unrelated to the video topic, but still on the subject of autism/masking. I was wondering if you still feel the need to mask around P, after being together for so long? Or do you feel like you can be completely yourself around her? I'm curious because I'm married (3 years this month to my best friend), and while I do feel like I can be completely myself around him, I also feel like sometimes I end up masking unconsciously because it's something I've done my whole life. Just wanted to know if you relate to this experience? 😄
Honestly she was one of the big reasons that I was able to unmask or feel safe enough to stop masking in the first place! So she was there with me through that whole process and helping by just being her awesome, non-judgemental self. I don’t think i’ve ever felt this comfortable to be myself with anyone else in my life (apart from childhood maybe?) hope that answers your question! 😊
limerence have me go so bad!!
Yes totally! I def relate to this. I also felt embarrassed about it. I think my limerence was connected to a need for more emotional support that I felt I never really had enough of at home. Never thought about it being also connected to autism but now that I think about it, my partner has wondered if we may be both on the spectrum. Thanks for sharing Sadie❤