Hey Caroline, as a recovered people pleaser I wanna share something that was transformative for me: The people most worth keeping in your life are the ones most respectful of your own needs, people who love you won’t just be ok with you saying no- they will WANT you to tell them when you’re tired, uncomfortable, upset etc. There’s a Buddhist proverb that goes like “If your compassion does not extend to yourself, it is incomplete.” We can’t call ourselves fully kind if we neglect ourselves and treat ourselves as less worthy than others. It often comes from a place of grief of some sort, which unfortunately has to be processed by feeling it. There’s no way around that. Someone or something in the past puts the idea that we are lesser in our heads. It’s not inborn.
I'm not sure how to say this, but...I watch several popular channels, mostly designers. And the content is enjoyable and it's fun to see their homes or projects evolving. But, I do want to thank you for sharing yourself on a deeper level. A lot of folks who are doing this seem to focus on endless updates to their spaces and just acquiring more stuff...that seems to be their hook. But, here I do feel the larger appeal is, simply put, your insight into humanity. I get to go, "Oh yeah, I feel that", and I can usually pull some bits of wisdom from your experience to help me better process my own. Anyway, a long-winded way to say...thanks for being real, open, and relatable.
I agree with you about how many folks on RUclips are all about acquiring more stuff...it often gets annoying and I find myself not watching some of them regularly. Why is it so important to accumulate more and more stuff? I love how Caroline has a lovely, comfortable home without constantly buying, buying, buying more stuff. Her videos relating to real life feelings and experiences that we all have had at some point are some of my favorite ...I think she is just amazing and REAL and I love it.
Okay okay hear me out: Strategic Disappointment. When my MIL has wild expectations of me or my boss is a ridiculous narcissist who can't be pleased, it is FOOD FOR THE SOUL to disappoint them. Look them in the eyes and tell them you didn't do the thing they expected from you. It's so cleansing I highly recommend it.
🙌I think you’re on to something. The “strategic” part is so accurate bc I finally realized that by trying to say yes to people all the time, you’re actually misleading them, setting an expectation that you won’t be able to uphold longterm. Better to strategically communicate the standard that can be healthily maintained long term
I love that idea, and here’s my strategic disappointment story that felt freaking amazing. This time of year charities park themselves in front of grocery store entrances. Some are respectful, some badger you all the way to the car. Few weeks ago a lady followed people around waving a jar demanding “Will you support Teen Challenge? Will you support Teen Challenge? Will YOU support TEEN CHALLENGE??” Everyone looked sheepishly down and mumbled their responses. She made a beeline for me and screeched “Will you support Teen Challenge???” I turned around and calmly looked her right in the eye and said “NO.” And got into my car. Boy that felt empowering.
As a dog behaviorist THANK YOU for pointing out how much work caring for a dog (responsibly) is. Many selfish people don’t realize they are neglecting their “fur baby”.
I have a dog now and would've never gotten myself into this, had I known how difficult and demanding it is. Don't get me wrong - I love my dog SO much, I work from home, so she's never alone, she's walked three times a day (high-energy breed) and she's living her best life. But I'm never putting myself in this situation again. I've also advised a few friends who were considering not getting one since I saw they had no clue what it means to own a dog, they were traveling/partying a lot, rarely at home, etc. And there's nothing more heart breaking than a neglected dog, who's then getting punished for misbehaving.
@@dodgethis_ me too! I had a dog and loved her so much till she passed away, but I'm thinking maybe retirement but no time soon. So much to care for other living beings. They are magical and lovely and worth it, but life is easier without.
I finally got another dog, she is a german shorthaired pointer/border collie….HIGH energy, I got her at 7.5 weeks old from the shelter, she was 5.5 weeks old when dropped off….i’ve had many dogs, never this breed/s but i specifically wanted either one of these, so she was selected specifically. I knew the work to come, taken from her mother at such a young age, and the working dog mentally….that’s a blend of behaviors to use and curb…I was ready for the challenge. Never get a dog to be your accessory, they’re living creatures and are hardwired in most of their behaviors. Too. any border collies are returned to shelters because people have zero concept how driven to work working dogs are, sun up to sun fiwn, 4 paws on the floor and ready to go. I put my dog into a nap every 2 hours, otherwise she wouldn’t lay down, i’ve watched never lay down when i’m in the yard all day. I have to take nap breaks. Very smart of you and it’s a good message to share, that goes with having children too, no one really has a concept of the pre teen and teen years, it’s worth it, but it can be draining too.
I upended my whole life at 63 after my ex boyfriend said it was over, he couldn’t make me happy, according to him. Three days later my daughter offered a room to me at her home in a different state. I packed up my SUV immediately, and was gone in 4 hours. Quit my job the next business day. He and I were house hunting for a home I was going to buy for us, him not admitting his true feelings the entire time. He is fearful avoidant, and I’m co-dependent. Working on me now, enjoying my daughter, grandson and Ohio.
I have a chronic degenerative condition. The changes and compromises I have had to make, are at times, heartbreaking; but being a witness to the growth and fortitude navigating change is reassuring and inspiring.
to quote the Dowager: it's ill-advised to take sides in the end of a relationship. No matter how everyone strives for honesty, no one will ever be in possession of all the facts.
I'm not seeing as much Jen Anniston as I am seeing and hearing Zoey Deschanel from New Girl. She's beautiful and articulate in her role as Jess - - also you have the same self-deprecation, charm and humor. You're so perfect for YT, so natural. Authentic. I don't subscribe to anything less, on this platform or in life. I'm always rooting for you, and genuinely wishing you well. Proud of you. 🧡
Even though I liked this comment, I just want to say that what I like best about you, is that you are different from anyone else, and are so uniquely you!
So thankful you started RUclips! I only watch researchers, documentaries, preppers, slow living homestead channels . . . and then Caroline! You are such a great combo of effervescent + deep + great at storytelling for youtube (no easy task!) We are all grateful for finding you on here.
One of the rare channels that have insightful, articulate commenters with good grammar. Yay! I appreciate and enjoy reading the comments as much as watching Caroline. Quite fulfilling. ❤️
I've noticed that, too, and I made a similar comment a few videos ago. 🙂 I sometimes wonder whether some people have ISPs that charge extra for punctuation, capital letters, and grammar.
For the people pleasing: look up things like "unlearning codependency," "learning healthy boundaries" etc. That has helped me IMMENSELY. Tips, hmm let's see: instead of following the fawn response instinct of rushing in to diffuse conflict, remind yourself: "let them have their experience." "I am not responsible for controlling/mitigating other people's emotions." Also, start to pay attention to how you feel into the energy of a room or situation (even before you get there! This is a trauma response thing) to subconsciously change your behavior, demeanor, etc, to make sure others are comfortable aka to prevent or reduce conflict. Just like take notice of it. The more you catch it, the more you can start to unlearn it, with things like "I *deserve* to have *my own* experience (aka not the one that best suits others).
Yes to this x100! At one point I noticed that I always tried to get the best outcome for everybody in group situations, e.g. if people can’t agree on where to eat. Then I was leading whole negotiations like I was the UN chair or something. I later figured out that these situations often resolve rather quickly if I just clearly state what *I* would like to do and then just see how it all turns out. Outcome for me is basically the same without the added stress. Still blows my mind even though it’s so simple.
I saw a quote from Bob Marley I believe, that said something like “ everyone is going to disappoint you. You just have to figure out who’s worth suffering for” and that helped me because I people please but I would get disappointed when friends were busy with their lives (completely reasonable that they were busy) and that quote made me realize that yeah, people have their lives and so much to do and sometimes they (or I) can’t fit everything in. So that helped me. Also I love your content. You’re so different than other RUclipsrs. I feel like you’re more real. Thanks for letting us in a little bit! Fingers crossed for you and Street Man xo
I love the whole "you have to disappoint" mindset. I'm a mom of six, a grandmother of 19, and I have a part-time job, a best friend/ husband, and have finally reached the place in life in which I don't feel the need for another dog. You're so right -- a dog is a commitment, another part-time job, and they're expensive. Prioritizing is a skill we all need to learn and keep learning.
An infamous intellectual once said: "Happiness isn't something that you can precisely pursue...you shouldn't pursue what should be a side effect of other pursuits... ...it's something that you accept with good graces when it happens to descend upon you" It changed the way I looked at life forever ❤
I should not get as excited as I do when I see an upload from you! Between your design content and your candid, vulnerable and hilarious vlog content- it’s just perfect!
I divorced at 70 when my ex descended into deep depression & health issues for which he refused to seek help. I’m now with a much younger man (what!?) and enjoying life again. Still love my ex but can no longer cope with his issues I have no control over. Thanks for your honest and forthrightness.
your sponsor segments are great, i think they've gotten slightly more polished over time but the fact that your personality doesn't shift into 'sales mode' is why i don't skip them
I literally had a relationship for 5 years JUST like this with many breakups but also with so much love. Love just wasn't enough because we wanted different things, and we could never "figure it out". Thank you for sharing about your story because it makes me feel so seen. I felt a lot of shame for it, so it's nice to know other people have very similar relationships. ♥
Kim and Caroline! I have a question for you, what if I have everything in a relationship but don’t have love. I have been battling this for over four years now and interested to hear what your thoughts are. When I say no love I mean no feelings of love. He loves me but I feel like I am only with him because how nice and a great person he is and how he treats me but I don’t have any feelings for him. Caroline you mentioned “Love is not enough to make a relationship work” what is enough to make a relationship work? And should/can it be done without romantic feelings? I feel like I’m the one who is like your ex who will never fully make my significant one happy because I don’t have any loving feelings in return. Unless a miracle happens but it’s been 4.5 years now. Any thoughts?
@@passionmeetsdance2024 end your relationship. You said he's nice and a great person. He doesn't deserve a relation like this. He loves you but is he happy? Maybe he knows that you don't love him, maybe he dreams that one day you'll love him. Maybe he loves you so much that believes that his love is enough. You're happy with the way he treats you, do the same for him and let him find someone who really loves him. Find someone you can love. Yes, love is not enough but you need it. There will be difficult situations that you both will endure, you will need that mutual love to deal with them. You can be happy in a relation even if you don't love each other but you have a mutual understanding. This is not the case.
The story of your relationship is so relatable. The co-dependency, the fight-makeup-cycles, trying to break up multiple times, and then the sudden realization that you just can't go on and have been so thoroughly worn down that you need to go NOW. It's like your survival instinct is kicking it. It's hard, it sucks, you can't eat or sleep, but then you get out and from that day on you start to heal.
The "Having my dream die gave me freedom" and "I'm not actually good at knowing what will make me happy" are so powerful and IMO way undersaid lines here on RUclips/social media. For context, I watch pretty varied stuff but among that I watch quite a lot of "entrepeneur", Gary Vee, Alex Hormozi type content and I think a serious acknowledgment of having to kill your dreams, and that self awareness is actually really hard seems like a breath of fresh air to me. Most money content is basically "it's simple but hard, you just gotta work" and i guess it is true, but acknowledging that hard work is not enough many times is just as important when trying to make sense of the world.
The Jennifer Aniston voice thing omg YES! 😂😂 I’ve literally said this to my husband … “close your eyes and listen and it’s like Jennifer Aniston has a RUclips channel!”
Ok girl....I'm 5 minutes in and I'm gonna stop right here and finish making my sweet potato pound cake with dulce de Leche and pecans cuz I wanna eat it, drink coffee and watch you. By the way your broadcast are FIRMLY written down in my weekly Happy planner. I'm grateful I finally found a use for these teeny tiny dinosaur stickers I have. YES! ALSO...I relate to what your living out more than I can say on this format. Whew Chile ok? Your doing swell Hon and we're proud of you. Thanks for the amazing content. I originally came for decor ( just moved into a 3 story townhouse on the river with a weird layout) and stayed for the witty banter, your mental breakdowns ,your lovely family and of course the mega drama that is STREETMAN... Keep being the YOU that only YOU can be ✌🏾
A dog is critical in a two-person family because you can both pay attention to it, it gives you something in common, and when you are under any relationship stress a pet acts as a mediator. Our dogs get us through fights, grief, sickness, hard schedules, etc.
May both your sweaters and your relationships be pill-free! The parallels show a whole mindset shift. I think you'll be successful and rewarded with warmth - inside and out!
Thank you for sharing your therapist's wisdom about being well vs being happy -- I haven't hear that before but it is a great approach especially when dealing with hardships.
I remember when I saw your changing careers video, I was like “I bet she quit acting, consciously or not, because she’s more than solely an actress.” I look forward to the beautiful and hilarious dramedy I’m convinced you’ll eventually make. When you’re a talented actor, comedian, editor, director, producer, crafter, designer, etc, the universe is asking you to blend all that to express TF out of your soul. ❤️ i think this is especially true for creative people who have the darkness 😎
Girl, at about the 17 min. mark you were basically telling my story but my dream was opera. When I stopped singing, it was like I died. Letting go of a dream is a deep grief that it incredibly painful. I always say I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Thank you for sharing this. It is nice to know that someone else gets this type of grief, but I am sorry you had to experience it.
Oh my god yes. Grief is the word. I always want to describe it as a death. When it’s you’re identity, your value, your purpose and your future. There is real grief. It took years to fully grieve. I hope you have found your way to the other side❤️❤️❤️
Mine was improv. I did it in my city for 20+ years. But it is a young persons game and I started hating performing with my troupe. I mourned and hid for about three years and just did my regular job. I decided that as long as I have something creative in my life, I am okay. I do floral arrangements for weddings and draw/sketch. But part of me blanches when I run into an old friend and they ask “Do you still do improv?”
@@Caroline_Winkler Yes, I found my way back but it took years. To be honest, I still have moments of grief, but ultimately I think I realized that even though I loved music I hated the business of singing. I love having a home and being in one place, so living on a sofa or as a nomad indefinitely didn't appeal to me. It is amazing though to hear that you went through this. I thought I was alone. 😘
@@Caroline_Winklerhow are you not afraid of stalkers and people knowing where you live? Crazy people might think that they know you personally and think you’re in a relationship… that’s scary! You put all of yourself, all your information out there..do you have security around you???
I really appreciate you setting boundaries about what you talk about online. Some RUclipsrs feel like they have to share because the question has been asked but you respect other people's privacy and that speaks volumes.
I was listening to a podcast that said, “it’s important to live life by design rather than emotion. Basically, sticking to a routine is what allows us to be the healthiest version of ourselves (especially when you're fighting these demons ex. OCD for me). I’ve had to overhaul how I approach work/habits by practising mediocre consistency. Now I try to put in consistent 50-60% effort into my habits (ex. journaling/working out) - to make sure I do it I began recording it and posting it on my youtube channel. And part of that is routinely putting in work on your dreams and projects despite how you’re feeling! Watching you do that with this business has been wonderful. I’ve felt doubtful about my RUclips since the start but I try to keep going through the feelings of doubts because I know you’re out their doing the same trying to take care of yourself while figuring out the work part !!
"Shared trauma". Wauw, I think that explains why my family is not close at all...we went the other way, completely unprocessed and unresolved collective trauma. A couple of us (including me) have done introspective work (therapy, meditation, reading) but as a whole it does not work when part of the family is stuck in reactive ways based on childhood trauma. You are fortunate. I love watching videos with your family because I long for that dynamic of being unguarded and accepted and safe within a family group. Thank you for your openness.
Saturday Caroline time - favorite time of the week! I usually scroll on when I see someone doing a Q&A, but I knew better with you! You didn’t disappoint. Thoroughly enjoyed getting to know more about you. You always bring a positive, fresh approach to things. Thanks for always being the same refreshing you. Have a great week and see ya next Saturday!
Enjoy Saturdays even more due to your witty chats. Your design content is on point, that’s how I found you, but the blog style, I’m here for it. P.S. That sweater is killer on you.
It was the Adorable bathroom makeover that pulled me in & I never looked back 😉 The Patio redo, and The 'desk', gf the creativity & precision of the design, Wow!!You've made quite the sensation in RUclips, you're killinN it. What I've learned in past relationships, plans, life itself - Acceptance goes a long way! You're a Jewel Caroline, Stay Awesome as You Are 🤎
I also was a really tragic people pleaser when I was a child. I was just too empathetic and I thought it was my job to make people feel good. I remember one of my teachers was hated by the whole class, and I would go out of my way to give her words of encouragement. I would let kids cheat off my exams too lmao. I was like TOO nice. I was a doormat basically. But I eventually learned the hard way, I could not continue to live like this because I would constantly get hurt trying to take care of other people and their feelings. Now, I see myself as somewhat of a Boundary Queen 👑. I will say no to anyone anytime. 😌 And I swear, once you get in the groove of saying no and disappointing people, it becomes addicting and so empowering. Also, you would think people would like you less but no, they love and respect you more BECAUSE you have self-respect. And when you do do them favours, they are much more grateful. Also, you give yourself the opportunity to show up 100% and because you want to (not because you felt you had to). Anyway just saying, people-pleasing can totally be recovered from and it's well worth it.
Caroline!!!! Thank you so much for sharing a peek into your world, I just moved into my own apartment last week after ending an elven year relationship. It’s tough, I feel I lost a lot of who I was over those years together and it’s scary to “start over” but I’m looking forward to relearning what makes ME fulfilled. I draw a lot of inspiration from you and appreciate the creativity, humor and honesty you bring this corner of RUclips. Your videos always make my day, here’s to leaning into that Who Cares energy. ❤️
Caroline 👩🚀 I'm such a fake fan I don't know when you post, but sitting here, alone in my car, watching the sunrise before meeting friends for breakfast...I am so happy to see a new lil video from you! ☃️ Have a beautiful day. 🥳🥳🥳
That last relationship sounds so exhausting, I'm glad you got out of it. It must have been so hard to break that cycle of break-up/get back together/break-up. Good for you!
i think also by disappointing people we are giving them their power back; we are encouraging them to be responsible for THEMSELVES; either for actually doing something concrete for themselves or becoming emotionally responsible to themselves or their reactions. this is one way that i see disappointing people as a "necessary" thing. of course never disappointing for the sake of it or out of spite - but as an extension of our respect/love for ourselves.
I learned an exercise just a couple days ago that helps address self-hatred. It’s just writing a list of your qualities and accomplishments you’ve gained as an adult. It seems like a silly exercise, but I felt shook just looking back on how much I’ve grown in the decade+ since I was 18. It also helped me realize, even though there are so many areas I need to grow, I’ve already come a long way in those specific areas. It helped me feel way less overwhelmed.
So much respect for you and your answer to speaking about your ex; your video about your date with Street Man and how we won't be hearing about that anymore.! I love your videos, all of them, even the rambling vlogs. Thank you for sharing with us your refreshing snark, irony, and your genuine and relatable self.
I have kind of a weird question for a future Q&A - how do you feel reading so many comments about how great you are? How do interactions on RUclips impact your view of yourself outside of RUclips?
I’ve been working on people pleasing/ codependency for about six years. I have major ups and downs!!!!! I don’t think it’s something that has an end, like ok I’m healed and crossing the finish line but more like I have to make conscious choices that feel so uncomfortable but align with what I’ve learned is “healthy” The thing with being codependent or a chronic people pleaser is it really opens the doors and makes me more vulnerable to attracting takers, energy vampires lol, narcissist, ASPD etc etc in my life.
One thing that really stuck with me was a quote from a webtoon i read recently that feels like a mantra and goes in the same direction as necessary disappointment: " we can't avoid being the villain in someone else's story" that sentence really helps me saying no and setting boundaries. Because it implies that i don't intend to hurt the other person and that helps me despite the negative consequences from their Perspective.
My sister taught me a great tip for buying clothes (or anything, really) - Don't focus on the price of the item itself, but instead try to work out the price per wear/use. If it's a $100 item but you'll probably wear/use it hundreds of times over the years, then that's like 30¢ per use. But if it's a cheap $5 item that you'll only wear/use twice, that's $2.50 per use so even though it's cheap, it's actually far less cost-efficient than the more expensive one. As for disappointing people, I've eventually come to think of my time and energy as possessions of mine just like my physical possessions. If someone asked me for my lunch or my shoes I might say yes but I wouldn't feel like an asshole if I said no, because those are my things and I only choose whether I give them away and who I give them to. It's really no different with your time, emotions, and energy. You either give them to the people you want to have them, or trade them for something you want more (money, new skills, good relationships, fun experiences etc). But don't let people steal from you.
Saturday mornings with Caroline and tea (chai for me) is a must! Your Q& A hit home as my daughter is going thru her 1st big life lesson in a relationship, living in a big City, and trying to find her happiness and not understanding that trying to please has consequences. Thank you for your experience therapy which will no doubt help with me with all that my daughter is now experiencing❤️
Once again ,thanks for your time to entertain the You Tube watchers here. Your content, as well as the comments of people here always gives me so much to ponder. Happy Saturday everyone.
I relate so much to the part about you giving up on acting. I tried my hardest for years to be a textile designer for the fashion industry and though I had some successes, it was never sustainable financially or other wise. Once I gave up, I felt like I had nothing left to lose, so I got myself a parttime job at a warehouse and spent the rest of my time applying for funding to do my own weird, social art projects. Within 10 months I was able to switch to my art practise full time and here almost half a decade later I'm still at it! The irony is, that I studied design because I felt convinced, that I couldn't make a living as an artist. Life is funny like that sometimes. Anyway, thanks for sharing and being true to yourself! I think we can all see that and appreciate it immensely
Caroline, this type of content is so kick booty!!! Your perspectives add knowledge to my life in ways I didn’t know I needed it. From reorganizing my active and passive zones in my home to dealing with my most intrusive thoughts.
I had a friend who said once "the ones who only like you when you can say yes don't really like you. If someone really cares about you, they would like you hearing yes or no from you" something like that. I'm also learning how to deal with it. Some people really don't make a big deal when you can't do what they want to and others will be completly unreseasonable about it. That's life. Saying and hearing "no" is a work in progress to me
PS It may come to pass that a film director finds your RUclips channel and offers you a leading role in a major motion picture. My prediction of the day.
Finding your channel has been a happy accident! Wow! You’re awesome to watch and sooooo relatable! I’m 49 and I find you very enjoyable! Thank you Caroline! And now I’ve got “ Sweet Caroline “ stuck in my head 😂😂😂😂😂
When she uploads my day gets instantly better. I could even feel my heart rate increase for a few seconds I was so excited. 😅 I also love the warm colour scheme that's very often present in the thumbnails.
i know i’m going to do something wrong according to others…in life we all have to decide how much we’ll tolerate from people. Do we expect perfection, zero mistakes, do we give grace and move on…the continual decisions we have to make with all of our decisions.
Caroline! Your sit-down-and-chat with me videos are always my favourite! ❤ I want to ask - what are you drinking in this video, because it just looks so DAMN deliciousss 🍭🫖🧋 Maybe as a video idea - can you share with us your favourite drinks that you prepare for yourself at home and for while you work, your favourite coffees, etc.? I’d love that 😌😍
Just here to say your content is really soothing and relatable. Every saturday I wake up and think "oh, today is Caroline day", just to remember that due to timezones I'll have to wait a little to watch you. XO from Brazil!
On not being a people pleaser... a few tips/a bit of advice - I've never been one (I may in fact skew the other direction a little, I speak my mind a little too much without thinking about it) but I've tried to help others in their recovery from this behaviour if it's become detrimental to them in any which way. 1. People aren't entitled to have expectations of you that you never agreed to. 2. Please yourself first - do & get what you need and everything else falls into place with the people who actually matter (read as: the people who treat you right). 3. Dark Incoming: - The only thing we humans have to do in life is die - everything else is optional. 4. Say no first (or at least say you'll have to check your schedule) when someone asks you to do something, then if it suits you & you want to do it - change it to a yes (not in an a-hole way, swiftly - but take a beat before jumping at that yes). Won't work for everyone and might read as harsh to some folk - but we owe ourselves self care & to me this is part of that.
Never realized it until today, but you definitely have Aniston vibes. Also, you don’t have the RUclipsr voice, which I personally really like. Makes it so enjoyable to watch your videos.
Woke up excited to watch your weekly video! Enjoyed spending a little time with you as always but then the comments made me realize I people please because my mom needed me to be the second parent in the house because 2 siblings were disabled and she couldn't do it alone and so encouraged me to pick up the slack at all times and never add work to her load and now I am going to go have an existential crisis. Love you all
I feel like I relate so much. Definitely came because of design but enjoy watching your channel and relate on so many levels, and find it’s similar to my own experiences which is really neat. For taking a break have you considered doing 2-4 weeks of short video content that are themed that you could create in 1-2 weeks? Maybe focus on diving deep into a hot topic (I.e. organization) and do a mini series and then get a few weeks break while those 2-5 min videos post for a month. It’s like a “between season 1 and 2” kind of bite sized content type of pause. Not sure how feasible that would be, but it’s a strategy I see comic creators use on Webtoon while they pause and then build content for upcoming seasons :)
Love that you are doing RUclips successfully after the struggling actor-life for years! You GO girl. That’s the best twist ever. You have undeniable presence. I used to be an actor too. And I lived in DC. I’m in Houston now but trying to retire in France!! Not sure where yet. Not Paris. Your QA is excellent. Not at all narcissistic just very conversational and friendly. Enjoying your channel!, this was more focused so that was interesting to me. a real interview of someone who is a real online celeb! Good on you! Kudos, you broke a leg today dude!
Just found your channel and thank you! This is exactly what I need. Recovering from stage III cancer, working part time and trying so hard to motivate myself to do more and get back to being part of the human race. Watching your videos has really helped me. I've sat down and really started to re-evaluate what I want to do, why, being fulfilled etc. THANK YOU!
From a habitual people pleaser, I've had learn to check in with my "feel good barometer" before I committed myself to something. If I notice an inkling of resent, stress, or worry then it was a nope or at least a not right now or not like that. Checking in like that helps me feel healthier and more in control with my decisions.
I love this. Im gonna try this. It’s sounds so helpful bc the truth is you always know when there is a drop of resentment in you. It’s just a matter of not talking yourself OUT of what you know from the beginning ❤️🙌gonna try, thank you
Just watched this for the second time, and it’s even better. The relaxed chitchat is not only charming, but helpful. Honesty, humility, humor -- the three H’s of a person with whom “it is well with (their) soul” -- at least for now.😉 I’m so grateful that you are using your (clearly) God-given gifts. 👍🏽
A few months ago I found this channel and honestly, Caroline could just read the phonebook and it would cheer up my day. I love listening to you, and I feel incredibly motivated and just SEEN when you share about your life on youtube. I left my first career in Hollywood and our mutual struggle with leaving entertainment and our "dream dying," even though it has been 4 or 5 years since I left, makes me feel understood in a way I haven't felt yet. This channel has genuinely become my comfort channel. The aesthetic and Caroline's great taste in design is another bonus. Thanks bb, it's such a pleasure watching your channel
Hey Caroline, I just wanted to say that after binging all of your videos these past couple weeks I am addicted to this channel. Love the way it bounces around, love your perspective on things, humour, honesty, and how human you are. Very inspiring to watch, I feel like I identify with so much of what you speak on but don't have the confidence to say those things myself. Anyway, just trying to say I love your channel!
You have a really smart therapist. When you say "No" to others, ,you say, "Yes", to yourself.And who is more important than you? I was a HUGE people pleaser and wish that I had the countless hours of my one precious life back to do things differently.When my kids were young, I hosted half the neighborhood and fed children from 6 in the morning until it was time to send them home for dinner. I drove all over creation to help people with their stuff, while my stuff fell by the wayside.I was everyone's free therapist. Not one of those people were ever there for me in return if I needed them. I have a LOT less "friends"now, but the ones I do have are my true friends. My time and my life are my own now. Try it-you'll like it.
Thank you for sharing about your previous relationship. I recently started following you and was looking at old photos and was thinking "They're so cute! How could they have broken up? What went wrong??" And then start questioning my own relationship (which is wonderful) by telling myself "if it didn't work out for Caroline, how could it work out for me?" But from what you shared, it sounds like there was a lot wrong that showed it wasn't the right person for you. I needed to hear it because I get so in my own head and fear blocks any rationality. Even the little bit you shared brought me back to reality, so thank you!
18:44 Yeahhh, thank you- I've rarely heard someone describe this feeling, but it's exactly what I felt when I quit my career in the arts. I'd always thought that I was a well-rounded person with other interests to explore, so I would be able to move on relatively well. But when I put my dream down, after going So Far down that path, I was just dead inside. None of my other interests brought me joy anymore. The community I knew was gone. I couldn't watch other people do it. I got weirdly mad at strangers just because they were happy in their mundane lives. It really felt like the death of my personality and took years to build something new from. Now things are great, though. And sounds like you've come a long way from that point, which is totally awesome. Big props
I as well. I've been running off and on (on now) for years. I used to run in cushioned Asics with a heel-strike stride and now run in Altra Lone Peak trail runners with a "Natural Running" (book) stride. Start slow, don't worry about taking multiple rests, make it a habit (I run 5 to 6 days a week) learn the stretches, warm up to stretch, stretch afterwards, wear a hydration pack, listen to your body, muscle soreness is good, other pains: back off until they mend, learn about shin splints, treat *every* car as a potential killing machine, make sure drivers making right hand turns see you as you approach from their right, always assume cars will blow crosswalks and lights, use music or don't (I don't), run in nature as much as possible, don't wear cotton, try not to run at night, reflectors for pre-dawn, watch out for uneven sidewalks (!!!), relax your arms, finish runs with strong strides, do occasional sprints, on a field, beach or park and enjoy that runner's high. It's a great metaphor for life: you start a journey with a goal, one foot after the other, take a break when you need to, but keep at it, increase your goals, take pride in yourself. Good luck!
LOVED Getting On. So good. My life improved dramatically when i accepted that i have no singular all-consuming calling and instead i just want to do a variety of stuff i kinda like until i eventually die.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us. I’m a performing artist (dancer in nyc for years, turned circus performer who still also dances) and I’m always staring down the abyss of the fact that at some point I’ll have to transition - it does feel like choosing to kill yourself off in a weird way. Even with what you’d call “success” in the field I’ve never really heard anyone else talk about it. I super super appreciate your perspective and I’d love to hear more about that experience (even though I know it’s not your main brand ;) ).
YES PLEASE to your idea of a video about working out again!! I’m Im looking for exactly that, because I’m ready to exercise again but it is discouraging to find how out of shape I got and I don’t know where to even begin. Apart from that, thank you for the amazing video as always 💙
I read something that changed me a little - The one that gives help is then bonded to the person they help, not so much the other way round. I let people figure their story out now and give myself more time for mine instead of hiding in their lives and failing myself and them.
I completely relate to the relief of your dream being dead - I was much younger when I gave up on my acting dreams, but it was liberating. I see people now who are striving for something and I don’t envy them, it can be so exhausting and unrewarding. Although feeling aimless is tough too!
Girl I love a good Q&A! Thanks once again for sharing. I never noticed the Jennifer Aniston comparison before but now I totally see it. 80s knit sweater is a whole vibe!!! Have a great weekend :)
![Megan Thee Stallion - Roc Steady (feat. Flo Milli) [Official Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/HozPPyqW0dY/mqdefault.jpg)
Hey Caroline, as a recovered people pleaser I wanna share something that was transformative for me: The people most worth keeping in your life are the ones most respectful of your own needs, people who love you won’t just be ok with you saying no- they will WANT you to tell them when you’re tired, uncomfortable, upset etc. There’s a Buddhist proverb that goes like “If your compassion does not extend to yourself, it is incomplete.” We can’t call ourselves fully kind if we neglect ourselves and treat ourselves as less worthy than others. It often comes from a place of grief of some sort, which unfortunately has to be processed by feeling it. There’s no way around that. Someone or something in the past puts the idea that we are lesser in our heads. It’s not inborn.
@Dramallama , thank you for sharing these helpful thoughts....much appreciated.
🌿💐🌿🙏🌿💐🌿
🤗
Damnit, that hit me right in my childhood. 😬👍
Jesus said, "Love your neighbor as yourself." If you don't love yourself, you can't love anybody else.
Ooof this is so true
I'm not sure how to say this, but...I watch several popular channels, mostly designers. And the content is enjoyable and it's fun to see their homes or projects evolving. But, I do want to thank you for sharing yourself on a deeper level. A lot of folks who are doing this seem to focus on endless updates to their spaces and just acquiring more stuff...that seems to be their hook. But, here I do feel the larger appeal is, simply put, your insight into humanity. I get to go, "Oh yeah, I feel that", and I can usually pull some bits of wisdom from your experience to help me better process my own. Anyway, a long-winded way to say...thanks for being real, open, and relatable.
“Oh yeah, I feel that.”
This made me tear up. It’s so accurate. Thanks ❤
This makes me really glad to hear ❤thanks Natalie
100 percent agree
This channel is the first one that made me feel like maybe I can create and be artistic designing my home
yes! this is exactly how I feel
I agree with you about how many folks on RUclips are all about acquiring more stuff...it often gets annoying and I find myself not watching some of them regularly. Why is it so important to accumulate more and more stuff? I love how Caroline has a lovely, comfortable home without constantly buying, buying, buying more stuff. Her videos relating to real life feelings and experiences that we all have had at some point are some of my favorite ...I think she is just amazing and REAL and I love it.
Okay okay hear me out: Strategic Disappointment. When my MIL has wild expectations of me or my boss is a ridiculous narcissist who can't be pleased, it is FOOD FOR THE SOUL to disappoint them. Look them in the eyes and tell them you didn't do the thing they expected from you. It's so cleansing I highly recommend it.
Thank you!
But ... if you do that to your boss, won't you get fired? 😰
🙌I think you’re on to something. The “strategic” part is so accurate bc I finally realized that by trying to say yes to people all the time, you’re actually misleading them, setting an expectation that you won’t be able to uphold longterm. Better to strategically communicate the standard that can be healthily maintained long term
This is such an elegant solution 🤣🤣🤣 Thank you🤗
I love that idea, and here’s my strategic disappointment story that felt freaking amazing. This time of year charities park themselves in front of grocery store entrances. Some are respectful, some badger you all the way to the car. Few weeks ago a lady followed people around waving a jar demanding “Will you support Teen Challenge? Will you support Teen Challenge? Will YOU support TEEN CHALLENGE??” Everyone looked sheepishly down and mumbled their responses. She made a beeline for me and screeched “Will you support Teen Challenge???” I turned around and calmly looked her right in the eye and said “NO.” And got into my car. Boy that felt empowering.
As a dog behaviorist THANK YOU for pointing out how much work caring for a dog (responsibly) is. Many selfish people don’t realize they are neglecting their “fur baby”.
💙💙💙
I have a dog now and would've never gotten myself into this, had I known how difficult and demanding it is. Don't get me wrong - I love my dog SO much, I work from home, so she's never alone, she's walked three times a day (high-energy breed) and she's living her best life. But I'm never putting myself in this situation again. I've also advised a few friends who were considering not getting one since I saw they had no clue what it means to own a dog, they were traveling/partying a lot, rarely at home, etc. And there's nothing more heart breaking than a neglected dog, who's then getting punished for misbehaving.
@@dodgethis_ me too! I had a dog and loved her so much till she passed away, but I'm thinking maybe retirement but no time soon. So much to care for other living beings. They are magical and lovely and worth it, but life is easier without.
Oh man it’s so much work. I love the pups in my life and I’m glad they’re with people who can give them the attention they need
I finally got another dog, she is a german shorthaired pointer/border collie….HIGH energy, I got her at 7.5 weeks old from the shelter, she was 5.5 weeks old when dropped off….i’ve had many dogs, never this breed/s but i specifically wanted either one of these, so she was selected specifically. I knew the work to come, taken from her mother at such a young age, and the working dog mentally….that’s a blend of behaviors to use and curb…I was ready for the challenge. Never get a dog to be your accessory, they’re living creatures and are hardwired in most of their behaviors. Too. any border collies are returned to shelters because people have zero concept how driven to work working dogs are, sun up to sun fiwn, 4 paws on the floor and ready to go. I put my dog into a nap every 2 hours, otherwise she wouldn’t lay down, i’ve watched never lay down when i’m in the yard all day. I have to take nap breaks. Very smart of you and it’s a good message to share, that goes with having children too, no one really has a concept of the pre teen and teen years, it’s worth it, but it can be draining too.
I upended my whole life at 63 after my ex boyfriend said it was over, he couldn’t make me happy, according to him. Three days later my daughter offered a room to me at her home in a different state. I packed up my SUV immediately, and was gone in 4 hours. Quit my job the next business day. He and I were house hunting for a home I was going to buy for us, him not admitting his true feelings the entire time. He is fearful avoidant, and I’m co-dependent. Working on me now, enjoying my daughter, grandson and Ohio.
Enjoy the family autumn season! 🥰❤️🍂🍁
I hope you find a home which you can make your safe/happy place where you can flourish!
this is exciting! congratulations! i like how you moved quickly and didn’t overthink it.
@@uslee19 Well said. As a European who loves in America I agree.
Good for you! That’s truly awesome!!
I have never in my life had someone make me feel ok about all my dreams being dead. Thank you. 🖤🖤
Hahahah yeah I’ve found there aren’t a ton of hallmark cards for this one
I have a chronic degenerative condition. The changes and compromises I have had to make, are at times, heartbreaking; but being a witness to the growth and fortitude navigating change is reassuring and inspiring.
@@Caroline_Winkler well, if you ever decided you want to produce merchandise, greeting cards for disappointing milestones might be just the thing!
lol
to quote the Dowager: it's ill-advised to take sides in the end of a relationship. No matter how everyone strives for honesty, no one will ever be in possession of all the facts.
And she had the BEST quotes!
Wow so good. And you know it’s true because most of us struggle to fully ever understand everything about ourselves…let alone someone else
@@Caroline_Winkler amen and hallelujah, with a hanky wave.
I agree and...have always wondered WHY take sides !@*&! Hmmm..
I now want to re-watch the series all over for a third time hehe
I'm not seeing as much Jen Anniston as I am seeing and hearing Zoey Deschanel from New Girl. She's beautiful and articulate in her role as Jess - - also you have the same self-deprecation, charm and humor. You're so perfect for YT, so natural. Authentic. I don't subscribe to anything less, on this platform or in life. I'm always rooting for you, and genuinely wishing you well. Proud of you. 🧡
Agree!
Also most definitely agree!
Yes, their voices sound similar. She's just missing the 4 male roomates.
I only see the duchess Kate.
Even though I liked this comment, I just want to say that what I like best about you, is that you are different from anyone else, and are so uniquely you!
So thankful you started RUclips! I only watch researchers, documentaries, preppers, slow living homestead channels . . . and then Caroline! You are such a great combo of effervescent + deep + great at storytelling for youtube (no easy task!) We are all grateful for finding you on here.
Yup, I watch homestead, true crime, and then Caroline!
@@Iris-gy2misameeeeee
One of the rare channels that have insightful, articulate commenters with good grammar. Yay! I appreciate and enjoy reading the comments as much as watching Caroline. Quite fulfilling. ❤️
I've noticed that, too, and I made a similar comment a few videos ago. 🙂 I sometimes wonder whether some people have ISPs that charge extra for punctuation, capital letters, and grammar.
Is this one of the rare comments that *have* good grammar? 😜😅🙃
@@breitfart5285 *races in to copy comment and paste in spell-checker....
For the people pleasing: look up things like "unlearning codependency," "learning healthy boundaries" etc. That has helped me IMMENSELY.
Tips, hmm let's see: instead of following the fawn response instinct of rushing in to diffuse conflict, remind yourself: "let them have their experience." "I am not responsible for controlling/mitigating other people's emotions." Also, start to pay attention to how you feel into the energy of a room or situation (even before you get there! This is a trauma response thing) to subconsciously change your behavior, demeanor, etc, to make sure others are comfortable aka to prevent or reduce conflict. Just like take notice of it. The more you catch it, the more you can start to unlearn it, with things like "I *deserve* to have *my own* experience (aka not the one that best suits others).
👆👆👆👆yes to this. Very codependent and reading about this helped a lot. Definitely recommend
Thank you for this 💕
Some incredibly true advice 💖🙏
Yes to this x100! At one point I noticed that I always tried to get the best outcome for everybody in group situations, e.g. if people can’t agree on where to eat. Then I was leading whole negotiations like I was the UN chair or something. I later figured out that these situations often resolve rather quickly if I just clearly state what *I* would like to do and then just see how it all turns out. Outcome for me is basically the same without the added stress. Still blows my mind even though it’s so simple.
"Identifying where not to get straight A's is a huge part of being an adult." One of the best pieces of insight and advice I've come across.
Oy I was just thinking about this last night! If everyone is happy with my B and C level why am I killing myself to do A all the time for everything?
I saw a quote from Bob Marley I believe, that said something like “ everyone is going to disappoint you. You just have to figure out who’s worth suffering for” and that helped me because I people please but I would get disappointed when friends were busy with their lives (completely reasonable that they were busy) and that quote made me realize that yeah, people have their lives and so much to do and sometimes they (or I) can’t fit everything in. So that helped me. Also I love your content. You’re so different than other RUclipsrs. I feel like you’re more real. Thanks for letting us in a little bit! Fingers crossed for you and Street Man xo
I came for the decorating, stayed for the sass, got hooked on your fully alive, open, vulnerable, bold self. And I vote for more Q&A.
I love the whole "you have to disappoint" mindset. I'm a mom of six, a grandmother of 19, and I have a part-time job, a best friend/ husband, and have finally reached the place in life in which I don't feel the need for another dog. You're so right -- a dog is a commitment, another part-time job, and they're expensive. Prioritizing is a skill we all need to learn and keep learning.
An infamous intellectual once said:
"Happiness isn't something that you can precisely pursue...you shouldn't pursue what should be a side effect of other pursuits...
...it's something that you accept with good graces when it happens to descend upon you"
It changed the way I looked at life forever ❤
CS Lewis said that contentment is the goal. Happiness occurs in parts along the way.
I heard love is not a feeling, it's an ability. Maybe same with happiness...
I should not get as excited as I do when I see an upload from you! Between your design content and your candid, vulnerable and hilarious vlog content- it’s just perfect!
Why not get excited? It's good lol.
@@tlovehater fair enough!
I divorced at 70 when my ex descended into deep depression & health issues for which he refused to seek help. I’m now with a much younger man (what!?) and enjoying life again. Still love my ex but can no longer cope with his issues I have no control over.
Thanks for your honest and forthrightness.
Ah wow. That must have been very tough for you both. I’m so glad you’re in a better place for you now, with new love ❤️❤️❤️
your sponsor segments are great, i think they've gotten slightly more polished over time but the fact that your personality doesn't shift into 'sales mode' is why i don't skip them
I literally had a relationship for 5 years JUST like this with many breakups but also with so much love. Love just wasn't enough because we wanted different things, and we could never "figure it out". Thank you for sharing about your story because it makes me feel so seen. I felt a lot of shame for it, so it's nice to know other people have very similar relationships. ♥
“Figuring it out” oof. So hard to conceive that sometimes the 2 sides of the bridge just don’t connect.
Kim and Caroline!
I have a question for you, what if I have everything in a relationship but don’t have love. I have been battling this for over four years now and interested to hear what your thoughts are. When I say no love I mean no feelings of love. He loves me but I feel like I am only with him because how nice and a great person he is and how he treats me but I don’t have any feelings for him. Caroline you mentioned “Love is not enough to make a relationship work” what is enough to make a relationship work? And should/can it be done without romantic feelings?
I feel like I’m the one who is like your ex who will never fully make my significant one happy because I don’t have any loving feelings in return. Unless a miracle happens but it’s been 4.5 years now. Any thoughts?
@@passionmeetsdance2024 end your relationship. You said he's nice and a great person. He doesn't deserve a relation like this.
He loves you but is he happy? Maybe he knows that you don't love him, maybe he dreams that one day you'll love him. Maybe he loves you so much that believes that his love is enough.
You're happy with the way he treats you, do the same for him and let him find someone who really loves him. Find someone you can love.
Yes, love is not enough but you need it. There will be difficult situations that you both will endure, you will need that mutual love to deal with them.
You can be happy in a relation even if you don't love each other but you have a mutual understanding. This is not the case.
when she said “it’s okay to disappoint people” 🤯 needed to hear that.
The story of your relationship is so relatable. The co-dependency, the fight-makeup-cycles, trying to break up multiple times, and then the sudden realization that you just can't go on and have been so thoroughly worn down that you need to go NOW. It's like your survival instinct is kicking it. It's hard, it sucks, you can't eat or sleep, but then you get out and from that day on you start to heal.
The "Having my dream die gave me freedom" and "I'm not actually good at knowing what will make me happy" are so powerful and IMO way undersaid lines here on RUclips/social media. For context, I watch pretty varied stuff but among that I watch quite a lot of "entrepeneur", Gary Vee, Alex Hormozi type content and I think a serious acknowledgment of having to kill your dreams, and that self awareness is actually really hard seems like a breath of fresh air to me. Most money content is basically "it's simple but hard, you just gotta work" and i guess it is true, but acknowledging that hard work is not enough many times is just as important when trying to make sense of the world.
The Jennifer Aniston voice thing omg YES! 😂😂 I’ve literally said this to my husband … “close your eyes and listen and it’s like Jennifer Aniston has a RUclips channel!”
Ok girl....I'm 5 minutes in and I'm gonna stop right here and finish making my sweet potato pound cake with dulce de Leche and pecans cuz I wanna eat it, drink coffee and watch you. By the way your broadcast are FIRMLY written down in my weekly Happy planner. I'm grateful I finally found a use for these teeny tiny dinosaur stickers I have. YES!
ALSO...I relate to what your living out more than I can say on this format. Whew Chile ok?
Your doing swell Hon and we're proud of you. Thanks for the amazing content. I originally came for decor ( just moved into a 3 story townhouse on the river with a weird layout) and stayed for the witty banter, your mental breakdowns ,your lovely family and of course the mega drama that is STREETMAN...
Keep being the YOU that only YOU can be ✌🏾
Sweet potato pound cake with dulce de leche and pecans???😮🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤 recipe please
"Weekly Happy planner"? Whaaaaat?
This is genius.
Save me a slice. Please and thank you 🫶🏽🙏🏽✌🏾
The dinos! Perfect 😂
It is an actual honor to be in your weekly planner??? Thank you for such kind words girl. ❤️this made me smile so much. Also gotta say…Recipe plz🙏
A dog is critical in a two-person family because you can both pay attention to it, it gives you something in common, and when you are under any relationship stress a pet acts as a mediator. Our dogs get us through fights, grief, sickness, hard schedules, etc.
May both your sweaters and your relationships be pill-free! The parallels show a whole mindset shift. I think you'll be successful and rewarded with warmth - inside and out!
Thank you for sharing your therapist's wisdom about being well vs being happy -- I haven't hear that before but it is a great approach especially when dealing with hardships.
I remember when I saw your changing careers video, I was like “I bet she quit acting, consciously or not, because she’s more than solely an actress.” I look forward to the beautiful and hilarious dramedy I’m convinced you’ll eventually make. When you’re a talented actor, comedian, editor, director, producer, crafter, designer, etc, the universe is asking you to blend all that to express TF out of your soul. ❤️ i think this is especially true for creative people who have the darkness 😎
Girl, at about the 17 min. mark you were basically telling my story but my dream was opera. When I stopped singing, it was like I died. Letting go of a dream is a deep grief that it incredibly painful. I always say I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Thank you for sharing this. It is nice to know that someone else gets this type of grief, but I am sorry you had to experience it.
Oh my god yes. Grief is the word. I always want to describe it as a death. When it’s you’re identity, your value, your purpose and your future. There is real grief. It took years to fully grieve. I hope you have found your way to the other side❤️❤️❤️
Mine was improv. I did it in my city for 20+ years. But it is a young persons game and I started hating performing with my troupe. I mourned and hid for about three years and just did my regular job. I decided that as long as I have something creative in my life, I am okay. I do floral arrangements for weddings and draw/sketch. But part of me blanches when I run into an old friend and they ask “Do you still do improv?”
@@Caroline_Winkler Yes, I found my way back but it took years. To be honest, I still have moments of grief, but ultimately I think I realized that even though I loved music I hated the business of singing. I love having a home and being in one place, so living on a sofa or as a nomad indefinitely didn't appeal to me.
It is amazing though to hear that you went through this. I thought I was alone. 😘
@@sbryant6797 aww, I feel this, too. It is amazing how much of our identity we wrap into what we do.
@@Caroline_Winklerhow are you not afraid of stalkers and people knowing where you live? Crazy people might think that they know you personally and think you’re in a relationship… that’s scary! You put all of yourself, all your information out there..do you have security around you???
I really appreciate you setting boundaries about what you talk about online. Some RUclipsrs feel like they have to share because the question has been asked but you respect other people's privacy and that speaks volumes.
I was listening to a podcast that said, “it’s important to live life by design rather than emotion. Basically, sticking to a routine is what allows us to be the healthiest version of ourselves (especially when you're fighting these demons ex. OCD for me).
I’ve had to overhaul how I approach work/habits by practising mediocre consistency. Now I try to put in consistent 50-60% effort into my habits (ex. journaling/working out) - to make sure I do it I began recording it and posting it on my youtube channel.
And part of that is routinely putting in work on your dreams and projects despite how you’re feeling! Watching you do that with this business has been wonderful.
I’ve felt doubtful about my RUclips since the start but I try to keep going through the feelings of doubts because I know you’re out their doing the same trying to take care of yourself while figuring out the work part !!
Huge respect for just going for anything after a dream career fails. Been in it myself, and the imposter syndrome is nuts.
"Shared trauma". Wauw, I think that explains why my family is not close at all...we went the other way, completely unprocessed and unresolved collective trauma. A couple of us (including me) have done introspective work (therapy, meditation, reading) but as a whole it does not work when part of the family is stuck in reactive ways based on childhood trauma. You are fortunate. I love watching videos with your family because I long for that dynamic of being unguarded and accepted and safe within a family group. Thank you for your openness.
I can relate very much.
Saturday Caroline time - favorite time of the week! I usually scroll on when I see someone doing a Q&A, but I knew better with you! You didn’t disappoint. Thoroughly enjoyed getting to know more about you. You always bring a positive, fresh approach to things. Thanks for always being the same refreshing you. Have a great week and see ya next Saturday!
Doh! 🥰
I so appreciate that you model such integrity around other people. Talking about other people is dangerous.
Yay! Caroline time!! Got my coffee and ready to laugh, cry, be scared, whatever together! Love your videos girl, happy Saturday ❤️
Enjoy Saturdays even more due to your witty chats. Your design content is on point, that’s how I found you, but the blog style, I’m here for it. P.S. That sweater is killer on you.
Never clicked faster!! Much love from me! Thank you for being an amazing human being, who is giving me courage and makes me feel less alone. ❤️
It was the Adorable bathroom makeover that pulled me in & I never looked back 😉 The Patio redo, and The 'desk', gf the creativity & precision of the design, Wow!!You've made quite the sensation in RUclips, you're killinN it. What I've learned in past relationships, plans, life itself - Acceptance goes a long way! You're a Jewel Caroline, Stay Awesome as You Are 🤎
I also was a really tragic people pleaser when I was a child. I was just too empathetic and I thought it was my job to make people feel good. I remember one of my teachers was hated by the whole class, and I would go out of my way to give her words of encouragement. I would let kids cheat off my exams too lmao. I was like TOO nice. I was a doormat basically. But I eventually learned the hard way, I could not continue to live like this because I would constantly get hurt trying to take care of other people and their feelings. Now, I see myself as somewhat of a Boundary Queen 👑. I will say no to anyone anytime. 😌 And I swear, once you get in the groove of saying no and disappointing people, it becomes addicting and so empowering. Also, you would think people would like you less but no, they love and respect you more BECAUSE you have self-respect. And when you do do them favours, they are much more grateful. Also, you give yourself the opportunity to show up 100% and because you want to (not because you felt you had to). Anyway just saying, people-pleasing can totally be recovered from and it's well worth it.
My thoughts on happiness is that contentment is a way of life...happiness is an emotion for the moment.
I don't know what Telegram is.
Caroline!!!! Thank you so much for sharing a peek into your world, I just moved into my own apartment last week after ending an elven year relationship. It’s tough, I feel I lost a lot of who I was over those years together and it’s scary to “start over” but I’m looking forward to relearning what makes ME fulfilled. I draw a lot of inspiration from you and appreciate the creativity, humor and honesty you bring this corner of RUclips. Your videos always make my day, here’s to leaning into that Who Cares energy. ❤️
Caroline 👩🚀 I'm such a fake fan I don't know when you post, but sitting here, alone in my car, watching the sunrise before meeting friends for breakfast...I am so happy to see a new lil video from you! ☃️ Have a beautiful day. 🥳🥳🥳
That last relationship sounds so exhausting, I'm glad you got out of it. It must have been so hard to break that cycle of break-up/get back together/break-up. Good for you!
i think also by disappointing people we are giving them their power back; we are encouraging them to be responsible for THEMSELVES; either for actually doing something concrete for themselves or becoming emotionally responsible to themselves or their reactions. this is one way that i see disappointing people as a "necessary" thing. of course never disappointing for the sake of it or out of spite - but as an extension of our respect/love for ourselves.
This just hit me in all the feels 🥲
I learned an exercise just a couple days ago that helps address self-hatred. It’s just writing a list of your qualities and accomplishments you’ve gained as an adult. It seems like a silly exercise, but I felt shook just looking back on how much I’ve grown in the decade+ since I was 18. It also helped me realize, even though there are so many areas I need to grow, I’ve already come a long way in those specific areas. It helped me feel way less overwhelmed.
And please do some “starting from scratch” videos for your workouts!! Will definitely motivate me to get started back up again.
Yes! I'm in the same position and would love content like this.
So much respect for you and your answer to speaking about your ex; your video about your date with Street Man and how we won't be hearing about that anymore.! I love your videos, all of them, even the rambling vlogs. Thank you for sharing with us your refreshing snark, irony, and your genuine and relatable self.
I have kind of a weird question for a future Q&A - how do you feel reading so many comments about how great you are? How do interactions on RUclips impact your view of yourself outside of RUclips?
Your cadence and mannerisms work because you're being YOU. Don't let social media change that. Excited for your fitness comeback video. You got this 💗
I’ve been working on people pleasing/ codependency for about six years. I have major ups and downs!!!!! I don’t think it’s something that has an end, like ok I’m healed and crossing the finish line but more like I have to make conscious choices that feel so uncomfortable but align with what I’ve learned is “healthy” The thing with being codependent or a chronic people pleaser is it really opens the doors and makes me more vulnerable to attracting takers, energy vampires lol, narcissist, ASPD etc etc in my life.
One thing that really stuck with me was a quote from a webtoon i read recently that feels like a mantra and goes in the same direction as necessary disappointment: " we can't avoid being the villain in someone else's story" that sentence really helps me saying no and setting boundaries. Because it implies that i don't intend to hurt the other person and that helps me despite the negative consequences from their Perspective.
My sister taught me a great tip for buying clothes (or anything, really) - Don't focus on the price of the item itself, but instead try to work out the price per wear/use. If it's a $100 item but you'll probably wear/use it hundreds of times over the years, then that's like 30¢ per use. But if it's a cheap $5 item that you'll only wear/use twice, that's $2.50 per use so even though it's cheap, it's actually far less cost-efficient than the more expensive one.
As for disappointing people, I've eventually come to think of my time and energy as possessions of mine just like my physical possessions. If someone asked me for my lunch or my shoes I might say yes but I wouldn't feel like an asshole if I said no, because those are my things and I only choose whether I give them away and who I give them to. It's really no different with your time, emotions, and energy. You either give them to the people you want to have them, or trade them for something you want more (money, new skills, good relationships, fun experiences etc). But don't let people steal from you.
Saturday mornings with Caroline and tea (chai for me) is a must! Your Q& A hit home as my daughter is going thru her 1st big life lesson in a relationship, living in a big City, and trying to find her happiness and not understanding that trying to please has consequences. Thank you for your experience therapy which will no doubt help with me with all that my daughter is now experiencing❤️
Once again ,thanks for your time to entertain the You Tube watchers here. Your content, as well as the comments of people here always gives me so much to ponder. Happy Saturday everyone.
I relate so much to the part about you giving up on acting. I tried my hardest for years to be a textile designer for the fashion industry and though I had some successes, it was never sustainable financially or other wise. Once I gave up, I felt like I had nothing left to lose, so I got myself a parttime job at a warehouse and spent the rest of my time applying for funding to do my own weird, social art projects. Within 10 months I was able to switch to my art practise full time and here almost half a decade later I'm still at it!
The irony is, that I studied design because I felt convinced, that I couldn't make a living as an artist. Life is funny like that sometimes.
Anyway, thanks for sharing and being true to yourself! I think we can all see that and appreciate it immensely
"Getting On" is one of my favorite shows!! So sophisticated!! :) I've watched it twice.
Caroline, this type of content is so kick booty!!! Your perspectives add knowledge to my life in ways I didn’t know I needed it.
From reorganizing my active and passive zones in my home to dealing with my most intrusive thoughts.
I had a friend who said once "the ones who only like you when you can say yes don't really like you. If someone really cares about you, they would like you hearing yes or no from you" something like that. I'm also learning how to deal with it. Some people really don't make a big deal when you can't do what they want to and others will be completly unreseasonable about it. That's life. Saying and hearing "no" is a work in progress to me
PS It may come to pass that a film director finds your RUclips channel and offers you a leading role in a major motion picture. My prediction of the day.
Finding your channel has been a happy accident! Wow! You’re awesome to watch and sooooo relatable! I’m 49 and I find you very enjoyable! Thank you Caroline! And now I’ve got “ Sweet Caroline “ stuck in my head 😂😂😂😂😂
When she uploads my day gets instantly better. I could even feel my heart rate increase for a few seconds I was so excited. 😅 I also love the warm colour scheme that's very often present in the thumbnails.
“Just be well”….wow! That so resonated with me. I love your channel. I love how real you are. Thank you for that.
i know i’m going to do something wrong according to others…in life we all have to decide how much we’ll tolerate from people. Do we expect perfection, zero mistakes, do we give grace and move on…the continual decisions we have to make with all of our decisions.
Caroline! Your sit-down-and-chat with me videos are always my favourite! ❤ I want to ask - what are you drinking in this video, because it just looks so DAMN deliciousss 🍭🫖🧋
Maybe as a video idea - can you share with us your favourite drinks that you prepare for yourself at home and for while you work, your favourite coffees, etc.? I’d love that 😌😍
Just here to say your content is really soothing and relatable. Every saturday I wake up and think "oh, today is Caroline day", just to remember that due to timezones I'll have to wait a little to watch you. XO from Brazil!
Ahh “soothing” is one of my favorite compliments. I love love that
On not being a people pleaser... a few tips/a bit of advice - I've never been one (I may in fact skew the other direction a little, I speak my mind a little too much without thinking about it) but I've tried to help others in their recovery from this behaviour if it's become detrimental to them in any which way.
1. People aren't entitled to have expectations of you that you never agreed to.
2. Please yourself first - do & get what you need and everything else falls into place with the people who actually matter (read as: the people who treat you right).
3. Dark Incoming: - The only thing we humans have to do in life is die - everything else is optional.
4. Say no first (or at least say you'll have to check your schedule) when someone asks you to do something, then if it suits you & you want to do it - change it to a yes (not in an a-hole way, swiftly - but take a beat before jumping at that yes).
Won't work for everyone and might read as harsh to some folk - but we owe ourselves self care & to me this is part of that.
Never realized it until today, but you definitely have Aniston vibes. Also, you don’t have the RUclipsr voice, which I personally really like. Makes it so enjoyable to watch your videos.
Woke up excited to watch your weekly video! Enjoyed spending a little time with you as always but then the comments made me realize I people please because my mom needed me to be the second parent in the house because 2 siblings were disabled and she couldn't do it alone and so encouraged me to pick up the slack at all times and never add work to her load and now I am going to go have an existential crisis. Love you all
I feel like I relate so much. Definitely came because of design but enjoy watching your channel and relate on so many levels, and find it’s similar to my own experiences which is really neat.
For taking a break have you considered doing 2-4 weeks of short video content that are themed that you could create in 1-2 weeks? Maybe focus on diving deep into a hot topic (I.e. organization) and do a mini series and then get a few weeks break while those 2-5 min videos post for a month. It’s like a “between season 1 and 2” kind of bite sized content type of pause. Not sure how feasible that would be, but it’s a strategy I see comic creators use on Webtoon while they pause and then build content for upcoming seasons :)
Love that you are doing RUclips successfully after the struggling actor-life for years! You GO girl. That’s the best twist ever. You have undeniable presence. I used to be an actor too. And I lived in DC. I’m in Houston now but trying to retire in France!! Not sure where yet. Not Paris. Your QA is excellent. Not at all narcissistic just very conversational and friendly. Enjoying your channel!, this was more focused so that was interesting to me. a real interview of someone who is a real online celeb! Good on you! Kudos, you broke a leg today dude!
Just found your channel and thank you! This is exactly what I need. Recovering from stage III cancer, working part time and trying so hard to motivate myself to do more and get back to being part of the human race. Watching your videos has really helped me. I've sat down and really started to re-evaluate what I want to do, why, being fulfilled etc. THANK YOU!
Dogs are not a hobby, they are a lifestyle.
Caring for a dog is like taking care of a toddler.
Dogs are awesome! They are the perfect companion.
From a habitual people pleaser, I've had learn to check in with my "feel good barometer" before I committed myself to something. If I notice an inkling of resent, stress, or worry then it was a nope or at least a not right now or not like that. Checking in like that helps me feel healthier and more in control with my decisions.
I love this. Im gonna try this. It’s sounds so helpful bc the truth is you always know when there is a drop of resentment in you. It’s just a matter of not talking yourself OUT of what you know from the beginning ❤️🙌gonna try, thank you
@@Caroline_Winkler I'm glad this resonated with you☺
Just watched this for the second time, and it’s even better. The relaxed chitchat is not only charming, but helpful. Honesty, humility, humor -- the three H’s of a person with whom “it is well with (their) soul” -- at least for now.😉 I’m so grateful that you are using your (clearly) God-given gifts. 👍🏽
I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THE JENNIFER ANISTON RESEMBLANCE ALL THE TIME!!! Also been enjoying your channel a lotttt :)
A few months ago I found this channel and honestly, Caroline could just read the phonebook and it would cheer up my day. I love listening to you, and I feel incredibly motivated and just SEEN when you share about your life on youtube. I left my first career in Hollywood and our mutual struggle with leaving entertainment and our "dream dying," even though it has been 4 or 5 years since I left, makes me feel understood in a way I haven't felt yet. This channel has genuinely become my comfort channel. The aesthetic and Caroline's great taste in design is another bonus. Thanks bb, it's such a pleasure watching your channel
Please do a video around getting back into working out. I would LOVE that!!
Hey Caroline, I just wanted to say that after binging all of your videos these past couple weeks I am addicted to this channel. Love the way it bounces around, love your perspective on things, humour, honesty, and how human you are. Very inspiring to watch, I feel like I identify with so much of what you speak on but don't have the confidence to say those things myself. Anyway, just trying to say I love your channel!
Oh My Gosh!!! GETTING ON is the BEST, BEST, BEST show ever!!! I can’t believe you mentioned it, I was so excited!
You have a really smart therapist. When you say "No" to others, ,you say, "Yes", to yourself.And who is more important than you? I was a HUGE people pleaser and wish that I had the countless hours of my one precious life back to do things differently.When my kids were young, I hosted half the neighborhood and fed children from 6 in the morning until it was time to send them home for dinner. I drove all over creation to help people with their stuff, while my stuff fell by the wayside.I was everyone's free therapist. Not one of those people were ever there for me in return if I needed them. I have a LOT less "friends"now, but the ones I do have are my true friends. My time and my life are my own now. Try it-you'll like it.
I am really proud of you Caroline on so many levels. I appreciate you not talking bad about an ex. You are so real and funny! Thanks for being you.
Girl I am obsessed with you! I adore your channel and am literally addicted to your content! Keep going, much love from Switzerland😊
Thank you for sharing about your previous relationship. I recently started following you and was looking at old photos and was thinking "They're so cute! How could they have broken up? What went wrong??" And then start questioning my own relationship (which is wonderful) by telling myself "if it didn't work out for Caroline, how could it work out for me?" But from what you shared, it sounds like there was a lot wrong that showed it wasn't the right person for you. I needed to hear it because I get so in my own head and fear blocks any rationality. Even the little bit you shared brought me back to reality, so thank you!
18:44 Yeahhh, thank you- I've rarely heard someone describe this feeling, but it's exactly what I felt when I quit my career in the arts. I'd always thought that I was a well-rounded person with other interests to explore, so I would be able to move on relatively well. But when I put my dream down, after going So Far down that path, I was just dead inside. None of my other interests brought me joy anymore. The community I knew was gone. I couldn't watch other people do it. I got weirdly mad at strangers just because they were happy in their mundane lives. It really felt like the death of my personality and took years to build something new from. Now things are great, though. And sounds like you've come a long way from that point, which is totally awesome. Big props
I’d love to see your video on how to start running
I as well.
I've been running off and on (on now) for years.
I used to run in cushioned Asics with a heel-strike stride and now run in Altra Lone Peak trail runners with a "Natural Running" (book) stride.
Start slow, don't worry about taking multiple rests, make it a habit (I run 5 to 6 days a week) learn the stretches, warm up to stretch, stretch afterwards, wear a hydration pack, listen to your body, muscle soreness is good, other pains: back off until they mend, learn about shin splints, treat *every* car as a potential killing machine, make sure drivers making right hand turns see you as you approach from their right, always assume cars will blow crosswalks and lights, use music or don't (I don't), run in nature as much as possible, don't wear cotton, try not to run at night, reflectors for pre-dawn, watch out for uneven sidewalks (!!!), relax your arms, finish runs with strong strides, do occasional sprints, on a field, beach or park and enjoy that runner's high.
It's a great metaphor for life: you start a journey with a goal, one foot after the other, take a break when you need to, but keep at it, increase your goals, take pride in yourself.
Good luck!
it's important to dissapoint people. It's necessary. I love you for saying that.
Thank you for this, when you articulated the level of attachment = the level of heartbreak, it helped me out a lot. Love your content ❤
You are the most authentic face on youtube! Go girl!
LOVED Getting On. So good.
My life improved dramatically when i accepted that i have no singular all-consuming calling and instead i just want to do a variety of stuff i kinda like until i eventually die.
Your family clearly is purposeful in showing their affection for one another. Nothing wasted.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us. I’m a performing artist (dancer in nyc for years, turned circus performer who still also dances) and I’m always staring down the abyss of the fact that at some point I’ll have to transition - it does feel like choosing to kill yourself off in a weird way. Even with what you’d call “success” in the field I’ve never really heard anyone else talk about it. I super super appreciate your perspective and I’d love to hear more about that experience (even though I know it’s not your main brand ;) ).
YES PLEASE to your idea of a video about working out again!! I’m Im looking for exactly that, because I’m ready to exercise again but it is discouraging to find how out of shape I got and I don’t know where to even begin. Apart from that, thank you for the amazing video as always 💙
I read something that changed me a little - The one that gives help is then bonded to the person they help, not so much the other way round.
I let people figure their story out now and give myself more time for mine instead of hiding in their lives and failing myself and them.
I completely relate to the relief of your dream being dead - I was much younger when I gave up on my acting dreams, but it was liberating. I see people now who are striving for something and I don’t envy them, it can be so exhausting and unrewarding. Although feeling aimless is tough too!
You are sooo entertaining. Love the design stuff and love your honesty about your personal life.
Girl I love a good Q&A! Thanks once again for sharing. I never noticed the Jennifer Aniston comparison before but now I totally see it. 80s knit sweater is a whole vibe!!! Have a great weekend :)
You put the realness of life in words so beautifully. I thoroughly enjoy every one of your videos
I feel you on giving up everything 😔 I’m glad you’re in a much better place now ♥️