everybody's LONELY...here's how not to be :)
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 1 июн 2024
- This video is dedicated especially to all the 20 years old out there, and in my life. It's a lonely time. Life can be a lonely time. I wish people talked about this more. This video is a passion project that means a lot to me. Hope it is helpful to someone out there. ❤️
Caroline
***
SPONSOR
***
Thank you to Light 'N' Easy for sponsoring this video :)
Single serve coffee maker:
www.amazon.com/dp/B09Y1Y2Z77?...
EDITING
***
This video was edited by me!
Other videos are often edited by the magical @benner.mp4
CONTACT - RUclips inquiries only
***
I'm sorry to say I'm not able to take on new design projects at the moment, but will announce when my schedule opens up!
carolinewinkler@thesociablesociety.com
ABOUT ME
***
name: caroline (angelica)
instagram: @thegoodsitter
location: washington dc
Contents of this Video
***
00:00 - Intro
1:11 - Being in your 20s SUCKS
2:15 - Mindset shifts
3:38 - The OPPOSITE of Loneliness
5:31 - How to EMBARRASS yourself
7:21 - My favorite coffee maker
8:45 - Toxic Positivity
10:42 - the SNOWBALL effect
12:15 - SOCIAL MEDIA trick
14:00 - an amazing ANTIDEPRESSANT
15:37 - SELF-LOVE LANGUAGE
16:36 - treat it like a job...
17:23 - How to create INSTANT life MOMENTUM
18:00 - REMEMBER THIS
20:20 - THUMBNAIL
#livingalonevlogs #lightneasy #11885post
All opinions are my own. Some links listed are affiliate links which means I earn a small commission if anyone decides to purchase through them. Thank you so much for your support!
Please note that I am not a professional, in fact I am the literal opposite. I am just a plebeian out here loose on the streets. Things that I am NOT: a builder, trainer, craftsman, therapist, nutritionist, physical therapist, medical professional or anything else. All projects seen on my channel must be completed at your own risk and responsibility. Please see your own professional or counselor for professional support. Do your research and be safe! 
Хобби
I'm much much older than the others on this thread, but will tell you (and them) that your 20s are HARD. If you are struggling through them, yes, that is how it is. Work life ends up not being glamorous and yet it seems that it is for everyone else. It's a difficult time. These tips are good: keep learning, do the embarrassing thing, find out what you really like, and realize that growing is work. Yes yes all solid advice. Thanks for sharing it for anyone who's feeling lonely or lost.
Thanks for taking the time to share this Susan. ❤️ I’ve heard this from so many others who are generations older than me. Of course it’ll vary so much from person to person, but when I was in my 20s it was just so revelatory to hear from others that the 20s had been a strange time. Helped to bridge the gap in expectation v reality. I’m glad to hear it sounds like youve found your way to the other side of things❤️ that alone is very comforting to hear and I’m sure others appreciate it too. Big hug to you
20s we’re the TOUGHEST years.
Sorry … 20s WERE…
❤
I feel this deeply
In 15 years of copious amounts of RUclips watching, embarrassingly so, I've never once left a comment. I don't have social media and am not familiar with the exercise of putting feedback out there and/or receiving it publicly. But I just had to say that this video resonated with me so deeply. I so appreciate your authenticity and constructive, really impactful tips for your viewers. I became a subscriber after the first video I ever watched of you. I'm interested in interior design (but also self reflection and mental health) but often find other RUclipsrs making nasty videos that play on people's insecurities. I just love that you're so positive and really bringing your whole self to this journey of life. Thanks so much for sharing of yourself so genuinely with all of us. It's a real gift to your viewers!
Wow this is so touching Lynette 🥲❤️I’m honored you broke into your first ever RUclips comment to share such kind words with me ❤️so happy that the videos feel helpful in some way, I really put my heart into them and reading messages like this are so rewarding. Thank you friend, sending you a giant hug
@@Caroline_Winkler Oh thank you so much for taking the time to send a personal reply! It's much appreciated! Absolutely, you are definitely helping so many people through your channel. All the best for your continued success!
I would love to like this comment, but it has 333 likes and i want to maintain this beautiful number! So i write a comment instead
I gotta say I don’t believe these comments “x amount of time watching first time commenting”, I see this so much! Nice way to draw attention to the comment but I don’t think anyone is buying it anymore!
Beautifully written comment 😊
“The antidote to feeling lonely is feeling understood” I felt this!
Those are some incredibly true words. You can be surrounded by people, but if there isn't a genuine connection with any of them then it might even make you feel lonelier.
Lonely vs. alone
Oh my goodness, so true!
For sure. I feel less lonely now (not not-lonely, but still) that I've broken up with my ex who just didn't seem to understand me, or be interested in trying.
@@kaitlynnp582 Oh, I feel that. I had to do the same, hurts a lot, especially when he sadly is the only close person in your life, bc no friends... oof. But it gets better.
As a therapist, you NAIL THIS. I am so impressed with you and your messaging. Thanks for being a positive, normalizing, and validating presence. I always look forward to your content.
ruclips.net/video/hoIJDFofNJI/видео.html
An old mentor once told me: “You can’t be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with” in my early 20s (I’m now 34 yrs) and it changed my life 💕
Nope. We are social creatures. You can be an introvert and love your own company but connecting with other humans is essential to survive.
@@xxGuItArGiRLxx89 you totally missed the point if the quote lmao 😅
@@devinwatkins8953 Exactly. The "person you're alone with" is YOU. Fortunately, I am a lone wolf who has to make myself occasionally spend time with people. My books, dogs & local trails are all I need.
I'm always by myself :) never alone. But there's a difference between being alone and being lonely.
We're all in this video for a reason, so we definitely want to connect more. But that doesn't mean we can't enjoy being alone. I don't think she's saying she lives isolated from society but that she enjoys her own company. We can though enjoy our own company but also want people to share with certain things.
I'm 50 and grew up in a different world. I'm watching these videos because they help me understand the world my daughter is growing up in. Thanks for the insights.
This is so wholesome
How was your world like?
@@untalked.dreams full of Mars dust storms
“Start a RUclips channel... join an adult kickball team... who cares, we’re all going to die.” 😂 Words of wisdom right there! Love this video!
This was my favourite thing she said in this video. Kinda true ain’t it ?
ruclips.net/video/hoIJDFofNJI/видео.html
I was listening to a podcast that said, “it’s important to live life by design rather than emotion. Basically, sticking to a routine is what allows us to be the healthiest version of ourselves (especially when you're fighting these demons ex. OCD for me).
I was in the corporate world and I burned out HARD. I decided to overhaul how I approach work/habits by practising mediocre consistency. Now I try to put in consistent 50-60% effort into my habits (ex. journaling/studying etc) - to make sure I do it I began recording it and posting it on my youtube channel.
Because historically I have a habit of going too hard, not being able to sustain the Herculean effort, giving up and hating myself. So now I’m trying to give a small, consistent mediocre effort everyday. And its crazy how it adds up, and its crazy how much better I’m able to handle the bad days when anxiety is trying to take over. I feel like I’m finally have a solid foundation and I feel ready to figure out connection.
Thank you for sharing this. 🙏
Thank you for putting this into words. I really ned to put this onto practice, thank you, stranger :)
much love! this was inspiring 🙏🏽
love the term “mediocre consistency.” Thank you for that!
I resonate with this. I’m very 0 or 100 and if I can’t maintain a habit perfectly I used to think “what’s the point if I can’t do it” and then give up.
Now even if I can only do a small bit of a habit every week (e.g. exercise), I tell myself anything is better than nothing. It’s not as satisfying but it’s also more realistic and will yield results.
As an incredibly shy person, I’ve gotten into this habit of feeling like I need to drink before social situations to “loosen up” and appear more interesting. While this works in the short term, it’s not healthy and results in people getting to know an inauthentic version of myself. I don’t know if other introverts have experienced this, but it’s left me feeling isolated in my own friendships. For me, I think “doing the scary thing” means meeting new people without the crutch of alcohol, even if that means putting a slightly less exuberant version of myself out there.
yes, i used to do this, especially in my 20s. then one day i just found i didn't have to. i had friends who 'got' me and i felt less self conscious even going to a pub where my friends were. i still have a drink now and then but def don't use it as a crutch any more. maybe it will be something you'll outgrow as well 🙂
Yup, it's amazing the energy we can install in overthinking, with all side effects 😅 I bet we could power an entire city.
Alcohol can take the anxiety out,
but it will grow doubt.
But what if we literally just told ourselves;
"Nope, worry about that thought later,
this -activity- will either prove me wrong or right, and I'm going to find out!"
Chances are it's going to be an experience!
That's what I tell myself to get over that anxiety-bump.
And it works, cause life in general is an experience 😉 let's give our minds something to wonder about, let's prove ourselves wrong 😁
100%. That’s got to be terrifying. And the terror and fear…is usually where the growth it. Someone once told me to follow the fear, and it’s often very helpful ❤kudos to you
@@new-lviv I have been thinking about you and your victory everyday 💛 I'm so happy to see positive news on Ukraine on tv!! I love your country's determination, honor to protect and strength!
I hope you and your loved ones are safe and healthy!!
Victory will come!
@@new-lviv you're so strong! I cannot imagine the fear and terror you endure everyday and how difficult it is when other people, the people you love, do not think something awful is happening.
So many Russians have been brainwashed into believing they are fighting for Ukraine while they aren't, they're destroying.
Russia is now employing prisoners into their army, 6 months of military and then they are free from their criminal debt.
That means Russia has no soldiers left.
Ukraine is winning 😍 I am rooting for you!! Everyday! Stay strong! Stay safe! Your country will soon be completely yours again!! You will get through this 💛💙 I know you will! Ukrainian are strong, in will and power, stand together 🙌
Confession: I am old enough to be your mom, but I just love your channel. Watch it every week. And this week, it really resonated with me. I am an empty nester of a child with disabilities. My kiddo is doing great in college, but all my focus was on my child for so long, it left me feeling very lonely when he left. Thanks for all the great advice and mindset advice. I think it will really help me. Much appreciation, From 👵🏻. 😏😉
Confession: I'm old enough to be YOUR mother, Lynda, and I also watch Caroline's channel whenever I can. I just love her sense of humor and her brave vulnerability. So refreshing!
Same here!
That must have been such a shift when he left. I can’t imagine how challenging that transition must have been. I hope you are finding yourself on the other side of that lonesomeness soon ❤️thanks for such sweet words
I’m old enough to be her mom too but like you really enjoy her content and personality.
Yessss!😊
I am a 55 year old woman and I loved this video. Every age deals with feeling lonely. Thank you for this message and being unafraid to show who you really are. I love your quirky sense of humor and honesty.
ruclips.net/video/hoIJDFofNJI/видео.html
I love that you're talking about this. But I will disagree on one point....that loneliness is more prevalent in your 20's. Now that I'm almost 60, divorced, and presently jobless I am finding the loneliness far more poignant. I've had kids around the house for twenty years, a full-time job, and being a wife and mother. Suddenly....nothing. And knowing that you're probably not going to start a new career at this point or find a partner that you click with just makes it all a little more difficult. Just giving my perspective.
Same. Except, say what? Girlfriend, I'm starting a new career. Get busy, you can do it!
I can only share the story of philosophy granny as we called her lovingly.
Most of us were 18-25, studying, but we had one elderly lady among us. Around 70-80. Sitting in the same classes. Studying philosophy at uni.
She just did it. Because she loved it.
Really inspiring. Old age doesn't have to be the limit to your dreams!
I feel that. I'm currently 43 with 2 kids still at home. My mother is alone now that my father passed. Often times she just isolates. We try and visit and I try hard to connect with her but she's deep in sadness and loneliness. It breaks my heart but I understand too. I genuinely wish she would put in a tiny amount of effort to an interest or a hobby. Even if it isn't with me or my children. Just anything for her mental health. It stresses me out and I feel guilt for her life. So, any efforts, any trying, its not only good for you but for the people around you.
Just remind yourself that the emotion of feeling lonely is temporary and the length is also up to you. I used to be scared of being alone, but I just realize it could be so enjoyable being alone since the pandemic started.
I hope you are doing well and feeling less lonely ❤
"A sweet girl with overbearing eyebrows." - Caroline Winkler
Girl, I love you!
Also, this 40 year old single momma can relate to the topic of this video a lot.
She is such a gem isn’t she?! Her energy is contagious. 💫
Same from this 60+!!
🥲
Love her and her eyebrows.
Honestly., her quirky comments absolutely make my heart melt.
The loneliest you will ever feel is being with someone who doesn’t “get” you. I’m with someone who gets me now, but spent many happy not lonely years single. I like sitting alone in restaurants people watching or reading a good book or having a conversation with a stranger. I like wandering unknown streets and looking at colours. Even being in love with the person I’m with now, it is better to go to the flea market alone rather than feel the boredom of the other as I dig through endless boxes of junk. Also, sometimes it is nice to feel melancholic loneliness in autumn.
I am also the person who doesn’t like “The Office”.
Also, this is probably the best channel on RUclips.
As someone who lives alone, no family, no relationships, no one knows loneliness than me. As someone who struggle mightily to form any connection with anyone I’m forced to navigate life alone. I try to keep myself busy. But it took me years to finally be at peace with how my life is.
ruclips.net/video/hoIJDFofNJI/видео.html
As someone whose long-term relationship recently ended, I have to say this video probably has done more to lift my spirits and encourage me to let go of feelings of loneliness than any other advice I've come across. Thank you so much!
It ended for a reason
@@hankhill3417 lol Which was what?
@@garykuhlmann8149 for your betterment ❤
ruclips.net/video/hoIJDFofNJI/видео.html
"What is everybody still not gonna talk to you" is something I need to embrace lmao
Edit: after watching the full video I feel like you've achieved what my therapist wanted me to do. Really big kudos to you for managing to actually change your behaviour for the better, I'm happy you seem to be happy now!
One mantra my therapist taught me, that I do try to bring with me to this day, is (somewhat poorly translated from Swedish) "act the way you want your life to be", basically meaning that if I want to have a close relationship with someone (not just romantic relationships, all types of relationships) then act like I'm in a close relationship with that person. Invite them to do stuff, have meaningful conversations with them, etc etc. Maybe a bit simplified here, but I hope it makes sense.
Completely agree!
We say fake it ‘till you make it 😅
This is lovely. Can you share the mantra in Swedish?? I’d love to hear it
@@Caroline_Winkler I can't swear 100% that these were her literal words, but I remember it as "lev efter dina värderingar" which literally translates into "live according to your values". My values in this case being how I value my relationships with different people and how I'd like those relationships to be. Not sure if this is coming across well, but I hope everyone reading gets what I'm saying 😂
She really was (is) an amazing therapist, unfortunately (or fortunately for her new patients) she got a new job working with people with eating disorders, which I do not have. Malin S, if you're ever stumbling across this, thank you very much for all our sessions :)
And also for anyone reading and maybe taking this mantra of sorts to heart: this isn't just about close relationships. If you have people in your life who you may *not* want to have a close relationship with, then recognize that and act accordingly. For me, I spoke to my therapist because of quite severe self-esteem issues at its root (which then led to other issues in life, including loneliness), and I've had to learn that the opinions of certain acquaintances, colleagues, and even relatives just don't matter, because they're not people I want to have close relationships with. This might of course sound simplified in a single sentence, ignoring some people's opinions isn't something you just learn to do over night if that's something you're struggling with, but that's what the mantra is about at its core.
Despite a gap of decades in age, I find Caroline's broadcasts interesting for their honesty and authenticiy. I lived and worked in D.C. with no family or friends within hundreds of miles. I loved the galaries, museums, embassy receptions, public lectures at the universities, hearings on the Hill, and being free to choose how to spend my time. It is wonderful to see life in and around the city through the eyes of another young woman a half-century later. A lot has changed for women in those decades but finding yourself and, above all, giving yourself PERMISSION to be authentically you is still the foremost challenge and that has lost none of its edge over time. You are way ahesd, Caroline, in terms of defining the life you want and being PRESENT in your own life. Being loyal to you is the secret to owning your time and how you spend it. People who live by others' opinions or live on "auto-pilot" are going through the motions. You are living and learning, Caroline. I respect and admire that. You're on the right track.
Oh man it’s so tough being far from family and friends like that. I love the idea of “being loyal to you”, love that
Yes, exactly!
Yes, this! Permission is a big theme in a woman’s development, me thinks. I recall having that sense, too, and now, pushing 60, I love not feeling that burden. I just spent an hour staring at the backyard of my new home, daydreaming about what I might create, and damn if it wasn’t time well spent.
We often make ourselves available to others more than ourselves. Reclaiming that space is life-affirming.
This was lovely to read
💙 I feel like there is this little subset of us "older" women enjoying Caroline's channel for various reasons, one of those reasons I feel is we are all cheering her on for "arriving" at these places so much earlier than some of us did?? (Hope that makes sense)
To anyone reading the comments long after the vlog was published - just know that loneliness is not a phenomenon affecting only people in their 20's. Feelings of loneliness happen all throughout your lives, in a variety of circumstances, after a variety of triggers. I'mm 66 and experiencing some of the most lonely feelings of my life. And if I survived high school and *those* major upsets (which were pretty darn bad), you know that this time in my life is no bed of roses. Or even stink weed. So maybe you'll want to bookmark this vlog and watch it again in another decade or two. It holds some wisdom.
I agree , older loneliness is way more harsh then any young adult can ever face, because they have time in their favor, when everything will be ok , older people have that realization that there is no more time left , it weighs on you like a ton of bricks that you can't shake off
ruclips.net/video/hoIJDFofNJI/видео.html
@@olgak506 not all young people are healthy and have a long life ahead of them. Chronic illness exists at a young age, too.
And if you’ve ever been chronically ill, you’ll know that most of your friends will stop going out of their way to talk to you or hang around you because of it.
So blanket statements like “young people have it so much easier” aren’t entirely accurate. There is nothing harder than losing all the prime years of your life to being chronically ill and housebound - a lot of those older people got to actually LIVE their prime years and have friends during that time.
I am turning 70 in a few weeks. This guide you gave us is to help anyone at any age. I have a 16 year old granddaughter that I want to share this with. Thank you Sweetie
Mid-twenties girl here who just ended an 8 year relationship and feel like I'm FLOUNDERING! Thank you for this, Caroline. Once again, you make the internet feel like a safe and fun place to learn and grow
Girl I feel that in my SOUL. I got out of a 6 year relationship last year at 29. And it often felt like such an extreme change that life felt completely surreal. Things change, slowly and imperceptibly. I promise. Hang in there ❤❤
Omg, I was this girl, I thought this is me commenting from the past. It was so heavy and then 30s came and washed everything away... Everything will become crystal clear. The relationship ended for some reason and this is good news
I agree with Caroline, don't rush yourself, just step by step, slowly. Walk to the light even if you don't see it, but only feel / hope it must be there.
The random tip that helped me for some reason was "Try to get used to your new changed biography and make peace with it". And special thanks to the song of Morcheeba "Enjoy the ride". Every line of it
oh angel I broke up with my partner of 8 years when I was 24 and it was the most earth shattering/ life giving decision I have ever made. I really wish you the best. You will find your way I PROMISE. Have fun and make mistakes xoxo
@@jemx3 thank you for this😭 it has been hard and weird and uncomfy, but also hopeful and exciting. Just taking the waves as they come.
Love this Caroline. I am a licensed Psychotherapist and I really appreciate you spreading the importance of leaning in to, getting to know, and loving your loneliness. Also toxic positive = gaslighting, so spot on.
Wow so comforting to here this from an experienced professional. The positivity culture is so off putting to me, and most importantly has never felt helpful to me personally! I have felt scared to say I even feel this way, but it’s so nice to know that people understand what I mean ❤thanks for sharing your perspective
I was lonely in my 20's and instead of embracing that, I got married. Thirty years later, I chose to divorce. (the very simplified version...) Since moving into an apartment, I have had some lonely times - but I really LOVE being on my own. I have been able to rediscover and embrace my creative side! I love thinking about all the things I am grateful for - right down to finally getting that stubborn chin hair!! One of my favorite sayings I have posted for me to look at daily is "Occasionally, weep deeply over the life you hoped would be. Grieve the losses. Then wash your face. Trust God. And embrace the life you have." - Thank you Caroline I love seeing someone looking for self-fulfillment because when you try to put that on someone else - it never works. I wish I would have had this inspiration when I was in my 20's...
I was bullied back in highschool and because of that I never had any friends. Growing up alone was hard, but then I just pursued a hobby that made me happy. Being alone all those years, I developed my talents and creativity, and now that I am 30 I've used my passion for creativity in my career. what seemed to be a curse became a blessing :) God works in mysterious ways and I am truly blessed. thanks for sharing!
ruclips.net/video/hoIJDFofNJI/видео.html
Clicked on this video while having a meltdown about wasting an entire beautiful weekend completely alone. Thank you for posting this exactly when you did, I really appreciate your experiences and honesty. I'm going to go to an event by myself today when everyone else cancelled on me!
Huggggs.
Much love goes out to you 🫶🏼
How was the event?
You ‘wasted’ your weekend, because you decided to waste it or you didn’t use the opportunity to use your time better. Always remember, you have the freedom to choose how you spend or waste your time with others or by yourself.
I watched an eye opening video about the construct of time & how it could set us up to feeling trapped, unproductive or insufficient.
In hindsight,, while I was alone, it was more frustrating to not feel like I used my "alone" time intentionally.
If it was an intentional relaxation day, that'd be awesome, but I had hoped to meet up with friends and start a project so when everything fell through, it felt like I wasted half my precious weekend time (extreme overexagertion) and almost time to go back to work again.
Best advice my mom gave me: "You create your own happiness." Essentially don't rely on other people to make you happy, bring happiness into your life etc... Also for the gratitude journal. I say 3 things in the morning that I am grateful for and write 3 things that I am grateful for at night. A gratitude sandwich 🥪
So I am 50. I wish I could tell my 24 year old self that I would never really know who I was until I could live with being alone. In the interest of full disclosure, I am also obsessed with your channel. There. I said it.
Glad you said it😄 Another one of an upper age😆who connects here too.
ruclips.net/video/hoIJDFofNJI/видео.html
I watched it. Then I got my journal, a pen, and refilled my coffee to watch it again and take notes. This is some solid advice that I needed to hear. I love this type of video from you Caroline! You are so unique and I love that you share all your different interests without sticking too strictly inside a "niche" or whatever. Here for it! Sharing with my friends as well, since your videos keep coming up in conversations!
I did the exact same! (: 2 minutes in, I was like "ok, this is too good to not take notes!"
ruclips.net/video/hoIJDFofNJI/видео.html
I've felt lonely in a room full of people. Loneliness comes in many forms, it's videos like this that help me feel less alone. Thank you Caroline and those who share in comments🙏
I often feel lonely even around those who understand me the most. I spent a long time not knowing other people feel this way too. ❤
"Be interested in people" has been an incredible piece of advice that shifted my entire attitude towards social interactions. As a person who is not naturally curious, it's taken me years to realize that if I want people to put effort into me, I need to put effort into them. Ask them about their life, where they came from, what they're interested in. Drill down into those things that make them tick (I'm still working on that part). But by being interested, I'm creating an instant connection where there was none before. And it's something I can practice!
Out of everything you said the thing that stuck out most to me was you saying that you're not a naturally curious person and all I want to say is BIG SAME. I try to be and I beat myself down a lot when I feel bored and uninterested in things but it feels validating to hear that other people describe themselves this way too.
I used to put A Lot of effort intop people. it was never returned. EVER. I dont bother now and relish the thought of dying alone as we are all alone and die as such anyways.
That a great start.
@@hotdogsarepropaganda The wrong people out there too, just gotta find the right ones.I met plenty of wrong ones in the past.
This is true! I’ve also tried this, but I have a bad memory which gets worse when trying to remember trivial (to me) details about their personal history. I end up repeating questions which I forget even asking which isn’t a good look. 😂
Excellent advice Caroline. I hate to admit this, especially since I am a middle age Dad, but I have felt very lonely in the last few years. This all stems from the bereavement of losing two children to cancer over the last 13years.
The loss of children leaves you with minimal energy or drive for socialising or undertaking activities with
others. Hence loneliness builds in your life.
I Needed a good game plan / advice to re-engage with the world and rid this loneliness from my life. Your Vlog is perfect and realistic. Thanks for making this Vlog. Mark.
Good luck buddy, wishing you all the best! You can do it, i believe in ya :)
Hi Caroline. Thanks so much for your video on loneliness. I recently lost my Mother, and at almost 58 years old, I just realized that I don't have a life. My whole life was wrapped up in her. So now, I have to create a life with the time I have left. I am going to try and implement what worked for you for myself and see what happens. Wish me luck.
ruclips.net/video/hoIJDFofNJI/видео.html
Yup, I agree with everything in this video. My mantra is: "why would you want to be friends with someone who doesn't want to be friends with you?" As you said, "you're not for everyone". And everyone is not for you.
“What other people think of me is none of my business”
Love this video! Thank you for it.
🙌🙌🙌 NUN’YA
I’ve lived by this motto since my teen years. I find it’s pulled me through many hard days. It’s so true!
I watched this a year ago, and am now just reading the comments. So much wisdom out there. My mom lived to 99, and was lonely because everyone died. She walked 3 hours a day, just to have something to do. She got rid of TV because it made her feel lonlier. No TV, just her Bible, and 3 hours a day of walking. Please God, let that not be my life.
I'm not sure statistically what is currently the loneliest ages- most people agree it's the older you get. When I was in my 20s it was stupid easy to make friends compared to now. As an older person (41 who's confused for a 28 year old), my peers are busy with kids, family, careers, and their established friends network. I work 70+ hours a week, but go to yoga, the gym, jiu jitsu; but none of the people I meet want to establish friendships unless I can directly offer them something. I end up initially connecting with younger people (20s), but again- it's what I can offer them - typically advancements in career. My only "friends" are guys who recently got divorced. I know they're just going to bail the moment they find a woman. All my female friends aren't allowed to talk to me because of their jealous BFs. So - to your point of filling your life with purpose, that's exactly what I had to do and it helps.
I was looking for that comment. I have your age and I recently moved to a new city, I work remotely, I'm not a "people person", I've been volunteering, but people don't car about knowing about someone else, although I tried engaging with them, but they never try to keep on talking. The only new friends I made was when travelling, so, not home. It's great, obviously, but I still didn't connect with anyone on my city, after a year… I feel like I'm the only people in the world who notices isolated people and try and connect with them.
@jimothy where are you from?
42 Phoenix - all I do is work and workout.
@@aquafish129 unfortunately in Europe but in the same boat otherwise would be happy to become your friend. I am 42
I found my twenties not at all lonely because me and my friends who I met at Uni and at parties had time to just hang out. now I'm in my mid forties, I moved to another country alone and I feel so isolated coz I also work from home. Working super hard to learn the language but it's a double whammy being a single child free woman in her forties living far from my friends and family. It's hard to find my tribe and I don't think I will ever have really chill funny friends to just hang out with again. It's hard to get friendships to stick the older you get. It honestly is something I worry about because I know how unhealthy it is to be lonely. I try and put myself out there but it's hard! I'm also a bit weird and I just keep meeting normies for some reason. lol. Conversely I find friends take up a lot of time and I love being creative alone but it's all about balance. Forming meaningful bonds with people without the everyday forced routine of college or work is hard.
As a lonely 31yo I'm so happy that the algorithm pointed me in the direction of your content. Thank you Caroline 💕
For me it's been 5 years without friends because I changed my mindset about friendship, i don't mind having friends but i didn't cross a good one yet. I enjoy being at home by myself cooking, painting, taking pictures & traveling alone. I enjoy the me time isn't loneliness at all.
I crave and need alone time. I have always been that way, even at 5 years old, I needed it😂. I have grown up raised five children and am now back in my happy place of living alone, doing what I want on my schedule and it is pure bliss!
I, too, enjoy being by myself. At almost 60 yo, I have a handful of life-long friends. I'm not regularly in contact with the majority of them, but I know that when I reach out, they are there, and we reconnect, as if we haven't spent any time apart. Those are friendships worth having. And that doesn't mean that I don't put effort into maintaining those relationships; I value quality over quantity. If the friendship feels too much like work, it doesn't last, in my experience.
Yep.
Glad I was in my 20's during the 70's. I was surrounded by friends and meeting new people all the time to the point that when my wife and I got married it was like, "Glad that's over". It got to be too much. I think it's today's horrible human climate that's the problem. Everybody seems to be afraid of everything and everybody. If you're in your 20's and lonely, you're doing it wrong. You'll never get those incredible years back.
If you were bullied and excluded a lot as a kid (nowadays I know that I was developmentally behind my peers as well as a few other factors) but this seriously helps with not caring (as much) about what other people think... because you have to to survive!!
It's always been nuts to me that loneliness is looked at as something awkward to talk about or admit to. I've known amazing people who were also clearly lonely for various reasons at certain parts of their life, it certainly did not diminish my admiration for them. It's not a character flaw, it's just a natural human emotion. Thanks for making this video!
“Doing the embarrassing thing” and “the snowball effect” are things I’ve been thinking about a lot recently. Truly being yourself in public without caring what others think is super scary but by being yourself you are seeing who else is truly similar to yourself and letting them be themselves around you. I think this is hard for me to do because I feel like I’m supposed to act or carry myself a certain way due to me being that way up until the current moment. Like I’ve created that “persona” and if it would be weird for me to “break character” if that makes sense. I’m gonna keep this video in mind when situations come up where I feel like I should be acting a certain way and remember to just be myself as much as possible; even if that version of my is weird 😂
I just wrote about being a widow and how I'm not dealing with it well, but I forgot to tell you that I'm much older than most of your subscribers. I'm 81, but still healthy and capable. Thanks again, Caroline.
Thank you for this. I just found your channel last night based on interior design algorithm, but I love your messages more. I feel like we relate a lot, I am a single 30 yr old woman who lives alone (for only about the last year of my life) and it's nice to hear real sh*t from someone who is on a similar mind frame and life experience. These are the conversations we need to have with each other. To connect more intentionally. I've been trying to take myself out more than I already do, to get out of my own comfort zone. And have been avoiding posting much on social media. There's something liberating about keeping your own personal experiences , personal, and not sharing the things you usually share, to get to know yourself and what you truly enjoy doing without the influence of others. Like that experience is all mine, and is not tainted with the projection of someone else's perspective on it. It's hard to describe, but you did it perfectly. I saw this video this morning bc I've been feeling real loneliness for the first time since my healing journey really began a few yrs ago, and you have very insightful perspectives. I think I need to rewatch it. Thank you again for your channel 🖤
"It is not about surrounded, it is about being connected" So true. I heard spouses and parent complain that they feel alone even when surrounded by family. I crave connections and have so few ones.
"We're all going to die someday"...."If your whole family is murdered"....GIRRRLLL! I love how you interject humour and reason into what you are talking about. Your ability to connect ideas and real ways of thinking is absolutely fantastic!
I am so happy I found your channel! I am really inspired by your mindset and how you approach challenges in life. Keep up the amazing work! Sending love and light to you in every possible way!
This makes me so happy, thank you !❤️
I was thinking the same thing, I can imagine Caroline writing short stories or poems. I would love to read those.
I had never experienced lonliness until I was about 26 years old living alone in one particular country , it was earth shattering and kinda threw my identity for a loop. In my head I wasn't "that person". It took YEARS to get over it bc I really didn't understand what was going on. Turns out, it was about how I felt about myself after an unsuccessful year in a place that I was soo excited about. The things about lonliness is that it's almost always connected to how you feel about yourself and what you value about yourself. I'm not saying connection isn't important BUT lack of connection doesn't have to feel like lonliness. It can just as easily feel like simple boredom if you don't value yourself based on how others value you.
Once, at a time when I felt really lonely right before christmas I had this idea, to do something nice for the people at my lokcal bookshop, because I worked in a bookshop before and I knew that this time was especially busy. So I sneakily asked how many employees they had and made a bag of cookies for everyone of them and delivered them in a basket...just to say thank you. This was two years ago and I still feel like their favourite customer every time I walk in there. It is so nice to feel appreciated and it's equally nice to show someone that you appreciate them.
"Do the embarrassing thing" - as someone in their mid-twenties (which yes it is in fact the loneliest time) I learned this lesson quite recently! I said "idgaf" to starting a youtube channel and haven't looked back even if people think it's dumb... I also decided to quit corporate jobs and go become a medical massage therapist. I was SO INSECURE about this decision thinking people would think it was stupid and judge me. Then I said F it, and I have never been happier ❤
Approaching everything with an "F it" mindset and has made me happier and given me the ability to go for anything without fear, AND make people laugh.
I don't regret becoming my own best friend 😊
Liked your comment but LOVE your screen name lol 😂
@@shokojimhollingsworth3940 hahaha thank you! Big star wars fan and lover of puns 😂
For someone your age, you have much wisdom. You’re very clear in your message, and I (a youngish 65 year old) appreciate you. I can learn from anyone, no matter their age. Thank you for this goodness!
how to not be lonely: get xbox, weed, and porn
When you said the antidote to loneliness is feeling understood, something clicked for me. I recently ended a 4 year relationship because something was missing emotionally and I felt what I can now only describe as loneliness. I didn’t know why until you put it into words; I didn’t feel understood or truly seen. I feel motivated now to cultivate that for myself. Thank you so much for this video.
good reminder that social media actually takes our experience away
Just coming off of a vacation where I spent a considerable amount of time alone in coffee shops writing and drawing and designing and LOVING IT! Thanks for all of the confirmaitons. Feels good to be seen!
It’s good to be alone. Without that time you can’t fully reflect on how to become an even better version of the person you are. And congrats on the 250k followers. Feel like that just blew up so good for you! 👏🏼
loneliness is different from just being alone. humans are social creatures.
“Become a better version of who you are” 🙌🙌🙌 one of the best solo activities right here ❤
In my mid 20s, I moved to San Diego from the DC area. It was the late 90s and swing dance was having a moment. One night I went solo to a swing dance lesson at a local bar. I didn’t know it at the time, but this was a great way to meet a lot of people because you are rotating through partners. From there, I made a friend that grew into a circle of friends, and one of those friends is now my husband.
I've been realizing how much I feel like albums keep me company throughout the years
Great video. I will say that your 20s are not the loneliest time of your life - it's much later, like 60+. So cultivating the skills mentioned here is important. An expanding set of friends, life, fun and passions is like putting money in your retirement fund. So many of us didn't get this when we were young.
My experience has been cycles of loneliness at any age throughout my life,it always passes and only ourselves can pull us out of it by doing things different,life is an experiment.
There is nothing I can add that someone hasn't already said but please know that you make a difference - video was spot on! Thank you for pointing out that being alone doesn't mean you are lonely. So many great tips. Congrats on how many followers you now have. Take care Caroline.
I moved to Israel alone at age 18, living in a Tel Aviv University dorm. Made some friends, but with no family or home, I was extremely lonely. I once overheard a woman complaining that she had too many weddings, and engagement parties to attend. I was filled with jealously and judgment. God, I WISHED I knew someone to invite me to a Bat Mitzvah! Anything! I didn't want to judge her, so I put the pain into a prayer: "Please let me know what it is to have so many happy occasions to attend that I can't even make it to ask of them. "
Forty years later, I'm a mother and grandmother of a large family, grateful that I don't have to go a day without a hug.... but can't remember everyone's birthday. I have now learned to relish my alone time, usually talking to myself. Thank you for this video.
I didn't think this video would be relevant to me, because I wouldn't consider myself 'lonely', especially as someone who enjoys a lot of peace and quiet. I realised though that my constant feeling of discontent is actually interchangeable with loneliness for me. When you mentioned purpose and feeling understood, that really resonated. Thanks for the tips, they really (unexpectedly) benefitted me.
i think he’d ifeas need testin..we take too much of what we think we are from surrounding conditioning blah blah blah
and after awhile cause laziness and stupidity we don’t even tink at all 😳💯🥾✂️🐍
and we get lots of confusion and heartache and all that implies cause we just didn’t take the time to tink and solve tringd tings from ones who prob need more help in a sense
Hi Caroline, so glad to have another video from you!
I know loneliness. I was single forever until I met my husband, and married at 39. I am now 54. Life is full, and I am no longer lonely! Annoyed yes. But not lonely!
My own recipe to fight loneliness was to connect with good friends as much as possible, and to take care of my relationship with God. And to be patient. Sometimes, we just need to be able to get through the day, and offer up the lonely moments of each day to God, turning them into prayer. This doesn’t make it easy, but it makes our loneliness ‘meaningful’. Loneliness is too good a pain to waste. Turn it into prayer.
Oh girl I've had big lonely in every decade! Different reasons each time, but your tips are solid and transcend age. Proud of you for starting this channel in covid and sharing so authentically. I'm 47 and you remind me of me at 25 💗
Me too! I’m 45 but I feel lonely most of the time, even though I’m married to a lovely man!
Another 40-something here. Been feeling lonely the last few years (despite having a family of my own) after moving to a new city just before the first lockdown. Has been extra hard to make new friends and of course hard to see old friends. The kids have made new friends and been my focus and I've realised I'm left feeling quite lonely.
@@morticiagomez6166 it's really about community and feeling understood and seen! I've made a conscious effort to follow my passions. When I strayed from that or got into a rut I always felt very alone, like a fish out of water - like I didn't belong. I hope I'll meet someone right for me and get married to a lovely man too!
@@maddscientist3170 absolutely agree. Real life connection is so powerful
@@victtayl I've started volunteering, doing Nature stewarding this year, and it's connected me with so many wonderful and inspiring friends. Sounds like it's a great time to listen to what's pulling you and get involved in something that you love, even if it's a hobby 😊
I am WAY more lonely now in my 30s than 20s. In my 20s I had a lot of friends and did things I enjoyed. Now that I’m almost 35 and a single mom, I have ONE friend. One REAL friend. It’s very lonely and isolating being one person before marriage and then not even being a shell of yourself after everything falls apart. Honestly there’s two groups of people in my 30s. Those who look like their flourishing with tons of other mom friends; and those like me who can’t find anyone to talk to. I know many people on both sides.
This video could not have come at a better time. I started watching it completely depressed, sad, and lonely. By the time it was over, I was smiling and feeling better. Thank you, Caroline. :)
Thanks for a thought provoking vlog. My favorite witty author, Dorothy Parker, also made my favorite quote, "The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity". Loneliness can also result in boredom. Finding what you can lose yourself in to the point of a flow that brings joy while passing your time is a good goal.
Oo this is great ❤
I definitely can relate to what you are talking about! I’m ridiculously older than you and experienced loneliness in my 20’s and 30’s. What happened was that I forced myself to do things on my own, going out to dinner, exercise, movies, etc (the hardest was going to fancy restaurants 😟). The result was that I started enjoying time by myself. Going to restaurants was the best as you can people watch and I always found the staff to be so attentive. Sometimes, if it was a Saturday night, I would wear a wedding band - so people didn’t think “oh that poor woman” but I think that was okay and as it made me feel comfortable. The downside of this is that I learned to embrace being by myself so well that by the time I married at 58 - it was so hard to adjust to being with someone! I now cherish time by myself - it is actually a blessing to be quiet and reflect. Life has its ups and downs and it all has to do with your mindset and what you tell yourself. Enjoy life whether alone or with others. PS - I was a middle child too - twice - five kids two boys which flanked three girls - I was the middle of the five and the three girls - now that was tough!
I had a friendship break up, a relationship break up, my parents moved 3 hours away. I live alone and only have work friends. I just have a cat and a snake. I hate going out, and my friends have work, school, and stuff going on. The way I dont get lonely being alone, youtube. Maddie dragsbaek, you, Samantha joe, boze, two hot takes, anyone who makes me feel like I'm having a conversation with. I'm also focusing all my time on work and furnishing my apartment. Setting goals is very useful when being alone. Also going out to eat or seeing movies alone is awesome!
And the whole toxic positivity, I see as fake it til you make it. Life may be shit but if you fake the positive it'll turn real eventually.
Not even half way through this video, had to pause and comment an “amen”to your point at 4:55 “I can feel [connection] understood through a project, and activity, something I’m learning, through work...” Yes and amen because those things help us to feel connected to OURSELVES 👏🏼👏🏼
I’m 33 years old and I feel like I’m learning how to be my own friend for the first time in my life. It has been a game-changing mindset for me especially since I’m emerging from a lonely, depressing and challenging past year.
I love and resonate with so much of what you’ve said. Thank you for sharing!
Not caring what others think and doing my own thing has never gotten me anything but respect.
🙌🥲so well said. Ironically (or not ironically at all) it is so HOT to do your own weirdo thing in authenticity
“We’re all going to die” Spoken like a true Stoic! This is a great video! So much truth.
Omg big stoic fan here. First got into it via Ryan Holiday…
Caroline! I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this video! I did not even search for this, but it’s like the universe somehow knew I needed this message. I’ve been struggling so much with this deep sense of loneliness. I still feel it, but this took the edge off, that alone is huge for me right now! Thank you for this!
ruclips.net/video/hoIJDFofNJI/видео.html
holy f*cking shit. your comment about being in your twenties and feeling alone just changed my entire perspective. i genuinely have felt like a massive f*cking loser for not having a crazy huge group of friends that i see others have at this age so FUCKING THANK YOU CAROLINE.
also ps. i love you so much
59 disabled former RN. Single mom, empty nester. My last meaningful relationship 10 years or more ago. Your mind is so great, really resonated with this topic. I love the idea of changing mindset, it's something I'm struggling with now, as my only child and her 2 babies are moving in 8 days to New York. There are certain times of life to make friends, when you do, be sure to tend that relationship! Learning new things is solo for me, but has been my salvation!
“Even lonely people drink coffee” made me lol - love this video.
😅just out here tryna make a dollar. Don’t hurt me
And then it turned out to be a single cup coffee maker, and I was like, yup- that’s for me... 🙄
I take myself off social media every now and then ( now being one of those times) and it's super relaxing. I highly recommend it.
This is so real for me. I grew up feeling lonely as a defense mechanism. It has caused me to not be able to connect with people. I am just learning this now thru doing CBT worksheets and Im letting go of all the stress. Finally. Then this video popped up 💕
Last year was my freshman year of college and I had never felt so lonely before in my life! I moved away from home, the one good friend I made first semester moved away second semester, and an important mentor in my life passed away in the spring. I wrote a lot of poetry about being lonely so I got the "embarrass yourself" thing covered lol
(I am currently three weeks in to sophomore year and it's going so much better!)
Yesss! You were not the only freshman who felt this way. This is SO standard, and yet it feels like such a blow when it happens. So opposite of our expectations, but it’s so common.
So so glad to hear it’s getting better slowly ❤
@@Caroline_Winkler Yes! So thank you so much for this video because not talking about loneliness only ever makes it worse and more isolating.
Very good video (as they all are). There may be times when going out isn't going to be an option, could be money, could be a blizzard, whatever. Make your home into a place that you genuinely want so spend time in. I definitely don't feel lonely at home because it is a place that brings me joy.
in my experience, one is only as strong and versatile as their network of close friends and family. unfortunately, most folks stop meeting new people as often after graduating college and unless they are living somewhere where they already have a strong network, they can easily slip into this sort of loneliness. something that has worked well for me has been to volunteer as it lets one meet new folks with a shared interest and provides one with a sense of fulfillment. so i'd add volunteering to your list but in all this was a great video thank you for making it :)
As a 35 year old dude who had just gone through a break-up and lost their job, and with little sense of purpose, no sense of empowerment, and often accute pains of lonliness and abandonment, this video was the right video at the right time for me. It helped me remember truths I'd forgotten and accept others which I don't think I'd ever really allowed myself. Your videos are soft, happy invitations to consider "well what if..?" You helped keep me on a path of realization that lonely moments are actually a privledge; their an opportunity to create and grow. I now wake up in silence, often drive and walk and work in silence (my ex always thought it weird how I'd do the dishes in silence. "Why don't you put on a podcast, you weirdo?!"), I go to sleep in silence. That space is actually sacred. A chance for you to lend kindness to yourself and consider the possibilities. It turns out that the lonliest, saddest, most exhausting sound in the world isn't silence, but noise. Thank you for doing what you do
@@j.d.o5709 Awesome, thank you!
@@j.d.o5709 I could even say it again, if you like!
I’m 74 and have been married since age 18. (twice married; divorced for maybe 15 minutes.) Hubs and i are both introverts so enjoy time alone from each other. But sometimes I feel lonely too. It’s normal. It helps you grow, and forces you to learn to make yourself happy. Many happy years to you. ❤️
I loved this video so much. When I was in my early 20s and just feeling like a complete loser, a friend said to me “what do you think everyone else is doing?!?”
It gave me freedom to know that my mundane day was totally normal and nothing to be ashamed of.
This video will help so many. Thank you ❤
Interesting you mention the importance of being understood. I’ve felt my whole life that all I want is to be understood. I’m Canadian living in Japan now for over 11 years. I do not have a single friend in Japan. I don’t feel lonely, but am tired of the social isolation. I’m planning to return to Canada sometime in 2023.
The opposite of shame is vulnerability.
I relate so much to what you said !!
In my early twenties, I went to my local college - couldn’t afford a student accommodation so I stayed with my parents and 3 siblings. I had tons of friends, was going out at least 3x a week, and also had a boyfriend. I literally didn’t spend a minute alone for 5 years, and yet I have never felt so lonely than during those years !
It took me a very long time to realise that I was just surrounding myself with the wrong people and felt no real connection with anyone apart from my family…
So after graduating, I ditched everyone, packed my bag and travelled the world on my own for a year - much needed total reset 😂 I learned to appreciate the time spent with myself doing whatever I wanted to do instead of following other people’s lead. Loving your own company is so important, as there will always be time when you’re alone… Just remember it doesn’t not mean you have to be lonely 😊
You’re not for everyone and that’s okay. How did I get to be this age and not embrace that? Thank you Caroline, that alone was all I needed to hear 😊
"You are not for everyone, and that's OK"....😍🥰
Wow, this hits so hard. I’m in a very lonely and dark period of my life right now, and I’ve been trying to make the most of my time by working on projects, but I’ve been mostly housebound for months and I’ve started losing my mind a little.
Thank you for your authenticity and encouragement ❤️ You’re simultaneously the most glamorous lady on youtube, and also the most unabashedly goofy. You’re a treasure ✨
Amazingly solid advice. Loneliness happens even to people who love and need to be alone.
This video has found me exactly at the point when I started to get at myself for not attracting people. I felt so lonely and was ready to waste my precious Friday evening for pittying myself and then this video comes up. Caroline, thank you so much! I needed to hear that "your loneliness doesn't have anything to do with you". Yes! What a helpful video❤
ruclips.net/video/hoIJDFofNJI/видео.html
Loved this video! In my thirties. Have worked and lived in a "new city" for the last 5 years now and it still doesn't feel like home to me. The one friend who was a state away just moved back across country to live near our hometown again. I feel disconnected and being in my mid-30's now everything feels like it's sped-up. Going back home to visit sometimes has people treating you the same way as when you were a kid, but you are a different person now. Not always easy! Great point about social media....it wouldn't be thriving so much if everyone was connected irl and feeling super fulfilled without feeling the need to post about everything. Gonna save this and watch it again later to really take in your tips :)
Keep in mind, when stepping outside your comfort zone, to still listen to your intuition. Never ignore or dispel that still, small voice that lets you know something ain't right.
For someone who wants to rule by fear you're really (aggressively) nice 🙂
😂
Profound ,saying the unsaid to be lonely in a crowd.
I'm 67 years old - it freaks me out when I think of that, it seems like a ridiculous gaslighting. But there it is. Your candor is disarming and your vitality is inspiring. This all sounds real - well, it is all your truth, so of course it is real. Authentic. I've only had flashes of lucidity in my life, when I knew where I was and what I was doing, and I stubbornly insisted, and still do, that my life wasn't to be spent in meaningless drudge work, like a handful of coins eaten by a vending machine that turns out to be empty. You are so right that twenties are hard, yet I didn't realize that until you made me think of it. What you say is all so simple and it's all such sound advice. From my experience I would add, and you've pretty much said this already, that chasing happiness is folly. Seek meaning. Have a meaningful life, meaningful to you, and above all be kinder that you think you'd like to be; genuinely kind with every meeting, friend and stranger. We are all very near despair. Bless you for being here.
I was that age when I moved to DC for grad school and my 1st professional job many decades ago. It was the loneliest time of my life & kind of floundered trying to get a magic formula to find good friends. Great advice, Caroline, for anyone at any age. You are honest, kind, helpful & so intelligent. In my hometown of SF,CA it is a little rare to see that. Have a great week!!
“Your feeling of loneliness is not an embarrassing failure - it actually is quite banal, and it means you’re human.” Very important point! Much love from Canada Caroline 💕
My issue is that even activities I like doing, it makes me feel super lonely having to go by myself and in the end I feel worse
That sound effect when the green checkmark came up was so satisfying 👏👏👏
Spot on, Caroline! One of the most memorable times of my life was actually a very lonely time...I learned so much about myself. I dabbled in learning Italian, painting, yoga, dance, and interior decorating. Most importantly, I found a good therapist who really saw and honored me. That year helped me build and dream for my future...that now includes a positive partner, children, a few close friends, and my "hobbit hole" home that feeds my soul. Keep on your path, girl. Proud of you!