Therapist Reacts to Couples' Thoughts on Cheating
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- Опубликовано: 13 май 2023
- Licensed marriage and family therapist Stephanie Yates-Anyabwile, LMFT @StephAnya reacts to Jubilee's video "Do All Couples Feel the Same About Cheating". Are dating apps still on in a relationship?
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Cheating is truly the highest form of not respecting your partner. I’m surprised how many were okay with it. If someone cheats on you they don’t respect you and why would you want to stay with someone who had every opportunity to just leave the relationship??
Amen
I would say that you need to have a strong spine ( reference to riddick) to leave the relationship when your partner cheats.
I've been there before, and I had little to no confidence in myself, no family near me, and with a strong need of attention. So I stayed. I was resentful, but the attention I had was enough at that moment for me ( and I'm somewhat glad I didn't end that relationship at that moment because she was there when I lost my dad, and she was one of the reasons why I'm still here to write that comment).
But at the end of the day, I did realise that I'm more that enough, that women find me attractive, and I don't have to suffer in a relationship.
It really depends on what people value in relationships, what respect looks like to them, and last, but not least, how bad the cheating was. I can only speak from my experience, but I've been cheated on in past relationships and I didn't take it as the ultimate betrayal. I've also been in relationships with people who never cheated but hurt me in different ways. My self-esteem and mental well-being were affected far more by a partner who wouldn't take the time to listen to how I felt, or what my challenges were, than by someone who, at some random point in time, got wasted and hooked up with a stranger. I'm very much aware that not everybody thinks like this but, and I'm not saying I would be jumping for joy if I'm cheated on BUT as long as your partner isn't publicly making a fool of you with the cheating and/or isn't practicing safe s*x and risking your health in the process... ehhh.. there are worse things a relationship can face. Again, I feel like I need to make this clear: I'm referring to whoopsie, one-off kind of cheating, not "I've been having an affair for the past 15 years and I have 2 children you didn't know about" kind of cheating.
To each their own! @@anamakesthings
That’s your opinion. Ppl aren’t perfect. Ppl make mistakes and ppl can work through infidelity.
As a person who was previously in a relationship where one party wanted kids and the other didn’t, watching that couple talk about being engaged but not being on the same page of wanting children was a huge red flag for me. My partner and I tried to make it work, but we both eventually came to the realization that we both wanted different things for our futures and that it's no one's fault; we just weren't compatible. So I also hope that the couple has more conversations and get to the same page before getting married. ❤
Wow that’s crazy I have this going on too
My most recent relationship just ended because of kids. She was always on the fence, I wanted them and I was hoping that with time she’d decide to want kids, since the relationship was healthy and we did make a great team. Well she finally decided and it was no kids. I tried everything to make it work as well, suggesting adoption, or surrogacy. But she was pretty adamant. Talked it over for about 6 more months and she didn’t see herself changing her mind anytime soon, so we decided to end it…for both our future happiness.
It’s been 4 months and probably the most painful one I’ve had.
@Day Exactly this! It's such a common misconception that people, no matter who, will be happy once they become a parent. Children will make someone who want them happy but they will make someone who didn't want them miserable. You can't "convince" someone who didn't want children to want them, period. (Not saying the person above did this but I think it's common for people who want children to not understand this. I really hope you both find happiness with people who want the same thing as you
Even if she goes through with having kids, she'll either resent him or their kids will be able to tell and resent them both
Look i love my babyson but the circumstances in which he was born were nor ideal me and my ex were very volatile the baby was not planned and she has told me in arguments she regrets having a baby with me. So yeh like the therapist says be on the same page love and hope will not save you!!!
I really like how you phrased "not functioning as we had hoped" about the first couples' fertility struggles, opposed to saying "not functuoning how it should, those words in general can be qpplied to a lot, like body image, career paths, mental health, I feel like your phrasing is a little less self shaming and encourages more positivity, and changes.
This is exactly why people should have at least one helpful professional in their lives to vent to and talk to. Because even the people in your life that love you and want to help don't actually know how to unless they educate themselves. I think once we learn how to actually be there for ourselves We can learn how to be there 4 others better❤
i noticed it too!
When they talked about infidelity, I’ve had that conversation with my husband before and I would have strongly disagreed (meaning I would leave him) just because it is so out of his character that it would make me doubt everything I know about him. I can’t picture a world where he could do that to me and if he did than he isn’t the person Im in love with.
Yes, i feel the exact same way. I'm not the person that couldn't forgive cheating, but because of who my partner is and his absolute disgust towards even the notion of emotionally cheating let alone physical one. If he ever cheated, I would know he didnt love me anymore
ego
Cheating is way too accessible and normalized now. Kind of a side topic, but most people at my university have cheated and it's insane how many of their friends refuse to call them out on it, instead being a "yes" man, further encouraging their cheating, meanwhile it's usually those friends that claim they condemn cheating... the cognitive dissonance is unreal.
If you don't press your friend about their cheating, you're co-signing on it. You may not think it's your place or may not want to "snitch" but imagine if someone knew you were being cheated on. You'd want to know the truth.
Agree!!
WELL SAID.
Hey, everyone👋🏽 Reading your comments and loving the self-reflections!! Thanks @healthline for having me!
You’re amazing! You give very good insight! Do you give virtual therapy sessions?
@@krysiacruz23: therapist can only have patients in the state(s) they are licensed in. Look her up for find her practice and see if she is licensed in the same state and accepting new clients.
One thing I’ve been trying to figure out recently based off of my past relationships is that I can get really bored after the “honeymoon phase” and end up losing feelings but then in almost every situation get back together with them and the process just repeats
I’m surprised at how many of them were “okay” with cheating, although everyone has different opinions on what cheating is and are very much entitled to those opinions I’m relatively surprised at how normalize it is now and how not many people see it as a dealbreaker these days.
Agree!
I was shocked too, as my Gen Z circles certainly wouldn't tolerate that kind of betrayl. I do wonder if this particular group was an outlier.
I get the vibe that they’ve cheated on each other
Since I began working in mental health, I’m surprised at how many poly relationships there are in addition to cheating. For some cheating seems to be as easy as ordering a cheeseburger lol
It’s never been a dealbreaker for most. It’s always been ok to cheat as long as it’s the man lol hence many outside children and families on the other side of town. It’s more of a dealbreaker now than it’s ever been and that’s definitely changing the landscape of what’s acceptable in a relationship.
I.e. kids… no child wants to be born based on you “giving in.”
with a parent that resents you for all the sacrifices they had to make because you were born
The therapists voice and movements are so soft and smooth. Very soothing to watch which helped me pay attention.
I’ve been going through a breakup and a lot of your videos have really helped me gain a new perspective on a lot of aspects of relationships. I really appreciate all of the valuable information that comes from videos that are highly entertaining at the same time! Thank you so much for talking about these subjects, I think I’ve grown as a person because of it.
I need more of Stephanie reacting! She’s a very insightful therapist
10:55 I really love how she said “body not functioning the way they hoped that it would” and not “the way that it should.”
I feel like a party not wanting kids and the other partying wanting kids will come up in the future as a negative manifestation, whether it's resentment, anger, lack of interest, I feel like this a *huge* thing to disagree on, and if they get married, and it's all good, I call bullshit a little bit because you can't hide what you want
married and childfree if anyone is curious lol
Did your partner want the same?
@@m.wagner4258 obviously yes. I would never force anyone to do or not do something.
@Day thanks! yes, his decision
As someone who is adopted, it always confused me that people wouldnt stay together because of infertility. It almost offends me tbh. Theres so many kids that need a parent, i dont get why having a biological kid is placed at such a high importance.
@Day There are plenty of kids in foster care who have been done dirty by or have dead biological parents. Not everyone wants to seek their birth parents out. Mine are alive and I've never met and never will meet them.
@AbsentDayAbsolutely. I think adoption needs to focus on the care of kids who may not be looking for a mom/dad per se, but security and consistency. Adoption should have a bigger emphasis on helping and caring because you can/want/and are in the position to do so, not just wanting a child because it fits into the life you pictured for yourself. It’s something that I think a lot of potential parents don’t like to consider since the implication can be that they’re selfish, even though all it means is there’s a ton of nuance to “alternative” parenting routes, specifically adoption. Just my two cents. I think, like you said, adoption is a trickier choice than people think.
I see that this is a complex issue, but honestly, I'm so glad that there is the option of adoption.
I'm very concerned that I might not be able to have a baby because of health issues, so the sheer option of adoption is such a huge relief for me.
I could imagine adopting a child even though I already have children of my own, but being able to do that if I can't have a family of my own takes away so much pressure for me, because I know both my partner and I want a family.
I would still feel bad if I would be infertile, but it's so good to know, that there isn't only one way to have a family.
Edit: I realise this is a very selfish kind of view, because I was just talking from a parent perspective, not a child perspective. But I agree with the original comment, the feelings in play are completely valid.
I’m sorry if it’s hurtful but people have legitimate reasons for not wanting to adopt and I’m sure you’d agree that people who have that mental emotional response to the prospect of adoption probably should refrain from doing so.
no one is wrong for not wanting to adopt a child. if at any point in consideration, you are having serious doubts about adoption, don't adopt. it's better for everyone that way. imagine if someone was trying to pressure you into a relationship that deep down inside, you didn't truly want.... it doesn't matter why you don't want it, the fact that you don't want it is valid on its own
As someone studying to be a therapist, I really love your videos. I appreciate having the opportunity to listen to your insight and learn from you!
IMO, the term soulmates is a name for completely connecting & being in sync with someone, thus establishing your soulmate. It's not pre-existing. When you come together, you just click. You've found your person that fits with you, you're now soulmates.
Love this❤️
There's an enlightening interview with a divorce lawyer mentioning soulmates. Completely recommend. You can RUclips search it.
As a gay man, it was heartbreaking to hear that infertility struggles (when both partners want children) can lead to breakups. For me, finally coming out and accepting who I’ve always been and who I’ve always wanted to love meant that I would have to grieve the loss of who my much younger self previously envisioned me to be: married to a woman with biological children of my own. The silver lining though was that I could finally find the love of my life (which I did and we’re happily married). The topic of children has come up and we’ve been openly communicative about it and how there’s a very likely possibility it will never happen for us (for a number of reasons and trust me we know all of the options that exist lol) even though we both had wanted children. It’s a hard discussion but I believe in a healthy relationship it’s vital to discuss things like this. Ironically, although I initially feared it could negatively affect our relationship it actually brought my husband and me closer together.
Ever hear of surrogates? Donor eggs? Could you not do that? If not, that's really sad.
@@Alex-fl9jthe said he knows of all the options they probably just don’t want to do that .
Achievements like yours don't get enough appreciation. It's lovely you and your partner were able to openly and thoroughly evaluate your options, strengthening your bond where other's would have broken. Although it was painful, you should be proud of yourself. I wish you two a lifetime of happiness in spite of your struggles.
@@birb7353 Aww that was very sweet of you to write. Thank you. :)
My boyfriend and I spoke about my possible inability to have children. We both want kids but he knows it would possibly hurt my health mentally, physically, etc. to have a child. We had that difficult conversation and decided if we couldn’t then there’s always adoption, puppers, or childless. He wouldn’t risk me for someone he doesn’t know as he puts it lol
I broke up with the only person I have ever loved because I considered online relationships a form a cheating. She disagreed. Honestly has been a struggle ever since especially since I'm demisexual. Takes me months to even want to ask someone out and now finding it harder than ever to get to that point with someone again. Sometimes even nightmares will prevent me from actually sleeping.
I'm so sorry that's happened to you. People who seek online relationships while in relationships are messing with multiple people's emotions, seeking validation, and are not ready or deserving of your love.
I’m polyamourus, my big thing is TELL ME. communicate with me, if you just go a hook up without communicating (even if it’s after the fact. It needs to be immediately after/when you get home) then you cheated or if a partner gets with an ex that abused me AND them (which happened to my last)
I want to see the best in people. But there are things I won’t accept not communicating.
I’m fine with porn. My current partner and I share NSFW comics and erotica together. It’s strengthened our relationship.
It helps we’ve been friends for 13 years before getting together. Just passed our 1 year a week or so ago! ❤️ hearts for everyone.
Damn I wish my partner had the same mindset as you. He “cheated” multiple times (texting many and met one girl) and hid it for months. When I found out and confronted him all the sudden it’s “WELL I TOLD YOU I WAS POLY DIDNT I??” Most traumatic time I’ve been gaslit before. :/
@@KaitlynMcCaryyeah thats an excuse
What if you really don't know if you want kids? Some days, I can see it and it sounds great! Others, the idea give me anxiety
im going through the same thing. i only hope that my future partner will be open enough to discuss. but theres always possibility that one of us would resent the other if we couldnt be on the same page
No one ever feels “ready” to be a parent. I’d be concerned if the thought wasn’t at least a little anxiety inducing!
If you're fluctuating on a decision, treat it as a 'no'. Wait until you are 100% on board with the idea and never let it be contingent upon *if* your partner wants kids.
@@Missteree87Yeah but like what if you're a little older and your biological clock is ticking? My partner and I have that in the back of our minds. At the moment, we certainly aren't ready financially or mentally to have children but as I'm a bit older than many who have their first kids I'm conscientious of the fact that if we don't get to that space soon we may not be able to have any or at least we'll greatly increase our chances of miscarriage or severe birth defects. It may just come to pass that we "miss the boat" so to speak, at least with having biological kids. Which is a little sad but we still have the option of adoption later in life since we are getting married at a later age.
I would say that if your mindset towards having kids mostly positive then consider going for it. Even a dream job still has days where you don't want to do it or you wish you could be doing something else that morning.
All the somewhat agrees for cheating is so crazy to me Omg
same here
i dont know the context why they chose what they chose, but i would say agree too. not bc cheating is fun, never cheated on someone but i got cheated on twice. the reason why i would say agree bc i want to rebuild my relationship with that person but if i dont see the other person doing the same thing after that happens, i would just go. the context is important. no one would like to get cheated on, even if it didnt matter much to them
@@cathlinivana I respectfully disagree. There is no rebuilding when trust has been broken and the person stepped out of the relationship. I personally will never be able to trust them agree bc cheating is terribly hurtful. Not to mention, bringing back STDs or risking outside pregnancy. There is no right context for cheating ever in my opinion.
@@lilyxo6914 that is fair enough. and i wasnt saying context to justify the cheating (for me its clearly not okay) but the context about how i respond and how i deal with infidelity. some people would just leave and that would be okay too. the way we are brought up and our personal views affect our decision making. no one is wrong or right here for leaving or not, but if i saw a pattern of cheating behaviors many times and i chose to stay that’d be my own fault.
@@cathlinivana thank you for sharing that
I also feel like watching porn isn't inherently bad but it can give people a false idea of what being pleased looks like. Unfortunately it can be a stepping-stone into considering sleeping with other people if you're watching the porn and longing for something more performative like that. These feelings can be avoided by just talking to your partner about your interests or stuff you'd like to try out, but some people don't because it can be taboo.
It's about balance and also your partner's ability to discern real sex from performative porn videos.
Hi Stephanie :) I appreciate how you approached the topic of soulmates so respectfully. You emphasized that they all shared a common approach, explaining soulmates by detailing what they value about their partner. That applies to either stance. Personally, I consider factors like environment, the amount of effort you put forth to understand and respect your partner, or even proper timing in your life, highly significant in determining the success of a relationship. The neutral approach you took really sets you aside from those who solely focus on scientific backing, making your level of understanding towards people pretty apparent. Thanks for sharing your insight!
This video is amazing thank u so much
I love your video break downs
Great perspective and honestly.
Lea and Leanna, I hope everything works out for you as you grow your family!
I have my soulmate and we are both growing together in such a beautiful way. Started as best friends. Hope you all find your person ! ❤
I agree to disagree with your last statement. Just because someone is in a relationship, does not mean they are mentally healthy. There are lots of people in toxic relationships, and a romantic relationship is hardly a reward for “good behavior.”
that infertility piece has me crying this is so good!
2nd video and I just want to say I love your perspective. I’m 25 in my first mature relationship. i want to marry this guy so thank you for all the advice!!
can you make a video about trauma bonding and what to do to heal with it the same partner? pls and thxs
❤ him for the BP reference!!!! aaahhh the good ol days
I would not be with someone that did not want children since I know I strongly want children. That is very tough for the two that are on a different and may create resentment.
1:18-1:39 i disagree, the way ive been treated im expecting to lose relationships which makes me feel comfortable knowing someone else is chosen over me.. the breakdowns between questions is good to hear
Idk why even when I feel close to a good relationship I tend to back out either because I just don't feel ready enough, I feel dissatisfied with where I am or that I am nit picking things about who's in front of me or maybe I don't like them that much ? , That's my current loop
13:36 and I love the OG family!
Soo many different types of people out there. With different types of relationships going on.
Good video 🙂
It’s was extremely painful when my husband had emotional with co-workers
I feel like with the couple who aren't on the same page about kids, it really matters what is motivating their thinking. For example, I know a couple where the husband never really considered the question seriously and assumed he would have kids one day because that's what people do. I don't think he was really drawn to or felt called to be a father. When he married a woman who really did not want children, it didn't seem to emotionally impact him at all to not have kids. He immediately started talking about having a vasectomy and then it was her who said he needed to wait a few years to make sure he processed what that would mean and really was okay with it. In contrast, I always wanted two children. As a child, my dolls and Barbies would have two kids each and many would not even be married. I had single moms and married moms all with 2 children 😂. Meanwhile, when I met my husband, he told me he didn't want kids but couldn't explain why initially. Now I think it's because he had a toxic upbringing. It took all of 6 months before he came to the conclusion that he wanted 5 children as long as I was the mother of said children 🤣🤦🏻♀️ We have 2 kids.😂
If the Barbies are telling😢I had a lot of single moms being happy with new partners lol and of em got preg for her ex to not be happy with his new girl. 😂 For me I always wanted 2-3 two girls for sure
I love this comment 😂😂
Very interesting seeing people's views on porn. I grew up in a Christian household, and I've stuck to those values so porn has always been seen as wrong in my eyes. Sadly though, while suffering with depression in hs, I ended up falling into the trap of using it and it developed into an addiction. My parents ended up finding out and really helped me to get better for awhile, but I fell back into it once college started.
I'm now on my third year of college and thankfully I don't struggle with it nearly as much as I did back then. I have also been in a happy relationship for just shy of 2 years now, and I finally confessed my issue to my gf and she was glad I told her about it. Sure she thinks it's wrong too, but she knows and respects me for who I am and for trying my best to quit, so she wants to be an advocate for me and help me conquer it. I've seen horror stories on forums about how a guy's girl left him because of porn, but seeing my girl embrace me with open arms and tell me that she wants to fight with me, really did something to me. I already was committed to marrying her after graduating, but even more so now, I'm gonna cherish that girl forever.
From what I've read, the research shows that porn addiction is way more likely if you're from a religious background. I think it can be a symptom of sexual repression. I have a fetish I repressed for many years and when I first discovered erotica featuring my fetish, I felt very compulsive and like I couldn't stop reading even when I wanted to. As I accepted my fetish and stopped feeling ashamed of it, I found that over time I was reading erotica because I wanted to and not because I couldn't stop myself, and I didn't have as much trouble setting it aside if I needed to.
@ettinakitten5047 That would make sense. Sex is never talked about in most religions since it's considered sacred. The most you get is to storeyour desires for marriage, but considering the time gap between puberty and when most people get married, that's a really long time to suppress your curiosity.
Personally, I believe we have multiple soulmates, it's just a matter of who reaches us first. Like the one guy was saying, I think there's so many factors of how you end up with "your person" such as location, position in society, stage of life. Perhaps your soulmate could be a highly regarded celebrity, but you probably have a down-to-earth, more average soulmate waiting for you as well. I just couldn't imagine that there is only one person for you out of all the people on Earth, so it only makes sense to me that there's multiple options that you'll fall into along the way.
I think similarly. I believe that we can fall in love with multiple people (not at the same time, that's just messed up), but who you end up with depends on proximity and who you meet first.
That's also why I believe there's never a point towards having the mindset of "the grass is greener", because we should be thankful when we even find one soulmate and need to focus on making each other happy. I feel like nowadays people are so focused on finding their soulmate that they hurt the person they love because they're too busy wondering if there's someone better out there for them.
13:47 I love how soul mate was the question and ppl were responding in the name of relationships and marriage. Soul mates are not always romantic
Can you talk about dating someone with bpd?
You’re so cool x
I feel like some of my friends are soulmates in a way because even though we don't always talk everyday it's as if time hasn't passed and we're still interested in each others lives.
Thanks for not just automatically saying porn is cheating. Porn is ok unless they have a problem then it's not necessarily about the relationship but more about their relationship or addiction with porn effecting the partner. It's not the porn itself that's the problem.
porn isn’t okay. You are activity getting of to someone who isn’t your partner and to me that’s so nasty
@@kaitlynispanickingatthedis3606I’m not sure if you read the comment properly, porn isn’t the problem. It’s the personal feelings on it. So you aren’t okay with it but that doesn’t mean you can condemn a whole industry on behalf of everyone else 🫶🏼
@@Anya-nu3fj I mean alot of people have moral issues with the inability to prove that said porn is not only consensual at the time of filming but the distribution was and still is consensual with everyone involved. Anyone who morally disagrees with rape could hold that opinion and that has nothing to do with the emotional aspect but with the actual industry and the people who participate in it.
Porn also effects how you view the object/thing/person being sexualized. Even if you only watch so now and then, it's not possible to walk away from that without it having an effect on how you see people in the world (primarily women). Porn consumption doesn't exist in a vacuum.
@@Anya-nu3fj they also sell and steal women into sex slavery lol. it’s not just my moral beliefs . it’s safety of these poor women who deserve so much more
I will never understand holding back because you're afraid of fully giving yourself and self sabotaging. Why be in a relationship at all if you aren't there for the full experience? It's like eating steak but throwing it in the trash halfway before finishing because you might like it so much and regret you can't eat it again. That's just on you and not anyone else for giving yourself a limiter.
I would have loved to see Charlie solo…. Something about that couple was interesting.
Question: 3:46 I'm really curious about if you think this can also apply to general TV. (Ngl, I'll probably never shake the idea that placing a blanket on someone while they sleep is one of the ultimate symbols of love and I 100% got that from TV and that crosses my mind whenever I do)
That is just one of the many examples of expressions of love that were popularized on TV and "romanticized"
So, can general TV romance be just as detrimental and in the same ways? 🤔
Good reflection. I think that it is a fact of life that we are influenced by external sources of information like TV, movies, media, etc. A lot of times growing up we cling onto things we see in entertainment and they become ideals that guide our decisions and we aren’t even aware of it. When it comes to love, there’s the whole idea of fairy tale endings, that its all about finding ‘the one’ or that we even need a romantic partner to be happy or whole.
So while I think yes, TV does influence our ideals on love, I don’t automatically think it’s detrimental. It’s great that you’re aware of where your notions of what love is, come from, and it’s up to you to place the meaning you want it to have on your life. Asking yourself, is this really what love is or is this just what I’ve been told by TV? If no, what does love truly mean to me then? If yes, am I okay with this, or does this hinder how love is expressed in my relationships? Because the truth is, we’re not blank slates. Our beliefs and values are shaped throughout childhood and when we’re that young we don’t really have a say in it. But when we get older, we get to look at those beliefs again, pick our battles and decide which ones we want to challenge and change, and which ones we can live with.
Good luck ❤
@@hotsauce0606 i’m not the person whose comment you originally replied to, but thank you so much for your comment!! it’s really made me think & come to some very good conclusions :)
They should ask Blake before Hina cuz I feel like some of his opinions are based off hers lol.
Leanna and Lea - basically the same name same outfit. I’m rooting for them and I pray they can have their miracle baby
Cheating put simply breaking any rules established in a relationship, some people are okay with having physical relations with someone outside the relationship others are not ok with their partner having friends of the opposite gender
OMG the lady in the video has the same name as me!
She [the blonde woman] is not ok with porn but it's ok with cheating? Man, what a way to confess you've cheated already but didn't get caught.
Can this woman be my therapist like hello please 😩😩😩😩i will pay obviously whatever
I always felt a bit weird hearing americans be so hard on the choice of having or not having kids. I live in a country where about 50% of pregnacies are unwanted or unplanned, and my perception was always that children happen, sometimes when you dont want or you arent ready for them, and sometimes children just dont happen, It doesnt matter how much you want it. Its not just a choice.
I am in a relationship where I dont really want to have kids, and my fiancee does. We talked about It from the very beginning, and we know we want to stay together. Its just a desire, a preference, but I am ok with the idea that some day I may be a mother.
Yes I kinda agreed with you for a while I just kinda formed my preference on how many and what gender I preferred em but recently I did start to question if I truly don't want my own kids, will it be possible for me to reject opportunities to have them and settle with a partner or possibly end up lonely if most guys want partners who will make them kids. And my reasons to possibly not have kids is so I can have more time for me and my ideal partner. I'd get to know them more cuz some parents start to not take care of their partners as much like only being affectionate with the kids and not with their partner, asking the kids what they want to eat and rarely asking their partner to decide where the asker is paying or picking it up. Kids really rule in a way. You just have to adjust to them and can't really have the same lifestyle as before they are born. Waiting until later to have kids is appealing to me because you're only young for so long so may as well make these hard years for yourself to get to know yourself more as a person, achieve and learn while you are in "your prime", as soon as you have kids you will not get sleep and sleep deprivation wrecks you and ability to learn. You can spend extra years on accumulating money and therefore become a better providing parent. I would rather wait until the last minute than to be less prepared and have to sacrifice a lot more. And in the meantime I'm just going to practice abstinence or celibacy and be very careful about anyone I'm dating to make sure I've selected someone who will be a good father.
Children isn’t something I would say is a good idea to compromise on. Really dig into why you feel that way, and once you know, make your decision from there! That way if you’re ever in a position where you have to make the choice to continue with a pregnancy or not, you have already thought about what you want rationally.
I believe in mates..... not soul mates
When she was going through the depressive episode symptoms…. 😶🌫
I feel like Charlie just copies whatever his wife says 😂
My partner has an active dating app on his phone. He says he doesn’t use it. I do hesitate on where I stand about that phrase
It takes 2 seconds to delete the account and then delete the app…
@@amandamunhoz6325 I know right! Like the dude makes me feel guilty about having friedns. And no he doesn’t say don’t have friends he hints that people who have friends are fake because they have to have different personalities to have that many of friends
@@fanpage9165 sounds like he wants to isolate you. don’t lose connection with your friends. please be careful.
Girl, get out
@@fanpage9165If it's not already obvious to you, please run! Runaway as fast as you can!
if a couple is married and there are fertility issues but both still want children why not consider adoption if you truly love the person considering that thats something completely out of a persons control as opposed to divorce??? 9:30
Promo-SM
Your comments on the soul mate section was saf. No such thing! At all!
The way the faith based couple was hardly part of the conversation is very telling. Shows how they tryna silence us completely.
Love how you're discussing pornography without even thinking about the people used in making it. Did they consent to it being filmed, did they consent to it being distributed, how are the makers and distributers making sure people involved are mentally sound, of age, not under influence. Just because your partner is a-ok with you watching, eg, child pornography doesn't change the substance of what is being consumed.
What? You are making such a huge stretch - none of that is the topic of conversation. Btw, when you say out of pocket mess like this, it makes people wonder if you actually care about the subject since random comments like these are so incredibly unhelpful
@@herefortheshrimp1469 They suggested everyone to consume a product, I said the product isn't produced ethically, that's how it is relevant. If you endorse something, you stand by it, you can be called out for it.
And I really wouldn't throw ad hominems around if I were you, but good luck nonetheless
@@magicalspacegiraffeYes thank you for your original post. More people need to call out the porn/sex industry. Some of the individuals in the videos are sex trafficking victims but people are unaware or don’t care to know/believe it can be so because people are selfish.
Not all porn is the same. A lot of the porn available nowadays isn't from the "porn industry", but from horny exhibitionists with camera equipment who produce and post their own content. Or might not even have any real people in it (eg cartoon/anime porn, porn using 3D animation models, etc). I think judging which porn was or wasn't ethically produced is an entirely separate discussion from whether or not you should watch porn at all.
@ettinakitten5047 would you buy and eat food from Target if there were no regulations, safety measures and no consequences against the food being poisoned? But when there's no system to ensure people used in porn where of age, mentally capable, not on drugs, not coerced, you're happy to roll the dice. And about the exhibitionists - what measures are there to ensure children aren't exposed to the content? Are there any consequences for sites like reddit that repost content behind paywall?
None of that is accounted for, so no, you cannot discuss porn usage without naming the victims of it.
Honestly people who force their partners to have children or break up with them because they don't want children are deplorable monsters
This doesn’t really make sense - yeah, it’s not healthy to force someone to want children. But if you want children, and your partner doesn’t, what good does it do to stay in that relationship until you start resenting that other person?
I agree. Especially because the next partner might not be able to have children.
Of course don’t force them but if you want kids the of course you would not stay with someone who doesn’t want them. Doesn’t make sense.
It's nice to see this perspective. I've been told a lot that my relationship wasn't going to work because of this. When my fiancé and I first got together, I was upfront about not wanting kids and he said he had always wanted them. As we got more serious, I was very worried that he would leave because I didn't want them and he said "I was with someone previously who wanted kids and we still weren't able to have them. Why would I throw away someone I am so connected to and love so much to try and chase after something that was never a guarantee in life to begin with?"
@@Feliciations You can still foster or adopt. The issue is, if you are really set on having kids, there are always options that you can have, such as getting a sperm donor (if you're a female) and having them by yourself, fostering, adoption, or co-parenting with someone who has kids that aren't genetically related to you (e.g. a friend or a partner who has kids already). If your partner does not want kids, and will not let you co-parent, that is a huge and important part of your life that you are being made to throw away for the relationship. Some people will stay and be happy, but many will feel like their life was wasted - relationships aren't guaranteed to last forever either, so it's possible that in the future your partner will leave you, and by then you might be too old to have kids.
I love this girl, hope to see many more "Therapist reacts" in the future, they're so entraining and educational. I just subscribed because of her 🫶🏻