That's a good advice Sandra! But what if the narcissist tries some revenge tactics? Stalking, stealing stuff from you, gaslighting? Because you're now ignoring him? Do you have any tips on that? To split up from the narcissist, without getting any revenge from him? Thanks!
@@shairaptor1865 Youre stronger than them, build your support network ahead of time, prepare, and just know, what goes around does in fact come back around. You don't have to get dragged into their games
@@MohiksEaglesFire That's right! I now said "I have no time" (for them) and they respected my decision! Wasn't easy, but I evaded their traps this way. And good tips of yours, thanks for your helpful reply!
Not necessarily true, I know who I am fully. But sometimes people will force and intrude into your life until you get overwhelmed and just like okay okay whatever
Yes, and this is why I am against the gray rock tactic. Going gray rock is like giving up and orbiting them like a dead star. We have to strengthen ourselves in our own identity and hold onto our values.
Family does not make it acceptable or excuse toxic behavior. Society has put out some evil message that you must tolerate because it's "family." That's how it never stops. Thank you for speaking out on this!
We are JUST coming to terms within a family that a member is Narcissist, has held most members as prisoners to control and her abusive, toxic behavior has been not only allowed, but encouraged by just ignoring toxic behavior when it happens. 40 years worth.
I can't thank you enough for opening my eyes. I have a narc parent and now understand what fueled my past "poor" decisions. God led me to your messages . Not a coincidence. It's a long story but a true one. Thank you !
My divorce went through in 2017 after 37 years of marriage, 5 kids, 7 grandchildren...... I knew him since I was 12 . He got my elderly Father and brother on his side, (little did I realize they were narcs too)..........then he worked on my 5 kids. He went from me being a Goddess, perfect, smart, best Mom........to a scapegoat....... I'm still kicking here............. thanks to people like you who care and understand. Your videos are the best, so validating. My Mom was the daughter of a Lutheran Minister and I love the bible stories you use. You are very much appreciated. Thank you for all you do!!
Spot on. Narcissists have to be fake nice bc their true selves are wicked, nasty, and deceptive. That is the only way to control them back is make them be fake nice and at the same time this asserts our boundaries to them that we will not tolerate disrespect or bad behavior. They are like kids !!! They need constant discipline and authority around them. LOL
THEY NEED HELP N A MOTHER. I AM NOT N WOULD NOT WANT TO BE. THEY ARE TOO MUCH WORK. N THESE PEOPLE ARE ABUSIVE N TOXIC TOO, N NARCISSISTIC. THESE PEOPLE ARE FULL OF THEMSELVES. N NOBODY LIKES THEM. I DO NOT CARE ABOUT THEM. THEY ARE ABUSIVE, N I DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT THEM.
Yeah science shows it's akin to a three year old when it comes to emotions. All they care about is the self and their reality is so distorted, thinking the world revolves around them
If at all possible always have someone whom you can sincerely trust with you when you are one on one with a narcissist....This will make them fake like and be nice to you...or like Kevin said...walk out!!!!
This is excellent. Very encouraging. I went NC with mother for the final time last month. There was no confrontation (which she would have wanted or expected). I am a peaceful person and would not be dragged down by her. I had previously been NC for 10 years, which allowed some growth, which she didn't see because she's incapable. In the contact-resumed phase, she continued to see me in the same negative light that she had always viewed me, though pretending to be friends, which fooled me for a while but mostly it was confusion and being in two minds. Relieved and at peace with the final NC decision.
The narcissist can where a false mask for only so long. The mask will come off and he will again be who he truly is. No matter what the narcissist promises, in a second chance, his narcissism will again and again lash out. He will not change.
Don't own the crap they tell you about you. Always stick to the truth and continue to repeat that truth. But seriously you can't change them so it's a continuous cycle..
This is so difficult when you're in a homeless shelter and so many narcissist are holding positions and allowing those who also live here to walk right into another shelter with the same experience. As I'm learning, growing and healing it seems that the narcissist appears more and more. I'm tired of leaving because that evil spirit sees my light and won't stay in the pig 🐷 pen. I'm scared of my own anger because of it, so instead of hurting others, and spending more time trying to be on the winning end, I am doing my best to trust God will prevail.
U need to genuinely "show" these people that u don't need them. They need your attention in order to feel that they exist. You are the one with the actual power.
It's ironic how, in order to effectively interact with narcs, you must employ their tactics. For example, going no contact is a lot like their silent treatment, but without the intention to re-engage. To quell their wrath, it often helps to love bomb them etc. One time, I was cornered by a narc and dealt with it by using the narcissistic stare. She was mouthing off, and I responded with an expressionless stare - eye contact locked. She'd look away then come back with more vitriol only to be met with my expressionless stare again. No words, just a predatory stare. This happened 5 times over a period of about 5 minutes or so. Finally, she went silent, retreated, and left me alone. It was weird. I'm not a narc, but I was thinking the entire time that if she touched me, I would end her. Maybe she got the vibe. After my experience with narcs, I don't mess around. I surround myself with only a handful of people who have proven to have empathy (immediate family). I no longer have any friends, and I trust no one. These days, I assume every new person I meet is a psychopath. It sounds sad and a little pathetic, but strangely I'm much happier and more peaceful.
Omg....I can relate Stacey......my narc boyfriend ruined me for any future romantic relationships, and some potential friendships.....an I am by nature an outgoing person....an empath....
Wow 🎊congrats!!! Peace is priceless and nothing can buy that !!! I love and enjoy being alone I'm more happier, healthier and highly educated now than I have ever been !! I know my worth trib now period !!! I love people though toxic people u gotta love them from a distance !!! Knowledge and education is the keys to unluck heaven and paradise !! When I was younger I didn't no better as I got older I discover my worth and which is education And knowledge nobody will ever take that away from !!! No wonder on train highly educated people will attempt to iniate a conversation because they're highly educated they know for sure what they have been through etc....know your worth and value sister !!!!
I didn't know I had been in a game until the game was over. That's a pretty tough game to win. I know now that the rules of this game were what my narcissist wanted them to be. She made them up as she went along and the same rules that applied on a Monday might not apply on a Tuesday. I couldn't live a life like that. I'm not in competition with anybody. Life's too short for that crap.
Hi.....I can relate....it seems like when my narc boyfriend gets any inkling that I'm on to him he just ghosts me for a longer period of time to punish me.....then returns with the sweet talking love bombing.....every word I say is scrutinized.....it's always them having a leg up....it's always a competition for control.....but I have a trauma bond.....so I am energetically stuck.....these are my thoughts.....30 year connection.....dark night often.....I am a vibrant musician singer pianust entertainer teacher artist.....but I'm also under control bonded to him....deep down he's jealous that he can't hold me back from succeeding.....the more I ascend, the less he comes around or calls.....it's a curse to have met him.....and there's no one there to rescue me.....I am really an earth angel stuck in an emotional trap.....he's an actor/chameleon......it seems like I am his puppet.....Stockholm syndrome perhaps?......therapy doesn't help.....I take low dose xanax to get through the day and see a psychiatrist regularly....that's my life....
@Red Squirrel, same here. I didn't know what I was up against until it was over. All I know that is that game cost me 26 years of my life and it was hell. Really grateful I'm rid of him now. Peace to all narc survivors.
@@louiseboyd8896 No contact is the only mentally and emotionally healthy option for you! Then no dating for a year in order to reclaim your mental health and well-being. Then start to meet people and screen the hell out of them before you allow them to get close to you. A red flag is a red flag and it’s an indication that it may be time to down size someone…
Perhaps...he will just ghost himself out of your existence? As you say, the more you advance in your arts, Your talents and gifts, the longer he stays away. We can pray that he'll get bored with the betterment of your life. Maybe he'll start surching for someone new that he can feel superior over?...
This is insane recognize who they are. In work situations if they treat you like the Omega wolf confront the behavior in the whole group setting and factually show the pattern of behavior. In your personal life run away from parasitic leeches. Do not entertain these people, do not get mad. Confront, draw boundaries, run away, those are the only options. Do not interact and play games with them. They are like rattle snakes, dangerous always!
5:30 it's so true . That's the most painful part. The whole world view is shattered. You will never look at the humanity the same again. It's as if part of your innermost self has died. The world is less joyful, more sinister and you feel so alone.
My God this one was on point - thank you. Two things I have noticed about narcs: they have no creativity or humor and they are completely devoid of any form of intelligence
Kevin-this message is right on time and my confirmation that I am on the right track. I had to travel a few weeks ago, to a funeral for a family member. Before I got there, I prayed about going and I made the decision, that if one word was said against me, any disrespect or bullying, I would be out of there ASAP. Thank you for all the work you do, to help this community. Blessings always!
My covert narc ex best friend had a huge outburst through txt and wanted me to fight her back so badly it was pathetic reminded me of. 5 year old throwing a tantrum. It was like she wanted me to lower myself to her level so she could show the txts to people to be like look how rude her txts are. No matter how low she sunk in the txts I didn’t give her what she wanted I BLOCKED that demon and change my number and moved on.
I don’t do the text mess. My ex narc bff came from NYC to Florida to visit me a few years ago and she tried to once again bully me IN MY HOUSE IN FRONT OF MY KIDS and I kicked her the hell out. I didn’t care where she went but that was the last time I talked to her. Block and stay away 💪🏽
@@shenika1979 I thought I was going to have to call the police if she kept texting my phone but I decided to just change my number. Let her fight herself lol that battle had nothing to do with me. I’m glad you are narc free 🥳
The Royal we, perfect idea. We fall prey to the illusion that they are regal but it's actually us, our projection, our reflection, our wrong perception of them and ourselves
My narcissistic family would not fake it, would not pretend, so I had to just stop going back. They still didn't care and don't miss me if they can't be abusive.
Amen, this is absolutely true! When we do not become like the narcissist they run away because they can't stand that they can't control us. 2 Timothy 3 shows us that the world is becoming more and more narcissistic. It doesn't make me unhappy anymore because I know the future for the born-again believer and it is so powerfully wonderful, nothing like this world. Sadly these people who are haters are in the church, they are pretenders never having trusted Christ but want all His perks.
Remember the fourth commandment KJV is reminding us of Genesis 2:2&3. Jesus is our example. He kept the seventh day sabbath rest even the forty days after His resurrection.
So true it's all about control especially from my mother-in-law she acts like the queen of her kingdom and her children their spouses and children and her grandchildren are all *supposed* to be under her control it's bizarre. She does not like to be confronted or challenged doing so means that you're rebelling against the queen because the queen is never wrong. After 35 years of this nonsense I finally went no contact with her and she's having a hard time with this keeps trying to pull me back in so I can be under her thumb uses my husband to put pressure on me so she still tries to make my life hard thru him so I've had to stand firm with him many times so now he stops pushing. But I know there will be another 'future' effort on her part and she'll use my husband AGAIN to put pressure on me but again I will stand firm. The answer will always be NO I will not see her or talk to her or his family. I'm so done. I don't even want apologies or niceness I don't even want to make them be nice to me I want nothing from them. I just want to live in peace with the man I married and enjoy our time together and all of adorable grandchildren!!
WOW! My brother Kevin, your words spoke to me so deep down into my core. For I and my siblings grew-up w/ an overbearing and very narcissistic father who loved to show me how much power n' dominance he had over me. He always let me know exactly where I stood when it came to him. This controlling abuse lasted all through my childhood and adolescence. He consistently made damn sure that I always knew that it was he who was always, 100%, in charge. My place was to never do anything w/out his allowance or approval. Later, as life progressed, all of those narcissistic-driven experiences that I experienced though out my youth never left me - they just stayed w/ me. ..... Well, now it's today and I am now a 54-year-old man w/ a phycology degree and this I can honestly say that dealing the narcissist is sooooo very easy once you now how their broken evil mind works. Folks, brother Kevin nailed it in this video. He offered perfect advice. ... TELL THE NARCISSISTIC PERON IN YOUR LIFE WHAT THEIR NEW REALITY IS NOW GOING TO BE LIKE WHEN YOUR IN THE ROOM. SET YOUR BOUNDRIES ONCE AND ONLY ONCE - PERIOD!!!! TELL THE BASTARDS THAT YOUR BOUNDRIES IS NOW THEIR 100% REALITY.
"Don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner." ~ Robert De Niro 😎😈🙅♀️😊👍
@@dedemartin7864 Yup, it's only when knowledge meets up with understanding (experience) that we graduate to wisdom of lessons learned and boundary up so we don't do repeats. When we get our love and identity from God we better appreciate there's no real loss but rather gain of coming home to our true selves more abundantly. Are you well out of it now or still going through it? 🙏💪🦉💝✌️
I’m glad I’m on the right track! For the last 6 years I’ve done everything and more for my MIL and her family, mainly for my husband so he is supported by me. But the last incident just crossed the line when she encouraged him to leave me. I told my husband that day, that I don’t want to have anything to do with his family and don’t want even their names mentioned in my home. I don’t have any issues with him being a good son, but I don’t need to hear about that part of his life. Their existence has been wiped from my Universe. And I have forbidden him from discussing me and the kids with her too. If she doesn’t care, she has no right to know! And since doing that, we haven’t been happier in years…..and the cherry on the cake is that I know I’m starving her evil side, as I’ve turned my back, walked away and not even taken a second glance back. Game over! 😊
So why doesn't he just go no contact? If she doesn't respect his marriage she's forfeited her right to be involved. "Marriage must be respected by all" Hebrews 13:4
Yes its a game with them !! 100 percent there nuts !!! I told her to piss off ! And i exposed her for what she is ! I also acted like she wasn't even there ! She eventually realised that she is nothing to me ! I won !!!
No one has to smile around me, but my narcs need to watch their mouths. That way I don't have to smile, but I have given a fake excuse to leave when a mouthy teenager (probably a narc in training) was verbally cruel to someone else. I don't want my narcs to smile, but I now am learning to demand that they watch the mouth. I may need to do this with my narcissistic parents over the holidays.
My narc father has always hated me. He has turned my children against me and now they are both gone. He has taken everything from me. I am hated and alone. I thought I was doing my best. Turns out nothing I did was right and now I am all alone and hated.
@ Lisa, The narc ex did a smear campaign during the devaluation period and he poisoned the minds of our children with all kind dirt against me. It worked for a while but then the children could see his evil ways and stopped listening to his lies. It was so painful so I understand your pain and frustration but hang on in there and they will learn the truth. You see truth has foundation where as lies don't. Stay strong .
I would rather just completely stay away from narcissistic family members or others because I don't want to be on my guard all the time or in a fake relationship. In your strategy we are both being fake.
I even experienced narcissism at our old church: the pastor twisted scripture by focusing SO much on the wife's "submission" and very little on the husband's role and NOTHING about "mutual submission." This twisting of scripture caused many, many arguments not only between me and my husband but between me and the pastor. Things became abusive when I was personally scolded by my pastor (he's no LONGER my pastor) for my views on mutual submission and I was treated like a rebellious wife. So glad we left that church and we no longer argue about me being "submissive." We approach things with mutual submission in mind.
But both are true. There is a call in scripture for the wife to submit. But that's between you and God as to how you implement that and not for any man to demand of you.
My ex I'm not involved with, never married, recently did this very thing! Telling me I'm supposed to be quiet and submit to the husband. He's not my husband! We haven't talked in a year and I screwed up by checking in, we haven't been a couple in 3 yrs, he doesn't pay child support or anything. Where does he get off telling me to submit? He usually scoffs at church and bible bc he thinks he knows everything. He used scriptures how Satan does,, no love based motive. Just, delusional he thinks he's my husband, he doesn't submit to God like a husband should. Sigh it's impossible to talk to him, I'm still flabbergasted and kinda mad at myself for giving him an inch of communication 😐
Wow, this is my situation and most people don't seem to understand when you are caught in this teaching and so the finger is always pointed at you. My husband just disregards the mutual submission part and justifies his behavior. It's so one-sided. Religion can be such an insidious form of abuse.
i HATE games, whomever play mind games or whatever psychological games, can take their bullshit with them AWAY from me the tough thing is that it IS at every workplace, & there, its TOUGH to manage, & thdn to leave, then to find a new job, & to discover the narcissistic culture there 2, & again to leave, etc cluster b ppl decide on the consensus & norms & this is the root to why it happens everywhere i miss those times when empathy & honesty & decency were the consensus to live according to
I would rather be alone and relaxed, and at peace within myself in my solace than to be in a narcopaths company.. Their energy drainers..and I'd rather starve them of their food supply on me.
Someone who loves you WILL NOT PUSH YOU TO A BREAKING POINT. I can’t believe how long it’s taken me to believe and absorb this. What made me want to leave, is developing myself and healing and then relapsing into lashing out. Getting involved with a narcissistic ex who punished me with silent treatment for days and up to two weeks and I wouldn’t know why. Sometimes it would be because I didn’t respond within a couple hours to a text. I’d eventually lash out and became a person I didn’t recognize or want to be. That’s when I recognized my part because it started becoming a CYCLE! I am better than that and I care enough to feel guilty but there is a breaking point and that’s what he would push me to so I had to walk away because I lost control and integrity.
May the Lord Jesus rescue us out of this darkness. Too many lies, too many tears, too many narcissists. We don’t belong here, my Home is with Jesus. Can’t wait for rapture!
Good video. This is where I am right now. After 8 years with a narc partner and 4 years free after kicking him out, I noticed too many red flags with family members. Your eyes, mind and soul are opened so wide when you educate yourself on this and you see these dark entities for what they really are. these others are family members and I have called them out, in the last year and all have gone quiet. One is currently slandering me, for I've heard things from some, but I stay quiet. I am waiting, quietly and calmly, waiting.
this is exactly what i need and exactly where i am at...we're all going to be kind, you're going to PRETEND to be kind and i am going actually BE kind, and the moment your real self comes out... i walk. i am aware that your love is plastic, and i have come to terms with that AND it's cool....we can play my game until further notice....next step no contact
The fist few lines ..SO true...with my main narc its all about POWER. I have been saying for years - the mind games. .I can't handle these mind games and I sure as hell don't know how to play them and sure as hell don't want to play them.
Yess 🙌🙌🙌 This is what im talking about!! Power up 💪💪 on those enemies ‼️They really only want the light that we carry 💡, and they can NEVER have it ‼️ Thank you for this message beautiful soul 🙏🏽🤍✨💫
You have just described the fundamental principle or LAW by which the children of God shall rule over all the beasts (narcissists) of the field (material world) to establish Gods Kingdom on earth and facilitate all the children to be formed in the image of God. Excellent work my brother!
I've done this with my dad. I say nothing just remove myself. It's taken him awhile to catch on but he's getting it. The rest I'm no contact for 3 years. Not even a peep out of me. Feels good to turn the tables on them.
Deescalating the narcissist is the best option (at least for me it has been) if you cannot leave (if you're too young and need protection, as long as they're not beating you). Don't respond to their rage fits with emotion, just pretend like you can't hear them, maybe respond calmly if you do respond at all, but have no emotion in your voice. It gives them no fuel and they have no choice but to rant at themselves or calm down. My mom used to do this to my dad, and she broke him of it, but it took years to make him docile. She should have left and found someone who was actually kind to her, but at least she taught me how to defend myself from one, I just would leave them immediately and go no contact. The block feature works great on your phone.
I DON'T WANT THEM TO SUBMIT & SERVE ME! I JUST WANT THEM TO GO AWAY FOR GOOD! AND .. LEAVE ME ALONE! LIKE .. FOREVER .. NEVER COME BACK .. INTO MY LIFE! THEY'RE REJECTS & A MENACE TO SOCIETY!
I'm like 40 seconds into the video & was about to make the exact same comment! Why on earth would you want another human being to serve you, EVER???? It makes it sound like the answer to narcissistic abuse is to become the bigger narcissist & abuse them back - fk that 😒 I want the jerk out of my life forever, and I want to find a kind & affectionate man to SHARE LIFE with, not to beat down & turn them into my servant like this jerk did to me. I don't wish the way he treated me on anyone, nor do I wish to do that to anyone else - not even to the jerk himself! I would rather spend the rest of my life at peace without him & reserving the place of "partner" in my life for an actual good man if I should ever be so lucky to meet one, than waste a single second trying to "play the game"/get down to that jerk's level by making a little monster out of myself, so I can get revenge & "win". I normally like his videos but I'll be skipping this one 🙄
It took me almost 5 years to beat one. 1 year worth of research and studying them. Don't try unless you are willing to risk it all. These are the most important responses to a narcissist "I'll think about it.", 'How?", "Why?", "Give me an example." - narcissist hunter
Full honesty & transparency, laughter, intellect, deep thinker, spiritual, growth mindset, consideration & passion, expressive personality, simple joys, motivated, not lazy….too much? 😂 Lastly - and I can’t explain this one - but I have to feel like I can see “the light” in them. Anybody relate?
I gave up trying to see the light in most people, particularly in the institutional churches. They have as many narcs as the sea has sharks. I get instruction in the Bible online and by phone. I have more peace. BTW, I am enjoying your teaching on Leviticus, Kevin. Thank you!
I am told to love .uy mil who has been a witch and wrote a book published with private info on my personal life. The most important thing for my husband, I have to love her no matter what...I'm struggling mentally
@@reneedwards1082 Sometimes loving or honoring involves staying away to avoid a fight. One can honor an elderly lady that way. You will want to protect yourself too!
@@maggiesalle2256 thanks for the heads up...23 yrs down the line and a lot of hurt but she won't show any humility cause she has emaciated my husband so much and that's all she's got. It's actually sad, but she is destroying her sons marriage to me although I will now try to help devide his time so he can spend some with her and some with me but honestly she is poison to be around. I have to protect the little I have left. It's difficult on family holidays and occasional family functions but it's something she has created and I will just Grey rock her to protect ourselves going forwards. Pls pray as I know this is not of God but I'm honestly at a loss to do something anymore, I've tried humility, forgiveness, repentance, begging, and with her rigid pride and arrogance, I must now get up, shake the dust off of my feet and walk my path...🙏🙏
@@maggiesalle2256 I'm forced to see her and make up as that is what my husband wants, I will but I too am getting advise on a clever exit plan which I know is never nice, but who is living in fear and a lie apart from me
I'm only speaking for myself. Returning if you're no contact only led me to go no contact again cuz they were still covert subtle digs and Mommy Dearest Rita she couldn't handle how I felt she would hang up the phone and my birth father would pretty much did curse me out and said enough for me to go no contact. With their daughter there was never anything there to begin with so. To protect and keep healing from my own energy and spirituality I had to get out of hell. My father died about a month later of a heart attack real quick and made an alliance with my sister to not tell me or I'm not wanted at the funeral and enough said I didn't go and I separated myself. And when people are that cruel your whole life I'm 42 I didn't shed a single tear I grieved a parent that never was about 4 years ago.
Honey, I obviously don't know your circumstances, but it's never to late, it really isn't, do it for YOU... leave, start over, it's possible, I swear, I did it, best decision I have ever made for myself, only regret not having completely severed all ties 30 years sooner. It's truly amazing how quickly you can turn your life around, it's like the universe immediately responds, rewards you with positive paths, and whatever needs will be fullfilled, it just happens. Best of luck to you, be blessed.❤️
Man you really hit it right on the nose! I'm there! Family friends. Ex Boyfriend.. everyone! I'd rather be alone than be like them! Thank u so much for your channel
This may seem harsh to some but this is where I’m at. I don’t care if you like me. Heck, I don’t care if you love me because, Jesus loves me and so do I. I don’t care if you’re in or out of my life, what you are going to do, is RESPECT me or else I’m gone!!!! I’ve had one too many narcs walk into my life and quite frankly, I’m sick of it. I put my foot down and stand on my boundaries. Thank you so much for your vid’s. Keep this fantastic work up.
Don't get infected with the plague that is narcissism, yes, check! I gladly be on top of the game another tries to play with me by being authentic yet distant to the narcissist, which is my best weapon with God by my side, binding myself to know with whom and when to be distant to, in accordance with this word and matthew 10:16, 1 john 4:1, in the name and blood of Jesus Christ, amen and hallelujah!
Wow bro! This very well may be your most powerful, hard-hitting message ever! This is totally how these demons work! I would certainly follow this advice if I weren’t so happy and content continuing no contact with my toxic family. I despise even being in the toxic environment with those venomous snakes. My preference is to stay away and let them eventually become parasites to each other. My revenge lies in staying out of the way so that God can rain down HIS VENGEANCE!🙏🏾😉
Thanks, brother! Good and truthful information! I quit playing and am out of the game. I will no longer allow gaslighting to create false thinking in my mind. I will no longer allow my buttons to be pushed and to exercise reactive abuse. I will play dead. I will not provide supply. I will allow myself to heal.
YES! SO MUCH YES! This IS the answer! Imagine being able to glare at a narcissist, say' "Excuuuse me??" And see them lower their eyes and straighten up. How many times, have our narcissistic parents demanded the same self control and maturity from us, when we were still literal children? To see a narcissist submit, to a would-be target...💯
It's hard to deal with it when the narcissist is your own mother, she was faking the live when I was giving the money , and when the money stopped coming she showed me me the real her, not answering my phone calls or hanging up on me. When I was young she was emotionally and physically abusive and the older she got the worst she got 😭
Thing is though I can't stand the fake bs either. If it can't be authentic why waste precious life minutes. I mean, yes agree with most of the message and the respect part absolutely. However... the fake is such a waste of time. Be real or go home, is what I think. Way more peaceful to just not play at all ✌️
We spoken ones I'm still in that apartment I was in than but just like you say thay pretend to be happy around me I don't say anything I just keep it moving this man child.is so sick but I know it has nothing to do with me it's been so long but I'm still here God bliss you and your family stay up
THIS VIDEO/message is by far the best I’ve seen from you Kevin, AMEN! God bless ya brother. I’ve been getting sucked into the toxic game for so long, I even harmed myself by drinking smoking, anything to escape the pain of the narrcist attacks I was (and still am) being bombarded with, unfortunately we have 3 children together and it’s not so easy to get away but I’m working on it! I’m sober and determined to leave and it’s only a matter of time before I do, and I’m taking my kids with me! Keep on akd thank you for this!❤🎉
Excellent Kevin! Every word is true! Thank you! By the way, there's an excellent song by Train called AM Gold. One day I heard it and the lyrics just hit me like a ton of bricks. It starts out "He don't love you, she don't love you, they don't love you, then you turn around and love yourself". It made me think of the toxic narc family members and so called friends that I've distanced myself from. I feel so much better for it all too. Life is too short to deal with these narcs and their games. Thank you again Kevin 🦋☺🦋
1 - Distance yourself
2 - Mourn
3 - Know yourself
4 - Stick to your rules
The best way to win with a narcissist is NOT TO PLAY
I agree. Take all the toys and play your own game, not theirs...
That's a good advice Sandra! But what if the narcissist tries some revenge tactics? Stalking, stealing stuff from you, gaslighting? Because you're now ignoring him? Do you have any tips on that? To split up from the narcissist, without getting any revenge from him? Thanks!
@@shairaptor1865 Youre stronger than them, build your support network ahead of time, prepare, and just know, what goes around does in fact come back around. You don't have to get dragged into their games
@@MohiksEaglesFire That's right! I now said "I have no time" (for them) and they respected my decision! Wasn't easy, but I evaded their traps this way. And good tips of yours, thanks for your helpful reply!
💯They are DEMONS!!!
When you know who you are nobody can control you
Absolutely !
Not necessarily true, I know who I am fully. But sometimes people will force and intrude into your life until you get overwhelmed and just like okay okay whatever
Yes, and this is why I am against the gray rock tactic. Going gray rock is like giving up and orbiting them like a dead star. We have to strengthen ourselves in our own identity and hold onto our values.
@@TheQueensWish going grey rock doesn't mean, you don't value yourself - it just signals: see, if I care! 😌
@@ginakelley749 I said hold onto values.
It is painful to wake up and recognize we live in the dark world and there is people who chose the dark side. Lord have Mercy on us!
That's very insightful . I like this statement.
Peace begins on your plate
@@ASMRyouVEGANyetI think I'm going to have a tasty pig on my plate in the form of a ham sandwich for breakfast
Family does not make it acceptable or excuse toxic behavior. Society has put out some evil message that you must tolerate because it's "family." That's how it never stops. Thank you for speaking out on this!
We are JUST coming to terms within a family that a member is Narcissist, has held most members as prisoners to control and her abusive, toxic behavior has been not only allowed, but encouraged by just ignoring toxic behavior when it happens. 40 years worth.
Wow
@@karlanewman9142 Stay alert for there is probably more than just one, around you and this person.
@@walkingwithheather
Yes. 100% correct you are. Now that we understand, lightbulbs going off like pinball machine. Thank you!
I can't thank you enough for opening my eyes. I have a narc parent and now understand what fueled my past "poor" decisions. God led me to your messages . Not a coincidence. It's a long story but a true one.
Thank you !
Not only they don’t love you, they are not capable of loving, no emotion what so ever, so it is not about you, you are lovable
Thanks, this is an important message.
PS, don't ever trust them with anything.
Did anyone pinch something?
Dont play, ghost, grayrock, 0 contact, mourn your lovebombed self. You're hurt, but you've beat them and you're in control.
My divorce went through in 2017 after 37 years of marriage, 5 kids, 7 grandchildren...... I knew him since I was 12 . He got my elderly Father and brother on his side, (little did I realize they were narcs too)..........then he worked on my 5 kids. He went from me being a Goddess, perfect, smart, best Mom........to a scapegoat....... I'm still kicking here............. thanks to people like you who care and understand. Your videos are the best, so validating. My Mom was the daughter of a Lutheran Minister and I love the bible stories you use. You are very much appreciated. Thank you for all you do!!
Spot on. Narcissists have to be fake nice bc their true selves are wicked, nasty, and deceptive.
That is the only way to control them back is make them be fake nice and at the same time this asserts our boundaries to them that we will not tolerate disrespect or bad behavior. They are like kids !!! They need constant discipline and authority around them. LOL
Yes they are fake nice
THEY NEED HELP N A MOTHER. I AM NOT N WOULD NOT WANT TO BE. THEY ARE TOO MUCH WORK. N THESE PEOPLE ARE ABUSIVE N TOXIC TOO, N NARCISSISTIC. THESE PEOPLE ARE FULL OF THEMSELVES. N NOBODY LIKES THEM. I DO NOT CARE ABOUT THEM. THEY ARE ABUSIVE, N I DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT THEM.
Yeah science shows it's akin to a three year old when it comes to emotions. All they care about is the self and their reality is so distorted, thinking the world revolves around them
If at all possible always have someone whom you can sincerely trust with you when you are one on one with a narcissist....This will make them fake like and be nice to you...or like Kevin said...walk out!!!!
This is excellent. Very encouraging.
I went NC with mother for the final time last month.
There was no confrontation (which she would have wanted or expected). I am a peaceful person and would not be dragged down by her.
I had previously been NC for 10 years, which allowed some growth, which she didn't see because she's incapable.
In the contact-resumed phase, she continued to see me in the same negative light that she had always viewed me, though pretending to be friends, which fooled me for a while but mostly it was confusion and being in two minds.
Relieved and at peace with the final NC decision.
The narcissist can where a false mask for only so long.
The mask will come off and he will again be who he truly is.
No matter what the narcissist promises, in a second chance,
his narcissism will again and again lash out. He will not change.
Remember:
1. Leave
2. Know your Triggers
3. Define your boundaries (based on triggers)
4. Do not allow anyone break your boundaries
I told the snake pit. .
No more secrets and lies , the noise you hear is me walking away..I did.
Best move for me, I closed the door quietly.
Yes
Kevin your messages are getting stronger and more truthful. Wish I heard this message when I was younger. Peace out Bro.
Gods timing
FACTS.
Don't own the crap they tell you about you. Always stick to the truth and continue to repeat that truth. But seriously you can't change them so it's a continuous cycle..
This is so difficult when you're in a homeless shelter and so many narcissist are holding positions and allowing those who also live here to walk right into another shelter with the same experience. As I'm learning, growing and healing it seems that the narcissist appears more and more. I'm tired of leaving because that evil spirit sees my light and won't stay in the pig 🐷 pen. I'm scared of my own anger because of it, so instead of hurting others, and spending more time trying to be on the winning end, I am doing my best to trust God will prevail.
"Be nice, or I disappear" - the approach in a nutshell
U need to genuinely "show" these people that u don't need them. They need your attention in order to feel that they exist. You are the one with the actual power.
Exactly!! 👍🏼
I've experienced too much pain for them to ever get the privilege of seeing me again.
It's ironic how, in order to effectively interact with narcs, you must employ their tactics. For example, going no contact is a lot like their silent treatment, but without the intention to re-engage. To quell their wrath, it often helps to love bomb them etc. One time, I was cornered by a narc and dealt with it by using the narcissistic stare. She was mouthing off, and I responded with an expressionless stare - eye contact locked. She'd look away then come back with more vitriol only to be met with my expressionless stare again. No words, just a predatory stare. This happened 5 times over a period of about 5 minutes or so. Finally, she went silent, retreated, and left me alone. It was weird. I'm not a narc, but I was thinking the entire time that if she touched me, I would end her. Maybe she got the vibe. After my experience with narcs, I don't mess around. I surround myself with only a handful of people who have proven to have empathy (immediate family). I no longer have any friends, and I trust no one. These days, I assume every new person I meet is a psychopath. It sounds sad and a little pathetic, but strangely I'm much happier and more peaceful.
Omg....I can relate Stacey......my narc boyfriend ruined me
for any future romantic relationships, and some potential friendships.....an I am by nature an outgoing person....an empath....
Your comment really got to me. It's so isolating. When you retreat from people because of this.
I also used the same tactics and she went in panic mode. I thought " how strange, can't she see?".
Never did it again.
@@ChannelZero1031 me too. They’re plague . So many of them.
Wow 🎊congrats!!! Peace is priceless and nothing can buy that !!! I love and enjoy being alone I'm more happier, healthier and highly educated now than I have ever been !! I know my worth trib now period !!! I love people though toxic people u gotta love them from a distance !!! Knowledge and education is the keys to unluck heaven and paradise !! When I was younger I didn't no better as I got older I discover my worth and which is education And knowledge nobody will ever take that away from !!! No wonder on train highly educated people will attempt to iniate a conversation because they're highly educated they know for sure what they have been through etc....know your worth and value sister !!!!
The only way to win is to not play.
You don't want them serving you. People need to get away from them and stay away.
I didn't know I had been in a game until the game was over. That's a pretty tough game to win.
I know now that the rules of this game were what my narcissist wanted them to be. She made them up as she went along and the same rules that applied on a Monday might not apply on a Tuesday.
I couldn't live a life like that. I'm not in competition with anybody. Life's too short for that crap.
Hi.....I can relate....it seems like when my narc boyfriend gets any inkling that I'm on to him he just ghosts me for a longer period of time to punish me.....then returns with the sweet talking love bombing.....every word I say is scrutinized.....it's always them having a leg up....it's always a competition for control.....but I have a trauma bond.....so I am energetically stuck.....these are my thoughts.....30 year connection.....dark night often.....I am a vibrant musician singer pianust entertainer teacher artist.....but I'm also under control bonded to him....deep down he's jealous that he can't hold me back from succeeding.....the more I ascend, the less he comes around or calls.....it's a curse to have met him.....and there's no one there to rescue me.....I am really an earth angel stuck in an emotional trap.....he's an actor/chameleon......it seems like I am his puppet.....Stockholm syndrome perhaps?......therapy doesn't help.....I take low dose xanax to get through the day and see a psychiatrist regularly....that's my life....
@@louiseboyd8896
I wish I had words of wisdom for you. I don't. Sorry.
Take care. ❤
@Red Squirrel, same here. I didn't know what I was up against until it was over. All I know that is that game cost me 26 years of my life and it was hell. Really grateful I'm rid of him now. Peace to all narc survivors.
@@louiseboyd8896 No contact is the only mentally and emotionally healthy option for you! Then no dating for a year in order to reclaim your mental health and well-being. Then start to meet people and screen the hell out of them before you allow them to get close to you. A red flag is a red flag and it’s an indication that it may be time to down size someone…
Perhaps...he will just ghost himself out of your existence? As you say, the more you advance in your arts, Your talents and gifts, the longer he stays away. We can pray that he'll get bored with the betterment of your life. Maybe he'll start surching for someone new that he can feel superior over?...
What I like is peace, respect & love 👍
I am married to a covert narcissist for 40yrs. Can't leave because of financial reasons. I just stand up for myself.
This is insane recognize who they are. In work situations if they treat you like the Omega wolf confront the behavior in the whole group setting and factually show the pattern of behavior. In your personal life run away from parasitic leeches. Do not entertain these people, do not get mad. Confront, draw boundaries, run away, those are the only options. Do not interact and play games with them. They are like rattle snakes, dangerous always!
Yes! Another great message Kevin! Sometimes it's tough to remember they need us waaayyy more than we need them🤣!
I will try to remember this over the holidays!!
WE DON'T NEED THEM AT ALL.
With u 100%
Don't care is the only way to beat and win the narcissist.😮
Never lay down with dogs or you will get fleas, another good one. xx
5:30 it's so true . That's the most painful part. The whole world view is shattered. You will never look at the humanity the same again. It's as if part of your innermost self has died. The world is less joyful, more sinister and you feel so alone.
Yes, so true what you said.
You can do long work on yourself and heal and recover but something changed in you for ever.
My God this one was on point - thank you. Two things I have noticed about narcs: they have no creativity or humor and they are completely devoid of any form of intelligence
Kevin-this message is right on time and my confirmation that I am on the right track. I had to travel a few weeks ago, to a funeral for a family member. Before I got there, I prayed about going and I made the decision, that if one word was said against me, any disrespect or bullying, I would be out of there ASAP. Thank you for all the work you do, to help this community. Blessings always!
But did they learn anything about you during the occasion?
I wonder how the funeral went? Sorry for your loss.
My covert narc ex best friend had a huge outburst through txt and wanted me to fight her back so badly it was pathetic reminded me of. 5 year old throwing a tantrum. It was like she wanted me to lower myself to her level so she could show the txts to people to be like look how rude her txts are. No matter how low she sunk in the txts I didn’t give her what she wanted I BLOCKED that demon and change my number and moved on.
I had the same situation. I left her with kindness and respect. She kept trying. Had to eventually call the Police. But it stopped after that
Way to go sister, love it.
Yes I no longer will play into these toddlers game. However I am going to be defending myself and cutting these people off left and right
I don’t do the text mess. My ex narc bff came from NYC to Florida to visit me a few years ago and she tried to once again bully me IN MY HOUSE IN FRONT OF MY KIDS and I kicked her the hell out. I didn’t care where she went but that was the last time I talked to her. Block and stay away 💪🏽
@@shenika1979 I thought I was going to have to call the police if she kept texting my phone but I decided to just change my number. Let her fight herself lol that battle had nothing to do with me. I’m glad you are narc free 🥳
The Royal we, perfect idea. We fall prey to the illusion that they are regal but it's actually us, our projection, our reflection, our wrong perception of them and ourselves
My narcissistic family would not fake it, would not pretend, so I had to just stop going back. They still didn't care and don't miss me if they can't be abusive.
A game that’s rules change to benefit them only.
Amen, this is absolutely true! When we do not become like the narcissist they run away because they can't stand that they can't control us. 2 Timothy 3 shows us that the world is becoming more and more narcissistic. It doesn't make me unhappy anymore because I know the future for the born-again believer and it is so powerfully wonderful, nothing like this world. Sadly these people who are haters are in the church, they are pretenders never having trusted Christ but want all His perks.
Remember the fourth commandment KJV is reminding us of Genesis 2:2&3. Jesus is our example. He kept the seventh day sabbath rest even the forty days after His resurrection.
So true it's all about control especially from my mother-in-law she acts like the queen of her kingdom and her children their spouses and children and her grandchildren are all *supposed* to be under her control it's bizarre. She does not like to be confronted or challenged doing so means that you're rebelling against the queen because the queen is never wrong. After 35 years of this nonsense I finally went no contact with her and she's having a hard time with this keeps trying to pull me back in so I can be under her thumb uses my husband to put pressure on me so she still tries to make my life hard thru him so I've had to stand firm with him many times so now he stops pushing. But I know there will be another 'future' effort on her part and she'll use my husband AGAIN to put pressure on me but again I will stand firm. The answer will always be NO I will not see her or talk to her or his family. I'm so done. I don't even want apologies or niceness I don't even want to make them be nice to me I want nothing from them. I just want to live in peace with the man I married and enjoy our time together and all of adorable grandchildren!!
Yes
I wish I knew this when I was a teenager.
WOW! My brother Kevin, your words spoke to me so deep down into my core. For I and my siblings grew-up w/ an overbearing and very narcissistic father who loved to show me how much power n' dominance he had over me. He always let me know exactly where I stood when it came to him. This controlling abuse lasted all through my childhood and adolescence. He consistently made damn sure that I always knew that it was he who was always, 100%, in charge. My place was to never do anything w/out his allowance or approval. Later, as life progressed, all of those narcissistic-driven experiences that I experienced though out my youth never left me - they just stayed w/ me. ..... Well, now it's today and I am now a 54-year-old man w/ a phycology degree and this I can honestly say that dealing the narcissist is sooooo very easy once you now how their broken evil mind works. Folks, brother Kevin nailed it in this video. He offered perfect advice. ... TELL THE NARCISSISTIC PERON IN YOUR LIFE WHAT THEIR NEW REALITY IS NOW GOING TO BE LIKE WHEN YOUR IN THE ROOM. SET YOUR BOUNDRIES ONCE AND ONLY ONCE - PERIOD!!!! TELL THE BASTARDS THAT YOUR BOUNDRIES IS NOW THEIR 100% REALITY.
"Don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner." ~ Robert De Niro 😎😈🙅♀️😊👍
Great advice
@@TheRoyalWe Ninja level content, thanks for inspiring Kevin! 💐🙏👁️🚶♀️💪🥋🤜😈🚀✨🐖✨😅
I always said that. thought I knew it. from the move "Heat"
Then came my turn Narc 101
😡🤬🤯
@@dedemartin7864 Yup, it's only when knowledge meets up with understanding (experience) that we graduate to wisdom of lessons learned and boundary up so we don't do repeats. When we get our love and identity from God we better appreciate there's no real loss but rather gain of coming home to our true selves more abundantly. Are you well out of it now or still going through it? 🙏💪🦉💝✌️
I thought it was the relationship & found it's origin. FAMILY full of BPD's self included
I’m glad I’m on the right track!
For the last 6 years I’ve done everything and more for my MIL and her family, mainly for my husband so he is supported by me. But the last incident just crossed the line when she encouraged him to leave me.
I told my husband that day, that I don’t want to have anything to do with his family and don’t want even their names mentioned in my home. I don’t have any issues with him being a good son, but I don’t need to hear about that part of his life.
Their existence has been wiped from my Universe. And I have forbidden him
from discussing me and the kids with her too. If she doesn’t care, she has no right to know!
And since doing that, we haven’t been happier in years…..and the cherry on the cake is that I know I’m starving her evil side, as I’ve turned my back, walked away and not even taken a second glance back.
Game over! 😊
So why doesn't he just go no contact? If she doesn't respect his marriage she's forfeited her right to be involved. "Marriage must be respected by all" Hebrews 13:4
There is a dark side and malevolence to life and realizing that is painful BUT knowing that we have a choice of who we allow in is empowering !
Yes its a game with them !! 100 percent there nuts !!!
I told her to piss off ! And i exposed her for what she is ! I also acted like she wasn't even there !
She eventually realised that she is nothing to me ! I won !!!
Narc fake smiles illuminate the nearest exit. Game over, it all goes back in the box. Thanks spot on message.
No one has to smile around me, but my narcs need to watch their mouths. That way I don't have to smile, but I have given a fake excuse to leave when a mouthy teenager (probably a narc in training) was verbally cruel to someone else. I don't want my narcs to smile, but I now am learning to demand that they watch the mouth. I may need to do this with my narcissistic parents over the holidays.
My narc father has always hated me. He has turned my children against me and now they are both gone. He has taken everything from me. I am hated and alone. I thought I was doing my best. Turns out nothing I did was right and now I am all alone and hated.
It’s sad
@ Lisa, The narc ex did a smear campaign during the devaluation period and he poisoned the minds of our children with all kind dirt against me. It worked for a while but then the children could see his evil ways and stopped listening to his lies. It was so painful so I understand your pain and frustration but hang on in there and they will learn the truth. You see truth has foundation where as lies don't. Stay strong .
Me 2
I would rather just completely stay away from narcissistic family members or others because I don't want to be on my guard all the time or in a fake relationship. In your strategy we are both being fake.
Yes Ocean Girl, a life not being on guard is a life of peace.
This is where I am struggling. I don't feel like I need to change myself in order to play a game but it seems like I don't have much of a choice.
I even experienced narcissism at our old church: the pastor twisted scripture by focusing SO much on the wife's "submission" and very little on the husband's role and NOTHING about "mutual submission." This twisting of scripture caused many, many arguments not only between me and my husband but between me and the pastor. Things became abusive when I was personally scolded by my pastor (he's no LONGER my pastor) for my views on mutual submission and I was treated like a rebellious wife. So glad we left that church and we no longer argue about me being "submissive." We approach things with mutual submission in mind.
But both are true. There is a call in scripture for the wife to submit. But that's between you and God as to how you implement that and not for any man to demand of you.
My ex I'm not involved with, never married, recently did this very thing! Telling me I'm supposed to be quiet and submit to the husband. He's not my husband! We haven't talked in a year and I screwed up by checking in, we haven't been a couple in 3 yrs, he doesn't pay child support or anything. Where does he get off telling me to submit? He usually scoffs at church and bible bc he thinks he knows everything. He used scriptures how Satan does,, no love based motive. Just, delusional he thinks he's my husband, he doesn't submit to God like a husband should. Sigh it's impossible to talk to him, I'm still flabbergasted and kinda mad at myself for giving him an inch of communication 😐
Good for you. I left church some years ago for similar reasons. Now I have better relationship with Jesus than ever before.
Organized religion can be evil
Wow, this is my situation and most people don't seem to understand when you are caught in this teaching and so the finger is always pointed at you. My husband just disregards the mutual submission part and justifies his behavior. It's so one-sided. Religion can be such an insidious form of abuse.
i HATE games, whomever play mind games or whatever psychological games, can take their bullshit with them AWAY from me
the tough thing is that it IS at every workplace, & there, its TOUGH to manage, & thdn to leave, then to find a new job, & to discover the narcissistic culture there 2, & again to leave, etc
cluster b ppl decide on the consensus & norms & this is the root to why it happens everywhere
i miss those times when empathy & honesty & decency were the consensus to live according to
You have nailed it Kevin. It feels great not to play any games with them. Staying away feels Absolutely amazing! Thank you.
Thank you Iza
I would rather be alone and relaxed, and at peace within myself in my solace than to be in a narcopaths company.. Their energy drainers..and I'd rather starve them of their food supply on me.
Someone who loves you WILL NOT PUSH YOU TO A BREAKING POINT. I can’t believe how long it’s taken me to believe and absorb this. What made me want to leave, is developing myself and healing and then relapsing into lashing out. Getting involved with a narcissistic ex who punished me with silent treatment for days and up to two weeks and I wouldn’t know why. Sometimes it would be because I didn’t respond within a couple hours to a text. I’d eventually lash out and became a person I didn’t recognize or want to be. That’s when I recognized my part because it started becoming a CYCLE! I am better than that and I care enough to feel guilty but there is a breaking point and that’s what he would push me to so I had to walk away because I lost control and integrity.
May the Lord Jesus rescue us out of this darkness. Too many lies, too many tears, too many narcissists. We don’t belong here, my Home is with Jesus. Can’t wait for rapture!
Good video. This is where I am right now. After 8 years with a narc partner and 4 years free after kicking him out, I noticed too many red flags with family members. Your eyes, mind and soul are opened so wide when you educate yourself on this and you see these dark entities for what they really are. these others are family members and I have called them out, in the last year and all have gone quiet. One is currently slandering me, for I've heard things from some, but I stay quiet. I am waiting, quietly and calmly, waiting.
Yes
this is exactly what i need and exactly where i am at...we're all going to be kind, you're going to PRETEND to be kind and i am going actually BE kind, and the moment your real self comes out... i walk. i am aware that your love is plastic, and i have come to terms with that AND it's cool....we can play my game until further notice....next step no contact
Yes Lines Of Expression
RIGHT ON. AMEN N AMEN.
The fist few lines ..SO true...with my main narc its all about POWER. I have been saying for years - the mind games. .I can't handle these mind games and I sure as hell don't know how to play them and sure as hell don't want to play them.
Yess 🙌🙌🙌 This is what im talking about!! Power up 💪💪 on those enemies ‼️They really only want the light that we carry 💡, and they can NEVER have it ‼️ Thank you for this message beautiful soul 🙏🏽🤍✨💫
👌👏💯❤️
Thank you . When I. Know I know . Thaty feelings and thought . Was not wrong .
You have just described the fundamental principle or LAW by which the children of God shall rule over all the beasts (narcissists) of the field (material world) to establish Gods Kingdom on earth and facilitate all the children to be formed in the image of God. Excellent work my brother!
Thank you
That's exactly what I've been doing. I don't have time for them.
I've done this with my dad. I say nothing just remove myself. It's taken him awhile to catch on but he's getting it. The rest I'm no contact for 3 years. Not even a peep out of me. Feels good to turn the tables on them.
Same here.
Don't be around them !
It doesn't matter if there family
To me !! I hav nothing to do with them !! To toxic !!
The old saying "Don't wrestle with a pig in the mud, You can't win and the pig likes it" was not lost on me. Thanks
🌅Good morning, Kevin! Thank you for this.
Deescalating the narcissist is the best option (at least for me it has been) if you cannot leave (if you're too young and need protection, as long as they're not beating you). Don't respond to their rage fits with emotion, just pretend like you can't hear them, maybe respond calmly if you do respond at all, but have no emotion in your voice. It gives them no fuel and they have no choice but to rant at themselves or calm down. My mom used to do this to my dad, and she broke him of it, but it took years to make him docile. She should have left and found someone who was actually kind to her, but at least she taught me how to defend myself from one, I just would leave them immediately and go no contact. The block feature works great on your phone.
‘I know your game.’ 🎯👏🏻 LOVE this one, Kevin! So grateful for your work and heart! 🙏🏻💗
I put this in the final letter to the cunt 👌
This is really great, more Kevin there is a dark side, and with narcs the dark side is total.
I DON'T WANT THEM TO SUBMIT & SERVE ME! I JUST WANT THEM TO GO AWAY FOR GOOD! AND .. LEAVE ME ALONE! LIKE .. FOREVER .. NEVER COME BACK .. INTO MY LIFE! THEY'RE REJECTS & A MENACE TO SOCIETY!
I'm like 40 seconds into the video & was about to make the exact same comment! Why on earth would you want another human being to serve you, EVER???? It makes it sound like the answer to narcissistic abuse is to become the bigger narcissist & abuse them back - fk that 😒 I want the jerk out of my life forever, and I want to find a kind & affectionate man to SHARE LIFE with, not to beat down & turn them into my servant like this jerk did to me. I don't wish the way he treated me on anyone, nor do I wish to do that to anyone else - not even to the jerk himself! I would rather spend the rest of my life at peace without him & reserving the place of "partner" in my life for an actual good man if I should ever be so lucky to meet one, than waste a single second trying to "play the game"/get down to that jerk's level by making a little monster out of myself, so I can get revenge & "win". I normally like his videos but I'll be skipping this one 🙄
You need to watch Kevin's video Don't tell other narcissists how you want to be treated. Something like that so you can get a better understanding.
It took me almost 5 years to beat one. 1 year worth of research and studying them. Don't try unless you are willing to risk it all.
These are the most important responses to a narcissist "I'll think about it.", 'How?", "Why?", "Give me an example."
- narcissist hunter
VERY VALID I HOPE ANYONE WHO IS LIVING THROUGH NARCISSISTIC ABUSE SOAKS IN THE WORDS YOU SHARE THEY ARE ABSOLUTELY VALID AND LIFE CHANGING!
AGREE,, I MOVED OUT OF STATE FROM NARCISSIST IM 2,O00 MILES AWAY NO SOCIAL MEDIA BLOCKED NARCISSIST PEACE IS PRICELESS
You are awesome I settled for so much less. Reset button I must do.
Full honesty & transparency, laughter, intellect, deep thinker, spiritual, growth mindset, consideration & passion, expressive personality, simple joys, motivated, not lazy….too much? 😂 Lastly - and I can’t explain this one - but I have to feel like I can see “the light” in them. Anybody relate?
I gave up trying to see the light in most people, particularly in the institutional churches. They have as many narcs as the sea has sharks. I get instruction in the Bible online and by phone. I have more peace.
BTW, I am enjoying your teaching on Leviticus, Kevin. Thank you!
I am told to love .uy mil who has been a witch and wrote a book published with private info on my personal life. The most important thing for my husband, I have to love her no matter what...I'm struggling mentally
@@reneedwards1082 Sometimes loving or honoring involves staying away to avoid a fight. One can honor an elderly lady that way. You will want to protect yourself too!
@@maggiesalle2256 thanks for the heads up...23 yrs down the line and a lot of hurt but she won't show any humility cause she has emaciated my husband so much and that's all she's got. It's actually sad, but she is destroying her sons marriage to me although I will now try to help devide his time so he can spend some with her and some with me but honestly she is poison to be around. I have to protect the little I have left. It's difficult on family holidays and occasional family functions but it's something she has created and I will just Grey rock her to protect ourselves going forwards. Pls pray as I know this is not of God but I'm honestly at a loss to do something anymore, I've tried humility, forgiveness, repentance, begging, and with her rigid pride and arrogance, I must now get up, shake the dust off of my feet and walk my path...🙏🙏
@@maggiesalle2256 I'm forced to see her and make up as that is what my husband wants, I will but I too am getting advise on a clever exit plan which I know is never nice, but who is living in fear and a lie apart from me
May the heavens continue to build and secure your platform
Divine Strategy!
This is Powerful!!
Game Changer!!
God bless
Yes thank you
I'm only speaking for myself. Returning if you're no contact only led me to go no contact again cuz they were still covert subtle digs and Mommy Dearest Rita she couldn't handle how I felt she would hang up the phone and my birth father would pretty much did curse me out and said enough for me to go no contact. With their daughter there was never anything there to begin with so. To protect and keep healing from my own energy and spirituality I had to get out of hell. My father died about a month later of a heart attack real quick and made an alliance with my sister to not tell me or I'm not wanted at the funeral and enough said I didn't go and I separated myself. And when people are that cruel your whole life I'm 42 I didn't shed a single tear I grieved a parent that never was about 4 years ago.
This really resonated with me. I once said to him " I don't want to be stuck like you"
RULE NUMBER ONE: Play by MY rules!! YES!!
This is about a 5 Year old refusing to grow up and mature. When such Infants meet - Chaos rules
I now understand why my two brothers left for another province when they were teenagers. I so regret not doing the same.
Honey, I obviously don't know your circumstances, but it's never to late, it really isn't, do it for YOU... leave, start over, it's possible, I swear, I did it, best decision I have ever made for myself, only regret not having completely severed all ties 30 years sooner. It's truly amazing how quickly you can turn your life around, it's like the universe immediately responds, rewards you with positive paths, and whatever needs will be fullfilled, it just happens. Best of luck to you, be blessed.❤️
@@darlapeelman1610 Thank you for your kind words. 💖 I'm already setting boundaries that won't ever be broken by anyone again.
Man you really hit it right on the nose! I'm there! Family friends. Ex Boyfriend.. everyone! I'd rather be alone than be like them! Thank u so much for your channel
But why stoop to their level? Go find better quality people to deal with and avoid narcissists
Extremely difficult to leave a toxic family member
I especially appreciate your attitude at the end of the video. F ‘em if they can’t be appropriate around us.
This may seem harsh to some but this is where I’m at. I don’t care if you like me. Heck, I don’t care if you love me because, Jesus loves me and so do I. I don’t care if you’re in or out of my life, what you are going to do, is RESPECT me or else I’m gone!!!! I’ve had one too many narcs walk into my life and quite frankly, I’m sick of it. I put my foot down and stand on my boundaries.
Thank you so much for your vid’s. Keep this fantastic work up.
Playing narcissistic games by my rules, That's it and the period!!
Don't get infected with the plague that is narcissism, yes, check! I gladly be on top of the game another tries to play with me by being authentic yet distant to the narcissist, which is my best weapon with God by my side, binding myself to know with whom and when to be distant to, in accordance with this word and matthew 10:16, 1 john 4:1, in the name and blood of Jesus Christ, amen and hallelujah!
Wow bro! This very well may be your most powerful, hard-hitting message ever! This is totally how these demons work! I would certainly follow this advice if I weren’t so happy and content continuing no contact with my toxic family. I despise even being in the toxic environment with those venomous snakes. My preference is to stay away and let them eventually become parasites to each other. My revenge lies in staying out of the way so that God can rain down HIS VENGEANCE!🙏🏾😉
I think so too
Thanks, brother! Good and truthful information!
I quit playing and am out of the game. I will no longer allow gaslighting to create false thinking in my mind. I will no longer allow my buttons to be pushed and to exercise reactive abuse. I will play dead. I will not provide supply. I will allow myself to heal.
The realist sh** I ever heard, this put everything into perspective for me and I'm glad I moved away from my family 10 years ago.
YES! SO MUCH YES! This IS the answer! Imagine being able to glare at a narcissist, say' "Excuuuse me??" And see them lower their eyes and straighten up. How many times, have our narcissistic parents demanded the same self control and maturity from us, when we were still literal children? To see a narcissist submit, to a would-be target...💯
It's hard to deal with it when the narcissist is your own mother, she was faking the live when I was giving the money , and when the money stopped coming she showed me me the real her, not answering my phone calls or hanging up on me. When I was young she was emotionally and physically abusive and the older she got the worst she got 😭
Thing is though I can't stand the fake bs either. If it can't be authentic why waste precious life minutes. I mean, yes agree with most of the message and the respect part absolutely. However... the fake is such a waste of time. Be real or go home, is what I think. Way more peaceful to just not play at all ✌️
The stealing is coming,the rest is already happening but God has me no matter what.
We spoken ones I'm still in that apartment I was in than but just like you say thay pretend to be happy around me I don't say anything I just keep it moving this man child.is so sick but I know it has nothing to do with me it's been so long but I'm still here God bliss you and your family stay up
Thank you
THIS VIDEO/message is by far the best I’ve seen from you Kevin, AMEN! God bless ya brother. I’ve been getting sucked into the toxic game for so long, I even harmed myself by drinking smoking, anything to escape the pain of the narrcist attacks I was (and still am) being bombarded with, unfortunately we have 3 children together and it’s not so easy to get away but I’m working on it! I’m sober and determined to leave and it’s only a matter of time before I do, and I’m taking my kids with me! Keep on akd thank you for this!❤🎉
I naturally started doing this over the last month or so without even realizing it 😂😌
Thanks bro I’m gonna make her put that fake smile on 🔥 there will be respect
this is the " Throw to the wolf, came back leading the pack"👑Discipline.
Yes
Excellent Kevin! Every word is true! Thank you! By the way, there's an excellent song by Train called AM Gold. One day I heard it and the lyrics just hit me like a ton of bricks. It starts out "He don't love you, she don't love you, they don't love you, then you turn around and love yourself". It made me think of the toxic narc family members and so called friends that I've distanced myself from. I feel so much better for it all too. Life is too short to deal with these narcs and their games. Thank you again Kevin 🦋☺🦋
This is great advice because sometimes no contact is impossible for a variety of reasons. Thank you.