He’s an empath. He says to her “I thought you were broken and I could fix you”. That’s what he does. Anyone who knows him will tell you that. Even when he’s drunk and/or high he still displays high levels of emotional intelligence. She nags him for his drinking. He says it’s because he’s sick of all the fighting. “ You blame me, it’s my fault” she whines. “No”, he replies calmly “it’s not your fault, you’re not to blame. It’s what I do”. He tries everything he knows. To try to smooth things over doesn’t work. To argue back doesn’t work. To leave the room makes it much worse. She gives him a present of a knife. There is an ambiguous message on it. She’s taken everything from him. He tells her to take his blood. He has nothing else left, not even his own self-image as a kind, caring man. He’s not self-harming. He’s a victim.
I struggled with self harm for almost 30 years. I did eventually try to end my life. The attorney who helped me qualify for disability benefits told me that I was the most extreme case of self harm that he'd seen in his 30 years of practice. My father is a tyrannical sadist and a violent pedophile who had romantic feelings for me. He taught me that I was unlovable, that it was a burden to love me and it was unlikely that anyone would other than him would love me. The sexual assault started when I was about 18 months old and continued until I was about 8 years old. I wasn't allowed to show signs of physical or emotional distress, even while he was hurting me or screaming at me. I wasn't allowed walk away from him with out his permission. If I did, he would grab me by the back of my neck, throw me face down and step on my back with enough force to cause pain. If he was beating and screaming at one of my brothers, I had to pretend that it wasn't happening. If I had been watching TV, I had to pretend that I was still watching it. If I did anything that caught his attention, he would turn his rage on me. I certainly wasn't allowed to express anger towards him. When I started cutting, I kept it a secret. I didn't want attention for it. I think that deep down, I wanted to eviscerate my father and turning on myself was the only way that I had to express my extreme frustration, hurt and anger. There were times when I was really sad and I thought that I deserved to be punished, so I would punish myself. I have been in a lot of relationships that included domestic violence. When they abused me, I felt helpless to stop it and it would trigger me to self harm. I have had at least one partner who would trigger me on purpose, knowing that it would result in me harming myself. I have been sexually assaulted a lot, when I was an adult. Some of the assailants were intimate partners. I have given myself a third degree burn with hot meter. I had to have professional would care for 2 months. I have bruised my shins with heavy metal objects. Cutting was the most common for me. I had to have lacerations sutured in the Emergency room more times than I can remember. The worst one needed 40 sutures. There were times when the medical doctor who was repairing the damage would be angry with me and would be extra rough with me, which was the last thing that I needed. The psychiatric ward that I was locked up in, was little more than a cage. There was no treatment to stabilize me. If I tried to interact with the staff, they would become annoyed with me and keep the interaction as brief as possible. There were always staff sitting in the ward, but they ignored the patients. I would be kept in the ward until the psychiatrist came to the ward to asses me. He would spend 10 minutes with me at most. Usually, he would ask if I planned on hurting myself again. I would answer his question and he would discharge me. One of those times, I told him that I wasn't going to hurt myself until the current wound healed. He prescribed tranquilizers. When I asked how much it would take to kill myself, he said that I could safely take the entire bottle of pills. I was locked up in that ward for self harm more times than I can possibly remember. It was just a place to be locked up until the psychiatrist told me that I could go. When I self harmed, I wasn't usually under the influence of substances. It wasn't a choice that I made. It was a compulsion that was out of my control. I always tried to fight the compulsion. I don't think that I ever self harmed in front of anyone. I lost the urge to self harm in 2019. I was in a dangerous relationship. My partner was a danger to my life. He wanted us to die together, he wanted to die in a shootout and he kept a gun with in his reach most of the time. When I told him about the sexual abuse from my father, he didn't believe me and he told my family what I'd said. When I told my father about the domestic violence, he didn't believe me. I got to the point where I couldn't force myself to be in that situation, but I also decided that I didn't want my husband to murder me. I packed my bags and went to a safehouse for survivors of domestic violence. From there, I got my affairs in order and left town with out telling anyone. I have a good life, now. I cut off contact with my family and started trauma therapy. I haven't had the urge to harm myself since I left
@@youusedtocallmeonmyshellphone6 Thank you so much. I am very determined to stay alive and healthy. Thank you for valuing me. I am will value myself no matter what, but it still feels good to hear it from other people
@@Ona1979 of course I value you. People like you inspire me so much, especially during the toughest times. I don't know and probably never will know you, but I value your existence and I'm happy to know you're doing fine. You're an amazing person and as I said, we really, REALLY need you in this world. So make sure you stay as long as you can.
I am soooo glad that you now have a good life, and that you were strong enough to leave a dangerous relationship when all you ever knew were abusive ones! Repetition compulsion is something I’ve practiced my entire life until I finally left my last boyfriend, a super manipulative and emotionally abusive covert narcissist. Maybe you too? I’ve always been a magnet for narcissists and abusive men. I grew up in a very dysfunctional household with an angry alcoholic and learned from an early age I was unlovable and not useful unless I was meeting my parents’ needs or playing mediator in their effed up marriage. I really can’t remember a day without anxiety. I was really self-destructive and had a severe eating disorder for years. It was like my best friend and the one thing I could control in my life, the one thing that was consistently there. It was self-soothing, and obviously maladaptive. I practiced some other forms of self-harm, usually when I was really angry at myself (lots of self hate) but cutting was something I honestly think I deliberately stayed away from because I knew it was unhealthy, I had an addictive personality and was so OCD. It makes a lot of sense that you self-harmed. It was something that was yours. Your childhood was full of trauma from a very early age. Every day, you lived in fear and under stress in the place you were supposed to feel safe. You couldn’t show emotions, and your most basic boundaries weren’t respected (which is probably why, like me, you had so many abusive partners). You had no idea how to deal with all that! Self-harm/cutting was a way you coped with the terrible pain and anger and all those emotions. It was maladaptive, but you didn’t have any other resources. And it was something that was yours. It’s obviously more complicated, but I’m just so sorry for all that you’ve gone through and I admire your strength and am so happy you discovered your worth! I know it never fully goes away, but you can have a wonderful life and you deserve it!!! (:
@@Ona1979 I read every word of your comment. I just wanted to let you know, just in case it should ever slip your mind, there are lots of people out in the world that actually do care about someone they know little to nothing about and most likely will never even meet in person. Your story touched a nerve in me and is quite similar to what I experienced as a child except there was no SA in my case. What I went through was horrible and quite frankly I'm lucky to still be alive today. Be it at my own hand or the hand of another, I've been close to death on more than 1 occasion. Someone reached out to me similarly to how I'm reaching out to you and that person has no idea they turned my life around unfortunately. It was just a short comment of couple of sentences but what that person said really struck a cord with me. They told me basically I AM LOVED and Loveable. You too are LOVED, Loveable and cared for. I CARE!! God Bless you as you continue on in life and may you continue to find inner peace. 🙏 💛
No one has said about how actively Depp avoided conflict because that is so indicative of surviving childhood conflict. Its a pretty extreme coping strategy but very deeply ingrained. Its also at the bottom of so much cutting behaviour. I'm extremely conflict avoidant because the emotional tsunami I experience is so damaging to me personally. I can see it in Depp as clearly as I can see Heard's BPD and histrionic personality disorder.
THIS. EXACTLY THIS. I've survived a 10yr Narc abusive relationship plus childhood trauma. I always want to go away, walk away, and if I'm prevented from that I often end up just shutting down and going basically mute.
After 5 decades, I still haven't stopped running away (or trying) from my own conflict fears. Whenever conflict appears I can't even think straight. It's like I go blind and just run. When I'm not running, I'm sneaking around trying not to draw attention to myself.
Thank you for not judging those that self harm "just for attention". I believe that if you are willing to go to such an extreme because you don't feel seen you do need help and should be given acces to it.
This is precisely why I started self-harming. I had suffered with panic disorder/health anxiety for over three years and had developed severe depression as a result. I hurt myself in front of my family to show how bad i was feeling inside. I wasn't getting adequate medical help and hated waking up every day. Life was painful and the self harm episodes acted, i suppose as a desperate form of self expression, an externalisation of internal pain. I was also on a ton of tranquilisers and was strung out on them. Thankfully, I was referred to an excellent psychiatrist who got me on off the bad meds and onto the right meds. Then I was referred to a brilliant clinical psychologist who could help me largely overcome my anxiety and depression. Once I was no longer in crisis the episodes of self harm stopped. I still undergo therapy from time to time when I feel I need it but thankfully the really dark days are in the past.
I started self harming when I got involved in a relationship with a girl who introduced me to it. She was from a broken house and I wanted to be with her and share the experience (I was 17 she was 16). Self harming gave me the release and at the same time my own family started to falling apart so I just went with it. In my case I never wanted people around me to see my wounds always hiding (until it was impossible). When I cut myself with the razor I had this storm of accusations against me in my head and cuts gave me relief like nothing else in this world. It lasted for 3 years and my hands are full of scars, 2 suicidal attempts by OD the antidepressants. Spend 2 moths in psych ward and it did help for some time but still it is a long way out of hell
I am so sorry that that's how things went for you. I had a friend at university he told me later about his self harm and I was so upset for him. He showed me and I didn't know what to do but try comfort him. It was real it wasn't for attention. It's awful to fight and he told me it's a release which I believe, I just wish people could find another way to release their pain that's not harming themselves.
He wasn't using anything during this recording though.. The context: They already split. He was out of country and she went and filed a false TRO against him for abuse that never occurred. When he got back to the States he was working in several states when their mutual friend/agent asked him to meet him in San Francisco and talk to AH. He couldn't see why she wanted to talk with him, she already tarnished his reputation, he was already suffering from her lie and they were divorcing. On top of it she was asking him to break the restraining order. He worked it out with lawyers to get an okay to go see want she wanted. He hoped she wished to retract her false statement but she really just wanted to mess with his head some more and try to get back with him. He told her he had nothing left to give her and pleaded with her to tell him what she wanted from him and why he was there. Which is what he was saying on the part of the audio AH's lawyers conveniently left out. He explained he was emotionally and mentally depleted and told her all he had left was his blood, it was the only thing she didn't have and if she wanted to use the pocket knife and take his blood. She declined and he said I'll do it for you, what do you want? He was actually crying on the audio. And she kept messing with his head instead of leaving him alone. It's horrible that we all heard this audio, it's so private.
I thought she even looked ashamed of herself for having recorded that! Maybe I’m giving her too much credit but that was too much. If she ever loved him, she wouldn’t have handed over that tape, IMO.
I love your topics. Bring em' on. I've been in mental health work for 18 years now. My first MH job was in a methadone clinic. I had a man on my caseload who I had worked with for two years. He was stable, never had any positive UDS's, and was always joking and kidding around. He had done so well that he only had to come in once a month to pick up a 28 day supply. The last day I saw him, I noticed nothing unusual about him. That night his cousin committed suicide. The next morning my client took the 28 day supply of 80 MG methadone. He sat down in his recliner, and begin as methadone is time release, over the next several hours he faded away. His wife says she came home at lunch and he was responsive. She asked him if he wanted to go to the hospital and he said "no." She went back to work thinking he had, had a sun stroke and he was dead when she came home. He left no note or ever indicated he was suicidal. I've always wondered if I missed something. I've wondered if he had of been able to contact me would be have done so? I will never know now but it has always haunted me. It's the ones that give no indication that are concerning. I'm rather tired of this profession and would love to change careers.
Having accepted suicidal ideation from childhood as baseline when I found strategies to over ride the thoughts. I've never acted on it and I'm 63 years old now. I've never tried to OD. I learned from reading "Bright Red Scream" that some of my symptoms skate the edge of this behavior while the structural coping mechanism is operating. It's a sense of regaining lost autonomy via the last option available, imho
I'm 54 & have been plagued by suicidal ideation since childhood as well. My first suicide attempt was at age 9. I also had to come up with strategies to resist these urges. It's something I've had to learn to live with, & it hasn't always been easy. I've found that having a dog, another living thing that depends on me, to be a very effective deterrent. Stay strong 💪🏼✌🏼
@@nannettefreeman7331 glad you got the dog. I noticed that my car would drift towards the highway rails if I were alone, never with a passenger. What works for me is concocting a plan that would require too much effort to complete, accepting responsibility for my autonomy. And clear political statement made by events without combustibles.(immoliation)
Deborah, thank you for your insight. I 'm not familiar with the subject and your comment made me see it from a viewpoint which I didn't even know existed.
A friend, once when she was jealous of her husband's unwanted attention upon me, ran into the bathroom and said she was going to kill herself w a plastic disposable Bic razor. She was an alcohol abuser. I told her if she ever tried that again I would never speak to her again. I had zero interest in her husband 😕 I think they had marital problems that had nothing to do w me. Another friend of mine threatened suicide if her husband ever left her. That was very manipulative. Their marriage seemed unhealthy. I'm not sure if either was serious. They both seemed manipulative. A serious attempt is what I did at my lowest point. I didn't threaten or manipulate anyone. I took two full bottles of zolpidem and Xanax. I immediately regretted it and called 911. Two weeks in an patient facility. Never again. I learned my lesson. Inpatient psych is a very horrifying experience. 😢 That place was hell.
Living in Aus; I had an unalive attempt where I called the ambos (when it didn't work). The ambos took me to hospital; but they were really scared of me. The nursing and hospital staff (including the phycologist and his student team) were really wary of me and looking at me like there was something wrong with me. When I was able to explain my situation and the crazy amount of stress that I was under, they were suddenly way more empathic and understanding
I began self-harming as a teenager. I lived in an abusive home and was sexual abused as a small child. I moved onto abusing alcohol and self-harming. I was first admitted to a hospital because of suicidal thoughts. I was abled to gain sobriety faster and easier than I was able to stop self-harming. My sponsor and my therpist began working with me to explore why I was doing it. I understood that there were things I wanted to say that I felt I couldn't. I began writing about it. So many things came out and I was able to stop self-harming when I could get the feelings out. A couple of years ago due to stress at work where I felt like I couldn't speak and wasn't being heard I had a few incident of self-harm by scratching myself with my fingernails. I know it is one of the things I do for that reason and as much as I can I at least try to write about it until I can talk with my therpist or someone in my life I trust that will listen. I found your assessment very respectful and compassionate. Thank you for talking about this subject in such a caring way.
I subscribed after seeing you on The Disturbing Truth! Here again. Super keen to binge on your content! I will be sure to share aswell because I cannot believe you don't have way more views but don't let that stop you from being an amazing human being and doing what you clearly love and enjoy. I feel like the saying, "You're one in a million " definitely applys to you 💙 I do feel like I was meant to come across your videos trying to deal and understand my current issues. Thank you for all your hard work. Much love from Aus :)
My daughter self harms, she doesn’t tell me her friends do. Now and again I see cuts, she been seeing a councillor but she’s still doing it. I don’t know how to help her. Sorry I’m just venting.
Finger cutting goes back in history. The native Indians of the US often would chop off a finger to express the grief and mounting of a close relative. I have known of people physically harming themselves in an attempt to subdue the mental and psychological pain their feeling. Your expertise here have been very explanative. Thank you Dr Das, 🌹
I was a cutter in high school, & to a lesser extent in early adulthood. I was abandoned as an infant by my heroin addict parents & raised by my maternal grandparents, thus ensuring I would have a constant reminder that my parents didn't care about me. My grandmother was incredibly physically abusive. My first suicide attempt was at age 9. It was guilt-fueled, as there was much fighting within my family when my grandparents attempted to have my mother's parental rights severed so that they could legally adopt me (which, ultimately, they did. After 4 years & 10 months of court hearings & social workers). In my young mind, everyone was fighting over me, so if I wasn't an issue, they wouldn't fight. They could be like a normal family. There was no chance of me being part of a normal family, so I thought it best to sacrifice my doomed life to give them a chance. Obviously, it didn't work, & as I got older I came to realize that they didn't really stand a chance at normalcy anyhow. I'm diagnosed with BPD (as well as PTSD, Bipolar, which I don't necessarily agree with, & mood disorder NOS). In addition to the cutting (which I view as a separate behavior than suicidal gesturing/attempts) I've overdosed on pills a number of times & attempted to hang myself twice. The overdoses were on occasion, a genuine attempt to kill myself, but at other times simply an attempt to render myself unconscious so as NOT to attempt suicide, to sleep till I felt differently, that either went too far, or were (umderstandably) misinterpreted by those around me. Cutting, as you said, is more of an attempt to draw attention (which I was not getting) to the fact that something was going wrong with me, that I needed psychiatric care. It also, again as you pointed out, releases endorphines, & thus reduces the perception of the pain within, & at the same time creates a "source" of pain that was otherwise free-floating & untraceable. Can I just say that Amber Heard is currently destroying any empathy anyone had for people suffering from BPD. It's not difficult enough, being on this crazy rollorcoaster of emotional dysregulation & the chaos it wreaks upon one's life, or that we are already THE most hated personality disorder of them all, with many mental health professionals refusing to treat us. Nope. Now we've got Amber Heard making us look even WORSE! Not only has she damaged Johnny Depps' reputation (which seems to be on the mend now that he's sued her & brought the situation to light), but she's REALLY damaging the reputation of the entire community of people who suffer from BPD! I've never faked an injury or leveled false accusations of domestic violence against anyone, & I'm in no way motivated by greed for money, or feel the need to be the center of attention (I actually HATE being the center of attention. I THINK that's more of a histrionic trait). These are not components of BPD, but thanks to Amber, they will be associated with BPD for many years to come. I've only just gotten comfortable sharing my diagnosis of BPD with people in recent years. It's made living with the disorder somewhat easier, as I can explain that I'm prone to personalize even the most innocuous criticism, & have disproportionate emotional responses that persist much longer than "normal" & apologize in advance if I get a little bit of hand. I think it's helpful to those who have to/choose to interact with me to understand my behavior before it manifests itself out of the clear blue sky, which it does less an less as I get older (I'm 53 now, almost 54, & like to think I've got a pretty good handle on it) & come up with more strategies to avoid these emotional outbursts. Also, most people won't be aware that there are 4 subtypes of BPD, & not every individual suffering from BPD is going to exhibit the same symptoms. We can be quite different from each other. For instance, I rarely experience uncontrolled anger (although I did more often in my youth, something I attribute to frustration at not understanding why I felt like I did, & lashing out at those closest to me) & have had scarce few dissociative events. The other 7 symptoms, though, all me. I'm a "quiet" or "waif" BPD, one of the 4 subtypes. And, statistically-speaking, I sort of disagree with you on the risk of suicide. 10-12% of individuals suffering from BPD die by suicide. That's compared to 1-2% of the general population. So we ARE about 10× more likely to die by suicide as members of the general population, & that is significant, although one might also argue that 88-90% of BPDs DON'T kill themselves. Here's the danger in not taking the BPDs suicide attempts seriously: If we don't get the response we're seeking, the attention we need for our very real mental health issue, we are likely to escalate the gesturing to signal that we need to be taken seriously. As the attempts escalate, so does the risk that we will succeed by accident, or wind up doing permanent damage to our kidneys, livers or brains. It can be unbelievably difficult to be in a relationship with a BPD, & that spills over into our platonic relationships as well. I understand why most people prefer to just not deal with us. But there are ways to mitigate our responses. There are ways of choosing your words so as to make it clear that it is not a personal attack. I recommend the e-book "4x4" for a very basic guide for how to best deal with us. It's 4 simple rules for the BPD & 4 for the person in the relationship with a BPD. As rudimentary as it is, with its Microsoft Word Clipart, & everything arranged in bullet points, it offers some really effective adaptations that can be made that will make being in a relationship with a BPD go MUCH more smoothly. I think a lot of the conflict & chaos between Johnny & Amber arose because of their very different approaches to conflict. Johnny seems to have preferred to retreat, to not discuss the point of contention while e.otions were high, which, by the way, I think is an excellent strategy. Unfortunately, the quickest way to send a BPD into a full-blown RAGE is to ignore them. Nearly as bad is to tell them their feelings aren't valid (we can't help how we feel. Feelings aren't right or wrong. They aren't facts. They're feelings) or that they are responding inappropriately (even though we are). So if you're gonna try to take that "when cooler heads prevail" approach, you have to make it abundantly clear that the discussion is not "over" & that the BPDs feelings WILL BE acknowledged & discussed later, after tempers have cooled. You might even designate a specific time that the issue will be revisited, in a couple of hours, after dinner, whenever, but not too far off in the future, coz the BPD is in pain & needs resolution asap, but resolution is not going to come if you're discussing the issue when they are in a heightened emotional state. Don't just walk away. It makes us think that you don't care about our feelings, like you're prioritizing your need for peace & quiet over our need to quell or pain. It makes us angry. Just be sure you make it clear that you're not downplaying their feelings, that you simply feel that both of you will have a more productive dialog when emotions aren't quite so near the surface, & that you want to have the most productive discussion of the matter possible, for both your sakes, & that THAT can best be achieved by postponing the discussion just slightly. Hell, it's even worth it to say that it's YOU who isn't thinking clearly, that YOU need a little time to clear YOUR head so you can more effectively discuss their issue. I know, I know, but it's better than losing a fingertip! Yeah, maybe best to just steer clear of us altogether, which is what's going to happen now that Amber has made us all look like a bunch of selfish, manipulative, deceptive MONSTERS! Thanks a lot, Amber! You've set us back by DECADES in terms of public opinion. I won't be sharing my diagnosis with people anymore, giving them any advanced warning of my mental health issues BEFORE they become major issues. Nope. I'll just suffer in silence & isolation. Yup. Thanks again Amber!, for giving everyone the worst possible impression of us. Where do I sign up to file MY defamation suit against her?
This case is just so sad… Johnny married (In my tiny mind) a narcissistic, diagnosed EUPD and Histrionic PD and he did the best he could while having addiction problems himself and an upbringing that he and his sister admit was completely toxic and abusive on the mothers side. I am totally #TeamDepp on this one and from comments I read the majority of sensible people are also on his side. I sincerely hope that this time the court rules in his favour otherwise it’s an absolute travesty. BTW not that it really matters but I’m female.
This and your other 6 self harm misconceptions have been very helpful to understanding the behavioral of a young woman I was close to. She had challenges but was able to get treatment and continue on to live a reasonably normal life as a mother.
I used to self harm (I have BPD & Bipolar). I think part of my self harm was because I felt like a boiling kettle or a volcano, so much emotion and pain and it was a release somehow or got the pain on the outside (only small, superficial cuts bar one time when I punched a window without safety glass). I also self harm in a way with binge eating to try to control the huge pain this causes. I managed to give up the cutting, but the eating issue is a lifelong battle so I hope DBT, when I can get it and afford it, will help
Thank you for being fair about this subject. When I self harmed (cut my wrist) it wasn’t attention seeking - I was so ashamed what I put my family thru.. I was so anxious I felt like a caged animal. Any logical thoughts were irrelevant.
I think what I used to do to myself qualifies as self-harm. I used to hit myself in the head. It started when I was about 10-11 yrs old. I think my father may have undiagnosed NPD. At any rate, he was relentlessly critical, insulting, and demeaning, no matter how good my grades, how well behaved I was, no matter how obedient i was. He wasn’t loving or caring. If I was sick, he accused me of faking and wouldn’t take me to see a doctor. My mother would eventually take me. My mother always said he loved me very much and was doing what was best for me. I always self harmed in private, while hiding in my closet, to muffle the sounds of my hands pounding my skull. My father’s rages were terrifying. He didn’t hit me, but the verbal assaults during his rages were profoundly cruel, and let me know that he thought I was human garbage. I thought he would kill me with his bare hands, one day. To me, it felt like the self harm was like him hurting me. It was like a small fraction of the unexpressed physical harm he was meant to inflict on me. It felt very much deserved, when I hit myself, back then. I now see things very differently. I cut contact with my parents, went back into therapy, and finally put a stop to my life long depression. Most of my anxiety is manageable now. It took me a few years to learn to manage my emotions and anxiety and to love myself. But I made it. And I no longer self harm.
I’ve done self abuse since I was an infant as part of my autistic meltdowns. I never plan them, they just happen. In some ways, I think creating physical pain takes away the emotional pain when it’s just too unbearable in that moment.
Anytime I have self-harmed, it was not logical at all…the only logical way I have been able to explain it is, it’s an effort to put the pain on the inside onto the outside. And now that I am out of the situations that caused me to self harm…I notice the urge only comes when I feel like I am supposed to be able to control something that I cannot, and I feel ashamed of that and do not know what to do, and panic. So, I know people with loved ones who self harm say things like, please don’t hurt yourself, etc., and I’ve never found any of those sayings to help…I’ve had to come to the realization of what the root issue is for myself and address it there, if that makes sense. Also- as an aside, my self-harm was something I hid from others, although in some extreme cases I did begin to self harm in front of another person when under extreme distress.
It does increase your mood... It's numbing and an instant sigh of relief. When I did it over 10 years ago and got found out about it because blood went through my shirt I tried to explain this to people, but people didn't understand. And people automatically thought I was suicidal but I wasn't at all.
It’s heartbreaking to hear Pamela’s story. Hope she got lots of help and is in a happier place. ❤️ Bringing a life into the world and letting them down is hard for me to understand.
I've never deliberately self-harmed (cutting); I'm far too squeamish. However, I remember accidentally ripping the flesh in my hand trying to close a cheap window/door; I was stressed and my mind was racing. Hurting my hand made that all go away for a while and made me focus. I can get why people self-harm in that respect.
My tuppence worth re self harm. My sister used to self harm, I don't know why I describe her arms as like lumps of meat, just so much scar tissue. It was not for attention, but as a release (her description). She did come to me or call me a handful of times, when she had gone too far and bone was exposed. She did call me after overdosing 2 or 3 times. She overdosed also a handful of times. In the end she hung herself. In no way was she trying to get attention, just trying to escape memories. I also worked in a Mental health unit for a long time, and saw as you say a few reasons why some did. It took more time for me to finally break, now I forget how to spell, or what I had for dinner yesterday can be a struggle to recall. People who know me well try to work out the word I have lost in the moment. I find the love you give at the end of your videos warming, for some reason I believe you.
Thank you for being careful with your words. I’m not one to express my past with self-harm in any kind of detail, and I’m certainly not going to on a public RUclips video (from experience of commenting on videos here) but it was a horrendous time. Thankfully, I’m on an incredible anti-depressant - mirtazapine - which has really helped me quit doing such harmful behaviour. Thank you for highlighting the reasons people do self harm. I believe most people are incredibly ignorant when it comes to this topic and hopefully this video can help educate people and help people not judge those who do use self-harm as a coping mechanism or other reasons.
Wow what a great speech!! I needed to practice as a nurse for a few weeks, I did it on gastroenterology, and when one of their ex employee came there because she had some issues, stuff started to talk such bad things about that woman that I couldn't believe just because she became an alcoholic, even though I never met the woman before I got to know it then and plus how they downgraded her
Lowest point of the entire trial. Both JD and AH pretty much curled up while listening. This trial has been made into news fodder, but it's actually very sad for everyone involved.
You always read my ❤ , I was dying to know what you thought of the psychiatrist”s testimony of Amber’s Borderline diagnosis and that massive 500+ questionnaire resulting in her analysis that Amber was faking PTSD 🙃 that cross was getting a bit tense.
I found the NHS a complete waste of time. A youth mentor took the time to listen and helped me understand and break SH behaviour from childhood. The care and empathy she had shown was invaluable. I wish I could say thank you.
I haven't seen where anyone has brought up that he self mutilated as a teenager and has permanently scarred himself from that time. I read a book on him while in school and it was the first time I saw it talked about and ... I hate to say but it made me feel better. It made me feel like I wasn't alone. That someone else had actually gone through what I was currently going through and they made it out the otherside and became successful in their life despite their struggles. I read that book at a time I was contemplating offing myself again after failing and it made me pause. I'm very thankful for finding that in the school library at that time but I'm absolutely certain if the school system had know that tid bit was in there it would've never been there lol. I personally understand what it's like and it is very similar to having an addiction or it may actually become an addiction I'm not sure..but it's something where you can do really well for a while and then relapse... if that makes sense. A very destructive coping mechanism that if you try really hard you can stop but as you get stressed or hurt your brain will fall right back to it and its hard to resist. Anyway, I'll see if i can find the title of it because it talked about his upbringing and struggles. This was... 16 or so years ago so I can't remember the title or if it was an autobiography or not. I'll find it and I shall return one day to share.
They have a nationwide crisis text line I used to volunteer for it. We had to determine risk assessment. Yet none of us were doctors or had any background in psychology. Yeah we were to determine if a person on the text line for crisis counseling was at risk to harm themselves or others. I have found this intriguing as well as dangerous. He had to be careful not to say the wrong thing and with no training whatsoever in psychology how would we possibly know that. Dave give you this study program for 2 weeks and you had to read and the computer graded you if you passed or not to handle people who are in crisis. We would volunteer so there was no exchange of any money. I always thought that prevention line or across the hotline would have or I would be talking to an actual professional not just a regular person like myself
I think only Amber testified that he actually cut himself, Johnny testified he had threatened or “offered” to. I don’t know about you but I’ve discounted all of her testimony
Sadly way too often some of our patients who self harm get treated very badly in the A&E department. It is getting a bit better now there is a liason mental health nurse based there. But they are only there during the day
Picking at wounds but never for attention. I don't like anyone knowing. I've been working with a wonderful therapist. I do it when I think about stressful situations. One is ongoing and I'm not sure when or if it'll be resolved. Poor grammar.
“I Need Help” wise words Doc. Suicidal feelings are often a red flag yelling…I have a problem- I need to make some changes in my world. Can self harm also be a fetish? Bloody Hell! - response to your worst self harm patient.
My mother had Histrionic traits she was unstable. Her love for my father was very strong so she wasn’t the cheating type but she was out of control if she felt she wasn’t in control. She had some narcissistic behavior as well. She ruined her daughters, she ruined her childrens love for each other, she was masterful at pitting her children against each other to get the perfect outcome SHE desired. She was jealous of her daughters love for her father he was stable. She would set up this hysterical scenario by phoning him at work and screaming because she was out of control and blame shifted this onto a 4 year old who was just playing. She would set this up so she got all the attention when he came home. She wanted to make him angry at the kids before he even arrived! She wanted that control ☠️
people self harm because they are in so much emotional pain that the pain of cutting yourself would be a relief from the emotional pain . for the 15 - 30 minutes you suffer the physical pain of self harm, it is 15-30 mins of relief and distraction from your emotional pain. and the physical pain of cutting yourself is a lesser pain than the emotional pain you are feeling.
If AH said Depp threated to cut himself, she cut herself. She's that messed up that she's done this switcheroo several times (of course I haven't been following the trial; who does that? **shifty eyes** ). Depp told her the last time he saw her that it'd be the last time she saw his eyes, and he hasn't looked at her since. That's why his head was down, and why it's been down when she's on the stand. The tissue issue I missed, so no comment. AH does have scars on her left forearm, on the soft tissue that's within easy reach when you bend your elbow up. She claims she got the scars in Australia, when he assaulted her. He says he didn't assault her. Cutters say the scars are from cutting, and they do look intentional. GREAT video on the reasons people engage in self-harm. Most people cannot wrap their heads around why someone would do it, and the media doesn't help the public's understanding. Except for now, as this video is media. Well done, yet again, Dr. Das!
Hey doctor I've got a really funny thing with other people's blood makes my arms tense up the thought of it 😨😨😨 but I'm not scared of blood? Is there a term for this? Thanks 👍
While I would really like to hear the chat with the police officer who hung himself.... I'm just afraid it would bring back to many memories from my fiancee. But it does make me SUPER intrigued into his thoughts at the time, at the time he was hanging there etc.... but I dint want to re-live my experience as the suicide survivor either. I started self harming at 12... anytime I have ever cut myself, I'm trying to escape the mental pain... I would rather feel the pain physically bc I've been dealing with the mental and emotional pain too much. Luckily I have not done that in.... well over a decade Good video man!
Is this cutting and slashing all about control? Surely there must be some self hatred involved? The last story of that girl really made my skin crawl, good lord!! 😢
I find self harming so sad it would have to take extreme inner pain for a person to get to that stage,as they are inflicting physical pain on themselves to relieve their emotional pain. I did catch your Dr Grande joke🤣
Hi Dr.Das, I've known people in my life who were like this and it was never a successful attempt. Hopefully these types can get their minds, with the right mental health diagnosis, back on track. Your videos are very informative and helpful. Love and awesome times to you and hope y'all are doing well, peace, Janine Smiley😀😎🤩😍🙂
I have complex mental illness and self harm is part of that. I don’t do it for attention, I do it for self something reasons, I know it sounds awful but the emotions that I feel are so overwhelming I can’t take it anymore. I have attempted suicid* but self harm for me is different. I do not take drugs or alcohol. I don’t talk about it with anyone as they judge me!
Great video. Unless you have struggled with dysregulation self harm can be difficult to understand. A Dialectical behaviour therapy technique to try as well as rubber bands is holding ice cubes in your hands.
I started self harming when i was 15. Im 24 now and luckily ive stopped but before then i had already destroyed my arms and legs. I now have thousands of scars some i shouldve gotten stitches for but didnt. I self harmed because i was severely depressed suffering with other stuff on top of that. Sometimes i did self harm because i wanted someone to see how bad i was hurting but at the same time i cut to bleed out which obviously didnt work. Cutting and burning was so addicting it no longer mattered how i felt i had to do it
When fellow colleagues would say of patients “ oh they’re attention -seeking” my response was always, yes, let’s pay attention!! ( no I’m not perfect but I had not grown cynical thank goodness )
Great listening too very interesting and of course sad to hear on some parts , I wonder if AH got sick of saying “that is correct or that is in correct “ because I got sick of listening to her saying this , which is not like me I don’t ever get annoyed at a person’s answers to questions however I very much did hers , She as a new Mam surely red flags have been raised due to her use of the English language bearing in mind this child soley relies on her new Mamma I’d be very concerned for this little girl after listening to AH and hope social services somewhere are too , anyhow loved this video as always ❤️
I haven't been following this Heard/Depp case, but to me, if he said "There's a way for the pain to go away," and he was planning to cut himself, that sounds like he's speaking from experience and this wasn't the first time.
I'm not going to watch this one any longer than to say.......listen to the WHOLE AUDIO. Cutting himself was not his idea, it was Ambers. Also, she pushes and pushes and pushes him emotionally to do it. She even goes so far as to threaten to cut herself when he won't cut himself. He doesn't want her to damage her "beautiful" skin. So he agrees to cut himself. He even says something like: "Ok, I'll do it so you don't have to." Although, he really never does cut himself. Also, take into consideration that Amber has a history of self-harm specifically cutting herself. Amber's whole thing is for SHOW. What's played in the courtroom is only a minute portion of the audio tape. You are hearing it out of context. This audio is a prime example of what Johnny went though with Ambers emotional manipulation while he was with her and how absolutely horrible she was to him. The audio was on RUclips on "Incredibly Average's" channel. OR it was shortly after the UK trial. Which is when I heard it. I suspect that your evaluation will be pretty close to spot on here. But this is not representative of what is REALLY in the unedited version of the audio.
Oh my goodness that poor girl!! Did she survive? Did she get top treatment by Dr Das?? You left us hanging there.... Maybe she's ok now..... poor girl....💕
So I’m autistic, 6:45 I think he nailed it. I first SHed at around 12 because I was being bullied and family were not behaving appropriately. I didn’t hit anyone or bite anyone because I knew how bad it was .
Then there's people who do things like self harm,faking asma attacks like my sister who does and did this kind of thing all the time, which is a negative way of attention seeking which is also for attention in a manipulative way. She would create a bad situation. Saying vile things, then fake an asma attack ri make you feel sorry for her so she couldn't be blamed for starting the problem in the 1st place, or if people are all sat talking and she wasn't in the conversation for a lenghth of time, she would do it then too. I went out for a drink with her and a friend once. My sister hadn't invited me because she hates me. But her friend did. I was about 18, and because she came bk from the toilet and me and her friend were getting along really well. She ran off and when we found her, she was having an asma attack, or so we thought, rang an ambulance and started laughed and ran off. Shes done it to get out of fights when shes slept with people she shouldn't. The list is Endless. She blames me for our father abusing me. She actually said, why did he do that to me and not her. Why did he love me more. Like wtf kinda twisted shit is that?. She used to ring me when she was drunk to bring all that horrible shit up. Then when she got me angry or upset, she'd then say she loved me and wouldn't stop ringing or put the phone down until i said it back. And I never wanted to after all that crap. She would ring other times to bitch about our mother saying it was all her fault. Which is somewhat true. She knew what was happening and ignored it. Way more to it than that. But wouldn't put details on here. Shes always been horrible. Setting up skipping ropes to pull it tight around your neck if you were ridding down the road on your bike. Or putting roller skates under a step so you would hurt yourself. She would lay on the floor screaming for no reason ever since I can remember. Buy sweets for my other siblings and not let me have any and make sure they didn't give me any either. Just weird spiteful stuff. And she'd get a kick out of it too. Then if there's a wedding or funeral or some family thing, she'll make a point of sitting alone , in my opinion to see how many people will ask her to join in or ask her if shes ok. Then when that didn't work anymore,she gets drunk and is overly friendly, trying to hug and kiss you just to invade your space because she knows it makes me uncomfortable. And laughing the whole time. I could go on but I'd be here all day. Ive actually had to cut her off altogether for my own mental health. Shes even gone as far as telling her friend she was dying of cancer just after this friends dad had committed suicide, just for attention. She loves to fight men until they have to physically restrain her, then she starts screaming like shes the victim. Ive seen her do it, and you don't want to know the things shes done while she had 3 children. She had a social worker. But she always acted like a victim, so they never took her kids away from her. We've all tried to get her help, but she is having non of it. She thinks she's fine. What kind of disorder would you characterise that. Id say more than 1 from what you've said. I'd say., Bpd and hpd aswell as a narcissist. She 52 years old and she is still the same. Drinking makes her this over the top inappropriate loving invading your space, but you wouldn't dare rell her to go away because then she gies ri the other extreme. She did that to mother once, it took 4 meb to get her off my mother. Then she wwnt outside and did the fake asma attack thing, an ambulance came for her, and she sat in the ambulance smirking at her. I think she coukd be very dangerous. But everyone Pampers to her because they don't want to deal with her agressive retaliation. So she is bein enabled. Her kids have been through hell with her. And I feel for them, becauyshe sis these things to me too,but worse. I suppose she loves her kids in her own way. She's hard to be around. And if you were to send her for help, she woukd act like she was perfectly normal and deny everything and use the victim card. How can you deal with a person like that when you have no choice but be around her?
10:29 one time a junior doctor at Whittington hospital A&E was tasked with giving me stitches and he decided he needed to first question me about hidden SH and I showed him where it was hidden on my foot and shoulder. For whatever reason didn’t believe me, he said he had to inspect my genitals. I didn’t even know breasts were genitals but he spent ages looking despite my saying I didn’t SHthere, because I just pretend my breasts don’t exist lol. But after checking my obviously unwounded breasts for some time he said he had to check in my underwear which I thought was odd because the wound was on my stomach. A nurse came in and they spoke outside the curtain then a different junior dr came in and forgot to use lidocaine to do the tummy stitches 🤦♀️
I saw my brother kill my father. I think that was the most visibly traumatic. I self harm with food, drugs, weed, not taking care of myself, those types of behaviors. 😑
Do people with BPD necessarily have to take drugs, alcohol and make risky decisions? I think I might know somebody who has it. They explode with anger, put you on a pedestal but can be disparaging toward you if in a mood or you say something that upsets them. 🤔 This person doesn't take drugs or alcohol excessively and does make sensible cautious decisions in terms of employment. However they stay in a dysfunctional marriage because they say they 'love' their partner, who they argue with everyday. They told me they wanted to end their life when their partner left them many years ago.
I've heard the tape from the incident you're referring to two or three times. Never did I hear him "cut" himself...nor did I hear him cut her or her cut him. It just didn't happen. He explained that she'd taken everything from him and on the spir of the moment, he pulled out a pocket knife and told her to cut him. His point was that she'd taken everything from him but his blood, so she should take that, too. I'm not sure why he did that...you'd know better than I. I had thought about it but I'm not an expert. A couple of things to keep in mind... 1).they had spent the night together in that hotel and had sex & this happened the morning after....2). and you can hear "her" making comments telling him not only not to cut himself but for him not to cut her. I think she said that for the audio and to get more evidence.
This video should have a self-harm warning. Not sure if I didn't see it because I've previously said okay, but admittedly the content of this video made my stomach turn. Can anyone confirm if they received a warning?
When I was very depressed I felt that if I cut myself it would ease the terrible emotional pain which felt physically in my body. Fortunately as I was a psychiatric nurse it helped me have insight and I knew that this was not the answer to my pain. I have never self-harmed but I think I can understand a little why some people self-harm. (
Thank you for such an informative video. It’s very important that people understand that self harm doesn’t always have one or two meaning. I wanted to ask you about another case of self harm that has been spoken about recently a lot regarding the Marilyn Manson allegations. In one of the incidents with his ex girlfriend Evan Rachel Wood, apparently she wasn’t answering his phone calls. In his interviews he says that he called her 158 times and each time made a cut on his face to “display the amount of pain she was causing him on his face every time she didn’t answer his calls”. The whole thing is too complicated to be explained with this one piece of information since the two sides of the story have different ways of describing what happened. But do you think you could comment about what you think about this?
He didn't self harm, that is not what happened in the audio. He was offering his blood as he said that's the only thing she hadn't taken. It also came up in trial that Amber had evidence of cuts on her arms - old scars. That is why she knew cutting doesn't actually help.
Yeah, under extreme conditions triggering anger/self hatred, I will cut, and it will bring me back down. I do not do this in front of people! I'm doing DBT hoping it helps.
He wasn’t self harming. He said she had taken everything from him except his blood. Did she want that too? If she wouldn’t cut him, he’d do it for her, so she could have the last thing he had, his blood, or his life. He was at the very end of his hope that she would change and love him.
Maybe he just got very drunk and decided he wanted another tatoo. Seriously though in my experience self-harm is to a certain extent a way of channeling or deflecting negative instincts or emotions into a core value. Your mental stresses suddenly become very insignificant when your body is physically under threat. Thankfully, (very), it's not something I ever "got into". Sorry if I haven't explained myself very well.
I think RUclips or deleted my comment. In 2013 (I think April/may) at Whittington A&E a junior dr stitched my tummy without lidocaine. I think he forgot because there was a fuss made by a nurse after a different junior doctor wanted to look in my underwear. I don’t understand why he needsd to but everyone made a terrible fuss. And he did weird stitches that couldn’t get taken out properly so I still have his stitches inside my skin lol
She made him break his restraining order and said audio was in a hotel room and he was telling her to take his blood Cus she’s taken everything else off him (DV claims)
To qualify, JD and AH don't interest me. You do because you are in a position of authority and power in a priesthood of a discipline with debatable value and have stated you want more authority and power. Why?
He’s an empath. He says to her “I thought you were broken and I could fix you”. That’s what he does. Anyone who knows him will tell you that. Even when he’s drunk and/or high he still displays high levels of emotional intelligence. She nags him for his drinking. He says it’s because he’s sick of all the fighting. “ You blame me, it’s my fault” she whines. “No”, he replies calmly “it’s not your fault, you’re not to blame. It’s what I do”. He tries everything he knows. To try to smooth things over doesn’t work. To argue back doesn’t work. To leave the room makes it much worse. She gives him a present of a knife. There is an ambiguous message on it. She’s taken everything from him. He tells her to take his blood. He has nothing else left, not even his own self-image as a kind, caring man. He’s not self-harming. He’s a victim.
I struggled with self harm for almost 30 years. I did eventually try to end my life.
The attorney who helped me qualify for disability benefits told me that I was the most extreme case of self harm that he'd seen in his 30 years of practice.
My father is a tyrannical sadist and a violent pedophile who had romantic feelings for me. He taught me that I was unlovable, that it was a burden to love me and it was unlikely that anyone would other than him would love me. The sexual assault started when I was about 18 months old and continued until I was about 8 years old. I wasn't allowed to show signs of physical or emotional distress, even while he was hurting me or screaming at me. I wasn't allowed walk away from him with out his permission. If I did, he would grab me by the back of my neck, throw me face down and step on my back with enough force to cause pain. If he was beating and screaming at one of my brothers, I had to pretend that it wasn't happening. If I had been watching TV, I had to pretend that I was still watching it. If I did anything that caught his attention, he would turn his rage on me.
I certainly wasn't allowed to express anger towards him.
When I started cutting, I kept it a secret. I didn't want attention for it. I think that deep down, I wanted to eviscerate my father and turning on myself was the only way that I had to express my extreme frustration, hurt and anger. There were times when I was really sad and I thought that I deserved to be punished, so I would punish myself. I have been in a lot of relationships that included domestic violence. When they abused me, I felt helpless to stop it and it would trigger me to self harm. I have had at least one partner who would trigger me on purpose, knowing that it would result in me harming myself. I have been sexually assaulted a lot, when I was an adult. Some of the assailants were intimate partners.
I have given myself a third degree burn with hot meter. I had to have professional would care for 2 months. I have bruised my shins with heavy metal objects. Cutting was the most common for me. I had to have lacerations sutured in the Emergency room more times than I can remember. The worst one needed 40 sutures.
There were times when the medical doctor who was repairing the damage would be angry with me and would be extra rough with me, which was the last thing that I needed. The psychiatric ward that I was locked up in, was little more than a cage. There was no treatment to stabilize me. If I tried to interact with the staff, they would become annoyed with me and keep the interaction as brief as possible. There were always staff sitting in the ward, but they ignored the patients. I would be kept in the ward until the psychiatrist came to the ward to asses me. He would spend 10 minutes with me at most. Usually, he would ask if I planned on hurting myself again. I would answer his question and he would discharge me. One of those times, I told him that I wasn't going to hurt myself until the current wound healed. He prescribed tranquilizers. When I asked how much it would take to kill myself, he said that I could safely take the entire bottle of pills. I was locked up in that ward for self harm more times than I can possibly remember. It was just a place to be locked up until the psychiatrist told me that I could go.
When I self harmed, I wasn't usually under the influence of substances. It wasn't a choice that I made. It was a compulsion that was out of my control. I always tried to fight the compulsion. I don't think that I ever self harmed in front of anyone.
I lost the urge to self harm in 2019. I was in a dangerous relationship. My partner was a danger to my life. He wanted us to die together, he wanted to die in a shootout and he kept a gun with in his reach most of the time. When I told him about the sexual abuse from my father, he didn't believe me and he told my family what I'd said. When I told my father about the domestic violence, he didn't believe me.
I got to the point where I couldn't force myself to be in that situation, but I also decided that I didn't want my husband to murder me. I packed my bags and went to a safehouse for survivors of domestic violence. From there, I got my affairs in order and left town with out telling anyone.
I have a good life, now. I cut off contact with my family and started trauma therapy. I haven't had the urge to harm myself since I left
Im proud of you. Please stay alive, we need you in this world. What you wrote gave me a lot of strenght. I love you, please don't give up ❤
@@youusedtocallmeonmyshellphone6 Thank you so much. I am very determined to stay alive and healthy. Thank you for valuing me. I am will value myself no matter what, but it still feels good to hear it from other people
@@Ona1979 of course I value you. People like you inspire me so much, especially during the toughest times. I don't know and probably never will know you, but I value your existence and I'm happy to know you're doing fine. You're an amazing person and as I said, we really, REALLY need you in this world. So make sure you stay as long as you can.
I am soooo glad that you now have a good life, and that you were strong enough to leave a dangerous relationship when all you ever knew were abusive ones! Repetition compulsion is something I’ve practiced my entire life until I finally left my last boyfriend, a super manipulative and emotionally abusive covert narcissist. Maybe you too? I’ve always been a magnet for narcissists and abusive men. I grew up in a very dysfunctional household with an angry alcoholic and learned from an early age I was unlovable and not useful unless I was meeting my parents’ needs or playing mediator in their effed up marriage. I really can’t remember a day without anxiety. I was really self-destructive and had a severe eating disorder for years. It was like my best friend and the one thing I could control in my life, the one thing that was consistently there. It was self-soothing, and obviously maladaptive. I practiced some other forms of self-harm, usually when I was really angry at myself (lots of self hate) but cutting was something I honestly think I deliberately stayed away from because I knew it was unhealthy, I had an addictive personality and was so OCD. It makes a lot of sense that you self-harmed. It was something that was yours. Your childhood was full of trauma from a very early age. Every day, you lived in fear and under stress in the place you were supposed to feel safe. You couldn’t show emotions, and your most basic boundaries weren’t respected (which is probably why, like me, you had so many abusive partners). You had no idea how to deal with all that! Self-harm/cutting was a way you coped with the terrible pain and anger and all those emotions. It was maladaptive, but you didn’t have any other resources. And it was something that was yours. It’s obviously more complicated, but I’m just so sorry for all that you’ve gone through and I admire your strength and am so happy you discovered your worth! I know it never fully goes away, but you can have a wonderful life and you deserve it!!! (:
@@Ona1979 I read every word of your comment. I just wanted to let you know, just in case it should ever slip your mind, there are lots of people out in the world that actually do care about someone they know little to nothing about and most likely will never even meet in person. Your story touched a nerve in me and is quite similar to what I experienced as a child except there was no SA in my case. What I went through was horrible and quite frankly I'm lucky to still be alive today. Be it at my own hand or the hand of another, I've been close to death on more than 1 occasion. Someone reached out to me similarly to how I'm reaching out to you and that person has no idea they turned my life around unfortunately. It was just a short comment of couple of sentences but what that person said really struck a cord with me. They told me basically I AM LOVED and Loveable. You too are LOVED, Loveable and cared for. I CARE!! God Bless you as you continue on in life and may you continue to find inner peace. 🙏 💛
No one has said about how actively Depp avoided conflict because that is so indicative of surviving childhood conflict. Its a pretty extreme coping strategy but very deeply ingrained. Its also at the bottom of so much cutting behaviour. I'm extremely conflict avoidant because the emotional tsunami I experience is so damaging to me personally. I can see it in Depp as clearly as I can see Heard's BPD and histrionic personality disorder.
THIS. EXACTLY THIS. I've survived a 10yr Narc abusive relationship plus childhood trauma. I always want to go away, walk away, and if I'm prevented from that I often end up just shutting down and going basically mute.
After 5 decades, I still haven't stopped running away (or trying) from my own conflict fears. Whenever conflict appears I can't even think straight. It's like I go blind and just run. When I'm not running, I'm sneaking around trying not to draw attention to myself.
He cut his finger off
ruclips.net/video/FnJb8qD_S3Y/видео.html
@@wintergarden7539 Exactly! I feel ya
@@GentleRayneASMR But we are survivors, so whatever works.
Thank you for not judging those that self harm "just for attention". I believe that if you are willing to go to such an extreme because you don't feel seen you do need help and should be given acces to it.
This is precisely why I started self-harming. I had suffered with panic disorder/health anxiety for over three years and had developed severe depression as a result. I hurt myself in front of my family to show how bad i was feeling inside. I wasn't getting adequate medical help and hated waking up every day. Life was painful and the self harm episodes acted, i suppose as a desperate form of self expression, an externalisation of internal pain. I was also on a ton of tranquilisers and was strung out on them. Thankfully, I was referred to an excellent psychiatrist who got me on off the bad meds and onto the right meds. Then I was referred to a brilliant clinical psychologist who could help me largely overcome my anxiety and depression. Once I was no longer in crisis the episodes of self harm stopped.
I still undergo therapy from time to time when I feel I need it but thankfully the really dark days are in the past.
@@AlisonBryen Just wanna say that I'm glad you're doing better. I admire that you are working on yourself. **Fist Bump** from NY.
I started self harming when I got involved in a relationship with a girl who introduced me to it. She was from a broken house and I wanted to be with her and share the experience (I was 17 she was 16). Self harming gave me the release and at the same time my own family started to falling apart so I just went with it. In my case I never wanted people around me to see my wounds always hiding (until it was impossible). When I cut myself with the razor I had this storm of accusations against me in my head and cuts gave me relief like nothing else in this world. It lasted for 3 years and my hands are full of scars, 2 suicidal attempts by OD the antidepressants. Spend 2 moths in psych ward and it did help for some time but still it is a long way out of hell
I am so sorry that that's how things went for you. I had a friend at university he told me later about his self harm and I was so upset for him. He showed me and I didn't know what to do but try comfort him. It was real it wasn't for attention. It's awful to fight and he told me it's a release which I believe, I just wish people could find another way to release their pain that's not harming themselves.
“When I self- harm I watch Dr Grande videos” that actually cracked me up 🤣🤣. My favourite joke of yours yet. I went off him a while a back.
“You went off him” we will help you stay off the wagon 😂😂❤
@@sarahjoy8479 😂😂😂
@@technology12154 I mean ON the wagon 🤣🤣🤣 I was thinking of Johnny Depp when he said he fell off and started drinking again lol
@@sarahjoy8479 I love Johnny Depp now, he seems like a lovely guy
Love the comment about Dr Grande. If I want to throw something at the wall I watch this loser.
HE WASNT SELF HARMING, he explained the audio of what he was talking about when he testified, she is lying saying he did it to himself.
Thank you for saying that Jonny did not self harm❤
He wasn't using anything during this recording though..
The context:
They already split.
He was out of country and she went and filed a false TRO against him for abuse that never occurred.
When he got back to the States he was working in several states when their mutual friend/agent asked him to meet him in San Francisco and talk to AH.
He couldn't see why she wanted to talk with him, she already tarnished his reputation, he was already suffering from her lie and they were divorcing. On top of it she was asking him to break the restraining order.
He worked it out with lawyers to get an okay to go see want she wanted.
He hoped she wished to retract her false statement but she really just wanted to mess with his head some more and try to get back with him.
He told her he had nothing left to give her and pleaded with her to tell him what she wanted from him and why he was there. Which is what he was saying on the part of the audio AH's lawyers conveniently left out. He explained he was emotionally and mentally depleted and told her all he had left was his blood, it was the only thing she didn't have and if she wanted to use the pocket knife and take his blood. She declined and he said I'll do it for you, what do you want? He was actually crying on the audio. And she kept messing with his head instead of leaving him alone.
It's horrible that we all heard this audio, it's so private.
I thought she even looked ashamed of herself for having recorded that! Maybe I’m giving her too much credit but that was too much. If she ever loved him, she wouldn’t have handed over that tape, IMO.
I love your topics. Bring em' on.
I've been in mental health work for 18 years now. My first MH job was in a methadone clinic. I had a man on my caseload who I had worked with for two years. He was stable, never had any positive UDS's, and was always joking and kidding around. He had done so well that he only had to come in once a month to pick up a 28 day supply. The last day I saw him, I noticed nothing unusual about him. That night his cousin committed suicide. The next morning my client took the 28 day supply of 80 MG methadone. He sat down in his recliner, and begin as methadone is time release, over the next several hours he faded away.
His wife says she came home at lunch and he was responsive. She asked him if he wanted to go to the hospital and he said "no." She went back to work thinking he had, had a sun stroke and he was dead when she came home. He left no note or ever indicated he was suicidal.
I've always wondered if I missed something. I've wondered if he had of been able to contact me would be have done so? I will never know now but it has always haunted me. It's the ones that give no indication that are concerning.
I'm rather tired of this profession and would love to change careers.
For what it's worth, thank you for caring about these people and I hope you find something that resonates more with you.
Having accepted suicidal ideation from childhood as baseline when I found strategies to over ride the thoughts.
I've never acted on it and I'm 63 years old now.
I've never tried to OD.
I learned from reading "Bright Red Scream" that some of my symptoms skate the edge of this behavior while the structural coping mechanism is operating.
It's a sense of regaining lost autonomy via the last option available, imho
I'm 54 & have been plagued by suicidal ideation since childhood as well. My first suicide attempt was at age 9. I also had to come up with strategies to resist these urges. It's something I've had to learn to live with, & it hasn't always been easy. I've found that having a dog, another living thing that depends on me, to be a very effective deterrent.
Stay strong 💪🏼✌🏼
@@nannettefreeman7331 glad you got the dog. I noticed that my car would drift towards the highway rails if I were alone, never with a passenger.
What works for me is concocting a plan that would require too much effort to complete, accepting responsibility for my autonomy. And clear political statement made by events without combustibles.(immoliation)
The Bright Red Scream book was difficult to read. Some extreme examples of self harm.
Deborah, thank you for your insight. I 'm not familiar with the subject and your comment made me see it from a viewpoint which I didn't even know existed.
Hospital staff have been the most dangerous ppl to my mental health
Former self harmer, proud to say it hasn't been apart of my life for well over a decade or more, and Dr Das is spot on.
He didn’t cut himself if you had watched the entire thing. He explained it during his testimony.
A friend, once when she was jealous of her husband's unwanted attention upon me, ran into the bathroom and said she was going to kill herself w a plastic disposable Bic razor. She was an alcohol abuser. I told her if she ever tried that again I would never speak to her again. I had zero interest in her husband 😕 I think they had marital problems that had nothing to do w me. Another friend of mine threatened suicide if her husband ever left her. That was very manipulative. Their marriage seemed unhealthy. I'm not sure if either was serious. They both seemed manipulative. A serious attempt is what I did at my lowest point. I didn't threaten or manipulate anyone. I took two full bottles of zolpidem and Xanax. I immediately regretted it and called 911. Two weeks in an patient facility. Never again. I learned my lesson. Inpatient psych is a very horrifying experience. 😢 That place was hell.
Hope your life is more stable now
Living in Aus; I had an unalive attempt where I called the ambos (when it didn't work). The ambos took me to hospital; but they were really scared of me. The nursing and hospital staff (including the phycologist and his student team) were really wary of me and looking at me like there was something wrong with me. When I was able to explain my situation and the crazy amount of stress that I was under, they were suddenly way more empathic and understanding
I began self-harming as a teenager. I lived in an abusive home and was sexual abused as a small child. I moved onto abusing alcohol and self-harming. I was first admitted to a hospital because of suicidal thoughts. I was abled to gain sobriety faster and easier than I was able to stop self-harming. My sponsor and my therpist began working with me to explore why I was doing it. I understood that there were things I wanted to say that I felt I couldn't. I began writing about it. So many things came out and I was able to stop self-harming when I could get the feelings out.
A couple of years ago due to stress at work where I felt like I couldn't speak and wasn't being heard I had a few incident of self-harm by scratching myself with my fingernails.
I know it is one of the things I do for that reason and as much as I can I at least try to write about it until I can talk with my therpist or someone in my life I trust that will listen.
I found your assessment very respectful and compassionate. Thank you for talking about this subject in such a caring way.
stay well
I subscribed after seeing you on The Disturbing Truth! Here again. Super keen to binge on your content! I will be sure to share aswell because I cannot believe you don't have way more views but don't let that stop you from being an amazing human being and doing what you clearly love and enjoy. I feel like the saying, "You're one in a million " definitely applys to you 💙 I do feel like I was meant to come across your videos trying to deal and understand my current issues. Thank you for all your hard work. Much love from Aus :)
My daughter self harms, she doesn’t tell me her friends do. Now and again I see cuts, she been seeing a councillor but she’s still doing it.
I don’t know how to help her.
Sorry I’m just venting.
Finger cutting goes back in history. The native Indians of the US often would chop off a finger to express the grief and mounting of a close relative.
I have known of people physically harming themselves in an attempt to subdue the mental and psychological pain their feeling. Your expertise here have been very explanative. Thank you Dr Das, 🌹
I was a cutter in high school, & to a lesser extent in early adulthood. I was abandoned as an infant by my heroin addict parents & raised by my maternal grandparents, thus ensuring I would have a constant reminder that my parents didn't care about me. My grandmother was incredibly physically abusive. My first suicide attempt was at age 9. It was guilt-fueled, as there was much fighting within my family when my grandparents attempted to have my mother's parental rights severed so that they could legally adopt me (which, ultimately, they did. After 4 years & 10 months of court hearings & social workers). In my young mind, everyone was fighting over me, so if I wasn't an issue, they wouldn't fight. They could be like a normal family. There was no chance of me being part of a normal family, so I thought it best to sacrifice my doomed life to give them a chance. Obviously, it didn't work, & as I got older I came to realize that they didn't really stand a chance at normalcy anyhow.
I'm diagnosed with BPD (as well as PTSD, Bipolar, which I don't necessarily agree with, & mood disorder NOS). In addition to the cutting (which I view as a separate behavior than suicidal gesturing/attempts) I've overdosed on pills a number of times & attempted to hang myself twice. The overdoses were on occasion, a genuine attempt to kill myself, but at other times simply an attempt to render myself unconscious so as NOT to attempt suicide, to sleep till I felt differently, that either went too far, or were (umderstandably) misinterpreted by those around me.
Cutting, as you said, is more of an attempt to draw attention (which I was not getting) to the fact that something was going wrong with me, that I needed psychiatric care. It also, again as you pointed out, releases endorphines, & thus reduces the perception of the pain within, & at the same time creates a "source" of pain that was otherwise free-floating & untraceable.
Can I just say that Amber Heard is currently destroying any empathy anyone had for people suffering from BPD. It's not difficult enough, being on this crazy rollorcoaster of emotional dysregulation & the chaos it wreaks upon one's life, or that we are already THE most hated personality disorder of them all, with many mental health professionals refusing to treat us. Nope. Now we've got Amber Heard making us look even WORSE!
Not only has she damaged Johnny Depps' reputation (which seems to be on the mend now that he's sued her & brought the situation to light), but she's REALLY damaging the reputation of the entire community of people who suffer from BPD!
I've never faked an injury or leveled false accusations of domestic violence against anyone, & I'm in no way motivated by greed for money, or feel the need to be the center of attention (I actually HATE being the center of attention. I THINK that's more of a histrionic trait). These are not components of BPD, but thanks to Amber, they will be associated with BPD for many years to come.
I've only just gotten comfortable sharing my diagnosis of BPD with people in recent years. It's made living with the disorder somewhat easier, as I can explain that I'm prone to personalize even the most innocuous criticism, & have disproportionate emotional responses that persist much longer than "normal" & apologize in advance if I get a little bit of hand. I think it's helpful to those who have to/choose to interact with me to understand my behavior before it manifests itself out of the clear blue sky, which it does less an less as I get older (I'm 53 now, almost 54, & like to think I've got a pretty good handle on it) & come up with more strategies to avoid these emotional outbursts.
Also, most people won't be aware that there are 4 subtypes of BPD, & not every individual suffering from BPD is going to exhibit the same symptoms. We can be quite different from each other. For instance, I rarely experience uncontrolled anger (although I did more often in my youth, something I attribute to frustration at not understanding why I felt like I did, & lashing out at those closest to me) & have had scarce few dissociative events. The other 7 symptoms, though, all me. I'm a "quiet" or "waif" BPD, one of the 4 subtypes.
And, statistically-speaking, I sort of disagree with you on the risk of suicide. 10-12% of individuals suffering from BPD die by suicide. That's compared to 1-2% of the general population. So we ARE about 10× more likely to die by suicide as members of the general population, & that is significant, although one might also argue that 88-90% of BPDs DON'T kill themselves.
Here's the danger in not taking the BPDs suicide attempts seriously: If we don't get the response we're seeking, the attention we need for our very real mental health issue, we are likely to escalate the gesturing to signal that we need to be taken seriously. As the attempts escalate, so does the risk that we will succeed by accident, or wind up doing permanent damage to our kidneys, livers or brains.
It can be unbelievably difficult to be in a relationship with a BPD, & that spills over into our platonic relationships as well. I understand why most people prefer to just not deal with us. But there are ways to mitigate our responses. There are ways of choosing your words so as to make it clear that it is not a personal attack. I recommend the e-book "4x4" for a very basic guide for how to best deal with us. It's 4 simple rules for the BPD & 4 for the person in the relationship with a BPD. As rudimentary as it is, with its Microsoft Word Clipart, & everything arranged in bullet points, it offers some really effective adaptations that can be made that will make being in a relationship with a BPD go MUCH more smoothly.
I think a lot of the conflict & chaos between Johnny & Amber arose because of their very different approaches to conflict. Johnny seems to have preferred to retreat, to not discuss the point of contention while e.otions were high, which, by the way, I think is an excellent strategy. Unfortunately, the quickest way to send a BPD into a full-blown RAGE is to ignore them. Nearly as bad is to tell them their feelings aren't valid (we can't help how we feel. Feelings aren't right or wrong. They aren't facts. They're feelings) or that they are responding inappropriately (even though we are). So if you're gonna try to take that "when cooler heads prevail" approach, you have to make it abundantly clear that the discussion is not "over" & that the BPDs feelings WILL BE acknowledged & discussed later, after tempers have cooled. You might even designate a specific time that the issue will be revisited, in a couple of hours, after dinner, whenever, but not too far off in the future, coz the BPD is in pain & needs resolution asap, but resolution is not going to come if you're discussing the issue when they are in a heightened emotional state. Don't just walk away. It makes us think that you don't care about our feelings, like you're prioritizing your need for peace & quiet over our need to quell or pain. It makes us angry. Just be sure you make it clear that you're not downplaying their feelings, that you simply feel that both of you will have a more productive dialog when emotions aren't quite so near the surface, & that you want to have the most productive discussion of the matter possible, for both your sakes, & that THAT can best be achieved by postponing the discussion just slightly. Hell, it's even worth it to say that it's YOU who isn't thinking clearly, that YOU need a little time to clear YOUR head so you can more effectively discuss their issue. I know, I know, but it's better than losing a fingertip!
Yeah, maybe best to just steer clear of us altogether, which is what's going to happen now that Amber has made us all look like a bunch of selfish, manipulative, deceptive MONSTERS! Thanks a lot, Amber! You've set us back by DECADES in terms of public opinion. I won't be sharing my diagnosis with people anymore, giving them any advanced warning of my mental health issues BEFORE they become major issues. Nope. I'll just suffer in silence & isolation. Yup. Thanks again Amber!, for giving everyone the worst possible impression of us.
Where do I sign up to file MY defamation suit against her?
This case is just so sad… Johnny married (In my tiny mind) a narcissistic, diagnosed EUPD and Histrionic PD and he did the best he could while having addiction problems himself and an upbringing that he and his sister admit was completely toxic and abusive on the mothers side. I am totally #TeamDepp on this one and from comments I read the majority of sensible people are also on his side. I sincerely hope that this time the court rules in his favour otherwise it’s an absolute travesty. BTW not that it really matters but I’m female.
This and your other 6 self harm misconceptions have been very helpful to understanding the behavioral of a young woman I was close to. She had challenges but was able to get treatment and continue on to live a reasonably normal life as a mother.
And Megan is well both are on the same path 😅 Thank you you are great 👍 👌
I used to self harm (I have BPD & Bipolar). I think part of my self harm was because I felt like a boiling kettle or a volcano, so much emotion and pain and it was a release somehow or got the pain on the outside (only small, superficial cuts bar one time when I punched a window without safety glass). I also self harm in a way with binge eating to try to control the huge pain this causes. I managed to give up the cutting, but the eating issue is a lifelong battle so I hope DBT, when I can get it and afford it, will help
Thank you for being fair about this subject. When I self harmed (cut my wrist) it wasn’t attention seeking - I was so ashamed what I put my family thru.. I was so anxious I felt like a caged animal. Any logical thoughts were irrelevant.
I think what I used to do to myself qualifies as self-harm. I used to hit myself in the head. It started when I was about 10-11 yrs old.
I think my father may have undiagnosed NPD. At any rate, he was relentlessly critical, insulting, and demeaning, no matter how good my grades, how well behaved I was, no matter how obedient i was. He wasn’t loving or caring. If I was sick, he accused me of faking and wouldn’t take me to see a doctor. My mother would eventually take me. My mother always said he loved me very much and was doing what was best for me.
I always self harmed in private, while hiding in my closet, to muffle the sounds of my hands pounding my skull. My father’s rages were terrifying. He didn’t hit me, but the verbal assaults during his rages were profoundly cruel, and let me know that he thought I was human garbage. I thought he would kill me with his bare hands, one day.
To me, it felt like the self harm was like him hurting me. It was like a small fraction of the unexpressed physical harm he was meant to inflict on me. It felt very much deserved, when I hit myself, back then.
I now see things very differently. I cut contact with my parents, went back into therapy, and finally put a stop to my life long depression. Most of my anxiety is manageable now. It took me a few years to learn to manage my emotions and anxiety and to love myself. But I made it.
And I no longer self harm.
I’ve done self abuse since I was an infant as part of my autistic meltdowns. I never plan them, they just happen. In some ways, I think creating physical pain takes away the emotional pain when it’s just too unbearable in that moment.
Anytime I have self-harmed, it was not logical at all…the only logical way I have been able to explain it is, it’s an effort to put the pain on the inside onto the outside. And now that I am out of the situations that caused me to self harm…I notice the urge only comes when I feel like I am supposed to be able to control something that I cannot, and I feel ashamed of that and do not know what to do, and panic.
So, I know people with loved ones who self harm say things like, please don’t hurt yourself, etc., and I’ve never found any of those sayings to help…I’ve had to come to the realization of what the root issue is for myself and address it there, if that makes sense.
Also- as an aside, my self-harm was something I hid from others, although in some extreme cases I did begin to self harm in front of another person when under extreme distress.
It does increase your mood... It's numbing and an instant sigh of relief. When I did it over 10 years ago and got found out about it because blood went through my shirt I tried to explain this to people, but people didn't understand.
And people automatically thought I was suicidal but I wasn't at all.
He didn't self harm. He was explaining she took everything from him and the last thing was his blood. Do your research before posting click bait
I am glad that i stumbled on to this video. Interesting. I work with teens and self harm is scarily common!!
Can you talk about Dr Curry's testimony please?
Yeah it was decent that 👌
It’s heartbreaking to hear Pamela’s story. Hope she got lots of help and is in a happier place. ❤️
Bringing a life into the world and letting them down is hard for me to understand.
I've never deliberately self-harmed (cutting); I'm far too squeamish. However, I remember accidentally ripping the flesh in my hand trying to close a cheap window/door; I was stressed and my mind was racing. Hurting my hand made that all go away for a while and made me focus. I can get why people self-harm in that respect.
My tuppence worth re self harm. My sister used to self harm, I don't know why I describe her arms as like lumps of meat, just so much scar tissue. It was not for attention, but as a release (her description). She did come to me or call me a handful of times, when she had gone too far and bone was exposed. She did call me after overdosing 2 or 3 times.
She overdosed also a handful of times. In the end she hung herself. In no way was she trying to get attention, just trying to escape memories. I also worked in a Mental health unit for a long time, and saw as you say a few reasons why some did.
It took more time for me to finally break, now I forget how to spell, or what I had for dinner yesterday can be a struggle to recall. People who know me well try to work out the word I have lost in the moment.
I find the love you give at the end of your videos warming, for some reason I believe you.
Thank you for being careful with your words. I’m not one to express my past with self-harm in any kind of detail, and I’m certainly not going to on a public RUclips video (from experience of commenting on videos here) but it was a horrendous time. Thankfully, I’m on an incredible anti-depressant - mirtazapine - which has really helped me quit doing such harmful behaviour. Thank you for highlighting the reasons people do self harm. I believe most people are incredibly ignorant when it comes to this topic and hopefully this video can help educate people and help people not judge those who do use self-harm as a coping mechanism or other reasons.
Wow what a great speech!! I needed to practice as a nurse for a few weeks, I did it on gastroenterology, and when one of their ex employee came there because she had some issues, stuff started to talk such bad things about that woman that I couldn't believe just because she became an alcoholic, even though I never met the woman before I got to know it then and plus how they downgraded her
Lowest point of the entire trial. Both JD and AH pretty much curled up while listening. This trial has been made into news fodder, but it's actually very sad for everyone involved.
You always read my ❤ , I was dying to know what you thought of the psychiatrist”s testimony of Amber’s Borderline diagnosis and that massive 500+ questionnaire resulting in her analysis that Amber was faking PTSD 🙃 that cross was getting a bit tense.
I found the NHS a complete waste of time. A youth mentor took the time to listen and helped me understand and break SH behaviour from childhood. The care and empathy she had shown was invaluable. I wish I could say thank you.
I haven't seen where anyone has brought up that he self mutilated as a teenager and has permanently scarred himself from that time. I read a book on him while in school and it was the first time I saw it talked about and ... I hate to say but it made me feel better.
It made me feel like I wasn't alone. That someone else had actually gone through what I was currently going through and they made it out the otherside and became successful in their life despite their struggles. I read that book at a time I was contemplating offing myself again after failing and it made me pause. I'm very thankful for finding that in the school library at that time but I'm absolutely certain if the school system had know that tid bit was in there it would've never been there lol. I personally understand what it's like and it is very similar to having an addiction or it may actually become an addiction I'm not sure..but it's something where you can do really well for a while and then relapse... if that makes sense. A very destructive coping mechanism that if you try really hard you can stop but as you get stressed or hurt your brain will fall right back to it and its hard to resist.
Anyway, I'll see if i can find the title of it because it talked about his upbringing and struggles. This was... 16 or so years ago so I can't remember the title or if it was an autobiography or not. I'll find it and I shall return one day to share.
They have a nationwide crisis text line I used to volunteer for it. We had to determine risk assessment. Yet none of us were doctors or had any background in psychology. Yeah we were to determine if a person on the text line for crisis counseling was at risk to harm themselves or others. I have found this intriguing as well as dangerous. He had to be careful not to say the wrong thing and with no training whatsoever in psychology how would we possibly know that. Dave give you this study program for 2 weeks and you had to read and the computer graded you if you passed or not to handle people who are in crisis. We would volunteer so there was no exchange of any money. I always thought that prevention line or across the hotline would have or I would be talking to an actual professional not just a regular person like myself
I think only Amber testified that he actually cut himself, Johnny testified he had threatened or “offered” to. I don’t know about you but I’ve discounted all of her testimony
Sadly way too often some of our patients who self harm get treated very badly in the A&E department. It is getting a bit better now there is a liason mental health nurse based there. But they are only there during the day
And another banger! Let's get the likes ratios up on these videos 👆
Picking at wounds but never for attention. I don't like anyone knowing. I've been working with a wonderful therapist. I do it when I think about stressful situations. One is ongoing and I'm not sure when or if it'll be resolved. Poor grammar.
“I Need Help” wise words Doc.
Suicidal feelings are often a red flag yelling…I have a problem- I need to make some changes in my world.
Can self harm also be a fetish?
Bloody Hell! - response to your worst self harm patient.
its like sayin see i cn do worse to myself so tht nothing u do cn hurt me anymore
My mother had Histrionic traits she was unstable. Her love for my father was very strong so she wasn’t the cheating type but she was out of control if she felt she wasn’t in control.
She had some narcissistic behavior as well. She ruined her daughters, she ruined her childrens love for each other, she was masterful at pitting her children against each other to get the perfect outcome SHE desired. She was jealous of her daughters love for her father he was stable. She would set up this hysterical scenario by phoning him at work and screaming because she was out of control and blame shifted this onto a 4 year old who was just playing. She would set this up so she got all the attention when he came home. She wanted to make him angry at the kids before he even arrived! She wanted that control ☠️
people self harm because they are in so much emotional pain that the pain of cutting yourself would be a relief from the emotional pain . for the 15 - 30 minutes you suffer the physical pain of self harm, it is 15-30 mins of relief and distraction from your emotional pain. and the physical pain of cutting yourself is a lesser pain than the emotional pain you are feeling.
If AH said Depp threated to cut himself, she cut herself. She's that messed up that she's done this switcheroo several times (of course I haven't been following the trial; who does that? **shifty eyes** ). Depp told her the last time he saw her that it'd be the last time she saw his eyes, and he hasn't looked at her since. That's why his head was down, and why it's been down when she's on the stand. The tissue issue I missed, so no comment.
AH does have scars on her left forearm, on the soft tissue that's within easy reach when you bend your elbow up. She claims she got the scars in Australia, when he assaulted her. He says he didn't assault her. Cutters say the scars are from cutting, and they do look intentional.
GREAT video on the reasons people engage in self-harm. Most people cannot wrap their heads around why someone would do it, and the media doesn't help the public's understanding. Except for now, as this video is media. Well done, yet again, Dr. Das!
Hey doctor I've got a really funny thing with other people's blood makes my arms tense up the thought of it 😨😨😨 but I'm not scared of blood? Is there a term for this? Thanks 👍
LOL, when you self harm you watch Dr.Grande videos. Love it!!
While I would really like to hear the chat with the police officer who hung himself.... I'm just afraid it would bring back to many memories from my fiancee.
But it does make me SUPER intrigued into his thoughts at the time, at the time he was hanging there etc.... but I dint want to re-live my experience as the suicide survivor either.
I started self harming at 12... anytime I have ever cut myself, I'm trying to escape the mental pain... I would rather feel the pain physically bc I've been dealing with the mental and emotional pain too much. Luckily I have not done that in.... well over a decade
Good video man!
I think that whatever
somebody's reasons are, it's extreme and not indicative of a well-functioning mind.
Is this cutting and slashing all about control? Surely there must be some self hatred involved? The last story of that girl really made my skin crawl, good lord!! 😢
I find self harming so sad it would have to take extreme inner pain for a person to get to that stage,as they are inflicting physical pain on themselves to relieve their emotional pain. I did catch your Dr Grande joke🤣
Hi Dr.Das,
I've known people in my life who were like this and it was never a successful attempt. Hopefully these types can get their minds, with the right mental health diagnosis, back on track. Your videos are very informative and helpful. Love and awesome times to you and hope y'all are doing well, peace, Janine Smiley😀😎🤩😍🙂
Why do people record others self harming?!
Because she's so dumb she thought it would look good on her to show how ''crazy'' he is, but it just makes her look cruel, because she is cruel.
Too good of a question
Seems like these two like to be filmed. Narcissistic, anyone? Very dramatic attention seeking 🙄
Kind of creepy.
I have complex mental illness and self harm is part of that. I don’t do it for attention, I do it for self something reasons, I know it sounds awful but the emotions that I feel are so overwhelming I can’t take it anymore. I have attempted suicid* but self harm for me is different. I do not take drugs or alcohol. I don’t talk about it with anyone as they judge me!
When I self harm, I watch Dr. Grande😆
Is this some kind of internal joke I'm not aware of? Can you explain?
@@sukidesu9755 Dr. Grande Is a RUclipsr, who doesn’t make any sense in my opinion but watch his videos for better understanding. 😉
Grande is a tedious experience. His snarky comments are enough to punish the listener.
I learned how to do stitches myself so I don’t have to bother A&E
Issues indeed
I have BPD and self harm 😒
I also have BPD. You don't have to self harm. 💪🏼✌🏼
I have BPD too but haven't self harmed (generally) in a good long time now. things can get better!
Great video. Unless you have struggled with dysregulation self harm can be difficult to understand. A Dialectical behaviour therapy technique to try as well as rubber bands is holding ice cubes in your hands.
When you self harm it’s watching Grande 🙈😂🙌🏻
I started self harming when i was 15. Im 24 now and luckily ive stopped but before then i had already destroyed my arms and legs. I now have thousands of scars some i shouldve gotten stitches for but didnt. I self harmed because i was severely depressed suffering with other stuff on top of that. Sometimes i did self harm because i wanted someone to see how bad i was hurting but at the same time i cut to bleed out which obviously didnt work. Cutting and burning was so addicting it no longer mattered how i felt i had to do it
I’m so far on Johnny’s side I’d be wearing a pirate uniform while watching the trial if I had one. Why don’t I have one?
When fellow colleagues would say of patients “ oh they’re attention -seeking” my response was always, yes, let’s pay attention!! ( no I’m not perfect but I had not grown cynical thank goodness )
Great listening too very interesting and of course sad to hear on some parts , I wonder if AH got sick of saying “that is correct or that is in correct “ because I got sick of listening to her saying this , which is not like me I don’t ever get annoyed at a person’s answers to questions however I very much did hers , She as a new Mam surely red flags have been raised due to her use of the English language bearing in mind this child soley relies on her new Mamma I’d be very concerned for this little girl after listening to AH and hope social services somewhere are too , anyhow loved this video as always ❤️
I haven't been following this Heard/Depp case, but to me, if he said "There's a way for the pain to go away," and he was planning to cut himself, that sounds like he's speaking from experience and this wasn't the first time.
I'm not going to watch this one any longer than to say.......listen to the WHOLE AUDIO. Cutting himself was not his idea, it was Ambers. Also, she pushes and pushes and pushes him emotionally to do it. She even goes so far as to threaten to cut herself when he won't cut himself. He doesn't want her to damage her "beautiful" skin. So he agrees to cut himself. He even says something like: "Ok, I'll do it so you don't have to." Although, he really never does cut himself. Also, take into consideration that Amber has a history of self-harm specifically cutting herself. Amber's whole thing is for SHOW. What's played in the courtroom is only a minute portion of the audio tape. You are hearing it out of context. This audio is a prime example of what Johnny went though with Ambers emotional manipulation while he was with her and how absolutely horrible she was to him.
The audio was on RUclips on "Incredibly Average's" channel. OR it was shortly after the UK trial. Which is when I heard it.
I suspect that your evaluation will be pretty close to spot on here. But this is not representative of what is REALLY in the unedited version of the audio.
Oh my goodness that poor girl!! Did she survive? Did she get top treatment by Dr Das?? You left us hanging there.... Maybe she's ok now..... poor girl....💕
Thank you
You're welcome
So I’m autistic, 6:45 I think he nailed it. I first SHed at around 12 because I was being bullied and family were not behaving appropriately. I didn’t hit anyone or bite anyone because I knew how bad it was .
Then there's people who do things like self harm,faking asma attacks like my sister who does and did this kind of thing all the time, which is a negative way of attention seeking which is also for attention in a manipulative way. She would create a bad situation. Saying vile things, then fake an asma attack ri make you feel sorry for her so she couldn't be blamed for starting the problem in the 1st place, or if people are all sat talking and she wasn't in the conversation for a lenghth of time, she would do it then too. I went out for a drink with her and a friend once. My sister hadn't invited me because she hates me. But her friend did. I was about 18, and because she came bk from the toilet and me and her friend were getting along really well. She ran off and when we found her, she was having an asma attack, or so we thought, rang an ambulance and started laughed and ran off. Shes done it to get out of fights when shes slept with people she shouldn't. The list is Endless. She blames me for our father abusing me. She actually said, why did he do that to me and not her. Why did he love me more. Like wtf kinda twisted shit is that?. She used to ring me when she was drunk to bring all that horrible shit up. Then when she got me angry or upset, she'd then say she loved me and wouldn't stop ringing or put the phone down until i said it back. And I never wanted to after all that crap. She would ring other times to bitch about our mother saying it was all her fault. Which is somewhat true. She knew what was happening and ignored it. Way more to it than that. But wouldn't put details on here. Shes always been horrible. Setting up skipping ropes to pull it tight around your neck if you were ridding down the road on your bike. Or putting roller skates under a step so you would hurt yourself. She would lay on the floor screaming for no reason ever since I can remember. Buy sweets for my other siblings and not let me have any and make sure they didn't give me any either. Just weird spiteful stuff. And she'd get a kick out of it too. Then if there's a wedding or funeral or some family thing, she'll make a point of sitting alone , in my opinion to see how many people will ask her to join in or ask her if shes ok. Then when that didn't work anymore,she gets drunk and is overly friendly, trying to hug and kiss you just to invade your space because she knows it makes me uncomfortable. And laughing the whole time. I could go on but I'd be here all day. Ive actually had to cut her off altogether for my own mental health. Shes even gone as far as telling her friend she was dying of cancer just after this friends dad had committed suicide, just for attention. She loves to fight men until they have to physically restrain her, then she starts screaming like shes the victim. Ive seen her do it, and you don't want to know the things shes done while she had 3 children. She had a social worker. But she always acted like a victim, so they never took her kids away from her. We've all tried to get her help, but she is having non of it. She thinks she's fine. What kind of disorder would you characterise that. Id say more than 1 from what you've said. I'd say., Bpd and hpd aswell as a narcissist. She 52 years old and she is still the same. Drinking makes her this over the top inappropriate loving invading your space, but you wouldn't dare rell her to go away because then she gies ri the other extreme. She did that to mother once, it took 4 meb to get her off my mother. Then she wwnt outside and did the fake asma attack thing, an ambulance came for her, and she sat in the ambulance smirking at her. I think she coukd be very dangerous. But everyone Pampers to her because they don't want to deal with her agressive retaliation. So she is bein enabled. Her kids have been through hell with her. And I feel for them, becauyshe sis these things to me too,but worse. I suppose she loves her kids in her own way. She's hard to be around. And if you were to send her for help, she woukd act like she was perfectly normal and deny everything and use the victim card. How can you deal with a person like that when you have no choice but be around her?
10:29 one time a junior doctor at Whittington hospital A&E was tasked with giving me stitches and he decided he needed to first question me about hidden SH and I showed him where it was hidden on my foot and shoulder. For whatever reason didn’t believe me, he said he had to inspect my genitals. I didn’t even know breasts were genitals but he spent ages looking despite my saying I didn’t SHthere, because I just pretend my breasts don’t exist lol. But after checking my obviously unwounded breasts for some time he said he had to check in my underwear which I thought was odd because the wound was on my stomach. A nurse came in and they spoke outside the curtain then a different junior dr came in and forgot to use lidocaine to do the tummy stitches 🤦♀️
I saw my brother kill my father. I think that was the most visibly traumatic. I self harm with food, drugs, weed, not taking care of myself, those types of behaviors. 😑
😢 How very sad. Do get professional help.
Do people with BPD necessarily have to take drugs, alcohol and make risky decisions? I think I might know somebody who has it. They explode with anger, put you on a pedestal but can be disparaging toward you if in a mood or you say something that upsets them. 🤔 This person doesn't take drugs or alcohol excessively and does make sensible cautious decisions in terms of employment. However they stay in a dysfunctional marriage because they say they 'love' their partner, who they argue with everyday. They told me they wanted to end their life when their partner left them many years ago.
I've heard the tape from the incident you're referring to two or three times. Never did I hear him "cut" himself...nor did I hear him cut her or her cut him. It just didn't happen. He explained that she'd taken everything from him and on the spir of the moment, he pulled out a pocket knife and told her to cut him. His point was that she'd taken everything from him but his blood, so she should take that, too. I'm not sure why he did that...you'd know better than I. I had thought about it but I'm not an expert.
A couple of things to keep in mind... 1).they had spent the night together in that hotel and had sex & this happened the morning after....2). and you can hear "her" making comments telling him not only not to cut himself but for him not to cut her. I think she said that for the audio and to get more evidence.
To escape to say they wanna escape
This video should have a self-harm warning. Not sure if I didn't see it because I've previously said okay, but admittedly the content of this video made my stomach turn. Can anyone confirm if they received a warning?
And who are you too judge JD or anyone else?
That’s pretty funny how you self harm. I got a kick out of that comment! 😅
When I was very depressed I felt that if I cut myself it would ease the terrible emotional pain which felt physically in my body. Fortunately as I was a psychiatric nurse it helped me have insight and I knew that this was not the answer to my pain. I have never self-harmed but I think I can understand a little why some people self-harm. (
Very interesting. Yes, I would be interested to hear about Amber Heard's disorders please. Thanks. Very informative.
Thank you for such an informative video. It’s very important that people understand that self harm doesn’t always have one or two meaning.
I wanted to ask you about another case of self harm that has been spoken about recently a lot regarding the Marilyn Manson allegations.
In one of the incidents with his ex girlfriend Evan Rachel Wood, apparently she wasn’t answering his phone calls. In his interviews he says that he called her 158 times and each time made a cut on his face to “display the amount of pain she was causing him on his face every time she didn’t answer his calls”.
The whole thing is too complicated to be explained with this one piece of information since the two sides of the story have different ways of describing what happened. But do you think you could comment about what you think about this?
He didn't self harm, that is not what happened in the audio. He was offering his blood as he said that's the only thing she hadn't taken. It also came up in trial that Amber had evidence of cuts on her arms - old scars. That is why she knew cutting doesn't actually help.
Yeah, under extreme conditions triggering anger/self hatred, I will cut, and it will bring me back down. I do not do this in front of people! I'm doing DBT hoping it helps.
He wasn’t self harming. He said she had taken everything from him except his blood. Did she want that too? If she wouldn’t cut him, he’d do it for her, so she could have the last thing he had, his blood, or his life. He was at the very end of his hope that she would change and love him.
15:30 were shading dr. grande???
😂CAPTIAN Jack Sparrow😉
Maybe he just got very drunk and decided he wanted another tatoo. Seriously though in my experience self-harm is to a certain extent a way of channeling or deflecting negative instincts or emotions into a core value. Your mental stresses suddenly become very insignificant when your body is physically under threat. Thankfully, (very), it's not something I ever "got into". Sorry if I haven't explained myself very well.
amber is also addicted to xtreme relatnships wth famous guys...its like shes compensating fr her lack
Can having tattoos help with self harm.
My dad would self harm in front of my sister and I
I think RUclips or deleted my comment.
In 2013 (I think April/may) at Whittington A&E a junior dr stitched my tummy without lidocaine. I think he forgot because there was a fuss made by a nurse after a different junior doctor wanted to look in my underwear. I don’t understand why he needsd to but everyone made a terrible fuss. And he did weird stitches that couldn’t get taken out properly so I still have his stitches inside my skin lol
9:32 I don’t think you need sympathy from A&E staff, I think mostly you need stitches. It’s tedious when they want to discuss it
She made him break his restraining order and said audio was in a hotel room and he was telling her to take his blood Cus she’s taken everything else off him (DV claims)
For what purpose do you wish to take over the world? Just curious not necessarily alarmed or opposed.
To qualify, JD and AH don't interest me. You do because you are in a position of authority and power in a priesthood of a discipline with debatable value and have stated you want more authority and power. Why?
Hello Darling, can you help, will you help Jesse Eging? Evil lives here, season 11, episode 1.