WHY INFJs ARE REJECTING LOVE WITHOUT KNOWING IT
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 9 июл 2024
- Free INFJ EPIC LIFE Formula Poster: infjformula.gr8.com/
Get the INFJ Audio GUIDE TODAY!!! wenzes.thinkific.com/courses/...
Join INFJ Bootcamp Waiting List bootcampwaitinglist.wenzes.com/
INFJ Life Coach Lesson: Discover why INFJs unintentionally push away love. As natural empaths, we excel at understanding and meeting others' needs. Yet, when it comes to receiving love ourselves, doubts arise. Let's unravel the reasons behind this pattern and learn to embrace love authentically. Join us as we explore why INFJs struggle with accepting love and how to break free from this cycle.
All INFJ EPIC LIFE Programs: programs.wenzes.com/collections
Free Resources: wenzes.com/INFJ-Free-Resource/
Website: www.wenzes.com/
Instagram: / wenzes_
Facebook: / coachwenzes
#INFJ #INFJLIFECOACH #LIFECOACHING 
Хобби
Have you experienced these obstructions in receiving love from yourself and/or others as an INFJ?
Why do you need the validation of someone who is likely more insecure & immature than you? Do you care if the ant, in your kitchen, loves you? No. Humans are disgusting creatures. Selfish & evil. Don't worry, you'll know who I am in about 10 years time.
How do I get over the expectation that anyone talking to me is only interested in selling me something or taking something away from me?
@@joyleencamiellegreene You don't. You are too smart to empathize with normal people. You either dim your light (for company) but are never loved for you 100% or you accept it and live alone; loving yourself. Good luck.
Thank you! This video triggered an epiphany.
Absolutely! I think it stems from childhood trauma of narcissistic parents.
INFJs crave deep, meaningful connections with others. If they sense that a relationship lacks authenticity or depth, they may subconsciously reject it without fully understanding why.
100% true! 💯
Oh we do understand why indepth.
We know why we reject it. We just don't say anything. Lol
@@Jaynycreates True. We are very aware.
I sometimes feel like I am only loved if I am doing stuff for other people. Not for just being me. It feels confusing and very lonely.
They perceive tho, that you are doing it to feel valued and accepted. I think that's what Wenzes was saying. I'm only saying this bc it's what I do. I do for others bc somewhere along the way I sensed that I am not viewed favorably in their eyes. It's very hard to navigate bc now I'm out of relationship with members of my family. I pray you will work out a way that makes you not indebted to others.
People think I'm so strong I never need their support or help, even when I ask for it.
It's our core philosophy - help yourself because no one can help you better than how you can do it for your self.
@@sigmainfjbulgaria4478 You're not wrong about that, but it becomes a very lonely life on your own, don't you think?
But some time we want to be a child who don’t want to understand anything just need someone who take care of us like parent or gradian
@@ramlahkhan7711 thats crap! your SE function will help you out. Well what am saying is, you will always have people in your life that will be there for you even when you don't ask example your mother, father, brother, sis, closer friend etc, but don't expect anyone to do the heavy lifting for you because having your personality through your particular lens is for you to carry and no one else. And lastly, no one can envision the picture of what you want to be or to do in the first place, so show up for your goals coz people can only show you a way or warn you about what you'll find on the way but they are not going to do... again, the heavy lifting for you. I hope this makes sense to you, I wasn't trying to be aloof haha!
@@ramlahkhan7711 I totally agree with you. And also, the amount of people I have helped I would think at least ONE person could go a bit out of their way to help me back. Otherwise, why is anyone on this earth? Only for themself???
When I truly express who I am,people think that am proud😢
Then let them think that way, they don’t deserve a real you.
Same when I told something new I'm doing. Not the right people.
Stop caring what others think; this is your prison.
Sometimes my confidence can create a tone when I speak that sounds proud to others but it is just confidence about sething in my mind that is already a done deal. Others don't often see my whole picture because it is abstract so I focus more now on actions that they can see for themselves and draw their own conclusions. Be careful about hanging regularly with people who are not supportive of your dreams, your future. Either they are reactive to your confidence but supportive of your actions, or they are not supportive of your actions because that would put you in a place that doesn't make them comfortable with themselves. It is important to know which kind of people they are.
@@LoveGoldenheart Thank you for sharing your experience with me. I went through similar situations and I can relate to what you just posted. Your reply inspired me how to handle such situations better. Much appreciated. 🙏
I was discussing yesterday with my niece - how in my life - I've been able to set boundaries with co-workers, boss, etc. Where I have ALWAYS struggled is with those that I LOVE (intimate relationships). Because I LOVE them - I try to not HURT them - when I SEE how they have now started to take me for granted. I SEE it/feel it - and when I speak up - it feels as though the other person does not HEAR what I'm saying - does not take me seriously - and continues to attempt to what now feels like 'take advantage' of my tolerance. I am NOT the kind of person that yells and screams and DEMANDS that the other person DO as I think they should (Because I realize they are not obliged to behave the way I WANT them to). Eventually this leads to me reaching the point of the "Door Slam". Because I FEEL enraged and exhausted and can no longer continue to INVEST in a relationship that now creates more PAIN than Pleasure in my life. It's NOT what I want to happen - it is PAINFUL for BOTH of us!! I think it is BECAUSE - I can see/understand WHY the other person behaves the way they do - I can understand their perspective (even if I don't agree with it). I have begun to think - see that it is THIS that leaves me feeling 'unloved' and misunderstood.
Saaaaame
So relatable. My God.
By not setting strong boundaries right away you invite soul vampires who just USE you. Of course they don't listen.
❤
Tracy, I agree with you because I fully understand how this feels from my own experience. If you wish to, you may view my comment to Wenzes which is under her question at the top of comments. Hang in there, my friend. 🇦🇺🙏
Q: What is worse than being disliked for what you are?
A: Being disliked for what you are not.
INFJs are often misunderstood so this problem is not uncommon.
Your message is so deep and wise, but I'm still far from this (being 56!). Many people see me as being someone free but they don't see how much I keep inside. I'm the one who's hiding, I may look without fear but that's an image. I guess it's never too late. So to be loved for who I am I have to take the risk to be rejected. In my visual aspect, clothes etc... I don't hold back, but that's easy. I love to be alone but now I see it's the easy way. I have to admit that really going my full path free from pleasing, free from fear of judgement is a big step I still have to take. I wish that others don't wait so long.
Yeah, me too. When I feel depressed I go out of the house to the street and let my Fe and Se wonder outside carelessly... meaning no agenda or shadow burddens, just trying to exist in the moment and not much happening in my head.
Actually I find that people think of me as a rebel af and who won't bend for anyone. But man I dared myself to not care much of what is going on in other people's minds and instead focus on my music and art career that I always dream of in my intuition. Stay firm mate🤩! Don't you worry about the unseen.
Once we learn to love us,accept us,encourage us to adore us ….. there is no going back… whatsoever the world say,people for u will love ur transformation ❤
I want to stay with such people like you, being tired by narcissists and negativity all around.
Me too, but can't find any good people.
@@bumblebee_mrs they are in your head, lol. Wake up and accept to face reality. Literaly all it takes is to be your fucking self most of the time in your day i.e don't trip too much if you said hi to someone and they give you a cold shoulder, do't try too hard to connect with people unless they are in part of what your core self wanna influence. and all that will come to place if you even know what you want in this mortal life. peace!✌
@@gideonbigwi2233 You will not talk to me in that manner, you do not know me, and I didn't ask for your rude response. Basically, I wasn't even talking to you. Back off!
I can never decide between playing jazz in a smokey club, retiring to the beach with my soul mate, or other throwing an oppressive and corrupt system that might ruin either of those possibilities.
may not have a choice soon
@@JT-cf5ol sadly, you may be right.
This video is SOOOOO ON-POINT!!! I have slowly made the shift to choose myself gradually over the past few years, and it has truly made all the difference in my life! I left my career and slowly began showing up as my true unique self......I will say it hasn't been easy by any means, but it has MOST CERTAINLY been the BEST thing I have EVER DONE in my ENTIRE LIFE!!!! I have taken waaaaay too much sh*t from people for waaaaay too long..........now, I don't take sh*t from ANYONE! Wenzes..........you have played such an instrumental role in my emergence, I can never thank you enough❤🙏
As a INFJ you do the same thing as I do. You use CAPS when necessary. I like that.
@@leroyanderson2843 You just made my whole day......THANK YOU!
Peace is creating what the most high has shown us in our dreams 🙏🏼
Love this!
I felt the love you have fore yourself and other infj's! I want to say I love you back!
One thing I've realized over the last few weeks after letting myself loop again, I am finally willing to set my boundaries from the start with anyone new who enter my life and let other know this is where I stand and if you're not willing to accept it, keep it pushing. we need to understand listening to this inner voice that makes us feel judge for we are is not fair, it takes time oh so much time and no one can tell us we're worth it. we have to start believing it our self we spend all day with ourselves, we are our worst critic, we know all our worst flaws. so stop letting ourselves be punched in place's we don't know how to guard. be ready to fail, be ready for other to not like who you really are and give ourselves grace. its hard and I'm working toward it myself but I've tried the easy fix and all its done is patch the hole instead of mending it.
First time to respond... This hits home for me in a different way. I'm not rejecting love, not giving up when I have EVOLVED past ever having another relationship. It's because I have a different personality trait that I am not going to have one when it's about my underlined anger gets so far out of hand... I don't remember it. I've been a confirmed bachelor for 29 years. I have expressed love but something happened, I snapped. I became enraged, so mad for what they have told me how I was with them. There was two females. It has made me search my inner self through meditation, soul searching and transcendence. The INFJ that I am is in a better place now when the Counselor I have come to be has been enlightened to my writing, the way I write and the creation and freedom I have is a better for me. I agree with everything you said and I do that for others. My writing is more spiritual and uplifting in ways that make me who I am today. I don't need that kind of love. I am loved. I am accepted and my writing groups have heard what I am, how I am and yes, who I am now.
I've taken the test a couple of times and both came back the same. INFJ-T...I'm still skeptical, but I've been watching your videos and appreciate the information. I find myself agreeing with a lot of what you say, so it's adding some credibility to the test results. Thank you for putting this information out there.
As an INFJ-T may I recommend that you learn all the Dark Triad Tactics and traits so that you can know what to look out for both sides of your interactions with others. You to them & them to you so you don't wast your youth and innocence on traumatic life changing events that can be completely avoided. I have a lot of other things if you're interested in hearing about them
I'm expressing my hope that a doppelgänger of you, decade or so older, single, actually exists and not just fantasy. ❤😅
I think I'm definitely in an "NiTi loop" right now--- I haven't heard it described like that before but I just looked it up and it makes sense. I was already at an uncertain point in time in my life and then I just had a series of experiences that I still can't explain logically and were very overwhelming and also literally threatening, or at least to me seemed threatening so I've never felt more paralyzed than this in terms of just talking about what's happening.
I'm probably like a lot of other people here though who If I'm going to talk about something at all, I almost always need to state things soooo literally and bluntly in order to feel like I'm being honest, and I've run into a lot of barriers with that recently with other people either not trusting my experiences or responding to me in ways where I think I can tell they're not being honest with me about some things. So I feel kind of blocked off from being able to process the basic facts of the stuff that's happening around me and it's just a complete road-block situation for me mentally
Excellent video Wenzes! I needed to hear this today. 👍🏼
I hope life has been treating you well. I really like the shorter hair. You are looking gorgeous, as always, and I hope you are having an amazing week my friend! 🙂🌹❤️
It’s so interesting. I’ve had people come into my life who promise these deep and meaningful connections. However they still make you go through a process of superficiality to obtain it. So the feeling starts to fade the more and more I’m put through the “process”.
In a way I end up playing a role no matter what.
ture story we just cant be our real selfes its too much for most people
The man I’m partnered up with is a Libra INFJ and we understand each other, accept each other, keep choosing each other. I still keep my distance because I want to do things I love and those things don’t happen to be in the location where he wants to live. I wish I could pick up my work place and move it to his state!
❤ I really don‘t know where I would have ended up without you 🙏
I've found in my older self Independence is crucial in developing a caring environment for ourselves and others. Especially when then there is a complimentary connection and or relationship. More than likely they would be a independent type themselves. So in all that there are no detrimental aspects. Its all positive.
What I find difficult is since we are thinking so much differently then the rest of the society, we have to adapt to their way in order to be loved. Or that we have to make steps to speak in their love language.
If I find someone mysterious, I would usually go to them to try and figure them out. If someone isn't showing me their personal interest or is acting more reserved and shy, I wouln't mind going into the role of asking question and making them feels confortable and understood. But it rarely happens the otherway around. It turns out most people aren't like this and they doesn't even do the effort. So it seems that we have to do efforts to get them to express theirself. Then again to express ourself in a way that they can understand so that they can see our true self and eventually love us for who we are.
It feels like we always have to waste energy simply to have a basic connexion with someone or that we have to do be the grown up in the relationships. There is also all sort of norms to follow like the game of seduction that has to be played.
So all in all its a lot of work for an INFJ to be loved or feel love, while on the other hand we give it freely to anyone. Very interesting video as always!
Thank you @Wenzes for the wonderful messaging.
This video hits home. Fully expressing myself hasn't been the easiest thing for me to do around many people. This makes me reevaluate some stuff.
I love you Wenzes ❤❤❤🎉
Brilliant!
Thank you 💕🪷💕.
Thank you ❤
When I express my true thoughts and feelings about things and people.... People don't stay, Im too intense, but I can't be fake either much....especially to people I really want in my life. So people left, I'm alone for a decade now, I'm 41
Did you hold on to your purpose till this day, or you sacrificed it for "loved ones"? coz if you let it go, now is the time to look up again and walk in your purpose as your intuition should be directing you. and dont forget the sensory world coz thats where time and space to do all that is.
How can we express ourselves to others ? Is it okay to tell someone who you really are as an infj?
For me, I’m pushing myself not to consider what others will think of me when I express myself. The moment you can get rid of the fear that others might dislike you, you are loving yourself first. Others’ opinions don’t matter that much.
For us INFJs - the goal is not tell anybody who we are (explain - send articles of what an INFJ is - etc) But to Live Our Lives as an INFJ - take a redbird, for instance you see in the wild - the Redbird does not come down off the tree limb and explain what a Redbird is - but we learn who the Redbird is by experiencing them thru just being a Redbird (their outer appearance- their bird call - how they interact with other living beings) - I still find myself explaining who I am but have made milestones with just being myself (the clothes I wear - Even how I write INFJs have a unique way to express and I love it!)
I am learning my words are less relatable than my actions. The video highlights that. If we focus on others or The Other then our actions aren't based on who we are, but who they are, and then our words about who we are don't ring true. By prioritizing our needs and taking action for what we need and want, then our actions show who we are. We wouldn't need to explain as much then. Our actions would speak for us. While we're comfortable living in the abstract, we and others all benefit from us taking action. That is how we are better understood. That is really my focus this year: action. And if you think about it guys, we all want the INFJs to take action because their dreams can change the world for the better.
Thank you for all the answers. The thing is i'm living around the people who know me as a people pleasing person. I messed up with them for long time. If i tell my true self to them they will definitely reject me or they will never believe me. Is there any better way to show this true self
Wow I learned sooooooo much just now ❤
#2 resonated with me. For any relationship
You express the REAL you..the good YOU...they call u boring!😢
don't believe them. Some theory I thought about is that you need to put you self critic function in your best interest or you will destroy yourself slowly without understanding where its coming from. See we infjs feel things before we actually become logical about them, even if we don't admit, but after some reflecting, we can then be logical about it (again, if we choose to) my point is, if people judge you over things they don't quite grasp about you like "you're too mysterious", "you don't contribute a lot to convos" etc, This will hurt ofcourse. So what do you think will happen if you actually take their side rather than sticking to your uniqueness and somewhat rebel against that self loathing energy? You will become waaaay too depressed fosho. but if you choose to ignore the bad feedback for a minute but ofcourse listen to what others would like to say about you, it will not end up in delusion that you are a good person while you are not. But rather it will keep you fresh and prepare you for reflection and seeing everything with Ti (critical thinking) and see where to improve and also notice where you were actually right to not give a shit! hope this helps
I just want to be real.
If you want to be real, stare your beautiful INFJ self in the mirror and grant yourself permission! What I realized about having this same feeling of wanting to be real (aka myself) - I had to admit to myself (Ego hit for sure) I was waiting for someone to give me permission or say it's OK to be me (maybe this is why we explain who we are by default) - because deep down there were parts of me I knew would be rejected and I did not want to face that fear - I encourage you, when that voice in your head says "you will be judged" or "being yourself means you won't be liked" say back to it - I think you're right but I decide to express my authentic self in spite of these possibilities (the very definition of courage).
Well said
These were very easy-to-identidy-with traits . I especially identified with #3 and #4.
But there's a "wrinkle" on #4. Even in my pre Myers-Briggs days, I knew that I was weak about taking action, so I began to choose some measurable strategic actions to take (career, financial, etc.) and it seems like I took action on everything except my love life!
It wasn't that I never thought of "like ve" but it seemed like the pressures of making a living and keeping my bills paid crowded everything else out! 🤔 Also, I was (still am) a very independent person.
Things changed when I began to concentrate on what I liked and started to look for people who liked the same things I did. That worked a lot better.
I married later in life and I found that it was the best choice for me. We had our ups and downs like any couple does, but we made it work. I have no regrets that it was later. I lost him to a heart attack in 2013, but we had a basically good relationship, and I'm glad things worked out the way they did, as we did it "our way" and it worked.
I feel like most people do not understand what love is. They confused it with atrraction and for many it is enough.
If love is something more, somerhing deeper how I can belive that after a few minutes/days/weeks of knowing new person he/she is in love if this person is not even curious about me. And most do belive in this fake.
I wish to be so shallow from time to time.
To me crutial is one question "so what do you love about me" and we are done.
There's someone I've always wanted to date. However, I know that she will discard me because she surely has at least 12 other options waiting for her.
People come to us with their problems, seemingly only ever do. We have to be suspicious.
We have to remember to keep our energy at peace
One of my favorites....love this song. Written by Stephen about his long time relations with Joan Baez according to Graham who would know in his book "Wild Tales" from 2013. It has the same feel as "I Give You Give Blind" and I ponder if he also wrote that for Baez, assuming he was done writing for Judy which we all know he never was :)
love you
Choices; unworthy, worthy
Great video 🙌 is it a specific event that inspired you to create it?
Just remembering and reteaching myself. There is no specific incident just my general approach with true self love and acceptance throughout my life. The video is my lessons learned combined.
As a "dead" INFJ, may I ask something basically ? What is " Love "???
Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me - no more :p thanks now I got a head bop action n a smile I didn't a breath or 3 ago 🎉😊
💓
I kept taking the 16personalies test last night and would get ISFP. It’s so strange cause when I took it for school a couple years ago and got INFJ. Now I can’t ever seem to get INFJ. It’s bugging me now cause I have lived off of INFJ content here for a while. Can people change types over their life?
😢 Why is this so hard?
Help
I am most certain that you will be reached out to but wanted to say that You Are Loved. Life has its pains and sorrows, its failures. When we overcome those, life is all the more sweet. Hold on and be confident that the world has need of you, of your dream and abilities, of the love you can give. My mother used to say that when I felt bad, look for someone to help. That has saved me many times. It gets you out of your pain and the dark place you can get in your mind and makes beauty from it. I wish you all the best, today and always.
@@LoveGoldenheartrandom acts of service! I do this often and much, for the very reasons you've outlined to great result - keeps me dancing whilst wearing a grin 😁 life changing when the return outweighs the investment ie discernment is ideal for safety
Until you use everyday life examples.. real life stories and reflections.. it sounds too academic.. hard to apply
I love your channel, Wenzes. I really do but you have to be told that no one loves nor cares about a man's feelings. We're disposable and then whoever she is will pick the next in line. Men are used or disposed. There's no love for us.
We as men have to find our purpose and seek what makes us happy for ourselfs because noone else will do it for us. We have to stop looking for a partner or any validation from outside - once youre making yourself happy and give yourself validation everything else will follow. You genuinly have to be in a mindset where you dont need a partner to be happy and fulfilled and couldnt care less if they leave you or not. Once you reach a mindset of abundance, they will never leave you. Im Kind of the same journey and still not there. just my 2 cents
@@napfinap945 Exactly. Finding purpose outside the dating world, 'cause otherwise we become disposable offers.