FASD, ADHD or both with Dr. Gabor Maté
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- Опубликовано: 5 мар 2013
- 3b. FASD, ADHD or both?
In this session Dr. Maté will discuss the close relationship between FASD and AD(H)D. They can easily be confused with one another, often co-exist, and, in fact, share many of the same characteristics. Who is diagnosed with what may, at times, reflect a cultural biases. In either cases, many of the same treatment principles apply.
I've watched four minutes of this so far, and I can already tell that I want to see every video of this guy I can find.
Jake Stone He is brilliant.
Bobby, Orthodox Christian here!
Seems every sentence is packed with so much meaning !
That's what I've been doing! lol (and I'm not Jewish either).
Me too. He is a voice in the wilderness. So well spoken, too
Diagnosed with ADHD.
When he said "When you have a problem who did you talk to?.....no one"
Boy that hit me hard.
@Tisha Higgins àaaa
Same
Same
That is it. No one.
Another terrible reality for our kids is that when they act out, they are severely punished, as my son was in the Montessori school when he was 3-5. By the time he got to JK, he was so terrified that he couldn't be left there. He had only partially told us what happened in the Montessori school, nor did he have the language to describe it. One day, out of the blue , he asked me what it meant to be spanked. Prior to that his behavior had changed dramatically and he suddenly became oppositional. We were able to get 6 years of Art Therapy for him and a specialized school which would not allow him in if he wasn't on Ritalin, leading him to cocaine use later in life. He also suffered the trauma of being stabbed by another student and the death of his dad when he was 14. One of the things I learned, which may be helpful to others, is that from the minute we adopted him, we constantly overstimulated him from the musical mobile above his crib to too many toys and activities. He's 33 and still loses every piece of identification he has. His need to control his environment and every one's behavior has harmed his relationships, along with his escape to cocaine.
"Do what the kids need regardless of the system" I absolutely love this man's brain.
There just isnt the resources to do this or the knowledge or the staff or I could go on ..
How are we going to change it ?
@Finite Automata sorry I've worked in the education system it's going backwards not forward
I've learned more in 37 minutes than my M.Ed. ever provided me.
Thank you Dr. Maté.
This is so big for me bc I grew up w 2 loving parents who are still married and I’m extremely fortunate in that but our family works hard so we were often stressed. We didn’t have much support from extended family anyway when something was missing from our family it was hard to explain or understand what was wrong. The Dr. explains here how stress makes parents not emotionally available to their kids and that did happen for me and my sister. Thank you for that explanation dr. because anytime I try to communicate to myself or anyone I felt ashamed because how could I complain when I grew up in such privileged circumstances well this is how. This helps me get over my resentment problems and make peace with myself and my family. This mans work is such a blessing.
OMG. Every teacher and every parent should see this.
I have to take breaks watching him, because the truth of it all is so well said for adhd that I have to pause and gather myself bc I wish I could reach out to him and how much I want to make a difference as well in the ADHD world, I have to, i can feel the pain of the ones who are going through it
Literally. I even tear up, this man knows what he's talking about and is a genius of our times for sure. He put his ADHD and overall sensitivity in the right place and it's beautiful.
My ADHD usually doesn't let me watch long videos without being bored or annoyed and i have to do smth else in the meantime like cook or shower. This human here has been life changing. Explained my trauma so thoroughly and helped me seek out my patterns. I am doing one of those ADHD things where we hyper focus on a subject and we won't stop until we read everything and listen to everything. 👌🏻
Same here
I also felt same when I heard him but what to do to come out of it
I realized why I am unable to listen or study or watch video
Can you please explain what you mean by 'one of those ADHD things'? Thanks!
Ik what u mean. Gabor claims to have ADHD, but I can’t believe that with all he’s done with his life. You can’t be learning disabled in med school.
@@silverlake973 probably means one of the symptoms of adhd.
He is gracious to latecomers. I imagine this happens less after anyone listens to him for five minutes since he knows what he is doing & is gracious too to share it. Bless him.
Diagnosed with ADHD yesterday at 18 years old. So grateful I've found Dr. Gabor Mate's content. Time to start reading his books too.
Best to you on your journey! Don't let anyone discourage you as you try new approaches to understanding yourself. You should be very proud that you're open to change and understanding the "why". Super cool!
@@invisiblewoman9684 Thank you, appreciate it.
People Need money to lead better lives ~~~~~~~ Its just another promotion to sell books to make money the very issue that everyone has in the beginning ~~~Real problem is over population not enough space for people to live anymore not enough land to build on No more space left ~~~~~its a load of rubbish People need money first to buy land and build a house ~~~~~~~need to travel to other planets eventually>>>
Hey Abubaker how are you going on your journey?
So glad you can get it young! You will do great things!! You are awesome!! ⭐️⭐️⭐️
I'm amazed each time of how everything he says reasons with me 200%, HE'S SO METHODIC, COSISTANT, ORGANIZED, and throws jokes at the right moments. :)
my 3rd day watching his videos and trying to get my hands on the book he wrote with Dr,Gordon «hold on to your children». I just can't get enough of this...
Can't wait to see new lectures. THANKS FOR UPLOADING. KEEP IT UP.
asmakitto
Read “ in the realm of the hungry ghost.”
Should be required reading.
If you're enjoying what he has to say, I recommend "The Continuum Concept" by Jean Liedloff. Sort of the classic in this field, and a fascinating read.
The absolute BEST explanation for why ADHD is on the rise and just the exact reason why children have it!!!!! BRAVO!!! SIMPLY AMAZING!!!! I'm blown away!!!!
I have bipolar ADHD. I'm super organized with it. Take lowest possible doses and have organised my life to fit the problem. I have many projects, often keep 2 jobs so I don't get bored at one...sports... variety... I worked hard from non functional to be high functioning to very admirable. I noticed when I took a job at a doctor clinic working for stable male doctors with healthy rules and respectful boundaries and obvious interaction... Professional people... I needed no medication. Feeling safe, valued and respected while treated professionally was extremely healing. I left for extended reasons and I'm back on meds... I was not hateful for that time... But my usual creativity was lost and I was increasingly sterile like the environment. I was less active too but less hard on myself to achieve.
...how Are you now, ...what mads have you taken...?!..thank you for your testimony, 🙏❤️🌹
The more I hear Gabor the more interested I have become. He understands my experiencing of my children's early. I wish I had heard him then....but even hearing him now helps me understand.
Completely agree ADHD connected to PTSD FROM CHILDHOOD TRAUMA in my family of origin.
The fact the percentage of ADHD diagnosis has increased so greatly recently (as have other developmental d/o's such as autism) should raise serious red flags that something is fundamentally wrong with the way our society is functioning. I have ADHD & I'm a Behavioral Interventionist & there are common factors I see which promote the development/severity of these d/o's that society doesn't concern themselves with. Dr. Mate is brilliant (Zeitgiest!) & I agree everyone should watch this video.
or perhaps our society is just getting better at diagnosing and helping people? It's like when my uncle says there's more gay people now than there used to be...no it isn't society, it's not hormones in the water, it's just that gay people weren't as accepted and so weren't as seen. Before now, people with ADHD were just branded as stupid and bad, it wasn't that they didn't exist.
@@rachelrea7342 Or both. If you accept Gabor Mate's view that ADHD is a brain underdevelopment caused by emotional deprivation in childhood (as I understand him), then it's perfectly possible that, as he argues, societal changes have increased the rate of ADHD (and other conditions).
What is wrong is that women today are left alone with their infant, while during most of human history young mothers had a vast support, from mothers, sisters, aunts, etc This is leaving us exhausted, and an exhausted woman is NOT emotionally available, neither to her kids, not to her husband ...
@@BaiMengLing or single parent household.
Many doctors are financially motivated and incentivised to prescribe medication by the pharma companies.
As far as pharmaceutical companies go, they'd rather regulate something rather than cure it; there's no return or residual income from curing something.
There is also parents with Personality Disorders which is even worse for the child as abuse from parent can be deliberate.
Especially maternal narcissism .
Started ADHD medication at 21 and was on a single med for 20 years..It took two years to feel normal and to balance my brain after quitting the meds. I had developed sever anxiety disorder, depression, anti social disorder, my body weakened from lack of appetite, and the calcium level in my bones nose dived. No stupid doctor was able to tell that all of this was due to the ADHD medication. Without any meds I have none of those symptoms, and in fact I realized that I am very social, and have noooo depression. I had become something I was not..and I eat well now with good appetite. I feel like I was living a lie for 20 years and in agony. The hell with all you western doctors, I saved my life by not listening to you. I am better today because I stopped taking western medicine advice. I am doing so much better and learned to accept me with my ADHD. Freed myself and listened to my own body.
I like it
Yes✨♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
Great job on freeing yourself! After listening to Gabor Mate speak on these topics I’m starting to realize how toxic our western society is, especially for kids
I have had similar experiences & it can be very stressful!!
As a veteran, I've always received my medical treatment from the VA since 18yrs old.
I've been on 1 to 4 different antidepressants at one time, the entire time. I've literally tried every class of antidepressant and most of every one.
Even when I did get a good civilian job with good insurance, I still went to the VA -- because I thought it made sense since they knew my background. Well, 2022 was the first time in my adult life, that I stopped completely, all antidepressants. For a short span of time in the winter time 2023, I had to get on something due to SAD and because I started actual therapy (DBT, CBT), but again, I'm off all antidepressants.
Am I still depressed?? Sometimes. But I was when I was in the meds anyway!
Minus, all the side effects.
We definitely need to know our own bodies and make decisions based on our own research, get second opinions and most importantly, make sure we do the "big 3": get adequate sleep, get adequate exercise, eat good foods.
❤😊
Big hug! Am glad you are free
I believe Dr.Mate has high emotional intellegence,as a result of his ADHD he has a creative mind coupled with exceptional emotional understanding of human relationships and this I presume one gift of ADHD.As a child when you switch of under immense perceived stress, the mind starts to wonder and escape scanning the environment and the creatures in it creatively impressively and intuitively I am guessing.This is how I felt I became very insightful by overthinking and by over analysing circumstances,although this is exremely exhausting,it is I truly belive is the very productive but costly consequence of escaping from the stressful and unsafe environment.
its hypersensitivity that is the "gift" you mentioned. not ADHD. ADHD is not a "gift"
I think I belong in this boat.
I was in the same boat. I’ve become good at analyzing and being insightful but now sometimes too much knowledge makes it hard to act. I don’t feel comfortable until I feel like I’ve fully thought something through. This is where problems with adhd come in, the paralysis that comes with overthinking. If you guys have any advice or insight I’d like to hear it!
Gabor is totally beautiful and brilliant. Thank you, love to you.
The only thing I hate about this video is the sound quality lol
Sounds like a fan on
Another great example of the brilliant Hungarian mind, a unique way of thinking, stemming from one of the most complex languages of the world. When Enrico Fermi was asked whether he believed in aliens, he said he did not believe , but knew they exist, and said he meets them regularly.... and they are called Hungarians!
Where was this man when I was growing up? He totally gets it! Talking about and being educated about the consequences is good but, now the question becomes how do we fix these issues later in life? What is the road map to restoration?
gosh i wish he was my doctor
Do what he teaches and you probably wont need a doctor. :-)
Do what he teaches and you probably wont need a doctor. :-)
Me too, but he's a bit far away from me.
“Normal” kids not diagnosed with ADHD need the facial expressions and the pats on the back and the voice as well. 🙏
I am very grateful to have found you and learned so much. Thank you.
Wow! Now this explains a lot about me, my kids and their dad. Totally right on!
Another amazing video thank you Gabor. You are helping to open so many eyes, mine included & help me become a better mother. It’s takes a lot for someone who can admit they got it wrong & then through the pain & guilt then go on to help others be aware & break the cycle for their children xx
As a middle school teacher… this is GOLDEN. The second half is full of clues on how to handle the kids who behave like that in class❤🎉
Wow, this is absolutely phenomenal. I’ve never felt more understood by myself or by another. My heart needed this 💛🙏🏻
I can say that this man is the most brilliant I have ever knew in this life. Real sage.
Amazing talk. Great message explained with clear logic. I have so much respect for the professor.
watching this seminar and listening to Dr. Gabor Mate made me realize, how everything he is saying is absolutely true. this really hit me hard and made me realize how much of my childhood plays apart and has an effect on how i parent my child today. I wish i would have seen this video 7 yrs ago. Thank you for posting this . I appreciate it and feel grateful I came across this video.
Hearing this explained so well helps a lot. Know people and in-law, step-relations, like this. Helps increase compassion and calms down reaction.
Absolutely loved it, i had to take a few breaks but wow very insightful! Thankyou will watch all your videos!
I can't get enough of this discussion. Loaded with wisdom.🤓
why are some of the students in this class so disruptive, they r so lucky to have Dr Gabore as their prof! have some respect man
If they have adhd he may be letting them unmask or they feel comfortable to stim to focus on his lecture.
This is so so so important. It's a major key in the thing's I've been studying for years. The link between mental and physical health and childhood development. Nutrition is a major key for these as well.
Fantastic teacher! Love his work! Bravo!
I always appreciate his honesty when he speaks of being a workaholic and how negatively that affected his family.
I was asked to help my childhood friend with a recent ADD diagnosis of her son. Been reading/watching these tutorials. I agree with Dr. Mate so far to what we parents do affect children (unknowingly). We need to step back and change poor environment and help be a solution to this problem. It is very refreshing to see that Dr. Mate states to go out and get your children medicated right away as most of our culture does.
Thank you Gabor Mate!!! I wish voices like his were the more dominant ones helping guide our societies for the better. Such a relief to hear perspectives that feel sane, compassionate and forward thinking.
Such helpful, emotionally intense content. Thank you.
i found gabor cuz his son is an amazing journalist. thanks for everything
Just a great talk. i hope Dr. Gabor continues to practice what he does best and inspire more people to be better beings.
This man is brilliant thank you so much very informative.
I am 30:14 into the video, and the distractions from room noise, is actually painful. I may have to stop listening. I will do some research to see if there are other sources of his information. What he is sharing with us is important.
I’m glad it wasn’t just going to be me saying about that, in fact surely most of the people there fidgeting about etc must have adhd themselves! very irritating and disrespectful to the Dr, shame no-one stepped in to bring order.
@@ktpuss I HAVE NO PROBLEM HEARING OR FOLLOWING WHAT THIS BRILLIANT DOCTOR IS SAYING......YOU MUST FOCUS.....❤
Sharon Allison - There’s nothing wrong with my focus, unlike the people in the room who seem to be having trouble in that regard. It’s just a shame that for someone coming to spend their time & share knowledge in this way that no sound checks were done - after all there’s no need to mic up the room, just the speaker 🙂
@@ktpuss the camera picks up background noise - you can’t point blame at these people their behavior was not irregular at all.
@@ktpuss hi, it can be also your rendering device (headphone, speaker) who is at fault.
Wow. I agree he needs to talk in more schools!! Great message! I never get enough!
Jon Fiske i
And have the share price go down for the pharmaceutical giants money talks louder than words for now but not much longer
Yes finally on my feed. Reasonable and humanistic talk
Thank you so much this insightful talk🙏🏽 I was moved to tears when I recognized some of the behaviours that may have lead to my child having ADHD. I was alewady hesitant to medicate her, now I'm more convinced that medication is not necessarily the way to go. Thank you 🌹
Everything he said about opposition is exactly why psychiatry and mental health practices don’t work. There is no relationship there that builds trust and healing. Most use force, manipulation, and coercion to try to change the patient and their behaviours which only re-traumatizes them, creating the same vicious cycle where no one gets well. The patient is continually punished for having a natural reaction of defence towards abuse and untrustworthy relationships, and are often over-medicated into compliance. Why is no one looking at the abuse of psychiatry and mental health practices? These people don’t deserve such inhumane practices. They deserve better from us. It just breaks my heart that people are continually punished for a pain they cannot fix.
😢
Such a great and humble man. This is an argument for keeping the Sabbath with the family, one day a week of being cut off from all electronic devices. To eat together in festive finery, perhaps to learn together, to take deep restful afternoon naps, and perhaps make devotional contemplation, to eat together in one's finery, a festive meal again. Being in the present and enjoying the one pleasure allowed: engagement with loved ones, living like royalty for that one day.
:D
bless you
What a beautiful heart-warming end. The Gift that animals have kept and that humans are losing. Emotional physical presence
That is the pet boom, revealing so much of people's hunger for interactions without the whole cortex stuff
It's really a society problem, ADD genetic, parental influence , learned response, stressful situations all combine. The underlying message of what he says is great insight, maybe he's right we should look at this in a purely holistic way. Problem is how does it help day to day. Has some great ideas. Remember Adders tend to be more creative.
Agreed, ADHD is a mix of advantages and disadvantages
Thanks very much for this wonderful lesson. You are so wise.
Great seminar!
I have watched 20 hours of your videos this week. This one like John Taylor Gotto in 1993, has truly deeply inspired me to join your revolution as a solution.
Thank You.
More people need to hear this.
Priceless! Thank you .
From someone with FASD, thank you for your brain and your wisdom. Never stop teaching us! All brains are needed
What is FASD?
@@TheKrispyfort fetal alcohol spectrum disorder. It’s on the spectrum. It’s a brain disability. Thank you for asking
Thank you so much for charing this information.
Thankfully the answers to the question I have been searching for, actually lost for words and that has never happened before in my life trying too figure owt why I'm like this
This guy is amazing
wow incredible talk... so relevant, so honest, so useful.
this has made me decide to start studying again .... amazing
Amazing guy, he is teaching from experience
Learning only happems in "Social engagement" interesting..
This is so fascinating.. & Everything he says makes so much sense! 😲😃
Wow my mother who has schizophrenia had postnatal depression very interesting thank you am going to watch all your videos♥️
We are very lucky this man is walking the earth
I have many clients regress back to the womb, infancy and young childhood to resolve their emotional issues. Quite amazing that feeling unloveable or living with fear or physical issues (and many other things) can begin as early as the womb. It’s quite fascinating to see, but it’s even more fascinating to watch the issues resolve upon the subconscious healing.
Issues like this can’t be resolved through regular talk therapy because most of my clients have absolutely no idea where their issues even began, how could they?!
Very fascinating was hearing about the changes that came from one client ( in his 70s) after regressing back to the hospital as an infant. Left alone. Much lasting damage came from this. Instantly resolved once recognized but he couldn’t consciously recall any of the experiences he had regressed to. He also couldn’t ask his parents as at this point they had passed.
Another woman (also in her 70s) regressed to the womb and felt as though she was being poisoned because of some kind of medication. This woman could not keep most of her food down and had not been able to her entire life. She had all kinds of stomach and digestion issues. After the session, she could not only keep food down but other digestive issues also resolved.
Another client just last week( in her 60s) regressed to the womb and felt her mothers stress and fear(this is super common in my practice).
Another client regressed (by following the feeling of being unloveable) to her crib. She was “crying it out.” The no response to her need created a feeling that lasted in her life until she resolved it in her session. She’s in her 40s.
Almost all of us are walking around feeling unworthy and unloved, having no idea why, and a solution with subconscious healing is available. Hypnosis needs to be much more main stream.
I do have a video (part of a 36 part series on inner healing) called Regression to the womb where you could explore it yourself if you are interested. It is set to premiere on my channel on RUclips Dec 15, 2022.
Love and respect to you, Sir
Such great information!! Thank you!
this is so spot on.. im an ex addict, on top of a number of childhood issues, when my son was born social services jumped on us, excluded his mum threw us into poverty and caused years of instability... during that time, and i have significant aspergers symptonology, i tried numerous types of counseling.. in the end the only two things that helped me, was ptsd counseling which recognises trauma and mindfullness meditation which allows increased neuroplasticity... my son now has adhd, and im trying to find ways to help him manage his behaviours, but social setting makes that truly difficult....
Great lecture. But it is unfortunate that the impression is given that FASD is linked to alcoholism, while the scientific studies show there is no safe amount: even small amounts can cause neurological damage to the unborn child. Women who drink that one glass of wine a day, or students who drink on weekends. Over 50% of pregnancies are not planned so the woman may be 6-8 weeks pregnant and the damage can already be done.
I like this vid. It's all about the environment.. That's why my flowers keep growing, good soil,
Soil for the BODY is called fasting ! Google it ?
Fasting 28 days and 10. Dud ad stmptoms. And I develped sovier nental heath after. I am female. Did not worked for me. It damage my functioning completly for nrxt 5 yeras
After listening to Gabor Mate my soul feels filled, understood and regulated. After listening to Peterson it’s like changing the vibration of Gaia 7.83 Hrz to or 432 hrz to 440 hrz. It sounds “ plausible” but FEELS wrong.
I'm in great need of this man's help, or someone like him!
Im only 8 minutes in and this is the most comprehensive explanation I've seen to something I've dealt with myself. I'm one of seven adopted I was born FASD ARND But that was never explain to me I was told that I had ADHD inattentive when I was around 5 as well as bipolar disorder and I was put on a cocktail of medications and some antipsychotic when I was a young kid and a preteen to control impulse behaviors. Later on when I no longer took those medications I stopped having impulse controls so these medications were causing those issues.. and now I can't take stimulants anymore. I've tried Going back on what I had been on before. And it caused me to stay up for 5 days straight... If I have too much caffeine I'll go into a panic attack now. I can't take Excedrin migraine with caffeine in it. And I've been wondering if it's because of the amount of medications I was put on but I was younger where my brain was still developing.
There was also neglect and a emotionally abusive parent.
I've been studying more what FASD is and learning that there are many out there That probably have it and aren't being diagnosed with it because of the stigmatization. And I've also learned that You can also be diagnosed with other disorders secondary characteristics such as ADHD ASD bipolar disorders. There is apparently 428 comorbidities to FASD.
Psilocybin is the best treatment for this, I swear by it. It’s such relief and your not stimulated, your calm and present.
You say that - but CURIOUS how you have used it to help with ADHD⁉️
Yeah I used it too but doesn't do much for me and i have lost all interest to take it again.
Psilocybin effects and experience are (obviously) highly dependent on the dose and manner in which they are taken. Are you advocating micro-dosing, recreational use, or . . . . ?
Thank you for this video,,,,
I agree I want to watch him more.
He makes so much sense. 👏😘
I was always separated from my class and being put in time out for distracting other kids.. I never even knew what I was doing wrong. They reacted but did not explain.. It was grade 1 and 2 mostly which made me 6 and 7 😔
Same here. I missed out on the majority of my time in 4th-7th grade because I was always put in the hall. 🥺
@@haileyoslund or the naughty chair outside the staff room at lunch.
Merci beaucoup pour tous ces enseignements pleins de sagesse ... dommage le bruit de fond,
Gabor Mate MD PhD 💖
🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
Humor is the number 4 option. Gets u out of anything
Thank you / dr Gabor 🌸💖😀
the subtitles for this lecture are NOT even close to what he is saying :( which is sad for those with hearing impairments trying to watch this lecture.
@@ems4884 And with such advanced technology as 2020 rolls around.
I was looking to see if the subtitles could be contributed on this video but it looks like RUclips has stopped community contributions for subtitles...I agree that more should be done for accessibility.
Diagnosed with MS at 28, now
diagnosed with ADHD, depression, chronic vertigo, dysautonomia at 29, listening to Dr. Mate and I only started medication because i know Im gonna be cured anyways, I just need time to calm a little
This man is an angel
so poignant!! so tangible. this is dangerous because it can honestly change how we operate in the our lives & move through the world. We are not victims, we descend from survivors.
So how is it dangerous??
@@jenniferjackson9375 truth, the truth can be dangerous.
Your the best Dr Mate
Yes, I felt that time- out is really damaging...
More doctor's need to start thinking llike this.
"People may put themselves in safe situations thining their safe" because of trauma..
A "pat on the back" is not always helpful, especially for those who endured certain patterns of early life suffering (i.e. short-term effective, long-term inadequate discipline from a stressed caregiver). I speak in support of Gabor Mate and to raise awareness for others who struggle similarly, that unsolicited physical touch, even when done with good intentions, is *not always received* as comforting. That's a fact.
I (as well as many others who had stressed caregivers in the 1st year of life) can become so dysregulated by unsolicited touch received from beyond the range of peripheral vision, I will rage-hate you (i.e. the tiger will be awakened) no matter who you are in my life. It takes tremendous energy to shut down this response without hurting someone *every single time*.
So please... if you're going to touch somebody, make it best trauma-informed practices to:
1) make eye contact first so they can see it coming,
2) initiate physical contact from within their visual perimeter, and
3) use a closed-hand approach (instead of strokey-clawing or clasping hand approach).
Awesome, awesome video!!!!!!! Thank you Gabor Mate!!!!
Did you have that rage-hate kind of response also at what people unexpectedly and uninitiatedly say about you? I do, also at differing opinions, if they are blind, i e not founded in properly observed, reflected, experience and informed knowledge. Feel threatened and lose my grounding.
As for touch, I find it good how it is doen in 12-step programs: Asking permission. Even saying personal praise can be painful and unmanageable when in a bad mood, so asking if it's ok to say a positive response. Also easier to receive when for-warned, in order to direct on'e chaotic, stressed, overburdened mind to a new message coming in. Sad to miss good things just because I wasn't prepared, couldn't take it in, had to dismiss the other because of my overwhelmment, spinning and shaking at the same time, sort of. How are you 2 years after your comment?
@@Medietos
Re: Did you have that rage-hate kind of response also at what people unexpectedly and uninitiatedly say about you?
Yes definitely. I am really noticing now how tired I am from managing the rage response, although at least I am recognizing it now?
Re: How are you 2 years after your comment?
Maybe better? If I wouldn't have taken a major risk on establishing a relationship with someone I *knew* I wanted touch from, I would have never made any progress. For whatever reason, I knew I wanted this person's touch to make up for the attachment-related touch deprivation I've experienced. Then I satiated myself with as much as possible with their touch, company and affection, and the need was mutual.
In spite of my fears, I had to be strong enough to endure the paradox of finally accepting a good thing into my life, while knowing it was because of our wounds that the relationship wouldn't last (his father is just as controlling and possessive as mine was, except that mine is now dead and I am free to take these risks, whereas his father is still very much alive and in full narcissistic possession of him). In the end he regressed into a not-so-good thing, because it's obvious his dad is very jealous and cannot handle being left out of his son's bedroom (sooooo similar to how my dad was). Most likely he is currently destroying himself in an attempt to prove to his "dad" how much he's hurting inside.
Without having that relationship with that one safe person -- that single haven I was finally able to find in humanity's storm -- I'm back to rage-hatey response at a somewhat diminished level. Being with someone who was an authentic fit defused that trigger quite a bit. I really miss having him to confide those rage-responses in -- including to people's comments that set me off ;)
Thank you very much for inquiring.
@@gunstigvogel3419 thank you for you open honest answer and share.not many admit to hate-rage, since it is taboo and can make others think we are vicious etc.(which we can become partly, unles we start healing.) I am so glad you got to get love, I never have. And the abuse and torture by many, even social security, psych./health care Drs, police, churches and courts, have rendered me so stressed, harmed, unsafe and fear enraged that I sometimes feel hatred and thinkl I'll kill the next person who even touches me or says sth unjustified, untrue, unfair etc. And kill myself
I wan to congratulate you for the survival and power tool of your ability to express yourself. I wouldn't have survived, or been rally crazy without mine. Don't ever give up on yourself and your healing pursuit.
Do you know the trauma therapists here? It helps even if they don't take clients now, but internet courses. Diane Lang...berg(?), Richard grannon, Franz Ruppert (mainly in german though), Irene Lyon, Alan Rub...arge? and some I don't remember their names (burnt out, sleep deprived). I think you and your loved one should tie his father to a chair and let him listen to trauma therapists' YT talks until he starts to see himself and that he has a problem and causes you problems and that he can't.
But that is just a despair fantasy, wouldn't be right, since he has his freedom of choice as to be and act. But write him a letter? Practise, prepare and talk to him?Try a 12-step program? They are also available on Zoom/Skype/ online, and USA is said to have very high quality sponsors. (I want one there, but am too crashed to learn the technical parts on PC now.)
Have you studied the Chakras and their healing practices? It helped me much in understanding, which also (serious) astrology did. Peter ten Hoopen's free chakra test is useful, if one gets how he means by some of the Q's. 8can exchange TV for other addictive, consuming negative-producing habits like internet. Though it depends on what one does a bit too). You'd probably judge yourself fairly correctly, althouigh the best would be to let a Barbara brennan-School trained energy therapist work and examine + heal them in you.. most answer how they WANT to be (0 The idea rather than real self today) The negative turns get explained as never in Psych and health care. it is unknown. I researched mass murderer Aileen Wuornos, saw the awful prison vids with her, and knew there was good explanation for her behav + acts, as wella s for my own negative turn. Also Carolyne Myss' " Teh anatomy od Spirit" explains a lot. Even if she writes a bit unstructured. Take care.
Gabor is rockin' those rings!
This all makes so much sense 🤔👍
"There is no profit to be made in nurturing relationships. Lots of profits to be made in drugs". What a quote! This is why medication is pushed on diagnosed children instead of emphasizing on healthy and stress free parent-child relationships
this explains my condition perfectly. my mother who was very depressed and smoking a lot when she was pregnant with me made the strongest adhd my psychiatrists ever seen. But atleast addrall almost cancels my adhd with almost no side effects.
Whoever is coughing and snorting there showed a great deal of behavioural disregulation and should have been asked to leave the class ratger than infect and distract everyone there and online. Kudos to this amazing doctor. Great lecture.