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5 Tips to Make Assertive Communication Easier and More Effective
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- Опубликовано: 15 авг 2024
- Hello Brains! I’m obsessed with assertive communication right now because it’s a super effective way to express our needs while actually Improving our relationships. It’s a win/win. Seriously. THIS. CHANGES. EVERYTHING.
But actually practicing assertive communication can be hard. Here are some helpful tips!
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Assertive communication is clearly and honestly expressing our feelings and needs, while respecting the feelings and needs of the other person.
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Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
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Very good information in there. It’s a skill no many people have. I struggle with it even at age 53. Understanding how we feel and then communicating that is very hard.
As always, thank you for what you do here. You’re a positive influence in the ADHD community and I hope you keep it up for a long time.
Hello, 50+ Brain friend! I’m one, too!
I also struggle. I think it’s a life-long thing, and we need to be kind to ourselves.
I'm starting to wonder what the overlap is between ADHD/ADD and "People pleaser" syndrome and co-dependent type tendencies ? I'm heading towards my 50s + ADD but I think 'Peeps" with ADD and Dyslexia + ("Other") raised in the 60s, 70s and 80's probably were made to feel much more deficient and inadequate and generally "Bad" than folks in their 20's being diagnosed today. Assertive communication is also a key problem with co-dependancy and stating your needs / self championing.
I know for most of my life I had a need to be accepted, but always felt like an outsider. Very few lifelong friends
i got to say u strugglin at 53 is depressing for me at 22
@@r011ing_thunder6
Y o u have the chance to start earlier and to accomplish sooner, don' t you think? 👍🏻😉😊☀️
I think a good thing to remember with assertive communication is that it takes two willing people to have an open conversation about your feelings. If the person you are trying to communicate with isn't willing to work with you or listen with an open mind then sometimes the best assertive communication tool is to walk away from that person, even if it's hard.
Well put ❤️
@@HowtoADHD oh thank you :-) and thank you for the awesome videos!
@@LosingLara your comment is an often forgotten or glossed over nugget of wisdom :)
I find this really diffucult, because I keep believing the other person would eventually open up.
I wholeheartedly agree!! I just had to leave a man I was seeing for about 4 months. He wasn't able to listen with an open mind and effectively communicate his needs with me. Extremely tough though, since he fulfilled so many of my wants, but needs really are more important in a healthy relationship. Thank you Jessica for your amazing videos!
I appreciate how your videos/editing style always make me feel like I'm listening playback speed 1.5x... Straight to the point!
Exactly! I'm used to watching videos at 1.25x or 1.5x speed.
Yes!
There's another channel whose videos I watch, and I have to play them at 1.5x speed. I can normally handle the speed of other videos, but this guy practically talks in slow motion!
I didn't know there is a 1.5, wow, this is a game changer!!!
I am assertively telling you that this video is awesome! Thank you!
Hey how to ADHD and my friends I have tryed Buddha teachings in can bring small changes but guys believe me it can really help. How to ADHD plz have a look at this topic plz i want our community to be more understanding as it can solve any problems if we have the right understanding.
My Psychiatrist suggested I think about the questions I'm asking, and try to get to the REAL question that's buried in there under some of the assumptions being thrown on top of it implicitly by the phrasing of the question. So I think "what's the REAL question I'm trying to ask?"
Also, my Psychiatrist told me to pay attention to what I'm doing when I'm struggling with something, and ask myself why I'm struggling and how I can make it easier on myself. For example, I was trying to write this advice down on an index card on my lap. He noticed I was struggling to write, and slipped a clipboard underneath the index card. I told my Psychologist about the experience (I'm getting lots of help these days!), he loved it and suggested I think of it this way: "Where's my clipboard?" (aka "how can I make this easier").
Just wanted to share. This video is so promising. I really hope people can learn from this.
Oh yes, i recognise this, especially when tired, any activity that requires any additional preparation and/or materials outside immediate physical reach becomes almost impossible or results in collateral damage as I have no cognitive capacity for any motor skills finer than those of a freight train at full speed and missing it's breaking pads...
The last episode really made me think, because my girlfriend is very selfless and always apologizing. So I asked her what does SHE need immediately after we watched it.
She didn't know what I was talking about, because she was half asleep. I asked her what was the last thing she remembered, and it was "Hello Brains." 😅
We're working on it.
What you do is really something amazing. As someone who struggles with ADHD it’s great to finally have a place where I can learn to cope with things with effective strategies and feel less alone with what I’m going through. It’s not often I see channels like these that address ADHD and express those things in the way that you do. It’s done a ton. Please keep doing what you love and take care of yourself! Thank you so much
I've learned to compromise really well since I was a child. I think I learned it to deal with a mom who was super anxious who could sometimes explode when discussing feelings. What I learned through that and future relationships is taking everyones perspective into account so often thatI forget my own and often forget how I feel until way later. This is probably where journaling comes in handy. Really examining how you feel and why.
Brain dumps in your BuJo are great for this because they are often straight to the point. "I cooked dinner again. I like cooking but not always. Wish he would cook more." The brain dump boils down the feeling to the point and you can pick what you really need/feel before you bring it up again.
I try to have assertive communication... but generally I just end up crying 😅😭
omg yeah I've cried at school or work so many times... it gets easier I promise
How to ADHD 💜 yay thank god lol
@@haileyscomment crying is just a biological response to emotional overload short of a full blown panic attack, and people who can't deal with other people crying need to check their own priorities.
SonsOfLorgar true!!
In some situations, where you feel relatively safe with the other person, it can work to say "(don't worry,) I just cry easily", without any judgement. Takes away a bit of the unease with the other person and you can keep on talking without having to stop because of the crying. Crying can be perceived as emotional blackmail, or a sign to stop talking, but by addressing it, you can sometimes take the sting out of it.
I’m always overwelmed by agressive communication by others and feel attacked by that, sooo hard to not react in an agressive way myself and then getting beyond the point of no return like you mentioned...it does a lot to hear you name the exact same struggles I have...
One thing that helps me when dealing with aggressive communication from others is to look for the assertive aspects in it, and respond only to that. Particularly with people I really care about.
Like, if someone starts yelling at you for not doing something, maybe calling you lazy etc., imagine them in your mind to be saying "I would really appreciate it if you could do this", and respond as you would to that.
It helps if you realize it's not about you, they've just been bottling it up and are now expressing their need the only way they know how.
And then assertively communicate your need, "It makes me uncomfortable when you raise your voice and call me names. You can always talk to me about things that upset you, and I will do my best to listen and work things out, regardless."
It can be hard at first, since the urge to defend against name calling or their anger/accusation is pretty strong, but it gets easier once you practice it for a while, even more so after you see how it almost always diffuses the situation, leading to a calm discussion and a happy compromise for everybody involved.
valkyriav thank you for your kind and helpfull answer!!
I am so happy your posting more often:) love your channel
Did anyone else notice the constant moving camera angles and jump cuts in her videos? I've watched this channel for over a year now, and I just realized it and it's probably done on purpose to help with our focus! I don't know if that was the intention, but it's working!
It was so huge for me when I started to learn to recognize the difference between feelings and interpretations! One tip I learned: If you say a sentence that starts with “I feel like...” or “I feel that...”, you’re expressing an interpretation and not a feeling.
Oh how I wish this was uploaded yesterday! I had been feeling anxious about my friendship with a really close friend, and I ended up talking to her yesterday. The situation turned out fine and we’re okay, but these tips would’ve helped me express my feelings a little better instead of making me sound insane. Now I know these tips for the future! Thank you for everything you do to help us Brains handle ADHD better.
It’s incredible how communication changes everything. I am an ADHD (combined ) in Brazil, and watching your videos and reading the comments make me feel part of a community instead of alone, integrated instead weird.
Here is a tip, if you can’t talk to others, try writing to yourself, with time your habit of writing will make it easier for you to chose the words better and to search your feeling more deeper. The results are great.
JustCallMeGary no. Would love to get on that chat.
JustCallMeGary very glad to know about that.
Yeah come hang out, it’s fun :)
Somehow whatever you make a video about is just what I need at the time! Thanks so much, Jessica!
I'm loving your channel! The friendly character, always resting on logical statements, concise and to the point, researched, what more could you ask for. 😊
Aw thanks!! I appreciate the specific positive feedback!
I feel excited about your type of content recently. It is more about awareness and mindfulness.
I do also feel really curious about how your channel progresses.
Me too! Let’s be mindful of it togetherrrr
I am 61 and STILL trying to figure it out🤷🏻♀️. Wasn’t even diagnosed until my 18 year old son was diagnosed 😳. The tips, challenges and various personal issues you share take this whole tribe one step closer to understanding ourselves better and thereby, become more understood. Thank you!
Like great movies your videos are incredibly rewatchable. This one is one that I know I will come back to many times to remind me of the skills I've needed but struggled with all my life. I can assertively say my need to be more assertive is something you're going to help me with. Like so many other things in your other videos. So thanks and keep making the content, for yourself and us, it's very much needed.
As a person with adhd I admire so much how she uses facial expressions and talkes fast, gets to the point it helps so much Oml 🤍
Timestamps
1:05 1. Learn to recognize and name your feelings
2:26 2. Learn to recognize and name what you need
3:18 3. Start with low-stakes situations
3:49 4. Be aware of your body
4:38 5. Don’t wait
Thanks Doctor
Thank you!
Merci 😅😅
I'm super picky with my content but your channel is always delivering great quality. Every time I click on one of your videos I worry that the advice is going to be a little naive or obvious by the tone of voice and music but that's pretty much never the case. Keep it up, I love this channel
I hope you don't change either of those things btw, it's nice to change people's expectations sometimes
aw thanks! I work really hard to make sure the information I present is grounded in research and actually useful, just presented in a fun way. I appreciate the feedback!
Because self esteem issues are a problem with people with ADHD, I think it’s important to point out that assertion is a lot easier when you have a healthy self esteem. When you can be kind to yourself and see yourself as a valuable person who’s needs are important.
I got diagnosed when I was 12 (I turned 13 on Monday) with ADHD and your videos make thing easier to understand
and I half the time get nervous or anxious around people
And my friend is pretty good at being assertive I’m not :P
Vitea of How to ADHD tHank you!!
just practiced assertive communication and had a very fulfilling conversation that caused me intense emotional relief... am so proud of myself! Thank you so much :)
I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and your channel not only helped me recognize that I exhibited the symptoms but also helped me build the courage to seek a professional diagnosis in addition to inform my family, friends and boss! You have helped me immensely but I still have a ways to go and your videos are always a huge help! Thank you and looking forward to more in the future!
Thank you so much for Making this I never knew those things before! I have no clue how to be assertive I am a door mat lol. I never learned it.
I have a job that requires a lot of assertive communication. People pleasing has been a struggle, as I naturally want to please. It’s not always an option.
I find in my context I have to keep reminding myself why I do the job I have and to try to separate my sense of self worth from people’s approval.
This is much easier when things are going well but I still struggle when things don’t go so well.
I think this is a good topic for the channel
Thank you for this. I am gonna share this with people around me. As an adhd who suffers from depression I find that people around me take very good care of me. But neglect themselves. Im happy to have a way to talk to them about assertive communication. As an adhd person I struggle with different needs, but mine shouldnt outweight those of the ones I love 🌻
FINALLY! A youtuber that educates on my disorder AND speaks as fast as I do....
You're killing it! This is good information. Thank you!
This was super helpful for me. I will watch it several times i think until i can take in all your hints. I 100% need to work on all you said. I know i have no idea on how to name more than about 3 of my emotions and what im feeling is mostly a mystery to me. And i struggle to even ask a customer service person in a shop where i will find an item let alone ask people for help with other needs i have. I also struggle to work out what the "real" base need i have is. I may identify "i want the dishes done by someone" but would never work out my real issue is i need more support from someone with helping with all of the housework without having to ask them to do something each time. I know this comment is rambling but i dont have a brain that works well before midday and its early morning where i live.
That was so helpful. I learned this approach from the Gottman Institute in premarital counseling. Without properly identifying our emotions, it’s easy to sound like we are criticizing our partner by saying “you do this, and you do that”. But when we actually say how we are feeling, we take ownership for our own actions which allows your partner to understand you and take ownership of their own actions.
There’s not a lot of examples out there on how to properly say how you’re feeling, but this video does that! Thank you so much for being able to deliver all that information in a simpler and more applicable way! Love your videos.
I've always struggled with passive communication, especially in my relationship, I found out I had ADHD in 2016, and I've only just found your videos, they are a god send! Thank you so much!! 😀
How to ADHD Yay! Well said! There are some other approaches like the assertive D.E.A.R M.A.N. way to a healthier assertive approach to get closer to what you need. So you’re not passive, passive aggressive or the other end of the scale aggressive. Soft assertiveness for family and firm assertiveness for business. Try to work on what role you are taking (eg rescuer, persecutor, judge jury and executioner, etc) Into the space that is shared while communicating. Learning how to sit with your “Emotional sensory awareness experiences” mindfully without reacting but rather having a delayed response can really help.
How to ADHD Noooo... I amended my wording on my post/comment and it took your heart away. Heartbroken 😔
I feel like I'm repeating myself in the comments of every video, but they're all super helpful and incredibly useful! They also seem to arrive at the most relevant situations/times. Are you sure you're not psychic?
haha not psychic, I just get it! This stuff is so hard, glad my videos make it a lil easier
@@HowtoADHD yeah, and I am always infinitely grateful for that :D
Thank you so much for posting this! I feel like I've learned these things individually at one point, but you put it in a way that really clicked for me. I'm so glad I found your channel. :)
I've been looking for a video just like this to help my high school students with disabilities self-advocate. Thank you so much! 😊
I found your channel and started to realize how much I had in common to all of you so I went to get diagnosed and turns out I’m a part of the tribe I’ve been getting bad grades on bad grades since middle school(I’m a senior now) because I couldn’t get my work done and holy balls every since getting my prescription I feel like i can get everything done it’s still not as easy as I hoped it’d be but my god I owe this channel my life thank you :)
Ted is my depression and Steven is my anxiety
Sometimes it helps to just say "Shut up Steven, I don't need your opinion right now"
I find naming things like that useful so I don't see it as myself, but a different person with different thoughts
It always feel like you post your videos just when I need them!! I’ve been having some communication problems lately with various people in my life, and I think trying to keep more of this in mind will really help me. Thank you so much for what you do!
😂 2:06 So funny when you said annoyed & your pup annoyingly looked at the camera, amazing.
Thank you for this tip. I have ADHD, and you’ve just been a great help to me, and the ADHD community as a whole
I get super anxious about asserting my needs and thus I end up staying silent. I say I have trouble with words, but I feel like it's more that I can't control my anxiety about the situation and end up in a panic. Any tips for how to work through this process?
Me too..but tend to step back for a second to get a grip in the situation then come back by the grace of Almighty.
This
Idk how I lived without this channel. Thank you
The clip from Azure Lopez is totally me as well but more along the lines of distractions with me. It has always been this way and sometimes I feel like now that I know that I am an ADHDer, I am more in tune with my behavior but feel even more irritable now that I know about it. Almost as if I am telling everyone, "Hey!! I have ADHD and your being a pain!" but I don't say it bcuz I don't want to rub people the wrong way! I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE I RUB PEOPLE THE WRONG WAY and I am always apologizing for it. I love all of your videos. They have helped my family and tremendously. (My wife is a lot more understanding now and both use tips like these to even help my step daughter who is ADHD as well.) This has been a major struggle for me since I was diagnosed 2 years ago at 40. I have made some big strides in the right direction. Whenever I am feeling a little lost in my daily life, I usually come right here to see what advice you have to help me with whatever I am going through. You have made such an impact on me and I am so grateful to you and that I watched your TedTalk in the first place. Thank you so much for easing the struggle of life a little bit for all of us ADD/ADHDers!
This information is amazing, and presentation is also eye catching.
Btw in order to be able to communicate assertively, sometimes one needs to be a passive and aggressive (or even be bullied and be the bully) in the past. So he/she can decide the middle point of those 2 behaviors.
Oh, of course it is merely based on my personal opinion, not some kind of serious studies.
Anyway, keep up the great work 😉👍
Hmmm... you mean like practicing to find how it feels at either extreme so you know better how it feels in the "sweet spot" of being more balanced? This would be a great exercise. First, remember a time you were bullied and fully experience how that feels physically and emotionally - try to name the emotions. Then remember a time you were the bully, or when you blew up at someone - or if you've always been passive, put yourself in the shoes of one of your bullies and imagine how they felt physically and emotionally - again, try to name the emotions. Then you could take the same situation(s) and rewrite the scene with each character being assertive instead. This would make for a great role play opportunity.
So happy to see more of your content. Love the two part series that you are making. Glad I found your channel :) keep up the good work
Thank you for this. I have 2 friends who constantly parent me, make verbal jabs, and call out every little mistake I make. And I’m 32. We were visiting Vegas last weekend and it felt like the more they said, the more I would screw up. The only thing I could really say is “I’m ADHD”, but then they would say I was fine and that’s just an excuse. Made me so stressed out, I decided to not go with the group on a Memorial Weekend camping trip. But now I know how to communicate with them and try to explain my needs. Hope they listen, but not sure cuz one of them gets very angry and aggressive easily. If that happens, might be time to walk away.
Great video Jess, I'll give it a second watch so I can take notes! A tip from my old Cognitive Behavioral Therapist was to write down what you want to say ahead of time to help articulate your thoughts. That way when the emotions kick in you have already rehearsed it.
i keep returning to this video everytime i face a situation that requires me to communicate with more care. it has helped and will keep helping, so, a seasoned thank you that comes from deep within my heart 🙏
This is actually really solid advice for normal and ADD/ADHD BRAINS alike. Excellent video!
Hi luv your vids and helped me understand adhd when I was diagnosed
Could have used this today to stop a situation before it went too far. Nothing of consequence just my friends making fun of my constant requests to close cupboard doors and reopening them just to spite me. Ended an hour later only after i was so angry i had passed the point of no return and basically just started screaming at them. Messaged them all after watching to explain my feelings and they all apologised and said they wouldn’t do it again. Bless these lads
This is fantastic, you are doing an amazing service with these videos. Being autistic, my whole life has been trying to figure out the rules and best practice by myself, and although I feel I've definitely managed to learn skills through observation, it's hard to remember to put them in play when you don't always have the language, reasoning (beyond 'x tends to result in y'), or any true feedback from others. You may have almost convinced me to write an email to a rental agency because I need a house to live in when I move to another city (why do I feel so guilty? I know why, I just haven't figured out how to not feel guilty about doing things that I need to do) 😊
I am watching this for a second time because tomorrow I will have to talk to my friend when she comes over to my place. When she comes over I make her feel at home, but lately I think she's getting a little too comfortable. LOL. I'm getting ready to write my notes for tomorrow's conversation, but I'm still feeling anxious about it. Thank you Jessica! :-)
I love the way you explain all of this. I’m absolutely horrible at being assertive, even at my age. It’s a difficult skill to learn, especially when I hate confrontation. Thank you for the new videos. I love your new brain animation!
My 'cognitive' bar is way, way higher than the emotional bar in the sense that I can clearly see the different dynamics of a situation as it happens, but my true *feelings* about someone's behaviour in it arrive with extreme delay, after the situation is over. This makes it virtually impossible for me to bring it up with people again, which is how patterns like with that insult-trigger-happy friend emerge. It makes me feel helpless that I don't only have a hard time recognizing my feelings (let alone voicing them), but that they don't even occur until I'm alone again. The continued forming of negative relationship patterns almost makes me want to cancel the affected relationships, but that can't be a good strategy? - In all honesty, I *wish* I had an emotional outburst in front of someone every once in a while. I'm always calm, empathetic and collected - against my own will.
OMG. This isn't always the case for me but I can't describe the looks I've gotten from people when I tell them something like: "I think I feel okay about what you just said, but I'll have to wait for it to fully process before I can assure you I don't resent it or feel hurt or something." -- This has led me to wonder if my symptoms include dissociation or depersonalization due to things like this.
1:53 Maybe it's my anxiety talking, but saying "When you X, I feel Y." seems just as easy for someone else to argue with, because they could still say all the reasons I shouldn't feel that way. Rather than defending themselves, they can invalidate me, which is ten times more of a risk. Especially when I am already prone to telling myself I'm overreacting or ungrateful.
That’s really insightful. I bet this is why it feels easier to blame each other than to talk about how we feel. Let me ask Patrick about that one.
Sometimes people are toxic and you need to remove them from your life so you can be healthy. It's hard, but definitely doable.
@@HowtoADHD Thank you so much. I try to tell myself feelings are involuntary. I try to distance myself from people who won't listen when I try to ask for help. But it isn't foolproof. Your channel has helped me so much over the past few years, from realizing I had adhd, to seeking medication, to bullet journaling. But other people have made me second guess my own feelings so often, it's hard to do this with anyone who's invalidated me even one time. (Maybe it's a part of rejection-sensitive dysphoria?)
@@SunajVon Dude, I wish. I ended relationships with people close to me who would do this consistently, and they started stalking my social media and harassing people I knew to make fun of me. And even now that they've stopped, I still feel the effects. If I'm trying to explain I feel overwhelmed by a workload to a professor, and they try to assure me it isn't so bad as I'm making it out to be, I shut down and agree because obviously the professor knows the actual difficulty of the assignment better than I do.
Yeah, unfortunately we live in a culture that tries really hard to minimize feelings instead of listen to them. It’s hard to shake the self doubt when we’ve been invalidated too, and yeah rejection sensitivity is certainly part of it.
Great video! I’m a blind brain so I do often need help and have a hard time asking for it. But I’m gonna be practicing my assertive communication :)
Oh wow! Hi! That must come with some really unique challenges, would love to talk about it sometime!
How to ADHD It really does, haha! And I’d love to help answer any questions and share my experience if you’d like!
My brain often goes on the Toot Toot Train and I brainfart my way through conversations. I often can't get out what I need because I forget it halfway through. That might be due to a overly emotional response to the situation, too, like stress. But I'm not taken very seriously when asking for what I need. I appreciate this video because it pretty much spells out what to do. That's awesome.
I just watched every video on this channel from oldest to newest in the last 3 days. Love this channel, thank you for making it. I was just diagnosed with ADHD a few weeks ago and finding this channel made me feel better. It showed me there are others like me, and I will definitely be trying some of the tips and strategies when school starts again. I'm going to use the habit video to get myself to go walking this summer, or maybe work up to running. Thank you again Jessica and all the other brains!
Thank you - this is exactly what I needed to hear right now. What a well thought-out, intelligently presented video - and from someone so young! You really are doing the world a service. Keep up the good work!
Thank you! Another great video! I assertively say, "You Rock!" ;-)
Great video because lots of people believe that to be assertive you must be aggressive and even reach the point of being rude and assaultive.
Love this! I’ve been working on it since I present often now in IEP meetings as the school psychologist! Whenever we have advocates it can be crazy, and I am learning to speak up when I need to.
Totally agree! Ever since I've started practicing mindfulness exercises, I'm more aware of my body getting tensed in certain situations and am better at avoiding useless toxic conversations. It really helps. :)
Awesome work, will be rewatching every time need an assertive reminder of where and why i am communicating well with others.
Having this skillset would have saved my wife so many arguments and later night hard conversations she had a million times before cuz I have resulted the recurring emotion and I feel stuck in the past. I'm so happy I found your channel. It's the most help I have gotten so far
The first thought I had watching this is: How have I really been trying to improve myself my whole life and not know this!? Love it anyway :)
Right??? Omg same!
You are so smart and adorable. Your videos show a great amount of research. I watch them with my 10 year old daughter and they help so much. She has ADHD, dyslexia, and sensory proccessing disorder for starters. Your videos help us navigate so many of her struggles.
Your talking speed really grabs my attention, I dont need to speed up your video. But it also means I cannot play with the quick forward and reverse button 😂. Your video is packed with information. I love it!
My teacher showed this video in class, and I had to come over here and subscribe. These are excellent points and really helped me out with expressing my feelings without feeling afraid!
How To ADHD, yes thank you for the tips. I am pretty good with assertive communication though that tends to go down the drain when Dad tries discuss subjects that are hard for me. Half the issue is that he and I don't get along well.
U r THA best!
And I mean that. You make us know we are weird, or inept, or anything bad someone who doesn’t get it may interpret. And I assure you that many of us know that you’re enlightenment came after considerable internal struggle and self realisation. Thank you for guiding those of us who are on the same journey.
Wow,
I've started watching all of your videos on a daily basis, so far I've learned a lot from you.
You are one of the best on RUclips.
Warm Wishes,
Mehdi
I was scared to express how I felt with my daughters in home therapist because I felt she was here to help but she was toxic. She put herself in charge because she was insecure. I finally spoke up and told her we don't work for her, she works for us.
Dropping dimes today!
It's one of the hardest steps, slowly taking your time back because your time is valuable too. To piggie back on your thoughts, not sure if any of you ran into this or maybe just haven't realized it has. But when we are supper focused and in task, I learned people think he's so intense. And angry. By the way love your new hairstyle.
For the longest time I have always put others needs and emotions before my own. It went on so long that I don't know what I'm feeling or how to even describe it. I have used Passive communication, excpecting others to know what I'm feeling since I didn't know how to describe it. I always thought that my needs weren't important enough to mention because it felt like was being selfish and inconsiderate of others. I had this idea in my head that "If I can make others happy, then I will be happy" when in reality, I was the one in need of help. This video just might help me get the closure I have been looking for with my stepdad. We are polar opposites, he's OCD I'm ADHD. He's Logical, I'm emotional. We have butt heads on a daily basis for the past 16 years about anything and everything and everything that I do to help myself and say what I need comes off very selfish and I immediately get put down because of it. Or that's how I feel about, it may not be his intention but since we are on completely different wave lengths that's how the message gets interpreted. Communication has been and still is by far my weakest skill when it comes to talking about my needs, because I have the idea stuck in my head that saying what I need is very selfish or unimportant. Those words have never been said to me directly, its the byproduct of many lectures and mess-ups which has added onto my wall-of-aweful (great video by the way!!!!). With this video, I just might be able to get the closure I have been looking for. My mom (she's a Heart) showed me your youtube channel and I have been looking forward to every single upload. Your videos have expanded my knowledge about ADHD and the tips you give have helped tremendously!!!!
The question what if we get rejected is the one that trips me up almost every single time. Step number 3 is easy for me in terms of like asking friends and family what I need whereas I still have trouble with number 4, particularly the getting emotional part and stepping away. Will have to work on that, as always thanks for another amazing video!
Yeah, though so far, during my 34 years of life, I've experienced that the idea of being rejected is often far more terrifying than any actual rejection, and that my brain tends to nurture that fear into an overwhelming monster the longer I hesitate, and in the 20/20 of hindsight, I wonder how many friends or even romantic partners or short encounters I have missed out on in those years without even noticing that my curiosity was being reciprocated by someone just as insecure as me...
This is giving me so much clarity right now. I love this channel so much
I have to thank you for all the wonderful videos you have made; Absolutely wonderful! I am a mental health therapist and I work with young adolescents, many who have been diagnosed with ADHD. I have been using your videos for about a year now (I believe it''s been a year) to help with understanding ADHD, their symptoms as well as helping them feel not so alone. Thank you, thank you thank you! Keep up the great work.
Hey Jessica! Wooho, new vid! You're awesome! Let those mean comments slide off like oil from a brand new Teflon pan! Also, you're the absolute only channel on which I got the notifications on! And I hate that RUclips bell with a fury! 😛
I’m honored, thank you!!
Thanks for making this video. These videos you’ve made really help me feel connected to something through a part of my life that’s been persistently disconnecting me from everyone else.
Also, I think you’re beautiful, and I like your voice.
You just know what one needs... Everytime..
This has helped me so much already in so many areas of my life. Thank you!!!
This was amazing! And very much needed. The comment of feeling secure in a relationship is huge! I tend to want to over text and I feel like I come off annoying.
Oddly enough I was completely unassertive when I was younger but when I was 18 something clicked and I became extremely assertive, to the point where it felt completely natural.
I love how practical, helpful, and informative your videos are! Thank you for taking the time to gather all of this info and put it out in a clear, concise, and easy to watch format :D
I struggle with my assertive communication soo badly thank you for making this video I understand myself a lot better now.
Whoa! Very informative. I really learned something here! Though I can't really explain it right now because BRAIN FOG. (I'm tired.)
I'll try again tomorrow. Thanks for the great explanations though!
I like your Channel. Makes me feel less weird. I haven't been diagnosed with ADD but what you say makes sense and is very useful if I can remember them past the end of your video. Thanks for let me feel like I'm not the only weird ball out there
I got diagnosed with AD(H)D today, it explains a lot but right now it’s just a bit overwhelming. I’m 17
Welcome to the war zone,Warrior!
I normally love my ADHD brain. But I’m in a bad place with it right now because I just lost my job because of it. I had a baby 6 months ago and a sudden hormonal change and sleep deprivation threw me for a loop, making my normally manageable symptoms completely unmanageable. I started making mistakes and being tarty. I saw my doctor to talk about my options as far as medications. She said it may also be postpartum depression and referred me to a psychiatrist. I shared this with my immediate supervisor to keep him in the loop because I know what ADHD looks like from the outside looking in. I was out of a job 8 days later.
It’s just really disheartening. I feel like I’m destined to fail. I would love to stay home with my baby but I’m the main breadwinner for my family. I’m going to take a few months to get it together but I’m so afraid of this cycle continuing to the point where it can’t take care of my family any more.
This is so well presented. I love the idea of digging deeper to figure out what you REALLY need or feel. It makes clear communication a lot easier when we have self-awareness!
The dog really helps to make it fun 😆. Thank you. I always struggle to assert myself.
Mom- Why are you smiling?
Me- Jessica is posting regularly.
Jessica-1 Procrastination -0
I love all of your videos, they are the most helpful on this topic that I've found and thank you so much for the work you do. Plus you showed your dog so now I'm not just happy that I'm learning and understanding, I'm smiling because they're SO CUTE AGH my heart
I cannot exspress the gratitude I have for you and your videos. I am literally crying trying to thank you enough right now. Communication has limited my life in so many ways. Why and how to do it is so......idk. it's good though.