The best things to do ( and the hardest) :are to show no emotions and leave them alone. Removing these problematic individuals from our lives is sonething we never thought we whould have to do.
Whenever I call out my narcissistic mother she gaslights & goes on the attack to try to undermine me about one thing or another that may or may not be related, in an effort to get me to back off or use something against me to “bolster” her claims JUST to TRY to make herself RIGHT.
After I did the reverse discard it took me nine months to pull myself out of denial. This person had an agenda and I was sucked into it. You can’t love a fraudulent liar.
Sad but 100% true. The saddest is they are also so self - destructive. You love them and so desire a "good relationship" with them, it is so sad. We must move on, or they will destroy us, our lives , everything. Please cheer up if you got away ! 💜Big Hugs Much Love
😂, when the narcissist projects and calls you a na😅. When they accuse you of gaslighting them, because you won't validate their delusions. When they accuse you of being abusive if you try to hold them accountable for their actions and behaviour.
I called out my father who is a narcissist, and he responded exactly as predicted here - with rage, gas-lighting, and the silent treatment. However, I still felt like speaking out was invaluable because it 1) Allowed me to express my power and no longer silence my own voice and 2) His response allowed me to see how crazy he is! So I would disagree - I do think it can be valuable to call out the narcissist if you don't have expectations to be heard, and speaking the truth out loud is part of your healing process.
I felt I just had no choice but to call out my narcissistic ex after she cheated on me 3 times and always blamed me for not being committing enough for her. I simply told her I cannot tolerate this anymore and I can't ever trust her. All I was worth to her instead of an explanation was an F off.
I called him out like if I had an epiphany of that knowledge like omg I just realized that you were a narcissist ! Wow everything makes sense now !! Forget about me bye bye ! And then I blocked him on all platforms. Luckily he doesn’t know where I live ! (Both my parents are narcissists and the father of my child) so I know the red flags now and how to have the last word and to call back my energy on me .
They put your children in very precarious situations that could cost their lives while the children are standing there oblivious. If you try to get help you are left and told your crazy because he has connections clear up to the judges. I pray the flying monkey helpers lose their lineage....
Yes I did to my recent ex wife. Married for 10 years as she was an accountant, Scorpio with lots of control and nothing was ever her fault. I couldn't ever understand her emotions or who she was as a person as she kept everything within. I was the one always apologizing...not once did she ever! I was in a catastophic injury while cycling which resulted in me being confined a wheelchair for 2 years. She even worked more hours putting all her energy into becoming a workaholic. I called hr out calling her "she left me for dead" and heartless as she was all about her slfish ambition. Always called me crazy, and an extremist. Silent tratment was always her.
My husband is the epitome of everything you said. To the tea!! He said I was brainwashing myself listening to this. He is a rage and a blameshifter and gives the silent treatment to. If I hear "but you did this" or but you.... one more time, I'm gonna lose it. I caught him so many times lying. And just called him out on something I found in his phone bc he's had to get sneakier about things bc I'm not stupid. And he raged. And won't recognize my feelings. Says he didn't do it. And he doesn't know how all this was on his phone 🙄 will NOT take responsibility and blames me. Everytime.
I saw garbage on my husbands phone..I called him out on it ..he through out his phone off the deck ..took out his fire arm n blew a whole in it..not kool at all 😮😮
I called out my brother and his response was to blame shift to me and sign the email "Your unbelieving brother for a short time more." I was tempted to email back.. Promise? But this video confirms what I need to do.. I just need to suck it up and do what he wants - keep the end goal in sight and that is to empty the house and sell it.
So basically calling out a narcisssts makes you one, i have to disagree with that because having to contain yourself in suttle emotions makes you anxiouse of having to deal or react to similar behaviour. Having to be the listener the whole time and continuously accepting that "well things never change " No it later affects you as you feel like you are not controlling or presenting the fact people should show you respect, that you are soulfuly not an idiot nor a puppy or a geek, to sit and "just work on yourself". You can work on yourself forever and never archieve earning respect because people are gonna keep playing you. And what do you do? "oh let me meditate" "let me work on myself" No its about time we start confronting and dealing with gaslighting cause thats how the world works. People are always gonna come it different forms and having to face a narcissist makes you know a narcissist better when you see one
I called out the Narcissist when I said," Okay, let's get through the recipe thst is the same every time: 1st get louder, name call, swear, and then punish."
I have called out my narc X2B many times, even with pictures, video, or documents she lied and said it never happened and all of the things you listed came out. We have been in a divorce for over a year and a half and she even lies to her lawyer, the kids, family. I have learned to never present anything without hard copy evidence, pictures, videos, text, ect.
I called out my narcissist. I got an apology. I hit him with some pretty hard truths that he recognised were true . I didn't attack him. Other narcissists have just said that I am twisting it, and use rage to shut me down.
Can a narcissist acknowledge what you call them out on initially, but continue the behavior and gaslight for you continuing to stand your ground and hold them accountable?
Thank you for these videos Dr Emily I am really enjoying them and they are very helpful. My girlfriend of 2 years started the devalue a while ago, I really didn't know everything there was to know about narcissists but it all makes sense to me now as in the two years she never admitted fault and it was always me apologizing, come to think of it I never got one apology from her even when she was clearly in the wrong . I recently caught her in a lie about where she was and confronted her that same day and I got to see the narcissistic rage. She has ghosted me for the last 3 weeks, not responding to any messages having to do with bills. I'm pretty sure that she found another Supply as hurtful as this is I have gone no contact for the last 2 weeks. It was like a flip of a switch, at least I am more prepared for any relationship I get into in the future to see any red flags. Stay strong everyone!!
I just stumbled upon your videos on Facebook. Please , please make snipets on tik tok to reach a broader audience! If you need help I can help you. But I cannot express to you how much you helped validate everything I tried to put into words about my mother. Growing up with a narcissist was the hardest and most mentally draining thing. I cried watching this video. Only because it brought up so many memories and feelings that I thought I had buried deep inside. I know now I wasn’t crazy for feeling how I felt. I know now that my feelings and thoughts were valid and all I ever wanted to be was heard. Thank you so much for these videos and I hope you never stop. You are doing amazing work and I am sure others are appreciative just the same. I hope you start to hit those view counts & subscribe counts fast! 💓
I have considered trying out TikTok but just haven't had a chance to look into it yet. However, your comment is appreciated and I will be a little more focused on how to make it happen! Thank you for letting me know how my videos help you! I really appreciate the feedback! And your feelings and thoughts will ALWAYS be valid!
That is a good question… it’s so much different when it’s in the family vs. a relationship/marriage ending - all the experts say to just not respond in any way, but when it’s family, you’re often forced to still interact …
And the triangulating, flying monkeys. The weird thing is realizing they started smearing you long before you know and have possibly planned all this out for years. These master manipulators are very calculated.
He gets mad if I forget to call him back right away. Even though he calls when I am visiting my mom and dad. He calls to just talk about his day at work and wants to tell me exactly what went on that day. I have to give undevided attention to him. Can't fold clothes or dishes or anything. But stand there and listen. If I don't He threatens to get rid of my fur babies. Threatens to get rid of anything I value. But the worse is him telling my parents will die soon. If I respond sometimes he puts his hands over his ears and stomps his feet and says I can't hear you.
Love is a battlefield atleast it can become while we pit ourselves first to protect those we love/respect/depend upon or atleast admire ( even should they project on us). God given insights here. After all here we are God given, willing and able, suffocation in the consequence/limbic shutdowns, dealing in any unnecessary fallout of the others might encrew. What a fact state of mind and being. I don't know whether to toughen up or soften up. Convey. Sharing this with your views. 🙏🏻 Its an entitlement showdown for them. So good she should angle matters as a forefront for them, as really we don't need the changing... just a few tweaks here and there. Neither doubt or over rely on suspicions of others. That's the game changer. The narc teaches us, never shutdown on oneself. Its not you that need a to excommunicated you yourself. were designed to flourish and evolve, hardship is necessary, and empathetically sympathetically we receive that what others might deprive themselves of for the betterment. But stout as we are or make believe ourselves to be, how often things can sour or usually do if you can't interject.
I think i made a giant mistake at age about 16 to 18 when i started to call out my n mom on her bs. it resulted in many years of verbal terror starting when i was 18 and a half and went to university. alltough i can only speculate now if it would be any different, because i was very unprepared for adult life anyway, and i can now see that she was supressing my independece attempts since early childood. maybe terror was coming anyway?
My daughter will start to rage and then hang up on me for the reasons she just explained. I am left with no voice. But guess what? Yesterday was the last of her nonsense with me. I am cutting off all communication. 😊
An example: what if a man was a malignant narcisisst and also a coercive controller, over his wife over many years, and there are laws that state coercive control (abuse) is a crime with a jail term of 14 yrs, where they live. So they have a strong-willed daughter who always stood up to the narcisisstic father, and always the predictable text-book response by the father took place, always. The daughter calls out the abuse of her mother and physical violence was threatened. The mother is left with the father, and frightened. The police can be called, but that would send his rage off the scale, once the police left - the neighbours would see police at his house! BUT if the police warn him, threaten him to quit the abusive behaviour towards his wife, like next strike and you're out? Would that work? Would the mother be safe? The father having already made an attempt to end her life. This narcisisstic man is a yes-man to authority (as they are). The wife too insecure and weak to leave, to scared too.
I have a cousin I’ve known for years we’ve done everything together but now he When he joined the Marines he changed he has MS and uses his narcissist to blame others He was married to his first wife that we all love being cheated on or verbally abuser and you’re caught onto his lies so now this is Distance himself from the family He made his own mom and dad run away Which are my aunt and uncle And his two brothers want nothing to do with them because we will call him out on his lies and now he’s narcissist And this sucks I almost defend His wife one time when he was verbally abusing her in a car with his kids what stopped me He could’ve made it I was a bad guy by punching them out because As a martial artist that I am I want to send others but it’s hard when is Your own cousin But if you attacked her I was gonna do it but luckily he didn’t did I do the right thing but trust me I almost did defended her
I called out my narcissistic son after years of taking his toxic abuse which included accusing me of making hurtful comments I supposedly said when he was younger ( of which I don’t recall saying!) All the support and love I’ve shown and given him over the years has been ignored He now has cut me out of his life and my two grandchildren which has cut me to the core 😢
Sounds EXACTLY like my parents. Im suffering because my life HAS to be exactly what they want and expect from me, or the will argue with me to the point where i get sick or they do. How can ANYONE follow the rules when the rules always change?!?! Im ready to off myself because i cant live like this anymore. I called them out, and now i live in hell on earth. Theres no escape. Only death will be my escape. Please help.
I called out my ex-wife. She's giving me the silent treatment now. Not a problem. Life goes on. 😂
The best things to do ( and the hardest) :are to show no emotions and leave them alone. Removing these problematic individuals from our lives is sonething we never thought we whould have to do.
When I call out the Narcissist, the Narcissist says, " Get out!"
haha, you are so, so right. But they are still happy if you stay there so they can attack you in any way they can.
Whenever I call out my narcissistic mother she gaslights & goes on the attack to try to undermine me about one thing or another that may or may not be related, in an effort to get me to back off or use something against me to “bolster” her claims JUST to TRY to make herself RIGHT.
Don’t call her out. It’s no use.
After I did the reverse discard it took me nine months to pull myself out of denial. This person had an agenda and I was sucked into it. You can’t love a fraudulent liar.
Sad but 100% true. The saddest is they are also so self - destructive. You love them and so desire a "good relationship" with them, it is so sad. We must move on, or they will destroy us, our lives , everything. Please cheer up if you got away ! 💜Big Hugs Much Love
Amen.
NEVER TELL THEM ANYTHING!
Get rid of trash and never look back
😂, when the narcissist projects and calls you a na😅.
When they accuse you of gaslighting them, because you won't validate their delusions.
When they accuse you of being abusive if you try to hold them accountable for their actions and behaviour.
They can dish it out but they can't take it if you call them out.
Just go no contact!!!
I called out my father who is a narcissist, and he responded exactly as predicted here - with rage, gas-lighting, and the silent treatment. However, I still felt like speaking out was invaluable because it 1) Allowed me to express my power and no longer silence my own voice and 2) His response allowed me to see how crazy he is! So I would disagree - I do think it can be valuable to call out the narcissist if you don't have expectations to be heard, and speaking the truth out loud is part of your healing process.
I agree
They are sooooo perfect 😂
I felt I just had no choice but to call out my narcissistic ex after she cheated on me 3 times and always blamed me for not being committing enough for her. I simply told her I cannot tolerate this anymore and I can't ever trust her. All I was worth to her instead of an explanation was an F off.
I just run and keep running. Anyone who thinks their nightmare scenario is preferable to reality just needs to be kept far away.
I called him out like if I had an epiphany of that knowledge like omg I just realized that you were a narcissist ! Wow everything makes sense now !! Forget about me bye bye ! And then I blocked him on all platforms. Luckily he doesn’t know where I live ! (Both my parents are narcissists and the father of my child) so I know the red flags now and how to have the last word and to call back my energy on me .
They put your children in very precarious situations that could cost their lives while the children are standing there oblivious. If you try to get help you are left and told your crazy because he has connections clear up to the judges. I pray the flying monkey helpers lose their lineage....
But not the feds I involving a federal crime. Also, stop electing those judges.
Yes I did to my recent ex wife. Married for 10 years as she was an accountant, Scorpio with lots of control and nothing was ever her fault. I couldn't ever understand her emotions or who she was as a person as she kept everything within. I was the one always apologizing...not once did she ever! I was in a catastophic injury while cycling which resulted in me being confined a wheelchair for 2 years. She even worked more hours putting all her energy into becoming a workaholic. I called hr out calling her "she left me for dead" and heartless as she was all about her slfish ambition. Always called me crazy, and an extremist. Silent tratment was always her.
This is so true Dr Emily normally it's the good old silent treatment 👍 have a good week everyone 👍
My husband is the epitome of everything you said. To the tea!! He said I was brainwashing myself listening to this. He is a rage and a blameshifter and gives the silent treatment to. If I hear "but you did this" or but you.... one more time, I'm gonna lose it. I caught him so many times lying. And just called him out on something I found in his phone bc he's had to get sneakier about things bc I'm not stupid. And he raged. And won't recognize my feelings. Says he didn't do it. And he doesn't know how all this was on his phone 🙄 will NOT take responsibility and blames me. Everytime.
I saw garbage on my husbands phone..I called him out on it ..he through out his phone off the deck ..took out his fire arm n blew a whole in it..not kool at all 😮😮
So exhausting
I’m so sorry. I’m there too 😭
Called out my ex. We blocked each other’s phones. Just hope she’s not so vindictive as to make false accusations against me down the road.
I called out my brother and his response was to blame shift to me and sign the email "Your unbelieving brother for a short time more." I was tempted to email back.. Promise? But this video confirms what I need to do.. I just need to suck it up and do what he wants - keep the end goal in sight and that is to empty the house and sell it.
So basically calling out a narcisssts makes you one, i have to disagree with that because having to contain yourself in suttle emotions makes you anxiouse of having to deal or react to similar behaviour. Having to be the listener the whole time and continuously accepting that "well things never change " No it later affects you as you feel like you are not controlling or presenting the fact people should show you respect, that you are soulfuly not an idiot nor a puppy or a geek, to sit and "just work on yourself". You can work on yourself forever and never archieve earning respect because people are gonna keep playing you. And what do you do? "oh let me meditate" "let me work on myself" No its about time we start confronting and dealing with gaslighting cause thats how the world works. People are always gonna come it different forms and having to face a narcissist makes you know a narcissist better when you see one
I did it just tonight and, lo and behold it went basically word for word of what you said here. Amazing
They all read from the same playbook!
Are you going to take accountability for being wrong for calling out the wrong thing?
Nope.
No apologies.
I was with a gas lighter for 30 years. Not a Rager but an expert Gaslighter who loves the word crazy. Free of that for eight years and loving it.
I called out the Narcissist when I said," Okay, let's get through the recipe thst is the same every time: 1st get louder, name call, swear, and then punish."
I have called out my narc X2B many times, even with pictures, video, or documents she lied and said it never happened and all of the things you listed came out. We have been in a divorce for over a year and a half and she even lies to her lawyer, the kids, family. I have learned to never present anything without hard copy evidence, pictures, videos, text, ect.
I called out my narcissist. I got an apology. I hit him with some pretty hard truths that he recognised were true . I didn't attack him. Other narcissists have just said that I am twisting it, and use rage to shut me down.
Can a narcissist acknowledge what you call them out on initially, but continue the behavior and gaslight for you continuing to stand your ground and hold them accountable?
I just experienced all the above!
Thank you for these videos Dr Emily I am really enjoying them and they are very helpful. My girlfriend of 2 years started the devalue a while ago, I really didn't know everything there was to know about narcissists but it all makes sense to me now as in the two years she never admitted fault and it was always me apologizing, come to think of it I never got one apology from her even when she was clearly in the wrong . I recently caught her in a lie about where she was and confronted her that same day and I got to see the narcissistic rage. She has ghosted me for the last 3 weeks, not responding to any messages having to do with bills. I'm pretty sure that she found another Supply as hurtful as this is I have gone no contact for the last 2 weeks. It was like a flip of a switch, at least I am more prepared for any relationship I get into in the future to see any red flags. Stay strong everyone!!
I just stumbled upon your videos on Facebook. Please , please make snipets on tik tok to reach a broader audience! If you need help I can help you. But I cannot express to you how much you helped validate everything I tried to put into words about my mother. Growing up with a narcissist was the hardest and most mentally draining thing. I cried watching this video. Only because it brought up so many memories and feelings that I thought I had buried deep inside. I know now I wasn’t crazy for feeling how I felt. I know now that my feelings and thoughts were valid and all I ever wanted to be was heard. Thank you so much for these videos and I hope you never stop. You are doing amazing work and I am sure others are appreciative just the same. I hope you start to hit those view counts & subscribe counts fast! 💓
I have considered trying out TikTok but just haven't had a chance to look into it yet. However, your comment is appreciated and I will be a little more focused on how to make it happen! Thank you for letting me know how my videos help you! I really appreciate the feedback! And your feelings and thoughts will ALWAYS be valid!
Don't forget the smear campaign
Great video! Thank you. How would you suggest victims of narcissism in the family deal with the inevitable smear campaign?
good question
That is a good question… it’s so much different when it’s in the family vs. a relationship/marriage ending - all the experts say to just not respond in any way, but when it’s family, you’re often forced to still interact …
And the triangulating, flying monkeys. The weird thing is realizing they started smearing you long before you know and have possibly planned all this out for years. These master manipulators are very calculated.
He gets mad if I forget to call him back right away. Even though he calls when I am visiting my mom and dad. He calls to just talk about his day at work and wants to tell me exactly what went on that day. I have to give undevided attention to him. Can't fold clothes or dishes or anything. But stand there and listen. If I don't He threatens to get rid of my fur babies. Threatens to get rid of anything I value. But the worse is him telling my parents will die soon. If I respond sometimes he puts his hands over his ears and stomps his feet and says I can't hear you.
Ahh so confusing cos sometimes he does take responsibility, only a tiny bit but still. Can you be like just a bit narcissistic?
Love is a battlefield atleast it can become while we pit ourselves first to protect those we love/respect/depend upon or atleast admire ( even should they project on us).
God given insights here.
After all here we are God given, willing and able, suffocation in the consequence/limbic shutdowns, dealing in any unnecessary fallout of the others might encrew.
What a fact state of mind and being.
I don't know whether to toughen up or soften up. Convey.
Sharing this with your views. 🙏🏻
Its an entitlement showdown for them.
So good she should angle matters as a forefront for them, as really we don't need the changing... just a few tweaks here and there.
Neither doubt or over rely on suspicions of others. That's the game changer.
The narc teaches us, never shutdown on oneself. Its not you that need a to excommunicated you yourself. were designed to flourish and evolve, hardship is necessary, and empathetically sympathetically we receive that what others might deprive themselves of for the betterment.
But stout as we are or make believe ourselves to be, how often things can sour or usually do if you can't interject.
I think i made a giant mistake at age about 16 to 18 when i started to call out my n mom on her bs. it resulted in many years of verbal terror starting when i was 18 and a half and went to university. alltough i can only speculate now if it would be any different, because i was very unprepared for adult life anyway, and i can now see that she was supressing my independece attempts since early childood. maybe terror was coming anyway?
My daughter will start to rage and then hang up on me for the reasons she just explained. I am left with no voice. But guess what? Yesterday was the last of her nonsense with me. I am cutting off all communication. 😊
An example: what if a man was a malignant narcisisst and also a coercive controller, over his wife over many years, and there are laws that state coercive control (abuse) is a crime with a jail term of 14 yrs, where they live. So they have a strong-willed daughter who always stood up to the narcisisstic father, and always the predictable text-book response by the father took place, always. The daughter calls out the abuse of her mother and physical violence was threatened.
The mother is left with the father, and frightened. The police can be called, but that would send his rage off the scale, once the police left - the neighbours would see police at his house!
BUT if the police warn him, threaten him to quit the abusive behaviour towards his wife, like next strike and you're out? Would that work? Would the mother be safe? The father having already made an attempt to end her life. This narcisisstic man is a yes-man to authority (as they are).
The wife too insecure and weak to leave, to scared too.
I have a cousin I’ve known for years we’ve done everything together but now he When he joined the Marines he changed he has MS and uses his narcissist to blame others He was married to his first wife that we all love being cheated on or verbally abuser and you’re caught onto his lies so now this is Distance himself from the family He made his own mom and dad run away Which are my aunt and uncle And his two brothers want nothing to do with them because we will call him out on his lies and now he’s narcissist And this sucks I almost defend His wife one time when he was verbally abusing her in a car with his kids what stopped me He could’ve made it I was a bad guy by punching them out because As a martial artist that I am I want to send others but it’s hard when is Your own cousin But if you attacked her I was gonna do it but luckily he didn’t did I do the right thing but trust me I almost did defended her
You are just playing With Me. I feel played. they pull the old victim card.
The victim card is their most reliable guard to play in their game of control and manipulation.
I called out my narcissistic son after years of taking his toxic abuse which included accusing me of making hurtful comments I supposedly said when he was younger ( of which I don’t recall saying!)
All the support and love I’ve shown and given him over the years has been ignored
He now has cut me out of his life and my two grandchildren which has cut me to the core
😢
I have no respect for these parents who jump on the anti-narcissism bandwagon. You're the one who raised him. Who's the real narc now?!
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Sounds EXACTLY like my parents. Im suffering because my life HAS to be exactly what they want and expect from me, or the will argue with me to the point where i get sick or they do. How can ANYONE follow the rules when the rules always change?!?! Im ready to off myself because i cant live like this anymore. I called them out, and now i live in hell on earth. Theres no escape. Only death will be my escape. Please help.