I use to call it la la land ie im spacing out,I thought it was normal honest I did,However the flash backs freak me out because I am actually there watching.
I tried to explain it to two seperate doctors on two different occasions and they were both kinda lost. Its so frustrating describing something thats so indescribable. They told me that it might be some weird type of migrane. Weird because during these episodes i dont have any pain what so ever. But i dont think either of them were confident in that diagnoses. They told me i should see an eye doctor and then after go to a neurologist. I hope i have answers soon because i was a freshman in college this past year but this thing is getting worse and its impossible to concentrate on school when I'm pretty much "switched off"
for me, it feels like i’m not actually there, but my body is moving or whatever without me even thinking about it - like my body is carrying on but my actual self is not there. it’s kinda like floating and i can’t see anything/ focus on anything, it’s so overwhelming and it’s such a weird feeling
I have problems with dissociating in grocery stores and stuff like that. I walk in and it’s so much stimulation I end up wandering around. For me, it feels like I’m in a fog. I can also have someone tell me an entire story and just not absorb a single word. The issue that bothers me the the most is forgetting words, or forgetting what I wanted to say. I get super frustrated (PTSD)
Oh yes! Me too. Dissociation is my first response to large groups of people and overwhelm. I once spent basically an entire concert just staring blankly at the stage because I was too overwhelmed. And the forgetting words is so frustrating. In essence, I talk for a living and sometimes I'll just blank out on common words or sometimes the completely wrong word will come out. Ughhh
Jane Mays I just wander around and can’t remember what I’m there for nor do I even THINK of stuff. Just wander and stare at shelves of stuff. And when I forget words my husband will try to offer what word I might need but it makes it worse.
I relate to this so much! I can spend hours in a shop and it can feel like 5 minutes. My partner tells me off often for not listening to him or not taking an interest because I zone out when I'm really trying not to. I also forget words and end up having long pauses in conversation because I can't find the words.
I think one of the worst parts of dissociation that no one likes to talk about is when you experience the other side of the spectrum. those brief moments when you're hyper-aware of your being-ness. The extreme deafening clarity of the reality around you. Where the feelings both physical and psychological just feel like they're all the way on and over flooding. It's so overwhelming, especially if you spend a majority of your life desensitized and turned off to feeling most sensations.
My dog buddy isn't a service dog but it's interesting that he seems to notice when I'm dissociating badly and often sits in front of me and starts barking. He is way more observant than people are. People are pretty oblivious in my experience.
Alexis Sabia He is a mix of hound and rottweiler. I got him from the local pound when he was a year old. He had a name when he was brought in, but didn't respond to it at all so everyone there just called him Buddy because he was so friendly. 🐕
Patricia tha bibliophile I’m not sure if I’m dissociating but sometimes I just like zone out for a couple minutes and then it like fades back in and I feel like I’m in a video game. Is that dissociating?
I think I remember Dodie calling it 'the most boring form of time travel' and I completely agree. This video was so informative, it helped me realise that when I'm faced with pressuring conversations, there's a name for my brain basically turning to jelly. Weird that I never made that link before. Thank you always Kelela
lol before i figured it out i would just think that my brain is scrambled eggs and i wasnt there enough to question it until afterwards. jelly is good too
Dissociative states are scary as fuck. However, I find things either foggy or incredibly bright. Either or. Sounds can either fuse together or sound incredibly loud. Depends on the level of dissociation I guess...
I have memory loss as well, big chunks just gone. Stupid things like visiting a certain mall with my wife, who swears we were there, but i have no recollection of. Thanks for letting me know I'm not the only one.
Same. I noticed the first time feeling weird (didn’t know about dissociating) I forced was myself into situations where I get scared and I learned to dissociate. I‘ll feel the panic attack and I‘m like nope I‘m outta here this is too much.
Yeah I went to a mall and the floor was so white and shiny and the lights were so bright and intense. My legs started to tingle and I felt like my soul was leaving my body
4:05 Wow! I've never actually heard someone bring up this specific thing I thought I only did. I rub my fingertips together and examine my hands. But they're not *my* hands, you know?
Sometimes I feel like my skin on my limbs like arms or legs feels kinda like pins and needles or sensitive but they feel like they aren’t mine, and ARENT really connected to me. Almost like you could cut them off and not feel it or it be real?
I've been dealing disassociation most of my life. This video came at a perfect timing for me. Today I had a major trigger happen and I instantly started zoning out and I've been trying to explain the feeling go my wife
I’m not sure if I dissociate but sometimes I feel like I’m walking around in a dream. I’ll start saying a sentence but then say the wrong words that make no sense or I’ll just forget what I’m saying. And my vision gets blurry very easily, I can re focus them but then my eyes go automatically back to being blurry. Sometimes I walk around in school and forget what floor I am on (like on the stairs). And I feel like I am kinda in my own bubble and everyone is walking around me. Recently, time has been feeling irrelevant and I have to constantly remind myself what time it is (numbers) and what time of the day it is. I don’t really think my therapist knows but that’s because I haven’t figured out how to describe it. How do I describe this?
I sometimes feel like im talking but im not aware of what im saying and when im done talking I have no recollection of wtf I even said or if it made sense. It scares me because it doesnt even feel like im in control, it feels like I checked out and my actual body was doing what it was used to doing while im in a corner in my mind kind of lounging... its really stressful and nothing makes it better. I just wake up with it gone or wake up with the feeling there..
It feels like not waking up properly. No matter how much I drink I feel dizzy and drowsy. When I turn my attention to sounds they are ten times louder than usual. I have cool tickling sensations on my back. I feel overwhelmed and disoriented. I have no connection to reality cause I‘m wrapped up in a spongelike, cloudlike thing that distances me from everything thats happening outside and inside.
for me it kinda feels like i’m tiny and everyone else is like huge and i’m dodging everyone. then when i find something to bring me back to reality, like a locker (this happens a lot at school) i’ll realize i’m not dreaming. i’m just a kid :(
im sharing this my grandmother traumatized me my entire life and iv been trying to explain it all to family in the most informative way about how she has cause me to feel thru my life
My grandmother was awful to me and my siblings and traumatized me, ruined my life. It’s great to know I’m not alone in this boat, and you’re not alone either.
@@rayy__7630 iv actualy taken steps forward with a investigator to see if she can be held responsible for my mothers suicide i even got a few to listen and im getting a copy of my moms death cirt sent to me
@@DabiToyaTodoroki1 that’s great, you keep going and keep pushing for action. I’m completely powerless and unable to do anything to legally punish mine for what she did but I’m glad you are.
I've been struggling with this lately, and I had no idea what to call it except I'm in "la la Land" but now thanks to you I can tell my psychiatrist that I think it's dissociation. Thank you! ❤
Normally i can dissociate around men/ loud noises and my vision starts to go like a camera that can't focus properly and my hearing starts to blur together and i just all in all lose my ability to think
Mine can be like everything is covered in fog, sometimes I just space out like I just stare off at nothing and I am not there, just frozen unresponsive
I was diagnosed with DPDR (although I'm not sure if I still have it or not) and I've recently realized that dissociating is a lot more of a problem in my life than I thought. When watching TV or RUclips or reading books, I will get so engrossed in the story that my brain goes into a dissociative haze and makes it hard for me to interact with the real world or remember my own life as opposed to the life of whatever character I'm reading/watching. And that's not even counting the times when I get triggered and dissociate. So, gotta talk to my therapist about that :/ Really thought I might be getting better with the dissociation but nope.
i cant remember a time that i haven’t been dissociated , there are times like once every 6 months that i snap out of it and i get a jolt like “oh shit everything’s real ?” and i get creeped out by myself but i’m used to it. it feels like i’m in a cloud , there’s a pressure behind my eyes and everything is a blur , i get amnesia all the time and it freaks me out sometimes but it hasn’t harmed me yet 😂
When you are in a dissociative state, are you able to hold a conversation? Do experience any feelings? Or does everything feel numb? How do you remember to do chores at home or at work?
I lose time too. I have chunks of time where I can't remember where I've been or what I've been doing. It's frightening when I've found myself wandering around at 7pm in a different suburb, when the last thing I remember was leaving the grocery store at 1pm.
Yeah I have D.I.D. Was programmed to meet up with abusers at night, so sometimes I'll come to in a nightgown down the street and not know where I am for a little while. You're scared at first, and then angry you're there AGAIN. There's ways around it though. Service dogs can be trained to find home, or find your car for you. I've noticed a big issue with losing time is also not remembering roads very well.
These comments are really helpful, so here's my experience! *Tw: detailed description of dissociation and breakdowns* For me my body feels numb when I dissociate. Also I'm not sure if this is something completely separate but sometimes (it's getting more frequent, unfortunately) I'll feel like an entirely different person with an entirely different, or no, personality and it's REAL inconvenient sjsj. Also I'll feel like I just left my brain in the other room sjsj or like I'm just entirely out of it and am not real, sometimes my sense of size (how small my hand is, how big that house is) gets wack. A general feeling of reality being distorted. Also I've been getting these ~super fun~ breakdowns or shutdowns where I sit in the upright fetal position and stare into space while everything in my brain feels numb, dead, or plain gone. By body will move (shaking, rocking, head shaking) but it's like I'm not doing it at all. These last about 40 minutes to 2 hours (that was the longest I've had). So uhh yeah I really gotta talk to my mom about getting some therapy lol hope my over sharing helped
Im going through the same exact thing rn and I feel like I'm losing my mind. I dont know how to explain this to my therapist. If you figured out what was happening and feel comfortable sharing, please do.
When I Dissociate bad I ramble and talk very fast then snap back into it but I'm still talking and I come.to and I'm being watched by the people.im.talking to and it freaks me out just having their eyes on me while.coming to and not even knowing what was said or what I looked like during the Dissociation. Sometimes I'll be on my phone at night and my heart will race and I'll get light headed so I lay down and I usually look at my phone well I completely black out , like I know that I am somewhere but I feel.likd I don't exist. Sometimes I'll get a sick feelings and all a sudden super tired and can't stop yawning and wanna take a.nap and zone out then like a few minutes or half n hr later come back to fully energetic, and like different
I have DPDR as a result of C-PTSD. I have had several pretty severe episodes, especially over the last year. When I'm not in a distinctive episode, I seem to be in a very mild constant state of it as my baseline. I do not remember "normal" and I doubt I would ever recognize it as such. In my severe episodes, I feel like my mind is being ripped apart on the inside. Think about the scene in Doctor Strange when the Ancient One knocks Stephen into the astral realm, but imagine if Eli Roth directed it. I scream at myself on the inside, and I don't know which one, if either, is the real me. My nightmares resemble daily life and my daily life resembles my nightmares and I can't tell them apart. Time goes wonky, like I'm slow in a fast world or fast in a slow world. I feel like I am an actor wearing myself as a costume and playing a character of myself on stage, and I don't know my lines and haven't rehearsed. I feel like I'm playing a first-person video game of myself and the controller is lagging. I have extreme déja vu and jamais vu. I will forget the beginning of a sentence by the time I finish it, and will repeat words and phrases out loud to the confusion of others. I will cook dinner twice and get angry at the food itself when I see the first dinner taking up the space where the second needs to go.
Thank you so much for sharing! It helps a ton to hear someone explain what you’re feeling! I recently started accepting this term, after a car crash happened, I disassociated while driving and ended up crashing, I don’t remember a thing! Even the sound on of the impact is a blur, I didn’t really feel either. It was terrifying. But that definitely confirmed those feelings i though it was “day dreaming” . Do ever feel like you disassociate while driving ? It’s really a huge struggle for me!
Currently I’m in a time period in my life that I’m questing if I have D.I.D or O.S.D.D so I’ll share this and see if people agree this is dissociation: For me it starts with me just looking away or fidgeting with something. I then slowly start to stare into the distance. My mind is blank, my feet always feel numb in a way and I do have the ability to talk but I feel like I can’t. Usually the only things that move are my hands which I feel. My vision always gradually gets blurry and then comes of the end of either me blinking furiously to wake up from that or my vision becomes clear again but I feel a wee bit tired/sleepy. I also come back feeling like someone else but still me so I have no idea what this is. This also happens when I have headaches or cry.
Like you said I have had dissociation in childhood, I just didn't know what it was called back then. I just thought something was wrong with me and I was weird. As an adult now that I'm in therapy and was diagnosed with PTSD I learned about dissociation and derealization and depersonalization and it answers so many questions. I've had this as far back as I can remember which would be about 4 years old.
Thank you so much for clarifying this for me, I heard this word for the first time today, It’s my granddaughter that has been going through this for a lifetime for her, she is only 12 and it finally was explained to me today, I just kept referring to it as Zoning out, when she found herself in unsafe circumstances. Thank you so much for this, I feel I understand her even more as I have been trying to get her help for years. I have medical help in place for her, and I will continue to help her be all she can be.
I’ve had dissociative episodes where I end up somewhere and I don’t know where I am, and catatonic episodes which is not good when I’m out doing things. I feel it as feeling blank, empty, gone, lost.
This video couldn't have come at a better time, I was just researching more into dissociation yesterday. For me it feels like my brain is completely static and my whole body is numb, and it FEELS like tunnel-vision, but not exactly? It's as if my body has shut down everything but what it needs to get through the day, and I only exist in my thoughts. The worst part is when the brain decides to let the body go on autopilot in order to play flashbacks over and over.
I’ve been binging on your videos recently. I was doing EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) therapy with flashing lights and vibrations. Pretty much forcing you into detestation but in a controlled environment with a licensed mental health counselor. But, in a healthy way so you can try to reevaluate situations that cause anxiety and PTSD. My first few sessions were absolutely terrifying. I actually ended up stopping for a while. But we kept going back to smaller, not as intense traumas and it’s helped a little bit so far. I still have my triggers multiple times a day and freak out, but I’m more in control in the sense that I can remove myself and try to be in a quiet place to (what I call) reboot myself. It can take minutes to hours. But I’m able to try now. It’s so hard though. It’s a lot to talk about publicly but I’d love to discuss things like this with you more if you’d like!
I'm jumping on a bit late, sorry! But, for me my memory started to go bad. And then a couple of days later, I woke up one morning and I felt not present. Like I was talking but it wasn't actually me talking. Kind of like I was like a robot and on autopilot. Now, I feel a bit better but still detached. I know this is my body and it is me talking etc but I don't feel like I am here. Also, my memory is literally shockingly bad now. It may be because I am not focusing because I don't feel present and am not paying attention 24/7. It is also hard for me to retrieve old memories and requires me to think really hard to remember them.
I had this today, I had to go around abusive relatives and they said some things that triggered my complex PTSD, so now it is the day before a final and I was supposed to study after said event ended around 3 but it is now 11 p.m. and I'm just a shell losing track of time. Hopefully it goes away by tomorrow.
this is really comforting to hear someone say they experience this - im pretty sure ive experienced this a few times and it freaks me out so much when it happens. i thought it was panic attacks but after talking to people that experience panic attacks i''ve realised that its completely different and im trying to find answers haha
It’s so good to find someone that goes through the same scary sensations and state of mind I do. Whenever I open up to people in my life they think I’m crazy. Thank you for letting me feel less alone :)
I believe I suffered with dissociation for 5 years. It was complete hell. I felt like i was on auto pilot for 5 years, the whole entire time was terrified.
I'm like, old. I've had dissociative periods on rare occasions that I recall, but the problem is that I don't remember a lot. Obviously from my early years. Problem is I can't recall it. Other people told me. It's not been so bad that I couldn't hold a job or take care of my family, but now I at least know why I got these weird holes in time. Thank you for sharing.
I really want to thank you for this video. I have C-PTSD and it wasn’t until recently I realized the overwhelming things that have happened in my life have put me in a dissociative state where I just run. I feel like I have nails clawing my back and it’s not that I’m running from anyone except life had become too overwhelming and fleeing seemed my only option. I’ve never been in a dissociative state and realized it until afterward. No one seems to even try to understand when I attempt to explain what’s happened except my docs. I’ve done several videos on my PTSD, panic attacks, using tattoos as an alternative to self harm. I just turned 58. I admire you for being able to recognize this at a relatively young age. Thank you again and I wish you the best. 😊
I was recently diagnosed with PTSD and dissociative disorder and nothing has explained how I feel better then this video. I've used this video to help my family, boyfriend and friends to understand so thank you!
Thanks for explaining this the way you did. I've spent most of my life dissociative, it's actually my comfort zone, but could never form words to describe the experience because no words felt right. All I could say was that it felt like I was dreaming. And sometimes like I was floating. Thankfully most of my dissociative experiences are happy and calming. I saw beauty in many things and would often drift off into thought. But when it's mixed with bad emotions or experiences, that's a different story. Feels like I'm in some action/horror film. Music usually helps me the most to keep positive, or adventure in more action or apocalyptic-like imaginary scenarios, but I can control it with the change of song if it gets uncomfortable. It's more difficult staying in good mindstates now that I'm an adult. I can't drift off and just observe the beauty in life as much. So I'm researching and looking for tips & methods to help me adjust. I would go to my doctor or get another psychiatrsit referral, but I need better words to describe these things first. Because they all just spend a few minutes and then say "it's just anxiety and depression". But I never feel depressed or anxious when in these states. I feel at peace. But it still does get in the way of being able to function properly and focus in society. I also notice my feelings of things not quite being real leads me to sometimes feel like consequences don't matter. Which obviously isn't good. Anyway. Thanks again for sharing this video. It helps.
Thanks for this, I think I'm in it right now but Im not sure. It's comforting to listen to you as we're of similar ages( I think, I'm 25) and have similar traumas (I think lol) family and other stuff. Its just so reassuring and affirming to listen to someone that faces the same things and is cool af! Go you and thank you 😊🤘
Omg! I feel like I just found my REAL family! I do wonder what a "Normy" would think about your explanation. But for me you're really spot on. I'm not getting the treatment I need. so I feel like I'm constantly getting worse if I'm not fighting my diagnosis then I might be having an alter that's finding out that we're sick for the first time one day and I'm starting to realize all this but I don't know what to do with it and I'm just becoming exhausted. As far as like talking and losing your memory or having to slow down I feel like I'm Dory from Finding Nemo quite often and it's getting worse I'll be in the middle of talking and all the sudden I have no idea what I'm talking about like blank and then tried to cover up with so and yeah anyway but it's frustrating to say the least. I'm so excited to find some people who understand. I believe that we are all heroes every minute of every day that we make the decision to keep fighting we are heroes. I'm glad to have found you thank you all.
Oh, I love Molly, she's amazing! And so are you btw, for making this. I suffer from similar things. Especially depersonalization and feeling detached from my body sometimes. Grounding helps. I thought of getting a service dog, but it's expensive and complicated where I live.
Your explanation helped me bc (with the help of my therapist) i figured out that the amount of stuff ive forgotten from my past is way beyond a normal amount to forget, and she said it couldve been from trauma from a major event in my life, and then recently i kinda...'blanked' for around a good minute while driving in my neighborhood and crashed my car? into my garage door? and my therapist said dissociation could be the culprit for both these things...
Wow... I've just seen my teenage years (especially) flash before my eyes! You've made me realise how much of my life has been lived with depersonalisation. (I only knew I felt "out of it" and was always "watching" myself like an outsider) Scary... I really appreciate your attempt to explain it all. Such a disconnected way to live. Quite surreal. Definitely possible to recover though.
For me it's a total black out was playing a video game once when I dissociated and when I came to a new game had started and it felt like my body was playing by it self. I had another one when I was working at a pre school and I don't even know how long I was out of it. Just that I had stood still long enough to get my mentor (I was a student at the time.) To get mad at me. I didn't know then that I had mental health problems.
i just want it to stop. when i’m with people all i can think about is how i’m not really here and i’m not really happy or experiencing it. when will it stop?..
I am so glad I've got someone else to follow, I love the weighted blanket idea, I don't have one, desperately want one and instead I do a heavy eiderdown and throw rug and a snuggly soft blanket and for me, it's like if I get past what I call the point of no return, I have to keep getting where I need to go b4 I can come back, it's like I'm floating away on a train but it's not a 'whoo, I'm going' happy kinda thing, it's an 'oh man, again, are you kidding me?' thing, it used to be a 'whoa, what is this, why can't I just stop and go back' thing, I hope this makes sense, it's like I can see what's ahead and it's a huge problem and I can't get out of it until I at least get to the station and get off the train... it's hard to deal the quicker I switch and more frequently, if it's more than 3 times within say a 2 hr period of me not being around, I feel like I need a 3-4hr nap afterwards and sometimes after a session it's all I can do next, b4 I start my car and go hydrate with anything liquid, usually it's gotta be sweet though...
I have this allot.When I sit in the car ,it feels like im dreaming,or we get from point A to point B and I feel like I woke up,cuz its blank and I see a black color like I opened my eyes ,and I have to really force myself to remember what I saw or I can't like you said ,my husband would tell me things or my mom and they would remember it while I have no memory of it happening.When I go to a doctor or someone tells me something,I forget it as soon as im away from that person,or turn around ,or go through the door and I have no idea whats been said,so I always ask them to write it down.I sometimes get really paranoid that people I dont like are stalking me and gives me panic attacks.Or I start doing something and keep forgeting to bring stuff with me too cook and I have to go back to get it.Or im cleaning and I start at point A and not finish it and end up cleaning at point D ,but when I get back to point A I realize I didnt clean it up fully.I have trouble remembering where I left my stuff or I remember what I want to say till I engage with that person and I can't remember the words and I start to stutter.And allot of other stuff.Im pretty sure I have CPTSD and BPD ... and some other disorders ... so its hard for me to keep track with my emotions and self sometimes.Thanks for sharing your experience 😊
I do...I’m terrified, I often won’t remember anything and am told basically that I take on the role of the abuser and say and do horrible things. I’m terrified. I haven’t been to therapy in a long time because leaving my home or talking on the phone can make me panic but I’m starting it now with someone I hope has experience. Your videos are very helpful it’s great to see someone speak like they were talking to a friend (or themselves, I talk to myself a lot 🤷🏻♀️) your videos are a blessing so thanks for making them
After the traumatic experience(s) from my past relationship I felt like I was not me not myself and I felt crazy and did not know what it was or how to describe it to anyone without sounding crazy lol.. (I also remember experiencing this a few times when I was a kid, I would look in the mirror and feel this overwhelming fear and think for a second I didn’t know who I was) I smoked so much weed daily for years and felt completely dissociated from myself and it got a lot worse. I learned what it was and felt somewhat relieved that I wasn’t crazy or alone in this. I stopped smoking but I still experience not as strongly, unless I smoke weed or am in a stressful or triggering situation. A few months ago I got second hand high with some friends, we were playing a card game and I literally could not remember what was going on or what we were playing I went right back to that place I was in before and felt so scared but trapped.
Earlier it used to happen to me even without me knowing.. it went without me noticing.. but now that I know what I go through i have realized that its difficult for me to actually control.. I dissociate during meetings, while speaking to someone, while watching a movie.. damn.. this is difficult..
Does anyone elses vision get really trippy when they stare off? Like if your staring at a keyboard and start to dissociate all the letters on the keys seem to dissappear and the keys like mold together? And it happens on other detailed things too?
I have anxiety disorder and depression. I used to have depersonalization and derealization especially before and during early phase (first 6 months) of my therapy. Nowadays it is much more rare and shuttle. Depersonalization for me usually feels like I'm a few cm out of my body. Sometimes I feel like floating in the upper corner of the room and I know that my body is down there, but since I'm not in my body, it is usually harder to use senses (see, hear etc.) and to speak. I can hear people (for example my friends) speaking, but since I'm not in my body the whole situation feels like a film. For me derealization feels like I'm in my body, but everything around me is blurry (my surroundings, sounds, even smells). Once I had dissociation, where I could not move at all (except I could move my eyes). My friend asked me if I was ok. (I had been frozen for some minutes.) I was not sure if I can answer...but I could say that I can not move. My friend hold me, helped me to open my hand, which led to freeze going away and hysterical crying. That was my most horrifying dissociation. Otherwise, it is usually just annoying. I have had good luck in knowing beforehand about dissociation before I ever had those symptoms. So I have managed to be quite calm while having those symptoms. Nowadays, I only dissociate if I start thinking about dissociation. :'D
My head just feels like it's been smacked by something, without the pain, it's just a dazed numbness and I'll just stand and stare into nothing. At home I get away from it by going to sleep. Can't socialize.
Yeah that's how it feels for me. I tend to zone completely out and not even hear what's going on around me at times. Or if I'm talking it's like my mind can't come up with the words or I veer off into thinking of something else. It happens when other people are talking to me too and I have to ask them to repeat certain things. I've had the outer body experiences where I just felt numb and couldn't express any emotion in my body and that was around the time I found out my mother had 3 months to live. That was 12 years ago but I've been dissociating since I was about 4. Most times it's just really foggy and I will notice because one day all of a sudden I'm just aware of everything of how I feel, the wind on my face. When I was little I zone out for hours and at a times whole days, rocking, in my head.
I know that this was published about two years ago, but it expresses a lot of the experiences that have happened to me over the years and has become part of my awareness since being diagnosed with DID a little over a year ago. I’m lucky that I have a spouse who understands and fills in the gaps.
I've never experienced severe trauma, yet I still dissociate during/before/after social interactions (social anxiety/avoidant personality). I think sometimes little distressing experiences can stack up and cause your brain to wanting to avoid that stress.
I've been in therapy (and out but mostly in) for the past 30 years. I can't recall ever having been told this term. The phenomena you've described so well in this video are things that have affected me for years and years. Some symptoms more than others, of course. I appreciate your openness and sharing your personal experience so that those like me might learn more about our illnesses in our own time. I'll have to discuss this with my counsellor next week. You've got a new sub from me too. I'm intrigued to watch more vids of yours too. Keep up the good work! ~Rae =)
It’s a very hard thing to describe. You did a great job! I think it’s kinda like the well known “fight or flight” defense mechanism. It’s a way for the mind to “flight” because you don’t have a choice but to be in that situation. It’s very scary. I always know when it’s happening. It’s never happened since I’ve been on my own other than in public. Had to go to Walmart today. Sensory overload from hell. I hate Walmart. Definitely subscribed. 💕
First of all, I love your makeup!! Also, I experience dissociation quite a bit these days. I actually don’t remember the time I felt fully present in my life. For the last several months, I’ve just felt extremely out of touch with reality and my own body that it actually scares me sometimes. I’ve never had a trauma before (at least that I know of). But my therapist and dietician said it was a result of starvation because I’m recovering from an eating disorder. But I’m not so sure because I’ve started to deal with this barely before I developed the ED (about 4 years ago). It’s just intensified in the last month or so... now it’s constant every single day. It scares me the most when I’m driving and I am not present enough to be a safe driver. I might not be attentive and it terrifies me.
Just found you and now I Looove you 😂 I seriously had to watch this 3x because I was dissociating so badly 😒 You are quite lovely though and I am now a subscriber 😊😊
I don't experience depersonalization much, but during periods of severe depression I get _very_ derealized. I was in lower Manhattan on 9/11 and I think the dissociation began around that period of time...I think because the situation _was_ actually so incredibly, incomprehensibly unreal. (I was eventually diagnosed with CPTSD, although not until many years later.) The feeling is kind of like the feeling I tend to experience in the "uncanny valley" - it's like a sickening, subconscious malaise. One of my most vivid memories...the first time I saw video footage of that day I was so taken aback that the noise of the whole thing was so loud because I distinctly recall thinking how strange it was that everything was so quiet.
I had experienced this today with a very stressful experience that triggered a part of my ptsd, and this helped me figure out what my reaction to it was. I started to get super tired and my body basically went limp, I couldn't stop shaking and it felt like I was slipping into the back of my brain, like my actual self shrunk down while my body just said N O and my vision was Hell. Everything was sort of fading black and my line of vision felt like it could wrap all around my head.. it really scared me so this explanation of it really helped!! Tysm!!
I’ve just recently started to experience this. I’ll get confused and not know what’s going on. I won’t be able to focus and it’s like my brain stops working. Sometimes my vision gets blurry. My memories are so foggy and I don’t know why or what causes me to do this.
When I had dissociation episodes or whatever, colors and sound seemed overwhelmingly loud or bright. I felt almost dizzy when I walked. I'll move my limbs around out of the confusion of being able to control their movements. I really feel like I'm not on my own body.
after years of ignoring my metal issues, I finally started pharaphy, but I still am having a hard time explaining to my pharapist how im feelings or figuring out what I feel since im so used to just pushing away my problems, and then Ive started to question if what I origanally thought was tunning out because I possibly have depression (going to talk to pharapist about diognosing) might actually be me dissasosiating, and after researching im still not sure.
I have ptsd and recently diagnosed I had no idea what the technical word or feeling was called for dissociating. I do it often in crowds or social situations. My husband calls it zoning out or being a zombie if it happens all day long.
Thanks for the description. I'm still not sure if i have it. I have a terrible long term memory. I get floaty sometimes but i usually put that down to low blood pressure. I have this dullness for sure, but i always thought that was a depression symptom. I usually feel most disconnected in social situations, esp with strangers. The way you describe it reminds me of the states that people _aim_ to realise in Hindu traditions, usually attained through meditative practices. I guess it cant be the same thing, but wonder how similar those states are.
I've thought a bit more, and i think maybe a disassociated state is more like a contraction, where as the 3rd party states people attain through meditation are probably more like an expansion. I'm guessing.
I don't have DID but recently I've been having dissociating "periods". It's like... my body is on autopilot. it's like it's moving on it's own? and then I wake up so confused. But there are also times where the world doesn't feel like it's real?? it's like my body is on a loop (if that makes sense). idk if I should get it checked or if it just happens sometimes.
I never linked dissociation to why I cant navigate, but that makes so much sense. I hate going to new places because I cant think on the fly. I know my town pretty well yet I still miss turns when I shouldn't.
I wandered across your video and it made me laugh, not in a bad way. Just some of the ways you described things were spot on. You seem to approach many things like I do. Grasping onto the small positives and laughing at what we can along the way. I look forward to watching more of your videos.
I get it basically every day at school and im kinda used to it ig but sometimes It can get really bad and its really stressful and I also have autism so that makes it worse
If somebody does not remember almost anything of their childhood, gets distracted easily, always forgets basic things, seems sometimes not to focus or like "checked out" or is thinking about other things when you talk to them about something and you find communication difficult and as if that person never listens to you or never fully listens to you could it be dissociation? How to know if somebody else is dissociating?
I have Complex PTSD, PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. My wife sent me this clip and asked if I thought if I disassociate. I do have some of the same symptoms eg: poor memory, but I didn't seem to align with out of body type behaviour. I think that the medication mix that I am on has is a factor in my memory loss. Thank you for posting this thought provoking clip. I think that is very important to "test" all my behaviours so I am able to establish how I am going in my recovery. Interestingly, being covered with a blanket is something that does help even if it is unweighted. I am also considering a service dog to assist me with my CPTSD and PTSD. I am currently in hospital and a patient has one. The dog came and laid at my feet one evening and the patient asked me if I was feeling stressed as the dog does lie on people's fee when they are in distress. Very interesting and again very thought provoking.
Thank you for actually explaining something I have never been able to explain myself. I have struggled with C-PTSD for so many years I don't even know what it's like to be 'normal' anymore. I have never been able to fully describe dissociation. I usually auto pilot through most of my days and describing something that I cannot remember or put my finger on it was driving me mad!
I am 26 and have no driving license yet because I am scared I’ll panic, I had my first driving lesson last week, I felt a panic attack coming on about galf an hour before, I took CBD oil but I realized myself sweating while driving, later at work I noticed I was dissociating. The stress or panic is a trigger for me. I struggle with depersonalization. I feel on autopilot, like it‘s not me talking etc. like I am watching myself from 3rd person, my auditory sensory is way worse, I can’t understand or process people talking across the room, my reaction to people talking to me is slower, I will bump into things and feel kind of out of balance (I‘m not the best at coordinations as it is) and I‘ll get very quiet. I feel like it’s triggered by anxiety, I get tunnelvision, staring into space. Also my eyes get watery or they get out of focus. I drank some coffee at work (second day after driving) and I was completely out of it after, also time either flies by or it feels super stretched out because I can‘t concentrate and want to leave. (Also I dissociate in situations where I can‘t leave like the driving lesson or work). I feel like people wouldn’t know about it (I live in germany) I had a strong urge to call up my friend to get some cuddles and hugs that day but he was travelling, so I ordered a spicy pizza, love to eat spicy foods when checked out. Moving your body helps I guess but depends on how far gone one is. I accually only once lost my memory from dissociating. I have my next driving lesson tomorrow. 🤞
Hi I have PTSD and I had became so afraid to walk into malls and grocery stores etc and have actually felt this almost as if I am floating not my body but Idk I thought it was some sort if spiritual thing but it was bcus of my trauma and fear traumatized me I literally froze in beauty school I couldn't walk I was screaming crying they pretty much carried me to sit outside then things became so bright as if cartoonish fir like 5 mins my friend came out to calm me down and I was told it was dissociation.... I believe and I've nvr been the same sense. I'm getting better but I still can't walk through malls and certain grocery stores. I get this like bright trigger then i feel like everything is scarey then I can't walk or stand and I have to run and hide bcus everything just looks too surreal and it is scarey for me. I do take alprazolam to help but, I'm curious. Does anyone feel almost like you're almost floating n not connected to ur body but u are???? I really need to understand or have someone understand me. Am I alone. Allot of times different lighting triggers me. I also once sat with a therapist at the xhair and this happened to me and I had a severe panick attack its like something triggers me n I feel almost as I am going to fall I now get more anxiety about what happened with my anxiety then over what actually started my trauma.... Any ideas or help? Anyone get this way am I on the right page? Looking for help nanswers n others. Thank you ✌
To me it feels like my body is folating and i have to try to hold on to something and i look like about to fall asleep cuz i cant hold my body up, its very hard to explain, but i hate it and its extremly hard cuz i cant speak when it happens so i cant explain to people around whats happening and then they start to pamic which makes it worse and often gives me a panic attack. I also often get "Electric shock" kinda attacks before bed and it makes it impossible to fall asleep :'(
The analogy about the passengers seat is exactly what I used to describe it. The memory thing is also awful. Im a music student in college and there is so much pressure to perform. I remember there was a time period of 3 entire weeks were I could hardly remember anything and I couldn't practice my instrument because I was zoning out. I could have been zoning out for a minute, or 10 minutes, or zoning out for the vast majority of an hour. This was really rough trying to be able to do well and perform my best and feeling like I lost several weeks of practice and my life.
I think I have this but I’m not sure , I think I’m having something similar I feel very disconnected from malt and have an awful empty feeling and I feel like I’m also in the passenger sheet but I’m not sure it’s this. Help I’m so confused (I also have GAD)
I just recently realised that I do this sometimes. Maybe not often enough to seem like a problem but it bothers me a lot because I just don't understand what is going on. One way to describe how I feels is that I'm underwater and everything else is just grey and it all blends away. Sometimes I peak out of the water but a new wave drags me back under. I never understood what was it or how to call it so during highschool I used to say that I was just stuck in a loop. And it could go on for just hours, days or as most recently for months. I only realise that I "went missing" once I'm back. Usually I feel lucid and it's like snapping out of a dream and I feel disoriented and I want to catch up with what I missed. I can't go to therapy so I can only rely on RUclips videos of professionals or just regular people experiencing same things. Recently I could finally tell my parents about this all mental health problem (my dad is a doctor and my mom is a stay at home mom but she has a PhD in psychology even if she had never worked as a psychologist) and they both agreed that I have depression and it's probably caused by some sort of PTSD. I also suffer a lot of insomnia. I don't understand what is this state of autopilot bc I go underwater and I can't tell which one is the direct cause. I'm just guessing that I dissociate but I don't really know. If someone reads entirely this comment can you please give me some advice? I feel lost..
I've never been through any type of trauma, however I dissociate with depersonalization and derealization a lot when my brain gets overstimulated. If I'm in a noisy environment, trying to be social despite my social anxiety, or just browsing too much and intensely at the computer at home! However, I've come to accept it and I'm not scared anymore. I'm grateful to get detached in social situations, I don't have to worry and have anxiety about talking to the people, because I'm not really there. My body just walks around down there like la-la, while I'm chilling back here in my mind. It's a relief. I've asked people and they can't tell I'm dissociated, so I don't have any fear for that. My dissociation comes from having too many bipolar episodes in combo with lots of medication changes, and that has damaged my brain a bit. Now when I've been better for the last 6-8 months it's decreasing and my brain's cognitive abilities have slightly improved. It can take more stimuli before it detaches. I wish people would not be scared of dissociation, it's a protective mechanism and a lot less scary if you just go with the flow and let everything happen. Allow yourself to lose control, when you relax the dissociation will go away sooner. But, we all dissociate differently and for different reasons. I never have memory loss for example. But try to not be scared! Be in safe environments and take care of yourself as well as you can!
i have a question.. like you know when you're playing a game, those cooking simulation games.. you have the controls, you're controlling the player.. but in the end u aren't actually the player and you see "your hands" respond to what you tell it to but it just blechk.. like its not *your hands* but its hands controlled by you.. is that dissociating?
(rambling warning) the wait times for mental health services is about 175 days where I live so I can't see anyone but I've been having similar feelings, I have the feeling of not being real or the sudden crushing feeling of "i'm a real person, people can see me," but also a kind of feeling of "am I real?". I often have a feeling of vertigo related to it. I often rub my collar bones without realizing. it only really happens in public or when i'm not actively talking for a period of time. it almost if not always leads to the worst panic attacks of my life with the feeling i'm going to faint.
Impossible to describe isn't it? It is like autopilot. To me it feels like being drunk, you can't focus on anything fully.
khigher Yep, same here
Exactly it’s impossible to explain
I use to call it la la land ie im spacing out,I thought it was normal honest I did,However the flash backs freak me out because I am actually there watching.
I like to say I had a 'turn', it sounds old fashioned and strange.
I tried to explain it to two seperate doctors on two different occasions and they were both kinda lost. Its so frustrating describing something thats so indescribable. They told me that it might be some weird type of migrane. Weird because during these episodes i dont have any pain what so ever. But i dont think either of them were confident in that diagnoses. They told me i should see an eye doctor and then after go to a neurologist. I hope i have answers soon because i was a freshman in college this past year but this thing is getting worse and its impossible to concentrate on school when I'm pretty much "switched off"
for me, it feels like i’m not actually there, but my body is moving or whatever without me even thinking about it - like my body is carrying on but my actual self is not there. it’s kinda like floating and i can’t see anything/ focus on anything, it’s so overwhelming and it’s such a weird feeling
I’m 14 and I think I have it I have no idea how and this exact thing is happening to me right now and it’s really scary
Floating in space sums it up, people think I am nuts.
i feel exactly like this a lot ;_;
Exactly how I feel
I have problems with dissociating in grocery stores and stuff like that. I walk in and it’s so much stimulation I end up wandering around. For me, it feels like I’m in a fog. I can also have someone tell me an entire story and just not absorb a single word. The issue that bothers me the the most is forgetting words, or forgetting what I wanted to say. I get super frustrated (PTSD)
Oh yes! Me too. Dissociation is my first response to large groups of people and overwhelm. I once spent basically an entire concert just staring blankly at the stage because I was too overwhelmed. And the forgetting words is so frustrating. In essence, I talk for a living and sometimes I'll just blank out on common words or sometimes the completely wrong word will come out. Ughhh
Jane Mays I just wander around and can’t remember what I’m there for nor do I even THINK of stuff. Just wander and stare at shelves of stuff. And when I forget words my husband will try to offer what word I might need but it makes it worse.
toronto.quinn that happens to me when I dissociate too! Not much when I go into a store but that’s how I feel! I feel like I’m in a fog!
Alexis Sabia it’s soooo weird !
I relate to this so much! I can spend hours in a shop and it can feel like 5 minutes. My partner tells me off often for not listening to him or not taking an interest because I zone out when I'm really trying not to. I also forget words and end up having long pauses in conversation because I can't find the words.
I think one of the worst parts of dissociation that no one likes to talk about is when you experience the other side of the spectrum. those brief moments when you're hyper-aware of your being-ness. The extreme deafening clarity of the reality around you. Where the feelings both physical and psychological just feel like they're all the way on and over flooding. It's so overwhelming, especially if you spend a majority of your life desensitized and turned off to feeling most sensations.
Finally you described what I get often, it's like im "too present " and it's soooooo creepy, suddenly aware of everything
My dog buddy isn't a service dog but it's interesting that he seems to notice when I'm dissociating badly and often sits in front of me and starts barking. He is way more observant than people are. People are pretty oblivious in my experience.
Charlotte Holmes yea I agree! Dogs r much more observant! What breed is your dog?
Alexis Sabia He is a mix of hound and rottweiler. I got him from the local pound when he was a year old. He had a name when he was brought in, but didn't respond to it at all so everyone there just called him Buddy because he was so friendly. 🐕
Charlotte Holmes that makes sense hounds r very observant 😊 and super cute!!!
Alexis Sabia 😊
My Pekingese Wu will sit next to me and meditate when he senses this.
My disassociation lasted for six years after my father passed away from cancer, I constantly felt a floating sensation and my feet felt numb.
Patricia the booke hope you’re doing okay
Patricia tha bibliophile I’m not sure if I’m dissociating but sometimes I just like zone out for a couple minutes and then it like fades back in and I feel like I’m in a video game. Is that dissociating?
Yes that floating feeling I get it a LOT. Like I'd just leave my body and leave it all behind
@@patashnikelroy same not sure if it's just zoning out or not. I'm definitely ADHD so it could be just that. Are you diagnosed ADD or ADHD?
I think I remember Dodie calling it 'the most boring form of time travel' and I completely agree. This video was so informative, it helped me realise that when I'm faced with pressuring conversations, there's a name for my brain basically turning to jelly. Weird that I never made that link before. Thank you always Kelela
FreeHearts125
oh, another dodie fan?
lol before i figured it out i would just think that my brain is scrambled eggs and i wasnt there enough to question it until afterwards. jelly is good too
Dissociative states are scary as fuck. However, I find things either foggy or incredibly bright. Either or. Sounds can either fuse together or sound incredibly loud. Depends on the level of dissociation I guess...
yesss! like for me (i’m in middle school) i’ll only hear other people talking and it’ll be really loud.
I have memory loss as well, big chunks just gone. Stupid things like visiting a certain mall with my wife, who swears we were there, but i have no recollection of. Thanks for letting me know I'm not the only one.
I dissociate a lot when I get triggered or overwhelmed. Most of the time it happens either right before or after I have a panic attack.
It feels like a panic attack without the panic huh
Same.
I noticed the first time feeling weird (didn’t know about dissociating) I forced was myself into situations where I get scared and I learned to dissociate. I‘ll feel the panic attack and I‘m like nope I‘m outta here this is too much.
Yeah I went to a mall and the floor was so white and shiny and the lights were so bright and intense. My legs started to tingle and I felt like my soul was leaving my body
“I’ll just nope the heck outta there” I love it
i used to think this was just a me thing and it was so scary so i’m very relieved that this is actually a thing other people go through
4:05 Wow! I've never actually heard someone bring up this specific thing I thought I only did. I rub my fingertips together and examine my hands. But they're not *my* hands, you know?
Sometimes I feel like my skin on my limbs like arms or legs feels kinda like pins and needles or sensitive but they feel like they aren’t mine, and ARENT really connected to me. Almost like you could cut them off and not feel it or it be real?
@@tahleasinparker3660If you pinch yourself in such a moment, do you feel any pain?
I am disassociating watching this video I keep having to rewind.. I just want to understand myself
I've been dealing disassociation most of my life. This video came at a perfect timing for me. Today I had a major trigger happen and I instantly started zoning out and I've been trying to explain the feeling go my wife
I’m not sure if I dissociate but sometimes I feel like I’m walking around in a dream. I’ll start saying a sentence but then say the wrong words that make no sense or I’ll just forget what I’m saying. And my vision gets blurry very easily, I can re focus them but then my eyes go automatically back to being blurry. Sometimes I walk around in school and forget what floor I am on (like on the stairs). And I feel like I am kinda in my own bubble and everyone is walking around me. Recently, time has been feeling irrelevant and I have to constantly remind myself what time it is (numbers) and what time of the day it is. I don’t really think my therapist knows but that’s because I haven’t figured out how to describe it. How do I describe this?
Naomi Mansour I'm in the same boat. You could just explain it like you did here 😊 that's what I'm gonna do.
Same !!
I sometimes feel like im talking but im not aware of what im saying and when im done talking I have no recollection of wtf I even said or if it made sense. It scares me because it doesnt even feel like im in control, it feels like I checked out and my actual body was doing what it was used to doing while im in a corner in my mind kind of lounging... its really stressful and nothing makes it better. I just wake up with it gone or wake up with the feeling there..
that vision blurry thing happens to me as well and i don't know how to describe it
I've been dissociating for most of my life, it's hard to really imagine anything else.
How does that feel like? Do you remember things of your childhood or your past?
It feels like not waking up properly. No matter how much I drink I feel dizzy and drowsy. When I turn my attention to sounds they are ten times louder than usual. I have cool tickling sensations on my back. I feel overwhelmed and disoriented. I have no connection to reality cause I‘m wrapped up in a spongelike, cloudlike thing that distances me from everything thats happening outside and inside.
for me it kinda feels like i’m tiny and everyone else is like huge and i’m dodging everyone. then when i find something to bring me back to reality, like a locker (this happens a lot at school) i’ll realize i’m not dreaming. i’m just a kid :(
im sharing this my grandmother traumatized me my entire life and iv been trying to explain it all to family in the most informative way about how she has cause me to feel thru my life
My grandmother was awful to me and my siblings and traumatized me, ruined my life. It’s great to know I’m not alone in this boat, and you’re not alone either.
@@rayy__7630 iv actualy taken steps forward with a investigator to see if she can be held responsible for my mothers suicide i even got a few to listen and im getting a copy of my moms death cirt sent to me
@@DabiToyaTodoroki1 that’s great, you keep going and keep pushing for action. I’m completely powerless and unable to do anything to legally punish mine for what she did but I’m glad you are.
@@rayy__7630 thanks and after all is completely done im thinking i might make a vid to share my story
I've been struggling with this lately, and I had no idea what to call it except I'm in "la la Land" but now thanks to you I can tell my psychiatrist that I think it's dissociation. Thank you! ❤
Normally i can dissociate around men/ loud noises and my vision starts to go like a camera that can't focus properly and my hearing starts to blur together and i just all in all lose my ability to think
Mine can be like everything is covered in fog, sometimes I just space out like I just stare off at nothing and I am not there, just frozen unresponsive
I feel this in night clubs, bars, empty spaces like parking lots or unknown structures etc it’s just weird and i don’t like it lmao
I was diagnosed with DPDR (although I'm not sure if I still have it or not) and I've recently realized that dissociating is a lot more of a problem in my life than I thought. When watching TV or RUclips or reading books, I will get so engrossed in the story that my brain goes into a dissociative haze and makes it hard for me to interact with the real world or remember my own life as opposed to the life of whatever character I'm reading/watching. And that's not even counting the times when I get triggered and dissociate. So, gotta talk to my therapist about that :/ Really thought I might be getting better with the dissociation but nope.
Is. Is that not how everyone feels with stories?
Also, do you physically feel things/emotions happening to the characters?
i cant remember a time that i haven’t been dissociated , there are times like once every 6 months that i snap out of it and i get a jolt like “oh shit everything’s real ?” and i get creeped out by myself but i’m used to it.
it feels like i’m in a cloud , there’s a pressure behind my eyes and everything is a blur , i get amnesia all the time and it freaks me out sometimes but it hasn’t harmed me yet 😂
I have the pressure behind my eyes too and bad memory & fogginess
When you are in a dissociative state, are you able to hold a conversation? Do experience any feelings? Or does everything feel numb? How do you remember to do chores at home or at work?
I lose time too. I have chunks of time where I can't remember where I've been or what I've been doing. It's frightening when I've found myself wandering around at 7pm in a different suburb, when the last thing I remember was leaving the grocery store at 1pm.
Oreo damn that’s scary
Yeah I have D.I.D. Was programmed to meet up with abusers at night, so sometimes I'll come to in a nightgown down the street and not know where I am for a little while. You're scared at first, and then angry you're there AGAIN. There's ways around it though. Service dogs can be trained to find home, or find your car for you. I've noticed a big issue with losing time is also not remembering roads very well.
These comments are really helpful, so here's my experience! *Tw: detailed description of dissociation and breakdowns*
For me my body feels numb when I dissociate. Also I'm not sure if this is something completely separate but sometimes (it's getting more frequent, unfortunately) I'll feel like an entirely different person with an entirely different, or no, personality and it's REAL inconvenient sjsj. Also I'll feel like I just left my brain in the other room sjsj or like I'm just entirely out of it and am not real, sometimes my sense of size (how small my hand is, how big that house is) gets wack. A general feeling of reality being distorted. Also I've been getting these ~super fun~ breakdowns or shutdowns where I sit in the upright fetal position and stare into space while everything in my brain feels numb, dead, or plain gone. By body will move (shaking, rocking, head shaking) but it's like I'm not doing it at all. These last about 40 minutes to 2 hours (that was the longest I've had). So uhh yeah I really gotta talk to my mom about getting some therapy lol hope my over sharing helped
Im going through the same exact thing rn and I feel like I'm losing my mind. I dont know how to explain this to my therapist. If you figured out what was happening and feel comfortable sharing, please do.
When I Dissociate bad I ramble and talk very fast then snap back into it but I'm still talking and I come.to and I'm being watched by the people.im.talking to and it freaks me out just having their eyes on me while.coming to and not even knowing what was said or what I looked like during the Dissociation. Sometimes I'll be on my phone at night and my heart will race and I'll get light headed so I lay down and I usually look at my phone well I completely black out , like I know that I am somewhere but I feel.likd I don't exist. Sometimes I'll get a sick feelings and all a sudden super tired and can't stop yawning and wanna take a.nap and zone out then like a few minutes or half n hr later come back to fully energetic, and like different
Yes i do this!!
I have DPDR as a result of C-PTSD.
I have had several pretty severe episodes, especially over the last year. When I'm not in a distinctive episode, I seem to be in a very mild constant state of it as my baseline. I do not remember "normal" and I doubt I would ever recognize it as such.
In my severe episodes, I feel like my mind is being ripped apart on the inside. Think about the scene in Doctor Strange when the Ancient One knocks Stephen into the astral realm, but imagine if Eli Roth directed it.
I scream at myself on the inside, and I don't know which one, if either, is the real me. My nightmares resemble daily life and my daily life resembles my nightmares and I can't tell them apart. Time goes wonky, like I'm slow in a fast world or fast in a slow world. I feel like I am an actor wearing myself as a costume and playing a character of myself on stage, and I don't know my lines and haven't rehearsed.
I feel like I'm playing a first-person video game of myself and the controller is lagging.
I have extreme déja vu and jamais vu. I will forget the beginning of a sentence by the time I finish it, and will repeat words and phrases out loud to the confusion of others. I will cook dinner twice and get angry at the food itself when I see the first dinner taking up the space where the second needs to go.
Thank you so much for sharing! It helps a ton to hear someone explain what you’re feeling!
I recently started accepting this term, after a car crash happened, I disassociated while driving and ended up
crashing, I don’t remember a thing! Even the sound on of the impact is a blur, I didn’t really feel either. It was terrifying.
But that definitely confirmed those feelings i though it was “day dreaming” . Do ever feel like you disassociate while driving ?
It’s really a huge struggle for me!
Currently I’m in a time period in my life that I’m questing if I have D.I.D or O.S.D.D so I’ll share this and see if people agree this is dissociation:
For me it starts with me just looking away or fidgeting with something. I then slowly start to stare into the distance. My mind is blank, my feet always feel numb in a way and I do have the ability to talk but I feel like I can’t. Usually the only things that move are my hands which I feel. My vision always gradually gets blurry and then comes of the end of either me blinking furiously to wake up from that or my vision becomes clear again but I feel a wee bit tired/sleepy. I also come back feeling like someone else but still me so I have no idea what this is. This also happens when I have headaches or cry.
Like you said I have had dissociation in childhood, I just didn't know what it was called back then. I just thought something was wrong with me and I was weird. As an adult now that I'm in therapy and was diagnosed with PTSD I learned about dissociation and derealization and depersonalization and it answers so many questions. I've had this as far back as I can remember which would be about 4 years old.
Thank you so much for clarifying this for me, I heard this word for the first time today, It’s my granddaughter that has been going through this for a lifetime for her, she is only 12 and it finally was explained to me today, I just kept referring to it as Zoning out, when she found herself in unsafe circumstances. Thank you so much for this, I feel I understand her even more as I have been trying to get her help for years. I have medical help in place for her, and I will continue to help her be all she can be.
I’ve had dissociative episodes where I end up somewhere and I don’t know where I am, and catatonic episodes which is not good when I’m out doing things. I feel it as feeling blank, empty, gone, lost.
“you should duck out for a minute”
Me: quack
I was in my class and it was dead quiet...
This video couldn't have come at a better time, I was just researching more into dissociation yesterday. For me it feels like my brain is completely static and my whole body is numb, and it FEELS like tunnel-vision, but not exactly? It's as if my body has shut down everything but what it needs to get through the day, and I only exist in my thoughts.
The worst part is when the brain decides to let the body go on autopilot in order to play flashbacks over and over.
I’ve been binging on your videos recently.
I was doing EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) therapy with flashing lights and vibrations. Pretty much forcing you into detestation but in a controlled environment with a licensed mental health counselor. But, in a healthy way so you can try to reevaluate situations that cause anxiety and PTSD. My first few sessions were absolutely terrifying. I actually ended up stopping for a while. But we kept going back to smaller, not as intense traumas and it’s helped a little bit so far. I still have my triggers multiple times a day and freak out, but I’m more in control in the sense that I can remove myself and try to be in a quiet place to (what I call) reboot myself. It can take minutes to hours. But I’m able to try now. It’s so hard though. It’s a lot to talk about publicly but I’d love to discuss things like this with you more if you’d like!
I'm jumping on a bit late, sorry! But, for me my memory started to go bad. And then a couple of days later, I woke up one morning and I felt not present. Like I was talking but it wasn't actually me talking. Kind of like I was like a robot and on autopilot. Now, I feel a bit better but still detached. I know this is my body and it is me talking etc but I don't feel like I am here. Also, my memory is literally shockingly bad now. It may be because I am not focusing because I don't feel present and am not paying attention 24/7. It is also hard for me to retrieve old memories and requires me to think really hard to remember them.
I had this today, I had to go around abusive relatives and they said some things that triggered my complex PTSD, so now it is the day before a final and I was supposed to study after said event ended around 3 but it is now 11 p.m. and I'm just a shell losing track of time. Hopefully it goes away by tomorrow.
Omg thank you so much. I've been trying to find a good explanation of it for a long time now but never really found one!
this is really comforting to hear someone say they experience this - im pretty sure ive experienced this a few times and it freaks me out so much when it happens. i thought it was panic attacks but after talking to people that experience panic attacks i''ve realised that its completely different and im trying to find answers haha
It’s so good to find someone that goes through the same scary sensations and state of mind I do. Whenever I open up to people in my life they think I’m crazy. Thank you for letting me feel less alone :)
I believe I suffered with dissociation for 5 years. It was complete hell. I felt like i was on auto pilot for 5 years, the whole entire time was terrified.
I'm like, old. I've had dissociative periods on rare occasions that I recall, but the problem is that I don't remember a lot. Obviously from my early years. Problem is I can't recall it. Other people told me. It's not been so bad that I couldn't hold a job or take care of my family, but now I at least know why I got these weird holes in time.
Thank you for sharing.
I’m actually crying you just explained what I’ve been feeling for months what do I do now
Thank you for this video! I didn’t even realize how much disassociation affects memory. My life makes so much more sense now!
I really want to thank you for this video. I have C-PTSD and it wasn’t until recently I realized the overwhelming things that have happened in my life have put me in a dissociative state where I just run. I feel like I have nails clawing my back and it’s not that I’m running from anyone except life had become too overwhelming and fleeing seemed my only option. I’ve never been in a dissociative state and realized it until afterward. No one seems to even try to understand when I attempt to explain what’s happened except my docs. I’ve done several videos on my PTSD, panic attacks, using tattoos as an alternative to self harm. I just turned 58. I admire you for being able to recognize this at a relatively young age. Thank you again and I wish you the best. 😊
I was recently diagnosed with PTSD and dissociative disorder and nothing has explained how I feel better then this video. I've used this video to help my family, boyfriend and friends to understand so thank you!
Thanks for explaining this the way you did. I've spent most of my life dissociative, it's actually my comfort zone, but could never form words to describe the experience because no words felt right. All I could say was that it felt like I was dreaming. And sometimes like I was floating.
Thankfully most of my dissociative experiences are happy and calming. I saw beauty in many things and would often drift off into thought. But when it's mixed with bad emotions or experiences, that's a different story. Feels like I'm in some action/horror film. Music usually helps me the most to keep positive, or adventure in more action or apocalyptic-like imaginary scenarios, but I can control it with the change of song if it gets uncomfortable.
It's more difficult staying in good mindstates now that I'm an adult. I can't drift off and just observe the beauty in life as much. So I'm researching and looking for tips & methods to help me adjust. I would go to my doctor or get another psychiatrsit referral, but I need better words to describe these things first. Because they all just spend a few minutes and then say "it's just anxiety and depression". But I never feel depressed or anxious when in these states. I feel at peace. But it still does get in the way of being able to function properly and focus in society. I also notice my feelings of things not quite being real leads me to sometimes feel like consequences don't matter. Which obviously isn't good.
Anyway. Thanks again for sharing this video. It helps.
Thanks for this, I think I'm in it right now but Im not sure. It's comforting to listen to you as we're of similar ages( I think, I'm 25) and have similar traumas (I think lol) family and other stuff. Its just so reassuring and affirming to listen to someone that faces the same things and is cool af! Go you and thank you 😊🤘
I’m experience dissociative symptoms. I also used the car/passenger example with my therapist! Thanks for this video.
Omg! I feel like I just found my REAL family! I do wonder what a "Normy" would think about your explanation. But for me you're really spot on. I'm not getting the treatment I need. so I feel like I'm constantly getting worse if I'm not fighting my diagnosis then I might be having an alter that's finding out that we're sick for the first time one day and I'm starting to realize all this but I don't know what to do with it and I'm just becoming exhausted. As far as like talking and losing your memory or having to slow down I feel like I'm Dory from Finding Nemo quite often and it's getting worse I'll be in the middle of talking and all the sudden I have no idea what I'm talking about like blank and then tried to cover up with so and yeah anyway but it's frustrating to say the least. I'm so excited to find some people who understand. I believe that we are all heroes every minute of every day that we make the decision to keep fighting we are heroes. I'm glad to have found you thank you all.
Oh, I love Molly, she's amazing!
And so are you btw, for making this.
I suffer from similar things. Especially depersonalization and feeling detached from my body sometimes.
Grounding helps.
I thought of getting a service dog, but it's expensive and complicated where I live.
Your explanation helped me bc (with the help of my therapist) i figured out that the amount of stuff ive forgotten from my past is way beyond a normal amount to forget, and she said it couldve been from trauma from a major event in my life, and then recently i kinda...'blanked' for around a good minute while driving in my neighborhood and crashed my car? into my garage door? and my therapist said dissociation could be the culprit for both these things...
Wow... I've just seen my teenage years (especially) flash before my eyes! You've made me realise how much of my life has been lived with depersonalisation. (I only knew I felt "out of it" and was always "watching" myself like an outsider) Scary... I really appreciate your attempt to explain it all. Such a disconnected way to live. Quite surreal.
Definitely possible to recover though.
For me it's a total black out was playing a video game once when I dissociated and when I came to a new game had started and it felt like my body was playing by it self.
I had another one when I was working at a pre school and I don't even know how long I was out of it. Just that I had stood still long enough to get my mentor (I was a student at the time.) To get mad at me. I didn't know then that I had mental health problems.
i just want it to stop. when i’m with people all i can think about is how i’m not really here and i’m not really happy or experiencing it. when will it stop?..
I feel the same. I also wondered when it would stop but it had lasted months. Try and search grounding techniques
I deal with dissociation to the point of having grand mal seizures :(
I am so glad I've got someone else to follow, I love the weighted blanket idea, I don't have one, desperately want one and instead I do a heavy eiderdown and throw rug and a snuggly soft blanket and for me, it's like if I get past what I call the point of no return, I have to keep getting where I need to go b4 I can come back, it's like I'm floating away on a train but it's not a 'whoo, I'm going' happy kinda thing, it's an 'oh man, again, are you kidding me?' thing, it used to be a 'whoa, what is this, why can't I just stop and go back' thing, I hope this makes sense, it's like I can see what's ahead and it's a huge problem and I can't get out of it until I at least get to the station and get off the train... it's hard to deal the quicker I switch and more frequently, if it's more than 3 times within say a 2 hr period of me not being around, I feel like I need a 3-4hr nap afterwards and sometimes after a session it's all I can do next, b4 I start my car and go hydrate with anything liquid, usually it's gotta be sweet though...
I have this allot.When I sit in the car ,it feels like im dreaming,or we get from point A to point B and I feel like I woke up,cuz its blank and I see a black color like I opened my eyes ,and I have to really force myself to remember what I saw or I can't like you said ,my husband would tell me things or my mom and they would remember it while I have no memory of it happening.When I go to a doctor or someone tells me something,I forget it as soon as im away from that person,or turn around ,or go through the door and I have no idea whats been said,so I always ask them to write it down.I sometimes get really paranoid that people I dont like are stalking me and gives me panic attacks.Or I start doing something and keep forgeting to bring stuff with me too cook and I have to go back to get it.Or im cleaning and I start at point A and not finish it and end up cleaning at point D ,but when I get back to point A I realize I didnt clean it up fully.I have trouble remembering where I left my stuff or I remember what I want to say till I engage with that person and I can't remember the words and I start to stutter.And allot of other stuff.Im pretty sure I have CPTSD and BPD ... and some other disorders ... so its hard for me to keep track with my emotions and self sometimes.Thanks for sharing your experience 😊
Shit, I think this is what has been happeing to me for years and I had no idea
I do...I’m terrified, I often won’t remember anything and am told basically that I take on the role of the abuser and say and do horrible things. I’m terrified. I haven’t been to therapy in a long time because leaving my home or talking on the phone can make me panic but I’m starting it now with someone I hope has experience. Your videos are very helpful it’s great to see someone speak like they were talking to a friend (or themselves, I talk to myself a lot 🤷🏻♀️) your videos are a blessing so thanks for making them
After the traumatic experience(s) from my past relationship I felt like I was not me not myself and I felt crazy and did not know what it was or how to describe it to anyone without sounding crazy lol.. (I also remember experiencing this a few times when I was a kid, I would look in the mirror and feel this overwhelming fear and think for a second I didn’t know who I was) I smoked so much weed daily for years and felt completely dissociated from myself and it got a lot worse. I learned what it was and felt somewhat relieved that I wasn’t crazy or alone in this. I stopped smoking but I still experience not as strongly, unless I smoke weed or am in a stressful or triggering situation. A few months ago I got second hand high with some friends, we were playing a card game and I literally could not remember what was going on or what we were playing I went right back to that place I was in before and felt so scared but trapped.
Earlier it used to happen to me even without me knowing.. it went without me noticing.. but now that I know what I go through i have realized that its difficult for me to actually control.. I dissociate during meetings, while speaking to someone, while watching a movie.. damn.. this is difficult..
Does anyone elses vision get really trippy when they stare off? Like if your staring at a keyboard and start to dissociate all the letters on the keys seem to dissappear and the keys like mold together? And it happens on other detailed things too?
I have anxiety disorder and depression. I used to have depersonalization and derealization especially before and during early phase (first 6 months) of my therapy. Nowadays it is much more rare and shuttle. Depersonalization for me usually feels like I'm a few cm out of my body. Sometimes I feel like floating in the upper corner of the room and I know that my body is down there, but since I'm not in my body, it is usually harder to use senses (see, hear etc.) and to speak. I can hear people (for example my friends) speaking, but since I'm not in my body the whole situation feels like a film. For me derealization feels like I'm in my body, but everything around me is blurry (my surroundings, sounds, even smells). Once I had dissociation, where I could not move at all (except I could move my eyes). My friend asked me if I was ok. (I had been frozen for some minutes.) I was not sure if I can answer...but I could say that I can not move. My friend hold me, helped me to open my hand, which led to freeze going away and hysterical crying. That was my most horrifying dissociation. Otherwise, it is usually just annoying.
I have had good luck in knowing beforehand about dissociation before I ever had those symptoms. So I have managed to be quite calm while having those symptoms.
Nowadays, I only dissociate if I start thinking about dissociation. :'D
My head just feels like it's been smacked by something, without the pain, it's just a dazed numbness and I'll just stand and stare into nothing. At home I get away from it by going to sleep. Can't socialize.
Yeah that's how it feels for me. I tend to zone completely out and not even hear what's going on around me at times. Or if I'm talking it's like my mind can't come up with the words or I veer off into thinking of something else. It happens when other people are talking to me too and I have to ask them to repeat certain things. I've had the outer body experiences where I just felt numb and couldn't express any emotion in my body and that was around the time I found out my mother had 3 months to live. That was 12 years ago but I've been dissociating since I was about 4. Most times it's just really foggy and I will notice because one day all of a sudden I'm just aware of everything of how I feel, the wind on my face. When I was little I zone out for hours and at a times whole days, rocking, in my head.
Sorry if this makes no sense by the way.
I know that this was published about two years ago, but it expresses a lot of the experiences that have happened to me over the years and has become part of my awareness since being diagnosed with DID a little over a year ago. I’m lucky that I have a spouse who understands and fills in the gaps.
I've never experienced severe trauma, yet I still dissociate during/before/after social interactions (social anxiety/avoidant personality). I think sometimes little distressing experiences can stack up and cause your brain to wanting to avoid that stress.
I've been in therapy (and out but mostly in) for the past 30 years. I can't recall ever having been told this term. The phenomena you've described so well in this video are things that have affected me for years and years. Some symptoms more than others, of course. I appreciate your openness and sharing your personal experience so that those like me might learn more about our illnesses in our own time. I'll have to discuss this with my counsellor next week. You've got a new sub from me too. I'm intrigued to watch more vids of yours too. Keep up the good work! ~Rae =)
It’s a very hard thing to describe. You did a great job! I think it’s kinda like the well known “fight or flight” defense mechanism. It’s a way for the mind to “flight” because you don’t have a choice but to be in that situation. It’s very scary. I always know when it’s happening. It’s never happened since I’ve been on my own other than in public. Had to go to Walmart today. Sensory overload from hell. I hate Walmart.
Definitely subscribed. 💕
First of all, I love your makeup!!
Also, I experience dissociation quite a bit these days. I actually don’t remember the time I felt fully present in my life. For the last several months, I’ve just felt extremely out of touch with reality and my own body that it actually scares me sometimes. I’ve never had a trauma before (at least that I know of). But my therapist and dietician said it was a result of starvation because I’m recovering from an eating disorder. But I’m not so sure because I’ve started to deal with this barely before I developed the ED (about 4 years ago). It’s just intensified in the last month or so... now it’s constant every single day. It scares me the most when I’m driving and I am not present enough to be a safe driver. I might not be attentive and it terrifies me.
Just found you and now I Looove you 😂 I seriously had to watch this 3x because I was dissociating so badly 😒 You are quite lovely though and I am now a subscriber 😊😊
I don't experience depersonalization much, but during periods of severe depression I get _very_ derealized. I was in lower Manhattan on 9/11 and I think the dissociation began around that period of time...I think because the situation _was_ actually so incredibly, incomprehensibly unreal. (I was eventually diagnosed with CPTSD, although not until many years later.) The feeling is kind of like the feeling I tend to experience in the "uncanny valley" - it's like a sickening, subconscious malaise. One of my most vivid memories...the first time I saw video footage of that day I was so taken aback that the noise of the whole thing was so loud because I distinctly recall thinking how strange it was that everything was so quiet.
I had experienced this today with a very stressful experience that triggered a part of my ptsd, and this helped me figure out what my reaction to it was. I started to get super tired and my body basically went limp, I couldn't stop shaking and it felt like I was slipping into the back of my brain, like my actual self shrunk down while my body just said N O and my vision was Hell. Everything was sort of fading black and my line of vision felt like it could wrap all around my head.. it really scared me so this explanation of it really helped!! Tysm!!
I’ve just recently started to experience this. I’ll get confused and not know what’s going on. I won’t be able to focus and it’s like my brain stops working. Sometimes my vision gets blurry. My memories are so foggy and I don’t know why or what causes me to do this.
When I had dissociation episodes or whatever, colors and sound seemed overwhelmingly loud or bright. I felt almost dizzy when I walked. I'll move my limbs around out of the confusion of being able to control their movements. I really feel like I'm not on my own body.
I’m floored! You are amazing! Been looking for a video like this for years. Need the examples in a clear explanation.
after years of ignoring my metal issues, I finally started pharaphy, but I still am having a hard time explaining to my pharapist how im feelings or figuring out what I feel since im so used to just pushing away my problems, and then Ive started to question if what I origanally thought was tunning out because I possibly have depression (going to talk to pharapist about diognosing) might actually be me dissasosiating, and after researching im still not sure.
I have ptsd and recently diagnosed
I had no idea what the technical word or feeling was called for dissociating. I do it often in crowds or social situations. My husband calls it zoning out or being a zombie if it happens all day long.
Thanks for the description. I'm still not sure if i have it. I have a terrible long term memory. I get floaty sometimes but i usually put that down to low blood pressure. I have this dullness for sure, but i always thought that was a depression symptom. I usually feel most disconnected in social situations, esp with strangers.
The way you describe it reminds me of the states that people _aim_ to realise in Hindu traditions, usually attained through meditative practices. I guess it cant be the same thing, but wonder how similar those states are.
I've thought a bit more, and i think maybe a disassociated state is more like a contraction, where as the 3rd party states people attain through meditation are probably more like an expansion. I'm guessing.
I don't have DID but recently I've been having dissociating "periods". It's like... my body is on autopilot. it's like it's moving on it's own? and then I wake up so confused. But there are also times where the world doesn't feel like it's real?? it's like my body is on a loop (if that makes sense). idk if I should get it checked or if it just happens sometimes.
I never linked dissociation to why I cant navigate, but that makes so much sense. I hate going to new places because I cant think on the fly. I know my town pretty well yet I still miss turns when I shouldn't.
Who else feels like they are numb and their mind is blank i use to overthink everything but now my mind is blank is this dissociation
I wandered across your video and it made me laugh, not in a bad way. Just some of the ways you described things were spot on. You seem to approach many things like I do. Grasping onto the small positives and laughing at what we can along the way. I look forward to watching more of your videos.
I get it basically every day at school and im kinda used to it ig but sometimes It can get really bad and its really stressful and I also have autism so that makes it worse
If somebody does not remember almost anything of their childhood, gets distracted easily, always forgets basic things, seems sometimes not to focus or like "checked out" or is thinking about other things when you talk to them about something and you find communication difficult and as if that person never listens to you or never fully listens to you could it be dissociation? How to know if somebody else is dissociating?
I have Complex PTSD, PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. My wife sent me this clip and asked if I thought if I disassociate. I do have some of the same symptoms eg: poor memory, but I didn't seem to align with out of body type behaviour. I think that the medication mix that I am on has is a factor in my memory loss. Thank you for posting this thought provoking clip. I think that is very important to "test" all my behaviours so I am able to establish how I am going in my recovery. Interestingly, being covered with a blanket is something that does help even if it is unweighted. I am also considering a service dog to assist me with my CPTSD and PTSD. I am currently in hospital and a patient has one. The dog came and laid at my feet one evening and the patient asked me if I was feeling stressed as the dog does lie on people's fee when they are in distress. Very interesting and again very thought provoking.
Thank you for actually explaining something I have never been able to explain myself. I have struggled with C-PTSD for so many years I don't even know what it's like to be 'normal' anymore. I have never been able to fully describe dissociation. I usually auto pilot through most of my days and describing something that I cannot remember or put my finger on it was driving me mad!
I am 26 and have no driving license yet because I am scared I’ll panic, I had my first driving lesson last week, I felt a panic attack coming on about galf an hour before, I took CBD oil but I realized myself sweating while driving, later at work I noticed I was dissociating. The stress or panic is a trigger for me.
I struggle with depersonalization.
I feel on autopilot, like it‘s not me talking etc. like I am watching myself from 3rd person, my auditory sensory is way worse, I can’t understand or process people talking across the room, my reaction to people talking to me is slower, I will bump into things and feel kind of out of balance (I‘m not the best at coordinations as it is) and I‘ll get very quiet. I feel like it’s triggered by anxiety, I get tunnelvision, staring into space.
Also my eyes get watery or they get out of focus.
I drank some coffee at work (second day after driving) and I was completely out of it after, also time either flies by or it feels super stretched out because I can‘t concentrate and want to leave. (Also I dissociate in situations where I can‘t leave like the driving lesson or work).
I feel like people wouldn’t know about it (I live in germany) I had a strong urge to call up my friend to get some cuddles and hugs that day but he was travelling, so I ordered a spicy pizza, love to eat spicy foods when checked out.
Moving your body helps I guess but depends on how far gone one is. I accually only once lost my memory from dissociating.
I have my next driving lesson tomorrow. 🤞
Hi I have PTSD and I had became so afraid to walk into malls and grocery stores etc and have actually felt this almost as if I am floating not my body but Idk I thought it was some sort if spiritual thing but it was bcus of my trauma and fear traumatized me I literally froze in beauty school I couldn't walk I was screaming crying they pretty much carried me to sit outside then things became so bright as if cartoonish fir like 5 mins my friend came out to calm me down and I was told it was dissociation.... I believe and I've nvr been the same sense. I'm getting better but I still can't walk through malls and certain grocery stores. I get this like bright trigger then i feel like everything is scarey then I can't walk or stand and I have to run and hide bcus everything just looks too surreal and it is scarey for me. I do take alprazolam to help but, I'm curious. Does anyone feel almost like you're almost floating n not connected to ur body but u are???? I really need to understand or have someone understand me. Am I alone. Allot of times different lighting triggers me.
I also once sat with a therapist at the xhair and this happened to me and I had a severe panick attack its like something triggers me n I feel almost as I am going to fall I now get more anxiety about what happened with my anxiety then over what actually started my trauma.... Any ideas or help? Anyone get this way am I on the right page? Looking for help nanswers n others. Thank you ✌
To me it feels like my body is folating and i have to try to hold on to something and i look like about to fall asleep cuz i cant hold my body up, its very hard to explain, but i hate it and its extremly hard cuz i cant speak when it happens so i cant explain to people around whats happening and then they start to pamic which makes it worse and often gives me a panic attack. I also often get "Electric shock" kinda attacks before bed and it makes it impossible to fall asleep :'(
The analogy about the passengers seat is exactly what I used to describe it. The memory thing is also awful. Im a music student in college and there is so much pressure to perform. I remember there was a time period of 3 entire weeks were I could hardly remember anything and I couldn't practice my instrument because I was zoning out. I could have been zoning out for a minute, or 10 minutes, or zoning out for the vast majority of an hour. This was really rough trying to be able to do well and perform my best and feeling like I lost several weeks of practice and my life.
I think I have this but I’m not sure , I think I’m having something similar I feel very disconnected from malt and have an awful empty feeling and I feel like I’m also in the passenger sheet but I’m not sure it’s this. Help I’m so confused (I also have GAD)
I just recently realised that I do this sometimes. Maybe not often enough to seem like a problem but it bothers me a lot because I just don't understand what is going on. One way to describe how I feels is that I'm underwater and everything else is just grey and it all blends away. Sometimes I peak out of the water but a new wave drags me back under. I never understood what was it or how to call it so during highschool I used to say that I was just stuck in a loop. And it could go on for just hours, days or as most recently for months. I only realise that I "went missing" once I'm back. Usually I feel lucid and it's like snapping out of a dream and I feel disoriented and I want to catch up with what I missed. I can't go to therapy so I can only rely on RUclips videos of professionals or just regular people experiencing same things. Recently I could finally tell my parents about this all mental health problem (my dad is a doctor and my mom is a stay at home mom but she has a PhD in psychology even if she had never worked as a psychologist) and they both agreed that I have depression and it's probably caused by some sort of PTSD. I also suffer a lot of insomnia. I don't understand what is this state of autopilot bc I go underwater and I can't tell which one is the direct cause. I'm just guessing that I dissociate but I don't really know.
If someone reads entirely this comment can you please give me some advice? I feel lost..
I've never been through any type of trauma, however I dissociate with depersonalization and derealization a lot when my brain gets overstimulated. If I'm in a noisy environment, trying to be social despite my social anxiety, or just browsing too much and intensely at the computer at home! However, I've come to accept it and I'm not scared anymore. I'm grateful to get detached in social situations, I don't have to worry and have anxiety about talking to the people, because I'm not really there. My body just walks around down there like la-la, while I'm chilling back here in my mind. It's a relief. I've asked people and they can't tell I'm dissociated, so I don't have any fear for that.
My dissociation comes from having too many bipolar episodes in combo with lots of medication changes, and that has damaged my brain a bit. Now when I've been better for the last 6-8 months it's decreasing and my brain's cognitive abilities have slightly improved. It can take more stimuli before it detaches.
I wish people would not be scared of dissociation, it's a protective mechanism and a lot less scary if you just go with the flow and let everything happen. Allow yourself to lose control, when you relax the dissociation will go away sooner. But, we all dissociate differently and for different reasons. I never have memory loss for example. But try to not be scared! Be in safe environments and take care of yourself as well as you can!
i have a question.. like you know when you're playing a game, those cooking simulation games.. you have the controls, you're controlling the player.. but in the end u aren't actually the player and you see "your hands" respond to what you tell it to but it just blechk.. like its not *your hands* but its hands controlled by you.. is that dissociating?
(rambling warning)
the wait times for mental health services is about 175 days where I live so I can't see anyone but I've been having similar feelings, I have the feeling of not being real or the sudden crushing feeling of "i'm a real person, people can see me," but also a kind of feeling of "am I real?". I often have a feeling of vertigo related to it. I often rub my collar bones without realizing. it only really happens in public or when i'm not actively talking for a period of time. it almost if not always leads to the worst panic attacks of my life with the feeling i'm going to faint.
Described it perfectly in my opinion! I feel crunchy too