Thank you for this video. I am going through this with my wayward now. Have lived with rejection since childhood and generational curses. My spouse announced his emotional affair and intentions to divorce on Easter Sunday. I accepted the things I could change that contributed to weakening our marriage. Working to be a better person. However, he is a grown man and can own the choices he made to start and continue his affair. I let him know that I am willing to stand for our marriage but the past couple of months feel like being on the sidelines. No matter if we get through this together or if it ends I choose to see this time as a period of growth.
Yes I thought of having an affair to get back at my wayward, but I couldn't do it, because I couldn't betray myself and my beliefs. Nor would I let myself, become something I hate, which I would then use as an accuse to break my 23 years 6 months, and 21 days sober, from alcohol.
so proud of you. i know it's tempting and i know it's excruciating pain but what matters most is how you care for you now and where you go from there. thank you for posting and watching.
I’ll speak to anyone on the autism spectrum or with ADHD, we already have rejection sensitivity, adding Infidelity just makes it unbearable. When I found out my fiancé was unfaithful it hurt me like nothing else(I have adhd) . I started to then reject him so he can get how evil the pain he caused was. He’s a high functioning autistic, so that rejection sensitivity kicked in and just made everything so torturous for us both. Rejection is smack center of the pain in our relationship. For some time I was so hurt and constantly in unrelenting rage l definitely created more damage for both of us in this. Not sure we’ll make it, but I hope we do. We love one another so deeply and have kids. We just don’t have the resources to afford expert therapy
Thank you Samuel. Your words ring true. Been there, did all that. 1764 days now since this began. I stayed positive through her rejections in the beginning. I had hope for the future. And here we are almost 5 years later, still co-existing together. It's not bad, and could be worse, but it's all fake and pretend. We're great with the logistics of running a family, but we were never were able to fix us. I never could get her to walk a path of recovery and healing. With your guidance and the help of several courses at Affair Recovery, I came to realize that I can't fix her, and can't change what happened. I can only heal me, and do my best to find my own contentment by raising these little boys. They are doing awesome in school and with their karate classes, and they still have us here, together for them everyday. You and Affair Recovery helped tremendously to let me stop stressing about what I cannot change, and accept where we are today. I appreciate your videos each week, and I hope you are doing well. Thanks again.
There are days when I fell like a ticking time bomb. I see any woman walking or driving around, and I see someone who hasn’t cheated on me and destroyed my life. There are a lot of good days, but I don’t think I’m there yet. Repair needs to become a priority again.
I just started the 7 day boot camp. I thought I was able to just push my feelings away for so many years. Happened in July and august of 2009. In September of 2020 my mind for whatever reason cracked and developed some pretty bad PTSD and has been such a constant struggle to the point that the conversation of divorce actually came up. I feel embarrassed to do the online/phone 90 day bootcamp or whatever it’s called. But I know I don’t want to feel like this forever. But same, I see the same thing as well, and I work in healthcare…
How does one "get over" the rejection? Especially if the rejection is also a childhood injury that has never been healed and was perpetuated by my unfaithful spouse? I've been in therapy and I hear what they say, yet that lingering feeling of "not being good enough" still bounces around my brain. And I am still experiencing rejection by people who I thought were loyal and supportive. Married 42 years, affairs were 20 to 35 years ago...D day was September 2020.
Look up a Dr Eddie Capparucci, he can help your wayward spouse with his inner child. Yes I know he is not with this group, but help is help. My wayward took his inner child class, he can now see what happened back then, fueled his addiction. You could also get the help from this type of work .
I would find a qualified expert that can help you walk through a pathway to healing. it's possible, and it's necessary and the right help will be able to walk you through it. ive done a video with michael webb that can help as well as a video with a therapist recently named amanda that can help.
5 weeks post disclosure and breakup. Wrote a 5 pages-long letter of apologies and explanations as to why I was doing the things I was doing. I gathered all that from therapy and counseling. She answered, but four days after. She's so distant and cold Samuel, it's like I'm talking to a stranger. She thanked me anyway and told me she was focusing on herself at the moment. She offered friendship and her feelings for me seem to be gone completely.
I'm so sorry. Keep in mind it's only been 5 weeks and that's not a lot of time to process the pain at all. Is she getting help at all? is she open to help?
@@samshealingpodcast From friends and family yes, the rest I'm not sure. I guess she'd be open to it but I don't see the point in contacting her myself if she's not gonna answer. She knows my door is open but she has completely shut down herself to me.
The fawning resonates with me. It’s something I’ve always done, since I was a child, bc of abusive and trauma I suffered then. Post affair, it almost became my identity. There was no way else I knew how to be. Its now been 2 years and its getting better, but still shows up daily.
Please help. My unfaithful partner is having problems being intimate. The names and faces of the people he cheated on me with pops into his head (during sex, kissing) and he has been more and more physically off.. he is torturing himself and cant get over his guilt.. what do we do from here. I have forgiven him for the most part. But he can’t seem to forgive himself and gets distracted by what he’s done to me. But the lack of intimacy is hard for me. Even just kissing will bring him these thoughts of his regrets. Everything else, our company, laughter, spending time together is great.
I've heard Rick recommend keeping your eyes open. To look into each other's eyes and keep eye contact so you can only concentrate on each other while being intimate. That is supposed to help with the problem of unwelcome random thoughts of other people.
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Thank you for this video. I am going through this with my wayward now. Have lived with rejection since childhood and generational curses. My spouse announced his emotional affair and intentions to divorce on Easter Sunday. I accepted the things I could change that contributed to weakening our marriage. Working to be a better person. However, he is a grown man and can own the choices he made to start and continue his affair. I let him know that I am willing to stand for our marriage but the past couple of months feel like being on the sidelines. No matter if we get through this together or if it ends I choose to see this time as a period of growth.
Yes I thought of having an affair to get back at my wayward, but I couldn't do it, because I couldn't betray myself and my beliefs. Nor would I let myself, become something I hate, which I would then use as an accuse to break my 23 years 6 months, and 21 days sober, from alcohol.
Your an awesome spouse.
so proud of you. i know it's tempting and i know it's excruciating pain but what matters most is how you care for you now and where you go from there. thank you for posting and watching.
I’ll speak to anyone on the autism spectrum or with ADHD, we already have rejection sensitivity, adding Infidelity just makes it unbearable. When I found out my fiancé was unfaithful it hurt me like nothing else(I have adhd) . I started to then reject him so he can get how evil the pain he caused was. He’s a high functioning autistic, so that rejection sensitivity kicked in and just made everything so torturous for us both. Rejection is smack center of the pain in our relationship. For some time I was so hurt and constantly in unrelenting rage l definitely created more damage for both of us in this. Not sure we’ll make it, but I hope we do. We love one another so deeply and have kids. We just don’t have the resources to afford expert therapy
Thank you Samuel. Your words ring true. Been there, did all that. 1764 days now since this began. I stayed positive through her rejections in the beginning.
I had hope for the future. And here we are almost 5 years later, still co-existing together. It's not bad, and could be worse, but it's all fake and pretend.
We're great with the logistics of running a family, but we were never were able to fix us. I never could get her to walk a path of recovery and healing.
With your guidance and the help of several courses at Affair Recovery, I came to realize that I can't fix her, and can't change what happened.
I can only heal me, and do my best to find my own contentment by raising these little boys. They are doing awesome in school and with their karate classes,
and they still have us here, together for them everyday.
You and Affair Recovery helped tremendously to let me stop stressing about what I cannot change, and accept where we are today.
I appreciate your videos each week, and I hope you are doing well. Thanks again.
so kind of you. thank you for the encouraging words my friend. so proud of you. your words mean so much.
There are days when I fell like a ticking time bomb. I see any woman walking or driving around, and I see someone who hasn’t cheated on me and destroyed my life. There are a lot of good days, but I don’t think I’m there yet. Repair needs to become a priority again.
I just started the 7 day boot camp. I thought I was able to just push my feelings away for so many years.
Happened in July and august of 2009. In September of 2020 my mind for whatever reason cracked and developed some pretty bad PTSD and has been such a constant struggle to the point that the conversation of divorce actually came up.
I feel embarrassed to do the online/phone 90 day bootcamp or whatever it’s called. But I know I don’t want to feel like this forever.
But same, I see the same thing as well, and I work in healthcare…
How does one "get over" the rejection? Especially if the rejection is also a childhood injury that has never been healed and was perpetuated by my unfaithful spouse? I've been in therapy and I hear what they say, yet that lingering feeling of "not being good enough" still bounces around my brain. And I am still experiencing rejection by people who I thought were loyal and supportive. Married 42 years, affairs were 20 to 35 years ago...D day was September 2020.
Look up a Dr Eddie Capparucci, he can help your wayward spouse with his inner child. Yes I know he is not with this group, but help is help. My wayward took his inner child class, he can now see what happened back then, fueled his addiction. You could also get the help from this type of work .
I would find a qualified expert that can help you walk through a pathway to healing. it's possible, and it's necessary and the right help will be able to walk you through it. ive done a video with michael webb that can help as well as a video with a therapist recently named amanda that can help.
Love the " clinical" term......" stupid!"....made me chuckle....whilst empowering me....thanks Samuel. Stay well🧡💜
thank you for watching and commenting my friend
5 weeks post disclosure and breakup. Wrote a 5 pages-long letter of apologies and explanations as to why I was doing the things I was doing. I gathered all that from therapy and counseling. She answered, but four days after. She's so distant and cold Samuel, it's like I'm talking to a stranger. She thanked me anyway and told me she was focusing on herself at the moment. She offered friendship and her feelings for me seem to be gone completely.
I'm so sorry. Keep in mind it's only been 5 weeks and that's not a lot of time to process the pain at all. Is she getting help at all? is she open to help?
@@samshealingpodcast From friends and family yes, the rest I'm not sure. I guess she'd be open to it but I don't see the point in contacting her myself if she's not gonna answer. She knows my door is open but she has completely shut down herself to me.
The fawning resonates with me. It’s something I’ve always done, since I was a child, bc of abusive and trauma I suffered then. Post affair, it almost became my identity. There was no way else I knew how to be. Its now been 2 years and its getting better, but still shows up daily.
Please help. My unfaithful partner is having problems being intimate. The names and faces of the people he cheated on me with pops into his head (during sex, kissing) and he has been more and more physically off.. he is torturing himself and cant get over his guilt.. what do we do from here. I have forgiven him for the most part. But he can’t seem to forgive himself and gets distracted by what he’s done to me. But the lack of intimacy is hard for me. Even just kissing will bring him these thoughts of his regrets. Everything else, our company, laughter, spending time together is great.
I've heard Rick recommend keeping your eyes open. To look into each other's eyes and keep eye contact so you can only concentrate on each other while being intimate. That is supposed to help with the problem of unwelcome random thoughts of other people.