How Narcissists Double Down On Their Toxicity
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 30 июн 2023
- Narcissists have a self important attitude which then prompts them to become superimposing. That's the foundation for their toxicity. Dr. Les Carter describes how they compound the problem when you call them out by becoming even more toxic. He describes what to watch for and how to respond wisely.
If you are interested in online therapy, Dr. Carter has a sponsor who can assist. Go to our sponsor betterhelp.com/drcarter for 10% off your first month of therapy with BetterHelp and get matched with a therapist who will listen and help.
Listen to Dr. C’s POPULAR PODCAST at anchor.fm/dr-les-carter.
It also is available on Google, Apple, Spotify, and Amazon.
Sign up for Dr. Carter's course: Ready, Set, Connect
courses.survivingnarcissism.t...
Get 20% off when you use the coupon code: rsc20youtube
Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.
Join the Team Healthy community HERE: survivingnarcissism.tv/subscr...
Check out videos, articles, quizzes, and more at our website: survivingnarcissism.tv
You can follow Surviving Narcissism on:
Twitter: @SNarcissism101
Instagram: @survivingnarcissism101
Facebook: @survivingnarcissism101
Dr. Carter has two other courses that you may find to be useful:
Free to Be: Reclaim & rediscover your uniqueness survivingnarcissism.tv/free-t...
This Is Me: Setting boundaries with the controllers in your life survivingnarcissism.tv/this-i...
Dr. Carter's personal website: drlescarter.com/
Dr. Carter's other RUclips channel: / drlescarter
Bookstore: survivingnarcissism.tv/books-...
You can not respond wisely to Narcissists, because they won't hear you anyway.
And even if they would listen to you, they would twist the narrative.
Mission Impossible🙄
True. So, if they stop listening, you stop talking ❣️
You can .just ignore them ?they get the message then.they might ramp up for a bit though! Mind you depends what sort they are.woukdnt do with malignant one .
They never start listening. They are stupid.
@@amandaliverpool3374 Thanks, Amanda 💗 Reading my own comment here together with yours I realize that from childhood on I always had the feeling that my mum would never hear me or listen to me. I also recognized very early that she would twist narratives and would lie so much. As a truthteller I could not stand that behaviour so that I already called her out when I was a child and of course she would rage at me and telling me I was a liar infront of others, blaming and shaming me. Later on she used my daughter as a trophy while totally ignoring me and triangulating my daughter.
Nowadays I hold onto my boundaries: my mother is not allowed to set one step into our flat. And I will not do one step into her flat. Totally no contact is not possible because we live in the same house but I will never show her any emotional reaction. She has not only damaged us but also lots of the neighbours and I often felt ashamed.
@@juliechurch1799 yes, for your own sanity you can ignore them, I think.
I love that psychologist are engaging the community in a free format. I know there is such a shortage of psychologist and I am so grateful they are taking the time to help those who can't get help any other way.
So glad to be on the path with you!!
@@SurvivingNarcissism I really appreciate what you do as well. Thank you.
@@SurvivingNarcissism DR C RULEZ
@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you! I think your channel is helpful to you too as a retirement hobby!
I’m also so glad I found Dr. C. He and Dr. Ramani are the only reasons I’ve been able to make any sense of my narc’s personality disorder and start healing. It’s been a rough ride but I’d still be in a LIVING HELL without the help of these docs.
Maybe I can serve as a warning at this point: Have a plan A, B, C, & D with these toxic, controlling, punishing people. When you can get out, don't listen to anyone who tells you to stay. It will simply not get better. Thank you, Dr. Carter. 😥
Agree! "Don't listen to anyone" is on point. No one knows what's been going on day to day. Others only see snippets, and in the case of dealing with a romantic partner narcissist, that narcissist usually has a positive public face. Don't worry about leaving a narcissist; you had your reasons.
@@elleng4876 Let me guess, all of those reasons are entirely selfish and directly in violation of your marriage wows? You know what they call someone who only acts in self interest and lies? A narcissist.
Narcissists want to gain as much (material things) as possible with as little effort (or giving back) as possible, and still want the world to view them as victims.
Sounds like those in charge of our 'democracy '...
I financed mine a second education, PA school. 4 years of tuition for her career. Do you think she ever thanked me for that ? Absolutely not, on the contrary. She called me verbally abusive, gaslighting to the max. And since I am an empath I actually doubted myself.
This was the end of my relationship. We were engaged and there were signs of narcissism. I didn’t know what it was but knew something was wrong. Got educated with these videos and decided to push back. This is the result. Not introspection on their part to help heal the relationship they just doubled down. I called it quits. I’m lucky I got out early
Good for you!! If only more people realized this before getting married and bringing kids into the world!!!
Very lucky 🍀
Same here. I'm thankful he dropped the veil and revealed his true toxic self before I married him.
I was too young & dumb. Didn't want to "hurt his feelings", and truly thought that my life would work out to be happy roses 🤦♀️.
😢 I married a monster.
More and more...i am grateful we are not married. Aka he is still married. Separated for 7 years. We have been together 4 years. Im working on getting out...Ending it
Even narcissists who have accomplished very little in their lives think they know everything, and seem to believe they are smartest, and entitled to control others and govern their lives.
They also seem to think people should thank them as they use and abuse those people.
Very twisted logic.
It’s one of the reasons I enjoy watching infamous video game streamer Darksydephil. His reasons and excuses for so much of what he’s done is hilarious. Such as how bad his video game skills are, always blaming the controls. Or his excuses not to get a real job.
I call it "confidence without competence" because that's how it comes across to me. They want us to play along which I can't do, especially just to feed an already overinflated ego!!
the entitlement of abusing people and expecting praises for it is what baffles me the most
It took me 10 years after my mom passed away for me to realize she was a narcissistic human. I realized that of all the abuse I endured from multiple different sources through childhood hers was the most damaging abuse because it made me question myself and my own sanity.
Congrats on your growth! It's good when we've realized this & can move on to defining ourselves & living our lives. I'm just starting to move on after a parent refused to talk with me in the hospital before their death the next day... I never got to say goodbye.
I am truly sorry for what you have endured. I hope you are well along on the path of healing and wholeness. May you know happiness, self-confidence and fulfillment.
I'm so glad you found you figured out your mom's narcissistic ways.
Oh yes. Realizing that things were really bad can be a very sloooow process. When it finally hits you, it hits you like a wave and it's gruelling. Painfully difficult. The absolute worst.
my mother CANCELLED WEDDING CAKE ORDER-to ruin my Wedding RECEPTION! she laughed at my Sorriw and TEARS, what a Cruel empty LOSER.
Delusional and Embarrassed but won’t self reflect and attempt change so they take on the bully/victim role. Accountability seems too painful to them..
Last thing I ever said to my now ex husband was "you're either unable to change or you just don't want to. Either way, you go do you. I'm going to go do me". This was after decades wasted hoping he'd finally get that we were a team, that I had the right to have my own thoughts & opinions. And that even if those thoughts differed from his, it wasn't a personal attack. It wasn't me "not having his back" as he used to proclaim. It's about perspective and what the other "partner" can bring to the table. He just could never quite grasp that concept.
Yes! They do just the opposite of what it would take to receive what they need so desperately. It's irrational, and they will never understand that. When I began to understand what was going on with my narcissist, he immediately 'doubled down' on his passive aggressive stonewalling, gaslighting, victimhood, and martyrdom. At the time I couldn't believe how much worse it became since it was bad to begin with!
Well said.
Same here
Yes same here
Crisis reveals character. I refuse to have anything to do with people that are psychologically radioactive! Thank you dr Carter❤ God bless you❤
Thank you Dr C. I suddenly feel so sorry for these people.
They'll never know love and what a rewarding, reciprocal relationship feels like. They'll never know altruism and commitment to family. They'll never know true friendship.
And although everything they do comes as a price to those around them, they are paying the greatest price. Never knowing true love. They maintain a lie at a high cost.
That way of life is their choice. I'll reserve my pity for actual victims.
@@joannageorge7305I agree. Narcissists have wrecked havoc in my life and too many of those dear to me.
How are they paying the greatest price, if they don’t know or even care?
To them ignorance is bliss, whist loving, empathetic souls around them are destroyed.
My empathy is saved for those who do know and care and don’t use it as a weapon against me.
I understand what you are saying.
I used to think like that and it was that mindset that kept me stuck with a somatic covert narcissist for 5 years.
Now I am going through a sexual assault legal battle and have to be tested to make sure I haven’t contracted anything from him or his sexual conquests.
I don't feel sorry for narcs at all, they prefer control over love, and see love as a weakness. I feel sorry for their victims who often need therapy for PTSD.
When I felt sorry for my ex he used my kindness and my pity for him and it was my biggest mistake ever. He took advantage and said he wanted to marry me etc and even bought me a ring. A few days later he changed his mind and I was once again thrown to the curb. They will do whatever it takes to destroy trust and hurt you.
I hope all of you have an enjoyable relaxing 4 day July 4th holiday weekend without a narcissist to ruin it !
🎉👌😂
Thank You Dr. Carter ❤ I went no contact 14 months ago with my toxic family. They are toxic through and through. They are status and power driven. They treated me like dirt. They are religious in front of others. But at home they constantly bicker and show anger. Condescending, judgemental, users, controlling, arrogant , & self righteous. Each of them sound the same. I couldn't stand being around them. They constantly tried to extinguish any good I saw in myself by their insults. Smug , pious people. Glad I am no contact. I wish I did it decades ago.
Ditto 👍
Just when you though it was safe to come out they find a way to take things up a level! You accept people and all their imperfections then they find a way to heighten yours 😮
Precisly and so very true❣
@@roxymovie3938 ❤️
Thank you Dr. Carter. I laughed quite a bit, especially at that last one "Psychologically radioactive". Laughing helps when dealing with this absolutely insane, infuriating, dangerous lot.
They must dislike being so dependent on narcissistic supply , especially now with a higher public awareness of the disorder.
Absolutely ❣️👍
Yes. I can't wait til the flying monkeys figure out they've been conned🤷 they're just enabling insanity that is pointless.
... considering that doubling down in tactics that do not work, and a higher risk of being discovered for who they really are. Hate is a default for them.
"Psychologically radioactive." That's a good one Dr. C!!
Sadly, these people are really stuck in life. They have trouble growing up and moving on to better things.
So true. A normal person, facing that balking moment you described, would take one of 2 methods to de-escalate and retreat: either "Is THAT how I came across? Oh, no, no, no, I didn't mean that AT ALL! I have the highest respect for your opinions, etc...." Or else, "I didn't realize you felt that way; I'm terribly sorry for hurting your feelings, I didn't know that this was a sensitive subject..." Even if it wasn't sincere, it would be a way of soothing the other person and allowing the relationship to rebuild. But a narcissist doubles down, as you say, and defiantly persists in the offensive behaviour. It proves that the other person was never a high priority; they were just a prop in the narcissist's drama.
You get it.
“Psychologically radioactive”. So true!
Some narcissistic spouses will have no problem doubling down on their toxicity by using your kids to try to control you. Nothing is off-limits when they double down - not even their own children.
Yes. Nothing is off-limits when it comes to the kinds of commands and expectations a narcissist has of their children and nothing is off-limits when it comes to their double standards approach to life in any kind of setting including the welfare of children in general so long as their own cup is remaining full or it is on the way back up to being full there. According to a professional narcissist(s) they are always the hero victim being overworked which we and any of our biological children too need to be always looking up to while we are maybe according to them only just taking up their time again because according to them it is our privieldge to even be in their presence at all which they can take away from us at any time of their choosing. Despite the fact the professional narcissist being salaried from our public payed for by taxpayers fund at the time. Believe it or not some family doctors in walk in clinics operate that way too.
I went completely no contact with my elderly mother when I had reached my limit on the meanness, hate, anger, jealousy and competitiveness. And, she started to turn on my teenage children, gossiping, etc. Once I went no contact and she realized her supply and person to argue with you forever gone, she ramped up the hateful emails, name calling, and begin making false accusations against me. I had to let my employer know what was happening she became so irrational and unhinged. Once I set the final boundaries her anger knew no limit.
There were red flags I ignored in the beginning of my ill fated "relationship". One was whenever my narc visited my house, he'd grab my remote and change the channel to some sporting event. I am not a sports fan, but would have to watch hour after hour of NASCAR, NFL, soccer, basketball, etc., all weekend. Clearly I was not setting boundaries, and really didn't know how to. I thought it was incredibly rude of him, and he acted as though it was his right. He never once asked what I liked to watch. These days I no longer watch TV, and I definitely need practice setting boundaries.
Tell-a-vision programming
(mind control) was created by narcissistic psychopaths on the macro level for the masses.
Good for you.
It is for the brainwashed & brain dead.
Yep, grabbing the remote in someone else's home is a big red flag! And then choosing what to watch without discussion tops it off. This is entitlement laid bare and at its most basic.
Don't let him in your house. Don't answer the door. You do not owe anyone to open the door if you don't want to. That's a boundary you control. If it hurts their feelings, it doesn't matter. Take care of you.
Same here. TV on and remote in hand without one mention of what I might want to watch or even more that sometimes I don't want to hear the television. He would watch TV as a competition and wouldn't turn it off even when falling asleep.
When you stated the words “I am a force to be reckoned with” I laughed out loud. I’m sorry but that was just too funny. If they only knew how goofy they looked to the rest of us normal folks out here
Yes, at times they look almost hilarious, just that people get hurt from it.
lol 👋
How bout it !!!
💯💯💯
We on team healthy stubbornly double down on our healthiness.
One big mistake I’ve made at least is thinking that a narcissist will come to his senses after all the garbage they put into their attack.
It is not a mistake, you just were not aware of the fact, that a Narcissist will never change and is not selfreflected enough seeing all of his garbage and damaging behaviour.
You can learn from a mistake, but they never learn anything from the past. Stay safe.
A rational person always will. A narcissist will only continue to blame you.
Never ❤
Desperation is a likely factor.
Agreed 👍
Yes ,yes, that is very correct, it's like out of control, its that something in them can't get satisfied, that is a good comment, the crazy answer is desperate, and than its like no meaning to it all,
They have the scarcity mindset. I don't understand how people who have more than me are jealous of me 🤷
Who they are Can't be revealed. So, yes, desperation to avoid being found Guilty! By the Courts &/ or LE.
@@kathyadair8552 it's usually the one pointing the finger 🤷
What is the difference between feeling entitled and feeling deserving? I don’t feel as though I’m entitled, but I do feel as though I deserve the same kindness and respect that I show others.
Ro, I'd think basic human dignity (respect, and civility, too) is deserved. Entitlement seems to include an encompassing, self-centered list of more than basics.
I feel you already gave yourself the answer in your Q .
Wanting something that isn't ego driven isn't entitlement mentality. They are solely driven by ego.
that last part is the difference. Entitlement is 'me' over the others.
In my 63rd year my narcissist brother has shown his true colours. The horror of what he has done to the entire family is utter devastation. His treatment of our very elderly mother in her final years was unspeakably cruel. Now after her death he has switched it up a notch and has made executing her will a living nightmare. He is the quintessential malignant narcissist and god only knows how far he will go to retain what he sees as control of her estate. I had no idea what a narcissist even was before all this happened. The learning curve is the steepest I've ever climbed. I pray this misery will be over soon and I will be able to grieve for my poor mum as I should have been able to 2 years ago.
Thank you Dr C for educating me and my family. You have been invaluable. 💖
That's one of the worst things I've ever heard. I'm really sorry. I can imagine a little of what that must be like.
My first thought was is that it is like your brother is using the fact he's family as a weapon against all of you. I agree that he seems like a perfect example of a malignant narcissist, doing hurtful things most people couldn't.
You have probably already thought about it, but if you are able I would consult with an attorney about your brother.
Considering how your brother acts, if he can mess up badly enough you might be able to bring something to a judge in a civil case. I'm not an expert though of course. Either way, he is metaphorically going down a very dark road and ain't coming back.
I hope it gets better for yall soon without him.
@@Dante3214 Bless you for your lovely comment. Yes we are in the process of trying to get a judge to make a judgement that will enable us to finish our task as executors. It's been a long 2 years of this, but August the 3rd should see an end to his veto on the entire process. We all just need to heal and have some peace in our lives now, so I'm keeping fingers and toes crossed we will be able to move from this soon. x
I am so sorry you went through it during your parents passing. i did similarly, the horror of seeing your sibling for the first time, as they really are, because the opportunity of a parent declining and then passing was the cue to act out the inner darkness to the maximum. It's a double grief, first to lose the parent, then the idea you had of what your family was. our parent would never have trusted them to execute the will if they knew... my departed narc mom was in denial about just how terrible my sibling was, to her especially. i do miss the times of sweet not-knowing about the depth of my siblings cruelty.
@@limitedtime5471 Oh my gosh your experience sounds so similar. It's very painful and the more you remember and piece together the jigsaw the worse the memories get. I'm so sorry you went through the same awful time. We've lost both a sibling and a parent in a way. I wish you well and hope you are recovering 💗🙏 xx
Back in 1988, I became friends with a guy who seemed very friendly, smart, outgoing, interesting, etc. We met from time to time to do some activities that friends normally do. Over time, some red flags began to appear. Among other things, he lost a good job. Things really turned bad for him when a situation arose that led to the death of someone. He wound up in court, and was found guilty of gross negligence leading to death. He always was in denial about the situation and did not have the courage to acknowledge his role in the tragic situation. His narcissism just grew exponentially until he had only one friend left... me. For about a decade, he would tell me that I was his only friend (whereas he had many friends before). Then he began crossing my boundaries with lies, insults, accusations, and extreme jealousy. About 14 months ago, he raged at me on the phone for 4 hours. I just remained calm throughout his temper tantrum. It’s like Dr. C witnessed this conversation, because this lesson/discussion accurately describes what happened in every detail. Anyway, that was the day he lost his only remaining friend... no contact. In the meantime, I have dozens of close and mentally healthy friends.
Wondering how often he denied all responsibilities in your presence.
my brother 'kathy" & cousin W are now each other's LAST FRIEND..
Just when you think it can’t possibly get worse ….
Indeed!
"Psycholically radioactive;" Dr. C. So accurate yet hysterically funny. 😂 You never let us down! Thank you so much.
Glad you enjoyed it!
@@SurvivingNarcissism Well, I certainly did! 😂 A great illustration for such a potentially DEADLY outcome. Yet, you gave us a great example & ice breaker to that subject. You are a very decent man, Dr. C.
I'm guessing you keep Jennifer in stitches. 😄
Every time my narcissist mother contacts me asking like all the problems have gone away. I just put her on blast for all the horrible things she has done. I am not going to let her off without having to face the truth.
That is what they do. Conflict resolution is really challenging, and they are compelled to bypass the processes.
You are doing God’s work Dr. Carter. You have helped me understand at age 67 what is different about my Mom age 87. I knew she was different but didn’t know there was a name for it.
They especially love to try and beat down the ones in the family they haven't been able to beat down. That would be me. Storys upon stories. Still hurts. I was part of a bad movie. I just wanted it to be good. Fat chance. I have become stronger.
"Double, double toil and trouble".
"oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive"
Matthew 24:12
And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold.
Like the words the Son of God speaks here in Matthew 24:12 Ana about how the love of many waxes cold when sin and temptation which does result in iniquity abounding its horrible when one comes to tell the truth about it and not good at all.
Indeed!
Exactly!
I like that 👌
As my daughter's wedding day draws ever closer, I am witness to the mounting anxiety/insecurity of her malignant narc father, whom I grey rocked 5 years ago. (This info was relayed to me, by my daughter after they lunched recently.) Along with the familiar lecturing/judgement he foists upon her~came an ample dose of Mom 'slamming.' Since I have gone 'no contact,' his insecurity is @ a fever pitch. He is worried that wedding guests will realize we don't speak and that is too much for his fragile ego to endure. So, he'd like me to pretend we have some kind of friendship even though I'm not that fine an actor...🙄Typical that he's making her day about him!! My plan is one of cordiality~a 'stay in your lane' mindset. I'll be utilizing the knowledge & common sense advice I've gathered as a member of TH to maneuver through & enjoy my daughter's day despite any rumblings/toxicity from the narcissist's peanut gallery. Ty, Doc! 💙
Gosh, this is difficult but not impossible. I'm sure YOU'LL manage, but there will be steam coming out of HIS ears!!!
I am so glad that you are preparing with a positive mind set.
Balance is the key! Don't let him knock you off balance!
Too much interaction will certainly do that.
One word "could" do that! Cordial like you said is a head nod!
Then have a great time!
I can relate to this, my daughter will get married next year and I am not looking forward to being in the same room as the ex. Infact I'm dreading it. My daughter doesn't want him there as she has gone no contact too but knowing him he will gate crash the wedding and turn up and play the victim. Always drama with them.
Uh! Being too friendly with them... especially in the time of instant upload of photos and videos on social platform is the LAST thing a decent person needs. Because soon they might claim that you were around when THEY essed up something.
It's mind-blowing how many narcissists walk the Earth. Either I attract them for some mysterious reason, or there are objectively many of them. What is it about the modern world that gives rise to so many of them?
I learned that I was actually _comfortable_ around the narcissists in my life because, having been raised by my narc mother, that's what was _normal_ to me. It took me decades, including 17 years "married to my mother," to learn that there was something wrong with that and many more years to overcome it.
I think social media and short form videos are partly to blame. Look at the huge amount of videos from women who have nothing to show about themselves other than teasing viewers with their body.
The two world wars and increasing godlessness have taken their toll since the 1900s.
I actually do wonder if part of it is environmental exposure to toxins causing brain damage. I've been researching whether or not narcissist's brains are different, like psychopaths are, and sure enough there is evidence that it's the case. Their abuse can also cause us brain damage, too.
@@Dj.D25 yes, for sure. A lot of wasted time in front of the computer, thinking we own the world, whereas in reality we are being owned by tech.
This is a wonderful presentation. I love to see a transcript of this. Crisis does reveal character. Sooner or later a crisis will arise and the narcissist's true character reveals itself, especially with the vulnerable narcissist.
Hi! There is a transcript of this video! Where the video description is, click on “more”. Scroll down slightly, then tap on “show transcript”. 🌸
Ruining people lives, and they could care less, witnessed it first hand.
For as long as I've known my mother-in-law she behaved like everyone within the family owed her something including blind obedience. I've known her for over 37 years and she always acted entitled, but her entitlement grew stronger as she got older. She just passed away, age 98, and I still remember the day when she said, "I'm 90 years old and I can say whatever i want!!!" ...as if she'd reached some special pinnacle rite of passage and now she can speak her mind by hurling insults at others (not just me). And she'd say these things with a great big smile on her face and she'd laugh because she really *enjoyed* herself -- very creepy. I guess in her sick mind she had finally earned this right lol 🙃
the narc uses age and illness as an entitlement, and that everyone owes them something. The have a sense of entitlement.
And now her evil tongue is silenced by the grave.
@@sirtedricwalker2979 Yes!! I even told my husband "your mother can't hurt me anymore" and he agreed.
Nailed it once again Dr C. I laughed out loud when you said they are Psychologically Radioactive! So, very true. Thank you. 😊
Wow. “Psychologically Radioactive.” Spot on. Love your videos so much. Thanks for sharing your heart, wealth of knowledge, and Gus!
So true. Best to immediately go gray rock and get out asap. These demons just get more vicious.
On point. My father would always threaten me with nonsense, thinking I would care. You are so right with this.
I've completely lost who I am and don't like the person I've become after years of dealing with the games and psychological and emotional abuse. I don't even remember the person I was before but I'm determined to get out and find that person. My kids and I deserve that.
Thank you so much, Dr. C. Knowledge is our only weapon against this madness, and you continue to equip us to defend ourselves against these pathologically lying, cold-blooded abusers. 👨🚀👌
Amen!❤🙏
This is exactly how narcissists trait people are. Smh sad
this sums up my experience with them, I've actively told them what I want them not to do or can they stop talking about this or that, then instead of stopping they'll talk about it even more just to annoy me, I've asked them in a polite way and it doesn't get listened to, this is why my relationship with my brother has completely broken down and we no longer talk, he cannot and does not respect me, he knows this eats away at my confidence, if I tell him about something I am upset about he'll go onto tell me about how he's had something even worse or he's more depressed e.t.c, just zero empathy and never apologises for anything, often has a smirk on his face when doing it as well.
I know the feeling mine are cast always one of me on everything
Team Healthy to the narcissist (s): Wow! Where did YOU learn to think that way? Lol
After years of constant stress, came the final straw. I said "We're done", shut the door and walked away from that close relative. I was convalescing after a heart operation. I needed imperatively to look after myself. That was it. End of. No way was I going to die to feed that glutton for attention.
A few weeks later, her daughter-in-law asked what was needed to remedy the situation. "An apology might be a start." "Will you forgive her if she,apologises?" We'd been there before and I didn't hold much hope. I said so. The daughter-in-law's response left me speechless: "What's the point of an apology if you'll not forgive?"
The apology did come and here's how it was worded: "I am so sorry you are not feeling well."
Yes. Sure you do.
It has been a very hard stance to take but my door has remained firmly shut. However, here was a hole I somehow ended at the bottom of, without gauging the full extent of its actal depth. Getting over the whole thing, while opening my eyes to the decades of abuse and facing the many consequences that come with, is one tough undertaking. I am free, sure, but then I am not. Not quite yet.
Wiping the slate clean while turning your back and walking away from the devils you've known pretty much all your life, isn't as easy as it might sound. It feels a bit like walking a tight rope without a safety net... but was there ever a safety net?... No.
With many heartfelt thanks from London (UK) for all the insight. J.
It's really unsettling to learn this person (adult son 55years) holds not a kind word for his mum... In fact seems totally shocked destroyed and ashamed of me....
Be strong people.
Thank you, Dr. C for your videos! They are very helpful and validating. I appreciate you.
You are very welcome
Rather than empty, I think there is bottomless rage.
Sigh - yes
Spot-on accuracy as always. I saw my ex change from a fun, kind, laid-back, charming partner to a rage-fueled, controlling, irrational monster. I naively thought this wasn't her, that there was something wrong that could be fixed, but when I gave her opportunity after opportunity to solve this and go back to where we were before, she threw it back in my face and doubled down on the toxicity. I came to realise this wasn't a temporary character shift, this was who she really was.
I feel the smear campaign stage was the most hurtful. I cannot even respond to those family members in my own defense. Either they've believed her or chosen the path of least resistance. Still, it's hurtful to know someone's out there lying about me and I cannot set the record straight.
I can empathize with you..just trust that the truth eventually comers pity...and it does.
And or the sharks turn inward seeking blood within. You are better off having been scapegoated - sick as it sounds
💯DITTO! Feel your pain💔
My narcissistic elderly mother insists on buying a lot of junk food for my kids to “help” us. I have asked her repeatedly to stop doing this as I prefer healthy food. I recently repeated the request, she got offended, and then doubled downed by buying even worse junk food.
Thank you, Dr. C , for helping those of us who have been involved with narcissists to validated our own feelings. I have learned the meaning of boundaries from your videos and I am stronger at adhering to those boundaries. I no longer fell like a doormat.
Yes, so true. I understand now, that the narcissists are the way they are, because of their disorder . Still, it is annoying to be around them and to always, in your mind "neutralize " the toxic nonsense, that comes out of them. The narcissist can not pull me down anymore , but I would not stay around a malignant or violent one, because that is dangerous.
@@mariaawake4502 I agree!
Thank you for taking the time to share your wisdom on this topic. I’m currently coming out of the fog of a toxic friendship with a narcissist. I already went through professional counseling on building boundaries, but these videos help give me something of a booster right before and after having to deal with this friend. We attend the same church, so I can’t exactly ghost her. But I’m learning to disengage and maintain healthy boundaries. Thanks again.
Thank you for your content. I've been questioning if my son-in-law is narcissistic, or has narcissistic tendencies for a few years.. The doubling down info makes me think I was right in my assessment. He doesn't want his relationship with my daughter to work in any kind of healthy way.. they have kids and it's heartbreaking that this really cannot be repaired, because he likes it this way.
Their egotism keeps them from insight and adjustment.
thank you for your free therapy on this topic. i love gus. you are doing amazing, important work. God bless you.
"Keep you in your place". Was told today that he was going to put me in my place. Ridiculous! I said would that be beneath, equal to or above you? He didn't answer and went away. The more I learn, the more I understand, but also the more I dislike and feel contempt for what he is. Working on learning how to establish my boundaries to reclaim me, and so I don't waste my time being angry about a person who won't stop. Also working on the plan to leave. That really is the only way to put a stop to it.
Develop an exit strategic for sure!
I feel like we are living the same movie. ....We must write ourselves a happy ending ! ✌️
Hey guys, be very secretive and cunning about exiting. They’ll punish and retaliate. Good luck❤️
@@ginafarley6190 I moved five hours away, quit my job, and went 100% NO contact.
My dad basically summed up these characteristics. Either he was emotionally absent or would lose his temper like a bat out of Hell over reasons I considered unjustified. I never truly became financially independent and was once again living at home. It’s incredibly sad it took him passing away a few months ago at the age of 89 to finally be free of his toxicity. I am 54 and generally pretty emotionally sensitive, but I have yet to cry one single tear over his death.
Yea I tried making a boundary with my mother in law by asking her not to tell my sister about what’s going on in my life that if I want her to know I will tell her myself. Well that didn’t go over well my MIL got up shook her finger at me saying I was trying to fight with her and said no not with me sister and stormed off. We haven’t really spoken since. Still working on trying to set boundaries hasn’t been easy. Thank you for all these amazing resources it really helps so much!! ❤❤❤
You did the right thing.
@@Dante3214 thank you! Not even sure what I’m dealing with as far as my MIL goes. My sister I believe is a covert narc. So I’ve learned with all these videos to not react or show any of my feelings anymore because I only get hurt worse when I do. The really hurtful thing about all this is how horrible I feel around family that say they love you but their actions s show otherwise. It’s been a rough 3 years dealing with some crazy shit and I now have cancer. I really feel all the stress from many bad situations with them caused me to get sick. And it shows now how much they don’t care. They say they do but once again their actions speak louder than their worlds. It’s very twisted but now that I understand what’s going on I can protect myself more by not interacting with them as much as possible. Thank you!!
@@monie227 Monie I’m going through a lot of the same things you are with your family and I just recently found out about narcissists, and it all makes sense and yes, we have to educate and protect ourselves, and be true to ourselves . I hate to admit it and I always have but the truth is what it is about my family and it hurts but I have these videos in the wonderful doctor and all you people that text out there to keep me staying strong, so good luck to you.
.
Thank you so much Dr. Les Carter! If it wasn't for your videos I think I'd be dead right now. Your videos have given me the knowledge I need to better navigate in this world, and though I'm still a faulty individual I finally have hope that I can have the confidence in the person that I want to be
So encouraged for you. You are why I do these videos.
"A narcissist has very poor self-reflection skills". So true Dr. C. They consider themselves the cream that rises to the top when they are actually the sediment that settles on the bottom.
Thank you very much doctor for doing this videos. You don't know how much you are helping.
Exactly where we are, with our narcissist. Toxicity is beginning, because we have removed ourselves, from being a target.
They'll call you needy if you show even a tiny bit of needed reassurance because they treat you like you're so unwanted all the time. And if you call them needy, it's a major ego injury.. I did that once and he completely detached from me . He already treated me like a burden now he avoided me altogether and was cheating on me constantly.
He TRIED to double down on his pitiful toxicity, unfortunately for him ive bern learning about just that through Dr. C's videos for the past two years. I no longer take the bait or feel anything
At all
For him.
Dignity, Respect and Peace.
I have peace, now.
Wow, did this fit my daughter like a tailor made glove! Thanks Dr. C. ❤
Your own kid is a narcissist? 🚩
Same, it’s difficult to distance 😢
True. I do not want to expose myself to somebody who is radio-active. Thank you dr Carter. God bless you❤
I’ve been in a 3 year relationship and I’m finally getting the courage to walk out I packed my bags and never looked back he thought he could control me because I lived with him he always made me feel incompetent and proceeded to verbally abuse me when he felt “disrespected” eventually it got worse and he justified his behaviour for getting physical it was my “fault” of course I’m trying to heal from this situation he has the audacity to say he should’ve cut ties with me ages ago! Their malicious ways hurt but my self worth is more important whoever is going through this I pray you get the love and support you need please do better they don’t change !
Not only is this man amazing at his job but hes so funny at times as well. These videos have been a life saver for me. I now know that as a child i was right....i wasnt crazy. I could see the narcissists true self and so i had to be crushed. I dont blame her though now that i am healthy....i understand her and why she is the way she is and i understand myself and im so proud and happy for becoming the person i was always meant to be. I am no longer interested in the blame game as i am too busy working on myself and how i can be the best version of myself. ❤ X
How bout they're just plain evil.
That's what they say about me!
@snowbear1877 yep. According to her, I am the mark of the beast and she's the new mother of Jesus Christ.
Psychologically radioactive indeed! Great description Dr. C! Lol🙃
Truer words have never been spoken. Thank you, Dr. C.
You are very welcome
I’m forever grateful for you, Dr C!
Like you said Dr C
Wow! Just …. WOW 😯! 🤦♂️
Empty and so good receptacle for demons.
Thank you, again. It never ceases to amaze me how much resonates.🙏🏼
Boy, do you hit the mark, my life in short order.
thank jesus for you
Thank you.
I am learning such a lot from these videos. These types of people drain the very life from you , they will destroy your very well being if you allow them ! Thank you again for uploading ❤
Very poor self reflection skills is definitely a Good number 1 on the list! Yes i always knew i was an outsider! Imprisoned by their own toxicity! That is sad!
Dr. C, I’m joking here, but it almost feels like you recorded this message directly for me because it is so accurate about these entitled, arrogant narcissists. I loved it when you posed the question about how they respond and the only way they do is by doubling down. There is no collaboration or concern after their over-the-top outbursts and rage over insignificant matters. I recently heard an interesting quote about those who condemn without investigation or consideration. Some people are so full of themselves, or have group think, and really condemn things without even investigating them. A wise person said “no contempt prior to investigation.“
Glad it resonated!!
Thank you, you're so right about everything. Its so very true. I enjoy watching your videos. I got C-Ptsd from the abuse. I am 47 female who is the oldest out of five children my parents had. I always been the black sheep in my family. I went to Jesus cause of the abuse. Jesus is our hope. God is Love. I know my worth and values. My peace comes from God. God is great all the time. I got support from my friends from church. I been a Christian for over ten years. I walk away from Narcissists . I stay calm and quiet. Its not worth it to say anything to Narcissists since they dont get it at all. Both of my parents are Narcissists so is my grandmother. My brothers and sisters are Narcissists Enablers
Narcissists are liars
Narcissists always act like the victim
Narcissists don't care about you at all
Narcissists never loved us at all
Narcissists are broken people
Narcissists are insecure people
Narcissists are pure evil souls from the Devil
Narcissists are fake and phony people
People for whom Christ died?
Totally understand. God is our strength, comfort, and peace.
@@Rachel-mz8koso they are responsible to surrender to Christ and stop the abuse. I am praying for those wounded to be healed and be free
AMEN, Dear sister! God might have put the narcs in your life to turn to HIM. He did with me also and I'm sad about my family yet rejoicing in Christ. His will be done. 🙏
@Rachel-mz8ko , Christ died for our sins. Christ is Alive .
BOTH OF MY NPD SISTERS HAD ME FEELING LIKE I WAS THE WORST PERSON THAT EVER WALKED ON FACE OF EARTH, I NOW REALISE THEY MADE IT UP, THEY WERE THE MONSTERS NOT ME; I THOUGHT THE MALIGNANT ONE WAS GOING TO BASH ME UP ONE TIME, I WAS SHOCKED, I WAS LAUGHING, IT WAS SO FULL ON!
Wow Another powerful one Dr. Carter! Psychologically radioactive. Impactful. Thank you 😇
Thank you Dr. Les! Your videos are incredibly helpful!!
Glad you like them!
Narcissists are highly driven by an attitude of entitlement, because they have a sense of self-importance, which cries out loudly, "The world owes me!" As a result they are being superimposing and you have to do whatever they want. Over time you will balk, because you do not have the need doing their toxicity anymore. The result is that you will get punished.
When Narcissists recognize, that you balk, they will double down their toxicity:
1. Stronger, irrational form of anger
toward you
2. Blaming, holding onto grudges
3. Control + dominance increases
4. Invalidation + condescension
5. Accusation, shame + guilt induction
6. Playing the self-righteous card
7. Ongoing strong rationalizations
Why do Narcissists behave this way?
》They can't come to terms with their inner confusion.
》They have very poor selfreflection skills.
》They are in a chronic compensation mode.
》They are empty from the inside.
》They are desperately needy.
》Your independence frightens them.
》They do not have or have only very low remorse or any form of healthy guilt.
》They once decided, "Power is the only way to go!"
What do Narcissists think when you balk?
》"You have no right to differ from me!"
》"You are defective!"
》"I am the force and you will have to recognize me!"
》"You never were an insider in my life!"
Conclusion:
》Narcissists live a life before an audience of one - themselves
》Narcissists are imprisoned by their own toxicity
》No need to match pitch with their anger
》Hold onto your own boundaries
Dr Carter 👨🦳 and Gus 🐶, thank you for another lesson full of insight 🌞🌟🌝🌈
Exactly Roxy
When I ended the relationship, the aftermath was awful! Much worse than the relationship. It gave "ugly" a whole new meaning. What a relief to out!
You can tell by the way Gus acted with no reaction, he was thinking 'No offense taken' Haha Gus is too cool and an example to us all 😁💖
Thank you for your valuable and very meaningful content! I recently attended a life event where I grew up. The trip was planned with percision, two nights three days. Witnessing the narration mixed with anxiety through a grievance tour spanning over seven decades, was met with silence and blinks! At this point I don't know what was rehashed during this visit, I remain uninterested how this individual moves through rage and lack of empathy and is not recognized for their... alleged brilliance! I can never follow the plots!
Your advice is so on point for me right now. Thank you so much!
Glad it was helpful!
They take a self destructive path and want you to go to that precipice with them.
"I'm not going to expose myself to someone who's psychologically radioactive." Step back and let the burns heal and the shock subside.
Rest and recover at a distance. "Know what you're dealing with and make adjustments accordingly."
G-D bless you Dr for being there for all those who are toryurrd by those devils
I was lovrbombed by one in front of my husband no less.
Did my best to set up very strong boindaties but he did not carr.
So i decided to let him know in a gentle way that i knew who he was and what he does to people
That worked for me and he disapeared to not be seen in town for the last 6 months
I went to so many sights on RUclips to try to figure out how best to get rid of him
That stress ended me in the emergency room with very high blood pressure
My husband rushed me there and they stabilized me
I was there for hours
Could have had either a stroke or heart attack
I am sorry to say but i beleive that these individuals can kill a whole army
I hear horrible stories in town of women who fell for them
I feel very thankfull for you and others putting yhe word out and teaching people about this very important subject that in my opinion should be taught in schools.
G-D bless you Dr for the awareness that you teach in these videos
Wishing you the very best
Tamar
“Crisis reveals character”…so we turn ourselves inside out to avoid the next crisis. And it is exhausting!