What Lies Beneath A Narcissist's Rage
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- Опубликовано: 6 окт 2024
- When narcissists go into a rage, they are quite insistent that you are THE problem. But Dr. Les Carter reminds you that their rage is not about you, but about the inner turmoil they carry. It is essential to understand what drives them so you won't buckle under their need to project their issues onto you.
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They won’t be respectful, but they demand that they are respected
They're evil, arrogant people.
Immaturity, shame, insecurity & not being willing to listen/care for another persons feelings or opinions
It's so harsh and brutal that it appears, initially, inconceivable, that people who claim to love you can mistreat and devalue you in this way.
Plus zero empathy. Ugh
You got it. They are TERRIBLY immature.
Listen to this particular video carefully. It sure explains my relative who physically and mentally abuses everyone. He has also been a clergy member, as part of creating a false image.
@@carolnahigian9518 Stay true to the truth. No contact actually helps a person with narcissistic traits reflect, if they are going to .
They are sickly sweet right up until things don't go their way and then a switch in them gets flipped and they rage. They are obsessed with keeping the illusion of being the superior one in every situation and if you don't play along, even for a moment, watch out! You are only there to reassure them that they are, indeed, Übermenschen.
They appear to be beneficent, and can do good things, but there's always that kaboom, like if you are like, thanks, but I got this.
Spot on! They lull you into a false sense of security and then pull the rug out from underneath you when you least expect it.
Yep experienced this what a nightmare to watch and get away from them.
So scary when that switch gets flipped. The rage is immediate and uncontrollable. 😵
I called him Gollum... 🤣
You have to disengage to save yourself. A narcissistic relationship is impossible.
Spot on. Disengage or be buried alive
Especially if you don't engage and discard them. Now you have to pay and pay you will I have been talked about in my social circle like a dog things I wouldn't think this man would say God bless him what he done to me I've done to him so mentally ill and don't know it he looking like a fool and don't know it
You're right.
and NC.. as in NO CONTACT.. EVER AGAIN.. Once you know.. GET out, away, and NEVER AGAIN...
They will, sick as they are.. try and come back.
Absolutely
Their rage is scary 🥴
I seen this rage .it's dark uncomfortable . Not normal anger .like the green Hulk rage
Exactly!! I have seen it and described this said anger EXACTLY like you; Green Hulk rage!!!
I saw it manifest in what I call Baby Jack-Jack meets The Hulk. My abuser grew taller and wider and turned red. Very demonic. And it happened over the most insignificant thing. Thankfully, it landed him in jail and out of our lives.
@@anne-marieshaffer6241 🙏🙏Thank goodness, that is scary!! And I am so sorry you had to deal with that. In reality, they are such cowards so It makes sense that these malignant narcissists would feel " power " over scaring women and children. 🤨😡🤬
I've seen it several times over the course of many years married to one. It resulted in physically violent acts that were spread out over years. It was one violent act or very large event per family member. This was a covert narcissist. He used the large fearful event to get control and instill fear in us. Then he acted like it never happened.
Mine became the Hulk neighbour when I put up nets cos of his nosiness . Went ape he did. So demonic . Thank God there was door between us but I saw it through the net 😱.truly terrifying .
I was raised by malignant narcissists who screamed, yelled and beat their children, broke their bones and bloodied their noses. I thought yelling was how people communicated even though I have never liked it but had no idea there was another way. At 57 years , I am new to the concept of treating others with respect, dignity and civility no matter what. I didn't even know Team Healthy existed. But you know what? I am learning and taking it to heart. There is no more yelling or harsh ways of speaking allowed in my life and that starts with me. Thank you Dr. Carter and community.
Thanks Gertrude! Dr. C
🤗😇💞👋💃🙋
Prayers for u!
She, if female may have been abused by a narcissist. Unfortunately it can be true that women suffer and go through alot of anger. Sadly, yes the children are in the midst of a terrible relationship. It's heartbreaking, truly.
God bless you, Gertrude.
They project their own nasty illusions and real past childhood issues onto the victim.
A relationship with a narcissist is no relationship, it is merely a waste of your life. Living alone is better as one can contact love, beauty, happiness etc. from within one's own self. The narcissist destroys all these things. As Dr. Carter says, no-one will look after you better than you yourself. Don't rely on your narcissist for anything other than pain and unhappiness. Going it alone is not so bad once one realizes that the things we want from life all come from within, despite the scars left by the narcissist. Good luck everyone.
I’m so broken though because he’s turned my sons against me with lies, judging, bullying, smear. Now I’ve lost my grandchildren too. I’m so sad and broken. I don’t know how to go on with this loss.
I almost feel if I go on and have a happy life without my children - it’s like I’m betraying/ forgetting them. (Which is exactly what he says I do and what I never ever did to them). But I cannot continue on this way being overwhelmed with loss ruminating so many decades of damage. I think right now I’m identifying his gaslighting and I Have to refuse and reject that lie within myself as well. I cannot believe his poison and I have to find who I am. I need to heal.
@@grateful7420 I believe you will heal. It takes time. You are realising what to do, and the body/mind is programmed to heal itself over time. Yes, the poison some individuals exhibit is unfathomable; as you understand, it belongs to him, not you. Keep your grandchildren and your children in your heart and trust in the mystery of ultimate goodness which will accompany your journey.
Nailed it!
That is why so many people I grew up with a d friends from college that know the real me say, Of all people I would have never guessed this would happen to you. You are so strong and resilient. That is exactly the traits you need to be in this relationship. You have to do all the work unless someone is there to see it. Then they put on the Ritz, look at me and how fabulous I am to my wife. Isn't she spoiled? That's what happens when you can't take anymore and people don't believe you. They completely don't understand and think you need to do this and that. Everyone has a solution and they have no idea what you deal with day and night 27/7. It's exhausting.
@@grateful7420 I am so very sorry. I am praying for you and your sons this is temporary. He will shower them with gifts and trips at first. Then when that ends they will see his true colors. I think they will see, they are smart. They will figure it out and eventually come back to you. How long? I don't know. It happed to me with my eldest daughter and I felt like I was going to die. I know the pain. Just keep the line of communication open, telling them how much you love and care about them. They are welcome to come home anytime. Next time you have sometime with them. Set up a code word they can use if they need you or your help. Best of luck.
They can get churchy and preachy about stuff that's none of their business. Then they cry tears of victimization.
I just bail.
The rage mode was always violence. Zero to sixty in zero seconds.
Lol so funny, and so true. Happy and narc free
@@cynthiafortier2540 me too Cynthia! Block hoovers. Build strength daily. Each day out is a victory.
They will rage and call you ignorant, stupid or tell you "to shut up". Then turn arpund and say you need to respect them.
Having been raised in a family who treated each other with respect, I didn’t even know people like this existed. Married 41 years to this sick person that as long as things were all going his way he was okay. If there was any kind of pressure, this monster came out. I refused to argue with him early in our marriage, telling him I wasn’t raised that way. In the end, his rages scared the living daylights out of me. I was sure he would end me. Two years ago I fled and am now on the path to healing and learning how to be a normal person. I feel like I lost a 200 pound monster.
You have gained freedom
Hope your finding yourself and work that is fulfilling. Sometimes just having integrity and being good at a job is rewarding.
Omg, Thanks 🙏
I am married to a man from a healthy family, and decided I didn’t want to invite my narcissistic father to my wedding. Explaining why, though my dad has been so fun and great the times my husband met him, I couldn’t trust my father to come to my wedding was hard. I showed him some videos and stories, but I still don’t think he really “gets it,” as much as he trusts and respects me. I am so sorry you had to learn first hand, I wouldn’t wish the type of rage and abuse narcissists often display on anyone. I am so glad you got that out of your life, and hope you didn’t lose people you care about because of them.
I am glad that you made it out alive sign Cynthia Smith now come the healing from abuse Jesus Christ is our only hope
I struggle to feel compassion for my narcissistic mother's 'issues' whilst observing her continue to mock, belittle and negate people around her (and this, whilst trying to be the centre of attention at ALL times). I sometimes feel revolted by her.
Its when that anger and rage is the simmering type and gets lashes out in the form of stone walling Ghosting and smear campaigns. So toxic and hurtful/damaging
JillyKins, I always called it perpetual BROODING. I'd called my ex a miserable dead bump on a log many times. His body was there, I could see that. But otherwise there was just NOTHING meaningful or joyful about him ever. They're a real "DRAG" and very negative energy whenever they're present around others.
@@yime6631 What happened to him? Was he abused?
So true.
No credible father figure, he simply didn't know how, and had no desire to learn. It took me years alone and with new friends and location to figure it out. Now I am joyful and triumphant ! New beginnings !
No contact is peace. These people only become worse. Hope will harm you. Accept and love from afar.
S Toft,You are absolutely gorgeous 🌷🌹🌺,hope you are not with a narc 😈!
I wish there were narcissist institutions so vulnerable narcissists could be remove from society and kept away, out of sight. The damage and destruction they cause is too great! Grandiose narcissists are more of a nuisance than a threat. The vulnerable, malignant kind that hide behind the mask and play victim are, in my opinion, the the most destructive ones!
It may take years to finally get to know real vulnerable/covert ones and by that time you will have a dent in your emotional health.
Yep we are 🤫👹👹😂
The abuser needs healing also you don't need to stay in a relationship with them don't be a victim keep it moving Jesus Christ is the only one that can help them sign Cynthia Smith
I'm going thru this now, but it's on the silent treatment stage now on going for 2 months. I have refused to play the game and sticking to my decision and boundaries. I must thank you Dr C for your videos they have helped to identify what I was contending with because it is so crazy what they put you thru
Hope you can find a way out. My ex husband did silent treatment for 10 months, went through family loss, I was finally able to leave. He has never been able to have empathy or real connection, but says "family first", which has actually meant " me first".
Hope you can leave, you’ll be happier
No disrespect you need to go no contact you deserved better
I'm in a similar boat. It's so tough and lonely. Hugs to you
Hugs to all surviving the silent treatment
At 8:12 seconds he says........... . .
CONTROL,DOMINATION & HUMILIATION is their realm!
They are the hell bent on humiliating their victim as much as they can with LIES that hurt them against the true horrifying tragedy that they've been through!
That's a good Death-lationship strategy!
But they're so blinded by their demons they think on them as their BEST friend who they continually backstabbing to death spiritually by saying thing's that really happened NEVER did?
My only guess: avoidance of reality! in other words: denial. they use rage to shut it all down, or deflect from the issue, when the truth threatens to come knocking. you could (even unknowingly) skirt around an issue and if they sense any possibility that it could lead to exposure or threaten a crack in their denial, they rage. It's funny because they have accused me of some really nasty stuff (that's all projection) and I didn't even take offence. I kind of took it on board, until I realized it was projection. But even hinting at accusing them of anything even 1/10 as bad as what they accuse you of, they lose their marbles.
& They absolutely HATE themselves!
@@luv1000 you guys have this figured out spot on and I've known someone like this for so many years as a friend that I'm so attached that I need counseling to cut the cord. They suck you in little by little and don't want to let you go.
@@luv1000 You're exactly right. Nothing else makes sense to explain their hurtful and nonsensical actions or words. Hate is at their core and defines them. No one escapes that hate, including the one that the hate manifests from. I can't imagine a daily existence in any mindset such as this one.
Well said.
It’s a distraction they use. Yes, avoidance of the truth about themselves and denial. They are running from themselves. How funny 😄.
Thank you for this topic of discussion....it's more of an issue than most people realize due to the narcissist facade in the "public eye".....
Shame, fear (including fear of abandonment), frustration when unable to control others, narcissistic wounds cause narcissists to rage. Anger is a natural distancer. Practice detachment with love if it's physically safe to do so. Their rage is like emotional flatulence -- often an adult temper tantrum. Don't take anything they say personally. If you can, stand still and say/do absolutely nothing. Ignoring behavior is the best way to extinguish it. Don't become narcissistic supply.
Go tell that to small children.
@@Manitoba_Fatty_ small children obviously don't have the capacity to do that. Narcissists are, in fact, emotionally very much like small children. The difference is small children develop, learn, grow, mature, hopefully into emotionally healthy adults and narcissists never do because they're stuck in terms of their emotional development.
@@TheAngelaoddone I was thinking about this the other day: Narcissism is present in all of us as children. The emotionally matures adults are the individuals who Grew out of Narcissism as they developed. This is why the emotionally maturity of Narcissists are that of children.
When he had a huge rage incident, I sat completely still, didn't say a word -- until he poked me in the face repeatedly with his finger to make a point, then squeezed my head hard, with his giant hands -- I burst into tears. For the 1st time ever in 6 and a half years, I was AFRAID of him. And I ended up in the ER that night ...
@@suzanne4396 I'm so sorry. Your physical safety is #1. Please take good care of yourself.
Yeah. Speak up. I kept her behavior a secret, and worked really hard to keep her years of emotional and eventually physical abuse a secret. The fear of her rage was frankly one of the biggest things that kept me walking on eggshells for years, constantly being the scaffolding for her emotional rollercoaster. During the final raging that thankfully concluded our marriage I perhaps stoked the fire by attempting to reason with her, causing her to really go off the deep end. Her arguments completely lost touch with reality and painted a pretty grim picture of the world she lived in. Finally letting myself realize that the mother of my children moves between these alternate realms of reality and masks the cracks between them with just anger and lies is by far the scariest thing I've experienced.
My father never covered for my narc mother for us 4 kids. He just got angry and frustrated. As we emerged from early childhood, I was 5, he sat us kids down and told us it was our responsibility to keep mom happy, up, functioning and a meal on the table when he got home. If we didn't, one of us would be put on the street. As the family scapegoat I packed my barbie case with Xtra underwear, a bus token, and I got a grandma to tell me what busses to take to the one big city orphanage. So 4 kids tried to manage narc mom for dad and our own safety. So I'm glad u watched out for your kids.
I have seen a few go off that deep end. It is really frightening. I'm thinking that the degree of pure grangiose psychosis is what freaks us out. Is it a narcissistic sociopath? Probably.
It's easy to start appeasing. Don't do it.
@@joywebster2678 I’m so happy that you got away at a young age. I wish I had done the same. No doubt you’re better off than staying around poison 24/7. I stayed until I was almost 60.😫 What a HUGE mistake.
@@christar9527 it was my mother. I'm 60 now she is 91. How did I get away young?
I recognise your plight very well. Can I ask how old your kids are, how long you have been separated, and how often you still see your ex?
I just wear earplugs or have my headphones on my cell/iPad around them. Let them rage. I don’t want to hear it 🤣
It took a long time to learn, we can do it too.
Be careful doing that. I went to look at phone and he ripped it out of my hands, made him even angrier.
You have incredible self control. Good game.
We need to create a socially and legally accepted process for identifying this pattern. Such people should never be allowed sole custody of children. They are intrinsically abusive. They literally can't not abuse children. As a child my mother would spend 45 min to an hour at the end of every day screaming at us like a coked up banshee. It was her way of unwinding after work.
I agree with you. Narcissists are automatic child abusers. It happened to me too. Good remarks and observations!
My heart feels for your little girl self. I know. Me, too.
Narcs shouldn't be near other adults Never mind children
So sorry to hear this!! Hopefully you are healing 🙏
I feel your pain. The only good aspect of growing up this way is that it showed me what not to do. I went in the other direction, never yelled at my sons, loved on them so much. I wanted them to know every night when they went to sleep that they were valued, loved and respected.
“You are responsible for making me feel okay”. That really sums up my experiences Dr. Carter. Thank you for your soothing assurances that so many of us here appreciate! Your calm honesty speaks so clearly! 🙏🏼💕🥰
Sometimes that is the truth of the matter - sometimes our loved ones are wounded and have an existential need that only we can fill. There is no soothing reassurance for situations in which someone who is wounded and dependent is abandoned to fend for themselves in just the way they cannot. Im not talking about dating, I'm talking about decades long marriages and blood family.
Ultimately I think it's loss of control.
and shame - a scary combo
When my narc would start to flip I would say “turning”!!! And call it out. It would undermine his rage and make him look silly. Then he’d stomp around huffing and puffing not knowing what to do. Sometimes he’d say “I’m gonna start swinging” threatening to hit me. But I’m bigger than him and he can’t get away with it. Narcs hate being laughed at. The worst thing (well, one) I ever did to him was secretly send money to his ex-wife to pay mortgage and expenses for his children when he was behind in child support. I chose Christmas Day to tell him ( because he’d ruined so many holidays for our whole family) and I told him I’d paid his ex-wife monthly for over a year. I even said I’d bought her bras, eye glasses, bought his children school clothes and paid their medical bills. So on Christmas Day I told him I was the reason his children still had a home and security. He was really angry but instead of raging he started chugging Wild Turkey and Xanax. That’s so he can really wild out later and pretend I’m responsible because I forced him to get wasted. Even worse (on my part) when he was about to go to jail for not paying child support he asked me to sign something giving him credit for the money I’d been sending his ex. This would have kept him out of jail. I said no.
🤣🤣🤣
I used to be the family peace keeper. But years of dealing with this idiot narc and I’ve become this. Good bad or indifferent I feel a lot better taking him on knowing he can never get the best of me.
Advice: work on yourself. Make yourself strong. You don’t owe a narc anything.
THANK YOU for giving time freely to write your comment. GOLDEN ENDING TOO!⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
You Sir are a beautiful person.
You said " He was about to go to jail for not paying child support he asked me to sign something giving him credit for the money I’d been sending his ex. This would have kept him out of jail. I said no. " PRICELESS! Guess you'd had enough!
@@Lindy.T
A lifetime of it.
So many family members have made excuses for him his whole life. Enough is enough.
@Perdido Atlantic - Excellent advice indeed!
Pulling back on the response turns you into a shell of yourself and you become just a punching bag.
So true, and not curable. Only solution is to walk away. So relieved that I won't be seeing my extreme narc brother again.
How are you dealing with other family members. Do they know from you he is a narc or do you suffer in silence?
Doesn’t f’ing matter what lies beneath . It’s unacceptable no matter what the reason Period.
What a relief that narcissism is finally being recognized and addressed. Forty years ago, I desperately tried to find help with counselors. Not one of them understood what I was going through. Even a nationally recognized counseling center. Because of Dr. C's videos, I finally realized the reason why I was miserable in my marriage. But years ago, it's as if no one in the counseling field knew (or recognized?) narcissism.
I've experienced the rage and the silent treatment.
I love the silent treatment! I don't have to listen to
their BS for hours and days if I'm lucky. I feel like I
have a life when he doesn't bitch constantly.
🙏 I can’t thank you enough, Dr. Carter.
Your words are medicine for my soul. ☮️
The psychologist in these videos is extremely sharp,useful and accurate un every single thing he says about rage-aholic narcissists. My compliments and gratitud for such good,horse sense and priceless advice,from Venezuela,South America.
Thanks so much, and I'm glad to be with you there in Venezuela!
They "don't know how to do life well."
🤣 Dr. C you are disseminating invaluable information and have a light enough heart and just enough humor to keep us going. 💟
Lori Allen,You look stunning 🌹🌷🌷,hope you are not with a narc 😈!
This is what has destroyed my life. I had nobody to talk to. I was a child
When I am listening to you on this "rage" subject, it makes me sad when this happens by a mother to her daughter.
I'm soooo tired of these IDIOTS!! Narcissists have destroyed my life.
It took many years before I understood I was a normal and good person and not a bad person that did everything wrong. He made me believe I was wrong.
Now I know Im smart and beautiful and I never again will let these crazy people twist my heart.
When he felt he was losing control = rage mode
HR is likely to stick up for and side with-the narcissist. I know from experience. I just had to get a new job
This gives some peace to my soul. I had a frightening, raging mother and having this understanding of what caused it means so much. She never would do anything to improve it. But that is part of narcissism.
HR will never side with the victim. When I reported my Malignant boss's repeated abuse & rage fests, they simply said.."obviously, you're doing something wrong to have upset him that much." For my punishment, they made me take 2 modules on "Professional Conduct" & "Sexual Harassment In The Workplace?"
Me, too. The new "Me ,Too" movement?
In my experience, so-called Human Resources (ugh, what a dehumanising tag) is full of narcissists.
I hate my narcissistic family and relationships and random narcs that target me in society...
They are so irritating and hard to deal with. They get unpredictable anger and envy that is DAILY and exhausting. It's not right or fair.
I just CANT WAIT to find healthy people.
This has saved me so much pain, disconnecting quickly! I can never thank you enough for your Wisdom and advice Dr Carter, God Bless you ❤️
As I listened to you I just couldn't stop thinking of his rage attacks, the last one I remember vividly. I can now understand so much more clearly what generated them and how much more there's beneath. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR VALUABLE HELP, DR. CARTER !🙏
I had to leave that situation and keep boundaries in place for my own self care. Team healthy!
I didn't get shouted at but was called nasty names through questions. Like, "Are you normal?" "Are you drunk?" "Do you have mental problems?" And God does it hurt like hell. Each time I got angry or express my opinions what I got in response was if I was mentally defective. This made me afraid to express myself cause I believed I was crazy and that my opinions doesn't matter. This is psychological abuse, attacking someone sanity to make them feel defective and easier to control. I hate these people with all my heart and my situation started improving the minute I left these jerks, but God, their insults still resonates in my head years laters.
In every relationship it takes two people to communicate. It takes only one to send that communication into a heated argument. No one is perfect, especially not me. Some of us work hard to correct our bad habits to be healthy while others hold you in the past. While I was being told that I have no excuses for being angry towards disrespectful people, they have all kinds of excuses, suppressive tactics, shaming tactics, blaming tactics, no taking responsibility, including threats.
It’s frustrating to say the least.
It is interesting how the description of a narc's behavior fits so well.
When they feel like they are not "winning" somewhere in their delusion - that they have you wrapped up in.
Oh Dr. C., thank you for your continuous encouragement!!!
It is so sorely needed.
Complete disengagement from the narcissist is what I have learned is best. Silence is the strongest and most effective reply you can offer them. They will continue to imprint dark, negative energy stains on your life unless you go cold turkey and close the door on that painful chapter.
My ex could never comprehend the difference between me asking him a question and me questioning his statements. To him, any question was a threat to his authority and correctness. He would yell so loud that my ears hurt. He could rage for long periods of time, then blame me for wasting HIS time.
Sounds very familiar Nancy
So exhausting!
Free things. Who can they con into paying for their life of chronic mess.
You don’t even need to refuse them - merely want to do your own thing or question them
I am civilized ! I am respectful ! I questioned my sanity my motives my intentions my very existence ! I’m not a narcissist ! I’m the person responsible for everything and anything and a target ! When I express anything I always get lectured schooled and obliterated ! Being a mom is the hardest job in the world ! I pray for everyone and everything ! Lord please guide me 🙏. All I can count on is God and Jesus Christ !
My NarcEX told me "Who do you think you are to ask" "you don't have the right to ask about anything"
Now he's talking to his 4 walls. L🤣L
His # 1 complain now--" I'm all alone and have no one to talk to on the weekends and my phone doesn't ring"
Geeee, I wonder why...?
L🙄L
I'm listening to this and he is so accurately describing my cousin that I can see his face.
Honestly, witnessing this from a more objective point of view(thanks, Doc!), is the saddest thing I've ever seen. I recognize his underlying fear and pain, but I also admit that in 15 years, nothing I have or haven't done, has helped ease this. And it is taking a toll on every aspect of my life.
When he went into a narc rage, last December ( 2020) and had assaulted me, punched the door several times, he screamed " Don't you know how full of anger I am??"
No, I hadn't. But he showed me.
I saw the rage, once, it can only be described as demonic. Never saw anything like it in my life. I am 2 years out now and safe and happy That kind of rage I am sure lots of people have seen before their last breath on earth. Terrifying. They look like they could snap at any minute and I am sure many do. It was as close to evil as I want to get. I now know the warning signs thanks to you. You will never know how many lives you are saving. Thank you.
The rage is frightening. Crazy look in the eyes. Totally out of control..punch hole in wall, threw a can across the room. Why ? Because of standing up for myself or setting a boundary. Trying to make sense or getting them to understand your way of thinking only made it worse.
A lunatic lies beneath.
I didn't recognise my mother's anger or envy because she was very passive aggressive and vented it behind my back in vicious slander. She didn't raise her voice or threaten or anything I would have recognised. She provoked emotional reactions and loss of temper in others which made us look like the problem, so she could play the victim. I was afraid of her till after she died.
It never gets easy. A daily fight to be yourself. The narcissist never gives up, the one i deal with daily never gets sick or has any health issues, never gets tired of making your life miserable. You have to be strong. Don't ever back down and let them dominate you. You're so much a better person than they will ever be.
I believe this video will save someone from emotional and physical abuse. Thank you Dr C!
My narcissist ex husband is now in a long term care facility terminally ill. A few people on staff call him Bear as they don’t know if he will be a Teddy Bear or a Grizzly Bear when they interact with him. They told me this like I had no idea he was like that. I said this is why he is my ex husband. Being around someone that unstable sucks the life out of you. Protect yourself and get away as quickly as you can. ☮️
Thanks, Shari. BTW, I really like your new peace symbol. Dr. C
Control
I had it happen once when some unfortunate thing occurred.
Not having control over nature, they raged at me like it's my fault.
My neighbors could hear him raging at me for hours and no one
would have anything to do with us. I can't blame them...
Knowledge IS power !
I spoke out about my Covert narcissistic mother to extended family & they laughed at me and asked me "Why would your mom do that? She isn't like that & it doesn't even make sense." So, I never said another word.
Heard a lecturer say the family is the first cult. So true.
@@mishaanton5436 I have to agree.
My father’s rage has been hiding by all of the family. We all know it’s wrong and we always hid it. I guess that’s the power of a controlling narcissist
Lived with this for most of my life. Lately I've been thinking about the connection between alternate reality and rage in all of its manifestations. Dr. Carter, do you think they're connected. I wonder if their thoughts and false beliefs can bring about the raging. It's like if they think it, it must be true! There's no reasoning with them.
I'm on Team Healthy!
I have lived with this kind of a person for years. Thanks for explaining this to me. I told his doctor he doesn't beat me with his hands he beats me with his mouth . Doctor put him on medicine but it doesn't help much. He is very controlling and is very depressed. We want him to talk to someone but he doesn't want to. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. We have been married for 63 years. He has always been controlling and doesn't want me to have anything to do with my family.. I always tried to keeps things peaceful and did what he wants , but nothing changes. I am very unhappy. I should have left him along time ago. Now I am 81 years old and trying just to get along. It is not easy when you don't have respect for the person and he doesn't respect you. I think he is a narcissistic.
As I listen to Loreena McKennitt on this beautiful fall morning in the Northeast I am so grateful that you are here for all of us, Dr. C! 💞🙏🕊
👍💖🌞💖
Her voice & music are Heavenly. Yet I long ago had to stop listening to her as I felt so deeply melancholy when she sang. I don't quite understand why, but feel her words described my yearning so spot on.
@@marmaladesunrise my daughter passed away, tragically, a number of years ago and I found out that she (my beautiful Robyn) loved Loreena! I started listening to her at that time and have listened since! She certainly has the voice of an angel! Her music and poetry got me through some really tough times and I am so grateful! 💞
Shes the best!!
I love Loreena McKinnett. She is amazing. 😍❤👍
I was raged at by most everyone I encountered and I just took all of it without making a peep until I became a shivering, shaking shell of a person with no self esteem or identity. That was until I found out about narcissistic personality disorder. I don’t think it’s possible to fully recover from what I went through but knowledge about the disorder has helped quite a bit. The egg donor I had would rage over anything, things that made no sense. I had a thought of my own when I was very little and she flew into a violent rage over it. If someone (stranger) mispronounced her name she’d go crazy with rage.😂 If a stranger tried to help us out of a bad situation like getting the car unstuck from a snow bank that would bring about the fit of rage towards the helpful person too. Her paranoia was off the charts. I think these “people “ are related to reptiles and demons. As you stated, they use control, domination and humiliation as their M.O. That’s what reptilians and the demonic does.
One thing I’ve learned is it’s very important to speak up about the craziness and abuse you’ve endured. They talk and lie about their target all the time and they should be exposed for what they really are and do and it helps us heal. Dont wait for 60 years like I did. Do it now.
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Jesus Christ is the only one that can heal you from abuse i am in the healing process now 74 years old starting all over again no more relationship for me i am learning to love myself and not to make my self a victim by staying in a toxic relationship sign Cynthia Smith
That's exactly what I did. After being in therapy for a time I saw the rages for what they were. With the help of your videos I must add. And so I walked away from two family members which was devastating but ultimately liberating.thank you for your kindness your calm and infinite intelligence. The world is a less lonelier place.
Because when life serves us up challenging people to love, liberation is the goal?
It is all about the fragile ego and control! When that is screaming so loud inside ones head nothing else can be heard!
I was 15 minutes late to pick up husband the other day and got the rage, but even though he was bashing his hand on the dashboard and yelling at me, I was able to stay calm in my voice and told him I was not intimidated by him and that I knew what he was doing. Instead of getting angry myself, I was able to observe his behaviour and not get into the usual shitfight. Thank you Dr C - I am slowly learning.
In my experience narcissists are afraid of their own shadow, biggest cowards out there.
During the holiday season, a malignant narcissistic woman's wrath led in her pouring water into the gas tank of her partner's lawn mower, thus damaging it. This is one of the reasons why channels like this one are so valuable in teaching us how to become stronger in the face of adversity.
My father and older sister are diagnosed narcissists, they have no problem holding back their anger with others, but behind closed doors with my late mother and myself...oh my.
Lived in Malignant Narcissistic Hell for 21 years - what FEELING to BE FREE!! 🙏👍🎯😄
"Before you know it you're both over there in that emotional ditch." This made me giggle and I needed that, thanks.
Alas when you tell someone you might know well over many years ….they don’t believe what you have been through ,and in fact if they mention it to the narcissist the tables are turned around on you and even more lies are told about you ……even if the person you tell is your sibling !!!
I have experienced this rage, a home & in public, It comes out of no where, shocking. Disgusting.
Thanks dude. What a day. Good luck out there. Less misery would be lovely but I can't see it happening with herself anytime soon. Ain't going to feel guilty for feeling happy.
Best wishes to you, David.
I’m so glad I got away
Me too, Andria. I'm forever grateful for this peace and freedom.
The best kept secret of people pleasing…they’ll never be pleased.
Your right about speaking about because when you don't they will continue to abuse you every chance they get. I felt that way about being quiet but not anymore, because now I'm fighting for my life. I'm not going to let them take my life without a fight. All the flying monkeys come around to try and keep the narcissist feeling like it's justified for their actions when indeed it's just as simple as abuse mentally, emotionally and physically.
We empaths like to confront and destroy these jerks.
I’m here because I love this channel but also have a narcissist raging on me regularly.
My dad calls himself a Professor -- even though he only finished high school and a few correspondence courses. I actually believed in his competence until i started putting stuff together. He was so convincing the realization didn't hit until i was in my forties. Constant grandstanding like Trump's 'I am the best' language -- without any real proof. He said he wasn't a success because of us -- his children. And because his wife wasn't a real wife -- even though she worked all the hours God gave, while he stayed at home and read newspapers because he couldn't take orders from anyone.
It's been 3 years since I went no contact with my ex-bestfriend narcissist, but intrusive thoughts still haunt me. I was the one who cut her off initially, after years of covert abuse, but she managed to come back one last time just to completely obliterate my sense of self and worth 😭. I fear that I'll never be completely "over it", and maybe I do just have to accept that it's a healing journey and there will be bumps in the road. I have so much to be grateful for in my life and I truly am so relieved to be out of that friendship; but find myself stumped when it comes to why I can't just move on. Why are these feelings, thoughts, and flashbacks continuing? It is just that I've practiced these thought spirals so much that they are just neural pathways now? I wish I seriously could erase all those memories
I totally get it and after being in this friendship for so many years, even if I'm able to shut it off; he'll be in my mind forever I'm afraid. They sure have a way of getting us sucked in🤔
Thought this exact thing seconds ago. PTSD sux
The trauma never goes away after the abuse but we can learn to manage.... I know I will never be "Over it"....Trying to heal all the wounds both inner and outer is all I can do....💞🙏
I'm over it if I know they'll never stop acting like they do.
Sometimes we hope, but not all dreams come true.
I'm glad I'm not alone in this 💙
This puts me in shock for days. My patron is deeply dysregulated and cannot even recognize he has attacked. I live in fear and lose my ability to stay present. I so want to end these two men who I am dependent upon. I ask for some divine guidance. Many woman are in my situation. May a door of real support open and I recognize to walk thru. I want to receive. I feel I have given and given.
Nancy may you take comfort in Jesus words at Matthew 19:26..
“ With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible “.
Sometimes they do exactly what they saw their patents do. They didnt see better model.
I moved out 2 years ago from a narcissist spouse. I’m finally filing for divorce. I hope I remain safe & the process isn’t ugly.
Thank you, Les Carter for helping me understand the narcissist personality traits.
Thank you. I wish I had found this video earlier.
Where does insane jealousy end and narcissism begin. ? I have been married for a long time but since I worked jobs that had lots of hours, the rage lasted a couple of days Now that I have retired its got real bad. . I think that this has no where to go but a divorce. Thanks Dr Carter
More rage !
💯💯💯 I have an older friend who for over a decade went to for advice. When I stopped asking so much the last few years, he suddenly was crazy angry (cursing and calling me terrible names, etc). Almost every time time we spoke. This makes total sense now!! THANK YOU.
The father of my children always tried to show me how nice and good he was to our girls. The girls always said to me, "Don't ever leave us at home overnight with him by ourselves. Because he would go into rages and no one would get anything they asked for other than him." He would stonewall the children for years at a time. He was so self absorbed and was focused on the next girlfriend while married to me. I don't understand why they would want kids if they don't want to do the work?
You're a good person, Dr. C. Thank you for giving your wisdom and for caring.
You are very welcome. Dr. C
I left my husband a year ago after being together 2 years. I can now see the cycle, love bombing gifts, im his "princess" (ugh)kindness and loving gestures, then insults, passive aggressive behaviors including silent treatment, not answering calls and texts, mean looks, him calling me "evil", guilt ridden statements made near my ear, then a full blown frightening prolonged rage including throwing and destroying items rage, then love bombing with gifts.
Hello Beck bravo you deserved better and now you can live your beautiful and best life
@@olikiahill260 thank you!💕
Frightening. So glad you are no longer in that relationship.