Hello viewers and subscribers. Thank you so much for all your support. As an update to this video, Theresa is back home with me now, as of July 2023, and no longer resides at the memory care facility. Here is a link to the video in-which I discuss it >> ruclips.net/video/bbkFlUDLJ5s/видео.htmlsi=f8RWuO79sObVIm7e
I am a 65 year old nurse ( still working) I work in an extended care facility that includes a dementia unit, as a nurse of 42 years I have seen family members destroy their own health taking care of a loved one and after destroying their own health, they are left needing to place their loved one in long term care, you are to be commended not only for standing by your wife and continuing to love her and care for her but realizing that the time had arrived to have 24 hour care before you destroyed your health with the possibility of then both of you requiring care… God’s blessings on you and your wife❤
You’re a true Angel. My mom died from complications from Alzheimer’s/dementia and my brothers and I took care of my mother for as long as we could, taking shifts, until we just couldn’t do it anymore. It made my brother sick until he almost died and I had severe muscle spasms in my back until I couldn’t even walk anymore. We finally made the hardest decision of our lives, putting Mom in a foster home. There were only a total of 5 patients, so we felt comfortable leaving her there. I can’t even tell you how much it’s aged all three of us. It’s a very hard job being a caregiver, but I think it’s twice as hard for family members who don’t know how to care for a person with Alzheimer’s/dementia and “wing it.” I commend you for your dedication. God bless you and your family.
@@2010Tigresa I also agree with above comments and commend Trey for what he has done and making a hard but important decision. I strongly feel that if I would ever get this disease that I would not want my loved ones to sacrifice the rest of their lives trying to do an impossibly hard job.
I took care of my grandmother from the age of 14-22 due to her passing away. I had ZERO help because I didn't know how to get help since NOBODY listened to me much less helped me. My family never helped me either and it seriously took my youth and my life away. I'm 35 now and still left with the mental scars of dealing with this illness. I wouldn't wish it on anybody.
My mother passed away just a little over two years ago due to other complications not related to the dementia. I remember all her hallucinations, the sun-downing that happened every night, at the same time. Most heartbreaking thing was she wanted to go "home." It took us a little bit to realize she wanted to go back to the house she grew up with and be with her parents. She knew our names but had no concept what a mother-daughter/son meant. She was in a great mood one day and I explained to her how she became a mother with the "bird and bees" description, as well as the "real" reason she had children. She laughed so hard and said "I did that? Three times?" She was SO embarrassed lol That memory makes me smile for some reason. She also was a wonderer and my sister moved in with her kids to help take care of her. After a year, it became too difficult to control her "evil" moods when she tried to stab people with pens, pencils, forks, and then all knives and scissors were put away. My sister, her kids, and I did the best we could, but we could no longer care for her properly. She went into a home care facility and they were wonderful!! I saw her on July 20, 2020 and she was like mom again; no signs of dementia. I spent hours visiting and we talked and laughed like she had no problems. I thought she was going to almost be back to normal, as much she could be, with the meds she was taking. She passed away 24 hours later, after after dinner. She was in no pain. We suspect she had a heart attack or stroke but it doesn't matter really. Her delusions, confusion, and frustration are gone now. She and my dad are together, healthy and I'll see them again. Sorry it's too long. If you read the entire comment, thanks!
This made me tear up. After all the ups and downs, I'm so grateful you had that time with her while she was fully lucid. What a blessed memory to have. That, and of course the birds and the bees. ❤️🙏🏽
@@nca4794 Thank you! It was wonderful to spend time like that with her. Talking to my brother and sister, she was like that with them, as well. The last 3 days she was like that. All of us experienced that with her and we were like wow, how cool was that! The birds and bees chat still make me laugh! That makes this easier to go through. ❤
Trey, there is no award in the end for being a caregiver. Carers are the hidden heroes among this awful, awful disease. I want you to know that I see you, and you’re doing an amazing job. I am so proud of you.
As a caregiver of Alzheimers patients for over 15 years I have to say having no prior experience with this you have done a phenomenal job caring for her. It's hard to hear you say sometimes you don't know what to do because most times there isn't much you can do other than what you're already doing and that's just being her support. It's always best to agree with everything and disagree about nothing!!😊
Trey, Job Well Done. This is gonna be a long one . . . You made the right decision, Trey. I can promise you, after a short adjustment period, Theresa will see that memory care center as her home and also come to see the staff, (she will have her favorites!) will become more and more like family to her. The activities and other residents will become a steady and familiar routine that allows for socializing. The hard part will be for you, when you see yourself fading more and more, to the background of her mind. That’s the hardest and most heartbreaking part of this disease for loved ones. However, maybe that’s not really a bad thing, as she is no longer feeling the fear that she’s losing you to “another woman”, nor as aware of her cognitive decline. She now has many opportunities to experience “the now” in her life. For her perspective, I think she will probably be a happy camper in an environment geared to her special needs. The sense of loss will be greater for you than her. It will, I’m sure, be hard for you to let go of that caregiver role you have willingly been doing for 10+ years. It will be hard to find a new purpose other than being Theresa’s 24/7 Caregiver for 10+ (12?) years. Now that you know she will be well taken care of, it’s time to take care of Trey. Back up and regroup and rediscover what gives you joy, even if that joy means, meeting a coworker at McDonalds in the mornings before work for coffee and a McMuffin. Grief isn’t always related to a physical death. Grief can involve witnessing, in real time, the progressive loss of a familiar presence in you life, living a comfortable daily way of life with the person you love. Theresa is now living her life in her “now”; let her enjoy it. You both have had to change your way of life; she’ll flourish. Eventually, when you visit, she’ll tolerate you for a little while, but then she’ll want to get back to go a fun activity that’s going on in the day room! That’s the kind of thing you pray for. She has a new life, with new friends that are just like herself; Life for her good. Be happy for her. Do you best to appreciate a sense of freedom to cultivate a new way of life for yourself; fill it with things that make you happy. Visiting Theresa will be part of that, seeing her happy in that environment will be good medicine for you and your soul. Bye for now, Terry
I was thinking it’s time for the care facility when you described her thinking you were having an affair because you got out a little bit, before you said you’d done that. It was the best decision. Hard, I know… but wow, what a job you’ve done as her loving, faithful caretaker and husband (and still are) Hat’s off to you.❤️
@Silver Bullet do u work at a Memory Care Center or other Alzheimer's type related Long term care facility or hav a loved one has been or is being cared for in one?
@@susanleslie4809 Thanks for asking! Most of my adult work experience has been in Longterm Care; i.e., nursing homes. My last position was that of Director of Medical Records and retired from Long Term Care in 2019. A little background info: I started out in 1985 as an Activity Aide and progressed to different positions in longterm care from there, Admissions, Marketing, Assistant Administrator and my last position, Medical Records Director. I guess you could say, I have come full circle, from opening a chart to closing out a chart. The last facility I worked at and retired from (12+years) had a Rehab Unit, provided for Longterm Care residents and also had a separate Secured Dementia Unit. It functioned as a “mini” nursing home within the facility. The residents received their daily care, medicines, they ate, slept, attended on unit activities or did their own thing, and joining the general population activities and outings when it was appropriate. Back in the day (1980’s) most dementia patients resided on a kind of separate “wing” together, not a separate closed unit, per say. Otherwise, “regular” nursing home residents could be very short-tempered and easily frustrated/angry with a demented patient rambling in and out of their rooms, going through their things, etc., and could be very cruel. On this “wing”, Care Plans were developed for both Individual and Group Activities specifically geared to the different levels of dementia. We were doing “Memory Care” before it was used as a marketing tool to care for the special needs of the dementia patient. Iv’e admitted and personally known big, strong men who were CEOs of major companies, reduced to having to be fed, dressed and toileted, because they forgot how to do these simple everyday activities of daily living. Most people working in longterm care, only see a resident as they are when admitted, rarely do they see the actual spiral . Alzheimer’s or Dementia, whatever you wish to call it, is so much harder on close loved ones or those that witness it. Dementia is a one-way ticket; the irony is, for them, things get better. The fear(s) subside and as routines become familiar, security follows. Personally, if I had my druthers, I would rather be demented. Just think, when looking in the mirror I see myself as either me or a younger version of me or perceive myself as a new friend, either, way, not a bad view! Demented, especially if it is early onset, in my opinion, is better than being aware and witnessing my own progressive physical decline. The grief of losing that “bigger than life” person to this irreversible disease is devastating. Coming to terms with the fact that the level of care needed to properly and safely care for your loved, has out bid you, comes in at a close second. You begin to realize, that needing 24hr means just that, 24hr care, which you alone, cannot provide. The biggest joy and relief comes when you see them happy in this new safe and comfortable environment, then and only then, will you know you made right decision.
As a wife, I can say. You are a wonderful husband. The way you deal with her delusions is so sensitive and nurturing. I pray you have friends and family to support you. God bless you and your sweet wife.
My mother can flip a switch and then I try to distract her to get her back. She hears music. She thinks death is coming for her. The other day she was telling me how relieved she was that that man came to fix the wires in the speakers in the wall because she was sick of that old time music. But she was glad because she can still hear me. It’s awful. 🥺
@@tiffinyanderson4403 my mom hears music daily. Unfortunately it can be repetitive, so she tells “them” to knock it off, and that she’s sick of hearing the same song over & over.
@@amyhenningsgard8618 My mother usually hears it at night but when she is really tired during the day. It’s so hard to handle. As you know it’s heartbreaking when roles reverse and we are the mothers to our parents.
@@Kaybaybeeme : Kathy, this is so sad. I feel that with all the mental and physical anguish Theresa’s husband is going through, ( which is a struggle for him) .. I pray he doesn’t die before her. This disease will rip the caregiver apart. I hope he gets the hell away from time to time to save his own tormented life.
I can see in your eyes how hard this has been. So sorry for what you are all going through. My husband is 65 and has 3 different dementias. The hardest part is living with his delusions and paranoia. Honestly I am not sure how long I can keep him at home. I understand how difficult that decision was for you. Clearly, it was time.
Hi Jory - I'm sorry to learn of these difficulties you are enduring with your husbands care. I also apologize that it has taken me so long to read this comment. I was transitioning Theresa into Memory Care when this video started getting a lot of attention. Theresa has been in memory care for about 6-7 weeks. I have made some recent videos on how the transition has been. I hope you can watch them and they are helpful to you. Much love and support to you and your husband.
You did the right thing. I'm an RN and have taken care of many many dementia patients. For their safety and yours, 24hr care is necessary. Prayers for you.
I helped care for my brother during his last two and a half years. He was downs and had slid rapidly into dementia on our watch. It was hard to place him in the dementia unit. It was as if we left our child. But he was gleeful, dancing with women and enjoying new people. He slowed down as the disease progressed and would sleep most days. He didn’t remember me at the end except he knew we belonged to him. Holding his hand and just being with him was a blessing. He rallied at the end and seemed very animated as we each gave him our love. God is merciful and let him rest in His arms. I’m looking forward to hugging the guts out of him one day. I really miss him.
As caregiver myself for our mother age 89 with Alzheimer's I understand it all. Please take care of yourself now & get caught up on your rest. Glad you have the good memories of your travels together.
When you said I love her now more than I loved her before her diagnosis, my heart exploded and broke at the same time. Please try and not feel so bad for decisions that are the hardest you've ever had to make. You have to take care of you so that you can help care for her❤ You and Teresa are in my prayers! She is Truly Blessed to have you Trey!❤🙏❤🙏❤
My late husband had Alzheimer's and I cared for him (7 years) until five weeks before he died. I felt so guilty, like somehow, I failed him but he was a danger to himself, to me and our dogs. He also saw imaginary people. Thank you for posting this. I was one of the people who sought you out. I never saw a human being so attentive to another human being. You are the best husband in the world.
My mother cared for my father also, and felt so guilty when we had to admit him to a facility, but he was a danger to himself, to my mom and others. He has been doing so much better at the facility. You did more than many would have, and there is no need for you to feel guilty.
My heart goes out to you all. My Dad who had dementia lived with us. One of the hardest decisions of our lives was putting Dad into a permanent care facility. The deciding factor to do so was that Dad was having daily constant intense angina heart pain. Which was eventually suggested to us that the constant distress that he was feeling from seeing us including my Mum and with Dad trying to know who we all were and the distress/ confusion of not knowing that it may be best for Dad to go into permanent care in a facility. After that difficult decision was made it was quickly apparent that this was the best for Dad. The intense angina pain stoped as we weren’t there with him as constant reminders, giving Dad that feeling of being unsettled and distressed as he couldn’t remember. So why am I saying all of this?… there becomes a point that it can be love to let others care for the ones that we love so deeply and that it to can be the best and most settling for our loved ones that are in this situation. We too then benefit by not being so physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted that our loved ones benefit from the time that we are spending with them. Take care and all the best for you both. Much loving thoughts.
Trey, you are a complete saint. Please take care of yourself. I know it must be so hard but you have done the right thing. I am a neuropsychologist and I have worked with caregivers. Please know you did the right thing.
I too am 65. I’m a nurse. I still work also. I have worked in the NICU most of my career. But I took care of my mom I. She was almost 93. I did it alone. No help from anyone. You’re doing a wonderful job. This was the best you could have done for her right now. In time, you’ll be able to visit her. I wish you the best. I will keep you both in my prayers.
When you documented washing and blow drying her hair every night because she was comforted by the one-on-one attention my heart absolutely exploded for such devotion and unconditional love you have for her. And then when you declared the heart-wrenching decision of having to put her in memory care I completely broke down in tears. I cannot fathom the absolute devastation you both must have experienced in those first few days apart. Thank you for bringing to light all of the difficulties and struggle (for all the family members involved) that come along with this diagnosis. I wish so much strength and peace of mind for you both and I truly hope you recognize the angel on earth you are for her. Peace
Just found your channel. You are an outstanding husband who Theresa is lucky to have. I have only had the experience of a parent with Alzheimers and know that it's emotionally draining. I can't imagine going through this with a spouse at such a young age. Know and take comfort in the fact that you took care of her for as long as humanly possible. It really does take a team to take care of Alzheimer's patients as the disease progresses. I hope you have no guilt and find peace......
I cared for my spouse for 10 years before placing him in a memory care facility. It is incredibly difficult to do this, so I understand your pain only too well. Playing music on a CD player for him was very helpful. I would ask the staff to turn on the CD player whenever they came into his room. It may be too soon yet but Hospice is a tremendous help when that time comes. Be aware of that and ask. When the time comes that you may visit her, Discipline yourself and don’t try to stay all day. You must take very good care of yourself now and rest daily. Try to take a short walk outdoors. These things will help you.
You have done an amazing job and you have cared for her longer than most people are able. I’m a aged care psychiatric nurse dealing with dementia and you have done the absolute right thing putting her into care. If you haven’t already you would suffer carer burnout and unfortunately no matter if she is with you or in care she is going to deteriorate. She will have falls, she will eat a lot less and she may eventually be on thickened fluids and puree diet. This is the progression of the disease and it’s not from being in care. Falls are inevitable. You have to look after yourself too. I hope I don’t frighten you but I don’t want you to think you could present what her future holds by being at home because you can’t . Take care
Thank You for commenting Carla. Although I was torn and persecuted myself over the decision, ultimately I realized placing her was the best decision. I pray that over time, I will see her adapt to being in memory care and my guilt dissipate.
@@tpippen75 If your beloved wife were her normal self, she would absolutely tell you to put her in care and to then go live your own life to the fullest because you are now carrying on for both of you. Please live your life without regret because that would make her happy.
I am a nurse and have been for 26 years, my mother has Alzheimer’s I have been caring for her for the past 3 years . I am currently looking for a memory care facility to place her , it has become unsafe to keep her at home . My heart goes out to you ❤
I’m so sorry to hear that this is happening to you and your lovely wife. I know as an RN, that you made the right decision to ensure Teresa is safe and that you are safe as well. Sometimes, it becomes impossible to manage these situations at home. My own grandmother had to be placed for severe dementia as she was not reality based as her disease progressed and she had become aggressive to family and was getting up in the wee hours of the morning and starting a wood stove in her farmhouse kitchen and was trying to cook full meals while family slept! It was very scary. Your wife is in good hands and you are a loving husband. Praying for your family and for Teresa. ❤️🙏✝️
With some forms of dementia their circadian rhythm gets switched, so night time is their day time cos the natural melatonin that we get released at night time doesn't happen for them. It's really interesting, but also is scary and upsetting!
You are a wonderful person, husband and caregiver. Teresa is blessed to have you. So glad you have a care facility for her now. Sending positive thoughts your way.
I'm a nurse that has worked in memory care and you have done the best thing you can do at this point. You have to take care of yourself so that you can be there for her. Hugs to both of you. You are a good husband and her best friend. Bless you both.
bless you for all you have done for your wife❤ unfortunately none of us ever wanted to place our loved ones in a memory clinic, but it is safer for her and also for your health. i put my mom in assisted living as i was a single mother and couldnt take care of her with my job. once she started getting dangerous to herself i had to move her to a memory clinic. it was physically exhausting, so i commend you for taking this on yourself. you are a wonderful man and your wife is lucky to have you. She is in good hands now so please take care of yourself too. Bless you❤❤
God bless you. I was my mom’s sole care giver. She got lung cancer at an elderly age and was healed of this. Then she got Alzheimer’s. This ground me to paste trying to care for her. Neither my brother or sister helped at all. I have never felt so alone in my life. May God touch you and soothe your worries and give you peace.
I'm sorry to learn of the difficult circumstances you faced - I can definitely relate to the hardship. Thank you for your support and much love to you.
My father was diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia at 59 years old and I was his primary care taker. I moved him into memory care when he was 62. He was the youngest person in there by far (young enough to be most of the other residents kid) but it was the best thing in the world I could do for him and me. I know how difficult it is but you really are doing the best thing for both of you.
My prayers are for you and your dear wife. My aunt was diagnosed in her mid 50s and my sweet uncle took wonderful care of her until he couldn’t. Eventually Alzheimer’s robbed her of everything and she was placed in LTCF. I will never forget the tender care my uncle showed his wife. What a sacrifice! May the Lord bless you!
Isn’t it amazing that at this most heartbreaking stage, your channel just mysteriously blows up with support especially during Holy Week and Easter? I’m getting goosebumps and I live in the Midwest! God is definitely with you my dear friend.
I watch RUclips shorts of Grsndpa Ed a 91 year old gentleman with Alzheimer's that splits his week living with 2 of his sons. I'm pretty sure my clicking on those shorts is why the RUclips algorithm decided I should see your videos. I also now watch A Charming Abode a RUclips channel about a wonderful couple in which the husband has been diagnosed with Lewy Bode Dementia. The channel is also about the wife's interests but I really enjoy the updates about the husband and their journey together with his illness. It's not as sad a story as one might suspect, the husband is funny and the wife lovely and charming. Anyway I suspect the algorithm is presenting your videos, and others about dementia, to viewers due to the popularity of Grandpa Ed aka Dr. Ed and his son who posts a RUclips short about his father almost everyday.
Your last video suddenly popped up on my phone in the UK and I am so glad I watched it. I am a retired RN, worked in mainly elderly care many years so I was so interested in your story as your wife is so young. Please look after yourself and keep us posted.
As a Nurse who has been in Health care for over 4O years I am well acquainted with This devastating disease!My prayers are with you 🙏 both!God bless you 🙏
You are a wonderful husband. I work as a caretaker for people diagnosed with dementia. It is so hard on the families to reach out for help but once they have everyone benefits. Thank you for sharing your story.
As a previous caregiver to Alzheimer’s patients I think you have absolutely made the right decision to place Teresa in memory care. I know it’s a heartbreaking decision for you but your health and well-being is as important as hers and she will get the around the clock care she needs from people trained to care for Alzheimer’s disease. Prayers sent for both of you as you adjust to this newness of the move. With time you will see how beneficial it will be for her and yourself and your health as well. ❤
I am so sorry for what you're going through. I lost my grandmother, mother, and brother to the disease. My older sister is in a memory care unit now. It's hardest on the caregivers. Your love for your wife is inspiring.
I’m a retired nurse. You have done the right thing, placing her in memory care. They can meet her needs even better than you can. And allows you to be her husband, rather than her full-time caregiver. I know it was a hard decision for you, and I believe you’ll feel some grief. But you are doing the right thing.
My husband was diagnosed with Frontotemporal Dementia at age 52. He is now 64. He is still at home with me. He doesn’t have delusions, but needs my help for most everything. You have my utmost respect, and I think you did the right thing to use a memory care facility. I don’t think I could keep my hubby at home if he were having delusions and hallucinations.
Thank you Peggy for sharing. I would still have Theresa at home if it were not for the delusions and hallucinations. Much love and support to your and your husband on this journey.
I'm one of the people YT suggested your videos to recently. Such a surprise to see this new video from you today. You did a great job explaining the purpose of the first videos. I'm glad you were able to update with the current situation and hope you feel free to post as little or as much as you desire. The road you and Theresa have been on is really one of the most difficult life can take you and I send my best wishes to you. I'll be thinking of you, and am sure you have done the right thing.
You are such an amazing husband to her! Your love and care for her is such an inspiration! The choice or rather lack of choice to move her will give her the care level she needs now. My thought and prayers for both of you 🙏🏻
I am caring for my husband (age 72) who has mixed Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia. I have never experienced such heartbreak before. I hired respite about 6 months ago at the begging of family and friends. I don’t have to tell you how exhausting this experience is. I’m the kind of tired that can’t be fixed with an extra day or two sleep. My heart goes out to you. I look forward to watching your previous videos and wish you well.
I have been my moms caregiver 24/7 for 6 yrs and it is very tiring as my mom doesnt know me anymore or is able to understand or speak. I can identify with every word and concern you stated I hope you find peace in your decision as it is a tough one and one that I have thought of but I cant do it,,,I am a nurse and her proudest day was at my graduation little did I know it would lead to this
Thank you Trey for sharing your story about you and your wife Theresa. The love you have for your wife is palpable and I pray that Theresa is adjusting to where she is now. Please continue to share the journey you and Theresa are sharing.
My Mother had Alzheimer’s disease and I tried my best to care for her at home but it just got too hard. Even with working from home she just needed more care. It was difficult, but I put her in the memory care unit of an Assisted Living facility and she was there for five years. I believe it actually helped her because she had a great roommate and the believed it was their job to look after each other. With my Mother, she thought she had young babies so she was always looking for them. A realistic doll helped, but she never stopped looking. It was heartbreaking.
Amazing she found some purpose in helping her new friend. It's so sad when they have delusions of little children. Dolls, stuffed animals or pets sometimes help.
What you described sounds more like Lewy Body Dementia, but I'm sure the doctor's have ruled that out. Thanks for the update. I'm sure this was a very hard decision, but from what you described, it was the best for both of you. You are in my prayers.
Your first video came across my feed today and I was truly touched! I can't tell you how much I admire you for sticking it out with your wife in such difficult circumstances and not only that but giving her the most beautiful care a loving spouse could possibly give to another. My mom has dementia and I know how difficult it is and she doesn't even live with me. She lives close by in a memory care home and I know I couldn't have her here without giving up everything else in my life including my sanity. I see her regularly and I'm sure you see your wife regularly too. I'm glad I saw this update and I think you did the right thing by seeking help for her because it's helping yourself as well. The mental anguish in the daily care had to be immense and you really do need to take care of yourself for yourself and for the rest of your family too. God bless you and I'm going to keep you in my prayers. With sincerity and the greatest respect!
I am glad your wife and you got to enjoy travel, spend time together. I am an early retire nurse, who who was sole caretaker for my mom for 5 years. I felt guilty for placing her in a nursing home at 91. I was worn out, was experiencing complete exhaustion. I commend you for living your marriage vows. I see how tired you look-dont neglect your health. I once worked on a memory care unit. I never felt more aware of the beauty and tragedy of being a human being. Praying for your wife, your family and you.
My mom went through the same thing, every time my dad left the house, she thought he was out seeing another woman. She had the hallucinations too. She would hide things cause she thought someone was going to steal it. It's hard to see your loved one go through it. Hang in there.
I was a Nurse for many years on a Memory Care unit. It is normal for you to be advised to not visit for a week or two. I think it is harder on the family than the residents. She will be cared for & have medications adjusted as needed with input from the Nurse & Dr. You have done an excellent job of loving your wife & you now need to adjust to looking after your self care. May prayers are with you.
Thank you for your comment, prayers and support. I also want to thank you for all the years you spent caring for those impacted by dementia related diseases. Much love
I know it doesn't feel like it but you did the right thing for you and her. Many times the caregivers are forgotten. Bless your heart I can only imagine the pain you are in and I wish I had some words of wisdom that could help. You and Theresa are in my prayers.
Thank you for the update. I actually just watched the other videos right before this one. My heart hurts for both of you. I will be praying for you all.
I worked in the field and ran memory cares for 25 years. What an incredible husband you are taking her care as far as possible - I believe you made the right choice at the right time. As hard as it is, she will fall into her routine and feel secure in her surroundings. Be the squeaky wheel if you need to - to ensure optimal care and oversight. I will look forward to following your continuing story. God bless you both.
Hi Pamela - I appreciate your kind words and support. I also want to thank you for all the years you provided care for those at Memory Care. Much love and God bless you as well.
You did the right thing. This is a cruel disease. She's there in body but her mind is somewhere else. God bless you for doing everything humanly possible for her.
Trey, so sorry, don't feel guilty that u had to place your wife in a special care facility. I am sure you gave it your all and now that this is beyond what you can do,sure she will be well taken care of and you can visit. I lost my husband of fifty nine years to Alzheimers July, 2020. He had alzheimers for more than 10 years, was very slow progression. When covid hit and I couldn't take him out to eat at restaurants he just give up. That was something he looked forward to and everyone was so good to him,all the wait staff had him spoiled . He loved seeing and watching people. I took care of him 24/7, just like you did with your wife. I was fortunate in so many ways, he was happy most of the time and I knew how to keep him calm and it usually worked, he didn't try to leave the house. The last five days before he passed, our daughter came and helped me. He was a big man and I being the opposite couldn't turn him in bed and he couldn't help at all. Couldn't even sit in his recliner without sliding to the floor. Alzheimers is a cruel illness. My husband like your wife was very intelligent but the illness robs them of everything. Please take care of yourself and be kind to yourself and try to enjoy the small blessings of life.
Thank you Jean for sharing about your husband. I'm so sorry for your loss and the struggles you all endured during Covid. Thank you so much for your support - much love and blessing to you.
You are the epitome of what a loving, dedicated husband should be, and I commend you for all your efforts on your wife’s behalf. You are and have done everything imaginable which speaks of the great love you have for her. Blessings.
I will pray for you. I can tell from hearing you speak that you are a wonderful caregiver and husband. I know you must be worn down and need time to rest and get outs and find a new normal for your life. I pray Teresa will be happy in her new environment and adjust as best she can with her illness. I’m sorry you both are going through this truly is heart breaking. Thank you for sharing Teresa’s and your story I know there needs to be so much more research for this diagnosis. God bless you and Teresa.🙏
I am 65 years old I am still working as memory care coordinator and I am also certified dementia practitioner and everything your doing is on the right track support group so important specially for you
My mom died in Sept. Of effects of the disease. She was 89 and healthy. It's a rough road. I feel for you, it's hard on you. Can't imagine how it is looking out. Blessing to you both and thank you for the update. I'm glad you chose to move her. You don't want two victims of this disease. She will be fine. Is a repeat cycle of repeat repeat repeat same things, thoughts, behaviors. It's exhausting. Truly exhausted. We family care givers deal with guilt, sadness, loneliness and resentment. You need your time for you. This is the very best, healthy honorable decision you can make. She will learn to depend on them for her needs. It's ok. You've done all you can as a loved one. Get some much needed rest. Don't be hard on yourself. Love yourself as she would if she could.
Trey you are doing the right thing!! A nurse of a many years.. you are on the right track …and you are a great support to her!!! Quality of time spent together is important !!! Hold tight and continue on this rough road!!! Take care of you … cuz it is important to her!!! Bless you!!!🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
Your love for Theresa comes through and is so beautiful. I’m so glad she has a husband like you. You are doing everything right for her. It’s also unfortunately the most difficult. Been there with my Mom. Stay strong. ❤
I remember almost 50 years ago, my husband's grandmother most have had Alzhiemers because she would hide things in her room, at a nursing home, then forget where she put them. She would then get really upset and say that someone working there stole them. It's not easy seeing the one you love go through suffering like that. Thank you for doing only the best you can do for her.
You are an incredible man! I can only hope I'd meet someone as kind and loving as you. I'm my mother's caregiver... were new on the journey of Dementia. Thank you for your testimony. ❤❤❤
Firstly I am so glad you did this up date. I did wonder how things were. Secondly I am a retired nurse, who nursed my husband 3 and a half years with a brain tumour till he passed away. He died 10 years ago this year. When you said how much your love for her had strengthed even more, I totally agree with that is what happened with me. Illness takes you to a level of love that a lot of people do not know..I eventually had to let my husband move into a hospice because his symptoms became too much for me to care for him at home. By letting her go into a care facility you aren't just doing it for her needs. By doing so you are taking care of yourself which means you can be her husband again instead of just her care giver. By looking after you, you can continue to be there for her. I think you are an amazing, and wishing you all the best there.
God Bless You! I can't even imagine, at your age, how you were able to work and take care of your wife and home. I speak from the experience of taking care of my Dad the last year of his life. My mom sheltered my sister's and myself from how bad things were until she could no longer do it alone. I retired/stopped working 2 years ago to be able to help my mom. I didn't want in- home care and mom didn't want to place him anywhere. I spent many days and nights witnessing his delusions. He even thought I was a boy who came to help out in the house. That was crushing for me. I did learn that I had to lie for the greater good and put myself into his reality. He had Capgras Syndome where he saw my mom in the kitchen and thought she was the "woman who cooked" vs seeing his wife of 67 years. Again, this is totally different because Dad started this in his late 70s but we didn't recognize the signs that early. Just know that in my opinion, you made a good decision by putting her in a medical facility. Caregiver burnout is real. To be honest, I think I have a degree of PTSD from things with my Dad. I don't regret a single moment with him but there were some things I wish I hadn't witnessed. You seem to be an amazing husband and I know your wife appreciates that. I think your channel is amazing. It popped up this past week and I was anxious for an update. I'm 56 and I can't fathom a day in your life if this were my husband. You're a Rockstar! Always ask for help and accept it when people offer. I didn't do that. I have trust issues and worried that in home care would end up stealing from my parents. (I've had several friends that had that issue). I wish I had some great advice but just know that you are bound to have a lot more people praying for you than you probably realize. I'm definitely sending prayers and positive energy your way. The disease is cruel and heartless. Please keep the updates coming. I truly care about the journey you and your wife are on.
Hi Julie - I appreciate you sharing about Dad and thank you so much for your kind words and support. God bless you as well and thank you for the prayers.
You are getting more prayers now! I have friends who are going down the same path. The husband was in a situation similar to yours and put his wife in Memory Care in August, 2022. Her younger sister who was in another facility for the same issues passed away a couple weeks ago. Praying for you.
Thank you for the update. You are an exceptionally mature, caring, patient, loving husband. Theresa is lucky to have you. I pray she adjusts quickly at the memory facility, and you get the rest you need.
I just recently came across your channel. I’m so sorry for what you and Theresa have been through. You did such a great job caring for your precious wife as long as you could and helping her to get a safe place for additional care when she needed it. It is kind of you to help others by telling your story and bringing awareness. I’m sure it will help many people.
So sorry to hear that you are going through such tough times. My dad lived with me for a year when my twins were 4. My dad had alzheimers and needed help with everything. It was so hard❤ we ended up putting him in a private care home and it was so nice for him and I had to let go. It was hard at first ❤ good luck❤
This man is an angel, it would be easy to get frustrated and give up on a loved one who changes so much and stresses you out. I hope she does well in her new home!
Your story has touched me dearly. My mother died 4.5 years ago of Alzheimer’s and now her sister is now in a nursing facility with the disease as well. I recently had genetic testing and it appears I have the markers as well. I have noticed over the years my memory not be as sharp as before. I have difficulties learning new things and lost a job last year. I was devastated. I am rethinking what my future holds and what is truly important. My heart breaks for you. As I told my dad while he took care of my mom, he earned his wings and his spot in heaven. God bless you.❤
Trey, your love and commitment to your beloved Theresa in her long term illness and care needs is tremendously inspiring. Having cared for my two dear elders with dementia for 14 years,I understand the impact on the lives of the ill ones and the caregiver. My hope for you as you continue to care for Theresa, with assistance, is your own development and daily discipline of self-care as you continue to love your beautiful wife and grieve the tremendous losses that you both continue to live with. Thank you for sharing Theresa’s and your journey, so graciously, with all of us. May you both be blessed with peace and well-being as your journey together continues.🪷🌷🪷
I’m a Director of Nursing of a Memory Care ALF in Fl. Thank You for sharing your story. I noticed you had mentioned she was diagnosed with Posterior Cortical Atrophy in one of your videos? Is that her current diagnosis? I do know that vision loss typically comes with that particular diagnosis, so I was curious about her progress. Thanks again for sharing your story with us
Thanks for your comment. Her current diagnosis is Alzheimer's Disease. Theresa has not had any vision loss but does have a lot of Spacial Impairment. For example - She can't tell left from right, puts clothes on backward, cannot draw shapes, and has trouble judging distances when walking stairs. Also, if I point at something, she can't seem to follow where my finger is pointing.
You are a wonderful husband. The role of family caregiver can be daunting , difficult,draining and at times you feel helpless. You have handled it with grace and gave it your all and it’s absolutely okay to have the help that you are now having with your spouse. Your journey with this disease speaks volumes to the masses out here.
Hello viewers and subscribers. Thank you so much for all your support. As an update to this video, Theresa is back home with me now, as of July 2023, and no longer resides at the memory care facility. Here is a link to the video in-which I discuss it >> ruclips.net/video/bbkFlUDLJ5s/видео.htmlsi=f8RWuO79sObVIm7e
I just read your message, why is she back home with you?
I am a 65 year old nurse ( still working) I work in an extended care facility that includes a dementia unit, as a nurse of 42 years I have seen family members destroy their own health taking care of a loved one and after destroying their own health, they are left needing to place their loved one in long term care, you are to be commended not only for standing by your wife and continuing to love her and care for her but realizing that the time had arrived to have 24 hour care before you destroyed your health with the possibility of then both of you requiring care… God’s blessings on you and your wife❤
You’re a true Angel. My mom died from complications from Alzheimer’s/dementia and my brothers and I took care of my mother for as long as we could, taking shifts, until we just couldn’t do it anymore. It made my brother sick until he almost died and I had severe muscle spasms in my back until I couldn’t even walk anymore. We finally made the hardest decision of our lives, putting Mom in a foster home. There were only a total of 5 patients, so we felt comfortable leaving her there. I can’t even tell you how much it’s aged all three of us. It’s a very hard job being a caregiver, but I think it’s twice as hard for family members who don’t know how to care for a person with Alzheimer’s/dementia and “wing it.” I commend you for your dedication. God bless you and your family.
Absolutely true!
@@2010Tigresa I also agree with above comments and commend Trey for what he has done and making a hard but important decision.
I strongly feel that if I would ever get this disease that I would not want my loved ones to sacrifice the rest of their lives trying to do an impossibly hard job.
Well said Kathy. You’re absolutely right 👍
I took care of my grandmother from the age of 14-22 due to her passing away. I had ZERO help because I didn't know how to get help since NOBODY listened to me much less helped me. My family never helped me either and it seriously took my youth and my life away. I'm 35 now and still left with the mental scars of dealing with this illness. I wouldn't wish it on anybody.
My mother passed away just a little over two years ago due to other complications not related to the dementia. I remember all her hallucinations, the sun-downing that happened every night, at the same time. Most heartbreaking thing was she wanted to go "home." It took us a little bit to realize she wanted to go back to the house she grew up with and be with her parents. She knew our names but had no concept what a mother-daughter/son meant. She was in a great mood one day and I explained to her how she became a mother with the "bird and bees" description, as well as the "real" reason she had children. She laughed so hard and said "I did that? Three times?" She was SO embarrassed lol That memory makes me smile for some reason. She also was a wonderer and my sister moved in with her kids to help take care of her. After a year, it became too difficult to control her "evil" moods when she tried to stab people with pens, pencils, forks, and then all knives and scissors were put away. My sister, her kids, and I did the best we could, but we could no longer care for her properly. She went into a home care facility and they were wonderful!! I saw her on July 20, 2020 and she was like mom again; no signs of dementia. I spent hours visiting and we talked and laughed like she had no problems. I thought she was going to almost be back to normal, as much she could be, with the meds she was taking. She passed away 24 hours later, after after dinner. She was in no pain. We suspect she had a heart attack or stroke but it doesn't matter really. Her delusions, confusion, and frustration are gone now. She and my dad are together, healthy and I'll see them again. Sorry it's too long. If you read the entire comment, thanks!
This made me tear up. After all the ups and downs, I'm so grateful you had that time with her while she was fully lucid. What a blessed memory to have. That, and of course the birds and the bees. ❤️🙏🏽
Know that she is fully healed and with God. Won't all our reunions in heaven be so wonderful.
@@nca4794 Thank you! It was wonderful to spend time like that with her. Talking to my brother and sister, she was like that with them, as well. The last 3 days she was like that. All of us experienced that with her and we were like wow, how cool was that! The birds and bees chat still make me laugh! That makes this easier to go through. ❤
@@happycook6737 Yes, it'll be wonderful and spectacular!
@@lisalynnmarie2448 ❤️ I hear you.
Rest assured she is much safer with the 24/7 care she is getting now. God bless you and Theresa. You are an angel on earth indeed.
🙏🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️God Bless you and Theresa,she is getting the care now.take care of yourself…❤️🙏💪👏
@@kathytitus5632 love your comment.
A lot of abuse goes in in facilities with dementia patients
Trey, there is no award in the end for being a caregiver. Carers are the hidden heroes among this awful, awful disease. I want you to know that I see you, and you’re doing an amazing job. I am so proud of you.
As a caregiver of Alzheimers patients for over 15 years I have to say having no prior experience with this you have done a phenomenal job caring for her. It's hard to hear you say sometimes you don't know what to do because most times there isn't much you can do other than what you're already doing and that's just being her support. It's always best to agree with everything and disagree about nothing!!😊
Trey, Job Well Done. This is gonna be a long one . . . You made the right decision, Trey. I can promise you, after a short adjustment period, Theresa will see that memory care center as her home and also come to see the staff, (she will have her favorites!) will become more and more like family to her. The activities and other residents will become a steady and familiar routine that allows for socializing. The hard part will be for you, when you see yourself fading more and more, to the background of her mind. That’s the hardest and most heartbreaking part of this disease for loved ones. However, maybe that’s not really a bad thing, as she is no longer feeling the fear that she’s losing you to “another woman”, nor as aware of her cognitive decline. She now has many opportunities to experience “the now” in her life. For her perspective, I think she will probably be a happy camper in an environment geared to her special needs. The sense of loss will be greater for you than her. It will, I’m sure, be hard for you to let go of that caregiver role you have willingly been doing for 10+ years. It will be hard to find a new purpose other than being Theresa’s 24/7 Caregiver for 10+ (12?) years. Now that you know she will be well taken care of, it’s time to take care of Trey. Back up and regroup and rediscover what gives you joy, even if that joy means, meeting a coworker at McDonalds in the mornings before work for coffee and a McMuffin. Grief isn’t always related to a physical death. Grief can involve witnessing, in real time, the progressive loss of a familiar presence in you life, living a comfortable daily way of life with the person you love. Theresa is now living her life in her “now”; let her enjoy it. You both have had to change your way of life; she’ll flourish. Eventually, when you visit, she’ll tolerate you for a little while, but then she’ll want to get back to go a fun activity that’s going on in the day room! That’s the kind of thing you pray for. She has a new life, with new friends that are just like herself; Life for her good. Be happy for her. Do you best to appreciate a sense of freedom to cultivate a new way of life for yourself; fill it with things that make you happy. Visiting Theresa will be part of that, seeing her happy in that environment will be good medicine for you and your soul. Bye for now, Terry
I was thinking it’s time for the care facility when you described her thinking you were having an affair because you got out a little bit, before you said you’d done that. It was the best decision. Hard, I know… but wow, what a job you’ve done as her loving, faithful caretaker and husband (and still are) Hat’s off to you.❤️
@Silver Bullet do u work at a Memory Care Center or other Alzheimer's type related Long term care facility or hav a loved one has been or is being cared for in one?
@@susanleslie4809 Thanks for asking! Most of my adult work experience has been in Longterm Care; i.e., nursing homes. My last position was that of Director of Medical Records and retired from Long Term Care in 2019. A little background info: I started out in 1985 as an Activity Aide and progressed to different positions in longterm care from there, Admissions, Marketing, Assistant Administrator and my last position, Medical Records Director. I guess you could say, I have come full circle, from opening a chart to closing out a chart. The last facility I worked at and retired from (12+years) had a Rehab Unit, provided for Longterm Care residents and also had a separate Secured Dementia Unit. It functioned as a “mini” nursing home within the facility. The residents received their daily care, medicines, they ate, slept, attended on unit activities or did their own thing, and joining the general population activities and outings when it was appropriate. Back in the day (1980’s) most dementia patients resided on a kind of separate “wing” together, not a separate closed unit, per say. Otherwise, “regular” nursing home residents could be very short-tempered and easily frustrated/angry with a demented patient rambling in and out of their rooms, going through their things, etc., and could be very cruel. On this “wing”, Care Plans were developed for both Individual and Group Activities specifically geared to the different levels of dementia. We were doing “Memory Care” before it was used as a marketing tool to care for the special needs of the dementia patient. Iv’e admitted and personally known big, strong men who were CEOs of major companies, reduced to having to be fed, dressed and toileted, because they forgot how to do these simple everyday activities of daily living. Most people working in longterm care, only see a resident as they are when admitted, rarely do they see the actual spiral . Alzheimer’s or Dementia, whatever you wish to call it, is so much harder on close loved ones or those that witness it. Dementia is a one-way ticket; the irony is, for them, things get better. The fear(s) subside and as routines become familiar, security follows. Personally, if I had my druthers, I would rather be demented. Just think, when looking in the mirror I see myself as either me or a younger version of me or perceive myself as a new friend, either, way, not a bad view! Demented, especially if it is early onset, in my opinion, is better than being aware and witnessing my own progressive physical decline. The grief of losing that “bigger than life” person to this irreversible disease is devastating. Coming to terms with the fact that the level of care needed to properly and safely care for your loved, has out bid you, comes in at a close second. You begin to realize, that needing 24hr means just that, 24hr care, which you alone, cannot provide. The biggest joy and relief comes when you see them happy in this new safe and comfortable environment, then and only then, will you know you made right decision.
As a wife, I can say. You are a wonderful husband. The way you deal with her delusions is so sensitive and nurturing. I pray you have friends and family to support you. God bless you and your sweet wife.
The delusions are the worst part. The sadness and fear she feels is very real. You're a good man to have been with her all this time..
That's what you do, when you love someone. Love should always be, unconditional.
My mother can flip a switch and then I try to distract her to get her back. She hears music. She thinks death is coming for her. The other day she was telling me how relieved she was that that man came to fix the wires in the speakers in the wall because she was sick of that old time music. But she was glad because she can still hear me. It’s awful. 🥺
God bless you. What a man.
@@tiffinyanderson4403 my mom hears music daily. Unfortunately it can be repetitive, so she tells “them” to knock it off, and that she’s sick of hearing the same song over & over.
@@amyhenningsgard8618 My mother usually hears it at night but when she is really tired during the day. It’s so hard to handle. As you know it’s heartbreaking when roles reverse and we are the mothers to our parents.
Trey, you are amazing. On behalf of all women who would love to have someone so supportive... thank you ❤️. I'm praying for you both.
Nicely said & very deserved!
I see the sadness in your eyes. I hear it in your voice. You deserve love and care yourself.
@@Kaybaybeeme : Kathy, this is so sad. I feel that with all the mental and physical anguish Theresa’s husband is going through, ( which is a struggle for him) .. I pray he doesn’t die before her. This disease will rip the caregiver apart.
I hope he gets the hell away from time to time to save his own tormented life.
You did your best and i applaud you .You made the right decision.I am a retired nurse and i know what you are going through.Stay strong.
I can see in your eyes how hard this has been. So sorry for what you are all going through. My husband is 65 and has 3 different dementias. The hardest part is living with his delusions and paranoia. Honestly I am not sure how long I can keep him at home. I understand how difficult that decision was for you. Clearly, it was time.
I'm sorry you are having to go through this. Please, please take care of yourself and best wishes from the UK.
Hi Jory - I'm sorry to learn of these difficulties you are enduring with your husbands care. I also apologize that it has taken me so long to read this comment. I was transitioning Theresa into Memory Care when this video started getting a lot of attention. Theresa has been in memory care for about 6-7 weeks. I have made some recent videos on how the transition has been. I hope you can watch them and they are helpful to you. Much love and support to you and your husband.
You did the right thing. I'm an RN and have taken care of many many dementia patients. For their safety and yours, 24hr care is necessary. Prayers for you.
I helped care for my brother during his last two and a half years. He was downs and had slid rapidly into dementia on our watch. It was hard to place him in the dementia unit. It was as if we left our child. But he was gleeful, dancing with women and enjoying new people. He slowed down as the disease progressed and would sleep most days. He didn’t remember me at the end except he knew we belonged to him. Holding his hand and just being with him was a blessing. He rallied at the end and seemed very animated as we each gave him our love. God is merciful and let him rest in His arms. I’m looking forward to hugging the guts out of him one day. I really miss him.
Oh,just wait until you see him fully healed and healthy in heaven. What a glorious reunion we will have with our loved ones!
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Hi Connie - your story really touches my heart. Thank you so much for sharing.
As caregiver myself for our mother age 89 with Alzheimer's I understand it all. Please take care of yourself now & get caught up on your rest. Glad you have the good memories of your travels together.
God bless you and Theresa
You are the most caring husband
God bless you both.
When you said I love her now more than I loved her before her diagnosis, my heart exploded and broke at the same time. Please try and not feel so bad for decisions that are the hardest you've ever had to make. You have to take care of you so that you can help care for her❤ You and Teresa are in my prayers! She is Truly Blessed to have you Trey!❤🙏❤🙏❤
Thank you Christal for your kind words, prayers and support! God Bless
Stay strong Trey. It’s a tough week for you. Be kind to yourself.
My late husband had Alzheimer's and I cared for him
(7 years) until five weeks before he died. I felt so guilty, like somehow, I failed him but he was a danger to himself, to me and our dogs. He also saw imaginary people. Thank you for posting this. I was one of the people who sought you out. I never saw a human being so attentive to another human being. You are the best husband in the world.
My mother cared for my father also, and felt so guilty when we had to admit him to a facility, but he was a danger to himself, to my mom and others. He has been doing so much better at the facility. You did more than many would have, and there is no need for you to feel guilty.
Thank you for sharing about your husband and I'm so sorry for your loss. I appreciate your kind words and support DeeDee. Much love
My heart goes out to you all. My Dad who had dementia lived with us. One of the hardest decisions of our lives was putting Dad into a permanent care facility. The deciding factor to do so was that Dad was having daily constant intense angina heart pain. Which was eventually suggested to us that the constant distress that he was feeling from seeing us including my Mum and with Dad trying to know who we all were and the distress/ confusion of not knowing that it may be best for Dad to go into permanent care in a facility. After that difficult decision was made it was quickly apparent that this was the best for Dad. The intense angina pain stoped as we weren’t there with him as constant reminders, giving Dad that feeling of being unsettled and distressed as he couldn’t remember. So why am I saying all of this?… there becomes a point that it can be love to let others care for the ones that we love so deeply and that it to can be the best and most settling for our loved ones that are in this situation. We too then benefit by not being so physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted that our loved ones benefit from the time that we are spending with them. Take care and all the best for you both. Much loving thoughts.
Thank you for your words of encouragement and for sharing your story.
Trey, you are a complete saint. Please take care of yourself. I know it must be so hard but you have done the right thing. I am a neuropsychologist and I have worked with caregivers. Please know you did the right thing.
Hell Anbles - Thank you for the work you have done with the memory impaired and their caregivers. I appreciate your comment and support !
I too am 65. I’m a nurse. I still work also. I have worked in the NICU most of my career. But I took care of my mom I. She was almost 93. I did it alone. No help from anyone. You’re doing a wonderful job. This was the best you could have done for her right now. In time, you’ll be able to visit her. I wish you the best. I will keep you both in my prayers.
When you documented washing and blow drying her hair every night because she was comforted by the one-on-one attention my heart absolutely exploded for such devotion and unconditional love you have for her. And then when you declared the heart-wrenching decision of having to put her in memory care I completely broke down in tears. I cannot fathom the absolute devastation you both must have experienced in those first few days apart. Thank you for bringing to light all of the difficulties and struggle (for all the family members involved) that come along with this diagnosis. I wish so much strength and peace of mind for you both and I truly hope you recognize the angel on earth you are for her.
Peace
Thank you Patricia for your support. Theresa is my everything and I would do this all over again for her love.
Just found your channel. You are an outstanding husband who Theresa is lucky to have. I have only had the experience of a parent with Alzheimers and know that it's emotionally draining. I can't imagine going through this with a spouse at such a young age. Know and take comfort in the fact that you took care of her for as long as humanly possible. It really does take a team to take care of Alzheimer's patients as the disease progresses. I hope you have no guilt and find peace......
I cared for my spouse for 10 years before placing him in a memory care facility. It is incredibly difficult to do this, so I understand your pain only too well. Playing music on a CD player for him was very helpful. I would ask the staff to turn on the CD player whenever they came into his room. It may be too soon yet but Hospice is a tremendous help when that time comes. Be aware of that and ask. When the time comes that you may visit her, Discipline yourself and don’t try to stay all day. You must take very good care of yourself now and rest daily. Try to take a short walk outdoors. These things will help you.
Such good advice❤️
You have done an amazing job and you have cared for her longer than most people are able. I’m a aged care psychiatric nurse dealing with dementia and you have done the absolute right thing putting her into care. If you haven’t already you would suffer carer burnout and unfortunately no matter if she is with you or in care she is going to deteriorate. She will have falls, she will eat a lot less and she may eventually be on thickened fluids and puree diet. This is the progression of the disease and it’s not from being in care. Falls are inevitable. You have to look after yourself too. I hope I don’t frighten you but I don’t want you to think you could present what her future holds by being at home because you can’t . Take care
Prevent.*
Thank You for commenting Carla. Although I was torn and persecuted myself over the decision, ultimately I realized placing her was the best decision. I pray that over time, I will see her adapt to being in memory care and my guilt dissipate.
@@tpippen75 If your beloved wife were her normal self, she would absolutely tell you to put her in care and to then go live your own life to the fullest because you are now carrying on for both of you. Please live your life without regret because that would make her happy.
@@happycook6737 that is a good point. You are exactly right.
You are a wonderful person and there is a special place in heaven for you one day! Prayin for you and Teresa.🙏🙏🙏
I am a nurse and have been for 26 years, my mother has Alzheimer’s I have been caring for her for the past 3 years . I am currently looking for a memory care facility to place her , it has become unsafe to keep her at home . My heart goes out to you ❤
Likewise Deanna - Much love and support to you and your family on this journey with mom.
It is clear IN ABUNDANCE how much you love her. ❤
I’m so sorry to hear that this is happening to you and your lovely wife. I know as an RN, that you made the right decision to ensure Teresa is safe and that you are safe as well. Sometimes, it becomes impossible to manage these situations at home. My own grandmother had to be placed for severe dementia as she was not reality based as her disease progressed and she had become aggressive to family and was getting up in the wee hours of the morning and starting a wood stove in her farmhouse kitchen and was trying to cook full meals while family slept! It was very scary. Your wife is in good hands and you are a loving husband. Praying for your family and for Teresa. ❤️🙏✝️
With some forms of dementia their circadian rhythm gets switched, so night time is their day time cos the natural melatonin that we get released at night time doesn't happen for them. It's really interesting, but also is scary and upsetting!
You are a wonderful person, husband and caregiver. Teresa is blessed to have you. So glad you have a care facility for her now. Sending positive thoughts your way.
Thank you for you kind words and support.
I'm a nurse that has worked in memory care and you have done the best thing you can do at this point. You have to take care of yourself so that you can be there for her. Hugs to both of you. You are a good husband and her best friend. Bless you both.
Thank you Rebecca for your support and for the care you provided for others impacted by dementia related diseases.
bless you for all you have done for your wife❤ unfortunately none of us ever wanted to place our loved ones in a memory clinic, but it is safer for her and also for your health. i put my mom in assisted living as i was a single mother and couldnt take care of her with my job. once she started getting dangerous to herself i had to move her to a memory clinic. it was physically exhausting, so i commend you for taking this on yourself. you are a wonderful man and your wife is lucky to have you. She is in good hands now so please take care of yourself too. Bless you❤❤
Thank you Kathy for sharing about mom. I appreciate your comment and support. Blessing to you as well !
The tears just won’t stop rolling!! 😢😢😢😢 lord cover him 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
God bless you. I was my mom’s sole care giver. She got lung cancer at an elderly age and was healed of this. Then she got Alzheimer’s. This ground me to paste trying to care for her. Neither my brother or sister helped at all. I have never felt so alone in my life. May God touch you and soothe your worries and give you peace.
I'm sorry to learn of the difficult circumstances you faced - I can definitely relate to the hardship. Thank you for your support and much love to you.
My father was diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia at 59 years old and I was his primary care taker. I moved him into memory care when he was 62. He was the youngest person in there by far (young enough to be most of the other residents kid) but it was the best thing in the world I could do for him and me. I know how difficult it is but you really are doing the best thing for both of you.
My prayers are for you and your dear wife. My aunt was diagnosed in her mid 50s and my sweet uncle took wonderful care of her until he couldn’t. Eventually Alzheimer’s robbed her of everything and she was placed in LTCF. I will never forget the tender care my uncle showed his wife. What a sacrifice! May the Lord bless you!
Isn’t it amazing that at this most heartbreaking stage, your channel just mysteriously blows up with support especially during Holy Week and Easter? I’m getting goosebumps and I live in the Midwest! God is definitely with you my dear friend.
Indeed. God sent us here to help this lovely couple. Perfect timing always 🥰
I watch RUclips shorts of Grsndpa Ed a 91 year old gentleman with Alzheimer's that splits his week living with 2 of his sons. I'm pretty sure my clicking on those shorts is why the RUclips algorithm decided I should see your videos. I also now watch A Charming Abode a RUclips channel about a wonderful couple in which the husband has been diagnosed with Lewy Bode Dementia. The channel is also about the wife's interests but I really enjoy the updates about the husband and their journey together with his illness. It's not as sad a story as one might suspect, the husband is funny and the wife lovely and charming. Anyway I suspect the algorithm is presenting your videos, and others about dementia, to viewers due to the popularity of Grandpa Ed aka Dr. Ed and his son who posts a RUclips short about his father almost everyday.
It’s also Passover and Ramadan.
Your last video suddenly popped up on my phone in the UK and I am so glad I watched it. I am a retired RN, worked in mainly elderly care many years so I was so interested in your story as your wife is so young. Please look after yourself and keep us posted.
A compassionate well run memory care facility is a lifesaver for families. Much love & hugs to you both on this journey.
Your a good and honorable man Trey. A loving and compassionate husband. May God bless you. I sincerely hope you can come to terms with all this.
Thank you for your support Jeff. God Bless
As a Nurse who has been in Health care for over 4O years I am well acquainted with This devastating disease!My prayers are with you 🙏 both!God bless you 🙏
Thank you for your support Sharon and for the care you have provided to others as a nurse. God Bless.
You are a wonderful husband. I work as a caretaker for people diagnosed with dementia. It is so hard on the families to reach out for help but once they have everyone benefits. Thank you for sharing your story.
You are an amazing man and husband. Thank you for sharing this journey and I wish you all the best.
As a previous caregiver to Alzheimer’s patients I think you have absolutely made the right decision to place Teresa in memory care. I know it’s a heartbreaking decision for you but your health and well-being is as important as hers and she will get the around the clock care she needs from people trained to care for Alzheimer’s disease. Prayers sent for both of you as you adjust to this newness of the move. With time you will see how beneficial it will be for her and yourself and your health as well. ❤
I am so sorry for what you're going through. I lost my grandmother, mother, and brother to the disease. My older sister is in a memory care unit now. It's hardest on the caregivers. Your love for your wife is inspiring.
This story will forever stay in my heart.
I’m a retired nurse. You have done the right thing, placing her in memory care. They can meet her needs even better than you can. And allows you to be her husband, rather than her full-time caregiver. I know it was a hard decision for you, and I believe you’ll feel some grief. But you are doing the right thing.
God bless you both! Trey, your devotion , love and care you are giving Theresa is commendable. You are a wonderful man!
Thank you for your comment and support Nancy!
May God Bless you, Sir&protect your wife.
My husband was diagnosed with Frontotemporal Dementia at age 52. He is now 64. He is still at home with me. He doesn’t have delusions, but needs my help for most everything. You have my utmost respect, and I think you did the right thing to use a memory care facility. I don’t think I could keep my hubby at home if he were having delusions and hallucinations.
Thank you Peggy for sharing. I would still have Theresa at home if it were not for the delusions and hallucinations. Much love and support to your and your husband on this journey.
I'm one of the people YT suggested your videos to recently. Such a surprise to see this new video from you today. You did a great job explaining the purpose of the first videos. I'm glad you were able to update with the current situation and hope you feel free to post as little or as much as you desire. The road you and Theresa have been on is really one of the most difficult life can take you and I send my best wishes to you. I'll be thinking of you, and am sure you have done the right thing.
You are a amazing husband and human being God bless you for all you have done.
You are such an amazing husband to her! Your love and care for her is such an inspiration! The choice or rather lack of choice to move her will give her the care level she needs now. My thought and prayers for both of you 🙏🏻
I am caring for my husband (age 72) who has mixed Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia. I have never experienced such heartbreak before. I hired respite about 6 months ago at the begging of family and friends. I don’t have to tell you how exhausting this experience is. I’m the kind of tired that can’t be fixed with an extra day or two sleep. My heart goes out to you. I look forward to watching your previous videos and wish you well.
Find an adult day care program and drop him off daily. Then go home and rest. You must take care of yourself or you will both be dragged down.
I have been my moms caregiver 24/7 for 6 yrs and it is very tiring as my mom doesnt know me anymore or is able to understand or speak. I can identify with every word and concern you stated I hope you find peace in your decision as it is a tough one and one that I have thought of but I cant do it,,,I am a nurse and her proudest day was at my graduation little did I know it would lead to this
This is what an amazing committed husband does. God bless you Trey!
Thank you Trey for sharing your story about you and your wife Theresa. The love you have for your wife is palpable and I pray that Theresa is adjusting to where she is now. Please continue to share the journey you and Theresa are sharing.
My Mother had Alzheimer’s disease and I tried my best to care for her at home but it just got too hard. Even with working from home she just needed more care. It was difficult, but I put her in the memory care unit of an Assisted Living facility and she was there for five years. I believe it actually helped her because she had a great roommate and the believed it was their job to look after each other. With my Mother, she thought she had young babies so she was always looking for them. A realistic doll helped, but she never stopped looking. It was heartbreaking.
Amazing she found some purpose in helping her new friend. It's so sad when they have delusions of little children. Dolls, stuffed animals or pets sometimes help.
I understand and can relate to those difficulties. Thank you for sharing about your mom and the experiences at memory care. Much love
What you described sounds more like Lewy Body Dementia, but I'm sure the doctor's have ruled that out. Thanks for the update. I'm sure this was a very hard decision, but from what you described, it was the best for both of you. You are in my prayers.
Your first video came across my feed today and I was truly touched! I can't tell you how much I admire you for sticking it out with your wife in such difficult circumstances and not only that but giving her the most beautiful care a loving spouse could possibly give to another. My mom has dementia and I know how difficult it is and she doesn't even live with me. She lives close by in a memory care home and I know I couldn't have her here without giving up everything else in my life including my sanity. I see her regularly and I'm sure you see your wife regularly too. I'm glad I saw this update and I think you did the right thing by seeking help for her because it's helping yourself as well. The mental anguish in the daily care had to be immense and you really do need to take care of yourself for yourself and for the rest of your family too. God bless you and I'm going to keep you in my prayers. With sincerity and the greatest respect!
Hi Lizett - I appreciate your comment and for sharing about your mom. Thank you so much for your prayers and support. Much love
I am glad your wife and you got to enjoy travel, spend time together. I am an early retire nurse, who who was sole caretaker for my mom for 5 years. I felt guilty for placing her in a nursing home at 91. I was worn out, was experiencing complete exhaustion.
I commend you for living your marriage vows. I see how tired you look-dont neglect your health.
I once worked on a memory care unit. I never felt more aware of the beauty and tragedy of being a human being.
Praying for your wife, your family and you.
My mom went through the same thing, every time my dad left the house, she thought he was out seeing another woman. She had the hallucinations too. She would hide things cause she thought someone was going to steal it. It's hard to see your loved one go through it. Hang in there.
You are truly a phenomenal husband, protector, and caregiver. Blessings to you.
I was a Nurse for many years on a Memory Care unit. It is normal for you to be advised to not visit for a week or two. I think it is harder on the family than the residents. She will be cared for & have medications adjusted as needed with input from the Nurse & Dr. You have done an excellent job of loving your wife & you now need to adjust to looking after your self care. May prayers are with you.
Thank you for your comment, prayers and support. I also want to thank you for all the years you spent caring for those impacted by dementia related diseases. Much love
I know it doesn't feel like it but you did the right thing for you and her. Many times the caregivers are forgotten. Bless your heart I can only imagine the pain you are in and I wish I had some words of wisdom that could help. You and Theresa are in my prayers.
Thank you for the update. I actually just watched the other videos right before this one. My heart hurts for both of you. I will be praying for you all.
I worked in the field and ran memory cares for 25 years. What an incredible husband you are taking her care as far as possible - I believe you made the right choice at the right time. As hard as it is, she will fall into her routine and feel secure in her surroundings. Be the squeaky wheel if you need to - to ensure optimal care and oversight. I will look forward to following your continuing story. God bless you both.
Hi Pamela - I appreciate your kind words and support. I also want to thank you for all the years you provided care for those at Memory Care. Much love and God bless you as well.
Thank you for the update. Prayers to all at this time.
You did the right thing. This is a cruel disease. She's there in body but her mind is somewhere else. God bless you for doing everything humanly possible for her.
Trey, so sorry, don't feel guilty that u had to place your wife in a special care facility. I am sure you gave it your all and now that this is beyond what you can do,sure she will be well taken care of and you can visit. I lost my husband of fifty nine years to Alzheimers July, 2020. He had alzheimers for more than 10 years, was very slow progression. When covid hit and I couldn't take him out to eat at restaurants he just give up. That was something he looked forward to and everyone was so good to him,all the wait staff had him spoiled . He loved seeing and watching people. I took care of him 24/7, just like you did with your wife. I was fortunate in so many ways, he was happy most of the time and I knew how to keep him calm and it usually worked, he didn't try to leave the house. The last five days before he passed, our daughter came and helped me. He was a big man and I being the opposite couldn't turn him in bed and he couldn't help at all. Couldn't even sit in his recliner without sliding to the floor. Alzheimers is a cruel illness. My husband like your wife was very intelligent but the illness robs them of everything. Please take care of yourself and be kind to yourself and try to enjoy the small blessings of life.
Thank you Jean for sharing about your husband. I'm so sorry for your loss and the struggles you all endured during Covid. Thank you so much for your support - much love and blessing to you.
When the souls are weighed in the End; you, Sir, will not be found lacking.
You passed.
You are the epitome of what a loving, dedicated husband should be, and I commend you for all your efforts on your wife’s behalf. You are and have done everything imaginable which speaks of the great love you have for her. Blessings.
I will pray for you. I can tell from hearing you speak that you are a wonderful caregiver and husband. I know you must be worn down and need time to rest and get outs and find a new normal for your life. I pray Teresa will be happy in her new environment and adjust as best she can with her illness. I’m sorry you both are going through this truly is heart breaking. Thank you for sharing Teresa’s and your story I know there needs to be so much more research for this diagnosis. God bless you and Teresa.🙏
Thank you for your comment and support. God bless you as well.
I think you have done the very best for your wife all along, with only her best interests in mind. God bless you both, and take care of yourself.
I am 65 years old I am still working as memory care coordinator and I am also certified dementia practitioner and everything your doing is on the right track support group so important specially for you
This is so heartbreaking. You are a rare gem, Trey. Thank you for sharing.
My mom died in Sept. Of effects of the disease. She was 89 and healthy. It's a rough road. I feel for you, it's hard on you. Can't imagine how it is looking out. Blessing to you both and thank you for the update. I'm glad you chose to move her. You don't want two victims of this disease. She will be fine. Is a repeat cycle of repeat repeat repeat same things, thoughts, behaviors. It's exhausting. Truly exhausted. We family care givers deal with guilt, sadness, loneliness and resentment. You need your time for you. This is the very best, healthy honorable decision you can make. She will learn to depend on them for her needs. It's ok. You've done all you can as a loved one. Get some much needed rest. Don't be hard on yourself. Love yourself as she would if she could.
Thank You for sharing and I appreciate your words of support.
What a fabulous guy you are! You have done everything possible to help her. May you be blessed in your life.
Trey you are doing the right thing!! A nurse of a many years.. you are on the right track …and you are a great support to her!!! Quality of time spent together is important !!! Hold tight and continue on this rough road!!!
Take care of you … cuz it is important to her!!! Bless you!!!🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
I think when we say our vows we have no idea what “better or worse” means you are and have given the best!!!🫶🏽
Praying for comfort for you and your wife
Your love for Theresa comes through and is so beautiful. I’m so glad she has a husband like you. You are doing everything right for her. It’s also unfortunately the most difficult. Been there with my Mom. Stay strong. ❤
I remember almost 50 years ago, my husband's grandmother most have had Alzhiemers because she would hide things in her room, at a nursing home, then forget where she put them. She would then get really upset and say that someone working there stole them. It's not easy seeing the one you love go through suffering like that. Thank you for doing only the best you can do for her.
You are an incredible man! I can only hope I'd meet someone as kind and loving as you. I'm my mother's caregiver... were new on the journey of Dementia. Thank you for your testimony. ❤❤❤
Thank you for your words. Much love and support on this journey with your mom.
Firstly I am so glad you did this up date. I did wonder how things were. Secondly I am a retired nurse, who nursed my husband 3 and a half years with a brain tumour till he passed away. He died 10 years ago this year. When you said how much your love for her had strengthed even more, I totally agree with that is what happened with me. Illness takes you to a level of love that a lot of people do not know..I eventually had to let my husband move into a hospice because his symptoms became too much for me to care for him at home. By letting her go into a care facility you aren't just doing it for her needs. By doing so you are taking care of yourself which means you can be her husband again instead of just her care giver. By looking after you, you can continue to be there for her. I think you are an amazing, and wishing you all the best there.
Thank you for sharing your story and your support.
God Bless You! I can't even imagine, at your age, how you were able to work and take care of your wife and home. I speak from the experience of taking care of my Dad the last year of his life. My mom sheltered my sister's and myself from how bad things
were until she could no longer do it alone. I retired/stopped working 2 years ago to be able to help my mom. I didn't want in- home care and mom didn't want to place him anywhere. I spent many days and nights witnessing his delusions. He even thought I was a boy who came to help out in the house. That was crushing for me. I did learn that I had to lie for the greater good and put myself into his reality. He had Capgras Syndome where he saw my mom in the kitchen and thought she was the "woman who cooked" vs seeing his wife of 67 years.
Again, this is totally different because Dad started this in his late 70s but we didn't recognize the signs that early. Just know that in my opinion, you made a good decision by putting her in a medical facility. Caregiver burnout is real. To be honest, I think I have a degree of PTSD from things with my Dad. I don't regret a single moment with him but there were some things I wish I hadn't witnessed. You seem to be an amazing husband and I know your wife appreciates that. I think your channel is amazing. It popped up this past week and I was anxious for an update. I'm 56 and I can't fathom a day in your life if this were my husband. You're a Rockstar!
Always ask for help and accept it when people offer. I didn't do that. I have trust issues and worried that in home care would end up stealing from my parents. (I've had several friends that had that issue). I wish I had some great advice but just know that you are bound to have a lot more people praying for you than you probably realize. I'm definitely sending prayers and positive energy your way. The disease is cruel and heartless. Please keep the updates coming. I truly care about the journey you and your wife are on.
Hi Julie - I appreciate you sharing about Dad and thank you so much for your kind words and support. God bless you as well and thank you for the prayers.
You, Theresa , family, friends and the memory care facility staff are in my prayers. Yes, keep us posted when you can.
Wow what a beautiful loving husband you are to your wife. I pray for peace for your wife and you and your family!
Thank you for the update, I really appreciate you giving us how she is doing. Please take care of yourself.
How loving of you to place her. She is in the best hands with trained professionals.
You are getting more prayers now! I have friends who are going down the same path. The husband was in a situation similar to yours and put his wife in Memory Care in August, 2022. Her younger sister who was in another facility for the same issues passed away a couple weeks ago. Praying for you.
Thank you for the update. You are an exceptionally mature, caring, patient, loving husband. Theresa is lucky to have you. I pray she adjusts quickly at the memory facility, and you get the rest you need.
I just recently came across your channel. I’m so sorry for what you and Theresa have been through. You did such a great job caring for your precious wife as long as you could and helping her to get a safe place for additional care when she needed it. It is kind of you to help others by telling your story and bringing awareness. I’m sure it will help many people.
💕 you are such a good man 💕
Sincere thanks for the update.
I pray you both have an easy transition into your new, uncharted life.
Many blessings❤
So sorry to hear that you are going through such tough times. My dad lived with me for a year when my twins were 4. My dad had alzheimers and needed help with everything. It was so hard❤ we ended up putting him in a private care home and it was so nice for him and I had to let go. It was hard at first ❤ good luck❤
Thank you for sharing Monique and for your support. Much love
This man is an angel, it would be easy to get frustrated and give up on a loved one who changes so much and stresses you out. I hope she does well in her new home!
Your story has touched me dearly. My mother died 4.5 years ago of Alzheimer’s and now her sister is now in a nursing facility with the disease as well. I recently had genetic testing and it appears I have the markers as well. I have noticed over the years my memory not be as sharp as before. I have difficulties learning new things and lost a job last year. I was devastated. I am rethinking what my future holds and what is truly important. My heart breaks for you. As I told my dad while he took care of my mom, he earned his wings and his spot in heaven. God bless you.❤
Thank you Christine for commenting and sharing your story. I'm sorry to learn of your hardships. God bless you as well, much love and support.
Prayers for you both as you make this difficult journey.
No idea why you popped up on my feed- but I truly wish you and your wife and family well.
Trey, your love and commitment to your beloved Theresa in her long term illness and care needs is tremendously inspiring. Having cared for my two dear elders with dementia for 14 years,I understand the impact on the lives of the ill ones and the caregiver. My hope for you as you continue to care for Theresa, with assistance, is your own development and daily discipline of self-care as you continue to love your beautiful wife and grieve the tremendous losses that you both continue to live with. Thank you for sharing Theresa’s and your journey, so graciously, with all of us. May you both be blessed with peace and well-being as your journey together continues.🪷🌷🪷
You are an amazing man, I am glad that she has a husband like you. I am sorry for all you are going through. God bless you and Theresa. 🙏
I’m a Director of Nursing of a Memory Care ALF in Fl. Thank You for sharing your story. I noticed you had mentioned she was diagnosed with Posterior Cortical Atrophy in one of your videos? Is that her current diagnosis? I do know that vision loss typically comes with that particular diagnosis, so I was curious about her progress. Thanks again for sharing your story with us
Thanks for your comment. Her current diagnosis is Alzheimer's Disease. Theresa has not had any vision loss but does have a lot of Spacial Impairment. For example - She can't tell left from right, puts clothes on backward, cannot draw shapes, and has trouble judging distances when walking stairs. Also, if I point at something, she can't seem to follow where my finger is pointing.
You are a wonderful husband. The role of family caregiver can be daunting , difficult,draining and at times you feel helpless. You have handled it with grace and gave it your all and it’s absolutely okay to have the help that you are now having with your spouse. Your journey with this disease speaks volumes to the masses out here.