As a person with GAD, panic disorder, OCD, depression, I have extreme trouble relaxing because I end up counting my heart beat and breath. I also end up being hyper sensitive to every feeling in my body which triggers panic about health related issues.
Meditation isn’t so much to calm you. It slows your mental chatter so that you can become more fully present. For some of us that means letting down the defenses that we put up so that we can either manage difficult emotions….. …or “not feel” them. The problem is that when you do this, you are never able to resolve those emotions. It’s like trying to hide the dirt rather than actually cleaning the room. The tears and other negative emotions are the truth of what you are feeling, and an effort to handle that emotion in a more healthy way. The challenge is to actually sit there and face and feel those emotions, rather than giving into our habits of trying suppress, shut down, or distract ourselves from it.
I agree 100% with this! I used to hate meditation when I saw it as a way to "relax". I now see it as an exposure exercise: exposure to discomfort. The more you learn to sit with the discomfort without trying to rationalise your emotions away, the less anxious you will become overtime. But it's very normal (and in a way even helpful) when you feel anxious or stressed when meditating. You learn to let those feelings exist without identifying with them. Acceptance is the key: stop fighting your feelings!
Literally had a dumb(ish) moment where it occurred to me that, even after all this time, the effort, and the multitudinous experiences along my way, I still had not much of an idea what meditation was actually meant to be doing for me, altogether. I think I was getting bogged down. Not sure whether seeing your comment break it down is strictly speaking a game changer per se, but it was illuminating at the very least. Thank you :)
For me personally with my anxiety disorder, when I try to do relaxation or grounding techniques, it just reenforces the feeling that something’s wrong which leads to a panic attack. I found it more helpful to just radically accept the way I’m feeling and move on thru my day.
Thats me! Acceptance doesnt fully work for me, im still figuring out the balance. But i do get anxiety when i try and fix it bc i know something is wrong
I have PTSD + panic disorder. Your channel has been life saving for me. I'm still living with this but am managing it rather than it feeling victimized by it everyday of my life. Thank you a million ❤
When you said we wear worry as an armor..I immediately thought of the armor of God. ..and how we are to put on the armor of God. ..and then the scripture that says God hasn't given us a spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind. Worry is fear. This put things into perspective. Thank you.
omg this video is about me!!! as soon as I need to relax/breathe/meditate, my heart is starting to pound as with an anxiety attack, BUT I persist and after several minutes (sometimes even 10-20), it’s coming down
Thank you for this video. I talked to my pastor about anxiety I have been struggling with. He suggested fasting, reading, and meditation, some time to slow down. I postponed it all week. I told myself I would prepare during the week with my work to set some time apart for this. The truth is that every time I said "I start tomorrow" or "I start fasting tonight," I felt afraid. I feel afraid of my thoughts, of not doing what I have to do, of wasting time. I do not think I am able to spend time alone with myself.
I get terrible anxiety while driving. I use the calm apps breathing exercises. Sometimes the exercises brings on the panic. I thought I was alone in this. Ty
I've been calling this survival mode. It sucks the joy out of life. A few moments of joy will be paid in full with guilt. I need to be kinder and recognize I don't need to be superhuman. A kind human is the perfect goal.
@@andrabook8758 difficult childhood, abusive marriage. It's a familiar story of so many. Now I have a community that is showing me it's okay to have fun. I still feel I have to be vigilant not to slip back into old habits, sounds like a new kind of survival mode 😏
😄 At 6:49 the closed captioning says, _"can lead to the pipeline freeze response"_ I think the world needs someone in the field to make that a real term for a real thing.
I just got the first chance in weeks to relax without needing to do something immediately, and then I started thinking about all the stuff I still have to do and felt the anxiety rush right back in. So I tried to forget about it and put my needs first by taking a nap, but then my cat came and clawed me in the face because obviously her needs are more important than mine, so there went my attempt to rest. The same thing happens with the people in my life too, and apparently I really don't know how to take care of everybody without sacrificing my own wellbeing.
Sometimes, I’ve heard, people respect a good time boundary. Example- sorry, I can’t, I have an appointment (secretly, the appointment is with yourself, doing x thing you want or need to do for yourself). This also helps some people take time to relax in a healthy way. I do this on some weekends modeled after Jewish sabbath - I tell myself I am not allowed to work at all from sundown to Sat sundown. I often feel anxious at first but then the rule helps me accept my situation, and then I often find I am more rested and productive when I then schedule time to work the next day. Plot twist: the cat does not speak English or respect boundaries. Also: cat thinks it’s the boss.😂
Struggling with late-diagnosed ADHD, this is essentially what I feel like at all times. You share such important information with a calming kindness. Thank you.💙
I’m ok with meditating, it’s the specific breathing instructions that make me more anxious. If I feel like I’m being told I can’t take a breath, that immediately puts me into an anxious state. So I usually just sub out “breathe deeply” for whatever box breathing or whatever is being prescribed. My therapist says a lot of her anxious clients have trouble with that kind of breathing.
for me relaxing causes all the negative thoughts and things people have said to me to bubble up and run through my head over and over until my anxiety or depression kicks in and the relaxation turns into a painful experience because it also causes my body to tense up, so mindfulness can be difficult or unpleasant because it seems like the only thing I have to observe are deprecating thoughts in my head
Feeling guilty for relaxing is one of the things I am working on in therapy. It was very eye-opening to discover why I always felt so guilty and would spiral in anxiety when I would relax. I've gotten better about it.
Great summary! I've had aspects of these. My advice is change gradually! Start with just stopping and listening to music more regularly, continue with closing your eyes, change to meditation music etc. Start with five minutes or just stopping for a couple deep breaths! Sometimes I have to think about meditation for a hour before my brain is ready to transition.
This video popped up at the perfect time! When I lay down to go to sleep, most nights, my jaw clenches up along with my face and head muscles and my neck. I was married to a raging narcissist for 14 years and sleeping next to him was very scary. Sometimes he would flip out on me when I was in bed, sometimes already asleep. So I got used to sleeping and simmering anxiety and any loud noises would make my adrenaline rocket! My now healthy husband, and I are about to move to a house and the last four nights I've been clenching my teeth really badly during my sleep. It has been giving me headaches every day. With my ex, we moved about nine times within the 14 years I was with him. Moving was incredibly stressful. He never wanted to ask others for help so we were doing it alone, I was made to lift things and move things that were incredibly heavy and beyond my ability, but I pushed through. Many things go wrong during a move, so he would have these meltdowns all the time. Moving has a lot of trauma attached to it for me! I am very excited about this. Move with my now, husband, but my body is remembering old stuff. Thank you so much for this video! You have no idea how perfect the timing is!❤
Exactly the problem I have. My fears overwhelm me. I focus to much on the negative. I can encourage others and say all these positive things to make them feel better, but not apply anything to myself. My mind is so hard to keep still. It jumps from one thing to another. I have all these great ideas, my imagination is off the charts with good thoughts but it's hard to act on it.
This is the best video for my problem. Even in therapy, my therapist couldn't help me with this issue and I didn't have an answer for this, until now.🥺 Thank you so much!!
I have been worrying about feeling panic during meditation/relaxation for some time. Thank you for reassuring that this is normal and how to tackle this.
I get full blown panic attacks when I shop online or in store... I always thought it was because I used to have a spending problem but maybe it's because my walls come down when I do it... I really enjoy just going to a thrift shop and looking or looking at guitars online...Thanks so much
Hi Emma, I am a new subscriber and I just want to say I thank God for leading me to your channel. I have a lovely therapist, I finally found but watching your videos has been so helpful even before I did, so now I watch to learn and be reminded that it's okay to struggle and I can give myself grace as I try to work through things in stead of just feeling shame that I feel. It's okay to feel our feelings! Thank you.❤❤
Thank you for this. It feels great finally having a “diagnosis” and knowing it’s not just me. We’re trying for a baby and I feel pressure to relax which automatically leads me to feel nervous, like I have butterflies in my stomach. The more I try to relax, the more nervous I feel and I know it’s impacting the ttc process because I had the same problem with my last baby. The month that I was distracted by something and wasn’t nervous was the month we fell pregnant. I just wish there was an off button for the nervousness.
Thank you so much for this video. I had the worst panic attack of my life when I had covid last year and it landed me in the ER. I knew a high heart rate was a symptom of covid but I couldn't get mine below 143 bpm for over 2 hours straight. Of course I thought it was a heart attack. I kept waiting to lose consciousness. It was the worst feeling ever both physically and mentally. I've developed a health anxiety because of this. I associate a high heart rate with panic. Always worrying I won't be able to slow it down. So when I have to control my breathing in something like meditation it brings too much awareness to my heartbeat and breath. Makes me worried I'm not breathing correctly or I'm not slowing my heart rate down fast enough. Then the light headedness starts and we're off to the panic attack races.
I found out several years ago. When I'm in a good state, it's easy to meditate, and it's helpful. But when I'm more anxious and I turn to meditation specifically for the anxiety, all my anxieties surface more during meditation. Because I haven't been meditating my concentration is worse, and I start dwell on everything that's wrong with me. I've never cried because of it, I just feel more anxious, worried, and shameful. It pushes me more to numb and becomes a vicious cycle. I love the idea of doing the visualization exercises of journaling rather then delving right into meditation.
I've been struggling with anxiety for quite a long time but now I understand it more through your video(especially this video), and it helps me so much, thank you so so much Emma. Send with love from a Vietnamese
I can’t believe how you pin pointed how I feel about relaxing and the guilt. My grandmother wouldn’t let you sit down after waking up. She would say that I just woke up, so, I was not supposed to be tire 😳
I find it easy to meditate when I’m singing or dancing. I’m not sure if it’s really the same thing - but singing and dancing evokes a sense of stillness. When I actually try to sit still that’s when I experience issues I also have ADHD
Omg. This is so "me" that I had to pause midway through to save and comment. Going to share this one with my therapist. Thank you for talking about it!
I am wondering whether it would be helpful to first identify whether you act out your trauma (externalize) or repress your trauma (internalize). It seems like people who act out need to learn to calm down with quiet exercises, like the ones you described. People who repress emotions need to let it out. As someone who internalized my trauma, I get triggered by quiet, meditative practice. So, I joined a kickboxing class to help me release the repressed emotions. My hope is that one day, I can add a meditative practice to my day without being triggered. Does that make sense? Thank you, Emma. Your video "How to Release Emotions Trapped in Your Body" started me on a path to healing.
i agree with your take. I think what matters most is finding the right "lever" to deal with trauma. The exact same thing did not traumatize all of us. Some exercises work better or less well depending on what went wrong, basically. I don't really believe in extroverts or introverts as much, bc in my experience most people tend to be a bit of both...BUT the part where some things work great for you and others don't work at all, that I can relate to. I just tend to see it more in terms of finding the right 'lever". Similarly to how some stuff triggers trauma in 1 person and another could not care less. Some exercises will work better for you, depending on your psychology and what caused the trauma. Also, exercise gives you endorphins! 😊😊😊😁😁😁
Thank you!! My daughter has told me many times that reminding her to breath just stresses her out more. This helps me understand why. Other grounding techniques have worked better like five senses and positive flooding.
For me, i associate meditation and mindfulness with the worst moments of my life. I would desperately want to get to sleep but the more i did the exercises the more anxious i felt. Now that negative association means im automatically more anxious if i try these relaxation techniques.
Excellent advice as always Emma! I prayed this morning and asked god to give me guidance and boom, your video was here and it’s exactly what I’m needing. God is good 🙏🏻 thank you.
It's because to some "relaxing" (and sleeping) is seen as a "something" when it is a nothing, kinda comes under number 4; you're meditating incorrectly, but essentially people "try to relax" or "try to fall asleep" and this is an action that activates the body. Relaxing and sleep (for the insomniacs) is when there is nothing going on, nothing to focus on, and something you don't "try" to do. I just found that simplified it for me a couple of years ago when i was "trying to relax" and had the most stressful time ever, but i had been given about 10 pieces of paper with "advice" on how to relax, and i should try them all, and do it everyday, and keep trying, and the more effort i put in, the worse it got, and that advice was from a so-called therapist too 😂
Thanks you so much 🙌 I was traumatized when I was in a relaxed state since than my nervous system doesn't feel safe to relax and let go of the control mode.. And if try to completly relax and reach a deeper relaxiting state I start to feel very good but than it's trigger some anxiety because I feel unsafe to hold this relaxation.. I didn't know if I should keep doing it. Thanks you so much for this explanation 💖
My therapist and I just started working on the fact that being safe and relaxed could be causing my nervous system to push into a panic attack as it prepares for something bad to happen as my hypervigilance is starting to calm down while I process my trauma.
I have a bit of a theory about these subjects today! :) I hope you see this and can find a few minutes to reply. I really do, because it is *so* hard to try to talk about these topics with people and get a "whole picture" approach. Here is my theory: I think you need the right ''lever" to make people actually relax, and turn off that frantic nerve response. And what I mean by that is that the trauma can be related to different scenarios or past events. If you ask people to get over that trauma through an ''exercise" which does not take into account what caused it, it causes un-resolved trauma feelings to pop out instead. Bc they're lowering the mental barriers which normally keep their trauma in check, but instead of their brains then going through the "resolution" stage and starting to feel better, it just ends up reminding them of the negative feelings form the trauma (so they ''feel" them again) and there is still no ''resolution" stage. That's usually when they start feeling ''re-traumatized". No everyone experiences trauma in the same way though. It's not the same thing which caused them the trauma. For some it may be having felt helpless, for others it may have been having felt powerless, or some it may be not being allowed to do more (to fight harder when they felt they should have, in that moment). For some it could be lack of compassion or lack of love which traumatized them. The biological nerve response may be similar, it's stuck in the ''ON" position. But the cognitive response and what they would need to resolve that trauma and move past it on a cognitive level, is very different. Does that make sense? I think that's why some exercises really work for some people and really backfire for others. Bc normally when the brain cannot resolve something it keeps going over ''the problem" in a bit of a loop. But once you have the right solution, and in this case the right ''lever", it kind of levels up. It resolves the issues and the person is able to move forward. And then the biology follows. Typically nerves cannot get stuck in the ''on position" for ever, but they can develop a higher ability to get turned ON and stay on. You get more endurance basically. But cognition is super important. How you work through these problems makes a difference. And figuring out what caused the trauma can really help for the cognition part of the equation. I would love to know your thoughts on this :). I have heard people who are renowned experts in the area of neuroplasticity who do not seem to be aware of the link between HOW you try to move people past trauma responses. So, it would be nice to get other opinions. 😊😊😊😊
Hi Emma, I just wanted to shout out to you! I think your an amazing person and the work you do really has an impact on the lives of many people. Please continue to do good. Thank you thank you thank you. ❤
Thanks you so much for these videos, Ever time I’m feeling bad or have anxiety I will pull your subscription up and watch videos you are a good person and it shows on your videos. I deal with a bad home growing up where if we were sitting around doing Nothing when I father came home we would get beat for not working and getting stuff Done like yard work or even picking up sticks from the yard so it was tough growing up getting beat not whipped, I’ve had two concussions, two broken ribs, fractured elbow in my scalp split with 18 staples to close but I’ve grown up good and with a tender heart for others and I love my dad very much now as he has changed in the latter years of his life but I struggle with home with my wife when she gets upset I often get in the same Mindset when my dad was upset and tend to get up from bed and go do stuff rather Than resting because I feel like I’m doing something wrong so silly and it has To stop. Thanks for Listening Ed yeargan
You actually said something that really connected with me. Being hyperventilate and being sensitive can make you feel from others who aren't even there in your own space. But know that I've sat around but study here and there, but yes, I feel some type of fear for doing this. Yes, I feel wrong. I feel I'm being disrespectful for thinking it's ok to have this happen. I've woken up out of my sleep, and I do this kind of shake as to be shaking off the bad dream or just whatever the thought was. Anyway, you did bring up a few things. I have also started that action and tried to get through the thought that it was not too late. Thanks for the video
Soooo helpful! The only time I can meditate and relax is at night when I'm in bed in the dark. It's so weird. I don't have ADHD but I have GAD/Panic disorders.
I relate to a combination of the reasons you mentioned. It's amazing how I've had an incredibly supportive and comfortable environment throughout my life but somehow I still feel traumatized by even the smallest failures which has made me want to work all the time. Also, meditation feels like a waste of time but procrastinating sometimes doesn't. Thank you for this video, doc!
I just like to look out the open window with crickets on my Alexa to relax. It reminds me of being at the safety of being alone at a remote campsite. It helps me calm the rush of anxiety.
Thank you for what you do. So helpful. Most of what you are pointing out is spot on to what im often experiencing........but often fail to see, or try to correct, or accept. Identifying and understanding is a big step. Best wishes to everyone out there struggling.
I was putting sorrow on the farthest place on my shelf, la de da~ And I kept running for a soft place to fall, And I was running far away would I run off the world someday. No take me home take me home where I belong, I have no other place to go. - This feeling. Your advice really helps.
My body actively resists relaxation. If I make a conscious effort to let go of muscular tension it can cause my head to shudder. I received acupuncture therapy and it made me feel so relaxed that it brought on a panic attack! I grew up in a stressful environment and hypervigilance was the norm to me. One of the true things that really helps me relax is reiki, I recommend it to anybody with stress or anxiety issues!
After being in a continuous state of "fight or flight or freeze" for any significant amount of time, it can be difficult for some to allow themselves to do nothing or to relax! Keeping busy may be a way for distraction or keep up the walls that have been built over time. Healing and learning coping strategies takes time and requires patience and kindness for yourself. ❤
This is soooo me! I was talking to my therapist about this topic less than an hour ago! I wish I'd know this years ago. Thank you so much for what you do!
Thank you for making this video. It is so helpful! Before watching this video, I thought I was the only, relief to find there are so many people like me, can’t relax. And the reasons you described is also very true. I’ll try to keep them in mind ❤
Why is it so hard to find a therapist that gets it! you are soooo goood. I have looked for years and feel like all the therapists i have had, continue to miss the mark. this is spot on. How can i find someone like you for my therapy? I know better help is a sponsor but do they have people that are at the same level of understanding as you?
Hi Emma, thanks so much for the video. It really blessed me, thank God I found this! By the way, just wanted to say the curly look is great, please keep it up!
My first time experiencing anxiety in my life was when I started meditation. Mediation caused my first burst of anxiety and I swear I did not have it then. I only did it because a lot of people were doing it.
Thanks for the info. Every time I try to relax I get restless leg syndrome. I think I am avoiding changing my situation. I am going to start right now trying to work on this.😊
I've always been told to do mindfulness and it never works & you've just shown 2 reasons for me. Hypervigilance from trauma, and recently diagnosed ADHD. I found during my life that the best thing for calming me down was Tai Chi. I'm not "actively" meditating but my mind is totally focused on something positive, calming, that I really enjoy (even if initially my neuro diverse brain stops me learning the moves) & I know is good for me. I've had lots of therapy but my Emotional Dysregulation really interferes. TBH accepting that due to my ADHD I can't meditate is helpful in itself! Thanks for explaining! 😊
I do my dishes while listening to meditation. Its a " mindless" activity , kinesthetic and grounding while freeing me mentally. Gardening also does the same. Moving meditation.
There can also just be straight up physiological reasons (maybe this is #5 or #7). I can absolutely do mindfulness now, but it required medication before I could work on the reasoning skills. I was so anxious and depressed, that I simply could not cope. I would immediately begin to experience panic attacks as I closed my eyes and went "inward". Not a thought process or a fear of the meditation, simply a full on panic attack would happen. When I began the medication, within a few weeks, I could start to work through or be curious about the experiences I was feeling and go with the feelings, but before that, my body and brain were too ill. It wasn't a matter of psychology per se, but biology. It was like being blind to the rational part of the brain and all that remains is pain response. I've birthed 2 children and depression and panic are still the most painful experiences of my life
Hi Emma. I am recovering from generalized anxiety and major depression. I am trying to face fears and topics that I’ve been running away from, behavior that got me to this state of anxiety. I opened up to my psychologist about pornography use, and how I wish I had a healthier relationship with fantasy and desire. I was shocked to hear her talk about NoFap and how most successful men don’t masturbate. This sounded like harmful misinformation to me, and this triggered an anxiety attack to me because, as I said, I am recovering from anxiety and panic episodes, and I felt that I didn’t know what would happen to me if I stopped trusting that this person that is helping me out, if I stopped feeling that I’m in a safe space. I opened up and felt like she wasn’t informed enough about this topic. I have respect for masturbation and it was hard for me to understand that it is a healthy thing and something that needs work to build a healthy relationship with yourself. It sounded radical to speak of not masturbating at all to someone that’s opening up about how he’s never been able to stop or to at least get rid of visual stimulation and the guilt related to it. I’d love to hear about masturbation habits from you if that’s at all in your area of knowledge.
No idea if anybody else experiences this, but as someone with ADHD, when trying to relax makes me feel worse, it often helps to let out energy first by running, jumping around like crazy etc. and THEN relax🤔
I agree with a lot here and understand you have to work on yourself to heal and allow change, but the idea of it being a personal issue around relaxing when the world is pretty much on fire is a tough one, especially as it’s in a way, more of the same. Therapeutic individualism, when really need healthy others to also help us heal, a sane society doing positive, long sighted things. Just thinking. Thanks for your videos. 😊
"Your nervous system prefers a familiar hell to an unfamiliar heaven" - So well put! So true!
This one was gold right here!
I loved this too!
Oh my woooord I thought was the only one, I found that relaxing felt like I was making myself too vulnerable all over again
As a person with GAD, panic disorder, OCD, depression, I have extreme trouble relaxing because I end up counting my heart beat and breath. I also end up being hyper sensitive to every feeling in my body which triggers panic about health related issues.
Same with me🙁
Same. Sometimes it's like I forgot how to breathe and I panic. Meditating is very hard for people with health anxiety.
This, yep!
I thought I was the only one. "Focus on your breath" Okay now i'm manually breathing and I don't think I'm breathing properly.. I'm going to die
@@jnx63256 I hate focusing on my breath because of it starting to feel manual as you mentioned.
Meditation isn’t so much to calm you. It slows your mental chatter so that you can become more fully present. For some of us that means letting down the defenses that we put up so that we can either manage difficult emotions…..
…or “not feel” them.
The problem is that when you do this, you are never able to resolve those emotions. It’s like trying to hide the dirt rather than actually cleaning the room.
The tears and other negative emotions are the truth of what you are feeling, and an effort to handle that emotion in a more healthy way.
The challenge is to actually sit there and face and feel those emotions, rather than giving into our habits of trying suppress, shut down, or distract ourselves from it.
I agree 100% with this! I used to hate meditation when I saw it as a way to "relax". I now see it as an exposure exercise: exposure to discomfort. The more you learn to sit with the discomfort without trying to rationalise your emotions away, the less anxious you will become overtime. But it's very normal (and in a way even helpful) when you feel anxious or stressed when meditating. You learn to let those feelings exist without identifying with them. Acceptance is the key: stop fighting your feelings!
@@FleuriAnneViolet Accept it as if you had chosen it.
Literally had a dumb(ish) moment where it occurred to me that, even after all this time, the effort, and the multitudinous experiences along my way, I still had not much of an idea what meditation was actually meant to be doing for me, altogether. I think I was getting bogged down. Not sure whether seeing your comment break it down is strictly speaking a game changer per se, but it was illuminating at the very least. Thank you :)
For me personally with my anxiety disorder, when I try to do relaxation or grounding techniques, it just reenforces the feeling that something’s wrong which leads to a panic attack. I found it more helpful to just radically accept the way I’m feeling and move on thru my day.
Acceptance is crucial ❤
Thats me! Acceptance doesnt fully work for me, im still figuring out the balance. But i do get anxiety when i try and fix it bc i know something is wrong
As a child, I was always taught rest was selfish. I'm still trying to unlearn the toxic lessons about rest my parents taught me.
@@silverserpent6431 😢
Same
I have PTSD + panic disorder. Your channel has been life saving for me. I'm still living with this but am managing it rather than it feeling victimized by it everyday of my life. Thank you a million ❤
Look for videos on the Havening Technique here on RUclips. They are really simple techniques you can do to reduce anxiety and help with PTSD
When you said we wear worry as an armor..I immediately thought of the armor of God. ..and how we are to put on the armor of God. ..and then the scripture that says God hasn't given us a spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind. Worry is fear. This put things into perspective. Thank you.
omg this video is about me!!! as soon as I need to relax/breathe/meditate, my heart is starting to pound as with an anxiety attack, BUT I persist and after several minutes (sometimes even 10-20), it’s coming down
Thank you for this video.
I talked to my pastor about anxiety I have been struggling with. He suggested fasting, reading, and meditation, some time to slow down. I postponed it all week. I told myself I would prepare during the week with my work to set some time apart for this. The truth is that every time I said "I start tomorrow" or "I start fasting tonight," I felt afraid. I feel afraid of my thoughts, of not doing what I have to do, of wasting time.
I do not think I am able to spend time alone with myself.
I get terrible anxiety while driving. I use the calm apps breathing exercises. Sometimes the exercises brings on the panic. I thought I was alone in this. Ty
Hello!
I don't think breathing exercises are a good idea.
I've been calling this survival mode. It sucks the joy out of life. A few moments of joy will be paid in full with guilt. I need to be kinder and recognize I don't need to be superhuman. A kind human is the perfect goal.
what do you think is causing your ''survival mode"?
@@andrabook8758 difficult childhood, abusive marriage. It's a familiar story of so many. Now I have a community that is showing me it's okay to have fun. I still feel I have to be vigilant not to slip back into old habits, sounds like a new kind of survival mode 😏
😄 At 6:49 the closed captioning says, _"can lead to the pipeline freeze response"_ I think the world needs someone in the field to make that a real term for a real thing.
I just got the first chance in weeks to relax without needing to do something immediately, and then I started thinking about all the stuff I still have to do and felt the anxiety rush right back in. So I tried to forget about it and put my needs first by taking a nap, but then my cat came and clawed me in the face because obviously her needs are more important than mine, so there went my attempt to rest. The same thing happens with the people in my life too, and apparently I really don't know how to take care of everybody without sacrificing my own wellbeing.
I hear ya. Sometimes just drive to a parking lot and sit. I do that.
Sometimes, I’ve heard, people respect a good time boundary. Example- sorry, I can’t, I have an appointment (secretly, the appointment is with yourself, doing x thing you want or need to do for yourself). This also helps some people take time to relax in a healthy way. I do this on some weekends modeled after Jewish sabbath - I tell myself I am not allowed to work at all from sundown to Sat sundown. I often feel anxious at first but then the rule helps me accept my situation, and then I often find I am more rested and productive when I then schedule time to work the next day. Plot twist: the cat does not speak English or respect boundaries. Also: cat thinks it’s the boss.😂
You just described me. I'm always on high alert plus having PTSD and ADHD doesn't help. It's so exhausting.
Struggling with late-diagnosed ADHD, this is essentially what I feel like at all times.
You share such important information with a calming kindness.
Thank you.💙
You break things down so well.
I’m ok with meditating, it’s the specific breathing instructions that make me more anxious. If I feel like I’m being told I can’t take a breath, that immediately puts me into an anxious state. So I usually just sub out “breathe deeply” for whatever box breathing or whatever is being prescribed. My therapist says a lot of her anxious clients have trouble with that kind of breathing.
for me relaxing causes all the negative thoughts and things people have said to me to bubble up and run through my head over and over until my anxiety or depression kicks in and the relaxation turns into a painful experience because it also causes my body to tense up, so mindfulness can be difficult or unpleasant because it seems like the only thing I have to observe are deprecating thoughts in my head
Feeling guilty for relaxing is one of the things I am working on in therapy. It was very eye-opening to discover why I always felt so guilty and would spiral in anxiety when I would relax. I've gotten better about it.
Great summary! I've had aspects of these. My advice is change gradually! Start with just stopping and listening to music more regularly, continue with closing your eyes, change to meditation music etc. Start with five minutes or just stopping for a couple deep breaths! Sometimes I have to think about meditation for a hour before my brain is ready to transition.
This video popped up at the perfect time! When I lay down to go to sleep, most nights, my jaw clenches up along with my face and head muscles and my neck. I was married to a raging narcissist for 14 years and sleeping next to him was very scary. Sometimes he would flip out on me when I was in bed, sometimes already asleep. So I got used to sleeping and simmering anxiety and any loud noises would make my adrenaline rocket! My now healthy husband, and I are about to move to a house and the last four nights I've been clenching my teeth really badly during my sleep. It has been giving me headaches every day. With my ex, we moved about nine times within the 14 years I was with him. Moving was incredibly stressful. He never wanted to ask others for help so we were doing it alone, I was made to lift things and move things that were incredibly heavy and beyond my ability, but I pushed through. Many things go wrong during a move, so he would have these meltdowns all the time. Moving has a lot of trauma attached to it for me! I am very excited about this. Move with my now, husband, but my body is remembering old stuff. Thank you so much for this video! You have no idea how perfect the timing is!❤
Exactly the problem I have. My fears overwhelm me. I focus to much on the negative. I can encourage others and say all these positive things to make them feel better, but not apply anything to myself. My mind is so hard to keep still. It jumps from one thing to another. I have all these great ideas, my imagination is off the charts with good thoughts but it's hard to act on it.
This is the best video for my problem. Even in therapy, my therapist couldn't help me with this issue and I didn't have an answer for this, until now.🥺 Thank you so much!!
I have been worrying about feeling panic during meditation/relaxation for some time. Thank you for reassuring that this is normal and how to tackle this.
I get full blown panic attacks when I shop online or in store... I always thought it was because I used to have a spending problem but maybe it's because my walls come down when I do it... I really enjoy just going to a thrift shop and looking or looking at guitars online...Thanks so much
Hi Emma, I am a new subscriber and I just want to say I thank God for leading me to your channel. I have a lovely therapist, I finally found but watching your videos has been so helpful even before I did, so now I watch to learn and be reminded that it's okay to struggle and I can give myself grace as I try to work through things in stead of just feeling shame that I feel. It's okay to feel our feelings! Thank you.❤❤
Thank you for this. It feels great finally having a “diagnosis” and knowing it’s not just me. We’re trying for a baby and I feel pressure to relax which automatically leads me to feel nervous, like I have butterflies in my stomach. The more I try to relax, the more nervous I feel and I know it’s impacting the ttc process because I had the same problem with my last baby. The month that I was distracted by something and wasn’t nervous was the month we fell pregnant. I just wish there was an off button for the nervousness.
Thank you so much for this video. I had the worst panic attack of my life when I had covid last year and it landed me in the ER. I knew a high heart rate was a symptom of covid but I couldn't get mine below 143 bpm for over 2 hours straight. Of course I thought it was a heart attack. I kept waiting to lose consciousness. It was the worst feeling ever both physically and mentally.
I've developed a health anxiety because of this. I associate a high heart rate with panic. Always worrying I won't be able to slow it down. So when I have to control my breathing in something like meditation it brings too much awareness to my heartbeat and breath. Makes me worried I'm not breathing correctly or I'm not slowing my heart rate down fast enough. Then the light headedness starts and we're off to the panic attack races.
I found out several years ago. When I'm in a good state, it's easy to meditate, and it's helpful. But when I'm more anxious and I turn to meditation specifically for the anxiety, all my anxieties surface more during meditation. Because I haven't been meditating my concentration is worse, and I start dwell on everything that's wrong with me. I've never cried because of it, I just feel more anxious, worried, and shameful. It pushes me more to numb and becomes a vicious cycle.
I love the idea of doing the visualization exercises of journaling rather then delving right into meditation.
I've been struggling with anxiety for quite a long time but now I understand it more through your video(especially this video), and it helps me so much, thank you so so much Emma. Send with love from a Vietnamese
I can’t believe how you pin pointed how I feel about relaxing and the guilt. My grandmother wouldn’t let you sit down after waking up. She would say that I just woke up, so, I was not supposed to be tire 😳
I find it easy to meditate when I’m singing or dancing. I’m not sure if it’s really the same thing - but singing and dancing evokes a sense of stillness. When I actually try to sit still that’s when I experience issues
I also have ADHD
Yes, the breathing exercises in particular. Focusing on my breathing pretty much always makes me more anxious
Can relate. Relaxing too much leads to oversight of important tasks.
Omg. This is so "me" that I had to pause midway through to save and comment. Going to share this one with my therapist. Thank you for talking about it!
I am wondering whether it would be helpful to first identify whether you act out your trauma (externalize) or repress your trauma (internalize). It seems like people who act out need to learn to calm down with quiet exercises, like the ones you described. People who repress emotions need to let it out. As someone who internalized my trauma, I get triggered by quiet, meditative practice. So, I joined a kickboxing class to help me release the repressed emotions. My hope is that one day, I can add a meditative practice to my day without being triggered. Does that make sense? Thank you, Emma. Your video "How to Release Emotions Trapped in Your Body" started me on a path to healing.
i agree with your take. I think what matters most is finding the right "lever" to deal with trauma. The exact same thing did not traumatize all of us. Some exercises work better or less well depending on what went wrong, basically. I don't really believe in extroverts or introverts as much, bc in my experience most people tend to be a bit of both...BUT the part where some things work great for you and others don't work at all, that I can relate to. I just tend to see it more in terms of finding the right 'lever". Similarly to how some stuff triggers trauma in 1 person and another could not care less. Some exercises will work better for you, depending on your psychology and what caused the trauma. Also, exercise gives you endorphins! 😊😊😊😁😁😁
Thank you Emma for caring and giving of your self. You’ve helped more than I can possibly put into words. You are wonderful, love ❤ Rolando.
Thank you!! My daughter has told me many times that reminding her to breath just stresses her out more. This helps me understand why. Other grounding techniques have worked better like five senses and positive flooding.
For me, i associate meditation and mindfulness with the worst moments of my life. I would desperately want to get to sleep but the more i did the exercises the more anxious i felt. Now that negative association means im automatically more anxious if i try these relaxation techniques.
Excellent advice as always Emma! I prayed this morning and asked god to give me guidance and boom, your video was here and it’s exactly what I’m needing. God is good 🙏🏻 thank you.
I have never heard this addressed before!! Thank you so much- so helpful and hopeful.
It's because to some "relaxing" (and sleeping) is seen as a "something" when it is a nothing, kinda comes under number 4; you're meditating incorrectly, but essentially people "try to relax" or "try to fall asleep" and this is an action that activates the body. Relaxing and sleep (for the insomniacs) is when there is nothing going on, nothing to focus on, and something you don't "try" to do. I just found that simplified it for me a couple of years ago when i was "trying to relax" and had the most stressful time ever, but i had been given about 10 pieces of paper with "advice" on how to relax, and i should try them all, and do it everyday, and keep trying, and the more effort i put in, the worse it got, and that advice was from a so-called therapist too 😂
I'm so glad you mentioned ADHD. I do have a difficult time relaxing but just being aware that it's difficult helps a lot!
Thanks you so much 🙌 I was traumatized when I was in a relaxed state since than my nervous system doesn't feel safe to relax and let go of the control mode.. And if try to completly relax and reach a deeper relaxiting state I start to feel very good but than it's trigger some anxiety because I feel unsafe to hold this relaxation.. I didn't know if I should keep doing it. Thanks you so much for this explanation 💖
Thank you for acknowledging this! Everyone has different results and we can get frustrated and lose hope when trying to feel better backfires.
My therapist and I just started working on the fact that being safe and relaxed could be causing my nervous system to push into a panic attack as it prepares for something bad to happen as my hypervigilance is starting to calm down while I process my trauma.
I have a bit of a theory about these subjects today! :) I hope you see this and can find a few minutes to reply. I really do, because it is *so* hard to try to talk about these topics with people and get a "whole picture" approach.
Here is my theory: I think you need the right ''lever" to make people actually relax, and turn off that frantic nerve response. And what I mean by that is that the trauma can be related to different scenarios or past events.
If you ask people to get over that trauma through an ''exercise" which does not take into account what caused it, it causes un-resolved trauma feelings to pop out instead. Bc they're lowering the mental barriers which normally keep their trauma in check, but instead of their brains then going through the "resolution" stage and starting to feel better, it just ends up reminding them of the negative feelings form the trauma (so they ''feel" them again) and there is still no ''resolution" stage. That's usually when they start feeling ''re-traumatized".
No everyone experiences trauma in the same way though. It's not the same thing which caused them the trauma. For some it may be having felt helpless, for others it may have been having felt powerless, or some it may be not being allowed to do more (to fight harder when they felt they should have, in that moment). For some it could be lack of compassion or lack of love which traumatized them. The biological nerve response may be similar, it's stuck in the ''ON" position. But the cognitive response and what they would need to resolve that trauma and move past it on a cognitive level, is very different. Does that make sense?
I think that's why some exercises really work for some people and really backfire for others. Bc normally when the brain cannot resolve something it keeps going over ''the problem" in a bit of a loop. But once you have the right solution, and in this case the right ''lever", it kind of levels up. It resolves the issues and the person is able to move forward. And then the biology follows. Typically nerves cannot get stuck in the ''on position" for ever, but they can develop a higher ability to get turned ON and stay on. You get more endurance basically. But cognition is super important. How you work through these problems makes a difference. And figuring out what caused the trauma can really help for the cognition part of the equation.
I would love to know your thoughts on this :). I have heard people who are renowned experts in the area of neuroplasticity who do not seem to be aware of the link between HOW you try to move people past trauma responses. So, it would be nice to get other opinions. 😊😊😊😊
"Accepting your own neurodiversity" made me tear up. Thank you for saying it's okay to be me. ❤
OMG Emma. Did you make this video about me??? Wow, thank you for sharing this important stuff with us. It helps more than you can ever know.
Walking meditation was a game changer for me with this issue (completely free app healthy mind)
Hi Emma, I just wanted to shout out to you! I think your an amazing person and the work you do really has an impact on the lives of many people. Please continue to do good. Thank you thank you thank you. ❤
You are an unbelievable awesome therapist. God bless you. I wish we had therapists like you in my area.
This video was written for me. I’ve made some progress, but I still have work to do. Thank you for sharing! 😊
Thanks you so much for these videos,
Ever time I’m feeling bad or have anxiety I will pull your subscription up and watch videos you are a good person and it shows on your videos.
I deal with a bad home growing up where if we were sitting around doing
Nothing when I father came home we would get beat for not working and getting stuff Done like yard work or even picking up sticks from the yard so it was tough growing up getting beat not whipped, I’ve had two concussions, two broken ribs, fractured elbow in my scalp split with 18 staples to close but I’ve grown up good and with a tender heart for others and I love my dad very much now as he has changed in the latter years of his life but I struggle with home with my wife when she gets upset I often get in the same Mindset when my dad was upset and tend to get up from bed and go do stuff rather
Than resting because I feel like I’m doing something wrong so silly and it has To stop.
Thanks for Listening
Ed yeargan
You actually said something that really connected with me. Being hyperventilate and being sensitive can make you feel from others who aren't even there in your own space. But know that I've sat around but study here and there, but yes, I feel some type of fear for doing this. Yes, I feel wrong. I feel I'm being disrespectful for thinking it's ok to have this happen. I've woken up out of my sleep, and I do this kind of shake as to be shaking off the bad dream or just whatever the thought was. Anyway, you did bring up a few things. I have also started that action and tried to get through the thought that it was not too late.
Thanks for the video
Wow! First time ever, someone addressed such a thing!❤❤
Soooo helpful! The only time I can meditate and relax is at night when I'm in bed in the dark. It's so weird. I don't have ADHD but I have GAD/Panic disorders.
Someday i will thank you in an unmeasurable manner for all the work you have put in for free. Helping us get thru since the pandemic started.
I relate to a combination of the reasons you mentioned. It's amazing how I've had an incredibly supportive and comfortable environment throughout my life but somehow I still feel traumatized by even the smallest failures which has made me want to work all the time. Also, meditation feels like a waste of time but procrastinating sometimes doesn't. Thank you for this video, doc!
You're doing such a wonderful job helping people with all your advice. Thank you.
I just like to look out the open window with crickets on my Alexa to relax. It reminds me of being at the safety of being alone at a remote campsite. It helps me calm the rush of anxiety.
Thank you for what you do. So helpful. Most of what you are pointing out is spot on to what im often experiencing........but often fail to see, or try to correct, or accept. Identifying and understanding is a big step. Best wishes to everyone out there struggling.
Thank you Emma, this has been so helpful! God bless you!
On point, freaking so closely on point... I've never been able to express why self-care and meditation has never worked for me. Thank you 💖
I was putting sorrow on the farthest place on my shelf, la de da~
And I kept running for a soft place to fall,
And I was running far away would I run off the world someday.
No take me home take me home where I belong, I have no other place to go. - This feeling. Your advice really helps.
good question! my spikes automatically go up when someone barks at me to “relax!”
My body actively resists relaxation. If I make a conscious effort to let go of muscular tension it can cause my head to shudder. I received acupuncture therapy and it made me feel so relaxed that it brought on a panic attack! I grew up in a stressful environment and hypervigilance was the norm to me. One of the true things that really helps me relax is reiki, I recommend it to anybody with stress or anxiety issues!
Keep spreading the good news and show love towards others
After being in a continuous state of "fight or flight or freeze" for any significant amount of time, it can be difficult for some to allow themselves to do nothing or to relax! Keeping busy may be a way for distraction or keep up the walls that have been built over time. Healing and learning coping strategies takes time and requires patience and kindness for yourself. ❤
Thank you
This is soooo me! I was talking to my therapist about this topic less than an hour ago! I wish I'd know this years ago. Thank you so much for what you do!
Thank you for making this video. It is so helpful! Before watching this video, I thought I was the only, relief to find there are so many people like me, can’t relax. And the reasons you described is also very true. I’ll try to keep them in mind ❤
Omg yes!!!!! But what about not being able to relax until “everything is perfect/done”
It all makes sense now, thank you for this video and the advice.
Why is it so hard to find a therapist that gets it! you are soooo goood. I have looked for years and feel like all the therapists i have had, continue to miss the mark. this is spot on. How can i find someone like you for my therapy? I know better help is a sponsor but do they have people that are at the same level of understanding as you?
Hi Emma, thanks so much for the video. It really blessed me, thank God I found this! By the way, just wanted to say the curly look is great, please keep it up!
Today I felt very at home in this channel, because of your pleasant spirit! ❤
This was so informative. I'm very grateful for this video and every other one you've posted! Merry Christmas to you and your family x
My first time experiencing anxiety in my life was when I started meditation.
Mediation caused my first burst of anxiety and I swear I did not have it then. I only did it because a lot of people were doing it.
Thanks for the info. Every time I try to relax I get restless leg syndrome. I think I am avoiding changing my situation. I am going to start right now trying to work on this.😊
Wow, I thought I was the only person who had this! Thank you for this video!
I've always been told to do mindfulness and it never works & you've just shown 2 reasons for me. Hypervigilance from trauma, and recently diagnosed ADHD. I found during my life that the best thing for calming me down was Tai Chi. I'm not "actively" meditating but my mind is totally focused on something positive, calming, that I really enjoy (even if initially my neuro diverse brain stops me learning the moves) & I know is good for me. I've had lots of therapy but my Emotional Dysregulation really interferes. TBH accepting that due to my ADHD I can't meditate is helpful in itself! Thanks for explaining! 😊
I do my dishes while listening to meditation. Its a " mindless" activity , kinesthetic and grounding while freeing me mentally. Gardening also does the same. Moving meditation.
There can also just be straight up physiological reasons (maybe this is #5 or #7). I can absolutely do mindfulness now, but it required medication before I could work on the reasoning skills. I was so anxious and depressed, that I simply could not cope. I would immediately begin to experience panic attacks as I closed my eyes and went "inward". Not a thought process or a fear of the meditation, simply a full on panic attack would happen. When I began the medication, within a few weeks, I could start to work through or be curious about the experiences I was feeling and go with the feelings, but before that, my body and brain were too ill. It wasn't a matter of psychology per se, but biology. It was like being blind to the rational part of the brain and all that remains is pain response. I've birthed 2 children and depression and panic are still the most painful experiences of my life
Fantastic topic! Spot on. Thank you.
Great video covering such important nuances!
You’re hair looks great! Love your channel. Relaxing is challenging for me ❤
This is really true for me every single word.
A friend told me he thought i was a hihjky sensitive person and i related so much to what you said about Highly sensitive people
Wow, you are really good. Thank you.
This was SO HELPFUL! The summary at the end was helpful, too. :) thank you!
Thank you. This was very helpful
THIS WAS SO HELPFUL THANK YOU!!!! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Hi Emma. I am recovering from generalized anxiety and major depression. I am trying to face fears and topics that I’ve been running away from, behavior that got me to this state of anxiety. I opened up to my psychologist about pornography use, and how I wish I had a healthier relationship with fantasy and desire. I was shocked to hear her talk about NoFap and how most successful men don’t masturbate. This sounded like harmful misinformation to me, and this triggered an anxiety attack to me because, as I said, I am recovering from anxiety and panic episodes, and I felt that I didn’t know what would happen to me if I stopped trusting that this person that is helping me out, if I stopped feeling that I’m in a safe space.
I opened up and felt like she wasn’t informed enough about this topic. I have respect for masturbation and it was hard for me to understand that it is a healthy thing and something that needs work to build a healthy relationship with yourself. It sounded radical to speak of not masturbating at all to someone that’s opening up about how he’s never been able to stop or to at least get rid of visual stimulation and the guilt related to it.
I’d love to hear about masturbation habits from you if that’s at all in your area of knowledge.
This video was so so so needed, you have no idea! Thank you for this incredible video!!! Beyond perfect for me right now.
No idea if anybody else experiences this, but as someone with ADHD, when trying to relax makes me feel worse, it often helps to let out energy first by running, jumping around like crazy etc. and THEN relax🤔
Very very very inspiring video. I needed to hear this so thank you so much for sharing it ❤❤❤
Needed this. Thank you
I agree with a lot here and understand you have to work on yourself to heal and allow change, but the idea of it being a personal issue around relaxing when the world is pretty much on fire is a tough one, especially as it’s in a way, more of the same. Therapeutic individualism, when really need healthy others to also help us heal, a sane society doing positive, long sighted things. Just thinking. Thanks for your videos. 😊
Meditation for me is just the practice, not the thoughts and feelings that I can't control very much. Accepting that makes it easier to relax.
Very, very helpful. Thank you.