Yes, agree your child teacher should also be a disciplinarian, which should never lay a hand, puting a child in time out is still discipline, correcting rude behavior is also discipline.
Omg your comment is so underrated.. Idk why a lot of these people in the comments are correlating discipline with just hitting the child ... it doesn’t haven’t to be that and it shouldn’t be that
It depends on how you were raised. If discipline in your home growing up meant going and getting a switch or being beat with a belt then that's why you see comments about hitting. If you grew up in a house where you could talk to your parents any kinda way and your mom wanted to sit down and talk about your feelings so you were validated, well then that's another type of discipline. IDK which one is right or wrong. All I know is I wouldn't be trying to discipline my husband's double digit age kids. That's just weird!
Where i live that's the on way they do it they say that becuz they love u and there a high rate of women abuse and women say in those relationship becuz their parent thought them that s how love is and really sad becuz we bury our sisters becuz of that mentality that had been instilled in us
I agree because I don't believe in hitting kids... But a "girlfriend" of his wouldn't be around my kids alone in the first place... She better be a "wife" before I let her anywhere near my kid and we gotta atleast try to have a good relationship for the sake of the children... So a proper detailed conversation on discipline and privacy will be had.
Loni has a point, so does everyone else on the table. At first I'm like its not their place to do so etc, but if I'm currently supervising the kid and they're with me, no way i'm letting them act reckless and/or talk to me anyway they want. It's more of a respect thing, sure I'll let your parents know, but there needs to be respect on both ends.
Especially if the step/ bonus has the kids 50/50 . Takes them to school, Dr. appointments , shopping and does everything for that child . Don’t tell I can verbally discipline that child anything physical let it up to bio parents... it’s tricky.
I agree. There's nothing wrong with being labeled a stepmom. It's what you do with that title that matters. It seems like she's putting some kind of stigma on the stepmother term. 🤷🏾♀️
Study Hard, Sleep Easy No, she’s saying there IS a stigma on the term stepmother. she’s not putting the stigma there...if she didn’t feel comfortable w them calling her that, she should be able to go by something else
@@purpleorangelamp She can have them call her whatever she wants but what I'm trying to say is that it seems like she's making it something it isn't. There are a lot of great stepparents out there who do not put the "step" term in a negative light.
In African everyone disciplines you. Other family members, the man down the street, your teachers, it’s a free for all and you’ll learn to respect your elders.
As a “Stepchild” it feels worse to be excluded from your step siblings or half siblings, even in discipline. As parents y’all should have a talk prior to committing and establish what is expected out of each of you. Of course this is more important with little ones. If you don’t want a divided household, don’t divide it. Compromise with your beliefs and find a middle ground you can live with so your child can feel unconditional love from you and your partner.
As a former Step Child whose Step Mom disliked because of jealousy towards my mother I will not discipline my step children I will help and guide them and buy stuff and do all the things I do for my bio kid even cooking and giving gifts but not Discipline He is already being Aliniated towards his dad from his mom’s household The only thing that has helped me is that his bio mom suffers from Mental illness and has refused to meet me which worked great in my favor since every time she says something negative towards my persona I have told my bonus son I don’t understand why his mom says Those things if I don’t even know her face I have never had any interaction with her so there is no way she can talk about me or know anything about me since we are strangers to each other
Step parenting... it’s a slippery slope cuz u don’t want to disrespect your partners ex or your partners way of disciplining but you also want to show the child u mean business... find a middle ground is basically what I’m saying
I AGREE W LONI !!! At the end of the day if I’m the “step parent” you should be able to trust me to know I wouldn’t discipline them unless it was absolutely necessary and I had a good reason to out of Love! They’re like my own kids I wouldn’t hurt them at all. That’s an real adult relationship.
@@scarlove50honest question, why is "loving" your kids a requirement? What if they are respectful, but don't "love" them bc they're not their kids etc?
Your Mom I think that is super important a child is an extension of their parent and if I’m in a relationship with someone that has a child I think it would be very important for me to see love and feel love for there child especially if it’s a serious relationship because at the end of the day that child might end up becoming your step child and they deserve to be loved not just respected!
don't hit a kid that you did not bring into this world PeriodT. You can tell them in no uncertain terms that what they are doing is not acceptable and give advice.
How is it possible to take care of a child without disciplining them it simply doesn't make sense, according to African tradition they become your son and daughter and you would treat them accordingly meaning you also get involved with their discipline.
We are in a new time and most of us are living in modern society with more knowledge about children's development. For this sort of topic, I don't think it's a one size fits all. It depends on the kid. How comfortable they are with the step parent. Also I don't think it would be appropriate for a step parent to be allowed to do the hard core disciplining right when they get into the family. Even after I gave birth to my daughter, I was of course in love with her & would give my life for her, but even for us it took time to form a strong bond and level of friendship. So if a step parent came into the picture with an older child, they need time first to develop a level of trust and for them to learn how much they are loved by that step parent. Of course if they are super young that is a different story. But you especially need to be careful with teens. What Adrienne said was spot on. In the beginning for awhile I would work with the biological parents, learn what flow is appropriate, & let the kid know that I'm going to have to bring this up to them.
I come from an African background but I guess I'm a bit too westernized when it comes to this, I don't have a step parent but if I did I won't see them as anything more than that. I will listen to you because you're an adult *not* because you're my "parent" which you aren't....
This has been effectively practiced for centuries and has worked black people shouldn't allow western customs to change their way of being modern society should not change us.
My stepdad didn’t discipline me. He left that to my mom. He acts more like a friend to me and my brother. We can go to him for anything. He taught us how to drive and took care of us but he didn’t discipline us.
My stepmom never truly disciplined me because she didn’t want to overstep. I wish she would have disciplined me. I hate that she felt not equal. My mom passed when I was 9 & now my stepmom is my only mom. I’m grateful for her & glad she is in my life. She’s known me since I was in the womb though so our relationship is different
I have two step children, I’m a stay at home mom with my two, and sometimes the older two stay longer then just the weekend. So their dad still goes to work so I’m home alone with four kids. Do I get mean? No. But my voice and attitude changes if they are having bad attitudes or doing something they shouldn’t. But that’s as far as my punishment goes with those two. And they know to quit or their dad gets involved when he gets home. I talk to them about how their behavior isn’t nice and how we need to be nice. I’m not mad but I’m not going to deal with the behaviors. And they stop and that’s the end of it. I do believe there should be a conversation with both biological parents so that everyone is on the same page. And luckily for me everyone is. And so that system works out
as long as that step parent it's going to abuse the child or mistreat that child I don't see anything wrong with them disciplining the child, because if they don't discipline them that stepchild is going to walk all over the step parent and be disrespectful and rude and they're not going to listen or obey that the step-parent, if the step parent is good enough to take care of their stepchild to wash their clothes, cook their meals for them, do other things for them as a step-parent should do, they should be allowed to discipline the stepchild and if they are a caring and a loving step parent we know they're not going to mistreat them or harmed or abuse them in any way, so they can discipline the stepchild and show them love at the same time and disciplining a stepchild doesn't always mean you have to spank them, there are other ways of disciplining a stepchild and still showing them love but letting them know who is in charge,
It depends on different things like the kid age when you walked in the relationship, if both of the kid parents are in the picture, or if the parent take care of the issue the stepparent shouldn’t get involved too
I agree i feel like especially with step mom's they want to feel involved so their partners let them take lead to make them feel better I don't agree with that.
I was raised by a single parent so i can tell you from the kids position what it's like. With the situation of them being in my care i agree with Loni you can't leave you kids with someone and then get mad if they say something about their behavior, BUT I feel like a lot of step parents mainly step mothers feel insecure about their role so the main parent let's the step parent make rules to make them feel important. I don't agree with that. It's a respect thing especially if the kids are teenagers and the parents had a health system before they got married. I think when you sign up to be with someone with kids you have to respect that. You can have a opinion that you can discuss with your partner, but with how to raise the kids that's not your place. If you have a situation like Eva's where one parent wasn't in the kids life and the step parent was their from the beginning then that's a different story. But if you've only been in the picture a couple years and you just don't like that the kid watching tv all day it's not your place to tell the kid they can't watch tv if both parents don't have a problem with it.
There is a line. I think as the stepparent you gotta pick your battles. You cant be overbearing but you cant be passive either. Its a fine line that not many people have been successful at toeing. So its best to be with someone that has no kids yet IMO.
My husband will be children father, if I trust you with myself forever I trust you with my kids forever. We'll definitely have conversations about how what is acceptable discipline from both him and I but if my kids are with him, I never want him to bite his tongue or feel like he doesn't have the right to discipline kids that he loves, nurtures and protects.
Honestly I'm like Lonie, The Mommy in me might not wait for the parents to return I feel like it's there and then, but also I've difficult time disciplining other people's children because I don't know how that might feel, though it would come from a good place. Confusing topic.!
MY HUSBAND IS A STEPDAD AND I SEE HOW UNFORGIVING HE CAN BE WITH THE CHILD THAT IS NOT HIS AND HOW HE CAN BE TOLERATING WITH THE CHILD THAT IS OURS TOGETHER . I CALL IT STEP FATHER SYNDROME. IF SHE EVEN RUBS HIM UP WRONG HE WILL HOLD IT AGAINST HER FOR DAYS ON END , BUT HIS OWN CHILD CAN DO AS HE PLEASES AND HE FORGIVES IN FIVE MINUTES. IT IS NOT THE CHILD THAT WILL CAUSE OUR DIVORCE BUT HIS ATTITUDE TO HER.
Im with Adrienne. I have a step mother to this day i lowkey believe is evil. And my step dad is sometimes even a better dad than my real one. And thats because he doesn't overstep his boundries. He offers advice. Offers insight. But he doesn't try to act like he has authority over me. Granted i met him when i was twelve or thirteen but still. And my step mother ruined my family's household for me. She made me feel like i didnt belong there and although she's nice now, i cant even go there as an adult without feeling weird. I just think people who never grew up with step parents or were raised in different ways should hold back a little in jumping the gun about how they should be disciplining their step kids. I think the post was right. If your kid already knows how much you love them, its okay to be disciplining and acting the authority role. But as step parents of pre-teens to older teenaged kids. You need to understand you're new. Youre not familiar. If you just start yelling and telling them what's what regardless of their actions, its normal for them to conclude you have some ill feelings towards them. It's like your parents discipline and guide you because they wants what's best for you. You, stranger, what is it you want? You, person suddenly entering my life, who are you to treat me in a certain way? Do we have some emotional bond or are you only here because of one of my parents? Ionknow. Thats just my opinion from experience.
I'm with you ,I'm a stepparent and my husband's children were older ,young teenagers and I never ever said nothing in correcting them ,but if I saw or knew something I would tell my husband, you know no matter how nice we are or even in a loving way they are going to reject you bc you are not the biological parent ,and I know I'm right bc the kids are grown and they are so good to me ,we all have a great relationship and I also had a 4 year old daughter my husband never interfered and my daughter adores my husband ,I had a stepfather who was very mentally abusive to me and to this day I have nothing to do with him
@@GreatRhyno im so glad you're close with your step kids. In a way, your own experience has made you a better parent to your step kids. And i just want to say thank you because so many people just dismiss these conversations. I have accepted my step dad. Not as my father but someone I'm trusting to take care of my mom. And i think that's what should be really happening in households. Dont only try to be the parent but also try showing them that you're good for their parent. That you'll make them happy. Because in the end of the day, as step kids we LOVEEEE our biological parents and only want the best for them. Vice versa most biological parents expect their partners to also be good for their kids
My step children are my children too, whatever it takes I will discipline them, as long as am not hurting them neither mistreating them .. They may not like it, but they will appreciate me when they're grown up .. 🤗
The problem is the want the step parent to raise their child while they’re away and not discipline them , then they don’t discipline them either. Letting them get away with murder. How will the child ever learn right from wrong?! Like Loni said “take yo kid with you then! “
I think it mostly depends on what kind of relationship you have with that child. Some step parents have amazing tight bonds with their step children, and I feel like if you’ve been in that child’s life for a couple of years, you can have a little bit more of a role when disciplining. There are also families where the step parents and they’re step children don’t have the best of relationships and I think it would further a divide/ be unnecessary drama to have them discipline the kid in that circumstance. Sometimes it just takes time. Just because you might have a difficult relationship with your step children now does not mean it’ll be the same in a month, or a year from now. I think you have to build a positive relationship with them first, before accepting a disciplinary role in their life.
I just know that for me, I really hope my ex doesn't get with anyone until our child is 18. Lol that goes for me too of course. I just don't want the drama that comes with someone else in the picture. I'm just focusing on myself and my son. That's what most people should do!! JS. You can have a love life later.
That's unrealistic. In order for things to work, the "exes" need to get over their emotional baggage and focus on what's best for the child. I won't deal with a guy who don't have his sh*t together. I've witnessed/experienced all sides of the situation. Based on that.... a rule... I will not watch/babysit someone else's child without my mate's presence. That may change with trust and age.
Discipline is relative. I won't spank someone else's child, but I'd shake him up a little. Each situation is different. I think it's easier if they're young; but difficult if the ex has resentment and/or the family is blended. If you're accustomed to structure and your mate's family isn't, it's a recipe for disaster. Your children will resent why they must comply to rules and this new family doesn't.
You're place is just to back up their parent and even be mediator between them. Help both sides communicate and understand what's going on. I'm not putting my hands on stepkids unless it's necessary to keep everyone safe. Definitely not hitting them.
Which kind of discipline? If it’s whooping then only the parent can. But if it’s talking about doing something wrong, then I think that you should discipline. But not like shouting, as in have a proper conversation and sometimes even say, “I won’t tell your mom/dad,” if they have a good relationship with you (and if it’s not serious of course). You always have to have a good relationship with your stepchildren
Definitely depends on age of child, when stepparent came into picture, and how bio mom/dad feel about it. Also, doesn’t Israel have 2 little boys outside of his older children? Do they not see them?
All of this is different when you and the other parent have children together. All that would happen in that situation would be you disciplining your children and the step child getting off scott free if the biological parent is absent... repeatedly, essentially teaching the step child that they have the upper hand and dividing siblings.
Totally agree! When you marry someone with a kid. That kid is also yours. Maybe not legally but emotionally yes! They become yours and that child builds a love for you that is unconditional and should be respected!
I agree with Loni, if you trust me to take care of them when you're not around then you can trust that I will not hurt them when I'm discipline either, if it's a problem then you cant leave them with me, period.
@@gabbysambienceofrivers4813 then you need to be the sole provider protector and care for your child. Don't leave a child with anyone you don't trust to discipline period.
I kind of agree with not disciplining others kids.And it does depend on age.I dont like saying anything to younger children.I cant believe Im saying this but the article is right.When she says that children will just hear you scolding them and because they dont know you they may interpret it as you're mean and not absorb the meaning of the discipline you are giving.Now if thsy're older they cant speak to me innappropriately or be disrespectful in anyway because they will get gotten together.And I dont care what you Mother or Father say about that.lol
I have a 7 year old step/bonus daughter.We have her 50/50. I don't spank her. I let her father do that mainly because I feel that it would upset her mother and it is not my place. Now I do time out and taking things. In my opinion I am an authority figure at our house and she needs to listen to me especially since her father works long hours. Her day works 12 hour days. She needs to know that I am in charge when she is with me. She also knows that I love her. I love her like she is one of my own. I have been in her life since she was 3 and I am Momma Megan. I introduce her to everyone as my daughter. It is the same for her stepfather. He takes things away and time out but leaves spanking to her mother.
Spanking doesn’t work! You always will have to hit harder and harder to make your point. I wish I knew this while my kids were younger. Guidance and correction is discipline.
I absolutely will correct any and all occurrences of disrespect from my step kids...Children will not be disrespectful to any adults that are taking care of them...period!
The first one is very true. My mom didn't get remarried but had a boyfriend we were forced to live with. I was 14, my siblings were 15 and 11. He took charge like he was our dad and overstepped his boundaries. His discipline was way over the top too. There was no reason for it. Like my sister for example. He made ber practice her saxophone constantly, day and night because she was failing band. She didn't want to be in band to begin with but he and my mom made her. He would make her. He made he practice so much. Even if she had other homework he wouldn't let her do it. She had to keep practicing. So she didn't have time to do her homework. She was failing math because of it and he punished her for it.
Children feel it if ure sincere & u committed in trying to build a relationship with them.u just have to be in it for real and truely love them and be patiently if u scold them it must be out of love and care for them. They will feel it and later learn to trust just don't try to force the" I'm your mom or dad " on the they should be the ones feeling that u are and that will only happen when u 100% true
I think Adrienne can speak on it. She's been with Israel a long time and has been a step mom for sometime. She would be the best person to listen too than the rest of the panel. Nobody else there is a step parent.
I think it depends on the age and relationship you have with the child. Just because you’re the child’s step parents doesn’t mean they like you or respond to you. In that situation, if you try to discipline them, it’s not going to work and drive a wedge. I think team work with the paternal parent helps
Best way to make it a non issue, would be for all adults involved to have a conversation about what is acceptable discipline for everyone. Because you can't have the kid getting spanked in one house, just a talking to in another, and nothing at all when the step parent is watching them. Needs to be clear across the board what is fine and what isn't. But that child needs to know there has to be respect given and returned from all th parents in their lives. Just cause you are married in, does not make you in anyway, shape or form less than. And should be allowed to take away a phone or tell them to go to their room, if you are watching them. No hands need to be on anyone, but in that moment, that kid still needs to feel some level of guidance and it won't always wait til their actual parent is home. So yea, open lines of what is okay up front with everyone, in the best interest of the child.
I have bonus kids and I definitely discipline them. It's a respect thing. They now what lines not to cross with me. I'm entrusted to take them to school, the doctor, care, and watch over them. But, I shouldn't be trusted to discipline them? It doesn't make sense.
Yo its is tough. My son is 7 and was barley 6 when i met him. He knows who his mom is and who i am to him and his father. Its tough because his mother is more of a big sister to him so when he acts up, i literally have to sit back and watch my husband struggle. I do softly tell him "No baby, dont do that okay? Its not nice." And he does listen to me but its tough. Idk what to do at times.
If I just raise my voice to my bonus baby (10) he cries. That’s enough and he then get some act right. I don’t have to hit. There have been times where I have put the belt to him but certainly not often. He’s been in my life since he was 2. A lot of things can be talked out and I want him to love and respect me with the fear of disappointing me not just my wrath. He’s a good boy. He has a good mom and dad that’s doing their best. I’m his mama chacha! ❤
I don’t think it’d be my place as a step parent to discipline them unless they’re specifically under my care for a long period of time. And if they’re under the age of 18.
In this convo discipline=spanking/hitting. How about parents stop hitting their kids then denouncing anyone else doing it ever bc “love doesn’t hurt”. Mommy & daddy beat you, but your bf/gf, spouse, & no one else should bc “love”. 🤨
I think step parents should leave the discipline to both the parents of that child, don’t get involved, I speak like this because I had a step dad who was not only cruel but abusive towards me and mother, luckily my sisters where living with relatives at the time, if the step parents is having a issue with the child, talk to the child’s parents, but don’t be dishing out discipline and punishment, when you are not that child parents. Just because you are married to their parents, does not give you the step parents the right to assume you are allowed to discipline someone else’s child.
Being a stepparent can be tough especially when they are in their 20s living under the same roof with you and you have to be cleaning the kitchen, bathroom I mean the entire house and all they are good at is to mess it up and your husband couldn't do anything about it and if you try talking to them about it you becomes their enemy. I am going through it and I know how it feels like, please ladies before you accept to marry a man with children please do your research well
if you feel this way and your husband doesn’t respect you enough to say anything about it, then you’re with the wrong person. also is it possible you have a higher standard of cleanliness than everyone else in your household? bc if that’s the case (like if ur very type A but everyone else is very type B) than that’s solely your problem. if you’re the only one in your house who wants it look a certain way, it’s your sole responsibility to make it look that way. if that’s not the case, and they’re just super lazy and always leave big messes for you to clean up, then leave. you’re in the wrong family
(My parents are together ) but if they broke up and my dad got with a new women or Vice versa I’m not taking the other person seriously.. you ain’t my mum/dad, you can’t tell me to do anything and if you do.. I’m not gonna listen... no random from the street is gonna get to tell me what to do that’s my mum and dads job and you’re neither.
Gm edagdwg if you are living with him or married you should talk to the child they know what they are doing pay attention to what the father tells you respect each other talk to the child show them both you care Linda j. Peace
I tell my sisters "si me los dejas, dejame tambien la nalas" meaning, if i'm gonna take care of your kids then I have permission to whoop ass. but in modern day that's frown upon, so I don't take care of anyone's kids,
I hate when ppl on this show DISPUTE what the other said JUST to then agree... Tf ( Jeannie JUST said what Eva said she dnt agree wit, just for Eva to then repeat it 😂😂😂 usually thats Adrianne's role❗❗)
Развлечения
Why is discipline = to hitting? I thought disciplining is to teach a child what's right and what's wrong and help them to know the difference ?
Yes, agree your child teacher should also be a disciplinarian, which should never lay a hand, puting a child in time out is still discipline, correcting rude behavior is also discipline.
Omg your comment is so underrated.. Idk why a lot of these people in the comments are correlating discipline with just hitting the child ... it doesn’t haven’t to be that and it shouldn’t be that
It depends on how you were raised. If discipline in your home growing up meant going and getting a switch or being beat with a belt then that's why you see comments about hitting. If you grew up in a house where you could talk to your parents any kinda way and your mom wanted to sit down and talk about your feelings so you were validated, well then that's another type of discipline. IDK which one is right or wrong. All I know is I wouldn't be trying to discipline my husband's double digit age kids. That's just weird!
Thank you! These people just want to take their anger out on their kids. Period!
Where i live that's the on way they do it they say that becuz they love u and there a high rate of women abuse and women say in those relationship becuz their parent thought them that s how love is and really sad becuz we bury our sisters becuz of that mentality that had been instilled in us
Adrienne and "lit kids" /"lit parent", she gotta stop😂😭😭
Like girl lol just say step, it ain’t that serious
They have stopped, they say step now. This was shot a while ago
Loll
So cringe. Lol
it’s her and the children’s choices...if they didn’t or don’t feel comfortable saying Step than they shouldn’t have to. plus this was shot a while ago
if i have a baby and me & the father don’t work out, his girlfriend better not lay hands on my child idgaf
Victoria Allen and you your right I’m a step mother and you 100000% right. NO HIT PERIOD
I agree because I don't believe in hitting kids... But a "girlfriend" of his wouldn't be around my kids alone in the first place... She better be a "wife" before I let her anywhere near my kid and we gotta atleast try to have a good relationship for the sake of the children... So a proper detailed conversation on discipline and privacy will be had.
Right. Leave the spanking to the parents.
Well for one they said step-parent. Your parents gf or bf isn’t your step-parent
Chelsea Robinson well they better not touch my kid either, married or dating the only people who can discipline is me and my man
I don't understand why they are always so quick to disagree with Jeanie?? Even though they repeat exactly what she just said
Jeanie always dropping the gems 💎
Jeannie is the one with sense
@Lin they never disagreed
I guess it's pretty randomly asking but does anyone know a good place to stream new movies online ?
Loni has a point, so does everyone else on the table. At first I'm like its not their place to do so etc, but if I'm currently supervising the kid and they're with me, no way i'm letting them act reckless and/or talk to me anyway they want. It's more of a respect thing, sure I'll let your parents know, but there needs to be respect on both ends.
I agree with you @Nyaa
Especially if the step/ bonus has the kids 50/50 . Takes them to school, Dr. appointments , shopping and does everything for that child . Don’t tell I can verbally discipline that child anything physical let it up to bio parents... it’s tricky.
And you Aren't going to talk to the kid anyway you want disrespecting them either, so ya it goes both ways alright
The kid didnt ask for the random addition to be in their lives, they owe step parents nothing.
So can a teacher or daycare provider whoop your child since they are supervising and invested in your kid then?
Stop trying to make “Lit mom” “Lit children” happen. It’s not going to happen.
Damn she can’t have her own title😒
@@tianasprincess5827 it's corny as hell. girl youre a stepmom. deal with it.
😂😂😂😂😂 exactly it’s never going too be a thing 🤣😅
🤣🤣🤣 mean girls reference lol
@@sandi876 haha yup!
You need to discuss these boundaries with your partner. Every household is different.
The term “lit children” is so cringeyyy
Right 😬😬
I agree. There's nothing wrong with being labeled a stepmom. It's what you do with that title that matters. It seems like she's putting some kind of stigma on the stepmother term. 🤷🏾♀️
Yessssss
Study Hard, Sleep Easy No, she’s saying there IS a stigma on the term stepmother. she’s not putting the stigma there...if she didn’t feel comfortable w them calling her that, she should be able to go by something else
@@purpleorangelamp She can have them call her whatever she wants but what I'm trying to say is that it seems like she's making it something it isn't. There are a lot of great stepparents out there who do not put the "step" term in a negative light.
Wait... Jeezy has kids right? Jeannie's gonna have a whole other family soon!
Yeah he does, one of them is 6 and the other two are in their early 20s
Oo
In African everyone disciplines you. Other family members, the man down the street, your teachers, it’s a free for all and you’ll learn to respect your elders.
Absolutely it takes a village after all.
Lmao "it's a free for all" 😂
Yep wat part of africa/country r u from
True 😅😂
Which I hate and lowkey makes me want to fight them
Everyone: A conversation should be had
Loni: We fighting🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Tamera saying “lit children”- she get so awkward saying that 😂😂she knew that was a bs word
What in the world is "lit" children lol live in teen?
Being real, I'm with Loni...😏 if you are in my supervision, you follow my rules...my house, my rules! Making sure that I am being reasonable as well.
Right
The thing is it’s not your house 💀
Loni really getting in touch with her African heritage 🤣🤣🤣
As a “Stepchild” it feels worse to be excluded from your step siblings or half siblings, even in discipline. As parents y’all should have a talk prior to committing and establish what is expected out of each of you. Of course this is more important with little ones. If you don’t want a divided household, don’t divide it. Compromise with your beliefs and find a middle ground you can live with so your child can feel unconditional love from you and your partner.
I am sorry for feeling that way
As a former Step Child whose Step Mom disliked because of jealousy towards my mother
I will not discipline my step children I will help and guide them and buy stuff and do all the things I do for my bio kid even cooking and giving gifts but not Discipline
He is already being Aliniated towards his dad from his mom’s household
The only thing that has helped me is that his bio mom suffers from Mental illness and has refused to meet me which worked great in my favor since every time she says something negative towards my persona I have told my bonus son I don’t understand why his mom says Those things if I don’t even know her face
I have never had any interaction with her so there is no way she can talk about me or know anything about me since we are strangers to each other
If you are a stepchild you become bratty spoiled child
Step parenting... it’s a slippery slope cuz u don’t want to disrespect your partners ex or your partners way of disciplining but you also want to show the child u mean business... find a middle ground is basically what I’m saying
Makes perfect sense. I’m a steparent and oh man it’s been challenging.
That's y I never dated a guy with kids
Doesnt Adrienne have a step kid that's only 12 years younger then her?
It's NOT a stepparent job to show a kid that is NOT fucking theirs that they mean business, wtf?!
TAKE YOUR KIDS WITH YOU.....
Diana Williams-Coe 😂🤣
I AGREE W LONI !!! At the end of the day if I’m the “step parent” you should be able to trust me to know I wouldn’t discipline them unless it was absolutely necessary and I had a good reason to out of Love! They’re like my own kids I wouldn’t hurt them at all. That’s an real adult relationship.
Not your kid not your place.
Stay in your lane.
if you don’t love them don’t discipline them.
If you don't love my kids don't be with me 😢
100%
@@scarlove50honest question, why is "loving" your kids a requirement? What if they are respectful, but don't "love" them bc they're not their kids etc?
Your Mom I think that is super important a child is an extension of their parent and if I’m in a relationship with someone that has a child I think it would be very important for me to see love and feel love for there child especially if it’s a serious relationship because at the end of the day that child might end up becoming your step child and they deserve to be loved not just respected!
@@juicysmith38235 if you cant love a kid that isnt biologically yours, then don't get with someone that has kids.
I agree with Loni 100%.
don't hit a kid that you did not bring into this world PeriodT. You can tell them in no uncertain terms that what they are doing is not acceptable and give advice.
You shouldn’t be hitting kids. A grown adult should know how to handle problems without violence
No you shouldn't be hitting a child regardless of if their, yours or not.
oihcam22 People can spank there own kids if they need it lmao. Just because YOU don’t that’s fine. But other people can.
Aleesha Ali yes you can
Shenay Everest For you, it’s not right don’t tell people how to discipline there children
How is it possible to take care of a child without disciplining them it simply doesn't make sense, according to African tradition they become your son and daughter and you would treat them accordingly meaning you also get involved with their discipline.
We are in a new time and most of us are living in modern society with more knowledge about children's development. For this sort of topic, I don't think it's a one size fits all. It depends on the kid. How comfortable they are with the step parent. Also I don't think it would be appropriate for a step parent to be allowed to do the hard core disciplining right when they get into the family. Even after I gave birth to my daughter, I was of course in love with her & would give my life for her, but even for us it took time to form a strong bond and level of friendship. So if a step parent came into the picture with an older child, they need time first to develop a level of trust and for them to learn how much they are loved by that step parent. Of course if they are super young that is a different story. But you especially need to be careful with teens. What Adrienne said was spot on. In the beginning for awhile I would work with the biological parents, learn what flow is appropriate, & let the kid know that I'm going to have to bring this up to them.
I come from an African background but I guess I'm a bit too westernized when it comes to this, I don't have a step parent but if I did I won't see them as anything more than that. I will listen to you because you're an adult *not* because you're my "parent" which you aren't....
This has been effectively practiced for centuries and has worked black people shouldn't allow western customs to change their way of being modern society should not change us.
My stepdad didn’t discipline me. He left that to my mom. He acts more like a friend to me and my brother. We can go to him for anything. He taught us how to drive and took care of us but he didn’t discipline us.
@@Crc7798 How old were you and your brother when your mom got married?
My stepmom never truly disciplined me because she didn’t want to overstep. I wish she would have disciplined me. I hate that she felt not equal. My mom passed when I was 9 & now my stepmom is my only mom. I’m grateful for her & glad she is in my life. She’s known me since I was in the womb though so our relationship is different
Aww how sweet. Thats cool that you have a good relationship with your stepmom. I'm sorry for your loss though.
I have two step children, I’m a stay at home mom with my two, and sometimes the older two stay longer then just the weekend. So their dad still goes to work so I’m home alone with four kids. Do I get mean? No. But my voice and attitude changes if they are having bad attitudes or doing something they shouldn’t. But that’s as far as my punishment goes with those two. And they know to quit or their dad gets involved when he gets home. I talk to them about how their behavior isn’t nice and how we need to be nice. I’m not mad but I’m not going to deal with the behaviors. And they stop and that’s the end of it. I do believe there should be a conversation with both biological parents so that everyone is on the same page. And luckily for me everyone is. And so that system works out
as long as that step parent it's going to abuse the child or mistreat that child I don't see anything wrong with them disciplining the child, because if they don't discipline them that stepchild is going to walk all over the step parent and be disrespectful and rude and they're not going to listen or obey that the step-parent, if the step parent is good enough to take care of their stepchild to wash their clothes, cook their meals for them, do other things for them as a step-parent should do, they should be allowed to discipline the stepchild and if they are a caring and a loving step parent we know they're not going to mistreat them or harmed or abuse them in any way, so they can discipline the stepchild and show them love at the same time and disciplining a stepchild doesn't always mean you have to spank them, there are other ways of disciplining a stepchild and still showing them love but letting them know who is in charge,
Nope! The stepparent has NO business even thinking about disciplining a child that is NOT theirs! Fucking PERIOD!
I trust NO ONE!
It depends on different things like the kid age when you walked in the relationship, if both of the kid parents are in the picture, or if the parent take care of the issue the stepparent shouldn’t get involved too
I agree i feel like especially with step mom's they want to feel involved so their partners let them take lead to make them feel better I don't agree with that.
EXACTLY!!💯💯💯
Smartest comment said! Well done mate! 😎
I was raised by a single parent so i can tell you from the kids position what it's like. With the situation of them being in my care i agree with Loni you can't leave you kids with someone and then get mad if they say something about their behavior, BUT I feel like a lot of step parents mainly step mothers feel insecure about their role so the main parent let's the step parent make rules to make them feel important. I don't agree with that. It's a respect thing especially if the kids are teenagers and the parents had a health system before they got married. I think when you sign up to be with someone with kids you have to respect that. You can have a opinion that you can discuss with your partner, but with how to raise the kids that's not your place. If you have a situation like Eva's where one parent wasn't in the kids life and the step parent was their from the beginning then that's a different story. But if you've only been in the picture a couple years and you just don't like that the kid watching tv all day it's not your place to tell the kid they can't watch tv if both parents don't have a problem with it.
I didn’t know that Jeezy had kids ooohhh...
There is a line. I think as the stepparent you gotta pick your battles. You cant be overbearing but you cant be passive either. Its a fine line that not many people have been successful at toeing. So its best to be with someone that has no kids yet IMO.
1000000
Cool, I've never been 2nd comment.. what I win?😂
A like and comment by me 😂😉 have a nice day 🤗
a well wish 😊
A t shirt lol
You’re so cute🌸
A like from me a cookie: 🍪; a medal: 🥈, and a trophy:🏆
My husband will be children father, if I trust you with myself forever I trust you with my kids forever. We'll definitely have conversations about how what is acceptable discipline from both him and I but if my kids are with him, I never want him to bite his tongue or feel like he doesn't have the right to discipline kids that he loves, nurtures and protects.
Loniiii 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 IS SO MEEE!!! LMAOOOO!!!!
Honestly I'm like Lonie, The Mommy in me might not wait for the parents to return I feel like it's there and then, but also I've difficult time disciplining other people's children because I don't know how that might feel, though it would come from a good place. Confusing topic.!
The only discipline off limit is corporal punishment.
I actually would love to see Eva a part of The Real cast. I think she meshes really well.
Lit children 😭💀
MY HUSBAND IS A STEPDAD AND I SEE HOW UNFORGIVING HE CAN BE WITH THE CHILD THAT IS NOT HIS AND HOW HE CAN BE TOLERATING WITH THE CHILD THAT IS OURS TOGETHER . I CALL IT STEP FATHER SYNDROME.
IF SHE EVEN RUBS HIM UP WRONG HE WILL HOLD IT AGAINST HER FOR DAYS ON END , BUT HIS OWN CHILD CAN DO AS HE PLEASES AND HE FORGIVES IN FIVE MINUTES.
IT IS NOT THE CHILD THAT WILL CAUSE OUR DIVORCE BUT HIS ATTITUDE TO HER.
Why are you yelling?
I'm with Loni on this one.
Hahah I WISH my dads new wife tried to lay a hand on me or my brothers. I WISH SHE WOULD
Im with Adrienne. I have a step mother to this day i lowkey believe is evil. And my step dad is sometimes even a better dad than my real one. And thats because he doesn't overstep his boundries. He offers advice. Offers insight. But he doesn't try to act like he has authority over me. Granted i met him when i was twelve or thirteen but still. And my step mother ruined my family's household for me. She made me feel like i didnt belong there and although she's nice now, i cant even go there as an adult without feeling weird.
I just think people who never grew up with step parents or were raised in different ways should hold back a little in jumping the gun about how they should be disciplining their step kids. I think the post was right.
If your kid already knows how much you love them, its okay to be disciplining and acting the authority role. But as step parents of pre-teens to older teenaged kids. You need to understand you're new. Youre not familiar. If you just start yelling and telling them what's what regardless of their actions, its normal for them to conclude you have some ill feelings towards them.
It's like your parents discipline and guide you because they wants what's best for you. You, stranger, what is it you want? You, person suddenly entering my life, who are you to treat me in a certain way? Do we have some emotional bond or are you only here because of one of my parents?
Ionknow. Thats just my opinion from experience.
There is a good reason why she can relate
I'm with you ,I'm a stepparent and my husband's children were older ,young teenagers and I never ever said nothing in correcting them ,but if I saw or knew something I would tell my husband, you know no matter how nice we are or even in a loving way they are going to reject you bc you are not the biological parent ,and I know I'm right bc the kids are grown and they are so good to me ,we all have a great relationship and I also had a 4 year old daughter my husband never interfered and my daughter adores my husband ,I had a stepfather who was very mentally abusive to me and to this day I have nothing to do with him
@@GreatRhyno im so glad you're close with your step kids. In a way, your own experience has made you a better parent to your step kids. And i just want to say thank you because so many people just dismiss these conversations. I have accepted my step dad. Not as my father but someone I'm trusting to take care of my mom. And i think that's what should be really happening in households. Dont only try to be the parent but also try showing them that you're good for their parent. That you'll make them happy. Because in the end of the day, as step kids we LOVEEEE our biological parents and only want the best for them. Vice versa most biological parents expect their partners to also be good for their kids
I don’t think Ive felt more understood
My step children are my children too, whatever it takes I will discipline them, as long as am not hurting them neither mistreating them .. They may not like it, but they will appreciate me when they're grown up .. 🤗
No they are NOT your children, Ever!
The problem is the want the step parent to raise their child while they’re away and not discipline them , then they don’t discipline them either. Letting them get away with murder. How will the child ever learn right from wrong?! Like Loni said “take yo kid with you then! “
#1 don't become a stepparent..save yourselves
No one necessarily plans out being a stepparent though lol
Loni the only one with common sense. Take your kids with you!
Say that Loni!!! 👏👏
Don't say Loni didn't warn you, hahaha.
I think it mostly depends on what kind of relationship you have with that child. Some step parents have amazing tight bonds with their step children, and I feel like if you’ve been in that child’s life for a couple of years, you can have a little bit more of a role when disciplining. There are also families where the step parents and they’re step children don’t have the best of relationships and I think it would further a divide/ be unnecessary drama to have them discipline the kid in that circumstance. Sometimes it just takes time. Just because you might have a difficult relationship with your step children now does not mean it’ll be the same in a month, or a year from now. I think you have to build a positive relationship with them first, before accepting a disciplinary role in their life.
I love this and totally agree!
I think it depends on what you consider as disciplining a child!
I just know that for me, I really hope my ex doesn't get with anyone until our child is 18. Lol that goes for me too of course. I just don't want the drama that comes with someone else in the picture. I'm just focusing on myself and my son. That's what most people should do!! JS. You can have a love life later.
That's unrealistic. In order for things to work, the "exes" need to get over their emotional baggage and focus on what's best for the child. I won't deal with a guy who don't have his sh*t together. I've witnessed/experienced all sides of the situation. Based on that.... a rule... I will not watch/babysit someone else's child without my mate's presence. That may change with trust and age.
💯
Whenever I see Eva now I think of the nappy head comment she made on rhoa
I think Adrienne looks gorgeous and her diet is working well for her. But her head might end up looking a bit bigger if she continues
Being a step parent is hard. Never discipline some elses kid. Thats the biological parent job period.
Discipline is relative. I won't spank someone else's child, but I'd shake him up a little. Each situation is different. I think it's easier if they're young; but difficult if the ex has resentment and/or the family is blended. If you're accustomed to structure and your mate's family isn't, it's a recipe for disaster. Your children will resent why they must comply to rules and this new family doesn't.
💯
You're place is just to back up their parent and even be mediator between them. Help both sides communicate and understand what's going on. I'm not putting my hands on stepkids unless it's necessary to keep everyone safe. Definitely not hitting them.
If I’m not allowed to discipline your kid then i shouldn’t be allowed to spend money on ur kid!!!!!
Which kind of discipline? If it’s whooping then only the parent can. But if it’s talking about doing something wrong, then I think that you should discipline. But not like shouting, as in have a proper conversation and sometimes even say, “I won’t tell your mom/dad,” if they have a good relationship with you (and if it’s not serious of course). You always have to have a good relationship with your stepchildren
Definitely depends on age of child, when stepparent came into picture, and how bio mom/dad feel about it. Also, doesn’t Israel have 2 little boys outside of his older children? Do they not see them?
All of this is different when you and the other parent have children together. All that would happen in that situation would be you disciplining your children and the step child getting off scott free if the biological parent is absent...
repeatedly, essentially teaching the step child that they have the upper hand and dividing siblings.
Totally agree! When you marry someone with a kid. That kid is also yours. Maybe not legally but emotionally yes! They become yours and that child builds a love for you that is unconditional and should be respected!
I agree with Loni, if you trust me to take care of them when you're not around then you can trust that I will not hurt them when I'm discipline either, if it's a problem then you cant leave them with me, period.
Period Lonnie!!!! ❤️❤️❤️
If the step-parent provides, protects, and cares for the child... Then yes they can discipline.
Nope! Not their fucking job!
@@gabbysambienceofrivers4813 then you need to be the sole provider protector and care for your child. Don't leave a child with anyone you don't trust to discipline period.
I kind of agree with not disciplining others kids.And it does depend on age.I dont like saying anything to younger children.I cant believe Im saying this but the article is right.When she says that children will just hear you scolding them and because they dont know you they may interpret it as you're mean and not absorb the meaning of the discipline you are giving.Now if thsy're older they cant speak to me innappropriately or be disrespectful in anyway because they will get gotten together.And I dont care what you Mother or Father say about that.lol
Your ass Will fucking care! Try it if you want to!
I agree with Adrienne it’s not your kids not your place. Speak with the parent about the issue.
Eva said exactly what the article said..
I have a 7 year old step/bonus daughter.We have her 50/50. I don't spank her. I let her father do that mainly because I feel that it would upset her mother and it is not my place. Now I do time out and taking things. In my opinion I am an authority figure at our house and she needs to listen to me especially since her father works long hours. Her day works 12 hour days. She needs to know that I am in charge when she is with me. She also knows that I love her. I love her like she is one of my own. I have been in her life since she was 3 and I am Momma Megan. I introduce her to everyone as my daughter. It is the same for her stepfather. He takes things away and time out but leaves spanking to her mother.
You're NOT Mom to that child, fucking Period!
Spanking doesn’t work! You always will have to hit harder and harder to make your point. I wish I knew this while my kids were younger. Guidance and correction is discipline.
Eva's face at 2:12😂😂
I absolutely will correct any and all occurrences of disrespect from my step kids...Children will not be disrespectful to any adults that are taking care of them...period!
The first one is very true. My mom didn't get remarried but had a boyfriend we were forced to live with. I was 14, my siblings were 15 and 11. He took charge like he was our dad and overstepped his boundaries. His discipline was way over the top too. There was no reason for it. Like my sister for example. He made ber practice her saxophone constantly, day and night because she was failing band. She didn't want to be in band to begin with but he and my mom made her. He would make her. He made he practice so much. Even if she had other homework he wouldn't let her do it. She had to keep practicing. So she didn't have time to do her homework. She was failing math because of it and he punished her for it.
Children feel it if ure sincere & u committed in trying to build a relationship with them.u just have to be in it for real and truely love them and be patiently if u scold them it must be out of love and care for them. They will feel it and later learn to trust just don't try to force the" I'm your mom or dad " on the they should be the ones feeling that u are and that will only happen when u 100% true
First rule dating a single parent. Don't.
I don't think their advice can be taken seriously simply because none of them are well experienced stepmoms who have dealt with this issue firsthand
I think Adrienne can speak on it. She's been with Israel a long time and has been a step mom for sometime. She would be the best person to listen too than the rest of the panel. Nobody else there is a step parent.
I think it depends on the age and relationship you have with the child. Just because you’re the child’s step parents doesn’t mean they like you or respond to you. In that situation, if you try to discipline them, it’s not going to work and drive a wedge. I think team work with the paternal parent helps
I dont understand u guys r disagreeing with her when wat you're saying is wat she's saying
@Anne Day I think "she" is the original commenter.
They always blindly disagree with Jeanie for no reason. They jump on what she says
I don't know who the guest host is but I like her :)
The way Madea whooped Keke Palmer's ass in Family Reunion shows she doesn't care who the child is lol
Best way to make it a non issue, would be for all adults involved to have a conversation about what is acceptable discipline for everyone. Because you can't have the kid getting spanked in one house, just a talking to in another, and nothing at all when the step parent is watching them. Needs to be clear across the board what is fine and what isn't. But that child needs to know there has to be respect given and returned from all th parents in their lives. Just cause you are married in, does not make you in anyway, shape or form less than. And should be allowed to take away a phone or tell them to go to their room, if you are watching them. No hands need to be on anyone, but in that moment, that kid still needs to feel some level of guidance and it won't always wait til their actual parent is home. So yea, open lines of what is okay up front with everyone, in the best interest of the child.
I have bonus kids and I definitely discipline them. It's a respect thing. They now what lines not to cross with me. I'm entrusted to take them to school, the doctor, care, and watch over them. But, I shouldn't be trusted to discipline them? It doesn't make sense.
DONT LEAVE YOUR KID AROUND ME!! 😂🎉😂😂
Yo its is tough. My son is 7 and was barley 6 when i met him. He knows who his mom is and who i am to him and his father. Its tough because his mother is more of a big sister to him so when he acts up, i literally have to sit back and watch my husband struggle. I do softly tell him "No baby, dont do that okay? Its not nice." And he does listen to me but its tough. Idk what to do at times.
Babe she has more than a clue now
She has the answer
If I just raise my voice to my bonus baby (10) he cries. That’s enough and he then get some act right. I don’t have to hit. There have been times where I have put the belt to him but certainly not often. He’s been in my life since he was 2. A lot of things can be talked out and I want him to love and respect me with the fear of disappointing me not just my wrath. He’s a good boy. He has a good mom and dad that’s doing their best. I’m his mama chacha! ❤
Are they back in the studio now or is this old?
Lol why Tamera say lit like an out of touch mom would 😅 she is so cute!!!
I don’t think it’d be my place as a step parent to discipline them unless they’re specifically under my care for a long period of time. And if they’re under the age of 18.
This why im not doing any step- anything
I'm with you Loni lolololol
In this convo discipline=spanking/hitting.
How about parents stop hitting their kids then denouncing anyone else doing it ever bc “love doesn’t hurt”.
Mommy & daddy beat you, but your bf/gf, spouse, & no one else should bc “love”. 🤨
This is only applicable to perfect situations and perfect relationships.
Loni..are you from🇯🇲👍💯.
We don't play with our kids..
I'm going to leave it right there Lani..
😂 We don’t play with our kids or anyone else for that matter!! 🇯🇲💯🇯🇲
You definitely should not let your partner's kids get away with anything they do just so you can bond with them.
The Dos and Don’t of Single Parenting For Men:
Do: Run like hell from the single mother
Don’t: Be a step dad
I think step parents should leave the discipline to both the parents of that child, don’t get involved, I speak like this because I had a step dad who was not only cruel but abusive towards me and mother, luckily my sisters where living with relatives at the time, if the step parents is having a issue with the child, talk to the child’s parents, but don’t be dishing out discipline and punishment, when you are not that child parents. Just because you are married to their parents, does not give you the step parents the right to assume you are allowed to discipline someone else’s child.
Being a stepparent can be tough especially when they are in their 20s living under the same roof with you and you have to be cleaning the kitchen, bathroom I mean the entire house and all they are good at is to mess it up and your husband couldn't do anything about it and if you try talking to them about it you becomes their enemy. I am going through it and I know how it feels like, please ladies before you accept to marry a man with children please do your research well
if you feel this way and your husband doesn’t respect you enough to say anything about it, then you’re with the wrong person. also is it possible you have a higher standard of cleanliness than everyone else in your household? bc if that’s the case (like if ur very type A but everyone else is very type B) than that’s solely your problem. if you’re the only one in your house who wants it look a certain way, it’s your sole responsibility to make it look that way. if that’s not the case, and they’re just super lazy and always leave big messes for you to clean up, then leave. you’re in the wrong family
(My parents are together ) but if they broke up and my dad got with a new women or Vice versa I’m not taking the other person seriously.. you ain’t my mum/dad, you can’t tell me to do anything and if you do.. I’m not gonna listen... no random from the street is gonna get to tell me what to do that’s my mum and dads job and you’re neither.
Loni I agree
Loni isn't even a mom and will never be a mom - so she shouldn't be disciplining anyones children.
Oh Lord.... Only in America.....
If you go to Africa and the Carribean.... Everybody disciplines the kids. Even grandparents and neighbors!
Gm edagdwg if you are living with him or married you should talk to the child they know what they are doing pay attention to what the father tells you respect each other talk to the child show them both you care Linda j. Peace
What if parents don't discipline their children?
How are you going to be scared to be a step mom/dad?
I tell my sisters "si me los dejas, dejame tambien la nalas" meaning, if i'm gonna take care of your kids then I have permission to whoop ass. but in modern day that's frown upon, so I don't take care of anyone's kids,
I hate when ppl on this show DISPUTE what the other said JUST to then agree... Tf ( Jeannie JUST said what Eva said she dnt agree wit, just for Eva to then repeat it 😂😂😂 usually thats Adrianne's role❗❗)
Why even bring anyone into the relationship if they cant say anything to the kid??