I was a mortgage banker for 15 years. You can actually convert a 30-year mortgage into a 17 year mortgage by sending only 1 Extra payment per year in January. So instead of 12 payments per year that you normal would pay, you make a total of 13 payments during each given calendar year. That 13th payment needs to go to principal only and make sure you write that on the memo of your check otherwise the bank will assume it's their interest versus 100% principal. You won't feel the added stress of making that high 15-year mortgage payment. Plus you will have the benefits of a 30-year loan payment with this accelerated interest reduction.
Great advice. You should be the one advising this woman. They may not realize it, but DR and the PhD often create enmity in the heart of the wife by undermining the husband's authority in the marriage.
I'm glad my husband and I respected and honored each other's decision making ability because when he died in an accident, I became the head of my household in an instant.
This is my struggle too... I want to spend less and my husband is the spender. He sees spending money for me as providing for me and he wants to make me happy with that but I always have to remind him that I don’t want /need those things
@@julialee143 Have you and your husband communicated your financial goals with one another? Maybe showing it to him on paper will help and keep him accountable. My ex never wanted to have these discussions and I learned that it was a values difference.
Right? Dave trying to play like his program isn't responsible for a lot of marital disagreements. What often happens is that one person decides to make changes and the other person doesn't, causing major problems in the relationship. That's what I love the most about being single. Whatever financial decisions I made were up to me. I know too many couples who stay broke because one of them loves to spend money that they don't have. You can't stop them and your credit is tied to theirs.
Yeah, most people no longer going for the 'starter house' them upgrading later if they can afford it. What's the point of buying the dream house straightaway, spending loads of cash and taking loans on renovation and mortgage, just to foreclose at the next economic downturn or 'crisis'
Boss It’s an opportunity for the patient people that invest,save, and live within means with zero debt. The one that started small and/or with starter homes. It’s how I bought a $650k newly remodeled and partially furnished short sale beach condo for $240k cash during housing crash/Great Recession over 10 years ago.
The husband may not be seeking to buy a bigger house than what the wife wants. Dave was speculating. He put words in the caller's mouth. The doctor did too. He tried to get the woman to say there were more problems in their marriage. There's a lot of mind reading in this segment.
As head of the house it is our job, to sacrifice, suffer and even die if need be to protect and provide for our family just as Christ did for us. One of my wife's many jobs is to keep me from making stupid decisions that are going to increase my sacrifice and suffering. A wise husband pays careful attention to how his wife feels, because sometimes we are so busy doing we don't stop to think about our feelings. Women have a built in secureometer that goes off when we are about to do something dumb.
you have a point but just because society makes a joke of dads (himer simpson, peter Griffin, al bundy, pretty much every sitcom dad) doesnt mean we have to fall into the narrative of that is the way it is. why sell yourself short and lump all men in that category.
Awesome.. please also start studying investing. Pleasedont wait for when you are debt free. Dont have to invest till debt free, but just learn learn learn, so when you have money, you are well educated already. Good luck..
The idea that a marriage includes a "head" and "lower" is ridiculous to me. It doesn't matter what amazing roles you appoint to the head "serving everybody, keeping everyone above water, draging the burden of the family blabla." These words don't take away the fact that within this marriage there's a hierarchy difference, one's opinion is deemed more important, one person is deemed the leader. When you marry you become equals. You go on this journey together and every decision you make both have an equal say. Ofc there's times where one gets their way, and other times where the other gets their way, that's all fine. But a relationship where one person is deemed higher than the other is not a marriage, it's a father-daughter relationship.
@@Nathan_Bookwurm being the leader doesn't mean you are more important. Have you heard the phrase heavy is the head that wears the crown? There does have to be a tiebreaker sometimes, despite these guys fairy tale that you can just discuss until you agree. And what if you can't agree that way? Divorce, of course! Which is exactly what we see in society today. Stay married as long as it's convenient. Rerun the cost benefit analysis every day. Whenever you don't like what's happening, leave immediately! Love yourself first!
that a huge thing, that is something that could leave your wife for, think about the difference in buying a 300k house and a 500k house, that could destory you life.
They could take out a 30 year mortgage and make enough extra payments to in effect turn it into a 15 year mortgage. If everything is going fine, make the extra payments and it is a 15 year mortgage; if there are cash problems, only pay the lower 30 year amount until things improve. The downside is that the interest rate will be a little higher because it will be a 30 year instead of a 15 year mortgage.
the other problem is almost no body pay extra every mouth if they dont have to, also that mean they are buying a more expansive house, that mean more property tax that mean higher light bills that mean how repair bills, higher house insures. there are lot of extra bill that a more expensive hosue mean. BUT the bigger think is they are not on the same game plan.
I REALLY don't like how Dr John always makes it as if the marriage is in jeopardy. Dude, every disagreement doesn't have to be a sign of marriage problems. Every other call people hang up thinking they're getting a divorce on freaking air.
Was thinking the same thing. I’ve watched a few videos with him in them - feels like a hammer looking for a nail because he always insists instead of asking the question and taking people at their word.
Right!! They're just disagreeing!! That's probably the only reason she's crying. They've only been married a year shes facing their first big disagreement
John has a knack for saying things that shouldnt be said or that are completely irrelevant. This guy is not good with people. Im not trying to be mean or hateful, he may mean well but he is not helpful and always manages to say the wrong thing.
This call title and the sound of her voice on the call breaks my heart. By reading some of the comments it seems like it might be a controversial opinion...but I believe a marriage is a partnership his opinions and thought shouldn’t be more valuable than hers
Its because women can be extremely manipulative. Shes literally calling because she disagrees with her husband and he disagrees with her. There two sides and neither of them are necessarily right. Its funny how you assume that shes a victim whose opinion isn’t valuable, while the husband is in the exact same situation as her.
Simple....be creative. Agree to the 30 years mortgage as long as they agree to either pay one whole extra mortgage payment to principal or little extra principal payments per mortgage . If he won't agree to it. Just get the 30 year and you, the wife, make extra principal payments to pay off the mortgage early and then it is the same as a 15 year with the security that if you lose your job, you have a smaller payment you can fall back on if need be. It's what we do and we have $40k plus into our house now.
Her husband hits her and keeps her in the kitchen 😂 however there's nothing wrong with being head of household why shouldn't the strongest person in the house take leadership and carry the load
Everybody is piling on the husband for wanting a 30 year mortgage. The guy is being judicious, and wants to be able to afford the monthly payments. The higher ‘15 year’ is not for everyone!
They can also make payments as if it was a 15 year, then if an emergency comes up, they have the wiggle room to make lower payments since it's actually a 30 year.
Or, you can get more realistic about how much house you actually need. Compare it to a car. Why spend 6 years paying off an Escalade when a minivan will be paid off in 3 and does the exact same things. In the end, a house is just sticks of wood covered in plaster and paint.
What the others said .. it's not a bigger payment, it's that he wants a 400k house instead of a 300k house (or similar). Also the zero down house programs you have to pay extra money (200-400) monthly that is not applied to your house, and those programs have higher interest rates as well as 30 year loans having higher interest rates. Basically he saw the mortgage calculator for a 30 year and got greedy about what house he can afford (along with skipping the down payment to get into it "easier"). It happens to just about everyone, including those that ultimately go with the 15 year...
Jessica Olson I don’t know what program you are referring to but the program i know it’s 0 down payment 0 closing cost 0 PMI low industry wide interest rate and you can buy down you interest to as low as 0.125%. So buying a bigger house only depends on your income.
Great advice! The first big argument I had with my fiance was an amazing milestone in our relationship. It revealed who we were deep down and ended up being a blessing. We both had to humble ourselves, and we were forced to learn how to compromise. It truly felt like the holy spirit guided us. I'm getting married soon, and am very happy because I know we have the communication skills to solve even bigger issues that are sure to arise from life. These big arguments often break marriages, but they can make them stronger too.
It sounds to me like she doesn’t have a lot of faith that he is going to dig deep and be humbled to work through it though. This may be based on him personally or based on her own history with men. That’s what I picked up in her voice at least.
Yeah I believe Dave has so entrenched himself in his view of a 30 year vs. a 15 year he equates it as stupidity. It's not. If a 5 year mortgage came out as a new norm tomorrow then a 15 year mortgage would become the new "stupid." This is their first big fight as a newly married couple in one year and without making judgments too far in with not enough information it seems like she's making this a bigger deal than it is based on Dave's plan. Is 30 years more of a risk? yep. But you can invest more and possibly retire earlier? Yep. It really depends on the goal of the individuals(family). Not everyone wants $10 million at retirement. Some live happily on $40k/year and would be happier with more free time at age 40 with $800k in investments.
@@droptozro This. Also, what's wrong with taking out a 30 year mortgage to give yourself more time to pay it off and then paying it like it's a 15 year mortgage? I like Dave and his program changed my life, but you can deviate from his program and still do well. I have and it's working out fine.
@@droptozro Exactly I agree with you. Even when he tells people to rent and not buy a house, again I wouldn't agree to that and I think it's a stupid move. Renting is money wasted rather pay a mortgage instead.
My wife and I will be married for 4 years next month and we've never had a fight. Sure, we've had disagreements and have had to compromise at times. But never a fight.
Consider the alternate mortgage payoff plan. Get a 30 year mortgage and pay it off as the 15 year rate. The difference in the two mortgage rates will be contributions to equity. My wife and I did this and we were able to pay off our mortgage in 12 1/2 years. If you have a few lean months, you can revert back to the 30 year mortgage monthly payment without any repercussions the mortgage company as you are in charge of the amount you pay in excess of the committed monthly payment. However you have to be diligent about making the monthly minimum payment on a regular basis otherwise you’d be in default of the mortgage.
Yes! If you make principal payments especially at the beginning of the loan, you are actually making several extra payments that come off of the end of the loan. Ask for an armorization of your loan and look at how much principal and interest you are paying at the beginning of your loan. Paying a thousand extra dollars would knock several payments off. On a smaller loan paying $100 may take of 2-3 payments off at the end of the loan and you will have your home paid off early. Just make sure to stress to the loan company that is is a principal payment and not an early payment.
I’ve got another option. When we were in our first house, my husband lost his job and was out of work for a full year. I was so thankful that we had gotten a 30 year mortgage because during that time we had a lower monthly payment than we would have had with a 15 year mortgage. We had been paying double payments up until his job loss and then started them up again after he finally got another job. So we made our own “15 year mortgage” but weren’t held to it when times got tough. When we moved to our new home in a different state we did the same thing-made double payments on a 30 year mortgage. I was sooo glad we did because a few years later we BOTH lost our jobs at the SAME time! We cobbled together some part time work but it took a year again until we were both fully employed. One thing I will say though is that I take care of the money and have a lot of self control in that area so it worked to make double payments on a regular basis. Some people probably wouldn’t have been able to get that done.
He won't listen to her because she's brought Dave Ramsey into her bedroom and leader of their household. People can be so out of touch with their communication.
I agree with your comment about her bringing in DR, but I'm not sure that's the reason for his position. The husband can truly believe the 30yr mortgage for the same home is the better decision for his family. In spite of DR's baby step program.
agreed. Its like the guys fault cuz he wants something diff and she wants some thing diff. why not get a 30 year and work on paying it off earlier that would be a great compromise.
Carlos Campos You have to be careful with that. Some contracts banks have, can charge you if you pay extra, because a bank then loses a predetermined amount of money, this is big in Canada banks I hear.
Carlos Campos To play devil’s advocate, what if he is the sole breadwinner and she stays home with their future kids, and then he decides he doesn’t want to pay the mortgage down faster.
@@shakengrain1942 it also says not to lie or gossip or to judge others, yet here we are in RUclips comments so... yeah they don't always get followed, hehe
@@RC-dp1gu I mean that hastily rushing in a legal contract without being prepared is a mistake. Listen to her, I highly doubt it's the only major disagreement they have. If she is the one that came forth with the wedding idea, knowingly picking a man irresponsable when it comes to money, I find it hard to be sympathetic.
Dave Ramsey's step is a template/framework. You need to adapt this to your situation and not just follow religiously. I was also disappointed in the way they washed down the man's role without understanding his perspective. The Head of the house means protection, not necessarily an assertive authority. The man is 'I believe' considering the ability to be able to afford the monthly mortgage if one loses a job, Also being a new marriage, the possibility of kids in the coming years. 1 yr in marriage, they definitely still yet to fathom their financial responsibility yet, a lot may still pop up. The man may indeed be looking to protect the family from unseen circumstances while the woman is bent on her approach. the better advice would have been to understand the man's perspective and find a meeting point like do 30 years and attack with extra funds as available which may eventually get you a fifteen-year payoff or less. With this approach, you both cater to any situation that comes and still achieve the 15 years house payment free. a template/framework doesn't mean throughout your brain.
True. Nobody asked why he wants a 30 year mortgage. When I bought my house I shopped for a house I could comfortably afford to pay at a 15 year mortgage rate. However, I got a 30 year mortgage, paid as if it were the 15 year rate (so roughly double the required 30 year monthly payment), and had the option to drop to the lower monthly payments at any time if I had some kind of life emergency. I paid the house off in just under 8 years by increasing my monthly payments slightly each year and then making a lump sum payment once the remaining loan amount was well below my savings balance. Now all of those monthly payments that I was accustomed to paying towards my mortgage go straight to savings/investment accounts each month.
@@CL-gq3no . Congratulations!!! I did the same think Chris. Only because I bought my house at almost 50 and wanted to be free of mortgage payments before 60. It was worth the sacrificed.
Right? I don't understand the concept of forcing yourself into a 15 year mortgage when there is no law against getting a 30 year but still paying extra every month. Nothing beats the flexibility of a 30 year mortgage.
Money issues often cover up other problems. Like a lack of respect or insecurities, which are both harmful to relationships. My ex boyfriend often bragged & spent way too much money on material things trying to make people respect him. Ironically, that was one reason I lost respect for him and ended things. He was not safe to have as a husband.
I don’t like how John Delony self deprecates himself and calls himself a “pseudo doc”, I get where it is coming from but be proud of the knowledge you have gained as a PhD.
@Gary Davis exactly, ""there's more to it than this" to every wife that calls in. So annoying, i fast forward when he talks. He doesn't need to dig into relationships every call.
Wish there were more counselors out there as perceptive as Dr John! I believe my marriage might have had a chance. I'm very impressed with him. Have seen him discern real problem in short order on many calls, but Dave cuts him off every single time and he never gets to finish a thought.
@@shakengrain1942 are you his irl friend, lol you show up all over the comments praising everything about him 😂 I'm glad you're happy, just seems fishy hehe
@@JiisTube Hahahaaa! Not hardly. I'm 60 years old and know a lot about counselors. Just hate seeing all you little agitators living in mom's basement fermenting such negativity and criticism where it is not warranted. This counselor is usually exactly right in his perceptions.
If you want him to lead then sit back and allow him to do his stupid decisions. If you want to be an equal partner and a smart strong women, don't let him run the household. You are his partner not his employees or his daughter.
The man is the leader- he is the one that would die and sacrifice himself for his family. There's a mans role in life and there's a woman's role in life- both are extremely valuable, but don't make the mistake of thinking that should look "equal" because it won't.
@@amosiren You are a vile pile of $hit. Women are equal to men. What crazy world or century are you living. Men die for their family... This is not guy's hunting bears and fighting of wolves trying to eat the chickens.
@@amosiren This ideology is why most people live paycheck to paycheck. Get rid of it, have your wife work, share responsibilities and retire early. Don’t be so pathetic.
To accurately answer these marriage / financial questions you need to listen to both sides. On all these calls you get one person’s point of view structured in a way to align with Dave Ramsey’s ideology, so obviously they will tell them they are right and their spouse is wrong. Get both people on the call or see a marriage counselor.
I agree, but to be fair, Dave ALWAYS encourages people to get a counselor. He gives his advice because they called in, but he makes sure the caller understand that his opinion isn't the end of it and that they need to seek professional advice outside of him.
Tray MacVelle .. I agree, I don’t fault Dave because he is answering as best he can due to the information given. He also recommends counseling. I just struggle with the productivity of these calls and I think it’d be more beneficial to the caller if they chose those options. Dave can only help them so much in this situation.
If you have a husband who listens to his wife, that is a dream. This woman sounds like she is living my life. But I cannot say anything and have zero control. I want to pay my student debt off but that does not seem a priority to him. It sucks when you live a life with someone who is not listening to their spouse, I know what she is feeling. It really sucks!!!!
I think many couples confuse respect with fear and authority for leadership. You can respect your husband while disgreeing and he needs to prove his capability for leadership before she follows him blindly.
When the person knows what the flip they're talking about then it goes a lot more smoothly. Try watching Dave's videos with Chris Hogan or Anthony O'Neal.
There is nothing wrong with a 30 year mortgage. You will pay a little higher interest but you can pay it off just like a 15 year mortgage by just paying extra on the principle. You also have the comfort of making the regular payments if something happens to your income like a job loss or sickness. You just have to be discipline. Good luck, you and your husband can work this out.
One of the main reasons for recommending a 15-year mortgage is so you buy less house. The idea is, if you "need" a 30-year to comfortably afford the payments with sufficient margin in your budget, the house is too expensive.
Do not do the no down payment house! It ruined my life. I was made to sign papers with my fiance at the time. Literally the brokerage staff was standing all around me. I did not have the money or smarts it was my first buy. Unfortunately it caused me to lose my fiance and my income for years. I was working to eat Ramen because I was house poor. Again don't do it! My next house was under 100000k and a 15 year 20% down and almost paid off. So much in a better place.
The problem at least in my opinion is that when it comes to these sort of decisions it doesn't sound like we have a united couple when it comes to the marriages finances. She needs to get her husband and herself in front of someone that they can mutually respect to talk about this house he wants to buy and help walk through the financial implications of taking on such a long mortgage. Not to mention help this couple deal with what sounds to me like a clear cut power imbalance in the marriage's financial affair which is not indicative of a healthy marriage (I suspect the wife believes her husband could run off and borrow this money via the longer term mortgage because he wants more money available in the monthly budget irregardless of if it is in his best long term interest to do that). A shorter mortgage costs more per month but the thing is if you are uncomfortable paying more for the mortgage via a 15 year mortgage then ask yourself this: If you go with the 30 year mortgage and interest rates and/or the economic situation changes which leads to the bank demanding higher payments and higher interest rates - will you be able to afford that sort of financial shock at that time? It's better to go with the shorter mortgage as it allows for you pay off that massive debt quicker and if you are uncomfortable with taking on the higher monthly payments then you might be better off not getting a mortgage in the first place.
Welcome to the Dave Ramsey and Dr. Ruth show. Can we quit feeding into the emotions of the female callers or apply the same emotional questions to the male callers.
@@tylerskywalker5862 you can actually become rich with Graham’s ideology. You can’t become rich with Dave’s ideology. His ideology is meant for idiots.
Man and woman are both leaders. We just lead differently from each other and that’s ok. God made us that way for a divine reason. People should come together with the understanding of this.
Love Dave. Got out of debt with his plan. Very grateful! I heard this call. If my wife and I were having a gentle, kind discussion on 15 vs 30 year mortgage and she 1) Put it on national blast and 2) Was told "there must be something else" when our marriage has been great...I'd be ticked. Do the 30 year young lady. It isn't a sin. Follow your husband in what "seems" to be a great, young marriage. I pray this young lady didn't get off this call feeling worse about her husband.
I paid off my 15 year mortgage by sending in the payments as if it was a 15 year mortgage. The reason that I got the 30 year mortgage so that I could send in smaller payments if I ever lost my job or had a big unexpected expense.
You are absolutely right Dave. The husband is using this as I’m the boss of the house, this is Spiritual abuse in the house hold. Thank you for your comment that his role is one of service.
As a husband. I assume his fear is a bigger monthly payment. As he needs to provide and protect. I say go with a 30 and accelerate the payments to have it paid off early. It eases his fear and satisfies her as well. Its more than numbers sometimes!!
I feel like John could be on a call with someone who vaguely mentioned they disagreed with their spouse about something small like where to eat and he’d response with “this is something deeper isn’t it?!” And act like they’re about to get a divorce Bc of a silly disagreement 🙃
Go ahead and get the 30 year mortgage... but pay it off early. Problem solved. . You don't have to just make the required payments. You can pay more. . This gives you the ability to just make that minimum required sometimes, but your self discipline is what makes you win.
Why pay it off early? Out of touch Ramsey insists buying an index fund will return 16% every year. Mortgage interest rates are at historic lows. If Ramsey had a critical brain cell left in his skull, he would suggest they invest the difference for 30 years, as opposed to just continuing to dispense his religious dogma.
We definitely don't talk like that in my house... The boss might hear it. 😂🤣😂 👍😁 And yeah, we try to make decisions together. It is give and take. Nobody gets any titles in this house other than man and women or mom and dad.
Weirdest call I can think of I've heard on dave Ramsey. What this woman needed was to be told the Ramsey solution is the fastest and best solution to attaining wealth but of course, compromises can be made. This woman's husband wanting a longer mortgage isn't unloving isn't wrong just different and a perfect opportunity for her to express herself made her idea known and then be willing to submit and that is how the Bible says you win your husband. Winning her husband is the fastest and best solution for her to attain contentment
I had been preparing myself for adulthood most of my childhood. My husband was raised not to think of anything beyond today. When I suggested that he do some research first to work with me, he refused & then thought he was a Lord & Master. I told him that the 100th anniversary of the Civil War was during my childhood, so slavery no longer was legal!!
You can do a 30 year mortgage and pay it off sooner. You can do biweekly payments, make extra house payments during the year, apply income tax refunds, bonuses, etc. to the balance.
Go with your husband on it and try it for a while. And if things go bad, gently suggest trying your way and see if that helps. Don't tell him 'i told you so' as he will probably feel bad enough about screwing up the whole deal. But who knows? It may work out well and she's worried about nothing.
Job loss can happen anytime to anybody. What would the backup plan be for a home purchased with a 30 year mortgage? This happened to us. Spouse out of work for over a year.
Uh, larger emergency fund. Dave's plan is not bad nor wrong, but not everyone's plan is Dave's plan once they start to get more information on finances. Some want to retire earlier by investing more earlier.
Thats why i believe disagreements can be healthy. I had a buddy that married a chick and they never disagreed for years. One day they did and it all went down hill from there.
Lol right. You’re not pigeonholed to those 30 years, you can easily make extra payments with the freed up money from the lower monthly payments of the 30 year. Just ensure there’s no pre-payment penalties before you take on that mortgage. 20 year mortgage is an option too that would be a compromise to them both
Except they clearly can't afford to do so. Let's be realistic, it takes a strong discipline to pay a 30 year in 15. Something this guy likely struggles with if he can't control his desire for bigger house. And I get it. I have 30 year mortgage and bigger house. Trying to pay it off quick, but some months I just have to buy a Lonestar grill smoker : (
Dave having all these simple minded fools locked into there is only one way to do things is just sad. So many factors are never taken into account on these calls.
This is very true. I really can’t stand Dave’s attitude of “if it’s not my way, then it’s wrong”. I think he has some good advice but he irritates me sometimes of how closed minded he can be. I can’t find the flaw in buying a house with a 30 year mortgage but paying it off like it’s a 15 year mortgage (not saying that’s what the guy in this situation had in mind). Sure, you may spend a little bit extra but you have that safety net in case life happens.
I wanted a 30 year mortgage in case of a tight month. My wife wanted a 15 year mortgage. We came together by getting the 30 year and committing to paying extra against the principle each month. We paid off our house in 3 years and 7 months. I guess we got intense... It was the most unified period of our 46 year marriage.
Just do the 30 year and then throw all your extra money at it every month to reduce the principal and pay it off years and year early. If you ever get into a situation where you're strapped for cash, then you're only obligated to pay lower 30 year mortgage payment amount.
We don't have enough info to make any judgements. Most people can't do 15 years. If the house is within budget and they wish to do 30 years that's fine. They can always pay double each month if they wish to do 15 years. But the 30 provides security if you think at one point a situation could arise where you cant make payment. No one will know their financial situation in 15-30 years no matter how prepared you are
First things first... agree on purchase price. After that its not that big of a deal to have a 30 yr vs 15yr. You can always pay extra or invest the difference(better option)
Nothing wrong with a 30 year mortgage if you can be disciplined enough to make extra payments. it gives you a safety net for lower payments in unexpected hard times.
Wow, husband gets raked over the coals without anyone hearing his side of this. I follow you guys and you are great at financial advice but this was so wrong on more than one level. How do you know she wasn't wanting a house that was tough for him to afford( you wouldn't know, you didn't ask), therefore he may have to do a 30 year finance to afford the payment( from villain to dumb hero instantly). How much does she contribute to the relationship? How much does he contribute? Seems like a lot of advice for only hearing one side of the story. Stick to financial advice instead of one sided therapy, but I should have expected as much because on this show the man is always at fault in some way. Marriage is a two way street, sometimes I'm right and sometimes she is. But this was just the most god awful advice I've seen on here.
@@Sai-xc8ij dont make a problem where there isn’t one. They clearly said that both of them should honor and respect each other. All they told her was she shouldn’t go along with anything and everything just because he is “head of household”, especially if she feels opposite that thing. If you listen to Dave regularly you know that he advocates the 50/50 partner view of marriage meaning both people combine incomes and have equal weight in all major money judgements. if she and her husband have been operating on a more strict traditional breadwinner and housemaker marriage than I can see how this advice would cause conflict because she isn’t completely following the plan. In which case she should have never called and that’s her fault. However Dave and John did nothing egregious, and did emphasize that she should be compromising. Dave also frequently emphasizes that if your going to follow his advice you have to follow it all the way, it should not be Dave-ish (half assed, and only taking bits and pieces).
The great thing you can do is discuss your point of view a time or two and if you truly feel God is leading y’all to something different, pray that God will change his heart or her heart to align with His will. More often than not God will change your own heart. Xoxoxo Praying now this young marriage and all marriages around the world, standers included.
Nah most of these bad marriages are from people who didn’t even get to know each other good enough before getting married people love to rush into responsibility now days...
Kathleen Archibald marriage is pointless already. Why should I ask the government or religion permission to love and commit to someone for life. It’s all a money trap nowadays. People are more open now it’s not like the old days when you would marry your high school sweetheart. Loyalty and honesty is rare these days. Marriage should be about committing your love, soul, time, body, etc. it shouldn’t be about committing assets and money. Marriage today is all about financial based, which many young people see today that’s why there’s less marriages and more divorces today. I’d rather just have a partner for life and be free without needing the signature or paperwork from the government that will allow us to be “married”. Why should I ask the government or church permission to be happy with someone I love ?
Wrong. The premise is that the Godly husband gets respect from his wife and the wife gets a Godly husband who is commanded to love her so much that he is willing to give his life for her. The wife gets a deal here.
Sorry to tell you Dave, but when I was growing up my parents went through your program, we as kids definitely made you the bad guy every time we wanted to go out to eat or do something extra. They succeeded and are doing very well, but every time we were told we couldn’t do anything you were who we put blame on 😂
In 1998 I financed a new vehicle at my credit union. I wanted the shortest payoff terms that I felt comfortable with. The financed amount was about $13,500 and payments for 60 months were only about $20 mo less than on 48 mo. I chose 48. I purchased a home in '99 for 30 years. Began making additional principle payments about 4-5 yrs later and refi'ed to a 15 yr loan 2 yrs after that, and with a 1.5% interest reduction. My payments were only $100 mo more, but it chopped off huge interest. Got it all paid off in just over 19 yrs in total.
The first step is definitely learn to communicate in a way that doesn't make anybody feel fearful or unheard. It is much easier to fix things if you both know it isn't going to escalate into a fight or personal jabs. Go to each other to improve the relationship, but never to make each other feel guilty, ashamed, or stupid.
I don't understand this concept of fights being necessary in relationships. You can have a disagreement without it turning into a fight. And yes, no matter how levelheaded people are, disagreements turning into fights is inevitable at some point, but they're only a year in....why is having multiple fights at this point an expectation?
Moon Beam I believe there are two types of fights: derogatory and disputes. In no regard is a derogatory fight a good thing. Pointing out who the money maker in the family is, attacking soft spots, or speaking to the other person as inferior are all negative things. Since when has name calling and yelling been productive? Disputive arguments, on the other hand, can be a good thing if carried out properly. I believe it is good for couples to have disputes. A proper dispute (just another term for a fight) teaches both partners how to deal with conflict and come to agreements. differences are bound to happen at one point or another. Understanding how to resolve conflict with your spouse is a good thing.
@@rrennnerr yes, I agree with you that settling difference is necessary and healthy. I guess it's just my connotation of the word "fight". While fights, disputes, arguments, disagreements, etc are essentially one in the same, I see a "fight" as the result of a healthy dispute/disagreement that got out of hand. You're no longer listening to each other and your emotions are kinda taking over and the dispute turns into a negative, unhealthy experience. Kinda like how it appears in this video. Her emotions make it seems like their dispute got out of hand and turned into a "fight". Idk...I hope that made sense lol. I understand my connotation of the word fight is probably a little irrelevant to your statement. Regardless, I see what you're saying. Thanks for clarifying!
This is about my 200th episode. And i cannot express how much i appreciate all your kind words and how much you honor our holy father. I am so grateful to have found you Mr.Ramsey! Thank you.
I think both partners are equally responsible for solving problems together, and making decisions as a family. He isn’t a built in tie-breaker. However, if I think someone’s breaking in the middle of the night, I’m absolutely sending my husband downstairs with the bat, while I go lock myself in a room with my kids. That is how I see head of household. His gift to our family is strength and security, whereas mine is more caring and nurturing.
For us, the 30-year mortgage had nothing to do with being able to buy more house. I say, get the 30-year but pay it like it's a 15-year mortgage. That way if you get in over your head or get into trouble you have that cushion. We got a 30-year but did not take that long to pay it off. We had trouble paying the higher amount early on but have no problem paying more now.
Excellent advice. This is an example of why the older (wiser) women should teach the younger women. She called in to these white knights and the first thing they want to do is make the husband sound like a fool.
Man this co-host is incredibly insightful! Good listener. Excellent intuition. Wish Dave would quit talking over him! Everything he started to say, Dave butted in and took over.
They probably did, but who knows. Anyway have you ever tried telling a spouse, "hey remember a year before we were even looking when we said we'd get a crappier house?" Does it even work saying things like that? Sounds questionable lol
God, breaking down over a disagreement over a 15 year and a 30 year married less than a year. I sure hope it is a lot more than that. While a think a 15 year is overall better, a 30 year is far from the end of the world and you still can always pay more principal on it if you wish to pay it down sooner.
Good grief, a man wants to be the head of the household, but we have a generation of adolescent adult males. They want the woman to have a career, but not too much of a career where it will challenge him. But if you stay home and raise the kids and depend on him (which I did), then you have to ask for permission. I am now 48, own my own business, make more money than any man, and do what I want!
Looking at this situation, it seems like a minor problem to solve. The much much bigger concern is the quality of the house and the value you’re getting vs the term of the mortgage. Whether you’re getting a 15, 20 or 30 year, all that matters is interest rate. If it’s that much of a worry, nothing stops you from putting every extra penny you have towards a house payment regardless of length of the loan and turn it into any length loan you want. Far more important is to know what you’re getting and if it’s worth it for price paid. Nobody’s looking at that. A house is a house is a house to these people. Missing the important part here.
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How do I contact Mr. Ramsey and get advice?
@@altalavera8139 call his show live during the week. 2-5 p.m. EST livestream
What does dave think about the first time home buyers plan?
Facts
I was a mortgage banker for 15 years. You can actually convert a 30-year mortgage into a 17 year mortgage by sending only 1 Extra payment per year in January. So instead of 12 payments per year that you normal would pay, you make a total of 13 payments during each given calendar year.
That 13th payment needs to go to principal only and make sure you write that on the memo of your check otherwise the bank will assume it's their interest versus 100% principal. You won't feel the added stress of making that high 15-year mortgage payment. Plus you will have the benefits of a 30-year loan payment with this accelerated interest reduction.
Great advice. You should be the one advising this woman. They may not realize it, but DR and the PhD often create enmity in the heart of the wife by undermining the husband's authority in the marriage.
How much would the principal payment have to be?
I'm glad my husband and I respected and honored each other's decision making ability because when he died in an accident, I became the head of my household in an instant.
Great advise, thanks for that!
thanks, I am doing this right now. Good advice for everyone that does not know.
Any guy would be fortunate, blessed really, to be married to a woman like this who is frugal, reasonable, mature and unselfish.
@Michael Gibson Post it man, there are never enough ways to put a spin on the truth, especially when it's cleverly done.
Was just about to say the same. Women like this is very hard to find these days. If there are any left.
This is my struggle too... I want to spend less and my husband is the spender. He sees spending money for me as providing for me and he wants to make me happy with that but I always have to remind him that I don’t want /need those things
@@julialee143 Have you and your husband communicated your financial goals with one another? Maybe showing it to him on paper will help and keep him accountable. My ex never wanted to have these discussions and I learned that it was a values difference.
She sounds very fragile. Who has been with her partner for 2 to 3 years and hasn’t gotten in a fight yet? Sounds like someone’s not being genuine.
Dave said "Don't put me in between your your marriage." let's get that clear lol
🤣 right!!
Lol good job Dave to deflect...even though she is following the “Ramsey Plan”...🙄
Right? Dave trying to play like his program isn't responsible for a lot of marital disagreements. What often happens is that one person decides to make changes and the other person doesn't, causing major problems in the relationship. That's what I love the most about being single. Whatever financial decisions I made were up to me. I know too many couples who stay broke because one of them loves to spend money that they don't have. You can't stop them and your credit is tied to theirs.
Miss Priss I see your point but Dave has always said that the plan does not work unless both parties are on board.
Dave has clearly been sued a few times over causing somebody a divorce 😂
Buying too much house is a huge mistake! Most people are not at a point in their life where they should be buying their dream house.
Yeah, most people no longer going for the 'starter house' them upgrading later if they can afford it.
What's the point of buying the dream house straightaway, spending loads of cash and taking loans on renovation and mortgage, just to foreclose at the next economic downturn or 'crisis'
Boss
It’s an opportunity for the patient people that invest,save, and live within means with zero debt. The one that started small and/or with starter homes.
It’s how I bought a $650k newly remodeled and partially furnished short sale beach condo for $240k cash during housing crash/Great Recession over 10 years ago.
the bigger mistake is an inability to resolve conflict where both people come out winners
Tell that to everyone in my area. They all want a million dollar house and nice fancy Mercedes in their driveways
The husband may not be seeking to buy a bigger house than what the wife wants. Dave was speculating. He put words in the caller's mouth. The doctor did too. He tried to get the woman to say there were more problems in their marriage. There's a lot of mind reading in this segment.
As head of the house it is our job, to sacrifice, suffer and even die if need be to protect and provide for our family just as Christ did for us. One of my wife's many jobs is to keep me from making stupid decisions that are going to increase my sacrifice and suffering. A wise husband pays careful attention to how his wife feels, because sometimes we are so busy doing we don't stop to think about our feelings. Women have a built in secureometer that goes off when we are about to do something dumb.
Well said!!
Well said sir your post is a second one. I've seen so far that is accurate and balance.
So she spreads her legs when the rent is due. You got a parasite in house old man
you have a point but just because society makes a joke of dads (himer simpson, peter Griffin, al bundy, pretty much every sitcom dad) doesnt mean we have to fall into the narrative of that is the way it is.
why sell yourself short and lump all men in that category.
@@ownytony I don't know. I don't have a TV or watch it.
This doesn't have to be that big of a deal.
Caller: My husband wants a 30 yea- Dr Deloney: That’s not it is it?
You got a real laugh from me with this comment! Thanks for that :D
moreisnotenough me too 😂! That comment was too accurate lol.
Hahahahah
He is soo annoying 😩😂
😂
DAVE I save my $1000 dollars today, I am so happy thankyou! Baby step 2 coming next 😃
Congratulations Deana! You got this !
Crypto Bdarija THANKYOU !
Congratulations 🎈
Awesome.. please also start studying investing. Pleasedont wait for when you are debt free. Dont have to invest till debt free, but just learn learn learn, so when you have money, you are well educated already.
Good luck..
@@NaNa-lt1po This is great advise. It's never to early or too late to learn something new.
Dave, your description of ‘head of the house’. Wow. Talk about humility. Amazing.
Ya- I really appreciate it..
Right !!! I get to serve everybody 👑
The idea that a marriage includes a "head" and "lower" is ridiculous to me. It doesn't matter what amazing roles you appoint to the head "serving everybody, keeping everyone above water, draging the burden of the family blabla." These words don't take away the fact that within this marriage there's a hierarchy difference, one's opinion is deemed more important, one person is deemed the leader.
When you marry you become equals. You go on this journey together and every decision you make both have an equal say. Ofc there's times where one gets their way, and other times where the other gets their way, that's all fine. But a relationship where one person is deemed higher than the other is not a marriage, it's a father-daughter relationship.
@@Nathan_Bookwurm being the leader doesn't mean you are more important. Have you heard the phrase heavy is the head that wears the crown? There does have to be a tiebreaker sometimes, despite these guys fairy tale that you can just discuss until you agree. And what if you can't agree that way? Divorce, of course! Which is exactly what we see in society today. Stay married as long as it's convenient. Rerun the cost benefit analysis every day. Whenever you don't like what's happening, leave immediately! Love yourself first!
she sounds young and is getting a taste of reality
Yea i was thinking the same thing. Her bubble was popped and she got a scared
Sounds like she is also regretting marrying a guy with a control complex
@@Goat.Cheese and this is exactly why religion pushing people to get married so young is not a good thing at all
@@Goat.Cheese to be fair, she's not paying the bills, he is.
@@Goat.Cheese really we don't know enough to say that. Doing a 30 year mortgage and paying it off early is a fine decision for a lot of people.
Hilarious how they think their marriage is coming to an end because they can't figure out if it should be a 15 or 30 year mortgage
It is their first real fight, give them a break. Pretty cute.
that a huge thing, that is something that could leave your wife for, think about the difference in buying a 300k house and a 500k house, that could destory you life.
They could take out a 30 year mortgage and make enough extra payments to in effect turn it into a 15 year mortgage. If everything is going fine, make the extra payments and it is a 15 year mortgage; if there are cash problems, only pay the lower 30 year amount until things improve.
The downside is that the interest rate will be a little higher because it will be a 30 year instead of a 15 year mortgage.
the other problem is almost no body pay extra every mouth if they dont have to, also that mean they are buying a more expansive house, that mean more property tax that mean higher light bills that mean how repair bills, higher house insures.
there are lot of extra bill that a more expensive hosue mean.
BUT the bigger think is they are not on the same game plan.
Marriage should be about compromise. Maybe they can do a 20-year mortgage instead.
Dave: What`s your household income? Dr. John: How long you've been married?
SO TRUE. 😂😂
No answers from Dave or john
They need a third panelist it's from the pizza delivery driver Union..
daves shows went from financial advice to relationship advice...
@@cruisinusa5110 - I'm guessing you don't listen very often
I REALLY don't like how Dr John always makes it as if the marriage is in jeopardy. Dude, every disagreement doesn't have to be a sign of marriage problems. Every other call people hang up thinking they're getting a divorce on freaking air.
Was thinking the same thing. I’ve watched a few videos with him in them - feels like a hammer looking for a nail because he always insists instead of asking the question and taking people at their word.
Divorce statistics might suggest Dr. John may have a point.
Right!! They're just disagreeing!! That's probably the only reason she's crying. They've only been married a year shes facing their first big disagreement
John has a knack for saying things that shouldnt be said or that are completely irrelevant. This guy is not good with people. Im not trying to be mean or hateful, he may mean well but he is not helpful and always manages to say the wrong thing.
The fact that she called in to the show is a BIG BIG sign of marriage problems. Sounds like you aren't married.
As a husband of nearly 15 years, the hardest fight I've ever had with my wife, was the first one.
Good to know
🥺
True, it gets much easier to fight after that
The hardest fight was about the mortgage term?
@@l-train7876 that's not what he said.. he said the first fight was the hardest. Doesn't matter what the fight was about
You don’t want to be house poor! The more money you save on a mortgage, the more you can save and invest with!
i had a friend who had a really nice house but no food or toilet paper in it had to use paper towels
This call title and the sound of her voice on the call breaks my heart. By reading some of the comments it seems like it might be a controversial opinion...but I believe a marriage is a partnership his opinions and thought shouldn’t be more valuable than hers
Its because women can be extremely manipulative. Shes literally calling because she disagrees with her husband and he disagrees with her. There two sides and neither of them are necessarily right. Its funny how you assume that shes a victim whose opinion isn’t valuable, while the husband is in the exact same situation as her.
Simple....be creative. Agree to the 30 years mortgage as long as they agree to either pay one whole extra mortgage payment to principal or little extra principal payments per mortgage .
If he won't agree to it. Just get the 30 year and you, the wife, make extra principal payments to pay off the mortgage early and then it is the same as a 15 year with the security that if you lose your job, you have a smaller payment you can fall back on if need be.
It's what we do and we have $40k plus into our house now.
Her husband hits her and keeps her in the kitchen 😂 however there's nothing wrong with being head of household why shouldn't the strongest person in the house take leadership and carry the load
Ya honestly her husband sounds kind of sexist.
'Partnership...?' or 'Dicatorship...?'
There is no mutual love without mutual respect.
Everybody is piling on the husband for wanting a 30 year mortgage. The guy is being judicious, and wants to be able to afford the monthly payments. The higher ‘15 year’ is not for everyone!
They can also make payments as if it was a 15 year, then if an emergency comes up, they have the wiggle room to make lower payments since it's actually a 30 year.
Or, you can get more realistic about how much house you actually need.
Compare it to a car. Why spend 6 years paying off an Escalade when a minivan will be paid off in 3 and does the exact same things.
In the end, a house is just sticks of wood covered in plaster and paint.
He’s wants a bigger house that he can’t afford. And trying to strong arm her, when she saying “I’m uncomfortable” 😕
What the others said .. it's not a bigger payment, it's that he wants a 400k house instead of a 300k house (or similar). Also the zero down house programs you have to pay extra money (200-400) monthly that is not applied to your house, and those programs have higher interest rates as well as 30 year loans having higher interest rates.
Basically he saw the mortgage calculator for a 30 year and got greedy about what house he can afford (along with skipping the down payment to get into it "easier"). It happens to just about everyone, including those that ultimately go with the 15 year...
Jessica Olson I don’t know what program you are referring to but the program i know it’s 0 down payment 0 closing cost 0 PMI low industry wide interest rate and you can buy down you interest to as low as 0.125%. So buying a bigger house only depends on your income.
Great advice! The first big argument I had with my fiance was an amazing milestone in our relationship. It revealed who we were deep down and ended up being a blessing. We both had to humble ourselves, and we were forced to learn how to compromise. It truly felt like the holy spirit guided us. I'm getting married soon, and am very happy because I know we have the communication skills to solve even bigger issues that are sure to arise from life.
These big arguments often break marriages, but they can make them stronger too.
It sounds to me like she doesn’t have a lot of faith that he is going to dig deep and be humbled to work through it though. This may be based on him personally or based on her own history with men. That’s what I picked up in her voice at least.
They didn't really help her, they just made her feel bad and question her marriage. I think they just have to figure out a way to compromise.
Yeah I believe Dave has so entrenched himself in his view of a 30 year vs. a 15 year he equates it as stupidity. It's not. If a 5 year mortgage came out as a new norm tomorrow then a 15 year mortgage would become the new "stupid." This is their first big fight as a newly married couple in one year and without making judgments too far in with not enough information it seems like she's making this a bigger deal than it is based on Dave's plan. Is 30 years more of a risk? yep. But you can invest more and possibly retire earlier? Yep. It really depends on the goal of the individuals(family). Not everyone wants $10 million at retirement. Some live happily on $40k/year and would be happier with more free time at age 40 with $800k in investments.
@@droptozro This. Also, what's wrong with taking out a 30 year mortgage to give yourself more time to pay it off and then paying it like it's a 15 year mortgage? I like Dave and his program changed my life, but you can deviate from his program and still do well. I have and it's working out fine.
@@droptozro Exactly I agree with you. Even when he tells people to rent and not buy a house, again I wouldn't agree to that and I think it's a stupid move. Renting is money wasted rather pay a mortgage instead.
Married for a year and this is their first fight? They didn’t spend enough time together before tying the knot.
I had bigger fights by the third date. Lol she is too sweet.
My wife and I will be married for 4 years next month and we've never had a fight. Sure, we've had disagreements and have had to compromise at times. But never a fight.
Nah. Not everyone fights all the time even in their first year
@@jaredorr Same with us
@@kay22100 especially in the first year. That's when a lot of the teething problems happen.
Sounds like she’s a people pleaser I’ve been there ! Keep your boundaries honey
After I argue with my wife I tighten the lids on all jars.
Just so I can say, "Oh, you need me now?"
🤣🤣🤣
You can also place stuff on the top shelf.
Genius!!! Lol
Um.. We purposely ask men to open jars for us to make them feel needed..
Based
She is right about the mortgage, but wrong about marriage.
She thought she was signing up for a Disney movie.
🤣
Ayawrxsti her husband was talking no money down, friendo, one local housing market shock and they’d be underwater.
Ayawrxsti Detroit, Gary, Erie, no the price doesn’t always come back. Not to mention Sinkholes or shifting flood zones.
Consider the alternate mortgage payoff plan. Get a 30 year mortgage and pay it off as the 15 year rate. The difference in the two mortgage rates will be contributions to equity. My wife and I did this and we were able to pay off our mortgage in 12 1/2 years. If you have a few lean months, you can revert back to the 30 year mortgage monthly payment without any repercussions the mortgage company as you are in charge of the amount you pay in excess of the committed monthly payment. However you have to be diligent about making the monthly minimum payment on a regular basis otherwise you’d be in default of the mortgage.
Yes! If you make principal payments especially at the beginning of the loan, you are actually making several extra payments that come off of the end of the loan. Ask for an armorization of your loan and look at how much principal and interest you are paying at the beginning of your loan. Paying a thousand extra dollars would knock several payments off. On a smaller loan paying $100 may take of 2-3 payments off at the end of the loan and you will have your home paid off early. Just make sure to stress to the loan company that is is a principal payment and not an early payment.
I’ve got another option. When we were in our first house, my husband lost his job and was out of work for a full year. I was so thankful that we had gotten a 30 year mortgage because during that time we had a lower monthly payment than we would have had with a 15 year mortgage. We had been paying double payments up until his job loss and then started them up again after he finally got another job. So we made our own “15 year mortgage” but weren’t held to it when times got tough. When we moved to our new home in a different state we did the same thing-made double payments on a 30 year mortgage. I was sooo glad we did because a few years later we BOTH lost our jobs at the SAME time! We cobbled together some part time work but it took a year again until we were both fully employed. One thing I will say though is that I take care of the money and have a lot of self control in that area so it worked to make double payments on a regular basis. Some people probably wouldn’t have been able to get that done.
“This is our first fight” lol she’s in for a ride
He won't listen to her because she's brought Dave Ramsey into her bedroom and leader of their household.
People can be so out of touch with their communication.
Bingo!
Nail>Head
I agree with your comment about her bringing in DR, but I'm not sure that's the reason for his position. The husband can truly believe the 30yr mortgage for the same home is the better decision for his family. In spite of DR's baby step program.
AMEN!!!
I’m not liking this new direction in marriage counseling over the radio. Just stick to financials like 200k dollar tuba degrees that we can laugh at.
agreed. Its like the guys fault cuz he wants something diff and she wants some thing diff. why not get a 30 year and work on paying it off earlier that would be a great compromise.
EXACTLY!!!
Carlos Campos
You have to be careful with that.
Some contracts banks have, can charge you if you pay extra, because a bank then loses a predetermined amount of money, this is big in Canada banks I hear.
Carlos Campos To play devil’s advocate, what if he is the sole breadwinner and she stays home with their future kids, and then he decides he doesn’t want to pay the mortgage down faster.
@@XFizzlepop-Berrytwist Pre-payment penalties are not common in the U.S.
" I just realized I married an emotional infant and now I'm stuck because the Bible is being weaponized against me"
As a Christian woman, you have to be extremely careful about this. Too many controlling abusers use the Bible to dominate their wives.
My second husband was exactly that 🙊😬😭
I divorced him after nine years and remarried my first husband.
😁😀🤩
@@monkeynumbernine Doesn't Leviticus or Deuteronomy prohibit that? Abomination before the Lord to go back to first husband after married to another?
@@shakengrain1942 it also says not to lie or gossip or to judge others, yet here we are in RUclips comments so... yeah they don't always get followed, hehe
@@JiisTube Hmmmm. Seems I occupy a lot of space in your mind today.
Makes me wonder who wanted the wedding.
What do you mean?
@@RC-dp1gu I mean that hastily rushing in a legal contract without being prepared is a mistake. Listen to her, I highly doubt it's the only major disagreement they have.
If she is the one that came forth with the wedding idea, knowingly picking a man irresponsable when it comes to money, I find it hard to be sympathetic.
@@Stantorr she never said he was irresponsible. She said they dont agree.
Talk about reading into a situation!
@Fred R I agree with this comment...
Dave Ramsey's step is a template/framework. You need to adapt this to your situation and not just follow religiously. I was also disappointed in the way they washed down the man's role without understanding his perspective. The Head of the house means protection, not necessarily an assertive authority. The man is 'I believe' considering the ability to be able to afford the monthly mortgage if one loses a job, Also being a new marriage, the possibility of kids in the coming years. 1 yr in marriage, they definitely still yet to fathom their financial responsibility yet, a lot may still pop up. The man may indeed be looking to protect the family from unseen circumstances while the woman is bent on her approach. the better advice would have been to understand the man's perspective and find a meeting point like do 30 years and attack with extra funds as available which may eventually get you a fifteen-year payoff or less. With this approach, you both cater to any situation that comes and still achieve the 15 years house payment free. a template/framework doesn't mean throughout your brain.
So much drama. Maybe the guy just wants a lower payment incase he loses his job. Nothing wrong with that especially in this financial climate.
True. Nobody asked why he wants a 30 year mortgage. When I bought my house I shopped for a house I could comfortably afford to pay at a 15 year mortgage rate. However, I got a 30 year mortgage, paid as if it were the 15 year rate (so roughly double the required 30 year monthly payment), and had the option to drop to the lower monthly payments at any time if I had some kind of life emergency. I paid the house off in just under 8 years by increasing my monthly payments slightly each year and then making a lump sum payment once the remaining loan amount was well below my savings balance. Now all of those monthly payments that I was accustomed to paying towards my mortgage go straight to savings/investment accounts each month.
@@CL-gq3no . Congratulations!!! I did the same think Chris. Only because I bought my house at almost 50 and wanted to be free of mortgage payments before 60. It was worth the sacrificed.
Yes, you can always make extra payments. Wonder if that husband would "allow" that?
@@CL-gq3no Smart advice. Get the 30 year in case you need the lower payment, but payoff as fast as you can. Not rocket science
Right? I don't understand the concept of forcing yourself into a 15 year mortgage when there is no law against getting a 30 year but still paying extra every month. Nothing beats the flexibility of a 30 year mortgage.
It's okay to say no! This is the defining moment in the marriage.........gosh, I hope she doesn't back down!
But why should he back down? Her opinion is not more valid than his and vice versa.
@@christianc7420 She clearly doesn't value what a husband thinks therefore a marriage.
this lego looking guy is always getting emotional with the female callers
Money issues often cover up other problems. Like a lack of respect or insecurities, which are both harmful to relationships.
My ex boyfriend often bragged & spent way too much money on material things trying to make people respect him. Ironically, that was one reason I lost respect for him and ended things. He was not safe to have as a husband.
He’s a therapist 😂
I'm dying... He does look like a lego guy.
😆
😂😂😂
I don’t like how John Delony self deprecates himself and calls himself a “pseudo doc”, I get where it is coming from but be proud of the knowledge you have gained as a PhD.
@Gary Davis exactly, ""there's more to it than this" to every wife that calls in. So annoying, i fast forward when he talks. He doesn't need to dig into relationships every call.
Wish there were more counselors out there as perceptive as Dr John! I believe my marriage might have had a chance. I'm very impressed with him. Have seen him discern real problem in short order on many calls, but Dave cuts him off every single time and he never gets to finish a thought.
@@shakengrain1942 are you his irl friend, lol you show up all over the comments praising everything about him 😂
I'm glad you're happy, just seems fishy hehe
@@kangsusuh4919 I'm so glad it's not just me!
@@JiisTube Hahahaaa! Not hardly. I'm 60 years old and know a lot about counselors. Just hate seeing all you little agitators living in mom's basement fermenting such negativity and criticism where it is not warranted. This counselor is usually exactly right in his perceptions.
If you want him to lead then sit back and allow him to do his stupid decisions.
If you want to be an equal partner and a smart strong women, don't let him run the household. You are his partner not his employees or his daughter.
The man is the leader- he is the one that would die and sacrifice himself for his family. There's a mans role in life and there's a woman's role in life- both are extremely valuable, but don't make the mistake of thinking that should look "equal" because it won't.
@@amosiren You are a vile pile of $hit. Women are equal to men. What crazy world or century are you living. Men die for their family... This is not guy's hunting bears and fighting of wolves trying to eat the chickens.
Then she's calling back in five years "i just found out we're 70k in debt"
@@amosiren This ideology is why most people live paycheck to paycheck. Get rid of it, have your wife work, share responsibilities and retire early. Don’t be so pathetic.
@@KS-cl8br why did you have to personally attack them? What century did you learn this kind of attitude from? Pathetic.
To accurately answer these marriage / financial questions you need to listen to both sides. On all these calls you get one person’s point of view structured in a way to align with Dave Ramsey’s ideology, so obviously they will tell them they are right and their spouse is wrong. Get both people on the call or see a marriage counselor.
I agree, but to be fair, Dave ALWAYS encourages people to get a counselor. He gives his advice because they called in, but he makes sure the caller understand that his opinion isn't the end of it and that they need to seek professional advice outside of him.
Tray MacVelle .. I agree, I don’t fault Dave because he is answering as best he can due to the information given. He also recommends counseling. I just struggle with the productivity of these calls and I think it’d be more beneficial to the caller if they chose those options. Dave can only help them so much in this situation.
@@JesusisKing316-18 Gotcha, that makes sense, brother. 👍
Dave's best advice should include not denigrating the husband.
If you have a husband who listens to his wife, that is a dream. This woman sounds like she is living my life. But I cannot say anything and have zero control. I want to pay my student debt off but that does not seem a priority to him. It sucks when you live a life with someone who is not listening to their spouse, I know what she is feeling. It really sucks!!!!
I think many couples confuse respect with fear and authority for leadership. You can respect your husband while disgreeing and he needs to prove his capability for leadership before she follows him blindly.
I dislike the way you guys are always interrupting and talking over one another. One at a time, please. I enjoy your channel very much.
HOOA Golf I like the back and forth but to each his own! Otherwise it might sound robotic.
When the person knows what the flip they're talking about then it goes a lot more smoothly. Try watching Dave's videos with Chris Hogan or Anthony O'Neal.
I clicked on the video because I assumed it was my wife calling in. Jk, love you baby
Taylor Albaugh 😂
You guys arent about to divorce over this stupid argument are you? Lol
There is nothing wrong with a 30 year mortgage. You will pay a little higher interest but you can pay it off just like a 15 year mortgage by just paying extra on the principle. You also have the comfort of making the regular payments if something happens to your income like a job loss or sickness. You just have to be discipline. Good luck, you and your husband can work this out.
One of the main reasons for recommending a 15-year mortgage is so you buy less house. The idea is, if you "need" a 30-year to comfortably afford the payments with sufficient margin in your budget, the house is too expensive.
Do not do the no down payment house! It ruined my life. I was made to sign papers with my fiance at the time. Literally the brokerage staff was standing all around me. I did not have the money or smarts it was my first buy. Unfortunately it caused me to lose my fiance and my income for years. I was working to eat Ramen because I was house poor. Again don't do it! My next house was under 100000k and a 15 year 20% down and almost paid off. So much in a better place.
Bruh I think you just bought a house before you could afford one. I’d hope nobody makes that mistake
This is a useless call. Go and settle with your husband. A needless fight; if that’s your only problem then you don’t have a problem.
I hate how the other guy acts like he knows everyone’s personal issues haha
The problem at least in my opinion is that when it comes to these sort of decisions it doesn't sound like we have a united couple when it comes to the marriages finances. She needs to get her husband and herself in front of someone that they can mutually respect to talk about this house he wants to buy and help walk through the financial implications of taking on such a long mortgage. Not to mention help this couple deal with what sounds to me like a clear cut power imbalance in the marriage's financial affair which is not indicative of a healthy marriage (I suspect the wife believes her husband could run off and borrow this money via the longer term mortgage because he wants more money available in the monthly budget irregardless of if it is in his best long term interest to do that).
A shorter mortgage costs more per month but the thing is if you are uncomfortable paying more for the mortgage via a 15 year mortgage then ask yourself this: If you go with the 30 year mortgage and interest rates and/or the economic situation changes which leads to the bank demanding higher payments and higher interest rates - will you be able to afford that sort of financial shock at that time? It's better to go with the shorter mortgage as it allows for you pay off that massive debt quicker and if you are uncomfortable with taking on the higher monthly payments then you might be better off not getting a mortgage in the first place.
Welcome to the Dave Ramsey and Dr. Ruth show. Can we quit feeding into the emotions of the female callers or apply the same emotional questions to the male callers.
Head of the house? No, you are equal partners, both invested in protecting your household and making good decisions
Delusional. Wife should submit to her husband.
That girl is a freaking _treasure._
Husband watches graham and wife watches dave
Who's graham?
@@tylerskywalker5862 oh my goodness
@@tylerskywalker5862 Graham Stephan
@@tylerskywalker5862 look him up. Better than dave
@@tylerskywalker5862 you can actually become rich with Graham’s ideology. You can’t become rich with Dave’s ideology. His ideology is meant for idiots.
Man and woman are both leaders. We just lead differently from each other and that’s ok. God made us that way for a divine reason. People should come together with the understanding of this.
Love Dave. Got out of debt with his plan. Very grateful!
I heard this call. If my wife and I were having a gentle, kind discussion on 15 vs 30 year mortgage and she 1) Put it on national blast and 2) Was told "there must be something else" when our marriage has been great...I'd be ticked.
Do the 30 year young lady. It isn't a sin. Follow your husband in what "seems" to be a great, young marriage.
I pray this young lady didn't get off this call feeling worse about her husband.
I paid off my 15 year mortgage by sending in the payments as if it was a 15 year mortgage. The reason that I got the 30 year mortgage so that I could send in smaller payments if I ever lost my job or had a big unexpected expense.
You are absolutely right Dave. The husband is using this as I’m the boss of the house, this is Spiritual abuse in the house hold. Thank you for your comment that his role is one of service.
As a husband. I assume his fear is a bigger monthly payment. As he needs to provide and protect. I say go with a 30 and accelerate the payments to have it paid off early. It eases his fear and satisfies her as well. Its more than numbers sometimes!!
I feel like John could be on a call with someone who vaguely mentioned they disagreed with their spouse about something small like where to eat and he’d response with “this is something deeper isn’t it?!” And act like they’re about to get a divorce Bc of a silly disagreement 🙃
Everything is not a sign of the apocalypse 😂
Yea seriously. Who does that knob think he is? You’re not a psychiatrist guy - you’re a parrot making $50k/yr to talk on the phone.
Go ahead and get the 30 year mortgage... but pay it off early. Problem solved.
.
You don't have to just make the required payments. You can pay more.
.
This gives you the ability to just make that minimum required sometimes, but your self discipline is what makes you win.
Why pay it off early? Out of touch Ramsey insists buying an index fund will return 16% every year. Mortgage interest rates are at historic lows. If Ramsey had a critical brain cell left in his skull, he would suggest they invest the difference for 30 years, as opposed to just continuing to dispense his religious dogma.
imagine binge watching these and then your girlfriend or wife is on here yacking about your decisions
That's your ego talking. Imagine feeling stuck and having no one to talk to about this.
@@GirlFightTalk ladies outta know their place 😊
So this is your wife lol. Put your foot down
We definitely don't talk like that in my house... The boss might hear it. 😂🤣😂 👍😁
And yeah, we try to make decisions together. It is give and take. Nobody gets any titles in this house other than man and women or mom and dad.
Weirdest call I can think of I've heard on dave Ramsey. What this woman needed was to be told the Ramsey solution is the fastest and best solution to attaining wealth but of course, compromises can be made. This woman's husband wanting a longer mortgage isn't unloving isn't wrong just different and a perfect opportunity for her to express herself made her idea known and then be willing to submit and that is how the Bible says you win your husband. Winning her husband is the fastest and best solution for her to attain contentment
This should have been discussed prior to marriage, and you mean to tell me this is your first disagreement with your husband....very hard to believe.
I had been preparing myself for adulthood most of my childhood. My husband was raised not to think of anything beyond today. When I suggested that he do some research first to work with me, he refused & then thought he was a Lord & Master. I told him that the 100th anniversary of the Civil War was during my childhood, so slavery no longer was legal!!
You can do a 30 year mortgage and pay it off sooner. You can do biweekly payments, make extra house payments during the year, apply income tax refunds, bonuses, etc. to the balance.
Go with your husband on it and try it for a while. And if things go bad, gently suggest trying your way and see if that helps. Don't tell him 'i told you so' as he will probably feel bad enough about screwing up the whole deal. But who knows? It may work out well and she's worried about nothing.
Job loss can happen anytime to anybody. What would the backup plan be for a home purchased with a 30 year mortgage? This happened to us. Spouse out of work for over a year.
Uh, larger emergency fund. Dave's plan is not bad nor wrong, but not everyone's plan is Dave's plan once they start to get more information on finances. Some want to retire earlier by investing more earlier.
@@droptozro Yeah. Dave is for beginners; I'm starting to pay attention to Graham Stephan a little more now.
You would have an even bigger problem with a 15 year mortgage if you lose your job during that time anyway.
I agree with you!
2:09 Dr. Deloney sounds like one of those psychic infomercials.
elmagnificodep Lmbo!!!
Thats why i believe disagreements can be healthy. I had a buddy that married a chick and they never disagreed for years. One day they did and it all went down hill from there.
Literally reccomended to me when this video has been out for SECONDS
Are you perhaps....SUBSCRIBED?!
No I'm not. It was also found in the "reccomended" section on the homepage
Yeah cause you’ve watched other dave videos
@@themanwiththepanif you've watched other Dave Ramsey videos it just recommended another one. That's about as complicated as it is.
30 year mortgage is fine. Gives you wiggle room if there are hard times. Pay it back faster than a 30 year during times when you can.
You can pay off a 30 year mortgage in 15 or less years cluck
Lol right. You’re not pigeonholed to those 30 years, you can easily make extra payments with the freed up money from the lower monthly payments of the 30 year. Just ensure there’s no pre-payment penalties before you take on that mortgage. 20 year mortgage is an option too that would be a compromise to them both
Except they clearly can't afford to do so. Let's be realistic, it takes a strong discipline to pay a 30 year in 15. Something this guy likely struggles with if he can't control his desire for bigger house.
And I get it. I have 30 year mortgage and bigger house. Trying to pay it off quick, but some months I just have to buy a Lonestar grill smoker : (
Aaron Cook we don’t know if they can or can’t, it’s 15-30 years out
That's what I was thinking, which isn't bad at all. It kinda sounds like that might not be his plan tho. Which I assume is the issue.
@@BromeGrass we know they can't today based on the video. That logic is flawed
I don't see why anyone would want a 15 year mortgage. Money is worth more now and less later.
Dave having all these simple minded fools locked into there is only one way to do things is just sad. So many factors are never taken into account on these calls.
This is very true. I really can’t stand Dave’s attitude of “if it’s not my way, then it’s wrong”. I think he has some good advice but he irritates me sometimes of how closed minded he can be. I can’t find the flaw in buying a house with a 30 year mortgage but paying it off like it’s a 15 year mortgage (not saying that’s what the guy in this situation had in mind). Sure, you may spend a little bit extra but you have that safety net in case life happens.
@@cody5596 Hes old, hides behind religion and faces PTSD from going bankrupt, what do you expect.
It's cultic modus operandi.
You should go build a multi-million dollar business with a HUGE following and show us how it's supposed to be done...
@@WallaceDunn I'm not sure this is necessary or relevant.
I wanted a 30 year mortgage in case of a tight month. My wife wanted a 15 year mortgage. We came together by getting the 30 year and committing to paying extra against the principle each month. We paid off our house in 3 years and 7 months. I guess we got intense... It was the most unified period of our 46 year marriage.
TEAM WORK makes the dream work
Just do the 30 year and then throw all your extra money at it every month to reduce the principal and pay it off years and year early. If you ever get into a situation where you're strapped for cash, then you're only obligated to pay lower 30 year mortgage payment amount.
Husband and wife are equal partners. This sounds like a decision they need to figure out for themselves.
equal until she serves you that divorce notice for cheating on you
@@ultratestosterone2983 We are equal in value, but not equal in roles.
@@americachillout9386 Adultery is a sin unto death
@@thewifelife007 lol
The problem is that equality isn't real.
Someone is going to be better, that person should get more decision making authority.
We don't have enough info to make any judgements. Most people can't do 15 years. If the house is within budget and they wish to do 30 years that's fine. They can always pay double each month if they wish to do 15 years. But the 30 provides security if you think at one point a situation could arise where you cant make payment. No one will know their financial situation in 15-30 years no matter how prepared you are
First things first... agree on purchase price. After that its not that big of a deal to have a 30 yr vs 15yr. You can always pay extra or invest the difference(better option)
Nothing wrong with a 30 year mortgage if you can be disciplined enough to make extra payments. it gives you a safety net for lower payments in unexpected hard times.
Wow, husband gets raked over the coals without anyone hearing his side of this. I follow you guys and you are great at financial advice but this was so wrong on more than one level. How do you know she wasn't wanting a house that was tough for him to afford( you wouldn't know, you didn't ask), therefore he may have to do a 30 year finance to afford the payment( from villain to dumb hero instantly). How much does she contribute to the relationship? How much does he contribute? Seems like a lot of advice for only hearing one side of the story. Stick to financial advice instead of one sided therapy, but I should have expected as much because on this show the man is always at fault in some way. Marriage is a two way street, sometimes I'm right and sometimes she is. But this was just the most god awful advice I've seen on here.
Exactly
@@Sai-xc8ij dont make a problem where there isn’t one. They clearly said that both of them should honor and respect each other. All they told her was she shouldn’t go along with anything and everything just because he is “head of household”, especially if she feels opposite that thing. If you listen to Dave regularly you know that he advocates the 50/50 partner view of marriage meaning both people combine incomes and have equal weight in all major money judgements.
if she and her husband have been operating on a more strict traditional breadwinner and housemaker marriage than I can see how this advice would cause conflict because she isn’t completely following the plan. In which case she should have never called and that’s her fault.
However Dave and John did nothing egregious, and did emphasize that she should be compromising. Dave also frequently emphasizes that if your going to follow his advice you have to follow it all the way, it should not be Dave-ish (half assed, and only taking bits and pieces).
The great thing you can do is discuss your point of view a time or two and if you truly feel God is leading y’all to something different, pray that God will change his heart or her heart to align with His will. More often than not God will change your own heart. Xoxoxo Praying now this young marriage and all marriages around the world, standers included.
Gotta give this channel a shout out for providing all the examples and reasons why I don't ever want to get married.
FACTS 💯
Nah most of these bad marriages are from people who didn’t even get to know each other good enough before getting married people love to rush into responsibility now days...
With your attitude women everywhere are grateful
Kathleen Archibald marriage is pointless already. Why should I ask the government or religion permission to love and commit to someone for life. It’s all a money trap nowadays. People are more open now it’s not like the old days when you would marry your high school sweetheart. Loyalty and honesty is rare these days. Marriage should be about committing your love, soul, time, body, etc. it shouldn’t be about committing assets and money. Marriage today is all about financial based, which many young people see today that’s why there’s less marriages and more divorces today. I’d rather just have a partner for life and be free without needing the signature or paperwork from the government that will allow us to be “married”. Why should I ask the government or church permission to be happy with someone I love ?
Depends on the person. I met my girl young got to know her very well and would not want to be with anyone else
She's the Geek and he's the Free Spirit.
This is “shining a light” on how religion is used to subjugate women.
But also Dave comes in with how religion works in his own marriage. It’s not the religion, it’s how individuals use it
@@laurenh1662 He specifically said he doesn't TELL his wife he gets to make the choices, but he gets to.
Wrong. The premise is that the Godly husband gets respect from his wife and the wife gets a Godly husband who is commanded to love her so much that he is willing to give his life for her. The wife gets a deal here.
Sorry to tell you Dave, but when I was growing up my parents went through your program, we as kids definitely made you the bad guy every time we wanted to go out to eat or do something extra. They succeeded and are doing very well, but every time we were told we couldn’t do anything you were who we put blame on 😂
In 1998 I financed a new vehicle at my credit union. I wanted the shortest payoff terms that I felt comfortable with. The financed amount was about $13,500 and payments for 60 months were only about $20 mo less than on 48 mo.
I chose 48. I purchased a home in '99 for 30 years. Began making additional principle payments about 4-5 yrs later and refi'ed to a 15 yr loan 2 yrs after that, and with a 1.5% interest reduction. My payments were only $100 mo more, but it chopped off huge interest. Got it all paid off in just over 19 yrs in total.
Cool story, boomer. Maybe you can tell us about how you paid it off with your paper route too.
The first step is definitely learn to communicate in a way that doesn't make anybody feel fearful or unheard. It is much easier to fix things if you both know it isn't going to escalate into a fight or personal jabs. Go to each other to improve the relationship, but never to make each other feel guilty, ashamed, or stupid.
1 year into marriage and never had a fight? Sounds more unhealthy than healthy!
I don't understand this concept of fights being necessary in relationships. You can have a disagreement without it turning into a fight.
And yes, no matter how levelheaded people are, disagreements turning into fights is inevitable at some point, but they're only a year in....why is having multiple fights at this point an expectation?
Moon Beam I believe there are two types of fights: derogatory and disputes.
In no regard is a derogatory fight a good thing. Pointing out who the money maker in the family is, attacking soft spots, or speaking to the other person as inferior are all negative things. Since when has name calling and yelling been productive?
Disputive arguments, on the other hand, can be a good thing if carried out properly. I believe it is good for couples to have disputes. A proper dispute (just another term for a fight) teaches both partners how to deal with conflict and come to agreements.
differences are bound to happen at one point or another. Understanding how to resolve conflict with your spouse is a good thing.
Moon Beam I should add I come from a home where I never heard yelling, but parents who worked together through disagreements.
@@rrennnerr yes, I agree with you that settling difference is necessary and healthy. I guess it's just my connotation of the word "fight". While fights, disputes, arguments, disagreements, etc are essentially one in the same, I see a "fight" as the result of a healthy dispute/disagreement that got out of hand. You're no longer listening to each other and your emotions are kinda taking over and the dispute turns into a negative, unhealthy experience. Kinda like how it appears in this video. Her emotions make it seems like their dispute got out of hand and turned into a "fight".
Idk...I hope that made sense lol. I understand my connotation of the word fight is probably a little irrelevant to your statement. Regardless, I see what you're saying. Thanks for clarifying!
This is about my 200th episode. And i cannot express how much i appreciate all your kind words and how much you honor our holy father. I am so grateful to have found you Mr.Ramsey! Thank you.
This idea that the man is the head of the household is bs. I make more money than my husband, but we are a team and we both compromise all the time.
Submit to your husband.
I think both partners are equally responsible for solving problems together, and making decisions as a family. He isn’t a built in tie-breaker.
However, if I think someone’s breaking in the middle of the night, I’m absolutely sending my husband downstairs with the bat, while I go lock myself in a room with my kids. That is how I see head of household. His gift to our family is strength and security, whereas mine is more caring and nurturing.
What's wrong with a 30 yr and making double payments.
Because getting a 15-year and making double payments is even better.
For us, the 30-year mortgage had nothing to do with being able to buy more house. I say, get the 30-year but pay it like it's a 15-year mortgage. That way if you get in over your head or get into trouble you have that cushion. We got a 30-year but did not take that long to pay it off. We had trouble paying the higher amount early on but have no problem paying more now.
Excellent advice. This is an example of why the older (wiser) women should teach the younger women. She called in to these white knights and the first thing they want to do is make the husband sound like a fool.
Man this co-host is incredibly insightful! Good listener. Excellent intuition. Wish Dave would quit talking over him! Everything he started to say, Dave butted in and took over.
😂😂😂
Did they not talk about how they’d purchase a home or what kind of home they want to buy together, before they got married?
Probably not, most people don’t.
They probably did, but who knows.
Anyway have you ever tried telling a spouse, "hey remember a year before we were even looking when we said we'd get a crappier house?" Does it even work saying things like that? Sounds questionable lol
Who would know how much house you want to buy a year before you did it. I wouldn't.
God, breaking down over a disagreement over a 15 year and a 30 year married less than a year. I sure hope it is a lot more than that. While a think a 15 year is overall better, a 30 year is far from the end of the world and you still can always pay more principal on it if you wish to pay it down sooner.
Good grief, a man wants to be the head of the household, but we have a generation of adolescent adult males. They want the woman to have a career, but not too much of a career where it will challenge him. But if you stay home and raise the kids and depend on him (which I did), then you have to ask for permission.
I am now 48, own my own business, make more money than any man, and do what I want!
Kristina Sammons love it!
Happy for you. 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳👏👏👏👏
@@bbll3729 Thank you! Only took 48 years!
Looking at this situation, it seems like a minor problem to solve. The much much bigger concern is the quality of the house and the value you’re getting vs the term of the mortgage. Whether you’re getting a 15, 20 or 30 year, all that matters is interest rate. If it’s that much of a worry, nothing stops you from putting every extra penny you have towards a house payment regardless of length of the loan and turn it into any length loan you want. Far more important is to know what you’re getting and if it’s worth it for price paid. Nobody’s looking at that. A house is a house is a house to these people. Missing the important part here.
If you're on the same page on EVERYTHING except for this one thing, down to where to have dinner, then someone isn't being honest.
👏🏻🙌🏻 Yes. Most people do not get this until it hits them in the face. Been there. Done that.
First of all there's no head of the household. You are equals in a marriage and if you aren't you shouldn't be in it