I’m breaking down seeing this video no one has ever acknowledged or articulated my experience with my evil parent. Thank u for these video it is like water in a horrendous desert. Thank you
My EMDR PhD told me that making my injuring parent into "evil" or a "monster" was giving them too much power in the here and now. His advice is to minimize them into a small, incompetent, ignorant child, so that perspective and narrative are more accurate.
@@onlypearls4651 wow that is VERY useful! I told my dad that my mother feels like a past attacker to me but seeing her as a sad mean little child is way better
@@onlypearls4651 I appreciate your answer because so many different perspectives can help us heal. ❤️❣️❤️ however, your therapist is asking u to gaslight yourself into seeing an adult (who was never and will never be a child in your lifetime) as a child is unworkable for me. It is also totally inaccurate in how the life cycle works, causing more confusion. I do not believe in placing evil actions inside of a child figure makes it any less evil… it promotes empathizing an abuser. Anger is the correct feeling to abuse; not empathy. Anger is correct because it inspires one to take action and alerts to our inner boundaries. You dealt with the wrath of a adult; not a child. An adult voice yelled or abused you; not a kid. Seeing a kid doing it is causing cognitive dissonance. For some of us, facing the actions of what was done by a parent is hardest because the story about who they really are is hard to truly view. Seeing evil for what it is is the most freeing thing because NOW I KNOWWWWWW I’m good; the exact truth abusive energy tries to conceal; that YOU are good. If you not know you’re good you won’t do good in the world consciously. Good Vs evil… it’s real.
my mom just said “i don’t remember that” about everything and then i dated a guy who punched a hole in the wall where my head would’ve been and when he said, “i don’t remember that” i had to go 🏃🏻♀️ doing much better now ❤
Omg the I don’t remember that is so infuriating. For me when I tried to confront her the response would be well you do have crazy dreams so maybe you are confusing things. Like I’m sorry WTF!?!
I literally was thinking that my mom had dementia, and maybe she's developing that too, but I'm realizing that this "lack of memory" was just gaslighting all along.
Yes, you can never do anything right with a narcissist parent. They do worse things but try to run your life. I pay my bills, keep my home clean and maintained but there's always something wrong with what I do. They're jealous of you if you buy something nice or you're pretty.
a disgusting , heinous dynamic. If u were one of the group that was unlucky to get born into this horror show, it feels like the worst luck-of-the-draw, curse, & biggest disadvantage in this game called life. Bitter pain & despair.
I grew up with an overt narc father and a covert narc mom and married a guy whose parents were both narcs. Our siblings and we are one big mess. Proper sh* show. I can’t recommend therapy highly enough…
It’s so frustrating having a Narcissistic parent. I am 36 and spoke with my mother last night after two years (don’t ask!) she still has the ability to make me feel so low I can’t even explain. I thought I was at a strong point but I just crumbled emotionally. She will NOT accept responsibility for anything. Calls me a liar about everything I’ve said when it comes to her parenting. I’ve literally had 3 hours sleep last night and been in such a daze today, putting on a fake smile at work all day. I really thought I was stronger than that. Clearly not.
I totally understand how you feel, there are so many times when I am doing the same thing and I get so upset at myself for letting myself vulnerable to be hurt again. But the positive side is now we know who they are, that knowledge gives us the power to strengthen and empower ourselves. That they can’t hurt us anymore. It’s so painful sometimes, but we are very proud of you! ❤
I can absolutely relate and this happened to me every time I had any contact at all with my narcissistic mother-re-traumatized. If it is possible, I hope you can consider a permanent cutoff. It’s so painful to fully accept that narcissistic people will never change and that we will never get the love and acceptance from a narcissistic mother. Best wishes to you-you deserve to be treated with empathy and compassion.
Every report card and midterm I got screamed at until I cried and then mom mocked my crocodile tears because not having my name on the honor roll was humiliating for her. Literally no one in the world cared. All that hurt and pain for nothing. I mentioned it when I was 42 and she said, "I'm sorry I couldn't fix you". She'd do it all again. That's what I really want, to believe that if we had a do over it would be better but I know it would be worse.
My 94 year old mother sitting on the couch brushing her kitty cat...I said to her, this kitty really likes you....then she said I wish others did....I hope you can see this for what it is...for I am the care giver....when no matter what you do, is never enough..
“ you don’t actually dislike that food, you’re lying and saying that you don’t like it to upset me” you don’t have a self, everything you are exists for them
This is so real for me - I'm 49 years old and my mum is 83 years old. I've tried to live apart but she manipulates me and I feel guilt and shame and move back home. I would have loved to have married with children but she made it known to me I couldn't leave her. I still have hope I'll be able to live my own life on my terms
I got a great suggestion from a therapist once: She said to think about what other solutions that parent is refusing to do, to make use of me instead, out of their laziness and immaturity. If I had the challenges to deal with that my mom presumably had, how would I go about coping with them? If I (who have no children), face these situations, where do I look for solutions, where do I turn for help, what are my options that as an adult I would use to solve these situations? What would I do if faced with loneliness, boredom, bitterness, depression, physical challenges...? The therapist pointed out that these are the adult actions my parent was refusing to take because I was an easier vending machine (in her mind). So these are the things I thought about: In her situation, with her level of apparent misery, I would get a therapist, for one thing. There are even "remote" therapists so people don't even have to leave home to go there. I'd hire a sliding scale therapist if tight on money - some communities have free therapy if one is poor enough. I'd do that rather than drain the life out of my child using her as an unpaid, on-call 24/7 therapist (a job my daughter never signed up for, nor would any sane person accept). I could also join a support group. If one didn't exist, I'd create one at my house. Learn meditation (there are over 100 kinds, choose one I would actually like) and do it daily. Hire cleaning help if sick/weak, even if just once a month is all I could afford. Contact volunteer groups to see if any other help might be available (it often is). I'd also get a life, make my own adult friends by joining a class and a club or hobby group. Join committees or volunteer to improve some situation in the world. Take up hobbies like crafting or tai chi, join birdwatching groups or movie clubs, learn about herbal healing, sign up for zoom classes on how to write a novel, whatever... There are TONS of alternative actions that caring, adult parents do instead of exploiting and draining their own children, but these kinds of parents choose (choose) to use their children like refrigerators instead. It was way past time to insist (I decided) that this codependent and enmeshed parent grow the heck up. If for no other reason than that I could begin to piece myself together, heal emotionally and physically, start to gain some quality of life. By refusing to be adult enough to do these things, they instead play helpless and use their child - and like children, they cannot be allowed to keep getting away with petulance, rudeness, and demanding behavior. They are grownups and must be forced to think and behave like grownups. So the adult child will have to set boundaries [repeatedly and firmly] quite likely for years (such is selfishness) until they accept that they must grow up and take mature adult responsibility for managing their lives. Suggesting alternative self-care actions which normal parents do, and which we ourselves would automatically do, isn't usually enough. We children of such parents may have to repeatedly list their other options, on repeated calls, calmly yet firmly insisting that we can't fill all these needs for them. Stating that they must take more responsibility for their happiness and quality of life. The supposedly helpless adult will cry, blame, rage, rant, and try to seem oh so helpless and pitiable, all in an attempt to avoid taking responsibility for their lives and instead guilt you yet again. These tactics have worked so well for years, after all. You've been a very reliable vending machine, so they will kick the vending machine a good while to try to make "it" produce before giving up and behaving more like a mature adult. They play helpless, but trust me, they aren't helpless. Notice that they're very resourceful and intelligent in manipulating you and the rest of the family, so they do have the skills to live adult lives - they just need to use those skills differently. They're choosing to appear helpless to keep making use of us instead because it's easier and we've always seemed like such a patsy to them. Dependent narcissistic and/or borderline parents often have to be told over and over to go make (other) adult friends, because they refuse to listen (much like two year olds). They must be repeatedly given lists of activities and hobbies they could be pursuing, and told over and over (gently but firmly, in multiple conversations) that you need them to make a life for themselves. That strange deafness they have toward things they don't want to hear can only be worn down over time by hearing it over and over and over. I had to say them then get off the phone or it would become a revolving conversation going nowhere. My therapist said to say, "Sorry, gotta go get groceries now..." or "Gotta start dinner now, we'll talk again soon" or "Sorry, gotta get busy now, if I don't wash clothes I won't have any pants for tomorrow." The therapist said we had to remove her ability to use guilt as a lever to control my behavior, which would also force her to start taking more adult responsibility for her life. As part of this, she suggested I also answer the phone less and less often, and if pressured about this, to answer vaguely that I'd been very busy. She said to give myself mental health breaks and force her to face her own issues. Days, then weeks at a time. Even months when behavior was really infantile. I was to say I needed a break or would be on vacation for 2-3 weeks and therefore out of touch. Even to say I needed a mental health break from all this pressure and would be out of touch for the next 2 months. All of this may be needed with a truly enmeshed, codependent narcissist and/or borderline. (There's a lot of folks - is it 40% comorbidity? - who fit the diagnosis of narcisistic personality disorder And borderline personality disorder.) Sorry to write so much here, Dr. Sage. Her comment just brought back to me all the things I hadn't realized until then (to my deep detriment) and all the approaches I had to use to get a start on my own healing and a life, so I felt compelled to share them. Your channel is a GodSend, and I'm so grateful you've also brought these kinds of topics more into public view. The cultural mythos about beneficent mothers doesn't match reality for many, many people, and it's time we got real.
Thank you for taking the time to share all of these thoughts that I wish my therapist had told me. I'm going to copy and save your comment to refer back to as it is so helpful and validating to me.
@@falconbritt5461 This is so valuable! I have been reflecting on how I now, as a middle aged parent, support my young adult children, the same way I also supported my mother when she was middle aged, and I was a young adult. It was never her supporting me, how absurd! And now, she doesn´t support me in supporting my children, she just makes her own demands. That was the way I woke up, she doesn´t even support her grandchildren, she don´t care about them! And I need my energy for my children and myself. The advise you got from your therapist should be given to all young adults, thank you!
Wow - that was my mother! She lived to 75 and never changed. During her last 5 years she got even worse. During her last year she was like a bratty 5-year-old.
I'm 56 yrs old and didn't know what narcissistic was until about a year ago. While you were talking, I was reliving my childhood and even my life now over again. My mother lives with me , and I can see everything she has done and is still doing to me. I've got to change this somehow. 😢 Thank you for the videos. I just thought all this time it was me and my shortcomings. You've helped me a lot.
I hear you 😢I made the discovery just after I turned 50 years old! The narc incubator let their mask slip when they made their demonic feelings known regarding her discontent for my partner! I had to go detachment since July for the sake of my health and wellbeing! I’m now preparing to be cordial towards her and her daughter (they were gaslighted) on Christmas Day for the sake of my young niece and nephew. Stay strong 💪🏾
I am 54 and finally started to dig into what was wrong with my relationship with my mother after an extended visit this summer. She hurt her back and started demanding constant care and attention, would not use a mobility device and demanded all of my family and her partner be at her beck and call whenever. She was so mean to us as well, just snappish and rude and throwing things like a toddler if she had to wait too long. It was so upsetting and I'd never seen her like that before. Then I remembered that my grandfather lived with us when I was a teenager and he had mobility issues. She wouldn't let him use a mobility device and forced the family to wait on him hand and foot instead. She was often rude and terrible to him so my dad and I would step in to help. All of this came flooding back in the most visceral way this summer. My hands are literally shaking now typing it. Just thinking about it disregulates me. I'm so sorry that you have your mom living with you now. Just remember that you are not responsible for her. She is responsible for herself. If she needs care, there is medicare, there are nursing homes. You have to live your life for yourself. If you are like me, you are probably just realizing that this has shaped your entire personality and many of your "shortcomings" are really coping mechanisms that you put in place to survive your childhood.
The competition aspect needs to be emphasized so much. Imagine being a normal child and thinking that if you are a good person, do good things, excel in studies, sports .. whatever, - you'll be loved and praised by your "guardian". But you never get the praise because your guardian and parent never could even qualify as a guardian in the first place. As a child you just dont understand the value system of an evil parent. A normal childs brain and heart is just drained out of confusion. Its so heartbreaking. :(((( No child should ever go through a childhood as this. 😢 Every child should have a normal childhood atleast: clear and logical rules, clear, logical, fair value system. I grew up and only as an adult realized the background of the wounds of my brain and heart. And its never going to heal in this lifetime.
The first video I watched it was like you were telling my life story. I was never going to be what my mother wanted me to be, my brother's no matter what they did, could do no wrong, while she was the most "fake" person I've ever known. She was a different person to everyone, sweet and kind, a wonderful mother and then I got to see, hear and be told what she really thought of everyone and it was never nice. I was born with eczema and all I heard was how difficult it was for her to deal with this. I was abandoned at every opportunity, should it be in hospitals, with relatives or neighbours, it didn't really matter as long as she didn't have to deal with me. I heard her say when I was about 7 to an Aunt that she "didn't like girl babies". She told me as a teenager that I would never have any friends because "who would be friends with you!". On and on it went my whole life, while she played the devoted mother, bringing up my brother's children when their marriages failed. I was told when I was being physically and mentally abused by my husband that there " had been 3 divorces in the family and there wouldn't be another", to " build a wall up the middle of the house and get on with it". And so I did and attended to both my parents body, mind and soul until their deaths, my father was 87, my mother 85. That's when I got true relief but the damage was already done. I was the one to cut the hedges, walk the dogs, take them shopping, take them to appointments etc etc etc, NOT my brothers and as a result I developed chronic fatique, ME and chronic insomnia...to this day. I'm left with no life, severe anxiety and paralysing depression, which I only let myself feel after my mother died because mental health was a dirty word. The year after she died I went into a psychiatric unit and allowed myself to "feel" the pain, the anger, the resentment, the confusion and so on. She is dead 5 years now and for the first time in my life, a few weeks ago I had a spiritual enlightenment experience. I seen my life from a little frightened lonely child to now, flashing in front of me and I saw that child, I saw the pain, hurt and confusion and I felt the most tender love for that little girl, for me. I felt proud that I was still alive and still surviving instead of feeling ashamed that I was "less than"everybody else. Don't get me wrong every day is very very difficult and I especially when I see things in myself that are like my mother eg keeping up appearances, nice house, pretty garden, things like that...that's shocking! But one thing I vowed was to love my children unconditionally, which I have and I really hope both my children feel secure in the knowledge that I love them unconditionally. I've made mistakes, I'm no paragon of virtue but I can acknowledge my mistakes and own them, not pass them onto someone else like my mother did. A day at a time as they say. Thank you for listening and your wonderful work. ♥️💯
I had the same experience, but aided by Ayahuasca. I began my trip believing that "Mother Ayahuasca" as she is called, was going to berate me and show me how awful I was and how much I had failed. Instead I had the most profound breakthroughs about my own lifelong fear and pain and how it led me down the path of anger. And rather than feeling the guilt and blame that I expected to experience, I was left in awe of my own survival and experienced such a deep and all-encompassing love and respect for myself for continuing to get up and try to fight my demons- even though I so often fail. That experience allowed to me see everything on the timeline of my life in "high relief" and I suddenly understood how terrifying and traumatic and profound my own damage had been.I knew, but didn't really understand on a gut level how awful it really was. I realized that I shouldn't feel guilty, rather that I should feel enormous pride that I'm still here- battered and scarred and so fucking imperfect, but alive and trying.
@@olegstacie I can relate to your experience as I also have an enmeshed, narcissistic mother who berates, shame and blames me. Thank you for sharing your side of the story.
You really made a great point. My Mom wants to ignore and neglect me but will not let me bond with a normal, sensible woman who could have helped me. Her selfishness was more important than her children’s emotional comfort. She offered neglect and anger.
Why do moms pit her children againstone another. My mother gossips about my siblings and gossips about me with them. This mothers day I forgot to send her card out, usually I send flowers or candy and a very complimentary card to her. If I send her candy or flowers she says why didn't you just send the $$ I can buy my own candy. It's just never right! Come to think of it I may not call her on mothers day, I'll be working. Yes, enmeshment, her children aren't allowed to leave her.
@@cinemaocd1752My narcissist mother is the same. She gives me what she wants and expect me to buy her something the next week what she wants... But mostly she wants money!
This clearly explains my childhood. I understand it but struggle to navigate through the narcissistic relationships in my life and how to stop being attracted to them.
Anger is dangerous! I suddenly understand why I can't be angry around my mother in law when her son verbally abuses me and I end up being the bad guy in the whole situation! These people are sick!
Yup! No wonder I have suppressed anger. I remember being HIT by a man and literally felt bad because HE hit ME. Wth. Always feeling like I wasn’t allowed to show ‘anger’ or be rightfully upset at someone. Wow. God bless you
Boy do I know this one. Today is my birthday, was originally born on Mother's day, prematurely on purpose. Mom thought it would be great to have me weeks early. Dr. Was going on vacation so didn't mind. Memories of store bought mother's day cakes with my name scribbled on the side. Was always more about her. Just the tip of the iceberg. Oh' yes, and the competition factor. I learned to never outshine her. Caused and still causing self sabotage issues. She's gone now and I'm still trying to learn how to celebrate my life and accomplishments.
I can bet several dozens of us would love to send you your OWN birthday cake!!! Or tacos! Or pizza! Or Asian food! Hope you can enjoy YOUR day now... and find your own self. Shine on.
They also take over your passions and interests and want a spotlight for doing so. My mom was always business minded when I was very young and when she was very young. She has a more mathmatical brain. I have a more artistic brain. As she began to witness my passions, she took them all over. She began painting, decorating, cake decorating, designing, everything artistic. She made her house look like an art gallery and would take people around on a tour of the house constantly. Eventually, I realized that I wasn't even enjoying my passions and I just felt so exhausted by everything. She took it over and wanted constant adoration and praise for it all.
📌 I relate. These types of mothers are not good people and it’s best to go no contact. That’s not acceptable, healthy, and normal behavior to be in competition with your daughter or jealous. Don’t take this lightly. I hope you have space & distant between that woman because that’s not a true healthy mother. I have a mother like that. Anytime I want to try a hobby, travel, have a true interests, or I achieve something she’s all over the place trying to mimic what I do. It’s like now she wants a business. I mentioned I took drama classes & I would like to try acting soon while running my cosmetic business. Then she admits how she “took” up drama classes in high school which I know are lies. Now she wants a business to and wants to be some millionaire when that was never her goals in life. She’s always making up simple lies to be in competition with me about all sorts of stuff. I accomplished college now she wants to attend college and get her education after she’s had 49 years to do all these extravagant activities & hobbies & live out her life. Instead she’s been to busy being a victim, liar, trauma bonding, “her ageism the world” nonsense, in a toxic estranged marriage, made dumb choices, using me as a therapist, and parentificating me.
Mine would never allow you to stand up for yourself to advocate for yourself or to even express your own opinion if that opinion differed from her opinion, her response was always quote that was uncalled for young lady ! And anytime that I heard that phrase I knew that it was time to back down and clam up because I was about to get the boom lowered on me
💜🙏💜 so so true - my mom wanted me to never share my art 🖼️ and wanted me to clean houses with her forever. She wouldn’t let me grow or get my drivers License I was 23 by the time I finally was independent and in the Navy. She made me promise to never leave her 😢 TYSMFS this helpful information 🙏💜
I’m still healing YEAARSS later. Almost a decade later. God saved me. I will be vindicated. My heart truly goes out to the scapegoats who weren’t believed, or went unheard or unfortunately took their own lives. I’m so sorry
Wow, You nailed it. Every one of those is something I've experienced. I'm an only child, disowned in the end and told, "You're not my daughter. MY daughter wouldn't act that way." Meaning, I shouldn't have a normal life apart from her, which was terribly abnormal. It culminated in her involving my whole extended family to tear me apart, destroy an engagement to a decent person, literally kidnap me to a different state and leave me in pieces. I'm not sure I've ever pulled them back together. I'm pretty sure any forgiveness in incomplete and now she's passed away. So the finality of never having a resolution between us is sealed. But, I'm still here working on it. I guess that's something.
I'm in the same boat with you. My NM is dead, but here is the thing, we would never get resolution because Narcissists never admit to anything. We have to learn to give it to ourselves. Know that the problem was them and not us. We didn't do anything wrong no matter what lies our NMs told us. Our Narcissistic mothers fates are sealed, but ours are not. We can grow, heal, and learn to love ourselves and most of all find peace. Hugs❤
I wanted to say the same. You will never ever get closure or reconciliation from them. She might have hit a love bombing phase once a decade where it seemed like you might get there but you will see that they will repeat all the same patterns, and it will get worse as they age because their filters come down more often.@mday3821
I'm an only child as well and my mom used my father and grandfather to triangulate when I started to see through her. She would just lie about how awful they were when I knew deep down it wasn't true. She still brings up stuff they said 50+ years ago and they're both dead because she's needs something to triangulate against. Believe me MotownGal you are so much better off without her in your life. I think it's hard for most people to imagine a mother that needs you around so much that she would kidnap you and destroy the life you'd built without her. Having been the only child of a narc mom, I know they would stop at nothing to do it. They only see themselves and you are a part of them as far as they are concerned.
I'm new here. It seems like all the channels about narcissism are about the narcissist. I have had a life of that. I can never really know if she was a narcissist, and don't care anyway. I do know my experience, and finally a place to focus on myself, and my healing. Thanks Kim.
I hold so much anger towards my mother. As an adult I have no self esteem and have only been in abusive relationships. I struggle to set boundaries and make my own decisions. I would do anything to avoid making mistakes with my children. I am terrified every day that I might do something wrong and cause trauma or harm unintentionally due to only knowing how my mother raised me.
The comment section really helps me with validation. Thanks for the video too. I never ever in my entire lite want that anyone face such hurt & neglect.
The betrayal can also be having your mother smear campaign you with things you confided in them .. and worse having them embellished on (or several instances grouped into on massive story) .. and worse told to your child … with the spin of “she always blamed me” .. completely victim shaming the tiny elements of truth … as my mother did recently! Mother 76, me 47, my daughter 14 … the incident happened to me at 14 …
This is extrémeme but I do truly feel that this Chanel is LIFE SAVING. Yes it’s that serious and important how these videos affect me. Without them I couldn’t send it to my dad . He won’t do therapy but he will ATLEAST click on the video. YOU ARE A GODSEND DR SAGE THANK YOU SOOO MUCH!
When I was a teenager I joined the military, told my family mid-December and that I was leaving Jan 10. I never realized how crazy my mother was until this. She was catatonic. It was a very odd Christmas. My payback? While I was in basic training she gave away my car. So I had to go a few years in the military without a car.
Yup. Thank you, Dr. Kim. This was/is me. I never realised just how much my inner body was affected. That constant waiting for the "next time" keeps your body tense and in pain, a lot. Your videos have been immensely healing for me. Bless you!
This video was 100% all about my mother. She died six years ago and i am relieved. My healing process started after her death and I'm cultivating the life that I've always wanted.
My mother could not own her life or face herself, even to the moment she died. As my sister and I sat by her deathbed, her last gesture to me was to raise her withered, weakened hand to slap me. I reached out and placed it on my cheek. A few hours later, I felt her final heartbeat with my hand on her chest. A single thump. I'd been her (and others) flying monkey for almost fifty years. I've been free for almost twenty. My heart does not ache for my mother or anything about her. My heart does not ache at all. It's cool being a monkey with wings and no masters. Second childhood is a gas. Way funner toys.
Tomorrow is Mother’s Day and that’s what prompted me to find your program. Dr. Sage, it seems like each of your points clearly defined my mother and the dynamic she created in our family. Since being profoundly betrayed by my own mother, I have struggled to trust in anything or anyone, including my own self.
I am the physical representation of all my mother's unhappiness. My other siblings are appreciated and I have been scapegoated by my whole family. They are sick people with no healthy boundaries. Everything that was done for me was conditional. Otherwise, it wouldn't have been thrown in my face. I'm glad I went no contact and she lives over a thousand miles away. She showed up at my door step the other day and I left. See? No healthy boundaries.
@Butterfly-ye7bs - Same. I love him. That said, he is almost my ex. His mother would rather crack her son's psyche than allow him to honor any other woman in his life but her..
It makes me sad that I know from experience what you are saying. I never thought I would hear it out loud explained. I repelled this treatment from my mother and was labeled the black sheep. I will be married 23 yrs next month, so I have found and reclaimed my happiness in adulthood. Love to us all who have suffered.
Thank you ❤ I am in my 50s now and It's only a few years ago that i found out i was brought up by narcissistic parents after i had had a significant break up with a partner that felt just like being in a relationship with my narcissistic dad. The similarities were so astonishing and so clear that It's just impossible for me not to see them.Hence in a way i am grateful for the whole experience, for the truth it helped me to discover in the end.The role i played in my dysfuncional family scenario was that of an invisible child...the child that was trained not to trouble anyone with her existence...the child that brought herself up and was growing up thinking IT does not deserve anything.Sadly, that's true and that gave me such a terrible start in my adult life....low self esteem, the end of the queue in everything...even with the master's degree.Yes It's only now when i am capable of facing this hurtful programming i received to fail in life❤
So true... After having our last big fight, she told me she didn't realize I was a seperate person. In her words, "I always thought you were more part of me, than another person. That is why I coudn't forgive you for not thinking the way I do."
I grew up just like this. The tears are falling right now 😢 Thank you for sharing this Dr. Sage. I’m just starting trauma work. CPTSD takes my breath away.
i’m thinking it was due to my enmeshment with my narcissistic mom that relatives say, “you are just like your mom” because of my facial expressions, mannerisms, etc. i hate it
Yes, they train you to be a little version of themselves. I catch myself straightening my back the way my mom straightens hers and it's like...well straghtening my back will feel good but it feels like I'm a robot carrying out programing. It makes me feel like an object sometimes. It's scary. I work on this one with my therapist a lot.
Remembering Narcissus fell in love with his reflection, so we became our mother’s reflection so she would love us. That is why we copied them. “If I’m like you, will you love me???”
My mother always said that I was born so she could get it over and done with. I was constantly told that whatever I did, it was always never good enough. I thought that when I was turning 30 that she would finally treat me like an adult, but no. I cared for my father when he was dying because she couldn't deal with it. I was talking to a cousin recently and she told me a lot of the things that my mother said about me and it was awful. I remember the last time she told me she loved me. I was a pre-teen. I have not spoken to her for 18 years due to many many things. She is still alive, I'm 61 this year and never want to see or speak to her for the awful things that she has said and done to me and my children
I had narcissistic/ borderline parents, but I realized quite young that they were stupid. I was outwitting them both by the time I was 9 or 10 years old. As a parentified child, I was doing things like making doctors appointments for me and my younger brother by the age of 12. I utilized public transportation to run errands. I’d forge checks to pay utility bills to prevent shut offs, etc. In the meantime, my parents were busy trying to get revenge on each other through divorce court and used my brother and I as weapons. My father died of alcohol related illness in his 60’s. My mother is still alive, but we’ve been low contact for decades. This Mother’s Day I’m buying flowers for myself not My mother. I went completely no contact earlier this year after my stepdad died as she needed a new source of narcissistic supply and I was the only one still taking her calls. I’m not interested in taking any more abuse from her. My stepdad was rich, and my mother LOVED to threaten to “disinherit” me. I told her over and over that I don’t want her money. I’m financially stable, not rich or anything, but I’m not going to be homeless or anything. Screw her and all she’s done to attempt to destroy her children. Happy Mother’s Day TO ME!
@@rashikagovindasamy8258Currently going through the same thing. She has a new boyfriend (supply) at the age of 77 and basically moved him in straight away. Now she is saying she wants them to get married after 16 weeks and saying she doesn't want me to wait for her to die so I can get her money so basically implying that's what I was doing without saying it. All the money she has is what my dad earned anyway. He knew what she was and despised her. Now I know why...
I remember I was taking a lecture on narcissism at the University and I remember my mom was in the same room as me and she asked me, do narcissists know that they're narcissist? That should have been my first clue
I had gone no contact with narc dad for 2 yrs now grey rock w him. Just now found out from my aunt and some seriously fucked up one sided arguments that my mom is a narcissist too. I just never saw it cause he was so grandiose. I feel like I’m losing it. My twin and I have so many issues we don’t even talk. He doesn’t talk to my sister and I barely talk to her. The second I can I have to go no contact with her and I will have a nonexistent relationship with my 4 family members. I can’t wait.
One of the most significant wounds was my mother saying that whatever was wrong, was my responsibility. She would say she was going to take her life. I was in no way able to cope.
In my experience, my mother has used religion as a means to invalidate things that I have done. “God saved you”, when I survived a traumatic injury and went into a hyper logical mode to get safe, call 911, be around people, in the mode of what is most important now.
My mom is just draining!!!! She is so codependent on me. She behaves like a child when it comes to responsibilities. I just want to get away from her and never look back!!!!!!!!
It’s just unbelievable how much these videos align with my mother exactly. It makes my mind spin. I really hope I can come across a therapist who really understands this dynamic and it’s effects when I am able to afford therapy.
Spread that out over a whole extended family. Mom's family hated my father, dad's family stayed away from those crazy people. Mom is a monkey brancher. I was her branch out of her father's house and into a marriage with my dad. Then I was the branch she swung on to get back home when she blew up two marriages. She married the guy she cheated with and a year after my half brother was born, they had me institutionalised, after shaking my math skills away. I spent a year incarcerated for being extraneous. At 14 I made contact with my father and we were feeling our way through 7 years of not seeing each other. I got 2 weeks of that before mom decided that I wasnt safe around my step father. By 15 I was homeless, at 17 I had a full time job and an apartment. I am now 53, and a grandfather. I am raising my grandson, he is 11. I will NOT pass my trauma along. I have custody because i chose poorly and my daughter nearly died paying the price of my poor taste in women.
I am 54 and determined not to pass on my generational trauma. The way you described your mom using you like a branch to swing from one place to another was brilliant. As a child I feared my parents divorcing so much because I was sure she would hang onto me, despite not really wanting me (I was born 11 months after they married and she told me multiple times growing up that I was an "accident") and being very frequently neglectful. Still I was her meal ticket, her only accomplishment and necessary for her self image and she would have fought my father to the death for me. I'm so glad for me that it didn't happen but I wonder how much longer my father would have lived if he would have divorced her. I have guilt about a lot of weird stuff that people shouldn't have guilt about (going to college, moving out of the house, moving to another state, starting a family etc). I am focused on raising my own son and working on myself to prevent passing this garbage on to another generation of kids. It seems like so so many people I see in the comments are near or exactly our age. I often wonder if some alarm goes off at 50 and you just wake up and go WTF?!
I felt very responsible for my mother, but I have no sense of her doing this to me. My father abused her and I wanted to rescue her. Are there different forms and types of enmeshment. My mom asked little to nothing of me, but I am sick inside about her life.
My younger brother was completely enmeshed with our mother who is severely bipolar and narcissistic. I was called a little bitch by my mother since age 3. She never told me I was beautiful and I believe she is jealous of me. My brother devoted his life to our mother and she caused him constant chaos. I knew at age 20 when I moved out of state, I was never coming back home. She destroyed my brother’s marriage and long term relationship with his fiancée. Sadly, In 2012, my brother age 45 ended his life. My life has not been the same since. My mother is still evil at age 84, I had a period where I cut her out but now I have her in my life with strong boundaries. Thank you for your videos, so much truth I can relate to.
Sounds like my mother. As a child, around age 6 and 7 I thought something was quite off about her, but couldn’t quite place. She felt distant. Then as the years go by she started picking on me, would randomly see me sitting and accuse of sitting around being all sad all the time. She got remarried and I blamed her coldness on her being in an abusive relationship. When we relocated countries around my early teens it got worse. I had anxiety because I would do everything, fill in government forms, redo them when they expire, call on her behalf for appointments, write checks for rent (direct deposited was a thing then) yelled at me for making small mistakes as if it was normal for a child to handle all that. Then around 12-14, she would pick on me, call me names, accuse me vaguely of things, the verbal abuse would go on for hours when I was doing my homework and even when I was about to go to bed. I felt empty and deep sadness. It took me years to realize she was projecting onto me when I found out some family secret. Of course like a true narssitic everything is great, and she was a kind and loving mother because she is guilty of what she did because after all these years I still continue to show kindness. But will definitely start to cut the enmeshment cord and start having other other people in my life outside of her.
Forever being compared to my siblings. My sister and I didnt like each other until i was 16 and she was 13 and, now, we are inseparable and each other's biggest support system. We realized our parents were product of their upbringing and we could rise above it!
Thank you for sharing this valuable and powerful work. When you mentioned shame it took me to a place in my life where my mother abused me and I began to cry. Then I thanked little me for making it through the pain of that relationship. I’ve cut ties with her and am grateful for loving her from a distance. I only come to realize that i can love her because I love myself and have no need to live in hate of self for her own issues. I’m grateful to have done the work.
Thank you for this. Sadly I have this relationship with my mother and I’ve been trying to fight for my independence and autonomy and am getting hell for it.
I am the grandmother of a 14 year old girl. She now lives with my and my husband. I now have to deal with the controlling mother. No child support, no medical consent to talk with the school or my staff. Its a nightmare. However, I have a background in mental health and my granddaughter is doing great at home. She does have difficulties at school with friends and teachers. I am holding off with getting a lawyer for now. Her father is a great parent so I do have support in dealing with the mom. Unfortunately the custody agreement does not allow the dad alone to give us medical consent.
To know how on tap she was with _everything_ she said there, and to just now some years later into adulthood finally get those answers, I can easily say also that it does sting. And to not be able to leave due to having a disorder until that time comes, is it really difficult to further see as points proven now that well. I literally have two parents who truly signed up for something that both _truly_ weren't ready for years back.
I’m 28 and this is literally my house 24/7. Especially with the gaslight and the invalidation of my feelings, because I did notice that if my younger brother (golden child) were to say something possibly related to mental health, my mom (possible covert narcissist) would not say to him the same things she said to me. Like that I was going to hell for feeling that way or the “I didn’t say that, I don’t remember”. It is hard for me now because I would love to leave, but my mom one way or another has been taking control over me. Once I confronted her about it along with her being in my bedroom taking my stuff without even asking or without permission and she said to me :”Well, I am the one paying the rent here and I can do whatever I want to.”
Thank you for sharing. I REALLY enjoyed the music that was playing at the end. Please keep choosing to be you. PLEASE keep choosing to be your authentic and true version of you. MANY blessings to you and yours in the mighty and matchless name of Jesus Christ of NAZARETH. The name above ALL names. AMEN. ❤❤❤
One of the most hurtful things a relative did was say to me "how long are you going to be upset about what happened to you?" knowing full well what my parents did to my psyche
What about when they sleep with your significant other behind your back constantly and let him come home and kiss you on the mouth? I don't think any amount of therapy is going to fix this nightmare.
I was adopted and constantly was told I should be grateful. If I cried, it reflected on my mother, and I was told "I'll give you something to cry for" and shed' lock me in the basement.
what's devastating about these parents is that they're permanently self righteous, and the wrecking ball they sent through crucial developmental stages cannot be undone. to add injury the victims remain hostages by enforced association long into their own adulthoods. narcissists are the worst kind of crazy.
How I looked was so important. She used to “sit me down” And tell me how concerned she was about my weight. Told me I look fat everywhere and my lips are being suffocated by my cheeks or my thighs being suffocated by my shorts. She demanded where I was if I was out. Even now as an adult she demands to know where I am. Told me what to wear. Encouraged me to break up with partner. She’s always comparing how I look to her especially things like my legs, feet and skin tone.
Your videos are truly eyeopening, so complete and full of power that help us recognize and reprogram blockages. I am learning so much of you, even though I’m not a beginner in personal development and healing. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and help so many of us change their lives ❤️
I’m breaking down seeing this video no one has ever acknowledged or articulated my experience with my evil parent. Thank u for these video it is like water in a horrendous desert. Thank you
My EMDR PhD told me that making my injuring parent into "evil" or a "monster" was giving them too much power in the here and now. His advice is to minimize them into a small, incompetent, ignorant child, so that perspective and narrative are more accurate.
@@onlypearls4651 Good idea. That's gonna help my situation too.
@@onlypearls4651 wow that is VERY useful! I told my dad that my mother feels like a past attacker to me but seeing her as a sad mean little child is way better
@@onlypearls4651 I appreciate your answer because so many different perspectives can help us heal. ❤️❣️❤️ however, your therapist is asking u to gaslight yourself into seeing an adult (who was never and will never be a child in your lifetime) as a child is unworkable for me. It is also totally inaccurate in how the life cycle works, causing more confusion. I do not believe in placing evil actions inside of a child figure makes it any less evil… it promotes empathizing an abuser. Anger is the correct feeling to abuse; not empathy. Anger is correct because it inspires one to take action and alerts to our inner boundaries. You dealt with the wrath of a adult; not a child. An adult voice yelled or abused you; not a kid. Seeing a kid doing it is causing cognitive dissonance. For some of us, facing the actions of what was done by a parent is hardest because the story about who they really are is hard to truly view. Seeing evil for what it is is the most freeing thing because NOW I KNOWWWWWW I’m good; the exact truth abusive energy tries to conceal; that YOU are good. If you not know you’re good you won’t do good in the world consciously. Good Vs evil… it’s real.
@@MoneySoulSo true. It's Good over Evil
Strong, Brave, Survivors ❤
I was under constant threat of abandonment. I got fed up with that and decided to abandon her. 12 year no contact anniversary coming right up.
This is so me
Whatever needs to be done to get that further hold on yourself, and to see success can I also say that I'm happy for you.
Wish I could say the same.
Good on you. It’s hard. I hope you are finding and relishing in who you are ❤
@@purplepatch7 thanks. Yeah it’s hard no especially because she’s turning 81 and who knows what will happen to her. It’s all quite sad.
my mom just said “i don’t remember that” about everything and then i dated a guy who punched a hole in the wall where my head would’ve been and when he said, “i don’t remember that” i had to go 🏃🏻♀️
doing much better now ❤
Omg the I don’t remember that is so infuriating. For me when I tried to confront her the response would be well you do have crazy dreams so maybe you are confusing things. Like I’m sorry WTF!?!
@@AnnaSignore-x5y that sounds like gaslighting possibly ☹️ i’m sorry you experienced all that. we deserve better.
I literally was thinking that my mom had dementia, and maybe she's developing that too, but I'm realizing that this "lack of memory" was just gaslighting all along.
@@marcellaellaella ouch that’s a lot to handle ❤️🩹
@tulsalien thank you, yes it's been a difficult realization 😢
Yes, you can never do anything right with a narcissist parent. They do worse things but try to run your life. I pay my bills, keep my home clean and maintained but there's always something wrong with what I do. They're jealous of you if you buy something nice or you're pretty.
a disgusting , heinous dynamic. If u were one of the group that was unlucky to get born into this horror show, it feels like the worst luck-of-the-draw, curse, & biggest disadvantage in this game called life. Bitter pain & despair.
I grew up with an overt narc father and a covert narc mom and married a guy whose parents were both narcs. Our siblings and we are one big mess. Proper sh* show. I can’t recommend therapy highly enough…
Experienced this
It’s so frustrating having a Narcissistic parent. I am 36 and spoke with my mother last night after two years (don’t ask!) she still has the ability to make me feel so low I can’t even explain. I thought I was at a strong point but I just crumbled emotionally. She will NOT accept responsibility for anything. Calls me a liar about everything I’ve said when it comes to her parenting. I’ve literally had 3 hours sleep last night and been in such a daze today, putting on a fake smile at work all day. I really thought I was stronger than that. Clearly not.
Hey, it's okay to not be okay. You have it in you to survive. Im so sorry this is your experience. May you be healed in Jesus Name.
I hope you’re doing well today ❤
2 steps forward and 1 backwards. no contact is key
I totally understand how you feel, there are so many times when I am doing the same thing and I get so upset at myself for letting myself vulnerable to be hurt again. But the positive side is now we know who they are, that knowledge gives us the power to strengthen and empower ourselves. That they can’t hurt us anymore. It’s so painful sometimes, but we are very proud of you! ❤
I can absolutely relate and this happened to me every time I had any contact at all with my narcissistic mother-re-traumatized. If it is possible, I hope you can consider a permanent cutoff. It’s so painful to fully accept that narcissistic people will never change and that we will never get the love and acceptance from a narcissistic mother. Best wishes to you-you deserve to be treated with empathy and compassion.
Every report card and midterm I got screamed at until I cried and then mom mocked my crocodile tears because not having my name on the honor roll was humiliating for her. Literally no one in the world cared. All that hurt and pain for nothing. I mentioned it when I was 42 and she said, "I'm sorry I couldn't fix you". She'd do it all again. That's what I really want, to believe that if we had a do over it would be better but I know it would be worse.
My 94 year old mother sitting on the couch brushing her kitty cat...I said to her, this kitty really likes you....then she said I wish others did....I hope you can see this for what it is...for I am the care giver....when no matter what you do, is never enough..
I completely understand!
“ you don’t actually dislike that food, you’re lying and saying that you don’t like it to upset me” you don’t have a self, everything you are exists for them
Or "you're lying because you want to be the center of attention"
This is so real for me - I'm 49 years old and my mum is 83 years old. I've tried to live apart but she manipulates me and I feel guilt and shame and move back home. I would have loved to have married with children but she made it known to me I couldn't leave her. I still have hope I'll be able to live my own life on my terms
I got a great suggestion from a therapist once: She said to think about what other solutions that parent is refusing to do, to make use of me instead, out of their laziness and immaturity. If I had the challenges to deal with that my mom presumably had, how would I go about coping with them? If I (who have no children), face these situations, where do I look for solutions, where do I turn for help, what are my options that as an adult I would use to solve these situations? What would I do if faced with loneliness, boredom, bitterness, depression, physical challenges...? The therapist pointed out that these are the adult actions my parent was refusing to take because I was an easier vending machine (in her mind). So these are the things I thought about:
In her situation, with her level of apparent misery, I would get a therapist, for one thing. There are even "remote" therapists so people don't even have to leave home to go there. I'd hire a sliding scale therapist if tight on money - some communities have free therapy if one is poor enough. I'd do that rather than drain the life out of my child using her as an unpaid, on-call 24/7 therapist (a job my daughter never signed up for, nor would any sane person accept). I could also join a support group. If one didn't exist, I'd create one at my house. Learn meditation (there are over 100 kinds, choose one I would actually like) and do it daily. Hire cleaning help if sick/weak, even if just once a month is all I could afford. Contact volunteer groups to see if any other help might be available (it often is).
I'd also get a life, make my own adult friends by joining a class and a club or hobby group. Join committees or volunteer to improve some situation in the world. Take up hobbies like crafting or tai chi, join birdwatching groups or movie clubs, learn about herbal healing, sign up for zoom classes on how to write a novel, whatever...
There are TONS of alternative actions that caring, adult parents do instead of exploiting and draining their own children, but these kinds of parents choose (choose) to use their children like refrigerators instead. It was way past time to insist (I decided) that this codependent and enmeshed parent grow the heck up. If for no other reason than that I could begin to piece myself together, heal emotionally and physically, start to gain some quality of life. By refusing to be adult enough to do these things, they instead play helpless and use their child - and like children, they cannot be allowed to keep getting away with petulance, rudeness, and demanding behavior. They are grownups and must be forced to think and behave like grownups.
So the adult child will have to set boundaries [repeatedly and firmly] quite likely for years (such is selfishness) until they accept that they must grow up and take mature adult responsibility for managing their lives. Suggesting alternative self-care actions which normal parents do, and which we ourselves would automatically do, isn't usually enough. We children of such parents may have to repeatedly list their other options, on repeated calls, calmly yet firmly insisting that we can't fill all these needs for them. Stating that they must take more responsibility for their happiness and quality of life.
The supposedly helpless adult will cry, blame, rage, rant, and try to seem oh so helpless and pitiable, all in an attempt to avoid taking responsibility for their lives and instead guilt you yet again. These tactics have worked so well for years, after all. You've been a very reliable vending machine, so they will kick the vending machine a good while to try to make "it" produce before giving up and behaving more like a mature adult.
They play helpless, but trust me, they aren't helpless. Notice that they're very resourceful and intelligent in manipulating you and the rest of the family, so they do have the skills to live adult lives - they just need to use those skills differently. They're choosing to appear helpless to keep making use of us instead because it's easier and we've always seemed like such a patsy to them.
Dependent narcissistic and/or borderline parents often have to be told over and over to go make (other) adult friends, because they refuse to listen (much like two year olds). They must be repeatedly given lists of activities and hobbies they could be pursuing, and told over and over (gently but firmly, in multiple conversations) that you need them to make a life for themselves. That strange deafness they have toward things they don't want to hear can only be worn down over time by hearing it over and over and over. I had to say them then get off the phone or it would become a revolving conversation going nowhere. My therapist said to say, "Sorry, gotta go get groceries now..." or "Gotta start dinner now, we'll talk again soon" or "Sorry, gotta get busy now, if I don't wash clothes I won't have any pants for tomorrow."
The therapist said we had to remove her ability to use guilt as a lever to control my behavior, which would also force her to start taking more adult responsibility for her life. As part of this, she suggested I also answer the phone less and less often, and if pressured about this, to answer vaguely that I'd been very busy. She said to give myself mental health breaks and force her to face her own issues. Days, then weeks at a time. Even months when behavior was really infantile. I was to say I needed a break or would be on vacation for 2-3 weeks and therefore out of touch. Even to say I needed a mental health break from all this pressure and would be out of touch for the next 2 months.
All of this may be needed with a truly enmeshed, codependent narcissist and/or borderline. (There's a lot of folks - is it 40% comorbidity? - who fit the diagnosis of narcisistic personality disorder And borderline personality disorder.)
Sorry to write so much here, Dr. Sage. Her comment just brought back to me all the things I hadn't realized until then (to my deep detriment) and all the approaches I had to use to get a start on my own healing and a life, so I felt compelled to share them. Your channel is a GodSend, and I'm so grateful you've also brought these kinds of topics more into public view. The cultural mythos about beneficent mothers doesn't match reality for many, many people, and it's time we got real.
Thank you for taking the time to share all of these thoughts that I wish my therapist had told me. I'm going to copy and save your comment to refer back to as it is so helpful and validating to me.
@@falconbritt5461 This is so valuable! I have been reflecting on how I now, as a middle aged parent, support my young adult children, the same way I also supported my mother when she was middle aged, and I was a young adult. It was never her supporting me, how absurd!
And now, she doesn´t support me in supporting my children, she just makes her own demands. That was the way I woke up, she doesn´t even support her grandchildren, she don´t care about them! And I need my energy for my children and myself.
The advise you got from your therapist should be given to all young adults, thank you!
Smother her with a pillow
Another great resource is Dr Ken Adams on enmeshment:
youtube.com/@drkenadams?si=hWqOiAPdfrxrh4Vt
Wow - that was my mother! She lived to 75 and never changed. During her last 5 years she got even worse. During her last year she was like a bratty 5-year-old.
My inner child finally feels heard when I listen to you. I can't thank you enough for sharing these videos with us all 🥺
I'm 56 yrs old and didn't know what narcissistic was until about a year ago. While you were talking, I was reliving my childhood and even my life now over again. My mother lives with me , and I can see everything she has done and is still doing to me. I've got to change this somehow. 😢 Thank you for the videos. I just thought all this time it was me and my shortcomings. You've helped me a lot.
I hear you 😢I made the discovery just after I turned 50 years old!
The narc incubator let their mask slip when they made their demonic feelings known regarding her discontent for my partner!
I had to go detachment since July for the sake of my health and wellbeing!
I’m now preparing to be cordial towards her and her daughter (they were gaslighted) on Christmas Day for the sake of my young niece and nephew.
Stay strong 💪🏾
I am 54 and finally started to dig into what was wrong with my relationship with my mother after an extended visit this summer. She hurt her back and started demanding constant care and attention, would not use a mobility device and demanded all of my family and her partner be at her beck and call whenever. She was so mean to us as well, just snappish and rude and throwing things like a toddler if she had to wait too long. It was so upsetting and I'd never seen her like that before. Then I remembered that my grandfather lived with us when I was a teenager and he had mobility issues. She wouldn't let him use a mobility device and forced the family to wait on him hand and foot instead. She was often rude and terrible to him so my dad and I would step in to help. All of this came flooding back in the most visceral way this summer. My hands are literally shaking now typing it. Just thinking about it disregulates me. I'm so sorry that you have your mom living with you now. Just remember that you are not responsible for her. She is responsible for herself. If she needs care, there is medicare, there are nursing homes. You have to live your life for yourself. If you are like me, you are probably just realizing that this has shaped your entire personality and many of your "shortcomings" are really coping mechanisms that you put in place to survive your childhood.
be firm -- your life is your own
The competition aspect needs to be emphasized so much.
Imagine being a normal child and thinking that if you are a good person, do good things, excel in studies, sports .. whatever, - you'll be loved and praised by your "guardian". But you never get the praise because your guardian and parent never could even qualify as a guardian in the first place. As a child you just dont understand the value system of an evil parent. A normal childs brain and heart is just drained out of confusion. Its so heartbreaking. :(((( No child should ever go through a childhood as this. 😢 Every child should have a normal childhood atleast: clear and logical rules, clear, logical, fair value system.
I grew up and only as an adult realized the background of the wounds of my brain and heart. And its never going to heal in this lifetime.
Me too 💯🥺 🫂
Thank you Doctor Kim
I can't even begin to imagine how much damage this has caused
was never allowed to be a child
The first video I watched it was like you were telling my life story.
I was never going to be what my mother wanted me to be, my brother's no matter what they did, could do no wrong, while she was the most "fake" person I've ever known. She was a different person to everyone, sweet and kind, a wonderful mother and then I got to see, hear and be told what she really thought of everyone and it was never nice.
I was born with eczema and all I heard was how difficult it was for her to deal with this. I was abandoned at every opportunity, should it be in hospitals, with relatives or neighbours, it didn't really matter as long as she didn't have to deal with me.
I heard her say when I was about 7 to an Aunt that she "didn't like girl babies". She told me as a teenager that I would never have any friends because "who would be friends with you!". On and on it went my whole life, while she played the devoted mother, bringing up my brother's children when their marriages failed. I was told when I was being physically and mentally abused by my husband that there " had been 3 divorces in the family and there wouldn't be another", to " build a wall up the middle of the house and get on with it". And so I did and attended to both my parents body, mind and soul until their deaths, my father was 87, my mother 85.
That's when I got true relief but the damage was already done. I was the one to cut the hedges, walk the dogs, take them shopping, take them to appointments etc etc etc, NOT my brothers and as a result I developed chronic fatique, ME and chronic insomnia...to this day. I'm left with no life, severe anxiety and paralysing depression, which I only let myself feel after my mother died because mental health was a dirty word.
The year after she died I went into a psychiatric unit and allowed myself to "feel" the pain, the anger, the resentment, the confusion and so on. She is dead 5 years now and for the first time in my life, a few weeks ago I had a spiritual enlightenment experience. I seen my life from a little frightened lonely child to now, flashing in front of me and I saw that child, I saw the pain, hurt and confusion and I felt the most tender love for that little girl, for me. I felt proud that I was still alive and still surviving instead of feeling ashamed that I was "less than"everybody else.
Don't get me wrong every day is very very difficult and I especially when I see things in myself that are like my mother eg keeping up appearances, nice house, pretty garden, things like that...that's shocking! But one thing I vowed was to love my children unconditionally, which I have and I really hope both my children feel secure in the knowledge that I love them unconditionally. I've made mistakes, I'm no paragon of virtue but I can acknowledge my mistakes and own them, not pass them onto someone else like my mother did.
A day at a time as they say. Thank you for listening and your wonderful work. ♥️💯
I had the same experience, but aided by Ayahuasca. I began my trip believing that "Mother Ayahuasca" as she is called, was going to berate me and show me how awful I was and how much I had failed.
Instead I had the most profound breakthroughs about my own lifelong fear and pain and how it led me down the path of anger. And rather than feeling the guilt and blame that I expected to experience, I was left in awe of my own survival and experienced such a deep and all-encompassing love and respect for myself for continuing to get up and try to fight my demons- even though I so often fail.
That experience allowed to me see everything on the timeline of my life in "high relief" and I suddenly understood how terrifying and traumatic and profound my own damage had been.I knew, but didn't really understand on a gut level how awful it really was. I realized that I shouldn't feel guilty, rather that I should feel enormous pride that I'm still here- battered and scarred and so fucking imperfect, but alive and trying.
❤❤❤
Sending you lots of love and healing energy 🤍
@@olegstacie I can relate to your experience as I also have an enmeshed, narcissistic mother who berates, shame and blames me. Thank you for sharing your side of the story.
You seemed to have a difficult life. I am sure things will get better for you as you heal from constantly going through domestic violence.
You know it's toxic when they can't treat you right yet they can't let you go. Make it make sense.
You really made a great point. My Mom wants to ignore and neglect me but will not let me bond with a normal, sensible woman who could have helped me. Her selfishness was more important than her children’s emotional comfort. She offered neglect and anger.
Explains my mother so well. I never realized until recently how much damage she did.
Why do moms pit her children againstone another. My mother gossips about my siblings and gossips about me with them. This mothers day I forgot to send her card out, usually I send flowers or candy and a very complimentary card to her. If I send her candy or flowers she says why didn't you just send the $$ I can buy my own candy. It's just never right! Come to think of it I may not call her on mothers day, I'll be working. Yes, enmeshment, her children aren't allowed to leave her.
My narc mom has never accepted a gift graciously. She is a terrible gift giver, usually giving you something that she wants...
@@cinemaocd1752My narcissist mother is the same. She gives me what she wants and expect me to buy her something the next week what she wants... But mostly she wants money!
@@cinemaocd1752Yep mine also thinks that the presents she gives to other people have to make HER happy and be useful to HER.... Says enough imo.
This clearly explains my childhood. I understand it but struggle to navigate through the narcissistic relationships in my life and how to stop being attracted to them.
Anger is dangerous! I suddenly understand why I can't be angry around my mother in law when her son verbally abuses me and I end up being the bad guy in the whole situation! These people are sick!
Yup! No wonder I have suppressed anger. I remember being HIT by a man and literally felt bad because HE hit ME. Wth. Always feeling like I wasn’t allowed to show ‘anger’ or be rightfully upset at someone. Wow. God bless you
Boy do I know this one. Today is my birthday, was originally born on Mother's day, prematurely on purpose. Mom thought it would be great to have me weeks early. Dr. Was going on vacation so didn't mind.
Memories of store bought mother's day cakes with my name scribbled on the side. Was always more about her. Just the tip of the iceberg. Oh' yes, and the competition factor. I learned to never outshine her. Caused and still causing self sabotage issues. She's gone now and I'm still trying to learn how to celebrate my life and accomplishments.
I can bet several dozens of us would love to send you your OWN birthday cake!!! Or tacos! Or pizza! Or Asian food! Hope you can enjoy YOUR day now... and find your own self. Shine on.
Happy belated! 🥂🍾🎂⚘ Yes, you deserve to be happy and loved! ❤
Omg being born premature can cause so many issues and those risks were completely dismissed! These people are shameless smh 🤦🏽♀️
They also take over your passions and interests and want a spotlight for doing so.
My mom was always business minded when I was very young and when she was very young. She has a more mathmatical brain.
I have a more artistic brain.
As she began to witness my passions, she took them all over. She began painting, decorating, cake decorating, designing, everything artistic. She made her house look like an art gallery and would take people around on a tour of the house constantly.
Eventually, I realized that I wasn't even enjoying my passions and I just felt so exhausted by everything. She took it over and wanted constant adoration and praise for it all.
📌 I relate. These types of mothers are not good people and it’s best to go no contact. That’s not acceptable, healthy, and normal behavior to be in competition with your daughter or jealous. Don’t take this lightly. I hope you have space & distant between that woman because that’s not a true healthy mother.
I have a mother like that. Anytime I want to try a hobby, travel, have a true interests, or I achieve something she’s all over the place trying to mimic what I do. It’s like now she wants a business.
I mentioned I took drama classes & I would like to try acting soon while running my cosmetic business. Then she admits how she “took” up drama classes in high school which I know are lies. Now she wants a business to and wants to be some millionaire when that was never her goals in life.
She’s always making up simple lies to be in competition with me about all sorts of stuff.
I accomplished college now she wants to attend college and get her education after she’s had 49 years to do all these extravagant activities & hobbies & live out her life. Instead she’s been to busy being a victim, liar, trauma bonding, “her ageism the world” nonsense, in a toxic estranged marriage, made dumb choices, using me as a therapist, and parentificating me.
I had a mother just like you explained. With a narcissist, you being loved is conditional and is based on your performance and supply towards them!
Mine would never allow you to stand up for yourself to advocate for yourself or to even express your own opinion if that opinion differed from her opinion, her response was always quote that was uncalled for young lady ! And anytime that I heard that phrase I knew that it was time to back down and clam up because I was about to get the boom lowered on me
I still feel lost at times and I’m almost 40.
Me too 😢🤝
💜🙏💜 so so true - my mom wanted me to never share my art 🖼️ and wanted me to clean houses with her forever. She wouldn’t let me grow or get my drivers License I was 23 by the time I finally was independent and in the Navy. She made me promise to never leave her 😢 TYSMFS this helpful information 🙏💜
So much to get ride of. Even my periods were criticised.
I’m still healing YEAARSS later. Almost a decade later. God saved me. I will be vindicated. My heart truly goes out to the scapegoats who weren’t believed, or went unheard or unfortunately took their own lives. I’m so sorry
Wow, You nailed it. Every one of those is something I've experienced. I'm an only child, disowned in the end and told, "You're not my daughter. MY daughter wouldn't act that way." Meaning, I shouldn't have a normal life apart from her, which was terribly abnormal. It culminated in her involving my whole extended family to tear me apart, destroy an engagement to a decent person, literally kidnap me to a different state and leave me in pieces. I'm not sure I've ever pulled them back together. I'm pretty sure any forgiveness in incomplete and now she's passed away. So the finality of never having a resolution between us is sealed. But, I'm still here working on it. I guess that's something.
HOLY bananas. That's just... 😢. You are miles ahead, though, working on your own processing of it all. You will fare better. Shine on!❤
I'm in the same boat with you. My NM is dead, but here is the thing, we would never get resolution because Narcissists never admit to anything. We have to learn to give it to ourselves. Know that the problem was them and not us. We didn't do anything wrong no matter what lies our NMs told us.
Our Narcissistic mothers fates are sealed, but ours are not. We can grow, heal, and learn to love ourselves and most of all find peace. Hugs❤
I wanted to say the same. You will never ever get closure or reconciliation from them. She might have hit a love bombing phase once a decade where it seemed like you might get there but you will see that they will repeat all the same patterns, and it will get worse as they age because their filters come down more often.@mday3821
I'm an only child as well and my mom used my father and grandfather to triangulate when I started to see through her. She would just lie about how awful they were when I knew deep down it wasn't true. She still brings up stuff they said 50+ years ago and they're both dead because she's needs something to triangulate against. Believe me MotownGal you are so much better off without her in your life. I think it's hard for most people to imagine a mother that needs you around so much that she would kidnap you and destroy the life you'd built without her. Having been the only child of a narc mom, I know they would stop at nothing to do it. They only see themselves and you are a part of them as far as they are concerned.
Never has anyone explained my mother so well 🥲 Your videos are so full of knowledge and guidance, thank you Kim 🫶🥰
I'm new here. It seems like all the channels about narcissism are about the narcissist. I have had a life of that. I can never really know if she was a narcissist, and don't care anyway.
I do know my experience, and finally a place to focus on myself, and my healing. Thanks Kim.
Couldn't have said it better! 👏⚘
No boundaries!
Betrayal. I've been searching for a word that conveys what this feels like and that does sum it up on many levels. Thanks.
I hold so much anger towards my mother. As an adult I have no self esteem and have only been in abusive relationships. I struggle to set boundaries and make my own decisions. I would do anything to avoid making mistakes with my children. I am terrified every day that I might do something wrong and cause trauma or harm unintentionally due to only knowing how my mother raised me.
The comment section really helps me with validation.
Thanks for the video too.
I never ever in my entire lite want that anyone face such hurt & neglect.
The betrayal can also be having your mother smear campaign you with things you confided in them .. and worse having them embellished on (or several instances grouped into on massive story) .. and worse told to your child … with the spin of “she always blamed me” .. completely victim shaming the tiny elements of truth … as my mother did recently! Mother 76, me 47, my daughter 14 … the incident happened to me at 14 …
This is extrémeme but I do truly feel that this Chanel is LIFE SAVING. Yes it’s that serious and important how these videos affect me. Without them I couldn’t send it to my dad . He won’t do therapy but he will ATLEAST click on the video. YOU ARE A GODSEND DR SAGE THANK YOU SOOO MUCH!
When I was a teenager I joined the military, told my family mid-December and that I was leaving Jan 10. I never realized how crazy my mother was until this. She was catatonic. It was a very odd Christmas. My payback? While I was in basic training she gave away my car. So I had to go a few years in the military without a car.
Yup. Thank you, Dr. Kim. This was/is me. I never realised just how much my inner body was affected. That constant waiting for the "next time" keeps your body tense and in pain, a lot.
Your videos have been immensely healing for me.
Bless you!
This video was 100% all about my mother.
She died six years ago and i am relieved.
My healing process started after her death and I'm cultivating the life that I've always wanted.
My mother could not own her life or face herself, even to the moment she died. As my sister and I sat by her deathbed, her last gesture to me was to raise her withered, weakened hand to slap me. I reached out and placed it on my cheek. A few hours later, I felt her final heartbeat with my hand on her chest. A single thump. I'd been her (and others) flying monkey for almost fifty years. I've been free for almost twenty. My heart does not ache for my mother or anything about her. My heart does not ache at all. It's cool being a monkey with wings and no masters. Second childhood is a gas. Way funner toys.
That's horrible. So sorry you experienced that.
@@NKN112011 Don't be sorry. Those are threads in the weave. Besides, I'm old. A teaspoon of nihilism and a nap can work wonders.
God bless you ! 🌺❤️. I’m so sorry that memory is there of that !
@@bethwaseity9165 Thank you but don't be sorry because I'm not. It is how the wheel turned.
Its sounds like you are processing this experience, yet it is messed up! I think you came out ahead.
Tomorrow is Mother’s Day and that’s what prompted me to find your program. Dr. Sage, it seems like each of your points clearly defined my mother and the dynamic she created in our family. Since being profoundly betrayed by my own mother, I have struggled to trust in anything or anyone, including my own self.
I am the physical representation of all my mother's unhappiness. My other siblings are appreciated and I have been scapegoated by my whole family. They are sick people with no healthy boundaries. Everything that was done for me was conditional. Otherwise, it wouldn't have been thrown in my face. I'm glad I went no contact and she lives over a thousand miles away. She showed up at my door step the other day and I left. See? No healthy boundaries.
My mom was a monstershe just died too bad I'm 67 took me 50 years iwas a scapegoat been in therapy I will never be be 100.
My 80 yr old mother treats me as though we're in a romantic relationship!! The expectations are those of a husband, not a daughter 🤮
This is how my boyfriend's mom treat him.
@@Butterfly-ye7bs 😓
@Butterfly-ye7bs - Same. I love him. That said, he is almost my ex. His mother would rather crack her son's psyche than allow him to honor any other woman in his life but her..
@@vyedarden1174 Exactly. I can see the evil in her face, the jealousy.
It makes me sad that I know from experience what you are saying. I never thought I would hear it out loud explained. I repelled this treatment from my mother and was labeled the black sheep. I will be married 23 yrs next month, so I have found and reclaimed my happiness in adulthood. Love to us all who have suffered.
Thank you ❤ I am in my 50s now and It's only a few years ago that i found out i was brought up by narcissistic parents after i had had a significant break up with a partner that felt just like being in a relationship with my narcissistic dad. The similarities were so astonishing and so clear that It's just impossible for me not to see them.Hence in a way i am grateful for the whole experience, for the truth it helped me to discover in the end.The role i played in my dysfuncional family scenario was that of an invisible child...the child that was trained not to trouble anyone with her existence...the child that brought herself up and was growing up thinking IT does not deserve anything.Sadly, that's true and that gave me such a terrible start in my adult life....low self esteem, the end of the queue in everything...even with the master's degree.Yes It's only now when i am capable of facing this hurtful programming i received to fail in life❤
So true... After having our last big fight, she told me she didn't realize I was a seperate person. In her words, "I always thought you were more part of me, than another person. That is why I coudn't forgive you for not thinking the way I do."
I wish I heard this 50 years ago.🙁🙁
#metoo 😕
I grew up just like this. The tears are falling right now 😢 Thank you for sharing this Dr. Sage. I’m just starting trauma work. CPTSD takes my breath away.
Same 🥺💯
i’m thinking it was due to my enmeshment with my narcissistic mom that relatives say, “you are just like your mom” because of my facial expressions, mannerisms, etc. i hate it
Yes, they train you to be a little version of themselves. I catch myself straightening my back the way my mom straightens hers and it's like...well straghtening my back will feel good but it feels like I'm a robot carrying out programing. It makes me feel like an object sometimes. It's scary. I work on this one with my therapist a lot.
Remembering Narcissus fell in love with his reflection, so we became our mother’s reflection so she would love us. That is why we copied them.
“If I’m like you, will you love me???”
My mother always said that I was born so she could get it over and done with. I was constantly told that whatever I did, it was always never good enough. I thought that when I was turning 30 that she would finally treat me like an adult, but no. I cared for my father when he was dying because she couldn't deal with it. I was talking to a cousin recently and she told me a lot of the things that my mother said about me and it was awful. I remember the last time she told me she loved me. I was a pre-teen. I have not spoken to her for 18 years due to many many things. She is still alive, I'm 61 this year and never want to see or speak to her for the awful things that she has said and done to me and my children
WOW! My mother does this to me talks about me with my sister usee up put me down . It's been 3 years. No contact!
I had narcissistic/ borderline parents, but I realized quite young that they were stupid. I was outwitting them both by the time I was 9 or 10 years old.
As a parentified child, I was doing things like making doctors appointments for me and my younger brother by the age of 12. I utilized public transportation to run errands. I’d forge checks to pay utility bills to prevent shut offs, etc.
In the meantime, my parents were busy trying to get revenge on each other through divorce court and used my brother and I as weapons.
My father died of alcohol related illness in his 60’s. My mother is still alive, but we’ve been low contact for decades.
This Mother’s Day I’m buying flowers for myself not My mother. I went completely no contact earlier this year after my stepdad died as she needed a new source of narcissistic supply and I was the only one still taking her calls.
I’m not interested in taking any more abuse from her. My stepdad was rich, and my mother LOVED to threaten to “disinherit” me.
I told her over and over that I don’t want her money. I’m financially stable, not rich or anything, but I’m not going to be homeless or anything.
Screw her and all she’s done to attempt to destroy her children. Happy Mother’s Day TO ME!
My mum accused me of wanting her to die so I can inherit her stuff. The joke is I'm richer than her
@@rashikagovindasamy8258Currently going through the same thing. She has a new boyfriend (supply) at the age of 77 and basically moved him in straight away. Now she is saying she wants them to get married after 16 weeks and saying she doesn't want me to wait for her to die so I can get her money so basically implying that's what I was doing without saying it. All the money she has is what my dad earned anyway. He knew what she was and despised her. Now I know why...
My dearly evil way ELDERLY MoMster has Sadistically Catholic tendancies with Christian entitlement CALLING love for hate.
My respect for you pulling through that and being able to write about it. I hope you are healing and able to thrive despite the thorns.
I remember I was taking a lecture on narcissism at the University and I remember my mom was in the same room as me and she asked me, do narcissists know that they're narcissist? That should have been my first clue
Enmeshed with the parent then punished for being clingy
oh that's me too! my mother has been ignoring me for months.
The pain is crippling.
I had gone no contact with narc dad for 2 yrs now grey rock w him. Just now found out from my aunt and some seriously fucked up one sided arguments that my mom is a narcissist too. I just never saw it cause he was so grandiose. I feel like I’m losing it. My twin and I have so many issues we don’t even talk. He doesn’t talk to my sister and I barely talk to her. The second I can I have to go no contact with her and I will have a nonexistent relationship with my 4 family members. I can’t wait.
You look like Jessica Lange.
One of the most significant wounds was my mother saying that whatever was wrong, was my responsibility. She would say she was going to take her life. I was in no way able to cope.
Thank you Dr. Sage. You just described my upbringing to the T. I have deep wounds to heal from, so I am grateful to have found your channel.
Thank you Dr. Kim ❤️
❤❤❤
Yes my mom does that triangulation with me and my siblings
Verbatim to my exp. This was comforting/validating to my process of Individuation at 40. Keep going friends!
In my experience, my mother has used religion as a means to invalidate things that I have done. “God saved you”, when I survived a traumatic injury and went into a hyper logical mode to get safe, call 911, be around people, in the mode of what is most important now.
My mom is just draining!!!! She is so codependent on me. She behaves like a child when it comes to responsibilities. I just want to get away from her and never look back!!!!!!!!
Thank you for validating the survivor of narcissistic mother. 🙏🏻
It’s just unbelievable how much these videos align with my mother exactly. It makes my mind spin. I really hope I can come across a therapist who really understands this dynamic and it’s effects when I am able to afford therapy.
Spread that out over a whole extended family. Mom's family hated my father, dad's family stayed away from those crazy people.
Mom is a monkey brancher. I was her branch out of her father's house and into a marriage with my dad. Then I was the branch she swung on to get back home when she blew up two marriages.
She married the guy she cheated with and a year after my half brother was born, they had me institutionalised, after shaking my math skills away. I spent a year incarcerated for being extraneous.
At 14 I made contact with my father and we were feeling our way through 7 years of not seeing each other. I got 2 weeks of that before mom decided that I wasnt safe around my step father.
By 15 I was homeless, at 17 I had a full time job and an apartment.
I am now 53, and a grandfather. I am raising my grandson, he is 11. I will NOT pass my trauma along. I have custody because i chose poorly and my daughter nearly died paying the price of my poor taste in women.
I am 54 and determined not to pass on my generational trauma. The way you described your mom using you like a branch to swing from one place to another was brilliant. As a child I feared my parents divorcing so much because I was sure she would hang onto me, despite not really wanting me (I was born 11 months after they married and she told me multiple times growing up that I was an "accident") and being very frequently neglectful. Still I was her meal ticket, her only accomplishment and necessary for her self image and she would have fought my father to the death for me. I'm so glad for me that it didn't happen but I wonder how much longer my father would have lived if he would have divorced her. I have guilt about a lot of weird stuff that people shouldn't have guilt about (going to college, moving out of the house, moving to another state, starting a family etc). I am focused on raising my own son and working on myself to prevent passing this garbage on to another generation of kids. It seems like so so many people I see in the comments are near or exactly our age. I often wonder if some alarm goes off at 50 and you just wake up and go WTF?!
@@cinemaocd1752 No, I knew I was being abused. If the chain shaped bruise in grade 3 didnt sell me, the dyscalculia did. Dont shake your kid.
@mikeemmons1079 dyscalculia here too. Not diagnosed until I was 60... Ddd
@mikeemmons1079 dyscalculia here too. Not diagnosed until I was 60... Ddd d
@mikeemmons1079 dyscalculia here too. Not diagnosed until I was 60... Ddd d
My mum is also highly hypocritical. She’s a covert narcissist.
Does anyone else see this in their narc mother?
I felt very responsible for my mother, but I have no sense of her doing this to me. My father abused her and I wanted to rescue her. Are there different forms and types of enmeshment. My mom asked little to nothing of me, but I am sick inside about her life.
My younger brother was completely enmeshed with our mother who is severely bipolar and narcissistic. I was called a little bitch by my mother since age 3. She never told me I was beautiful and I believe she is jealous of me. My brother devoted his life to our mother and she caused him constant chaos. I knew at age 20 when I moved out of state, I was never coming back home. She destroyed my brother’s marriage and long term relationship with his fiancée. Sadly, In 2012, my brother age 45 ended his life. My life has not been the same since. My mother is still evil at age 84, I had a period where I cut her out but now I have her in my life with strong boundaries. Thank you for your videos, so much truth I can relate to.
Sounds like my mother. As a child, around age 6 and 7 I thought something was quite off about her, but couldn’t quite place. She felt distant. Then as the years go by she started picking on me, would randomly see me sitting and accuse of sitting around being all sad all the time. She got remarried and I blamed her coldness on her being in an abusive relationship. When we relocated countries around my early teens it got worse. I had anxiety because I would do everything, fill in government forms, redo them when they expire, call on her behalf for appointments, write checks for rent (direct deposited was a thing then) yelled at me for making small mistakes as if it was normal for a child to handle all that. Then around 12-14, she would pick on me, call me names, accuse me vaguely of things, the verbal abuse would go on for hours when I was doing my homework and even when I was about to go to bed. I felt empty and deep sadness. It took me years to realize she was projecting onto me when I found out some family secret. Of course like a true narssitic everything is great, and she was a kind and loving mother because she is guilty of what she did because after all these years I still continue to show kindness. But will definitely start to cut the enmeshment cord and start having other other people in my life outside of her.
Heartbreaking. This is what I’ve been struggling with and receiving this video gave me the acknowledgment I needed. Thank you, your work is precious.
Forever being compared to my siblings. My sister and I didnt like each other until i was 16 and she was 13 and, now, we are inseparable and each other's biggest support system. We realized our parents were product of their upbringing and we could rise above it!
Thank you for sharing this valuable and powerful work. When you mentioned shame it took me to a place in my life where my mother abused me and I began to cry. Then I thanked little me for making it through the pain of that relationship. I’ve cut ties with her and am grateful for loving her from a distance. I only come to realize that i can love her because I love myself and have no need to live in hate of self for her own issues. I’m grateful to have done the work.
Thank you for this. Sadly I have this relationship with my mother and I’ve been trying to fight for my independence and autonomy and am getting hell for it.
She literally got every single thing on point
I am the grandmother of a 14 year old girl. She now lives with my and my husband. I now have to deal with the controlling mother. No child support, no medical consent to talk with the school or my staff. Its a nightmare. However, I have a background in mental health and my granddaughter is doing great at home. She does have difficulties at school with friends and teachers. I am holding off with getting a lawyer for now. Her father is a great parent so I do have support in dealing with the mom. Unfortunately the custody agreement does not allow the dad alone to give us medical consent.
This is SO spot on. You are narrating my experience with my covert narcissistic mom and golden child half sister exactly
I tried cutting cords my mom called me lol. It’s always family who destroys you
To know how on tap she was with _everything_ she said there, and to just now some years later into adulthood finally get those answers, I can easily say also that it does sting. And to not be able to leave due to having a disorder until that time comes, is it really difficult to further see as points proven now that well. I literally have two parents who truly signed up for something that both _truly_ weren't ready for years back.
I felt disloyal so didn’t watch this video for awhile
Glad I did
I am beginning to understand
You are so helpful and have amazing content!
I’m 28 and this is literally my house 24/7. Especially with the gaslight and the invalidation of my feelings, because I did notice that if my younger brother (golden child) were to say something possibly related to mental health, my mom (possible covert narcissist) would not say to him the same things she said to me. Like that I was going to hell for feeling that way or the “I didn’t say that, I don’t remember”. It is hard for me now because I would love to leave, but my mom one way or another has been taking control over me. Once I confronted her about it along with her being in my bedroom taking my stuff without even asking or without permission and she said to me :”Well, I am the one paying the rent here and I can do whatever I want to.”
Thank you for explaining the narcissistic mom dynamic so well.
Thank you for sharing. I REALLY enjoyed the music that was playing at the end. Please keep choosing to be you. PLEASE keep choosing to be your authentic and true version of you. MANY blessings to you and yours in the mighty and matchless name of Jesus Christ of NAZARETH. The name above ALL names. AMEN. ❤❤❤
Thank you for this information… sending healing love to you all ❤️🩹🌹
Excellent video, thank you Dr. Kim. And I love how your pup came and cuddled up on the couch, so cute!!
Thank you so much for your incredible content! I never came across anything that clear, complete and yet compassionate.
Thank you for helping me understand more. ❤
One of the most hurtful things a relative did was say to me "how long are you going to be upset about what happened to you?" knowing full well what my parents did to my psyche
I have just come to expect betrayal. On point Dr. Sage.
This video is changing my life. Thank you! I'm truly grateful for this healing I'm experiencing.
What about when they sleep with your significant other behind your back constantly and let him come home and kiss you on the mouth? I don't think any amount of therapy is going to fix this nightmare.
I was adopted and constantly was told I should be grateful. If I cried, it reflected on my mother, and I was told "I'll give you something to cry for" and shed' lock me in the basement.
So well summed up. Thank you . . .
what's devastating about these parents is that they're permanently self righteous, and the wrecking ball they sent through crucial developmental stages cannot be undone. to add injury the victims remain hostages by enforced association long into their own adulthoods. narcissists are the worst kind of crazy.
Dr Kim, thank you for your amazing videos. Can I ask where the wallpaper behind you is from? It’s beautiful.
How I looked was so important. She used to “sit me down”
And tell me how concerned she was about my weight. Told me I look fat everywhere and my lips are being suffocated by my cheeks or my thighs being suffocated by my shorts. She demanded where I was if I was out. Even now as an adult she demands to know where I am. Told me what to wear. Encouraged me to break up with partner. She’s always comparing how I look to her especially things like my legs, feet and skin tone.
Your videos are truly eyeopening, so complete and full of power that help us recognize and reprogram blockages. I am learning so much of you, even though I’m not a beginner in personal development and healing. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and help so many of us change their lives ❤️