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"I DON'T play GAMES": understanding what this really means
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- Опубликовано: 5 ноя 2023
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This is a phrase I have heard many, many times over the course of my dating history. You would be forgiven for thinking that the person who says this is ready to "cut to the chase:" to dispense with all the courtship nonsense and negotiate a relationship. However, this is not the case. "I don't play games" really means "hurry up, and give me what I want" -- which is a tactic in the game of relationships. Be very wary of those who profess not to play games. Most likely, they can't afford to pay the sticker price.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #dating #relationship
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This is a phrase I have heard many, many times over the course of my dating history. You would be forgiven for thinking that the person who says this is ready to "cut to the chase:" to dispense with all the courtship nonsense and negotiate a relationship. However, this is not the case. "I don't play games" really means "hurry up, and give me what I want" -- which is a tactic in the game of relationships. Be very wary of those who profess not to play games. Most likely, they can't afford to pay the sticker price.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #dating #relationship
for my understanding you had things like that : "i don't play games- k, what do you offer ? - fuck off, you greedy bastard.(i dont owe you nothing, and many variation of robbed insecurity)"
actually i see great opportunity for interesting conversation there and whant to hear your's thoughts on this perspective:
1. i don't play games. i want serious relationships
2. great, i apprishiate your's straight approach. lets discuss our ideas of serious relationships just to be on the same side - how do you see serious relationships ?/what team yo want to join and in witch role ? carry + support ? partners in crime ? maybe oddly specific combination of those ?
3.- she told you her's preferences
4. k there is my preferences ! how do we will match them/ or how do you see this variation of matching our preferences ??? (repeat untill you ll find common ground)
5. great! we figured out prefered roles in our team! also fell free repeat this conversation if you feel need to redefine this roles (not too often, it ll be quite hard to sustain too chaotic system)
6. now we have to decide what we want to achive together ! pls share what do you expect from this relationships ? cute yellow house where always plays house of the rising sun ? maybe couple nasty boys who always play baseball in the backyard instead of doing their homework?
7. k let's recognize that it is alot of work.
8. with respect of our role preferences and our current recources what do you thing would be fair share of work between us ?
......
this way you do actually communicate her that you are ready to support your's fair share and you both in power to deside that split, instead of ultimatuing her on shady conditions.
p.s. i litterally have no idea and experiances in relationship with a woman, but this kind of discuttion feels fair in this circumstances, so maybe im dellusional, feel free to educate me
I love what you're doing here Doc. Massive respect and the best wishes for you
secular dating is such a fail lol. religious society with arranged marriages ftw
Mate - leave the USA. Everything you say basically only applies to American women. I honestly think that American men should simply boycott their women until they get the picture.
In other countries, women will tell you what they offer - or they will show you. It's normal. Men do the same.
I would be interested to hear from you what factors in American culture have created a generation of women are surprised that a man wants something out of a relationship too.
Short version: any woman who says this is going to be completely toxic to any man. Say nothing and walk away.
“I don’t play games” - I already ran the streets and been through hell and back. Now it’s your job to fix all the mistakes and live up to a higher standard than all the men that came before you. As a man, do not pay premium price for a product other men before you got for free or at a far higher discount.💯
🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥✊🏾
Preach!
I had a date said I'm tired of getting ghosted afyer smashing so ima wait 3 months 😂 I took the L and ran
Perhaps they didn’t treat her well as a human being should be treated and you should treat them well ? Bec you’re not her exes?
That could very well be the case, but today women have more options than ever on the dating market. If she was constantly with men who mistreated her, it's because she chose to be with those men. She absolutely had the option of men that would have treated her better.
I don't play games= I play games.
I hate drama= I create drama.
I'm finding myself= I'm participating in hookup culture.
I bring myself to the table=I have nothing to offer.
^this
I make RUclips videos that are common-sense information about human relationships = I make RUclips videos that are nonsense opinion designed to pander to the disaffected.
Legend 💯
@@xyaeiounnmaybe you should stop doing those kind of videos, no wonder why you have only 3 subs. 😂
@@tivasthegamer9817 it's a troll. Pay them no mind. There will always be haters when the truth is spoken. The only people that dislike this message is a woman or a white knight
"Don't waste my time," is essentially saying, "I already wasted my time."
For most of modern women, and just about every women who are not virgins
The answer to 'dont waste my time' is 'you already wasted your time ,no way i can match that waste in my lifetime'.🤔
"Don't waste my time."
The way the culture has been going this is the immediate assumption men have whenever they hear these words. Its the same with women suddenly finding Jesus (or any other religion) in their late 20s, or becoming a part of the conscious community, or writing "no hook-ups" on their dating profiles...for some reason it just screams "questionable dating/sexual history". Men just think to themselves "how bad must her past be for her to need this much damage control on a spiritual level"
Bc she already wasted it.
Men will overlook almost everything except body count,feminism and libtardery 🤣
Yeah well abusive and toxic relatinships mess you up and they're really hard especially if you were a good and kind, loving person who did not deserve that to begin with and yes recovery is hard also.
@@NobodyXSomebodyor maybe men are just not interesting to them anymore 🤷♀️
let's be real: people are not interesting.
It's a form of arrogance. It's being so entitled that you think you're above selling yourself. Even the most successful companies have massive sales teams for this reason. No entity is above pitching itself.
Except women! women are the exception to every bad or negative rule! LOL
women generally believe that you walking up to her is equivalent to a purchase decision. Hence the arrogance. Or they just wanna belittle you so they can feel better about being dumped by chad last night. lol
Yes, but in women's defense it's necessary in today's dating environment. A significant portion of men can't/won't/don't sell themselves (or massively undersell) and since they aren't acting masculine to polarize the relationship the woman is forced to play an assertive, frame-setting hand. If many men will accept anything then women must adapt by presenting the lowest bid necessary or they degrade their self-respect by giving up more than required. And there's a lot of men nowadays that will accept nearly anything...
@@allenlin7333 this is absolutely true....EVERY woman I have ever said Hello to assumes I am hitting on them
Games aren't a sales pitch but your statement is a sales pitch for games... albeit, not a very good one.
"I don't play games" = "Now that I'm older with baggage, I'm at a disadvantage in the dating market. Men can now manipulate me like I used to manipulate men, and I don't like it."
Doesn't seem to consistently work that way. The young are naive, the old have wisdom; sometimes that's the stronger effect.
@@Tzizenorec
_"The young are naive, the old have wisdom..."_ Sure, if you're a man, who's compelled to live in reality as the builder, designer, maintainer, and defender of civilization who's forced to contend with the world as it is. It doesn't apply to infantilized females who're rescued from the consequences of their poor decisions by society and sheltered against truth.
@@Mr.Ambrose_Dyer_Armitage_Esq. I did say "sometimes". _You,_ on the other hand, did not. You really think _all_ women are that way? I've spoken with women who threw all that coddling away to please the nearest man, and with women who never got that coddling at all because of their family. (And men aren't always how you describe either; you're describing a hero.)
@@Tzizenorec
You're not a eunuch or a female, are you?
@@Mr.Ambrose_Dyer_Armitage_Esq. WTF, man? No, I'm not. Entirely heterosexual male, living alone off my own earnings.
Now, there have to be stakes for both sides when you raise a question like that, so I'd say you just admitted I'm right. Because I'm a man, so I can't be wrong, eh?
7:20 "People don't get what they deserve, they get what they negotiate."
Now thats a great quote man!
Or what they tolerate.
They get what they can afford
It's a great quote if he's a psychopath. Real humans appreciate more than they calculate or evaluate.
@@xyaeiounn disagree. A lot of people take things for granted
@@xyaeiounn unfortuantely, thats not how the real world works
For some reason, this episode feels unintentionally funny and it works.
I laughed at the title lol
that's the intent.
Truth has that effect. This is why all comedy is based on some truth!
@@jerryjessup9192 I've been known to dabble in the humor.
@@psychacksfunny guy
"i dont play games" is another way of saying "im tired of getting played by guys out of my league"
It's always a game but not the same game if she goes in her league.
@@ClaudiaM-js6ol they're not men, they're cosplaying as women.
@@Altair-El-Haddad Or it's just a case of believing an exception disproves a rule.
Yes. And also No.
"I don't play games" is just shorthand for "I'm tired of being pumped and dumped." That's it.
pumped and dumped by chads
It's also a substitute for not being so high value due to look / running out of time being older. Ie her bartering position is weaker but wants to start with a high bid from a man despite that and has to say "I'm high value" instead of "being high value".
"you have to be able to make me laugh"=I'm a terrible conversationalist, with no sense of humor and you have to do all the talking
@@commentarytalk1446 "Any man who must say 'I am the king' is no true king."
The traditional "I don't play games" relationship is called arranged marriage, done by parents with a rational head instead of the romantic heads of the lovers.
Yes 😂, yet women love to say they don't want mother men 🤷... Men like games just not mind games
@@RicksPhatPharm-vw2lb
Which kind of games
More mature games
Less immature games
This
"with a rational head, instead of a romantic head." 🏆
There was a study with pre-arranged marriages and they were more successful.
When I hear "I don't play games" it generally means "The games are much more sophisticated than you're used to". Or it's a bluff, and there are in fact games, and they are just as transparent and juvenile as you would expect.
What it means is "Now that I'm older with baggage and at a disadvantage in the dating market, men can now manipulate me like I used to manipulate men, and I don't like it'."
I'm a 40 year old guy and it's basically 90% of middle aged women on tinder UK say exactly that in their bio. Or the usual "my kids come first" "no hookups" and the general passive aggressive crap they spew.
All loking for security in a LTR.
"no hookups"... the number of times THEY initiated on 1st dates when they had that in their bio is crazy. "Believe all women". Yeah... right.
Zero originality.
It's almost like women can't think for themselves...
Hahahaha so true, the other standard bio line you missed from the UK "Lay'deeez" car crash sales pitch is "I don't need a man"
What's the matter, mate? Don't want to get in line for those used up tuna holes!?
I love the old saying: "women have sex when they want to, and men have sex when they can. Men marry when they want to, and women marry when they can."
If a woman says "I don't play games", I'm gone in a heart beat. That statement of hers, is already part of her "master plan". Giant Red Flag - RUN!
Ooof you have been hurt
@@Didi-fr5ichey everyone. This a female using SIGN language. Instead of saying something about the argument she disagreed with, she instead insults the speaker. Real mature….
Got ‘em 🎉
@@brycewilkins9421 The comments for this video are going to have a good amount of female SIGN language, along with a fair amount of simping\white-knighting
@@Didi-fr5ic Says the person who thinks Dr.Taraban really-really hates women Ha!
U do realize u r projecting so hard, all the guys here can see your headlamp is flashing LOL
Saying you don’t play games is kinda of a game in itself.
"i don't play games" = I chased after Chad and Tyrone in my 20's. I gave myself completely to them and got nothing in return. I'm now traumatized, in my 30's and running out of time. I want a stable, dad bod, beta provider who I can marry without a pre-nup so I have the leverage. Take it or I'm moving onto my next target.
Well said brother. And I really love your nickname man haha!
spot on
GAME OVER!
Translated the womanese like a true master
i was in this situation even just before we started dating they were still in hoe mode sending nudes to co workers but once we started dating she played the innocent victim card on me and she was beautiful and i would of probably fell for it too but i just couldnt get past her shallow standofish personality. Not my job to fix you do it yourself
”I don’t play games” is such an indication of an aggressive, dominant, self-righteous personality. It feels like a way of immediately testing whether someone is going to be willing to take the blame for things that are messed up. Definitely a red flag screaming ugly defence mechanisms at work, because what’s implicated is that “so if something goes wrong it means you were dishonest and tricked me”. It honestly feels like a first little “abuse test” (as some people call it when dysfunctional people rage early in the relationship to test if the other’s boundries can be treaded upon safely or not).
While I don't have much dating experience, I can safely say this is 100% accurate. The reason is because over the last several years I decided to get serious about self improvement. This was partially altruistic but also partially because I sincerely wanted to be a better partner when I do get into a relationship. I learned how to cook, lift weights, speak a couple languages, and read a bunch of thick academic books. One of the side effects of picking up these skills is that you begin to realize that the many people make excuses or fail to plan for their failed goals. Thus, the default is to assume that most people are "cheap talk" and really aren't willing to put in the effort.
Similarly in dating, I am not so naïve as to think that most women (or men for that matter) are so selfless and empathetic that they have actively been working on themselves so as to be a better relationship partner. Most just simply want their desires met, and are lazy about making the self-improvement to make their future-partner happy.
I also think this applies to parenting- many people simply want to have kids cause “they want to”. They conveniently choose to ignore all the personal problems they have which will make the child’s life harder.
All that matters is “I want kids & I don’t care if such kids have to live a hard life to satisfy this selfish.desire”
One way I’ve heard it explained is that guys are generally chasing after women since they reach puberty. At that point in a woman’s life they receive preferential treatment, attention, gifts, offers, invites, etc regardless of how they perform in life. As a result of no longer having meaningful struggles or dealing with the full weight of failures they stop progressing. After all, daddy, bf’s, simps, or society will always coddle them to a degree while (in cases) being able to claim they are at a disadvantage.
Without the experience of being rejected, having to try multiple times to achieve or acquire things, etc they of course become entitled and in many ways stunted. This is why when some women are asked or expected to have or provide something they don’t or can’t they become upset rather than defaulting to figuring out a way to improve.
I know this comes off as very insulting to some to say but it explains much of the behavior. As usual, I end up putting the blame on men because otherwise it’s a victimhood mentality which isn’t usually something men allowed to have online. If we stop automatically giving women things for simply existing, being attractive, or whatever then they will actually be put in a position where accountability and having a growth mindset will have apparent value to them unlike how society currently has it where they can shamelessly make demands of men while men are discouraged to do the same.
Vcs dois estão absolutamente certos. Sou uma mulher brasileira mas homens e mulheres o são em qualquer parte do mundo e eu reconheço o poder do autoaperfeicoamento para crescermos.
Absolutely chilling. Did you do anything good WITH or FOR anyone? Nope, cooking, weights, reading, all self-centered. Try volunteering at a soup kitchen or cleaning up part of your neighborhood. You sound like Elliot Rodgers ffs.
@ShoaibKhan-rm6cv
Embarking on a long self-improvement quest? Remember, reading heavy academic books or learning a few languages won’t magically make you a great partner. Real growth happens in the thick of a relationship. It’s about knowing your flaws, working on them, and figuring out how to handle and resolve conflicts. You can't learn that from a book. Sure, you can read up on it, but it's not the same as living it.
A lot of folks who take these long self-improvement trips are actually dodging relationships. They convince themselves they need to be "better" before they dive in. But no successful business was ever built by being perfect from the start. They all grew and got better over time.
all this just for 1 vagina smh
Allow me to piggyback on what the Good Doctor has already said excellently: I dont play games ACTUALLY means: i dont want YOU to play games with me! But everything else was said better than i could re-say it! Bravo!
Exactly! There are men that she would play "games" with, you're just not one of them.
Let me add to your addition that:
I don't play games ACTUALLY means: i don't want YOU to play games with me, But I WILL be playing games with you!
I always hear "I don't play games" as "Let the games begin!"
Player! 🙌
Jigsaw😈
Reverse Uno 🤣
My inner ear often hears Triple H's entrance music...
Same with “I don’t do hookups.”
Um, ma’am, If you have to say that in your profile, you definitely do hookups.
Well said.
For me, "I don't play games" has always led to me walking away from the speaker.
It is such an obvious lie that the person is now marked as completely untrustworthy.
Exactly correct...."I dont play games", means give me what I want. So true, every time, every time.
And it means that they do, in fact, play games and just want to disguise that fact so they have you playing their game. Which makes them the problem as soon as they say that
"Hi - I frittered away the things you might value in a mate, but now you have the things I value in a mate, so 'game time' is over."
The time for ultimatums is when *YOUR* value is highest.
In my experience, all 28+ year old single moms I've dated have said this. "I don't have time, I don't play games. I want to be in a serious relationship." Younger girls never say this. They're basically saying, "I've had my fun being a ho3 and now that I am older and have a child, no one wants to commit to me. And I want you to."
Exactly, now that they lost the cheat code, they don't want to play anymore.
You missed the last bit: "I NEED a man but want the man to think they want/need me, A LOT MORE!" That's the big reason why they say "I don't play games": They think they can play hard to catch to raise the bar and set the early relationship settings for the rest of the relationship... because women are control freaks at the end of the day and terrified of losing control hence their strangle-hold in relationships playing so many mind-games.
@@dimaanojam I think you're right, you can't save or change damaged women. They don't listen and don't change. They cheaped out and are stuck like that. I do feel sympathy for their tragic life-stories but only reading it in a book, 1,000km away.
Single moms: I was young and dumb and a man took advantage of me
Before becoming a parent: Men are so easy. Women mature faster. I am the table!
secular dating is such a fail lol. religious society with arranged marriages ftw
I know a million women who could benefit from this video but I pissed enough off this summer. This channel gives me so much food for thought and plenty to journal about in the 6 languages I'm learning. Thanks for this video. I love it!
"Don't waste my time" is womanese.
Good job, hopefully you find a respectable masculine man.
Searching 6 countries for 1 man
@Michael_Arnold 🤣 Learning languages is my passion. This channel is enlightening and entertaining.
@chahailus Which 6?
(I dabble in Czech, Russian, Spanish, Irish, French, Italian and German. Still haven't found the girl).
Starting at the 1:03 mark and ending at the 1:22 mark perfectly defines this whole topic. Might not be a bad idea to clip that portion into a RUclips short. A lot of women and men need to hear that. Another home run Doctor! Thank you!
The terminology "games" was not used when I was in the dating mode in the 1970s. I initially stated "I'm not looking for marriage", and my future wife said she wasn't either. Couple years later she put her foot down stating this relationship is going nowhere and if we don't get engaged she was going to end it and date others. I caved in and have been happily married for 48 years. I guess she played the "rope a dope" strategy and we both came out winners 🙂
Takes up to 18 months with a woman to see whether her 'estrobeast' is too toxic for commitment. You had enough time to view her behavior.
Did you have other options at the time?
Well there is the old saying, behind every proposal is an ultimatum
Good for you that it worked out, my guy! Wish you much success and happiness for the rest of your days!
Respect !
When I first got divorced, many first dates (women) would come right out and ask me if I was serious about dating with the intention of getting married. When I replied, 'I barely know you, and you want me to promise that we're going to get married?' and they were almost always angry that I dared to ask that question. I, of course, would still try to be civil, but it was always the first, and last date with her.
This usually comes from older women. They love playing games when they are young and in their prime. In my experience, they usually start saying this stuff when they want to settle down. "I DONT play games" actually means "I can no longer play games" and compete with the younger girls. Co-incidentally, as men accumulate more wealth and we become more attractive to women, and are so sick and tired of being stuffed around - this becomes our chance to play games.
BINGO - The game is fun when they have the upper hand; when the tables turn, they're no longer interested in playing.
@@Doberman_6773
Yup they hate a taste of their own medicine.
Yes. Paydirt.
If you play the game with their rules, you already lost. They want you to fail so they can justify looking for a better option, they want the best of the best.
And they do NOT want to pay a lot for this muffler!
Why would anyone be stupid enough to play a woman’s games when they’ve never earned the power to implement them?
well I'm a simple person, if she start playing games, I'm used to following their rules, just keep calm and observe the game, she's gonna confused at the end of the game
trust me they don't know where the game going to, they just feel that's fun to do. nothing else
@@inconnu4961 They want *YOU* to pay full price for their muffler, which is often rusted-out and leaking carbon monoxide into the passenger compartment.
"I don't play games" then they play games. Women wrote the book on game playing.
"I don't play games" is just the first half. second half is "but you better still be playing"
@@allenlin7333 💯💯🎯
This is why I laugh when woman complain that I play games. They had no problem doing the same to all the other losers out there, now you complain that I do it? That just means I’m that much better
This is the same on a dating app as “No Hookups!” There is in fact hookups, just not for you. Never take what a woman says about what she wants serious. Women put value and self worth on the way they think you think about them, simple as. This is why a lot of women say they are a 10.
Exactly, no hookups with u. You need to go through hoops and multiple dates. But chad will score right away.
True, the last 3 girls I've met on Tinder all had some of this variation: "Not into FUBUs", "Pass on Hook-ups". But we had seggs either the first or 2nd date. And then they start to use the "I don't play games" lines... They even were self-rationalizing by saying, I wasn't expecting for sex this early but since it happened, I want you to commit to me or I will no longer see you.
Lmao i always find this funny cause i find most of my hookups with women who are looking for serious relationships
@@dimaanojam Using a hook-up to set the hook; don't get MeToo'ed...
@@Philosific Agreed. If there was truly no hook ups they wouldn't have to state it. It would just be the way she operates.
"I don't play games" means: "I have a high body count and I'm tired of getting run thru and I'm looking for a poor chump who will take me off the streets.". Run, run, run.
Beta provider can't be poor even when she's independent (of men).
The answer to what do you get is me. Some women can be so arrogant. They clearly see tangible benefits from pairing with you but don’t have a reasonable proposition. Strong arming someone into a relationship is a oxymoron. Relationships are romanticized to be reciprocal, romantic and natural.
"Women love opportunistically while men love idealistically." ― RT
@@mbg9650 "Men are in love, women are in business" - CGA (?)
Let me fix that:
Relationships are romanticized so it doesn't have to be reciprocal
Lol the secret is women think you think of them the way they think you think of them.
The bad boy succeeds cause he meets that arrogance with the same level 😂
I burst into laughter at the analogy 😂
It's like when a man tells you that he's a totally honest person, then you know for sure he's not 😂
Or if a man tells you that he is a good man😅..........run
Please elaborate what you mean. It almost sounds like you're generalizing men or you're being too liberal with the meaning of 'honest'.
Through thick and thin, I'm a totally honest person. Even now I'm not backing down on that.
How and why are you currently sure I'm being dishonest right now? Totally honest means at all times with no compromise that can be prevented.
Are you saying no men has ever consistently said the truth to you? Or perhaps that you may not be capable of seeing the truths men live by?
Just curious, please leave a reaction. I'd like to know what drove you to write such a message under a psychology channel meant to improve relationships with people no less.
Sounds like the men YOU dated my dear
Amongst man, if they say their are honest we give them a chance 2 be honest, if they are they are, if they aren't they aren't
The difference is ALL women play games when they say they don't, because everyone has to play the game of love
But not ALL man are dishonest if they say they are honest
@bellatindale3120 who hurt you dear?
Very girlish and emotional thinking
Amazing! I haven't come up against this often but I do hear it a lot from my female friends and they deserve to know that they are starting a negotiation not a relationship with that line. Thank you for this video! I definitely will use this information going forward
why do you have female friends? what do they do for you?
The good doc is killing it lately!
He's been killing it!
Absolutely true as an 82 year old bystander
It means she only wants to play _her_ games.
"I dont play games" = I only play 1 game. Do as I say and give me marriage, kids and financial security while I still have 1 more year of beauty left, or get lost while I am still pretty enough to secure another beta provider.
Really loved this episode! Everyone plays games. No wonder that the set of strategies to seduce someone is called "game".
This is one of the few this doctor has gotten right. Everyone plays games, that’s why I laugh when someone complains about them
😂😂😂 You are so good 🎯 Thank you for bringing a great sense of humor to the embarrassment of relationship trial and errors.
I had a woman tel me to take her as she is or watch her as she leaves. I watched her as she left lol.
You should let her watch u as you leave
@@joshg854😂leave on the spot !
I think that transparency is great. These women saying this helps me to avoid wasting my time, resources, and emotions. Like a warning ☢️ sign helping me to avoid a minefield 😂😂😂
Women NEVER expect to give ANYTHING in a relationship.
YOU are expected to give her everything.
This is how Women see relationships. "What can I get".
I’m a dude and think the same way, interesting that.
@@joshuarasmussen641You don't have a choice, in the modern western dating environment it's full of shitty people, if u don't set higher frame, your game will be weak and it's just a lose lose situation
What I have seen is a man who approaches w "What can I get", usually end up with a fairer exchange and get reciprocation from the women, because i can guarantee you women will always ask even if you can get her to give
As a man over 40, this is 100%. Women only care what you can provide. The only love you will find is in the friendship of other men. Took me too long to figure this out.
@@joshuarasmussen641 : even in woman /woman friendship she expect something: you be her supportive listener allowing her crap & be her flying monkey to fight her ennemy & lend her money& give her stuffs. Most of the time she don't reciprocate any of these gifts and services. She will give out something whenever she feel, i am retiring from the frienship, as a bait to keep me attached.
A relationship with a woman, in it's natural state, is TOXIC for a man. They can't love us back. Apparently, nature forbids it.
This does fit with my experience.
I've never played games. As a result, I'm a 45-year old man that has dated 3 women, for a combined total of less than 1 year of time.
I want to add that a woman who has genuine "burning" desire for a man would ensure to let only things out of her mouth that she expects are kind of appealing to her object of interest. I dare to state that "I don't play games" does not belong to a womans "charming speak". If she uses this, she does not care enough, feels narcissiticly entitled or is already hurt and disillusioned, not being able to get to know each other romantically, already exhausted by the discrepancy of past experiences vs expectations.
This is feel is 100% true in a face 2 face engagement.
What I have found is that dating apps are riddle with this statement by women in their 30s and older, but when I actually go on a date with a younger women in here 20s, I have personally never heard a single one of them ask me this
Jeez, Ryan is having give us (both men and women) the parental advice our own parents were too lazy, timid, or unknowledgeable to give us.
He's not the father we all deserve but the one we need.
This is amazing, I recently had that conversation with a woman this weekend.. I asked her what she had to offer... She was completely confused and had no answer lol
Sounds about right. Im pretty much convinced at this point, that modern western women really, actually believe that they don't need to bring anything at all, but boobs & puss and their drama. Entitlement is out of the scale.
@@tkr212 I don't see it as a negative thing. I think if one can articulate ones ideas the women will follow a man that's admirable. I think it's a great position for a man to be when he can lead.
Maybe she's one of those weirdos that doesn't see every human interaction in a transactional sense? You know, that weird 98% of humanity.
@@xyaeiounn A sizable minority, if not an outright majority, of that 98% behave transactionally while their 'views' are filtered thru delusions - delusions that are similar to those being pointed out by Dr. Taraban in his video, as well as by the OP.
Engaging with things as they truly are sometimes makes people *feel* bad, so they try to sidestep those *feelings*
@@xyaeiounn since the moment we are born; our families, communities, nations teach us to become useful. If you want to name that transactional, then name it that.. I name it being beneficial. Why some individuals only want to think of their own interest and not how they will help others is insane. The best way to produce anything that functions is to understand what we have to offer. That is humility and peacefulness. That is love and care.
I usually disqualify myself after a girl says this. It's one of my favorite times to give her the gift of assurance that I am captain of this ship.
I come from a middle eastern culture where you get one relationship one marriage one job most of the time which leads to a lack of experience in dating in knowing how people are and also in preparing for the demands and betrayal and lies of the partner or future partner. And my good friends, when i see your comments and your understanding of the human psychology, all i can say is bravo . You read a lot , and search a lot , also admit your mistakes after analysing and perceiving. So you go deep in the tunnel of living and enlightenment. .as an arabic man who lived with Americans and Brasilians for a long time , i think that getting in relationships and admiring people and not having sex until marriage is the best part of it . Not for religious reasons or social one, but this secret need reflection meditation observation not seeking pleasures and copying others but letting the seeds of pleasure and the sunshine of joy and smell of nirvana chase you after knowing the distance between the spirit and the soul .
Reason why you don’t get an answer is of course that you present it as offer :)
If one states exactly the same as you did but follow up with “so let’s skip the game. How do you see a serious relationship? What do you see the man and the woman contributing to it from each side”
She would be stalled at first of course but would then be telling what she wants.
After that she would either continue what she feels a man should have or you need to ask her that.
She will then most likely bring up some items but miss out on a lot a man expects - and here we come to what you asked - what has she to offer but you state it
- great. I totally agree with you and I also would love that a woman does : xxxx items.
She will most likely still not like the hear about the things she left out from what she has to offer but and this is the big BUT
she has already willingly told her expectations of this non game playing and she can’t complain now when you express yours. And if she declines some it would look unfavorable for her so regardless you have come to a point where both expectations are shared
Exactly you're calling her bluff and asking her to put the full value of her cards on the table...
@@commentarytalk1446 yes exactly! I don’t even see it as a bluff from her side. She is honest. It’s just the she has mostly her own interests in mind. So this is a bit sneaky way to just gently nudge her to put all the cards she has on the table. And then add the cards you yourself feel are missing (ideally of course one should not need to do that - instead like wow she has all the cards I want and more - A keeper!) and then like asking “you know this is what not playing a game means from both our pov - are you still up for it?”
@@litjellyfish To quote The Warriors: "Can You Dig It?" ;-)
@@commentarytalk1446 but she said NO GAME? I though warriors said “come out and play!” 😅😎
This is so on point. I'm literally going through this RIGHT NOW. Me and my wife are seperated and she wants me back. But she REALLY doesn't want to answer this question. WHAT AM I GETTING TO GET IN RETURN FOR MOVING BACK IN AND COMMITTING AGAIN????? She won't address this and so we are playing games. Who texts first, says I love you first, buys what for whom and how much sex and how intense the sex goes up and down.......
Walk. It is perfectly reasonable.
well thats what youre getting, games. and you love that she lives rent free in your head. or maybe you just like getting punched in the gut.. one shot per girl per lifetime, move on bozo
HOPEFULLY A BETTER COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP, MY ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION FROM THE OUTSIDE
@@kimsmith7212 Well she's talking to her male coworkers about their penises so I'm thinking better commitment isn't in the cards for me.......Oh and she is the one who first wanted the divorce. Then changed her mind after I moved out.
Don’t do it
I've never heard someone say "I don't play games". I did this crazy thing where I tended spend my free time with people I actually like and share values with, and then I maintained this criteria while looking for a suitable partner. It took me some time, but I did find someone who I truly enjoy being around and they enjoy being around me, and wow, all these negotiations and "games" turned out to be easy and enjoyable and non-adversarial, because hey, we both wanted sex and we both got it and we both wanted a relationship and we both got it. It's almost as if we're both well-adjusted adults who found eachother because we were each selecting for similarly non-superficial values. Crazy stuff!
Look through the singles ads in your local newspaper, there are plenty women that say this.
Be careful. When you fall in love the chemicals take over.
@@jimjohnson394 My comment was meant illustrate, admittedly in a smug manner, that I've oriented myself and built an interpersonal life in such a way as to avoid interacting with anyone who'd say such a thing. Perhaps I should have specified that I've never heard it in person, as it's indeed a cliché that reaches all corners of media.
@@ppumpkin3282 The chemicals are always in charge, my friend. The question is, will it be oxytocin or cortisol. Also, I'm 10 years into the relationship. The chemicals you're concerned about aren't in complete control now, but I'd hate to see them leave the room completely.
@@Consumer0001 I get it out of my system in youtube comments sections. I recommend it.
Yee. Just gotta chime in one time and say your consistent delivery and clear concepts are appreciated. Peace from Asia.
It's like a guy saying outloud how confident he is. If you have to say it you're probably the opposite.
"Any man who must say I am the king is no true king" -Tywin Lannister
This channel man….a gift to all
"Embrace The Game" and play it well is what I'm hearing.
“I don’t play games” = All the other guys in my roster pumped and dumped me, you’re the only one left, and I’m over 30 and need a marriage now. Fellas, if they say this, they are my name, nothing more.
OMG!!! GOAT-level screen name. Recreational use only. LOL!!! Also, your comment is based AF. Chad and Tyrone have smashed and dashed, and now the beta provider has to come along with the diamond ring and clean-up the mess.
@@marriagecausesdivorce7540 yep, they say this to the guys who have been working hard and sacrificing to be able to create a family. They still got fresh semen from f-boys swimming around in them. Girls who say stuff like this are the worst. They are BPD in every way.
Perfectly said
If they say "I don't play games" it's cause they're more of a man than the dude they're saying it to. "Men" have devolved to a point of giving out free money, time, presents etc. to the "goddesses" they drool over online. Of course women will adapt. Would you say no to free pussy? Why should they say no to a free relationship/monkeybranch boy?
Stop blaming women and starting leading men. I guarantee most of you guys eating up this anti-women bs are either that loser yourself or have friends just like it. Stop projecting your failures in dating on women and start being the man that other men and women need right now. I hope your ego and self-awareness aren't @RecreationalUseOnly
As a car salesman that was such a great analogy! We will get people come in and say “I don’t want to go back and forth”.
Me: ok so you’re fine with paying sticker price?
Them: of course not
It’s not that they don’t want to play games, it’s they want to play games on THEIR terms on an uneven playing field.
Exactly. Playing games is a womans strategy to try to get a something for nothing deal. But nothing in life is something for nothing and if it is, you will quickly lose that thing.
another home run! Thank you Dr. Orion!
This channel is GOLD!
Love the analogy I counter that the problem is that they go around to the different dealers. She can afford the Mercedes today but she really wants those lambos. she takes all the free rides until that is no longer a option. Then she is angry and frustrated that all she can get access to are Honda Civics with 500k miles.
I don't like drama, means they cause nothing but drama in relationships. I don't like games, means they are major game-players. I don't cheat, I've only done it four times.
Yup pretty much, except those who say the don't have sex, cause that means they don't plan to have that with you, they decided that already and accidentally that slipped out LOL
Dr. Orion, you're a great guy. You're brilliant, and your way of teaching enshrines clarity in communication.
I will pray for you; and I pray your message reaches those who need to hear it and is well received while it is still of good benefit to them and to the world around them.
Well done again!!!
"I don't play games" and "Not here for hook ups" is what i suspect are phrases women use more to convince themselves rather than a potential partner. It also implies that they have indeed let men use them for sex and then gotten discarded in the past, which is a double doo doo judging from the perspective of a man looking to date her. It also shows that she doesn't know/care what men are actually looking for in a partner because if she did, she wouldn't flaunt this kind of fatal flaw.
Bro, that's as good as anything in the video!
If a woman has used a man in the past does that make him less worthy!?
@@ABC-ho5jo If he advertises that trauma as part of his armor when meeting women, like the example i mentioned i guess it might. Blaming new people you meet for what people in the past did to you just shows a lack of maturity and accountability to deal with negative experiences in a healthy way imo
Bro!!
Doc is now legit the Ludwig von Mises of dating channels LOL
I f****** love you brother LOL keep the sauce flowing
I always translated "I don't play games" as "at LEAST 50 men have used me as a sexual punching bag."
"I don't want to play games" is a cheap parlour trick women use to disarm potential victims and quickly work out maximum benefits to be obtain for the minimum effort required on her side!
It's a lot worse than that, it's vast majority either or a combination of:
1) Burnt-out due to chasing chad and losing so "Plan B-eta" and if a baby-mama already Min-Max Strategy Alpha-Fs and Beta-Bs
2) Her Ego is desperate to keep the illusion she's still High Value and a Man has to prove high value to justify her so she feels in control of the relationship, still able to ego-trip ie the Man is the one who's "gaing so much" by having sloppy-seconds...
Brillante y sencilla explicación del "complejo juego amoroso",
Spot on. Women are terrible with direct communication and usually get burned when you are straight and clear with them.
Their fault for letting themselves get burned so easily
@@marcusmcgraw3519 it's an ego thing. They don't want be scolded even when wrong and want the truth sugarcoated when painful.
@@legiontepes3474 well of course not. But that’s never stopped me from being the one to do it. I will lay into a damn woman if she’s a problem. I don’t care how she feels. She’ll respect me more for it later on
@@marcusmcgraw3519 💯📠 same
Any woman that says that they don’t play any games are usually the same ones that perform shit tests on their man to add some unnecessary chaos into the relationship if they’re bored.
Interesting observation, I find all women eventually shit test until you have put your foot down after passing all their test
Whenever a woman says "I DON'T play GAMES", always add "with you" at the end.
It makes far more sense and takes out all unnecessary fluff or mental gymnastics she might try to pull on you.
As commonly known: women break rules for alphas, makes them for betas. She will play ANY game if she has burning desire for you.
it could mean that she has done terrible choices in life and now expects you to jump thru her hoops because of the trauma she developed for making her own bad decisions. crazy, huh?
Yeah that's right on point. A lot of women can't even tell you what they offer in a relationship which is why if you ask them they give you a bunch of abstract things that you can't put a value on. They'll say things like, "My presence will inspire you," and "I bring feminine energy." And will then call you dusty if you don't like that answer or expect something more from someone you're putting so much of yourself into.
"I don't play games" is the same sort of statement as "I am the table"... it is a pre-emptive statement designed to eliminate any and all critique of anything they do. They are setting themselves up to be righteous in everything.
“Willing to share”
“Open to relationships”
🤣🤣🤣
You are good...even very inspiring!
You can put your finger on something that most men will sense in their gut, but don't know how to deal with intelligently without transforming themselves into a ridiculous caricature at that moment... let alone expressing it verbally.
I loved this episode! It might be my favorite, Orion. Excellent points, and of course, you point out the obvious in a surprisingly thought-provoking way, which I appreciate for the benefit I imagine it will have in a magical world I construct in my mind.
Hey, the war is won one battle at a time.
This actually makes sense. "I don't play games" is similar to a seller saying "THIS IS NOT A SCAM" and takes your money.
A person saying he doesn't play games is scamming you to use you.
Relationship should be before being intimate with someone, people should go out, have fun and enjoy. Not otherwise.
Are you ready for an awakening?
The comments on your page are so interesting. I always find your video balanced, non-hateful, and helpful from a neutral standpoint where you don't really berate women. The comments however always feel hateful, bitter, & resentful. I'm glad there's a space that these feelings can be vented out as you're probably validating a lot of these men's experiences, but I'm wondering when the comments will turn the other way.
Explain?
I actually find the comments mostly humorously liberating instead of hateful, lighthearted and taken with a grain of salt sharing even after bad or even horrific experiences faced by the men here instead of bitter, and most important affirming the truth of the video with actual examples like mini-case study with duration and what happened
Never. Mainly the trash, unthinking devils from the (metaphorical) ghetto comment on the netz.
Healthy people are too busy living their nice life with their healthy friends.
These self-destructive ethical monsters here on the other side are too busy being ruled by their emotions, based on non-objective, sexist (in-group vs out-group double standards) convictions. Coming up with an objective moral code valid for both sides/genders was just too much mental effort for them.
Thanks! From a gay guy- even tho your content is (obviously) about heterosexual dynamics, a LOT of your wisdom and content and value-driven advice regarding interdependency can be applied to gay relationships and relationships in general, regardless of orientation 👍🏼
This man DOESN'T MISS!! I have bingeing your videos and sharing them like crazy. Literally begin all conversation on dating app giving an option of starting off strong or wasting time small talking. If she wants to small talk, let's me know she isn't that serious in her search
"I don't play game", i.e. I want security, commitment, I'm in a transactional mindset. "BTW, here are my rules." Guys, remember: she make rules for Beta & break rules for... you know who.
That was so fun, I laughed deeply
Your wisdom is invaluable. Peace and love all the way from South Africa.
I found the delivery of this comparison quite funny. So logical and straightforward. It's interesting how many women today believe they deserve to have it all 'just because'. I personally am more than willing to cook and clean and do all the things in exchange for it.
I have to say I handled this much better than the Doctor. A woman told me, "I'm tired of playing games; I want a serious relationship." I replied: "That's interesting. I am tired of being serious; I only want to play games. Can you introduce me to one of your nieces?"
That's funny, here is mine, so how is that working for you from 18 to late 20s...or whatever age she is at now.
@@joshg854 Male 45 Female 22 relationships can be a very good experience with each person finding great value in the other; it beats the hell out being "serious" to clean up another's decades of messes, fecklessness, bad decisions and running out of gas.
Points for style. How's eating alone?
Actually, I prefer when a woman puts “I don’t play games” in her profile. I know to skip over that one, and I hope most men feel the same way.
Honesty! Brilliant & Authentic 💙
It's interesting how easily it's thrown around and how offputting it it, but I could never quite put a finger on it since it's so universally accepted now. You're doing the Lord's work, doc.
I did say that, “I don’t play games.” I didn’t explicitly say what I have to offer, but I showed him through actions what I can do, how I can contribute. It is not bullshit for me. I just wanted to point out that by games I mean manipulate him into anything. I would love organic love. I presented what I have on the table, by showing him that, And if he is not happy with that or appreciative of that, I move on
Nah… when you play games, you don’t respect the other person and their capacity to love you without manipulation and playing games. i get your point but it is misleading because believe it or not, there are still good people out there who don’t play games, respect the needs, desires and boundaries of other people who also demand to be with people who don’t play games and respect other people. I have met one, and this inspired me to be a more authentic person too who values the quirks, uniqueness and respects the free will of other people. So go tell people to play games is kinda dangerous, what kind of values are you teaching here?
"I don't play games" means we aren't going to put up with manipulation. Ofcourse it hurts their ego hearing it because that requires them to self reflect a little. Every single one of these men in the comment section is clearly guilty of lying and cheating and playing games. I come to these comments to laugh at the men here. Their poor little bruised ego 😂 They are so far off it's amusing.
@@aprils.r8418 exactly!
Agree! Statement is pure bull$hit.
Started dating after divorce at 50. Variation i heard most often was "Im too old to play games." My experience was that the woman was often "a gal who once was", i.e. a faded beauty who still thought her looks could get her anything. Also seemed to me an indicator that any relationship with her was going to be strictly transactional, with no true desire.
This is brilliant! SO TRUE. Thanks again 🎉
@2:21 holy shit I love this. Orion you’re the man, I’ve already learned so much from you and I’m very glad you kept going through the first year to get to where you reached me. Thank you, sir.
When I see "I don't play games" on dating profiles or hear a woman say it in conversation, I immediately laugh. Because I believe it's a projection. It means I don't want you to play games, only I am allowed to play games because women invented them.
"Marrying and Divorcing financially intentionally"
Oh they are not playing games when they initiate divorce to grab assets and start the journey to discover that the grass isn't green elsewhere LOL
I think singing a few lines during a video about dating is great. If we can't have some humor about dating, we'd probably run from the room! Dating truly is "negotiation by other means".