Purity Culture's Biggest LIE...(Reacting to Nate and Sutton)
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- Опубликовано: 19 окт 2024
- Virginity and value: let's talk.
Nate & Sutton's original video: • When God Writes Your L...
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Honestly I can't wrap my head around the idea that Nate looked at her and his first thought was I bet she is a virgin? Like, who thinks that? Is that the best a person can be? Not kind, not gentle, not happy, not simple, not beautiful, not wise, not clever, heck not even "she has nice hair". No, the first thing in a person is the fact she never had sex. (also, how can you tell??)
Didn't you hear him? You can just tell. So if you can't tell you've never met a virgin. 😂
I once saw a girl and wished my beard was as beautiful as her hair.😂 Never thought of what she did in bed and wouldn't care anyway. I can tell sometimes when men are virgins, they come talk to me about sex and how they crave it. Other than those insecure guys I've strangely met girls who do the same. Anyway people are weird. Stay safe and sane!!!!
Its sick minded
He was a virgin too, it’s not sick minded if he held that value too.
Y’all it’s called the Holy Ghost in him, he shouldn’t have lowered his standards when that’s what God has laid upon him, and that’s how God intended marriage to be!
After my sexual assault, the church told me I could repent for my sexual indiscretions. I felt like there was a tattoo on my forehead that advertised my lack if virginity. I was 16 then. It wasn't until I was much older that i started to acknowledge the trauma that was the assault and the trauma of wearing that proverbial scarlet letter.
@@ThespianPrince13 exactly. It took a long time to realize that for myself.
I was 13 and didn’t say anything because I’m the last, I’d been blamed for being ‘too tempting’ for the boys so many times already. I started puberty at age 10 and heard about how distracting I was frequently, from old men who worked for the church. I’m currently 35 and still learning that I’m allowed to set boundaries when I’m uncomfortable, and there is nothing wrong with my body that causes perfectly pious and pure men to stumble. I didn’t talk about the trauma, or later trauma that stems from me normalizing sexual harassment, for a long time. Since then I’ve met too many people who’ve had similar experiences with this world to not speak up. It doesn’t undue the trauma but it can combat the feeling of isolation it gives you.
I am sorry that you were assaulted and also that the Church betrayed you by blaming the wrong person. This kind of crap drove me away from fundamentalism when I was young. I figured if the Church had such an attitude, then God had left the building a long time ago.
Its super ironic how a group of people who seem to hate sex so much, seem to talk about it and FOCUS in on it to such an uncomfortable degree
The main issue I have with purity culture is that it uses the fear of being dirty as a means to stop young people from having sex. Fear is a terrible motivator and eventually one gets tired of being afraid. I feel the message should be around choice and that if you choose not to share yourself with someone because you want a special experience that's great. If you didn't it doesn't make you a bad person and if you regret your actions after that's fine too. It's not the here all end all and it doesn't mean you're now tainted and have no value so it doesn't matter. When people are led to believe their value has been reduced because of 1 action then it affects the choices they make after almost always in a negative fashion. As someone who was sexually molested by different people in my childhood, this is exactly how I felt. When I was old enough to choose I felt like my choice didn't matter because "I wasn't a virgin anyway." So I allowed myself to be pressured into many things because it felt like it didn't matter.
Right?? And what about the people for whom not staying a virgin until marriage is just a better idea? I was raised in purity culture but eventually came to my own conclusion (not pressure from a partner) that having sex before marriage was a better choice for me because I know that won't motivate me into rushing into marriage. I'm so, completely happy with my decision.
@@TrishasMusic Good job 👍Im a teen in a church that preaches purity culture like this, and it made me super uncomfortable to have other young girls like me just blindly agreeing and absorbing the information. I know that women dont have to be virgins at marriage, and that virginity is a social construct.
Purity culture survivor here, I also had all these very toxic "purity" ideals indoctrinated and ingrained in me, and tragically like so many of us, I believed them. At the age of 33 (and still a virgin), I was liberated from religion, and learning how to deconstruct from purity culture was an atomic mind f*&#.
I've spent the last eight years (I'm now 41) deconstructing, and though I've come so far, I "still" have a lot of that toxic fiction rooted in my brain.
It has messed with me in so many ways that I can't explain here, and long story short I'm still a virgin. I think sex is an INCREDIBLE part of being human (something I've always been excited to experience), and it breaks my heart how purity culture indoctrination robbed me of getting to experience sex throughout my whole life.
My prime years are now gone, my health issues are now many, and fighting bitterness against what purity culture robbed me of has become a huge battle (one I think I'm winning mind you, but still a big battle).
Now, even though I see purity culture for what it is now (a TOXIC and FALSE anti-human ideal), it's still affected me in so many ways that I haven't been comfortable enough to have sex yet (too complex to to go into detail), though I'm determined for that to change.
The never ending repercussions of purity culture are so tragic.
Thank you Jo (not sure how you spell your name haha) for making this video. Purity culture needs to continually be called out.
What disturbed me about that clip was that he freely shared her sexual status with the internet . That is not his to share .
I think I told you this story before but I was at a youth camp and this woman was talking about saving yourself for marriage. I went up to her afterwards and said, “What happens if I got mine taken from me?”
She looked at me and when she realized what I meant, she hugged me and said, “That wasn’t your fault, God sees it, and your future husband will understand.”
I hope that makes you feel hopeful.
The next story isn’t very hopeful though.
My grandma found out my boyfriend and I had slept together and told me I was a slut. So that was fun 👍🏻 (high sarcasm)
Love your videos!
I don’t think the god is not gonna forgive you for that. I mean you did nothing wrong in the beginning. Don’t feel shame for it
@@hanyuzeng4417 I’m in a much better place now than I was then 🫶🏻 I think part of me will always have some shame surrounding that, but I’m much better now 🫶🏻 also, the boyfriend mentioned in this comment, is now my husband & father of our unborn baby 🩵
I lost my virginity by assault, but i reclaimed my virginity, because that was not sex, that was assault. Not that being a virgin matters but I didn't want to let my sexuality to debut in such a way. Thank you for these very important and well spoken words.
I am 54, went through CSA and never got to feel like I was a virgin. I love the way you look at it, assault vs consensual sex; it makes it so I feel I do have that beautiful aspect of me still. Thank you!
The way Nate talked about his first thoughts about Sutton’s profile pictures made me stomach sick.
And that in their very first conversation they talked about her virginity? Ick
Nate is a virgin who wants the same as him. He even said he was okay with dating a non virgin too. I’m not religious but I don’t see how wanting someone the same as you is a bad thing?
@@kimberlymawi that’s fair. Everyone is allowed their preferences. I just didn’t like the idea that one of the first things someone would do when they see you is speculate on whether you’re “a virgin” or “pure”. It just didn’t sit right with me 🤷🏻♀️
@@gracetaylor6309 well said
yea, same. so creepy.
what bothers me most about "purity culture" is how much this ideology might influence the way they treat children. and in the worst cases, how they abuse them.
being so hyper-fixated on purity, virginity and innocence, its no surprise that some of them end up becoming offenders...
You raise a fair point.
I wonder how many people in the purity culture are aware of the damage done to people who experience sex on the wedding night with fear of pain, fear of not being good enough, fear of not living up to expectations on a physical level. I could add more to the list but I don’t think it necessary. These fears come from not feeling that you can talk to someone about these fears that cause wedding night failure. I know first hand what this means and feels like and I for one believe the more open to discussion of sex and sexual experience the better off we all would be. This video needs to be seen and discussed in all forums and places. Thanks Jo for another timely video and I hope it opens the door to appropriate conversation.
He couldn't even "code" it- like "she looks so innocent" or something like that, he seriously said "she looks like a virgin."
One thing I would add is I am also a sexual abuse survivor. The best thing I ever heard from the purity culture was that my virginity is something I give away not something that is taken from me. This helped me sooooo much! This changed my life. I made me feel like I had the control. This was the only thing that saved me. Because growing up in purity culture a women’s virginity is most important thing. I now in my 30s am rebuilding my mind. I feel so mind controlled into believing this. I can’t believe I was so brainwashed.
Her pictures are very beautifully done, professional lighting and all, the goal was to portray purity, whether she realized it or not. I don't think there is anything wrong with that, especially if someone is waiting till marriage, of course they need to portray that, thats a commitment that effects their whole lives and who they want to date. I know women in their 60's still waiting for a husband, like "good christian girls." I can't speak for them, but from my point of view purity culture teaches women to hold their breath till they have a man, till they have a life. I quit waiting a long time ago, and I've found myself and I've grown so much. I'm a better mother because of it (I had my son at 18 and gave me heart to God age 21) and if I meet someone who fits me and what I want, then nice, but if I don't I have life long dreams and ambitions to keep me busy (and my son thankfully). I wish someone would have set me straight long ago, I'm 34 now. Everyone always told me they were praying for my future husband, and they meant well but what I needed was to find security in myself. To be told that I was right where God wanted me to be and that I should live and do what I wanted then and there. And if I do become someones wife I'll be 100% percent a better wife than if I married years ago, cause I sure have unpacked a trainload of baggage since then.
Virginity has been valued so highly because it represents ownership and control of women by men. I highly recommend the book When God Was A Woman.
Haha no it doesn’t, virginity is valued because it is what God intended for marriage… that’s why Nate and Sutton, Myself, and so many Christians have standards in our relationships when it comes to virginity. If God values it then so do I!
@@allisonsimpson4061 deny it all you want, history has proven Lisa right tome and time again.
As someone who was raised Christian and then personally chose it for myself...I found Nate talking about her virginity creepy!! Like almost preying...hunting for virgins. Minimizing her to a sexual object to conquer and plant his flag. Maybe it TOTALLY came out wrong. Saying rather something like, I felt she was faithful in her pursuit of Christ and His plan for her life...and holding onto certain values I value...and I found that very attractive. Ok, sure. Makes sense.
Saving sex for marriage doesn't make you a superior human or a trash person if you don't. Personally I experienced abuse as a child and I and Christ make me whole and those traumatizing experiences don't make me lesser than...I hate the idea of GIVING part of yourself away (and some don't have it b/c actions done against their will)...a cost to you to enjoy pleasure and build another up.
I think the intent in the Bible was so that you'd have a solid family unit and not broken families. There also wasn't birth control back then. And there is definitely a bond that can occur (with some more than others!) with sex. And splitting that bond can be painful. In marriage, it's supposed to be forever (barring abuse etc) so it spares that pain also.
Nuanced topic.
As a later in life lesbian I've learnt there's a big thing in the culture on being pure, untainted (never having slept with a man) the "Golden Lesbian".
I was groomed by an adult male, I never had the choice, yet looked down upon.
I'm sorry
I didn't grow up with the most restrictive parents or the most religious upbringing, but I did (as a guy) feel a lot of pressure concerning virginity and such. After a while, yeah it got really, really weird. One of the things that caused me to put a distance between myself and religion was the issues of sexuality as a whole. When I was in high school, I had a couple of family members and some friends come out to me as LBGTQ+ and I'm not sure why they confided in me, but it really rattled me because I had to reconcile the fast that I knew these people to otherwise be good people, or at least they did their best to be good people, but my religion said they were going to Hell for being who they were. In hindsight, I think they confided in me because they knew I was trying to be a good person, but I was also getting to a point where I wasn't quite a zealot, but I wasn't far off either.
Eventually, I got over my hang ups about sexuality and even realized a big part of it was mostly my insecurities. I am not the same as I was.
I was on a pretty staunchly conservative catholic school. I got gang-assaulted by a group of older boys on my way home at 13. To this day I am not sure what was done because I was knocked out. I don’t really want to know. I didn’t say anything for over a decade because I felt like I had no worth because of what happened. It was seen as better than being willing but still a failure, to go through any sort of assault. It was a big catalyst to me leaving that mindset but deconversion took about a year. Still, I am 35 and still trying to undue some of the shit that I was taught about my value and sex. I don’t express these sentiments to other people. I don’t care what you were wearing, doing, or at what point you said no, or if you were in a relationship with the attacker. Assault is never the victim’s fault, to any degree. But I don’t always believe it in me. This lead to a lot of situations where I didn’t appropriately recognize danger until it got way beyond just creepy. On some deep, unconscious level I believed I should tolerate unwanted advances, attention, and light touching. It’s been very hard to unlearn my own internal monologue even if it doesn’t fit my conscious beliefs and values. The damage this environment does is astounding.
Virginity isn’t something that can be taken away. It is a gift that only you can give away. It’s a wonderful and pure thing to give that to your husband. I will give mine to my wife. Even without it love yourself. Real good quality men will wait.
Purity Culture taught me so many problematic messages about myself but I will only include one for now: This whole staying a virgin until marriage made me a nervous wreck in my dating years until I met my husband. I was the one who supposedly had to be the one to stop my boyfriends from going too far, not them. My husband is a spiritually strong and morally righteous man who thinks very outside of the church book. He has always cherished me and my body which makes me feel safe and loved. He especially disagrees with Love and Respect (another problematic Christian marriage book that blames the woman). Thank you for properly articulating this particularly triggering situation in the whole purity culture!!
You know, I've heard a lot of false claims about how you can tell if a woman is a virgin or not, but "I just looked at her and I could tell" is a new one
I used to be a self-righteous prude, a devoted Catholic, and believe me, God gave me well-deserved punishment for this!
This can sound very cruel, but no. Actually, it was a minor misunderstanding in school after which I felt like "a dirty bitch". The whole point was to make me taste my own judgement and, oh boy, my inner critic lashed me mercilessly for that (I've developed horrible Cptsd for this). Only after finding compassion for myself, I could see the good in the others. I believe, that's my redemption arc.
Since then I never judge or shame other girls, even silently, for not being modest, pure, or virgin.
As you see, now I'm on your side because I see the way purity culture can damage minds of young people.
Meanwhile, on the other part of society, being a virgin is perceived as being a loser, or inexperienced in bed, which also can bring shame and insecurities for many people. Just because a person hasn't had a sexual intercourse, doesn't mean that he/she is worse than others, that's something's wrong with them. Summing up my rant, being a virgin or not doesn't determine your value as a person.
In an ideal scenario a virgin should marry a virgin. people who haven’t retained virginity should marry the same. Single parents should marry each other. It’s nice to have someone who has had similar experiences. But we should be able to call a sin a sin.
Hey Jo, yesterday on The Line's stream was when I found out you exist, and you're cool, so I subscribed to your channels. Hopefully I will find some free time to catch up on years of video! When it comes to this purity talk, the last time I remember caring about someone else's virginity, I was probably 12. This Nate guy is weird, to say the least.
The whole virginity thing has always been some far away concept to me. Mind you, I was trafficked when I was 4 for like a year so all those questions people ask of "how many people have you had sex with?" Or "how old were you the first time you did (insert sex act here)?" All those questions have always been just odd to me. I've never been pure
Not pure according to THEIR standards. . .
Pure is a ridiculous standard of human worth, especially for trauma survivors. Have you seen a movie called "Death Becomes Her" ? It is
about two women fighting over men and they stumble into a "get your youth back" offer... look forever young, fit, beautiful... but at a cost. Shocking hilarious slapstick comedy, and also makes a good point about the expectation of female PHYSICAL perfection.
I grew up Catholic and have our things but I was never ingrained with "must be a virgin."
It's not often known, but traditionally, Catholicism considered sexual sins amongst the most forgivable. In the Divine Comedy, Dante put the Lustful at a higher level of Inferno, and at the top of Mount Purgatory.
I suspect that the Church got more uptight about sex over the past few hundred years, in the face of Protestant fundamentalism.
It's like this with so many things in Christianity.. you can be an amazing person, but if you don't do or believe XYZ, then you're a dirty rotten sinner or worst.. a non-believer 😲 it's the worst. 😔
Great video as always, thanks Jo! 😊💕
The virginity argument is so damaging. As a teenager I felt ashamed at wanting sex because I thought there was something immoral about sex. If virginity is moral than the opposite must be immoral, right? Eventually I came to realize that virginity is a myth used to control people. Nate's video clips are creepy and I would be concerned about letting someone like that around my family.
These videos have really given me a lot to think about. Challenging me to dissect my own beliefs. I appreciate the point of view you are sharing. Keep up the good work.
This is a fantastic channel! As a person who grew up in a fundamentalist religion, and as a father of two wonderful daughters, I am quite familiar with the emotional roller-coaster that comes about when dating starts and those "old-fashioned values" come into conflict with modern culture, even though I don't ascribe to the old religion anymore. I have tried to be as accepting and open to the life my girls have chosen, trying not to hold them to any kind of "purity" standard but being sensitive to their viewpoint. Their generation (if I dare use the word) has been emboldened to stand up for their rights especially in regard to being treated like people instead of conquests, regardless of their sexual history. Also, I absolutely hate the term "lost" in regard to virginity, like it's permanent damage to one's intrinsic value; I wish we could come up with a term that indicates a transcendence to a different phase of life -- but I'm not sure how that would work with victims of sexual assault, since that new phase isn't one they had intended.
You are the kind of father needed in this day and age for daughters.
So needed and well-said. Much love to you Jo!
Lost my opportunity at a happy first time to assault at 20 years old too. Hugs! 💕
In Iran,is the same thing.most women can not get married (bad economical situation of men)and girls should still virgin until marriage or forever if not married.sex outside of marriage is punishable by death.
Wow! Beautiful, lovely, talented AND delightful internet friends...!!! It just keeps getting better and better! ;)
as a christian, I truly, truly hope NO christian EVER EVER shames you for being assaulted. EVER! christians are not perfect, as anybody else but we should be the ones praying for people and not shaming anyone 😊
I wanted to say this is an awesome and helpful video. Also wanted to address saying your not attacking these two people is a nice idea. Personally I found if people are going to be offended or angered by you calling them on their crap, there is nothing you can do. As for the way I feel from my experience with Purity Culture as a man and for the couple, I think I know some things going on here. (Sorry for insanely long comment)
Men usually experience it different than women in certain ways. The man must be "experienced" while a woman must stay "pure". Religion in all forms has spread this shit one way or another.
I honestly didn't even think about if my ex-partner was a virgin or care until we started talking about having sex. I was a virgin myself (a sinner or a saint for men depending on the fools) and was hoping she knew wtf to do. I had no idea what to do with myself... She didn't either. With research these two poor traumatized people figured out safe sex!😂
Anyway what I think is going on sometimes, is the manipulation of women using religion as a cover. "Oh she looks nice I bet she's a virgin" is code for "I'm attracted to her, I hope she's not dirty because I'm the only creep allowed to look at her, touch her, etc." "If another man has, that's gross and makes me feel uncomfy, therefore she's a sinner!"
Aaand the fact that they say god helped them find one another is a red flag. Your god has nothing to do with you finding love and running into each other in life. Pretty sure it never said god plays match maker. It's okay to be proud of yourself and your partner for caring for one another and finding love from the start. And the fact that you met in this world anyway. Cupid, god, or an imaginary friend don't really need to be there to make sense of things.
UNLESS there is some sort of rules needed. "I'm sorry I'd rather be with a virgin unless you repent for your sins. It's just what my book says." Translates to "I'm offended you found another man before me and your secure in your sexuality, what if I'm not as good as the last guy?! I must be the only one to rock her world because I'm insecure and a creep and this book says I'm better than you!" "Now promise you will only be for me and no one else, because your gross and not to be trusted!"
That is how I've seen Purity Culture and it's destructive nonsense on women and also men. Plenty of us men don't care, but simply want to be loved and cared for. We are not all evil and threats. Purity culture enables fear mongering for both men and women meanwhile demonizing both.
For men: if a woman ever says well so and so was better than you at etc. from my past and his dick was bigger, DONT BE WITH HER. (This Happens!) That's hurtful and toxic and you can do better. If a woman says "oh your not a virgin!? Oh well I don't know if I can be with you then!" DONT BE ANYWHERE NEAR HER!!! because you are not a dog, threat, perpetrator, monster, demon, sicko, sexual deviant, or creep. As long as you treat HUMAN BEINGS AS HUMAN BEINGS, consent, respect boundaries, communicate effectively, and love with genuine care YOU ARE A TRUE MAN. and most importantly human. Same goes for women.
Anyway thank you for the video!!! Just wanted to share how I feel about it all i guess. Stay safe and keep healing!
Nate and Sutton are wonderful! People who say virtue is value are wrong, but barely anyone says so. Three percent of people abstain until marriage, and many say that virtue means nothing and give themselves to everyone they meet all because others tell them that, and say that Christians are wrong to place any value on virtue at all. I'm so so sorry for all that you went through, the people at your church were horrible. Shaming someone for anything they can't control ought to be a sin. But I want youngsters to know that it has some value, that they don't need to be with everyone they meet. There's just too much of that.
Thank you. I think this is a conversation that is so needed! I didn't realize other women felt like this about the culture so many girls grew up in
My uncle married a woman who's family went around the whole system called her a virgin made me uncomfortable and at the same time said that her virginity made her eligible for marriage.... well it messed me up when I was raped by no one who knew us;;;;
Thank you so much for this video, really needed this today.
What you call ‘Purity culture’ has some fairly obvious evolutionary origins. Read The Selfish Gene (there are many other good books on the topic available, but this is perhaps the easiest to digest). I’m sorry to tell you, but it hasn’t been socialised into people, it is intrinsic to the human condition.
Well, if that’s the best thing to give to a men, then, after the first time, even if it’s with your husband , you become wordless, right? So men can go full around because it is obvious you’re not good anymore and since you’re not good anymore you don’t even feel wordy to be able to full around. That is very convenient to man. I am so sorry you were in touch with that sad sad masculine way of thinking.
I'm so angry at my mom and churches for teaching me this crap. I believed all my life that my worth is my vagina. They told me that a man is less likely to marry you if he sleeps with you in the dating stage. Well why the hell should we marry them and most are not virgins. Smdh
Can we talk? I am having a hard time bc stuff like that:((
@@maevemavel20 yes we can talk
Let me just say that recently at the age of 70 I just started to reread and exam the purity culture because of a series of VHRs I found in my church's library shelf while cleaning the church. The series was by the purity 21 yr. of age Joshua Harris . Yes just 21 yrs of age at the time he produced the series. Even as a christian later in life I was not into all of the 1990's Purity culture principles I was not raise in a christian home so grow up a supposed non religious nice jewish boy(so to speak) testing every kind of sexual sin in progressive dosages and forms including the flower child free love culture. I also believed that I was somewhat hypersexual from a young age because of fantasises and resulting actions I partook to in . I share this because as a born again christian and a father of a daughter I wanted my daughter to come to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ by church, bible school instruction,and family reinforece moral behavior thus knowledge of the truth and fruits to inspect. We never drilled purity in her because we believed because as a born again christian she would develope her own faith which is did thus remained pure doing so based on her decisions until she meet her husband to be @ 16 an acquaintance into friend in midschool to early high School. He moved away with his family but they kept a cyber, technical and correspendence relation long distance. Eventually they got more acquainted and affectionate towards each other. He and his family moved back at 18 yrs of age, but he decided not to live with them for reasons we never found out able until years later. He became our room mate. We set boundaries but not overly restricted with dictator legistic authority. Eventually they announced engagement then intensitions to marry. For as my daughter put it to me" I want a man that will love Jesus better than he would loved me so he would love me like Jesus loved the church thus would have him love me."They knew each other because of extensive on line and phone bible studies while they courted afar. Now grant it our in-house christian bethrothal domestic arrangement is not common. But it taught my daughter to find our own faith and worth in christ that valued virginity and sexual purity in a couple until marriage. However it did not make an idoltry out of it. But was a fruit of the spirit. Trust you will not find sexually fullfillment in Virginity alone. The real value of the purity moment is that it not only emphasized virginity but abstain from all forms of sexual contact including mutual genital activities including passionate kissing. Kissing affectionately as a parent would do to the cheek or fore head is not wrong. Thus no Duggar's Doctrine. Lol Hence greet each other with a holy kiss .Affectionate hugging is health in the appropriate setting. Many greet each other like that to church gatherings or to other family members. Thus the wrong type of mindset is virginity couples with other elicit behavior or purity fellowers who demonize affectionate appropriate supervised touch expecting perfect glorification of sex in 💑 marriage. How ever do not be dilutional. Christians must remember that satan is at war with us. He is at war with our members. Thus we must be at war with our members. Now he is winning the battle regarding sexuality yes even sexuality within the church amongst christians. The gosl is to flight the good fight of faith against this. The results even in virginal marriage experiences based on purity alone could lead to disappointment at 1st and even disease though there was no prior sexual activity because of the chemistry of many females vaginas. Some young people know everything and how to find out everything.Thus I encourage you to do your medical Research and psychological investigations of early marital sexual problems amongst virgins. Everyone is different with their biochemistry psychological makeup and in sexual requirements for satisfaction. Because of early suppression you won't know that into you really get into a regular groove of good sex in marriage regulately. If you do not bring any prior sexual baggage into the marriage the quicker you will work out your differences. Even as a christian father that raise a sexually sensible daughter I am an example of a person scarred by sexual baggage that still has effected negatively my marital sex life because I married a woman with our own sexually baggage despite us having per marital sex and co habitation. Thus I would not rush and risk things. Don't marry even a supposed christian who was previous sexually impure not that we are to jugde them but to realize that we are all at a different level of sanctification in our walk with christian. They may not reveal all prior details with you. Then there is the issue of STDs esp herpes with doesn't effect everyone the same. Usually women worst.So thank you for reading this very long response. I hope I didn't bore you.lol
People sadly worship materials ,not the God.
I understand where you are coming from.
Here's the thing NO ONE is pure unless they have become new again. We can only be pure if we give ourselves to the one who can make us pure. This is why the Bible say's Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!
2-corinthians-5-17
We can be ( vigins) again ,through Chirst.
It's not a physical thing it's a purity of the heart.
This is why the Bible talks about the circumcision of the heart in the New Testament compared to the physical circumcision in the old testament.
Don't get me wrong I believe virginity is a great thing and it should be a goal of ours and should be held sacred. Virginity is an outward expression of Love that one has for someone and it can be a sacrifice to to keep yourself pure for the one you will ultimately marry.
Just like our faithfulness to the one true God is a expression of love to Him. If we have put others things before Him and have repented and asked for forgiveness God will forgive us and it's say's in the Bible He not only forgives ,but it is as though it has never happened in His eyes. That means He also forgets.
That's the ultimate forgiveness (that's called Unconditional Love) AGAPE LOVE!!
Virginity is no good to anyone if they don't have a pure heart.
Someone my have a pure heart ,but the enemy may of stole their virginity, that doesn't make them anyless pure in the sight of GOD!!
Thank You!
He is openly objectifying her in this video, and as you said, there is sooooooo much more to a marriage, wife, and the value of the relationship. God never intended for women to be treated this way. This is out right abuse. It's just how I see it.
ok. that Nate guy is way creepy.
2 Corinthians 4:4
“The God of this world has blinded the minds of unbelievers so they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ”
Love the video jo?
Nate was a virgin too, just like me, he wanted to be with someone that was inexperienced too, there is nothing wrong with that. Non-virgins are not devalued because someone who is inexperienced wants to be with someone else that is inexperienced.
E.g. for me, I want someone with Godliness, then similar core values, then Personality then Attraction, then similar experiences
Amen!
Well said!!
Nothing wrong with it. I think ur missing the point. But seeing u believe i use to once be like u. Im free now and i see my truth. It the whole indoctrination of it itself. But i get where u want someone not experienced, the point of this is how u are not less. You are not more than someone regardless your sexual status. You are not less "godly" just cuz u have had sex. U are worthy n beautiful as anyone. People will look down on those who choose different. Tht was the point and the harm that it causes
@@bmoe4609 thanks, I also understood that from that from message. I always think what if I were in the position of someone experienced when they lost their virginity would I be able to withstand the urge, well the answer is no. As Jesus said he came for the sinners (all of us) no one is worth more than another.
Furthermore, a lot of virgins watch p**n and I think that is worse than experience, because there is no emotion, connection or love, just lust
You're missing the point of this video.
Thank you Jo, Thank you for being here
Purity Culture = Ownership of another person's body.
Who is God? What does God say? Do I love God? Good motivation about this topic.
It's likely that if she is a virgin she was raised well. Solid upbringing, solid family. Permiscuity is a red flag and not very desirable. Not all men want a woman who struggles with complex trauma.
I have seen a lot of women with CPTSD that are virgins. I will save myself for marriage but I’m getting older and almost certainly won’t find the same. My current goal is to at least find someone significantly younger, I’m 33.
Thank you for making these videos! 🙏 so well said!
Dude, I want your sweatshirt!
I do think purity culture is toxic but I don’t see how Nate- being a virgin as well, wants someone the same as him. He even said in that video and/or another video that he was okay with dating a non virgin as well.
Do I think being a virgin is the only thing to be a woman? No, not at all. I don’t think it’s like a gift either. I’m sorry that you went through assault and i do think churches need to speak up on sex as NOT being dirty. It is not fair that those things were said to you, I understand that you feel this way. May God heal you from these things said to you and what’s happened.
I’ve messed up but recommitted myself to wait till marriage. I want someone who is on the same mindset as me. There’s nothing wrong with that. I don’t think there’s nothing wrong with people who waited till marriage and proud of what they’ve done for themselves.
Yes ma'am 😂 your so on point honey
Not judging I've just never watched any of her videos...a) is this girl a Christian? and b) does she think people should have sex before marriage?
@@johannavoith4051 ok thanks for the info
She is saying a womans value or worth is not impacted by whether they are a virgin or not and that its should not be a pinnacle women aim for. Its sexist and degrading to only value a woman for perceived “virginity” and having sex before marriage doesnt make you tainted
@@simplyvalour486 idk why it would be sexist, the standard is for both men and women
@@simplyvalour486 you said its degrading to only value a woman for her virginity, im pretty sure if a man is only looking at that criterion and nothing else, he has a problem
@@apracity7672 Exactly. You admitted it yourself, he has a problem. The man in the video was only looking at his future wifes virginity as the best qualifier for marriage, and there are many men like that. Its not a fair standard as you’d like to believe because its pushed on women and its toxic for the little girls who grow up believing their worth is in their so called “virginity”
Nate has one plus....
He,himself was a virgin,too.
In modern days,for many many man,virginity is just a reason for judgement,critique....not a sexual preference(unlike Nate's case)
It's actually okay if u lost ur virginity. But it's living in sin which is not accepted by the church. Purity is a commitment u do for urself and God and ur husband is the last person on the list. It's for our own protection
A large portion of the Bible was written by murders. Nobody is to far gone for salvation. Jesus never turned away anyone because of their past. I am waiting for marriage and that is something I’m proud of.
Sorry not sorry. ❤
No it's not just about being a verging. If a guy was not a vergin and became a Christian and changed through Jesus did sleep around then I would totally be okay to marry him. Forgive him because Jesus forgave for every thing I ever did wrong. He died for me so that I could be saved.❤
Woww Idk what’s driven you to go all the way into someone’s video and belief?! Loneliness, jealousy or boredom I’ve no idea! First of all no one’s asking you to be virgin or to believe purity culture! It’s for people who believe on God, believe staying holy,,, this is people’s individual genuine belief! If you don’t believe it, it’s okay! You do you booooo but don’t involve in someone’s person preference! And for the record no one said someone’s worth or value is attached if they have sex or not but if they choose to have a certain way of life pleaseeeeeee just mind your businesssssss
Christians are not just into Virgins 🙈. We are following God's word. I don't think it's right to go after Christians. It's important to us and yes it's one of the best gifts we can give to our husbands. If your not a Christian please don't go against Christians and there beliefs.
Yet yall wanna go at everyone else. Make it make sense.
"For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God"(1 Thessalonians 4:3-5). Why would you have sex with a person that you might broke up or not marry. Sex before marriage have reasons behind it such as want emotional bonding and lust. If you want emotional bonding, you do not necessarily need sex before marriage to do it. There are other ways. I am not saying that people who does sexual immorality are sinners that cannot be forgiven and must be punished. But God will forgive those who have sinned him and repentance is the way.
Its talking about being promiscuous not loving consensual sex. You might divorce your spouse too. Ever think of that?
@@AmaLoveGoddessTV promiscuous is a genus of loving consensual sex. The problem is not about divorcing to find a real relationship, but it is based on forgiveness and understanding. Having sex with multiple partners does not find your true love, the body is your temple, why would you use your body with different people since we are created perfectly by God?
@@just_nathan1819 i never said to have multiple partners. Some people aren't looking for love
@@AmaLoveGoddessTV promiscuous has a definition of engaging with multiple partners, then why do you say, " it's talking about being promiscuous."
@@AmaLoveGoddessTV it's impossible for people to not look for love. Love can have a universal meaning, like loving your parents. If the love is in a context of boyfriend and girlfriend, and obly engaging in consensual sex with them. It's not love but lust
You need help. You s living hope which only comes from God.❤ I love Him He is the only thing that will ever truly fill the hole in your heart. We were created to express Him. I hope you'll seek Him you will find if you seek Him. He say it in His word (bible)
Ah so it was about you and how you lost your virginity in such a tragic way, sorry for your lost and hope you press charges on him.
Well it's just other people preference not yours.
Thank You! 💯👏👍
I am a man and will stay pure until marriage. In an ideal relationship both people would be a virgin on their wedding night. It prevents trama.
Virgin or not, Jesus loves us all the same! In my personal opinion I'm still a virgin and will continue to be until I marry, that's just how I was raised and what I believe to be right for me. And other people may choose different, I'm not here to judge. I believe purity Is personal. Some people loose there virginity to things they can't control, it's not your fault you can always start over it doesn't end there. I base my opinion on the is verse Genesis 2:24: "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Sex creates this tie/bond between a man and women.
I don't believe what you said about the best gift I believe the best gift is believing that Jesus Christ died on the cross for our sins (for me and you) because don't get my wrong I'm a dinner just like you but the thing is Jesus died for all of us to not bear that weight, he did it for us all we have to do is confess with our mouth Jesus is Lord and believe he died for you and you will be saved.
I also want to say I'm so sorry for what people told you and how they but emphasis and pressure on you for what you couldn't control, that wasn't right. I have plenty of friends who are not virgins and are believers and I love them the same as I love my virgin friends. We as Christians shouldn't judge no one. And men or women shouldn't write someone off because of what they gone through.
If it was so important to Nate to have sex with one person ( his wife) for the reason of his life, why is it so bad that that’s the first thing he looked for? I think he means it was a trait he looks for not the one reason to marry a person or even a deciding factor…
I'm sorry if you feel like we are trying to shame you but. It is the right thing to do we should wait for after marriage. And you are living in sin when you don't. I feel like you can feel too. The Lord will forgive you and for it and you can live a pure life through Him (Jesus Christ) He loves you ❤
Your value is not about if or your not a vergin. You understand it wrong. Your value so much more...
It sounds like ts hard for you to hear these things because you're not a vergin and you feel like you can do anything about it. but it's Jesus came for you! He loves you! He can save you and make you clean! And you will have eternal life.
12:15 Yes it did deserve to have all the conferences because it helps people to be stronger for Jesus and stay away from sleeping around before marriage because it is a sin and they'll regret it later. Like it sounds like are regretting it, by the anger you feel.
12:15 soooo not true you were not around the right Christians if that's what they did or said. What you speak doesn't bring life it brings death. It's about Jesus...
10:59 Your worth is in God❤ I'm sorry I'm writing so many messages I can't help it I can't imagine not knowing this and being in your shoes😭😭😭 It hurts my heart to hear it😥
The reason virginity is important to men is because of assurance of paternity. It's hardwired into men. DNA tests etc are a modern convention which isn't going to override our genetic hardwiring. We literally have sperm that is designed to find and destroy leftover sperm from other men.
Self control sexually is important for men or women. When you start having sex it becomes a bandaid for problems in the relationship and is part of what leads to them never lasting. Plus men don't want women who have been passed around whereas women want men who can get women because it shows pre-election. Men and women want different things. Virginity and saving oneself for marriage on both parts is a good thing. Ultimately virginity and sex is not what marriage is about. Contrary to popular belief marriage isn't even about that "warm feeling" that has been labeled as love. Marriage is about responsibility and family. In a functional family there are roles. Women don't want men that they have to take care of and men don't look for women on the basis of "can this woman take care of me." We want to protect and take care of them, especially if they are the best bet that the children they have are definitely ours. Promiscuous women are not worth much to self respecting men and that's just the way that it is. Men are and will always be territorial over our women. But we don't want to put our flag on a beach that has 10, 15, 20 plus other flags on it. It is what it is. And the more partners whether a man or woman it interferes with your ability to pair bond. There are only so many new experiences you can give a man or a woman until nothing other than the most extreme and(or) depraved sexual practices are required to achieve the same level of enjoyment. Plus abstinence and agreed upon physical boundaries is the only 100% effective way to prevent untimely pregnancy, std's, sexual exploitation in a relationship etc.
I agree teaching that sex is some terrible thing is damaging. It is also bad to insist there is no redemption, this flies in the face of what the Bible teaches. Several of the big names in the Bible married women who were prostitutes etc. But encouraging women to be chaste and men to control their sex drive is positive and should be reinforced. Encouraging people to just do whatever they want without discretion is what has led to ridiculous rates of fatherlessness, STD's at colleges, hook up culture, depression, suicide, rape, and I theorize even pedophilia.
This whole video ignores that Nate and Sutton themselves acknowledge if you did have sex before marriage this doesn't make you a bad or terrible person. But the reality is men are always going to prefer virginal women to non virginal women. Some men prioritize it over others. I accept that, the average 24 year old girl is going to run circles around me with sexual experience. There is nothing in the world that is going to make me or any other regular guy genuinely celebrate that or be thrilled by it.
Women who have slept around STOP SHAMING MEN FOR WANTING VIRGINS lol. We don't require u to be experienced unlike most women who won't even give men who are virgins the light of day. We do most of the work anyways.
Long winded but yeah sick of Whamen telling men what we are allowed to want.
I think your comment proved her point quite honestly
@@TheMcKenzieHaus how brotha
You take so much out of context and put so many words in their mouth. I hope they make a response to this and use the Bible to show you what they are saying.
No one wants someone who's physically used up.
There's no such thing as 'used up'. Only inanimate objects can be used. You're not looking for a person if that's a main concern, you're looking for goods.