Men and women CAN'T be friends, apparently
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- Опубликовано: 3 окт 2024
- Mr. Hallease and I discuss the intricacies of friendship and why it's difficult in our society for women and men to have platonic friendships. As always, we come at this topic through our lived experiences and in reference to our relationship. Let us know how you feel in the comments below! #TheBeastCast #VideoCast
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Hi I'm Hallease, a video producer and digital storyteller based in Texas. This channel is a cinematic black encyclopedia of truths, knowledge-seeking, and anything else I'm vibing.
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Hallease
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Men and women can be friends but there’s a phase where you have to deal with sexual tension. If you don’t deal with it the right way it basically ruins the friendships in my opinion
Then its one sided..because men and women can not be friends period its not in our primal instincts as humans there always going to be attractions..i think all women who believe in that lie to ask there "guy friends" how they really feel about you really
Completely false.
I’m honestly shocked that Hallesse was so shocked by what Mr Hallesse was saying! Bc that’s literally been my experience. 💀 Guys say I put them in the “friend zone” (which is so dreadful to them) Yet they put me in the “f*ck zone.” 😩💀which is horrible bc I just want a platonic friendship.
Blame it on my naivety I guess
You're in a potential relationship zone.. Bad boys who get you in the sack put you in the Just Fuck Zone
So why not be friends with another female?
Fuck zone = female version of friendzone
OMG, I feel your pain... I hate that guys never want to be my friend and that includes my so-called friends who are really not male friends but men in line waiting for you to break up with your boyfriend so they can jump ahead of the queue.... YUK! How can guys be offended to be my friend and yet expect me not to also be offended to be in their notch zone.... YUK! men and women cannot be friends unless the men totally don't have sexual attraction to you but you are useful for some other resource. Yuk!!
Mr. Hallease blew my mind🤯 Here I was thinking men were designed to drive women crazy with their inconsistent friendships. When really to them friendship is an avenue for romantic interest and women are looking for platonic relationships. It makes complete sense. So NOW my question is...why cant they say that in the beginning?! Geez. If I'm thinking platonic and you're thinking romantic, of course we have issues. We aren't even reading the same book, let alone on the same page😂
Exactly. I feel like the major take away here was use your words people and communicate.
@@hallease Most definitely. Alot of this would be solved if we were all upfront with what we want in the beginning. And properly defining what friendship means to you.
Rejection is difficult to handle emotionally. For both genders but since men are commonly the ones to approach its easier to passively befriend her. Most men figure its better to be her friend than just walking away because men are stupid and believe being persistent will eventually work.
Men are hopeless Romantics.
Think Steve Urkel.
@@Sp1n1985 Oh that Steve Urkell example has me shook. Thanks for the explanation! There was a reason I hated Urkell though. That was probably it lol
It's not sexy lol... And maybe you create feelings for each other over time that you at the moment don't have.... It's very simple honestly..
Must do's whenever I click on a Hallease video:
1. Ecstatically jump and smile
2. Like the video
3. Let the ads play
4. Watch the full day
5. Comment and wait impatiently for the next time she posts!
6. Repeat all above.
Stress Free pretty much me too! Insert blunt in the situation and it’d be right on 🤙🏾
Growing up I always had more male friends. Now that I’m older, I find that those platonic friendships are harder to make, in part, because most people my age are married. And if they’re single, I’m at “that age” where its assumed I’m looking for a partner. I feel like I have to work really hard sometimes to prove that I really just want to be friends. It can be difficult at first, but I do have some really good (platonic) guy friends, of both the married and single variety.
You make an interesting point about not wanting to live in a world where we all just want something from each other. I feel the same way, but at the same time, we can’t survive without one another. Like you mentioned about women living longer after the death of their spouse because of the relationships they’ve built. We all need our village, whether it be emotional, physical, or even financial support. In a way, we’re all looking for something from one another. I think that as long as those relationships are mutually beneficial, that’s totally normal. But there can be a fine line between mutualism and exploitation.
We're not kids anymore. Women are terrible friends.
Here's the question...18 and up...you decided if you were platonic with men...but given the chance...they (your supposed "friends") they would have banged you.
So you are not platonic friends...you are platonic by YOUR decision...not his
I still feel like it's all about communication at the end of the day and setting expectations. What do y'all think?
There is a level of innocence to you that maintains your optimism. I was like you until I got married. Shortly after someone was playing the knife filling game and fortunately I was hipped to it. Now I've become Mr Hallease. I totally feel like I get both sides.
Exactly! This "culture of assumptions" needs to stop. Just straight up COMMUNICATE. So true.
Sounds like a Sexual Assault accusation years later about a joke made.
Agreed!
And what's Mr. Halease's actual name?
Guranteed majority of the guys you had as "friends" would have had sex with you, should you have been like yo im im the mood you down...so you were NOT platonic
Pause. Yes you said my name correctly. 😁 Thanks for the shout out. Okay back to watching!
Yay!
A few thoughts:
1. I think opposite sex friendships are important, and our society's tendency to oversexualise interactions leads to a deficit of healthy friendships.
2. That said, boundaries are important - know yourself and be aware of the intent of developing a friendship with somebody. Especially if it's opposite-sex and you have a partner (in a heterosexual situation). Like, do you get a buzz from it? What could that be telling you? Are you being honest?
3. I found it when I was single, men kept their distance, and it was only when I was dating that it seemed like I was "safe" to be friends with / get close to. I've seen this with other female friends too. Which is interesting ... You would think it would be the opposite.
4. Ideally we would be able to value people as they are, without anything expected. And if it leads to romance, great, insofar as it is good for each other. And if it means the relationship stays platonic, then it's still a great gift to know the other.
I finally got an ad during this podcast show. .... bout time! And of course, I let that joker play all the way out!
I’m from a small, country town. I didn’t grow up in the world of not making eye contact, smiling, and saying hello. I often wondered why men were forward with me as an adult (in a bigger city) and a man told me once it’s because I’m always smiling at everyone. 😳 I didn’t know that was unusual!
Hallease and Mr Hallease would you please return my diary. You contine to #RobertaFlack me and talk about my life on this beastcast. Lol...Great topic as usual. 🤣👍🏽
Yes they can be friends as long as There is no attraction for the other person.
Which is basically impossible lol... You have to either be both gay or both find each other super Fucking ugly.
Mr Hallease definitely confirmed my general feeling, which is that men are socialised to not nurture platonic relationships with women. Ive definitely seen that in my own experience, where suddenly a male friend confesses their feelings and the friendship fizzles out after i turn them down. Or they back off when i enter a relationship. (Some men will pop up often to check if your relationship still stands but that's a whole other story) In situations where men are happy to be in a platonic relationship it's generally because they enjoy certain benefits such as emotional labor- usually coupled with a lack of attraction to you. If they are attracted it comes up sooner or later, explicitly or not. I do think a friendship can survive a man being attracted and a woman not but that is very rare, and again how men are socialised is at the core.
Most women are boring
Men don't want to be used ...if am good enough to be friends than why not your boyfriend?...winen can't pick and choose what parts she likes from a guy than disregard the rest...
@@timothymccray6034 The underlying belief here that friendship is about using another person or that a platonic relationship is inherently less worthy than a romantic one says a lot
@@semt9 see.....it was never a friendship in the beginning......now...knowing women from work or school or some kind of social environment or thru someone else is one thing...and course we can be Cordial and friendly...but once it stems into a private personal one one relationship( what a REAL friendship is) a st8 man isn't gonna engage into that if he's not attracted to her....no man isn't gonna seek that to a woman he doesn't know just to be a friend unless he's gay...and it's very naive and immature to view it otherwise...if u see a guy as "just friends" on a personal level u telling him u view him in the same space as a female or a gay man..
No man with self respect would want that and definitely not seek that out...now I agree with women that men should make their intentions clear in the beginning...and most of the time their "just friends" because she rejected him and he's trying to play the friend game hoping u change your mind instead of just accepting it and moving on..so again it was never a friendship...and if women just want a platonic relationship why not just be a friend to another woman?...know Why?..because having a guy around on a personal level who is trying to woo you and impress u is way better than a friendship...which is a comraday between two of the same thing that has no wants or needs from each other..men have needs from women....women have needs from men....so being just a friend to a woman is giving her the milk without her buying the cow in the man world....men will always seek to be in a relationship first with women...we rather be friends with our girlfriends...
I think it would be difficult to be just friends if there is any attraction on either side. You can be platonic friends if the person who has the "crush" has accepted that nothing more than a friendship will happen
Chris kills it with the analogies 🙌🏼
I really be out here trying to be legit friends with men, but people always want to take it to something more. It was helpful to know about the "friend zone" it's definitely were relationships go to die, because the balance is always off and folks catch attitudes lol!
As someone with loads of guy friends, I did experience that drop in the level of friendliness in some guy relationships after I got married...those in the father/uncle/cousin/ brother zone are still with me :D
....it is always good to be absolutely clear about what you want from a relationship, expectations et al. Never assume you're on the same page with someone.
Not everyone can "take hints" or "feel vibes".
Use words and let your actions back them up. This will keep things drama free. Some actions may include hanging out (if for long a period of time) in groups instead of alone...Go Beleaf!#Wise!
I'm all about that drama-free life
I honestly do not feel it is possible. I agree with Mr. Halease. Men initially l, having a "friendship" with a woman, have in the back of their mind, the thought or fantasy to have a sexual/romatic type of relation with the woman.
Sometimes I feel like Chris and I are super alike. Like I literally said "Chris is so burpy" right before he acknowledged it himself. Same wavelength here. However, I do think it's possible to be friends with people you could be attracted to. When I was single, I would weigh the pros and cons of friendship vs pursuing a relationship. Sometimes the friendship won and I would just hold my feelings, other times I would pursue the relationship risking the friendship. I don't think it's a ding on anyone if the friendship or the relationship doesn't work out (under normal, optimistic, non-abusive scenarios). You need the right chemistry and commitment for both, and if it's not there, you can't force it.
I think there are a lot of “platonic” friendships with a subconscious desire for a back-up romantic candidate. But I also believe in platonic friendships too!
Ricki_I_Am yea i feel like if there’s even a tiny trendy “feeling” then it’s not platonic
"back up" What?
I just love your two’s energy but I agree with your husband😭 you guys are so great love your videos❤️
I think you can go halfers on acknowledging women on the running trail. Just look away with one eye, and gently wink with the other. In terms of platonic relationships, it's hard for me to say. Growing up, I've gotten used to not really being interesting to girls(or at least thinking that) , but I still liked making friends. I think I came out better for it, but even then I don't maintain many close friendships with women. Not sure if it's because I don't maintain many close friendships in general... Also La Croix is deception in a can. It hypes you up with some nice aroma, but when you drink it there is no flavor!!
I have no idea why he was drinking it. So gross.
No. Aquaintances yes, friends never. Men are always thinking about being something or having something more IE sex
there is an inherent cost/benefit analysis that happens with men where if the man finds no future benefit and only cost then they wont take on that relationship. so in that most male friends see benefit down the line and the male imperative is to procreate most times at least on a subconscious level. woman imperative is to seek support being that she is biologically the more vulnerable of the sexes. So the puppet in the corner is you rationalizing if the relationship is worth it, after all if you are walking down the street and another man began to disrespect or violate this "platonic" female friend, you as the stronger of the two would still be expected to protect her on some level. a platonic female on a carnal level is a liability to most self sufficient men. and thats why homeboy didnt want to share a AirBNB and open himself up to more liability, its just not worth the possible cost.
no such thing. if the girl is attractive these male 'friends' are just waiting for the opportunity to lay the pipe regardless how long they've known each other. it also works the other way if the guy is attractive enough but things will precipitate much faster if he finds her attractive enough. to pretend that nothing can happen between the opposite sex alone together is a sign of immaturity and the lack of understanding of self. grown ups with purpose in life do not engage themselves in this type of situation with the opposite sex while in a serious monogamous LTR.
So, so many thoughts ... just going to follow where they take me.
First, yes, I believe people can be friends even if they each belong to a gender that the other finds attractive. People CAN do this but clearly not everyone does.
Second, I'm fascinated and disturbed by Mr. Hallease's Schrodinger's Cat-Relationship analogy. Leaning more towards disturbed though. :) I just don't think a relationship can originate based on the feelings of half the parties involved. This is how stalkers think - to a less extreme extent.
Third, this conversation reminded me of this rival tweet I've seen a few times where a man pejoratively describes how women want to have x, y, z but still "just be friends" and a woman points out that the x y and z are literally the definition of friendship. But clearly, as you point out some men do not engage in those activities unless they are also in a romantic relationship with that person.
Fourth, I think part of this problem stems from the way we say "JUST friends" or describe a couple as "MORE than friends." It relegates friendship to a lower strata - one we should always be trying to replace with something better - instead of just something different ... which makes me think of your video about whether spouses can or should be best friends.
Whew!
*viral
I definitely think it is possible for men and women to be friends but the true nature of the friendship is revealed when one of them gets into a serious relationship! I just did a video on this topic, check it out - ruclips.net/video/E4Yum2TpGq4/видео.html
As an unattractive woman, I can definitely say that some men are capable of platonic friendships. I only have one male friend, and attraction has never been an issue on either side. For most men that I've encountered, the will to form a friendship has been usurped by my lack of good looks. Meaning: Most men don't waste time pretending to be nice to me or acting as if they care about me because they don't want anything from me. To be cliché: They don't give me the time of day. I'm basically ignored. It's cut and dry. There's no ambiguity. But to no surprise, it's the same way with women in regards to making friends as an ugly. People like attractive or eclectic people. Other things: The fall off after marriage is normal IMO. The marriage bond is such a strong one that a lot of people have to re-evaluate their roles in your lives.
I understand/ agree with you but sis nooo. That’s such a dangerous thinking and it makes me sad
I can appreciate the point of view but the language though 😥 "as an unattractive woman" sis we gotta change that language. Attraction goes beyond the physical, what do you love about yourself? What draws others to you?
Facts.. Don't let these Fact "uplifting comments" distract you. As a Unattractive women we view you as another guy personally, but you're still Echelon ahead of TransWoman.
Also i'm assuming not being able to manipulate society around you with your looks you developed a personality and are less solipsistic than your Female Compatriots
So Im just binge watching all your episodes and this was another banger. You guys have such a rhythm about you. Its a great connection that clearly translates to me that you guys are bestfriends. In regards to the episode, I think men and women can have a platonic relationship until someone takes it to another level. The fact that Mrs Hallese always mentions her husband around other friends communicates that she is in a relationship and is committed. I love this content.
Would you guys ever do like a question and answer segment? Like ppl email you questuons about a said subject or general and you all answer? Just a random question, love your perspectives. Ok about to finish watching now.
I mean, you're always welcome to leave topic ideas in the comments!
Hey, new subscriber, I appreciate your content. To answer your question, I cannot have a platonic heterosexual relationship, because I always wonder about the kind gestures of my male friends. I seem to often end up in this space of what is this between us. My question to you guys is how do you communicate effectively where you are and what are your goals for the “friendship”?
This was such an inciteful and interesting podcast convo! It really put things together for me. I have always looked for friendships with men (VERY SELECTIVE), as I know what it takes to be in a relationship (HARD WORK). And, it seems some men start acting as if I want to leap on them like a leopard (Typically men at work). In the conversation, they always bring up their wives or girlfriends. I then basically decide that their ego's are larger than the empire state building. I gave no flirts, legs or skirts to make them think in such a manner (sigh). I have always had male friends and quite enjoy it! Once a friendship has been established, men can be very interesting. As some let go of the macho, and talk to you as if you are a human being, not a body part. They speak politics, religion etc. with you....I love when that happens.
I've had a lot of issues on the difference between men and women... I honestly see friendships as friendships, don't care about men or women..and this is exactly why I can't stand most people( I don't understand the modes of thinking) , as an introvert who appreciates humans, different humans from all over the spectrum 😂 because that is the case with most.....I've had strickly platonic relationships with men who were just simply in touch with themselves more..not as...stereotypical "male" ...it is communication.. A lot of men just seem delusional and manipulative and we kind of see it as a normal or innate almost because of the societies we come from...it shouldn't be a norm..and that is something men SHOULD be forced to deal with ..i hear a lot of insecurity, delusional thinking , controlling behavior and possessiveness and not a lot of grounded human beings who are just honest to and about themselves... And that's it...the idea of friendzones is also pretty... Damaging...and doesn't help us clear the delusions ( which women also have but it usually manifests differently). And i never got the " i trust you just not other people" in any circumstance that isn't expected to be violent, I always have to assume someone is talking about rape cuz it takes two to tango and if I'm trusted then what's the problem...reasons why I usually feel very uncomfortable around people, especially when I hear stuff like that...very insightful though, per usual...doesn't help with faith in humanity but I know we can be and are better and more complex as humans, our examples just suck most of the time..
michalovesanime LOVE this comment!
I agree with Mr. Hallease. I think each gender wants something specific from the other. Thank you for sharing your perspectives!
I really liked this discussion! Even thou I'm a dude, I actually have more friends that are girls than friends that are guys, especially after high school. I find it easier to talk to and relate with them than many guys I meet, which is very ironic.
❤️ love you guys! The spirit moved me and I let the ads play! 😄
My vote: “No”. On the plutonic friendships
I’m interested to read the comments. Hallease I wish you all did a poll for this podcast. Great podcast!!!
Thanks for the shout out! XD
uummm can they be friends if you are married or if you are single? I do not know about acquiring male friends after marriage seems weird unless of course those friendship evolved in the office. You should experience decrease in male friends when you as the female friend get BF because it is the natural progression. It does not mean that those guy were into you. But, with a knew guy they know where you would spend most of your time now. At that time they cant just show up at your apartment or stay over since you have a new man or woman in the guys case. It is probably out of respect. If you male or female friends are before your marriage and they respect your partnership or marriage then all good. You can always just ask if they felt alienated because of you new bf or gf.
It takes special men and women to be plutonic . Everyone can not do it. I personally feel I can have women friends without a physical(sexual) issue. My wife from my observation can
do the same with that special male. He has to be that special male that is secure in himself.
Wow. I was thinking you can have platonic friendships. I figured the reason why I have so many guy friends but no romantic possibilities is that guys don't communicate with me, but I'm also not communicating when I have crush on someone. Dang.
I find it to be quite unsettling that many men look at the women in their lives as potential partners. I was in a close platonic friendship with a guy and we were really close. He invited me to go have a meal with his parents and when i didn’t go (I go to a group meditation on Thursdays) he ghosted me. Now I completely understand why he did this.
"when I interacted with you there was nothing" whhhaaatt?? that killed me man lol
Only for yall do I watch the commercials lol.
MVP
I tried it out n now I have a boyfriend as of late lol. I played myself
🤣🤣🤣🤣
I absolutely love this conversation. I tend to make male friends much easier but looking back, most of them did show romantic interest eventually. I also wasn’t very good about setting boundaries for platonic relationships. I’m slowly getting better as I go, and I think Mr. Hallease’s perspective made some things clear for me.
Mr Hallease really got me with how men look at platonic friendships... I'm now really thinking if I do have platonic heterosexual male friends..🧐
Such a great podcast! I side with Hallease. I need to start leaving comments and I always let the ads play because I support the work you do. Y'all stay dropping them gems. Always looking forward to the podcast and your channel in general. :-)
Funny...that's not funny....lol That's my work culture to.
In regards to Heallease communicating with heterosexual men that she works with (or any person) is it at the first instance that they indicate to wanting more from you that you say "I am with my husband. I am happy." or is it from the onset that you make it clear.
I think it's pretty obvious from the beginning. It never fails, that I bring him up based on the topic and not in a roundabout way either because it's so subconscious since he's my best friend "Oh yeah, my husband likes college football too he's rooting for X" or "Chris and I want to try and travel more, last year we went..."
there are different levels of friendships there is best friends and there are acquaintances and friends that you have shared interest with and that is ok even if you are male or female
I've had female friends all my life, many great experiences and friendships have been had. I find it truly weird how many men can't be friends with women - it's almost like they have a dated caveman like view of women which they deem only good for one thing. It's pathetic.
All women are one sided on this subject
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