Boundaries with difficult People!

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  • Опубликовано: 23 ноя 2024

Комментарии • 105

  • @JohnSmith-wo7ns
    @JohnSmith-wo7ns 2 года назад +32

    If somebody ignores your boundaries that shows you where their level of respect is. Its only downhill from there.

  • @mymentorjane6705
    @mymentorjane6705 2 года назад +70

    Confrontation can be intimidating for most of us. One thing that has helped my fear is to learn to ask myself, “What specifically am I afraid of? So, what will I do if that happens?” For example, I’m afraid to confront my sister because she told mom something about my private life. If I confront, I’m specifically afraid she’ll get loud angry, be sarcastic, then freeze me out with the silent treatment. So what will I do then? I decide if that happens, I’ll tell her I’m going to hang up the phone because this isn’t a good time. Or, I get up and walk into the bathroom to calm myself down and break up her rampage. Then, if she freezes me out, I’ll leave one voice mail and one text to try to reconnect then move on. The point is that one of the hardest things about confrontation is that we don’t allow ourselves to think ahead on how we will handle the aftermath. When we do that, we can often see that we can survive it. Having a plan helps restore self confidence.

    • @alanalycan3986
      @alanalycan3986 2 года назад

      This is so amazing thank you!!!

    • @mymentorjane6705
      @mymentorjane6705 2 года назад

      @@alanalycan3986 I’m glad it helped! Take care.

    • @raymundofantastico
      @raymundofantastico 2 года назад +3

      We probably don't think about the aftermath because we don't expect that they, the ones whom know intimately and are supposed to love us, will not hold our guilt over our heads. We think they will not mistreat us in the way a stranger would and we likely hope that they will get over it because after all, we are flesh & blood. My aunt was/is still probably one of the most domineering people I know. When I criticized her for patronizing me and speaking negatively of me behind my back (especially in a place where she can be heard and she thought she couldn't be) she started getting defensive and contracting my claims. I didn't think she would give me the silent treatment or grey rock me but then I started to go no contact with her.

    • @mymentorjane6705
      @mymentorjane6705 2 года назад

      @@raymundofantastico even when we know people are domineering and hurtful, it still can hurt. I’m glad you stood up for yourself and took action to protect yourself from further harm. Take care.

    • @raymundofantastico
      @raymundofantastico 2 года назад +1

      @@mymentorjane6705 Yeah it sure can be hurtful knowing how your family member is. I really hope that you'll be able to confront your sister about the problems you're experiencing with her because as we know, the ones we fear are those we give power & control over us. BTW, I meant to say "My aunt contradicted me" instead of "Contracted" in my comment earlier. Lol

  • @theloveflows8773
    @theloveflows8773 2 года назад +23

    Well done! Remember "no" is a complete sentence! Thank you this is delicate artwork to master and you inspire me to keep trying 💗

  • @jazbaatkijung
    @jazbaatkijung 2 года назад +30

    That’s the most important part of
    Mental health if you have good boundaries means don’t you allow anyone easily come and play with your mind in simple
    Words no one may have easy access to go in your mind to play with!!
    MAY ALLAH BLESS YOU!!

    • @joshuaanzalone2060
      @joshuaanzalone2060 2 года назад +2

      My boundaries are on point. Respect them or stay the hell away from me

  • @peterknyk1942
    @peterknyk1942 2 года назад +22

    The fear of confrontation can be overwhelming...😱

    • @chilloften
      @chilloften 2 года назад +5

      It’s so upsetting to nervous system. Then my brain is hijacked. This is no good for me at work. Sucks my energy.
      It feels innate, I can’t control it.

    • @Rose22Dahlia
      @Rose22Dahlia 2 года назад +2

      I lose all train of thought and shut down, especially with a narcissist.

    • @peterknyk1942
      @peterknyk1942 2 года назад +2

      @@chilloften It can be a phone call, a text message or just seeing her physically…I easily go into the fight/fight mode which is really unhealthy!

    • @peterknyk1942
      @peterknyk1942 2 года назад

      @@Rose22Dahlia Same! My thinking gets ransacked and my feelings are all over the place! 😱

    • @chilloften
      @chilloften 2 года назад

      @@peterknyk1942 Yes, we must learn to just observe and not react. Yet I’m at work, and I assign the things I need and it’s blown off as jokes. I’m not understanding if I can change it or not, by my behavior. Seems nothings works with this situation. Professionally, I’m at risk.

  • @sarahcouture24
    @sarahcouture24 Год назад +4

    I like how you explain what’s going on psychologically in regards to the inner child vs the higher self or adult self that can see the bigger picture and can help the inner child see everything from a wiser perspective

  • @htttppppp
    @htttppppp 2 года назад +4

    I stopped apologizing to people who do not apologize, especially some women. They take that as a weakness. I am learning to discern who's who and act accordingly.

  • @mahmoudtharwat3551
    @mahmoudtharwat3551 2 года назад +13

    The problem is that the boundaries we may want to build are usually with someone who has the upper hand over us, that's why we couldn't confront and even sometimes struggle to build these boundaries in order to avoid their expected severe reactions that mostly will affect our life 😞 negatively

    • @deliamurphy382
      @deliamurphy382 2 года назад +3

      So true Mahmoud, I lived like that for nearly 30 years, and believe me I put up with it all for the reasons you said. My daughter is now married and is living in Egypt. What I will say is, I wish I had spoken up years ago. Everyone deserves respect, love and also having their own space and privacy. Now, I am much happier, I live a free life and do as I wish. Sadly because I lived a hard life with someone totally controlling I stay well away from him, now none of the family wants to speak to him. The lady here is right, just speak up come what may and stand your ground, it's very hard i know when you have young children, the person has more power then.

    • @mahmoudtharwat3551
      @mahmoudtharwat3551 Год назад

      🙁🙁

  • @chilloften
    @chilloften 2 года назад +6

    I gotten rid of all toxicity except when it comes to workplace.
    It sux.
    I need leave but don’t want to, it’s at all of them.

  • @ausroyal
    @ausroyal 2 года назад +6

    I really like the point about not feeling guilty for setting boundaries. I set some of these for my ex. She ended the relationship but wanted to be friends which I declined. She tried to make me feel bad for rejecting hanging it or
    Invitations to talk (as friends).
    I really did feel guilty for a long time but I think it’s important to remember they they are the person causing you to create boundaries. It was their decision, not yours. So why should you feel guilty? 😊

  • @ilenar9568
    @ilenar9568 2 года назад +32

    What if you've set boundaries multiple times but other person keeps pressuring and thinks what you want or do is wrong while they do what they want and are "never wrong"

    • @amberm5626
      @amberm5626 2 года назад +20

      Is that type of behavior acceptable in your life? Why are you sticking around for it. It is your responsibility to yourself to remove yourself. Hence boundaries are about you not the other person. It sucks but true.

    • @dabbler1166
      @dabbler1166 2 года назад +12

      It sounds like to me like that person is uncaring. They only want what they want. This sounds like they are "unwilling to play fair". I would tell them that you have the same rights as they do. What matters to you, matters. Just as it does with them. If they dismiss that or try to tell you its "no big deal" or accuse you of freaking out or being too sensitive....this is all INVALIDATING and MINIMIZING, as if you don't count. If that persists after you've spoken up about it twice....I'd think about avoiding this person. People don't get to run over you like a Steamroller and keep disregarding your feelings. RESPECT works both ways. if they want it, they should give it.

    • @joshuaanzalone2060
      @joshuaanzalone2060 2 года назад +6

      Ilena you continue to not care how they feel and do what is best for you and screw their feelings

    • @angelaggarrido7816
      @angelaggarrido7816 2 года назад +6

      I think it's because there is not a clear consequence to that behavior or the consequences aren't important enough for example in the video she said if the person was not on time to pickup she would stop giving them a lift, same here if they keep breaking the boundaries they should have a proper consequences not to punish them but to protect you from what happens when they break you boundary if they keep doing it over and over no matter the outcome, ask yourself : do I want to have someone in my life that regardless of what I feel need or want they care more about doing only what they want?

    • @JohnSmith-wo7ns
      @JohnSmith-wo7ns 2 года назад +1

      They don't respect your opinion.

  • @WillMenesesHikes
    @WillMenesesHikes 2 года назад +5

    Thank you Stephanie for another great self help videos. I think boundaries are the hardest for people to establish. You make the process so much easier. ☺

  • @michaelharris7157
    @michaelharris7157 2 года назад +7

    I have to set boundaries with my roommate recently. Thanks for this one!

  • @sanjeevbains690
    @sanjeevbains690 2 года назад +6

    A tool I use is to imagine a white picket fence between myself & the other person: are they dumping their emotional baggage over the fence onto my side? It’s not my responsibility to pick it up. Walk away

  • @Hummingbird64
    @Hummingbird64 2 года назад +3

    A friend of mine I have know for many years would always call me to talk and it was all one sided and last to long or she called multiple times a day . I decided to tell her to text me then I could respond without her going into overtime talking about herself ect. If she called I would listen 15 minutes then if content was the usual this is what I did today stuff I would let her know I had to go because I had some things to do . I realized she doesn't respect my time . If I tried to go , it would be just one more thing . Not anymore.

  • @Fahim_Lalani
    @Fahim_Lalani 2 года назад +7

    ❤you are looking younger every day

  • @yulia7396
    @yulia7396 2 года назад +1

    There are no difficult People just dont take anything from People that are not of importance to you. They have their drama let them live their drama. Stay calm and know that you are Light it has nothing yo do with you. Plus to that you have no control on others so take care of you, love and approuvé of yourself.) You are wondefull strong smart and all is in you.! I am so proud of you my dear you are doing amazing! Congratulate yourself, incourage yourself.))

  • @ambermccutchen8451
    @ambermccutchen8451 2 года назад +2

    I agree miss Stephanie I don't know how to toxic people because all of my life I was the one who allow people to take advantage of me. But now I am speaking up and trying to get better in take care of myself and doing it properly and take on get boundaries set in my life now and take back my feelings and emotions and get the respect I deserve Miss Stephanie your podcast has and is helping me to express myself more and more open and transparent sincerely yours Mrs Amber Mccutchen

  • @mahmoudsalam1326
    @mahmoudsalam1326 2 года назад +3

    We need to be in alignment with our thoughts every moment.

  • @amberfreitag42
    @amberfreitag42 Год назад

    This video was so helpful I’m a cashier and I just disengage from the conversation and say yes and agree and thank them

  • @user-gl2ps6ui8p
    @user-gl2ps6ui8p 2 года назад +6

    Thank you very much, Stephanie! 💜

  • @ejalltheway2339
    @ejalltheway2339 2 года назад +7

    So what do I do if I don't know how I feel (as you call it, "not in touch with your inner child")? I just want to be treated nice by my spouse the way every other person in the world treats me--why don't I have to set boundaries with all the other people in my life?

  • @mauriousb.
    @mauriousb. 2 года назад +3

    Thank you for your advice I’ve been getting better with setting boundaries since coming across your channel

  • @kylarae.
    @kylarae. Год назад

    you’ve been my online therapist while my in real life therapist has been on maternity leave, you have great perspective and your videos are amazing 😊

  • @dabbler1166
    @dabbler1166 2 года назад +5

    What about this for a Boundary?
    I believe that all of us get to be totally-in-charge in 3 places. They are:
    1. ON your property
    2. IN your house
    3. and yes, IN your own Car/Truck/vehicle. Fair enough? With that in mind, suppose . . .
    You are in your own car. You have a CD on and playing some of your favorite Music. You ALWAYS do this, whether its 4hrs-one-way on a road-trip, or just 5 blocks to a grocery store. Why not? Its nothing illegal and its your car. Music brightens your mood. That's healthy. But-- another family member is riding with you. They tell you to turn that crap off and listen to it on your own time! Do you back down? I don't. Its my car. Consider this conversation:
    Them: Turn that sh*t off. I don't wanna hear it.
    Me: Excuse me? This is my car. I love it. I always play music, everywhere I go. My car, my rules. I'm within my rights.
    Them: but I'm a "captive audience".
    Me: Do you want out? No one made you get in.
    Them: You're being an A**.
    Me: AM i?? SINCE WHEN? do i need "permission" IN MY OWN CAR to play my music?
    Them: when other people are here. You could have a little more "consideration".
    Me: TWO replies to that--
    A) Do I come over to your house, and maybe you have the TV on in the background with CNN on and tell you to watch that crap on your own time and switch it to FOX news or - turn it off? NO. I don't. Why don't I? Because it your TV, YOUR House and I'm "on YOUR Turf". Likewise, now, you are on MY Turf. So, by the same token, YOU can "show respect and consideration." But there's another reason, too--
    B) NO ONE!- forced you to ride with me. Its the chance you take. (more) . . .
    Them: well, 45 minutes without your music won't kill you.
    Me: and 45 minutes with it, won't kill you.
    Them: that's Mean.
    Me: Mean? What would I do-- if you weren't even here? I'd play the same music anyway. Same behavior. Nothing different.
    Them: well, iiii wouldn;t be like this if you were in my Car.
    Me: I'm not so sure. And regardless- YOUR choices don't Obligate ME.
    Them: You're being "selfish"
    Me: I am simply well-within my legitimate rights. Its MY Car! Your house, your rules, right? Well, this is my car and I repeat: NO ONE forced you to ride with me. It'll be like like this next time, and Always. I'll be Damned if I'm gonna ask permission in my own Car, to enjoy my own favorite music. Anytime! You're not in charge here. Get over it.
    How do you feel about that conversation (anyone?).
    and, if you "gave in", ask yourself: how long will it be....before this same person finds still more ways, even little one's, for you to "show a little more consideration" which is really just one more time when they made you back down? Any thoughts? Lets go one step further--
    Suppose you came over to my house and I asked you to take your shoes off and put them near the front door. I, myself, have been to other people's house where i have been asked to do this, and i did. But what if someone said: Quit freaking out. My shoes aren't dirty." (Are they in charge here?)
    Is that the issue? Does that matter? Its YOUR HOUSE and maybe you ask that of everybody, dirty shoes or not, just to be on the safe side. (Maybe i just bought new carpet). I've "respected that" in other people's home. Is it too much if i ask the same? Do i tell someone else at their house to "quit freaking out"? No. I don't. It's their house. I don't have to come over. And when I'm there, they will watch what THEY want to on their own TV or have whatever background music they want playing on their own living room stereo in their own house, without my permission. Thanks for reading all of this. I know it was long. What do you think? Why?

    • @stephaniem7676
      @stephaniem7676 2 года назад +3

      This is great but I wouldn't be able to hold that down..lol good for you! And this explains why I have issues with placing boundaries. I don't want to be "mean" or "selfish" all part of that people pleasing cycle..working on it.

    • @sandrapatriciaoriguarios4589
      @sandrapatriciaoriguarios4589 Год назад

      The car conversation sounds quite childish. Your passenger shouldn't call the music you listen to 'crap', that is disrespectful. And instead of asking to turn it off, they could just ask to turn the volume down. You can still listen to it and the other person shouldn't be bothered by it.
      Poor communication on both ends. You could also say something like 'I'll put my music on, hope you don't mind', or something like that.
      It's not about what we say, but HOW we say it.

  • @SS-in1ts
    @SS-in1ts Год назад

    I agree, boundaries vary and can be tricky, thank you for point that out.
    I don’t always know what I need or what boundary/consequence I need to put forth. I can take space and verbalize what I’m not okay with but that’s as far as it goes. And then what? And how many chances do you give someone? What if it’s something that’s not a deal breaker but just frustrating behavior? If everyone respected your bounderies then everyone would end up being perfect and I know that isn’t realistic. That’s why I feel confused. I can’t cut everyone out.
    Love this video btw!

  • @nobody_8_1
    @nobody_8_1 Год назад

    Tell that to Australian people. 20 years of no boundaries to the point of illegal intrusion in three personal relationships, family life and I reported it to the Federal Police three times which amounted to nothing.

  • @marinamayo7994
    @marinamayo7994 2 года назад +2

    Thank you so much! This is incredibly helpful and insightful!

  • @Grateful4life4time
    @Grateful4life4time Год назад

    Thank you so much for sharing this. Very helpful

  • @homayoonamini4815
    @homayoonamini4815 2 года назад +3

    That is great, thank you.

  • @breakthroughmoment1647
    @breakthroughmoment1647 2 года назад

    This is a great place to start; perhaps, we can get to a place where our very presence/ aura/energy field engenders respect without having to say a word. Thank you for another insightful video.

  • @jenniferraybaud8827
    @jenniferraybaud8827 2 года назад +2

    Fabulous video, Stephanie! Thank you. ❤

  • @danielrsson2171
    @danielrsson2171 2 года назад +3

    Hi Stephanie! Thanks for good content. I watch your videos from time to time. Something that I struggle with a lot is overthinking mostly in social situations, not so much apart from that I think. To me it can really be tough to maintain conversations - not only with girls but with people in general. I guess you could call it social anxiety. I try to avoid saying certain things because I don´t want to come across as weird, offend people and so on. It feels like it can go to extremes at times and it really causes problems in my social interactions. I am also shy and sensitive and don´t like the idea of people laughing at something I might say (laugh at me, not with me that is). You have any ideas how to deal with situations like that? Or if you can create a video about that and how to deal with that would be awesome. Thanks!

  • @janninedonnelly3597
    @janninedonnelly3597 2 года назад

    Amazing video, thank you.

  • @appleofmyeyeA
    @appleofmyeyeA 2 года назад

    It's best to avoid and ignore difficult people

  • @Fahim_Lalani
    @Fahim_Lalani 2 года назад +4

    I love your great advice ❤

  • @mahmoudsalam1326
    @mahmoudsalam1326 2 года назад +1

    We need to learn how to have a solid foundations

  • @KT-sv6jx
    @KT-sv6jx 2 года назад

    Thank You Your Videos Are VERY Helpful. I Am Having Multi Generational Family Issues. My Grandma Is The GLUE And Once She Goes To Be With The Lord, The Family Will Separate. Until Then.....

  • @toniwhite4823
    @toniwhite4823 2 года назад

    thank you so much for this video. this has been much needed

  • @boholanadiary
    @boholanadiary 2 года назад

    This is so nice and most of your videos help me in terms of my mental health.

  • @ReviewGuysOfficial
    @ReviewGuysOfficial 2 года назад +2

    Great video

  • @hocfamilytv
    @hocfamilytv 2 года назад

    Your content is great. Thank you

    • @hocfamilytv
      @hocfamilytv 2 года назад

      Someone pretending to be you Stephanie in this comment

  • @reettaelina
    @reettaelina 2 года назад

    Thank you thank you thank you I needed this❣In the school and in the congregation❣

  • @samanthamaben9740
    @samanthamaben9740 2 года назад +2

    Great video 👍👍

  • @zaharao5587
    @zaharao5587 2 года назад +1

    How do you heal the fear of abandonment?

  • @freeinJesus
    @freeinJesus 2 года назад +4

    Real lasting healing comes from Jesus only.

  • @ADallday92
    @ADallday92 2 года назад +1

    Is there any video about “how to respect my partners boundaries”?

  • @lalelale9172
    @lalelale9172 2 года назад

    Thank you so much

  • @orflorentin3850
    @orflorentin3850 2 года назад

    Hi can you please make a video about self sabotage and how to stop it? I would really appreciate it ❤️

  • @lifeunleashed
    @lifeunleashed 2 года назад +1

    one thing I disagree with at very end is when you mentioned something about "guilt of hurting someone else's feelings." No one ... and I mean no one ...; can hurt another person's feelings. that hurt already existed. the person can be the trigger of the hurt -- triggering old memory of hurt with -- but is NEVER the cause. when you really get that fact, you won't feel guilt about another's hurt. doesn't mean you won't feel concern, empathy, caring about the hurt feelings coming up. But there is a big difference between taking on someone's hurt believing you caused it and recognizing you may have triggered old wounds.

  • @jenniferfrazier8131
    @jenniferfrazier8131 2 года назад

    I stay home and mind mine. You do the same.

  • @stephanie387
    @stephanie387 Год назад

    ❤❤❤ thank you

  • @rosaliaoliver-qv3gr
    @rosaliaoliver-qv3gr День назад

    ♥️Stephanie♥️I keep learning♥️I love you videos♥️

  • @nicolestanford4955
    @nicolestanford4955 Год назад

    Can you do more videos of parents Of adult children (in their 30s) Who still dismiss and manipulate

  • @camokitty
    @camokitty 2 года назад +2

    Love this! Straight forward valuable information that hits home... Thank you for your time and help. God Bless you 🙏

    • @oscarwilliamson1128
      @oscarwilliamson1128 Год назад

      Christina Parker,You look cute 🥰,Hope you are with a good man 👨….

  • @gatagraciela5
    @gatagraciela5 2 года назад

    Thanks

  • @sueharrison3382
    @sueharrison3382 2 года назад

    Not having boundaries and enforcing them has affected my whole life, but now, having learned such a lot from you Steph, I have them and am getting better at enforcing them though still struggle with the fear of backlash sometimes. This is such an excellent video and I'm very grateful for it, the way you've explained the whole boundary issue is the very best I've ever heard, thank you.

  • @JAG6.7
    @JAG6.7 Год назад

    EAGLES DONT FLY WITH CROWS

  • @HooDie-Trench-GoTh2022
    @HooDie-Trench-GoTh2022 2 года назад +3

    😍

  • @deborahmccafferty9033
    @deborahmccafferty9033 2 года назад +1

  • @yahsharahla144k
    @yahsharahla144k 2 года назад +9

    ECCLESIASTICUS 25:15 I RATHER DWELL WITH A LION AND DRAGON,THAN TO KEEP WITH A WICKED WOMAN.

    • @KT-sv6jx
      @KT-sv6jx 2 года назад

      There Is 🚫 No ECCLESIASTES 25:15

    • @kisigma1011
      @kisigma1011 Год назад

      Lmfao

  • @PMChic
    @PMChic 2 года назад

    Um, how is it that you can describe me like a T?😊

  • @deborahmccafferty9033
    @deborahmccafferty9033 2 года назад

    Pic to high. 60 inches.

  • @mathews0618
    @mathews0618 2 года назад +2

    I think an empath is similar to narcissism. They are generous towards others but only for their own ego boost. They are quite angry and spiteful.

    • @chahrazadmiko9958
      @chahrazadmiko9958 2 года назад

      Bullshit. You must be a narcissist

    • @bxstar5276
      @bxstar5276 2 года назад +1

      They are prob a co dependant not a narcissist or empath

  • @genshinfag207
    @genshinfag207 2 года назад

    Delicious savior 24

  • @raeraedreamer5794
    @raeraedreamer5794 2 года назад

    Your videos have been a saving grace for me. Thank you! 😊🙏

  • @---bk2hj
    @---bk2hj 2 года назад +1

    Thanks

  • @terencehennegan1439
    @terencehennegan1439 2 года назад

    Great video 👍